1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:03,916 Yeah, I ordered the heart-shaped cake 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,744 with "Happy Valentine's Day, Molly" 3 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,573 spelled out in Red Hots. When will that be ready? 4 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,489 Perfect. I'll be by later to pick that up. 5 00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:13,100 You know, normally, they do the wording 6 00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:15,058 with little icing flowerets 7 00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:18,453 but my lady likey the Red Hots. 8 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:22,587 Oh, that's right. It's Mikey that likey the Mike and lkeys. 9 00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,241 I'm taking her to her favorite restaurant 10 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:26,591 followed by a carriage ride down Michigan Avenue 11 00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:29,072 then back to her place for dessert and champagne. 12 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,552 Carriage ride? 13 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,510 With that cold wind blowing off the lake? 14 00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:33,903 Man, you ain't going to see your testicles 15 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,775 till about late March, early April. 16 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,909 The nip in the air promotes snuggling. 17 00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:43,478 Plus, I'm bringing thermal underwear and ski masks. 18 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,436 Mm, sounds sexy. 19 00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:48,918 Like two cat burglars in the worst getaway vehicle ever. 20 00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:50,528 Hey, I thought you'd be happier for me. 21 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,661 I finally got a girlfriend I can do something special 22 00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,663 with on Valentine's Day. 23 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,621 Oh, so, you're saying last year wasn't special? 24 00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:59,189 Drinking beer with you at that off-track betting place? 25 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:02,410 It was one of the most depressing nights of my life. 26 00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,586 That's because none of your dogs came in. 27 00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:07,284 You gotta look at the animal's pedigree, study its behavior. 28 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,894 You don't just throw 10 bucks at a dog 29 00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,896 because his name is Scooby-Don't. 30 00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,594 Ha, ha. Scooby-Don't. 31 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,684 And anyway don't worry about me. 32 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,251 I got plans of my own tomorrow night. 33 00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,601 - You got a date? - Something better than a date. 34 00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,211 I got a strategy. 35 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:24,084 Oh, this isn't the walking into the ladies' room 36 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,434 pretending to be blind thing again, is it? 37 00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:28,436 That was an accident, one door had picture 38 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,351 of palm tree and other one had two coconuts. 39 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,266 And we both know two coconuts can go either way. 40 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:37,532 So, uh, what kind of strategy are you talking about? 41 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:40,752 Well, women have very high expectations on Valentine's Day. 42 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,276 - True? - That's true. 43 00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,886 And that puts a lot of pressure on the man 44 00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:45,453 which usually results in an argument 45 00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:46,497 and or an ugly breakup. 46 00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,369 Oh, no. 47 00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,240 So around about 10:30 48 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,807 the streets are gonna be lined with a bunch of brokenhearted 49 00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,330 bitches lookin' for a ride home. 50 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:57,421 Let me understand this. 51 00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:58,901 You're gonna cruise around the city 52 00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:01,077 looking for sad, stranded women? 53 00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:06,213 - You are ghoulish. - Ghoulish like a fox. 54 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:12,828 ♪ For the first time in my life ♪ 55 00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:16,136 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 56 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,888 Mm! These are delicious. 57 00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,281 Now, who are they from? 58 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:34,632 Gary, the Channel 9 weekend weatherman. 59 00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:36,547 The guy with the bad rug? 60 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:39,985 You know, he even wears that thing in bed. 61 00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:43,075 I woke up one morning and it was stuck to my crotch. 62 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:46,688 Kind of liked it. 63 00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,605 It was very retro. 64 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,041 [Molly] 'Hey.' 65 00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:53,869 Hey, sweetie, how was your day? 66 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,958 They served chili in the school cafeteria 67 00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:58,134 so my afternoon was pretty much one long debate 68 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,180 about who smelt it and who dealt it. 69 00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:05,359 Another package for Miss Victoria Flynn. 70 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,796 - Who's it from? - Uh, no return address. 71 00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:10,233 Just a picture of a smiley face smoking a joint. 72 00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,367 You know what they say.. 73 00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:15,978 "Candy is dandy, but yay weed." 74 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,896 Oh, look at this. Mike made me a valentine. 75 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:23,768 "Through wind or sleet or rain or shine 76 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,902 I will always be your valentine." 77 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,686 As soon as I heard "shine, I knew exactly 78 00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,688 where he was headed. 79 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,038 Aw, look, he made it out of construction paper 80 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:35,824 and cut out little letters and glued them on. 81 00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,869 Looks like a ransom note, doesn't it? 82 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,572 If he didn't sign it, I'd be pretty spooked. 83 00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:47,444 Isn't that sweet? He wants tomorrow to be perfect. 84 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,229 Vince is doing the same thing. 85 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:52,580 He booked us a suite at the Sybaris adult motel. 86 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:56,627 - Ugh, really? - From 6:30 to midnight. 87 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,891 He's out right now buying extra chlorine for the Jacuzzi. 88 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,634 Mike and I are going to dinner 89 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:05,941 and then we're taking a nice romantic carriage ride 90 00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:07,334 down Michigan Avenue. 91 00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,379 Oh, Vince doesn't like carriage rides. 92 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:12,121 He says a visible horse anus is a boner killer. 93 00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:16,386 Sure. 94 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,693 Gary the weatherman has the same problem 95 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,608 with midgets and schnauzers. 96 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:26,091 That's why we can't ever do it at the circus or the dog park. 97 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:30,966 Sure. 98 00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:34,143 Well, I guess the upside 99 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,450 we all have dates on Valentine's Day. 100 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,887 Oh, yeah. I mean, these are high-class problems. 101 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,673 This is her favorite bakery 102 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,588 and she has no idea that I know about it. 103 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:46,460 How did you find out? 104 00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:50,594 We drove by it once, she said, "That's my favorite bakery." 105 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,074 Look at you listening to a woman. 106 00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,423 You gonna make detective yet. 107 00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:57,645 Gentlemen, how can I help you? 108 00:04:57,732 --> 00:05:00,561 Yes, I'm here to pick up a cake that I special ordered 109 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:03,520 for my girlfriend for Valentine's Day. 110 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,348 Alright, I think everybody heard that. 111 00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,526 - Your last name? - Biggs. Two G's. 112 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,441 - And he has a girlfriend. - Ha, ha. 113 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,269 I'll be right back, help yourself to a sample 114 00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:14,662 of our maple bars. 115 00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,623 Man, there was a time when I would've walked in here 116 00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,364 with a gallon of milk and a credit card 117 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,584 and not stopped till I hit drywall. 118 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,892 I'm proud of you, you're showing willpower and restraint. 119 00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,807 Right, it's been a long time since we pulled 120 00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:32,201 over a Little Debbie truck for expired tags. 121 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:34,203 [laughs] 122 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,466 Alright, Mr. Biggs with two G's. 123 00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,076 We have a chocolate cake 124 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,948 with vanilla buttercream frosting. 125 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:42,820 Oh, that's gorgeous. You, sir, are a pastry magician. 126 00:05:42,907 --> 00:05:44,561 Mm, I second that emotion. 127 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,128 This is like a, a bear claw 128 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,260 and an angel food cake had a sweet tasty baby. 129 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,828 Ha, ha! Well, thank you. 130 00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:53,918 "Happy Valentine's Day, Molly." It's perfect. 131 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,225 Had to go to a gas station to buy the Red Hots 132 00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:59,359 but I think it came out pretty nice. 133 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:02,144 Sounds like we might have enough left to spell out Flynn. 134 00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:04,973 Ah. Well, wait a second. 135 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,323 - This cake is for Molly Flynn? - Uh-huh. 136 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,413 Oh, of course. You're Mike the cop. 137 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:13,503 I can't believe this. I'm Kyle. 138 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:16,288 - Kyle. - Yeah. 139 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,595 Oh, Kyle the baker. 140 00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,905 This is Carl, the other cop. 141 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,602 - Nice to meet you. - You too. 142 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,909 And I couldn't be happier for you and Molly. 143 00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,606 I still consider her one of the best things 144 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,695 to ever happen to me, even though it didn't work out 145 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,784 between us. 146 00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,307 - Right. - Oh! 147 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,222 I'm sure Molly's already talked your ear off 148 00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:39,355 about me backing out of our wedding. 149 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,661 - Wedding? - Shut up, Carl. 150 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:43,315 Let the man tell his story. 151 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,143 Water under the bridge, the important thing is 152 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,232 the two of you found each other. 153 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,104 Uh-huh. 154 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:50,801 What do I owe you for the cake? 155 00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,977 You know what? It's on me. 156 00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,979 Consider it my Valentine's present 157 00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:56,633 to you and Molly. 158 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,853 Thank you, that's very generous. 159 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,681 Carry the cake, my knees are starting to buckle. 160 00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,511 Should we grab a couple of maple bars for the road? 161 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:05,903 [Mike] 'Get in the car.' 162 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,429 I'm such a chump. 163 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,692 A big, dumb, trusting chump. 164 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:16,044 Jesus, this is moist. 165 00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:17,480 So, what's the big deal if she had a boyfriend 166 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,134 before she met you? 167 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:22,311 Uh, not boyfriend. Fiance. Big difference. 168 00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:26,184 They made a promise, they exchanged "I love you's." 169 00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:27,925 I'm guessing they exchanged a lot more than that. 170 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,276 Not helping. God, this frosting just melts in your mouth. 171 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,278 That son of a bitch! 172 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,760 Look, I'm sure she has a perfectly good reason 173 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:38,196 for not telling you about that man. 174 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:39,850 Yeah, like she's still in love with the guy 175 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:41,678 and I'm just the stupid rebound guy 176 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:44,376 she kills time with, till they get back together. 177 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,683 You're jumping to conclusions without knowing all the facts. 178 00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,903 Alright, fact, Molly had a secret fiance 179 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:51,862 she never told me about. Fact, he still has feelings for her. 180 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,298 Fact, he called off the wedding 181 00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,431 so she still has feelings for him. 182 00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,609 Not to mention he is ruggedly good-looking 183 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:00,784 and in terrific shape. 184 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,656 Not helping! 185 00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:05,354 [instrumental music] 186 00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:06,834 Hey, listen, to me, man, you don't wanna do this 187 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,445 right now. You're angry, you got cake on your nose. 188 00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,360 I think a man deserves to know the truth 189 00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:12,840 about the woman he's dating. 190 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,058 See, that's where you and I differ. 191 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,669 I don't wanna know anything. 192 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,671 I don't wanna know that she did jail time, has grandkids 193 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,977 my age or used to be named Jerome Wardlow the third. 194 00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:24,504 - Go wait in the car. - You're gonna regret this, man. 195 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:25,809 I know what I'm doing. 196 00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,681 I'm just gonna talk to her calmly 197 00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:29,944 and get this whole thing straightened out. 198 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,381 - Hey, Mike. - Deceiver. 199 00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,385 - What? - When were you gonna tell me? 200 00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:39,040 Huh? When was I gonna find out about your dirty little secret? 201 00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:40,563 Why don't you come inside and tell me 202 00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,086 what you're so upset about. 203 00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,653 Oh, you'd love for me to come inside, wouldn't you? 204 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,220 Maybe hang my coat up in your closet full 205 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:47,788 of skeletons. 206 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,355 Is that cake in your ear? 207 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:51,705 Probably. 208 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,708 It's from your favorite bakery. 209 00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,623 I was gonna surprise you for Valentine's day 210 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,060 but little did I know, I'd be getting the surprise. 211 00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,279 So, you met Kyle, look, I'm sorry 212 00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,630 I didn't tell you about him, but it was a long time ago. 213 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,762 You were gonna stand at an altar and promise 214 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,590 to be with him forever, I can't even get you 215 00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:10,854 to join Costco with me. 216 00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,813 Well, I'm not gonna give up my Sam's Club membership 217 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,032 just to make you feel loved. 218 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,034 And there it is. Done and done. 219 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,471 Happy Valentine's Day, Molly Flynn. 220 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,562 [sighs] Mike, get back in here and let's talk about this. 221 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,041 Whoa! Unh! 222 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,959 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. 223 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,005 Nothing broken but my heart. 224 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,747 - And your sidewalk. - Shut up and start the car! 225 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,969 [instrumental music] 226 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,540 I was gonna give this to Molly 227 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,803 with a little heart-shaped chocolate. 228 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,631 Take it. Too many memories. 229 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,199 Where's the chocolate? 230 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,246 Just take the stupid flower and bring me a tall stack 231 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,857 of blueberry pancakes. 232 00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:59,207 Don't you move. You ate a whole freaking cake yesterday. 233 00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:02,079 - It was sugar-free. - It was still 5 pounds of food. 234 00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,300 What difference does it make? 235 00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,171 Did you see the way that Kyle guy was built? 236 00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:09,478 You could see his abs and he was wearing a smock. 237 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,525 - I can't compete with that. - He was pretty cut. 238 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,136 Plus, he works in a bakery. 239 00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:17,181 That's a man with a lot of self-control and discipline. 240 00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,444 And he was very personable too. Kind of a quiet dignity. 241 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,098 Why don't you both marry him? 242 00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,535 Hey, I know you're hurting 243 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,102 but I do not appreciate that tone. 244 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:28,889 Nor the implication of our homosexuality. 245 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,586 What if this is just the tip of the iceberg? 246 00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,370 What if there's other stuff, she's not tellin' me? 247 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,198 Have you told her everything about your past? 248 00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:36,548 Full disclosure. I've been an open book with that woman. 249 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,812 Did you tell her about that overweight-singles cruise? 250 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,378 If memory serves, you did very well 251 00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:43,207 on that love barge. 252 00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:46,080 I bet no one came knocking when that boat was a-rocking. 253 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,344 [chuckles] 254 00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,392 I'm just saying, everybody has something 255 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,612 in their past and you can't hold it against them. 256 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:59,006 That's true, one day, a person could be a hired assassin 257 00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,051 in the Senegalese Secret Service 258 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,531 the next day, he's being commanded 259 00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,402 to fetch a fat cop his pancakes. 260 00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:08,885 Thank you for the rose. 261 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,630 [instrumental music] 262 00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:17,328 Mike, it's Molly. Again. 263 00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:20,027 Uh, look, I understand that you're upset 264 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:23,291 but let's not blow this thing out of proportion. 265 00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:26,729 I love you, so, quit acting like a big baby 266 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,122 and call me back. 267 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,952 He's still not taking your calls, huh? 268 00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:35,042 I guess I'm spending another Valentine's Day by myself. 269 00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:37,044 Although the janitor at school did offer 270 00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:39,916 up a rather disturbing romantic scenario. 271 00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:44,399 Hey, listen, lamb chop. 272 00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:47,881 I know I'm not your real dad.. 273 00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,578 ...but I don't understand why you just 274 00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:53,060 don't tell Mikey your ex-fianceis a big fruit. 275 00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:55,149 Mom, you told him? 276 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,586 Vin and I discussed it, yeah. 277 00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,370 Because we don't keep secrets from each other. 278 00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,503 - Unlike some people. - Oh, really? 279 00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,638 I'm just saying, relationships are built 280 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,597 on a foundation of trust. 281 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,512 Of course, that foundation better be re-barred 282 00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:13,167 into a bedrock of hot, nasty sex. 283 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:18,520 Thank you for the fatherly advice, Vince. 284 00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,565 Hey, I've lived, I've loved, and with 285 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:23,830 that comes a certain amount of wisdom, and crabs. 286 00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:31,011 Alright, Vin, no more sharing. 287 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,926 Believe it or not, trying to explain to Mike 288 00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:34,536 that I almost married a gay man 289 00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:37,060 is a little humiliating for me. 290 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:41,978 Sweetheart, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. 291 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:44,894 You met Kyle in college, you liked each other. 292 00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:47,027 He didn't even know he was gay yet. 293 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:49,812 Just out of curiosity, how'd you figure it out? 294 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,509 You catch him trying on your panties 295 00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:54,643 or did he just say, "Boy, I wish you had a wiener." 296 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:04,305 This right here is why I don't like talking about it. 297 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:08,309 Molly, you don't have anything to be ashamed of. 298 00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,050 Other than the fact that I was so desperate 299 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,442 to have a boyfriend that I was willing 300 00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:13,967 to overlook some pretty obvious clues. 301 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,491 I mean, Mom, he painted my toenails 302 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,275 while we watched "Sex and the City." 303 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,890 Well, uh, you'll explain all this to Mike 304 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:26,196 and you guys will be even closer. 305 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,763 Amen to that. 306 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,635 And by the way, offering to paint a lady's toes 307 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:33,856 doesn't necessarily make a guy a swish. 308 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:38,643 Vince, FYI, "swish" is no longer the politically correct term. 309 00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,297 Homo-Americans? 310 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:43,735 There you go! 311 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:47,522 Man, I went through so much trouble 312 00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:48,915 to make sure tonight was perfect. 313 00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:50,612 I know. 314 00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:52,701 I even snuck into her iPod to see what kind of music 315 00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,355 she likes so I could serenade her 316 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,487 with one at a karaoke bar after dinner. 317 00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:57,924 What'd you come up with? 318 00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:01,057 "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. 319 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:02,842 - Molly likes heavy metal? - No. 320 00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:05,061 But it was the only thing in her iPod that didn't suck. 321 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,718 I mean, it is filled with whiny chick music. 322 00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:12,329 I had to pull the ear buds out before I got my period. 323 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:17,639 Michael, what in the world are you doing here? 324 00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,424 I thought you were taking Molly out for Valentine's Day. 325 00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:24,689 Yeah, well, that whole thing sort of fell apart, Nana. 326 00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,430 I thought I was the first man 327 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,258 that Molly had ever said "I love you" to. 328 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:29,607 Turns out, she'll say it to anybody 329 00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:31,958 who can make a decent pie crust. 330 00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:35,091 I see, so you thought you were her prince charming 331 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:37,006 on a white horse and now you're seeing 332 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,747 other hoof prints in her yard. 333 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,099 I bet they're not as deep as yours. 334 00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:47,712 Did anybody ask, "What do the stupid people think?" 335 00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,021 - No. - No is right. 336 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,414 So just sit there 337 00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,111 until we need a learned opinion 338 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,070 about drinking straight out of the milk jug 339 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:59,333 or what time the neighbor lady takes her bath. 340 00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:03,511 Hey, I was shoveling the driveway 341 00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:04,773 and she left her blinds open. 342 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,253 You need to find yourself a woman 343 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:07,558 and get out of my house. 344 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:13,477 Now, Michael, Molly's a grown woman 345 00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,131 and you can't get upset with her 346 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:16,698 because she's got a past. 347 00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,700 I know that, I just didn't think her past 348 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:22,138 included some hunky guy that's in way better shape than I am. 349 00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,097 So this ain't so much about Molly 350 00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,926 as it is about you feeling a little less than. 351 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,928 Maybe, I mean, how can I ever measure up 352 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,233 to a guy like that? 353 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,061 In your own way is how. 354 00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,281 And I'm guessing acting like a jackass 355 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,370 on Valentine's Day ain't helping your case. 356 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:42,202 See, you gotta ask yourself which one you'd rather be 357 00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,073 the man she used to love 358 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,728 or the man she loves right now. 359 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:49,992 Thanks, Nana. 360 00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:55,215 - Good luck out there, Carl. - Where are you going? 361 00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,825 Don't worry about it. I got a strategy. 362 00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,610 Mm-hm. 363 00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:01,612 And if you walk into the ladies' bathroom 364 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:03,701 at church again pretending to be blind 365 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,703 I will slap the black off of you. 366 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,406 [instrumental music] 367 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,977 - We're closed. - It's Mike, the cop. 368 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,369 Mike. 369 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:24,548 - Why aren't you with Molly? - Oh, I'm with Molly. 370 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,028 Just so you know, I'm gonna be with Molly 371 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,899 for a long time. 372 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,119 Good to hear it. 373 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,555 Is that what you came by to tell me? 374 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,602 Yes, it is. 375 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:37,126 Oh, and I need a cake. 376 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:38,649 What happened to the other one? 377 00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:40,042 She ate it, I didn't even get a bite. 378 00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:42,958 She ate the whole thing? 379 00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,525 Look, it doesn't matter who ate what 380 00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:47,049 or who didn't get a bite I need something to replace it. 381 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,746 Well, what you see is what I got. 382 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,748 Most of the best stuff is already taken. 383 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,489 That's right, it is. Don't you forget it. 384 00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,578 Molly's with me now. No take backs. 385 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,451 There's a new sheriff in town and his name is Mike Biggs. 386 00:16:57,538 --> 00:17:00,628 - I know. With two G's. - Yeah. 387 00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,325 I might not be sportin' a six-pack 388 00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,023 or know how to make tiramisu.. 389 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,722 ...but she's my girlfriend now. 390 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,115 And even if you change your mind 391 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:10,507 and want her back, you can't have her. 392 00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:13,119 Don't worry, Mike, I'm not gonna change my mind. 393 00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,384 You say that now, but you changed 394 00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:18,776 your mind about marrying her. 395 00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,300 What's to stop you from doing it again? 396 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,084 I'm guessing the fact that I'm gay 397 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:24,260 might be a bit of a speed bump. 398 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,088 I'm sorry, bump, gay, what? 399 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,787 I'm Gay. With two G's. 400 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:32,964 Molly didn't tell you that part? 401 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,098 No, she did not. 402 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:39,014 But I try not to pry into her past. 403 00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,582 See, our relationship is built on trust. 404 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,063 Well, there's nobody more trustworthy. 405 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,499 Even after all I put her through 406 00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,327 she went out of her way to stay friends with me. 407 00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:50,460 She's really a remarkable girl. 408 00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:51,896 Of course, I'm not telling you 409 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:54,725 anything you don't already know. 410 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,510 Yeah. 411 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:59,339 Listen, I gotta try to salvage what's left of tonight. 412 00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:00,862 How much for the heart-shaped cookies? 413 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,559 - Seven dollars. - Seven dollars? 414 00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:05,258 It's a freaking cookie. 415 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,216 Well, it's a really good freaking cookie. 416 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,698 Can I get three for 20? 417 00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:15,964 Oh! 418 00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:25,800 [sniffles] 419 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,645 [sighs] 420 00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:03,794 Ugh. Eww. Coconut. That one doesn't count. 421 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,798 [instrumental music] 422 00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:21,377 Molly, I'm sorry. 423 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:24,119 It doesn't matter what happened in the past. 424 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,253 Because every single thing made you the person 425 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,037 that I love now. 426 00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:32,258 I love you too, but you've been acting like a real jerk. 427 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:35,348 You're absolutely right. 428 00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:38,177 - How can I make it up to you? - I don't know. 429 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,048 Just stand there freezing your marbles off 430 00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,877 while I think of something? 431 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,748 Fair enough. 432 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:46,837 Oh, and you're going to join Sam's Club. 433 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,580 They really don't have the inventory 434 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:53,017 but okay. 435 00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,194 ♪ Had me fighting for air ♪ 436 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:56,543 ♪ She told me to come ♪ 437 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,588 ♪ But I was already there ♪ 438 00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:00,851 ♪ The walls start shaking ♪ 439 00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,679 ♪ The earth was quaking ♪ 440 00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:04,855 ♪ My mind was aching ♪ 441 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,814 ♪ We were making it ♪♪ 442 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,163 This is actually turning out 443 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,209 to be a really nice Valentine's Day. 444 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,214 ♪ Knocked me out I said you ♪ 445 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:18,695 ♪ Shook me all night long ♪ 446 00:20:21,611 --> 00:20:23,352 [instrumental music] 447 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:26,573 Want a little more champagne? 448 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,318 No, thank you. 449 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:35,799 Well, it's chilled if you want it. 450 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,976 - How about another cookie? - Better not. 451 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,500 I had one small bite of 452 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:43,764 about 140 chocolates earlier. 453 00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:47,811 Tell me about it. I ate a whole cake yesterday. 454 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:53,077 - Happy Valentine's Day, Mike. - Happy Valentine's Day, Molly. 455 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,123 Oh, we're rounding the corner. 456 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,125 Here comes the head winds again. 457 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:07,266 ♪ Shook me all night long ♪♪ 458 00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:13,315 [theme music]