1 00:00:03,177 --> 00:00:05,657 But I can't be sick, tomorrow's Thanksgiving. 2 00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:07,485 And if you were a butterball turkey 3 00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:10,097 you would be done right now. 4 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,446 You know what, if I sit in the kitchen 5 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,839 while you're cooking, I can just sweat it out. 6 00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:16,103 You're a trooper, but I don't think you should push yourself. 7 00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,844 W-we'll have a wonderful Thanksgiving next year. 8 00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,629 I got to wait a whole year for turkey 9 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:23,458 and stuffing and pumpkin pie? 10 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,155 See how sick you are, You didn't even mention 11 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:28,506 mashed potatoes or the cranberry sauce. 12 00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:31,031 Damn this fever. 13 00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:34,034 You rest. I'm gonna go break the news to mom and Victoria. 14 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,470 Tell 'em I'm sorry. 15 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,428 They'll be disappointed, but they'll understand. 16 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,865 And gravy. 17 00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:41,606 How could I forget the gravy? 18 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:44,566 This might be malaria. 19 00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:47,612 Well, if it is malaria, you should stop talking. 20 00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,748 - Well, how is he? - He's sick as a dog. 21 00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,837 - So we don't have to cook? - We don't have to do nothing. 22 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:57,144 He can't even get down a piece of toast. 23 00:00:57,231 --> 00:01:00,234 It's a miracle. It's a holiday miracle. 24 00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:04,368 [Mike] 'What is going on out there?' 25 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,414 ♪ For the first time ♪ 26 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,416 ♪ In my life ♪ 27 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,202 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 28 00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:25,824 No, Molly, I understand. 29 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:28,175 Why chum the water when the shark is sick? 30 00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,959 Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell Samuel. 31 00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:31,700 Yeah, and if you can't get him to take his Aspirin 32 00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,920 hide it in a cheese cube. 33 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:38,359 Yeah, that's how I get him to take his beano. 34 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,317 Okay. Bye. 35 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,493 Mike is sick on Thanksgiving. 36 00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:45,148 I can't even imagine how this is going 37 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:46,889 to affect the economy. 38 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:49,979 Well, you don't need to check the papers to know 39 00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:51,937 that pumpkin pie futures are gonna be way down. 40 00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,028 Now, is he really sick, or is this like the day after 41 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,769 the all you can eat hot wing incident? 42 00:01:57,856 --> 00:01:59,597 Uh-uh, no, when he can't get out of bed 43 00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:03,384 for a Thanksgiving meal, he's down for the count. 44 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,647 Even after the three dozen hot wings he still came to work. 45 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,258 The smell of tabasco oozing from his pores. 46 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,262 And the mournful cries from the bathroom of. 47 00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:14,221 It burns! Oh, God, it burns. 48 00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:18,138 Well, I'm surprised he's not sick all the time. 49 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:20,314 That man never washes his hands. 50 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:22,446 Yeah, our cook is exactly the same way. 51 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,971 And he's a picker. 52 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:29,018 - Picks what? - You name it. 53 00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:30,976 If he can reach it, he picks it. 54 00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,067 Anyway, what are we doing for Thanksgiving now? 55 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,026 Well, we're certainly not gonna eat here. 56 00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:43,032 Hey, there's a singles potluck at my church. 57 00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:46,383 Good home cooked meal, plenty of available women. 58 00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,037 You're not suggesting we hit on women 59 00:02:48,124 --> 00:02:49,430 in a house of worship, are you? 60 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,040 Some of the nastiest women I've ever met 61 00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:53,999 has been at church. 62 00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:56,437 The first bare boob I ever saw was a Deacon's daughter. 63 00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,875 - Really? - Oh, she was a freak too. 64 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,833 Said I could touch it for five dollars. 65 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,272 Three of which was supposed to go to UNICEF. 66 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:09,450 I am intrigued. 67 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,104 And yet I worry that without the benefits of alcohol 68 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,629 and loud techno music, a spotlight will be shown 69 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:17,501 on the fact that, I'm a horny, penniless waiter. 70 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:18,937 No, no. No, no. No. 71 00:03:19,024 --> 00:03:22,463 What you are is-is a mysterious, exotic immigrant 72 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,943 lookin' to make good in the land of opportunity. 73 00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:29,731 And all I need is the love of a good Christian woman 74 00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:33,300 who truly understands that the meek shall inherit the Earth. 75 00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:36,128 And the last shall be first. 76 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,087 They don't call it the sermon on the mount for nothin'. 77 00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:44,485 So are we talking full dashiki and no speakee-dee English? 78 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,965 Mm-hm, yeah, but luckily, your charitable 79 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,577 American benefactor will be there to translate. 80 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:53,233 You much good friend to Samuel.. 81 00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:56,888 ...Mr. Carl. 82 00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,935 One world, one love, my brother. 83 00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,763 [laughing] 84 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:05,201 Take a couple more bites, it's chicken soup 85 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,507 it's good for you. 86 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:07,899 It's chicken and noodles. 87 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,858 I like chicken and stars. 88 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,863 Sweetie, it's, it's the same thing. 89 00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:16,908 No, it's not. 90 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,259 Stars are chewy, and noodles are slurpy. 91 00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,350 Well, why don't you just 92 00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:25,700 chew the noodles into lil' stars? 93 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:31,793 Hey, doll, great news, my brother's in town 94 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,534 and he's coming over for Thanksgiving. 95 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,318 Oh, I hope he likes Chinese food. 96 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,494 We're not cooking this year. What are you talking about? 97 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,801 Well, with the eating machine on the Fritz 98 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:42,630 it's every man for himself. 99 00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:44,806 But I promised Frankie a big, home cooked meal. 100 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,590 Even went out and got his favorite wine. 101 00:04:46,677 --> 00:04:48,940 Oh! 102 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,160 Red. 103 00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:53,902 That's my favorite too. 104 00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,730 "I don't like noodles. I like stars." 105 00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:58,820 I'll show you stars right in your noodle. 106 00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:01,213 What's all this about turkey day getting canceled? 107 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,824 Mike's sick as a dog, I'm not gonna go to all 108 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,391 the trouble for nothin'. 109 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,218 Kind of a big decision to make without calling 110 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,351 a family meeting, don't you think? 111 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,135 We actually don't have family meetings 112 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:14,009 which is one of the main reasons you're still here. 113 00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:17,404 Joyce, I promised my brother an old fashioned Thanksgiving 114 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:19,667 with my loving wife and my loving family. 115 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,582 - Wife? - You know what I mean. 116 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,975 Wife to be. We're practically married. 117 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,803 Practically nothing. 118 00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:28,066 It's been over a year since you stuck this fake 119 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,068 rock on my hand. 120 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,636 And I haven't heard a peep about an actual wedding date. 121 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,683 Oh, I see, you're trying to use this as blackmail 122 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,728 to get me to marry you. Very nice. 123 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,904 Blackmail you? Ugh! 124 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,167 I'm sorry, I-I was under the impression 125 00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:43,865 you wanted to marry me. 126 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,563 What I want you to do is stick a fistful of bread 127 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,349 up a turkey's ass and toss it in the oven. 128 00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:55,093 Well, hand me a loaf of rye bread and bend over. 129 00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:07,628 Alright, don't sneeze on me 130 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:10,021 cough on me or fart on my leg. 131 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,766 Molly? 132 00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:18,029 No, your wife called first dibs on the couch 133 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,336 and since Joyce won't let me in our bed 134 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,686 I have to bunk with patient zero. 135 00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,125 Are those your feet under my legs? 136 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:29,432 You mind, they're ice cold and your calves are like 137 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,042 a fire pit. 138 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:37,788 Actually, the cold's kinda nice. 139 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,834 What's the big deal about a piece of paper? 140 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:42,706 She knows I love her. What more does she want? 141 00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,665 Will you hand me my water? 142 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,623 Absolutely. 143 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,368 Wow. 144 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:56,154 Like leaning over a 300 pound microwaved burrito. 145 00:06:58,113 --> 00:06:59,244 Thirsty. 146 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:01,246 Yeah, yeah, sit up a little. 147 00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:06,077 Don't drink too much, 'cause I'm not gonna give you 148 00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:08,079 a piggyback ride to the can. 149 00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:12,780 I love bendy straws. 150 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,391 Yeah, women have to complicate everything. 151 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,088 You ever notice the only time they're happy 152 00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,569 is when they're makin' you miserable? 153 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:22,354 Crazy straws are fun too. Do they still make those? 154 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,532 Men don't like all that drama. 155 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,664 We're simple folk. 156 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:30,058 You know, sometimes I think 157 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,190 gay guys really got it made. 158 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,585 Okay, move your feet. 159 00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:38,980 I'm just saying.. 160 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,330 ...with women, a guy's word isn't enough. 161 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,332 Remember when I promised you tickets to the bears game? 162 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,681 Yeah, I do. 163 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,030 And did I make good on that promise? 164 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:47,205 No, you did not. 165 00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,251 And yet...here we are 166 00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:51,601 snuggled up like two bugs in a rug. 167 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,561 My life would be so much easier 168 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,519 if I liked to drive stick. 169 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,524 - I think I'm gonna throw up. - Hey. 170 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:04,353 whoa, it's not like you're my type, either. 171 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,617 Plus, you could do a lot worse than me. 172 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,140 No, I really think I'm gonna throw up. 173 00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:11,142 Oh, alright. 174 00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:13,580 I'll get you a bucket and some ice chips. 175 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,886 I'm just saying, your wife's downstairs 176 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,149 and I'm up here taking care of you. 177 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,108 Don't tell me I'm not a catch. 178 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,896 I really hope this is a fever dream. 179 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,512 [clattering] 180 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:33,730 What the hell? 181 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,037 [clattering] 182 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,778 Dammit! Who organized this kitchen? 183 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,780 Jose Feliciano? 184 00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,956 Vince, what are you doing? 185 00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:43,697 It's 6 o'clock in the morning. 186 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:47,135 6:00? I got to get my birds in the oven. 187 00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,832 Birds? 188 00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,965 They were all out of turkeys, so I got nine Cornish hens 189 00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,923 and two chicken fryers. 190 00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:55,447 - How many ladies leaping? - Apparently none. 191 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,538 I'm cooking this whole thing by myself. 192 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,757 Hey, you can't blame mom for being mad at you, Vince. 193 00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,846 You've dragged this engagement out a long time. 194 00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,587 Hey, I want to marry her. 195 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,546 I just need to wait for the right time. 196 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,112 Yeah, and when is that? 197 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:09,984 When I'm not dead ass broke. 198 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:11,551 What are you talking about Broke? 199 00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,596 I thought your airline pillow business was 200 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,468 raking in the do-re-mi. 201 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,732 I got knocked out by the giant conglomerates. 202 00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,430 Turns out big little pillow totally smothers 203 00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:23,780 little, little pillow. 204 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:27,218 Uh, so you didn't have any savings or anything? 205 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,480 That got pretty well chewed through 206 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,482 when my first wife got sick. 207 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,877 Between the hospital bills and home care.. 208 00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:35,487 ...I was tapped out. 209 00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,578 Oh. I didn't know that. 210 00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,755 Bunny hated hospitals. 211 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:44,584 It was better for her to be home so I could be with her. 212 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,589 Well, have you, have you told mom this? 213 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,678 No, I don't want her to think 214 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,767 she's engaged to some deadbeat. 215 00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,595 Besides, I'm gonna turn it around 216 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,161 and I'll be able to take care of her 217 00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:59,424 in the fashion she deserves. 218 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:08,651 So, uh, how much stuffing can you get 219 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,435 into one of these Cornish game hens? 220 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:13,264 I pack it in those tiny rumps till they say uncle. 221 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,058 Don't just mash 'em, you gotta whip 'em 222 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,929 so they're light and fluffy. 223 00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:28,018 Put your rotator cuff into it. 224 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:30,368 Vince, give me a break, I know how to mash potatoes. 225 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:33,502 If you say so, but I'm looking at some pretty sizeable lumps. 226 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:35,852 Yeah, an-and I'm talking to one. 227 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,811 If you wanna do the potatoes, be my guest. 228 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,726 I'm in charge of the birds and the pasta. 229 00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,249 You're in charge of all the side dishes 230 00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:42,729 and keepin' the liquor flowin'. 231 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:45,253 Oh, okay, I can handle that. 232 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,168 Hey, I was letting that breathe! 233 00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,779 Which is what I'm doing to you, thanks to this wine. 234 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:53,827 They were all out of black olives 235 00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:56,046 so I got green ones and soy sauce. 236 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:59,702 I figured we can dye 'em like Easter eggs. 237 00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,356 Her volunteering to help is kind 238 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:03,227 of a mixed blessing, isn't it? 239 00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:04,402 That's why I sent her on an errand. 240 00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:06,448 She usually gets lost. 241 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,670 [piano music] 242 00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,542 [indistinct chattering] 243 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,807 [music continues] 244 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,165 Crowd's a little bit older than I expected. 245 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,301 Yes, I'm guessing several of these people 246 00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,433 were actually at the first Thanksgiving. 247 00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:38,872 This is probably just the early birds, you know 248 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:39,960 I'm guessing the younger crowd's gonna 249 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,265 filter in a little bit later. 250 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:42,658 Oh, good, just in time to help us 251 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,616 load the wheelchairs into the vans. 252 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:47,881 You know, when I heard it was a singles thing 253 00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:50,013 I figured it was because they hadn't found a husband 254 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,972 not because they'd buried one. 255 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,975 At least one, it's like walking 256 00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,846 into the "Thriller" video. 257 00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,895 I'm gonna warn you boys off the stuffing. 258 00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:04,332 Miss Minerva's half blind and those pecans 259 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:07,117 could be anything from dog treats to kidney medication. 260 00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,773 Grandma, where's all the young people? 261 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,253 Everybody here is in the triple digits. 262 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,602 I should've known you weren't here 263 00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:14,995 for good Christian fellowship 264 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,171 when you showed up with Kunta Kinte. 265 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:24,221 This is actually traditional Senegalese formal wear. 266 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,746 Well, then I got a shower curtain you can wear to prom. 267 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:32,316 You boys need to get out of here if you're just trying 268 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:35,885 to knock some precious lamb off of her righteous path. 269 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:38,366 Ain't no lambs here. Just old goats and mules. 270 00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:42,413 Listen, instead of just standing around 271 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,807 thinkin' nasty thoughts, why don't you top off 272 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,896 some sweet teas or get these folks some pie. 273 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,637 Okay, grandma. 274 00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,987 And when you take 'em pie you might wanna hold 275 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:52,380 a mirror under their noses. 276 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:54,512 Don't just set it on their laps and walk away. 277 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,601 I worked hard on those pies. 278 00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:03,043 Great, so on my one day off I have to serve people food. 279 00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,786 Thank you, Carl. 280 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,354 Knock, knock. 281 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,095 Did you bring me some 7up? 282 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:14,968 No, I'm looking for a pair of earrings I loaned Molly. 283 00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:16,839 Would you mind bringing me some 7up? 284 00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:18,232 Sure! 285 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,190 Why don't I wait on you hand and foot 286 00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,062 let you have sex with me every night 287 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,628 and then when it comes time to marry me 288 00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:26,153 you back out? 289 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,896 If we don't have 7up, ginger ale's fine. 290 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,463 Vince and I have been engaged for over a year. 291 00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,074 Why can't you men commit? 292 00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:37,077 And put a bendy straw in it. I love bendy straws. 293 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,296 You know, I am not gonna twist 294 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,429 anybody's arm to get him to marry me. 295 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,953 I am a vibrant, sexy woman. 296 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,955 I can have any man I want. 297 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,652 You know, I think I could hold down a couple 298 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:50,133 of saltines, if you're headed to the kitchen. 299 00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,961 I think maybe it's time to light a fire 300 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:54,050 under Mr. Moranto's hairy ass. 301 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,269 Crackers! 302 00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:56,487 7up! 303 00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,794 Anything! 304 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,277 You ladies did a wonderful job. 305 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,148 - I really appreciate it. - Aw. 306 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,411 Now, get out of those rags and put on something nice. 307 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:10,023 My brother will be here any minute. 308 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,067 [doorbell rings] 309 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,852 Well, at least I'll look good. 310 00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:18,640 Vinny! Give me a hug, you bald-headed bastard. 311 00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,990 Francis, welcome to my humble abode. 312 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,079 [chuckles] 313 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,255 What are you doin' out here in the sticks? 314 00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,867 There isn't a decent cannoli for at least three miles. 315 00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:30,913 You don't consult a map when you follow your heart, Francis. 316 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,394 Allow me to introduce you to my precious family. 317 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:36,223 - Hi. I'm Molly. - That's my oldest. 318 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,921 She's a teacher, a shaper of young minds. 319 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:42,577 Little opinionated, but the good with the bad. 320 00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,796 Okay, thank you, Vince. 321 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,450 - Nice to meet you. - Yeah, it's a pleasure. 322 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:47,930 What's the story with this one? 323 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:51,194 I'm Victoria. Vince's baby girl. 324 00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,457 I'm your Uncle Frankie. 325 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,764 I upgraded to a Lexus at the airport 326 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,897 if you wanna go out for ice cream after dinner. 327 00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,377 Okay, you're one of those Uncle Frankies. 328 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:01,770 Come on, why don't you help me in the kitchen? 329 00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:06,340 - What happened? - You did nothing wrong. 330 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,342 Was that the doorbell? 331 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,475 You must be Francis. 332 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:14,826 Well, I can see who got the looks in the family. 333 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,785 Frankie, this is Joyce, she's my-- 334 00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,526 No, just Joyce. 335 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,963 He's been threatening to marry me for over a year 336 00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,443 but I'm not holdin' my breath. 337 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:24,662 If you did, you'd pop out of that dress. 338 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,535 Oh! Oh-ho-ho, clever. 339 00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:29,754 Can I get you a drink, I got you a whole case 340 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,800 of that New Zealand Malbec you like. 341 00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:36,283 I-I've actually matured into the heady Tuscan varietals. 342 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,154 I have an adventurous palate. 343 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,590 I can tie a knot in a cherry stem 344 00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:41,984 with my tongue. 345 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,117 - 'Is the turkey done yet?' - Oh, yeah. 346 00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:46,075 We got one we keep in the attic. 347 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,511 Every family does. 348 00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,165 In our family, it was him. 349 00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,645 [laughing] 350 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,477 [piano music] 351 00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,827 ♪ They asked me ♪ 352 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:01,221 ♪ How I knew ♪ 353 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:04,180 ♪ My true love was true ♪ 354 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,970 ♪ I of course replied.. ♪ 355 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,234 You know, her perfume was 356 00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:15,931 a little overwhelming at first 357 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:19,543 but now I don't mind it so much. 358 00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,937 Mine has more of a medicinal smell. 359 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,246 But it too is oddly comforting. 360 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,292 If you got something to say 361 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,773 this is my good ear. 362 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,210 He said you smell nice! 363 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,607 Shut up, man, these old guys are already starting 364 00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:40,869 to give us the stink eye. 365 00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,479 Uh, start throwin' AARP cards 366 00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,047 like Ninja stars. 367 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,831 Yeah, if I'm gonna get my ass kicked 368 00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,964 I'd rather it weren't by a prosthetic leg. 369 00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,315 What do you say we get out of here? 370 00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:55,014 This place is dead. 371 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,667 It will be soon. 372 00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,148 I got a jug of sangria and a box 373 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,845 of Dominoes at my place. 374 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:04,719 Ooh, we can watch football and have leftover cobbler. 375 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,721 We'll meet you out at the van. 376 00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,338 Are we really gonna do this? 377 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,472 Uh, just cobbler and football. 378 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,954 Perhaps they're expecting more. 379 00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:28,743 Well, whatever happens at the assisted living facility.. 380 00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,616 ...stays at the assisted living facility. 381 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,450 This doesn't look like a Thanksgiving dinner. 382 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,278 It's looks like a drive-by at a chicken coop. 383 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,846 We gotta get some food in your mom 384 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,935 before she takes her top off and starts giving 385 00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:49,416 my brother dollar lap dances. 386 00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:50,982 Vince, she's just tryin' to upset you. 387 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,115 Why don't you go in there and just tell her the truth? 388 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,248 Hey, I might be flat broke and living rent-free 389 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:58,425 with you people, but I got my pride. 390 00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,731 She's a loyal woman, besides, if she hasn't found 391 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:03,082 a reason to dump you yet you're probably in the clear. 392 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:07,216 Huh? What did I tell you? 393 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:10,132 Is that a knot, or is that a knot? 394 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,829 Very impressive. 395 00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:13,483 And that's just one of the things 396 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,616 I can do with my tongue. 397 00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:19,620 - Is your shoe tied? - Alright, Joyce, reel it in. 398 00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:22,536 - Frankie, back off. - Hey, I'm not doin' anything. 399 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,755 Although I'm guessing I could've if I wanted to. 400 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,496 Try it, and the turkey won't be the only thing 401 00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:27,584 getting carved tonight. 402 00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:28,933 What turkey, it looks like 403 00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,545 you ran over a family of baby ducks. 404 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,069 Hey, until you make an honest woman of me 405 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,549 I'm a free agent. 406 00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,986 Mom, Vince has something to tell you. 407 00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,379 - No, I don't! - Yes, you do. 408 00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:42,643 - Do I smell turkey? - Stay in bed! 409 00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:44,775 Vince! 410 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,125 I'm broke, okay? 411 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:49,171 I don't have two nickels to rub together. 412 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,564 That's it? 413 00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,306 That's the reason you haven't married me yet? 414 00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,699 I wanna be able to take care of ya. 415 00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,093 Give you the nice things you deserve. 416 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,965 I don't care about any of that. 417 00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:03,359 For better or for worse, you big dope. 418 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,187 Doesn't that mean anything? 419 00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:07,624 But I can't shower you with diamonds and furs. 420 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:11,062 I had to hock my watch to pay for those chickens. 421 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,239 I don't need any of that stuff. 422 00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:16,024 All I want is you. 423 00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:20,159 I love you, Joyce. 424 00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,466 You're a hell of a broad. 425 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:29,516 I'm up. It's a miracle. 426 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,257 I got my appetite back. 427 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,043 I think bobo chewed through his chain. 428 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:42,877 [male #1] 'By the power vested in me' 429 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,313 'by the state of Illinois, I now pronounce' 430 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,097 'you husband and wife.' 431 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,099 [applauding] 432 00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:52,495 - I love you, Vin. - I love you too, Red. 433 00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:55,106 And I promise, as soon as I get back on my feet 434 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,673 I'll give you a proper wedding. 435 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,109 You already did. 436 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,417 And now I'm gonna give you an improper honeymoon. 437 00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:05,160 Ah, here you go, baby brother. 438 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,641 Just a little something to give you two young people 439 00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:08,903 a fresh start. 440 00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:10,774 You soft-hearted son of a bitch. 441 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:13,342 - I don't know what to say. - May I kiss the bride? 442 00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:15,388 No. 443 00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,434 Do they have a cafeteria here? 444 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,262 Maybe they got turkey pot pies. 445 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:21,568 Thanksgiving is over, Mike. 446 00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,961 Turkey jerky. A pigeon. Anything.