1 00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:05,701 [Molly] 'Oh, my God.' 2 00:00:05,788 --> 00:00:07,050 Every one of these wedding pictures 3 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:08,747 is worse than the last. 4 00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,576 'There's Mike with his mouth open' 5 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,317 'Mike with eyes closed' 6 00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,493 mouth open and eyes closed. 7 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,452 Oh, here's one with everything open 8 00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:19,193 mouth, eyes and fly. 9 00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:22,805 Our entire wedding, it looks like 10 00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,677 he should be hanging from the end of a fish hook. 11 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,636 Well, it is pretty lifelike. 12 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,203 I, I mean, he does have his mouth open 13 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:32,728 and his eyes closed most of the time, so.. 14 00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:34,512 Sometimes I like to toss popcorn 15 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,124 into that gaping hole.. 16 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,169 ...like littering in the Grand Canyon. 17 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,261 Oh, he's smiling in this one! 18 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,958 Maybe I can Photoshop my head 19 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,830 on to the woman serving him garlic mashed potatoes. 20 00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:50,093 Ah! Good idea. 21 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:53,836 Certainly looks like he's in love with her. 22 00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,794 Hey, what are you guys doing? 23 00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,582 I'm looking at the wedding picture. 24 00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:02,671 Where did you get that cake? 25 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,414 Found it. 26 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:11,114 Is that our wedding cake from the freezer? 27 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,552 Maybe. 28 00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:15,727 Mike, we're supposed to save that 29 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,686 to eat on our first anniversary. 30 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,209 Oh, is that why you had it barricaded 31 00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:20,993 behind those ice trays and that bag of peas 32 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,648 'cause I almost didn't find it. 33 00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,781 - Put it back! - It's just a little sliver. 34 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,696 And I only got one piece at the wedding! 35 00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:30,438 Really? Is that the story you're sticking to? 36 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,486 - Maybe. - Okay. 37 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,271 Oh, the first piece was consumed 38 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:40,100 while the entree was being brought out. No. 39 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,102 The second, was hiding behind the drummer 40 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,105 while the band played "Hokey Pokey." 41 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,542 Ah, who's that sneaking Carl's piece 42 00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:50,153 while he gives his touching best man's toast? 43 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,633 Well, that speech went on forever. 44 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,243 What'd you want me to do, starve to death? 45 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,940 - Mike! - Fine! 46 00:01:55,027 --> 00:01:58,379 I didn't trust that photographer the minute I met him. 47 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,685 Hey, it didn't stop you from eating his cake! 48 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:07,649 ♪ For the first time in my life ♪ 49 00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:11,131 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 50 00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:27,973 I mean, who saves cake for a year? 51 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:31,368 Certainly nobody that lives with you. 52 00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:34,502 You're like one of those drug-sniffing dogs.. 53 00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:37,287 ...except with donut holes and Ding Dongs. 54 00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:38,593 You could smell a candy wrapper 55 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,987 and find a little kid in a well. 56 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,424 Apparently, if you eat the cake a year later 57 00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:44,903 it's supposed to bring you luck. 58 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,340 Well, if eating cake brought somebody luck 59 00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:47,515 y-you should've a pot of gold 60 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:50,039 i-instead of a pot of belly. 61 00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,737 I only had a couple of bites and now I'm back on my diet. 62 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,696 Alright, well, stay on it because if things go as planned 63 00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,350 you're gonna need to squeeze into another tuxedo. 64 00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:57,612 Carl, I've told you before 65 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:58,656 I am not joining 66 00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:01,616 your O'Jays Tribute Band. 67 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,531 This ain't about "Love Train." 68 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,010 This is about you being the best man at my wedding. 69 00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,011 Your wedding? 70 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:07,056 I thought Christina told you 71 00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,188 she wanted to take it slow. 72 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,885 Uh, she does, but she also said 73 00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:11,843 wearing tube socks in bed wasn't sexy. 74 00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:14,019 And she's starting to change her tune on that one. 75 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,285 I see what you're doing, you're speeding things up 76 00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:19,634 so she doesn't have time to think 77 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:20,678 about how much better she could do. 78 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,637 Exactly, when it comes to women 79 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,769 thinkin' time has never worked in my favor. 80 00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:31,167 Thank you for editing our wedding video for us. 81 00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:34,039 My pleasure. I'm actually kind of a film buff. 82 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,172 My major influences, other than Bergman, of course-- 83 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:39,871 Right, right. Why-why don't you just show me what you got? 84 00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:43,745 Oh. Now, bear in mind, this is just a rough edit. 85 00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,094 [instrumental music] 86 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,270 Oh.. 87 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,794 [Harry on computer] 'In a church in a neighborhood far, far away' 88 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,840 'two stars collide in an orbit' 89 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:54,321 'filled with friends and family.' 90 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,193 Did you narrate the whole thing? 91 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,022 God, no. Voice-over is a crutch. 92 00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,851 I just added it to cover some of the slow spots. 93 00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:05,984 Warning, there are a lot of slow spots. 94 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,770 Slow spots? 95 00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:10,511 The day practically flew by! 96 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:14,123 That wasn't the scuttlebutt in my pew. 97 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,691 Uh, by the way, Mike's vows were a little muffled 98 00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,301 so I had to loop his dialogue. 99 00:04:18,388 --> 00:04:20,085 What do you mean, loop it? 100 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,653 - 'Molly Flynn.' - Oh, God. 101 00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,742 [Mike on computer] 'I love you, and every moment of my life' 102 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:27,092 'has meaning because I do.' 103 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:30,182 I think my reading was a little more heartfelt. 104 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,142 Just skip ahead to the reception. 105 00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,666 [instrumental music] 106 00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:39,279 Alright. Sound quality's good. 107 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,411 Nicely paced. 108 00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:44,588 Wait, what are all the shots of my sister's cleavage? 109 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:46,808 What can I say? The camera just loves her. 110 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,200 No, you just love her! 111 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,290 Did you happen to get any footage of her face? 112 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,727 You can actually catch a little reflection 113 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,685 in her wine glass. 114 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:57,645 Very "Citizen Kane," you know, with the snow globe. 115 00:04:57,732 --> 00:05:00,517 Yeah, except your snow globes have nipples. 116 00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:03,477 I have people coming to my house tonight to see this 117 00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,261 and it's nowhere near done! 118 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:06,480 So call your mother and tell her 119 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,308 you won't be home for dinner. 120 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:11,615 - It's goulashnight-- - Sit! 121 00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,922 You're not leaving until you've captured the magic 122 00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:15,489 that was my wedding. 123 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,013 And how about a shot or two of the bride, huh? 124 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,972 I mean, this is your money right here, comprende? 125 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,584 Comprende. 126 00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,282 What am I gonna do when your class gets back from recess? 127 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,762 Tell 'em you're a big, dumb kid 128 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,416 that was held back for 20 years. 129 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,026 They'll believe it. 130 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,033 It was nice of you to bring lunch 131 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,687 to Christina, very thoughtful. 132 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,515 Well, it's little gestures like this 133 00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,081 that score big points with a woman. 134 00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:46,650 See, nothing says L-U-V like a B-L-T. 135 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:47,956 That's how you won my heart. 136 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,959 [laughs] 137 00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:54,136 [Mike] Hey, that guy looks familiar. Excuse me. 138 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,791 Did you used to play football for the U of I? 139 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:59,533 A long time ago. James Turner. 140 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:02,666 James Turner, best hands in the Big Ten! 141 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,842 Hey, I was heartbroken when you blew your knee out. 142 00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:08,106 Yeah, that wasn't a good day for me, either. 143 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,456 I saw him play against Michigan. 144 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,587 He made a one-handed catch 145 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,632 in the back of the end zone. 146 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:12,981 It still gives me chills. 147 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:15,636 James Turner? Yeah, I heard of him. 148 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:18,552 So, uh, what are you up to? Sportscaster, astronaut? 149 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:19,901 If it's astronaut, I got to admit 150 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:22,686 I don't really follow that. 151 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,732 - Actually, I'm a lawyer now. - Of course, you are. 152 00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,386 A guy like you could do anything. 153 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,778 He's not like you and me, Carl. 154 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,258 God gave this man two scoops. 155 00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:31,521 [laughs] 156 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,654 Uh, Carl, what are you doing here? 157 00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:36,091 Uh, just dropping off a yummy lunch for my honeybunch. 158 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,440 I.. 159 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:38,659 Actually, uh 160 00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:41,009 I'm going out to lunch with James 161 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,532 my ex-husband. 162 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:48,233 Oh. This is your James. 163 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,235 That's where I heard that name before. 164 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,325 What's happenin', man? 165 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,331 Oh, my God, you divorced James Turner? 166 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,377 How high is your bar, lady? 167 00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,946 [Christina] 'He came in town last minute.' 168 00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:07,122 We're gonna go have lunch and talk about James Junior. 169 00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:10,125 Right. James Junior. That's a good kid. 170 00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:12,257 He likes to sit on my back while I'm doing push-ups. 171 00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:18,655 I hate to ask, but, uh, could I get a picture? 172 00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:19,874 Yeah, of course. 173 00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,615 Don't take it from a low angle. 174 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,138 I'm feeling a little jowly today. 175 00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,488 - I retain water. - You retain ham. 176 00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:28,970 - Just take the picture. - Alright, there's your picture. 177 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:30,493 We gotta get back on the streets. 178 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:33,888 When we put on a uniform, we're not playing games. 179 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,585 We're saving lives. 180 00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:43,071 So you're in town for a couple of days? 181 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:44,899 Do you bowl? 182 00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,162 - 'Mike!' - I gotta go. That's my ride. 183 00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:48,424 Okay. 184 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,385 I'll probably end up sharing it with a homeless guy. 185 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,262 You know, a lot of times when you meet 186 00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:01,611 those superstar athletes 187 00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:02,699 they can be a little stuck up 188 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,222 not James Turner. 189 00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,790 Class act! 190 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,531 He's kind of full of himself, if you ask me. 191 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,272 Why wouldn't he be? Smart, handsome. 192 00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:12,317 And did you see his body? 193 00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:15,016 I'm not gay, but that's one guy who could flip me. 194 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,454 I hope he has a big-ass spatula. 195 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,326 Hey, do you think it's a little odd 196 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,545 she didn't mention he was in town 197 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:23,764 or that she was having lunch with him? 198 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,287 Well, she said it was a last-minute thing 199 00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,028 plus, when you're having lunch with Superman 200 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,857 you're not gonna rub it in Jughead's face. 201 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,293 Hey, that guy ain't no big deal! 202 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,599 Yeah, he played some college football 203 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,427 got a little law degree. Whoop-dee-doo! 204 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,647 Spoken like somebody who never saw him play. 205 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,562 I'm telling you, that man had angel wings 206 00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,912 on that broad, muscly back! 207 00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,741 Again, not gay 208 00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:46,787 but I see how a guy could get there. 209 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:53,445 Whoa, that is a great picture. 210 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,839 And James is not just handsome and athletic 211 00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:58,886 he's smart and charming and very personable. 212 00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:02,019 That is a rare combination. 213 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,935 Trust me, there's only a few of us out there. 214 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,198 Yeah, but he's a lawyer, and you know what those guys are like. 215 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,418 You mean rich? Look at that suit. 216 00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:12,421 I'm guessing it cost more than your car. 217 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,944 And I don't know what kind of cologne he was wearing 218 00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:15,729 but it was intoxicating. 219 00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:18,645 Musky, but not overbearing. 220 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,169 Harry's parking, so everybody get your meat in the seats. 221 00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:23,737 It's showtime. Where's Christina? 222 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,173 I don't know where she is or what she's doing. 223 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,871 Honestly, I don't even know that woman anymore. 224 00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,308 So what I'm hearing is, we can start without her. 225 00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:32,223 [knocking on door] 226 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,487 Where have you been? 227 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,011 Sorry, but time really flies 228 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,491 when you're destroying a masterpiece. 229 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,669 Just start the DVD. Mom, Victoria, showtime! 230 00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:44,322 You know, if I'm gonna sit through this wedding again 231 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,281 I'm gonna need a couple of pops of Hooch. 232 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:49,632 Way ahead of you. Tequilashooters for everybody. 233 00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,373 We can make a drinking game out of it 234 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,505 like every time we see Mike having a piece of cake 235 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,812 we all do a shot. 236 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,772 We are gonna get so hammered. 237 00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,730 Alright, welcome, all 238 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,428 to the world premiere of Mike and Molly's Wedding. 239 00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:06,431 [chuckles] Um.. 240 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,825 Everyone please put your cell phones to vibrate 241 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,610 keep your chitchat to a minimum 242 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,438 and just prepare to relive the magic. 243 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,093 Press play, Harry. 244 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:19,009 [instrumental music] 245 00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:20,489 Your best scenes were cut 246 00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,099 but if you'd like a private showing 247 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,666 that could be arranged. 248 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,191 Would you mind sitting somewhere else? 249 00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,282 - Closer or further away? - Shh! 250 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,329 Oh, Christina sends her best 251 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:35,591 but apparently, she can't make it. 252 00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,593 Oh! Mike's eating cake. 253 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,598 How did you get cake before the ceremony? 254 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,382 It wasn't cake, it was a cinnamon roll. 255 00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:47,124 You were late and my blood sugar was plummeting. 256 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:49,431 How could that be? Your blood is nothing but sugar. 257 00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:53,391 She doesn't say why, she just says she can't make it. 258 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,567 Alright, he's chewing something. I missed it. Was that cake? 259 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,309 Looks like either a Chiclet or a Rolo. 260 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,790 Can we just say that whenever he puts anything in his mouth 261 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:02,400 we get to drink? 262 00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:03,880 I don't think we have enough tequila. 263 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:06,666 I don't think Mexico has enough tequila. 264 00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,755 Look at Christina, you know, walking down the aisle 265 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,931 right after she told me she loved me. 266 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,498 I guess those words don't mean anything 267 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:16,632 just something you say to a man who's handing you his heart! 268 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:19,461 Oh, you sweet angel. 269 00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,638 You sweet, lying, deceiving angel! 270 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,817 'Christina!' 271 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,776 [sobbing] 'Christina!' 272 00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:32,735 [Carl sobbing] 273 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:34,084 Tootsie Roll! 274 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,181 [instrumental music] 275 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:50,753 Anybody say anything after I left last night? 276 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,494 You mean, after you walked out of the living room 277 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:53,713 and were crying in the kitchen 278 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,888 or after you walked out of the kitchen 279 00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,890 and were crying on the porch? 280 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:00,458 Porch. 281 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:05,072 I heard all the kitchen stuff. 282 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,943 Yeah, by then everybody was pretty soused 283 00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:09,163 from the "Drink when Mike eats cake" game. 284 00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:12,862 You know, I may have a problem. 285 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,255 Well, just so you know 286 00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,300 last night wasn't all about Christina. 287 00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:17,867 I always get weepy at weddings 288 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,130 and dog shows for some reason. 289 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:23,438 It's a shame they can't all be winners. 290 00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,223 I know, you're a very sensitive man. 291 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,834 And I'm sure Christina had a good reason 292 00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:28,922 for not showing up. 293 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,488 Yeah. Well, she's a busy woman. 294 00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,012 She's got a career and a kid. 295 00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,143 I can't expect her to drop everything 296 00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:34,275 and be at my beck and call. 297 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,103 Very mature way to think about it. 298 00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,279 I'm a mature man and this is an adult relationship 299 00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:39,846 built on a foundation of trust. 300 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:41,804 Without trust, you got nothing. 301 00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:43,023 Uh-huh. 302 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,024 So does that mean we can stop 303 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,330 circling her block? 304 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,550 Hm, just a couple of more times. 305 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,992 You're gonna be fine, Carl. Just get some rest. 306 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,994 And try not to do anything stupid. 307 00:12:58,081 --> 00:12:59,256 Is he alright? 308 00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:02,042 Oh, no, he's gonna do something stupid. 309 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,391 Well, I hope they're gonna be okay. 310 00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:05,349 - I really like Christina. - Me, too. 311 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:08,309 This is the first girl he ever dated I wasn't scared of. 312 00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,180 There was this one with an eye patch. 313 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:12,704 She drove a school bus. 314 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,794 School bus? I think I've seen her. 315 00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,187 I hope it was her. 316 00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,233 I'd hate to think there's two crazy one-eyed ladies 317 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,496 carting kids around town. 318 00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,237 Oh, well, that job doesn't always draw 319 00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:24,194 the cream of the crop. 320 00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,456 No. 321 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,548 Sweetie, could I ask you a question? 322 00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,507 - Sure. - You and I are good, right? 323 00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,596 Our relationship's pretty solid. 324 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,293 Is this about that bride of cake-enstein crack 325 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,294 I made last night? 326 00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:38,295 'Cause I had had, like 327 00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:40,907 five shots of tequila. 328 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,909 No, that was funny and way more clever 329 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:44,649 than your mom just pointing at me and yelling 330 00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:46,521 "Tubby like cake!" 331 00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:49,916 Well, she's a mean drunk. 332 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,961 She's a mean sober. 333 00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:55,617 Don't worry, you and I are more than good. 334 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:56,792 We're great. 335 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,141 Well, I know I'm the perfect man 336 00:13:58,228 --> 00:13:59,316 in your eyes right now 337 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,362 but it might not always be that way. 338 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,364 Sure. 339 00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:05,540 I mean, I can't always expect you 340 00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:09,326 to maintain this level of excellence. 341 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:13,591 Right, I mean, if Christina could get tired of James Turner 342 00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,724 you might actually grow tired of me one day. 343 00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,682 You've got to be kidding me. 344 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,772 - He's an Adonis, right? - Not him, you! 345 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,384 This is the best picture of you I've ever seen. 346 00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:27,040 Your eyes are open, Mike, you're smiling 347 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,085 and you're practically glowing. 348 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,568 What can I say? It was a very special day for me. 349 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,487 Unlike our wedding, where every picture 350 00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:42,620 it looks like you just got hit by lightning. 351 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,927 Well, those pictures may not have turned out great 352 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:49,062 but the ones I carry in my heart 353 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,977 are absolutely perfect. 354 00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,501 I'm surrounded by the people I love 355 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:54,676 and I'm marrying 356 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:57,200 the beautiful woman of my dreams. 357 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,814 You are one smooth talking son of a bitch. 358 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,992 Shut up and kiss me. 359 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,388 Yeah, Christina, yeah, I'm gonna need you to call me back 360 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,868 'cause I'm tired of this guessing game. 361 00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,130 I mean, if you're done with me, that's fine 362 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,653 but I need to know so I can move on 363 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:18,526 and I will move on! 364 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:19,701 Oh, who am I kidding? Just call me back! 365 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,659 I'm making a fool of myself! 366 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:26,664 Carlton, it is 11:05 in the p.m. 367 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,232 Why aren't you in bed diddling yourself? 368 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:32,714 Why don't you just go back to sleep, grandma? 369 00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:33,671 I got this under control. 370 00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,064 How am I supposed to sleep 371 00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:36,805 with you down here wailing like a little girl 372 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,851 sitting on a bumblebee? 373 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,245 But why can't you be deaf like other old ladies? 374 00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:46,336 Carlton, the woman is clearly trying 375 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,251 to put a little space between you. 376 00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:49,818 And the more you push it 377 00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:51,602 the more you're gonna push her away. 378 00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:54,083 Yeah, but if I don't push it, I might lose her, grandma. 379 00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:57,565 It's clear, the woman is trying to let you down easy. 380 00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:00,089 Oh, I see, just 'cause she didn't return a few calls-- 381 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,962 Fifteen, and that's just since you walked in the house 382 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:05,355 plus, five on the porch and two in your car. 383 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,314 I wish I was deaf! 384 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,883 You know what, I'm going to her place right now 385 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:12,928 and prove you wrong. 386 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,495 Because you're wrong, grandma. 387 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:16,714 Uh-huh, just like the time when you were five 388 00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,499 and said you could stop the electric fan 389 00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:21,241 with your tongue. Yeah. 390 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,330 And I would've done it, too, if you hadn't have stopped me! 391 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:24,984 If I hadn't stopped you 392 00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,855 we wouldn't be having this conversation 393 00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,639 because one of us wouldn't have a tongue 394 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,902 and the other one would be in the bed asleep! 395 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,693 [knocking on door] 396 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,825 I hope everything's gonna be fine. 397 00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:45,482 Carl, what are you doing here? 398 00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,441 I just wanted to make sure you're okay. 399 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:48,616 Left you a couple of messages. 400 00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:50,096 I know. 401 00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:52,011 I haven't had time to listen to them all. 402 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,015 Oh, so you did get them. Good. 403 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,581 I was worried your cell phone got stolen. 404 00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:58,887 You know, this neighborhood is kind of sketchy 405 00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,149 that's why you might have seen a patrol car 406 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,195 circling your block earlier. 407 00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:05,024 Carl, I wanna talk to you 408 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,547 but now is not the right time. 409 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,897 Look, I just need to know what's going on. 410 00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,638 I honestly don't know right now. 411 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,379 [door opens] 412 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,555 Everything okay? 413 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,035 Oh, hey, Carl. 414 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,864 Hey. 415 00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,476 James, can you give us a minute? 416 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:23,738 Sure. 417 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,569 Carl, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. 418 00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:30,832 No, no. It'll take a lot more than that to hurt me. 419 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,094 You see, I had a woman try to run me over 420 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,836 with a school bus. 421 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,752 I just, I just need to see this through 422 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,188 for myself, for my son. 423 00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:40,233 No, it's better that it happened now 424 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,408 than after we get married 425 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:44,019 then I got to give you half my crap. 426 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,326 I still care about you very much, Carl. 427 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,287 I don't believe you. 428 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,211 [instrumental music] 429 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:05,040 You know what, man? I'm better off! 430 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,608 That relationship had an expiration date on it, anyway. 431 00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:09,784 What are you talking about? You loved Christina. 432 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,612 Mike. 433 00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,309 See, I've loved a lot of women. 434 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,485 Yeah, a man like me can't limit himself to just one. 435 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,792 It-it's like you and corn dogs 436 00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,489 or cupcakes or Fritos. 437 00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,143 I get it. 438 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,363 And I'm not ready to be anybody's daddy, either. 439 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,234 That woman had a lot of baggage, and frankly 440 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,541 my arms were getting pretty tired of carrying it. 441 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,020 Well, you seem to be okay with all of this 442 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,326 so I guess I'm happy for you. 443 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,762 Uh, jealous is what you're gonna be 444 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,547 because this dog has been released from his cage 445 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,592 and is back on the prowl! 446 00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:37,507 But don't worry, I'm gonna share my tales of glory 447 00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:39,596 with all you boys still in the kennel. 448 00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:41,163 Just the headlines, though, I don't need 449 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,165 to see or smell anything. 450 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,515 Noted. 451 00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,735 Uh, there's only one thing I can't quite wrap my head around. 452 00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:49,389 What's that? 453 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:50,825 [sobbing] Why couldn't she love me? 454 00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:52,218 Okay, take it easy. 455 00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:53,306 [sobbing] Why couldn't she love me? 456 00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:54,307 Pull the car over. 457 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,047 Pull the car over. 458 00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:04,534 [theme music]