1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:05,483 Alright, this should be more than enough kibble 2 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:07,572 to last until I get back from Branson. 3 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,748 One bowl in the morning and another one at night. 4 00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:12,534 That's easy to remember, my sister's on the same schedule. 5 00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:16,190 It's that kind of flippin' attitude 6 00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:18,148 that will put Jim on a missing dog poster 7 00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:20,977 or spread eagle in a car grill. 8 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,588 She cannot be trusted with your little brother. 9 00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:24,807 Don't worry about anything. 10 00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:26,722 Just relax and enjoy your trip. 11 00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:29,377 Well, the Altar Rosary Society has been planning 12 00:00:29,464 --> 00:00:31,466 this senior excursion for ages. 13 00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:33,511 In fact, the lady who spearheaded the whole thing 14 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:35,078 went toes up last month. 15 00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:36,688 Oh, that's tragic. 16 00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,255 We're still takin'her with us. 17 00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,257 She wanted her ashes scattered in the sawdust 18 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:43,043 on the dance floor at Gilley's. 19 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,566 That's nice. 20 00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:46,916 Well, she loved to boot scoot, and boogie. 21 00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,049 Plus, she was an alcoholic who never met a cowboy 22 00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,659 she couldn't buck before the bell. 23 00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,925 - Sounds like a sweetie. - I didn't care for her. 24 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,711 Anyway, make sure Jim has got his chew toy. 25 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,626 [toy squeaking] 26 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:05,152 Otherwise, he'll be whisker-deep in his poop-shoot. 27 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,675 Mike's exactly the same way. 28 00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:08,720 I've got to put Tabasco in his underpants. 29 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:13,160 You know what, if yuck-a-puck can't keep a cork in it 30 00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:14,813 I'm just gonna stay here. 31 00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,948 No, mom, it's good for you to take these little trips. 32 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,646 When you go on vacation, it's kind of a vacation 33 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:24,040 for all of us. 34 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:26,173 Peggy, relax, we're gonna take wonderful 35 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:30,046 care of little, Mr. Fuzzyface here. 36 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:33,354 Don't call him silly dog names. It just embarrasses him. 37 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:35,617 Either call him by his Christian name, Jim 38 00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,837 or his full name, James Douglas MacArthur Biggs. 39 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,841 Jim it is. 40 00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,975 Alright, we're out of here. 41 00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:48,151 You just have a good time and we'll take great care of him. 42 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:49,892 Hopefully, it'll teach you silly hearts 43 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,676 some responsibility for when you decide 44 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,678 to have your own little 14-pound miracle. 45 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,639 Well, I'm sure if we ever have kids 46 00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,293 we'll look back on babysitting your dog 47 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:00,555 as a valuable learning experience. 48 00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:01,947 Hm. 49 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,384 What do you mean, "If we have kids"? 50 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,299 - You mean, when, right? - That's what I said. 51 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:08,302 - No. You said, if. - What's the difference? 52 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,217 When means we have to figure out the right time 53 00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:13,045 to have them, if means you and I need to talk. 54 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,222 Aw, I hate it when we need to talk. 55 00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:19,574 When were you planning on dropping this bombshell? 56 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:22,620 On our honeymoon when you're double-bagging your junk? 57 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:24,753 Why are you harping on this? You know how I am. 58 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,363 Crap just falls out of my mouth. 59 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,191 It's your fault for listenin'. 60 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,889 - Forget something? - Oh, I was just teasing him. 61 00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,369 You know how brothers are, just giving you 62 00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,415 the business, James Douglas. 63 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,073 You're lucky you're neutered. 64 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,858 I'm just saying, with the wedding and everything 65 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,294 don't we have enough crap to worry about 66 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,861 without bringing kids into the mix? 67 00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,298 I'm not asking you to plant your seed on the ride home. 68 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,821 But I, I'd like to know that you're open 69 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,127 to having a family. 70 00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,824 Yeah, I guess! I don't know. 71 00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:54,174 If it happens, it happens. 72 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,437 Do you have any idea how this works? 73 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:59,483 Did you sleep through health class? 74 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,181 Look, we don't even have our own place. 75 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:02,834 You really wanna raise a child in a house 76 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,314 with your mom and sister? 77 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:05,837 His first birthday party will be 78 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,188 at the Betty Ford Clinic. 79 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,928 When I said I wanted three kids 80 00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,539 and you said, "Sounds good" 81 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,105 were you just saying that to shut me up? 82 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,325 If I was, it clearly didn't work. 83 00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:19,634 We are getting married in a few months 84 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,288 and I'd like to know that these breasts 85 00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:23,812 are gonna bring happiness to someone besides you. 86 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:26,293 When did you become so baby crazy? 87 00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,816 Am I gonna have to sleep with one eye open 88 00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,252 so you don't steal my sperm? 89 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,601 You're gonna have to sleep with one eye open 90 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,299 so I don't smother you with a pillow! 91 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,996 [Mike] 'Oh, ha, ha. Real mature.' 92 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,259 [Molly] "'Ha, ha. Real mature.'" 93 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,699 - You forgot the dog again. - 'No, you forgot the dog.' 94 00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,571 [Mike] Great, mom you'd be. 95 00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,617 ♪ For the first time ♪ 96 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,185 ♪ In my life ♪ 97 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,710 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 98 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:08,378 - Morning. - Mornin'. 99 00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:10,554 I heard screaming coming out of your bedroom last night 100 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:14,645 and it didn't sound like the good kind. 101 00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:16,125 Do you wanna talk about some of the disturbing things 102 00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:17,692 I've heard coming out of your bedroom? 103 00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,260 Hot buns coming at ya. Really, mom? 104 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,568 You're the one who gave me the chef's hat and apron. 105 00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:26,831 To be used in the kitchen. 106 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,356 I would, but I don't want you kids walking in on us. 107 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,274 Morning, Mrs. Flynn. 108 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:37,015 - Hello. - Yeah. Whatever. 109 00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:40,802 - How'd you sleep, Mike? - Back-to-back. 110 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:43,370 Not gonna have a baby that way. 111 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,459 Unless he's some kind of circus freak. 112 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:50,942 - Have a pleasant morning. - Good day to you. 113 00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,596 Yeah, whatever. 114 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,296 - Okay, wanna talk about it? - No. 115 00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:00,822 He's been leading me on this whole time 116 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,084 making me think he wants a family 117 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,260 and now he's backpedaling. 118 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,699 Remember when I took you kids to the circus 119 00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:11,311 and we saw that big bear on a unicycle? 120 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:12,834 Hm. 121 00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:24,498 W-what does that have to do with anything? 122 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:26,630 Beats me. It just popped in my head. 123 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:34,072 I'm not getting any younger, and if we wanna have kids 124 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:36,379 two girls and a boy, Charlotte, Zelda, and Scott 125 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:37,946 he's gonna have to get on the stick. 126 00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,035 Technically, you're the one who has to be on the stick. 127 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:45,083 - I thought we had this talk. - Yes, we did when I was 12. 128 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:47,695 I just got over it about a year ago. 129 00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:52,264 I'm just sayin', you can't plan these things. 130 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,658 I mean, take me for example. I never wanted children. 131 00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,489 - What? - Hell, no! 132 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:00,751 Only reason you're even here 133 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,579 is because of too many tequila shots 134 00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,059 and an expired gas station condom. 135 00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,626 Oh, God. 136 00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:06,888 Don't wanna know, don't need to know. 137 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:09,325 Oh, geez, I was a wreck 138 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,500 when I found out. 139 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,372 I mean, you know, I'm happy now 140 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,330 you were a blessing, blah, blah, blah. 141 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:18,073 But, oh boy, those were dark days. 142 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,642 Mom, feel, feel free to take some 143 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:24,296 of this to your grave. 144 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,473 The real fluke was your sister. 145 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,345 Your daddy and I were watching the Cubs on TV 146 00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,608 and there was a rain delay. 147 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,610 The ground crew had time to roll out their tarp 148 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,612 but your daddy and I didn't. 149 00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:40,225 I walked this ugly bastard nine blocks 150 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,314 and he wouldn't squeeze one out. 151 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,014 Nary a turd. 152 00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,929 I, on the other hand, had to duck-walk 153 00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,279 to the 7/11 and take a crap 154 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,194 with a dog on my lap. 155 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,244 I'm gonna just go to work. 156 00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:01,943 Oh, have a good day. 157 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,553 You know, in the last couple of years 158 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,729 you girls have really started to grow on me. 159 00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,388 I'd pet you, but I'm actually 160 00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:13,781 more of a cat person. 161 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:21,179 I'm not saying I don't ever wanna be a dad. 162 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:23,181 But I'm not just gonna blindly jump into it. 163 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,270 I'm the kinda guy that likes to think things through. 164 00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:26,881 Since when, I once saw you 165 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:29,013 bite into a marshmallow that was still on fire. 166 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:36,368 It was falling off the stick. I had to do something. 167 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,675 The point is, I really like what Molly and I have. 168 00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:40,938 And if we throw a kid into the mix, it'll change everything. 169 00:07:41,025 --> 00:07:42,723 Well, that's true, no more naked leap frog 170 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:44,072 in the living room when little Mikey's in there 171 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,290 watching Road Runner, and gnawing on 172 00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:47,771 a big wheel of cheese. 173 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,643 Well, our foreplay usually just involves 174 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,558 me rubbing her feet and turning off the TV 175 00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,864 but I know what you're sayin'. 176 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,563 On the other hand, you and Molly are good people 177 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:58,347 and would certainly make fine parents. 178 00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,697 But that doesn't guarantee what kinda kid you're gonna get. 179 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,264 Take that idiot we arrested this morning. 180 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,440 I'm sure his parents are lovely people 181 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,660 who never imagined that one day the little bundle 182 00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:08,270 of joy would try to rob a liquor store 183 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,141 using an ear of corn. 184 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,231 His mistake was takin' it out of his pocket 185 00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:16,104 and tryin' to fire a warning shot. 186 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,672 No, his mistake was wakin' up this mornin' saying 187 00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:21,239 I'm gonna knock off a liquor store with an ear of corn. 188 00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,504 A banana I could understand. 189 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,462 That's got a natural pistol grip, but corn? 190 00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:29,639 That's just lazy. 191 00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,948 Point being.. 192 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:35,863 ...somewhere, there are two nice people 193 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,604 who had high hopes for that moron. 194 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,780 It's true, my parents had 14 children 195 00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,912 and a couple have been major disappointments. 196 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:45,612 Ah, don't be so hard on yourself, Samuel. 197 00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:47,309 I mean, being a waiter may not be glamorous 198 00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,746 or even lucrative, but it's a good, honest living. 199 00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,096 I was actually referring to my brothers the pimp 200 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,794 and the blood diamond smuggler. 201 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,624 But thank you for the ego boost. 202 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,193 - Absolutely. - Oh! 203 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,021 Hey, could I get a glass of orange juice? 204 00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:06,589 Of course. I shall fetch a special glass of OJ 205 00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,635 just for you. 206 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,245 Fresh squeezed. 207 00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:14,728 I wouldn't drink that if I were you. 208 00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,991 Why not? 209 00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:19,515 See? And your parents probably had high hopes for you too. 210 00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,832 He's been doing it all day. 211 00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,877 First it was funny, then it got sad 212 00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:36,097 now it's back to being funny again. 213 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,320 You never see a cat carrying on like this. 214 00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:43,583 They're dignified animals. 215 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:47,238 Clean their butts with their tongues. 216 00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,197 He still grindin' his balloon knot? 217 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,766 Yeah, he's really rubbing it raw. 218 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:55,072 I'm little worried he's gonna start a fire. 219 00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,422 Probably a roid. 220 00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,163 My Uncle Benny used to get the same way 221 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,601 but instead of a rug he'd use a long shoe horn. 222 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:05,866 I hope he's okay. 223 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:09,304 He's fine, he's in Miami Beach. 224 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:12,089 Got a nurse that rubs ointment on it. 225 00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,396 She meant the dog, Vince. 226 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:17,138 Him? He's having the time of his life. 227 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:19,183 He's scratching his ass on a nice rug 228 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,751 with a couple of pretty ladies watchin' him. 229 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,624 Aw, "Pretty"? You're sweet. 230 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,452 Hey, what's going on? 231 00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:30,107 Your house guest is christening my new throw rug 232 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:32,196 with his sphincter. 233 00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:35,112 Oh, God! Did he eat something weird? 234 00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:38,202 He won't eat at all. Plus, he hasn't pooped all day. 235 00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:40,683 That is miserable. 236 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,772 When I was taking pain pills for my back 237 00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,948 I couldn't buy a good bowel movement. 238 00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:48,517 And believe me, after nine days money is no object. 239 00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,043 Jim just threw up a little. 240 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,524 Well, somebody was bound to. 241 00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,050 Jim just threw up a lot. 242 00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,486 - And he's not eating it. - Um-mm. 243 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:04,141 This is serious. Okay, we gotta go to the vet. 244 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,273 [honking] 245 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,709 Come on. Come on! 246 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,886 - Let's move it, people! - Molly, calm down. 247 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,496 I'm sure Jim will be fine. 248 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:13,237 Hey, if anything happens to that dog 249 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,891 you tell that vet to put me down. 250 00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:17,459 Otherwise, Peggy will come after me and do it her way. 251 00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,853 And it will be slow, and it will be painful. 252 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,256 Got yourself a sick lizard there, huh? 253 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,041 He's an iguana, and yes 254 00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,304 he's not feeling a 100 percent right now. 255 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,522 Looks fine to me, I mean 256 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,133 fine for a big, scary lizard. 257 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,177 - Iguana. - Iguana. 258 00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:45,400 Jacob's been very stressed out since my husband and I split up. 259 00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:48,055 He's listless, lethargic. He doesn't wanna do anything. 260 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:50,318 Well, I can see why you split up with him. 261 00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:52,755 - I'm talking about the iguana. - I know, I know. 262 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,105 I just...I joke when I get upset. 263 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,064 My future mother-in-law's dog is sick 264 00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,587 and it happened on my watch. 265 00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:00,328 And she's not exactly my biggest fan. 266 00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:02,330 Not that I'm hanging her poster in my locker 267 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,288 if you know what I mean but.. 268 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,464 So, what do you, what do you feed this 269 00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,640 uh...thing here? 270 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,644 Bugs or some kinda lizard chow? 271 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,776 Iguana. 272 00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:17,693 Boy, you don't open the door a crack, do you? 273 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,958 [cell phone ringing] 274 00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:27,181 [sighs] 275 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:30,053 Peggy, hey! How's Branson? 276 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,795 Oh, everybody can't be stupid. 277 00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:38,453 Jim? Ji-Jim's fine. 278 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:42,762 Uh, he can't talk right now. He's, uh, doing his business. 279 00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:48,811 Uh, solid, I guess. 280 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,987 Tapering nicely. 281 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,991 Well, uh, neighbors are watching out the window 282 00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:56,906 so I'd better pretend to pick it up. 283 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,865 Okay, bye. 284 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,870 Sorry it took so long. 285 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,351 I was burning a doob back by the dumpst. 286 00:13:07,438 --> 00:13:10,180 Oh, my God! That dog is really sick. 287 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:15,664 Iguana. And head's up, he's got the personality. 288 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:21,104 So is Jim gonna be okay, or do we need 289 00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,715 to find another dog that looks just like him? 290 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,935 They're still doing more tests. 291 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:27,763 But keep an eye peeled. 292 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,461 We may have to shave and paint a cat. 293 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:31,941 Been there, done that. 294 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:37,033 - Who belongs to Jim? - Oh, right here. 295 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,339 Is he okay? 296 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,819 Well, he's got some sort of obstruction. 297 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,429 Looks like he swallowed something. 298 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,561 Is there any idea of how long it's been in there? 299 00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:46,347 Could this have happened a couple of days ago? 300 00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,001 - Possibly. - Yes. 301 00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,786 Could have happened on Peggy's watch. What did he swallow? 302 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,570 I've seen this kind of blockage before 303 00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:53,745 and with a small dog it's usually 304 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,139 a sponge or more likely, a tampon. 305 00:13:58,228 --> 00:14:00,187 Well, Peggy's got an airtight alibi. 306 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,581 One, two.. 307 00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:04,844 [gasps] 308 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,802 Damn it. 309 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,939 How would you feel about you and Molly adopting a baby? 310 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,984 It doesn't matter if it comes from her womb 311 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:18,553 or some teen mom in Kentucky, you still gotta raise it. 312 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,077 Well, with adoption you get the exact model you want. 313 00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:23,253 If it was me, I'd get a little Japanese kid. 314 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,864 They're smart, loyal and they don't bring 315 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,996 their shoes in the house. 316 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,868 Sure, plus, they'll do your taxes walk 317 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:32,523 on your back and chauffeur your Green Hornet car. 318 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,308 Are you telling me you wouldn't wanna have your own little Kato? 319 00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,919 Of course, who wouldn't? 320 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,008 But you gotta be realistic, one day, Kate's gonna need 321 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,575 braces and wanna go to college. 322 00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,011 No, Kato don't need to go to college. 323 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:43,665 He's gonna be street smart. 324 00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:44,971 Plus, if you're carrying a set of nun chucks 325 00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,016 ain't nobody gonna make fun of your teeth. 326 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,366 [cell phone ringing] 327 00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:50,933 Aah! 328 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,979 Hey, mom, how's Branson? 329 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,633 Well, everybody can't be stupid. 330 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:59,855 Jim? I don't know, I'm at work. 331 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,858 No, I'm sure he's fine. Don't come home. 332 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:05,730 Look, I'll check on him and I'll call you later. 333 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,907 Boy, if she loved me half as much as she loves that dog 334 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,647 I'd weigh 130 pounds. 335 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,781 You can certainly understand her worry. 336 00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,130 That dog is like a son to her. 337 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,524 Oh no, she treats him way better than a son. 338 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,613 She'd give one of her kidneys to that ugly mutt 339 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,354 but wouldn't drive seven blocks to pick me up 340 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:21,485 at school when I broke my arm. 341 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,313 You're kidding. 342 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,576 She said she was busy putting air on her toe knuckles. 343 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,666 So she told me to hoof it, said 344 00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,277 "You don't walk on your arm anyway." 345 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,801 Which is ironically how I broke it. 346 00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,457 [cell phone ringing] 347 00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:39,068 Hey Molly, what's up? 348 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,201 Jim swallowed a what? 349 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,333 Operate? 350 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,118 Well, can't they just pull the string? 351 00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:52,342 Tell that doctor, whatever has to do 352 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,432 no matter how much it costs, j-just keep that dog alive. 353 00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:58,435 Seriously, if he needs a new heart, come out, take mine. 354 00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,611 That dog must live! 355 00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:03,484 How's he doing? 356 00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,747 They're operating on him to remove the blockage. 357 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,618 Mike, I'm so sorry about this. 358 00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:09,316 - It's not your fault. - It is. 359 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,361 I left my purse open and laying around. 360 00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:12,841 I should be more responsible. 361 00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,799 Hey, some of this is on Jim. 362 00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,671 It's not like your tampons are made out of rawhide 363 00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:19,543 and wrapped in bacon. 364 00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:22,590 Doesn't bode well for my, let's have a baby campaign. 365 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:24,505 Ah, don't be silly. 366 00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:25,897 That mutt's a garbage can. 367 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,725 He once ate a keychain flashlight. 368 00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:30,032 Pooped it halfway out and took off runnin'. 369 00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:32,208 Looked like he was having a movie premiere in his butt. 370 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,780 I understand why you're nervous about having kids. 371 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:42,305 And you're right, it isn't somethin' we should rush into. 372 00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:48,529 Molly, the truth is, I'm just afraid I won't be a good dad. 373 00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:52,402 What are you talking about? 374 00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:56,276 My mom wasn't exactly the most compassionate person. 375 00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:59,627 Or loving or tolerant 376 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,543 or even nice to be around. 377 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,762 I don't wanna pass that on to the next generation. 378 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,417 Are you kidding? You are nothing like your mother. 379 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:10,464 You are a joy to be around, and your feet are smaller. 380 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,991 You're just saying that 'cause you wanna have kids. 381 00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,560 I don't just want kids. I wanna have your kids. 382 00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:21,388 You are the kindest.. 383 00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:24,695 ...sweetest man that I have ever known. 384 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,350 I don't even think I wanted to have kids before I met you. 385 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,702 - Really? - Hey, I teach fourth grade. 386 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,748 There's no better birth control than that. 387 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:36,925 Well, thanks to mom 388 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:39,275 I certainly know what not to do. 389 00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:40,798 Hm. 390 00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:43,279 I'm guessing that's half the battle. 391 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:46,065 And we can figure the rest out together. 392 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,371 When the time is right. 393 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:52,201 Okay, when the time is right. 394 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,898 You can feed 'em and change 'em and I 395 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,596 I'll keep 'em from swallowing your lady things. 396 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:58,251 [chuckles] Deal. 397 00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:00,427 I'll just do what my mom used to do. 398 00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:01,819 When we went to the grocery store 399 00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:04,300 she'd pull a pair of pantyhose over my head. 400 00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,520 I looked like a three year old bank robber, but it kept me 401 00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:09,566 from shoving a stick of deodorant in my mouth. 402 00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:12,656 I'm no fan of your mother's, but that's actually brilliant. 403 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,624 [grunts] Look at my baby boy. 404 00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,105 He's gonna be scarred up for the rest of his life. 405 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,715 Yo-you don't think it looks manly? 406 00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:29,195 Kinda.. 407 00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:30,935 Kinda gives him like a rugged 408 00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:33,024 you know don't mess with me thing. 409 00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,506 If I wasn't afraid of leaving Jim alone 410 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,900 you and I would be in the driveway right now 411 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:42,556 settling this bare-knuckle style. 412 00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:44,645 Come on, Ma, your driveway-fighting days 413 00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:47,213 are behind you. 414 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,040 Tell that to the bouncer at Gilley's who tried 415 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,783 to take away my coffee can full of Dolores. 416 00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,263 He's gonna be fine. 417 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,917 The stitches come out in about ten days 418 00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:57,832 and the vet said it won't leave much of a scar. 419 00:18:57,919 --> 00:19:00,617 Then I can thank her for feeding my baby boy 420 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:03,142 one of her cotton pontoons. 421 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:08,364 Why can't you wear a pad like a normal person? 422 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:11,280 'Cause they're bulky and uncomfortable 423 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:14,457 and I feel like I'm sittin' on a phone book, I.. 424 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,633 Plus, I, I lead an active lifest.. 425 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,722 Fine, I'll wear one. I'll just strap it on. 426 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:23,031 It'll be a cold day in hell before I forget this. 427 00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:25,512 I trusted you to take care of the only thing 428 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:27,340 in this world I give a damn about. 429 00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:28,602 Yeah, I'll bet you'd drive seven blocks 430 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:29,994 if he broke his arm. 431 00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:31,648 He wouldn't break his arm showing off 432 00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,868 for the girls' swim club. 433 00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:35,086 When you told me the story, you didn't tell me 434 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,436 there were girls involved. 435 00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,046 Of course, there were girls involved. 436 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,743 Why else would you try to walk on your hands? 437 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,746 Alright! Alright, alright. 438 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,923 We should be thankful that Jim is healthy, happy 439 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,056 and...and loved. 440 00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:50,363 Like you, Peggy. 441 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,498 Now why don't I go make us a sandwich? 442 00:19:55,585 --> 00:19:59,285 What are you gonna put in it? Rat poison? 443 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,025 I was thinking about tuna fish 444 00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:03,593 but whatever you want. 445 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,466 Mike, why don't you come help me? 446 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,772 Miracle Whip, not mayo! 447 00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:12,689 [Molly] 'Whatever you want, Mama Biggs.' 448 00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:16,084 Hear that, Jim? Whatever I want. 449 00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:20,219 This guilt trip might get me a granddaughter named Peggy. 450 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,960 Or a grandson named Jim. 451 00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:30,185 You know what? That does make you look more rugged. 452 00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:39,803 [theme music]