1 00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:03,742 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,396 Hi, my name's Mike. I'm an over eater. 3 00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:06,528 [all in unison] Hi, Mike. 4 00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:07,572 I had a pretty good week. 5 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:08,704 I lost two more pounds. 6 00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:10,749 [applause] 7 00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,447 And that was before I cut my hair 8 00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:13,926 flossed my teeth and pulled a dust bunny 9 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,016 from my belly button. 10 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,627 Let's just call it an even three. 11 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,586 My point is, the winter weight is slowly starting to melt away. 12 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,240 That doesn't mean I'm out of the woods yet. 13 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:24,633 In fact, I'm looking at what could be 14 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,156 the biggest food challenge of the year 15 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,028 for any Chicago sports fan. 16 00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:30,508 I'm talking about Opening Day at Wrigley Field. 17 00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:34,860 Alright? Cold beer, chili dogs, salted peanuts. 18 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,688 Those little cups of chocolate ice cream. 19 00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,429 You know, that you eat with the tiny wooden spoon? 20 00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:41,432 You're still sucking the flavor out of the wood grain 21 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,043 while you're ordering the next one. 22 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,522 [chuckling] 23 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:47,308 This year, I'm sticking to my diet. 24 00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,485 I'm pitching a no-eater. 25 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,530 When I stand up for the seventh-inning stretch 26 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:55,229 there'll be no crumbs, peanut shells, or candy wrappers 27 00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:58,623 falling from my vintage Ryne Sandberg Cubs Jersey. 28 00:00:58,710 --> 00:00:59,929 It's all about discipline. 29 00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:01,322 I'm gonna keep my eyes on the ball 30 00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:03,237 away from the vendors and pray to God 31 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,499 we don't go into extra innings. 32 00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:08,155 I'm gonna do it this year 33 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,547 but more importantly 34 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,158 the Cubbies are gonna do it this year. 35 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,421 I'm planning on dieting through the playoffs 36 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,249 all the way to the World Series. 37 00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,164 Now who's with me? Cubs! Cubs! 38 00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,949 [all chanting] Cubs! Cubs! Cubs! Cubs! Cubs! 39 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,472 ♪ For the first time ♪ 40 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:24,040 ♪ In my life ♪ 41 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,478 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 42 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:39,360 [instrumental music] 43 00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:43,320 Man, I'm looking forward to this game. 44 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,583 And this year, I got a new pair of blue blocker sunglasses 45 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,629 so I ain't losing any more foul balls to the sun. 46 00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,283 You didn't lose that ball in the sun 47 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,111 you lost that ball to a six-year-old girl. 48 00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:55,158 She bit me. 49 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,336 Ah, baseball season again. 50 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,903 You know, we have something similar in my country. 51 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,644 - No kiddin'. - 'Yes.' 52 00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:05,386 One man stands in the field holding a large stick 53 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,909 another man throws a stone at him. 54 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,215 Then the man with the stick 55 00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:09,738 chases the man who threw the stone. 56 00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,653 Oh. And you call that baseball? 57 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,263 No, it's called, "stay away from my goats 58 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,482 you rock-throwing bastards." 59 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,269 Similar to your sport, except instead of hot dogs and beer 60 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,228 we have drought and starvation. 61 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,753 Go, Cubbies! 62 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,148 Hey, Carl, what would you think about, um 63 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,584 me asking Molly to go to the game with us? 64 00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:32,282 Sure. Why don't I ask my grandma to go, too? 65 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:34,023 Better yet, let's just skip the game 66 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,807 and we can all just make a quilt and do each other's hair. 67 00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,898 A simple "I don't care for the idea" would suffice. 68 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,900 Well, I'm just sayin', Opening Day is our tradition. 69 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,946 And besides, we only got the two tickets. 70 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,991 Yeah, but I could trade those two for three in the bleachers. 71 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:48,994 What? I stood in line all night for those field-level tickets. 72 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,519 I had to pee in my thermos. 73 00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:52,824 But Molly's my girlfriend 74 00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:54,478 and I should include her in everything I do 75 00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,437 because shared experiences and memorable moments 76 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:59,179 are what bring a couple closer together. 77 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,619 You're reading her magazines now, aren't you? 78 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:06,490 I can't help it, she leaves them in the crapper 79 00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,753 and the sports section only gets me halfway home. 80 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,017 Look, there's nothing wrong with you guys 81 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,541 doing things apart from each other. 82 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,499 Yeah, but isn't that one of the top-ten warning signs 83 00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,327 that your man is cheating? 84 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,375 Dude, seriously, you gotta read a little less 85 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:22,767 and push a little harder. 86 00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:26,336 [instrumental music] 87 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:37,260 Oh. That's where my Cosmo went. 88 00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:38,827 Yeah, I wanted to finish this article 89 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,395 on finding the female g-spot. 90 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:43,962 Gotta be honest, looks like a two-man job. 91 00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:48,315 Yeah, or a one woman job. 92 00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:52,362 Hey, I only have to work a half day tomorrow. 93 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,625 I was thinking we could go grab lunch. 94 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:57,062 Oh, I can't. I'm going to the Cubs game with Carl. 95 00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,412 You guys are going to Opening Day? 96 00:03:58,499 --> 00:03:59,935 Oh, that's great. 97 00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,763 Yeah, I wasn't trying to exclude you from anything. 98 00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,156 This is just an annual ritual that I have with Carl. 99 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,984 Oh, I get it. It's a guy thing. 100 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:08,770 Exactly. It's like growing a beard, or peeing standing up. 101 00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,861 Might not be fair, but I didn't make the rules. 102 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:16,081 Actually, I'm okay with being excluded 103 00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,954 from both of those things. 104 00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,216 Besides, it's baseball. 105 00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:21,783 You'd probably be bored to tears. 106 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,785 No, I love baseball. 107 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:25,743 Used to go to the games all the time with my dad. 108 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,745 We'd take the El to the ballpark 109 00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:30,139 I'd sit on his lap and keep the scorecard. 110 00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,837 Some of my best memories of him are at those baseball games. 111 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,752 - Really? - Yeah. 112 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,493 That was our special time together. 113 00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,930 Just me and my pop. 114 00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,455 You know, I haven't gone to a single game since he died. 115 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,935 - You're kiddin'? - No. 116 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:46,024 So I completely understand how much this 117 00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:48,592 tradition means to you guys. 118 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,594 Goodnight, sweetie. Sleep tight. 119 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,867 Now, Michael, be sure and make a big fuss 120 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,478 over Carlton's new baseball mitt. 121 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,394 He's been breaking that thing in all month. 122 00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,526 I promise to "ooh" and "ah." 123 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:10,701 I'm just happy to see the boy 124 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,921 oiling something other than himself. 125 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,186 Hey, what are you doing here so early? 126 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,014 Batting practice doesn't start for another 45 minutes. 127 00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,668 I'm just excited to get to the park. 128 00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,713 Cheering on my favorite team, with my best buddy. 129 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,193 Oh, we got to make one little stop on the way. 130 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,325 - What stop? - No big deal. 131 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:26,369 Hey, is that a new mitt? 132 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:29,807 Oh... ah.. 133 00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:32,027 You invited Molly to come with us, didn't you? 134 00:05:32,114 --> 00:05:34,551 Oh, man! 135 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,901 - I knew you'd fold! - I had to. 136 00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:38,860 She used to go to the games with her dead dad. 137 00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:40,905 They'd take the train, they'd sit in each other's laps.. 138 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,255 I don't know, you gotta hear her tell it. 139 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,345 And because of that, I gotta sit in the bleachers? 140 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:48,565 Hey, I didn't kill the man. Why do I have to be punished? 141 00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,611 I'll sit in the bleachers. You two can sit down front. 142 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,395 Oh, I see, you get to enjoy the game 143 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:53,701 while I entertain your girlfriend. 144 00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:55,093 Fine, then you sit in the bleachers. 145 00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:56,791 Which is exactly what you wanted. 146 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,532 Boy, quit going on and on. 147 00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,751 You talkin' about a baseball game. 148 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:03,145 Acting like Michael stood you up for the junior prom. 149 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,799 Well, he asked me to go first. 150 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,239 Is it any wonder that everybody at my church 151 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,284 has you in their special prayers? 152 00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,245 Listen, we'll take turns in the bleachers. 153 00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:19,248 I promise I won't let her ruin our day. 154 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,902 Fine. She can come. 155 00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:22,294 But I am not the third wheel. 156 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,340 - She is the third wheel. - I get it. 157 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,386 We're the motorcycle and she's the sidecar. 158 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,257 No, we're the Winnebago, and she's the little ski-doo 159 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,128 we're dragging behind us. 160 00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,696 Hey, this Winnebago lost three pounds last week. 161 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,437 Well, I already told you how good you looked. 162 00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:36,396 It's just nice to hear once in a while. 163 00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:42,010 Good Lord, the two of them might as well move to Las Vegas 164 00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,969 get a couple of white tigers and start a magic show. 165 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,019 Lookie what I found. 166 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,152 Oh, my God. Dad's old Cubbie cap. 167 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,285 Oh. 168 00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,069 Ah, it smells just like him. 169 00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,593 Vitalis and Old Spice. 170 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,986 [laughs] 171 00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:04,598 Dad sure loved the Old Spice, didn't he, mom? 172 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,078 That's all you girls ever gave him for Christmas 173 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,645 his birthday and Father's Day. 174 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:10,473 He used to have to slap it on pretty heavy 175 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,476 just to keep it from piling up. 176 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:15,652 Yeah, I have a weird memory of him using that stuff 177 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,262 to start the grill. 178 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:20,004 Starting the grill, getting paint off his hands 179 00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,441 killing ants.. 180 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,227 [Victoria] 'Oh, my God.' 181 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:28,143 If you were a little bustier, you'd look just like dad. 182 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,630 Boy, he loved taking you to the games. 183 00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,806 You were his little tomboy. 184 00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,851 I remember as soon as we'd get to the ballpark 185 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,462 he'd always order his one beer 186 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,507 and then give me a little sip of the suds. 187 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,117 Well, he'd usually slam down four or five 188 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:47,815 before you even left the house. 189 00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,514 That's the reason you had to take the train. 190 00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,344 It's gonna be weird, you know? 191 00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,738 I-I've never been to a game without him. 192 00:07:57,825 --> 00:07:58,956 [Joyce] Don't worry. 193 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,568 He'll be there with you in spirit. 194 00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,570 I know he's sittin' up there right now 195 00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,006 looking down on all of us. 196 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:07,051 Hm, kinda like when he used to take 197 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,272 the lawn chair up on the roof with a cooler of beer. 198 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:13,841 Yeah. 199 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,538 Except without the neighbors complaining 200 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,148 because he's throwing rocks at cars 201 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,585 or peeing in the drainpipe. 202 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,414 [instrumental music] 203 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,720 Carl, I'll be happy to sit in back 204 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:24,808 if you wanna be up front. 205 00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:26,941 No, I'm fine. 206 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,639 Didn't camp out overnight for those two seats. 207 00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:30,640 - Hmm? What? - Nothing. 208 00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,860 He's just being funny. 209 00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:34,601 [chuckles] 210 00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,733 Hey, I really appreciate you guys inviting me along. 211 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,779 And don't think you have to give me any special treatment. 212 00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:40,911 Just consider me one of the fellas. 213 00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,870 Shouldn't be a problem, I'm able to consider Carl 214 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,220 one of the fellas, ha ha! 215 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:47,701 See, that's what we do for fun we bust each other's stones 216 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,529 give each other little zings, ha-cha! 217 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,487 Oh...well, hey! 218 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:53,010 You can do that with me, too. 219 00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:56,448 Feel free to give me little zings and bust my stones. 220 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,931 - Girls don't have stones. - Not her fault, Carl. 221 00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,848 Okay, look, I-I realize I'm a guest here 222 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,329 so I should be the one to take the seat in the bleachers. 223 00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,200 - I agree. - No. 224 00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,725 I think we should work out some sort of seating schedule. 225 00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,162 - I disagree. - Hear me out. 226 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:15,598 We'll rotate every couple innings. 227 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,773 That way, nobody feels left out. 228 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,688 Oh, it sounds too complicated. 229 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,647 Oh. It's actually pretty easy. 230 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,562 Just in case, I-I worked out 231 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,128 a little round-Robin rotation 232 00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:26,304 where we alternate every three innings 233 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,567 and if we go extra innings 234 00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:30,439 we just pull a name out of a hat. 235 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:32,136 Does anybody have a hat? 236 00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:33,442 [chuckling] 237 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,793 This is gonna be fun, huh? 238 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:46,150 ♪ Land of the free ♪ 239 00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:51,460 ♪ And the home of the brave ♪ 240 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,333 [crowd cheering] 241 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,206 Alright! Alright! Alright! 242 00:09:58,293 --> 00:09:59,511 Play ball! 243 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,343 Are you sure you don't mind me eating this in front of you? 244 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,694 Don't worry about me, I got a tub of carrot sticks. 245 00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:10,087 America's favorite ballpark snack. 246 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,351 I'm only having it for my dad. 247 00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:14,788 I get it. 248 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,659 It's a ritual that you shared with your father. 249 00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:19,444 Exactly. It's a little tribute to my pop. 250 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:22,578 - Well, you enjoy it. - Okay. 251 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,842 - Oh, my God. - Is it good? 252 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,020 No. 253 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,589 Not at all. 254 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,939 Very disappointing, in fact. 255 00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,332 I mean, I'm gonna finish it 256 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:39,290 because I don't-I don't like to be wasteful 257 00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:42,467 but this is not a good dog, not at all. 258 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:47,734 Thanks for sparing my feelings. Just enjoy your hot dog. 259 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:49,474 Aw, thank you. 260 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,042 Mm-Hm. 261 00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:55,742 Whoo! 262 00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:01,182 Man, look at the two of them down there in my seats. 263 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,533 Man, I almost caught pneumonia getting those tickets 264 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,578 and here I am, stuck in the bleachers. 265 00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,974 As a true cub fan, I believe the bleachers provide the best 266 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:12,410 vantage point to fully appreciate 267 00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:13,977 and experience the game. 268 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,675 Uh-huh. 269 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:19,287 Plus, you can reach up and grab a bird or touch an airplane. 270 00:11:19,374 --> 00:11:21,115 You're exaggerating for effect 271 00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:23,421 but I did see a pigeon fly into a guy's eye one time. 272 00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:25,597 It was against St. Louis, 1995. 273 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,513 I was sitting exactly where I'm sitting right now. 274 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,385 I'm also wearing the same pants. 275 00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:33,693 [audience cheering] 276 00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,520 Come on! 277 00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:40,134 Let me ask you 278 00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:41,352 if the bleacher seats are so good 279 00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:42,614 why are you staring at that little TV 280 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,399 instead of looking at the field? 281 00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:46,183 I enjoy the color commentary 282 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:49,099 and the humorous anecdotes about the players. 283 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,971 Are you gonna be this confrontational 284 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,625 throughout the entire game? 285 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,410 I'm sorry, I'm a little on edge. 286 00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:56,672 I've been coming to Opening Day for five years 287 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:57,978 with my best friend and this year 288 00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,631 he decided to bring his girlfriend. 289 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,198 Ouch. 290 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:04,375 But way cool to have a buddy with a girlfriend, right? 291 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,726 Up high. Down low, too slow. 292 00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:07,944 [laughs] 293 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,252 [instrumental music] 294 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,516 When my dad and I would always go to the games 295 00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,518 it was my job to keep score. 296 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,346 I always thought he did it to help me learn math 297 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,043 but I think now it was because 298 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,045 he was too hammered to hold a pen. 299 00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:23,786 Oh, wave, wave, wave! 300 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,834 Come on, people! Represent! 301 00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:34,492 Wow, I had no idea you were such a baseball fan. 302 00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,538 Well, if you didn't fall asleep after we had sex 303 00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,322 you might learn a thing or two about me. 304 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,762 Ha-cha! I'm busting your stones. 305 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,502 You should've worn a cup. 306 00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:47,505 Maybe I can borrow yours. Ha-cha! 307 00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:50,813 Hey. 308 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,946 Thanks for bringing me today, Mike. 309 00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,818 I forgot how much I loved coming to these games. 310 00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:58,125 I'm glad you're here. 311 00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:01,432 The minute I cleared the turnstile, I was just.. 312 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:04,609 ...flooded with so many memories. 313 00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:07,395 Some of the best times my dad and I ever had 314 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,397 were right here in this ballpark. 315 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:12,226 Alright, sweetie, it's okay. 316 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,184 [sobbing] No, I'm fine. I'm fine. This is good. 317 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,797 My dad was the best, you know? 318 00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:20,538 If I'd have known I had such little time with him.. 319 00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,889 Come on, Mol, hold it together. 320 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,934 [crying] 321 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,027 She's a little upset. 322 00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,550 She thought it was bobblehead day. 323 00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:41,168 [crowd cheering] 324 00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,432 Well, looks like Molly's honoring 325 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,216 her dad with a frosty malt. 326 00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:49,959 Hm. 327 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,918 Nothing like a ballpark hot dog, huh? 328 00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:55,573 Hm, it's like heaven wrapped in a pig intestine. 329 00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,795 Normally I would share 330 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:03,016 but your loudmouth friend ate half my nachos. 331 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:06,628 And contrary to popular opinion, I'm not the food fairy. 332 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,545 No, I'm set. I got my carrot sticks. 333 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,634 Fresh off the grill of mother earth. 334 00:14:14,244 --> 00:14:15,680 If you already have a girlfriend 335 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,204 why are you still on a diet? 336 00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:21,164 Getting a girlfriend doesn't eliminate your problems. 337 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,513 You still gotta watch what you eat. 338 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,428 The key is discipline. 339 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,778 I am all about discipline. 340 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,780 That's why I got into karate. 341 00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:33,350 It provides me both mental and physical balance. 342 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:37,659 Uh-huh. Plus, an excuse to walk around in drawstring pajamas. 343 00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,530 Believe me, a black belt isn't that impressive 344 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,054 when it's 52 inches long. 345 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,884 Ah, well played, sensei. 346 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,452 Pass it down. 347 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,763 Hey, pal, you gonna pass it or what? 348 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,200 Is it against the law for a man to smell a hot dog? 349 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:00,421 [crowd cheering] 350 00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:06,993 I just always thought my dad would be there, you know? 351 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,733 To watch me graduate from high school 352 00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:11,214 or give me away at my wedding. 353 00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,824 But you're lucky. 354 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,914 At least you got some good memories of your dad. 355 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,350 My old man had to work two jobs 356 00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,308 just to make ends meet and I never saw him. 357 00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:19,919 Ever? 358 00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,572 Well, if I didn't see his shoes, I knew he was at work. 359 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,966 And if I did see his shoes, I knew I had to be quiet 360 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,315 'cause he was asleep. 361 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,056 Oh, that's terrible. 362 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,104 Do you know I never got to see one baseball game with him? 363 00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:35,630 Share some peanuts.. 364 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,459 ...catch a foul ball. 365 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,983 That's probably why I make such a big deal out of Opening Day. 366 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,637 I get it. 367 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,944 You're-you and Mike are doing something 368 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,641 that you never got to do with your dad 369 00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,948 and I intruded on that, didn't I? 370 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:51,994 [sobbing] 371 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,430 Yeah, little bit. 372 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:58,522 I'm so sorry, Carl. 373 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,568 It's alright. 374 00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,135 You didn't know any better. 375 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,268 [crowd cheering] 376 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,140 [instrumental music] 377 00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:11,448 Oh, my God, what an amazing day. 378 00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:14,930 It's just, like, been cathartic, you know? 379 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:17,280 You should come on floppy-hat or foam-finger day. 380 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,152 The vibe is palpable. 381 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,808 May I interest a lovely lady in a nice draft beer? 382 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,811 Oh, no, thank you, I'm fine. 383 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,424 And taken, by the way. 384 00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:32,034 Oh, thank goodness. 385 00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:33,862 Getting a little tired of holding my stomach in. 386 00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:43,437 My boyfriend was the one sitting up here earlier. 387 00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:45,439 The portly gent with the carrot sticks 388 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,963 or the African-American who scarfed my nachos? 389 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,358 The cute one with the carrots. 390 00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:54,578 Hm, he did mention something about having a girlfriend. 391 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,667 But these bleachers are full of guys 392 00:16:56,754 --> 00:17:00,497 claiming to have girlfriends, and their own cars. 393 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:09,245 Well, he actually has both. 394 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,030 I certainly can't compete with that. 395 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,164 Is it true he lost three pounds last week? 396 00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:16,557 Yeah, it is. 397 00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:19,299 Man, it comes so easy to the winners. 398 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:21,910 [instrumental music] 399 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:25,609 Carl, I'm sure your dad loved you 400 00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:27,524 but he had to work and provide for your family. 401 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,526 I realize that, but I missed so many 402 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,137 moments with him because he wasn't there. 403 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:34,009 Hey, my dad was there and we never talked to each other. 404 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,967 We must've gone to 50 ball games together 405 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,969 and didn't say two words to one another. 406 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,536 - That's horrible! - Yeah. 407 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,103 And every time I did try to talk to him 408 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,758 he'd buy me a hot dog just to shut me up. 409 00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,719 You know, once I asked him if he really loved my mom. 410 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,808 He bought me two chili dogs, a piece of pizza 411 00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:52,549 and a bucket of chicken on the ride home. 412 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,639 And that's probably why you eat like you do. 413 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,163 Because you're stuffing your emotions down 414 00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,121 because your daddy wouldn't talk to you. 415 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,209 You're right! 416 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,866 But not anymore. The cycle ends here. 417 00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,563 I'm proud of you, man. 418 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:07,869 You know what? 419 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,827 I'm calling my dad in Scottsdale right now 420 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,438 and I'm telling him that I forgive him. 421 00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:14,876 Look at me, Carl. 422 00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:17,618 It's the ninth inning, and I have not had one hot dog. 423 00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:18,880 You want everything on it, big guy? 424 00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:20,621 Walk away! Walk away! Walk away! 425 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:25,191 Dad, it's Carlton. 426 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,540 [crowd cheering] 427 00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,020 Hey! 428 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,327 Foul ball. Hey! 429 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,591 That did not just happen. 430 00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:38,769 Hey, dad, guess what? 431 00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,641 I just caught a foul ball! 432 00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,035 Yeah! 433 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,823 The bad news is, the Cubs lost. 434 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,304 Good news is, Mike Biggs won. 435 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:54,350 I got through Opening Day without gaining a pound. 436 00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,700 Now if I could just get past Easter, Memorial Day 437 00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,485 and Fourth of July, I should be fine 438 00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,400 until the Halloween candy hits the shelves. 439 00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:01,923 [all laughing] 440 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:04,708 But one day at a time. Thank you. 441 00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,188 [applause] 442 00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,323 Nice speech. Humorous, yet heartfelt. 443 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,889 Glad you made it. 444 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,935 You've inspired me to take control of my life. 445 00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:15,937 Well, if I can do it, you can do it, too. 446 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,592 I'm cautiously optimistic. 447 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,684 So, is this it for the chicks 448 00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:26,034 or do more show up when the cookies are laid out? 449 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:36,827 [theme music]