1
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:05,440
[Molly]
Really proud of how well you've
been sticking to your diet.

2
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,529
Well, since you're dead set
on me wearing a white tux

3
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,618
at the wedding, I'd rather look
more like a refrigerator

4
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,272
than a milk truck.

5
00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,274
Uh, I've changed my mind
about the white tux.

6
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:15,015
Let's just go basic black.

7
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:16,494
Then what are we doing
at an OA meeting?

8
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:19,106
Let's go get pie.

9
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:20,542
Since we're talking
about the wedding

10
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:22,761
I wanted to discuss
our vows with you.

11
00:00:22,848 --> 00:00:24,198
I know, you don't want
to say "obey."

12
00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:27,418
No, I do not. I do,
however, want you to say it.

13
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:30,508
Yes, sir.

14
00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:32,467
Seriously, though,
I-I thought, you know

15
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,121
instead of doing
the traditional "I dos"

16
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,819
it might be fun
if we write our vows.

17
00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:38,995
Fun for who?
That sounds like a nightmare.

18
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,041
No, it could be really sweet.

19
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,303
Saying what's in our heart

20
00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,000
expressing our love in front of

21
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,958
all our friends and family.

22
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,090
That's exactly
what I was picturing

23
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,701
when I said "nightmare."

24
00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:51,790
Come on. What's the big deal?

25
00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:53,357
There's plenty of time
between now and then

26
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:55,011
to jot down
a few heartfelt sentiments

27
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:58,667
about how much
I dazzle you each day.

28
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,712
Uh, easy for you,
you were an English lit major.

29
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:01,974
I'm about one head bump away

30
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,759
from being a member
of the plant family.

31
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:08,416
Technically, it's
the plant "kingdom""

32
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:11,114
I goes, it goes kingdom,
phylum, class, order

33
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:12,289
family, genus, species.

34
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:13,899
Wedding's off.

35
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,645
- Hey, kids!
- Hey.

36
00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:22,125
Hey, Harry.

37
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,301
You guys notice anything
different about me?

38
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,738
Hint, I have
three-and-a-half less of them.

39
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,088
[imitates a buzzer]
What are pounds?

40
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,133
That is correct.

41
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,266
What happened? Little slow on
the buzzer, brainiac?

42
00:01:33,876 --> 00:01:39,229
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

43
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:42,841
♪ I see love ♪♪

44
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,156
[instrumental music]

45
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,679
That was a great OA meeting.

46
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:57,378
Yeah. Did you see the look
on their fat, little faces

47
00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:59,641
when I said I dropped
three-and-a-half pounds?

48
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,123
Did they look
anything like ours?

49
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:07,170
I'm sorry.
I'm kind of on a low-carb high.

50
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,739
I went down
an entire belt hole today.

51
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:13,611
One of the original holes
or one you punched yourself?

52
00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:16,397
Original.

53
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:19,791
Good for you.

54
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,447
More free refills on coffee
or does one of you

55
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,015
big spenders
wanna splurge on a tea bag?

56
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:29,453
Top me off, Benson.

57
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,152
You OA people never eat,
do you?

58
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,631
At least not when
there are witnesses.

59
00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,329
Am I right, Mike B.?

60
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,289
Listen, now that I've dropped
all this weight

61
00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:41,944
and gotten a handle
on my combination skin

62
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:45,208
I'm thinking it's time to dip
my toe back in the love pond.

63
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,255
Aw. Well, that's great.

64
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,953
I'm sure there's
a nice girl out there for you.

65
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,824
Assuming that's what you mean

66
00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:55,131
by "toe" and "pond."

67
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,352
The one I've got my eye on

68
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,268
is very nice and sweet

69
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,314
and stacked like
a sleeve of Oreos.

70
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:11,016
Well, be careful. You don't
wanna date out of your league.

71
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,018
Why not? You did.

72
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,022
Just watch out, Harry.

73
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:18,415
You been doing
really good on your diet

74
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,112
and you don't wanna end up
brokenhearted

75
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,767
and only leaving the house to
chase down an ice cream truck.

76
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,467
Oh, I've never been that bad.

77
00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:30,122
Besides, if you lay down
in the road, they have to stop.

78
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,214
[instrumental music]

79
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,782
Since when did it become
a crime for a man

80
00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,959
to urinate in a public fountain?

81
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:44,441
I'm guessing about three days
after they invented fountains.

82
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:47,139
Well, they should put up
a sign or something.

83
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,404
Not just blindside us
with these crazy laws.

84
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,014
Pipe down!

85
00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,798
Did I tell you about Molly's
latest bright idea?

86
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:55,887
She wants us to write
our own wedding vows.

87
00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:57,193
- Really?
- Yeah.

88
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,934
She's gonna recite
some beautiful soliloquy

89
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,457
and I'm gonna be quoting
dirty limericks

90
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,024
and Dan Fogelberg songs.

91
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:05,288
Oh, I love Dan Fogelberg.

92
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:08,160
I saw him live
at Kingston Mines in '73.

93
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,032
Did you pee on him?

94
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,860
When are you gonna let that go?

95
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,037
You don't need
to sweat the vows.

96
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:17,735
I've heard you wax poetic
for 20 minutes about lasagna.

97
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:20,260
Oh, you mean the one
from Arnie Salerno's?

98
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,131
You can't just call
that lasagna.

99
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,611
It's a work of art.

100
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,614
It's a perfect union
of gooey mozzarella

101
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,529
and taut, teasing noodles

102
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,661
and a deceptively simple sauce

103
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,534
each ingredient frolicking
in my mouth

104
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:36,276
like dolphins
dancing in the waves.

105
00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,931
It didn't just sate my hunger.

106
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,629
It changed my life.

107
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,980
Damn.

108
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,895
I can almost taste it.

109
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:48,549
Right?

110
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,377
Hey, you can do this vow thing.

111
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,248
Just substitute
"lasagna" with "Molly"

112
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,902
change the sauce to her eyes
and try not

113
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,904
to describe her
as a taut, teasing noodle.

114
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:58,515
Speaking of which,
I gotta whiz again.

115
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,518
[instrumental music]

116
00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:05,261
"And like the emergence
of the wildflowers of spring

117
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,482
"your love fills
the fertile fields of my heart

118
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:11,920
with dainty dots
of bright colors."

119
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,445
[blowing raspberry]

120
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,751
What?

121
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,928
Something stinks,
and it ain't this fish.

122
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,669
Is the alliteration
of "fertile fields"

123
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,192
and "dainty dots" too much?

124
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,759
No, I liked that part.

125
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:27,588
Mostly because it was the end.

126
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,024
Maybe you should try
moving the ending

127
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:32,506
about ten minutes closer
to the beginning.

128
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,986
Well, clearly, you two would
know more about poetry

129
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,292
than an English lit major.

130
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,511
Why do you keep harping on

131
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:38,990
being an English lit major?

132
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,732
Yeah, you mentioned it
twice in your vows.

133
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:43,778
Backstory.

134
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,040
It's friends and family.

135
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:47,390
They're coming
for free cake and booze

136
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:50,872
not to sit through
Ken Burns presents Molly Flynn.

137
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,703
Those hens are always clucking
about something, aren't they?

138
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,967
I don't think they'd appreciate
being referred to as "hens."

139
00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:02,057
But, yes, they are always
clucking about something.

140
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,190
[doorbell rings]

141
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,717
I got my shoes off.

142
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,893
You don't have to tell me
you got your shoes off.

143
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:14,896
I'm not tearing up because
these cartoons are sad.

144
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,553
Harry, what are you doing
in this neck of the woods?

145
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,990
I've come a-calling
for the fair Victoria.

146
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,601
Wait a minute. Victoria's
the girl you wanted to ask out?

147
00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,386
Aw, geez,
this'll be hard to watch.

148
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:29,127
Like a walrus swimming
into a boat motor.

149
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,783
Why don't you and I have
a little talk out on the porch?

150
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,002
Is this a pep talk?

151
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,525
'Cause I already said
my affirmations

152
00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:36,744
in the car,
"I am a good and perfect..

153
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,441
- Get outside!
- Alright.

154
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:43,315
Mike, I assure you
my intentions are honorable.

155
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,578
I mean, my thoughts are filthy

156
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,581
but I rarely act on them.

157
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:48,973
Listen, Harry,
I think it's great

158
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,192
that you're feeling good
about yourself

159
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,585
and you wanna pursue
a relationship

160
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,195
but come on. Victoria?

161
00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:54,805
Are you talking
about the age difference?

162
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,633
'Cause I can pull out
the old Jean jacket

163
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,115
and do kind of a Clooney thing
with my hair.

164
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,378
Maybe it's a good idea to try
to walk before you can run.

165
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,771
Date somebody more like you.

166
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,469
A heavyset brunette
with hammertoes?

167
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:07,862
No, thank you.

168
00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,517
Alright, pal. Go ahead.

169
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,475
Swing for the fences.

170
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,129
Is he still going
through with it?

171
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:17,175
Good for you, Dumpy.
I'm rooting for you.

172
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:20,396
Victoria, Mr. Not-quite-right
is here!

173
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,704
Woof, I'm sweating like a pig.

174
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:26,228
Probably just 'cause
you're nervous and fat.

175
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,753
Oh, hi, Larry.

176
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,363
Harry.

177
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,235
And we're off.

178
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,498
Hi, Victoria.

179
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,369
Listen, I noticed on
your Facebook page

180
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,936
that you're a fan
of the Black Keys

181
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,548
a-as am I now.

182
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,463
And I happen to be in possession

183
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:47,031
of two primo tix
for Saturday's awesome gig.

184
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,250
I thought it was sold out.

185
00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:50,208
Not if you've got a friend
at will call

186
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,297
and you're willing to trade him
your pristine

187
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:55,562
still-in-the-box
Lando Calrissian.

188
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:58,260
So, are you asking me to go
to the concert with you?

189
00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,305
That was the plan walking in

190
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,872
but now that I'm faced
with your beauty

191
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,309
I'm just looking for a window
to dive out of.

192
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,356
Good luck.

193
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:10,751
Oh, Harry,
I'd love to go with you.

194
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:12,753
- Really?
- Really?

195
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,364
Yeah!

196
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,453
And, uh, do you wanna get some
dinner before the show?

197
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:20,412
I guess so, I-I didn't think
I'd make it this far

198
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,502
so I didn't plan
past you saying "no."

199
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:25,243
[laughs]
You're funny.

200
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,332
I'll see you Saturday.

201
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:32,250
Can I stand here for a minute?

202
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:33,556
'Cause my knees are locked

203
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,254
and my shoes are filled
with butt sweat.

204
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,430
[instrumental music]

205
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,218
[instrumental music]

206
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,743
"The clouds, they part
when you are near

207
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,267
"and the sun shines
just a little brighter.

208
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:52,270
"A fire burns inside my heart

209
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,011
"and your love is..

210
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,796
...the lighter."

211
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:58,668
That is crap, crap, crap.

212
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,889
Sweetie, what are you doing?

213
00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:03,194
Having a little whiskey.

214
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:06,197
Some...bedtime whiskey
like you do.

215
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:10,767
Hey, I'm a little worried about
the whole Harry-Victoria thing.

216
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,813
You're gonna tell her to put
the kibosh on it, right?

217
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,337
He said he wanted to dip his toe
back into the dating pool.

218
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,469
Yeah, well, this is the deep end
and there's no lifeguard

219
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,820
'cause he's in the changing room
boning your sister.

220
00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:21,648
Hey, Mike!

221
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,040
She's just trying
to be nice to the guy

222
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:24,128
and it's just one night.

223
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:25,347
For her it's one night.

224
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,349
But Harry's gonna be
prepping for days

225
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:28,611
going to every big-and-tall shop

226
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,134
looking for a shirt
that's hip, sexy

227
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:32,746
and doesn't look like someone's
tenting for termites.

228
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,837
This isn't just
about Harry, is it?

229
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:41,189
Her name was Betsy Zajko.

230
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,454
I was a sophomore,
and she was a senior.

231
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:47,717
I just made third-string center
on the football team

232
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,806
so I was feeling pretty good
about myself.

233
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,460
- Whiskey?
- Please.

234
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,028
Anyway, the summer before

235
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,204
her boyfriend had been killed
in a dirt bike accident

236
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:57,945
so she was vulnerable
and most of the guys

237
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,164
in her league were feeling
a little gun-shy.

238
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,383
Understandable.

239
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,691
I mustered up the courage
to ask her out

240
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:06,954
and to my amazement,
she said yes.

241
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:09,521
I showed up at the dance with
a new shirt, a corduroy vest

242
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,219
and a pair
of my dad's dress khakis.

243
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:13,917
Hmm. Hello, sexy.

244
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:17,225
- Molly, please.
- Sorry.

245
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:19,836
Anyway, by the end
of the night

246
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,838
Betsy had slow-danced
or dry-humped

247
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,579
the quarterback, the fullback

248
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:26,626
pretty much anybody with a
varsity letter and an erection.

249
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,455
Oh, honey.

250
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:34,242
Yeah, apparently, I was the
warm-up act for the entire team.

251
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,113
And while they were enjoying
the fruits of my labor

252
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,463
I was in the parking lot
splitting a meat lover's pizza

253
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:41,075
with the fat tuba player
from the marching band.

254
00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:45,340
Yeah, I've got a similar story.

255
00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:46,689
Mine ends with me
splitting a bag

256
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,299
of white castle hamburgers

257
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:50,693
with a very grabby
equipment manager.

258
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,653
He's a she now.

259
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:02,313
I buy my Mary Kay
products from her.

260
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,715
[instrumental music]

261
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:18,068
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue.

262
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:21,724
I'm getting married in three
months and I got squat."

263
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:25,554
I don't remember
writing any of this.

264
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,950
Did I dream this or were you
in the backyard last night

265
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:32,822
drunk and throwing
a knife at a tree?

266
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,432
No.

267
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:36,565
I don't think so, Snoop Dogg.

268
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:41,701
Uh, hey, I-I need to talk to you
about your date with Harry.

269
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,312
Oh, it's not a date.
We're just going to a concert.

270
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,706
I think Harry might see it
a little differently

271
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,142
and I know you don't
want to hurt him.

272
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,274
Why in the world
would I ever hurt him?

273
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:51,711
You wouldn't, intentionally.

274
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:54,061
You know how you are
with guys, and..

275
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,367
...those guys' friends, and..

276
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:58,979
...those guys'
friends' cousins.

277
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:04,071
Little early in the day to call
a gal a whore, isn't it?

278
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,987
No, no, I am not imp..

279
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:09,729
I am not implying
money ever changed hands.

280
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:15,735
Jewelry and electronics
may have greased that wheel.

281
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:21,349
Listen, Molly,
God gave me a big heart

282
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:23,699
and an amazing set of honkers.

283
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,051
And I will not apologize
for that.

284
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,661
And I'm not asking you to.

285
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,013
I just think Harry might have
unrealistic expectations.

286
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,754
You know how guys are.

287
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,581
Wait..

288
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:38,627
So he thinks a couple
of concert tickets

289
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:41,195
is gonna give him
a backstage "ass pass?"

290
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,983
God, no. That-that's not
what I'm saying at all.

291
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,377
Or would ever say.

292
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:53,990
I thought he was just
a sweet, nice guy.

293
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,645
It's always the shy ones that
want to wine and climb you.

294
00:12:58,081 --> 00:12:59,953
Hey, I'm just trying
to protect both of you.

295
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,868
Oh, forget it.

296
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,800
How long was I out there?

297
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,021
[instrumental music]

298
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,852
"I promise to cherish every
moment we have together.

299
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,767
"To never let a day go by
without telling you

300
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,334
"how much I love you

301
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,945
"and how much richer
my life is with you in it.

302
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,729
"Molly Flynn, I love you

303
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,820
"and every moment of my life
has meaning because..

304
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,386
I do."

305
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,608
Damn, man, that was beautiful.

306
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,481
You noticed how I worked in
the words "I do" at the end?

307
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,744
I did.
The whole thing was gorgeous.

308
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,921
Uh, simple, eloquent, romantic.

309
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:57,140
You're like a big,
white Maya Angelou.

310
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,404
Well, you were my muse.

311
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:01,623
That lasagna thing really got

312
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,668
the old creative juices flowing.

313
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,236
If I die before you and
you have to write my eulogy

314
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,064
compare me to chicken piccata.

315
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,284
Done.

316
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:14,157
[cell phone rings]

317
00:14:14,244 --> 00:14:15,942
Hey, Harry.

318
00:14:16,029 --> 00:14:18,292
What? Well, how could
she dump you?

319
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,337
You haven't even
been on a date yet.

320
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:23,471
Alright, put the fork down.
We'll be right there.

321
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,255
Harry's at Abe's trying
to fill a hole in his heart

322
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,040
with the left side
of the breakfast menu.

323
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:28,476
Left?
That's got the French toast

324
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:29,956
made with the sticky buns
and the Nutella.

325
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,740
No, that's on the right.
Three lines down.

326
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,916
Right across from
the smoky link pan-San.

327
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:36,658
Well, I'm not gonna
play this game with a man

328
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:39,095
who has a food-ographic memory.

329
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,967
Just hit the lights!

330
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,794
[instrumental music]

331
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,146
Another tall stack for my
recently jilted friend.

332
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:49,105
And don't forget to save room
for pie and ice cream.

333
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,847
How about less talk
and more syrup?

334
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:54,241
Absolutely. Uh, just a heads-up.

335
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:57,897
There's a mandatory 20% gratuity
for large groups.

336
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,334
Of which this qualifies.

337
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:01,857
Syrup!

338
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,688
Alright, whatever else
he's ordered, cancel.

339
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:08,690
- And take these plates away.
- I'm not taking anything.

340
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,779
He's already tried
to bite me twice.

341
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,869
Just take the plates.

342
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:18,874
You were right, Mike.

343
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:23,444
I was Icarus flying too near
the sun with wax wings.

344
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,750
Okay, don't let this
bottom you out.

345
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:27,274
You're a good guy,
and I'll bet there's a woman

346
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:28,797
out there
who's perfect for you.

347
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:31,582
That's right. There's plenty
of cows in the pasture.

348
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,584
You just got no business
in the henhouse.

349
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:36,805
Carl, I got this.

350
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,589
Look, I know how you're feeling

351
00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:40,417
'cause I've been
right where you are.

352
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,377
He has. In that exact chair,
probably using that same fork.

353
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,033
Sorry.

354
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,514
You can't give up or give in.

355
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,255
And stuffing your emotions
with food

356
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:53,822
ain't gonna make them go away.

357
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:56,390
It just hurts so much.

358
00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:57,869
I know, pal.

359
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,175
But it will get better.

360
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:00,916
It did for me

361
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:02,613
and if you keep working
this program

362
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,441
it will for you.

363
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:05,486
Thanks, Mike.

364
00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:07,183
You're a good friend.

365
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,359
Uh, before you say anything..

366
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:13,668
I brought two fo-o-orks.

367
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,236
None for me, thank you.

368
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,499
Harry, you can do it.

369
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:19,935
Hold me.

370
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,374
A little tighter. Tighter.

371
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,724
You'd better just
wrestle me to the ground.

372
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,640
[instrumental music]

373
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:32,904
Just remember, this is
a-a rough first draft.

374
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,081
- You mind?
- Sorry. Go ahead.

375
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,562
- What's this word?
- Joie de vivre.

376
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,086
It's French for "joy of life"

377
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,478
it gives it a worldly feel.

378
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:44,568
Worldly, pretentious..
Comme ci, comme ca.

379
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:45,656
Fine. I don't know
why I asked for

380
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,310
your opinion in the first place.

381
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:50,574
I do. Everyone else read it
and said it was crap.

382
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,272
[doorbell rings]

383
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,709
Last thing I saw you read
was a Bazooka Joe comic.

384
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:55,797
Now that's good writing.

385
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,320
Simple, to the point,

386
00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:58,974
and you get gum.

387
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,064
Hey, Harry. How are you?

388
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:04,197
A little down in the dumps.

389
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:07,461
Some of it's the blues.
Most of it's pancakes.

390
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:09,419
Sorry.

391
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,030
May I speak to Victoria?

392
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,206
Yeah, I'll get her.
Come on in.

393
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:15,034
Please don't tell me
you're here to grovel.

394
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:17,558
'Cause I gotta take a pee
and I don't want to miss that.

395
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,169
I think if you were nicer

396
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,345
your hair would have
stayed with you.

397
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,959
Hi, Harry.

398
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,265
What do you want?

399
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:30,962
I'm not here to bother you.

400
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,008
I only wanted to give you these.

401
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,966
Why?

402
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,620
Well, I only bought them
because I knew

403
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,840
you were a fan
of alternative rock.

404
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:41,234
I'm more into contemporary jazz

405
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,279
and "the Canadian chanteuse"

406
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:46,326
Ms. Celine Dion.

407
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,197
I don't feel right taking them
because I don't know

408
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,981
what you expect in return.

409
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,461
I don't expect anything.

410
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,159
I never did.

411
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:55,726
Other than seeing you happy.

412
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:00,340
- Harry.
- Yes?

413
00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:05,475
This is...really sweet of you.

414
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,435
I think..

415
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:11,394
...I will take a friend.

416
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,527
If you still want
to go with me.

417
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,137
- Really?
- As a friend.

418
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:17,487
A friend. Absolutely.
Nothing more.

419
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,316
Hmm.

420
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,973
- I'll see you Saturday.
- With bells on. Literally.

421
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,889
I just got the mutton stain
out of my renaissance fair vest.

422
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:31,197
The trick? Soda water
and a determined mother.

423
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,069
Goodnight, Harry.

424
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,027
Goodnight.

425
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,117
Boy, that little toad
gets knocked down

426
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:40,249
he gets back up,
dusts himself off

427
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:41,946
and jumps right back
in the game.

428
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,471
You gotta love a guy like that.

429
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,779
I do love a guy like that.

430
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,955
[instrumental music]

431
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,874
Boring.

432
00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:58,963
Pretentious.

433
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:01,052
Stick man with a penis.

434
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,795
How are those vows
coming along, sweetie?

435
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,755
Well, I-I finished them.
They are darn good.

436
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:10,061
But I was thinking, uh..

437
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,499
Why should you have
to do all that work?

438
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,544
So you don't want us
to write our own vows now?

439
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,894
Nah, let's just go traditional.

440
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:19,070
"Love, honor, obey."

441
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,725
Then we kiss, we dance, we shove
cake in each other's faces.

442
00:19:21,812 --> 00:19:23,901
Give the people what they want.

443
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,731
You got nothing, do you?

444
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,733
Wouldn't say nothing.

445
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:32,519
Probably hit a running
squirrel with a switchblade.

446
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:35,826
So, you want to quit?

447
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:37,959
No. I don't,
I don't want to quit.

448
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,614
- You want some help?
- No.

449
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:42,529
Maybe..

450
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:45,227
What do you got?

451
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,840
Let me ask you something.

452
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,496
What's your favorite food?

453
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:55,455
[rock music]

454
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:58,240
Whoo-ooo!

455
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,895
Isn't this great?

456
00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,376
Uh, freakin' awesome!

457
00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:05,465
Really loud though, huh?

458
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,031
Yeah!

459
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:09,643
Would you mind if I climbed
on your shoulders?

460
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,079
Sure!

461
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:13,124
What are friends for?

462
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,824
[Victoria]
Woo-hoo!

463
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:19,000
This is great!

464
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:21,829
I'm taking my top off!

465
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:27,791
Take a picture!

466
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,490
My-my phone is in my pocket!

467
00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:32,361
For the love of God

468
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:35,364
somebody take my picture!

469
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,678
[theme music]