1
00:00:02,393 --> 00:00:03,351
You know, these egg whites
aren't bad.

2
00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,092
I don't miss the yolk at all.

3
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,572
Agreed. They don't add anything
to the overall egg experience.

4
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:11,446
Except maybe texture,
color and flavor.

5
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:14,318
Well, in my mind this is a way
better breakfast than, say

6
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:15,885
a caramel Frappuccino
and a doughnut.

7
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:18,235
Oh, absolutely.

8
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,020
Are we talking about
the traditional glazed doughnut

9
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,587
or the more cakey kind?

10
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,329
I'm talking about
the little mini chocolate ones.

11
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:26,983
You can have one
on each finger and still

12
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,767
hold a cup of coffee.

13
00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:32,075
You know, there's a Dunkin'
Donuts exactly

14
00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,729
one-point-two miles from here.

15
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:38,734
One-point-two?
And you know that how?

16
00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:41,345
I was going for my power walk,
wearing my pedometer.

17
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:44,131
By the way, you can start
smelling 'em at point-eight.

18
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:50,093
Okay, okay.
We have really gotta stop this.

19
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,008
What, as long as
we're sticking to our diets

20
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:53,705
we can at least
fantasize, right?

21
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,098
Hey, the snickers
we shared in bed

22
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:56,752
last night was not a fantasy.

23
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:59,276
Was to me.

24
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:00,930
Besides, it was just a fun size

25
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,671
and we burned those calories off

26
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:05,413
right away,
if you know what I mean.

27
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,719
Technically,
I burned those calories off.

28
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:13,769
Yeah, but I was
rooting you on.

29
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,033
And I appreciate that.

30
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,601
But I'm gonna be good until
Victoria's birthday party.

31
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,603
And then I'm gonna
have apiece of cake

32
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,300
the size of my head.

33
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:25,172
I thought your sister didn't
wanna make a big deal

34
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:26,260
about her birthday.

35
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:27,913
It's her 30th,
it's a milestone

36
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,176
and we're all having cake.

37
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,829
End of discussion.

38
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:33,093
Well, I remember I turned 30, me
and a couple of buddies

39
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:36,096
went to Vegas and we hooked up
with these two-for-one

40
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:39,795
coupons at an
all-you-can-eat buffet..

41
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,884
...had a nice dinner, went home
early, didn't do anything.

42
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:44,321
I'll never forget that night.

43
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,673
Mornin'.

44
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,893
- You're just gettin' home?
- Yeah.

45
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,113
After the club closed,
there was an after-party

46
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,463
in the parking lot then
an after-after-party

47
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:58,205
in the bouncer's pop-up camper.

48
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,687
Well, bong hit, bath and bed.

49
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,649
Party for your sister.

50
00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:09,868
Good idea.

51
00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,740
♪ For the first time ♪

52
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:15,135
♪ In my life ♪

53
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:18,138
♪ I see love ♪♪

54
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,845
[instrumental music]

55
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,543
I can't believe you ladies
have never seen The Godfather.

56
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:33,936
I've tried to get
Joyce to watch it

57
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:35,590
a thousand times,
but we always end up

58
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,244
watching some stupid
chick flick.

59
00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:39,942
And I'm not talkin'
the good girl-on-girl kind.

60
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,903
Why don't you make her
an offer that she can't refuse?

61
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:48,777
I did, I said, "If I have to
watch Pretty Woman one more time

62
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,518
you're gonna
sleep with the fishes."

63
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:53,608
I love "Pretty Woman."

64
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,740
It really makes
being a hooker look like fun.

65
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,353
Shh.

66
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,268
[Man on TV]
'I believe in America.'

67
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:03,444
'America has made my fortune.'

68
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,794
'And I raised my daughter
in the American fashion.'

69
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,361
Who's this guy?

70
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:10,451
Are you gonna talk
through the whole thing?

71
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,366
Sorry. I just wanted
to know who that guy is.

72
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:13,932
You're not supposed to know
who that guy is yet.

73
00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:16,718
Fine. I'll wait.

74
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,329
[Man on TV]
'I gave her freedom,
but I taught her'

75
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,418
'never to dishonor her family.'

76
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:25,292
Did you remember to order the
cake for Victoria's birthday?

77
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,641
You know, I wanted
to ask you, do you think

78
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,251
we should do cake
or just cupcakes?

79
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,993
Oh, cupcakes are a smart idea.

80
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,126
You don't waste as much, people
can take them home if they want.

81
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,041
This is the greatest movie ever

82
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:39,131
and all you're
talking about is cupcakes.

83
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,004
You know, now that I hear it out
loud, I think I'm back to cake.

84
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:47,314
- Are you done?
- Sorry.

85
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:48,967
'With another boyfriend.'

86
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,926
'They made her drink whiskey.'

87
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,841
Hey, what are you guys doing?

88
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:55,017
Oh, just hanging out.
You wanna join us?

89
00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:58,803
No, I don't wanna intrude.

90
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:00,414
Don't be silly.
The more the merrier.

91
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,416
Not so far.

92
00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:06,376
Thank you for askin'.

93
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,422
But you're doing a couples thing

94
00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:11,381
and I don't wanna
be the sixth wheel.

95
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,298
A lost and lonely

96
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,257
30-year-old sixth wheel.

97
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,521
Oh, goodness.

98
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:21,826
You wanna go or should I?

99
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,698
Maybe you should both go.

100
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:30,182
I just figured by the time
I turned 30

101
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,793
I'd have a man in my life.

102
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,579
Sweetie, you have nothing
but men in your life.

103
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:39,104
No, I mean the same man
a bunch of nights in a row.

104
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,326
Some folks call
that a relationship.

105
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,894
Yeah, one of those.

106
00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:48,505
So the bouncer
in the pop-up camper

107
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,942
probably not a long-term th..

108
00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:58,820
Oh, no.

109
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,996
You know, guys
like that never are.

110
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:04,695
Neither are guys who live
in Winnebagos or hot-dog trucks.

111
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,089
Good to know.

112
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,091
You show up for a second date

113
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:11,963
and their whole house
has disappeared.

114
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,574
No note or nothing.

115
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:16,272
Just an orange extension cord
hanging from the outlet

116
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,622
and a half-eaten bun
on the curb.

117
00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,278
Victoria, you shouldn't
pin your happiness

118
00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:24,672
on whether you have
a man in your life or not.

119
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,762
Easy for you to say.
You've got a boyfriend.

120
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,241
You want him? He's yours.

121
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,026
I gotta warn you,
he's kind of a load.

122
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,857
Yeah, but at least you have
somebody to be disappointed in.

123
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,208
Listen, you've got..

124
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:45,345
You gotta focus on
what makes you happy.

125
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:46,737
You know, I mean,
your job brings you

126
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:49,000
a lot of fulfillment, right?

127
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:52,308
Well, putting makeup on dead
people is okay.

128
00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:58,227
But as a rule, they don't give
you a lot of pats on the back.

129
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,578
Hey, I don't get a lot
of attaboys as a teacher either.

130
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,798
But I know if I'm reaching
just one kid

131
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:06,235
then I'm truly
making a difference.

132
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:10,370
Just one kid.

133
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,894
- That's so great.
- It is.

134
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,462
It's just all in how
you choose to look at it.

135
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:19,596
You're telling me
I should have a baby.

136
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,079
Uh...Mom!

137
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,648
Coming! Anyway..

138
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:30,041
...Victoria's always
been my fragile one.

139
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,087
It all started
when she was five years old

140
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,785
and I lost her at the zoo.

141
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,874
Not entirely my fault.

142
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,398
I mean, if they're gonna
sell beer there

143
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,617
mistakes will be made.

144
00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:43,272
I think you should
go talk to her.

145
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:45,143
Ugh. What's going on?

146
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,884
She wants to have a baby
and she sent me

147
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,799
down here to ask Mike for sperm.

148
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,585
You lovingly declined.

149
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,457
Oh, thank you,
because I never know

150
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:56,328
what to say in those situations.

151
00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,680
Let's go, Vince.

152
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,682
If you're gonna be her stepdaddy
you're gonna have to start

153
00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:04,293
chiming in with
some fatherly advice.

154
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:06,774
Ah, jeez, I just
wanted a nice, quiet evening

155
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,340
watching a bunch of goombahs

156
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,517
blast the crap out
of each other.

157
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,521
'Why did you go to the police?'

158
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:16,131
'Why didn't you come
to me first?'

159
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:17,393
So who's this guy?

160
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,311
Sweetheart, raising a child

161
00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:24,705
is a lot of responsibility.

162
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:27,534
There's dressing 'em
and feeding 'em..

163
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,971
And not losing 'em
in Monkeyville.

164
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:34,323
I was hammered.
Give me a break.

165
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,717
I just feel like
I've got so much

166
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:39,459
to give and nobody
to give it to.

167
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:41,722
You ever think about
pole dancing?

168
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,813
Vince, what's the matter
with you?

169
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,510
Hey, it's good money,
great exercise

170
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,425
and she's bringing
happiness to a room

171
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,862
full of sad
and lonely degenerates.

172
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,475
I think what Vince
is trying to say

173
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,520
is that maybe this is not a good

174
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,304
time for you to have a baby.

175
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:03,047
No, what Vince is trying to say
is that you've got a rocking bod

176
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:05,789
and you should take advantage
of it before you hit 40

177
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:07,922
and your jugs
become wind chimes.

178
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,319
Mom, make him stop talking.

179
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,583
Vince, get out of here
and go watch your movie.

180
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:19,629
Hey, she could push it to 45
if she sleeps in a support bra

181
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:20,935
and stays off the trampoline.

182
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,502
Out!

183
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:27,507
Here, take this up to my sister.

184
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:28,682
- It'll make her feel better.
- Oh, man.

185
00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,335
Why are you doing this to me?

186
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:31,902
You'll be fine.

187
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,904
You got enough for a backup
if I accidentally

188
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:34,905
eat this on the stairs?

189
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,951
Go.

190
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,909
Just so you know,
if she asks for my sperm

191
00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:41,129
I'm trading her straight-up
for this bad boy.

192
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,361
Oh, hey, I was just bringing
a little treat for Victoria.

193
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,538
Oh, good. I need a drink.

194
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,236
It's funny, I was schnockered
when she was conceived

195
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:02,672
and now it's the only way I can

196
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,500
carry on a conversation
with her.

197
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,418
Hey, there, Molly made
a little treat for you

198
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,420
and I didn't eat any of it.

199
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:14,423
- That's so sweet of her.
- Yep.

200
00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:18,470
Can I have it?

201
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,994
Oh, right, right.

202
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,913
Ever since I was a little girl

203
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,741
if I was feeling sad

204
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,220
she'd make me a hot fudge sundae

205
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:30,831
with three Oreos
hidden on the bottom.

206
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,007
They're still there.
You can count them.

207
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,447
Want me to leave you alone with
that? Maybe turn off the light?

208
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,449
That's how I usually do it.

209
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,366
Mike, what gives
your life meaning?

210
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:47,412
Oh, boy.

211
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,979
There was a time
when I would've had a glossy

212
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,591
photo of that sundae
hangin' in my locker.

213
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,375
I'm serious.

214
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,377
Well, I know for me, my job

215
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,684
gives me a lot of satisfaction.

216
00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,338
Every day, I look forward to
putting on the uniform and

217
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,645
strapping on the side-arm
and serving

218
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:04,952
the people that
I'm sworn to protect.

219
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,390
So helping people
makes you happy?

220
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:11,175
Yeah, that and feeling like I'm
a part of something important.

221
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:12,916
You know, something
bigger than me.

222
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,746
Oh, my God.

223
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,400
It's all so clear to me now.

224
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,271
- Really?
- Yes.

225
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,491
It's obvious what I have to do.

226
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:25,189
- What's that?
- I'm gonna join the Army.

227
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:30,760
Molly!

228
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:38,855
[Samuel]
'One hot beef
and cheese sandwich'

229
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,727
with curly fries
and strawberry shake.

230
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,685
And one can of tuna.

231
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:44,992
Thank you.

232
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,036
While you're enjoying that

233
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,081
I'll get your scratching post

234
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:48,125
and squeaky mouse.

235
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,087
I hope he gets fat someday.

236
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,264
You know, I'm proud of you.

237
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,005
You've been showing
a lot of self-control lately.

238
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,050
Yesterday Molly had me
take her sister

239
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:02,487
a hot fudge sundae and I didn't
eat one bite of it.

240
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,011
And I had plenty of time alone
with it too.

241
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,621
She never would've known.

242
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,623
They never do, to this day
nobody at the station

243
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,103
can figure out why the jelly
filled doughnuts

244
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,800
were sucked dry before
the box was even open.

245
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,541
That's just pulling a fire alarm

246
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,238
and when no one's looking,
jamming the straw

247
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,719
into the jelly reservoir.

248
00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:17,981
Well, it's brilliant.

249
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,853
You're like Foudini.

250
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,117
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, sweetie.

251
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,379
- What are you doing here?
- Well..

252
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,555
...per your conversation
with Victoria.

253
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,905
She decided to check out
the Army Recruiting Office

254
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:31,473
and see if she could
be all she could be.

255
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,650
Turns out I can't.

256
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,521
I had no idea
the Army was so strict.

257
00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,915
I mean, the whole thing
is just rules, rules, rules.

258
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,744
It's no wonder they're always
fighting with someone somewhere.

259
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:46,836
I will say, you do make that
uniform look very good.

260
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,751
Thank you.

261
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,144
Seriously, I've been
standing at attention

262
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,711
since you walked
through the door.

263
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:57,194
At ease, Carl.

264
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,761
I just don't know
if the United States Army

265
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,894
is ready for
Private Victoria Flynn

266
00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:03,461
and her two-gun salute.

267
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,335
You see, fellas, I'm just
not a morning person

268
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:08,858
and they're all about that.

269
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:12,035
I don't even know if my alarm
clock has 0500 on it.

270
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,169
Yeah, and apparently
they still have that

271
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:19,173
"don't ask, don't show up high"
policy, so..

272
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:22,089
I'm disappointed
the Army wouldn't take me.

273
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,091
I look really hot in camouflage.

274
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,875
Yes, you do.

275
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:27,616
But black's really my color.

276
00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:29,357
Me too.

277
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,405
You know, nuns wear black

278
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,233
and they take anybody.

279
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,758
Come on, Victoria.
You're being silly.

280
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,324
Hang on, may I point out

281
00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,152
that you don't have
to become a nun

282
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,501
to have a relationship with God.

283
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,113
- Carl.
- Uh.

284
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,115
Hey, I've found
a lot of comfort in my faith

285
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:50,682
without the unrealistic
expectation of celibacy.

286
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,337
Carl.

287
00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:56,036
I could not walk
this rocky path of life

288
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:59,082
without the tender guidance
of my sweet and powerful savior.

289
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:02,303
Carl.

290
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:04,218
Can I walk on that
path with you?

291
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,785
Carl.

292
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:11,007
Take my hand...and we will
walk it together.

293
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,357
- Oh, God.
- Oh, dear God.

294
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:16,578
Amen.

295
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,800
[instrumental music]

296
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:27,371
Do you know how many games
I'm missing right now?

297
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,460
Suck it up.
We're being supportive.

298
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,723
Do they serve wine
before or just during?

299
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,943
It's a Baptist church.
They don't serve wine.

300
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:37,599
- So BYOB?
- There's no wine.

301
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:39,775
Well, then I have to ask myself,
"What would Jesus do?"

302
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,779
I think dude would go burn
one in the parking lot.

303
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,042
No. You already
burned one in the car.

304
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,349
So glad you could make it,
sister.

305
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,527
- Brother Michael, Sister Molly.
- Dumb-ass Carl.

306
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,096
I hope after the service,
you'll join us in the rectory

307
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:58,228
for cake and pie
and good Christian fellowship.

308
00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:00,535
- But no wine, right?
- Not on the premises.

309
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:03,016
But we could hit a liquor store
and drive to the beach.

310
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,974
If the spirit moves you,
I can baptize you

311
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,933
in the healing waters
of Lake Michigan.

312
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,152
Did you happen to bring
a white T-shirt?

313
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,198
- I'm afraid not.
- Oh, that's cool.

314
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:14,244
I got a few in the trunk
of my car.

315
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,029
Carlton, you need
to get your robe on

316
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,031
and take over the keyboard
for Sister Shirese.

317
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,859
She's sweating something fierce

318
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:23,601
and the whole sanctuary
smells like Remy Martin.

319
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,168
Alright, Grandma.

320
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:26,343
If you sit up close,
you can watch me

321
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:27,910
work my magic on the organ.

322
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,956
Get your perverted self
in that sanctuary.

323
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,174
What have I told
you about trying

324
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,915
to use Jesus as your wingman?

325
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:39,748
As we read in First Corinthians
chapter 13, verse 11:

326
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,315
"When I was a child

327
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,839
"I spoke like a child.

328
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,668
'"I thought like a child,
I reasoned like a child.'

329
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:47,756
[in unison]
Yes.

330
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:49,801
'"But when I became an adult'

331
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,934
'I put an end
to my childish ways."'

332
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:53,414
Yes.

333
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:54,894
How much longer
is this thing gonna go on?

334
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,548
- Shh.
- I'm hungry.

335
00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:58,941
You sure you don't
have a cough drop

336
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,421
or a piece of gum or something?

337
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,118
We ate before we left the house.

338
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:05,861
Yeah, skim milk and puffed rice.
That's just food-shaped air.

339
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,778
Could you guys be quiet?
God's talking.

340
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:14,478
Sweetie, you realize that man
is not actually God.

341
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:18,047
I know. It's one of his helpers,
like Santa Claus.

342
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:23,835
"I was hungry
and you gave me food.

343
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,360
I was thirsty
and you gave me drink."

344
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,145
I'm in hell.
You don't have anything to eat?

345
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:32,932
I have two butter
rum Life Savers.

346
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,585
You can have one of them.

347
00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,370
I knew you were
holding out on me.

348
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:40,200
Lying in the house of God.
Real nice.

349
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,202
And when you rest
in the bosom of the Lord

350
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,682
brothers and sisters,
you shall be saved.

351
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:45,945
Amen.

352
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,730
When you walk with God,
ha-ha-ha

353
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:51,124
you will never walk alone

354
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,170
'for he is right there
beside you'

355
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,781
keeping you on the path to
righteousness.

356
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,435
Oh, testify.

357
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,047
You don't have
to have all the answers in life.

358
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,527
You see,
because only the savior knows

359
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:07,270
what this great journey has in
store for all of us.

360
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:10,795
Trust in him, open your heart

361
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:13,494
'and you shall
be empty no more.'

362
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:16,323
And now let us welcome back

363
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,586
Sister Rosetta..

364
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:20,936
...to lead us
in our closing hymn.

365
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,854
Stop. Now, let's go.
That's enough.

366
00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:29,640
[instrumental music]

367
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,818
♪ Lord way down here ♪

368
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:36,473
♪ In this sinful world ♪

369
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,475
♪ No one can help us ♪

370
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:41,304
♪ But you Lord above ♪

371
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,480
♪ Help me Lord Jesus ♪

372
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:46,135
♪ Give me more grace ♪

373
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:48,181
♪ I need your power ♪

374
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:51,401
♪ To help me run this race ♪

375
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,751
♪ Help me Jesus
help me Jesus ♪

376
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:56,885
♪ Help me Jesus
help me Lord ♪

377
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,930
♪ Beggin' you Jesus ♪

378
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,889
♪ To help me run this race ♪

379
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:03,109
I don't need to give
myself to a man

380
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,980
or have a baby or join the Army.

381
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,242
No, you don't.

382
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,114
No, I need to give
myself to God.

383
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:12,857
- Well..
- Here I come, God.

384
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,511
♪ Well well well well ♪

385
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,209
♪ Lord way down here ♪

386
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,776
♪ In this sinful world ♪

387
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,865
♪ No one can help us ♪

388
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:23,346
♪ But you Lord above ♪

389
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,653
♪ Help me Lord Jesus ♪

390
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:28,525
♪ Give me your grace ♪

391
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:30,397
Good luck, Lord.
This one's a handful.

392
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:33,617
♪ To help me win this race ♪

393
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,967
♪ Help me Jesus
help me Jesus ♪

394
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,840
♪ Help me Jesus
help me Lord ♪

395
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,972
♪ Beggin' you Jesus ♪

396
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,671
♪ Help me run this race ♪♪

397
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:49,677
[Mike]
'Do we really have
to wait for Victoria?'

398
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,722
Mike, it's her birthday.

399
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,420
I'm just saying,
I know how we can suck

400
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:57,076
the middle out this whole thing
and she'd never know.

401
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,382
Eat your rice cake.

402
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,821
Blech.

403
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:06,041
So how long you think this
religion thing is gonna stick?

404
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,086
I don't know.

405
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,044
Over the years, she's been a

406
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,787
Buddhist, an Orthodox Jew,
a Rastafarian.

407
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,180
And during a two-hour
layover

408
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,617
at the Denver Airport,
a Hare Krishna.

409
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:21,970
Well, you're a good sister
for being so supportive.

410
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,712
I have been.
And it has been a long week.

411
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:29,586
So seriously, you can
get the middle out of

412
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,675
this thing without her knowing?

413
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,506
- Thought you'd never ask.
- Oh!

414
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,249
Here, breathe through your nose.

415
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,949
♪ Oh happy day ♪

416
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,995
♪ Oh happy day ♪

417
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,215
♪ Oh happy day ♪

418
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:52,043
♪ Oh happy day ♪

419
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,958
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

420
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:55,873
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

421
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,267
♪ Oh when he washed ♪

422
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,095
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

423
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,489
♪ When my Jesus washed ♪

424
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,143
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

425
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,232
♪ My sins away ♪

426
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,929
♪ Oh happy day ♪

427
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,148
♪ He taught me ♪

428
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,280
♪ He taught me how ♪

429
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,630
♪ How ♪

430
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:17,373
♪ To watch ♪

431
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,636
♪ Fight and pray ♪

432
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,247
♪ Fight and pray ♪

433
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:22,944
♪ Fight and pray ♪

434
00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:25,468
♪ Well and he taught
me how to live ♪

435
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,818
♪ And he'll rejoice ♪

436
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,995
♪ And we will sing ♪

437
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:34,303
♪ Every ♪

438
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,653
♪ Every day ♪

439
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:40,788
♪ Every day ♪

440
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,006
♪ My ♪

441
00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:44,139
♪ Oh happy day ♪

442
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,185
♪ Oh happy day ♪

443
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,230
♪ Oh happy day ♪

444
00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:51,059
♪ Oh happy day ♪

445
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:53,104
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

446
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,150
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

447
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,370
♪ Oh when he washed ♪

448
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,372
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

449
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:01,722
♪ When my Jesus washed ♪

450
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:03,767
♪ When Jesus washed ♪

451
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,508
♪ My sins away ♪

452
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:07,206
♪ Oh happy day ♪

453
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,033
♪ He taught me ♪♪ He taught me ♪

454
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,122
♪ How ♪♪ How ♪♪

455
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,692
[theme music]