1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:03,730 For 20 bucks, 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,800 I'll tell you what happened last week on Shameless. 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,040 Thanks. 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,530 You're gonna have to have an abortion. 5 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,250 - Hell, no. I'm not aborting my baby. - Our baby. 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,760 You need to call your family. Your dad's dying, Ian. 7 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,920 Fuck, Ian. 8 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,720 We're down to two babies. 9 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,640 - What happened? - Huey ate Dewey. 10 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,880 - You almost killed Liam. - I didn't do it on purpose. 11 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,200 - Yeah, but you did it. - I'm not guilty! 12 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,600 Liam almost died! 13 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:28,920 I heard you talk about my little brother 14 00:00:28,922 --> 00:00:30,042 on the bus this morning. 15 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,120 (CHANTING) Cocaine baby brother. 16 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,120 (BOTH GRUNTING) 17 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,240 Oh, fuck. 18 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,680 I could watch Liam for you if you wanted. 19 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,600 I'll send you a text picture every 30 minutes. 20 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,200 - I need a gun. - Who you gonna kill? 21 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,960 Alibi got robbed. They stole the keg that I keep the money in. 22 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,840 We can't be boyfriend and girlfriend. 23 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,000 - Why are you breaking up with me? - Because you're too young. 24 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,570 Get the fuck out of my house! 25 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,280 - Is Sheila gonna be mad at me? - She's out of town. 26 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,560 With this plea agreement, you will be a felon. 27 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,760 You will be under house arrest until further notice. 28 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,040 How do you plead to possession and child endangerment? 29 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,120 I'm guilty. 30 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,320 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 31 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:20,120 (ALARM BUZZING) 32 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,090 Do you have any sanitary pads? 33 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,560 - You got your period? Wonderful. - I don't want to talk about it. 34 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,370 - Ever. - I get it. I get it. 35 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,800 We have tampons, upstairs bathroom, under the sink. 36 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,770 - You need me to walk you through... - No. Nope. 37 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,410 Why are you baking at 7 AM? 38 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,000 My probation officer's coming today and I'm freaking out. 39 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,440 - Is your room clean? - Why does my room need to be clean? 40 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,960 She's gonna tear the joint apart 41 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,690 looking for anything that can get me in trouble. 42 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,560 I only have, like, clothes and school stuff and makeup. 43 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,410 Debs, just do me this one favor, okay? I can't take any chances. 44 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,280 I'm not the one who left the cocaine out. 45 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,920 - Do it. - God. 46 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,810 - Get out. - Hungry. 47 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,320 We have half a bag of cereal. 48 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,440 Two packs of oatmeal, and four frozen waffles. 49 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,040 You need to clean your room before school. 50 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,600 Get rid of anything that can make me look like a bad parent. 51 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,080 Go. Now. Those are for my PO. 52 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,560 Upstairs. 53 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,560 Are you dead? 54 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,200 Not a chance. Where were we? 55 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,880 Number nine, rob a convenience store. 56 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:27,170 Number 10, recycle scrap metal. Number 11, prostitution. 57 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,720 Nix that one. My thrill drill is out of juice. 58 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,840 SAMMI: You got to be kidding me! 59 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:37,320 - Number 12, sperm bank. - See number 11. 60 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,840 Some sheik named "Fahid Ahmed Habib" 61 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,320 or whatever, is getting a brand-new set of lungs. 62 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,210 - Government flew him in. - We get the newspaper? 63 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:52,720 Sheila does. Look. Look. Shaking hands with his surgeon. 64 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:57,760 Some towelhead gets to jump the line because he's an "important ally?" 65 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,120 Guy's got eight teenage wives dressed in tablecloths. 66 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,200 - Won't even let them drive. - Look, Sammi. 67 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,680 Chuckie and I are trying... We're writing... 68 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,280 Oh, fuck it. Show her, Chuckles. 69 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,000 "Kidnap a Walton heir. Roadside fruit stand." 70 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,200 "Contract killer?" What are these? 71 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,680 Ways to make money for my surgery. 72 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:24,000 Hey! What about an app version of my book? 73 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,920 The drug book that I'm writing? 74 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,040 - (COUGHING RUGGEDLY) - Got to keep hope alive, right? 75 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,360 Easy, honey. 76 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,400 (BREAKING WIND) 77 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,480 - (FRANK GROANS) - (GIGGLES) 78 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,683 Here's your oxys and your perkies. 79 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,320 Just like Mama used to make. 80 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,000 Whoa, that is bad. 81 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:57,600 Okay, all you glu-tards in the house, wheat-free flapjacks are ready. 82 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,650 - Get them while they suck. - Hey, short-stack! High five. 83 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,280 What's up with your kid, Phil? Why's he so damn calm? 84 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,680 He's got brain damage. 85 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:10,320 Got to tell you, man. I didn't think this was gonna work. 86 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,240 Adorable. He yours? 87 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,880 No, brother. Deadbeat parents and so on. 88 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,730 So you take care of him? 89 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,800 Yeah. Yeah, no. I do my best. 90 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,330 Cool. 91 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,280 - So enjoy. - Ever get a break from watching him? 92 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,170 Sure, yeah. Sometimes. 93 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:33,400 I'm free tomorrow morning. 94 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,400 - Around 11. - Great. 95 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,360 Bye. 96 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,320 Hey, what can I get you, sir? 97 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,000 Jesus Christ, Carl. 98 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,400 - Yes, Deborah? - Can I use the bathroom? 99 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,160 - Again? - Girl stuff. 100 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:15,120 So the bedrooms are all clean. Who else lives in the house? 101 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,890 My two brothers, Carl and Liam. 102 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,080 My sister, Debbie, and sometimes my brother Lip. 103 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,080 - All younger? - Yes. 104 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:28,280 - Will they help you not re-offend? - Well, yeah. I'm their guardian. 105 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,920 Is the family fully aware of the crime committed? 106 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,520 Oh, yes. 107 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,640 Do you have plans to leave the state of Illinois for any reason? 108 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:35,480 No. 109 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,520 Are you in possession of firearms or dangerous weapons? 110 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,360 No. 111 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,160 Are you in contact with anyone who may cause you 112 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,650 to engage in drug and alcohol abuse? 113 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,440 No. 114 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,370 Is anyone else in the household in trouble with the law? 115 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:52,120 No. Not in the household. 116 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,480 You must get tired of asking these questions every day. 117 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,520 Do you want a cookie? I baked them myself. 118 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:08,480 If you consider squeezing batter from a tube baking. 119 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,800 Look, I'm not your friend. 120 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,480 I'm here to make sure you don't violate the terms of your probation. 121 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,640 Right. 122 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,240 So when can I get out of here and start looking for a job? 123 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,320 I'm the sole earner, and money's pretty tight. 124 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,840 You can't leave the house until the report is filed. 125 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,600 - How long does that take? - Five to ten business days. 126 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:29,760 Two weeks? 127 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,080 Sometimes quicker, but I wouldn't count on it. 128 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,520 What happens if I leave? Does this thing, like, detonate? 129 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,480 If you attempt to leave the residence, 130 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,400 a radio frequency transmitter will send 131 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,170 an alert to our service computer center, 132 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,640 and you, Miss Fiona, will be in deep shit. 133 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,560 I need a urine sample so that I can test you for drugs. 134 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,680 No problem. 135 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,490 And I need to watch. 136 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,320 What? Me pissing? 137 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,240 To be sure it's yours. 138 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,080 Believe me, I enjoy this even less than you do. 139 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,280 You need to wipe first. 140 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,160 (GROANING) 141 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,000 Morning. 142 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,310 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 143 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,440 It is afternoon. You sleep all day. 144 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,800 (TURNS ON WATER) 145 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,150 (GASPS) 146 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:07,130 - I have baby soon. I cannot work. - Jeez. 147 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,800 He must take care of me and baby. You go. 148 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,680 We do not need you. 149 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,160 You sleep here tonight in this house? 150 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,520 I kill you. 151 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,440 I bash your orange head. 152 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,880 - Mm-hm. - (SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 153 00:12:19,882 --> 00:12:21,402 Yeah. 154 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,800 ♪ (POP SONG) ♪ 155 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,280 What? 156 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,120 - No! - Come here. 157 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,480 Oh, my God. 158 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,600 Oh, my God. Is this for real? Are you really back? 159 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,800 For real. For now. 160 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,280 Oh, my God. You bastard, I missed you so much. 161 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,600 You're a piece of shit. You had me so worried. 162 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,040 - Not one call? - I texted. 163 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,480 Yeah. Real detailed. "Miss you guys, having fun." 164 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:19,760 I didn't want you to worry. 165 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,650 Well, I worried more, asshole. Where the hell were you? 166 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,570 - The army. I enlisted. - The army? 167 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,800 Yeah, I wanted to find myself. Didn't think I could do it here. 168 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,000 Don't you have to be 18? 169 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,800 Don't know, don't care. I left. Stuff got nuts. 170 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:39,000 - What "stuff?" - Oh, military trying to control me. 171 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,760 Isn't that what the military does? 172 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,770 Got sick of it. But, hey, I met some amazing folks. 173 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,360 Got all these great ideas. I'm a different person. 174 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,040 - We can talk about that later, right? - Sure. 175 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,570 - Do you want a sandwich? - Yeah! Oh, starving. 176 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,210 It's yours. 177 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:06,440 - Nice hardware. - Yeah, my winter boots don't fit. 178 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,080 All I can get on are fuck-me pumps and tennis shoes. 179 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,610 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah, great. Why? 180 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,920 - You seem a little caffeinated. - I quit smoking. 181 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,920 So what's next for you? 182 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,160 I've been thinking about apprenticing with this electrician I met. 183 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,560 - You know, learn how to wire stuff. - What about high school? 184 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,640 Frank finished high school. It worked out great for him. 185 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,080 - You have to finish, Ian. - I don't have to do anything. 186 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,680 I'm done living the way other people want me to live. 187 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,160 But, hey, thanks for the sandwich. 188 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,560 Welcome home. 189 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,560 Yeah, it's a nice little piece. Quick to action, doesn't jam. 190 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,400 VERONICA: Easy, baby. 191 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,920 - What else you packing? - What do you mean, like, dick-wise? 192 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,690 No, I mean, that's not your only weapon, is it? 193 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,880 Well, how many guns does a guy need? 194 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,040 Well, it depends. 195 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,200 If you wanna create the illusion of safety, 196 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,040 then one piece is plenty. 197 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,010 But if you really wanna be ready in the event of an emergency, 198 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,080 you'll need to step it up. 199 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,760 One for every room in the house. One for your car. 200 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:29,520 One at work. And at least two on your person. 201 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,080 How many guns do you own? 202 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,000 I got a Bushmaster AR15. 203 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,280 An HK USP .45, Glock 23 .40 cal. 204 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,640 My Sig Sauer P2269 mm, .22 Magnum. 205 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,960 A Ruger SP101 and my Walther P22. 206 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,320 I know a guy. I can hook you up. 207 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:54,000 My motto is "Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent." 208 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,360 What the hell is this, poolside at the Flamingo? 209 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,720 We got a line of clients upstairs with their hands down their pants. 210 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,080 - Go to work. - (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 211 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,520 And you, don't think you're getting off 212 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,840 just because you're about to drop a patty from your fur-burger. 213 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,360 - "Fur-burger?" - She won't shave. 214 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,120 - I like the way God made me. - That's nice. 215 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,680 You're late again, I'm gonna dock you 50. 216 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,760 - Carrot Boy is gone. - Who's Carrot Boy? 217 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,330 He knows who. 218 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,800 - Where'd he go? - I don't know. I made him leave. 219 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,280 No room for him when baby comes. 220 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:19,880 The fuck do I care? 221 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,640 And shave your fucking muff. 222 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,840 Teacher told me to come down to the office. 223 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,840 I wish I could say it's a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Gallagher. 224 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,730 - Your handiwork? - I don't want to brag. 225 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,210 We have a problem. 226 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,160 They're the ones with the problem. Can't fight for shit. 227 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,680 - Why did you assault these students? - Talking smack about my brother. 228 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,490 All of them? 229 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,000 And that one's got stupid hair. That one smells like bologna farts. 230 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,520 And the one whose hand you smashed in a locker? 231 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,160 And the one you pushed down the stairs? 232 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,360 Too short, maybe? I don't remember. 233 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,330 You're hereby suspended from school. 234 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:02,640 8 AM, Friday morning, 235 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,640 you will come back with a parent or guardian 236 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,680 and you will apologize to all these children 237 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,330 in the presence of their parents, 238 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,640 or your suspension will last indefinitely. 239 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,250 - Which means? - Expulsion. 240 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,560 Which means? 241 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,440 Go home, Carl. Come back with a parent. 242 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,840 I can't wait to see who created you. 243 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,720 Hey. 244 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,400 My first class tomorrow is at 11:30, so we're gonna stay here tonight. 245 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,840 And then Friday it's 8 AM. 246 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,800 So we're gonna stay at the dorms tomorrow night. 247 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,560 Got it. Got it. Hi! Hi. 248 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,450 - There we go. - Hi, my big boy. 249 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,800 Did you miss me today? I missed you, too. 250 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,070 (FIONA COOING) 251 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,650 Oh, you brought dinner. That's great. 252 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:53,240 That means we can move tonight's mac and cheese to tomorrow, 253 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,360 which gives us an extra day of food before we panic. 254 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,600 Panic? 255 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,040 I got to pay the heat and electric before I buy groceries. 256 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,480 It's pretty bleak. I got a check coming from the cups. 257 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,250 But that's gonna cover rent. 258 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,640 Food-wise, we're low on everything but macaroni and mayonnaise. 259 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,480 You saved nothing from your job? 260 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,640 I was trying to catch up on old bills. 261 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,480 - How did he do today? - Yeah, he's fine. 262 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,080 - Carl got suspended. - Shut up, ass-brain. 263 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,720 - Hi, Lip. - Hey, kiddo. How are you? 264 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,160 - Hey, bud. - Hey. 265 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,890 I need someone to go to school with me 266 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,720 Friday morning or I'll be expelled. 267 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,400 Well, I can't leave the house yet. They need to reschedule. 268 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,000 - Did you tell them I'm stuck at home? - No. 269 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,000 Well, go in tomorrow and tell them I'm sick. 270 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,880 I have shingles or mono. 271 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,280 - I'll take you, bruiser. What time? - 8 AM. 272 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,040 Oh, fuck. I got class. Can you make it later, around noon? 273 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,840 - Parents will be there and stuff. - Hi, new family. 274 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,360 Door was open. I won't stay long. 275 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:44,920 Just want to let you know Dad's at Sheila's house. 276 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,240 We're living there a bit. 277 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,840 It's a really great place. Plenty of room, lots of light. 278 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,280 Thanks for the update. 279 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,600 Any of you guys have any extra cash? Dad wants money for his surgery. 280 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,000 Why not get a job? 281 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,810 My career is taking care of Pops before he goes. 282 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,200 Well, we're broke. Wish we could help you. 283 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,040 Okay. Doesn't hurt to ask. 284 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,480 If anyone wants to stop by, give his morale a boost. 285 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,640 Hope can heal. 286 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,200 Can hope make up for the years of misery that he put us through? 287 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,010 Maybe. Come by. Find out. 288 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,400 He doesn't deserve to go out like this. 289 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,720 No one does. 290 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,280 Why not ask Frank to go to school with you, Carl? 291 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,090 - Ian here? - He's upstairs. 292 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,200 Ian's here? 293 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,960 See you left. Took all your shit. 294 00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,240 Your bride threatened me with a claw hammer. 295 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,880 - You're back! - Oh, hey, guys. Oh, man. 296 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,720 I missed you guys. 297 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,920 - Hey, man. - Hey. 298 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,160 - Lip says you stole a helicopter. - I tried to. 299 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,050 Kind of tipped it. Blades snapped. Motor caught fire. 300 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,920 Awesome. You shoot anyone? 301 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,680 I never left basic. 302 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,450 You can't shoot anyone there? 303 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,090 You can. I didn't. 304 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,200 You shot no one. You flew nothing. 305 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,080 Why did you go there in the first place? 306 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,240 - Relationship issues. - Yeah, you okay? 307 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,810 Yup, all good. 308 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,120 Cool. Alright. Let's go get some dinner, dorks. 309 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,480 - I'll catch up with you later, yeah? - Yeah, later, man. 310 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,760 - Alright. - Come on, dork. 311 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,000 - You coming back? - Depends. 312 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,690 Will you suck my dick whenever I want? 313 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,170 Fuck off. 314 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,440 - What you writing? - Stuff. Notes, ideas. 315 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,320 I'll do it. 316 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,560 Do what? 317 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,680 - Don't make me say it, asswipe. - Suck my dick. 318 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,680 Whenever I want. 319 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:19,960 Peas. 320 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,760 - I thought of something. - Be specific. 321 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,080 We could sell the house. 322 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,760 - Which house? - This one. Sheila's. 323 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,720 We don't have the title. Sweet potatoes. 324 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,930 Don't need it. We put a sign out front, offer way below market. 325 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,890 Have people make cash offers for earnest money. 326 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,360 Wash, rinse, repeat. 327 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,120 Earnest money? Lentils. 328 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,440 They give us three percent of the purchase price. 329 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,680 We say we'll take it off the market. We don't, of course. 330 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,360 We just grab the cash. 331 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,600 Do this four or five times, rake in maybe 11 grand. 332 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,760 - Christ on a crumb bun. - I know, right? 333 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,360 Nothing like a major scam to lift a person's spirits. 334 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,120 How do you know all this? 335 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,040 I may have done this once or twice with one or more husbands. 336 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,120 You really are a Gallagher. 337 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,640 (ALARM BEEPING) 338 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,200 (BEEPING STOPS) 339 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,880 So then my TI comes crashing through my door, right? 340 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,240 And chases me. I'm so scared. 341 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,000 I run smack into a water fountain, bust it right off the wall. 342 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,920 - What? - Water sprays everywhere. 343 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,520 And he wakes everyone up at 2 AM in the morning, 344 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,120 forces them to watch me do push-ups in cold water while singing. 345 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,560 Singing? 346 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:48,000 ♪ Well, then it's hi, hi, hey The army's on its way ♪ 347 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,810 ♪ Count off the cadence Loud and strong two, three ♪ 348 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,770 ♪ For wherever you go You will always know ♪ 349 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,280 ♪ That the army goes marching along ♪ 350 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,200 - Hey. - Hey. 351 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,680 Everything okay? Still in school? 352 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,280 Yeah. 353 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:10,370 Yeah, it's under control. 354 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,960 - Is Mickey here? - Yeah, he's upstairs. Why? 355 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:16,280 You always so goddamn noisy in the morning? 356 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,680 - What? - Your wife's water broke. Let's go. 357 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,410 - Where? - The hospital. 358 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,130 - She's having the baby? - Tell her I said good luck. 359 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,600 - You're not gonna go be with her? - Hell, no. I got work. 360 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,640 It's not the baby's fault you guys are a shit show. 361 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,120 Yeah, and it's not my fault the bitch got knocked up. 362 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,640 - Who the fuck knows if it's mine? - You're an asshole. 363 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,000 Congrats. 364 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,600 Full house, like old times. Smells good. Leftovers? 365 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:46,240 You destroyed my art project. It's completely ruined. 366 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,760 - You're such a bitch! - Whoa, Debbie! 367 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,920 She went into my room, she trashed all of my stuff, 368 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,570 and she kicked all of my clothes under the bed. 369 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,440 - I asked you to clean up. - Did you? 370 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:56,680 She went through mine, too. 371 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,440 She threw away my porn, my nunchucks, and my taser. 372 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,800 You know how many police dumpsters I had to go through to find that? 373 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,450 I told you to get rid of that stuff. 374 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,800 I hid it so the stupid PO wouldn't find it. 375 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,760 Well, luckily, your stupid sister found it first. 376 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,000 God, maybe next time you'll do what I ask, both of you. 377 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,600 There's macaroni salad sandwiches for lunch. 378 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,640 - Extra mayo. - Don't need it. I'm suspended. 379 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,120 Well, you still need to eat. 380 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,010 We're gonna get out of here, okay? We'll be back for dinner tonight. 381 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,200 - Well, Lip, you can leave Liam here. - I got him. 382 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:27,200 - No, Lip. - Fiona, just get some sleep, okay? 383 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:30,800 Hang out with V. Relax for fuck's sake. 384 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,440 You guys text me if anything's going on, okay? 385 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,090 Come on, Carl. Let's go. 386 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,640 - Where are you going? - To Sheila's. 387 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,000 - Why? - See if Frank can take me to school. 388 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,560 - Well, when will you be back? - Later. Get off my ass. 389 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,800 - Bye, Ian. - Bye, Debs. 390 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:49,690 Hey. 391 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,360 Want some more? 392 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,320 You got any cash you could toss my way? 393 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,760 I'm working a double tonight. You want to stop by? 394 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,000 Yeah, sure. 395 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,200 Got nothing better to do than watch pruney queens 396 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:08,520 slap their sacks against your ass cheeks. 397 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,120 Shit! 398 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,120 Hey! Guys! 399 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,280 (ALARM BEEPING) 400 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,120 Hi, Sheila left me a key. 401 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,800 - I'm so glad you came. Welcome. - Supposed to water the plants. 402 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,480 - Why is there a for sale sign out? - Dad, Debbie and Carl are here. 403 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,920 Can you come with me to school tomorrow morning? 404 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:42,360 Have to cancel my morning spin class. 405 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:43,960 I got suspended for bullying. 406 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:45,840 Need a parent to come with me to apologize. 407 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,040 Apol... (SCOFFS) Outrageous. 408 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,720 Feed me numbing agents and drag me to the ring. 409 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,850 - You're in no shape to go anywhere. - He needs to or I'll get expelled. 410 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,680 I'm so sorry, Carl. But he's too weak. 411 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,320 - Could I borrow a long sweater? - Of course, honey. 412 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,600 - Here. - Thanks. 413 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,440 Do you need anything else? 414 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:09,600 Oh, okay. 415 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,720 Hey, Carl. 416 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,200 If you grab those balloons and tie them to the sign out front, 417 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,560 I'll let you hold my gun. 418 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,290 I got my period, but all Fiona has are tampons 419 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,440 and I'm saving my virginity until I become a woman. 420 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,120 Okay, first of all, 421 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,640 you can't lose your virginity to a tampon. 422 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,000 It has to be a penis with a man attached. 423 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,200 And second, you're already a woman. Officially. 424 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,440 From the moment Aunt Flo came knocking at your vagina. 425 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,170 Then why won't my boyfriend have sex with me until I'm 16? 426 00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,800 Wow, they still make them like that? You got a good one. 427 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,120 Tampons are varsity level, and you are still JV. 428 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,600 - Here, try these. - Thanks. 429 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:49,760 Could I stay here tonight? 430 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,400 I love a sleepover. Absolutely. 431 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,120 (ALARM BEEPING) 432 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:11,840 Hey, what's up? 433 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,730 I'm trying to take the trash out. Could you come help? 434 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,000 - Sure. You need anything else? - How about a gallon of vodka? 435 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,880 I'll be there in 20 minutes. 436 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:21,690 Thanks. 437 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:29,200 So we have Legos, Mr. Potato Head, dinosaurs, cars. 438 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,960 Make sure he eats at least half his PB&J 439 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:32,200 before you give him his Cheetos. 440 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,080 And he hasn't pooped today, 441 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,520 but he'll usually grab his butt and yell, "Doody bomb!" 442 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,000 So you'll have fair warning. What else? 443 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,400 Keep an eye on his crayons. He likes to jam them up his nose. 444 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,240 Okay, got it. This kid, total dreamboat. 445 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,160 The men in my life should be half as charming. 446 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,440 Okay, then we got Band-Aids, butt wipes. 447 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,800 Stuffed monkey, of course. 448 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,770 Two bouncy balls, two puzzles, very Hungry Hippos. 449 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,240 And then we've got a thermometer and then children's Tylenol. 450 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:00,680 You know, just in case he gets a fever. 451 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,120 Okay, how long are you gonna be gone for? 452 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,480 Three hours. But you can't be too careful. 453 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:08,760 You're really a good person. 454 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,640 No, if I were a really good person, 455 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,480 then I would quit school and I'd stay home full time. 456 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,080 Well, who does that help? 457 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:20,440 Right. 458 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,720 Okay, so I'll be back at two. Is that still cool? 459 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,490 Don't forget about the ABC party tonight at the dorm. 460 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,680 - What's that? - You know. "Anything But Clothes." 461 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,360 Duct tape, caution tape, trash bags, bed sheets. 462 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,480 I got a lit paper due tomorrow, but that sounds fun. 463 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:38,720 Here you go. 464 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,800 And thank you so much for doing all this. 465 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,080 I wish I could think of a way to repay you. 466 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,210 I'm sure you'll think of something. 467 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,330 - Hey. Hi. - Hey. 468 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,760 So, I got a lab at half-past, so I only got, like, 20 minutes. 469 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,680 That's okay. I'm quick. 470 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,120 Right, and also, I'm kind of going through some shit. 471 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,640 So I'm not really looking for anything too... 472 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,440 Dude, I'm cold, I'm horny. Let's do this. 473 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:16,160 Okay. So your laundry room or mine? 474 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,480 (LIVELY CHATTER ON TV) 475 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,080 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 476 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,720 (KNOCKING CONTINUES RAPIDLY) 477 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,610 What the fuck are you doing here? 478 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,520 I brought you a little gift. 479 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,330 Cronuts. I stood in line 40 minutes. Only let me have two. 480 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:10,680 What do you want? 481 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,570 A trendy hybrid pastry for starts. 482 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,560 Yo! Mike told me. 483 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,800 The coke, the kid, jail. 484 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,360 I can't imagine what you're going through. 485 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,360 I'm stuck in this fucking house. 486 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,040 I just organized Carl's T-shirts in color order. 487 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,770 I'm going mental. 488 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:38,000 Can't even make it to the sidewalk without bells going off. 489 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,080 So should I be expecting a knock on my door? 490 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,440 - What for? - It was my coke. 491 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,160 That's why you're here. To see if I ratted you out to the police. 492 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,850 - And to check on you... - Fuck you. 493 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,810 - Yes or no? - No, asshole. I should have. 494 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,320 - They would have let me off easier. - Yeah, why didn't you? 495 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,840 Because I hate myself for a number of reasons right now 496 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,930 and I'm not going to add being a snitch to the list. 497 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:08,760 You ruined my life, you know that? 498 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,920 Dropping that little bomb on Mike in front of your family. 499 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:12,840 I did you a favor, okay? 500 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,040 The cup job sucks and my brother's a boring yuppie asshole, alright? 501 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,570 VERONICA: Hey, girl. Sorry I took so long. 502 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,920 Got held up in the bathroom by the two girls in my gut 503 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,050 sitting on my bladder blocking my functions. 504 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,200 - Damn, you look like hell. - Yeah, I'm not sleeping. 505 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,290 Good thing I brought over some snooze juice. 506 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:34,840 Alright, alright. 507 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,890 We're accepting cash-only offers to expedite the sale, 508 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,000 which is why the price is so low. 509 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,610 Our lawyers will hold the money in escrow. 510 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,410 We need to unload it fast. Paying two mortgages is killing us. 511 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,530 Plus, Dad needs to get to a warmer climate ASAP. 512 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,330 - I mean, look at him. - Easy, Grandpa. 513 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,880 We're looking to do a renovation, a four-month turnaround. 514 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,640 We'll purchase under ask. All cash. 515 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,120 Duke it out with the Hasids. 516 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,800 Put an offer about ten minutes ago. Skinny dudes. You could take them. 517 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:07,360 This couch is for sale, and that table, and the TV. 518 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,840 - How much for this chair? - How much you wanna pay? 519 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,520 - Well, how about... - SAMMI: Cash only. Please. 520 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,600 Dad, it's working. They're falling for it. 521 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,000 - Isn't this fun? - Yeah. 522 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:22,480 - You okay? - Yeah. 523 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,480 I'm conserving my energy for Carl's thing tomorrow. 524 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,160 Every gun's loaded, okay? 525 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:38,480 So here we got your Bushmaster XM-15 semi-automatic. 526 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:42,120 Premium 16-inch chrome-lined profile barrel. 527 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,690 Oh, sweet. 528 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,650 What about home protection? I got three little ones on the way. 529 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,240 - Safeguarding the old homestead. - Hey, second amendment, brother. 530 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,480 Got to protect my freedom one bullet at a time. 531 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,840 Okay, so Milkor. 532 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,720 M32 MGL-140 grenade launcher. 533 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,760 Protects a shitload of freedoms. 534 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:06,240 Six-round cylinder, double-action, military grade weapon. 535 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,680 Missing a few parts, but it still shoots. 536 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,080 It's heavy. 537 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:13,080 What are we talking here? How much? 538 00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,960 Well, around five grand. 539 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,200 - Five thousand dollars? - Yeah. 540 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,040 Come on, man. How much for the bat? 541 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,680 Holy shit. I got to go. 542 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,840 - Holy shit. - That's it? 543 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,160 FIONA: Concierge. Medical coder. 544 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,920 Transcriptionist? I don't know what half this shit is. 545 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,680 Other than supremely boring? 546 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,200 No one needs me anymore, V. 547 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:42,080 Debbie's dating. Lip's in college. 548 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,280 Carl's in trouble at school and I can't help him. 549 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,560 Who knows what's up with Ian. 550 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,720 They're all growing up. What did you expect? 551 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,240 Time for you to figure out your own needs. 552 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,840 Tech support provider. Underqualified. 553 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,480 Translator. Underqualified. 554 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,240 - There's porn. - Overqualified. 555 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:02,560 Hey, what are you doing? 556 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,490 Finding ways to make money from home. 557 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,680 Hey, is something burning? 558 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,160 - Smell that? - Oh, shit. Oh, shit! 559 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,040 - Shit! - Oh, my God. Oh, shit. 560 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,120 - (SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING) - Fire in the hole. 561 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,120 - Not my hole. - (BOTH LAUGHING) 562 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,040 - You just let it burn? - We got distracted. 563 00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:25,520 Oh, God. 564 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,720 You're shit-faced. 565 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,880 Since when is it a felony for a Gallagher to drink? 566 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,040 Calm down. It's my fault. I brought the vodka. 567 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,520 - And poured it down her throat? - You told me to relax. 568 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,280 Somebody shut that thing up! 569 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,520 Fuck. Burn the house down, okay? Burn the food, too. 570 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:45,370 I can always steal some more from my shitty work-study job. 571 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:46,760 I'm going through something here. 572 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,040 Yeah, it looks like you went through about five beverages in an hour. 573 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,000 Have another one. Why not? You're your own woman. Right? 574 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,840 No, bang the boss's brother. 575 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,920 Leave coke out on the table for the kids. Get arrested. 576 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:03,480 Do whatever the fuck you need to do. I've got this. 577 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:07,000 Carl, go upstairs, get your toothbrush and something to sleep in. 578 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,280 He has the suspension meeting tomorrow. 579 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,090 No worries. I'll get him to Sheila's. 580 00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,120 Stay up all night studying. I mean, what the fuck? 581 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,480 It's just an applied physics quiz. Where's Debbie? 582 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,560 She's at Sheila's with Sammi. 583 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:19,480 - Veronica! - Yeah? 584 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,210 - You're not answering your phone? - I didn't hear it. What's up? 585 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,200 - Carol. She's in labor. - What? Oh, shit. 586 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,930 - Wish us luck. - There's something burning. 587 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,200 - Let's go. Come on. - No. 588 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,040 Hey, come on. Lip, please. You don't have to take them. 589 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,320 - You're right. I don't. - Come on. What about dinner? 590 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,920 - (SMOKE DETECTOR CONTINUES) - Enjoy. 591 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,960 (EXHALES DEEPLY) Shut up! 592 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,040 (GUTTURAL SCREAM) 593 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,200 (UP-TEMPO POP MUSIC PLAYS) 594 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,040 Those fingers go anywhere near that cock, 595 00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:29,720 I'm gonna break every knuckle in your hand, all 15 of them. 596 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,600 Settle down, rumble fish. 597 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,160 Anyway, a hand only has 14 knuckles. 598 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,600 You want to fucking die? 599 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,520 We got invited to an after-hours at the loft of one of my regulars. 600 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,570 It's fun. What's wrong with fun? 601 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,760 Nothing unless it involves some fat faggot shoving his hands down... 602 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,330 What the fuck? 603 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,650 I mean, I think about him all the time. 604 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,040 Whenever my brain pauses, he just shows up. 605 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:31,440 Even when I don't want him to. 606 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,200 What do you think about? 607 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,840 Like, his hair, his eyes. Sometimes just his name. 608 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,320 - Is that normal? - Absolutely. 609 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,560 Because my two friends, Holly and Ellie? 610 00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:45,210 They're always like, "Boys are stupid" 611 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:46,840 and they act like they hate them. 612 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,600 - But I never feel that way. - How do you feel? 613 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,600 This is weird. Like I want to protect him. 614 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,240 - Is that weird? - No, honey. 615 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,440 I also feel sick and dizzy. 616 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,410 That's how everyone gets when they're falling in love. 617 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,480 But I thought it was supposed to feel good. 618 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,960 It does sometimes. 619 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:08,560 The good parts are so good, 620 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:12,560 you're willing to suffer unbelievable amount of pain just to get to them. 621 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,600 That's why I have been married three times and engaged 12. 622 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:21,840 - But when do the good parts start? - Well, right now it's hard. 623 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,240 He changed the rules a little bit by dumping you. 624 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,090 Best thing to do? Act like you don't give a shit. 625 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:28,840 How do I do that? 626 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,680 Well, hang out with him. Make yourself pretty. 627 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,730 Give him the opportunity to consider what he gave up. 628 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,280 That's how a woman handles things. 629 00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,360 And then he'll want me back? 630 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:44,000 Have to be patient. This is a long con, baby. 631 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,810 You're in it to win it. Stay the course. 632 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,440 Got it. Thanks for talking to me. 633 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,280 I can't talk to Fiona about any of this stuff. 634 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,240 She's a total spaz right now. 635 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,680 But also, I think she's afraid of ending up alone. 636 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,080 That's her shit, not yours. 637 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:02,920 FRANK: All done! Need help wiping and walking. 638 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,440 Coming, Dad! Be right back. 639 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:12,720 - P.S., I love having a sister. - Me, too. 640 00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,400 (ALL CHEERING) 641 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,360 - Hey, kiddo, you doing okay? - Yeah, is college always like this? 642 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,800 Ask Ron. 643 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,720 Well, I don't party that much. 644 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:50,000 I try not to play more than eight hours of Minecraft a day. 645 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,720 You start doing better in school, all this could be yours. 646 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,760 College rules. 647 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,360 (LIGHT CHATTER) 648 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,230 (LAUGHS) Whoa. 649 00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:27,360 Check out these digs. Look at that view. 650 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:29,770 What does this joker do? 651 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,440 He's an engineer and part-time photographer. 652 00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,170 I think he took some of these pictures actually. 653 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,960 Oh, yeah? 654 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:37,480 Why did he want you to come here then, huh? 655 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,040 Oh, come on, not everybody wants something from me, Mick. 656 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:41,570 - Ian. - Hey! 657 00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:43,520 - So happy you could make it. - Ryan. 658 00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:45,720 Oh, good to be here. Hey, this is Mickey. 659 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:50,010 Delighted to meet you. Could I get either of you a cocktail? 660 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,280 Yeah, you got beer? 661 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,240 I've got some craft brews, a Stout, IPA, Winter Wheat. 662 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,480 How about beer? 663 00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,560 Right. Could I be any more of a fag? One beer coming up. Ian? 664 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,520 Let's see what you got. 665 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:08,880 - You're new. Hi. - Hey. 666 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,800 - You here with Ian? - Yeah. 667 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,920 He's great. 668 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:18,290 - So what do you do for living? - I run a business. 669 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,960 - What kind of business? - Hospitality. 670 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,040 Oh, nice. What realm? 671 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,320 I'm a pimp. 672 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,250 Wait, you're serious? 673 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,000 That's incredible. My dissertation is on transgender sex work 674 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:35,680 and symbolic interactionism 675 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,690 within the framework of hustler-client relations. 676 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:40,400 You got a card? 677 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,280 Night, Debs. 678 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:04,160 Night, Frank. Monica. 679 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,880 Good night, Fiona. 680 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,440 Good night, Lip. 681 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,400 Night, Carl and Ian. 682 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,960 (SOBS) 683 00:44:45,720 --> 00:44:47,720 Good night, Liam. 684 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,760 (CRYING) 685 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,000 It's time. 686 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,730 Oh, shit. Time to be a daddy. 687 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,200 - Wait? What? We missed it? - Why didn't anyone wake us? 688 00:45:55,360 --> 00:46:00,650 I told her not to. I needed to do this on my own. 689 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:02,680 Oh, hey. 690 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,200 Hey. Whoa! 691 00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:15,360 He's nothing. He's just softness and goo. 692 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,370 Hey, buddy. I'm your daddy. 693 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,560 And your brother-in-law. How weird is that? 694 00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:24,240 You know, he did that little thing that babies do 695 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,210 where they can smell their mommy's milk. 696 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,330 And he could hear my voice when I was talking to him. 697 00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,690 And then he laid up on my chest. 698 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:39,560 And he found my nipple and he took a little snack. 699 00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:40,760 You okay, Mama? 700 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,440 It's just a little emotional, that's all. 701 00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,080 Did I take him too soon? 702 00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,600 Here you go. Here's Grandma. 703 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:57,440 Oh, he's such... He's such a little angel. 704 00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,520 He's an angel that you didn't want. 705 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,360 That was hypothetical. 706 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:06,360 But he came from me. He's part of me. 707 00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:08,480 - Jesus, Mama. - I'm sorry. 708 00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:12,360 I just didn't know I was gonna feel this way. 709 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:16,080 But he's just... He's just so beautiful. 710 00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,650 It's okay, Mama. 711 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,920 You can visit him any time you want to. 712 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,400 - He's a little angel. - Kev. 713 00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:26,040 - Kevin. - He's my little angel. 714 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,640 - Kev, she wants to keep him. - She can't. 715 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,920 - She's not gonna let go of that baby. - Well, she has to. 716 00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,240 After everything I've been through, he's mine, V. 717 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,080 - Kev, three babies? - I don't care. 718 00:47:37,240 --> 00:47:38,840 That boy is my son. 719 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,130 Look at me. 720 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,960 Hey, look at me. 721 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:47,920 There can be two. 722 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,400 Our two beautiful baby girls. 723 00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:53,960 She's a good mom. She'll be great. 724 00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,770 Look how well I turned out. 725 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:59,760 Yeah, well, the jury's still out on that. 726 00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:01,920 I don't want to lose him, V. 727 00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:04,240 He'll still be right there with Mom. 728 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,800 He'll still be your son. 729 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,520 Your boy. Her responsibility. 730 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:15,360 - Let him go, baby. - (SIGHS) 731 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,920 (SOBS QUIETLY) 732 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,960 (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) 733 00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,640 Yeah? 734 00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,000 I know you don't trust me. 735 00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:43,880 I know you wanna punish me. 736 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:47,800 And I get it, I want to punish myself. 737 00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:53,080 I have no way to prove myself to you or anyone. 738 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:54,690 But, Christ, Lip. 739 00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:58,970 This relentless, passive-aggressive bullshit. 740 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,360 It's killing me. 741 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:09,800 I need my family back, okay? 742 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,040 Please? 743 00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:33,960 Whoa! Whoa. Easy, killer. I'm taking breakfast orders. 744 00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,880 Scrambled eggs, pancakes or French toast? 745 00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,720 Eggs. 746 00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,400 And what do you think he'll want? 747 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:42,400 How the fuck should I know, man? I'm not his keeper. 748 00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,720 Right. Didn't mean to assume. 749 00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,770 So did you guys just meet last night, 750 00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:50,560 or are you together? 751 00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,760 - Together. - Cool. 752 00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,410 You're a lucky dude. 753 00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:15,800 There you go. Fresh as a daisy. 754 00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:17,960 You look terrific. 755 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,280 Now let's go knock them dead. 756 00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:23,400 Good morning. 757 00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:26,440 Frankly, Mr. Gallagher, 758 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,360 your son's behavior has been among the most egregious 759 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:31,010 I've seen at this school. 760 00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,570 And I've been here a long time. 761 00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:35,120 - Don't look a day over 90. - (SNICKERS) 762 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:36,640 He terrorizes these students 763 00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:40,000 to the point that they move through my halls in fear. 764 00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:42,640 School should not be a palace of terror. 765 00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,000 It should be a temple of learning. 766 00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,920 If children do not feel safe, how can they learn? 767 00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:51,120 - They can't. - She's asking me, Chipwich. 768 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:52,770 The only way to get through to Carl 769 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,080 is have him face the truth of what he's done 770 00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,850 and let him absorb it in a meaningful way. 771 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:00,640 Do that, okay? 772 00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,800 He can't just do it. He needs to actively engage. 773 00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:05,960 - Got any suggestions? - Yeah. 774 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,890 He should apologize to my kid and every other kid here. 775 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:13,520 - Individually. Like he means it. - Oh, spare us the Wiener act. 776 00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:16,880 Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. 777 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,120 It teaches kids resilience. 778 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,160 The world is a rough place. 779 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:25,480 Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. 780 00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:27,330 And you, little shit, 781 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,840 you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. 782 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,680 That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. 783 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,360 How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. 784 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,840 And I guarantee Junior here 785 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,320 will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 786 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,130 because he got bullied today. 787 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:48,850 You want your kid to peak now? 788 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:53,360 My kid will be picking up garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. 789 00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:57,080 Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. 790 00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:58,650 You're welcome. 791 00:51:59,960 --> 00:52:01,290 What if I wanna cure cancer? 792 00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:04,280 Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. 793 00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,040 Spoken with love, son. 794 00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,040 Home. 795 00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,560 I am so proud of you, Dad. 796 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,360 Hey, congratulations, brother. 797 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:26,720 We lost him. 798 00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:31,010 God, how? Stillbirth? 799 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:36,640 Carol. She kept him. 800 00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:41,760 - He's not dead? - No. Just a little less ours. 801 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,080 Sorry to hear that, man. 802 00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:48,210 - Hey, you still got two on the way. - I was supposed to have four. 803 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:49,850 I keep losing babies. 804 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,960 What if there was a Russian satellite 805 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:53,800 that took out all the communication in the world? 806 00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:56,320 Poof! Two more babies gone. 807 00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,640 Or if there was a mutant virus that turned us all into zombies? 808 00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,560 - That's a movie. - Several movies. 809 00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,560 So? It could happen. 810 00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:06,440 See, babies change your perspective. There's danger lurking everywhere. 811 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,800 Now, I'm gonna start collecting survival gear. 812 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,600 Canned goods, medical stuff, walkie-talkies, flashlights. 813 00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:13,840 My motto? 814 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:18,120 "Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent." 815 00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,930 - That's my motto. - You can't own a motto, Kermit! 816 00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:27,520 - Get him! Get him. - He disappeared. What the heck? 817 00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:29,290 He'll regenerate behind you in two seconds. 818 00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:32,410 - Turn around. - Oh, no! He bit me in the back. 819 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:34,360 Oh, jerkface. 820 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,130 - So rude. - Oh, man. 821 00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,200 Yeah. 822 00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,320 - I'm glad we could stay friends. - Yeah. Yeah, me, too. 823 00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:45,240 Do you wanna get a pizza? 824 00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,840 I wish I could, but I have a date tonight. 825 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,360 Got to go home and get cleaned up. 826 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,120 OK. Yeah. Yeah, sure. No problem. 827 00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:53,240 - But it was fun hanging out. - Yeah. 828 00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:54,760 High five. 829 00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:58,280 - See you. - I'll see you. 830 00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:20,280 Hi. Hi. 831 00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:26,120 Thanks. 832 00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:29,480 No problem. 833 00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,320 And so what have we learned? 834 00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,680 Bullying is bad for society. 835 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,080 It hurts people and makes them feel bad. 836 00:54:54,240 --> 00:54:58,160 - It must be stopped. - Very good. 837 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,680 Forgot my lunch. 838 00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,880 Give me money. 839 00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,520 Give me money, Chihuahua. Come on, give me money. 840 00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,640 (English SDH)