1 00:00:02,176 --> 00:00:03,481 Hey, I got a little surprise for you. 2 00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:05,092 Whatever it is, I approve. 3 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:06,832 You have more than earned my trust 4 00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,965 and respect in the bedroom. 5 00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,445 [chuckles] 6 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,316 Oh, Molly, thank you. 7 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:16,190 Hang on, was there some kind of anniversary 8 00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:18,279 or special occasion I was supposed to remember? 9 00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:19,280 No, no occasion. 10 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,455 It's just a little something 11 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:22,065 I saw that screamed "Mike." 12 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,066 Oh, what a coincidence. 13 00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:24,241 I saw something last night 14 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,982 that screamed "Mike." 15 00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,247 - Three times. - Just open it. 16 00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:33,772 Oh, boy! Cowboy boots! 17 00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,689 Oh, how did you know? 18 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,082 Well, you told me that story 19 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:40,649 about the boots you had when you were little 20 00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:41,954 and how you stopped wearing them 21 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,087 when all the other boys made fun of you. 22 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,828 Yeah, you get called "Belly the kid" enough 23 00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:49,005 it sours you on western footwear. 24 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,225 Can't believe you remembered that story. 25 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:54,358 Of course, I did. Just like you remember the stories I tell you. 26 00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,709 Right. 27 00:00:57,796 --> 00:00:59,233 Don't worry. I'm not going to quiz you. 28 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,670 - Thank you. - Ha ha ha. 29 00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,194 They should fit, I took one of your shoes to the boot store 30 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,283 to make sure I got the right size. 31 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,546 Smart. That way, you didn't have to pour plaster 32 00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:10,331 into one of my footprints. 33 00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,596 Oh, my God, these are amazing. 34 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,861 Oh, is that real rattlesnake? 35 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,341 Hundred percent. 36 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,647 [chuckles] 37 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:23,909 Can you imagine how many snakes 38 00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:25,085 had to die for those things? 39 00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,564 Hey, screw them, better on my feet 40 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:28,392 than biting people and swallowing eggs. 41 00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:33,484 Well, you look very handsome in them, cowboy. 42 00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:37,009 Yeah, they do kind of work on me, don't they? 43 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,881 [Molly chuckles] 44 00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,012 I don't know how to thank you. 45 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,623 Well, I got a couple ideas 46 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,799 if you're interested, partner. 47 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:46,280 Yeah, I'd be mighty happy to oblige, ma'am. 48 00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,238 Just let me pull my boots off. 49 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,414 No, no. Leave the boots on. 50 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,721 But take off everything else. 51 00:01:56,159 --> 00:02:01,425 ♪ For the first time in my life ♪ 52 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:05,995 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 53 00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:16,614 [country music] 54 00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:29,758 You know those cowboy boots aren't regulation police wear. 55 00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,238 Neither is the leopard-print thong 56 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,370 You're wearing underneath your uniform. 57 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:38,593 First of all, it's not a thong, it's a jock strap. 58 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,943 And it's not leopard print, it's camouflage. 59 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,251 That must come in handy when you need to hide 60 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,209 your junk in someone's salad. 61 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,432 What do you want? 62 00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,347 Whoa. Is that how you greet paying customers? 63 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,305 Oh, so you're paying now? 64 00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,613 Figure of speech. 65 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,310 What's the matter with you this morning? 66 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,704 Two busboys and a waiter called in sick 67 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,358 So I had to walk here in the freezing rain 68 00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:06,011 because my bicycle was stolen. 69 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,449 You want us to file a report? We might be able to find it. 70 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,407 If you're going to play detective 71 00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,975 I'd prefer you find my car. 72 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,326 Which was stolen a year ago and the reason 73 00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,372 I'm riding a bicycle in the first place. 74 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,505 We'll have two breakfast specials. 75 00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:24,073 You'll have whatever I bring you and you'll like it. 76 00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,556 Yes, we will. 77 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:33,778 So, why did Molly buy you those boots anyway? 78 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:36,390 - You guys have an anniversary? - No. That's the beauty of it. 79 00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,261 She bought them just 'cause she was thinking about me. 80 00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:40,307 Huh. It's kind of like that puka shell necklace 81 00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:43,962 I got you in Fort Lauderdale that you never wear. 82 00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,356 Sorry. I'm not a puka shell kind of guy. 83 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:49,011 - Who doesn't like puka shells? - Everybody. 84 00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:51,318 Except you, Aqua man and Don Ho. 85 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:54,538 My point is, though, I've never gotten 86 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,975 this kind of attention from a woman before. 87 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:58,238 It makes me feel kind of 88 00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,718 I don't know...sexy. 89 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,807 [Carl chuckles] 90 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:05,070 Now you know how I feel about my camo jock. 91 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,335 It's like having Rambo in my pants. 92 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,729 Oatmeal or pudding? 93 00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,905 I'll have the oatmeal. 94 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:17,735 [dramatic music on TV] 95 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:18,910 Don't go in there. 96 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,217 That tunnel is just painted on. 97 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,090 [man on TV] 'Beep-beep.' 98 00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:27,267 Why don't you ever listen to me? 99 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,097 Sweetheart, you shouldn't get so involved in that show. 100 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,578 Yeah. I'm starting to think that dog 101 00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,754 is never going to catch that chicken. 102 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,456 Where you going? 103 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:43,805 Mm, Mike's picking me up 104 00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,589 and we're gonna go to an OA meeting. 105 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,461 [gasps] How did he like the cowboy boots? 106 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,463 Mmm. It was so cute. 107 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:52,117 I mean, his whole face lit up like a little boy's. 108 00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:54,903 So you guys are getting pretty serious, huh? 109 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,121 I think so. 110 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:57,949 I mean, I don't want to jinx it 111 00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,952 but, uh, I think we're headed towards a really good place. 112 00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:04,304 Oh, I love this stage in a relationship 113 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,828 when you're just getting comfortable with each other 114 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:09,134 and nobody's gotten a restraining order. 115 00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,791 Or asked you to have a three-way with their cleaning lady. 116 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,055 [doorbell rings] 117 00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:19,928 Yeah, it's a magical time. 118 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:28,415 Hey, Moonface. How are you? 119 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,807 What are you doing here, Vince? 120 00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:32,375 I'm taking your mom out for a nice dinner 121 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,291 and for one of those carriage rides along the lake. 122 00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,945 It's kind of romantic if you don't mind 123 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,382 The smell of hot, steaming horse crap. 124 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,733 Wait a second. You're dating my mother? 125 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:45,693 Hey, old soup's still good if you heat it up. 126 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,698 Mom! 127 00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,309 Well, come on in, I guess 128 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,180 but stay close to the door. 129 00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,791 No problem. 130 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,314 Hey, there she is. 131 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:01,317 The reason God created tube tops and hands. 132 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,929 You want to go wait on the porch? 133 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:09,020 Hey, Vin. 134 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:11,762 Well, you're looking very handsome this evening. 135 00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:14,635 Thanks. I had some fat sucked out of my neck waddle. 136 00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:16,245 Oh.. 137 00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,160 Well, it's nice. 138 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:21,250 It really separates your shoulders from your head. 139 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,993 Hey, we should probably shake a tail feather. 140 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,778 The buffet already started, and after about an hour 141 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:30,825 the calamari starts looking like deep-fried anuses. 142 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,262 [Joyce chuckles] 143 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,787 I know he's not your father 144 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,702 but he treats me like a queen 145 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:41,270 and you can crack walnuts on his Johnson. 146 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,669 Let's never eat walnuts around him. 147 00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:50,453 Deal. 148 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,195 [instrumental music] 149 00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:54,631 I got to tell you folks, things have been 150 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,851 going pretty well for me. 151 00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,201 My job, my personal life. 152 00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:06,251 And as a result, my attitude's better. 153 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,040 I'm losing weight without even thinking about it. 154 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,564 Get this, last Tuesday, I forgot to eat lunch. 155 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,914 Crazy, right? That never happens. 156 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:20,744 I've forgotten I've eaten lunch on a number of occasions 157 00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:24,008 so I had to eat again just in case. 158 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:25,749 But this is monumental. 159 00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:28,056 I have forgotten to take the gas nozzle out of my car. 160 00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,014 I have forgot my gun was loaded. 161 00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:32,452 But I have never forgotten lunch. 162 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,238 Anyway, long story short, you're looking 163 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,501 at a happy, confident, slightly smaller man 164 00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,416 than you saw in here one week ago. 165 00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,984 Win the battle here, win the battle here. 166 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,116 No glory, no guts. 167 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,816 Happy trails, mi amigos. 168 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,687 Whoo! 169 00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:53,603 You were pretty cute up there tonight. 170 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,475 No, you're just saying that 'cause you're sweet on me. 171 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,433 Mmm. Both can be true. 172 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,783 Hey, you want to go upstairs and make out in the confessional? 173 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:03,091 Absolutely. It's been almost a week since my last confession. 174 00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,443 - Hi. - Hello. 175 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:10,272 I just wanted to say that I really loved your share. 176 00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:12,100 Oh, thank you. 177 00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:13,144 I'm Jill. 178 00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:15,582 - Mike. - I know. 179 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:16,844 I love your boots. 180 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,323 I just moved here from Texas 181 00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:21,065 so I'm kind of a sucker for a man in cowboy boots. 182 00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:25,505 Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ooh. 183 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,594 Oh, this is Molly. She's a friend of mine. 184 00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:35,732 Hi. I'm Molly, Mike's friend. 185 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,734 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 186 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:42,260 Listen, I don't have a sponsor yet 187 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,219 and I'd love for it to be you. 188 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:48,005 Really? Wow. Nobody's ever asked me to be their sponsor before. 189 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,053 - Let me give you my number. - Great. 190 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,360 I don't have a pen. 191 00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:58,538 Seriously? 192 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,847 Sure. What are friendsfor? 193 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,849 [instrumental music] 194 00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:07,721 You going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to guess? 195 00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,679 I bet if you thought really hard about it 196 00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:12,508 You could figure it out, friend. 197 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,205 Wait. That's what you're mad about? 198 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,685 Because I introduced you as my friend? 199 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,774 Yeah, Mike, that's what I'm so mad about. 200 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,559 So what are you saying, that we're not friends? 201 00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:20,951 That this whole thing is just sex for you? 202 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:21,996 Because it's more than that for me. 203 00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:23,345 Oh, no. 204 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,390 Don't you dare turn this around. 205 00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:26,957 You know exactly what you did. 206 00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:28,393 She asked me to be her sponsor. 207 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,612 I mean, just because she's pretty 208 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:30,657 I'm not supposed to help her? 209 00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,137 Not that I think she's pretty. 210 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,965 You flirted with her, plain and simple. 211 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:37,228 - Why don't you just admit it? - I did not flirt with her. 212 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,360 Now, she may have been flirting with me 213 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,840 but I can't control that. 214 00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,624 In a way, isn't that a compliment to you? 215 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,060 Do you two want me to leave? 216 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:44,801 - Yes. - No. 217 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:47,848 Okay, I'll stay, but I'll cover my eyes. 218 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,071 Should we go upstairs and talk about this? 219 00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:55,856 I don't think there's anything to talk about. 220 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,466 So what, then? Should I just leave? 221 00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:59,120 Well, I'm sure you could go find 222 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,948 some of your friends to hang out with. 223 00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:03,167 [clicks tongue] 224 00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,299 Right. 225 00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:09,957 Those boots really do look cute on him. 226 00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:12,350 I know they do! 227 00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,570 [instrumental music] 228 00:10:18,008 --> 00:10:19,314 [instrumental music] 229 00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:20,750 Oh.. 230 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:24,058 Oh, baby, you are nasty. 231 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,975 Do what? Okay, hang on. 232 00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:31,195 Alright, I'm on my hands and knees. 233 00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:34,372 What? Bark like a dog? 234 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:37,375 Is this the busty Asians chat line? 235 00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:39,334 Oh, damn, I dialed wrong. 236 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,902 [doorbell rings] 237 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,991 Sick people out there. 238 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:48,952 Uh, you need to call before you come by. 239 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,651 I've been trying to call for the last 45 minutes. 240 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,131 No, really? 241 00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:56,264 What's $2.99 times 45? 242 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,006 What? Why? 243 00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,138 Never mind. Come on in. 244 00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:02,879 I thought you were going out with Molly tonight. 245 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,664 I did, we got in a fight. 246 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,274 About what? 247 00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,842 Some girl at an OA meeting came up and flirted with me 248 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,626 and Molly got all bent out of shape. 249 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:13,890 Wait, you had another woman hit on you at an OA meeting? 250 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,326 Man, I need to pack on 80 pounds 251 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,546 and get my fat ass to a church basement. 252 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,202 What was the other girl like? 253 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:22,856 Was she cute? 254 00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:25,032 Yeah, if you like dirty blondes from Texas. 255 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,208 I like dirty anything from anywhere. 256 00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:31,125 What am I supposed to do? 257 00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:33,562 - I mean, she approached me. - Oh, I hear you, man. 258 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,564 I mean, it's not like you took her phone number or anything. 259 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,919 She used Molly's pen to write it down. 260 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:44,704 Ohh! 261 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:48,359 - Man, what is wrong with you? - I don't know. 262 00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,013 - Now, lemme ask you a question. - Yeah? 263 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,362 How big is this dirty girl? 264 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:53,234 We talking Texas toast or just Texas? 265 00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,062 [instrumental music] 266 00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:57,238 Molly, why don't you just call him? 267 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,936 No, he needs to call me and apologize. 268 00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,504 What is the big deal? All guys flirt. 269 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:04,245 If they didn't, we'd have to buy our own drinks 270 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,421 and pay for our own speeding tickets. 271 00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:09,946 And dry cleaning and tires. 272 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,948 And this dinette set. 273 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,822 It's not just the flirting. 274 00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,301 It's that he couldn't acknowledge 275 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,956 that I was his girlfriend in public. 276 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:23,046 Oh, Mol, that happens to me all the time. 277 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:24,395 'Course the guy's usually married 278 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,702 or a high-ranking public official. 279 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,660 You know, I've been in two motorcades. 280 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,228 Once in the trunk and once under the dashboard. 281 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,406 I just thought Mike was different. 282 00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,191 You know, he was so shy when I met him 283 00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,281 And now he's strutting around, impressing slutty blondes 284 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,979 with his heroic stories of skipping lunch. 285 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,897 You really should cut the guy some slack. 286 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:50,508 I know he cares about you. 287 00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,336 He cares about me 'cause I have sex with him 288 00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:55,644 and every 25th time, he gets a free pair of boots. 289 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,392 Do we have anything stronger than this? 290 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:07,090 Well, there's a bottle of vodka in the freezer. 291 00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:10,528 Or there's a spliff of Purple Kush in my hand. 292 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:13,053 [instrumental music] 293 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,271 Guess it was kind of stupid of me 294 00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,056 to introduce her as my friend. 295 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:19,015 Man, you were looking up at stupid with a telescope. 296 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,844 - But your instincts were right. - How so? 297 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,412 Well, it's not in a man's nature to settle down with one woman. 298 00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,718 We're supposed to propagate with multiple partners 299 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,459 like they do in the animal kingdom. 300 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,507 What about swans? I heard they mate for life. 301 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,075 Who can confirm that? 302 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,601 Is there some guy following them around all day long? 303 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:41,342 'Cause if there was, I'm sure he'd see that swan 304 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,561 playing a little duck, duck, goose every now and then. 305 00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:49,089 Hey, Michael, how are you, baby? 306 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,439 I'm alright, nana. How was choir practice? 307 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:54,790 Well, the new music director is young and full of beans. 308 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,705 I had to pull him aside and tell him 309 00:13:56,792 --> 00:14:00,535 "Brother, the Lord don't need it fancy, he just needs it loud." 310 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,931 So, what are you doing here on a Friday night? 311 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:07,237 Don't you have a girlfriend? 312 00:14:07,324 --> 00:14:08,978 I'm not sure at the moment. 313 00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:10,850 Oh, what did you do? 314 00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:13,809 Why do you immediately assume it was me? 315 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,245 I'm an old woman, Michael. 316 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:17,465 Don't waste my time. 317 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,468 Another girl flirted with me. 318 00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:22,949 - Now, how is that my fault? - It's not. 319 00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:25,038 You were just behaving like a natural man. 320 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,213 I see. 321 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,562 And does a natural man 322 00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,259 tuck his business between his legs 323 00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,740 and dance in front of the bathroom mirror? 324 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,837 Grandma, I was 13 years old. 325 00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,404 Worst thing I ever saw. 326 00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:46,276 Wanted to take a stick and blind myself. 327 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,368 Now, Michael, did you flirt back? 328 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:54,763 Not intentionally, but I was kind of in a zone. 329 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,374 Every time I opened my mouth, something charming fell out. 330 00:14:57,461 --> 00:15:00,377 Hmm. You don't seem to have that problem now. 331 00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,991 Tell me, are you interested in this other woman? 332 00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,123 No, of course not, nana. 333 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,864 I don't want other women. Molly's it for me. 334 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,866 She's my girlfriend and I love her. 335 00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,480 What did you say? 336 00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,267 I love her. 337 00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,921 I'm done looking. 338 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,705 Molly's my swan. 339 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:26,186 I don't want to play duck, duck, goose with anybody but her. 340 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,581 - Duck, duck, what? - I don't know, ask Friar Tuck. 341 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,976 I got to go. Thanks, nana. 342 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,760 I'm so happy for you, baby. 343 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:36,848 Me, too. 344 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,589 [door opens and shuts] 345 00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:41,679 Carlton, I hope one day you meet the right girl 346 00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,943 fall in love and find the kind of happiness 347 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,161 your friend has found. 348 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,162 Thanks. 349 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,294 But until then 350 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:48,686 I guess you're just gonna have to 351 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:51,515 make do with the love of your old grandma. 352 00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:52,864 Hmm. 353 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:53,909 [chuckles] 354 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,519 Well, I could do a lot worse. 355 00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:57,782 Mm-hmm. And you have. 356 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,308 [instrumental music] 357 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,875 [both laughing] 358 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,360 So I guess it is kind of funny. 359 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:12,884 I put makeup on dead people 360 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,496 for a living. 361 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,541 How do you do it? I mean, it's weird, right? 362 00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:18,890 It's got to be weird. 363 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,110 It was at first. 364 00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,330 But then I realized 365 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:26,420 dead people are just like us. 366 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,597 Except they're dead. 367 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,905 I couldn't do it. 368 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,951 I'd be too afraid that their eyes would pop open 369 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,953 and they'd try to eat my flesh. 370 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,827 Doesn't happen as often as you'd think. 371 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:50,618 Mainly, I just get complaints from family members. 372 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,968 I can't tell you how many times 373 00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:54,970 I've heard someone say 374 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,538 "Hey, you made grandma look like a whore." 375 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:00,628 [oven dings] 376 00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:01,803 - Cookies. - Cookies. 377 00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,807 I ever tell you about the time I went over to Mike's 378 00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,722 and baked him that sugarless 379 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,593 nonfat, nondairy cookies? 380 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,204 Oh, that sounds awful. 381 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,423 They were. They tasted like hot dust bunnies. 382 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,339 - You know what he said? - What? 383 00:17:16,426 --> 00:17:19,125 He said, "Wow, these cookies really suck." 384 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,823 And then he ate four more. 385 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,346 God, I love that man. 386 00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:24,478 [gasps] 387 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,088 Did you just hear what you said? 388 00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,003 - What did I just say? - You said you loved him. 389 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,092 - When did I say that? - Just now. 390 00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,094 - Really? - Really. 391 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,793 Son of a gun. 392 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,796 [both laugh] 393 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,278 Hot, hot, hot, hot! 394 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,498 [indistinct screaming] 395 00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:55,248 What's going on? 396 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,815 Whatever it is, don't stop 'em. 397 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:00,731 Molly's in love. 398 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:04,387 Oh, sweetie, is that true? 399 00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:05,954 Uh-huh. 400 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:09,175 Oh, I'm so happy for you. 401 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,960 Good times, ladies. 402 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,658 Good, good times. 403 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,226 [doorbell rings] 404 00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,228 Well.. I'll get it. 405 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,057 No reason the three of us 406 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,755 can't prolong this precious moment. 407 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:29,760 What are you doing here? 408 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:31,240 I had to tell you something. 409 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,328 What? 410 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:33,895 First of all, I'm sorry 411 00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,505 I flirted with that other girl. 412 00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:37,072 I didn't initiate it 413 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:40,206 but I also didn't stop it and that was wrong. 414 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,034 I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have made such a big deal about it. 415 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,471 Hey, you had every right to be upset. 416 00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:45,863 You're my girlfriend and that's how 417 00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:48,649 I should've introduced you. 418 00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:51,260 Okay. So I'm still your girlfriend? 419 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,001 Of course you are. 420 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,742 And I love.. 421 00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,310 ...my new boots. 422 00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:01,575 Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without them. 423 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,795 Well, I'm glad you like them. 424 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,015 No, you didn't hear me. 425 00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:08,799 I lovethem. 426 00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:12,194 I love them, too. 427 00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,549 Taste like toll house cookies and marijuana. 428 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,423 Well, you shouldn't leave me alone on a Friday night. 429 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,947 It'll never happen again. 430 00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:28,471 [instrumental music] 431 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:36,784 So that's the makeup sex I've been hearing about. 432 00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:39,352 Seems like you were a little madder than you let on. 433 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,962 Well, I'm not gonna lie 434 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:44,661 a couple of those scratches were for real, pal. 435 00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:47,751 Maybe I should flirt with other women more often. 436 00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,710 Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke! 437 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:58,022 We should probably go to sleep before you piss me off again. 438 00:19:58,109 --> 00:20:00,329 That's a very good idea. 439 00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:02,810 Goodnight, Molly. 440 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,203 Good night, Mike. 441 00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:09,730 [Molly] 'Are you really gonna sleep in those things?' 442 00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:15,475 [Mike] 'What can I tell you? They make me happy.' 443 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:19,870 [country music] 444 00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:23,657 [theme music]