1
00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,135
Have you lost some weight?

2
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,832
I have, and thank you
for noticing.

3
00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,138
I thought so.

4
00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:09,444
When you were bent
over tying your shoes

5
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:10,662
your wallet didn't look like
it was trying

6
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:13,752
to bust out of your ass.

7
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:16,581
Do you, uh, always check out
my behind when I'm bent over?

8
00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:18,235
Well, I try to look
every other way

9
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:21,325
but that thing is an Imax.

10
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:24,154
Well, regardless, I feel
better, I got more energy..

11
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,938
I don't know if you're aware
of this but for a long time

12
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,289
I struggled
with a midday lag.

13
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:30,291
Well, if you're talking about
that time between noon to 5:00

14
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,032
where I drive and you sleep?

15
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:35,600
- Yeah, I've noticed.
- Well, no more.

16
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,167
And the great thing is,
I'm not dieting.

17
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:39,561
I eat whatever I want.
It's all about portion control.

18
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,476
Well, I've been preaching
moderation to you for years.

19
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:45,262
The stomach understood. The ears
weren't ready to listen.

20
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,917
- Morning, gentlemen.
- Hey, Samuel.

21
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,571
I'll have the French toast
with hash browns

22
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:50,572
and a large orange juice.

23
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,964
Mm, good choice.

24
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,142
And for you, big and bountiful?

25
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:57,144
I will have a half a cup
of grape-nuts

26
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,798
two inches of bacon,
and one silver-dollar pancake

27
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,887
with a teaspoon of syrup.

28
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,761
Is he making a joke?

29
00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:09,852
I usually find more food
than that under his chair.

30
00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:12,289
- Afraid not.
- Okay.

31
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:16,163
Uh, would you like skim milk
on your grape-nuts?

32
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,774
No, whole milk.
Just a whisper.

33
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,863
I like my nuts crunchy.

34
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:26,434
You are certain my chain
is not being yanked.

35
00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:28,000
Huh.

36
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,176
You understand my suspicions,
though, right?

37
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,960
Just go get my food!

38
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,529
So what you got
going on tonight?

39
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,966
Nothing, really. I was thinking
about asking Molly out again.

40
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:40,752
Are you crazy? You can't ask
a woman out on the same day.

41
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,711
'Cause even if she's got nothing
going on, she's gonna tell you

42
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,452
she's got something going on,
so you don't think she's got

43
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:48,891
nothing going on, when you call
her and ask her what's going on.

44
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,110
So should I call her or not?

45
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:53,243
Sure. You got nothing going on.

46
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,418
Really?
What are you doing tonight?

47
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,507
Making fondue
with your grandma?

48
00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:01,164
It's chili night.

49
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,474
You know, I was thinking maybe
I'd ask Molly to go bowling.

50
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:09,085
Bowling?
Oh, you dog!

51
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,305
I see the tender trap
you're baiting.

52
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:13,698
What? It's just
a second date.

53
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:16,266
I figured it would be
a fun, no-pressure kinda deal.

54
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,747
Uh-huh and it has nothing to do
with the fact that when it comes

55
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:22,359
to bowling, you're a chunky,
white Michael Jordan?

56
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,404
It does not.

57
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:24,709
Not to mention a sight to behold

58
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:25,884
in that pink and black shirt

59
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,626
with the matching ball?

60
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,672
You know, I won that ball
in a police league tournament.

61
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,544
I built the ensemble around it.

62
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,504
You smooth-ass Casanova, you.

63
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,810
I'm not a Casanova. I haven't
even kissed this girl yet.

64
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:42,162
Forget kissing. You're gonna be
looking at a seven, ten split.

65
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,469
That school teacher ain't
gonna know what hit her

66
00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:46,688
when she sees you
treat those pins

67
00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:49,691
like your ten
little bitches.

68
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,127
Well, whether it goes
that far or not

69
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,563
I just want to show
her a good time.

70
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,913
She lives at home
with her mom and her sister.

71
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,001
I get the feeling
she doesn't have

72
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,612
a lot of excitement
in her life.

73
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,396
- Put the scissors down!
- No! No!

74
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,268
- I'm gonna cut it all off!
- No man is worth it.

75
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:03,444
- He said he loved me.
- He's married!

76
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:07,099
He won't be after
his wife gets my hair!

77
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:11,930
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

78
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:15,934
♪ I see love ♪♪

79
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,684
[instrumental music]

80
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:30,035
[sighs]
Well, I finally got
Sweeney Todd to bed.

81
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:31,341
How'd you manage that?

82
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:32,908
I crushed up three Xanax
and put it

83
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:35,650
in her teeth whitening tray.

84
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:38,000
You know, it's all my fault
she's so fragile.

85
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,741
I was too hard on her
growing up.

86
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:43,484
Too hard? You breastfed
her till she was five.

87
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,442
Well, I would've done
the same for you

88
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:48,576
except you were eating corn
on the cob before you had teeth.

89
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,710
Hello?
Hey, Mike!

90
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:56,410
Uh, not much.
Hanging with mom and sis.

91
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:58,499
- Tonight?
- You can't leave!

92
00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:01,197
Watch me!

93
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,808
Um...bowling, yeah,
that sounds fun!

94
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,941
Your sister needs us now!

95
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,248
Hang on. Mom, she's doing this
for attention.

96
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:11,076
It's the same reason she's
got a webcam in her bathroom.

97
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,559
Fine, but if you come home
and find the coroner

98
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,692
snapping a toe tag
on your sister

99
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,651
promise me
you won't blame yourself.

100
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:23,263
Deal.

101
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,481
I love him.

102
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,440
I must go to him.

103
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,965
Oh, damn, it's awake.

104
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:33,316
Sure, that sounds fun! Great!
Seven o'clock, I have to go!

105
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:39,931
Listen,
why don't I just bring you

106
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:43,805
a whole order of French fries,
and you just eat 12 of them?

107
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:46,242
If I could eat just 12,
this shirt wouldn't look like

108
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:49,419
it was made in an awning store.

109
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,552
I tried that portion
control diet once.

110
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,771
- Yeah? How'd it go?
- Gained 14 pounds.

111
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:56,774
Three frickin' gummi bears
at a time.

112
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,689
Actually, I'm having
wonderful success with it

113
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,996
and if I stay on track,
I'm thinking next summer

114
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,477
shirtless at the beach!

115
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,479
I'll bring the suntan lotion.

116
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:08,525
Just in case, bring a bucket
and a paint roller.

117
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:11,311
That is quite an outfit.

118
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,574
I'm guessing
you've done this before.

119
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:14,836
Well, I'm not
gonna lie to you.

120
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:17,404
I'm a bit of a legend
in these parts.

121
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,796
Oh, really?

122
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,015
Well, maybe legend's too strong.

123
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,234
Folk hero.

124
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,888
I'm prepared to be impressed.

125
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,151
Me, I just did a little
bowling in college.

126
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,632
Mostly as an excuse to drink.

127
00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:29,981
Yeah, you know,
a lot of people like

128
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,548
to mix alcohol with a sport.

129
00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,463
But I don't like
my senses dulled.

130
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:36,466
Can't put beer goggles
on the eye of the tiger.

131
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,033
Right.

132
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,164
You know, if you're ever
interested in a couple of tips

133
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,383
I'd be happy to help.

134
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,950
- That'd be great.
- Alright.

135
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:44,605
First off, there's a lot
of misconceptions about bowling.

136
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,302
It's not just
about brute force.

137
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,435
It's about form,
follow-through, and finesse.

138
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,393
The three Fs,
I like to call 'em.

139
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,960
Not to be confused
with the three Rs.

140
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:55,659
Reading, writing and
'rithmatic, which is your forte.

141
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,357
Now, the key to form

142
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,794
is keeping your
wrist straight, okay?

143
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,273
Key to a follow-through

144
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,538
is releasing the ball
in a smooth, gliding motion.

145
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:07,497
- 'Atta boy, Mike!'
- Ignore him.

146
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:09,630
What about finesse?

147
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,763
Forget finesse for now,
focus on fun.

148
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,115
Okay. Hope I don't
embarrass myself.

149
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:18,595
Hey. We're just here
to have a good time.

150
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,423
Nobody's gonna be embarrassed.

151
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:29,084
Oh, look! I knocked
them all down!

152
00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,917
- I'll be darned.
- Was my form okay?

153
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:37,832
Yeah. I mean, uh,
you're still bending

154
00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:40,356
your wrist quite a bit, but that
goes away with practice.

155
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:41,575
Could I take another turn?

156
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,099
Sure.

157
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,492
Maybe I'll get lucky again.

158
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,494
That's a very healthy attitude.

159
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:54,152
Boo-yah! That's what
I'm talking about!

160
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,546
Whoo!

161
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,548
That's good.
That's real good.

162
00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,811
Where's my 12 French fries?

163
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,903
Seriously, though, I don't feel
right about taking your money.

164
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,645
No, no, I made the bet
and you won, fair and square.

165
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:10,691
- Sandbagger.
- What?

166
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,475
Nothing.

167
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,085
Hey, Samuel.

168
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:15,870
This is Molly.
Molly, Samuel.

169
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,393
Oh. Pleased to meet you,
Samuel.

170
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,308
The pleasure is mine.

171
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:20,875
I heard the large man
was seeing someone

172
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:24,095
but I, of course, assumed
you were imaginary.

173
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,622
That's funny.
Samuel's from Africa.

174
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,624
He came here to pursue
the American dream

175
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:34,279
and, apparently,
to bust my balls.

176
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,064
What part of Africa
are you from?

177
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,893
I grew up in Senegal,
but my mother's from France.

178
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,808
- Do you speak French?
- Fluently.

179
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:44,028
I also speak Arabic,
Wolof, and a little German.

180
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,988
Apparently, the only language
he doesn't speak is "Waiter."

181
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,471
I speak a little
German, too.

182
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,734
Uh, was ist los
mit der hund?

183
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,736
Nicht viel, nur chillen.

184
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,825
[laughs]

185
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,567
I asked him,
"What up, dawg"

186
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:03,395
and he said,
"Not much, just chillin'."

187
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:06,486
That's good,
you working tonight

188
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,226
or just doing a floor show?

189
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,491
I'm sorry.

190
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,494
He gets grumpy when he
doesn't get his tiny pancake.

191
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,715
So what are you doing here
in the United States?

192
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:21,283
I'm studying English literature
at the University Of Illinois.

193
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:23,328
Oh, I love English lit.

194
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,200
It's where I fell in love
with Shakespeare.

195
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:28,464
Ah! Shakespeare.

196
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:31,946
"Love looks not with the eyes,
but with the mind

197
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:36,167
and therefore is winged
cupid painted blind."

198
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:41,129
[both]
"Nor hath love's mind
of any judgment taste

199
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:46,787
"wings and no eyes,
figure unheedy haste."

200
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:50,834
- Ah!
- Ah!

201
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:53,707
Ah, screw it. Whatever's
on the grill, I'm eating.

202
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,668
Big man gets bitchy
when he's hungry.

203
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,542
Keep a snickers bar
in your purse.

204
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,196
[instrumental music]

205
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,853
So, what's next? You wanna grab
a drink somewhere?

206
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,376
- I don't think so.
- You sure?

207
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:12,769
You don't have to worry
about blurring the eye

208
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:15,555
of the tiger anymore.

209
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:16,817
Yep.

210
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,209
Hey, we could just
drive around a little.

211
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,124
It's a really beautiful night.

212
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:22,083
Well, you're a schoolteacher.

213
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,520
You see the beauty.
I see the crime

214
00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:27,871
the corruption,
and the danger.

215
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,220
So what do you
think's more dangerous

216
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,875
the coffee bean and tea leaf
or the Gymboree?

217
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,837
That's funny.

218
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:40,928
You should just go
right here on wells.

219
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:43,104
It's a quicker way
to get to my house.

220
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:45,541
'Scuse me, I'm a
Chicago police officer.

221
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,935
I know these streets
like the back of my hand.

222
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:50,546
Okay. Sorry.

223
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,940
I may not know how
to quote Shakespeare

224
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:56,857
but I know I can navigate the
"City of the broad shoulders."

225
00:09:56,944 --> 00:10:00,338
Carl Sandburg.
Great Illinois poet.

226
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,645
I know. I love his poems.

227
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:06,954
It's actually
"City of the big shoulders."

228
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,611
Broad is fine.
I mean, you get it.

229
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,093
[instrumental music]

230
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:18,530
Look, Mike, if I've done
anything to upset you--

231
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,881
Night.

232
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,362
Thanks! I had a nice time.

233
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:26,538
I guess you'll call me, right?

234
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,803
Okay. You bowl like a girl!

235
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,808
I can't live without him!

236
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,114
I'm getting too old
for this crap.

237
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:39,247
You and me both.

238
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:45,862
[flute music on TV]

239
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,736
[sighs]
What I wouldn't give
for a girlfriend

240
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,912
or Cinemax in my bedroom.

241
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:55,350
[knock on door]

242
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,231
What are you doing here?

243
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,843
Oh, no.
Come here.

244
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:17,154
- What happened?
- It was a complete disaster.

245
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,982
Erectile dysfunction?

246
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,770
No. I didn't even
kiss her goodnight.

247
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:26,860
- So the penis is fine?
- As far as I know.

248
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:30,298
He's been hiding
for the last couple hours.

249
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,213
Did you tie your shoes
and give her the rear view?

250
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,562
'Cause I may have fudged
its attractiveness

251
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,520
out of friendship.

252
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,697
[Rosetta]
'Carlton, who was at the door?'

253
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,960
Uh, it's just Mike, grandma.
Go back to bed.

254
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:43,703
Oh, hey, Michael.
How are you, baby?

255
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,966
I'm alright, nana.
How are you?

256
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:49,578
Oh, I'm right with my savior
and tight with my bookie.

257
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,974
What are you doing here, sugar?

258
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,889
Carlton told me you had a date.

259
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:58,369
Uh, I did,
but it ended pretty early.

260
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:01,285
Erectile dysfunction?

261
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:03,940
'Cause Carlton got some pills
if you need 'em.

262
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,248
Uh, grandma, how many times
have I asked you

263
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:08,553
to stay out of my room?

264
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,599
Well, when you start
doing your own laundry

265
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:15,256
I will stay out of your room.
Until then, I go where I please.

266
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:18,346
Pays $200 a month in rent,
and he gonna start

267
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:21,741
telling me where I can
and cannot go.

268
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,309
Now, Michael,
what happened with this girl?

269
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,964
I don't know, we just
didn't make a connection.

270
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:30,793
I see.
You didn't make a connection.

271
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,491
Yeah, you know,
our world views don't jibe.

272
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,451
Your world views don't jibe.

273
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,105
Exactly.

274
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,542
Now, Michael, I'd like to see
you in heaven, too

275
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:43,066
but lying to an old lady
ain't gonna get you there.

276
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:50,508
- She beat me at bowling.
- You're kidding me.

277
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:51,858
And I don't mean
just beat me

278
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,729
I mean she covered
my ass in pledge

279
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:57,211
and wiped
the floor with it.

280
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,387
The bowling alley's
your home court advantage.

281
00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:01,650
Only place you got left
to shine is house of pies.

282
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:04,174
Hush up, Black Gilligan.

283
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,487
- Continue, Michael.
- It's not just that.

284
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:15,620
She was showing off and
speaking in different languages.

285
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:18,145
You mean in tongues,
like the Pentecostals?

286
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,540
No, like French
and German and Shakespeare.

287
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,326
Oh, good, 'cause I been
to a tent revival

288
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:29,069
and that mess
will put you off Jesus.

289
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:31,593
So if I hear you correctly

290
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,814
what's upsetting you is
you had a date with a smart

291
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:38,469
capable young woman and
it threatened your masculinity.

292
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,384
No!
No.

293
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,823
Oh, Michael.

294
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:47,652
Why is it you boys get
so intimidated by strong women?

295
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:50,917
Want us all to just
be dumb and grateful.

296
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,744
No, I don't want dumb.

297
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,835
I am a fan of grateful.

298
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:59,664
Please. When's the last time
you laid your eyes on grateful?

299
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,106
Let me tell you something,
Michael.

300
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:08,282
You got to embrace the beauty

301
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:11,285
of a strong,
independent woman.

302
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,417
If it was me,
I'd cut my losses and move on.

303
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,855
I guess we know why
you're in the bathroom alone

304
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:19,554
on a Friday night, shaving
your head with my lady Schick.

305
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:24,124
And I pray to God
that's all you were shaving.

306
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:30,086
Now, Michael, do you have
feelings for this girl?

307
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,566
Yeah, I guess I do.

308
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,089
Well, then you need
to stop behaving

309
00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:34,830
like a petulant child.

310
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:37,877
Go back to her,
tell her what's in your heart

311
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,922
and how you really feel.

312
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,098
Ugh, really?

313
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:45,014
Take it from me,
you show her that side of you

314
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:48,017
and she will open up
like a flower.

315
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:51,020
'Cause there ain't nothing
sexier in the world

316
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:54,502
than a secure man
being honest with his woman.

317
00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:56,721
[male #1]
'Baby, you coming back to bed?'

318
00:14:56,808 --> 00:15:00,421
Now, that man is honest
as the day is long.

319
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,814
And had he not been honest,
I never would've

320
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,947
found out he was long.

321
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:14,130
God, I love your grandma.

322
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:16,785
You may not believe this now

323
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,701
but you'll get over this man.
Yes, you will.

324
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,050
And you'll find somebody else.

325
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:24,097
Somebody sweet and kind
and loving--

326
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,360
And single.
I'd try single for the next one.

327
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,885
You know, just to shake things
up a little bit.

328
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,756
Molly, your sister is hurting.

329
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,063
This is no time to play
Monday morning quarterback.

330
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:37,893
She's had one of those,
and he was married!

331
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,808
She has been doing this
her whole life.

332
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:42,419
She gets mixed-up
with emotionally unavailable men

333
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,508
and then wonders
why they broke her heart.

334
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:47,903
He's not emotionally
unavailable, he's an alcoholic.

335
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,297
- There's a difference.
- 'Oh.'

336
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,473
My mistake.
Oh, he's drunk and married.

337
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,779
That's a guy you can count on.

338
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,870
Why are you being
so mean to me?

339
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,264
Is she on a new diet?

340
00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:03,875
Yeah, I'm on the "not swallowing
any more of your crap" diet.

341
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,966
Oh, mom, please, give her
a cookie or something.

342
00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:09,751
Molly, you need to calm down

343
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:12,145
and just be supportive
of your sister.

344
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,233
Are you kidding?

345
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,799
That's all I ever do around here

346
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:17,889
is support my sister.
What about me?

347
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,717
Who supports me
when I'm hurting?

348
00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,981
- Why are you hurting?
- Oh, I don't know.

349
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,592
Maybe because I had a date
with a guy I really liked..

350
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:27,856
A single guy, and
it was a complete train wreck.

351
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,206
Oh, well. You'll be fine.
You're a rock.

352
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,816
I don't want to be
the rock anymore.

353
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:34,297
Let somebody else be the rock!

354
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:37,083
I want to be the hot one
that gets taken care of

355
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,563
and everybody wants
to have sex with.

356
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:42,827
Oh, Molly, it's not
as glamorous as it looks.

357
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,396
It's really not.

358
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,184
Look, Molly, I'm really sorry
about how I behaved

359
00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,186
but you got to keep in mind
that I'm a cop.

360
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,057
My life is on the line
every day

361
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,580
and that can wind a man up
pretty tight.

362
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,017
So sometimes you get
the teddy bear

363
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:00,410
and sometimes
you get the rattlesnake.

364
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,412
That's good.

365
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,414
Okay, let's do this.

366
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:05,937
[Joyce]
'Victoria, what are you doing
with that'

367
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,809
'hair spray and lighter?
Back off!'

368
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,855
'Molly, code blue!
What the hell is going on?'

369
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:13,423
[Victoria]
'I'm gonna set that bastard
on fire and you can't stop me.'

370
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:14,511
[fire blazing]

371
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,078
Oh, my god!
Put it down!

372
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,949
Step aside, ladies,
I got this.

373
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,256
- Mike, what are you doing here?
- Not now. Let me do my job.

374
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,650
Victoria, give me the hairspray
and the lighter.

375
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,782
No, he's got to pay!

376
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,742
Listen, I understand
you're upset

377
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:30,397
but revenge is not the answer.

378
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,268
I loved him

379
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:35,184
and he broke my heart!

380
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:36,968
I understand, sweetie.

381
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:41,930
But sometimes we all suffer
disappointment and humiliation.

382
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:44,367
Can't help it
if I'm a good bowler.

383
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,157
You're a great bowler and I'll
get back to you on that.

384
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:54,638
Listen, I know guys act
really stupid sometimes.

385
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:57,554
I certainly did tonight.

386
00:17:57,641 --> 00:18:00,296
Okay.

387
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:03,169
But that's not an excuse
to turn some guy's face

388
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:06,433
into burnt lasagna.
Okay?

389
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,174
What it really is,
is an opportunity

390
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:11,220
to practice forgiveness.

391
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:14,354
So why don't you give me the
lighter and we'll talk about it?

392
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,445
Come on, Victoria, please?

393
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:23,145
That a girl.

394
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:25,234
Hostage training at the academy.

395
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,236
Okay, now, listen, oh!

396
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:32,067
Get back in this house!

397
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:33,503
That was really sweet.

398
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,679
I'll flush your eyes out
when I get back.

399
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:37,899
Ah.

400
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,162
That's good, she still likes me.

401
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,740
Yes!

402
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:56,396
Sorry, I get excited.

403
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,789
It's okay.
You're a wonderful bowler.

404
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,574
Well, in that case,
Boo-yah!

405
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:03,620
That's how I roll!

406
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:06,710
Alright, alright,
don't push the cute.

407
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:08,190
Where are we at?

408
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:10,845
You're up, like, 38 pins,
give or take.

409
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:13,195
Well, you can still
turn things around.

410
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:21,551
Whatcha doing?

411
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:24,772
I'm turning things around.

412
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:27,122
[male #1]
'Atta boy, Mike!'

413
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,176
[theme music]