1 00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:03,438 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:03,525 --> 00:00:04,830 So, you kids must be getting 3 00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:06,484 pretty excited about the big day. 4 00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:10,097 Yeah, Molly and I both love Super Bowl Sunday. 5 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,446 Wedding. Wedding. 6 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,796 Oh. 7 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:16,538 Well, everything's all squared away at St. Bart's. 8 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,322 And if you slip the organist 15 bucks 9 00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:20,020 she'll play anything you want. 10 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,196 Now, I warn you, she's 85 and incontinent 11 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:25,547 so those low notes ain't always coming from the organ. 12 00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,767 Okay, well, good to know. 13 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:31,509 Sounds like we'll be using the ceiling fans. 14 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:33,468 Oh, and at some point you'll have to sit down 15 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,469 with Father Tim. 16 00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,166 It's a formality, really. 17 00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:37,254 He just has to confirm 18 00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,560 you're a boy and you're a girl 19 00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:41,345 and both planning on staying that way. 20 00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:43,565 Well, what if I was both? Then I wouldn't need Mike. 21 00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:45,175 [both chuckling] 22 00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,701 Make sure she doesn't crack wise in front of the good Father. 23 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:52,791 He drinks, he's got a temper, and he's not a big fan of women. 24 00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,838 So, where you having the reception? 25 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,883 We found this place, it's actually pretty nice 26 00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,624 and it's walking distance from the church. 27 00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,887 Great, so I gotta traipse around the dirty streets 28 00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:04,977 of Chicago wearing high heels and a taffeta gown? 29 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,198 I'm sorry. You're wearing a taffeta gown? 30 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,026 Not if I got to hoof it to the reception. 31 00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:11,593 Wind comes along, catches my skirt 32 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,551 everybody gets a freebie. 33 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,774 Well, that's a visual. 34 00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,125 I don't know why you don't have the reception 35 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,257 in the church basement. 36 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,736 It's clean, it's free. 37 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,608 You lay down a couple of sheets of plywood 38 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,697 you got a dance floor. 39 00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,960 Well, that certainly sounds festive 40 00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,397 in a hoedown-y kind of way 41 00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,704 but Mike and I were thinking 42 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:38,054 you know, uh...a little help? 43 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,839 We don't wanna do it in a basement, ma. 44 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,232 Fine, blow your money. 45 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,842 Your kids can go to community college 46 00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:45,757 and have crooked teeth. 47 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,977 Now, about the seating arrangements. 48 00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:50,675 I'm at the head table next to my boy, right? 49 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,200 Actually, we were thinking that Mike and I would sit 50 00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:54,723 at a sweetheart table and everybody else 51 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,899 would be seated around us. 52 00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,771 Not much space in your spotlight, is there? 53 00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,384 So, where's that put me, near to the kitchen door 54 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:04,950 with one of your humpback uncles? 55 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,433 Well, we thought by eliminating the head table 56 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,652 things would be a little less awkward 57 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:13,002 between you and Mike's dad. 58 00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:15,091 Come again? 59 00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,832 Abort. Abort. 60 00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,879 I thought you two already talked about this. 61 00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:23,969 You invited your deadbeat dad and his hell-bound whore 62 00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:26,624 to come to our wedding? 63 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:33,022 Well, it's still kinda up in the air with the whore. 64 00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,330 Wait, "our wedding?" 65 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,897 You ungrateful, little Judas. 66 00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:41,117 After all the sacrifices I've made for you 67 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,815 and you just stab me in the back. 68 00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:48,168 Enjoy your 30 pieces of silver, turncoat! 69 00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:52,389 That's great. This is just perfect. 70 00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,870 What did she mean by "our wedding?" 71 00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,960 ♪ For the first time ♪ 72 00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:01,572 ♪ In my life ♪ 73 00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:04,140 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 74 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,891 [instrumental music] 75 00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:19,155 What were you thinking?! 76 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:21,026 Everything was going so well and you had to bring up 77 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,332 my dad coming to the wedding? 78 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,508 You told me she was fine with it! 79 00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:28,338 She was, because she didn't know about it! 80 00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,992 Well, don't blame me because you're afraid 81 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,385 to talk to your own mother. 82 00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:33,517 Oh, don't get on your high horse. 83 00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:35,563 You're afraid of her, too. 84 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,565 That's not the point. She's your mom. 85 00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,002 You should be able to be honest and open with her. 86 00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:44,398 Are you hearing yourself? 87 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:46,748 Why is there a cop car in front of my house? 88 00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:49,272 You got me, there's no way my mom could've bought a rifle 89 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,969 and beat us here. 90 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:55,322 [Joyce] You can't cart my baby off to jail! 91 00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:57,106 Vince, do something! 92 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,848 Boys, if you let her go I can fill the trunk of your car 93 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:02,198 with porterhouse steaks and Mexican Rolexes. 94 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,896 The meat is real. 95 00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,507 Hey, what is going on? 96 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,726 Oh, there's my future son-in-law, the cop. 97 00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:10,685 Set these goons straight. 98 00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,817 Uh, Officer Michael Biggs. What's the problem, fellas? 99 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,210 She was driving erratically 100 00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:15,690 and we followed her to this location 101 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,736 where she proceeded to park her car on the sidewalk. 102 00:04:18,823 --> 00:04:20,260 But in front of my own house. 103 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,609 That's supposed to be home base 104 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,002 which means I'm olly olly oxen free. 105 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,006 She's also got 12 outstanding parking tickets 106 00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,487 and she's been driving on a suspended license. 107 00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,663 We have to impound the vehicle and take her to the station. 108 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,361 What? I'm going to jail? 109 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,188 I am too young and pretty! 110 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:40,018 Those butch chicks will be on me like ants on a peach. 111 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,672 You're gonna let 'em take her away? 112 00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,413 - I'll follow you in my car. - Ugh! 113 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,633 So, the only thing we get from having you in the house 114 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,461 is an empty refrigerator 115 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:50,899 and a three-foot butt divot in the couch! 116 00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:52,204 Could you please take your mom inside? 117 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,249 Vince.. 118 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:54,555 Why don't you arrest somebody 119 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,252 who's committed a real crime, huh? 120 00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,036 Like, whoever gave you that haircut! 121 00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:01,170 Yeah, I'm talking to you, thumb-head! 122 00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:03,433 - Mom, in the house! - Come on, Red. 123 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,131 Those mooks will just shoot you and plant the gun on me. 124 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:09,483 I'll post bail and get her back as soon as possible. 125 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,049 Thanks, sweetie. 126 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,747 Great, now, all the neighbors are watching. 127 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,966 Well, you got cops on the lawn and your mom's mooning them 128 00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,185 through the window. 129 00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:18,666 Mom, pull your pants up! 130 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,581 Alright, show's over! 131 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:23,758 Quit acting like you haven't seen my mom's butt before! 132 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,542 [instrumental music] 133 00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,764 I can't believe they put my baby in jail 134 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,766 over a few parking tickets. 135 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,898 Oh, this town has gone straight to hell 136 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:36,248 since the Colombians pushed the Italians out. 137 00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,817 Sad but true. 138 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,039 - Oh, family. - Oh, sweetie. 139 00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,650 Oh, God. 140 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:47,912 - Oh. - I missed you all so much. 141 00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:49,174 Where's Little Molly? 142 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:52,090 Right here, Papillon. 143 00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:54,049 So, what is the deal? Does she have to go to court? 144 00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:56,617 Well, they impounded her car until she pays the fines 145 00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,140 and gets her license reinstated. 146 00:05:58,227 --> 00:05:59,576 And you couldn't pull any strings? 147 00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,665 I did. She's not spending the night in jail. 148 00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,232 And they pretended to believe me when I told them 149 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:05,321 the smell in her car was skunk air-freshener. 150 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,325 Oh, honey, you must be starving. 151 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,892 Let mommy make you a sandwich. 152 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,415 Oh, that's all I've been thinking about 153 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:15,549 since I've been away, is a home-cooked meal. 154 00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,072 Oh, my God. 155 00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,596 Hey, if you're making sandwiches, uh, I'll have one. 156 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:22,338 Look at him, can't get rid of a couple of parking tickets 157 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:25,210 but he can sure make a loaf of bread disappear. 158 00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:34,045 So, am I getting a sandwich or not? 159 00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:36,570 [instrumental music] 160 00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:39,094 No, dad, I'm not dis-inviting you to my wedding. 161 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,661 What's going on? 162 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,140 Mike's dis-inviting his dad to his wedding. 163 00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:43,228 Shh! 164 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,753 No, I realize I'm your only son 165 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,799 but hey, that vasectomy was your idea. 166 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,845 He's having a bad day so don't bring him any pancakes 167 00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:53,978 waffles, and put a padlock on the pie case. 168 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,546 No, dad, I'm not choosing her over you. 169 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,766 I'm not choosing anybody. I'm just trying to get married. 170 00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:01,682 - Bring me a tall stack. - Don't you move. 171 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,553 Listen, I need one of you guys to be reasonable 172 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,773 and we both know that's not gonna be mom. 173 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,688 - Pancakes! - Uh, Carl told me not to. 174 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,820 I got a situation here. Bring me pancakes! 175 00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,518 No. He's not hungry. 176 00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:12,780 He's just upset because he's caught in the middle 177 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:13,955 between mommy and daddy. 178 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,392 I know exactly how he feels. 179 00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:21,963 What if mom agrees that you can come if Marlene doesn't? 180 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,182 No, I'm not trying to hurt your wife's feelings. 181 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,141 I'm more worried about mom stabbing her in the neck 182 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,230 with a cake knife! 183 00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,494 Hang on, dad, Molly's on the other line. 184 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,235 Is he bringing me pancakes? 185 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,715 Now, you know damn well the answer ain't at the bottom 186 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:37,282 of an Aunt Jemima bottle. 187 00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,850 Hey, Molly, what's up? 188 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:40,982 I'm on duty. 189 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:42,331 I can't use the squad car 190 00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:45,160 to chauffeur your sister around. 191 00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:48,511 Hang on, I got my dad on the other line. 192 00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:49,643 Dad, listen.. 193 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,210 Oh, now, don't cry. Don't cry. 194 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:55,039 If you cry, I cry. 195 00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:57,041 How can this day get any worse? 196 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:04,266 Would it be cool if I blazed up back here? 197 00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,008 [instrumental music] 198 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:13,710 [instrumental music] 199 00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,762 Hello, ladies. 200 00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:27,985 Sloppy Joes were sublime today. 201 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,814 [chuckles] And the bread pudding? 202 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,034 Tres magnifique. 203 00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,819 That's French for "damn fine bread pudding." 204 00:08:37,473 --> 00:08:39,910 I'm gonna have a little chin wag with my.. 205 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:41,608 ...future mommy-in-law. 206 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:47,439 The hairnet club seems a little more bubbly than usual. 207 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,616 Rat trap day? 208 00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:51,139 What do you want? 209 00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:53,271 Look, I understand that you're still upset 210 00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,360 but it'll kill Mike if you don't come to our wedding. 211 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,885 He should've thought about that before he betrayed me. 212 00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:59,408 Yeah, he should have talked to you about that 213 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,975 and he assured me he had. 214 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,716 Lying to you already, is he? 215 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,240 Well, the apple don't fall too far from the tree. 216 00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:07,547 His father told me he joined the National Guard 217 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,766 and the only truth to that story was he was spending 218 00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:12,029 every other weekend in the bush. 219 00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:16,860 It's not like he's picking his father over you. 220 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,646 I mean, they only talk on the phone maybe once a month 221 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:22,083 and he's just seen him a few times since you guys divorced. 222 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,780 - What? - Oh, my God! 223 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:26,391 Don't you guys tell each other anything? 224 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,698 I was in labor for nine hours 225 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,483 with that 13-pound backstabber. 226 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,878 Turned my uterus into a windsock. 227 00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:38,534 And this is how he thanks me? 228 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,058 See, now, this is the kind of open dialogue 229 00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,408 you two should be having. 230 00:09:43,495 --> 00:09:44,758 - We're done here. - Come on! 231 00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:46,977 If you and Mike would just talk about this-- 232 00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:48,849 Talking's over. 233 00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,027 Fine, let you ladies get back 234 00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,638 to planning tomorrow's nutritious menu. 235 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:58,075 Who am I kidding? We all know it's crap. 236 00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,425 Oh! 237 00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:01,862 Let it go, Lynette. 238 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,951 Don't waste your third strike on her. 239 00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:09,130 [instrumental music] 240 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,959 ♪ I'm your biggest fan ♪ 241 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,788 ♪ I'll follow you until you love me ♪ 242 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,442 ♪ Papa paparazzi ♪ 243 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:22,926 Going to add a little blush, Mr. Whitmore. 244 00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,406 Just because you're stone-cold dead 245 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,409 doesn't mean you can't be stone-cold hot. 246 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,067 ♪ Baby there's no other superstar ♪ 247 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:35,199 ♪ You know that I'll be ♪ 248 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,811 ♪ Papa paparazzi ♪ 249 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,421 Victoria, you ready to go? 250 00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:41,641 [humming] 251 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,341 [both screaming] 252 00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:47,603 Hah! 253 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,605 - Mike! - Sorry. 254 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:52,347 Oh! What the hell, dude? 255 00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:55,785 You don't just sneak up on somebody in a mortuary. 256 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,092 I apologize. Now, can we get out of here? 257 00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,702 In a second. 258 00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,922 Need to finish up on Mr. Whitmore. 259 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,575 What happened to him? 260 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:07,014 Poor old thing just keeled over shoveling his front walk. 261 00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,581 See? That's why I always pay the neighbor kid to do it. 262 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,714 Let them die in the snow. 263 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,239 Oh, gives me the creeps. 264 00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:16,632 But you're a cop. 265 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,416 You must see dead bodies all the time. 266 00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,114 Sure, but we just tag 'em and bag 'em. 267 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,768 We don't mousse and spruce. 268 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,119 Don't know how you have the stomach for it. 269 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,904 Well, everybody dies. 270 00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,427 And I just wanna make them look their best 271 00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:32,213 for whatever is waiting for them on the other side. 272 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,563 Sure, might as well hedge your bets. 273 00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:37,827 If there is an afterlife, you don't wanna be the ugly one. 274 00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,568 Right? 275 00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:42,745 I mean, who knows what the next dimension holds for us? 276 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:46,009 We could come back as a dog or a monkey 277 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:47,663 or a head of cabbage. 278 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,056 That would be my luck. 279 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,884 After a lifetime of choking down salads 280 00:11:50,971 --> 00:11:53,843 to come back as a big bowl of slaw. 281 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:56,933 Or maybe this is it. 282 00:11:57,020 --> 00:12:00,110 And we should make the most of it while we're here. 283 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,112 That's what I'm doing. 284 00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:04,941 Living my life to the fullest. 285 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,596 So, when I'm laying here like Mr. Whitmore 286 00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:10,294 I will have a peaceful smile on my face 287 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:11,643 and it won't have to be sewn on 288 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,690 with two big hooks and fishing wire. 289 00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,692 Do you actually do that? 290 00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,868 I had to do it to this one. 291 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,305 When they rolled him in, he was not a happy camper. 292 00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:26,310 Well, nobody likes to shovel their driveway. 293 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:27,442 [cell phone ringing] 294 00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:31,359 Ah, great. 295 00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:32,839 Hey, mom. 296 00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:35,450 I-I can't understand what you're saying. 297 00:12:35,537 --> 00:12:37,408 Molly told you what? 298 00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,019 Uh, I gotta take this. 299 00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:41,891 I'll be right there. 300 00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:44,633 That about does it, Mr. Whitmore. 301 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,158 Mmm. You look very handsome. 302 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:50,334 Good luck on your journey. 303 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:54,034 And may your next life be filled with love 304 00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:57,689 happiness and hopefully a snow blower. 305 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:02,694 ♪ I'm your biggest fan ♪ 306 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,046 ♪ I'll follow you until you love me ♪ 307 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,918 ♪ Papa paparazzi ♪ 308 00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:11,355 ♪ Baby there's no other superstar ♪ 309 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,227 What do you want from me? He's my father. 310 00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:15,055 I can't just cut him out of my life completely. 311 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:17,013 Why not, he wrote the both of us off 312 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,494 the minute he walked out that door and followed his boner 313 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,931 all the way to Pompano Beach! 314 00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,629 [knocking on door] 315 00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:26,240 I hate to interrupt 316 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,503 but it's cold in the car, and I gotta tinkle. 317 00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,505 What the hell is she doing here? 318 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:31,985 She needed a ride. 319 00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:33,682 Through the dining room and to the right. 320 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,553 Thanks, I was waiting for a lull in the fight 321 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,729 but that never happened and I've been pounding Mountain Dew 322 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,470 since 7 o'clock this morning. 323 00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,211 Hi, Jim! Continue. 324 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:44,214 As far as I'm concerned 325 00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:45,650 there's nothing else to talk about. 326 00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:48,436 You chose your father over me, plain and simple! 327 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,525 Mom, it's my wedding day! 328 00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:52,048 Is it too much to ask for you 329 00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:54,355 to put your differences aside for one hour? 330 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:57,488 One hour? You ever been to a Catholic wedding? 331 00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:59,969 After three hours of stand, sit and kneel 332 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,364 you're looking at the crucifix, thinking he's the lucky one! 333 00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,671 You know what? I give up. 334 00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,543 Come to my wedding, don't come to my wedding. 335 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,067 Do what you want, 'cause after all, it's your special day. 336 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:14,592 It was! Now, you can spend it with your precious daddy. 337 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,118 And your step-mommy, the prostitute! 338 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:21,730 Hey, maybe you can book her for the bachelor party! 339 00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,171 Sorry. 340 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,218 I'll get out of your hair. 341 00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,744 Love your house, by the way. 342 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,093 Thanks. 343 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,791 Is this where Mike grew up? 344 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,445 You mean, is this where I cooked and cleaned 345 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,404 and sacrificed the flower of my youth 346 00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:45,667 to raise that ungrateful lout? 347 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,321 - Yeah. - It is. 348 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:52,761 Bought it in '72. His father got it on the GI Bill. 349 00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:56,678 Only smart thing that son of a bitch ever did. 350 00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:59,202 Other than marrying you, right? 351 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:02,423 I gave him a son and a home, and how did he repay me? 352 00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,207 By running off with some tramp 353 00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:05,730 and leaving me with a ninth-grader 354 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:08,908 who could outeat a family of beavers. 355 00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:14,000 Well, you did a wonderful job with that little beaver. 356 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:16,306 He's kind and thoughtful.. 357 00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:20,006 ...and that's because of you. 358 00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:22,269 Yeah, well, it wasn't easy. 359 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,706 But I'm a nurturer. 360 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,841 Always have been. Can't turn it off. 361 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,105 So.. 362 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,629 ...why wouldn't you wanna go to the wedding 363 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,500 and show that ex-husband of yours 364 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,067 what you were able to do without him? 365 00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,809 Oh, I wouldn't dream of using the kid's special day 366 00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:43,290 to grind a 20-year-old axe. 367 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,119 If it was me.. 368 00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:48,991 ...I would be rolling up to that wedding 369 00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:52,212 with my hair done, a face full of makeup 370 00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:55,302 and a dress short enough to show off those legs 371 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:58,261 which have held up very nicely. 372 00:15:58,348 --> 00:16:01,612 Well, I square-dance and do water aerobics. 373 00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:05,660 It shows. 374 00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:08,271 I'd kill for those things. 375 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:11,883 But I did get lucky in the boob department. 376 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,582 Yes, you did. They are high and ample. 377 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,107 [car horn honking] 378 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:20,892 Hey, if you change your mind 379 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,025 and end up going to the wedding 380 00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:25,810 I would be happy to do your makeup for you. 381 00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,638 Ah, I don't think so. 382 00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,379 I found this great new lipstick. 383 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,338 If it can give a dead person kissable lips 384 00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,818 imagine what it can do for you. 385 00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:36,778 Later, Jimbo. 386 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,522 She's not wrong about my sticks. 387 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:45,178 At the public pool, people used to mistake me for Ann-Margret. 388 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,834 [instrumental music] 389 00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:52,837 Great, now, because she won't budge 390 00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,623 I gotta call my dad and break his heart. 391 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,364 Sorry, Mike. 392 00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,669 [cell phone ringing] 393 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,717 What now? 394 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:05,546 Mom, what a nice surprise. Long time, no harp. 395 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:08,636 What? 396 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,595 Really? 397 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:13,119 That's great. 398 00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,034 My mom and my dad are coming to my wedding. 399 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:18,167 Oh, that's nice. Maybe they'll bury the hatchet. 400 00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:19,386 Oh, no, I'm gonna pat her down 401 00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:22,258 before I let her in the church. 402 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,434 Okay, mom, I'll talk to you later. 403 00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,871 And thanks. 404 00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,743 Well, that's weird. 405 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,701 I wonder what made her change her mind. 406 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,661 Well, I'm guessing it's not easy 407 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,924 to stay mad at a guy like you forever. 408 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,752 I don't know, she's been doing a pretty good job of it 409 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,188 for the last 35 years. 410 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,845 Who knows what brought her around? 411 00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,108 Life is filled with mystery. 412 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,677 And just think, if I was a monkey 413 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,157 and you were a bowl of coleslaw, we wouldn't even 414 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,594 be having this conversation. 415 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,771 [instrumental music] 416 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,387 Alright, kids, I'm out of here. 417 00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:06,476 - Where are you going? - I'm celebrating. 418 00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:08,522 I got my driver's license back. 419 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,480 Just be careful tonight and if you're not okay 420 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,352 to drive home, please take a cab. 421 00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:14,397 No, no, no. If you need a ride home, call me. 422 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:16,573 I appreciate your offer, Mike 423 00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,314 but I'm not driving tonight. 424 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,403 I'm going out with a very responsible friend. 425 00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,362 [Mike] 'Alright, well, have a good time.' 426 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,626 - She'll be fine. - Are you kidding? 427 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,063 Have you seen the kind of people she hangs out with? 428 00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:31,284 So, where we headed, Legs? 429 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,462 It's ladies night at the VFW. 430 00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:39,205 Two dollar gin Rickey's and all-you-can-eat pepper poppers. 431 00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,555 Sounds like a plan. 432 00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,209 Do you mind? 433 00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,385 I...guess it's okay. 434 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:48,127 But blow it out the window. My son's a cop. 435 00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,653 [engine revving] 436 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,524 [instrumental music] 437 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,402 [theme music]