1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:06,640 My progeny has joined the ranks of the graduated. 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:10,320 - You applied those schools for me? - A few fallbacks too. Just in case. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,760 You're not my mother, you're not in-charge of who I talk to 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,400 and you're sure as shit not in-charge of if I go to college! 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,600 V: We've been banging like bunnies and I can't get pregnant. 6 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:19,960 What will you do? 7 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,650 BOTH: Are you out of your fucking mind? 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,640 Kev is just gonna lie down with you for procreation, not sex. 9 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,160 Wham, bam, thank you, Mom. 10 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,840 - What are you doing wearing my top? - Pheromones. I'm borrowing them. 11 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,760 - It's the thing boys like about you. - You mean tits? 12 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,410 I think you might be a year or two off. 13 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,080 Are you gonna marry someone who screws guys for a living? 14 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,680 Who gives a shit? It's a fucking piece of paper. 15 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,160 IAN: You love me. Just this once, fucking admit it. 16 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,160 IAN: I want to enlist. 17 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,840 When's the next bus to basic combat training? 18 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,000 MAN: Tomorrow morning. 19 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,880 - Phillip. - It's Lip. 20 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,120 MAN: It's just Gallagher now. Get on. 21 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,200 I was wondering if you'd seen Jimmy lately? 22 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,200 Any sign of conflict or things not going his way, 23 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,560 and he just disappears. It's what he does. 24 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,880 - Be a man. - Get onto the boat. 25 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,520 Can I just make one phone call to Fiona, please? 26 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,680 Last message I promise. 27 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,880 Wherever you are, bye. 28 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,040 - WOMAN: You the temp? - FIONA: Yes. 29 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,360 Fiona Gallagher. 30 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:19,920 Mr. Pratt is asking for a word with you. 31 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,160 FIONA: Let me guess, he's the boss? 32 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,520 WOMAN: Not the big boss, but he is a supervisor, yes. 33 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,010 We sort of ditched the party. 34 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,810 Well, then, you'd better behave yourself 35 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,000 because I am way too drunk 36 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,760 not to invite you back to my tent right now. 37 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,960 FIONA: He said if you don't stop drinking you're gonna die. 38 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,930 So I'm supposed to stop drinking so that you don't feel guilty? 39 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,570 FIONA: You're supposed to stop drinking 40 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,160 because you have children at home who love you. 41 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,890 FRANK: What if I don't wanna change? 42 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,610 FIONA: Then I would know what I've always feared is true, 43 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,000 that you don't give a shit about any of us. 44 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,160 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 45 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,210 Hey, Carl. Carl. Hey! 46 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,490 You got any Bears stuff I can wear to the game today? 47 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:02,880 A hat or jersey or something? 48 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,880 I got a Fuck Jay Cutler T-shirt. Might have blood on it though. 49 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,520 Thanks, but no thanks. (PLAYFUL GASP) 50 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,000 - Morning, sunshine. - Good morning. 51 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,760 Good morning. 52 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,560 Don't get too comfortable up there. 53 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,600 Ian's gonna want his old bed back when he comes home. 54 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,360 - Where are you going? - Out. 55 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,850 On Sunday morning? 56 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,680 Are those my boots? 57 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,640 - DEBBIE: Occupied! - Gotta take a piss. 58 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,320 - DEBBIE: Go away. - Use the downstairs bathroom. 59 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,080 It's downstairs. 60 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,520 You're young. You'll live. 61 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,280 No. Absolutely not. No more peeing off the balcony. 62 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,750 (CARL URINATING) 63 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,000 What the fuck? Carl! 64 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,400 Good morning, Mrs. Babiak. 65 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,090 (SIGHS) There's a toilet right there. 66 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,810 Mrs. Babiak doesn't need an anatomy lesson. 67 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,760 Mrs. Babiak's got my 18th birthday circled on her calendar. 68 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,370 Use the toilet like a human. 69 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,400 - Can I have Lip's old room? - No. 70 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,120 He's at college. 71 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,640 Seriously, cut the shit with the nature whizzing 72 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:25,960 or you won't live here anymore. 73 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,200 That pierogi-eating prune will call the cops. 74 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,690 And no, you can't have Lip's old room. 75 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,600 He's gonna be home in the summer and for holidays. 76 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,560 - Oh, you going clubbing? - Hanging out with Holly. 77 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,530 - You two gonna work the corner? - Shut up, zit-head. 78 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:45,000 - Least I got zits, no-pubes girl. - Okay, enough. 79 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,320 Both of you. Cereal. Brother. 80 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,720 You think you might be a little over-dressed 81 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,080 for Sunday morning at Holly's? 82 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,200 It's not like we're going church. 83 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,080 You're watching Liam today, remember? 84 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,280 I haven't abused marijuana like the rest of you, 85 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,360 - so, yes, I remember. - I have the Mike thing. 86 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,090 I said my memory's intact. 87 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,830 - (DOOR OPENS) - SHEILA: Whoa! 88 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:08,560 Big yellow icy spot on the sidewalk. I almost dropped the dip. 89 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,440 Spike must've chewed through his fence again. 90 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,970 My world famous artichoke-jalapeno dip. 91 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,720 Eddie loved it. He used to spread it on his waffles. 92 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,640 Thanks, Sheila. That smells great. 93 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,840 - Why is she here again? - I don't care. Our laundry's clean. 94 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,040 - Any new texts from Ian? - No. 95 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,600 - You check your phone this morning? - Yes. 96 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,080 - It's been almost a week. - He'll be back when he's back. 97 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,600 We should file a missing persons report. 98 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,410 We're not going to the police, okay? He's 17. 99 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,210 We don't have to be happy about it, but I trust him. 100 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,560 No surprise he ran away from this gulag. 101 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,120 It's not like anyone cares a damn if any of us live or die! 102 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:48,560 Liam? 103 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,520 I heard you the first 300 billion times! 104 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,120 (CAR ALARM BLARING) 105 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,840 Two hundred and seventy dollars? 106 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,440 Pre-natal visits aren't cheap and Dr. Suzie is cash up front. 107 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,320 What's wrong with the free clinic? 108 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,050 You want your baby mama waiting next to crab-infested hookers, 109 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,400 and toothless crack-heads? 110 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,520 What happened to the 200 that I gave you last week? 111 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,880 Ultrasounds, prenatal vitamins, 112 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,440 and I found this cute little black maternity number at Nordstrom's too. 113 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,010 You see what I'm saying? 114 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,890 Hey, Kev, you got a Bears jersey? Mike's taking me to the game today. 115 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,920 Borrow as in I get it right back, 116 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,360 or borrow as in you plan to keep it forever, 117 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,680 - and forget it isn't yours? - Get it right back. Promise. 118 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:38,890 You still staying away from hot dogs and unpasteurized cheese? 119 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,480 And no sprouts. I know how you love 120 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,600 to shovel it in at the Sizzler salad bar. 121 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,960 Honey, I was still doing coke when I was pregnant with you, 122 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,920 and now you're worried about me eating cheese? 123 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,560 All right, Carol, no Nordstrom's. Okay, do you hear me? 124 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,480 No Nordstrom's. 125 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,800 Sweat pants and Adele's old muumuus from Goodwill. 126 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,200 I'll stop by after church 127 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,280 and we'll go shopping for some sensible shoes. 128 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,640 My feet are starting to spread, 129 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,200 and in a month I'm gonna be able to water ski, 130 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,850 without the skis. 131 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,050 - All right. Thanks. Bye. - V: Bye, Mama. 132 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,320 There's no way we can afford a maternity ward. 133 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,050 She's just gonna have to have the baby upstairs in the tub. 134 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,040 We can get Tinisha from down the block to help out. 135 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,480 - Tinisha's not a midwife. - No, but she's had 136 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,880 a shit-load of babies. 137 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,120 William "The Refrigerator" Perry. 138 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,160 There's a player named after a kitchen appliance? 139 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,320 Was. 140 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:26,930 Your mom doesn't have health insurance at work? 141 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,120 No, and I would've never agreed to bang my own mom-in-law 142 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,810 if I'd known she wasn't covered. 143 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:33,800 You and Mike getting serious? 144 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,520 I'm not falling in love or anything but I like him. 145 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,080 - Sex good? - I don't know yet. 146 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,650 First Date Fiona? 147 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,450 The girl who puts out waiting in line at the Wendy's drive-thru? 148 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,760 - Who told you that? Ronnie Finnegan? - Ben Troutman. 149 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,610 Jesus Christ, you've done that more than once? 150 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,840 So nothing at all with you and Mike? 151 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,760 Little dry humping. Couple of hand jobs. 152 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,160 But, no, he's my boss so we're going slow. 153 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,000 Maybe they don't fuck right away in the middle class. 154 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,490 It's definitely weird. 155 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,800 He doesn't like force himself onto me, 156 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,680 where I gotta decide if I'm gonna Taser him or go along, 157 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,800 like I do with the guys from around here. 158 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:11,440 - Still nothing from Jimmy? - In the wind. Not a word. 159 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,010 Oh, fuck him. He was a pussy anyway. 160 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,480 - And no Frank? - Nope. 161 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,210 Thank Jesus for small blessings. You better off without him. 162 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,010 No, he'll be back. Frank's a cockroach. 163 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,120 You can stomp on him, spray him, try and drown him, 164 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,600 but he always comes crawling back up out of the toilet bowl. 165 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,920 - (HEAVY SMASH) - Police Department! 166 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,410 - Police! - Let's see your hands. 167 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,160 - Hands. Come on, hands. - Hands up. 168 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,800 - Check this door. - Police Department! 169 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,930 - OFFICER: Back room's clear! - Police. 170 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:43,880 You don't think I saw you stash that? 171 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,400 Come on, hands. 172 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,000 OFFICER 2: We got two additional at the Southside. 173 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,520 Police. Show us your hands. Let me see your hands. Come on. 174 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,360 - OFFICER 2: Teams moving through! - Come on, pal, hands. Let's go. 175 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,840 Yo. Hands out. Now. 176 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,800 Frank? 177 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,760 (DISTANT SIRENS) 178 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,760 - Hi, Mandy. Nice tam. - Thanks. 179 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,080 - How you been? - Good. 180 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:42,480 Ian's still missing. Have you heard from him? Nothing? 181 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,160 - Not even a call or a text? - Sorry. 182 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,920 - So you wanna know how Lip's doing? - Not really. 183 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,120 - He's in college. - Good for him. 184 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,570 MICKEY: This is a bunch of bills, 185 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,440 chink delivery menus and press-on-nail coupons. 186 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,360 What mailboxes you robbing? Dearborn projects? 187 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,330 No, apartment complex over by Rush. 188 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,840 Oh, there's an ATM card. 189 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,570 Congratulations. It has no fucking pin number. 190 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,600 What are you gonna do? Rob the same mailboxes everyday 191 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,090 until they send the pin? 192 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,320 Hey, you. This all you made yesterday? 193 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,000 - I give you everything. - Two hundred twenty bucks? 194 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,130 - How many Johnsons you squash? - Seventeen. 195 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,560 What? That's like 12 bucks a wank. 196 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,200 - Who was at the door? - Debbie Gallagher. 197 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,400 - What'd she want? - She was looking for Ian. 198 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,130 Seen him? 199 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,960 - Why do you care? - I don't. 200 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,840 Said Lip was doing good in college. 201 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,280 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 202 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,240 - Hey. - Hi. 203 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,050 It's time to go, Ron. Byronic heroes study group? 204 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,960 I have to stop by the lab first. 205 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,160 I'm building a new docking station for my cloud city. 206 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,890 Now, Ron! 207 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,800 (INHALES, THEN EXHALES DEEPLY) 208 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,610 RON: Hey, so did you get the text about tomorrow's flash mob? 209 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,040 - The what? - Five o'clock, man. 210 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,880 Everyone's gonna freeze for exactly 60 seconds. 211 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,040 Okay. 212 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,280 We'll be on the second floor of the library in the back at three 213 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,680 if you wanna join us for a study group. 214 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,320 We agreed to keep the group small. 215 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,210 - We already have six people, so... - He can come. He's cool. 216 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,170 You know, maybe, later. You know, after work study? 217 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,080 (PLAYS LOUD ROCK MUSIC) 218 00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,520 - Hi. - Fiona! 219 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,760 - FIONA: What? - Mike. 220 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,960 (TELEVISION NOISE) 221 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,360 (SHIVERING) 222 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,640 Ooh. What is this? Saw? On a Sunday morning? 223 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,640 - Mike your real name? - Yeah. 224 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,760 I mean, Michael, but, yeah, I'm Mike. 225 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,730 - Ever steal a car? - What? 226 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,770 Ever burn your blood-soaked clothes in the yard? 227 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,840 - Hi. - Yeah, hi. 228 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,200 - You ready to go? - Yeah, absolutely. 229 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:30,330 Okay. I'll be back around six. Don't set the house on fire. 230 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,160 (MIKE LAUGHS) Just kidding. 231 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,480 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 232 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,210 Just wait until my mom paints your face. 233 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,640 HOLLY: Not much virginity bidding action on Sunday morning. 234 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,320 - What are you up to now? - Seven hundred twenty five. 235 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,920 Wow! 236 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,320 Jumbo Johnson? 237 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,040 - Guy seems like he could be scary. - Or just really fat. 238 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,320 Can't be scarier than my mom's new boyfriend Gary. 239 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,130 At least this guy's prepared to pay for it. 240 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,770 Anybody bid on me yet? 241 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,040 HOLLY: No, but not surprising with the minimum bid you set. 242 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,440 - A million dollars? - You can only sell it once. 243 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,400 Makes it an extremely rare commodity. 244 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,640 Scarcity equals value. Basic economics. 245 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,560 You think I'm selling myself short? 246 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,200 Well, in your case, it's kind of false advertising. 247 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,600 By like a couple dozen dudes. 248 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,840 You're not really gonna call that Jumbo Johnson, are you? 249 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,440 Probably not. 250 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:35,880 It's not fair. 251 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,920 My retarded brother is a year younger than me 252 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,450 and he's already sprouting pit hair. 253 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,680 Hey, you're lucky. 254 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,280 Least you can fool around and not worry about birth control. 255 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,200 When did you ever worry about birth control, Ellie? 256 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,280 It's embarrassing, I'm 13. 257 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,690 Come on, let's get slutty and head over to the arcade. 258 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,650 Troll for high school boys. That'll cheer you up. 259 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,840 MAN ON TV: Then with blinding speed, he lashes out 260 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,240 - and captures his intended meal. - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 261 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,400 He uses his spiked forearms to spear his prey... 262 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,970 Door! 263 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,400 ...just below his thorax. (KNOCKING) 264 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,760 Though the grasshopper struggles in his grasp... 265 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,160 Door! 266 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:15,000 The mantis uses his mandibles to slice and chew this protein-rich... 267 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,440 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 268 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,210 The diet of the praying mantis consists mostly of... 269 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,560 Frank? 270 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,810 - Where is everybody? - Ian ran away, Lip's at college, 271 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,720 Debbie took Liam somewhere with her skanky girlfriend, Holly. 272 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,480 (GRUNTING) 273 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,960 - Fiona? - Bears game. 274 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,200 She's banging some dude from work. We get free cups. 275 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,160 Well, okay. 276 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,640 Good luck. 277 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,840 (CROWD NOISE) 278 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:11,010 - Mm! Great dip, Fiona. - Thanks. 279 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,640 - Oh, looks yummy. Artichoke? - Yeah, and jalapeno. 280 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,240 - Family recipe? - Yeah, absolutely. 281 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,520 - Yo, Stick! Catch. - Stick? 282 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,200 Oh, well, Mike was a bit overweight as a kid. 283 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,360 A bit? If you pushed him over, he'd roll. 284 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,160 So when he started losing the weight, 285 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,320 we started calling him Stick. 286 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,560 That is not why. And it's not Stick. It's The Stick. 287 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,800 - No, no. No. - Don't tell that story, Jane. 288 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,440 So here's the deal. Mikey's first girlfriend, Emily, 289 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,960 - from down the block... - Leave your brother alone. 290 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,960 ...she was this scrawny, little girl until one summer, boom! 291 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,600 All of a sudden she's got, like, this smoking little bod. 292 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,720 - Remember? - Stop what? 293 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,000 I'm just telling Fiona about Emily and The Stick. 294 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,360 - No! - So anyway 295 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,680 Emily's this girl who got legs like up to here. 296 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,520 - Don't listen to a word she says. - And Mikey is this like fat. 297 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,680 She's trying to get even with me 298 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,920 for sending a clip in to America's Funniest Home Videos. 299 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,650 Well, that's because that was not funny, Mikey, so... 300 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,400 A couple million people thought it was funny, Jane. 301 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,090 You were on Funniest Home Videos? 302 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,920 Yeah, she used to when she was a baby. 303 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,040 - Imitate our dog, right? - Mike, we have a guest. 304 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,850 You had to sew the tail on her feet... 305 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,440 Here's the deal. So Emily comes over to use our pool, right? 306 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,920 And she's got this, like, itty-bitty little bikini on. 307 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,160 - I bet you remember, don't you? - All right. 308 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,440 - It barely covers up her... - Okay. Chicken war! 309 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,280 Come on. Come on. Piggyback, come on. Piggyback war. 310 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,960 I wanna hear the thing about The Stick. 311 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,810 No, you don't. It's all lies. 312 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,080 - All right, jump up. Ready? - Okay. Yeah. 313 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,200 Here we go. 314 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,440 Whoa, here comes Marshall, streaking down the sidelines! 315 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,440 Holy! Safety's out of position! 316 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,560 - (SHOUTS) - (ALL CHEERING) 317 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,520 (HUMMING SOFTLY) 318 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,120 Hey. 319 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,090 - Hay is for horses. - Huh? 320 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,480 Can I help you with something? 321 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:56,600 - Oh, my. - Yeah. 322 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,400 Well, you grab his feet and I'll grab the top end. 323 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,520 Ready? Come on. Gentle, gentle. Ooh! Gosh! 324 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,920 All right, what about this? It goes under. Scoop under. 325 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,040 SHEILA: Ohh! 326 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,760 Oh, my... Carl! Frank, you're filthy! You're filthy! 327 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,800 Jesus Frank! 328 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,400 Wow! (GASPS) 329 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,920 - Did something just jump off him? - Bugs, I think. 330 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,840 - Three o'clock, playing "The Swarm". - There are only two. 331 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,600 We're not trolling for you and the baby biscuit, Ellie. 332 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,080 Only pervs are gonna want any part of that. 333 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,730 Which one should I like? 334 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,880 You like the one in the "Autopsy" hoodie 335 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,640 and I'll like the one with the wallet chain. 336 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,480 So what do we do, just walk over and talk to them? 337 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,130 No, honey. 338 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,850 We chum the waters, wait for the fish to bite. 339 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,520 - GAME VOICE: First stage. - Okay. 340 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,480 Here we go. Tear it up, you all. 341 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,320 Ready, set, dance. 342 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,480 Not so bad. 343 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,730 - Hi. - Hi. 344 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,770 - Debbie. - Matty. Matty. 345 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,160 - Hey, come on. - Oh, no, no. I don't know how to... 346 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,840 - I don't know what I'm doing. - No, you're doing really good. 347 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,720 - Yeah? - Better than me. 348 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,880 That's it. You got it. 349 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,680 Should we give him another bath? 350 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,530 Well, that's three already and we're running out of soap. 351 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,610 - These are gluten-free? - That's what the sign says. 352 00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,920 - And vegan? - Soy cheese, yeah. 353 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,570 What about peanuts? 354 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,280 No nuts in the soy cheese pizza, but I can't promise 355 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,280 the cook didn't put his nuts on the cheese pizza. 356 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,680 You guys done with these? Yo, you done with these plates? 357 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,680 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 358 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,490 Amen, amigo. 359 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,690 Just a bunch of spoiled los muchachos de la madre. 360 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,450 You better not let Manny see you doing that. 361 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,040 Oh, what's he gonna do, fire me? 362 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,920 It's not like they're actually paying me. 363 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,000 Here. 364 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,760 Hey, you wanna get together sometime, hang out? 365 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,360 You know, I got some decent weed. 366 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,000 Sorry, but I can't, man. I got to get home 367 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,120 - to the esposa and niños. - Right. 368 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,840 - Andrew. - Fuck. 369 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,160 - Que te jodan. - Mañana, puto. 370 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,090 You get something to eat? What? 371 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,930 No. Fuck, no. 372 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,680 Tony brought him back. He's been asleep the whole time. 373 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,170 I tried to wake him but he's out cold. 374 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,320 Believe me, he's not sleeping. 375 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,090 Great. Now this? Needles? 376 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,810 - He's really sick. - Oh, he's sick, all right. 377 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,200 I don't think he can make it downstairs. 378 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,480 - He won't be any trouble. - No. 379 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,760 - I don't get a vote? - Not really, no. 380 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,960 I'm gonna call Kev 381 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,240 and he's gonna help me find a park bench 382 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,920 somewhere far, far away to dump him. 383 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,440 - He's dying. - No, he's killing himself. 384 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,040 - There's a difference. - I can take care of him. 385 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,720 - No. - Yes! 386 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,600 Fine. But you brought him home. He's your puppy. 387 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,490 He makes a mess on the rug, you're cleaning it up. 388 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,130 Thank you, son. 389 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,210 (BALL ROLLING, PINS CRASHING) 390 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,520 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 391 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,120 (NERVOUS LAUGH) 392 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,120 - Is he yours? - Who? 393 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,400 - The little kid. - Oh, no. 394 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,960 - Brother. - Oh, okay. 395 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,000 Okay, I thought maybe he was, like, yours. 396 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:07,680 Oh, no. 397 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,080 Do you wanna ride home? 398 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,370 - You have a car? - Yeah, yeah. Not like a... 399 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,640 It's not a very nice one, but yeah. Yeah, I have a car. 400 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,560 - Sure. - Cool. 401 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,920 I'm just gonna let you, like, finish. 402 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,650 - RON: All right. - AMANDA: Okay, just shut up. 403 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:34,800 RON: Wait, am I finishing myself here? 404 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,850 - (AMANDA LAUGHS) No, I'll help you. - RON: Okay, good. 405 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,280 (BOTH LAUGHING) 406 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,080 God, for Christ's sake, just fuck her! 407 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,280 (BOTH SNIGGERING) 408 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,280 Fuck! 409 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,080 (CELL PHONE BEEPS) 410 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,720 FIONA: Night, Debbie. 411 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,050 (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) 412 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,250 (CELL PHONE BEEPS) 413 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:51,760 (LAUGHING) 414 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,450 Ohh! Dirty little cup boy. 415 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,080 (CELL PHONE BUZZES) 416 00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:22,360 Hey. Up. 417 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,800 Hey. School. 418 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,200 (SIGHS) 419 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:41,960 - Wet dream? - What? 420 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:43,770 I heard you moaning in your sleep. 421 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,490 You're a Gallagher. 422 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,600 It goes with the oversexed glandular Gallagher equipment. 423 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,280 - What are you now, ten? - Twelve. 424 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,000 Late bloomer. 425 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,800 It's natural. Nothing to worry about. 426 00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,720 (COUGHS) 427 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,000 Best way to stay ahead of it... 428 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,920 ...is to masturbate a few times a day. 429 00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,240 - Masturbate? - Er... 430 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,970 Enjoying yourself while you're awake. 431 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:15,610 Oh, jerking off. 432 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:20,000 Simple pleasures. But never in the shower. 433 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,640 It can get on a washcloth and into your sisters. 434 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,320 That's how incest babies are born. 435 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,680 You know, son, I'm sick. 436 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,080 I can't drink anymore but my body still needs alcohol 437 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:34,760 to function properly. 438 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,800 It's like oil in an engine. 439 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,120 Pistons just won't fire right without it. 440 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:43,400 Maybe you could hunt up some supplies for me? 441 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,210 Will you do that for me, son? Help the old man out? 442 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,170 (GRUNTS) 443 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,560 - (MOANS) - Uh-uh. 444 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,160 I'm sorry, baby. I'm not feeling so good. 445 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,920 Want me to take your temperature with my big, red thermometer? 446 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,040 My stomach. Bad night. 447 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,280 Oh, yeah? Really? Sure? 448 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,490 Think I'm gonna be sick. 449 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,280 You know, I told you to throw out that leftover vindaloo. 450 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,320 (V RETCHING) 451 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,560 Hey, V? You okay? 452 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,610 Want me to get you something? A 7-Up, 453 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,480 shot of tequila or something? 454 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:07,800 (V BREATHES HEAVILY) 455 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,080 - V? - I'll be out in a minute, honey. 456 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,120 Can you start some tea for me, please? 457 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,320 (URINATING) 458 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,130 You got to be shitting me. 459 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,920 - There's something in my juice. - That's pulp. 460 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,480 - We can afford pulp? - Yeah. 461 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,640 Getting a steady paycheck, courtesy of Worldwide Cup. 462 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,800 - What? - Dad's upstairs. 463 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,040 - So? - Are you gonna say hi? 464 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,480 No. 465 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,160 Where's my lunch? 466 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,840 You're each getting $3 to buy your very own school lunch. 467 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,160 - Four? - Five. 468 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,920 Fine, no problem. Five it is. Gallagher clan is flush. 469 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,800 We're creeping up on the poverty line. 470 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,760 Haven't quite dragged ourselves over it yet, 471 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:20,760 but least we can see it from here. 472 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,600 Hey, dishes to the sink. 473 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,320 - More like six if you want chips. - How about we skip the chips? 474 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,350 SHEILA: Ahh! 475 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,560 - Good morning, everyone. - Morning. 476 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,480 Got a busy day today. Gonna tackle the upstairs bathroom. 477 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:47,610 That'll be a challenge. Good thing I ate my Wheaties. 478 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,400 - What's up with Frank this morning? - Still looks bad. 479 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,080 Yeah? Do I have to padlock him in the room for the day? 480 00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,200 I don't think he can get up. 481 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,370 I don't want him wandering around going through my stuff... 482 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,120 pawning the microwave and the TV. 483 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,890 What if he has to use the bathroom? 484 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,880 Don't forget to empty it when you get back from school. 485 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,360 FIONA: How'd you lose that? How'd you lose a shoe? 486 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,560 I don't even think that's minimum wage, man. 487 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,040 There's got to be, like, a law or something, right? 488 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:27,610 Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is, 489 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,600 but I don't think it covers hand jobs. 490 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,640 Twelve bucks a wank, 491 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,410 that's what she makes... on a fucking good day. 492 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:35,800 Jesus, really? 493 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,880 I've been paying 30 at that Thai place. 494 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,040 Yeah, but that's because Sasha 495 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:40,690 charges the customers a shit ton more 496 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,320 and then deducts all this stuff from the girls' pay. 497 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,760 Laundry, rent, janitorial, utilities. 498 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,160 She charges them for the Purell and mouthwash. 499 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,520 They need a union to protect their rights. 500 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:56,360 Yeah, the International Brotherhood of Hand Wankers and Cock Suckers. 501 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,680 I'd love to see that sign on the side of a building downtown. 502 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:03,200 - Why not? - Make one hell of a picket sign. 503 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,640 - Whores United for Handy J. Justice! - Wankers of the world, unite! 504 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:11,650 - You heard from Gallagher? - Frank? No. 505 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,760 - Thought Frank was dead. - Not fucking Frank. 506 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,000 - The other one. The redhead. - Ian? No, he took off. 507 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,200 What, did he owe you money or something? Hello. 508 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,440 Who? Anybody know a Mr. Phillips? 509 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,840 No, sorry, pal. 510 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,040 Oh, wait. Wait, wait. Hold on, yeah. Hold on. 511 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,240 Hey, yeah. This is Mr. Phillips. 512 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,290 Thanks. Yeah, I'll be over later. 513 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:49,400 - What? - Stan. He's sick. 514 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:50,840 I gotta go to the home after work. 515 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:55,400 - Who the fuck is Stan? - The guy who owns the bar. 516 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,680 A legend among loan sharks. 517 00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:59,360 Broke more knee caps in his day, 518 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,800 than any other Shylock on the Southside. 519 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:03,640 Hell of a guy. 520 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,530 - To Stan. - Yeah, Stan. 521 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,120 - To Stan. - To Stan. 522 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,290 How is that possible? 523 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,280 Well, when a man's penis goes into a woman's... 524 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,200 Yeah, I got that part. I mean, how is it possible now 525 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,840 after everything we've tried for the last two years? 526 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,040 Mother Nature can be a tricky bitch sometimes. 527 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:26,200 What, did you think? You were just 528 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,120 gaining weight in your breasts while you missed your period? 529 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,760 - I eat a lot when I'm under stress. - You've been under stress? 530 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,200 Watching my husband bang my mother? Yeah, that's been a bit stressful. 531 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:39,080 Well, all of that's behind you now. You're definitely pregnant. 532 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,690 This is good news, Veronica. 533 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,250 (CHILDREN TALKING) 534 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,760 Hey, Liam! 535 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,520 - Good morning. - Good morning. 536 00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,640 - Secret admirer? - I guess so. 537 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:13,210 - Maybe not that secret anymore. - Really? 538 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,250 Dave in shipping saw you two at the Bears game yesterday, 539 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,600 Instagramed a photo. 540 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,520 Everybody in the company follows him. 541 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:21,600 Were we doing something embarrassing? 542 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,480 The Kiss Cam, I think. 543 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,800 Morning. Go Bears, huh? 544 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,000 I am almost done with the quarterly Midwest regional reports. 545 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,480 - Can I get them to you after lunch? - No sweat. 546 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,640 Great. 547 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:43,600 What? 548 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,680 You've been working here three months as of today. 549 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,000 Wow, three months? Really? Great. 550 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:50,840 After 90 days your full benefits kick in. 551 00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:52,690 Medical, dental, pension. 552 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,040 Really? That's fantastic. 553 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,400 So now it's time for the talk. 554 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,400 - The talk? - The 401 K talk. 555 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,400 Have you decided which plan you'd like to adopt? 556 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,640 What's a 401 K? 557 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,640 Your retirement savings plan. You're eligible to participate. 558 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,160 Every month you deposit part of your salary into your 401 K 559 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:12,840 and the company matches it, tax-free. 560 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,080 Deposit part of my salary? 561 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,000 But the big decision 562 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,360 is the asset allocation mix you decide to elect. 563 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,960 Money market funds, bonds, stocks, large cap, small cap, treasuries. 564 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,320 You decide the risk profile you're willing to take, 565 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,760 get your elective deferral documents notarized and you'll be all set. 566 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,330 Easy peasy. 567 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,800 - Hey, you're the helper guy, right? - The T.A., yeah. 568 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,930 Yeah, I don't understand my grade on this paper. 569 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,490 That would be a D. 570 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,320 Yeah, no, thanks, I get that. But why? 571 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,560 I mean, I misspelled Tennyson or something? 572 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,600 Yeah, I remember this one. I graded it. 573 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:13,640 Oh, you graded it, not the professor? 574 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,920 Tenured professors don't grade freshman class survey papers. 575 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,040 Okay, so if you graded it, what was wrong with it? 576 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:25,400 - It sucked. - It sucked? 577 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,960 Look, I covered everything the assignment asked for. 578 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,040 It was facile and glib. 579 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:33,610 You danced around and you tried to be clever 580 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:34,840 but there were no compelling insights 581 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,240 or any attempt at original thought. 582 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:40,570 Original thought on Byron's "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage"? 583 00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:42,840 Nobody's had an original thought on "Childe Harold" 584 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,600 since Queen Victoria was still getting laid. 585 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,490 Look, this was crap, okay? You threw it together. 586 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,960 You thought nobody would notice but I noticed. 587 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,360 Why are you taking this class anyway? 588 00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,040 Because it was the only freshman English class available after noon. 589 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,560 Well, look, you got another week to add-drop 590 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,040 before you're stuck in here, all right? 591 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,520 You don't wanna work any harder than this piece of shit, 592 00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:08,400 I suggest you find yourself another course. 593 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,200 (KNOCKING) 594 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:34,640 Yo, Stan. Hear you're not feeling so good. 595 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,560 Stan? 596 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,120 Stan? 597 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,320 Hey, what the fuck, man? He's dead! 598 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,880 - Which one? - Stan! Stan Kopchek! 599 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,120 Yeah. Sorry for your loss. 600 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:03,800 - You family? - No. Yeah. Sort of. 601 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,800 Yeah, well, we're not supposed to tell people 602 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,160 over the phone when a patient dies, 603 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,600 so we usually just say they ain't feeling good. 604 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:13,400 - He's fucking cold! - Yeah. It's Joaquin. 605 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,210 He ain't never show up for his overnight shift 606 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,330 so we don't know how long he's been laying up in there dead. 607 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,690 You got a mortuary you need me to call for you? 608 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,690 Pick up the body? 609 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,960 - Hi. - How's Frank? 610 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:41,520 - Hear anything out of him? - No, no, no, not a peep. 611 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,640 I got the stuff you wanted. Cooking spray, funnel. 612 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,370 I have these things in my throat that bleed 613 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,360 if I try to swallow alcohol, 614 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,120 so I have to figure out other ways to get it into my system. 615 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,450 - You can't just stop? - No. 616 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:21,610 I get the shakes very bad, I could die. 617 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,520 I have to stop drinking slowly over time. 618 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,800 So we just hook up 619 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,720 this handy-dandy contraption. 620 00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:33,200 Alcohol goes in this bag... 621 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,320 ...this goes up the poop chute and voila. 622 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,290 More than one way to get booze into a Gallagher. 623 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,680 Do me a favor, will you, son? 624 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,730 Go down to the kitchen and see what Fiona's got down there. 625 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,240 Beer, wine. The hard stuff works best, 626 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,600 but anything even remotely flammable will work. 627 00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:04,480 Hello. 628 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,680 - How you doing? - Good. 629 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,440 - You? - Good. 630 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,360 You're pregnant? How's that even possible? 631 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,640 Well, that's what I said. We can't afford to have two babies. 632 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:08,370 We're barely gonna be able to afford to have one. 633 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,040 Well, have you told Kev yet? What about your mom? 634 00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:12,850 She gonna have to have an abortion. 635 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,810 I can't have her nasty Kev-Mama baby staring up at me, 636 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,800 not with my own Kev baby on my hip. 637 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,400 I'll just end up hating the Mama baby, 638 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,880 and accidentally, on purpose, run over it in the driveway. 639 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:28,280 It's Mike. 640 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,200 He wants me to come over to his place tonight, 641 00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:31,890 celebrate my three months at the company. 642 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,480 Oh, celebrate how? By having you sit on his face? 643 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,240 Yeah, something like that. 644 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:38,920 You really haven't slept with him? 645 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:41,890 No, but I probably should soon. 646 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,690 He's already well past the whole two grand in meals thing 647 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:45,880 for me having to put out. 648 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:47,490 You make it sound like a chore. 649 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,960 I know, it's crazy, but he's my boss, you know? 650 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:54,090 - What happens if we break up? - You already gave him a hand job. 651 00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:56,890 I think you long past the "what if we break up" point. 652 00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,040 Yeah, you're probably right. 653 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:00,610 You should go. I'll keep an eye on the kids. 654 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,160 - I need the kid practice now. - Yeah, times two. 655 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,520 - (GRUNTS) - (SHEILA GASPING) 656 00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:10,040 SHEILA: All right, well, I'll be... I'll be back tomorrow. 657 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,600 I can tackle this whole kitchen area. 658 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:16,680 I mean, it may take a few days, 659 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,160 but I will make this kitchen my bitch. 660 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:21,610 Now good night. 661 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,440 You hired Sheila to be your maid? 662 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:29,840 No, she's just been hanging around. I think she's lonely. 663 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,400 So when are you gonna tell Kev? 664 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,280 Mmm. I figured I'd give it a bit, 665 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:34,680 see if this thing's still hanging around 666 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:35,920 after a couple of months. 667 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,920 I haven't exactly been fertile ground 668 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,120 for planting little baby Kev seedlings. 669 00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:43,120 You gotta tell him, V. It's not fair to keep it a secret. 670 00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:44,960 Shit. 671 00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:49,120 - What are you looking for? - I thought we had some wine left. 672 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:50,280 Did the two of us finish off 673 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,480 an entire gallon of box wine the other night? 674 00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,760 FRANK: Hold it up nice and high. 675 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,320 Okay, open the valve. 676 00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:10,240 (LIQUID TRICKLING) 677 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:16,200 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 678 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,600 (CELL PHONES BEEPING) 679 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,210 (CELL PHONES BEEPING) 680 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,440 (CHATTER RESUMES) 681 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:36,810 - Hey, babe, you straight? - Yeah, I'm good. 682 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,650 Come here. 683 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,290 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 684 00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,690 Oh, Christ! Close the damn door! 685 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,480 Nobody wants to see that Mandingo shit. 686 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:50,760 Fuck! 687 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,480 - Fuck! (GROANS) Fuck! - (GLASS SHATTERS) 688 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,210 - Fuck! - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 689 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:56,840 WOMAN WITH ACCENT: Are you okay? 690 00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:02,000 Yeah. I slipped. 691 00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,160 Then hurry up. I need to use the toilet. 692 00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,240 Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts 693 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,560 which we are about to receive through the bounty 694 00:48:01,720 --> 00:48:04,000 of Christ, our Lord. Amen. 695 00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,000 May the Lord provide for the wants of others. 696 00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,720 (PANTING) 697 00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:30,640 Hey, there. 698 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:35,960 Oh, God. 699 00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,440 That was great. Thank you. 700 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:45,450 You were great. You are great. 701 00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:49,320 Oh. 702 00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:52,970 Hey, do you...? 703 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:57,040 Do you need me to do anything... something else for you? 704 00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,120 - What? - Well, you know, like... 705 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,690 touch you or whatever? 706 00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,490 No. No, I'm good. 707 00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,160 That's really good. 708 00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:17,120 Where are you going? 709 00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:20,720 I'll go get that bottle of champagne that I promised you. 710 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,600 - Gotta go home. It's a school night. - No. 711 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,040 No, no, no. Come on, one glass. That's not gonna kill you. 712 00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,850 Plus, you know, the guy at the store said it was pretty good. 713 00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,730 (SCOFFS) Just pretty good? 714 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:33,360 Yeah, well, a really good is, like, 715 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,560 a month of my car lease or something. 716 00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,560 One glass. One glass? 717 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,570 - One glass. - Yes! 718 00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:10,880 Well, thanks for dinner. I had a great time. 719 00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:14,440 - I love Panda Express. - Yeah, yeah, me too. I do too. 720 00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,280 - I like you. - (LAUGHS) 721 00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,080 I like you too. 722 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,640 Oh, is that your dad? 723 00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,880 No, a friend of my sister's. He's nice. 724 00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:45,090 Yeah, he looks nice. 725 00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,080 I'm not sure, but I think Debbie's sitting out front in a car 726 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:53,570 with some dude. 727 00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:55,920 This dude lost, like, 200 pounds 728 00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,040 and he still looks like a beached whale. 729 00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,600 Oh, geez, look at all that extra skin. 730 00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:02,520 You could cut it off and make a suitcase. 731 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:04,240 What are you doing over here? 732 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,440 Watching the kids while Fiona's out with Mike. 733 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,800 - Stan died. - What? 734 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,160 They called me from the nursing home. 735 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:20,730 I gotta go to the mortuary tomorrow morning, 736 00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:22,760 pick out a casket and all that stuff. 737 00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:26,600 Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. 738 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:35,600 - So good night. - Yeah, yeah. Have a good night. 739 00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:08,890 Hey, Debs. 740 00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:24,240 I'm pregnant. 741 00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,520 What? I thought you just said you're pregnant. 742 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,170 I did. 743 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:36,330 Holy shit. Are you serious? 744 00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:37,680 Yes, but we shouldn't get our hopes up. 745 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:39,370 Holy shit! 746 00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:41,400 We're gonna have two? 747 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,370 - Are you fucking with me? - No. 748 00:52:43,720 --> 00:52:45,240 Are you serious? 749 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,440 - Baby! - I know. 750 00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,160 Baby! (LAUGHING) 751 00:52:58,040 --> 00:52:59,240 FRANK: Carl? 752 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,120 Son? 753 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:10,370 Probably want to go a little easier. Hold it like an egg. 754 00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,810 - CARL: It's not working. - Maybe you need to give it a rest. 755 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,680 - How many times is that today? - Nine. 756 00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:18,920 Nine. 757 00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:21,240 You're gonna wear the poor thing out. 758 00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:25,200 - What are you using for lubrication? - Lubrication? 759 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:28,200 You don't use lubricant, you get blisters. 760 00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:29,880 Believe me, I know. 761 00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,240 Carl, how about when I'm not in the room? 762 00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:44,080 - You're always in the room. - Bathroom then. 763 00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:16,170 (SPRAYING) 764 00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:24,810 Come on, baby, just a taste. I just want a little taste. 765 00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:31,120 L'Chaim. 766 00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,920 (COUGHING AND SPLUTERING) 767 00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,960 FIONA: Hey, where you been? Dinner's almost ready. 768 00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:21,160 - Costco. - Costco? Why? 769 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:22,920 Needed something. 770 00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,360 (English US SDH)