1
00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,394
[gunshots on TV]

2
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:05,396
Mike, get your shoes on!
Let's go!

3
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,311
I'm right in the middle
of taking Guadalcanal

4
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:10,401
and I can't abandon
my battalion.

5
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:13,752
Those guys have families
back home, Molly.

6
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,232
They also
have helmets and guns

7
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,060
and I'm going
to your mother's unarmed.

8
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,846
Oh, cool,
you can shoot the coconuts.

9
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,500
Eh!

10
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,372
Your mother's gone
to a lot of trouble

11
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:26,374
making dinner for us,
at least we can do

12
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:29,159
is show up on time
and pretend to enjoy ourselves.

13
00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:31,118
Hey, whatever
we're having, she cooked

14
00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:33,685
and froze two years ago.

15
00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,687
She doesn't even know
what it is till it melts.

16
00:00:35,774 --> 00:00:37,559
Could be stew, could be cake.

17
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,953
Just call her and tell her
that we're on our way.

18
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,912
Fine.

19
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,261
If we're late, I'm gonna be
the one getting the stink eye

20
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,916
from your mom
and her ugly dog.

21
00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,571
Hi, mom, just wanna
let you know we're on our way.

22
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,747
Yeah, we're headed down
the stairs right now.

23
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,054
Molly, watch your step!

24
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,534
Oh, dear God, no!

25
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,321
I'm fine, Mrs. Biggs,
we'll be there in about

26
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,192
ten minutes.

27
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,282
Really?

28
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,720
I took a shot.

29
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,679
♪ For the first time ♪

30
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:13,986
♪ In my life ♪

31
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:17,033
♪ I see love ♪♪

32
00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,482
What was that dinner? Meat loaf?

33
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,441
Who knows?
Might've been banana bread.

34
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,835
Hey, I wrapped up
some leftover lasagna

35
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,707
for you kids to take home.

36
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,753
Listen, Mikey,
if you're not doing anything

37
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,581
Tuesday afternoon,
I could use a ride home

38
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:44,930
from the hospital.

39
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,541
Hospital? What's going on?

40
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,891
Well, according
to Dr. Needs a New Sports Car

41
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,328
my gallbladder's on the fritz,
so they gotta cut me open

42
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,330
and yank it out.

43
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,984
Why am I just
hearing about about this?

44
00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:57,160
I didn't wanna worry you,
you know, I'm not the type

45
00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:59,336
to dump my problems
in somebody else's lap.

46
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:04,167
Mom, you call me when the
paperboy misses the front stoop.

47
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,256
I think that perv does it
on purpose to get me

48
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,910
to bend over in my robe.

49
00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:10,478
Hoping one of the girls
flops out.

50
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,614
So do you have a ride
to the hospital?

51
00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:18,964
I'll take the bus,
I can put my money in my shoe

52
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:22,185
and carry a can of bum-be-gone.

53
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:25,275
No, that's crazy, I'm happy
to drive you there and back.

54
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:28,060
Okay, but after the surgery,
be sure to call the hospital.

55
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,193
If I go toes-up on the table,
I don't want you

56
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,630
to waste your gas
or ruin your evening.

57
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,458
Mom, don't say that.
You're gonna be fine.

58
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:37,548
Gallbladder surgery is actually
pretty routine these days.

59
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,595
Oh, I didn't know you were
dating a trained physician.

60
00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,599
No, I'm just saying
it's not necessarily

61
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,122
a life-threatening operation.

62
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:48,733
Hey, any time you give
a woman my age the gas

63
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:52,041
it's a coin flip whether
she'll wake up or not.

64
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:54,522
Oh, and by the way,
I put do not resuscitate

65
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,176
instructions in my living will.

66
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,960
I'm sure
it's not gonna come to that.

67
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,354
Well, if it does, don't
let me lay there drooling

68
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,660
or making crazy vegetable talk.

69
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,274
Mom, I am not gonna
pull the plug on you.

70
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:10,059
If you're too squeamish, have
your little girlfriend do it.

71
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:12,235
Just make sure there's
no chance of recovery

72
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:14,368
before you let her kill me.

73
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,286
Mrs. Biggs, I realize you're
worried about this whole thing

74
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:21,201
but you shouldn't blow
it out of proportion.

75
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:25,074
This is the casket I want.

76
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:27,163
It's a solid
mahogany classic

77
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:30,732
with the tufted champagne
satin lining.

78
00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:35,389
It looks nice. I'm sure
you'll be very comfortable.

79
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,391
This is crazy,
we don't need to worry about

80
00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:38,914
caskets and funerals.

81
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,394
No, you don't,
because your father and I

82
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:42,700
made all the arrangements
years ago.

83
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:45,355
Bought side by side plots,
picked out the headstone

84
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,096
and had our names
carved on it.

85
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,359
Hang on a second, you're
sayin' somewhere in Chicago

86
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,709
there's an empty grave
with your name already on it?

87
00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,537
All you gotta do
is drain me, dump me

88
00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,191
and get somebody
with a decent voice to sing

89
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:58,542
"The Old Rugged Cross."

90
00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,631
Alright, enough of this.
You are going to be fine.

91
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,329
Oh, and you'll need
to get your dad's name

92
00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:04,069
scraped off the headstone.

93
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,767
If he thinks he can
run off with that whore

94
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:10,685
and get a free dirt nap next
to me, he's very much mistaken.

95
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,991
So, you're gonna use the
other grave for, like, what

96
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:15,733
storage or Jim?

97
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,217
No, Jim wants to be cremated
and have his ashes scattered

98
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,219
either in the backyard
or Yosemite.

99
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,223
Really?
And how do you know that?

100
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,920
I've had him
since he was a puppy.

101
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:31,793
You just know.

102
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,448
Anyway, Mikey, the extra grave
is yours if you want it.

103
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,493
Well, look, that's very
generous of you, mom

104
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,234
but you're not goin'
anywhere, and I'm guessin'

105
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:41,672
when the time does come,
I'll be buried next to Molly.

106
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,805
What?

107
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:47,591
Uh, oh, Mike, we haven't even
bought a couch together yet.

108
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:50,115
Let's, let's not get ahead
of ourselves.

109
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,205
Right, sorry.

110
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,469
You might wanna be
cremated or be frozen

111
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:58,341
like Ted Williams' head.

112
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,430
Oh, that reminds me,
I defrosted a pie.

113
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,612
You weren't serious about
the burial thing, right?

114
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,572
No, no. I made a joke about
being buried next to you

115
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,617
and you made a joke
about not wanting to be

116
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:17,055
and everybody was jokin'.
Everything is funny.

117
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:25,107
Man, I love directing traffic.

118
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,413
Gettin' to wear the gloves.

119
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,328
Which, in my book,
dress up any outfit.

120
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,635
Yeah, it's a lot of fun
standin' in the snow

121
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,898
waving my arms around
like a fat mime.

122
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,337
Y-you don't see
the poetry in it.

123
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:40,078
We are the conductors,
and the cars are the orchestra.

124
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,254
♪ Camry Camry come on ♪

125
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,473
♪ Dump truck hold ♪

126
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,648
♪ Give me a little Vespa here ♪

127
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,041
♪ City bus ♪♪

128
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,219
Spoken like a man who's
never been given the finger

129
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:53,788
by a shuttle van
full of seniors.

130
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,529
You know,
you are very negative today.

131
00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,574
From the moment I picked you up,
"This sucks, that's bad

132
00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:58,793
turn off the radio,
stop talking."

133
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,664
Stop talking.

134
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,623
Look at this,
I ordered two eggs over medium.

135
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,842
Now, one's over easy,
one's over hard.

136
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:05,887
How do they even do that?

137
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:07,410
- Samuel!
- What?

138
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,021
Could you please explain
these eggs to me?

139
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:13,329
Well, there's a mommy
chicken and a daddy chicken.

140
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:16,637
And when they
really love each other--

141
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,900
I ordered two eggs
over medium

142
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,250
not over soft, not over hard,
not one of each.

143
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,774
Two eggs over medium.
You think you can handle that?

144
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,950
My apologies,
I will bring you two eggs.

145
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,648
- Over medium.
- Thank you.

146
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,519
Now, would you like me
to spit on them in the kitchen

147
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,303
or would you prefer tableside?

148
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:36,004
I wouldn't push it.
He's in a mood today.

149
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:39,050
And now, thanks to him, so am I.

150
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:42,097
Excuse me while I go lash out
at the dishwasher

151
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:44,186
for no apparent reason.

152
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,884
Alright, tell me what's wrong

153
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,451
'cause I know
it ain't about them eggs.

154
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:49,931
I just want what I ordered.

155
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,759
Please, I've seen you
eat a fudgesicle

156
00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:53,543
that you dropped in the sand.

157
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,373
[Samuel]
'You call these plates clean?'

158
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,770
I think Molly and I
are headed for the skids.

159
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:04,162
What are you talking about?

160
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:05,294
I thought you guys
were doing great.

161
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,861
I thought so too,
but yesterday

162
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,689
it became pretty clear
that I'm more committed

163
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,255
to this relationship
than she is.

164
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:11,735
And what makes you think that?

165
00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:13,389
I asked her if she wanted
to be buried next to me

166
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:15,652
and she looked at me
like I was a crazy person.

167
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:19,743
Kinda like the way
I'm looking at you now?

168
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,747
Alright, I admit it's a little
cart before the horse

169
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,923
but her reaction
was a real eye-opener.

170
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,360
If she'd asked me the same,
I wouldn't have flinched.

171
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,276
Seems like a very twisted way
to test a woman's commitment.

172
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,540
You haven't even bought
a couch together yet.

173
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,328
Why does everybody
hate my couch?

174
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,548
And besides, that's moot.

175
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,853
You and I already made a pact

176
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,202
to have our ashes
scattered along

177
00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,030
the third baseline
at Wrigley Field.

178
00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:47,815
When did we agree to do that?

179
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,860
Two years ago. Cubs, Phillies?

180
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,558
Quarter beer night?

181
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,473
You made a turban
out of your T-shirt?

182
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,477
People complained?

183
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,132
I have absolutely
no memory of that.

184
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:04,484
Huh, unfortunately, the entire
bleacher section does.

185
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,183
But you do remember our
death pact though, right?

186
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,619
Yeah, yeah,
if you go first

187
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,752
I clear all sensitive items
out of your bedroom

188
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,275
before grandma gets to it.

189
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,364
Everything questionable,
disreputable and inflatable.

190
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,673
And don't just erase
the memory on my laptop.

191
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,588
Run over it with your car,
go at it with a welding torch

192
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,503
and throw it
into Lake Michigan.

193
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,254
You know,
you didn't have to come.

194
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,474
She is my mom,
and I can take care of her.

195
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:41,303
Oh, don't be silly.
This is part of being a couple.

196
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,739
You know,
supporting the other person

197
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,959
when they're
going through somethin'.

198
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,135
I appreciate it,
you know, a lot of people bail

199
00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,832
when things start
to get difficult

200
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:51,182
but just so you know,
I'm not that kind of person.

201
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:52,314
Duly noted.

202
00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:56,144
Mike Biggs sticks like glue

203
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,146
through thick or thin.

204
00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,974
I have no doubt about that.

205
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,672
Even if you got a bad perm
or had to cut off your own arm

206
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,544
in a rock climbing accident,
I'd be right there

207
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:07,068
by your side, hand in hook.

208
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,766
Uh-huh.

209
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,725
Sweetie, are you feelin' okay?

210
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:13,509
Right now I'm fine,
but where would you be

211
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:16,207
if I lost my arm
in a rock climbing accident?

212
00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:18,427
Well, I'd be living
in a parallel world

213
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:21,256
where you had the ability
to climb rocks.

214
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,000
Alright, clearly, you are not
ready to have this conversation!

215
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,437
I don't even know
what this conversation is!

216
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,790
Alright, I laid my
burial dress on the bed.

217
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:38,752
Don't bother with the control
top pantyhose or fancy shoes.

218
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:43,147
The Good Lord already knows
I have a paunch and hammertoes.

219
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,454
Mom, quit talking like that.
You're gonna be fine.

220
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:47,630
Oh, I put stickers
underneath the furniture

221
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:50,459
with the names of the people
it goes to if I kick.

222
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:55,595
"The usher at the church
with the weird ear."

223
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:58,032
Oh, and here's Jim's eye drops.

224
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:00,251
He's got glaucoma
in his right peeper.

225
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,253
Two drops every six hours.

226
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,606
So I'm-I'm taking care of Jim?

227
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,433
Mikey doesn't have
a yard, plus he lives

228
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:09,696
above an Asian family.

229
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,306
Now, I know
they don't all eat dog

230
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:13,395
but why bait the hook?

231
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:20,837
Well, I, I'm more than happy
to babysit this little guy.

232
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,796
You sure?
It's a pretty big commitment.

233
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:26,060
Not at all, we're, we're gonna
have fun, aren't we, Jim?

234
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,497
Don't patronize him.
It may gives him the squirts.

235
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,067
Feed him twice a day.

236
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:35,809
No chocolate or table scraps.

237
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,420
Oh, and if I should
happen to croak

238
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,074
for God's sake, don't tell him.

239
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:42,990
He'll jump in front of a bus
just to be with me in heaven.

240
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,211
Mrs. Biggs,
you're gonna be fine

241
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:48,996
but if anything does happen

242
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:52,564
I promise to give Jim a happy
home for the rest of his life.

243
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,656
But if you do change your mind
about Jim or find a better dog

244
00:10:56,743 --> 00:11:00,268
please, call me to come get him,
and don't put him to sleep.

245
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:02,052
She wouldn't really do that,
would she?

246
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,488
I couldn't tell you, mom,
I don't even know

247
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,882
who she is anymore.

248
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:11,148
I think the old one
made the big one crazy.

249
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:18,939
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.

250
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:20,897
Come on, Jim.
Eat your dinner.

251
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,420
Come on.

252
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,512
Here, why don't you throw some
of my spaghetti on top of it.

253
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:29,427
No, he can't eat table scraps.

254
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:30,864
But dogs love spaghetti.

255
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:34,824
Didn't you see
"Lady And The Tramp?"

256
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,000
Maybe just
a little bit of sauce.

257
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:39,611
Alright, Jim, ho, ho, ho

258
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,831
we've got a special treat
for you.

259
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,921
Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

260
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,880
[gasps]
Eat up.

261
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:54,844
He might not be hungry,
he's been snacking

262
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,672
on his backside
for the last hour.

263
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:02,069
Why don't I take him outside and
help him work up an appetite.

264
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:05,725
Come on, baby, you're goin'
for a walk with Auntie Victoria.

265
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,076
Have you heard from Mike yet?

266
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,730
I tried to call him
again at the hospital

267
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,949
but he's not
answering his phone.

268
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,603
Everything okay between you two?

269
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:17,911
I don't know. He's been
acting so strange lately.

270
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:20,391
Kinda feels
like he's pushing me away.

271
00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:21,958
Well, maybe he's just
freaked out about

272
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:23,786
his mama goin' under the knife.

273
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,919
I'm sure that's part if it,
but it's gonna take a lot more

274
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,703
than a bad gallbladder
to bring her down.

275
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:31,576
I'm guessing you have to drop
a farmhouse on top of her.

276
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,578
Well,
whatever he's upset about

277
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:36,146
I'm sure it's not
as complicated as you think.

278
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,192
Men are pretty basic creatures.

279
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,324
I know, Mike's usually
not a difficult read

280
00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,283
but I've gone through
my normal checklist.

281
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:45,590
Is him tired, is him hungry,
is him horny?

282
00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,070
It's usually one or the other.

283
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:50,291
Hm, don't I know it.
Sometimes it's all three.

284
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:51,771
How do you deal with that?

285
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,511
Climb on top of him
with a cookie in your mouth

286
00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:55,470
and wait for him
to fall asleep.

287
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:04,784
Whoa,
somebody found their appetite.

288
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:08,483
Yeah. Jim and I had a nice
little walk behind the garage.

289
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:14,402
Man, he makes that dog
food look really tasty.

290
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,669
Okay, I'm gonna go home.

291
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:22,584
Try to get some sleep.
You've got a big day tomorrow.

292
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,934
Wait, Mikey, before you go

293
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,894
I want you to hold on
to something for me.

294
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:29,678
Your engagement ring.

295
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:31,593
And if I don't pull through,
you might think about

296
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,291
giving it to that girl
of yours someday.

297
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:37,729
Well, we'll see.
Maybe. I hope so.

298
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,255
Come on. I've seen
the way you look at her.

299
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:43,779
I mean, she's a little loud
and goofy for my taste.

300
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,348
Has a way of making
everything about her.

301
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,527
But I wouldn't have
left Jim with her

302
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:54,703
if I didn't think
she was a good person.

303
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,664
- Mom, let me ask you somethin'.
- 'Hm.'

304
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:01,449
If you'd have known things
were gonna go south

305
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:03,973
between you and dad, would
you still have married him?

306
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,715
You mean, if I knew he was
gonna bust up our little family

307
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:09,326
to run off with
a professional face-squatter?

308
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,380
Yeah.

309
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,077
Would you still have
built a life with him

310
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:24,385
if you knew you were gonna
go through all that pain?

311
00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:27,649
- I guess so.
- Why?

312
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,347
Well, if I hadn't taken
a chance on that dirt bag

313
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,523
I wouldn't have you, would I?

314
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:38,138
- I love you, ma.
- Love you too, boy.

315
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,662
Okay, I'll be back
first thing in the mornin'.

316
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,229
Oh, and one more thing.

317
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,405
If I don't make
it through the operation..

318
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:46,581
- Quit saying that.
- Just in case.

319
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,670
...have one of the nurses
pin this to my gown

320
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,673
before they wheel me
into the morgue.

321
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,415
"What you're doing is wrong,
and you're going to hell."

322
00:14:57,592 --> 00:15:00,203
Any creep that spends his
life working with dead bodies

323
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:01,944
is not just in it
for the money.

324
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,909
[knock on door]

325
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:12,694
- Hm.
- Hey.

326
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,088
What's up with Jim?

327
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,220
He's a little out of it.

328
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,312
We danced for a while
and then he crashed.

329
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,360
I wish I could get some sleep.

330
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,318
It's been so long
since I've slept alone

331
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:30,581
I guess I'm not used
to it anymore.

332
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,627
You miss Mike, huh?

333
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:36,152
Yeah. The bed just feels
so empty without him.

334
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:39,112
Well, part of that is that
he's a very large man.

335
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:44,160
Any idea what he's upset about?

336
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,467
I think it started when
he asked to be buried next to me

337
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,251
and I didn't know what to say.

338
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:49,644
Well, that's kinda sweet
that he's thinking

339
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,125
that far ahead though, right?

340
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:55,041
I guess, but I can't answer
that question honestly.

341
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,912
I mean, who knows
what can happen

342
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,261
from one day to the next?

343
00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,959
True.

344
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,786
If you had told me
yesterday that I'd be getting

345
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:04,746
stoned with a dog tonight,
I'd have been very skeptical.

346
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,097
But here we are.

347
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,842
I lo, I love Mike,
but I can't predict the future

348
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:15,235
and I don't wanna
make promises to him

349
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,932
that I can't keep.

350
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,455
Well, there's nothing wrong
with making a promise

351
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,544
that you wanna keep, right?

352
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,286
What do you mean?

353
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:24,984
Remember when dad died?

354
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,247
We were both just kids.

355
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,900
But you held me
in your arms and said

356
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,207
you'd take care of me forever.

357
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,643
I remember.

358
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:35,646
And you've kept true
to that promise so far.

359
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,518
Have I?

360
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:40,173
All except the part about us
being ballerina princesses

361
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,392
living in a chocolate castle.

362
00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:47,876
Well, you never know
what tomorrow may bring, right?

363
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:53,273
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

364
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,709
Hey..

365
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,581
...if you want, you can
put one of Mike's shirts

366
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:00,019
on my beanbag chair
and sleep with that.

367
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:04,588
[laughing]
No.

368
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,070
Actually, that might work.

369
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,903
The doctor said everything came
off without a hitch

370
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,253
and you can probably
go home tomorrow.

371
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:19,603
Can't get rid of me
fast enough, huh?

372
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,650
It's all about turnover
in this slaughterhouse.

373
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:23,955
[knock on door]

374
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,435
Hello.

375
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,263
Mrs. Biggs,
how are you feeling?

376
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:30,049
Like a gutted trout.
How are you this morning?

377
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,878
Good.
I, I brought you some flowers.

378
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,445
No candy, huh?

379
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,752
Yeah, probably wouldn't
survive the drive over.

380
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,844
Well, you seem like you're
back to your old feisty self.

381
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,630
Is there a vase anywhere?

382
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:48,197
Use my neighbor's water pitcher.

383
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,199
I think
she flat-lined last night.

384
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,682
Or requested to be
moved to another room.

385
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:58,512
- It's nice of you to come by.
- Don't be silly.

386
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,601
Can I talk to you for a second?

387
00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,820
Sure. I'll be right back.

388
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,605
That's what your father said
when he went out

389
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,955
to get cigarettes 20 years ago.

390
00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:09,871
Yeah, well, I don't smoke.

391
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,481
Neither did he.

392
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:16,051
- What's up?
- Look, I just..

393
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,140
I want you to know
that I love you

394
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,882
and I'm not planning
on going anywhere.

395
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,188
So you're saying
when you do dump me

396
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:23,450
it'll just be out of the blue.

397
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,322
Mike, stop it.

398
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,282
What we have right now is,
it's pretty great.

399
00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:30,979
- Isn't it?
- It's the best.

400
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,418
Then can-can't we just
concentrate on what we have

401
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:38,204
and not put so much
pressure on the future?

402
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:40,467
You mean live in the moment
and appreciate life

403
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,251
as it comes along.

404
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:43,339
Exactly.

405
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:44,775
Yeah,
I'm not very good at that.

406
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,734
Oh!

407
00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,562
Me neither, I mean..

408
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,129
That's why I'm trying
to take things slow

409
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:53,132
and not, not get ahead
of ourselves.

410
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:55,786
I'm sorry.

411
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:57,484
I guess the idea
of losing my mom

412
00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:58,833
started me thinking
about losing you

413
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,444
and I kinda panicked.

414
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,142
You're not gonna lose me.

415
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,361
- Ever?
- Mike.

416
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:06,928
Can you at least say,
at this moment

417
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,451
you wanna be with me forever?

418
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,499
At this moment,
I wanna be with you forever.

419
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:13,500
There. Now was that so hard?

420
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:16,067
[chuckles]

421
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,722
Not to be a mood breaker,
but one of you lovebirds

422
00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:21,464
better slide a bedpan
underneath my keister.

423
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,340
I'll wait in the hall.

424
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,432
Nurse!

425
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,001
I'm gonna need a nurse!

426
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,531
Oh, now we are talking.

427
00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:46,185
Very stylish.

428
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:49,927
Not many straight guys
can pull off that look.

429
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:53,496
- Okay, time for Jim to go home.
- Oh, so soon?

430
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,585
I thought he was gonna
be here a couple more days.

431
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,108
Well, Mike's mom
is back on her feet

432
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,762
and I think she misses him.

433
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:00,590
I get it. He's an easy hang.

434
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,419
Time to say your goodbyes.

435
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,247
Okay.

436
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:06,814
Goodbye, Jimbo.

437
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:09,208
I've enjoyed our talks

438
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:13,037
and our walks,
if you know what I mean.

439
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:16,345
- He knows what I mean.
- Just give him here.

440
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:19,305
Whoa, ooh, he's packed on
a few pounds, hasn't he?

441
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:21,350
Yeah, little dude
likes to munch.

442
00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,962
Oh, and tell
Mrs. Biggs I don't think

443
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:26,703
we're gonna need
those eye drops anymore.

444
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:29,402
I think we've got that
glaucoma nipped in the bud.

445
00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,057
Oh, great, now I've gotta
explain to Mike's mom

446
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:35,973
why her dog smells
like Willie Nelson's tour bus.

447
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,416
[theme music]