1
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:05,788
You really got to stay
like that for ten minutes

2
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,137
in order to get pregnant?

3
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,183
Supposedly it gets
the salmon spawning

4
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,749
in the right direction.

5
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,403
I can only do it
for eight minutes, though.

6
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:15,667
I've got to shave
my legs before work.

7
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,626
You don't have
to tell me, cactus calves.

8
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:19,454
I got stubble burn on my back.

9
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:23,849
Wow! The honeymoon
is officially over, isn't it?

10
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:25,764
- Where are you going?
- To make some breakfast.

11
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:29,029
I'll scramble my eggs
while you're fertilizing yours.

12
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,683
No, sit down and talk
to me, these are your boys

13
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:34,469
I'm giving a ride
on the water slide.

14
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:37,298
Sweetie, you're ovulating
for the next 36 hours.

15
00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,561
That's a long time
in the car together.

16
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:42,346
We can't stop
at every Stuckey's.

17
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:43,913
- Stay.
- Fine.

18
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,610
but just a warning,
I used up most of my

19
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,438
witty banter during foreplay.

20
00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:49,179
So your idea
of witty banter and foreplay

21
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,833
was kicking
your slippers off and saying

22
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,575
okay, let's do this thing,
papa needs a paycheck.

23
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:56,708
Hey, it got
your motor running, didn't it?

24
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:59,059
Baby sex.
Ovulators can't be choosers.

25
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:02,453
It'll all be worth it
when I see you holding

26
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,847
our beautiful
young'un in your arms.

27
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:08,503
You're gonna
be the greatest dad.

28
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,114
And listen, I don't care
if we have a boy or a girl.

29
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,073
Either way, they're
gonna be pitching for the cubs.

30
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,380
Or dancing for the Joffrey.

31
00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:18,165
Long as they're
healthy and happy.

32
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:21,864
And have your
cute little button nose.

33
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:24,432
- I love you, Mike Biggs.
- I love you, Molly Flynn.

34
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,217
[bell dinging]

35
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,393
Alright, good talk.
I'll see you at 6:00.

36
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,308
Don't be late.
I've got papers to grade.

37
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,442
♪ For the first time ♪

38
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,400
♪ In my life ♪

39
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,317
♪ I see love ♪

40
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:56,942
I'm telling you, man,
this St. Patty's Day

41
00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:58,814
is gonna be the best ever.

42
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,163
Better than the year
you got drunk

43
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,773
painted yourself
green and then tried

44
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:04,298
to French kiss
the police horse?

45
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:06,996
Hey, man, I was
feeding clip-clop a carrot.

46
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,606
Hey, and those pictures
made that look a lot weirder

47
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,086
than it really was.

48
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:12,610
You took advantage
of a hungry horse, Carl.

49
00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:15,309
Neigh means neigh.

50
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,093
Joke if you want,
but that's what St. Patty's Day

51
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,356
is all about,
free-spirited revelry.

52
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:22,664
- Some might say, unbridled.
- Aah.

53
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,709
By the way, uh, are you two
seein' each other again

54
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:26,189
or has she moved on
to greener pastures?

55
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:29,061
Hm, oh, that reminds me,
I got to pick up a keg

56
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,412
of green beer for my party,
and talk to my pinata guy

57
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,109
to see if he can do
a leprechaun.

58
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:35,111
Wow, you're really going all
out for this thing, aren't you?

59
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:37,679
Hey, this is my first official
blow out in my new apartment.

60
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:38,723
People are
gonna be talking about

61
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:40,290
this soiree for years to come.

62
00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:42,118
Well, I'll have to read
about it in the papers

63
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,468
or, next month's
Horse Quarterly.

64
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,255
Wait, now you're not coming?

65
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,952
But I already bought
enough bags of green M&Ms

66
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,388
to dam up a levee.

67
00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:52,911
I was prepared
for Hurricane Mike.

68
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,652
I'm sorry, Carl,
somethin' came up.

69
00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,263
No, but you've known
about this for two weeks

70
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,090
and all of the sudden you ju..

71
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,355
Oh, wait.
Molly's ovulating, isn't she?

72
00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,226
And on St. Patty's Day.

73
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,619
Funny how her eggs never drop

74
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:08,362
when she's got tickets
to Mamma Mia!

75
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,102
Why don't you just
do a hit and run?

76
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,540
You guys are married,
she knows you're coming back.

77
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,846
Ovulation days aren't just
one and done, Carl.

78
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,022
It's a marathon,
by the time it's over

79
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:20,417
I won't be able to form a
sentence or pull up my pants.

80
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,680
Hey, this St. Patty's Day

81
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,856
I'm gonna be
the exact same way.

82
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:27,337
And that right there is
what made that horse picture

83
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,296
really weird.

84
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:37,042
"My ears have not
drunk a hundred words

85
00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:39,044
"of thy tongue's uttering

86
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,960
"yet I know the sound.

87
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:46,661
"Art thou not Romeo
a Mont-a-cue?

88
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,667
Neither, fair saint,
if either thee dislike."

89
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:55,191
Okay, what did we just say
to each other?

90
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,324
You just asked
if I was Romeo, and I said

91
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:59,326
Yeah,
unless it's a deal breaker.

92
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:02,067
I don't understand
a word of it.

93
00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,765
It might
as well be in Mexican.

94
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:09,510
Well, Elizabethan poetry
does sound pretty Mexican-y

95
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,164
until you get used to it.

96
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,124
I appreciate you helping me
with my homework, Harry.

97
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:17,996
You know,
I'm not so much book smart

98
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,912
as magazine smart.

99
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:23,306
Don't sell yourself short,
you're an ethereal

100
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,874
inquisitive soul
with a palpable effervescence.

101
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,921
Okay, what'd you just say?

102
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:32,489
- I said, you're pretty neat.
- Oh, thanks.

103
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,013
You're neat too.

104
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:40,802
"How cam'st thou hither,
tell me, and wherefore?

105
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:44,458
"The orchard walls are high
and hard to climb--

106
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,895
"And the place death,
considering who thou art

107
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:49,506
if any of my kinsmen
find thee here."

108
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:52,944
That's what
it says right here.

109
00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:55,164
How did you do that?

110
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,426
Well, the..

111
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:58,602
...balcony scene
from "Romeo and Juliet."

112
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,213
I'm an English lit major
and...Shakespeare's

113
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,477
kinda my thing.

114
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,914
I have a test tomorrow
and if it wasn't for Harry

115
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:09,483
here me thinks
I'd be screwed.

116
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:12,660
Oh-ho,
so you're an aficionado

117
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,488
of "The Bard", are you, huh?

118
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:17,142
Well, I received his collected
works for my 12th birthday

119
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,623
and read every volume,
cover to cover.

120
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,843
Well...like I always
tell my students

121
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:26,761
reading is one thing,
but understanding is another.

122
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:30,460
I did understudy Mercutio
at the Shawnee Summer Theater.

123
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,070
And I got
to perform one matinee

124
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:34,421
when his eczema flared up.

125
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,248
Have you ever played
any of the female roles?

126
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,339
See, in Shakespeare's time
the men played all the roles.

127
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,692
Harry told me, it's
like having an encyclopedia

128
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,521
that breathes really loud.

129
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,610
- Sorry. Deviated septum.
- Yeah.

130
00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,829
He got hit in the face
with a tire swing.

131
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,441
Well, I'll leave you
in the hands of this

132
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,791
self-proclaimed expert.

133
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,575
For me and my Romeo
have plans

134
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:02,405
to "Expend our spirit
in the waste of shame."

135
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,104
Y-you do realize
that's from a Sonnet

136
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:07,541
and not "Romeo and Juliet?"

137
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,281
You do realize
this know it all stuff

138
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,632
is why people hit you
in the face with a tire swing?

139
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:17,899
Hey, where you been,
I was getting ready

140
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,248
to start without ya.

141
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,076
Sounds good to me.
I don't need the parade.

142
00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,905
Just bring me in
for the fireworks.

143
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,733
By the way,
Carl's very disappointed

144
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:26,951
we won't be at his party.

145
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,736
Hey, I'm disappointed too.

146
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,086
I used to roll pretty hard
on St. Patty's Day.

147
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,393
Yeah, right,
a four pack of wine coolers

148
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,742
in the teacher's lounge
followed by

149
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,265
a Dirty Spelling Bee?

150
00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:38,136
Really?
Take a look at that.

151
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,704
- What is it?
- St. Patty's Day, 2002.

152
00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,706
- What happened?
- Whiskey shots at the bar.

153
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,752
Some drunk jackass
tried to grab a touch

154
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,363
of the blarney and I
elbowed him in the mouth.

155
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,931
- You're kidding!
- Scars don't lie, buddy.

156
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,236
I actually kept his tooth
for a while.

157
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:53,021
I wonder what I did with that.

158
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,024
So, my wife
has been in a bar fight?

159
00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,852
Well, not much
of a fight, I hit him

160
00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:00,332
and he hit the ground.

161
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,986
Why am I just
hearing about this?

162
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:05,033
Hey, you don't need to hear
about every Tavern Brawl

163
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,036
and which Chicago Bear
I've tongue wrestled with.

164
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,472
What?

165
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,082
That was the past,
this is the future.

166
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:14,129
- Speaking of which, baby time.
- Yeah, yeah.

167
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:15,957
Did he play
offense or defense?

168
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:18,612
Hmm, that night
he was playing offense.

169
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,310
Who are you?

170
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,051
I am the lady
having your baby.

171
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,879
Let's go, mouth closed

172
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:27,142
britches down.

173
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,057
Yes, ma'am.

174
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:31,015
Please tell me
it wasn't a place kicker.

175
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:36,630
Man, I can't believe
this is all

176
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,370
the dinnerware
this old woman has.

177
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,894
How am I supposed
to throw a nice party

178
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:42,113
with six plates and three
Flintstones cereal bowls?

179
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,291
Are you sure your grandma
is alright with us

180
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:47,728
borrowing all of her stuff?

181
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,034
Hey, I am her grandson,
the light of her life.

182
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:52,907
My happiness is her priority.

183
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,778
Now run upstairs
and grab some towels and soap

184
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:58,608
before that old buzzard
blows through that door.

185
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,828
Hey, by the way, we are
out of toilet paper too.

186
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:03,570
Man, how many times I gotta
tell you three sheets is plenty.

187
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,920
Any more than that,
then you should take a shower.

188
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:10,141
I know, Carl, I've read
the sign you've taped

189
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:11,229
to the toilet tank.

190
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:13,797
Don't just read it, do it.

191
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,451
You left me stranded
so many times I almost

192
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:17,018
had to wipe with the sign.

193
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,935
It's like
living with an animal.

194
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:25,461
We got gin,
cognac, tawny port.

195
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,811
Damn, that old Baptist
parties like a gangsta rapper.

196
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:33,121
Boy, if you robbing me,
you better put on a ski mask

197
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,601
and duct tape me to a chair.

198
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,821
Hey, Grandma, um

199
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,867
where's that bottle of J&B
I gave you last Christmas?

200
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:42,043
- It's gone.
- You drank that whole thing?

201
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,349
It was half empty
when you gave it to me.

202
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:48,615
Well, it was cold that night
and the heater broke in my car.

203
00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:50,051
Would you prefer
I freeze to death?

204
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:51,922
It's not my first choice
for the way you die

205
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,489
but it'll do.

206
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,841
By the way, do you have
any nice cocktail glasses

207
00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,191
so that the people can enjoy
this cognac in style?

208
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,106
How about I break
that bottle over your head

209
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,195
and they can suck it
out of your ears?

210
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:08,765
Fine. I don't need
this stuff anyway.

211
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,985
An-and don't bother leaving
it to me in your will

212
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,117
'cause it's all crap!

213
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,424
You're gonna meet
your maker way before I do.

214
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,992
And I got a list of ten ways
to make that happen.

215
00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:26,261
Hello, Nana.

216
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,745
Uh, about these fancy soaps.
Do they contain paraffins?

217
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,747
Because I have
very sensitive skin.

218
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:39,100
So, Romeo thought
Juliet was dead

219
00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:41,058
and killed himself
but then she wakes up

220
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,452
and sees he's dead
and kills herself?

221
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:45,802
Well, when you're writing
a tragedy and you hit act five

222
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,804
you gotta wrap things up
pretty quick.

223
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,112
So sad.

224
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,462
They killed
themselves for love.

225
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,725
Yes, but they died
in each other's arms

226
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,901
and spent the rest
of eternity together.

227
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,300
- Hey.
- Hey, Mike.

228
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,389
I was just leaving, uh..

229
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:09,130
Good luck on the test tomorrow,
I know you're gonna do great

230
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,306
Victoria, I bid you all.
Adieu.

231
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,397
Geez, that's an odd bird.

232
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:21,055
He is a little quirky,
but, he's also very sweet.

233
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,144
Well, I know
he's crazy about you.

234
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:25,929
And you wanna know
something really strange?

235
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:28,889
Sometimes
...when he's not here..

236
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,327
...I find myself missing him.

237
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,766
You know..

238
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,289
...I remember feeling that way

239
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,161
when I first met Molly.

240
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,554
- I'd drop her off after a date.
- Mm-hm.

241
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,123
And sit in the car just
starin' at the door, smiling.

242
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,517
Imaginin' the next time
that I'd get to see her.

243
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,955
That's so romantic.

244
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:53,827
I guess that's what
love feels like.

245
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,832
I guess.

246
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,790
There you are. Break's over.

247
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,794
- Already?
- Chop chop, lover boy.

248
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,753
We got work to do.

249
00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,671
See you in the mornin'.

250
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,673
Lord willing.

251
00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:22,986
Here you go, sport.

252
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,945
Happy St. Patrick's Day.

253
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:28,644
Odd bunch, the Irish.

254
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:31,212
I don't trust anyone
who dances without their arms.

255
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,347
I probably shouldn't
imbibe, I'm Victoria's

256
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,523
designated driver
for the party tonight.

257
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:41,875
Still swinging the bat,
huh, bubbles?

258
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:44,007
Do you not own
any mirrors at your house?

259
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,707
What are you talking about?

260
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,926
You're a dumpy load
and she's smokin' hot.

261
00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:52,276
Please, don't make me
say it outright.

262
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,324
We're just study buddies,
nothing more.

263
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:58,369
Hey, I admire your angle.

264
00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,936
I taught a broad to golf once

265
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:03,766
ended up nailing her
in the sand trap.

266
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:05,550
I'm just helping out a friend

267
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:08,684
you horrible, horrible man.

268
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:11,295
Yeah, yeah, sticks and stones.

269
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:14,298
Let me explain it to you
in simple geometry.

270
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:17,258
A guy shaped like you

271
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,826
will never bag a woman
shaped like that.

272
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,657
- At least I have hair.
- Whoa!

273
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,225
Man, take it easy.
I got feelings.

274
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:34,492
- Oh! How'd you do?
- B-minus.

275
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:37,191
It is the best grade
I have ever gotten.

276
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,454
I told you, if you studied
and applied yourself

277
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:41,412
you could do anything,
Victoria.

278
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,203
Wow.

279
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,596
- You kissed me.
- I did.

280
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,948
I gotta go.

281
00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:59,039
Well, wa.. I thought we were
gonna go to the party.

282
00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:00,518
Wha-What just happened?

283
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,477
Your frog didn't turn
into a prince.

284
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,611
He just hopped away.

285
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,356
[Earth Wind And Fire
"Shining Star"]

286
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:18,362
♪ Yeah yeah ♪

287
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,016
♪ Yay.. ♪♪

288
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,152
'Sup, player,
there's another whole keg

289
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,371
of that green beer
on ice in the bathtub.

290
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:28,938
[Carl chuckles]

291
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,810
Man, this party's
starting to heat up nice.

292
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,205
Yeah,
it's simmering to a boil.

293
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:39,601
Mm-hm, and yet,
as I gaze around the room

294
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,256
something seems to be missing

295
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:45,259
from this festive motif.

296
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:46,651
Well, go put on
that leprechaun outfit

297
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,262
I bought you.

298
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,919
I was actually referring
to the complete absence

299
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,965
of anything even
resembling a female.

300
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:58,881
Hey, man, women don't show up
at parties this early.

301
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,100
Okay, they're too busy
primping and getting

302
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,710
themselves beautiful for us.

303
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,494
- Seriously?
- Absolutely.

304
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,061
I mean, you don't want
a bunch of half put together

305
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:08,804
skanks straggling up
into our home, do you?

306
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,893
At this point,
I would settle for skanks.

307
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:15,289
I can always just drink more.

308
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:18,031
Just relax, women love
to make a grand entrance.

309
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,510
Yup. And you and me?

310
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,730
- We got home field advantage.
- How so?

311
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:25,081
Yo, we live here, so we
the only ones that got beds.

312
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,432
Ah.

313
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:34,003
Uh, speaking of which,
there's a large man

314
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:37,267
watching TV on yours
with his shoes off.

315
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:38,616
Dammit, man.

316
00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:40,488
And I just
Febreze'd my comforter!

317
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,709
'Sup, player.

318
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,798
No worries,
very soon, this place

319
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,757
will be crawling with skanks.

320
00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:00,987
In fact, one year,
I woke up under the bar

321
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:03,685
in this exact position.

322
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,643
You know, feel free
to save some of these stories

323
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,994
for my deathbed.

324
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,473
Knock, knock.
Are you guys decent?

325
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,346
I am and I thought she was.

326
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,174
Hey, Mike,
have you heard from Harry?

327
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,785
We're supposed to go to Carl
and Samuel's party together.

328
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,700
You realize we're gonna be
the only ones not there?

329
00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:20,484
Well, we could stop by,
if you want

330
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:22,878
I mean, we don't have
to drink to have fun, right?

331
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,532
Well, I don't,
but I've never woke up

332
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:25,750
wearing my,
kiss me, I'm Irish

333
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:27,578
t-shirt as pants.

334
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,016
You told him that story?

335
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:32,366
[whispers]
Not all of it.

336
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:33,933
Just hope Harry's okay.

337
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,283
He left here pretty upset
after I kissed him.

338
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,677
Wait, did she say
she kissed him?

339
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,853
Wow, wonder if we're
talking about a peck

340
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,333
on the cheek
or full on the mouth..

341
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,640
[gasps]
...like Carl and that horse.

342
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:50,253
[instrumental music]

343
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,827
[clattering]

344
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,007
Harry?

345
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,227
What are you doing down there?

346
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,359
I'm sorry that I ran out
on you the way I did.

347
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:12,145
- I just panicked.
- No, I'm sorry.

348
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,668
I shouldn't have kissed you.

349
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,671
I was just,
so excited about my grade

350
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:20,327
and...you have been
so lovely to me.

351
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:21,937
Don't apologize.

352
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:24,722
That kiss changed my life.

353
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:28,204
- Oh, Harry.
- 'Don't speak, hear me out.'

354
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:29,945
I've been mustering
the courage to say this

355
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,382
and if I don't do it now,
I never will.

356
00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:34,036
I'm listening.

357
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,255
I'm sure
whatever you're feeling

358
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,735
I'm feeling the same.

359
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:39,737
I'm gay.

360
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:45,004
Okay, that threw me
for a little bit of a loop.

361
00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:49,225
The minute you put your
beautiful mouth on mine

362
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:52,185
and I felt absolutely nothing

363
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,838
I knew the truth.

364
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,277
Hang on.
You didn't feel nothin'?

365
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:01,759
Nada. Goose eggs. Zilch.

366
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,892
What about if I like,
put your hand on my boob

367
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:05,850
and let you mush it
around a little?

368
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,638
- What's going on?
- Hi, Mike. Hi, Molly.

369
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,248
I'm gay.

370
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,905
Good for you, you still
going to Carl's party?

371
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:19,473
What the hell's
going on out here?

372
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,562
Harry just figured out
that he's gay.

373
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:24,173
Really? I could have told
him that two years ago.

374
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,306
What's the next big reveal,
that he's boring?

375
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,570
What's all the yelling?

376
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:32,355
- The big man's gay.
- Who? Mike?

377
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,314
She hooked up
with another gay guy?

378
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,971
- Shut up, Vince.
- Not me. Him.

379
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,278
I hope this doesn't create
any awkward feelings

380
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,758
between you and I.

381
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,934
No more than usual, pal.

382
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,773
[instrumental music]

383
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:05,606
Man, I don't get it.

384
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,695
This place should be
crawling with women.

385
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,740
Well, the good news is,
our toilet seat

386
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,699
is covered in green urine.

387
00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:14,484
You're kidding.

388
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:15,703
What happened
to my sign that said

389
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:18,140
be neat-y, lift the seat-y?

390
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,273
That has more urine
on it than the seat.

391
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:24,799
Man, dudes are nasty.

392
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:26,757
Next year,
I'm not inviting any guys.

393
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,326
So it will just be
the two of us?

394
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,896
You'll still come, right?

395
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,812
[doorbell rings]

396
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,770
Dear God,
please let that be a woman.

397
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:44,427
- Oh, you guys came!
- Hey, Carl. Where's the hooch?

398
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,342
Hard stuff in the kitchen,
beer in the bathtub.

399
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,127
I'll start in the bathtub.

400
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,565
Go easy, slugger.

401
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:53,567
Hello, young lovely.

402
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:56,135
Single woman!
Single woman in the house!

403
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,574
You're gonna get a lot
of attention tonight.

404
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,663
Good. I kinda need it.

405
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,621
I'm feelin'
a little off my game.

406
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,673
- Hey, Harry, how's it going?
- Never better.

407
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,979
I'm gay.

408
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:17,156
Well, you gonna enjoy
this party more than anybody.

409
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,122
[theme music]