1 00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,965 This is gonna be great living down here. 2 00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,054 Like having our own little apartment. 3 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:14,840 Except the drunk upstairs neighbors are my mom and sister. 4 00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:18,061 Hey, if they were sober, they'd probably charge us rent. 5 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,454 What are you doing with all your clothes? 6 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:20,846 They're going to Goodwill. 7 00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,413 Now that I've dropped those 41 pounds 8 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,502 it's time to switch from clothes that conceal 9 00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:25,895 to clothes that reveal. 10 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:29,072 Oh-oh. So now it's 41 pounds? 11 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:31,335 Right before bed, you said 40 and a half. 12 00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:33,424 I know, but I had my flying dream last night 13 00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:36,645 and I must have flapped off that extra half pound. 14 00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,255 Well, based on your snoring 15 00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:41,128 it sounded like you got sucked into a jet engine. 16 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,912 Either way, it's 41. 17 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,914 And I'm very happy for you. 18 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,395 But you might want to consider, you know 19 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,092 hanging on to a couple of items 20 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:52,182 just until you're through Girl Scout cookie season. 21 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,010 Nope. Thin Mints be damned. 22 00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,839 I'm moving forward into a new world and never going back. 23 00:00:56,926 --> 00:01:00,103 That's why the Conquistadors burned their boats. 24 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,888 Yeah, but they kept their pants. 25 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,499 Hey, you know what, I was thinking, tonight 26 00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:05,630 you and I could go to the mall 27 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:07,458 and maybe buy me something slinky. 28 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:10,418 Ooh, slinky. Fun for a girl and a boy. 29 00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:11,462 Hey, this is New Mike. 30 00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:12,898 He likes to dress nice 31 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:14,509 and make himself pretty for the people. 32 00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:16,728 Give the people what they want. 33 00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:19,122 So I'm guessing this is bye-bye to your stretch pants 34 00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,993 and aloha to your Hawaiian shirts. 35 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,518 They'll be having a hukilau at the Goodwill tomorrow. 36 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,650 Donate 'em, Danno. 37 00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:31,091 ♪ For the first time in my life ♪ 38 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,268 ♪ I see love ♪♪ 39 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:46,062 [instrumental music] 40 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:53,156 You know, if you really want to lose weight 41 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,289 you should try Carl's "Extreme Ultimate Body Workout." 42 00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:58,901 It's like P-90X, but more focused on the buttocks. 43 00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:01,164 I knew I should've brought my iPod. 44 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,774 Oh, I apologize, I thought you were actually 45 00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,254 serious about getting in shape. 46 00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:06,126 I like slow and steady. 47 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:09,085 Start with 20 minutes of cardio, then I hit the free weights 48 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,608 followed by a ten-minute cool down. 49 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,089 Uh-huh. The same workout my grandma does. 50 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,743 Maybe you can take her water aerobics class 51 00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,354 at the senior center. 52 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,530 Biggs. Somebody told me you were down here 53 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:22,142 using the gym, and I called him a liar. 54 00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,231 - Sir. - At ease. Walk with me. 55 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,710 How far we talking, sir? 56 00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:27,973 'Cause this is kind of my cool down period. 57 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,280 If you need me, I'll be over here doing squat-thrusts 58 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:31,629 and one-armed pushups. 59 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,588 Ain't no cool down in my world. 60 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,896 You mind tossing the pill around while we chitchat? 61 00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:40,072 Uh, absolutely. Sounds like fun. 62 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,335 Oh! 63 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,340 Boy, these things really are heavy, huh? 64 00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:48,777 Alright, heads up, coming back at you. 65 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,695 Put some heat behind that, senorita. 66 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:56,001 There's a full-grown man on the other side of that toss. 67 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,307 Well, I know, sir, I just didn't want to.. 68 00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:58,439 Okay! 69 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,531 What did you want to chitchat about, sir? 70 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:04,880 Well, as you know, your mother and I have been 71 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,577 seeing each other for a few months now 72 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,492 and I've grown increasingly fond of her. 73 00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:11,408 It's a testament to your forgiving nature, captain. 74 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,064 Attagirl. 75 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,936 Point being, I'd like to give up police work 76 00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:22,811 and enjoy a quiet, peaceful life with your mother at my side. 77 00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:26,118 And you really think it's gonna go that way, huh? 78 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,382 Tonight, I'm asking your mother to marry me. 79 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,384 If she says yes, we'll sell her house 80 00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:33,909 and move to my condo in Scottsdale. 81 00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,780 Hang on a second. 82 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,000 Uh, you're gonna sell her house 83 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,002 and move her all the way to Arizona? 84 00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:42,047 Popping the question after dinner. 85 00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,788 Maybe you and your wife could drop by 86 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:47,009 for a little celebratory toast. 87 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:50,317 Yeah, sure. Toast. 88 00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:52,275 I should really hit the showers. 89 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,889 - What's the matter with him? - I don't know. 90 00:03:57,976 --> 00:03:59,935 Hard to say, captain. 91 00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,893 You know, he is out of his element down here. 92 00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:03,678 He's not like you or me. 93 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,248 You know, I got to say, for an older gentleman 94 00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,075 you have a hell of a body. 95 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,211 Walk away, McMillan. 96 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,954 [instrumental music] 97 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:25,439 I can't believe she's selling this place. 98 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:26,788 You know I was born in that house, Carl? 99 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,398 I know. 100 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,792 I've seen your teething marks on the banister. 101 00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:34,361 Look like a bear got hold of a Lincoln Log. 102 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:37,320 I remember the day my family left my childhood home. 103 00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,583 - It was heartbreaking. - Did your dad sell it? 104 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:43,892 No. Rebel soldiers took it over and turned it into a brothel. 105 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,633 Well, at least you could still visit it. 106 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,374 Yes, for 40 Senegalese francs 107 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:51,465 I can catch gonorrhea in my old bedroom. 108 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,944 I remember the Fourth of July 109 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:55,382 my dad lit the drapes on fire with a Roman candle. 110 00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:57,558 He was shooting off fireworks inside the house? 111 00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,299 Well, that was where my mom ran for cover. 112 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,084 In his defense, she did squirt charcoal fluid 113 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,739 at his face while he was smoking a cigarette. 114 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,393 She tried to light his head on fire? 115 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,872 No, she just wanted to scare him. 116 00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:09,874 She had the garden hose in her other hand. 117 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,314 Oh, speak of the devil. She's taking the dog out. 118 00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:15,619 Get down, get down, if she sees me, 119 00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,186 she's gonna make me shovel that walk. 120 00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:22,757 Squeeze one out before I freeze my keister off. 121 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:25,673 And remember, it's just poop, you're not burying King Tut. 122 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,335 Wow, so the captain wants to spend 123 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,293 the rest of his life with your mom? 124 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:41,166 Well, people marry serial killers. 125 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:44,126 Seems a little rushed, if you ask me. What do you think? 126 00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,041 I think if someone's crazy enough to want to marry 127 00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:49,131 your mother, you hand her over immediately. 128 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,828 - I meant the pants. - Oh. 129 00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:52,613 Ooh, nice. 130 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,919 You know, I've never seen you in corduroy before. 131 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:57,444 It was a fire hazard before. 132 00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:00,360 - Yea or nay? - Let me see the back. 133 00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:03,667 Ooh, yea. Coming and going. 134 00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:05,887 I just don't know why he has to uproot her like that. 135 00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:07,976 She's gonna have to leave all of her friends behind. 136 00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:10,805 Her only friend is a dog, and if he could turn a car key 137 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,024 he'd already be in Scottsdale. 138 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,678 [Mike] 'What if she doesn't want to go, I hate to think' 139 00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:17,028 'she's letting some guy push her around.' 140 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:19,291 Mike, the only way somebody's gonna push your mother around 141 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,512 is if she's strapped to a gurney wearing a Hannibal Lecter mask. 142 00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,473 - You love this, don't you? - I do. 143 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,692 I think that shirt works with the pants. 144 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:29,954 No, I mean you love the fact 145 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,261 that my mom is moving four states away. 146 00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,394 It's actually five. Did you forget to count Oklahoma? 147 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,571 It's nice and wide. 148 00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:41,183 Boy, you have absolutely no idea what I'm going through, do you? 149 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:43,446 I have a pretty good idea. 150 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,796 Your mom suddenly has a new man in her life 151 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,582 and he's taking her away from your childhood home 152 00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:52,150 and all of the memories associated with that. 153 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,283 It's probably why you're feeling so threatened and abandoned. 154 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,200 Wrong! Way off! 155 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:02,422 - I don't want to shop anymore! - Hey! 156 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,641 You're the one who wanted to go to the mall, New Mike! 157 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,469 [security sensor beeping] 158 00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:09,864 Alright, everything's fine. I'll pay for the clothes. 159 00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,996 I got his wallet. And his.. 160 00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:15,043 Oh, his keys. And his phone. 161 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,219 Oh, crap. 162 00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:20,222 [instrumental music] 163 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:27,229 Geez, how many big dorks with buzz cuts are in this mall? 164 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,407 Hey. 165 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:34,628 Hey, how-how is that? 166 00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:35,716 Pretty, pretty good. 167 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,805 Good. Good. 168 00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:39,459 Oh.. Oh. 169 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,552 Mike, where have you been? 170 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:46,727 I've been looking everywhere for you. 171 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,077 Hello. 172 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,340 Would you like to try a sample of our orange cashew chicken? 173 00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:54,474 No, thanks. I'm was actually just looking for my husband. 174 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,041 Similar size, similar haircut. 175 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,566 Corduroy pants? Still had the security tag on them? 176 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:02,569 - Yeah, you've seen him? - He's been by three times. 177 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,048 Which way did he go? 178 00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,224 I saw him get shooed away from Mrs. Fields 179 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,096 but I don't know where he went after that. 180 00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:10,490 Well, thank you. 181 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:14,102 Well, since you're giving it away. 182 00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,496 Oh, my God, that is delicious. 183 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,933 [security sensor beeping] 184 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,022 That might be him. 185 00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:23,415 You know what? 186 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,548 This chicken did not die in vain. 187 00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,594 If it's not him, I'll circle back around. 188 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,465 Save my toothpick. 189 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:32,468 [instrumental music] 190 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:39,127 [pants squeaking] 191 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:45,350 What was that? You know what? 192 00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,439 I am gonna spring for the extra 15 minutes. 193 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,877 Really, really dig into that lumbar. 194 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:52,444 I'm under a lot of stress, my husband is missing. 195 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,802 [security sensor beeping] 196 00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:08,504 Ooh, look at me. Hello, fancy feet. 197 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,811 - Are these on sale? - I'm afraid not. 198 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,813 I'll take them. 199 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,510 - Cash or credit? - Credit. 200 00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,556 I think after all the worry he's put me through 201 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,080 he'd want me to have a nice new pair of shoes. 202 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,864 And if you've got these in taupe 203 00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:23,345 I think he'd like me to have two pair. 204 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:26,348 [instrumental music] 205 00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:34,748 I understand that it's his mother and all, but.. 206 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,880 And he's gonna miss her, but you got to cut the apron strings 207 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:38,578 at some point, right? 208 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:41,189 Huh, don't get me started on men and their mommies. 209 00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:45,062 Ugh, let me tell you, his mommy is a real piece of work, too. 210 00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,238 I can imagine. 211 00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,197 You know who I really feel sorry for 212 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,721 is the state of Arizona. 213 00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:54,681 [instrumental music] 214 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:03,472 Did I tell you we work at the same school together? 215 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,692 There is no escaping this woman. 216 00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:09,086 My mother-in-law, big buster of balls. 217 00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:13,482 Seven thousand miles away, still too close. 218 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:16,398 She can have all the territory west of the Mississippi. 219 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,095 And her little dog, too. 220 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:19,488 [chuckles] 221 00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:21,272 You want the clear polish or color? 222 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:24,624 Oh. Ah, can you make 'em look like little ladybugs? 223 00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:33,763 I guess I thought that house was always gonna be there. 224 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,417 And when Molly and I finally do have a kid 225 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,071 I was hoping to show him my old bedroom 226 00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,551 or the first tree I ever climbed. 227 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,207 The limb snapped off, but the tree's still there. 228 00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:45,949 You know, my old house in Indiana is now a meth lab. 229 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:48,386 Oh, that's a shame. When did you and your folks move out? 230 00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:51,868 Oh, my folks still live there. 231 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:55,567 That's, uh, part of the reason I'm not a real cop. 232 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,440 Yeah, they're pretty thorough with the background checks. 233 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:03,314 Molly? 234 00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,408 There you are. I have been worried sick. 235 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,419 [instrumental music] 236 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,075 I can't believe you ran off like that. 237 00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,512 Why didn't you use the security guard's phone to call me? 238 00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:30,602 Because he didn't have the name Molly in his list of contacts. 239 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:34,694 And star-one on his phone was some meth head in Indiana. 240 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,696 Well, why didn't you call your phone? 241 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:40,047 Because...I didn't think of that until just now! 242 00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:43,441 Well, I was in a panic. 243 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,922 No idea where you were, no way to find you. 244 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,577 I must have run into a dozen stores looking for you. 245 00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,797 And I wasn't in Victoria's Secret, huh? 246 00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,450 Quit trying to change the subject. 247 00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,193 By the way, you're over your $300 credit limit 248 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,673 on your debit card. 249 00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,675 I thought you'd want to know! 250 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,508 Look at my little college girl. 251 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,728 She's been hitting the books all night. 252 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,642 It's either that, or sleep with my professor. 253 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,428 And I don't want to play that card until finals week. 254 00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,779 She gets those smarts from me. 255 00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:20,870 Thanks for helping with the bags. 256 00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,089 Well, that's why you should never 257 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,699 buy more than you can carry. 258 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,441 Where are you going? 259 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,269 Going upstairs to change out of these stupid clothes 260 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:29,705 so we can go to my mom's house. 261 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,228 Well, you gave all of your clothes away 262 00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:32,621 and we live in the basement now. 263 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,712 You're on top of the world, aren't you? Huh? 264 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,758 What a fun night for Molly! 265 00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:41,195 Mike! 266 00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:42,413 Jackass. 267 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,287 What's the matter with Thumbelina? 268 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,985 We kind of got separated at the mall, and then he got lost-- 269 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,074 - Are those new shoes? - Cute, right? 270 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,296 How'd you lose him while he was wearing those pants? 271 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:58,473 They sound like two guys sawing a sequoia. 272 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,040 I'm trying to cut him some slack. 273 00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:02,259 He's upset his mom's moving to Arizona. 274 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,261 - Congratulations. - That's great. 275 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:05,741 Don't say anything around Mike. 276 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,569 He hasn't found the silver lining yet. 277 00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,789 And I don't want to jinx it. 278 00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,359 It's a beautiful ring, Peggy. 279 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,144 Little gaudy for me 280 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,494 but it belonged to Patty's deceased mother. 281 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:22,758 And who am I to crap on the horrible tastes of a dead woman? 282 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,197 You know, a man gets to a certain age 283 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,591 and he starts thinking his best years are behind him. 284 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,985 But I know, with you by my side 285 00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,639 I can see the long, beautiful road ahead. 286 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:38,556 I-80. It's a wonderful drive. 287 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,689 Hey, why don't I put on a pot of decaf 288 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:43,039 and bring out some dessert. I made your favorite. 289 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:45,563 - Coconut cream pie? - Not you. Him. 290 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:48,305 Ooh, rhubarb cobbler. Did you use my mother's recipe? 291 00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,133 Hey, I'll wear her tacky jewelry 292 00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:54,616 but I won't have her giving me cooking lessons from the grave. 293 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:57,575 - Boy, that woman is a spitfire. - She is a saint. 294 00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:59,186 Raised me all on her own. 295 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:02,537 In this very house. Our house. 296 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,669 Come on, Jim. Let's take a walk. 297 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:11,154 Hmm. It's not you, it's, it's the rhubarb. 298 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,764 - Oh. - So what are you thinking? 299 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,244 A spring wedding? 300 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:20,424 [sighs] 301 00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:22,557 Say goodbye to your favorite tree, Jim. 302 00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,906 When you move to Arizona 303 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,299 you're gonna be whizzing on cactuses 304 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,431 and that's a whole different skill set. 305 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:32,654 Biggs, is it just my imagination 306 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:37,137 or do you have your rather sizeable undies in a twist? 307 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:39,966 I'm not trying to cause any trouble, sir. 308 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,619 I'm just not good with change. 309 00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,753 Yeah. Well, I understand. 310 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,102 You've been the most important man 311 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,365 in your mother's life up until now. 312 00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:49,714 Actually, sir, that would be the guy 313 00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:52,674 that just got done whizzing on a tree. 314 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:54,850 Well, we all take a backseat to His Majesty. 315 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,202 You know, even though I don't visit her as much as I should 316 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:01,422 I-I liked knowing that she was here. 317 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,380 You know, like the weight room at the precinct. 318 00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:08,429 What the hell are they doing out there anyway? 319 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,779 Jim won't pee when you're staring at him. 320 00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,607 He gets that from me. 321 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:15,392 So, how soon are you kids moving to Arizona? 322 00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:17,917 I could help you throw some stuff in boxes tonight. 323 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,353 What are you talking about? 324 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,357 Who the hell said I'm moving to Arizona? 325 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,620 Uh.. 326 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:28,971 The captain didn't mention that, huh? 327 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,451 You ever been to Arizona? 328 00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:33,410 It's just a furnace full of drunk Indians. 329 00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:36,370 Really? That's not what it says on their license plate. 330 00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,244 I hope you two will be very happy, sir. 331 00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:42,637 Thanks, Biggs. 332 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:45,988 I must say, every day I'm with her is a dream. 333 00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:49,078 What's this cockamamie scheme I hear about you dragging me 334 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,907 to live amongst the lizards and Comanches? 335 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,953 - I thought she knew. - Let's get out of here. 336 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,738 Congratulations. 337 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:59,132 Don't think you can waltz into my life 338 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:01,177 and start calling the shots, Crazy Guggenheim. 339 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,266 I just thought you'd want to get out of this cold weather. 340 00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:04,920 You're always complaining about the snow. 341 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:07,183 I complain about everything, numb-nuts! 342 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,403 You want to take that away from me, too? 343 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:22,155 [instrumental music] 344 00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:36,343 Hey, boy, what are you doing out here? 345 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:39,607 Oh, I was driving by, and I saw that your walk was a little icy 346 00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,348 so I thought I'd shovel it off for you. 347 00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,741 Look, if you need five bucks, just ask. 348 00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:46,570 You know what, mom? No charge. 349 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,224 Maybe when I'm finished, uh 350 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,574 I'll come in and we can watch the Blackhawks game. 351 00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,011 Sounds great. 352 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,274 I'll make us a tuna noodle casserole 353 00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,928 if someone will ever finish cleaning the oven! 354 00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:02,151 Angel, you told me to finish my dusting before I.. 355 00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:06,851 Hello, Biggs. 356 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,376 Captain. 357 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,204 What are you doing? 358 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,988 Just pitching in 359 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,904 helping your mother keep up with this big, wonderful house. 360 00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:18,298 - That we are never leaving. - That we are never leaving. 361 00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:23,868 - What are you doing? - Just finishing up the walk. 362 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:26,480 Right now, neither one of you are doing squat. 363 00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:28,134 Plenty of time to flap your gums 364 00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:29,309 when you're done with your chores. 365 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:30,919 - Yes, ma'am. - Yes, ma'am. 366 00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,228 Yours, I can just cut off. 367 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,186 Theirs, I've got to remove slowly. 368 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:45,281 [theme music]