1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,351 Here's some hors d'oeuvres. 2 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,527 The crackers are low-cal and taste like tree bark 3 00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:07,833 so I doubled up on the spray cheese. 4 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,313 Thanks, Mom. 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:10,967 What time's your boyfriend getting here? 6 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,013 Quit calling him my boyfriend. I told you. 7 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:16,016 He's just a fellow from my church that I'm seeing socially. 8 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,714 Socially? Is that what you kids are calling it these days? 9 00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:21,499 [laughing] 10 00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:25,503 I'm not amused by the tramp talk. 11 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,288 Regardless, I think it's a good idea for me 12 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:29,246 to get a look at this guy and size him up. 13 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,205 Gotta warn you, he's a smooth talker. 14 00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,163 Man could sell sand to an Arab. 15 00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:35,948 Hey, I'm a police officer 16 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,081 and I can spot a con man a mile away. 17 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:39,213 And they love to prey on frail 18 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,997 vulnerable women like yourself. 19 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:44,261 [chuckles] 20 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,220 That's true. 21 00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:50,746 - That would be him. - Take a seat, mom. I got this. 22 00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:53,618 Promise me you two stags won't lock horns in the living room. 23 00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,361 Don't worry, I'm just gonna lay out a few ground rules 24 00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,320 let him know I'm keeping an eye on him. 25 00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,543 You must be Little Mikey. 26 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,678 Yeah, hi. Come on in. 27 00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:10,896 Thank you. 28 00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,637 Dennis Richardson is my name. 29 00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,378 I'm your mom's.. 30 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:17,512 - Friend from church. - Friend from church. 31 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:18,861 Forgive my tardiness. 32 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:21,255 I didn't allow for enough time to cook dinner 33 00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,866 as well as give myself a haircut. 34 00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:26,608 I can vouch for the tastiness of the food.. 35 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:29,350 ...but I wouldn't take a tape measure to these sideburns. 36 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,266 You cooked dinner at your house? 37 00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,920 Cooking here implies a level of domesticity 38 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:37,575 that makes Margaret uneasy. 39 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,925 Oh, by the way, shoes on or shoes off? 40 00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:41,840 Leave them on, these kids don't need to see you 41 00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:45,017 run around half-naked. 42 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:48,543 Understood. Oh, and I bought you some baseball cards. 43 00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:51,328 Upper Deck. 44 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,677 Uh, thanks. 45 00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,070 [chuckles] Hi. 46 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,855 - I'm Molly, Mike's girlfriend. - Oh, really? 47 00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,597 Margaret never mentioned that Little Mikey was seeing someone. 48 00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:05,081 Well, it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, Molly. 49 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,693 I'm afraid that since I was unaware of your existence.. 50 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:10,869 ...I neglected to bring you a gift. 51 00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,568 Oh, don't worry about it. It's just nice to meet you, Dennis. 52 00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:16,875 Perhaps I could offer you a book of stamps or a crisp $5 bill. 53 00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:19,182 No, no. 54 00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:21,053 Look at him work his magic. 55 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,055 Sand to an Arab. 56 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:30,193 ♪ For the first time in my life ♪ 57 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,239 ♪ I see love ♪ 58 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:37,113 ♪ Lo-oo-oo-ve ♪♪ 59 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:44,425 [instrumental music] 60 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:45,817 [sighs] Dinner was delicious. 61 00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,210 Good for you, finding a man 62 00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,690 who knows his way around the kitchen. 63 00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:50,300 Hey, I know my way around a kitchen. 64 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:53,608 I meant cooking not finding an Oreo in the dark. 65 00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,914 Oh. 66 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,526 While the dishes are soaking shall I whip us up a batch 67 00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,267 of my homemade Oatmeal Scotchies? 68 00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,834 - I could eat a cookie. - Oh, we're-we're fine, Dennis. 69 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,619 We're trying to lay off sweets. 70 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,970 Aw. 71 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:09,493 Now, that was a really wonderful meal. 72 00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,886 Where did you learn to cook? 73 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,322 I was a cook in the Army 74 00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,194 during the Vietnamese conflict. 75 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,935 Vietnam? Wow, did you see any combat? 76 00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,850 That's how I got this bum ear. 77 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:20,243 Artillery barrage. 78 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,984 If I hadn't covered my head 79 00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,029 with that stock pot of chipped beef 80 00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:26,249 I don't think I'd be standing before you today. 81 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,644 I thought you were gonna make cookies. 82 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:32,690 - I'd eat a cookie. - No, no. No cookies. 83 00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:34,692 Why don't you just sit down with us for a while? 84 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,825 - He doesn't like to sit. - It's true. 85 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,479 Probably from all that time I spent 86 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,871 crouching in a bamboo cage.. 87 00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,831 getting poked by a Vietcong bayonet. 88 00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:44,963 Oh, my God, you were a POW? 89 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,922 Eighteen months waist-deep 90 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:49,968 in a snake-infested swamp. 91 00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:53,711 Still better than high school, though. 92 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,757 Oh, boo-hoo, Cinderella. 93 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,674 Quit boring these kids with your sob stories. 94 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,719 You're absolutely right, Margaret. 95 00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:04,287 This evening is not about me. 96 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,334 It's about Little Mikey and his lovely girlfriend. 97 00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:10,641 So how long have you two been together? 98 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,991 I don't know, like, maybe a year. 99 00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,863 Seven months. 100 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,563 I was rounding up. 101 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,609 So are you young people 102 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,133 hearing wedding bells in your future? 103 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,484 What the hell's the matter with you? 104 00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,225 They haven't been together that long. 105 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,749 The wheels could fall off this wagon on the drive home. 106 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,231 Well, I don't know about that. 107 00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:36,406 I think we're doing fine. 108 00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:38,234 We're moving along very nicely. 109 00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,149 Absolutely. We got a good thing here. 110 00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,891 And we don't need to ruin it by talking about marriage. 111 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:46,460 Well, I don't think it'd ruin it. 112 00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:49,593 Oh, I-I didn't mean ruin, I-I just meant spoil or taint. 113 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,203 Taint? 114 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,120 The point is.. 115 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,035 ...that's a conversation for another time 116 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,602 way in the future. 117 00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,822 So how far in the future are you talking about? 118 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,650 Because I'm in my 30s.. 119 00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:04,869 ...and I'd like to have children someday. 120 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,393 Well, me too, but.. 121 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,786 But what? 122 00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:10,788 Uh.. 123 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,794 It would appear that I've opened up a can of worms. 124 00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:18,927 And you wonder why people lock you in cages 125 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,581 and poke you with knives. 126 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,062 [instrumental music] 127 00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,501 I've never even met the man and he asks 128 00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:29,590 if Molly and I are planning on getting married. 129 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,374 Well, once somebody drops the M-bomb 130 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,681 it changes everything. It never goes away. 131 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:37,249 It's like trying to get dog crap out of a tennis shoe. 132 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,034 You can hose it down, take an old toothbrush to it.. 133 00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:42,342 Don't matter. That shoe ain't never gonna smell right. 134 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,169 All I know is I'm not gonna rush into anything. 135 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,475 When Molly and I are both ready 136 00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:46,868 that when we're gonna get married. 137 00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:49,261 Good for you. Just don't you dare elope on me. 138 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,742 It'll break my heart and I will never, ever forgive you. 139 00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,440 What are you talking about? 140 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,093 Well, I'm assuming I'm your best man. 141 00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:56,965 Unless you got another guy heimliched the sugar baby 142 00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,662 out of your windpipe. 143 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,492 And I would be honored to be a groomsman 144 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:05,016 as long as you pair me with Molly's sister. 145 00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:09,281 I am bound and determined to tap that. 146 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,979 Listen, you can both just relax. 147 00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,981 Molly and I aren't anywhere near getting married. 148 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,983 Well, when the time is right, you'll know. 149 00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,333 But let me say, I am a sucker for a spring wedding. 150 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,596 Oh, yes. The flowers are beautiful. 151 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:21,990 And the season gives you that sense of new beginnings. 152 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,079 It is the Midwest, though, so you rollin' the dice on weather. 153 00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,515 That's why you plan an outdoor wedding 154 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,647 but with an indoor option. 155 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,823 Ooh! 156 00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:32,000 Listen, ladies, nobody's getting married. 157 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:34,524 Understood, but I will need at least three weeks' notice 158 00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,134 if you want a decent best-man speech. 159 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,398 And if anybody's tapping Molly's sister, it's gonna be me. 160 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,096 Well, good luck with that. 161 00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:42,140 Uh, you have the badge 162 00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,926 but I have the accent. 163 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,797 Oh, and a good bachelor party can't just be thrown 164 00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:48,059 together at the last minute. 165 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,061 That's true, we should probably start 166 00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:51,889 scouting out strip clubs right now. 167 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,152 We can begin downtown and then work our way to the airport. 168 00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:55,589 Hmm, I don't know. 169 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,242 Those places get nastier the closer you get 170 00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:58,809 to the airport. 171 00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,420 I say we start there. 172 00:07:01,812 --> 00:07:03,771 [instrumental music] 173 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:07,165 Vin, sweetie, it's not a big deal. 174 00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:10,430 Once in a while, it's gonna happen to a man your age. 175 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:13,781 Yeah, but it's never happened to me before. I'm so humiliated. 176 00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,261 Hey, I'm a patient woman. 177 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,089 And I know eventually 178 00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,700 when you relax a little 179 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,006 and take the pressure off yourself.. 180 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:25,096 ...you'll remember exactly where you left your Viagra. 181 00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:33,540 Lucky for us, there's more than one way to skin a cat. 182 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:36,456 I pray to God you're talking about skinning an actual cat. 183 00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,721 Where's the big guy? Sleeping in? 184 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:43,419 No, things were kind of awkward between us last night 185 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,595 so he slept at his place. 186 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:48,206 See? Not every night can be Mardi Gras. 187 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:51,340 Sometimes a man is tired and overworked, so he forgets 188 00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:52,907 where he put his erection enhancers. 189 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,561 Goodbye. 190 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:57,085 Sit. Sit down, honey. Now, Vin, hush. 191 00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,653 Now, listen, if you and Mike are having troubles.. 192 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,264 ...you can talk to us about it. 193 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:05,528 [sighs] It's no big deal, last night, somebody brought up the topic 194 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,488 of marriage and ...Mike panicked. 195 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:09,837 What do mean, panicked? 196 00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,491 You know, his face turned white 197 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,537 he started fidgeting and ...chewing his thumb. 198 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,800 He looked like a giant baby that had to go pee-pee. 199 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,152 Can you imagine powdering that big bottom? 200 00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:22,632 Mom! 201 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:24,982 Sorry, sorry. Um.. 202 00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,681 Honey, you know he loves you. 203 00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,597 I'm sure, like all men, he's just a little gun-shy. 204 00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:33,295 Was that a shot at me? 205 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,340 Because when I find my little blue friends 206 00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,647 I'll show you who's gun-shy. 207 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:40,215 Go retrace your steps, honey. 208 00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,217 Anyway.. 209 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:44,045 I don't know, mom, I feel like I've been pushing 210 00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:47,788 Mike since day one of this relationship. I asked him out. 211 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,225 I was the first one who wanted to sleep together. 212 00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:52,575 Maybe I should just back off until he figures out 213 00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,316 what it is he really wants. 214 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,100 Well, what do you want, sweetie? 215 00:08:57,798 --> 00:09:00,191 I wanna marry the guy someday. 216 00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,454 But I don't want him to feel like I'm railroading him. 217 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,370 Then you're just gonna have to relax and trust 218 00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:08,069 that if it's meant to be, it'll be. 219 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,766 Take life as it comes. 220 00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,725 Oh, I suck at that. 221 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,380 In my glove compartment from the time 222 00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,947 we did it at the car wash. 223 00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,560 T-minus 30 minutes and counting. 224 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:24,476 So are we good here 'cause sometimes 225 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,740 when I stare at the one-eyed monster, it happens quicker. 226 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,046 Go! 227 00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:31,222 [instrumental music] 228 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,403 So, what are you up for? Grab a bite? 229 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,144 Maybe catch a movie? 230 00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:43,365 Whatever you wanna do. I'm just easy-peasy Japanesey. 231 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,714 [laughs] 232 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,890 Okey-dokey. Gumby, Pokey. 233 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,500 [chuckles] 234 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,938 Seriously, though, a nice dinner and a late movie 235 00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:52,983 or a quick snack and an early one? 236 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,029 Mike, it's up to you, I just wanna 237 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:58,641 enjoy our time together with no expectations. 238 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,382 Great. 239 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,471 Whatever happens, happens, hmmh. 240 00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:04,342 Alrighty. 241 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,475 Why don't we try to narrow down what kind of food we want 242 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:07,998 just take it from there? 243 00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:09,217 Sounds like a plan. 244 00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,045 Okay. What are you hungry for? 245 00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,525 Well, I had a turkey burger for lunch so.. 246 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,617 ...whatever you want is fine with me. 247 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,706 I'd even eat another turkey burger. 248 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,664 - Really? - If I had to. 249 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:27,235 - How about Italian? - Sure. 250 00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:29,933 - Or we could do Chinese. - Ooh, sounds good. 251 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:34,242 Maybe we'll just grab a hot dog at the movie. 252 00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,200 I'm fine with that too. 253 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,381 - So where are we headed? - I don't know. 254 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,209 I can't answer that question. I mean, I love you. 255 00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,733 I know that much. 256 00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,172 Mike, I'm just trying to figure out where you wanna have dinner. 257 00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:52,477 Aw, crap. 258 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,089 [instrumental music] 259 00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,617 Everything was so good then somebody mentions marriage 260 00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,314 and now we can't even just hang out. 261 00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:04,446 Told you, man, that tennis shoe 262 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,753 ain't never gonna smell the same. 263 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,450 It's not that I don't wanna marry Molly. 264 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,234 I just kind of wanted to have my life more together 265 00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:11,714 before I ask her. 266 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,542 Please tell me this ain't about weight. 267 00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:15,544 'Cause you've been losing and gaining the same 14 pounds 268 00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,894 since I met you. 269 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,504 It's not that, I've made peace with the fact 270 00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,506 that I'm always gonna be a little stocky. 271 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:25,162 - Stocky? - Let it go. 272 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,164 Just wanted to have a little more money in the bank, you know 273 00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,688 be farther along in my career. 274 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,298 I mean, I always imagined getting married in 275 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,996 my dress blues with sergeant stripes on my sleeve. 276 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,782 Oh, that's nice, I always pictured white tuxedo 277 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:38,175 with black piping but dress blues is a great idea. 278 00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,917 Right? With the gloves and the hats under our arms. 279 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,658 Yeah, that's a sharp look. 280 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,616 Plus the dark blue will make you look a tad less stocky. 281 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,838 Alright, boys, I'm heading out. 282 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:51,101 - It's my bridge night. - Who you trying to fool? 283 00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:53,103 Everybody knows tonight's your poker night. 284 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,018 Yeah, but I have to cross a bridge to get there. 285 00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,893 Michael, how come you're not with Molly this evening? 286 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,591 Oh, we're just kind of taking a night off from each other. 287 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,158 The topic of marriage came up. 288 00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,551 Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Did she turn you down? 289 00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:09,641 No. 290 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,339 Don't sit there and tell me you turned her down 291 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,036 because that would make him the smart one 292 00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:14,734 and I don't wanna live in a world where that's true. 293 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,128 Hey, there's nothing wrong with a man taking his time 294 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,651 and not acting impulsively. 295 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,350 Oh, please, the only reason you didn't marry 296 00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:25,092 that mail-order Russian bride is because you maxed out 297 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:26,746 your credit card having phone sex. 298 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,837 That was not phone sex. That was a singles chat room. 299 00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,230 Mm-hmm, and was everybody else in the chat room 300 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,971 sitting in their grandma's hall closet 301 00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,930 with their hand down their pants? 302 00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,324 You ever heard of knocking? 303 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:45,721 You ever heard of knocking it off? 304 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:48,202 And why you dragging your feet? You know you love that girl. 305 00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:50,508 I do. I just wanna know I can take care of her. 306 00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,162 Be the kind of guy she deserves. 307 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:55,078 Well, don't waste too much time trying to be a better man. 308 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,298 'Cause you ain't never gonna be one without a good woman. 309 00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:58,865 And what are the chances of lightning 310 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,823 hitting this big barn again? 311 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,785 Well, I can honestly say, I am not done with my bachelorhood. 312 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:09,005 Yeah, Carl McMillan has a lot of living and loving left to do. 313 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,573 Then you need to get out of my closet and go find a woman. 314 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:15,359 Shoot, I have to cover my eyes to even reach in 315 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,405 and grab an umbrella. 316 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,278 I mean, I know Mike loves me. And I love him. 317 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:22,758 And when the topic of marriage came up 318 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,325 I could have just let it go. 319 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,240 Well, now you know for next time. 320 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:29,156 No, it's already out there. It's in his head. Marriage. 321 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,158 And I even said I wanna have kids some day. 322 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,290 Guys never wanna hear that. 323 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,858 Especially when they're already married and have kids. 324 00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:39,949 I should have just left well enough alone. 325 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,604 Argh, but I had to push it, I always have to take charge 326 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,040 and guys hate that. 327 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,302 Unless you're wearing a black bustier 328 00:13:45,389 --> 00:13:46,608 and holding a riding crop. 329 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,175 Then they practically beg for it. 330 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,439 How does that help me? 331 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:54,268 I'm just saying, guys are weird. 332 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:57,053 The important thing is that Mike and I are happy 333 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,750 and that, that should be enough. 334 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,624 - Absolutely. - But it's not. 335 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,975 Now I want it all and I wanna know that I'm getting it all. 336 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,368 I'm sure he wants the same thing. 337 00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:08,891 And he'll come around to it eventually. 338 00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:10,719 Oh, please! He doesn't know what he wants. 339 00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,199 Yesterday he couldn't make a decision between 340 00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:13,417 a restaurant and a movie. 341 00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,245 We shared a Lean Cuisine while watching 342 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:18,509 "Ice Trucker" reruns. 343 00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,337 Well, it's up to you to tell him what he wants. 344 00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:23,558 No, I can't do that. That makes me a pushy broad. 345 00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,299 He's gotta come to it on his own. 346 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,475 I thought you just said he can't come to it on his own. 347 00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:30,521 No, he's useless. 348 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,480 But you still wanna marry him? 349 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,482 Of course. I love him. 350 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,833 Okay, if we're going to keep talking 351 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,618 I need to be way higher than I am right now. 352 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,582 Continue. 353 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,105 [instrumental music] 354 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,935 What do you mean you can't help me find my dog? 355 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:55,242 You're the Fire Department, a.. 356 00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,200 Not a priority? 357 00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:59,463 But greasing your big, muscly chests 358 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,422 and posing for calendars is? 359 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,599 What the hell happened? 360 00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:07,080 I let Dennis take Jim for a walk and he lost him. 361 00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,864 Oh, damn! I'm sure he's fine. 362 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,953 He's probably sleeping under the Gundersons' shed again. 363 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,999 No, he ran away to make a point. 364 00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:15,218 Mom, come on. 365 00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:16,480 This was his house and 366 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,047 I brought another man into it. 367 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,440 Now he's punishing me. 368 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,398 I highly doubt that it's personal. 369 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,270 Everything's personal with Jim. 370 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:25,925 I think the world of him. 371 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,056 But he knows what my buttons are 372 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,798 and he knows how to push them. 373 00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,843 Well, the prodigal dog has returned. 374 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,803 Jim! Oh! Oh. 375 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,414 Jim, he rolled in some unidentified fecal matter. 376 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:40,113 And what is not matted in his fur I believe is lodged 377 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,201 between his teeth. 378 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,638 Oh! 379 00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:46,162 - Thanks for finding him. - What are you thanking him for? 380 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,469 He's the reason he got lost in the first place. 381 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,732 Mom, just take it easy. Everything's fine now. 382 00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,299 I understand your anger, Margaret. 383 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,997 It was foolish of me to take him off leash at the park 384 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:58,087 so that he and I might cavort freely. 385 00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,828 Foolish? It was idiotic. 386 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,395 You almost lost the most 387 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,745 precious thing in the world to me. 388 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:06,008 - Second most precious. - Uh-huh. 389 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:09,229 Come on, Jim. Let's get the possum scat out of your fur. 390 00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:10,708 Possum? 391 00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:12,972 Your mother sure does know her animal dung. 392 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,455 As soon as she cools off, I'm sure everything will be fine. 393 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,892 I hope so. 394 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,026 Your mother and I have had our romance on slow simmer 395 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,246 for seven years now and I'd hate to see it 396 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,770 bubble over just because Jim chased a squirrel 397 00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:30,380 into a poop pipe. 398 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,688 Seven years? 399 00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:36,169 Your mother's a sensitive and delicate flower 400 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:39,737 handily disguised by a hateful and abusive demeanor. 401 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,310 Well, I do know she was pretty broken up when my dad left 402 00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:50,009 and I'm guessing she just doesn't wanna be hurt again. 403 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:52,707 Interesting. 404 00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:56,015 Does your unwillingness to commit to your girlfriend 405 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,191 make you a chip off the old block? 406 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,323 Not that I'm calling your mother an old block. 407 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,282 She's more stocky. 408 00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,461 I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it. 409 00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:13,554 Love is a frightening thing, isn't it, Mikey? 410 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,731 Yes, it is. 411 00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,907 Almost as bad as being buried up to your neck 412 00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:22,084 and trying to keep rats from chewing off your eyelids. 413 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,868 Wow, did that really happen to you? 414 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:27,394 Sure did. I guess high school was tough for everybody. 415 00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,659 [instrumental music] 416 00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,226 Why do we have to do this right now? 417 00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:34,705 Need to clear the air with Molly 418 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,185 and let her know why I've been dragging my feet. 419 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,666 I owe her that much. 420 00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:41,147 - Miss Flynn? - Mike, what are you doing here? 421 00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,409 Sorry to interrupt, I just need 422 00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:43,540 to have a word with your teacher. 423 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:44,933 - Can't this wait? - No. 424 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,674 - I need to tell you something. - Alright. 425 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:47,936 Quiet study time. 426 00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:50,591 Books open, mouths closed. 427 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,245 - What's up? - I love you, Molly. 428 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,463 [children laughing] 429 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,770 Quiet! 430 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,206 I love you too. Now get out of here. 431 00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:58,381 I'm not done. 432 00:17:58,468 --> 00:17:59,600 I also want you to know that 433 00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,211 I'm really happy with what we've got. 434 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:05,171 Absolutely, and there's no reason to rush into anything 435 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,825 until we're both sure we're ready. 436 00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:10,132 It would appear I'm ready. 437 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,220 [children laughing] 438 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,613 Shut up! Shut up! 439 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,312 Really? 440 00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:18,140 Molly Flynn.. 441 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,447 ...will you marry me? 442 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,319 Are you sure this is really what you want? 443 00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:25,887 I'd get down on my knees but I'm not sure I could get back up. 444 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:31,197 Seriously, I don't, I.. 445 00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,982 I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. 446 00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:36,071 I don't, in fact, I haven't felt this sure 447 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,899 about anything in a long time. 448 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:47,169 - Is that a yes? - Yeah. Yes. 449 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:48,214 [children laughing] 450 00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:50,303 People, please, pipe down. 451 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:51,913 Having a precious moment. 452 00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,048 [exhales] 453 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,486 When did you get this ring? 454 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,444 About two weeks after I met you. 455 00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,188 Look at me. 456 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,016 I'm gonna be a best man. 457 00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:10,627 [instrumental music] 458 00:19:15,719 --> 00:19:17,025 [glass clinking] 459 00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:20,942 If someone would've told me a year ago, that-- 460 00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,770 Seven months. 461 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,469 Seven months ago.. 462 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:29,124 ...that I'd be standing up here next to this incredible woman 463 00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:31,953 an engaged man and eight pounds lighter 464 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,128 I never would have believed them. 465 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,651 I mean, four pounds, maybe, but.. 466 00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,871 [all laughing] 467 00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:39,134 Anyway, we just wanna thank you for coming 468 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,615 and sharing this moment with us. 469 00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:42,920 - Hear, hear. - Cheers. 470 00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,661 [all cheering] 471 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,317 So when's the wedding? 472 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:54,584 What's the matter with you? You got shrapnel in your noggin? 473 00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:57,370 I'm thinking next spring, sunset, Lincoln Park 474 00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,154 when the azaleas are in bloom. 475 00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:02,462 But with an indoor option in case of inclement weather. 476 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,464 Or rain. 477 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,684 Hey, me and Red are gonna tie the knot near an active volcano 478 00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,425 on the island of Kauai. 479 00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:10,992 Maybe they'd throw us a twofer. 480 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:13,951 Oh, a double wedding with my daughter. 481 00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,953 I've always dreamed of that. 482 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,304 Really? That's a very peculiar dream. 483 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,351 [indistinct chattering] 484 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,397 You gotta keep your pie hole shut. 485 00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:30,141 [indistinct chattering] 486 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,926 [Dennis] 'I'm sorry, Margaret.' 487 00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:36,713 - I love you, Mike. - I love you, Molly. 488 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,801 [instrumental music] 489 00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:47,246 [theme music]