1 00:00:03,351 --> 00:00:04,700 Isn't this great? 2 00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:06,702 A hot bowl of soup and Sportscenter. 3 00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,965 Doesn't get better than this, does it? 4 00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,837 [chuckling] Please tell me that's not true. 5 00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:13,622 Look, I'm just sayin', it's nice to be at that point 6 00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:15,754 In our relationship where we don't have to get dressed up 7 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:16,973 and go out every night. 8 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,496 No, I think it's great 9 00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:19,889 that we're this comfortable with each other. 10 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,021 But that doesn't mean we're never gonna leave 11 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,370 the house again, does it? 12 00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:23,501 Why would we? We're never gonna find 13 00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:25,460 a sports bar with soup this good. 14 00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,464 [doorbell ringing] 15 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,553 Oh, "Classic Moments In Boxing".. 16 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,642 Dear God! I'm gonna die here. 17 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,864 Hey, pancake. Is your mom ready? 18 00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:41,302 Yes, Vince, she was ready over an hour ago. 19 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,347 What can I tell ya? I was unavoidably detained. 20 00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:44,870 What happened, they extend the two-for-one 21 00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,916 lap dance special at the Boob Shack? 22 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,355 Don't kid yourself that two-for-one deal's a racket. 23 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,531 They don't mean two broads, they mean two songs. 24 00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:57,492 And you couldn't take a minute to call my mother? 25 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,146 I was stuck in traffic! 26 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:01,061 Plus, I don't like cellular phones. 27 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,019 Read somewhere that it numbs your 'nads. 28 00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,588 And at my age, boners are like money. 29 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:11,636 You really have no filter at all, do you? 30 00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:16,337 Mom! Prince Charming's here! 31 00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:19,775 Oh, the "Thrilla In Manila". You know, I was there. 32 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,864 The Ali-Frazier fight? That must've been amazing. 33 00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:24,171 Oh, yeah. Manila's a great town. 34 00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:26,042 For 20 bucks, you can get a broad 35 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,827 a silk suit and a steak the size of a fat baby. 36 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,530 Hey, Vin. Don't you look handsome tonight. 37 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,184 'Ooh! And look at you.' 38 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:39,142 If the couch potatoes weren't here 39 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,101 I'd take you on the rug right now. 40 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,324 Oh, by the way, have you thought about my offer? 41 00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:50,197 Vin wants to buy me breast implants. 42 00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,199 Isn't that generous of him? 43 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:54,462 Oh, yeah, always thinking of others. 44 00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,161 Hey, I'll use 'em as much as she will. 45 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:02,165 'Night. 46 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,819 Be careful walking in those heels. 47 00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,777 The only thing I want you pullin', is me. 48 00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,826 Oh, God! That man just repulses me. 49 00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:12,828 Why? 50 00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:14,873 Why? Are you kidding me? 51 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,876 He's a horny little piglet with a pinky ring. 52 00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:21,706 My mom deserves a decent man who's loving 53 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:24,405 and respectful and, you know, pays attention to-- 54 00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:26,146 Pow! There goes the mouthpiece! 55 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,887 You know, like what I've got. 56 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:34,415 ♪ For the first time in my life ♪ 57 00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:38,027 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 58 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:54,435 Ah-h-h! 59 00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:57,394 Now that's more like it. 60 00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:01,311 So, I guess you're officially done courtin' me, huh? 61 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:03,052 Look, tomorrow night, I promise we're out 62 00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,272 to a nice dinner and a movie afterwards. 63 00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:06,838 Promise to keep your pants buttoned? 64 00:03:06,925 --> 00:03:09,101 Boy, it's never enough with you, is it? 65 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:13,062 What did I tell you, they haven't budged. 66 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,371 Well, we had a wonderful night. 67 00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:20,069 - We ate Moroccan food. - Oh! 68 00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:22,419 A little spicy for my taste. 69 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,856 I hope it cools down before it bids me adieu. 70 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:31,385 And Vin knows the owner, so we got free lamb kebabs 71 00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:33,430 and a belly dancer came right up to our table. 72 00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:34,823 Swell-lookin' broad. 73 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,259 Little long in the tooth 74 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,696 but her rack hasn't completely tear-dropped yet. 75 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,048 What is it with you? 76 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:46,269 Were you not breast fed as a child? 77 00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:49,054 Hey, Vin, I'm gonna go up and run a hot bath 78 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,709 and light a few candles if you care to join me. 79 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:54,582 You kiddin'? Between the Viagra, the belly dancer 80 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,453 and watchin' you eat with your fingers 81 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,586 I got enough lumber to build a coffee table. 82 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,678 Meet you upstairs. 83 00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,767 Go ahead and start the engine. I'll be up in a minute 84 00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,725 to back it out of the driveway. 85 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:11,120 What does that even mean? 86 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:16,386 Hey, Mikey, if you're interested 87 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,735 I got a couple extra Bull tickets 88 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,389 for tomorrow night's game. 89 00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,652 Against Boston? I thought that game was sold out. 90 00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,089 My Moroccan pal gave me his season tickets. 91 00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:26,788 A little payback for getting him a deal on rat traps. 92 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:31,227 The quiet kind, so they don't freak out the customers. 93 00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,316 Oh, man, Bulls-Celtics! I'm in. 94 00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:35,753 Mike, I thought you and I had plans for tomorrow night. 95 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,494 We can go to a stupid movie anytime. 96 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,670 We're talking about the Bulls and the Celtics. 97 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,281 Third row behind home bench. 98 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,152 And I rented a limo. 99 00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,719 Oh, my God! Third row behind home bench! 100 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,764 And he rented a limo! 101 00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:49,811 Just consider it a thank-you for keeping the streets safe 102 00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:52,248 From all the perverts and scumbags. 103 00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:54,424 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go throw her mom one 104 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:55,556 in the bathtub. 105 00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,952 Where do you keep your gun? Is at home or in the car? 106 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,174 Can you believe this? Third row. 107 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:06,697 You're actually going? 108 00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:08,917 Well, there's two tickets. We can both go. 109 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:11,354 No, I'm not taking anything from that man. 110 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,487 He's just trying to worm his way into my family. 111 00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:16,141 And what a great way to do it. 112 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,534 Third row. Bulls tickets. 113 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,537 Welcome to the family, Vince Moranto. 114 00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:22,496 Alright, if you feel comfortable 115 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,411 taking what is clearly a bribe 116 00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:27,065 then, by all means, have a good time. 117 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,503 I'm a cop. People give me free stuff all the time 118 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:30,939 and I don't do squat in return. 119 00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:33,768 That's what would make it a bribe. 120 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,204 Well, I'm not going. 121 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,162 But if you want to go, that's up to you. 122 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,296 You know what? Fine. I won't go. 123 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,691 - Really? - Sure, what the hell. 124 00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:45,432 It's just a basketball game and I promised 125 00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,999 I'd take you to dinner and a movie. 126 00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:49,958 Thank you. I really appreciate that. 127 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,573 Aw, come on! You're gonna hold me to that? 128 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:02,927 Ah! What are you reading? 129 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,495 A book. 130 00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,497 "The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants"? 131 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:12,328 Yes. 132 00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,286 Wow, you're already halfway through it. 133 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,636 I started in the middle. 134 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,594 A good book can grab you anywhere. 135 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,641 Mike, I know you're upset with me. 136 00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,339 What makes you think that? 137 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,906 Because you're pretending to read. 138 00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,778 Hey, I can read. 139 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,345 I can't believe because you don't like Vince 140 00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,303 I don't get to have any fun. 141 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,131 Look, I just don't trust the guy. 142 00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,569 And I'm guessing the minute he gets what he wants from my mom 143 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:36,918 he's outta here. 144 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,049 Oh, and you really think your mom's 145 00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,529 been holding something back? 146 00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:41,575 Boy, that's not what I'm hearin' through the walls. 147 00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:45,274 Mike, listen to me 148 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,232 I'm not telling you you can't go to that game. 149 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:48,538 You're not? 150 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,279 No. That has to be your decision. 151 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,368 So whichever way I go, you'll be okay with that? 152 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,370 That's my decision. 153 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,425 You're killing me. 154 00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:14,259 Samuel, let me ask you a question. 155 00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,218 We come in here all the time, right? 156 00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,438 If we covered you in vinyl, we could use you as a booth. 157 00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,180 And once in a while 158 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,922 you've been known to give us the occasional free meal. 159 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,881 And dessert, coffee to go 160 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,273 curb-side service for when you're too lazy 161 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,232 to button your pants and come inside. 162 00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,148 Right, right. 163 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,716 And in exchange, have we ever given you 164 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:38,632 any extra protection or surveillance whatsoever? 165 00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,895 I've never even heard a thank-you. 166 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,331 I rest my case. 167 00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:44,072 I believe, once, we were even robbed 168 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,987 while you were sitting here eating your free oatmeal. 169 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:50,905 You see? Nobody can bribe Mike Biggs. 170 00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:53,429 She doesn't like the guy, so I don't get to go to the game. 171 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,475 - Crazy, right? - Yeah, it's crazy. 172 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,128 But your problem is you're trying to approach this thing 173 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,434 using logic and common sense 174 00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,218 and that ain't the way women work. 175 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,396 So when she told me she didn't care if I went to the game.. 176 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,009 She meant "If you do go to that game, don't bother comin' home." 177 00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:09,967 It's like when you offer me a bite of your dilly bar. 178 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,229 I know you don't mean it 179 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:13,188 and I know you don't want me to have it. 180 00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:17,932 That's true. I don't. 181 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,977 Look, in relationships, it's all about solidarity. 182 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,327 You gotta like who she likes and hate who she hates. 183 00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:24,721 Even if it makes absolutely no sense at all? 184 00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,506 Especially when it makes no sense. 185 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,465 That's when her convictions are the strongest. 186 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:30,727 I thought relationships were supposed to be 187 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:31,902 about give and take. 188 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,600 They are.. She gives you sex 189 00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,558 and you take whatever crazy B.S. she throws at you. 190 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,824 I guess the bottom line is 191 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,435 I won't be sitting third row at tonight's Bulls game. 192 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,699 Third row? Oh, man, that must hurt like a bitch. 193 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,138 But still, you gotta back your lady, no matter what. 194 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:52,270 I can't believe this. I'm passin' up two tickets 195 00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,925 to a Bulls-Celtics game. 196 00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,971 Two tickets? 197 00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,147 'Course, there is another way to look at this thing. 198 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:07,155 Boy, that was a terrific dinner, honey. 199 00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:08,939 Glad you enjoyed it. 200 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,855 Now you won't have to fill up on hot dogs at the game. 201 00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,857 Always lookin' out for your man, huh? 202 00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,816 'Every waking minute.' 203 00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:18,688 Sarcasm.. 204 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,647 That-that-that's never good. 205 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:27,044 Golly, you should've seen Carl's face 206 00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,046 when he found out we were going to the Bulls game. 207 00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:31,048 It just lit up. 208 00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:32,702 I bet it did. 209 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,791 See, for me, that's the whole joy of going to this thing. 210 00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:37,446 You know, seeing how happy it makes Carl. 211 00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,970 Uh-huh. 212 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:41,493 Well, I hope you guys have fun tonight. 213 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,799 [doorbell ringing] 214 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,409 Molly, please. I can't enjoy myself 215 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,455 if I know you're upset. 216 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,979 Well, that's a shame. 217 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,807 You know what? Forget it. 218 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:53,070 I'm gonna tell those guys to go on without me. 219 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,506 If that's what you wanna do. 220 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,770 It's not what I wanna do! 221 00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:59,033 I wanna go to the game. And I want you to say it's okay 222 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,687 so I can get drunk, have a good time 223 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:03,254 and not worry about comin' home to that face, right there. 224 00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:06,823 [Vince] 'Mike, come on! Let's go!' 225 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:11,349 - Have fun. - Stop saying that! 226 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,874 Boy, you got a mean streak in you, sister. 227 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:20,228 [instrumental music] 228 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,799 Mikey, you sure I can't mix you 229 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:28,323 a refreshing alcoholic concoction? 230 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:31,935 Man makes a wicked lemon drop. He even sugared the rim. 231 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,850 Aw, I better not. If Molly smells liquor 232 00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:35,678 on my breath, she'll think I had a good time. 233 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,288 Hey, you gotta snap out of it. 234 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:38,768 You're already in the doghouse 235 00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:41,031 you might as well pee on the carpet. 236 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,904 Come on, have a little hooch. 237 00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:47,908 Some of the best sex I've ever had involved liquor and anger. 238 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,519 I agree. If she ain't mad at you, you ain't doin' it right. 239 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:53,870 I guess one beer wouldn't hurt. 240 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,306 Atta boy. 241 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,831 Oh! And after the game, I was thinkin' we could 242 00:10:57,918 --> 00:11:01,443 pop into the locker room and say hi to some of the players. 243 00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,706 You're kiddin'! We get to meet the team? 244 00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,882 Yeah, one of the trainers used to bang my cousin 245 00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,841 so that kinda makes him family. 246 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,365 Did you hear that? 247 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,106 We are gonna be in the locker room with.. 248 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,978 - Our Chicago Bulls! - Our Chicago Bulls! 249 00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:17,198 Salud! 250 00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:18,503 Check this out. 251 00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:21,158 Open sesame. 252 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,551 Whoa! Moon roof! 253 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,553 Moon roof? 254 00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:29,906 I'm the king of the world! 255 00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,300 Hey, punk, you better run! 256 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,179 See, now back in the '70s we'd have to burn 257 00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,138 a whole nickel bag to get this ripped. 258 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,884 Did you smoke a lot of pot back then, mom? 259 00:11:50,971 --> 00:11:52,537 Mm.. 260 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:55,540 You know, when I was pregnant, I couldn't drink. 261 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,717 And it really did help with the morning sickness. 262 00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:03,853 Well, a lot has changed since then. 263 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:06,377 It's all scientific now. 264 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:10,077 Weed advancement really took off once the nerds got involved. 265 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:14,690 Well, hats off to those little four-eyed virgins. 266 00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,607 Now if we can just get 'em workin' 267 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,522 on wrinkle cream and hair removal. 268 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,350 Absolutely. 269 00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,134 Today's pubic hair technology 270 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:27,485 really leaves much to be desired. 271 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,184 Oh, yeah, we're losin' that race to the Brazilians. 272 00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,667 Oh, good. 273 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,453 Second-hand pot smoke and a table full of snacks. 274 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:40,020 It's an overeater's dream. 275 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:44,024 Do you want to watch the basketball game with us? 276 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,330 - No, thank you. - Oh, come on. 277 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,419 Vince said if they point the camera at him 278 00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:52,249 he's gonna stand up and cup his junk as kind of a secret hello. 279 00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:57,472 Great. Please tell me he's gonna be our new daddy. 280 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,780 Honey, I know you're not crazy about him 281 00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:04,522 but he's really a very sensitive and caring man. 282 00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:06,263 Why? Because when he walks out of the bathroom 283 00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,875 he announces the air quality? 284 00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:11,486 Listen, I've dated guys who didn't do that.. 285 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,662 Trust me, it's better to know what you're walkin' into. 286 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:18,493 Is that Mike? 287 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,451 No, that's the mascot. 288 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,672 Oh, you're right. 289 00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:25,805 Mike doesn't have a tail, does he? 290 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,418 Look, mom, I just think you can.. 291 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,246 You can do a lot better than that guy. 292 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,595 Come on, Molly. 293 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:35,118 You never like any of my boyfriends. 294 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:37,817 Remember Jerry the housepainter? You made him cry. 295 00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:41,385 I caught him stealing money from your purse. 296 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:44,171 That man was a sexual dynamo. He earned every penny. 297 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:49,654 And thanks to you, our garage door is still only half yellow. 298 00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:53,484 Mom, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life. 299 00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:57,575 It's just that I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt. 300 00:13:57,662 --> 00:14:01,101 Aw, sweetie, I appreciate you worryin' about me 301 00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:04,278 But I'm just having a good time with the man. 302 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,846 Besides, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. 303 00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:10,850 You're right. It's your life. 304 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:13,548 If he makes you happy, that's what's.. 305 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,637 That's what's important. 306 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,900 From now on, I am officially butting out. 307 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,730 Don't you dare. 308 00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:28,476 Hey, look, mom. Vince is sayin' hello. 309 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,923 This was the greatest night of my life.. Seriously. 310 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,925 I'll probably have to lie to people, at some point 311 00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,362 and say it was my wedding day or the birth of my first child 312 00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,321 but the three of us will know the truth. 313 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,064 Double overtime, Bulls win by two 314 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:53,544 plus they scored over 100 points, which means we all get.. 315 00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:56,330 [in unison] Free chalupas! 316 00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,986 I mean, it was a magical evening, right? 317 00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,335 I don't know how to thank you, Vince. 318 00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:02,858 Third row seats and we got to go 319 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,468 into the locker room after the game. 320 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,949 Boy, some of those guys were swingin' the sausage, huh? 321 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:10,431 Not that I was lookin', but they were at eye level. 322 00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:11,823 Yeah, I thought that one was gonna eat 323 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,608 a peanut out of my hand. 324 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,784 You know, dip down into the water bucket and wash his back. 325 00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:17,742 Elephant trunk. We got it at "peanut". 326 00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,529 Well, I'm glad you boys had a good time. 327 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,574 Maybe mention to your girlfriend 328 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:25,315 that I'm not such a bad egg. 329 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:26,795 Oh, she doesn't think you're a bad egg 330 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,579 she just thinks her mom's scrapin' the bottom 331 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,581 of the barrel by dating you. 332 00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,670 But why? I treat Joyce like a queen. 333 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:34,237 Hey, this isn't comin' from me. 334 00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:35,935 It's just that Molly thinks your intentions 335 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,806 are less than honorable. 336 00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:40,591 Look, I'm not gonna lie to you, I've loved many women. 337 00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:43,072 But Joyce ain't like them other skanks. 338 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,466 She's smart, she's funny 339 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,816 plus she can match me kink for kink in the boudoir. 340 00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:52,299 I probably won't tell Molly about the kink part. 341 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,736 She might not see it as the compliment you intended. 342 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:57,869 Well, you know her better than I do. 343 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,610 So where to now, gents? 344 00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:01,351 The night is still young. 345 00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,874 I should probably head home. 346 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,876 Molly was pretty mad when I left. 347 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,792 We can't go home now. We're drunk, we're in a limo. 348 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,491 Hey, let's cruise past a nightclub with the windows down 349 00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:12,580 and tell everybody we're Earth, Wind & Fire. 350 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,886 You're kiddin'. 351 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,019 ♪ Do you remember ♪ 352 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,022 ♪ The twenty-first night of September? ♪ 353 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:23,678 ♪ Love was changing the minds of pretenders ♪ 354 00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:28,378 ♪ While chasing the clouds away ♪ 355 00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:29,597 ♪ Oh, oh, oh! ♪ 356 00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,642 ♪ Ba de ya ♪ 357 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,557 ♪ Say, do you remember ♪ 358 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,255 ♪ Ba de ya ♪ 359 00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,039 ♪ Dancing in September ♪ 360 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,780 ♪ Ba de ya ♪ 361 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:42,566 ♪ Never was a cloudy day.. ♪♪ 362 00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:54,143 Thank you again for tonight. It was very generous. 363 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:57,103 Hey, I'm sure if I ever got into a real jam 364 00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:01,194 like I was sittin' on, say, 30 to 35 unpaid parkin' tickets 365 00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,718 you'd step up with a little quid pro quo. 366 00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,328 Yeah, I really don't do that type of thing. 367 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,069 Ever? 368 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,160 Molly, what are you doin' up so late? 369 00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,423 Waiting for you. Did you have fun tonight? 370 00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,208 Are you gonna be mad if I say yes? 371 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,210 - No. - It was awesome! 372 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,168 Best night of my life. 373 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:22,345 I mean, not as good as the night we met.. 374 00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,391 But right up there. 375 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,741 And just so you know, he was a good boy tonight. 376 00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:28,786 The place was crawlin' with tail. 377 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:33,791 Hey, the boys are back. 378 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:34,923 Doll-face! 379 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,925 How are ya? 380 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,408 Sorry I gave you such a hard time about going out tonight. 381 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,975 Yeah, it wasn't a very attractive side of you. 382 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,196 Just take the apology, pal. 383 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:51,418 Joyce, I want you to know that my intentions are honorable. 384 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,683 Vin, what are you doing on your knees? 385 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,772 Please tell me he's havin' a heart attack. 386 00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,689 - Joyce Meredith Flynn-- - Marilyn. 387 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,431 You gonna bust my stones over a middle name? 388 00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:07,434 I thought you guys were just havin' a good time together. 389 00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:08,783 We were. 390 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,611 But I think it's time that I step up 391 00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:14,615 and let everyone know that Vincent Moranto is here to stay. 392 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:18,445 Is this what you had in mind, big guy? 393 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:21,143 - You told him to do this? - I don't think so. 394 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,102 I don't know. I don't feel good. 395 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,671 What do you say, Joyce? Will you have me? 396 00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:31,414 Mom, take your time. And think about it-- 397 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,416 Yes, Vince, I will marry you. 398 00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:36,071 You took absolutely no time to think about that. 399 00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,293 You've made me the happiest man in the world. 400 00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,080 You gotta admit, it's kinda romantic. 401 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,516 Not seein' it? 402 00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,475 [yawns] 'Night, everybody. 403 00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,447 You look very pretty this morning. 404 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,846 Some might say radiant. 405 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,113 Don't. Okay? 406 00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,901 You know, Molly, he's actually not a bad guy. 407 00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:26,861 Can we just eat our breakfast and not talk? 408 00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:31,039 There they are. 409 00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:33,433 Boy, I know what I'm gettin' you two for Christmas. 410 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,391 Chairs. 411 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:41,484 Hey, princess, I realize I'm not your real dad 412 00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,834 nor would I ever try to replace him. 413 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,314 That's good to know. 414 00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:46,707 But if you ever need anything.. 415 00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:50,711 Advice, tires, panty hose, whatever.. 416 00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,974 - I'm there for you. - I appreciate it. 417 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,629 And you, you got a real gem here 418 00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:57,544 And you're gonna have to start steppin' up. 419 00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:58,893 Take her out every once in a while. 420 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:00,503 Spend a little coin. 421 00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,244 Shell out for a nice dinner. 422 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,246 Don't take her someplace just because you got 423 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,205 a coupon for a free chalupa. 424 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,602 You know what? I think you're right. 425 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,517 That guy is kind of annoying. 426 00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,954 I don't know, he's actually starting to grow on me. 427 00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:27,269 [theme music]