1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:03,264
Wow, what a fun night.

2
00:00:03,351 --> 00:00:04,743
We got to watch
two guys joust

3
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,702
while eating wild boar
with our bare hands.

4
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,140
Wild boar my ass,
it was ham loaf.

5
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:14,275
Let us not quibble saucy wrench.

6
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:17,365
Ooh, apologies, Sire.

7
00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:19,454
Well, maybe next weekend
we can go to the museum.

8
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:21,499
Uh, maybe.
We'll talk about it.

9
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,068
Why the hell is the chain on?

10
00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,723
- Who's in there?
- I don't know.

11
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:29,942
The only other person
who has a key is Carl.

12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,683
Why does Carl have a key
to your apartment?

13
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,424
I gave him one in case
I'm out of town

14
00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:35,513
and I need him to bring in
my mail or water my plants.

15
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,298
Alright, well,
you're not out of town

16
00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,126
and you don't have any plants.

17
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:42,564
He's probably in there
doing some broad.

18
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,827
- Mike, that's disgusting.
- Sorry.

19
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,872
He's in there making
sweet love to some broad.

20
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,354
So you're telling me,
right now

21
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:52,400
he's in there having sex
on our bed?

22
00:00:52,487 --> 00:00:54,402
I don't think so, Carl likes
to stand and deliver.

23
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:56,230
Oh, God.

24
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:58,623
I don't wanna know that.

25
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,625
How often does this happen?

26
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,627
I don't know, I gave him
a key about four years ago.

27
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,716
So, what is that?
Once every four years.

28
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,285
Well, it looks like
we're going back to my place.

29
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:09,721
Boy, I don't know about that.

30
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,462
I'm still not real comfortable,
you know

31
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,725
sleeping over with your mom
and sister within earshot.

32
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:15,727
[Carl]
'Come on, spank my butt.'

33
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,251
Your place it is.

34
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,122
Make haste!
Make haste!

35
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,950
♪ For the first time ♪

36
00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:24,519
♪ In my life ♪

37
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:28,436
♪ I see love ♪♪

38
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,402
[instrumental music]

39
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:44,669
[blows]

40
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,236
[blows]

41
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:50,066
Morning, sunshine.

42
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:51,328
Morning.

43
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,765
- Did you sleep okay?
- Mm-hmm.

44
00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:55,811
Oh, you must have been really
exhausted last night

45
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:57,204
'cause the minute
your head hit the pillow

46
00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:58,814
you were out like a light.

47
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,163
Nothing could wake you.

48
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,556
Not whispering in your ear

49
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,601
not massaging your shoulders

50
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:06,256
not a gentle tap with
ye olde jousting pole.

51
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,826
Yeah, some nights, Mike,
we're just gonna go to sleep.

52
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:13,524
- That's not a problem, is it?
- No, not at all.

53
00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:16,701
Besides, it's the waking up
next to you that I live for.

54
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,226
How many times
last night did I say

55
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,446
"Please stop poking me in the
back with your jousting pole?"

56
00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:27,495
Four. You had to say
it four times.

57
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:31,586
Well, I guess, on the upside,
Carl got to have sex last night.

58
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:34,328
Ah, there it is.

59
00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:36,112
Listen, the minute he's out
of there, I'll bring in

60
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,723
an entire cleaning crew.
Guys that do crime scenes.

61
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:41,726
They can get brains out
of air conditioning vents.

62
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:44,555
I just thought your apartment
was our secret little getaway.

63
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:47,123
A place where no one would
bother us, and now it just

64
00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:50,735
feels like the happy ending room
at the chicken ranch.

65
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,694
Look, I'll get the key back
from him and if he needs

66
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,000
it again, he can
call and schedule something.

67
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,960
You are really not hearing me.

68
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,267
I'm talking about on one
of our sex-free nights.

69
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,356
By the way, how often
is that gonna happen?

70
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:05,315
You know, so I can bring
over a book or a puzzle.

71
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:10,581
You're a real class act, Vince.

72
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,453
Oh, you need your space?

73
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:15,107
What you need is hair plugs
and a breath mint.

74
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:20,504
- What's going on?
- Mom's breaking up with Vince.

75
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,550
Fine, I want my garage clicker

76
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:25,814
and my Walgreens
senior discount card.

77
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:27,772
Let's see what kind of
Casanova you are

78
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:30,993
when you're paying full price
for your boner pills.

79
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:35,693
Mmm! Coffee.

80
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,043
Mom, forget that creep. You can
do a lot better than him.

81
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:40,655
And I will.

82
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,570
What do you men want from us?

83
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:45,007
We cook for you,
we clean for you

84
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:48,184
we destroy our bodies
giving you children.

85
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:50,621
Not that I'd trade either
one of you for my old boobs.

86
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,059
You know, I would love
to stay and chat

87
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:55,800
but I should probably skedaddle.

88
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:59,195
Oh, yeah, that's
what you do best, you run.

89
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,545
Leaving us with
nothing but heartache

90
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:04,548
and a crotch
full of stubble burn.

91
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,901
You know what,
I don't need any coffee.

92
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,990
I am wide awake.
Bye-bye.

93
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,086
You know, if they'd
invent a vibrator

94
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:23,306
that killed spiders
and did the cha-cha

95
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,439
we wouldn't need any of 'em.

96
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:26,875
[instrumental music]

97
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:31,923
Mm-mm-mm!

98
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:33,055
There's nothin' like a night
of good lovin'

99
00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:34,883
to make a man feel alive.

100
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,581
I wouldn't know.

101
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:39,757
Goin' through a little bit
of a dry spell, are you?

102
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:42,456
Don't worry. I'm gettin'
enough for the both of us.

103
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,980
Good for you.
I want my key back.

104
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,677
What are you talkin' about?

105
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:47,939
I haven't ridden all the rides
yet, and you're tryin'

106
00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:51,421
to shut down
six flags over Carl.

107
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,162
Well, why can't
you go to her place?

108
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,033
'Cause I'm not comfortable
havin' sex in a bunk bed

109
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,471
with her sister underneath us
cooking kimchi on a hot plate.

110
00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:01,475
- Wait, she's Korean?
- I think she's Korean.

111
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,477
Is "Carl too beaucoup" Korean?

112
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:06,306
No, "Carl too beaucoup"
is a lie.

113
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,264
Well, whatever, you gotta
give me one more night.

114
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,310
- Aw, Carl.
- Please!

115
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:11,702
I can't bring her
back to my place.

116
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,661
My grandma's gonna
make her do the laundry.

117
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,664
Alright, I'll give you
one more night

118
00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,056
but then I need the key back.

119
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,144
Thank you.

120
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,537
You're a great man.

121
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:21,973
Which by the way, in Korean is..

122
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,932
[speaking Korean]

123
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,763
- Heard that a lot last night.
- Aww.

124
00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:38,555
Alright, the dishes
have been washed and dried.

125
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,557
Oh, wait, there's one more dish.

126
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,474
I think this one,
I'll just lick clean.

127
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,520
Mike!

128
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,522
You wanna go upstairs
and burn off dinner?

129
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:51,394
I can't. I have, like, three
hours worth of papers to grade.

130
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:54,354
Three hours? What am I supposed
to do for three hours?

131
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,486
I don't know. What did you do
before you had a girlfriend?

132
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,575
I didn't do dishes,
I can tell you that.

133
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,884
- Go watch TV.
- So, is that it?

134
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,321
We're never gonna
have sex again?

135
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:06,583
What is the matter with you?

136
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,150
It's only been one night.

137
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,369
I know, but it's a bad pattern.

138
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,631
You hear about couples
all the time

139
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,328
that lose that part
of their relationship.

140
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,286
Next thing you know,
she's joined a book club

141
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,724
and he's rubbing up against
old ladies at a grocery store.

142
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,815
Listen to me.

143
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:23,252
I didn't say none at all
or never again.

144
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:25,210
I said not now, okay?

145
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:26,560
Okay.

146
00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:28,039
So we're still
in that hot, crazy

147
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:31,086
can't get enough of that
funky stuff phase, right?

148
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,435
Absolutely.

149
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:33,828
If I didn't have to eat

150
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,090
bathe or earn a living

151
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:36,396
I'd never unwrap my legs

152
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,398
from around your mighty torso.

153
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,010
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

154
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,882
Yep, 24x7, sex, sex, sex.

155
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:48,146
Alright!

156
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,802
And even though I know
you're shining me on

157
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:53,238
I'll take it.

158
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,332
[chatter on TV]

159
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:08,428
- Hey, Victoria.
- Whoa.

160
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:10,168
Where did you come from?

161
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,345
The kitchen.

162
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,088
What are you watching?

163
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,090
A very informative documentary

164
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:22,529
on UFO's and extraterrestrials.

165
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:24,052
Well, yeah, but you
don't actually believe

166
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:26,837
that we've been visited
by aliens, do you?

167
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:28,317
Yes, I do.

168
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:32,974
And they're not just visiting.

169
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,671
They're here.

170
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:42,331
Really!

171
00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:47,554
Haven't you ever been in
a conversation with somebody

172
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:49,556
and the whole time
you're thinking

173
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:52,472
"Wow, this person
is from another planet?"

174
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:00,218
Yes.

175
00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,309
Well, there you go.

176
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,311
Seeing is believing, Mike.

177
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,358
Same thing with Bigfoot.

178
00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:12,927
Wait, now hold on.

179
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,972
Now you're telling me
you believe in Bigfoot?

180
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:17,932
I didn't used to.

181
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,195
Till I saw him running
away from our campsite

182
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:22,502
with a can of Pringles
and a bag of weed.

183
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:28,159
I see. So Bigfoot stole
marijuana from you?

184
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,857
That's messed up, right?

185
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,731
Totally uncool, yeah.

186
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:37,952
What is camping without weed?

187
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,649
I'll tell you what it is.

188
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,608
It's just sleeping outside.

189
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,134
You know,
that's actually very true.

190
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,791
So, yes, I do believe
in Bigfoot.

191
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:53,315
And yes, I think
he's a total jerk.

192
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,496
[Joyce sobbing]

193
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:05,893
[knocks on door]

194
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,069
Mrs. Flynn, you alright?

195
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,114
- 'Fine.'
- Okeydoke.

196
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:12,421
[sobbing continues]

197
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:15,946
Damn it, my penchant
for chivalry

198
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,819
is nothing but a curse.

199
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:21,169
[knocks on door]
Coming in. You decent?

200
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,476
[sobbing]

201
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,740
Is there anything I can get you?

202
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:28,698
I want my youth back.

203
00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,356
I was thinking more along
the lines of a Fresca

204
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,924
or piece of toast?

205
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:38,926
You know, when I was young

206
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,537
I was considered
quite the catch.

207
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,278
And not just because I put out.

208
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:44,322
[sniffles]

209
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,195
I can see that.

210
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,457
And may I say, you're still

211
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,198
a very attractive woman.

212
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,983
Yeah,
and I'm in good shape, too.

213
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,072
I do Pilates three times a week

214
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,161
and I'm a lifetime kegeler.

215
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,165
Hey, you want to see
a picture of me

216
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:04,212
when I was third runner-up
for Miss Cook County?

217
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,909
Well, I got to, um..

218
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,304
I'd love to.

219
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:16,006
This was before I met
Molly's dad.

220
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,139
I would have finished higher,
but apparently

221
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:20,663
Miss Congeniality's
special talent

222
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:24,058
was sword swallowing,
if you get my drift.

223
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,280
Hey, where's Mike?

224
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,369
He went upstairs.

225
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:33,067
Everything okay?

226
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:34,503
I guess.

227
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,639
He got bent out of shape
when I lit up a doobie.

228
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:42,903
I mean, I get it, he's a cop

229
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,948
it's against the law.

230
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:47,690
But still, dude needs to chill.

231
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,653
[Mike and Joyce laughing]

232
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,837
Hey. Wha..

233
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:06,361
What are you doing?

234
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:09,538
Uh, just looking at some old
family pictures with your mom.

235
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,584
Look at you, running around
all naked in the water wiggle.

236
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,632
Oh. Great.

237
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:19,156
Uh, hey,
I was just going to bed.

238
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,941
Would you like to join me?

239
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,464
Yeah, in a minute.

240
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,468
Look, your senior prom.

241
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:29,427
You and your cousin Jerry made
a very handsome couple.

242
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:34,215
For the record,
he was a wonderful dancer.

243
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:35,651
[instrumental music]

244
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:40,830
[instrumental music]

245
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,877
Here's your key.

246
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,182
Thanks. You did the laundry?

247
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,532
Sheets, pillowcases,
towels, and drapes.

248
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,667
Drapes?

249
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:52,842
We were out of towels.

250
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,670
Ugh!

251
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:57,238
You realize I eat my meals
in that apartment.

252
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,675
Don't worry,
the kitchen table's fine.

253
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,721
But I wouldn't eat any fruit,
or go near the butter.

254
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,856
You know, Carl,
if you like this woman

255
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,076
you might consider introducing
her to your grandmother

256
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,078
and having a relationship
under your own roof.

257
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,819
Nah, it's not
that kind of thing.

258
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,385
Besides, I had to cut her loose.

259
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,648
- She was getting too clingy.
- So, that's it?

260
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,693
You just
have your way with her

261
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:18,999
and then kick her to the curb.

262
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,565
Hey. I made no promises.

263
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:21,871
Before we ever hooked up,
I told her

264
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,917
I could not be tied down.

265
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,570
Turns out I could be
tied down and punished

266
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,268
punished, punished.

267
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,924
I hope you at least
let that woman down gently

268
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,621
and didn't make her
think it was her fault.

269
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,318
I did, I told her it was me,
and I was all

270
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:36,451
messed up in the head,
and I needed some space.

271
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,366
Oh, Carl, they can see
right through that.

272
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:39,889
They know you're really saying
that they're too old

273
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,499
or not pretty enough.

274
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,545
I can't tell how old she is.
She's got that Asian thing.

275
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,766
She could be 18 or 80.

276
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,074
Real nice, Mr. Sensitive.

277
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,684
What's with you today, anyway?

278
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,425
Did you ever stop to think
that this woman might have

279
00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:56,993
real feelings for you, and
you've just broken her heart?

280
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,561
Well, it's better to have
loved Carl and lost him

281
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,519
than to never have loved
Carl at all.

282
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,000
Men.

283
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,046
What did you say?

284
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,961
You heard me.

285
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:09,963
[instrumental music]

286
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,138
Oh, yeah, just hanging out

287
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,314
watching the game,
doing guy stuff.

288
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:16,056
Hey, how's your mom?
Is she okay?

289
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,145
Oh, well, don't let her
sit up in her room all night.

290
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,147
She needs to get out
and engage with other people.

291
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,626
Boom!
There it is!

292
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,280
He's not getting up from that.

293
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:26,283
Fellas, I am on the phone here.

294
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,111
Eh, you're missing this. They're
bringing out the stretcher.

295
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,722
Shh, please!

296
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,029
Hey. See if you can get
your mom out of her bathrobe

297
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:35,031
and into something
that makes her feel pretty.

298
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,817
And ask Victoria to help,
so she feels included.

299
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,035
Hey, Mike.

300
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,254
[smacking lips]

301
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,649
I'm gonna
have to call you back.

302
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:47,957
Why did you invite us
over here if you're gonna

303
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,437
talk to your girlfriend
all night long?

304
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:50,917
Hey, she's worried
about her mom

305
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,570
'cause she just got dumped
by some jerk.

306
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:54,834
Sound familiar, Carl?

307
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:58,489
Whoa. Don't get your panties
in a bunch, Mary Kay.

308
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:01,753
Perhaps it is his time
of the month.

309
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,755
Well, he does look
a little bloated.

310
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,801
[laughs]

311
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:09,457
If you knew what a menstrual
cycle does to a woman

312
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,938
both physically and emotionally,
you would not joke.

313
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:17,117
Oh, yes.
His egg has dropped.

314
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,772
You know what?
I'm gonna take a little walk.

315
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,991
Uh, why?

316
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,340
I need a little time to myself.

317
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,299
Is that alright
with you, Mr. Man?

318
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,956
I hope he went out
for Midol and chocolate.

319
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:34,830
Another profiterole, Joyce?

320
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,440
Oh, I probably shouldn't.

321
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:38,007
Please. If I had your figure

322
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,488
I'd be sucking up those babies
like an anteater.

323
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:43,883
- You're terrible.
- I know!

324
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:46,624
Mike, I thought
you wanted to hang out

325
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:47,887
with your friends tonight.

326
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,149
Well, isn't that what I'm doing?

327
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,977
- Aw!
- Aw!

328
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:53,283
[doorbell rings]

329
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,328
I'll get it, ladies.

330
00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:56,199
You sit. Enjoy.

331
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,419
Oh, I just wanna eat him up.

332
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,508
Well, with your figure, you can.

333
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,686
- Hey.
- Oh, Vince, not a good time.

334
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,209
I need to talk to Joyce.

335
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,037
Yeah, I don't know,
she's pretty upset with you.

336
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,909
- Who is it?
- It's me, Vince.

337
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,301
I'm sorry, lamb chop.

338
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,737
Get the hell off my porch.

339
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:13,782
Please, let me explain.

340
00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:15,305
What's to explain?

341
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:16,524
You wanted space?

342
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,135
Go sit on a missile!

343
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:21,050
Vince, let's you
and I step outside.

344
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,009
Beat the crap out of him!

345
00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:25,359
If you're gonna take
a poke at me

346
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:26,926
I'm begging you,
not in the face.

347
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,362
That's all I got.

348
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:31,626
Relax. Nobody's gonna hit you.

349
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:34,716
But I wouldn't climb into
a cage with Joyce right now.

350
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,500
I did bad, I know.

351
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,808
I thought I had a shot at a
23-year-old dental hygienist.

352
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,375
- Twenty-three?
- Yeah.

353
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,464
Skin like milk.
Smelled like a puppy.

354
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,033
Okay. You had sex
with this woman?

355
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,208
No, never went that far.

356
00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:49,557
Well, how far did it go?

357
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:51,646
I asked her to have sex with me,
she said no.

358
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,955
- Aw, Vince.
- I went crazy.

359
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,957
I saw that young body,
and all of a sudden

360
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,655
I had a full head of hair
and a sack I wasn't sitting on.

361
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,571
Do you have any idea
how much you hurt

362
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:04,876
that poor woman in there?

363
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,749
I know, and,
as God is my witness

364
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,185
I will never hurt her again

365
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,361
and I will do anything
to get her back.

366
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:15,713
Alright.
I'll talk to her for you.

367
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,715
But I can't make any promises.

368
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:21,197
Hey. Leave out the part
about the puppy smell.

369
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,286
That sounds a little creepy.

370
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:26,550
Wait here.

371
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,034
Okay, I'm not
telling you what to do

372
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:34,471
but I think that man
really cares about you

373
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,865
and he's genuinely sorry.

374
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,519
So what, now you're
taking his side?

375
00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:39,781
No, I'm not taking his side.

376
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:40,825
And it doesn't matter whether

377
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:41,913
I like him or you like him

378
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,002
it's up to your mom to decide

379
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:44,351
what she wants to do.

380
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,917
I'd like to smear honey
on his ass

381
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,007
and stuff him in a bag full
of fire ants.

382
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:52,446
Well, he's still out
on the porch

383
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,404
and he did say he'd do anything.

384
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:02,195
Might as well hear what
the son of a bitch has to say.

385
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,545
If I hit him, do you
have to arrest me?

386
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,242
You get a free pass
on the first punch.

387
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,766
After that, I gotta step in.

388
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,768
All I need is one.

389
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:16,078
You guys really stick up

390
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,906
for each other, don't you?

391
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:20,082
There's a certain
gender loyalty, yes.

392
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,216
Which reminds me..

393
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:25,174
...got the key back from Carl.

394
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:29,526
Why are you giving it to me?

395
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:30,919
I don't know,
I thought you might like

396
00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:33,443
to come and go as you please.

397
00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,967
- Really?
- Yeah, really.

398
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,534
It's a big step, Mike.

399
00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:39,623
I know, but it feels like
the right thing to do.

400
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,888
I don't know what to say.

401
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:45,629
Speechless. Finally.

402
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,546
Don't push it, pal.

403
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,859
So can I have a key
to your place?

404
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,643
Absolutely not.

405
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:04,605
How come?

406
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,521
I'm just not there yet.

407
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:08,565
Oh.

408
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:12,569
You're so easy.

409
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,528
It's under the lawn gnome
in the backyard.

410
00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:15,703
[laughs]

411
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:21,317
- Hey, Mike?
- Yeah?

412
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:24,799
If I blaze up, are you gonna
get all piggly-wiggly on me?

413
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:30,239
You know, Victoria

414
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,372
you don't need to get wasted
to have a good time.

415
00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,728
What are you talking about?

416
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:43,905
I'm just saying
that a person doesn't need

417
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:46,125
drugs or alcohol
to enjoy themselves.

418
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,174
I'm not following you.

419
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:54,611
Give it up.

420
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:55,743
You can't save everybody

421
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:57,092
in one night, Sir Galahad.

422
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,702
- Let's go to bed.
- Alright.

423
00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:00,965
But we're not gonna
have sex every night.

424
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,271
You okay with that?

425
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,230
No. You're putting out.

426
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,109
You know, many Africans have
played professional basketball

427
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,590
but to my knowledge,
very few have played

428
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,766
professional football.

429
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,507
Huh. Not surprising.

430
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,944
Those brothers are like,
10 feet tall and 65 pounds.

431
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,514
That's a stick of licorice
with a helmet on.

432
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,736
Do you have cheerleaders
in your country?

433
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,174
No. There's not much
to cheer about.

434
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:42,920
Wouldn't it be great if everyone
had cheerleaders in their jobs?

435
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:45,923
Just ten hot bitches screaming,
"Go, Carl, go!"

436
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,316
[laughs]

437
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,188
Y-you've been getting
"Go, Carl, go"

438
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,190
for the last two nights,
haven't you?

439
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,192
Yeah, but that's over.

440
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,019
I don't understand.

441
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,413
If it was so good,
why did you end it?

442
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,024
She wanted to have a real
relationship, settle down.

443
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,765
But that's not my thing.

444
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,767
I'm more of a lone wolf.

445
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,292
Prowling the night.

446
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:07,815
She broke up with you,
didn't she?

447
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,209
Yeah, she said I was
too clingy and emotional.

448
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,779
So it was not
"Carl too beaucoup"

449
00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:18,086
it was "Carl too boo-hoo."

450
00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:22,046
Shut up and watch the game.

451
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:25,702
Whoa.

452
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,661
I wouldn't eat those grapes.

453
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:32,405
[instrumental music]

454
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:39,977
[instrumental music]