1 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:06,180 Wow, there's so many banquet halls to choose from. 2 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:09,966 Yeah, a veritable plethora of choices. 3 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,054 Mike, what are you doing? 4 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,142 And you've already eaten all your 5 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:13,448 weightwatcher points for today. 6 00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,276 No-no-no, I still have three left. 7 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,929 No, you ate those three points 8 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,105 when you were sneaking that candy bar 9 00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,541 when you were taking out the garbage. 10 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,718 It was fun sized. 11 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,981 And how did you know about that? 12 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,375 Well, the first clue was that you actually volunteered 13 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,420 to take out the garbage and the second was 14 00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:31,640 the peanut shard stuck in your chest hair. 15 00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:34,773 That peanut could have been there for days. 16 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,689 Fine, I'm not gonna be the diet police. 17 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,256 Okay, gimme that. 18 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:43,956 [sighs] Alright, I think I've got a couple that 19 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,872 you know, might work for us, and if we start saving now 20 00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:49,005 well, I think we should be able to afford it. 21 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,398 Oh, hang on, isn't it traditional 22 00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,704 for the bride's family to spring for the wedding? 23 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,967 I think I'm a little old to ask my mommy 24 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,839 to pay for our wedding. 25 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,537 I'll ask her. 26 00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:00,799 And you'd feel comfortable with that? 27 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,671 I eat candy next to garbage cans. 28 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,194 I'm not a prideful man. 29 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:10,287 Oh, my God, look at that sweet ride. 30 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,115 Mike, we're in the middle of something. 31 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,510 Gorgeous. What is she, a '57? 32 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,338 You are correct, sir. 33 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:21,168 '57 Chevy Bel Air sport sedan. 34 00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:23,518 It's got a 283 with a two-speed power glide. 35 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,781 When I was a kid, this was my dream car. 36 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:29,219 Well, this and the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. 37 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:31,700 Well, for ten grand you can live the dream, my friend. 38 00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,050 - Deal. - No, no, no, Mike. 39 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,878 What are you doing? 40 00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:38,054 Right, you're right. I'll give you 9500. 41 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,361 - Deal. - No! No deal. 42 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,319 She's right. 43 00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:43,581 I should test drive it first. 44 00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:44,930 - Deal? - Deal. 45 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,715 Could everybody just stop saying "Deal"? 46 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,847 [both] Deal. 47 00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,762 ♪ For the first time ♪ 48 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:54,288 ♪ In my life ♪ 49 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:57,378 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 50 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,955 Ooh, this is kinda neat. 51 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,696 You could get married on a four-hour cruise 52 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,133 on Lake Michigan. 53 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:14,525 Sure, the only thing people like more 54 00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:15,570 than sitting through a wedding 55 00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:16,875 is being trapped at sea 56 00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,703 with a boatload of drunk cousins. 57 00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,664 Yeah, it shifts from a cocktail party 58 00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:27,712 to a hostage situation in about an appletini and a half. 59 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,628 What about just having a traditional church wedding? 60 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,935 Well, Mike's mom would love it if we got married in a church 61 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:35,503 so we won't be doing that. 62 00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:39,942 I did a good job with you girls. 63 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,381 I'm telling you, they don't make engines like that anymore. 64 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,601 Exactly, so it's gonna cost me an arm and a leg 65 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,298 for any replacement parts and that should factor 66 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,908 into your asking price. 67 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,433 You're not really considering buying that car, are you? 68 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,957 Relax, I'm not gonna drop eight grand on a used car. 69 00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:56,872 You mean the used car you've been dry humping 70 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,527 for the last hour? 71 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,268 I was tryin' to get comfortable in the seat. 72 00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,834 You unbuckled your pants. 73 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:06,969 That's how I get comfortable. 74 00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,668 - Fine, eight grand. - Vince! 75 00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:13,584 You're not gonna sell that car to Mike for $8000. 76 00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:14,890 Thank you, mom. 77 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,326 We could get ten from a stranger. 78 00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,242 - Ten. - You already said eight. 79 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:22,506 - How about what I said? - Did you say something? 80 00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:23,855 You know what? Do what you want. 81 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,553 But try and talk him down to 7,000 82 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:26,728 so you have enough left over 83 00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,991 to buy sex on the honeymoon! 84 00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:37,086 You heard the lady. Seven thousand. 85 00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:40,959 [instrumental music] 86 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,267 Yeah, the engine looks clean. 87 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,704 - What's he asking for it? - 'Eight thousand.' 88 00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,097 That's a good price. 89 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:50,230 And look at this back seat. 90 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:53,102 It's practically a hide-a-bed. 91 00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:55,104 Oh yeah, you put in a toilet and a hot plate 92 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:58,194 and it's an efficiency apartment. 93 00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,804 Oh, what kind of gas mileage does it get? 94 00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,458 Only about six miles to the gallon. 95 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,243 But it's got a 30-gallon tank. 96 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,201 Ah. 97 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,812 Nice. So almost 200 miles between fill-ups. 98 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:10,162 Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm getting with the Galant now 99 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,035 but with none of the roominess or pizzazz. 100 00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:17,300 Oh yeah, you're up to your nips in pizzazz. 101 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:18,693 Hey, and what kind of safety features? 102 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,348 It's got a horn. And I've got an airbag. 103 00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,658 Oh, my Lord. 104 00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:31,836 The 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air. 105 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,274 - Michael, is this your car? - Thinking about it. 106 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,624 Ooh, I had me some good times 107 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,801 in the back of a Bel Air. 108 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:42,282 I lost something in one of these I ain't never getting back. 109 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:45,154 [chuckles] 110 00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:46,547 Yeah, I-I'm gonna pretend she's talking 111 00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:49,158 about her high school ring. 112 00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:52,161 I'd just turned 17 and had never been with a boy. 113 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:55,164 You know, 'cause my momma was so strict. 114 00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:58,080 Grandma, please, I don't need to be hearing all that mess. 115 00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,560 You and Molly are gonna look great 116 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:00,996 riding around in this thing. 117 00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,563 Just tell her not to wear her high heels 118 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,913 in the back seat, she'll puncture this upholstery 119 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,958 and rip holes in the roof lining. 120 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,003 Grandma! 121 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,529 But to tell the truth, I don't think Molly's too keen 122 00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:13,661 on me buying this thing 123 00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:15,489 and we have a wedding to pay for. 124 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,186 Well, she got an engagement ring. 125 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,014 Why can't you get something shiny? 126 00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:22,191 He was the handsomest boy in our church 127 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,236 and it was his daddy's car. 128 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,630 And I remember, "If I had a hammer" 129 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,198 was playin' on the radio. 130 00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,591 And he did. 131 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,247 Grandma, seriously 132 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,641 that's not for my ears. 133 00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,643 Uh-uh, I'm just saying, this might be the last chance 134 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:41,645 you get to do something nice for yourself. 135 00:05:41,732 --> 00:05:43,604 You're right, I mean, if I'm not happy 136 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,301 how am I ever gonna make her happy? 137 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,956 Tug on her hair and stick a tongue in her ear. 138 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,830 ♪ If I had a hammer ♪ 139 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,529 ♪ I'd hammer in the morning ♪ 140 00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:58,401 ♪ I'd hammer in the evening ♪ 141 00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:01,186 ♪ All over this land ♪ 142 00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:04,102 ♪ I'd hammer out a danger ♪ 143 00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,235 ♪ I'd hammer out a warning ♪♪ 144 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:17,725 Um! 145 00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,556 Hey, how come you get dessert and I don't? 146 00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,514 Because for breakfast I had cottage cheese and fruit 147 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,690 and you had a fried egg on a pop-tart. 148 00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,607 Well, listen, if I promise to budget my points 149 00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,435 better tomorrow, can I have a bite? 150 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,394 Sorry, pal, you've been playing with the house's money 151 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:35,917 for about two days now. 152 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,746 And you're telling me you didn't have anything 153 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,225 to eat when you were at Carl's? 154 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,271 No, I just showed him the car, that's all. 155 00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,404 By the way, he thought it was a steal at that price. 156 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,232 Well, maybe he should buy it. 157 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:50,627 Carl would look like an idiot in that car. 158 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:53,587 Besides, his dream car is the Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine. 159 00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,373 He's a child. 160 00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:59,157 Be that as it may, I just don't think 161 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,029 it's a practical purchase right now. 162 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:02,683 That car is an investment. 163 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:04,685 It originally sold for $2000. 164 00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,251 Sixty years later, it has appreciated 165 00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:07,296 four hundred percent. 166 00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,471 In my mind, we're driving around 167 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:09,907 in our kids' college fund. 168 00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:11,431 My thoughts exactly. 169 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,564 Listen, you can't decide anything 170 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:15,957 until you take a ride in it. 171 00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:17,001 And if you don't fall in love with it 172 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,395 the way I did, I'll let it go. 173 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,441 Alright, fine. 174 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,573 But we're stopping by to get some frozen yogurt 175 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,141 because I still have five points left. 176 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,925 That's impossible. I wanna see your score card. 177 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,059 You're shavin' points somewhere. 178 00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:33,235 No, I'm just not having secret picnics 179 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,976 by the garbage cans. 180 00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:41,373 I'm telling you, we'll get a lot of use out of this car. 181 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,332 You know, how you're always telling me what a big load I am 182 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:48,076 on the weekends? Well, in this baby, I'm a load on the road. 183 00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:50,426 So it's basically just a couch that moves? 184 00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:53,603 Oh, it moves alright. Can your couch do this? 185 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:56,258 [laughs] 186 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,782 Oh, my God, this thing is a rocket. 187 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,785 I told you. We'd have a blast in this car. 188 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:03,526 I'm not saying it's not cool. 189 00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,267 I just don't think it's very practical. 190 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,703 It'll be our vacation car. 191 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:09,663 We could take weekend road trips in it. 192 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:12,709 Well, it would be fun to get out of the house. 193 00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:15,233 Maybe drive down Route 66. 194 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,105 We could take it all the way to the Grand Canyon. 195 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:19,150 - Can I drive it? - No. 196 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,848 I mean, yeah, yeah, you can drive it 197 00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,545 but there's no power steering and you've really 198 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:23,981 gotta stand on the brakes. 199 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:25,983 So I'd never get to drive it? 200 00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:30,074 What? Who said that? Nobody said that. This is our car. 201 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:32,947 I'm just giving you a little heads-up on how she handles. 202 00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,992 Well, just pull over and let me drive. 203 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,907 Okay. 204 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:39,257 But I'm warning you, it's big, it's loud 205 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,998 and the tailpipe backfires. 206 00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:43,523 I'll be fine, I sleep with you every night. 207 00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:47,004 [laughs] 208 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,922 Well, maybe we can swing this. 209 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,445 You know, if we don't eat out as much 210 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,882 and we could scale back on the wedding. 211 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,579 Now you're talking. 212 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,102 I mean, we don't have to release all those doves 213 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,451 for our first kiss. 214 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,279 Carl's got an uncle that raises pigeons. 215 00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,630 It's not like the Audubon society's gonna be there. 216 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:06,850 Hey, give that horn a honk. 217 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,765 [honking] 218 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:12,247 - Cool, right? - Yeah, it's pretty cool. 219 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,031 Okay, if we're gonna really do this 220 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,772 let's have a plan, let's hit Vince 221 00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:17,731 with good cop, bad cop and I bet we can get him 222 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,646 down to seven grand. 223 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,473 Well, you're close. 224 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,564 I got him down to seventy two-five. 225 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,394 Wait, you already bought the car? 226 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:31,266 No, we already bought the car. 227 00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,181 Do I know my lady or what? 228 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,621 [honking] 229 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:43,757 Mm-hmm. 230 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,200 I don't understand why you're so upset. 231 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,505 I anticipated your needs 232 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,159 I thought you liked it, when I did that. 233 00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:58,032 By anticipating my needs, I mean spraying Febreze 234 00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,381 on your feet before coming to bed 235 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:00,904 not tricking me into doing something 236 00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,603 that you've already done. 237 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:07,519 You say "Trick," I say "Delightful surprise!" 238 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,260 The point is we're both proud owners 239 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:11,219 of a cool vintage automobile. 240 00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:13,743 Oh, no, no, no. I want nothing to do with that car. 241 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,615 - That's yours. - Oh, come on. Don't say that. 242 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:16,920 We're gonna have a blast in that thing. 243 00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:18,095 We were halfway to the Grand Canyon 244 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:19,357 a minute ago. 245 00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:20,794 The only time I'm driving to a big hole 246 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,622 with you is to push you in it. 247 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:27,061 Okay, I'm a police officer and technically 248 00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,410 that's a death threat. 249 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,152 Well, book me, dumbo. 250 00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,983 Look, I can't believe you played me like that. 251 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,811 I knew when you saw how happy it made me 252 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,203 you'd want me to have it, I mean, you want me 253 00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,770 to be happy, don't you? 254 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:43,381 Are you happy right now? 255 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,166 That depends. Do I get to keep the car? 256 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:48,865 Just so you know, I already deposited the check. 257 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,562 I'll deal with you later, shame on you 258 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,610 for taking advantage of this candy-sneaking bonehead. 259 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,307 Alright, if we're just gonna resort 260 00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:59,136 to childish name-calling, I'm out of here. 261 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,965 And I don't care what you say, that car completes me. 262 00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:06,404 I can't believe he bought that car from you 263 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,189 behind my back. 264 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,105 In his defense, 7800 is a great deal 265 00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,368 for that classic automobile. 266 00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,805 Seventy-eight? He told me seventy two-five. 267 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:17,372 Boy, every time he opens his mouth 268 00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,287 a lie falls out of it, huh? 269 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,729 Anybody got any jumper cables? 270 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:32,822 I would've been a fool not to buy this car. 271 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,737 And if she doesn't wanna ride in it, fine. 272 00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,521 It'll just be the "Bro-mobile." 273 00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,915 Does the "Bro-mobile" have heat? 274 00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:42,397 Because I, for one, am freezing my bro-nads off. 275 00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,877 Roll up the window, man. 276 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,661 Actually, better to leave the windows down 277 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:48,838 until I get a handle on these exhaust fumes. 278 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:51,058 [coughs] Yeah. 279 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,755 Every once in a while we should say the alphabet 280 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,670 just to make sure nobody's getting brain damage. 281 00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,370 - Does the radio work? - Absolutely. 282 00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,024 You have your choice of conservative talk 283 00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:03,113 or contemporary ranchero. 284 00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,595 [engine sputtering] 285 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,293 - What is that sound? - It's just settling. 286 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:10,817 Older cars have to settle. 287 00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,253 This thing has had 50 years to settle. 288 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,428 It sounds like a wheelchair 289 00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:15,909 going down a metal staircase. 290 00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:19,129 That is the Detroit symphony. Music to my ears. 291 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,088 What comes after the letter "L?" 292 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,698 "M." 293 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,700 You know, I still can't believe you bought this thing 294 00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,049 without clearing it with Molly. 295 00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,529 Hey, I brought her in after the fact 296 00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,270 because I wanted to surprise her. 297 00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,663 Uh, like when the Senegalese army moves into your home 298 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,405 calls it a barracks, and tells you you're a corporal. 299 00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:37,539 - Surprise. - Hey, I never lied to her. 300 00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:39,584 I just sat on the truth until she came 301 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,282 around to my way of thinking. 302 00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,284 Whatever you need to say to look yourself in the mirror. 303 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:46,766 By the way, where is the mirror? 304 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,551 It snapped off in an Arby's drive-thru. 305 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,422 This thing's a little wider than I'm used to. 306 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,426 Huh. Well, that's new. 307 00:12:58,299 --> 00:12:59,909 It's not that he bought the car 308 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,564 it's just that he did it without telling me. 309 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,654 He is kinda sneaky. 310 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:08,613 The other day I saw him eating a chocolate bar 311 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,006 behind a tree. 312 00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:13,836 I know, he thinks he's skinnier than the tree. 313 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,446 It's actually.. 314 00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:18,232 It's kinda cute. 315 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,625 Well, did you tell him that you didn't want him to buy the car? 316 00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:21,801 No, I can't do that. 317 00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:22,889 Then every time he sees 318 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,368 a classic car on the road 319 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,501 I'd be the bad guy. 320 00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:29,025 It's like when mom wouldn't let me have a pet monkey. 321 00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:33,203 Even now when I see a chimp or a little old Greek woman 322 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,770 I get pretty PO'd. 323 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,430 Yeah, just like that. 324 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,480 Sweetie, you're not fooling anyone. 325 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,482 You're covered in chocolates. 326 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,009 It's not chocolate, it's engine gunk. 327 00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:58,533 - Where's Vince? - He's upstairs. 328 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:02,363 Having a little trouble with the ol' jalopy? 329 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,930 It's all good. 330 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:05,496 You see, tinkering under the hood is part 331 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,543 of the fun of owning a classic automobile. 332 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,676 Oh, well it looks like you're having the time of your life. 333 00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,419 Oh, I am. Excuse me. 334 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:16,856 Absolutely. 335 00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:20,642 Jackass. 336 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,037 Vince? Vince! 337 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,125 [Vince] 'What-what, what do you want?' 338 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,953 We need to talk about the car. 339 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,216 'Glad you're enjoying it. What a deal, huh?' 340 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:31,653 'Boy, you saw me coming.' 341 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,002 Get out here. 342 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,752 Okay, so now you know my beauty secret. 343 00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,580 You sold me a piece of crap. 344 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,669 Are you familiar with the expression 345 00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,062 "Buyer beware?" 346 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,628 Are you familiar with the expression 347 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:51,760 "I'm a cop and you're gonna get parking tickets 348 00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,022 for the rest of your life?" 349 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,371 The corruption in this city sickens me. 350 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:55,895 Get goin'! 351 00:14:57,853 --> 00:15:00,160 The radiator's overheating, the transmission's slipping 352 00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:01,857 and there's gotta be a leak in the gas tank 353 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,990 because I'm getting like four blocks a gallon. 354 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,689 You bought a car that's pushin' 60. 355 00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,343 I'm only 58 and I have to repaint 356 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,997 my hair every three weeks. 357 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,739 I also overheat and tend to leak. 358 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,483 Vince, I told you this was a bad idea. 359 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:22,138 Hey, I didn't know he was gonna be such a baby about it. 360 00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:23,748 Hey, I'm not being a baby, you just knew things 361 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,402 about this car you didn't divulge. 362 00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:27,622 Oh, and how did that make you feel? 363 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,580 Deceived? Betrayed? 364 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:32,366 Like a boob? 365 00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:34,846 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I couldn't buy something 366 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,066 with my money without clearing it with you. 367 00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:39,982 Look, when you put this ring on my finger, we became a team. 368 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:42,637 It's not your money or my money, it's our money. 369 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,900 Okay, well then you owe me for half of that ring. 370 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:49,035 Which will easily cover the cost of the repairs. 371 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,342 Just give him the money back, Vince. 372 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,998 Then how is he ever gonna learn from his mistakes? 373 00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,827 Do the right thing. And make it fast. 374 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,133 In about four minutes you're gonna start 375 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,743 looking like Count Chocula. 376 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,878 Alright. I'll give you seven grand for the car. 377 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,489 - Deal. - Hold on a second. 378 00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:11,231 We paid 78 for it, we're not taking a penny less. 379 00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:13,668 Seventy eight? The transmission slips. 380 00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,149 There's a leak in the gas tank, and the brakes are shot. 381 00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:17,672 That thing's a death trap. 382 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,633 Seventy two-five. 383 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,853 I need to confer with my partner before I make any kind of-- 384 00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,333 - Take it. - Deal. 385 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:33,993 Alright, are you sure you're ready to do this? 386 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,125 Your finances, my finances. 387 00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:39,302 - Full disclosure. - Full disclosure. 388 00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,391 Alright, this is the balance of my checking account 389 00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:45,091 which does not reflect the $7200 check from Vince. 390 00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:48,964 Oh,you're a thrifty one, huh? 391 00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:50,357 Well, I try to live within my means. 392 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:51,706 Plus, I return my pop bottles 393 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:53,447 and I use the neighbor's Wi-Fi. 394 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:56,841 And you wear your underwear until they look like 395 00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,539 vertical blinds. 396 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:03,718 - Thrifty and sexy. - Sure. 397 00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:06,329 So this, along with my savings account 398 00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:09,332 is a nice little start on a nest egg. 399 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,508 - Very impressive. - Thank you. 400 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,554 - Ooh-ooh! - Your turn. 401 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:14,903 Okey-dokey. 402 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,384 [chuckles] Uh...okay. 403 00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,821 Just so you know, I'm not really.. 404 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,606 You know, a stickler for writing things down 405 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,000 but.. 406 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,828 Yeah, so.. 407 00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,177 Just a, um.. 408 00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:31,485 ...just a, you know, a ballpark. 409 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,661 This is everything? This is all your money? 410 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,576 Well, I don't like to keep a lot in my checking account. 411 00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,317 - You don't make interest. - Smart. 412 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:38,405 So you got a lot in savings? 413 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,102 Enough to keep the account open. 414 00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,324 How can this be? You own your own car. 415 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:45,977 You live with your mother, please tell me 416 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,979 you're a drug addict. 417 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,459 Don't be silly, I just.. 418 00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,896 You know, I like to-to travel a bit. 419 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,289 Travel where? 420 00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:56,336 I don't know. Asia, Africa. 421 00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:58,512 South America. 422 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,557 Europe. 423 00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:03,169 You know what I did with my two weeks vacation last year? 424 00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:06,433 I dug a new septic tank in my mother's house. 425 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,825 And I charged her. 426 00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,742 I went to Prague. 427 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:14,093 I took my sister. It was amazing. 428 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,356 She had never been before. 429 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,184 - You'd been there before? - Yeah. 430 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:21,404 I mean it was just a stop on my way to Moscow with my mom. 431 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:26,366 - Moscow? - Well, I like to travel. 432 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,324 And my mom likes vodka. 433 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:33,286 It was either that or Poland, and I'm sort of Warsawed out. 434 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:37,986 Hang on, so you're telling me 435 00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,422 this is all the money you've got? 436 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,772 Well, yeah, you know, and I'm carrying 437 00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,123 I'm carrying a little.. 438 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:47,213 ...bit of credit card debt. 439 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,998 How little? 440 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,653 Uh...17000. 441 00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:00,748 Wait, you're telling me you owe 17 grand? 442 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:04,926 No. We owe 17 grand. 443 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:12,673 [theme music]