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[narrator] Perhaps you've read
the story of Quasimodo,
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00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,958
the monstrous bell-ringer of Notre-Dame.
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00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:47,500
But more likely, you haven't,
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00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:52,333
because who still reads about
medieval France and all that bullshit?
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00:00:54,958 --> 00:00:56,167
Well, don't worry,
8
00:00:56,167 --> 00:01:00,417
because we're gonna tell you
the story of the real Quasimodo.
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00:01:00,417 --> 00:01:01,958
[sheep bleats]
10
00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:06,917
[narrator] All you need to know
is that 13th-century France sucked.
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00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:11,500
It was a time of plague, poverty
and torture chambers,
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00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:16,917
where one often found themselves
impaled by dangerous objects.
13
00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,167
[meows]
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00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:23,583
[narrator] Unless you were a king
who could just dismiss your wife
15
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,125
when you tired of her...
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00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:33,875
or a pope humbly entrusted
with the sacred offerings of his flock.
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00:01:36,292 --> 00:01:41,333
And the last thing you'd want is to get
trapped between these two powerful pricks,
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00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:45,208
which is exactly
where Quasimodo found himself,
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00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,042
an ill-advised place for a nobody.
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00:01:49,792 --> 00:01:52,833
In fact, he's quite fucked.
21
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:56,542
And this is his story.
22
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:04,333
[friend] Quasi!
23
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,667
Quasi!
24
00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:12,708
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
25
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:15,583
Quasi! Quasi.
26
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:19,167
Holy shit. What is your problem?
27
00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:20,458
Come on. We're gonna be late.
28
00:02:20,458 --> 00:02:22,042
We are not gonna be late.
29
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:25,500
When you grow up in a bell tower,
you have a knack for keeping time.
30
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,917
[grunts] You with your bell towers.
31
00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,625
- Yeah.
- Hey, slow down.
32
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,792
- Oh, now you want me to slow down?
- Yeah. Slow down. Come on.
33
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:33,750
- You're the one who's in such a rush.
- Let's walk together, huh? Like friends.
34
00:02:34,417 --> 00:02:35,667
It's a great morning.
35
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:38,750
It's springtime. The flowers are in bloom.
36
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,083
The air smells of peat and sweet cloth.
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00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:43,000
Whatever. I'll take your word for it.
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00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,333
Aw, why so crispy, huh?
39
00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:45,458
[laughing]
40
00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,167
[spits] Hunchback.
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00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,708
[grunts]
Hey, you know what your problem is?
42
00:02:49,708 --> 00:02:53,250
Is it that I've got a fatty deposit
the size of a giant gourd on my back?
43
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,792
No. It's that you've given up on humanity.
44
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:57,375
You have given up on love.
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00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:00,708
Duchamp, you can't give up
on something you've never had.
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00:03:00,708 --> 00:03:02,250
Well, I'm no soothsayer,
47
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:06,333
but I think this is the springtime where
things turn around for my little buddy.
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00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:08,000
- Weirdo!
- Freak!
49
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,250
[Quasi grunts]
50
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,333
Morning.
51
00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:15,792
Hey, "Pope Week." [laughs]
52
00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:17,417
"The coronation of the new queen."
53
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:18,792
These are exciting times.
54
00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:20,583
Remind me to buy
more papal lottery tickets.
55
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:23,750
Oh, come on, Du. Don't waste your money.
Nobody wins those things.
56
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,958
[sighs] Somebody's gotta win.
Why can't it be me?
57
00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:27,917
Confession with the pope.
58
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:30,417
- Du, you're being ridiculous.
- [vendor] Croissant!
59
00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:31,833
Hey. Croissant?
60
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:33,042
[Quasi] Non.
61
00:03:33,042 --> 00:03:34,333
- Croissant?
- Non.
62
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,958
- Come on. Croissant?
- Non.
63
00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:37,292
Croissant?
64
00:03:37,292 --> 00:03:38,625
No!
65
00:03:38,625 --> 00:03:39,833
Deux croissants.
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00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:41,083
[normal] I said I didn't want one.
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They're both for me.
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[passerby] Hey! Eat shit, asshole!
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00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:46,250
Good morning, officer.
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00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,333
[vendor] Croissant?
71
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:50,042
Why don't you duck
when they throw stuff at you?
72
00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:52,417
- What do you mean? I'm already ducked.
- I guess that's a good point.
73
00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:57,042
[sighs] Back to the daily grind.
74
00:03:57,042 --> 00:03:59,542
[prisoners screaming]
75
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,083
Repent for your sins!
76
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:08,125
[screams]
77
00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,375
Hey, Pascal.
78
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,917
Hey! Good morning, Du.
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00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,000
Good morning, Quasi.
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00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,333
[grunting]
81
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:15,042
Stefan, how was that date?
82
00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:16,333
Incroyable!
83
00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:19,042
And things got very romantic.
84
00:04:19,042 --> 00:04:20,250
[laughs]
85
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,583
- You devil. [laughs]
- Yeah.
86
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:22,750
Matisse, what's up?
87
00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:24,958
[chuckles] Embrace your savior!
88
00:04:24,958 --> 00:04:26,375
[grunts]
89
00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:27,458
- [shushes]
- [prisoner screams]
90
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:29,792
No, it doesn't hurt that bad. [laughs]
91
00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,208
Oh, Monday, Monday, right?
92
00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:32,292
Yep.
93
00:04:32,292 --> 00:04:34,292
Quasi, you're late.
94
00:04:34,292 --> 00:04:35,917
I know for a fact that I'm not.
95
00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:38,875
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You grew up in a bell tower.
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00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:39,958
[imitates crying]
97
00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:42,083
Yeah, 'cause I grew up in a bell tower.
98
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,542
Oh, you gonna take mouth with me?
99
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:45,417
[groans] He gets me so mad sometimes.
100
00:04:45,417 --> 00:04:46,500
Don't get worked up.
101
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,708
Fucker's gonna start with me on a--
on a fuckin' Monday of all things.
102
00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:53,083
Hey, you may think you're hot gruel
'cause you invented that rack,
103
00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:55,500
but around here,
you're just another monkey wrench.
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00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,875
Remember your place, Hunchback.
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00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:58,083
Settle down, Lucien.
106
00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,500
I'm sure the king wouldn't wanna hear
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00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,250
that Quasi was bringing his rack
somewhere else, like Espagne.
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00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:04,375
[whistles] Michel!
109
00:05:05,083 --> 00:05:07,000
- Why do you let that guy push you around?
- I don't know.
110
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,792
- Don't let him push you around.
- I know. [stammers]
111
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:11,958
Dipshits, this is Michel,
your new guinea pig.
112
00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:13,875
You're gonna be torturing him
for the next couple weeks.
113
00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,417
- Get down there, shorty.
- [grunts]
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00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:16,833
- [whip cracks]
- [prisoner screams]
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00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,167
Hey. Look at this little guy.
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[Duchamp laughs]
117
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- Bonjour. Bonjour.
- Bonjour.
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00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:21,750
Bonjour.
119
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,667
- [screams continue]
- Bonjour.
120
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:24,750
- Oh.
- [Michel laughs]
121
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:26,958
Hey, go easy on this one.
He's your third this month.
122
00:05:26,958 --> 00:05:29,750
See if you can keep
his arms attached to his body.
123
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,208
- Don't worry about it.
- Never happen.
124
00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:32,500
All right. Back to work.
125
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,417
Hey,
more fire ants in that guy's dick hole.
126
00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:37,250
All right, Michel.
You ready to get tortured?
127
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,917
- Yes, sir!
- Yeah, come on up.
128
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:41,167
- [Duchamp] There you go.
- [Michel] This isn't too bad.
129
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:43,167
- Get yourself comfortable.
- Ooh, this is nice.
130
00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:45,958
- Come on in here.
- Okay. Here we go.
131
00:05:45,958 --> 00:05:47,583
My God,
his feet don't each even reach the end.
132
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:48,792
- Come on.
- That's good.
133
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:50,375
- Get the arms up here.
- Ah.
134
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:51,833
There we go.
135
00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:54,000
- All right. How are you? You okay?
- Good. [whoops]
136
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,417
We're gonna start easy.
137
00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:57,000
First time working in the torture chamber?
138
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,458
Yep. Just making a couple extra francs
for culinary school.
139
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:01,042
Oh, a chef! Good for you.
140
00:06:01,042 --> 00:06:02,500
- Yeah.
- Okay, straps too tight?
141
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:03,833
No. Go as tight as you need.
142
00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:06,542
You got a real can-do attitude.
I like that, Michel.
143
00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,417
I actually can't believe
you pay people to do this.
144
00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:11,292
Huh, well, we used to test the devices
on real heretics,
145
00:06:11,292 --> 00:06:13,500
but those guys said everything hurt.
146
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,750
- Am I right?
147
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,250
- Heretics.
- Heretics.
148
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:18,625
[screams] Ow. Oh!
149
00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,458
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
150
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,667
The first time can be
a bit of a shock to the system.
151
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,500
That's okay. [chuckles]
152
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,917
So you guys psyched for Pope Week?
153
00:06:25,917 --> 00:06:27,042
Oh, my God. Here we go.
154
00:06:27,042 --> 00:06:28,875
- Another Pope Week guy.
- Pope Week? I love Pope Week.
155
00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:31,500
[cheering]
156
00:06:32,583 --> 00:06:35,458
[cardinal] Thank you for coming here
on this beautiful day.
157
00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:38,042
And on behalf of Pope Cornelius...
158
00:06:38,042 --> 00:06:40,958
[crowd cheering, applauding]
159
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,708
...bless you for
the indulgences you've bought.
160
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,542
This will save you in the eyes of God.
161
00:06:47,542 --> 00:06:48,625
[crowd cheering, applauding]
162
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:52,625
Now, who wants to see an exorcism?
163
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:56,083
[cheering]
164
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,458
Care to participate, Your Grace?
165
00:06:58,458 --> 00:06:59,375
Christ, Claude.
166
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,792
Just give these mouth-breathers
what they want.
167
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:03,958
[cheering continues]
168
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:08,708
May the Lord extend his peaceful hand
upon all of you.
169
00:07:08,708 --> 00:07:10,833
[crowd] And also with you.
170
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:12,208
Now split that bitch.
171
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000
Brother Giuseppe.
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00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,208
Thanks be to God, Your Grace.
173
00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:22,125
Be gone, foul behezrahoth!
174
00:07:22,125 --> 00:07:23,875
- [crowd cheering]
- Would you mind?
175
00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:28,375
[prisoner] No, no, no, no. No, no, please!
176
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:29,375
- No!
- [cheers]
177
00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:30,417
[prisoner screams]
178
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,417
What is this papal visit next week?
179
00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:33,500
France.
180
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:38,125
[groans] The French are pigs.
They all stink and eat garbage.
181
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,708
And the royals,
always marrying their own family.
182
00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:44,083
They all have 11 fingers
and never stop bleeding.
183
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,042
They're all disgusting, my lord.
184
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:48,917
Goddamn,
how I hate that pompous ass, King Guy.
185
00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:50,375
Postpone it.
186
00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:53,083
It's scheduled with
the coronation of the new queen.
187
00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:54,250
- New queen?
- [Claude] Mmm.
188
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,417
I told him he wasn't allowed
to divorce his first wife.
189
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:59,458
He had her killed. A bit of a work-around.
190
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,583
Now he's married his English cousin.
191
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:02,667
[prisoner screams]
192
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:06,375
The new union will form a powerful
alliance between France and England.
193
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,667
Oh, he'll be even more insufferable.
194
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,125
[Giuseppe] Damn you, Satan!
195
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:11,125
[prisoner screams]
196
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:12,042
[cheering]
197
00:08:12,042 --> 00:08:14,542
Goddamn it. This will never come off.
198
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,292
Say,
have you heard the joke about the bed?
199
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:21,458
No.
200
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,667
It hasn't been made yet.
201
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:27,958
[laughing]
202
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:45,500
Say,
have you heard the joke about the cookie?
203
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,875
No.
204
00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:48,083
It's crummy.
205
00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:53,333
[laughing]
206
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,250
[grunts]
207
00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,500
Guards!
208
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,542
Boil my jester in oil.
209
00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:02,208
No, no!
210
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,958
- No, no. No! No. No!
- [guard] Come on.
211
00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:08,667
[jester] No!
212
00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:10,083
[chuckles]
213
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:12,250
- Good morning, my king.
- [door closes]
214
00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:16,458
Breakfast today is wine from
the Rhône valley and fresh Belon oysters.
215
00:09:16,458 --> 00:09:20,417
And where do your oysters come from,
my pet?
216
00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:22,292
Your Highness,
we have a very busy day today.
217
00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:23,375
[person sighs, clears throat]
218
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:26,042
Oh. Hello. [sighs]
219
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,375
Good morning, milady. [chuckles]
220
00:09:37,375 --> 00:09:38,917
Good morning, Henri-Francoise.
221
00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:42,333
[Henri clears throat]
222
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:43,750
As I was saying, sire,
223
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,375
we have a meeting with the tax collectors
to discuss the springtime levies.
224
00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:49,875
And, of course, we have to prepare
for the arrival of the pope.
225
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:52,250
Oh, Cornelius?
226
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,917
I hate that Gorgonzola-eating bastard.
227
00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:56,667
My liege, if you hate the pope,
228
00:09:56,667 --> 00:10:02,167
why not fabricate a papal decree demanding
a 200% increase in tithes from the people?
229
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,333
Your outraged subjects will run him
right out of the country.
230
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:07,250
Well, look at that, Henri-Francoise.
231
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:12,375
My new ornament wishes to discuss
the affairs of France.
232
00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:14,292
[laughing] Yes.
233
00:10:14,292 --> 00:10:16,292
How adorable.
234
00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:17,792
- My liege.
- Leave us.
235
00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:21,292
Sire, as queen,
is it not my duty to suggest--
236
00:10:21,292 --> 00:10:22,208
Leave us!
237
00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:24,750
As you wish.
238
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,000
My queen.
239
00:10:30,708 --> 00:10:31,917
[clears throat]
240
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,500
[whoops]
241
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,667
I was not told
she was going to speak so much.
242
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:40,792
- [door closes]
- She's a regular smarty pantalons.
243
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:44,417
Indeed, but a small price to pay
for a powerful alliance.
244
00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:48,750
A rather large price to pay for someone
who never wanted to be married again.
245
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:50,125
Yes, well. [chuckles]
246
00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:54,875
But do look into that
phony-papal-decree idea, because why not?
247
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:56,875
Excellent idea, Your Highness.
248
00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,542
Enjoy your oysters.
249
00:10:59,708 --> 00:11:00,792
Bring me some salt!
250
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:02,375
[door closes]
251
00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:05,333
I need some salt!
252
00:11:05,917 --> 00:11:06,917
[slurps]
253
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:08,708
[faint screaming]
254
00:11:08,708 --> 00:11:09,792
[whip cracks]
255
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,292
- Hey! All right. Just stop!
- [guard] Move it!
256
00:11:12,292 --> 00:11:13,583
- Stop!
- [guard] All right.
257
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,875
Okay. Don't have to be so rough.
258
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,125
Hey, uh, why are the oysters up there?
259
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:20,083
[Quasi] Oh, it's the food of kings.
260
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:22,125
Lucien thinks it displays superiority.
261
00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:24,333
You know what he should do
is get better oysters.
262
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,083
I mean, those are crap.
263
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,750
- Belon oysters...
- [Quasi gasps]
264
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:28,833
...that's the food of kings.
265
00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,500
Oh, you've had Belon oysters?
266
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,792
Once, when I was a boy.
267
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:35,375
It was like they were lifted from the sea
by nautical angels.
268
00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:39,750
[screams, whimpers]
269
00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:44,917
Okay,
that was 15% torque on the upper straps.
270
00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:47,458
- [pants]
- Michel, go on about the oysters.
271
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:48,583
Describe their taste.
272
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,917
[exhales] Crisp, clean, salty.
273
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,917
- Aw, that sounds fantastique.
- [Michel strains, grunts]
274
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:56,792
[Lucien]
Hey, enough with the chatter down there.
275
00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:57,875
[prisoner screaming]
276
00:11:57,875 --> 00:12:02,583
You know, if I was king,
there'd be Belon oysters on every table.
277
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:04,000
[laughing]
278
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,250
A king for the people.
279
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:07,667
That's a good one, you weird little loser.
280
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:08,750
Now get back to work.
281
00:12:08,750 --> 00:12:10,792
[prisoners screaming]
282
00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:15,583
Has Lucien ever shared his oysters
with anyone here?
283
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:17,167
[torturers] No!
284
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:21,750
If he's gonna eat oysters in front of us,
shouldn't he bring enough for everybody?
285
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:22,958
[torturers] Oui!
286
00:12:22,958 --> 00:12:25,333
Hey, you know what?
Put a sock in it, Quasi.
287
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:29,792
[chanting] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
288
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:33,875
[all] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
289
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:42,500
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
290
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,917
- Shut up! All of you!
- [chanting continues]
291
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:46,000
All right.
292
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,250
You want oysters?
I'll give you oysters up--
293
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:49,417
[gasps] My queen.
294
00:12:50,208 --> 00:12:52,167
- [chanting stops]
- [torturers clamoring]
295
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:53,333
[torturer] Oysters.
296
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:57,292
Your Highness, may I ask what brings you
to our, uh, humble place of work?
297
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:02,083
It's a queen's duty to familiarize herself
with all aspects of the kingdom.
298
00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:03,333
I should like a tour.
299
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,708
Of course, Your Majesty.
300
00:13:05,458 --> 00:13:09,417
Would be my privilege
to escort you around the premises.
301
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:13,333
Perhaps it would be best for me
to receive it from your superior.
302
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:15,708
That one.
303
00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:19,375
Holy shit. She's pointing at me.
304
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:21,000
[laughs] Yeah, right.
305
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,333
- Shut up. Shut up. Don't joke.
- I'm-- I'm serious. [stammers]
306
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:27,958
Uh, begging your pardon, my queen, but
that torturer is in no way my superior.
307
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:30,125
The way he speaks to you
tells me otherwise.
308
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,000
- She's coming downstairs. [shushes]
- Oh, my God.
309
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000
[whispers]
There's a queen coming down here now.
310
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:43,250
- Don't look at her.
- Okay.
311
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,875
- Don't look.
- It's hard. She's really hot.
312
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:47,333
Oh, my God.
I can't believe she's coming down here.
313
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,750
[groans] Oh, my.
314
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,000
Smell is exceptionally rancid down here.
315
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:00,375
Torturer, stand.
316
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,792
[Quasi] Mmm. [clears throat]
317
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,750
You seem to have the ear
of your fellow workers.
318
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:09,250
I am just a humble subject of the king, milady.
319
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,750
Raise your head, torturer.
320
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:17,917
What is it you do here?
321
00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:19,583
I work this machine.
322
00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:23,583
Is this not the rack I hear so much about?
323
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:25,500
'Tis, my queen. 'Tis.
324
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,083
Hmm.
325
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:31,000
How is it that you were chosen to man
the king's most effective torture device?
326
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,708
I invented it, milady.
327
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:34,333
You invented it?
328
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,375
Yeah, in an attempt to straighten my back,
329
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:41,458
but it didn't quite unfold
as I had wished.
330
00:14:41,458 --> 00:14:44,042
[both laugh]
331
00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:47,333
Smart and witty.
Seems you are very talented.
332
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,375
[chuckles] You are too kind, my queen.
333
00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:53,750
Perhaps you'd have more success
if you adjusted the flywheel.
334
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:56,083
Say, 20 degrees?
335
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:59,958
Then you'd have the benefits of both
horizontal tension and vertical tension.
336
00:14:59,958 --> 00:15:02,000
Uh, okay. Yeah!
337
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,250
That is a brilliant observation, my queen.
338
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:07,083
I will implement that immediately.
339
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:10,208
- You will?
- Yeah, " absolutement."
340
00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:14,458
Not only are you a good speaker
but a good listener.
341
00:15:14,458 --> 00:15:16,667
A unique combination, torturer...
342
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,167
Modo. Quasi Modo.
343
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:22,292
It's been a pleasure, Quasi.
344
00:15:22,292 --> 00:15:24,000
I very much like your rack.
345
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,208
And I yours.
346
00:15:25,208 --> 00:15:26,958
- [Michel gasps]
- [Quasi] I mean--
347
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:30,000
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
348
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:36,417
What I meant to say was I very much
appreciate all your suggestions, my queen.
349
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:37,875
Of course.
350
00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:38,958
Carry on.
351
00:15:38,958 --> 00:15:40,167
Yeah. Yeah.
352
00:15:44,958 --> 00:15:46,208
[whispers] Are you kidding me?
353
00:15:46,208 --> 00:15:47,125
Oh.
354
00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:48,458
That was crazy!
355
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:50,000
Oh, my God.
356
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,042
[screams]
357
00:15:51,042 --> 00:15:53,708
[shushing]
358
00:15:57,208 --> 00:15:59,542
[patrons chattering, laughing]
359
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,500
[Quasi] All right. It's really good.
360
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,417
Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. A toast.
361
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,875
Here is to our new friend, Michel.
362
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:09,667
[cheers] Hear, hear.
363
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:11,167
[Michel chuckles]
364
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:14,333
I actually got you the job. Hmm?
You could've mentioned that.
365
00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:16,375
Du, I never had a chance.
366
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:17,625
Seems like you forgot.
367
00:16:17,625 --> 00:16:18,708
Are we ignoring the fact that
368
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:21,667
there was definitely sexual tension
between you and the queen?
369
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:23,917
- [laughing]
- What?
370
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:25,000
The new guy.
371
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,583
That's ridiculous. She's the queen. Hello.
372
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,250
Michel, let me explain something.
373
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:34,458
The queen could have any dragon slayer,
wizard or chevalier in the kingdom.
374
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:37,083
Why would she care about a twisted,
lonely weirdo?
375
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,667
- Okay, that's a little harsh.
- I'm just making a point.
376
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,667
Plenty of royals have kinky fetishes.
377
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,625
Remember that king
that used to have sex with chickens?
378
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,292
Chicken a la king? Yeah.
379
00:16:45,292 --> 00:16:46,917
- That would make him the chicken.
- [both laugh]
380
00:16:46,917 --> 00:16:48,833
Yeah. That does make me the chicken.
381
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,083
Cluck, cluck, motherfucker.
382
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:52,875
Michel, I am a loser.
383
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:56,542
I have never known the touch of a woman,
and I never will.
384
00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:59,917
Don't be so hard on yourself.
The guys in the torture chamber like you.
385
00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:02,083
You got a loyal best friend
in Duchamp right here.
386
00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:03,750
[laughing] Easy now, okay?
387
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,542
We may be hut mates,
but we're not best friends.
388
00:17:06,542 --> 00:17:08,708
Yeah, those labels are kind of weird.
389
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,250
[chuckles] What are we, schoolgirls?
390
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:13,292
[all laughing]
391
00:17:13,292 --> 00:17:14,750
[bartender] Who wants a drink?
392
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,750
- Hey, Blouin, my friend.
- Duch!
393
00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:18,250
You still selling papal lottery tickets?
394
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,458
Yeah, but I'll warn you.
I already have the winner.
395
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:23,542
How could that be when I'm about to buy
the winning ticket? [laughs]
396
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,625
Okay.
397
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:26,125
- Give me ten more!
- Ten more.
398
00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:28,333
- Du, why are you wasting your money?
- [chuckles]
399
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:30,500
I'm about to win
an audience with the pope.
400
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,792
Right.
401
00:17:31,792 --> 00:17:33,750
And on the night of her coronation,
402
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:36,458
I'm gonna make dirty love
to the queen in the rack.
403
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:39,542
[all laughing]
404
00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,250
You can get executed for even saying that.
405
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:44,292
[all laughing]
406
00:17:44,292 --> 00:17:45,375
[laughing stops]
407
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:46,458
[laughs]
408
00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:58,333
Did you change something?
You look different.
409
00:17:58,333 --> 00:17:59,500
Me?
410
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,333
- Your hair maybe?
- My hair? No.
411
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,625
- Did you get taller?
- I wish. [chuckles]
412
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,458
[speaking French]
413
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:07,500
Hey, has the lottery drawing happened?
414
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,000
Do you see me on that stage yet?
415
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,125
- [fanfare plays]
- [Henri grunts, clears throat]
416
00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:16,125
On behalf of King Guy XXIV,
welcome to the papal lottery.
417
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:17,917
[cheering]
418
00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:22,333
A preliminary and lesser event leading up
to the coronation of your new queen.
419
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,292
- [Duchamp laughing]
- [crowd cheering]
420
00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:33,250
[Henri] Winner of the lottery
421
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:36,500
shall have his private confession heard
by the pope himself.
422
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,042
- [mouthing words] Yes. You.
- [crowd cheering, whooping]
423
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,917
Quasi, it's not too late. You can buy
tickets right up to the drawing.
424
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:45,333
Take it from
the unluckiest person in France,
425
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,333
you might as well
throw your money in a hole.
426
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,917
[Duchamp scoffs, sighs]
427
00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:52,208
You know what? [sighs]
428
00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,750
Here. Take this. Consider it a gift.
429
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,042
I don't want a gift.
430
00:18:56,042 --> 00:18:57,542
Please. I insist.
431
00:18:57,542 --> 00:18:59,750
Du,
don't act like this is such a big thing.
432
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,250
Take it. On me.
433
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:03,250
All right. If I take this thing,
will you stop bugging me?
434
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,708
- You got it. [laughing]
- [grunts]
435
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:06,917
- Okay?
- Okay.
436
00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:08,875
- Great. Enjoy it. [chuckles]
- Thanks.
437
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:10,708
- Hope you have a winner. Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
438
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:14,333
Without further ado,
Simone, the number, please!
439
00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,000
[fanfare plays]
440
00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:17,667
[clears throat]
441
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:20,417
And the winning number is:
442
00:19:20,417 --> 00:19:25,083
J, seven, two, two,
443
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:27,375
four, six.
444
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,833
[groans] Merde. [groans]
445
00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:31,583
Oh! Oh!
446
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:36,417
That's me! It's me! [cheers, laughs]
447
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:38,000
[laughs]
448
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,417
You're a woman.
449
00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:41,458
The pope won't grant audience to a woman.
450
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,458
[all laughing]
451
00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:47,583
Oh, my goodness gracious. Give me a break.
452
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,083
All right, Simone. New number, please.
453
00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:53,458
[fanfare plays]
454
00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:57,458
- The new number: F, four, three...
- Oh. Oh.
455
00:19:57,458 --> 00:20:00,208
[Henri] ...three, three,
456
00:20:00,708 --> 00:20:02,208
one.
457
00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:04,750
[groans] Merde, merde, merde!
458
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,167
F, four, three, three, three, one?
459
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,250
No one?
460
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,750
Quasi, you won.
461
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,917
- Huh? What?
- Quasi, you won.
462
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,750
I won?
463
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:16,833
[Michel] You won!
464
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,250
Quasi's the winner!
465
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:21,667
We got a winner here!
We got a winner here!
466
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:23,792
- Quasi's the winner! [whoops]
- [crowd cheering]
467
00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:25,000
[Michel] Quasi, you won!
468
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,458
Well, congratulations!
469
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:27,792
Bring the lucky fellow up here.
470
00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:35,500
[crowd chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
471
00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:37,625
Quasi! Quasi!
472
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,750
A woman and a hunchback.
473
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,583
What's next? A Saxon?
474
00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:44,083
[laughing]
475
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:45,167
Simone, right?
476
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:46,375
You're not Saxon, are you?
477
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,792
No. Okay, right.
478
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:50,167
[chanting continues]
479
00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:56,625
Hey, I wanna be tortured by a superstar!
480
00:20:56,625 --> 00:20:58,667
Hop on up, Michel. Here.
481
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,750
[chanting continues]
482
00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:01,833
Get in here.
483
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:05,583
[laughs] Wow, it's so great you won!
I've never won anything in my life!
484
00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:06,708
Give it your all!
485
00:21:07,542 --> 00:21:10,417
[screaming]
486
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:13,042
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What the hell's going on around here?
487
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:14,542
I'll tell you what's going on.
488
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,625
[chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
489
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:18,417
- Oysters!
- [Lucien] Not again with the oysters!
490
00:21:18,417 --> 00:21:21,792
- Shut up!
- [chanting continues]
491
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,250
Silence!
492
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:25,875
- [chanting stops]
- [torturers clamoring]
493
00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:27,583
[torturer] Oysters.
494
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:30,125
The king wishes to meet the hunchback.
495
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,208
You're gonna meet the pope and the king?
496
00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,375
Good fortune smiles upon you, my friend.
497
00:21:37,375 --> 00:21:38,958
Good thing I gave you my ticket.
498
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:42,083
Oh, wait. No, Du, of course.
You should take the ticket. You bought it.
499
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:44,500
No, no. It's cool.
I mean, I gave it to you, so...
500
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,292
- Technically it's mine, but whatever...
- No, no, no.
501
00:21:46,292 --> 00:21:47,542
No, Du, take the ticket.
502
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:48,708
I didn't even want this.
503
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:51,542
Oh, no, no. You know what?
You take it. Have a good time.
504
00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:53,542
- Get me in the next one, okay?
- [both chuckle]
505
00:21:53,542 --> 00:21:54,875
The king awaits!
506
00:21:55,458 --> 00:21:56,875
- [Quasi sighing]
- Okay.
507
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:59,042
- Are we cool?
- Totally cool, man. Have a good time.
508
00:21:59,042 --> 00:22:00,208
Okay, merci.
509
00:22:00,208 --> 00:22:01,208
Yeah. Quasi.
510
00:22:01,208 --> 00:22:03,875
[chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
511
00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:05,458
Give him one for the serfs!
512
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,708
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.
513
00:22:07,708 --> 00:22:09,583
Go, Local 85!
514
00:22:09,583 --> 00:22:10,625
[all] Yeah!
515
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:13,458
[chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
516
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,750
Knock, knock!
517
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:24,458
Now you say, "Who's there?", sire.
518
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:27,000
I have to participate?
519
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,292
[chuckles] Yeah.
520
00:22:28,958 --> 00:22:31,208
Who is there?
521
00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:33,167
King Guy. [chuckles]
522
00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:34,750
- What?
- No.
523
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:38,250
You say, "King Guy, who?", sire.
524
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:40,000
Oh, I really don't get it.
525
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,625
Guards, tar him!
526
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:43,125
- No, no!
- [guard] All right.
527
00:22:43,125 --> 00:22:44,792
- Wait.
- Okay, fine.
528
00:22:44,792 --> 00:22:46,208
- Feather him.
- What?
529
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:48,375
- No, no!
- Ooh, I have an idea.
530
00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:50,708
What about a little of both?
Could be a fun new thing.
531
00:22:50,708 --> 00:22:51,792
Please, sire.
532
00:22:51,792 --> 00:22:54,417
It would be wrong
to orphan this man's children.
533
00:22:54,417 --> 00:22:55,542
Fine, then.
534
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,583
- Kill the kids too.
535
00:22:57,583 --> 00:22:59,167
- No!
- Kidding!
536
00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:01,833
Guards, go easy on the tar.
537
00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:03,083
- No, no, no.
- [guard] Easy now.
538
00:23:03,083 --> 00:23:05,417
- No!
- [guard] Come on, Jester.
539
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:06,750
Happy, my queen?
540
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:07,875
[jester] Do something!
541
00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:09,500
[Henri] Yes. [laughs]
542
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:13,500
Your Majesty,
I present the torturer, Quasi Modo.
543
00:23:15,792 --> 00:23:16,625
[laughs]
544
00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:19,500
Quasi Modo, my little friend.
545
00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:25,042
The queen tells me that as a tormentor,
you're unparalleled.
546
00:23:25,042 --> 00:23:27,000
Sire, are you aware that he is the one
547
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,708
who invented
your most successful torture device?
548
00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:32,000
You mean my mother-in-law?
549
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,792
[laughing]
550
00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:36,333
[Henri laughing]
551
00:23:36,333 --> 00:23:37,708
- I'm joking, of course.
- [Quasi laughs]
552
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:39,417
Of course, you are. Very funny, sire.
553
00:23:39,417 --> 00:23:45,500
So, Mr. Modo,
what's it feel like to be a winner?
554
00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:46,625
- [groans]
- [Quasi clears throat]
555
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:48,458
- Oh.
- Um.
556
00:23:48,458 --> 00:23:51,167
Um, really good... [chuckles] ...Your Majesty.
557
00:23:51,167 --> 00:23:53,250
Really good, indeed.
558
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:55,958
- Come. Sit. Feast with your king.
- [Henri chuckles]
559
00:23:55,958 --> 00:23:57,292
Yes. Yes.
560
00:23:57,292 --> 00:23:58,833
Mind your manners, pig.
561
00:24:00,542 --> 00:24:02,000
[King Guy] Please, please. Sit.
562
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:08,333
Enjoy! Eat! Drink!
563
00:24:09,458 --> 00:24:12,875
[grunting]
564
00:24:13,708 --> 00:24:14,708
[moaning]
565
00:24:14,708 --> 00:24:16,625
Hmm. Quite hungry.
566
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:18,958
- [Quasi grunting, chewing]
- Mmm.
567
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:24,583
The queen tells me
that you're very fond of oysters.
568
00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,875
Well, I've never actually tried them.
569
00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:29,625
Never actually tried one? Oh.
570
00:24:31,958 --> 00:24:35,375
Then you must try the food of kings.
571
00:24:35,375 --> 00:24:37,875
Fresh Belon oysters.
572
00:24:38,542 --> 00:24:42,708
[chanting]
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.
573
00:24:43,792 --> 00:24:44,792
[slurps]
574
00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:50,458
[slurps]
575
00:24:53,042 --> 00:24:54,042
[swallows]
576
00:24:58,333 --> 00:24:59,708
Sweet baby Jesus.
577
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:01,917
Have another.
578
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:04,208
Another oyster, my king?
579
00:25:04,208 --> 00:25:06,167
Please, call me Guy.
580
00:25:06,167 --> 00:25:08,542
- Okay. Thank you, Guy.
- [slams fist]
581
00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:10,708
How dare you call the king of France
by his name?
582
00:25:10,708 --> 00:25:12,375
- Guards, off with his head!
- [Quasi] What?
583
00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:15,375
- You told him to do that.
- Kidding. Kidding.
584
00:25:15,375 --> 00:25:17,250
[laughing]
585
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:19,458
Did you see the look on his face? Hilar!
586
00:25:19,458 --> 00:25:22,000
[Henri laughing] Yes. Good one, sire.
587
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,750
Catherine, I wish to speak to Quasi alone
about things you would not understand.
588
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:29,875
So leave us.
589
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:30,958
What things?
590
00:25:30,958 --> 00:25:32,333
Male things.
591
00:25:32,333 --> 00:25:35,875
Foreskins, Adam's apples,
hemorrhoids and the like.
592
00:25:35,875 --> 00:25:37,667
Many women suffer from hemorrhoids.
593
00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:39,542
- In fact, last week--
- Leave us!
594
00:25:42,042 --> 00:25:43,042
Hmm.
595
00:25:47,250 --> 00:25:50,333
My new queen likes to speak
of hemorrhoids.
596
00:25:50,333 --> 00:25:52,917
- Sexy. [laughing]
- [slurps]
597
00:25:52,917 --> 00:25:56,542
Quasi, I would like you to kill the pope.
598
00:25:56,542 --> 00:25:57,958
[gulps]
599
00:25:57,958 --> 00:25:59,958
[choking, coughing]
600
00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,333
Are you all right?
601
00:26:03,167 --> 00:26:04,208
- Can you--
- Should I do--
602
00:26:04,208 --> 00:26:05,625
- Do something.
- What should I do?
603
00:26:05,625 --> 00:26:07,250
- Should I pound his hump or--
- [Quasi coughs]
604
00:26:07,250 --> 00:26:08,542
- I don't know.
- Is there--
605
00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:10,667
There may be goblins in there.
I don't know what's in there.
606
00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:12,042
- Get out of the way.
- [grunts]
607
00:26:12,042 --> 00:26:13,542
[groans, grunts]
608
00:26:14,292 --> 00:26:16,208
- Good show, sire. Good show.
- [Quasi groans]
609
00:26:16,792 --> 00:26:19,958
Um, I'm sorry, Your Majesty.
610
00:26:19,958 --> 00:26:21,417
You want me to do what?
611
00:26:21,417 --> 00:26:23,667
At your private confession,
612
00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:28,458
I want you to assassinate the pope
in the name of France.
613
00:26:28,458 --> 00:26:29,958
But it's the pope.
614
00:26:29,958 --> 00:26:32,792
He's a danger to France
and a total asshole.
615
00:26:33,542 --> 00:26:35,167
- Henri.
- [Henri grunts]
616
00:26:36,958 --> 00:26:37,917
Sire. [sighs]
617
00:26:37,917 --> 00:26:43,042
These are actual depictions
of the pope having sex with Saracen women.
618
00:26:43,042 --> 00:26:43,958
[gasps]
619
00:26:43,958 --> 00:26:45,625
[King Guy]
Yes, and these are all very real.
620
00:26:45,625 --> 00:26:47,500
Bestiality!
621
00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:48,792
Oh, mon Dieu!
622
00:26:48,792 --> 00:26:49,875
[King Guy] Butt stuff.
623
00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:51,292
[Quasi] Oh, my gosh.
624
00:26:51,292 --> 00:26:52,375
Is that mud?
625
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:53,458
It's not mud.
626
00:26:54,083 --> 00:26:55,083
It's not mud.
627
00:26:55,083 --> 00:26:57,583
- [Quasi] What's this?
- [King Guy] Felching. It's awful.
628
00:26:57,583 --> 00:26:59,208
It looks like she's praying.
629
00:26:59,208 --> 00:27:00,667
God is not in there, my friend.
630
00:27:00,667 --> 00:27:02,000
He must be killed.
631
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,458
[sighs]
Your Majesty, why have you chosen me?
632
00:27:04,458 --> 00:27:07,750
God chose you when you won the lottery.
633
00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:12,500
And God knows
that only you can take him by surprise.
634
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:16,417
Yes. In the confessional, there will be
a dagger hidden under the bench.
635
00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:19,542
You will drive that dagger
into the pope's heart.
636
00:27:20,625 --> 00:27:23,417
[sighs] Your Majesty, I cannot do this.
637
00:27:23,417 --> 00:27:27,625
You will,
or you will be executed as a traitor.
638
00:27:28,458 --> 00:27:31,292
And we'll kill
that best friend of yours too.
639
00:27:31,292 --> 00:27:32,458
My best friend?
640
00:27:32,458 --> 00:27:34,917
That jolly fat fellow
with whom you share your hut.
641
00:27:35,583 --> 00:27:38,375
Does the name Duchamp ring a bell?
642
00:27:38,875 --> 00:27:40,292
Pun intended.
643
00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:41,750
[both laughing]
644
00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:43,708
[chuckles]
I would hardly say we're best friends.
645
00:27:43,708 --> 00:27:45,500
We're more like coworkers or hut mates.
646
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:47,792
You see,
he needed a place to live closer to town--
647
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:49,708
Who gives a fuck?
648
00:27:49,708 --> 00:27:51,792
You will assassinate the pope,
649
00:27:51,792 --> 00:27:55,333
or you and your hut mate
will be drawn and quartered,
650
00:27:55,333 --> 00:27:58,417
and your limbs will be taken
to the four corners of France!
651
00:27:58,417 --> 00:28:01,917
Do I make myself clear, Hunchback?
652
00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:05,583
[slurps]
653
00:28:07,292 --> 00:28:08,292
[Quasi grunts]
654
00:28:10,292 --> 00:28:12,250
I am so psyched I gave you my ticket.
655
00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:13,542
[sighs]
656
00:28:13,542 --> 00:28:16,083
- Are you gonna kill him?
- He can't do that. It's the pope.
657
00:28:16,083 --> 00:28:18,542
- You could run away.
- No, the king would find me.
658
00:28:19,042 --> 00:28:22,000
And he said
he's gonna draw and quarter Duchamp.
659
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,167
- Why me?
- He thinks we're best friends.
660
00:28:24,167 --> 00:28:26,417
- We're not best friends.
- That's what I said.
661
00:28:26,417 --> 00:28:27,750
I have many best friends.
662
00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:29,167
Oh, is that so?
663
00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:31,042
- Yeah, that is so.
- Okay.
664
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,042
There's Jerome from Champagne.
665
00:28:33,042 --> 00:28:33,958
Oh, wow.
666
00:28:33,958 --> 00:28:36,250
I didn't realize
you'd ever been to Champagne. Hmm.
667
00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:37,250
Jerome's cool!
668
00:28:37,250 --> 00:28:38,333
No, he sounds cool.
669
00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:40,000
- He's a butcher.
- Oh, wow.
670
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,417
He also trades silks.
671
00:28:41,417 --> 00:28:42,542
He's been to the Orient?
672
00:28:42,542 --> 00:28:43,625
Several times.
673
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,417
Oh, wow. He's so well-traveled.
674
00:28:45,417 --> 00:28:47,167
And next time, he's bringing me with him.
675
00:28:47,167 --> 00:28:49,833
Sounds like this Jerome from Champagne
is your best friend.
676
00:28:49,833 --> 00:28:51,083
I didn't say that.
677
00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:52,750
I don't believe in labels. Same as you.
678
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:55,167
[chuckles] Are you Quasi Modo?
679
00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:56,458
Yeah, I guess so. [chuckles]
680
00:28:56,458 --> 00:28:59,958
Well, Mr. Celebrity,
do you want a Black Death shot?
681
00:29:00,792 --> 00:29:02,625
- Yeah, sure. [chuckles]
- [patron] Mm-hmm.
682
00:29:02,625 --> 00:29:05,042
Um. Uh, cheers, ladies. [chuckles]
683
00:29:05,042 --> 00:29:06,458
- [laughs]
- [Quasi] Thanks.
684
00:29:06,458 --> 00:29:08,792
[grunts] Oh, that's tasty.
685
00:29:08,792 --> 00:29:10,417
[laughs] Will you sign my bosom?
686
00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,042
- What?
- Are you for real?
687
00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:13,625
What is going on here?
688
00:29:16,167 --> 00:29:18,667
- [laughs]
- How'd you get so clean, by the way?
689
00:29:18,667 --> 00:29:19,917
- The river.
- [both laugh]
690
00:29:19,917 --> 00:29:21,625
[clears throat] Excuse me, ladies.
691
00:29:21,625 --> 00:29:24,875
My name is Duchamp,
and I am Quasi's hut mate.
692
00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:27,042
- [scoffs]
- Uh-uh.
693
00:29:27,042 --> 00:29:28,917
- No. Bye.
- [Duchamp] Oh.
694
00:29:28,917 --> 00:29:30,125
[grunts]
695
00:29:31,208 --> 00:29:33,250
That'll be three francs
for the Black Death shots.
696
00:29:33,250 --> 00:29:35,333
- I didn't even drink 'em.
- Three francs!
697
00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:36,500
[sighs]
698
00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:37,583
Fine.
699
00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,417
Why don't you send the bill
to Jerome from Champagne?
700
00:29:40,417 --> 00:29:42,042
- Maybe I will.
- Okay.
701
00:29:42,042 --> 00:29:43,125
Asshole.
702
00:29:46,292 --> 00:29:48,750
All right,
I think that's probably pretty hot.
703
00:29:48,750 --> 00:29:51,083
Yeah, that looks pretty good to me.
I think you can stop now.
704
00:29:51,083 --> 00:29:54,458
You and your main mother-plucker
over here.
705
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,167
- What?
- [horse whinnies]
706
00:30:11,417 --> 00:30:12,542
What is this?
707
00:30:12,542 --> 00:30:14,792
Where are the cheering throngs?
708
00:30:15,292 --> 00:30:17,083
Who is in charge of marketing?
709
00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:19,417
But what about that though? Nice, right?
710
00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:26,458
- Makes me look fat.
- [sighs]
711
00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:27,667
And look at that fop.
712
00:30:28,708 --> 00:30:30,500
Does he expect us to stay at the castle?
713
00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:32,625
[Claude]
Either that or the local monastery.
714
00:30:32,625 --> 00:30:33,708
Benedictines?
715
00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:35,208
Cistercians.
716
00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:36,542
Vow of poverty.
717
00:30:36,542 --> 00:30:37,958
[raspberry] Hard pass.
718
00:30:38,875 --> 00:30:41,125
Tell me there's at least
a welcome committee of whores.
719
00:30:42,167 --> 00:30:43,750
'Twas a joke, Claude.
720
00:30:45,292 --> 00:30:46,500
By the way, Your Grace,
721
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:49,958
you should know that the winner
of the papal lottery is a hunchback.
722
00:30:49,958 --> 00:30:51,833
A hunchback? No! Change it.
723
00:30:51,833 --> 00:30:53,042
It's all planned out--
724
00:30:53,042 --> 00:30:55,458
Do you have any idea
the questions he'll have for me?
725
00:30:55,458 --> 00:30:57,458
[lisping]
"Holy Father, can you fix my hump?"
726
00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:59,875
"Is not my very existence proof
there is no God?"
727
00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:02,167
I don't want to get into
that whole hornet's nest.
728
00:31:02,167 --> 00:31:03,917
We should proceed, Holiness.
729
00:31:03,917 --> 00:31:06,833
We must prepare for
your banquet with the king.
730
00:31:06,833 --> 00:31:08,375
Do you think he'll try to poison me?
731
00:31:08,375 --> 00:31:09,625
I don't know.
732
00:31:09,625 --> 00:31:11,542
I'll tell you what I do know.
733
00:31:11,542 --> 00:31:13,250
You're eating for two tonight.
734
00:31:13,250 --> 00:31:15,750
So no filling up on stuffed olives
and the like.
735
00:31:15,750 --> 00:31:16,875
Oh, don't mind me.
736
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,875
- I'll just walk the last bit.
- [grunts]
737
00:31:21,458 --> 00:31:23,708
[grunting]
738
00:31:24,875 --> 00:31:27,625
- [sighs]
- [ball rattles]
739
00:31:34,458 --> 00:31:37,000
- I feel sorry for the chicken.
- [fanfare plays]
740
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,500
[clears throat] Your Royal Highness,
may I present to you--
741
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,333
He knows who I am.
742
00:31:43,750 --> 00:31:44,750
Guy.
743
00:31:44,750 --> 00:31:46,958
Cornelius.
744
00:31:46,958 --> 00:31:48,708
Guillotine.
745
00:31:48,708 --> 00:31:50,833
- Cornholio.
- [laughs] Yes.
746
00:31:53,167 --> 00:31:54,167
Oh.
747
00:31:54,167 --> 00:31:56,833
Still overdoing it with that same parfum?
748
00:31:56,833 --> 00:31:58,167
What do you call it? Wet sheep?
749
00:31:58,167 --> 00:32:00,333
And I see you're still wearing none.
750
00:32:01,333 --> 00:32:05,083
Please, meet my new bride,
Queen Catherine.
751
00:32:05,083 --> 00:32:06,208
Your Holiness.
752
00:32:06,208 --> 00:32:07,917
Ooh. Hotchy motchy.
753
00:32:08,917 --> 00:32:10,958
- How long have you two been married?
- Two weeks.
754
00:32:10,958 --> 00:32:12,833
Has he shown you his third nipple?
755
00:32:12,833 --> 00:32:14,667
It seems you know each other well.
756
00:32:14,667 --> 00:32:17,125
We were classmates together at université.
757
00:32:17,125 --> 00:32:18,167
I didn't know that.
758
00:32:18,167 --> 00:32:20,708
And therein lies
the problem with arranged marriage.
759
00:32:20,708 --> 00:32:21,792
[clears throat]
760
00:32:21,792 --> 00:32:23,708
Dinner is served.
761
00:32:23,708 --> 00:32:25,917
- I hope you like everything.
- [both laugh]
762
00:32:25,917 --> 00:32:27,167
Ooh!
763
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:33,958
[Henri] Sire. [clears throat]
764
00:32:36,250 --> 00:32:40,500
So, Catherine, congratulations
on your coronation ceremony.
765
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,458
You'll be wearing something daring,
I hope.
766
00:32:42,458 --> 00:32:46,542
I don't know that it will be daring,
but thank you, Holy Father.
767
00:32:46,542 --> 00:32:48,292
I'm honored that you will be attending.
768
00:32:48,292 --> 00:32:53,167
Oh, he's never one to pass up a crowd
or to soak said crowd for donations.
769
00:32:53,167 --> 00:32:54,208
Guilty.
770
00:32:54,208 --> 00:32:57,042
Uh, I'm sorry.
I only drink wine from a goblet.
771
00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:58,583
Oh, we don't have goblets.
772
00:32:58,583 --> 00:33:00,583
Oh, not a problem.
I'll just take a chalice.
773
00:33:00,583 --> 00:33:02,750
We don't have "chali" either.
774
00:33:02,750 --> 00:33:04,375
Well, what do you have then?
775
00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:08,208
That crystal fucking wine glass
that's right there on the table.
776
00:33:08,208 --> 00:33:09,375
Fine. I won't have wine.
777
00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,542
Fine. Don't.
778
00:33:10,542 --> 00:33:11,958
I shan't.
779
00:33:12,750 --> 00:33:13,750
[smacks lips] Mmm.
780
00:33:15,500 --> 00:33:20,000
Cardinal Claude,
I think I prefer you in that seat.
781
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,875
You, man. Stand up.
782
00:33:21,875 --> 00:33:23,500
- Claude, sit in that seat.
- Huh?
783
00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:24,500
[Henri grunting]
784
00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:25,875
Pause.
785
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:27,958
That is where my man sits.
786
00:33:27,958 --> 00:33:30,000
- Henri-Francoise, sit down.
- Very good, sire.
787
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,792
That is where the pope wishes
his man to sit.
788
00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:34,625
You, up. Claude, sit.
789
00:33:34,625 --> 00:33:35,708
[Henri groans]
790
00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:38,958
Stand now, or I shall lop your head off.
791
00:33:38,958 --> 00:33:39,875
Oh.
792
00:33:39,875 --> 00:33:41,708
Henri-Francoise, sit!
793
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:44,208
I am the pope. Sit.
794
00:33:44,208 --> 00:33:46,167
- [Henri groans, grunts]
- [Claude] Okay.
795
00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:50,417
Are we really doing this again
in my country?
796
00:33:50,417 --> 00:33:51,833
They're all my countries.
797
00:33:51,833 --> 00:33:55,083
The only reason you're here is
so you can horn in on her coronation.
798
00:33:55,083 --> 00:33:58,167
And you're only coronating because you
don't have the sack to rule this country
799
00:33:58,167 --> 00:33:59,917
without your new wife's big army.
800
00:33:59,917 --> 00:34:02,333
Please, gentlemen. Let's enjoy the feast.
801
00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:06,875
Why don't you take your papal supremacy
and shove it up your funny fucking hat?
802
00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:09,542
I will not sit here
and let you take potshots at my hat!
803
00:34:10,125 --> 00:34:11,125
Bring it on, bitch!
804
00:34:12,333 --> 00:34:16,000
Uh, did you hear the one about the peanuts
that were walking down the street?
805
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,375
- Stand aside, goose man.
- [jester] They got assaulted!
806
00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:19,667
[shouts]
807
00:34:19,667 --> 00:34:21,083
[both grunt]
808
00:34:21,083 --> 00:34:23,583
[both grunting, straining]
809
00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:25,792
Do not break this up!
810
00:34:27,417 --> 00:34:28,417
Yes, sire. Oh!
811
00:34:28,417 --> 00:34:32,458
[grunting, straining continues]
812
00:34:32,458 --> 00:34:34,167
Break this up right now!
813
00:34:34,167 --> 00:34:35,417
[grunting, straining continues]
814
00:34:35,417 --> 00:34:36,750
- Okay, go, go!
- [guard] Yes, my Lord.
815
00:34:39,042 --> 00:34:39,917
[grunts]
816
00:34:39,917 --> 00:34:41,708
- [grunting, hissing]
- [Henri] Oh! No, stop.
817
00:34:41,708 --> 00:34:44,042
[stammers] No, no, no, no.
818
00:34:44,958 --> 00:34:46,250
I totally kicked your ass.
819
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,750
After all these years,
you're still a dick!
820
00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,500
Claude, we're leaving now!
821
00:34:51,667 --> 00:34:53,625
Guard! Open that door.
822
00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:56,750
Guard, do not open that door.
823
00:34:57,625 --> 00:34:59,917
Open that door,
or I will send you to hell.
824
00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:03,125
Open that door,
and I'll make you a eunuch.
825
00:35:03,125 --> 00:35:04,292
[guard whimpers]
826
00:35:05,292 --> 00:35:06,292
[exclaims]
827
00:35:08,667 --> 00:35:09,667
Enjoy hell.
828
00:35:09,667 --> 00:35:10,833
[gasps]
829
00:35:11,917 --> 00:35:14,792
- [Duchamp] You ready for Confession Day?
- [Quasi] I don't know.
830
00:35:14,792 --> 00:35:17,542
Just relax.
This is a day like any other day.
831
00:35:18,167 --> 00:35:19,542
- Okay.
- Let's do this.
832
00:35:21,583 --> 00:35:23,500
[prisoners screaming]
833
00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:25,000
Quasi! Quasi.
834
00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:27,417
What will you confess to the pope today?
835
00:35:27,417 --> 00:35:29,333
Are you gonna ask for a new back?
836
00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:32,167
Oh, yeah, like a thick back or a wide back
or a skinny back or a tall back, maybe?
837
00:35:32,167 --> 00:35:34,000
Or perhaps a new face.
838
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,042
Because your face
is not the face that people want.
839
00:35:36,042 --> 00:35:37,500
No mom would like that face.
840
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:39,042
They'd be like,
"Put it back in my vagina."
841
00:35:39,042 --> 00:35:41,500
Okay. Settle down.
Move away. Let him through.
842
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:43,958
Move back. Go to work.
Give him some space.
843
00:35:43,958 --> 00:35:47,625
Hey! I made my very special
Confession Day fondue.
844
00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:48,750
Have a taste.
845
00:35:48,750 --> 00:35:50,000
[Duchamp] Oh! Mm-hmm.
846
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,500
- [prisoners screaming]
- [Michel chuckles]
847
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:54,875
Mmm. Mon Dieu, that's good fondue.
848
00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:57,750
Sacrebleu. That's great fondue!
849
00:35:57,750 --> 00:35:59,000
All right, all right.
850
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,250
The pope is gonna be here any minute,
so look alive.
851
00:36:01,250 --> 00:36:03,208
Torturers, I want heads-up torturing.
852
00:36:03,208 --> 00:36:05,667
Hey, shitbrain! Make that infidel bleed.
853
00:36:05,667 --> 00:36:08,583
Uh, this is more of
a psychological torture station.
854
00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:09,833
Then make him cry!
855
00:36:09,833 --> 00:36:11,167
Okay.
856
00:36:11,167 --> 00:36:13,125
Michel, the pope's gonna crank the rack.
857
00:36:13,125 --> 00:36:16,292
Uh, if it doesn't hurt, then you gotta
zhuzh it up a little bit.
858
00:36:16,292 --> 00:36:18,125
You know? Play it up.
[imitates screaming] Okay?
859
00:36:18,125 --> 00:36:20,542
- Yeah! I can do that.
- [gasps] He's coming!
860
00:36:20,542 --> 00:36:22,958
- Oh! Okay, this is it. This is it.
- Oh, oh.
861
00:36:22,958 --> 00:36:24,500
- Okay. Okay.
- [Lucien] Okay, places!
862
00:36:24,500 --> 00:36:25,583
Okay, go.
863
00:36:36,167 --> 00:36:37,542
- Oh, my.
- [Quasi gasps]
864
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,208
[gags] Jesus H. Christ.
865
00:36:43,208 --> 00:36:45,375
[gagging]
866
00:36:45,375 --> 00:36:46,792
God.
867
00:36:46,792 --> 00:36:49,292
[groans] Good God, it stinks in here.
868
00:36:49,292 --> 00:36:50,417
Can we speed this up?
869
00:36:50,417 --> 00:36:51,667
- Of course, Your Grace.
- Yes.
870
00:36:58,833 --> 00:37:00,333
Very painful, yes.
871
00:37:00,917 --> 00:37:02,792
Oh, that-- Thus, the stink, yes.
872
00:37:02,792 --> 00:37:04,208
Stinky eggs.
873
00:37:04,208 --> 00:37:07,000
Pontiff,
may I introduce my finest employee
874
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,958
and your confessee, Quasi Modo? [chuckles]
875
00:37:10,500 --> 00:37:11,583
[Quasi clears throat]
876
00:37:12,958 --> 00:37:14,125
[Quasi] Your Holiness.
877
00:37:14,125 --> 00:37:17,083
Quasi, my faithful lamb.
878
00:37:17,583 --> 00:37:19,417
God has told me so much about you.
879
00:37:19,417 --> 00:37:21,583
- He has?
- He's told me everything.
880
00:37:21,583 --> 00:37:24,167
- Your Holiness, I would never ever--
- Now, listen to me.
881
00:37:24,167 --> 00:37:26,208
We're going to do
this confession quick and dirty.
882
00:37:26,208 --> 00:37:28,083
No requests to deflate that hump
883
00:37:28,083 --> 00:37:30,208
or blessings for your uncle's cat
or what have you.
884
00:37:30,208 --> 00:37:33,000
- Okay.
- Hmm, get a load of stretch over here.
885
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:34,875
Are you an infidel as well?
886
00:37:34,875 --> 00:37:37,083
No, uh, just a culinary student.
887
00:37:37,083 --> 00:37:39,583
In fact, I made these in your honor.
888
00:37:39,583 --> 00:37:41,250
Éclairs au chocolat.
889
00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:43,250
[gasps] My favorite!
890
00:37:43,250 --> 00:37:44,667
Claude, Claude, come quickly.
891
00:37:52,625 --> 00:37:53,708
[smacks lips]
892
00:37:53,708 --> 00:37:54,792
Still here.
893
00:37:54,792 --> 00:37:55,875
Good enough for me.
894
00:38:00,708 --> 00:38:01,708
[smacks lips]
895
00:38:03,167 --> 00:38:04,708
Fuck me.
896
00:38:04,708 --> 00:38:06,583
That is divine!
897
00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:08,833
Oh! Mmm. [smacks lips] Mmm.
898
00:38:08,833 --> 00:38:10,625
One thousand blessings upon you.
899
00:38:10,625 --> 00:38:12,000
Thank you, Your Grace.
900
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,417
Thank you. [chuckles]
901
00:38:13,417 --> 00:38:15,625
This must be that rack
I've heard so much about.
902
00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:16,542
'Tis.
903
00:38:16,542 --> 00:38:18,458
Mind if I give it a crank?
904
00:38:18,458 --> 00:38:20,875
'Twould be an honor, Your Grace.
905
00:38:20,875 --> 00:38:22,250
Look at me. I'm a torturer.
906
00:38:22,250 --> 00:38:23,792
[Lucien chuckles]
907
00:38:23,792 --> 00:38:25,375
[Quasi] Get him clamped in here.
908
00:38:25,375 --> 00:38:26,750
[Pope Cornelius] Ooh. Ah.
909
00:38:26,750 --> 00:38:27,833
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Yeah.
910
00:38:27,833 --> 00:38:31,375
Okay, so,
pull it thusly and push like this?
911
00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:33,167
- [screams]
- Not yet, not yet.
912
00:38:33,167 --> 00:38:34,375
- The other way.
- Yes.
913
00:38:34,375 --> 00:38:35,833
- Yeah.
- Very, very good. Oh!
914
00:38:35,833 --> 00:38:37,083
Oh.
915
00:38:37,083 --> 00:38:38,708
[screaming]
916
00:38:38,708 --> 00:38:40,167
[torturers cheering]
917
00:38:40,167 --> 00:38:41,917
Ah! [chuckles]
918
00:38:41,917 --> 00:38:44,792
- [Quasi] Yeah, tortured! Well done.
- [Pope Cornelius] Mmm, mmm.
919
00:38:44,792 --> 00:38:46,250
Time for the confession!
920
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,792
Oh, so sorry.
I would've loved to have stayed longer.
921
00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:55,583
- Hey! What--
- Yeah?
922
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:56,583
You couldn't introduce me?
923
00:38:56,583 --> 00:38:58,875
Du, I'm in the middle of a situation here.
What are you talking about?
924
00:38:58,875 --> 00:39:00,083
You introduced Michel!
925
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:01,375
Well, I actually introduced myself.
926
00:39:01,375 --> 00:39:04,000
Okay, I've had enough of you,
Mr. Éclairs au chocolat.
927
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,375
Come along, Hunchback!
928
00:39:06,250 --> 00:39:07,792
Duchamp Rousseau, what is your problem?
929
00:39:07,792 --> 00:39:09,708
Don't you have to kill somebody?
930
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,083
You're a real asshole, Duchamp.
931
00:39:13,167 --> 00:39:14,958
- [prisoners screaming]
- [whip cracks]
932
00:39:19,333 --> 00:39:20,333
[sighs]
933
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,500
Enough monk-y business.
934
00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:40,083
Leave us!
935
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:55,958
[both laugh]
936
00:39:55,958 --> 00:39:58,500
You know that feeling
when your father's on his deathbed,
937
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:00,417
and you're about to be crowned king?
938
00:40:00,417 --> 00:40:01,750
No, I don't, sire.
939
00:40:01,750 --> 00:40:04,417
It's a tingling feeling.
I'm feeling it right now.
940
00:40:04,417 --> 00:40:07,500
Oh, yes. I can only imagine.
941
00:40:08,417 --> 00:40:09,667
[sighs]
942
00:40:20,708 --> 00:40:22,500
- [gasps]
- Are you going to start?
943
00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:24,875
Or am I just going to sit here
diddling my crosier?
944
00:40:24,875 --> 00:40:27,125
Oh, I-- Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry.
945
00:40:27,708 --> 00:40:29,750
Your Grace, is God all-knowing?
946
00:40:29,750 --> 00:40:31,125
Do I shit in the woods?
947
00:40:31,125 --> 00:40:32,750
I don't know. You tell me.
948
00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:34,958
- I do. It's divine.
- Oh.
949
00:40:34,958 --> 00:40:38,083
Though, I cannot say how pleasant
for the poor chap who has to wipe my ass.
950
00:40:38,083 --> 00:40:42,917
Um, Your Holiness, I have been tasked
with something horrible,
951
00:40:42,917 --> 00:40:45,208
and you're the only person
who can help me.
952
00:40:45,833 --> 00:40:48,583
Hunchback, I want you
to assassinate the king.
953
00:40:49,792 --> 00:40:50,792
[speaking French]
954
00:40:50,792 --> 00:40:53,292
God made a mistake
giving you a hunched back.
955
00:40:53,917 --> 00:40:57,792
He will straighten out your back
in exchange for this one very small task.
956
00:40:57,792 --> 00:41:00,958
He wants you to kill the king tomorrow at
the public square in front of his people.
957
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:02,667
Uh, Your Holiness, I-I--
958
00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:05,708
Listen to me, Hunchman, and hear me well.
959
00:41:05,708 --> 00:41:09,083
Disobey me, and God will send you
directly to Hunchback Hell
960
00:41:09,083 --> 00:41:11,583
alongside that oafish
best friend of yours!
961
00:41:11,583 --> 00:41:14,000
Duchamp? No, we're just hut mates.
962
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:17,792
Uh, he needed a place to live
closer to town. I was short on rent.
963
00:41:17,792 --> 00:41:21,125
I don't give a resounding fuck
about your housing arrangements!
964
00:41:22,375 --> 00:41:25,708
Ah, I see you found the jewel-encrusted
dagger I had placed in your booth. Good.
965
00:41:25,708 --> 00:41:28,833
Now, don't let the door hit you
on the hump on the way out.
966
00:41:31,708 --> 00:41:32,708
[gasps]
967
00:41:43,792 --> 00:41:45,333
Merde.
968
00:41:48,667 --> 00:41:50,542
You bastard magnifique.
969
00:41:50,542 --> 00:41:53,125
Someone's getting a lot more vassals
to rule over.
970
00:41:53,125 --> 00:41:55,625
Thank you, sire. I hope they're English.
971
00:41:55,625 --> 00:41:56,708
[both laugh]
972
00:42:02,417 --> 00:42:06,542
Oh, do you think he'll wail like a maiden
when he finds him dead?
973
00:42:06,542 --> 00:42:08,042
God, I hope so.
974
00:42:11,417 --> 00:42:15,167
Holy shit,
I have to take a holy shit. [groans]
975
00:42:16,458 --> 00:42:18,167
[farting] Quickly.
976
00:42:18,167 --> 00:42:19,417
[groans]
977
00:42:20,208 --> 00:42:21,750
Bring me the hunchback.
978
00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:22,833
Yes, sire.
979
00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,333
[exclaims]
980
00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:38,458
You have exactly five seconds
to explain why the pope is still alive.
981
00:42:38,458 --> 00:42:39,625
- Un.
- Well--
982
00:42:39,625 --> 00:42:40,875
- Deux.
- But--
983
00:42:40,875 --> 00:42:42,708
- Quatre!
- What about trois?
984
00:42:42,708 --> 00:42:45,083
- Cinq!
- [stammers] There was no weapon!
985
00:42:45,083 --> 00:42:46,625
- No dagger.
- What?
986
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:50,167
There was no dagger in the confessional.
I didn't have anything to kill him with.
987
00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:53,958
[scoffs] I placed it there myself,
my liege.
988
00:42:53,958 --> 00:42:56,542
There was nothing there. You can check.
989
00:42:56,542 --> 00:43:00,083
Probably thieves. [chuckles]
You know France and its thieves.
990
00:43:01,625 --> 00:43:04,625
Yes, well, France certainly has thieves,
doesn't it? Especially in confessionals.
991
00:43:04,625 --> 00:43:06,167
Enough!
992
00:43:06,875 --> 00:43:10,750
You have left me
with unfinished business, Hunchback.
993
00:43:10,750 --> 00:43:12,625
[stammering] I can make it up to you.
994
00:43:13,125 --> 00:43:16,125
I'm just spitballing here.
I mean, this is probably the bad version.
995
00:43:16,125 --> 00:43:20,083
But perhaps we could wait
and try again later.
996
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,500
Say, oh, next Christmas.
997
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:28,292
Can-- He would never see that coming.
Can you imagine how surprised he'd--
998
00:43:28,292 --> 00:43:30,542
- Excellent idea.
- 'Tis?
999
00:43:30,542 --> 00:43:33,833
Excellent idea, indeed.
1000
00:43:34,542 --> 00:43:40,208
Tomorrow at our public appearance
in the square, you will kill the pope.
1001
00:43:40,208 --> 00:43:45,333
Then my guards will subdue you, proving
the power of the throne over the church.
1002
00:43:45,833 --> 00:43:48,667
And then we'll reward you with wives
and money and land
1003
00:43:48,667 --> 00:43:50,292
and just send you on your way.
1004
00:43:50,917 --> 00:43:56,125
Yeah. No. I feel like
there's some holes in that plan.
1005
00:43:56,125 --> 00:43:59,625
You will kill the pope tomorrow,
or I will slit your throat myself!
1006
00:43:59,625 --> 00:44:00,708
[gulps]
1007
00:44:00,708 --> 00:44:01,833
Leave us.
1008
00:44:03,458 --> 00:44:06,917
I'm assuming you'll have him
publicly executed thereafter, sire?
1009
00:44:06,917 --> 00:44:08,625
Oh, yes.
1010
00:44:08,625 --> 00:44:11,667
If I can kill my former wife
for flapping her gums,
1011
00:44:11,667 --> 00:44:14,167
I can certainly kill one little hunchback.
1012
00:44:14,167 --> 00:44:17,167
[cackles] Yes! Yes!
1013
00:44:17,167 --> 00:44:19,417
[both cackling]
1014
00:44:21,167 --> 00:44:22,167
Good show, sire.
1015
00:44:22,167 --> 00:44:25,125
After the coronation,
and with the pope out of the way,
1016
00:44:25,125 --> 00:44:27,125
my power will be unchecked!
1017
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:32,375
And then my new wife
will find herself quite expendable.
1018
00:44:32,375 --> 00:44:35,208
[cackles] She's done for!
1019
00:44:35,208 --> 00:44:37,375
I thought so. I think so.
1020
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:39,542
I love it. I love it. Top shot.
1021
00:44:39,542 --> 00:44:41,750
But let's keep that between ourselves.
1022
00:44:41,750 --> 00:44:44,708
[chuckling] Yes. Of course, of course.
Of course, we will.
1023
00:44:45,667 --> 00:44:47,917
[chuckling] Yes. Yeah.
1024
00:44:47,917 --> 00:44:50,750
[chuckling]
1025
00:44:51,625 --> 00:44:54,125
Let's have another guard kill this guard.
1026
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:55,583
Yes, sire. Guard!
1027
00:44:56,917 --> 00:44:57,917
Yes, my lord.
1028
00:44:57,917 --> 00:44:59,417
Kill him.
1029
00:45:02,875 --> 00:45:03,875
I'm sorry, who?
1030
00:45:03,875 --> 00:45:05,792
- Him.
- Arnaud?
1031
00:45:05,792 --> 00:45:06,958
I don't know his name.
1032
00:45:06,958 --> 00:45:09,292
No, I couldn't, my lord.
I have known Arnaud my entire life.
1033
00:45:09,292 --> 00:45:10,667
We came up together as squires.
1034
00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:12,625
I don't care if he's your brother.
Kill him.
1035
00:45:12,625 --> 00:45:14,458
Well, he's not my brother.
He is my brother-in-law.
1036
00:45:14,458 --> 00:45:16,083
He's married to my youngest sister,
you see.
1037
00:45:16,083 --> 00:45:17,583
- I have an idea.
- Hmm.
1038
00:45:17,583 --> 00:45:21,792
Would it be easier if we got a third guard
to come in and kill both of these guys?
1039
00:45:21,792 --> 00:45:23,083
Oh, whoops! Here we go.
1040
00:45:23,083 --> 00:45:24,625
[grunting]
1041
00:45:27,917 --> 00:45:29,458
Well. [chuckles]
1042
00:45:29,458 --> 00:45:30,792
[sniffles] That was easy.
1043
00:45:30,792 --> 00:45:31,917
That'll be all.
1044
00:45:31,917 --> 00:45:33,250
Long live the king. [sobs]
1045
00:45:33,250 --> 00:45:35,125
- [Henri] You may go.
- Thank you.
1046
00:45:35,125 --> 00:45:37,208
[Arnaud groaning]
1047
00:45:37,208 --> 00:45:38,750
[grumbles]
1048
00:45:40,583 --> 00:45:43,167
When a job is once begun,
do not stop until it's done.
1049
00:45:43,667 --> 00:45:46,000
- Mother used to say that.
- [groaning continues]
1050
00:45:46,833 --> 00:45:51,458
[Arnaud screams, groans]
1051
00:45:51,458 --> 00:45:53,458
- [grunts]
- [blood spilling]
1052
00:45:53,458 --> 00:45:57,167
[guard pants, breathes shakily]
1053
00:45:57,167 --> 00:45:59,083
- Good work.
- Okay.
1054
00:46:00,542 --> 00:46:01,417
Best to your sister.
1055
00:46:01,417 --> 00:46:04,333
Huh, seems like a nice fellow.
1056
00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:06,083
Yeah, huh. Quite nice.
1057
00:46:06,083 --> 00:46:07,667
[ensemble playing flute music]
1058
00:46:09,833 --> 00:46:12,333
Did I mention I'm incredibly psyched
I gave you that ticket?
1059
00:46:12,333 --> 00:46:14,917
Yeah, you know the pope plans
on damning you to hell too.
1060
00:46:14,917 --> 00:46:16,042
We're not best friends!
1061
00:46:16,042 --> 00:46:18,958
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Jerome from Champagne, I get it.
1062
00:46:18,958 --> 00:46:22,708
Quasi! I'm not usually this guy,
but I gotta know.
1063
00:46:22,708 --> 00:46:24,500
What'd you confess to the pope?
1064
00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:26,250
- [music stops]
- [chattering stops]
1065
00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:28,750
[chuckling] Um...
1066
00:46:30,667 --> 00:46:37,125
Uh, well, I told him, "Pope,
my biggest sin is that I party too much."
1067
00:46:37,125 --> 00:46:39,042
- [laughs]
- [crowd laughing]
1068
00:46:39,042 --> 00:46:40,833
[laughing continues]
1069
00:46:41,708 --> 00:46:43,708
You party too much. I love it.
1070
00:46:43,708 --> 00:46:46,208
Hey, how about a song for Quasi?
1071
00:46:46,208 --> 00:46:48,083
[crowd cheering]
1072
00:46:49,833 --> 00:46:52,958
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1073
00:46:52,958 --> 00:46:56,583
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1074
00:46:56,583 --> 00:47:00,125
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
1075
00:47:00,125 --> 00:47:03,333
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1076
00:47:03,333 --> 00:47:06,875
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1077
00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:10,000
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1078
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,542
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
1079
00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:16,292
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1080
00:47:16,292 --> 00:47:17,917
Now all the guys who fuck sheep.
1081
00:47:17,917 --> 00:47:21,167
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1082
00:47:21,167 --> 00:47:24,042
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1083
00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:25,583
Sonnez les matines ♪
1084
00:47:25,583 --> 00:47:27,708
[singing continues in distance]
1085
00:47:36,417 --> 00:47:37,500
[sighs]
1086
00:47:47,125 --> 00:47:48,625
[sighs]
1087
00:47:51,542 --> 00:47:53,042
[sighs]
1088
00:47:55,083 --> 00:47:56,083
[grunts]
1089
00:47:56,625 --> 00:47:58,500
[groans]
1090
00:48:06,625 --> 00:48:09,625
[flute music playing]
1091
00:48:16,833 --> 00:48:17,833
[clamoring]
1092
00:48:18,375 --> 00:48:20,083
Who's there? Who's there?
1093
00:48:20,083 --> 00:48:21,167
Stay away. I have no money.
1094
00:48:21,167 --> 00:48:23,875
I'm not afraid to fight. I have a flute.
I will shove it up your ass.
1095
00:48:25,583 --> 00:48:27,042
[gasps] Milady.
1096
00:48:29,792 --> 00:48:32,833
Never such a sad song have heard I.
1097
00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:37,583
What stank-laden cloud
engulfs your gamy heart?
1098
00:48:37,583 --> 00:48:41,250
I cannot say. I've been forbidden.
1099
00:48:41,250 --> 00:48:42,708
Who forbade you?
1100
00:48:42,708 --> 00:48:45,000
I cannot tell you. I am forbidden.
1101
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:46,625
Who forbade you to do that?
1102
00:48:46,625 --> 00:48:49,292
I cannot discuss it. I was forbode.
1103
00:48:49,292 --> 00:48:52,167
I hear you, but who did the forbaying?
1104
00:48:52,167 --> 00:48:54,875
I'm-- I can't talk about it.
1105
00:48:54,875 --> 00:48:57,958
- Please, let's have a sit.
- Oh.
1106
00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:04,542
I know your predicament.
1107
00:49:04,542 --> 00:49:06,500
- You do?
- Yes.
1108
00:49:06,500 --> 00:49:09,250
The king has commanded you
to commit papacide.
1109
00:49:09,250 --> 00:49:12,042
[chuckles] Your Majesty,
that's just half of it.
1110
00:49:12,042 --> 00:49:14,500
And after you carry out that task,
he's going to kill you.
1111
00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:16,792
Oh, fuck!
1112
00:49:16,792 --> 00:49:20,167
Okay, he didn't tell me that part.
Well, that's bad news.
1113
00:49:20,167 --> 00:49:23,792
No, I was talking about how the pope
also ordered me to kill the king.
1114
00:49:23,792 --> 00:49:25,667
- Say what?
- Yeah.
1115
00:49:25,667 --> 00:49:26,875
Oh, my.
1116
00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:29,583
[laughing]
1117
00:49:29,583 --> 00:49:32,208
[both laughing]
1118
00:49:41,333 --> 00:49:42,625
[both grunting]
1119
00:49:42,625 --> 00:49:45,208
[grunting, laughing continues]
1120
00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:48,542
But why are we laughing?
1121
00:49:48,542 --> 00:49:50,667
[sighs] Things have gotten dark.
1122
00:49:52,208 --> 00:49:56,208
I've learned the king's previous wife was
killed when she overstepped her position.
1123
00:49:57,417 --> 00:50:00,000
I fear I am bound for the same fate.
1124
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,458
- Non.
- Oui.
1125
00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:04,958
Sounds like we're both royally screwed.
1126
00:50:04,958 --> 00:50:06,042
Well...
1127
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:09,500
maybe we can solve
your immediate problem first.
1128
00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:13,625
[groans] Why bother? I don't matter.
I'm a nobody.
1129
00:50:13,625 --> 00:50:19,750
You are not a nobody.
You are Quasi: inventor, problem solver.
1130
00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:23,792
Someone as resourceful as you can
certainly come up with a solution to this.
1131
00:50:23,792 --> 00:50:24,875
Come.
1132
00:50:25,625 --> 00:50:26,625
Walk with me.
1133
00:50:27,333 --> 00:50:28,542
Let us conspire.
1134
00:50:28,542 --> 00:50:29,625
Oh.
1135
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,167
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1136
00:50:35,167 --> 00:50:37,292
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1137
00:50:37,292 --> 00:50:39,542
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
1138
00:50:39,542 --> 00:50:41,708
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1139
00:50:41,708 --> 00:50:48,792
Ding dang dong ♪
1140
00:50:50,708 --> 00:50:53,333
[crowd laughing, cheering]
1141
00:50:55,375 --> 00:50:56,958
- Hey!
- Hey, where you been?
1142
00:50:56,958 --> 00:50:59,417
I was outside walking and thinking.
1143
00:50:59,417 --> 00:51:01,083
Let's drink and forget your troubles.
1144
00:51:01,083 --> 00:51:04,250
No, I have a plan.
1145
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,750
You came up with this plan
all by yourself?
1146
00:51:06,750 --> 00:51:08,167
Yeah, why wouldn't I have?
1147
00:51:08,167 --> 00:51:10,375
- Seems to work for everyone.
- Yes, it does.
1148
00:51:10,375 --> 00:51:13,000
Gets me off the hook
from killing the king and the pope
1149
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,333
and, in the end,
Duchamp looks like a hero.
1150
00:51:16,333 --> 00:51:20,000
- I really like that part, a lot!
- Yeah.
1151
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,458
- Thanks for thinking of me, Quasi.
- Of course.
1152
00:51:22,458 --> 00:51:23,750
After all, you are my...
1153
00:51:24,750 --> 00:51:25,750
hut mate.
1154
00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:27,875
Yeah. Of course. Hut mate. Right.
[laughs] Yeah.
1155
00:51:27,875 --> 00:51:31,625
Yeah. Yeah. Big day tomorrow.
Let's do this.
1156
00:51:31,625 --> 00:51:33,292
[Duchamp] Yeah.
1157
00:51:33,292 --> 00:51:35,875
[spectators cheering]
1158
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,333
And in closing, God smiles upon France,
1159
00:51:44,083 --> 00:51:48,417
in spite of the sins of its people,
its endlessly heavy sauces,
1160
00:51:48,417 --> 00:51:50,875
and the incompetence of its king.
1161
00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:53,417
Oops, I said the quiet part out loud.
1162
00:51:53,417 --> 00:51:56,875
Eh, glory be to God and bless you.
1163
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:01,958
Subjects.
1164
00:52:01,958 --> 00:52:06,000
By the divine right of kings,
I am the hand of God.
1165
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,625
And after this week's coronation,
1166
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:12,958
God will make France
the most powerful kingdom in the world.
1167
00:52:14,542 --> 00:52:16,583
Top shot, sire. Top shot.
1168
00:52:16,583 --> 00:52:19,000
That all sounds lovely. Yes, yes, yes.
1169
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:20,083
But, remember,
1170
00:52:20,083 --> 00:52:24,667
God allows the king to serve,
but he uses my mouth to convey the law.
1171
00:52:24,667 --> 00:52:25,958
Very important distinction.
1172
00:52:25,958 --> 00:52:28,750
I bet he uses your mouth
for more than that.
1173
00:52:29,708 --> 00:52:32,750
How about I put the foot of God
up your royal ass?
1174
00:52:32,750 --> 00:52:36,042
[King Guy] How about you try
in that dress of yours?
1175
00:52:36,042 --> 00:52:38,542
[Pope Cornelius]
I couldn't miss your whole ass.
1176
00:52:38,542 --> 00:52:39,792
Am I right, people?
1177
00:52:39,792 --> 00:52:41,833
- You have syphilis.
- [gasps]
1178
00:52:42,667 --> 00:52:44,750
- Oh, it's the hunchback.
- Ah.
1179
00:52:44,750 --> 00:52:47,125
Let's bring up the papal lottery winner.
1180
00:52:47,125 --> 00:52:49,417
Indeed, indeed.
Bring up the lottery winner.
1181
00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:51,708
[grunting]
1182
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:53,875
- [grunting continues]
- [King Guy] Oh.
1183
00:52:54,583 --> 00:52:56,708
Oh, no. He's a madman.
1184
00:52:56,708 --> 00:53:01,125
[gasps] Oh. Lord help us.
He seems quite insane and dangerous.
1185
00:53:01,708 --> 00:53:05,625
Ah, somebody better stop me
before I kill someone.
1186
00:53:05,625 --> 00:53:07,417
- [grunts]
- Hold on.
1187
00:53:08,167 --> 00:53:09,333
[screams]
1188
00:53:09,333 --> 00:53:11,708
Not so fast, hunchbacked infidel.
1189
00:53:11,708 --> 00:53:13,458
- What's this?
- [both grunt]
1190
00:53:13,458 --> 00:53:15,583
- [Quasi grunting]
- [spectators screaming]
1191
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,583
[grunting continues]
1192
00:53:20,208 --> 00:53:23,417
Oh, God. There's no coming back from this.
1193
00:53:23,417 --> 00:53:25,417
What the fuck?
1194
00:53:25,417 --> 00:53:26,833
I've subdued him.
1195
00:53:26,833 --> 00:53:32,958
[groans] I think you did more than that.
I think you killed me.
1196
00:53:32,958 --> 00:53:34,042
[groans]
1197
00:53:34,042 --> 00:53:35,333
[spectators clamoring]
1198
00:53:35,333 --> 00:53:38,667
Long live Pope Cornelius and King Guy!
1199
00:53:38,667 --> 00:53:43,917
Four more years. Four more years.
Four more years.
1200
00:53:43,917 --> 00:53:45,542
[spectators chanting] Four more years.
1201
00:53:45,542 --> 00:53:49,458
Uh, this corpse is an affront
to your combined excellencies.
1202
00:53:50,167 --> 00:53:54,458
I will take it back to my place
and pound it to a pulp with a rock.
1203
00:53:54,458 --> 00:53:56,167
[spectators chanting] With a rock!
1204
00:53:56,167 --> 00:54:00,375
So be it.
Let the hero dispose of the body.
1205
00:54:01,958 --> 00:54:03,417
You must have been scared.
1206
00:54:03,417 --> 00:54:05,250
No. You must have been scared.
1207
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:07,417
No, I believe it is you who was scared.
1208
00:54:07,417 --> 00:54:09,583
- [chanting continues]
- [Quasi grunts] Ow.
1209
00:54:11,333 --> 00:54:13,083
[Duchamp whispers] Come on. Hurry. Hurry.
1210
00:54:21,167 --> 00:54:22,167
[groans]
1211
00:54:24,458 --> 00:54:26,792
[grunting]
1212
00:54:26,792 --> 00:54:29,375
Did you hear those people cheering for me?
That was amazing!
1213
00:54:29,375 --> 00:54:32,083
Okay, listen, we need to dispose
of these clothes
1214
00:54:32,083 --> 00:54:33,792
and make sure we weren't followed.
1215
00:54:33,792 --> 00:54:34,958
Buddy, it worked.
1216
00:54:34,958 --> 00:54:37,458
The cow guts, the fake knife,
it all worked!
1217
00:54:37,458 --> 00:54:39,042
It was a great plan. You should be happy.
1218
00:54:39,042 --> 00:54:41,750
Oh, I'm not really looking forward
to the next part of the plan.
1219
00:54:41,750 --> 00:54:43,667
You only have to stay here
for, like, a year.
1220
00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:45,875
You promise you'll come by regularly
with supplies
1221
00:54:45,875 --> 00:54:47,500
and news of the outside world?
1222
00:54:47,500 --> 00:54:48,583
Absolument.
1223
00:54:48,583 --> 00:54:52,125
How about I bring back
a giant sack of Belon oysters?
1224
00:54:52,125 --> 00:54:54,000
Oh, come on. Where are you gonna get that?
1225
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,500
[laughing] That's a good point.
1226
00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:56,625
[sighs]
1227
00:54:56,625 --> 00:54:57,917
You know what? At the very least,
1228
00:54:57,917 --> 00:55:00,917
tonight, I'll come back
with some hog anus and trough water!
1229
00:55:00,917 --> 00:55:03,375
Really? [laughs] That's my favorite.
1230
00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:05,708
- Oh, and how about a bell? Want a bell?
- No.
1231
00:55:05,708 --> 00:55:07,333
I'll bring you a bell. Come on.
1232
00:55:07,333 --> 00:55:09,875
- Okay. Okay.
- All right.
1233
00:55:09,875 --> 00:55:11,958
- You can't ring it, though.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
1234
00:55:11,958 --> 00:55:14,917
Hey, it's gonna be okay. Hang in there.
1235
00:55:16,333 --> 00:55:17,333
Okay.
1236
00:55:18,542 --> 00:55:22,208
Hey, extra rare on the hog anus, please.
Just show it to the flame.
1237
00:55:23,083 --> 00:55:24,083
[sighs]
1238
00:55:29,917 --> 00:55:31,958
[person cheering]
1239
00:55:33,042 --> 00:55:34,875
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey. Hey.
1240
00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,042
- How's he doing?
- He's doing great.
1241
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:38,458
I stashed him in the cave.
1242
00:55:38,458 --> 00:55:40,042
- He's moody. The yoozh.
- Uh-huh.
1243
00:55:40,042 --> 00:55:41,375
How's the action around here?
1244
00:55:41,375 --> 00:55:43,208
Pretty good. Lots of talk about today.
1245
00:55:43,208 --> 00:55:44,292
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1246
00:55:44,292 --> 00:55:45,333
Anyone talking about me?
1247
00:55:45,333 --> 00:55:49,625
- Oh, hey. Terrible about Quasi. So sad.
- Very sad.
1248
00:55:49,625 --> 00:55:51,875
Oh, yeah. Super sad. Super sad. Super sad.
1249
00:55:51,875 --> 00:55:55,417
Um, by chance, has anyone offered
to buy me a drink tonight?
1250
00:55:55,917 --> 00:55:57,250
For what?
1251
00:55:57,250 --> 00:55:59,125
My role in today's events?
1252
00:55:59,125 --> 00:56:01,292
Oh, yeah. You were on stage, weren't you?
1253
00:56:01,292 --> 00:56:03,375
Yeah, yeah. I subdued Quasi.
1254
00:56:03,375 --> 00:56:05,958
Mmm, I remember him stabbing himself.
1255
00:56:05,958 --> 00:56:07,125
No, I subdued him.
1256
00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:09,417
- Are we talking about the same event?
- Yes!
1257
00:56:09,417 --> 00:56:12,417
Laurent,
do you remember Duchamp subduing Quasi?
1258
00:56:12,958 --> 00:56:14,375
- Non.
- Okay.
1259
00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:15,833
Shots, please.
1260
00:56:15,833 --> 00:56:16,917
Hey, there.
1261
00:56:16,917 --> 00:56:19,500
Did you see what happened to your friend,
the hunchback, today?
1262
00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:21,833
Did you see
who saved the pope and the king today?
1263
00:56:21,833 --> 00:56:24,625
Yeah, some guy.
Seemed pretty unremarkable.
1264
00:56:24,625 --> 00:56:27,250
Like, one of those faces
you forget about immediately.
1265
00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:30,542
Screw that guy. I wish the hunchback
stabbed those bastards.
1266
00:56:30,542 --> 00:56:31,625
Right?
1267
00:56:31,625 --> 00:56:33,792
- To the hunchback.
- To the hunchback.
1268
00:56:33,792 --> 00:56:35,250
- [laughing]
- [chuckles] Yeah.
1269
00:56:35,833 --> 00:56:38,000
- To the hunchback. Right.
- [Blouin] How about another?
1270
00:56:42,375 --> 00:56:44,500
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Who's that cool guy?
1271
00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:49,833
Yeah, it looks like a young Marco Polo
if his face got slammed with a hammer.
1272
00:56:49,833 --> 00:56:52,125
What's it feel like
to stand straight up and down?
1273
00:56:52,125 --> 00:56:54,708
[growling]
1274
00:56:54,708 --> 00:56:57,750
Who is that? Who goes there?
Who is that? I have a stick.
1275
00:56:57,750 --> 00:56:58,958
[laughs] Gotcha.
1276
00:56:58,958 --> 00:57:01,750
[sighing] Oh, God. For crying out Pete.
1277
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:02,833
Oh, no.
1278
00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:06,792
Ugh. I fear I've been reading far too much
Beowulf lately. I am so sorry.
1279
00:57:06,792 --> 00:57:08,917
- [Quasi] My Queen.
- Please, stand.
1280
00:57:08,917 --> 00:57:11,958
Any man who has your courage
need not kneel to me.
1281
00:57:16,042 --> 00:57:20,375
Ah. You smell
of refreshingly aromatic fragrances.
1282
00:57:20,375 --> 00:57:22,708
And you of stinky ones.
1283
00:57:22,708 --> 00:57:25,375
[sniffs, sighs]
1284
00:57:27,042 --> 00:57:28,042
[Quasi sighs]
1285
00:57:28,042 --> 00:57:29,792
- What are you painting?
- Mmm?
1286
00:57:30,625 --> 00:57:33,750
Oh. I call that a selfie.
1287
00:57:33,750 --> 00:57:35,708
Why would anyone make a picture
of themselves?
1288
00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:38,917
I don't know,
but it is strangely satisfying. [laughs]
1289
00:57:38,917 --> 00:57:41,667
Sometimes you have to do it, like,
five times before you get it right.
1290
00:57:41,667 --> 00:57:44,125
But when you do, it's a good feeling.
1291
00:57:44,125 --> 00:57:45,250
I see.
1292
00:57:45,250 --> 00:57:48,000
Well, the king and pope
believe you are dead
1293
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,958
and seem content with that
given the secrets that you held.
1294
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:54,083
- Your plan worked.
- Our plan.
1295
00:57:56,333 --> 00:57:58,958
Um, I've spoken to my family in England,
1296
00:57:58,958 --> 00:58:00,792
and they will help us get out
of the country.
1297
00:58:00,792 --> 00:58:02,542
Yo-You will not be queen?
1298
00:58:02,542 --> 00:58:05,750
The king's sole intention is
to expand his power.
1299
00:58:06,375 --> 00:58:08,208
After that he'll have no use for me.
1300
00:58:08,833 --> 00:58:11,208
He is merciless, self-centered, and petty.
1301
00:58:12,750 --> 00:58:14,583
You'd make a far better king than he.
1302
00:58:14,583 --> 00:58:16,750
[laughing]
1303
00:58:17,375 --> 00:58:19,583
Okay, my queen. That's a good one.
1304
00:58:19,583 --> 00:58:24,708
It is true! I saw your oyster rebellion.
You are a leader.
1305
00:58:24,708 --> 00:58:25,792
[chuckles] No.
1306
00:58:25,792 --> 00:58:29,042
I just believe everyone should have
the opportunity to eat oysters.
1307
00:58:29,042 --> 00:58:31,625
And I see your kindness.
1308
00:58:31,625 --> 00:58:33,667
That is why I am drawn to you.
1309
00:58:34,500 --> 00:58:36,125
That's a lot to digest.
1310
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:37,583
Oh, speaking of which,
1311
00:58:38,083 --> 00:58:39,625
- I brought some food.
- Oh.
1312
00:58:39,625 --> 00:58:41,125
Including, of course,
1313
00:58:41,708 --> 00:58:43,667
- Belon oysters.
- [Quasi laughs]
1314
00:58:43,667 --> 00:58:44,917
Let's sup.
1315
00:58:44,917 --> 00:58:45,958
Aha!
1316
00:58:45,958 --> 00:58:47,375
[laughs, inhales sharply]
1317
00:58:47,375 --> 00:58:48,500
[sighs]
1318
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:50,125
[Quasi grunting]
1319
00:58:50,125 --> 00:58:51,458
Oh, yes.
1320
00:58:52,042 --> 00:58:53,125
[sighs, chuckles]
1321
00:58:56,417 --> 00:58:57,417
[grunts]
1322
00:58:59,750 --> 00:59:02,750
[Quasi, Catherine laughing]
1323
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:09,708
You're right. This is strangely satisfying
and validating.
1324
00:59:09,708 --> 00:59:11,458
[both laughing]
1325
00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:15,125
I don't want to, but I must go now.
1326
00:59:15,125 --> 00:59:16,708
- No, please don't.
- I have to.
1327
00:59:16,708 --> 00:59:17,792
No!
1328
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,083
- Mmm.
- [Quasi groans]
1329
00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:24,792
- Thank goodness I got that ticket.
- [Catherine sighs]
1330
00:59:24,792 --> 00:59:26,500
- [Quasi] Oh, yeah.
- [gasps]
1331
00:59:28,750 --> 00:59:32,167
[crying]
1332
00:59:35,375 --> 00:59:38,000
Mmm. That was my ticket.
1333
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:41,750
I deserved that ticket, and he took it.
1334
00:59:41,750 --> 00:59:43,042
He took my ticket from me.
1335
00:59:43,042 --> 00:59:45,000
He's a ticket-taker, that's what he is.
1336
00:59:46,042 --> 00:59:47,042
Mmm.
1337
00:59:51,458 --> 00:59:53,542
[groans]
1338
00:59:54,417 --> 00:59:56,833
That is delicious Cabernet.
1339
00:59:59,542 --> 01:00:00,833
Whoo.
1340
01:00:00,833 --> 01:00:03,042
Hey, did you throw that bottle?
1341
01:00:05,333 --> 01:00:07,583
[groans, pants]
1342
01:00:08,167 --> 01:00:09,292
Duchamp?
1343
01:00:09,292 --> 01:00:12,542
Oh, hey. Hey, you kids. Get out of here.
1344
01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:14,917
These stupid kids,
they're just throwing bottles at doors.
1345
01:00:14,917 --> 01:00:16,458
Those little sons of bitches.
1346
01:00:16,458 --> 01:00:18,250
There's no respect for anything.
1347
01:00:18,250 --> 01:00:19,417
Fuck you!
1348
01:00:19,417 --> 01:00:21,083
How's the hero doing, eh?
1349
01:00:21,083 --> 01:00:22,250
Yeah, you know, it's okay.
1350
01:00:22,250 --> 01:00:23,333
You did the right thing.
1351
01:00:23,333 --> 01:00:26,000
I never had a good feeling
about that creepy hunchback.
1352
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,875
- You want a sip of my bladder?
- No, no, no.
1353
01:00:27,875 --> 01:00:30,000
Just take a pull of my bladder.
Suck it. Take a suck.
1354
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,458
- I'm cool. I'm on the clock.
- No?
1355
01:00:31,458 --> 01:00:32,708
Bladder.
1356
01:00:32,708 --> 01:00:35,917
- I know, it's funny. It's a funny word.
- Right? It's a good thing you said--
1357
01:00:35,917 --> 01:00:37,333
Hey, you know something else?
1358
01:00:37,333 --> 01:00:38,750
I gave him that ticket.
1359
01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,208
I know. And you got him the job
at the torture chamber.
1360
01:00:41,208 --> 01:00:42,750
I got him a job at torture chamber.
1361
01:00:42,750 --> 01:00:45,917
You're better off with that guy dead,
Duchamp. That guy was dragging you down.
1362
01:00:45,917 --> 01:00:48,417
You know what? He gets everything
handed to him, that guy.
1363
01:00:48,417 --> 01:00:51,625
He always comes up smelling like roses,
you know?
1364
01:00:51,625 --> 01:00:54,667
Well, if you consider being dead
coming up roses, you know...
1365
01:00:54,667 --> 01:00:56,792
Well, let me tell you something.
He's not dead.
1366
01:00:56,792 --> 01:00:58,583
[laughs] Can you believe that?
1367
01:00:58,583 --> 01:00:59,750
That's the bladder talking.
1368
01:00:59,750 --> 01:01:01,250
No, I'm serious. He's still alive.
1369
01:01:01,250 --> 01:01:03,875
- He's out at that old cave by the lake.
- Yeah.
1370
01:01:03,875 --> 01:01:07,333
Yeah. Don't say anything, though,
'cause loose lips take shits. [chuckles]
1371
01:01:07,333 --> 01:01:09,625
Wait, wait, wait. I saw him die.
1372
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:14,500
[grunts] No, no, no. It was all bullshit.
It was a ruse.
1373
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:16,083
You're telling me it was a charade?
1374
01:01:16,083 --> 01:01:18,458
It was a charade.
1375
01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,792
Yeah, oh, boy, okay. Hold on a second.
1376
01:01:20,792 --> 01:01:24,042
Everything's spinning. I gotta be careful
not to puke on my boots.
1377
01:01:25,250 --> 01:01:26,250
Okay, all right.
1378
01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:29,375
Good night to you too, you asshole.
1379
01:01:30,500 --> 01:01:31,500
[moans]
1380
01:01:34,583 --> 01:01:37,542
[moaning]
1381
01:01:37,542 --> 01:01:38,792
[twig snaps]
1382
01:01:38,792 --> 01:01:42,000
Duchamp. You'll never guess what happened.
[groans]
1383
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:43,958
Oh, Duchamp, I've got great news.
1384
01:01:44,542 --> 01:01:45,542
[gasps]
1385
01:01:45,542 --> 01:01:48,708
Don't keep us waiting, Hunchback.
Tell us the great news.
1386
01:01:49,333 --> 01:01:52,125
Did you discover that your hump is filled
with gold bullion?
1387
01:01:52,125 --> 01:01:54,375
[all laughing]
1388
01:01:57,417 --> 01:02:02,333
Yes, Lucien, you're right.
The king will be very, very happy.
1389
01:02:02,333 --> 01:02:04,833
And this dickwad will finally get
what he deserves.
1390
01:02:04,833 --> 01:02:07,292
Why don't you do your little chant now, huh?
1391
01:02:07,292 --> 01:02:10,583
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.
1392
01:02:10,583 --> 01:02:12,167
- Seize him.
- [Lucien laughs]
1393
01:02:21,167 --> 01:02:23,375
So, you have anything to say for yourself?
1394
01:02:23,375 --> 01:02:25,542
I thought I would start
by telling the truth,
1395
01:02:25,542 --> 01:02:27,875
- which is that who I was trying to kill--
- Silence!
1396
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:32,250
How dare you question the power
of your king?
1397
01:02:32,250 --> 01:02:33,542
Or the glory of your pope?
1398
01:02:33,542 --> 01:02:35,458
- Gag him.
- Yes.
1399
01:02:35,458 --> 01:02:37,417
Put one of your balls in his mouth.
1400
01:02:37,417 --> 01:02:38,667
[grunts]
1401
01:02:38,667 --> 01:02:43,875
You're only alive so we can publicly
execute you tomorrow at the coronation.
1402
01:02:43,875 --> 01:02:45,833
[King Guy laughs]
1403
01:02:45,833 --> 01:02:47,583
But in the meantime,
1404
01:02:48,208 --> 01:02:51,625
perhaps a stretch on the old rack
would be apropos.
1405
01:02:51,625 --> 01:02:52,750
Good idea, sire.
1406
01:02:52,750 --> 01:02:54,083
Is it?
1407
01:02:55,333 --> 01:02:58,917
Now, uh, I have no idea how this works.
1408
01:02:58,917 --> 01:03:00,917
Of course, you don't, you cake-eater.
1409
01:03:01,917 --> 01:03:05,625
Shall we see if we can't make his final
night of sleep a little less comfortable?
1410
01:03:05,625 --> 01:03:06,667
[both laugh]
1411
01:03:08,583 --> 01:03:10,750
[Quasi grunting]
1412
01:03:10,750 --> 01:03:12,000
Good show, Your Grace.
1413
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,167
Was it?
1414
01:03:18,583 --> 01:03:19,542
[Lucien] Oh.
1415
01:03:19,542 --> 01:03:21,875
Oh, well, now, uh, aren't you something?
1416
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,750
What's your name? Lorelai?
1417
01:03:25,333 --> 01:03:29,000
Oh, that is a lovely dress you're wearing.
So sheer.
1418
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,208
What a funny thing to run into you
out here
1419
01:03:32,083 --> 01:03:34,958
picking elderberries
in such a gossamer gown.
1420
01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:38,750
Is that a couple of eggplants,
or are you just happy to see me?
1421
01:03:38,750 --> 01:03:40,208
- I love eggplants.
- [gasps]
1422
01:03:40,208 --> 01:03:41,875
Oh. [chuckles] My queen.
1423
01:03:41,875 --> 01:03:42,958
[grunts]
1424
01:03:42,958 --> 01:03:44,042
Oh, you must be lost.
1425
01:03:44,042 --> 01:03:47,875
Um, the perfume cellar is actually,
if you go down the hallway, it's...
1426
01:03:47,875 --> 01:03:50,583
My, look at this painting.
1427
01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:53,833
Look how red her cheeks are.
1428
01:03:53,833 --> 01:03:55,417
Scandalous.
1429
01:03:55,417 --> 01:03:57,917
They're not mine.
I found these in the-- In the woods.
1430
01:03:57,917 --> 01:03:59,417
- Mmm.
- Um. So, no.
1431
01:03:59,417 --> 01:04:01,500
I bet you're here for gown storage.
1432
01:04:01,500 --> 01:04:03,042
That's actually the-the Gautier wing.
1433
01:04:03,042 --> 01:04:05,333
I'm not looking for gown storage.
1434
01:04:05,333 --> 01:04:06,417
Okay, well, then,
1435
01:04:07,125 --> 01:04:10,500
if you seek neither gown storage
nor the perfume cellar, then...
1436
01:04:11,792 --> 01:04:14,292
Well, then the only possible explanation,
1437
01:04:14,292 --> 01:04:16,917
- if I may be so bold... [snorts]
- [chuckles]
1438
01:04:16,917 --> 01:04:21,292
...is that you came to visit moi?
1439
01:04:21,292 --> 01:04:23,375
[laughing]
1440
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:25,667
- [stabbing sound]
- [Lucien groans]
1441
01:04:26,208 --> 01:04:27,458
[grunts]
1442
01:04:29,375 --> 01:04:30,458
[grunts]
1443
01:04:30,458 --> 01:04:33,333
- [grunts]
- [Lucien screams, thuds]
1444
01:04:37,917 --> 01:04:39,750
I think you just fell for me.
1445
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:43,083
- [door opens]
- [grunting]
1446
01:04:44,167 --> 01:04:47,208
Now I've got you right where I want you,
you filthy little thing.
1447
01:04:47,208 --> 01:04:48,458
[muffled] Catherine!
1448
01:04:48,458 --> 01:04:49,542
I'm joking.
1449
01:04:50,542 --> 01:04:53,167
- [Quasi groans]
- We must get you out of here.
1450
01:04:53,167 --> 01:04:55,083
Oh, please do.
1451
01:04:55,083 --> 01:04:57,917
I implemented the notes you gave me
on the rack,
1452
01:04:57,917 --> 01:05:00,458
and I must say,
they worked really, really well.
1453
01:05:00,458 --> 01:05:02,958
This thing hurts like a motherfucker.
1454
01:05:02,958 --> 01:05:04,667
Thank you, Quasi.
1455
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:08,125
[Quasi grunts] I will repay you for this.
1456
01:05:08,125 --> 01:05:11,083
I swear on the souls of both my mothers.
1457
01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:12,583
[groans]
1458
01:05:12,583 --> 01:05:13,833
You had two mothers?
1459
01:05:14,625 --> 01:05:16,583
Yeah, they were Siamese twins.
1460
01:05:16,583 --> 01:05:17,750
I never knew 'em.
1461
01:05:17,750 --> 01:05:20,750
As a babe, they put me in a sack
and tossed me in the river.
1462
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:24,125
My aunt was a Siamese twin.
Well, my aunts.
1463
01:05:24,750 --> 01:05:28,375
When I was a child,
they produced a hideously deformed baby
1464
01:05:28,375 --> 01:05:30,375
with their brother,
the vicomte de Gastineau.
1465
01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:33,333
- Uh-huh.
- And they threw the baby in the river.
1466
01:05:33,333 --> 01:05:34,542
Huh. That's weird.
1467
01:05:34,542 --> 01:05:36,000
Let me see your back.
1468
01:05:36,583 --> 01:05:38,375
Oh, no, it is not a pretty sight.
1469
01:05:38,375 --> 01:05:39,625
- Let me see your back.
- Milady.
1470
01:05:39,625 --> 01:05:41,417
Oh. Oh. As you wish, my lady.
1471
01:05:42,292 --> 01:05:44,792
- Mon Dieu!
- All right, it's not that bad.
1472
01:05:44,792 --> 01:05:47,708
- The mark of the Gastineau!
- Come again?
1473
01:05:47,708 --> 01:05:51,333
[laughs] Your birthmark is the mark
of the Gastineau.
1474
01:05:51,333 --> 01:05:52,750
Do you know what this means?
1475
01:05:52,750 --> 01:05:56,792
That I have a deformity
on top of my deformity?
1476
01:05:56,792 --> 01:05:58,708
You and I are
1477
01:05:59,375 --> 01:06:00,375
cousins.
1478
01:06:00,375 --> 01:06:05,292
Pfft! Non. Cousins? Impossible.
1479
01:06:05,292 --> 01:06:06,542
Oui, look.
1480
01:06:06,542 --> 01:06:07,625
[Quasi] Huh?
1481
01:06:08,458 --> 01:06:12,375
[gasps] Mon Dieu! It's just like mine.
1482
01:06:15,375 --> 01:06:17,917
I knew I was attracted to you
for a reason.
1483
01:06:17,917 --> 01:06:20,208
I thought it was your honor
and compassion,
1484
01:06:20,208 --> 01:06:24,958
but now I know
it's also because we share the same blood.
1485
01:06:24,958 --> 01:06:28,250
Yeah, I was attracted to you
'cause you're super hot.
1486
01:06:28,250 --> 01:06:33,167
But now that I know we're cousins,
it's really awesome.
1487
01:06:33,167 --> 01:06:34,375
[moans]
1488
01:06:35,042 --> 01:06:36,792
- Um, my mouth is...
- Hmm?
1489
01:06:36,792 --> 01:06:38,750
- Um, like this?
- Yeah.
1490
01:06:38,750 --> 01:06:41,375
Um, okay. [grunts]
1491
01:06:41,375 --> 01:06:43,000
- Mm-hmm. Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- [Quasi] Mm-hmm.
1492
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:44,958
[both moaning]
1493
01:06:44,958 --> 01:06:46,917
[Catherine] Oh, your hump is so hard.
1494
01:06:46,917 --> 01:06:50,917
- [Quasi] It seems to be getting harder.
- [moaning continues]
1495
01:06:50,917 --> 01:06:54,667
[snoring]
1496
01:06:57,875 --> 01:07:00,625
Sire, sire, it is time.
1497
01:07:01,125 --> 01:07:03,708
[mutters] What?
1498
01:07:03,708 --> 01:07:04,833
It's time.
1499
01:07:04,833 --> 01:07:07,833
Time for you to get out of my bedchamber.
1500
01:07:07,833 --> 01:07:11,167
No, sire, it's half past the cock's crow.
1501
01:07:11,792 --> 01:07:14,250
Half past the cock's crow?
1502
01:07:14,250 --> 01:07:17,375
Oh. We have a hunchback to kill.
1503
01:07:17,375 --> 01:07:18,833
Yes, I like it.
1504
01:07:18,833 --> 01:07:19,917
[King Guy chuckles]
1505
01:07:21,250 --> 01:07:22,292
[grunts]
1506
01:07:22,292 --> 01:07:25,917
I stood up too fast. I'm all désorienté.
1507
01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:27,167
Take it slow, sire.
1508
01:07:27,167 --> 01:07:28,958
- Come on, I will dress you.
- Thank you.
1509
01:07:28,958 --> 01:07:31,250
[moaning]
1510
01:07:35,458 --> 01:07:38,208
Oh, yes. [gasps]
1511
01:07:38,208 --> 01:07:40,500
[Quasi grunting]
1512
01:07:43,292 --> 01:07:45,167
Torture me with your body.
1513
01:07:45,667 --> 01:07:48,625
Yeah. Mmm. Okay.
1514
01:07:50,667 --> 01:07:53,083
[moans, gasps]
1515
01:07:53,083 --> 01:07:55,500
- You want another?
- Please.
1516
01:07:55,500 --> 01:07:59,250
We shall kill Mr. Modo before
he has a chance to blab of our plan.
1517
01:07:59,250 --> 01:08:00,625
[Pope Cornelius, King Guy shout]
1518
01:08:00,625 --> 01:08:03,583
Guy, what are you doing up?
It's half past the cock's crow.
1519
01:08:03,583 --> 01:08:07,000
I couldn't sleep,
so I decided to take a brisk walk.
1520
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:09,750
I seem to remember you
being able to sleep through anything.
1521
01:08:09,750 --> 01:08:11,583
Well, what are you doing up?
1522
01:08:11,583 --> 01:08:17,792
I am going to administer last rites
to the prisoner, as is God's wish.
1523
01:08:17,792 --> 01:08:20,917
Oh, last rites. I've always wanted to see
what that's about.
1524
01:08:20,917 --> 01:08:24,875
Ooh, sorry. Final confession
is only between sheep and shepherd.
1525
01:08:24,875 --> 01:08:26,000
Well, I want to know, too.
1526
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,000
God would like you to fuck off
and go back to bed.
1527
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:29,292
My dungeon, my rules.
1528
01:08:29,292 --> 01:08:30,792
[Pope Cornelius grunting]
1529
01:08:32,417 --> 01:08:34,125
- Um, question.
- Mmm.
1530
01:08:34,125 --> 01:08:37,625
If you and I are cousins,
does not that make me royalty?
1531
01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:42,333
Yes. You are in the line of kings.
1532
01:08:43,042 --> 01:08:45,542
Now, enter me with your royal member.
1533
01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:51,583
My lady, I'm new at this.
Enter you... where?
1534
01:08:56,208 --> 01:08:57,250
[King Guy] Qu'est-ce que c'est?
1535
01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:03,917
[Catherine moaning]
1536
01:09:04,583 --> 01:09:07,250
[Quasi moaning]
1537
01:09:12,750 --> 01:09:13,958
Oh, no!
1538
01:09:13,958 --> 01:09:16,625
- My queen!
- [panting]
1539
01:09:16,625 --> 01:09:18,125
Thank God you're finally here.
1540
01:09:18,125 --> 01:09:20,083
- What happened?
- [groans]
1541
01:09:20,083 --> 01:09:24,542
Well, he called to me with his siren song.
I was hypnotized.
1542
01:09:24,542 --> 01:09:27,125
I have heard tell
of the sweet song of the hunchback.
1543
01:09:27,125 --> 01:09:31,208
Then he strapped me here and left
hours ago. So many, many hours.
1544
01:09:32,667 --> 01:09:34,750
- [King Guy] Let's go!
- [Pope Cornelius] Out of the way!
1545
01:09:37,125 --> 01:09:40,000
Okay, fine.
1546
01:09:41,750 --> 01:09:42,958
Assholes.
1547
01:09:47,375 --> 01:09:50,000
That was something.
1548
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:53,250
Indeed. Yes, you must be so relieved
that the queen is safe.
1549
01:09:53,250 --> 01:09:54,625
Of course, of course.
1550
01:09:54,625 --> 01:09:58,708
But you must be terrified with that
lumpy little maniac on the loose.
1551
01:09:58,708 --> 01:10:01,292
Why should I be terrified?
You should be terrified, not me.
1552
01:10:01,292 --> 01:10:05,042
I'm not terrified. You heard the queen.
He's long gone.
1553
01:10:05,042 --> 01:10:07,083
There's no way we're going to...
1554
01:10:07,083 --> 01:10:08,417
Catch him.
1555
01:10:08,417 --> 01:10:09,917
[Pope Cornelius] Ah, yes, of course.
1556
01:10:09,917 --> 01:10:12,250
So it's really no big deal then
if we never do...
1557
01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:14,000
Find him.
1558
01:10:16,208 --> 01:10:18,208
- [whispering] Find him and kill him.
- [whispering] What?
1559
01:10:18,958 --> 01:10:21,000
[whispering] Find that little shit
and kill him.
1560
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:23,125
[whispering] You want me
to go take a shit?
1561
01:10:23,125 --> 01:10:24,542
Why? Do you have to?
1562
01:10:24,542 --> 01:10:26,500
- I don't have to.
- Then why would you?
1563
01:10:26,500 --> 01:10:30,500
Find him
and catch him so he does not speak.
1564
01:10:30,500 --> 01:10:32,333
Bind his ankles to his cheeks?
1565
01:10:32,333 --> 01:10:33,375
Quasi.
1566
01:10:33,375 --> 01:10:35,417
- Oh, the little hunchback?
- Yes.
1567
01:10:35,417 --> 01:10:39,250
You can't call them hunchback.
You have to say orthopedically challenged.
1568
01:10:39,250 --> 01:10:42,000
- My apologies. Yes.
- No, no, no, it's a whole, you know.
1569
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,333
- [chuckles]
- [Claude] Yes.
1570
01:10:48,375 --> 01:10:50,375
[normal voice] Weird weather we're having.
1571
01:10:50,375 --> 01:10:54,667
[normal voice] I know, I know,
we were just saying that. So weird, weird.
1572
01:10:55,375 --> 01:10:56,792
[goat bleats]
1573
01:10:56,792 --> 01:10:57,875
[whistling]
1574
01:11:00,500 --> 01:11:02,917
Ah, garlic, I-- Mmm.
1575
01:11:02,917 --> 01:11:04,750
You know what would be great?
Maybe some Brie.
1576
01:11:06,708 --> 01:11:08,750
Oh, these top shelves are so handy.
1577
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,000
Michel.
1578
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:13,375
Quasi.
1579
01:11:13,375 --> 01:11:15,333
Whoa, you are fuckin' tall, mon frére.
1580
01:11:15,333 --> 01:11:19,250
Things are very dangereuse, Quasi.
[speaking French]
1581
01:11:19,250 --> 01:11:22,750
Then it's dangereuse for Duchamp as well.
I need to warn him.
1582
01:11:22,750 --> 01:11:27,625
Let's rendezvous at Dupont Fork
in one hour.
1583
01:11:27,625 --> 01:11:30,542
I'm rendezvousing
with Queen Catherine there as well.
1584
01:11:31,458 --> 01:11:34,125
Name drop much? [chuckles]
1585
01:11:36,667 --> 01:11:39,000
[gasps] Duchamp! Mon Dieu!
1586
01:11:41,250 --> 01:11:43,417
Duchamp, I am so sorry.
1587
01:11:43,417 --> 01:11:45,083
[Duchamp groans]
1588
01:11:45,958 --> 01:11:47,542
Holy shit, it's bright.
1589
01:11:47,542 --> 01:11:50,000
- Du! Get up.
- [groaning]
1590
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,583
- Oh, my fuckin' head.
- Get up!
1591
01:11:52,583 --> 01:11:56,417
Oh, God.
What are you, weighing in at 19 stone?
1592
01:11:56,417 --> 01:12:02,000
Okay. My balance is-- is-- is-- fakakte.
Okay. Oh, Jesus.
1593
01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:03,458
- Are you drunk?
- [Duchamp] Hold on.
1594
01:12:03,458 --> 01:12:05,458
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be in that cave?
1595
01:12:05,458 --> 01:12:10,083
Du, so many incredible things have
happened since we saw each other last.
1596
01:12:10,083 --> 01:12:11,292
Oh, yeah, let me guess.
1597
01:12:11,292 --> 01:12:13,667
You won another lottery,
and you rode a dragon
1598
01:12:13,667 --> 01:12:16,333
- to the top of Mont Ménage à Trois.
- No.
1599
01:12:16,333 --> 01:12:18,125
- You sixty-nined a unicorn.
- No.
1600
01:12:18,125 --> 01:12:19,833
You slid down a rainbow
into a chocolate river.
1601
01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:21,125
- Okay--
- Where there was an orgy.
1602
01:12:21,125 --> 01:12:22,250
- Okay, Duch--
- With wizards.
1603
01:12:22,250 --> 01:12:25,458
No. I was captured by the king.
1604
01:12:25,458 --> 01:12:29,292
And then, my new lover,
Queen Catherine, freed me.
1605
01:12:29,292 --> 01:12:31,792
We're running away together
to the Amalfi Coast.
1606
01:12:31,792 --> 01:12:34,375
And then,
it's off to Barcelona in wintertime.
1607
01:12:34,375 --> 01:12:35,750
Listen to yourself.
1608
01:12:35,750 --> 01:12:37,458
My new lover, Queen Catherine?
1609
01:12:37,458 --> 01:12:39,292
- Yeah.
- Barcelona?
1610
01:12:39,292 --> 01:12:41,542
Oh, I also learned
that I'm cousin to the queen.
1611
01:12:41,542 --> 01:12:42,625
Oh, come on!
1612
01:12:42,625 --> 01:12:44,250
Okay, look, we gotta go.
1613
01:12:44,250 --> 01:12:46,667
You're lucky the guards didn't grab you
at the cave last night.
1614
01:12:46,667 --> 01:12:48,083
I have no idea how they found me.
1615
01:12:48,083 --> 01:12:51,167
Only the queen, Michel,
and you knew about that cave.
1616
01:12:51,167 --> 01:12:53,458
But none of you
would ever tell anybody about that.
1617
01:12:53,458 --> 01:12:56,792
Well, I-I-- I may have told one person.
1618
01:12:57,375 --> 01:12:58,625
What?
1619
01:12:58,625 --> 01:13:01,667
And that person may have been Lucien.
1620
01:13:01,667 --> 01:13:03,083
Why would you do that?
1621
01:13:03,083 --> 01:13:05,167
'Cause the plan didn't work.
1622
01:13:05,708 --> 01:13:08,292
I was supposed to be the hero,
but you were!
1623
01:13:08,292 --> 01:13:12,833
And then I went to the cave, and I saw you
in there with the queen, laughing.
1624
01:13:12,833 --> 01:13:15,875
So you told Lucien?
Didn't you realize what would happen?
1625
01:13:15,875 --> 01:13:17,167
That was my ticket.
1626
01:13:17,167 --> 01:13:19,958
Duchamp, you betrayed me.
1627
01:13:19,958 --> 01:13:23,083
I used to be the big swinging dick
in this relationship.
1628
01:13:23,083 --> 01:13:27,250
You were just sad, lonely Quasi,
and I was big, jolly Duchamp.
1629
01:13:27,250 --> 01:13:28,583
Everyone knew my name.
1630
01:13:29,083 --> 01:13:32,292
"How's it hangin', Champ?
What's up, Duch?"
1631
01:13:32,292 --> 01:13:35,042
I didn't have to be your friend.
I took pity on you.
1632
01:13:35,042 --> 01:13:38,292
Okay, well,
let me tell you something, Duchamp.
1633
01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:42,083
You may have once been
the big swinging dick,
1634
01:13:42,083 --> 01:13:45,458
but now that big swinging dick
has swung back in the other direction.
1635
01:13:45,458 --> 01:13:47,500
And I can tell you one thing for sure.
1636
01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:49,625
I never would have betrayed
my best friend.
1637
01:13:49,625 --> 01:13:51,958
Well, that's perfect,
'cause we're not best friends.
1638
01:13:51,958 --> 01:13:53,833
You put a knife in my back.
1639
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:58,417
- [Quasi shouts]
- [guard] Get him!
1640
01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:06,875
Stop him!
1641
01:14:06,875 --> 01:14:08,750
[grunting]
1642
01:14:14,833 --> 01:14:16,542
- [grunting]
- [guard] Get him!
1643
01:14:22,667 --> 01:14:23,833
[grunts]
1644
01:14:26,917 --> 01:14:27,917
[guard shouts]
1645
01:14:35,875 --> 01:14:38,167
[shouts, groans]
1646
01:14:41,583 --> 01:14:42,750
[shouts]
1647
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:52,417
Merde!
1648
01:15:07,125 --> 01:15:10,875
Let go of me! Let go of me!
Hey! Let go of me! [grunts]
1649
01:15:10,875 --> 01:15:12,000
[groans]
1650
01:15:14,167 --> 01:15:15,625
Get off of me!
1651
01:15:15,625 --> 01:15:18,542
Oh, God, I'm so hungover. Come on.
1652
01:15:25,250 --> 01:15:29,500
Behold, the best friend
to the criminal Quasi.
1653
01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:30,917
What? We're not friends.
1654
01:15:30,917 --> 01:15:33,375
I stopped him from killing the king.
I was the hero.
1655
01:15:33,375 --> 01:15:34,458
What are you talking about?
1656
01:15:34,458 --> 01:15:37,125
Up there on the stage. I stopped him.
1657
01:15:37,125 --> 01:15:38,458
Does anyone here remember that?
1658
01:15:38,458 --> 01:15:41,792
I definitely remember
the handsome hunchback.
1659
01:15:41,792 --> 01:15:44,125
Are you kidding me?
It happened right there.
1660
01:15:44,125 --> 01:15:46,375
Where is the hunchback?
1661
01:15:46,917 --> 01:15:48,000
I have no idea.
1662
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:52,625
Well, perhaps a public torturing at
the coronation will refresh your memory.
1663
01:15:55,875 --> 01:15:59,542
Unless, of course,
the hunchback is here listening.
1664
01:16:01,375 --> 01:16:05,208
Perhaps he'd like to show himself
to save his best friend.
1665
01:16:05,958 --> 01:16:10,250
I told you, he's not my friend.
I hate that twisted, creepy virgin.
1666
01:16:10,250 --> 01:16:11,625
[Quasi] He's not a virgin anymore!
1667
01:16:11,625 --> 01:16:14,375
Who said that? Show yourself.
1668
01:16:15,542 --> 01:16:17,167
- Enough. Take him away.
- [guard] Yes, sire.
1669
01:16:17,167 --> 01:16:21,292
Wait, hold on, okay, hold on. We can talk
about this, right? Hold on. Hold on.
1670
01:16:21,292 --> 01:16:24,500
[groans] Leave me alone.
Where are you taking me?
1671
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:27,333
Stop! Stop it! [shouts]
1672
01:16:45,292 --> 01:16:46,292
[grunts]
1673
01:16:46,917 --> 01:16:47,917
Michel.
1674
01:16:47,917 --> 01:16:49,250
Ah, Quasi. How'd you see me?
1675
01:16:49,250 --> 01:16:51,583
What are you talking about? I see
your head sticking out of the bush.
1676
01:16:51,583 --> 01:16:52,792
You should try hiding.
1677
01:16:52,792 --> 01:16:55,500
I am hiding. I'm behind a bush.
It's like the tallest bush in the forest.
1678
01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,208
Yeah, okay, come on. We gotta go.
1679
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:01,125
We have a long journey ahead of us.
1680
01:17:01,625 --> 01:17:03,500
Here, I think it's this way. Yeah.
1681
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,750
Hey, I brought a little food
for our journey.
1682
01:17:08,708 --> 01:17:11,000
[gasps] You're bleeding.
1683
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:16,208
Oh, yeah. It was a knife from the guards.
Stuck in the fatty deposit of my hump.
1684
01:17:16,208 --> 01:17:17,875
Thank goodness for this thing, huh?
1685
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:21,042
[gasps] The queen.
1686
01:17:21,042 --> 01:17:22,125
Catherine.
1687
01:17:22,125 --> 01:17:23,833
I saw your friend's head above the brush.
1688
01:17:23,833 --> 01:17:25,250
I don't think it was me.
1689
01:17:25,250 --> 01:17:26,708
[sighs]
1690
01:17:29,625 --> 01:17:30,667
You guys weren't kidding.
1691
01:17:30,667 --> 01:17:32,250
[both moan]
1692
01:17:32,250 --> 01:17:34,958
Oh, my, you're particularly ripe today.
1693
01:17:34,958 --> 01:17:36,458
It's been a busy day.
1694
01:17:36,458 --> 01:17:37,833
[sighs]
1695
01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:40,667
Oh, my God. You're wounded.
1696
01:17:40,667 --> 01:17:43,667
Oh, no, no, no. I'm fine.
My hump stopped the guard's knife.
1697
01:17:43,667 --> 01:17:45,375
Thank goodness for your hump!
1698
01:17:45,375 --> 01:17:46,583
My hump is great!
1699
01:17:46,583 --> 01:17:49,042
Oh, now you're free
to go start your new life.
1700
01:17:49,708 --> 01:17:50,875
Here are your supplies.
1701
01:17:50,875 --> 01:17:53,500
But you're not coming?
1702
01:17:53,500 --> 01:17:55,292
They know you're alive.
1703
01:17:55,958 --> 01:17:58,583
If I go with you, they'll undoubtedly
find us and kill us both.
1704
01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,792
I will stay
and go through with the coronation.
1705
01:18:01,792 --> 01:18:03,875
The king killed his last wife.
1706
01:18:03,875 --> 01:18:07,292
He'll need me for a while
to solidify his alliance.
1707
01:18:07,292 --> 01:18:11,125
Before I become obsolete, perhaps
I can find a way to change my fortunes.
1708
01:18:11,125 --> 01:18:12,417
I cannot let you do this.
1709
01:18:12,417 --> 01:18:15,000
There's no other way. You must go now.
1710
01:18:15,500 --> 01:18:17,292
The ferryman waits for you
at Canard's Crossing.
1711
01:18:17,292 --> 01:18:19,208
He will go without you.
1712
01:18:19,208 --> 01:18:20,667
Here's some money.
1713
01:18:20,667 --> 01:18:21,750
Catherine.
1714
01:18:21,750 --> 01:18:23,542
You must go now. Please.
1715
01:18:23,542 --> 01:18:26,500
What about Barcelona?
1716
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:29,125
Perhaps Barcelona is in our future.
1717
01:18:30,250 --> 01:18:34,000
But for now, farewell, Quasi.
1718
01:18:54,292 --> 01:18:55,292
We should get going.
1719
01:18:55,292 --> 01:18:58,083
- Where's Duchamp?
- Captured by the guards.
1720
01:18:58,083 --> 01:19:00,917
Captured? Well, we have to go help him.
He'll be tortured.
1721
01:19:00,917 --> 01:19:03,542
- There is nothing we can do.
- He's your best friend.
1722
01:19:03,542 --> 01:19:05,125
He is not my best friend!
1723
01:19:05,125 --> 01:19:06,750
Well, he gave you
the winning lottery ticket.
1724
01:19:06,750 --> 01:19:07,958
That sounds like a best friend.
1725
01:19:07,958 --> 01:19:10,792
He helped you fake your death to save
your life. That sounds like a best friend.
1726
01:19:10,792 --> 01:19:14,833
He betrayed me, and the last thing he said
when he was captured by the guards
1727
01:19:14,833 --> 01:19:16,292
was that he was not my friend.
1728
01:19:16,292 --> 01:19:19,458
And he called me a creepy, twisted virgin.
1729
01:19:20,542 --> 01:19:22,042
I am not a virgin anymore!
1730
01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:26,250
- Who'd you have sex with?
- Bonjour, read the room.
1731
01:19:26,250 --> 01:19:27,333
[gasps]
1732
01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:29,500
- Yeah.
- Quasi,
1733
01:19:29,500 --> 01:19:32,667
of course, Duchamp said mean things
about you so you wouldn't try to help him.
1734
01:19:32,667 --> 01:19:39,167
He said it to save you
because he is your best friend.
1735
01:19:43,292 --> 01:19:44,292
Fuck him.
1736
01:19:49,125 --> 01:19:51,542
[crowd cheering]
1737
01:20:01,833 --> 01:20:07,042
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the coronation of your new queen!
1738
01:20:07,042 --> 01:20:09,125
[cheering continues]
1739
01:20:14,375 --> 01:20:18,917
Why am I walking? I am the guest of honor.
I should be in a gilded carriage.
1740
01:20:18,917 --> 01:20:20,875
You're lucky you were even invited.
1741
01:20:24,292 --> 01:20:27,417
Sire, what have you heard
of the escaped hunchback?
1742
01:20:27,417 --> 01:20:30,958
No news. Apparently, he's in the wind.
1743
01:20:30,958 --> 01:20:34,208
Yes, he seems gone,
so you have nothing to worry about
1744
01:20:34,708 --> 01:20:36,875
until your husband leaves you
face down in a moat.
1745
01:20:36,875 --> 01:20:38,625
Oh, pretty flowers, yes.
1746
01:20:38,625 --> 01:20:40,333
I beg your pardon, Holy One?
1747
01:20:40,917 --> 01:20:42,667
JK, JK.
1748
01:21:00,542 --> 01:21:02,667
And now, on to the entertainment.
1749
01:21:02,667 --> 01:21:04,792
We have a delightful opening act.
1750
01:21:05,625 --> 01:21:10,750
The torture and disembowelment
of the traitor Duchamp Rousseau.
1751
01:21:10,750 --> 01:21:13,167
[crowd cheering]
1752
01:21:13,167 --> 01:21:14,458
Get off of me.
1753
01:21:16,375 --> 01:21:19,042
[groaning] Get off!
1754
01:21:19,042 --> 01:21:20,583
[crowd member] You traitor!
1755
01:21:21,167 --> 01:21:22,833
That's Quasi's hut mate.
1756
01:21:22,833 --> 01:21:25,333
Um, apparently,
he needed a place closer to town,
1757
01:21:25,333 --> 01:21:27,708
and Quasi needed somebody
to share the rent or something like that.
1758
01:21:28,417 --> 01:21:31,333
This will all be over quickly
if you just tell us what we want to know.
1759
01:21:31,333 --> 01:21:35,417
Ha! I torture people for a living.
You guys are amateurs.
1760
01:21:35,417 --> 01:21:42,208
As you wish. I will ask you again.
Duchamp Rousseau, where is the hunchback?
1761
01:21:42,208 --> 01:21:45,875
Suck mon dick.
1762
01:21:45,875 --> 01:21:48,042
[crowd jeering, laughing]
1763
01:21:49,458 --> 01:21:52,458
Well, that should be quite easy to do
1764
01:21:52,458 --> 01:21:54,833
with your scrotum nailed
to that tree stump.
1765
01:21:54,833 --> 01:21:56,500
- Guards.
- [cheering]
1766
01:21:56,500 --> 01:21:57,917
What?
1767
01:21:57,917 --> 01:22:00,667
[chanting] Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!
1768
01:22:00,667 --> 01:22:02,333
Hold on a second, guys, hold on.
1769
01:22:02,333 --> 01:22:04,042
Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!
1770
01:22:05,250 --> 01:22:06,958
[groaning]
1771
01:22:06,958 --> 01:22:09,583
Ow, ow, ow, okay, okay, hold on.
You don't have to do this.
1772
01:22:10,458 --> 01:22:12,875
- [shouting]
- [crowd groaning]
1773
01:22:12,875 --> 01:22:14,417
[groaning]
1774
01:22:14,417 --> 01:22:16,208
Ooh, I feel it in my balls.
1775
01:22:16,208 --> 01:22:17,583
I feel it in my throat.
1776
01:22:17,583 --> 01:22:18,667
And how does that feel?
1777
01:22:18,667 --> 01:22:21,417
[groans] Frankly, it tickles.
1778
01:22:21,417 --> 01:22:23,625
Ah, tickles. [chuckles]
1779
01:22:23,625 --> 01:22:25,458
Guards, prepare the disembowelment.
1780
01:22:25,458 --> 01:22:27,625
[cheering]
1781
01:22:29,417 --> 01:22:30,500
Oh, boy.
1782
01:22:30,500 --> 01:22:34,042
Your Majesty, surely we should not mar
our joyful celebration
1783
01:22:34,042 --> 01:22:35,125
with such barbarism.
1784
01:22:35,125 --> 01:22:38,333
Oh, poppet,
do let us have a little bit of fun.
1785
01:22:41,500 --> 01:22:42,917
[Quasi] Bonjour, assholes.
1786
01:22:45,792 --> 01:22:47,667
- [crowd gasps]
- [Duchamp gasps]
1787
01:22:47,667 --> 01:22:49,167
[Quasi grunting]
1788
01:22:49,167 --> 01:22:51,167
- [Henri] Oh.
- [crowd gasps, murmurs]
1789
01:22:51,167 --> 01:22:54,667
Why don't you "douchebaguettes"
pick on someone half your size?
1790
01:22:54,667 --> 01:22:55,917
[crowd cheering]
1791
01:22:55,917 --> 01:22:57,458
- Quasi!
- Hunchback.
1792
01:23:00,792 --> 01:23:02,417
Mon Dieu!
1793
01:23:02,417 --> 01:23:05,208
Did you nail his scrotum to a tree stump?
1794
01:23:05,208 --> 01:23:06,708
What is wrong with you people?
1795
01:23:06,708 --> 01:23:12,333
Hunchback, you've taken our bait.
You're far outnumbered. Guards!
1796
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:14,625
[groans]
1797
01:23:14,625 --> 01:23:15,583
[crowd gasps]
1798
01:23:15,583 --> 01:23:16,958
[Michel shouts]
1799
01:23:16,958 --> 01:23:18,208
[guard shouts]
1800
01:23:18,208 --> 01:23:19,750
- Hi, guys.
- Michel!
1801
01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:21,750
- Is that your scrotum?
- Yeah.
1802
01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:23,375
[Catherine panting]
1803
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:25,833
Hurry, Quasi. Release your friend.
1804
01:23:26,583 --> 01:23:29,042
- What?
- Yes, get me out of here. [groans]
1805
01:23:29,042 --> 01:23:31,250
- [Quasi] Hang on.
- Shoot me and your alliance dies, Guy.
1806
01:23:31,250 --> 01:23:33,375
Let's not shoot the queen then.
1807
01:23:33,375 --> 01:23:36,167
- We gotta go.
- There. That's it. [screaming]
1808
01:23:36,167 --> 01:23:37,500
- Hold on. [screams]
- [Michel] What?
1809
01:23:37,500 --> 01:23:38,750
- [crowd groans]
- Ooh.
1810
01:23:38,750 --> 01:23:40,625
Sire, shall we kill the others?
1811
01:23:40,625 --> 01:23:44,167
No. Capture them alive
so we can torture them together.
1812
01:23:44,167 --> 01:23:45,458
Of course, sire.
1813
01:23:45,458 --> 01:23:47,583
Send a warning shot.
Shoot over their heads.
1814
01:23:47,583 --> 01:23:49,958
- Yes, milord.
- Oh, boy. [shouting]
1815
01:23:49,958 --> 01:23:52,083
- [gasps] Ooh.
- [groans]
1816
01:23:52,083 --> 01:23:53,833
Get the nail out. [screams]
1817
01:23:54,667 --> 01:23:55,708
- [crowd screams]
- [grunts]
1818
01:23:55,708 --> 01:23:58,167
[both] No, Michel!
1819
01:23:58,167 --> 01:23:59,333
Why?
1820
01:24:01,125 --> 01:24:02,708
Whoops.
1821
01:24:02,708 --> 01:24:04,292
I said shoot over their heads.
1822
01:24:04,292 --> 01:24:06,417
I don't think any of us
thought he was that tall.
1823
01:24:06,417 --> 01:24:07,958
[panting]
1824
01:24:07,958 --> 01:24:09,583
Michel, hang in there.
1825
01:24:10,667 --> 01:24:14,542
In the seven-course meal of life,
this is my crème brûlée.
1826
01:24:15,583 --> 01:24:17,292
- So promise me something.
- Name it.
1827
01:24:17,292 --> 01:24:20,917
I've never seen the equal of
the friendship that you and Duchamp share.
1828
01:24:21,583 --> 01:24:25,958
You are best friends.
Promise me that you will be forever.
1829
01:24:25,958 --> 01:24:28,542
[sniffles]
I promise we will be best friends.
1830
01:24:28,542 --> 01:24:29,875
As do I.
1831
01:24:29,875 --> 01:24:31,833
Not BFs, but BFFs.
1832
01:24:31,833 --> 01:24:33,542
[both] Forever.
1833
01:24:33,542 --> 01:24:35,667
You know,
I'm not even sure that that was my arrow.
1834
01:24:35,667 --> 01:24:37,208
I saw it come out of your crossbow.
1835
01:24:37,208 --> 01:24:39,125
You know what? That was Gregor's. Gregor!
1836
01:24:39,708 --> 01:24:42,583
Duchamp, Michel helped me realize
1837
01:24:42,583 --> 01:24:44,917
that when you told Henri
that you were not my friend,
1838
01:24:44,917 --> 01:24:50,625
you were doing it to save me
because you are my friend.
1839
01:24:51,958 --> 01:24:55,458
No, I wasn't. I was fucking pissed at you.
1840
01:24:56,083 --> 01:24:58,083
But that would have been really cool
if I thought of that.
1841
01:24:58,750 --> 01:24:59,750
I'm-- I'm sorry.
1842
01:25:00,333 --> 01:25:03,542
I'm not mad at you for what you did.
I'm mad at you for lying about it.
1843
01:25:03,542 --> 01:25:04,667
I'm really sorry, milord.
1844
01:25:04,667 --> 01:25:06,208
Sit in the carriage.
I'll talk to you later.
1845
01:25:06,208 --> 01:25:08,125
- What, now?
- Right now, yes. Go.
1846
01:25:08,125 --> 01:25:10,042
- I have a second request.
- Anything.
1847
01:25:10,042 --> 01:25:13,042
Please give me a proper
and thorough burial.
1848
01:25:13,833 --> 01:25:19,292
I don't want the animals eating me
for dinner. That would be ironic.
1849
01:25:20,833 --> 01:25:22,625
[Quasi sobs]
1850
01:25:22,625 --> 01:25:24,208
- No.
- No.
1851
01:25:24,208 --> 01:25:25,875
[both] No!
1852
01:25:26,375 --> 01:25:29,292
- [cackles]
- Well done.
1853
01:25:29,292 --> 01:25:34,333
Catherine, are you really in cahoots
with that hunchback?
1854
01:25:34,333 --> 01:25:36,375
Don't be so naïve, Guy.
1855
01:25:36,375 --> 01:25:39,542
Not only are they in "cahoosion,"
but she's clearly shagging the man.
1856
01:25:40,333 --> 01:25:41,750
That's impossible.
1857
01:25:41,750 --> 01:25:44,125
Oh, it's very possible.
1858
01:25:44,125 --> 01:25:48,667
- Oh! Hit that shit, Quasi. Hit that shit.
- [laughs] Yeah, right. Really?
1859
01:25:48,667 --> 01:25:51,167
No, sire, it's impossible.
1860
01:25:51,167 --> 01:25:54,667
Guards, take the hunchback's head.
1861
01:25:54,667 --> 01:25:56,208
[crowd gasps]
1862
01:25:56,208 --> 01:25:57,333
[grunting]
1863
01:25:57,333 --> 01:26:00,208
And use your dullest blade.
1864
01:26:00,208 --> 01:26:01,917
[cheering]
1865
01:26:04,500 --> 01:26:11,125
Such is the fate of the mangled,
lonely weirdo. Eh, Hunchback?
1866
01:26:11,125 --> 01:26:14,208
Un. Deux.
1867
01:26:16,458 --> 01:26:18,042
- Trois!
- [grunts]
1868
01:26:18,042 --> 01:26:19,333
Stop!
1869
01:26:19,333 --> 01:26:20,750
[crowd gasping, murmuring]
1870
01:26:20,750 --> 01:26:22,792
- He is royalty.
- What?
1871
01:26:22,792 --> 01:26:23,958
Fuck no!
1872
01:26:23,958 --> 01:26:27,083
The hunchback is
a member of the royal family.
1873
01:26:27,083 --> 01:26:31,042
He who lays a hand on him
shall pay the ultimate price.
1874
01:26:31,042 --> 01:26:32,875
Nonsense.
1875
01:26:33,583 --> 01:26:35,792
He bears the mark of the Gastineau.
1876
01:26:36,542 --> 01:26:37,917
[crowd gasps]
1877
01:26:37,917 --> 01:26:39,833
- Oh, look.
- Oh, but look at that. Yeah.
1878
01:26:39,833 --> 01:26:44,958
It can't be.
It must be dirt or a wine stain.
1879
01:26:44,958 --> 01:26:48,333
Are you sure it's not jelly?
Sometimes I get jelly on my shoulder.
1880
01:26:48,333 --> 01:26:52,250
Oh, he is of royal blood.
1881
01:26:54,125 --> 01:26:56,167
Oh, stand up and kill him anyway.
1882
01:26:56,167 --> 01:26:57,875
Wait, sire.
1883
01:26:59,250 --> 01:27:03,333
Is this how you treat a loyal subject who,
on your orders,
1884
01:27:03,333 --> 01:27:05,000
tried to assassinate the pope?
1885
01:27:05,000 --> 01:27:06,625
[crowd gasps]
1886
01:27:06,625 --> 01:27:07,833
I'm sorry, what's that now?
1887
01:27:07,833 --> 01:27:11,958
The king asked me to kill you,
oh, Holy One.
1888
01:27:11,958 --> 01:27:13,875
Guards, put his head on the stump.
1889
01:27:13,875 --> 01:27:15,458
Guards, hold.
1890
01:27:16,375 --> 01:27:22,167
Hunchback, are you saying
that the king ordered you to kill me?
1891
01:27:22,167 --> 01:27:24,125
- He did, Your Grace.
- [crowd gasps]
1892
01:27:24,125 --> 01:27:27,750
Just before you commanded me
to assassinate him.
1893
01:27:27,750 --> 01:27:28,792
[crowd gasps]
1894
01:27:28,792 --> 01:27:30,833
- You did what?
- [mutters]
1895
01:27:30,833 --> 01:27:33,417
That's enough. Papal guard, shoot his man.
1896
01:27:33,417 --> 01:27:34,708
What?
1897
01:27:34,708 --> 01:27:36,583
- [groans]
- [crowd gasps]
1898
01:27:36,583 --> 01:27:38,667
You just killed my man.
1899
01:27:38,667 --> 01:27:40,042
Oh, shit.
1900
01:27:40,042 --> 01:27:41,667
Guards, shoot his man.
1901
01:27:42,500 --> 01:27:43,750
[crowd gasps, screams]
1902
01:27:43,750 --> 01:27:46,583
Fuck you, Your Grace.
1903
01:27:47,250 --> 01:27:48,542
[groans, grunts]
1904
01:27:49,500 --> 01:27:53,792
Is this what you want?
Surely, you want more from a leader.
1905
01:27:53,792 --> 01:27:55,083
We're not sure!
1906
01:27:55,083 --> 01:27:56,458
And we know no other way!
1907
01:27:56,458 --> 01:27:57,833
There is another way.
1908
01:27:57,833 --> 01:28:01,750
I was once like you.
I thought I didn't matter.
1909
01:28:01,750 --> 01:28:05,958
But I've learned,
with the help of my friends...
1910
01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:09,083
that I do.
1911
01:28:09,083 --> 01:28:10,708
So do you.
1912
01:28:10,708 --> 01:28:11,833
He's kinda right.
1913
01:28:12,750 --> 01:28:19,708
If this sad, lonely hunchback
can sit at a table with the king
1914
01:28:19,708 --> 01:28:24,167
and dine on oysters, you can, too.
1915
01:28:24,167 --> 01:28:25,208
Oysters!
1916
01:28:25,208 --> 01:28:28,417
We can all eat oysters!
1917
01:28:28,417 --> 01:28:30,958
- [chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
- [chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
1918
01:28:30,958 --> 01:28:35,958
[crowd chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1919
01:28:35,958 --> 01:28:39,167
So this is that oyster chant
I've been hearing about.
1920
01:28:39,167 --> 01:28:40,625
What a catchy little ditty.
1921
01:28:40,625 --> 01:28:44,333
[crowd] Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1922
01:28:44,333 --> 01:28:46,042
Enough!
1923
01:28:46,042 --> 01:28:49,958
The next person to say "oysters"
will be disemboweled.
1924
01:28:51,083 --> 01:28:52,292
Oysters.
1925
01:28:52,292 --> 01:28:54,167
I want to say it was
that fellow in the green--
1926
01:28:54,167 --> 01:28:57,042
Oh! Who threw that?
1927
01:28:57,042 --> 01:28:59,125
- [both grunt]
- [Pope Cornelius] What, what? Oh!
1928
01:28:59,125 --> 01:29:00,583
[Catherine] Oh!
1929
01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:04,042
- As your king, I command you to stop.
- [clank]
1930
01:29:04,042 --> 01:29:05,417
Ow! Kettle in the stomach!
1931
01:29:05,417 --> 01:29:08,375
Eat shit, Guy! Quasi gets us!
1932
01:29:08,375 --> 01:29:10,375
Get control of your people.
1933
01:29:10,375 --> 01:29:12,625
How dare you come into my country and--
1934
01:29:12,625 --> 01:29:15,833
You know what? I've had just about enough
of you and your country.
1935
01:29:17,417 --> 01:29:18,417
[grunts]
1936
01:29:19,083 --> 01:29:20,083
- [shouts]
- [King Guy groans]
1937
01:29:20,083 --> 01:29:21,625
[crowd screams]
1938
01:29:22,542 --> 01:29:27,958
[groans] You can't stab me. I'm the king.
1939
01:29:27,958 --> 01:29:30,042
Well, now, you're a king on a stick.
1940
01:29:30,042 --> 01:29:31,417
[King Guy grunts]
1941
01:29:31,417 --> 01:29:32,542
- [crowd gasps]
- [Quasi grunts]
1942
01:29:32,542 --> 01:29:34,625
We all saw
that he was asking for it, right?
1943
01:29:34,625 --> 01:29:35,875
- I mean--
- [shouts]
1944
01:29:35,875 --> 01:29:37,583
- [gasps]
- [both gasp]
1945
01:29:38,458 --> 01:29:41,125
[groans] Goddamn it, I'm the pope.
1946
01:29:41,708 --> 01:29:43,875
Good luck finding a cool breeze in hell.
1947
01:29:43,875 --> 01:29:45,375
- [groans]
- [King Guy grunts]
1948
01:29:45,375 --> 01:29:50,208
None of this would have happened if
you weren't so jealous of my new alliance,
1949
01:29:50,208 --> 01:29:51,292
you prick.
1950
01:29:51,292 --> 01:29:52,625
You're the prick.
1951
01:29:53,125 --> 01:29:55,750
You were a prick when we dated,
and you're still a prick now.
1952
01:29:55,750 --> 01:29:56,792
- [crowd gasps]
- What?
1953
01:29:56,792 --> 01:29:58,292
[Stefan] Oh, poop!
1954
01:29:58,958 --> 01:30:00,625
I'm the prick?
1955
01:30:00,625 --> 01:30:04,458
You're the one who cheated on me
at université with Jacques Chouinard.
1956
01:30:04,458 --> 01:30:08,875
What? You cheated on me
at université with Jacques Chouinard.
1957
01:30:08,875 --> 01:30:10,083
What's happening?
1958
01:30:10,083 --> 01:30:15,167
- Who told you that? I loved you.
- [stammers]
1959
01:30:17,500 --> 01:30:20,208
And I... loved you.
1960
01:30:21,208 --> 01:30:23,000
[groans, grunts]
1961
01:30:23,000 --> 01:30:27,083
I still love you.
1962
01:30:27,083 --> 01:30:30,958
And I, you.
1963
01:30:31,792 --> 01:30:34,958
[grunting]
1964
01:30:40,375 --> 01:30:43,792
Whoa. That plot thickened a lot.
1965
01:30:44,750 --> 01:30:45,917
Du.
1966
01:30:45,917 --> 01:30:47,792
- Du! [grunts]
- [groans]
1967
01:30:47,792 --> 01:30:48,875
[Quasi] How you doing, Du?
1968
01:30:48,875 --> 01:30:51,750
[groans] Amateurs. They nailed me
1969
01:30:51,750 --> 01:30:53,833
- through the skin of the sack.
- So stupid.
1970
01:30:53,833 --> 01:30:56,042
A professional would have gone
right through the testicle.
1971
01:30:56,042 --> 01:30:58,208
Huh, I remember my first scrotum nailing.
1972
01:30:58,208 --> 01:30:59,667
- [chuckles] In fact...
- [laughing] Yeah.
1973
01:30:59,667 --> 01:31:00,833
...you were there, my old friend.
1974
01:31:00,833 --> 01:31:03,167
- I was, my old friend.
- Yeah.
1975
01:31:03,167 --> 01:31:05,208
- My old friend.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1976
01:31:05,208 --> 01:31:06,875
And I'm not just saying that
'cause of Michel.
1977
01:31:06,875 --> 01:31:09,125
- Ah.
- There is no Jerome.
1978
01:31:09,917 --> 01:31:11,667
You are my best friend.
1979
01:31:12,250 --> 01:31:13,458
And you mine.
1980
01:31:14,042 --> 01:31:18,000
I've never even been to Champagne.
I hear it's lovely.
1981
01:31:18,000 --> 01:31:19,333
- [sobs]
- [shushing]
1982
01:31:19,333 --> 01:31:22,792
Duchamp, we will go to Champagne together.
1983
01:31:23,417 --> 01:31:27,458
And we will drink much, much wine.
1984
01:31:27,458 --> 01:31:29,417
- [sobbing]
- [Quasi] Aw.
1985
01:31:31,875 --> 01:31:36,083
Subjects of France,
kneel before your new king.
1986
01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,542
- [crowd cheers]
- [crowd member 1] Yeah! King Quasi!
1987
01:31:40,458 --> 01:31:43,917
Come, Quasi. Your kingdom awaits you.
1988
01:31:43,917 --> 01:31:46,000
Go, go, my friend. [grunts]
1989
01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:48,125
We're not kneeling
because of the birthmark.
1990
01:31:48,125 --> 01:31:49,750
We like what he has to say.
1991
01:31:49,750 --> 01:31:51,292
[crowd cheering]
1992
01:31:51,292 --> 01:31:52,792
[crowd member 2] King Quasi!
1993
01:32:06,208 --> 01:32:07,542
Yeah!
1994
01:32:09,458 --> 01:32:13,500
[narrator] And so it was,
a new king was crowned.
1995
01:32:13,500 --> 01:32:17,708
A king unlike any France had ever known.
1996
01:32:18,417 --> 01:32:19,833
And the country flourished,
1997
01:32:20,833 --> 01:32:25,917
for it was ruled by a king and queen
who valued merit, virtue,
1998
01:32:25,917 --> 01:32:27,500
and decency.
1999
01:32:29,083 --> 01:32:32,250
A king and queen of the people.
2000
01:32:33,792 --> 01:32:35,125
- You like oysters?
- Of course.
2001
01:32:35,125 --> 01:32:37,250
Right, who doesn't? [laughs]
2002
01:32:40,125 --> 01:32:42,417
[clears throat] Hey. Hey.
2003
01:32:42,417 --> 01:32:43,708
- Yeah?
- Clean.
2004
01:32:43,708 --> 01:32:44,875
- Oh.
- Yeah.
2005
01:32:44,875 --> 01:32:46,417
- [speaking French]
- You got it.
2006
01:32:46,417 --> 01:32:48,208
- Down the hatch.
- Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
2007
01:32:49,417 --> 01:32:52,083
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm! Oh.
2008
01:32:52,083 --> 01:32:53,208
[speaking French]
2009
01:32:53,208 --> 01:32:55,125
- Food of kings.
- Yeah, yeah. And queens.
2010
01:32:55,125 --> 01:32:56,625
- Oh!
- Oh.
2011
01:32:56,625 --> 01:32:57,875
[all laugh]
2012
01:32:57,875 --> 01:32:58,958
Hold on a second.
2013
01:32:59,583 --> 01:33:02,292
- Oysters! Oysters!
- Oysters!
2014
01:33:02,292 --> 01:33:08,125
[all chanting] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
2015
01:33:08,125 --> 01:33:11,000
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
2016
01:33:11,000 --> 01:33:14,292
[narrator]
And their reign lasted many years,
2017
01:33:14,292 --> 01:33:20,292
and they conquered many foes
and ate many oysters.
2018
01:33:21,042 --> 01:33:24,208
But that is a different story.
2019
01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:33,833
Look at how these guys do it.
See how they do it?
2020
01:34:33,833 --> 01:34:35,625
- Here, do you wanna go?
- Oh, no, go. You're good.
2021
01:34:35,625 --> 01:34:37,000
- Okay.
- You're doing a great job.
2022
01:34:37,000 --> 01:34:43,167
May our dear friend, Michel Domeck,
forever rest in peace and find happiness.
2023
01:34:43,167 --> 01:34:45,542
Quasi, I think we need a bigger hole.
2024
01:34:45,542 --> 01:34:47,167
Oh, shit. Um...
2025
01:34:48,167 --> 01:34:49,750
Oh. Oops. [chuckles]
2026
01:34:49,750 --> 01:34:51,000
[Duchamp] Good?
2027
01:34:51,542 --> 01:34:52,792
Okay.
2028
01:34:52,792 --> 01:34:54,208
Okay, well...
2029
01:34:55,042 --> 01:34:56,042
We didn't quite get it.
2030
01:34:56,042 --> 01:34:57,500
Yeah, we're not good at this.
2031
01:34:57,500 --> 01:34:58,542
Not enough dirt.
2032
01:34:58,542 --> 01:35:00,125
- We got close, huh?
- Yeah, we did.
2033
01:35:55,667 --> 01:35:58,292
- [Kevin Heffernan] Action.
- Oh, can you bring a hollandaise sauce
2034
01:35:58,292 --> 01:35:59,375
for the hog anus?
2035
01:35:59,375 --> 01:36:01,667
Béarnaise sauce for the hog anus?
2036
01:36:01,667 --> 01:36:05,667
Oh, could you bring an au jus
for the hog anus, please?
2037
01:36:07,208 --> 01:36:08,583
- [Kevin Heffernan] All right, good?
- No.
2038
01:36:08,583 --> 01:36:12,542
Oh, could you bring some orange marmalade
for the hog anus, please?
2039
01:36:12,542 --> 01:36:16,458
Oh, could you bring some Cool Ranch
Doritos for the hog anus, please?
2040
01:36:17,250 --> 01:36:18,750
[sighs] Okay, now I'm done.
2041
01:36:18,750 --> 01:36:20,167
[crew laughs]
2042
01:36:20,167 --> 01:36:21,500
They know you're alive.
2043
01:36:22,083 --> 01:36:25,375
If I go with you,
they'll undoubtedly find me... [laughing]
2044
01:36:25,375 --> 01:36:26,833
...find us and kill us both.
2045
01:36:26,833 --> 01:36:29,583
- [Quasi] The king killed his last wife.
- I still have another line.
2046
01:36:29,583 --> 01:36:30,667
[Steve Lemme] Oh, sorry.
2047
01:36:31,333 --> 01:36:32,875
I find the horse very distracting.
2048
01:36:33,500 --> 01:36:35,083
He will go without you.
2049
01:36:35,083 --> 01:36:37,000
Now, here is some money.
2050
01:36:37,583 --> 01:36:40,667
But a word of caution.
Do not pay the ferryman--
2051
01:36:40,667 --> 01:36:43,375
- [Kevin Heffernan] Hold on a second.
- [set crew laughs]
2052
01:36:43,375 --> 01:36:45,250
[crew member]
I promise not to hit your nuts.
2053
01:36:46,500 --> 01:36:47,792
[crew laughs]
2054
01:36:47,792 --> 01:36:49,375
[crew member] I'm not aiming for them.
2055
01:36:50,417 --> 01:36:53,083
[crew laughs]
2056
01:36:53,083 --> 01:36:55,708
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.
2057
01:36:55,708 --> 01:36:57,417
- Oh, fuck.
- [crew laughs]
2058
01:36:57,417 --> 01:36:59,167
This is my second day. I...
2059
01:36:59,667 --> 01:37:02,292
It's not your second day.
I saw you in a previous scene.
2060
01:37:02,292 --> 01:37:04,708
- Cut. Fire him.
- [set crew laughs]
2061
01:37:04,708 --> 01:37:07,250
[Adrianne Palicki] Oh, oh. [laughs]
2062
01:37:07,250 --> 01:37:08,333
[crew chattering]
2063
01:37:08,333 --> 01:37:10,500
[Steve Lemme] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Cramp, cramp, cramp. Shit.
2064
01:37:10,500 --> 01:37:12,833
Jerome's cool, and his face is straight.
2065
01:37:12,833 --> 01:37:14,250
Is that-- Oh, really?
2066
01:37:14,250 --> 01:37:15,375
Yeah, mm-hmm.
2067
01:37:15,375 --> 01:37:16,958
[laughing] Okay.
2068
01:37:16,958 --> 01:37:19,500
[crew laughs]
2069
01:37:19,500 --> 01:37:21,083
A friend with a straight face?
2070
01:37:21,083 --> 01:37:22,833
- Come on. You don't have many of those.
- Yeah.
2071
01:37:22,833 --> 01:37:24,583
- I'll tell you that.
- Yeah, no-- No shit.
2072
01:37:25,750 --> 01:37:27,500
[crew laughs]
2073
01:37:27,500 --> 01:37:31,542
I can't help but notice all these
important looks you're throwing at him.
2074
01:37:32,208 --> 01:37:33,958
What the fuck is going on over here?
2075
01:37:33,958 --> 01:37:36,958
He'll be even more insufferable. [laughs]
2076
01:37:36,958 --> 01:37:39,125
- [Kevin Heffernan] Stick with it.
- Okay, I can't look at him.
2077
01:37:39,125 --> 01:37:40,458
[Lucien] Hey, shitbrain.
2078
01:37:40,458 --> 01:37:42,083
Hey, shampoo model.
2079
01:37:42,083 --> 01:37:43,667
Hey, muscular old lady.
2080
01:37:43,667 --> 01:37:45,292
- [set crew laughs]
- [Lucien] Oh, it's Pascal.
2081
01:37:45,292 --> 01:37:48,750
And I, m-mine.
2082
01:37:49,250 --> 01:37:51,833
- [laughing] Oh. Oh, my.
- [set crew laughs]
2083
01:37:51,833 --> 01:37:55,083
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
2084
01:37:55,083 --> 01:37:56,167
[Kevin Heffernan] Cut!
2085
01:37:56,167 --> 01:37:58,542
[cheering]
2086
01:38:57,958 --> 01:38:59,750
[dogs barking]
2087
01:39:02,667 --> 01:39:05,708
[snarling]