1
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:14,213
Terrific!
2
00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:37,338
[man] So I put my finger here,
and check this...
3
00:00:37,713 --> 00:00:40,088
the watch tells me I have a heart problem.
4
00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:42,088
Wouldn't a mirror tell you the same thing?
5
00:00:42,171 --> 00:00:44,213
Yeah, but this has weather, too.
6
00:00:44,296 --> 00:00:45,130
Okay.
7
00:00:45,505 --> 00:00:47,838
We got an hour until
we're meeting the ladies for dinner.
8
00:00:47,921 --> 00:00:49,130
- Yeah.
- You wanna catch a beer?
9
00:00:49,213 --> 00:00:51,088
I can't. I gotta run a few errands.
10
00:00:51,171 --> 00:00:53,588
What? You don't want a beer? What's wrong?
11
00:00:53,671 --> 00:00:54,630
[sighs] I...
12
00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:57,671
got the results back
from the detective exam.
13
00:00:57,755 --> 00:01:00,755
You failed again?
This is why I never took that test.
14
00:01:00,838 --> 00:01:02,963
All the anxiety and disappointment.
15
00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:05,755
At some point, you have to realize
you have hit your ceiling
16
00:01:05,838 --> 00:01:07,005
and just give up.
17
00:01:07,088 --> 00:01:09,088
You know, you should go around
and speak at schools.
18
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:11,963
- That was very inspiring.
- I should. Kids need to hear this shit.
19
00:01:12,046 --> 00:01:13,046
I don't get it, man.
20
00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:15,963
I know all the answers,
I just freeze under pressure.
21
00:01:16,046 --> 00:01:18,505
You know, I can't take the exam
for, like, three more months,
22
00:01:18,588 --> 00:01:20,213
so I gotta continue lying to Audrey.
23
00:01:20,296 --> 00:01:22,005
So when we're at dinner tonight, please,
24
00:01:22,088 --> 00:01:23,463
- tell your wi--
- Ah! No.
25
00:01:23,546 --> 00:01:25,921
Come on, man.
You know I'll lie for you anytime.
26
00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:28,046
I will cover up dead bodies for you.
27
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:32,255
But if I ask Holly to lie to your wife,
there's no way we're messing around.
28
00:01:32,338 --> 00:01:33,421
It's Freaky Friday!
29
00:01:33,505 --> 00:01:36,463
You don't have to lie,
just tell her to ignore when I'm lying.
30
00:01:36,546 --> 00:01:37,546
That's it.
31
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:39,630
- Okay, fine.
- Thank you.
32
00:01:39,713 --> 00:01:41,088
- You owe me.
- [phone buzzing]
33
00:01:41,171 --> 00:01:42,005
See you tonight.
34
00:01:45,296 --> 00:01:47,421
I gotta get Claritin. Claritin.
35
00:01:47,505 --> 00:01:49,213
[gasps] Oh, my God! Look!
36
00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:51,505
[woman 1] He took her in a helicopter?
37
00:01:51,796 --> 00:01:53,880
My husband won't even pay for Uber Black.
38
00:01:53,963 --> 00:01:57,505
[chuckles] Yeah. I don't even--
I can't even remember the last time
39
00:01:57,588 --> 00:02:01,213
that Nick did anything
even remotely romantic.
40
00:02:01,463 --> 00:02:04,505
I mean, he used to leave me,
like, cute little mixtapes,
41
00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:06,671
little love notes in the bathroom.
42
00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:07,963
Love notes are dead.
43
00:02:08,046 --> 00:02:09,380
When my husband wants to have sex,
44
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,338
he just texts me the eggplant
and doughnut emoji.
45
00:02:11,671 --> 00:02:13,171
Eggplant and doughnut--
46
00:02:14,088 --> 00:02:15,588
Oh. He's the eggplant.
47
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,838
More like a fingerling potato.
48
00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:19,255
[woman 2] It doesn't take that much.
49
00:02:19,338 --> 00:02:21,713
There are guys at the intersection
selling flowers.
50
00:02:21,796 --> 00:02:24,255
You just roll down the window,
grab a bunch, bring 'em home.
51
00:02:24,338 --> 00:02:27,171
- I mean, they couldn't make it any easier.
- [woman 2] No kidding.
52
00:02:27,255 --> 00:02:29,630
I mean, tomorrow
is our 15th wedding anniversary.
53
00:02:30,171 --> 00:02:33,338
I'm still waiting on that trip to Europe
he promised me on our wedding day.
54
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,255
- [woman 1] That's been 15 years?
- Yeah.
55
00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:37,296
- I could have walked to Europe by now.
- [laughs]
56
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:38,921
You know, you just have to tell him.
57
00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:42,796
I just don't want to have to tell him.
I just want him to know.
58
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,588
- No, they never just know.
- I know.
59
00:02:44,671 --> 00:02:46,755
- That doesn't happen.
- You have to tell men everything.
60
00:02:46,838 --> 00:02:49,171
If you want the dishes to not go
in the sink, you have to tell them.
61
00:02:49,255 --> 00:02:51,171
If you want him to shower
before he comes to bed,
62
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:52,505
- you have to ask him.
- Ugh.
63
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:54,963
That's why they have those signs
in bathrooms at restaurants
64
00:02:55,046 --> 00:02:57,046
to tell employees to wash their hands.
65
00:02:57,130 --> 00:02:59,296
Those aren't for women, guys.
Those are for men.
66
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,380
Or maybe you could just text him,
airplane, wine glass,
67
00:03:02,463 --> 00:03:05,380
Italian flag, eggplant,
doughnut, doughnut, doughnut.
68
00:03:05,713 --> 00:03:07,088
[snorts]
69
00:03:13,338 --> 00:03:14,796
[laughs]
70
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:26,005
Let's go with the 50.
71
00:03:31,213 --> 00:03:32,296
Claritin...
72
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:35,921
[murmurs]
73
00:03:40,213 --> 00:03:41,088
[cashier] Hi, welcome.
74
00:03:41,796 --> 00:03:42,713
Thank you.
75
00:03:42,838 --> 00:03:44,421
- [woman] Thanks a lot.
- [register beeping]
76
00:03:44,505 --> 00:03:47,046
Are you gonna tell 'em
about the stuff in your backpack?
77
00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:49,296
Mind your own business, man.
I'm paying for this.
78
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,713
I like your sneakers.
They must be expensive.
79
00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,963
Is that why can't afford
the Monster Energy Drink
80
00:03:54,046 --> 00:03:55,546
or the Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
81
00:03:56,796 --> 00:03:59,046
- Hang on. Hang on.
- Hey, let go of me, man.
82
00:04:01,088 --> 00:04:02,421
I can't believe I was right.
83
00:04:03,088 --> 00:04:05,463
Keep your mouth shut.
I'll mess you up, old man.
84
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,005
Old man. Oh, my God.
85
00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:08,171
First of all,
86
00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:11,630
I should throw you in jail
just for calling me "old man,"
87
00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:13,713
but you bring that stuff back,
88
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:17,005
I'll let you go 'cause I'm late
for dinner and I'm hungry as shit.
89
00:04:17,296 --> 00:04:18,171
Go ahead.
90
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,296
- [man 1] Tylenol PM? Am I right?
- [man 2] No.
91
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:26,171
[woman 1] It's not good for that.
It depends on what time of year you go.
92
00:04:26,255 --> 00:04:28,005
[woman 2] That makes sense.
Can I get another?
93
00:04:28,296 --> 00:04:29,755
We're gonna have another one?
94
00:04:29,838 --> 00:04:33,463
I'm just saying, we're paying today.
Maybe you can take it easy a little bit.
95
00:04:33,546 --> 00:04:36,046
Hey, hey. Nick. Nick.
What-- What's wrong with you?
96
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:38,796
Sorry. Should I not order
another drink, Detective?
97
00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:40,755
No. Holly, order another drink.
98
00:04:40,838 --> 00:04:43,130
[chuckles] Order as much as you want.
I was joking around.
99
00:04:43,213 --> 00:04:44,421
- That's not funny.
- The reason--
100
00:04:44,505 --> 00:04:47,255
I'm just in a great mood
because I had a great day today.
101
00:04:47,338 --> 00:04:50,130
- Did we have a great day or what?
- It was a fabulous day. Incredible day.
102
00:04:50,213 --> 00:04:52,380
Really? Did you get another hot case?
103
00:04:52,755 --> 00:04:53,588
Of what?
104
00:04:53,671 --> 00:04:55,296
- "What."
- [laughing]
105
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:56,796
That was good. No, listen.
106
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,463
Going great, kid. I promise you.
107
00:04:58,546 --> 00:05:00,921
It's like, uh, they're trusting me
more and more,
108
00:05:01,005 --> 00:05:03,213
and I, um, I wish I could tell you
what it was,
109
00:05:03,296 --> 00:05:04,546
but it's-- it's confidential.
110
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:06,421
- Wait a second.
- What?
111
00:05:06,505 --> 00:05:07,630
Oh, my God.
112
00:05:07,713 --> 00:05:09,588
- What is this?
- [Nick] What is that?
113
00:05:09,671 --> 00:05:12,421
My baby Jimmy got it for me
for my birthday.
114
00:05:12,505 --> 00:05:13,338
- Jimmy!
- What?
115
00:05:13,421 --> 00:05:16,130
- [Holly] Celebration diamonds.
- Oh, my gosh.
116
00:05:16,213 --> 00:05:17,838
- It's gorgeous!
- Thank you, Audrey.
117
00:05:17,921 --> 00:05:19,380
- Very expensive.
- [Audrey] Wow, Jimmy.
118
00:05:19,921 --> 00:05:22,880
I got you something special.
I promise, you're gonna be very happy.
119
00:05:22,963 --> 00:05:24,255
- [Holly] Really?
- I can't wait.
120
00:05:24,338 --> 00:05:27,671
See, I would've pegged you, Nick,
as an Amazon gift card kinda guy,
121
00:05:27,755 --> 00:05:29,630
but... I'm no detective.
122
00:05:30,046 --> 00:05:30,880
[chuckles]
123
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,755
Hey! You know what, guys?
124
00:05:32,838 --> 00:05:36,546
Let's toast to my friends,
Nick and Audrey.
125
00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:37,963
Fifteen wonderful years.
126
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,046
Absolutely.
127
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,338
- [Jimmy] Fifteen.
- Here's to true love, guys.
128
00:05:41,421 --> 00:05:42,255
Fifteen.
129
00:05:42,338 --> 00:05:43,171
- True love.
- Yeah.
130
00:05:50,005 --> 00:05:53,630
Dinner was insane, but that's expected.
131
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,171
But I'll tell you what,
132
00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:58,880
I want to record Holly
chewing her ice cubes,
133
00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:01,421
use it as my alarm in the morning.
That's--
134
00:06:01,505 --> 00:06:03,921
Guarantee me of wanting to
wake up and leave.
135
00:06:08,588 --> 00:06:10,796
What's the matter?
You didn't like that joke?
136
00:06:13,171 --> 00:06:14,338
I'm flossing.
137
00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:15,713
[muffled] I can see that.
138
00:06:16,671 --> 00:06:18,421
You're doing it extra hard tonight.
139
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,046
And I'm not sleeping with
the fan on tonight. I hate that sound.
140
00:06:22,463 --> 00:06:24,963
No fan necessary.
We'll crank the AC, babe.
141
00:06:25,046 --> 00:06:26,046
[water stops]
142
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,505
[tapping toothbrush]
143
00:06:29,463 --> 00:06:30,880
Uh-oh. What, what, what?
144
00:06:30,963 --> 00:06:32,838
You're gonna yell at me?
I can see this. Hang on.
145
00:06:32,921 --> 00:06:34,713
Why don't you do some more angry flossing?
146
00:06:35,546 --> 00:06:37,880
How come we haven't gone to Europe, Nick?
147
00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:40,130
You have to explain this to me.
148
00:06:40,921 --> 00:06:42,005
We never go anywhere.
149
00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:44,921
[stammers] We travel.
I took you to the Poconos that time.
150
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,255
What? The Poco-- That was--
151
00:06:46,338 --> 00:06:47,755
That was for a funeral, Nick.
152
00:06:48,171 --> 00:06:50,630
How about, uh, when we went to Virginia
153
00:06:50,713 --> 00:06:52,963
when my uncle was in a hospice
and we got to see him die?
154
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,630
- We did that.
- Ugh, Nick. Come on.
155
00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:56,171
I'm talking about the postcard.
156
00:06:56,255 --> 00:06:59,338
- You don't remember that?
- I remember it. Of course I remember it.
157
00:06:59,838 --> 00:07:02,921
It's been 15 years, Nick.
I don't know what we're waitin' for.
158
00:07:05,963 --> 00:07:08,546
[sighs]
Now you've gone and done it, Audrey.
159
00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:10,296
What? What'd I do?
160
00:07:12,005 --> 00:07:14,005
I told you I had something big
for you at dinner,
161
00:07:14,088 --> 00:07:16,255
and you couldn't wait till
tomorrow morning?
162
00:07:17,588 --> 00:07:18,463
No.
163
00:07:19,796 --> 00:07:22,005
We're finally going to Europe.
Happy anniversary.
164
00:07:22,588 --> 00:07:25,088
Oh, my God. I have chills.
165
00:07:25,171 --> 00:07:28,005
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
166
00:07:28,088 --> 00:07:30,130
Oh, my God! I'm so--
167
00:07:30,630 --> 00:07:33,130
- I ruined your surprise!
- Shh. You didn't ruin anything.
168
00:07:33,213 --> 00:07:35,255
You're the greatest. You deserve it.
I love you.
169
00:07:35,338 --> 00:07:37,880
- I love you!
- It's still a surprise. I swear.
170
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:44,921
- We can afford it, right? This is all--
- We can afford it, of course.
171
00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:46,505
- Okay.
- I'm getting my raise this year.
172
00:07:46,588 --> 00:07:48,255
- Right.
- We're all set. Come on.
173
00:07:48,671 --> 00:07:50,046
- [Audrey] Hello. Hi.
- Hello.
174
00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:51,921
So, uh, we are on our honeymoon,
175
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,546
and I was wondering
if we could possibly get an upgrade
176
00:07:54,630 --> 00:07:57,005
because I have miles. Maybe--
177
00:07:57,088 --> 00:08:00,380
I don't even know if it's from
this airline, but do they expire, or--
178
00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:02,630
Sir, you would have needed
to request that in advance.
179
00:08:02,713 --> 00:08:04,296
- [Audrey] Yeah.
- Right this way, please.
180
00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:06,963
- Thank you. I'm so sorry.
- We did try advance. I tried calling.
181
00:08:07,046 --> 00:08:08,921
- And, um, nobody--
- Who'd you call?
182
00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:10,546
- Crazy busy signals.
- Really?
183
00:08:10,630 --> 00:08:12,505
- It's the busy signals!
- Who did you try to call?
184
00:08:16,838 --> 00:08:19,005
I don't want to give it away.
It was the butler.
185
00:08:19,088 --> 00:08:20,463
- The butler did it.
- [sighs]
186
00:08:21,255 --> 00:08:22,921
It's never the butler who did it.
187
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,671
I don't even think there are butlers.
188
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,921
That's just a word created
for those goofy books you're addicted to.
189
00:08:29,005 --> 00:08:30,963
Would you just please, please shh?
190
00:08:31,046 --> 00:08:34,088
Leave my books alone, okay?
Just let me read.
191
00:08:34,171 --> 00:08:36,213
I just like-- Makes me happy.
192
00:08:36,296 --> 00:08:38,171
Are you okay? You're cranky.
Are you bored?
193
00:08:38,255 --> 00:08:40,046
- I'm gonna go to sleep.
- Take a nap.
194
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,213
- Are you okay with that?
- Wait, don't--
195
00:08:42,296 --> 00:08:44,963
But just, please, don't--
don't lay all the way back.
196
00:08:45,546 --> 00:08:46,963
- Don't take it back?
- No.
197
00:08:47,046 --> 00:08:48,796
Why? You don't want
my double chin to show?
198
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,546
It's not your chins, okay. It's just rude.
199
00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:52,505
Yes.
200
00:08:52,588 --> 00:08:54,213
- Okay. 'Cause you splay out.
- All right.
201
00:08:54,296 --> 00:08:57,421
And then your seat is in, like,
the lap of the guy behind you.
202
00:08:57,505 --> 00:09:00,421
- So just be considerate of everybody.
- I'll stay up. Thank you.
203
00:09:01,255 --> 00:09:02,296
Timber.
204
00:09:03,755 --> 00:09:04,755
[scoffs]
205
00:09:05,338 --> 00:09:07,338
[snoring]
206
00:09:11,005 --> 00:09:12,463
[whispering] Oh, excuse me.
207
00:09:12,546 --> 00:09:13,963
- Hi.
- Hello. Hi.
208
00:09:14,046 --> 00:09:16,546
Could I please have some earplugs?
209
00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:17,588
Yes.
210
00:09:17,671 --> 00:09:18,880
For nine dollars.
211
00:09:19,338 --> 00:09:21,755
Nine dollars? For earplugs?
212
00:09:21,838 --> 00:09:22,755
Yes.
213
00:09:23,046 --> 00:09:24,838
That's okay. I'll just--
214
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:26,630
I'll just use my peanuts.
215
00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:28,296
[flight attendant chuckles]
216
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,338
I'll just--
217
00:09:32,546 --> 00:09:33,505
[sighs]
218
00:09:43,546 --> 00:09:46,296
[soft jazz playing]
219
00:09:54,088 --> 00:09:54,921
Wow.
220
00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,213
[scoffs]
221
00:10:11,296 --> 00:10:12,380
Oh...
222
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,880
Mm.
223
00:10:15,671 --> 00:10:18,671
[suspenseful music playing]
224
00:10:21,963 --> 00:10:23,796
A fellow insomniac, I see.
225
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:24,880
Jesus.
226
00:10:24,963 --> 00:10:26,213
Yes. I--
227
00:10:26,796 --> 00:10:28,588
Yep. I know, right?
228
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,796
I just cannot sleep on these things.
229
00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:32,671
So what brings you across the pond?
230
00:10:32,755 --> 00:10:35,713
Actually, it's my-- it's my honeymoon.
231
00:10:35,796 --> 00:10:37,296
Oh. Congratulations.
232
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,171
- Thank you.
- Where's your husband?
233
00:10:39,755 --> 00:10:40,630
Dead.
234
00:10:41,171 --> 00:10:43,713
Asleep. He's dead-- dead asleep.
235
00:10:43,796 --> 00:10:45,838
We've actually been married for 15 years,
236
00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:49,338
but we just have been very, very,
very, very busy.
237
00:10:49,588 --> 00:10:52,838
Then a toast to the whirlwind
that is your life.
238
00:10:54,046 --> 00:10:55,088
Yes.
239
00:10:55,171 --> 00:10:56,338
- Sorry, ma'am.
- Oh, yes!
240
00:10:56,421 --> 00:10:58,380
The bar is for
first class passengers only.
241
00:10:58,463 --> 00:11:00,880
Of course. Of course it is.
I'm so sorry, yes.
242
00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:04,130
I will head back to the lower class cabin
243
00:11:04,213 --> 00:11:06,421
and sit where I should and, uh...
244
00:11:06,963 --> 00:11:07,921
shovel some coal.
245
00:11:08,005 --> 00:11:09,130
She's my guest.
246
00:11:09,213 --> 00:11:11,880
Unfortunately, sir,
she'd need her own first class ticket.
247
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,296
Charles Cavendish.
248
00:11:14,463 --> 00:11:15,671
I'm so sorry, sir.
249
00:11:19,588 --> 00:11:20,588
Whoa!
250
00:11:21,505 --> 00:11:22,963
Charles Cavendish?
251
00:11:23,505 --> 00:11:24,421
Is that your real name?
252
00:11:24,505 --> 00:11:26,005
[chuckles] I'm afraid so.
253
00:11:26,088 --> 00:11:28,671
I mean, that sounds like
it just fell right out of a...
254
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:29,921
mystery novel.
255
00:11:30,630 --> 00:11:32,463
And which character would I be?
256
00:11:33,546 --> 00:11:35,880
Name like that,
you'd have to be the bad guy.
257
00:11:37,546 --> 00:11:38,380
Well...
258
00:11:39,213 --> 00:11:40,421
here's to the bad guys.
259
00:11:43,421 --> 00:11:44,421
[snores, gasps]
260
00:11:56,838 --> 00:11:59,088
- Okay, so your fiancée...
- Hm.
261
00:11:59,796 --> 00:12:00,796
...leaves you...
262
00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:05,130
[chuckles] ...for your elderly uncle--
263
00:12:05,213 --> 00:12:07,755
Will you two kindly shut up?
264
00:12:07,838 --> 00:12:09,005
Oh, be quiet.
265
00:12:09,505 --> 00:12:12,588
Or we shall tell everyone about the ferret
you've smuggled in here.
266
00:12:12,671 --> 00:12:13,963
[dog growling]
267
00:12:14,046 --> 00:12:16,921
- [giggling]
- The whole thing is tawdry, I know.
268
00:12:17,005 --> 00:12:18,921
- [under breath] Tawdry.
- He desired my betrothed,
269
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,671
and Uncle Malcolm always gets
what he wants.
270
00:12:21,755 --> 00:12:23,713
Malcolm. Uncle Malcolm.
271
00:12:24,296 --> 00:12:25,338
- Quince.
- Uncle--
272
00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:29,463
Malcolm Quince is your uncle?
That billionaire?
273
00:12:29,796 --> 00:12:31,796
- That's the one.
- Oh, my gosh.
274
00:12:32,546 --> 00:12:34,963
He looks just like this...
275
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,296
if this wrinkled olive had $70 billion.
276
00:12:40,213 --> 00:12:41,546
Seventy billion dollars.
277
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:44,213
I'm traveling to Monaco with the newlyweds
on his yacht
278
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,838
for the Grand Prix this weekend.
279
00:12:46,171 --> 00:12:48,005
Why? Why would you do that?
280
00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:50,296
Why would you go on their yacht
after what they just did?
281
00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:52,296
Because I'm English, Mrs. Spitz.
282
00:12:52,963 --> 00:12:55,171
- I'm a glutton for social masochism.
- Oh.
283
00:12:55,255 --> 00:12:59,880
And I plan on getting blind drunk
and ruining the festivities.
284
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,046
Okay. I support that.
285
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:05,213
- I say, Audrey...
- Hm.
286
00:13:06,255 --> 00:13:08,880
Do you and your husband
have plans this weekend?
287
00:13:13,713 --> 00:13:16,171
[Audrey] You made a joke. That's--
[laughing]
288
00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:17,713
[both laughing]
289
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,838
Holy shit! This plane has a bar?
290
00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:22,963
Sir, this is the first class lounge.
291
00:13:23,046 --> 00:13:25,005
I'm gonna have to ask you
to return to your seat.
292
00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:26,421
There's bars on planes now?
293
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:28,421
Planes have bars now. In first class.
294
00:13:28,505 --> 00:13:31,505
This is-- Man, I wish my mother was
still alive to see this.
295
00:13:31,588 --> 00:13:33,171
She was an alcoholic, but a nice one.
296
00:13:33,255 --> 00:13:35,713
Sir, if you don't return to your seat,
I'm gonna have to call--
297
00:13:35,796 --> 00:13:36,671
The cops.
298
00:13:37,255 --> 00:13:38,213
So that's my wife
299
00:13:38,296 --> 00:13:41,838
talking to that handsome guy over there
with the one chin.
300
00:13:42,171 --> 00:13:46,046
So I'm gonna go break that shit up,
possibly grab myself a beer,
301
00:13:46,130 --> 00:13:47,421
maybe you a Xanax.
302
00:13:49,505 --> 00:13:51,796
...the wine on board is worth a letter.
303
00:13:52,630 --> 00:13:54,796
[Charles] People don't write letters
anymore, do they?
304
00:13:55,338 --> 00:13:58,421
- [Charles] Such a pity.
- It's just, it's all so tactical.
305
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,338
Yeah, that's true.
306
00:14:01,796 --> 00:14:02,671
Hey!
307
00:14:02,755 --> 00:14:03,588
Nick.
308
00:14:03,671 --> 00:14:06,380
- [Nick] How are you?
- Hi, honey. You're awake.
309
00:14:06,838 --> 00:14:08,171
- Was your nappie good?
- Been awake.
310
00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:09,838
- I was looking for you.
- I know, I'm--
311
00:14:09,921 --> 00:14:12,296
- Well, I met this lovely gentleman.
- Oh, yeah?
312
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,755
I'd like you to meet Charles Cavendish.
313
00:14:14,838 --> 00:14:16,421
- He's a lord. Right?
- How do you do?
314
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:18,588
- [Audrey] A lord?
- Well, actually a viscount.
315
00:14:18,671 --> 00:14:21,088
- Oh.
- Although viscounts are addressed as Lord,
316
00:14:21,171 --> 00:14:23,713
which probably accounts
for the lovely Audrey's confusion.
317
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,921
There you go.
She gets confused with me too.
318
00:14:26,005 --> 00:14:28,546
Sometimes I'm the king.
Sometimes I'm Daddy.
319
00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:31,546
So... can I get a Labatts, brother?
320
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:33,796
That'll be 17 euro.
321
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,130
No, no, no. Please.
322
00:14:35,213 --> 00:14:36,380
The beer is on me.
323
00:14:36,463 --> 00:14:39,171
I'm not just taking a beer
from somebody I don't know.
324
00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:40,255
Oh, my gosh.
325
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:44,338
And I do hope you take advantage
of my other offer.
326
00:14:44,421 --> 00:14:46,421
Hey. I'm not just gonna stand here
327
00:14:46,505 --> 00:14:49,130
while you offer to pay me
to have sex with my wife.
328
00:14:49,213 --> 00:14:51,213
But out of curiosity,
how much are we talking?
329
00:14:51,296 --> 00:14:52,463
- Great.
- I wouldn't do it.
330
00:14:52,546 --> 00:14:54,171
- Hey, listen to me.
- What?
331
00:14:54,255 --> 00:14:58,130
He is inviting us to spend the weekend
with him on a yacht with his family.
332
00:14:58,213 --> 00:14:59,630
Well, we have plans.
333
00:15:00,088 --> 00:15:01,630
On a bus.
334
00:15:01,713 --> 00:15:05,296
A bus that is bound
for the idyllic village of San Grigio,
335
00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:09,630
where we can watch a demonstration
on how they age ham.
336
00:15:09,713 --> 00:15:11,963
- Let me explain something.
- Tell me what I'm missing.
337
00:15:12,046 --> 00:15:13,005
- Are you kidding me?
- Go.
338
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,421
We would be sailing
around European harbors.
339
00:15:16,505 --> 00:15:18,671
- Yeah.
- Okay? We'd be eating fresh fish.
340
00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:20,505
- Right.
- And we'd be drinking wine.
341
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:21,963
- Hmm.
- We'd be together.
342
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:22,921
That's nice.
343
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,838
- They have a chef.
- They have a chef.
344
00:15:24,921 --> 00:15:26,630
His name is Maurice. Maurice?
345
00:15:26,713 --> 00:15:28,296
- Maurice, yes.
- Maurice.
346
00:15:28,713 --> 00:15:30,546
"Some people call me Maurice."
347
00:15:30,838 --> 00:15:32,296
[makes distorted whistling sound]
348
00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:33,296
Remember that one?
349
00:15:34,130 --> 00:15:35,630
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
350
00:15:36,671 --> 00:15:37,880
[Nick] I gotcha.
351
00:15:37,963 --> 00:15:38,921
So listen--
352
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,130
What are you doing?
353
00:15:40,213 --> 00:15:43,838
Why would two adults come into a bathroom
on an airplane?
354
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:46,421
Honey, come on.
To have a private conversation.
355
00:15:46,505 --> 00:15:47,588
Ah, that's funny.
356
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:49,630
Listen. I'm just trying to understand
357
00:15:49,713 --> 00:15:53,463
why you are turning down
the opportunity of a lifetime.
358
00:15:53,546 --> 00:15:55,171
Because I don't trust that guy.
359
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,671
- Why?
- 'Cause instincts.
360
00:15:57,755 --> 00:15:58,588
Your instincts?
361
00:15:58,671 --> 00:16:01,088
The same ones that told you
you were about to get laid in here?
362
00:16:01,630 --> 00:16:02,505
I'm not getting laid?
363
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:06,421
Come on! When is the next time you and I
are gonna be able to get on a yacht?
364
00:16:06,505 --> 00:16:09,380
I'm just saying, all those times
we're eating ham sandwiches
365
00:16:09,463 --> 00:16:12,255
and you're always asking,
"How do they age the ham?"
366
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:14,505
- Never had that--
- We'll never ask that question again
367
00:16:14,588 --> 00:16:16,671
- because we'll be in San Grigio.
- That never happened.
368
00:16:16,755 --> 00:16:19,921
They'll give us the reason
on how they do it so perfectly.
369
00:16:20,421 --> 00:16:21,880
Okay. You wanna know the truth?
370
00:16:21,963 --> 00:16:23,338
- You're breaking my heart.
- Why?
371
00:16:23,421 --> 00:16:24,796
I feel like a schmuck
372
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,421
because I've been working my ass off
and saving money, and now you know why.
373
00:16:28,505 --> 00:16:31,088
It was to take us on this trip.
And I know I'm not a duke.
374
00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:33,005
I understand. He's a viscount, but--
375
00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:35,421
- I don't even know what that is.
- I know. It's okay.
376
00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:37,046
I'm sorry.
377
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,005
I love you.
378
00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:40,505
- I got lost. I got swept up in it.
- I know.
379
00:16:40,588 --> 00:16:42,880
But it's okay. We're gonna do the bus.
It's gonna be great.
380
00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:44,630
We'll do the bus.
You're gonna love the bus!
381
00:16:49,338 --> 00:16:53,255
[woman] Hey! Hey, Gonzales.
Where is our welcome glass of champagne?
382
00:16:53,338 --> 00:16:55,130
- We were promised...
- [child] Summer hit me!
383
00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:57,130
[woman]
...a glass of champagne when we arrived...
384
00:16:57,213 --> 00:17:00,380
[man]
Zip it! Both of you! Will you stop that?
385
00:17:00,463 --> 00:17:01,963
I know you hear me!
386
00:17:02,046 --> 00:17:03,213
[overlapping chatter]
387
00:17:03,296 --> 00:17:04,130
[man] Shut up!
388
00:17:04,213 --> 00:17:05,838
Let's do the-- We'll do the yacht, okay?
389
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:06,963
- Thank you.
- All right.
390
00:17:07,046 --> 00:17:08,380
Cavendish!
391
00:17:08,463 --> 00:17:10,796
We've changed our minds. We're gonna come.
392
00:17:11,255 --> 00:17:12,255
Splendid.
393
00:17:12,338 --> 00:17:15,255
["Libre" by Alvaro Soler playing]
394
00:17:32,838 --> 00:17:34,005
- [Audrey] Hello.
- Bienvenidos.
395
00:17:34,088 --> 00:17:35,463
Thank you.
396
00:17:35,546 --> 00:17:37,130
- Thank you.
- De nada.
397
00:17:37,213 --> 00:17:38,921
- This is amazing.
- Señor.
398
00:17:39,005 --> 00:17:40,421
I thought it was gonna be bigger.
399
00:17:40,505 --> 00:17:41,380
- [Audrey] What?
- I did.
400
00:17:41,463 --> 00:17:43,505
- [Audrey] Bigger than this?
- I really did.
401
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:46,130
I bet that's Cavendish's ex-fiancée
402
00:17:46,213 --> 00:17:47,963
who left him for his uncle.
403
00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:51,671
Oh, okay.
I'm starving. Where's that Maurice dude?
404
00:17:51,755 --> 00:17:54,296
Uh, I don't think
we're supposed to talk to him directly.
405
00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:56,296
- Let's wait for dinner.
- Which is when?
406
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,338
I don't-- Honey, it's later.
I don't know. It's Europe, okay?
407
00:17:59,421 --> 00:18:02,671
The bus observes
a standard American dinnertime, so...
408
00:18:03,130 --> 00:18:05,338
[Audrey]
Oh, baby, this is like a painting.
409
00:18:05,421 --> 00:18:07,880
- [Nick] No, it's nice--
- [Audrey] It just doesn't look real.
410
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,963
- [Nick] It's--
- [Audrey] Oh, my God!
411
00:18:10,046 --> 00:18:12,046
Wow. Look. She's so pretty.
412
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:14,046
- [Nick] Very pretty.
- She's that kind of pretty
413
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:16,338
that you don't really know
what country she's from.
414
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:18,505
I mean, I can't tell. Can you tell?
415
00:18:18,588 --> 00:18:19,505
Japan.
416
00:18:19,588 --> 00:18:22,463
Ah, yes, yes. You see? See?
She can hear you.
417
00:18:22,546 --> 00:18:24,588
She's not a-- not on television right now.
418
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,005
- You're watching a real person.
- Shh.
419
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,380
Crashing the party with civilians.
420
00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:30,505
Are you drunk?
421
00:18:30,588 --> 00:18:32,380
It's only noon, Suzi, darling.
422
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,255
Of course I'm drunk.
423
00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:35,588
So, where is your beloved,
424
00:18:35,671 --> 00:18:37,296
Sir Liver Spots?
425
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,588
Malcolm is not here yet.
426
00:18:38,671 --> 00:18:40,463
You know how he likes to make an entrance.
427
00:18:40,838 --> 00:18:44,088
You'd know more about Malcolm's entrances
than anyone at this point.
428
00:18:44,588 --> 00:18:46,755
[Audrey whispers indistinctly]
429
00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:50,296
- Great to meet you. You're terrific.
- Nice to meet you. Pleasure.
430
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,921
[clears throat]
I'm sorry you had to see that.
431
00:18:53,005 --> 00:18:55,005
- Actually, I started to like you.
- She deserved that.
432
00:18:55,088 --> 00:18:57,838
- Very good. You came on strong.
- She is not nice. You're hurt.
433
00:18:57,921 --> 00:18:58,755
Charles.
434
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,671
So glad you could make it.
435
00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:03,213
And you brought guests.
436
00:19:03,296 --> 00:19:05,588
Allow me to introduce my cousin, Tobey.
437
00:19:05,671 --> 00:19:08,630
Malcolm's only son
and the man Suzi would have left me for,
438
00:19:08,713 --> 00:19:10,046
had he not been a screaming queen.
439
00:19:10,505 --> 00:19:13,005
- [Nick] Okay.
- Thank you for having us aboard, sir.
440
00:19:13,088 --> 00:19:14,296
Yeah. Hey, really nice.
441
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:15,713
It's my father's boat.
442
00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:19,380
Oh, well, her father, uh, let me use
his lawnmower one time,
443
00:19:19,463 --> 00:19:21,505
- so I know how that goes.
- Yeah.
444
00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:24,088
How do you know Charles?
445
00:19:24,171 --> 00:19:26,671
Oh. We go back to six hours ago?
446
00:19:26,755 --> 00:19:28,296
- Yes.
- We met on an airplane.
447
00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:30,005
[Audrey] He was very nice to include us.
448
00:19:30,088 --> 00:19:31,963
We have a spare cabin for them, I assume.
449
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:36,421
Well, seeing as you have so much history,
I'm sure we can find some room.
450
00:19:36,505 --> 00:19:39,005
Thank you. Thanks for the warm welcome.
Appreciate it. After you.
451
00:19:39,088 --> 00:19:41,838
- Up here? This keeps going up?
- Really nice of you. So we go this way?
452
00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:44,338
- [Audrey] Wow.
- There's another deck, hun. Another deck!
453
00:19:44,755 --> 00:19:47,463
"Sex-crazed oldster Malcolm Quince
454
00:19:47,546 --> 00:19:51,838
wed 23-year-old ski instructor
Suzi Nakamura this week."
455
00:19:51,921 --> 00:19:54,338
- Mm-hmm.
- "Why would the Tokyo-born tart
456
00:19:54,421 --> 00:19:56,588
trade downhills for dentures?
457
00:19:56,671 --> 00:20:01,046
Perhaps the $70 billion
his son, Tobey, was set to inherit."
458
00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:02,713
- Wow.
- Oh, my God, baby.
459
00:20:03,213 --> 00:20:06,088
We are literally right in the middle
of a TMZ story.
460
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:10,296
You were right about this yacht.
Their shaving cream smells like coconuts.
461
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:12,463
- It's incredible.
- Sorry.
462
00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:14,255
You're allergic to rich people now?
463
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,130
No. Stop it! I'm allergic to stuff.
Would you please grab me the Claritin?
464
00:20:18,213 --> 00:20:19,546
Yes. Here.
465
00:20:20,921 --> 00:20:24,130
Baby, that's Allegra.
You said you packed Claritin.
466
00:20:24,213 --> 00:20:25,171
That's the same thing.
467
00:20:25,255 --> 00:20:27,380
No, honey. Allegra doesn't work for me.
468
00:20:27,838 --> 00:20:28,671
Oh.
469
00:20:29,380 --> 00:20:32,838
Okay. When we get to Monaco,
I'll get you your Claritin.
470
00:20:32,921 --> 00:20:35,380
It's not-- It's gonna be called
something else over there,
471
00:20:35,463 --> 00:20:38,171
I'm telling you.
Just remember, we-- The blue box.
472
00:20:38,255 --> 00:20:42,588
You know, "Allegra" in, uh, French
means the same shit as Claritin.
473
00:20:42,671 --> 00:20:44,213
[chuckles]
474
00:20:44,630 --> 00:20:45,755
- Smile.
- Yes.
475
00:20:45,838 --> 00:20:48,380
[Suzi]
You need to stop drinking. You're a drunk.
476
00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:49,505
[Audrey] Look at him.
477
00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:52,963
Why is he torturing himself like that?
I mean, she's already married to Malcolm.
478
00:20:53,338 --> 00:20:55,588
I don't know what else
he's expecting her to say to him.
479
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,505
- She's saying he's a cad...
- [Audrey gasps]
480
00:20:57,921 --> 00:20:59,796
...and he's saying she's a tramp,
481
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,046
and they're both right.
482
00:21:01,338 --> 00:21:03,213
How do I know you? You're--
483
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,463
You're an actress, right?
484
00:21:04,546 --> 00:21:06,505
All women are actresses, dear.
485
00:21:06,921 --> 00:21:09,046
I'm just clever enough to get paid for it.
486
00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:10,505
Grace Ballard.
487
00:21:11,088 --> 00:21:12,463
Oh! [laughs loudly]
488
00:21:12,546 --> 00:21:13,713
My God!
489
00:21:14,213 --> 00:21:17,630
That's-- This is incr--
I'm a massive fan of yours!
490
00:21:17,713 --> 00:21:19,713
- Like, number one!
- Oh.
491
00:21:19,796 --> 00:21:21,546
- This isn't--
- I know. It's incredible.
492
00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:25,130
I am Nick Spitz. This is my wife, Allison.
493
00:21:25,213 --> 00:21:27,338
- I can't believe--
- Aud-- Audrey. I'm Audrey.
494
00:21:27,421 --> 00:21:28,921
- I said Audrey!
- No, you didn't.
495
00:21:29,005 --> 00:21:31,505
Allison is the character
she played in the--
496
00:21:31,588 --> 00:21:33,880
[stammers] Remember the one?
We watched it together.
497
00:21:33,963 --> 00:21:36,088
Where it's a beautiful lady,
it turns out she's a robot?
498
00:21:36,171 --> 00:21:37,671
- And there's the bra--
- She's the robot!
499
00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:39,880
- There's guns coming out of your bra.
- Yes!
500
00:21:39,963 --> 00:21:41,963
Sex Machina. My breakout role.
501
00:21:42,046 --> 00:21:45,171
So good.
Look at this, right in front of us!
502
00:21:45,255 --> 00:21:47,338
I feel like I got kicked
in the belly right now!
503
00:21:47,421 --> 00:21:49,255
- Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
- I lost my wind!
504
00:21:49,546 --> 00:21:51,546
Let's go put on some sunscreen
'cause it's--
505
00:21:51,630 --> 00:21:53,296
You already put the sunscreen
on me earlier.
506
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:55,713
No, we're gonna-- we're gonna
reapply the sunscreen.
507
00:21:55,796 --> 00:21:57,505
- We're putting more on?
- We're gonna reapply.
508
00:21:57,588 --> 00:21:58,796
All right. We'll put more on.
509
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,963
- So nice to meet you.
- I can't believe-- This is great!
510
00:22:01,046 --> 00:22:02,630
- He's so excited.
- We're on the same ship!
511
00:22:05,255 --> 00:22:08,130
Look at that. It says that her last name
isn't even really Ballard.
512
00:22:08,213 --> 00:22:09,255
Well, so what?
513
00:22:09,838 --> 00:22:11,671
How do you just come out
looking that beautiful?
514
00:22:12,171 --> 00:22:14,380
- Oh, she's had it all done.
- What?
515
00:22:14,713 --> 00:22:17,005
Lips, nose, chin.
516
00:22:17,088 --> 00:22:18,088
No!
517
00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:20,130
People really get their chins done?
518
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:21,588
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh!
519
00:22:21,671 --> 00:22:23,963
That was so directed at me,
it was disgusting.
520
00:22:24,046 --> 00:22:26,046
[Nick] You want me to get my chin done.
And I'm not--
521
00:22:26,130 --> 00:22:28,880
[Audrey] I love you for who you are.
Although it's an option.
522
00:22:28,963 --> 00:22:31,046
- [both laugh]
- Would you guys excuse me for a moment?
523
00:22:31,130 --> 00:22:33,713
- I should say hello to the Maharajah.
- Absolutely.
524
00:22:33,796 --> 00:22:35,838
- Everyone's saying it.
- Do you believe we're on a boat
525
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:38,880
where the guy said, "I'm gonna go have
a conversation with the Maharajah?"
526
00:22:38,963 --> 00:22:40,671
- [laughing] That was big.
- Is this real?
527
00:22:40,755 --> 00:22:41,588
Excuse me, ma'am?
528
00:22:41,671 --> 00:22:44,255
Is there a Maurice here?
'Cause I'm hungry as hell.
529
00:22:44,338 --> 00:22:45,463
Yes, sir. He's preparing.
530
00:22:45,546 --> 00:22:47,338
He's preparing. Okay.
Is he ever gonna finish?
531
00:22:47,671 --> 00:22:49,588
[Nick] Please tell Maurice
to step on the gas.
532
00:22:49,671 --> 00:22:50,713
[suspenseful music playing]
533
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:52,880
- Oh, honey, honey, honey.
- Mm-hmm?
534
00:22:52,963 --> 00:22:56,630
Okay, um, don't look right now,
but there's a really scary man
535
00:22:56,713 --> 00:22:58,088
- with an eye patch...
- Mm-hmm?
536
00:22:58,171 --> 00:23:00,088
...who's just staring right at us.
537
00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:02,130
I said don't look and you can't not do it.
538
00:23:02,213 --> 00:23:03,880
You say eye patch and scary,
I'm gonna look.
539
00:23:03,963 --> 00:23:05,713
I'm sorry.
It's physically impossible not to.
540
00:23:05,796 --> 00:23:07,588
[Audrey] All right. Okay.
He's walking at us.
541
00:23:07,671 --> 00:23:09,213
- Honey, honey.
- Play it cool.
542
00:23:09,296 --> 00:23:11,380
- Hey, fellas. What's up? How are ya?
- [Audrey] Hey. Hi.
543
00:23:11,463 --> 00:23:13,505
- [man] Who let you two on board?
- Excuse me?
544
00:23:13,588 --> 00:23:14,880
What is happening right now?
545
00:23:14,963 --> 00:23:16,963
They're my guests, Colonel.
546
00:23:17,046 --> 00:23:19,421
- This weekend is for family only.
- [Charles] Really?
547
00:23:19,505 --> 00:23:21,588
The last time I checked,
you're not family.
548
00:23:21,963 --> 00:23:24,171
Neither is Soviet Chewbacca over there.
549
00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:25,796
Nick, Audrey.
550
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,505
- Yeah, you're not family for sure.
- Okay.
551
00:23:27,588 --> 00:23:30,296
Jesus. So I see one of them
was packing heat.
552
00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:33,213
- Was I supposed to bring a gun?
- Oh, I doubt it's even loaded.
553
00:23:33,296 --> 00:23:36,713
That's Colonel Charles Ulenga
of the Namibian Defense Force.
554
00:23:36,796 --> 00:23:37,838
Malcolm's best friend.
555
00:23:37,921 --> 00:23:40,296
He saved his life
from a bombing attempt in '94.
556
00:23:40,755 --> 00:23:42,380
That's where he lost his eye and his--
557
00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:44,130
And his dick? Did he lose his dick?
558
00:23:44,213 --> 00:23:47,005
- Honey, why?
- I thought that maybe it was his dick.
559
00:23:47,505 --> 00:23:51,338
And that's Sergei Radjenko,
former Spetsnaz, and his bodyguard.
560
00:23:52,005 --> 00:23:53,796
Crazy eye patch guy needs a bodyguard?
561
00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:56,588
[Audrey] Whoa! The hand!
562
00:23:56,671 --> 00:23:59,338
There's a hand.
It's not on his body anymore.
563
00:24:00,213 --> 00:24:02,171
[Nick] Oh, look at this.
Now he's smoking his dick!
564
00:24:02,255 --> 00:24:04,880
- He's smoking his dick!
- No. Oh, God. Would you stop it?
565
00:24:04,963 --> 00:24:07,255
I'm just having fun. It's a boat.
566
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:09,546
[Audrey] Can I ask you a question?
567
00:24:09,630 --> 00:24:12,630
What exactly... is a maharajah?
568
00:24:12,713 --> 00:24:14,005
Why don't you ask him yourself?
569
00:24:14,088 --> 00:24:14,921
No.
570
00:24:15,005 --> 00:24:17,713
[Charles] Vik, I have some guests
I'd like you to meet.
571
00:24:17,796 --> 00:24:19,421
Nick and Audrey Spitz,
572
00:24:20,046 --> 00:24:24,671
I present the exalted Maharajah
Vikram Shivan Govindan of Mumbai.
573
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:26,921
- Oh, my gosh. It's so--
- Hey.
574
00:24:28,588 --> 00:24:29,963
So nice to--
575
00:24:30,046 --> 00:24:31,171
[Audrey clears throat]
576
00:24:32,463 --> 00:24:33,713
- [Nick] Nice--
- [Audrey] We're--
577
00:24:35,713 --> 00:24:36,671
[snorts]
578
00:24:36,755 --> 00:24:40,421
[in English accent]
Yo-ho-ho! That was very hilarious. Ah!
579
00:24:40,505 --> 00:24:42,213
With all the bowin' and shit.
580
00:24:42,296 --> 00:24:45,088
You know, when a brown person bows,
white people bow back, innit?
581
00:24:45,171 --> 00:24:47,046
- Up high. How about--
- I'm sorry.
582
00:24:47,130 --> 00:24:48,755
He's giving you-- Respect!
583
00:24:48,838 --> 00:24:51,296
- That was very good. Very funny.
- That was a joke.
584
00:24:51,380 --> 00:24:53,296
Audrey has a question
she'd like to ask you.
585
00:24:53,588 --> 00:24:55,005
Let me hear it. [laughs]
586
00:24:55,088 --> 00:24:59,588
Oh. We were actually wondering,
what exactly is a maharajah?
587
00:24:59,671 --> 00:25:01,880
How do you--
Do you have to go to a school for that?
588
00:25:01,963 --> 00:25:03,546
Yeah, I was born into the game.
589
00:25:03,630 --> 00:25:05,713
- Oh, you're born into it.
- Okay, born into it.
590
00:25:05,796 --> 00:25:06,713
[chuckles]
591
00:25:06,796 --> 00:25:07,880
What do you do, Nick?
592
00:25:07,963 --> 00:25:10,088
- I am--
- Nick's a detective.
593
00:25:10,171 --> 00:25:12,463
Tight! You ever wet up anyone?
594
00:25:12,546 --> 00:25:14,755
- What's that?
- Yeah, you know, like drill,
595
00:25:14,838 --> 00:25:17,546
bust a cap, waste. You're like...
[imitates gunfire]
596
00:25:17,630 --> 00:25:19,671
- He's funny. No, never shot anybody.
- No! God!
597
00:25:19,755 --> 00:25:20,630
Which is a good thing.
598
00:25:20,713 --> 00:25:23,713
Nick is-- Well, it's just that
you're a terrible shot.
599
00:25:23,796 --> 00:25:24,963
He's a terrible shot.
600
00:25:25,046 --> 00:25:26,838
He barely got out of the academy
601
00:25:26,921 --> 00:25:30,796
because he couldn't even meet, like,
his minimum marksmanship skills.
602
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:31,796
[chuckling]
603
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,796
Audrey is lactose intolerant.
604
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,505
- She also burps in her sleep.
- What?
605
00:25:35,588 --> 00:25:38,505
I just thought 'cause we are discussing
each other's flaws right now,
606
00:25:38,588 --> 00:25:39,963
you wanted to put it on the table.
607
00:25:40,046 --> 00:25:43,213
I'm sorry I-- Listen, I didn't think
that was a sensitive subject--
608
00:25:43,296 --> 00:25:46,130
It's not a sensitive subject,
I just don't like you telling
609
00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,630
- everybody we meet.
- I'm sorry I brought it up. Never mind.
610
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,421
["Gitanas" by Mala Rodriguez playing]
611
00:26:17,963 --> 00:26:20,255
- [Nick] Whoa.
- Oh, my gosh. Look at this.
612
00:26:20,338 --> 00:26:22,380
- Look at this crazy.
- Wow. Babe.
613
00:26:22,463 --> 00:26:24,963
Well, this room is as nice
as the way you look.
614
00:26:25,046 --> 00:26:28,463
- You look stunning.
- Thank you, honey. That's so sweet.
615
00:26:30,588 --> 00:26:31,630
What?
616
00:26:31,713 --> 00:26:33,088
Everybody's in tuxedos.
617
00:26:33,171 --> 00:26:35,588
- I wish you'd let me pack.
- I shoulda wore socks. You're right.
618
00:26:35,671 --> 00:26:38,630
- Yo! Juan Carlos!
- Hey!
619
00:26:38,713 --> 00:26:41,046
- Oh, good luck, man.
- Hey.
620
00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:44,380
Hi. Hi, there.
What are we wishing you good luck for?
621
00:26:44,463 --> 00:26:47,921
Well, he is racing
in the Monaco Grand Prix tomorrow.
622
00:26:48,005 --> 00:26:49,796
Wow. That's big.
623
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,005
Juan Carlos Rivera,
let me introduce you to--
624
00:26:55,171 --> 00:26:57,546
Steve and Lady Steve.
625
00:26:58,130 --> 00:26:59,130
- [Audrey] What?
- [Nick] No.
626
00:26:59,213 --> 00:27:01,130
- [Audrey] No, no.
- I mean, if you want.
627
00:27:01,213 --> 00:27:03,505
- Just met us once.
- Yeah, all right. I'm gonna...
628
00:27:03,588 --> 00:27:04,588
- I'm Audrey.
- ...go again.
629
00:27:04,671 --> 00:27:06,338
I'm Nick, and then we're the Spitzes.
630
00:27:06,421 --> 00:27:07,880
Juan Carlos, huh?
631
00:27:07,963 --> 00:27:09,046
[Nick] Hey, Juan Carlos.
632
00:27:09,130 --> 00:27:10,421
So you're a race car driver.
633
00:27:11,046 --> 00:27:12,796
Good, yes. [chuckles]
634
00:27:13,130 --> 00:27:15,255
Wow. How do you
get into something like that?
635
00:27:15,588 --> 00:27:17,588
Uh, number one, yes.
636
00:27:18,046 --> 00:27:19,463
You don't speak English, do you?
637
00:27:19,546 --> 00:27:20,463
[laughs]
638
00:27:20,546 --> 00:27:22,671
Uh, very fast. Very fast.
639
00:27:22,755 --> 00:27:24,130
- Huh? Welcome.
- Okay.
640
00:27:24,213 --> 00:27:26,213
[ominous music playing]
641
00:27:38,296 --> 00:27:39,338
What's that?
642
00:27:40,088 --> 00:27:42,463
That is the Quince dagger.
643
00:27:43,588 --> 00:27:46,463
[Charles] Chinese steel,
jewels from across the Orient.
644
00:27:47,005 --> 00:27:49,421
A gift to the family from Marco Polo,
645
00:27:49,755 --> 00:27:50,963
or so the legend says.
646
00:27:51,046 --> 00:27:51,921
God.
647
00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:54,796
Nick's grandmother gave us
a toaster from Sears.
648
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,880
[chuckles] So the legend says.
649
00:27:58,796 --> 00:28:00,463
[dramatic music playing]
650
00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:02,213
[thud]
651
00:28:03,588 --> 00:28:04,588
[thud]
652
00:28:06,005 --> 00:28:07,005
[thud]
653
00:28:08,338 --> 00:28:09,963
Oh, look.
654
00:28:10,046 --> 00:28:12,046
- [thud]
- Here comes Daddy.
655
00:28:12,421 --> 00:28:13,755
[thudding continues]
656
00:28:13,838 --> 00:28:14,838
What's that?
657
00:28:26,338 --> 00:28:27,588
Captain Wong,
658
00:28:28,046 --> 00:28:30,546
I'd like to address my guests privately.
659
00:28:30,796 --> 00:28:31,755
Certainly.
660
00:28:41,005 --> 00:28:41,880
My friends,
661
00:28:42,713 --> 00:28:45,380
welcome to the Mediterranean Queen.
662
00:28:45,463 --> 00:28:48,130
I can't tell you
how much it warms my heart
663
00:28:48,755 --> 00:28:50,963
that you have made this trip here
664
00:28:51,046 --> 00:28:52,921
to celebrate my nuptials.
665
00:28:53,005 --> 00:28:55,171
You will find, as you get older,
666
00:28:55,671 --> 00:28:57,796
that you begin to take stock of life.
667
00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:01,255
Not just where you've succeeded,
668
00:29:02,213 --> 00:29:03,505
but where you've failed.
669
00:29:05,255 --> 00:29:06,088
Who...
670
00:29:06,838 --> 00:29:07,838
you've failed.
671
00:29:15,213 --> 00:29:16,213
Suzi,
672
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,380
my darling bride,
673
00:29:18,921 --> 00:29:21,963
who has so much of her life ahead of her.
674
00:29:23,796 --> 00:29:27,755
Grace, who shines so brightly
on the silver screen.
675
00:29:33,755 --> 00:29:36,005
Juan Carlos, my godson,
676
00:29:36,630 --> 00:29:39,963
who strives to lead my race team
to victory.
677
00:29:42,838 --> 00:29:43,838
You--
678
00:29:46,296 --> 00:29:47,255
Who are you?
679
00:29:48,713 --> 00:29:51,296
- Oh. Hey. We're the Spitzes.
- We're the--
680
00:29:51,671 --> 00:29:52,546
The who?
681
00:29:52,921 --> 00:29:55,463
Uh, I'm Audrey, and Nick Spitz.
682
00:29:55,838 --> 00:29:57,171
- Great.
- We love the boat.
683
00:29:57,255 --> 00:29:59,380
- A boat? I mean, this is a ship.
- It's beyond.
684
00:29:59,463 --> 00:30:01,755
- Never seen anything like this.
- Eric Lamonsoff has a boat.
685
00:30:01,838 --> 00:30:03,380
We go fishing. He's got a Boston Whaler.
686
00:30:03,463 --> 00:30:04,505
This is gigantic.
687
00:30:04,588 --> 00:30:06,296
They're my guests, Uncle.
688
00:30:06,588 --> 00:30:08,255
You brought guests?
689
00:30:08,338 --> 00:30:10,880
Well, you did take my plus-one.
690
00:30:11,588 --> 00:30:13,588
I'm so sorry. Would you like us to leave?
691
00:30:13,671 --> 00:30:16,046
We could-- I don't know
how we're getting out of here, though.
692
00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:18,921
We're-- We're out to sea.
Is there an Uber for boats?
693
00:30:19,005 --> 00:30:21,213
- Out-- Out of the room, Nick.
- Out of the room?
694
00:30:21,296 --> 00:30:22,838
We can go out of the room, absolutely--
695
00:30:22,921 --> 00:30:23,796
No.
696
00:30:24,380 --> 00:30:26,005
That won't be necessary.
697
00:30:26,338 --> 00:30:28,421
- Okay. So we'll stick around.
- So we stay. Okay.
698
00:30:29,213 --> 00:30:30,796
My nephew, Charles,
699
00:30:31,546 --> 00:30:33,963
who always finds a way
to keep me on my toes.
700
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:39,796
My friend, the Colonel,
who's kept me safe these many years.
701
00:30:40,755 --> 00:30:45,963
Vikram, whose family fortunes have
always been intertwined with my own.
702
00:30:50,380 --> 00:30:51,963
And my Tobias.
703
00:30:52,921 --> 00:30:55,005
All I ever wanted was a son,
704
00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:57,213
and here you are.
705
00:30:58,005 --> 00:30:59,505
My boy.
706
00:31:03,463 --> 00:31:07,088
I've spoken to all of you
about your position in my will.
707
00:31:07,755 --> 00:31:12,005
I have thought long and hard
about what each of you is truly worth,
708
00:31:13,046 --> 00:31:15,171
and I've come to this conclusion.
709
00:31:16,380 --> 00:31:18,796
You are all leeches.
710
00:31:19,588 --> 00:31:20,671
Repugnant.
711
00:31:21,213 --> 00:31:22,255
Blood fat.
712
00:31:22,713 --> 00:31:27,255
Suckling on the tit of my good work
for so many years.
713
00:31:29,213 --> 00:31:30,546
You repulse me.
714
00:31:34,463 --> 00:31:36,546
[under breath]
Can't get this on a bus, baby.
715
00:31:36,630 --> 00:31:38,088
- This is incredible.
- I know it.
716
00:31:38,171 --> 00:31:39,296
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
717
00:31:39,380 --> 00:31:42,130
[Malcolm]
Which is why I have drafted a new will.
718
00:31:43,380 --> 00:31:46,005
It states that my entire fortune
719
00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:48,046
goes to Suzi.
720
00:31:48,130 --> 00:31:49,338
[scoffs]
721
00:31:51,838 --> 00:31:53,588
[Malcolm] From this moment forth,
722
00:31:54,005 --> 00:31:55,463
you are all cut off.
723
00:31:56,505 --> 00:31:57,796
Abandoned.
724
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,005
And perhaps,
after I've done you this kindness,
725
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,130
you will finally be able to make
something of yourselves...
726
00:32:05,755 --> 00:32:06,880
on your own.
727
00:32:06,963 --> 00:32:08,255
[sighs]
728
00:32:15,421 --> 00:32:18,421
Apparently, she's had enough of my caviar.
729
00:32:18,505 --> 00:32:19,463
[laughs]
730
00:32:19,546 --> 00:32:21,130
- That was funny.
- Shh.
731
00:32:21,213 --> 00:32:22,296
[Malcolm] Darling.
732
00:32:26,130 --> 00:32:27,755
[Charles]
You could've signed this at home.
733
00:32:28,255 --> 00:32:30,838
Instead, you called us here
to humiliate us?
734
00:32:30,921 --> 00:32:33,380
[Malcolm] Yes, and you came running.
735
00:32:33,463 --> 00:32:34,671
Father, don't do this.
736
00:32:35,588 --> 00:32:36,796
Or what?
737
00:32:38,796 --> 00:32:39,838
[Malcolm] Yes.
738
00:32:40,380 --> 00:32:41,755
That's what I thought.
739
00:32:52,963 --> 00:32:54,171
[shouting]
740
00:32:54,255 --> 00:32:55,880
- [gunshot]
- [screaming]
741
00:32:55,963 --> 00:32:58,213
[Vik] Don't shoot me!
Don't shoot me, please!
742
00:32:58,588 --> 00:33:00,046
- Daddy!
- [screams]
743
00:33:00,130 --> 00:33:02,588
[yelling and screaming]
744
00:33:02,671 --> 00:33:04,671
[dramatic music playing]
745
00:33:12,088 --> 00:33:13,338
[Suzi gasps]
746
00:33:13,630 --> 00:33:14,755
You shot him!
747
00:33:14,838 --> 00:33:16,005
No!
748
00:33:16,088 --> 00:33:17,546
I saw someone stab him.
749
00:33:17,630 --> 00:33:19,088
- Who?
- I don't know.
750
00:33:19,171 --> 00:33:20,380
What happened? I heard a scr--
751
00:33:20,463 --> 00:33:21,588
[gasps]
752
00:33:21,671 --> 00:33:22,713
Malcolm!
753
00:33:22,796 --> 00:33:24,046
Oh, God!
754
00:33:24,671 --> 00:33:26,671
Has anybody tried to revive him?
755
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:29,755
He's got a knife plunged in his heart.
I don't think he's revivable.
756
00:33:29,838 --> 00:33:30,838
Should we pull it out?
757
00:33:30,921 --> 00:33:33,171
No. It's a foot-long knife.
It's just like pulling--
758
00:33:33,255 --> 00:33:35,796
[all yelling]
759
00:33:36,005 --> 00:33:36,880
[screams]
760
00:33:36,963 --> 00:33:38,130
Oh, God!
761
00:33:38,213 --> 00:33:41,546
Wow! You should have left the knife in
for the po-po, Colonel, man!
762
00:33:41,630 --> 00:33:43,088
- I'll put it back.
- Don't put it back.
763
00:33:43,171 --> 00:33:46,713
[all yelling]
764
00:33:46,796 --> 00:33:49,130
Oh! Will you listen to my husband?
He's a detective.
765
00:33:49,213 --> 00:33:51,213
Yes, yes. What should we do, Mr. Officer?
766
00:33:51,296 --> 00:33:55,838
Well, for starters, let's stop removing
and reinserting the murder weapon
767
00:33:55,921 --> 00:33:57,380
into the victim's chest.
768
00:33:57,463 --> 00:34:00,005
In fact, let's stop
touching the body altogether.
769
00:34:00,088 --> 00:34:01,713
He was gonna take it all away.
770
00:34:03,005 --> 00:34:04,213
For you.
771
00:34:05,630 --> 00:34:06,463
[Vik] Yo...
772
00:34:07,296 --> 00:34:08,380
Did he sign it?
773
00:34:13,046 --> 00:34:13,880
No.
774
00:34:13,963 --> 00:34:14,880
Yes!
775
00:34:14,963 --> 00:34:17,338
We should make sure
he doesn't have another copy on him.
776
00:34:17,630 --> 00:34:18,463
Uh-- Mm-mm.
777
00:34:18,546 --> 00:34:21,296
Rifling through the pockets of the corpse
counts as touching, yup.
778
00:34:21,380 --> 00:34:24,130
Sorry to single you out like that,
Ms. Ballard. You're wonderful.
779
00:34:24,213 --> 00:34:26,505
- You look extravagant tonight.
- [Audrey] Okay. What's next?
780
00:34:26,588 --> 00:34:28,546
We have to preserve the crime scene.
781
00:34:28,630 --> 00:34:31,338
Captain Wong, is there any way
you can lock off this place?
782
00:34:31,671 --> 00:34:32,588
Yes, of course.
783
00:34:32,671 --> 00:34:35,088
So we should then start
questioning the suspects.
784
00:34:35,380 --> 00:34:36,546
Suspects?
785
00:34:36,630 --> 00:34:38,213
We're not questioning anybody.
786
00:34:38,296 --> 00:34:40,921
Wong, when you finish locking up here,
you bring me the key.
787
00:34:41,005 --> 00:34:44,380
Then you radio Interpol, tell 'em
we'll meet 'em at the docks in Monaco.
788
00:34:44,463 --> 00:34:47,671
In the meantime, I'm gonna check
the shrimp out a little closer.
789
00:34:47,921 --> 00:34:49,213
For the investigation?
790
00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:51,463
No, Wong, because I'm hungry as shit.
791
00:34:51,546 --> 00:34:54,546
The rest of you, I'd lock yourselves
in your chambers or your yacht rooms
792
00:34:54,630 --> 00:34:55,921
because one of us...
793
00:34:57,171 --> 00:34:58,255
is a murderer.
794
00:34:58,338 --> 00:34:59,338
[gasps]
795
00:35:03,796 --> 00:35:05,630
- Audrey.
- Yeah?
796
00:35:05,713 --> 00:35:07,088
Get the cocktail sauce.
797
00:35:07,713 --> 00:35:08,671
Yep.
798
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:34,588
Wait a second. What on earth is on these?
799
00:35:34,671 --> 00:35:38,755
I don't know. This Maurice guy must
breastfeed each shrimp individually.
800
00:35:38,838 --> 00:35:40,380
I mean, they live so well.
801
00:35:40,463 --> 00:35:41,963
- Oh, God, yeah.
- God.
802
00:35:43,088 --> 00:35:44,963
All right. Where were we?
Okay, okay, okay.
803
00:35:45,546 --> 00:35:48,755
You know what? There had to be
two people in on the killing.
804
00:35:48,838 --> 00:35:51,338
Because how could they know
when the lights were gonna go out?
805
00:35:51,421 --> 00:35:53,255
- That's smart, that's smart.
- Right?
806
00:35:53,338 --> 00:35:55,505
I'm tired as hell right now.
I'm gonna go to sleep.
807
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:56,880
- Are you kidding me?
- What?
808
00:35:57,296 --> 00:35:58,380
You're not jet-lagged?
809
00:35:58,463 --> 00:36:00,463
[Nick breathing heavily]
810
00:36:02,338 --> 00:36:04,171
- Nick.
- [groans]
811
00:36:04,255 --> 00:36:06,213
- Honey, come on, seriously.
- Huh?
812
00:36:06,296 --> 00:36:07,505
Who do you think did it?
813
00:36:08,546 --> 00:36:10,046
I don't think. I know.
814
00:36:10,796 --> 00:36:11,713
Who?
815
00:36:12,005 --> 00:36:13,255
It was the son.
816
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:15,421
- Tobey.
- No.
817
00:36:15,505 --> 00:36:18,630
No way. Not a chance. It's too obvious.
818
00:36:18,713 --> 00:36:21,255
The most obvious suspect
is never, never the killer.
819
00:36:21,338 --> 00:36:24,671
The most obvious suspect
is always the killer.
820
00:36:24,755 --> 00:36:29,505
When a wife gets killed,
90% of the time it was the husband.
821
00:36:30,963 --> 00:36:32,755
Why did you just use that as an example?
822
00:36:32,838 --> 00:36:33,671
[Nick murmurs]
823
00:36:33,755 --> 00:36:34,796
And I disagree.
824
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,130
I think people are more complicated
than that.
825
00:36:39,171 --> 00:36:41,921
Judging off of what?
Those books that you read?
826
00:36:42,505 --> 00:36:44,921
People are simple, okay?
827
00:36:45,005 --> 00:36:45,963
It was Tobey.
828
00:36:46,046 --> 00:36:49,546
He had the most to gain,
and he also had the most to lose.
829
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,296
Which is exactly why he's not the killer.
830
00:36:53,921 --> 00:36:55,921
Did you ever fool around on a boat?
831
00:36:56,463 --> 00:36:58,005
Do you know how much fun that could be?
832
00:36:58,088 --> 00:37:00,171
I just lay here
and the boat does all the work.
833
00:37:00,255 --> 00:37:02,546
- That's so convenient for you.
- You know I have a bad back.
834
00:37:02,630 --> 00:37:04,130
So convenient for you.
835
00:37:04,213 --> 00:37:05,421
[Nick groans]
836
00:37:05,505 --> 00:37:07,046
What about the lights?
837
00:37:07,130 --> 00:37:10,213
Yeah, leave 'em on. I don't care.
Either way. Lady's choice.
838
00:37:10,296 --> 00:37:12,880
Shh! No. Who turned out those lights?
839
00:37:12,963 --> 00:37:14,130
- [gunshot]
- [yelps]
840
00:37:14,213 --> 00:37:15,505
[woman screaming]
841
00:37:15,588 --> 00:37:17,296
What?! Oh!
842
00:37:21,171 --> 00:37:22,213
[gasps]
843
00:37:28,046 --> 00:37:30,171
Don't look at me like that. I can feel it.
844
00:37:54,380 --> 00:37:55,963
[indistinct chatter]
845
00:37:59,671 --> 00:38:00,546
[sneezes]
846
00:38:00,630 --> 00:38:02,546
- I'm sorry. Excuse me.
- Will you take the Allegra?
847
00:38:02,630 --> 00:38:03,796
It's the same stuff.
848
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,755
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Oh, God.
849
00:38:09,046 --> 00:38:11,213
[Audrey] Enter the brilliant
yet tortured detective,
850
00:38:11,505 --> 00:38:12,505
right on cue.
851
00:38:13,255 --> 00:38:14,380
[man] Mesdames, messieurs.
852
00:38:16,421 --> 00:38:19,130
My name is Inspector Laurent Delacroix.
853
00:38:20,963 --> 00:38:25,005
I will now summon you one by one
to the grand lounge for questioning.
854
00:38:28,755 --> 00:38:30,671
[camera shutter clicking in background]
855
00:38:31,171 --> 00:38:33,713
Why is that smoke ring so good?
How did he do that?
856
00:38:36,130 --> 00:38:38,171
Oh, you broke it. You broke it.
857
00:38:46,046 --> 00:38:47,088
[inhales deeply]
858
00:38:47,171 --> 00:38:48,921
[sighs]
859
00:38:49,838 --> 00:38:51,421
Tell me about Malcolm Quince.
860
00:38:51,921 --> 00:38:54,296
He was the most wonderful--
861
00:38:54,380 --> 00:38:55,505
Swine.
862
00:38:55,588 --> 00:38:57,630
He was the love of my life.
863
00:38:57,713 --> 00:38:59,838
He was a complicated man.
864
00:39:01,130 --> 00:39:02,963
Describe to me what happened.
865
00:39:03,546 --> 00:39:08,338
Yo, Mr. French Policeman, man.
It was mad. Lights went out.
866
00:39:08,421 --> 00:39:10,880
[Colonel] I thought I saw something move,
and I shot.
867
00:39:10,963 --> 00:39:12,546
[imitates gun, yells]
868
00:39:13,713 --> 00:39:14,630
Yes.
869
00:39:14,713 --> 00:39:15,546
Finish line.
870
00:39:15,630 --> 00:39:17,713
The old man got what was coming to him.
871
00:39:17,796 --> 00:39:19,546
One-eight-seven, motherfu--
872
00:39:21,796 --> 00:39:23,588
Did anyone touch the body?
873
00:39:25,380 --> 00:39:26,463
No.
874
00:39:26,546 --> 00:39:30,255
And did you notice anything else
out of the ordinary?
875
00:39:31,130 --> 00:39:33,630
- [all] The Americans.
- Yes, number one. Yes.
876
00:39:37,588 --> 00:39:39,296
[Audrey] Aren't you gonna, um...
877
00:39:39,380 --> 00:39:40,838
Aren't you gonna separate us?
878
00:39:42,838 --> 00:39:43,713
Pardon?
879
00:39:44,171 --> 00:39:45,880
- For the interrogation.
- [Nick] Okay.
880
00:39:45,963 --> 00:39:47,588
Question us separately, see if our...
881
00:39:47,671 --> 00:39:49,505
- What are you doing?
- ...answers match.
882
00:39:49,588 --> 00:39:52,380
What? I'm just saying,
our answers will match
883
00:39:52,463 --> 00:39:54,296
- because we're innocent.
- Yeah, that's right.
884
00:39:55,796 --> 00:39:56,713
There we go.
885
00:39:56,796 --> 00:39:59,338
God, you are really good at that.
[chuckles]
886
00:39:59,588 --> 00:40:02,963
We found this in Tobey Quince's suite.
887
00:40:03,630 --> 00:40:05,838
A typewritten suicide note
888
00:40:05,921 --> 00:40:08,671
in which he confesses
to the murder of his father.
889
00:40:09,255 --> 00:40:10,088
Typewritten?
890
00:40:10,171 --> 00:40:12,338
- Mm-mm.
- That's not very common.
891
00:40:12,796 --> 00:40:14,546
- Very suspicious.
- [Nick] Yes.
892
00:40:14,630 --> 00:40:17,963
Yeah, obviously someone is trying
to frame Tobey for his father's murder.
893
00:40:18,046 --> 00:40:18,880
[murmurs]
894
00:40:18,963 --> 00:40:21,421
- [Audrey] This is amazing.
- [Nick] Look how excited she is.
895
00:40:21,505 --> 00:40:23,296
So where's your head at
with this whole thing?
896
00:40:23,380 --> 00:40:24,963
I mean, who are your chief suspects?
897
00:40:26,338 --> 00:40:27,171
You.
898
00:40:27,255 --> 00:40:29,255
- Woo, yes.
- Right, of course,
899
00:40:29,338 --> 00:40:32,713
- 'cause everybody is a suspect.
- Especially her. [laughs]
900
00:40:32,796 --> 00:40:36,255
This is a group of friends and family
who have known each other for years.
901
00:40:36,338 --> 00:40:39,338
You two show up, and ten hours later,
two of them are dead.
902
00:40:40,088 --> 00:40:40,963
Coincidence?
903
00:40:41,463 --> 00:40:43,046
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
904
00:40:43,130 --> 00:40:44,463
- Coincidence.
- Wait. Excuse me.
905
00:40:44,546 --> 00:40:46,046
Are you saying that your theory
906
00:40:46,130 --> 00:40:50,338
is that the two of us conned our way
onto a stranger's boat at the last minute
907
00:40:50,421 --> 00:40:54,421
to commit premeditated murder
that benefits us in no way?
908
00:40:54,505 --> 00:40:55,380
That's your theory?
909
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,421
Perhaps someone paid you to do it.
910
00:40:57,505 --> 00:40:59,088
- No.
- Paid us to do it? [laughs]
911
00:40:59,171 --> 00:41:01,963
Oh, my gosh. I would love to see that.
Show me that money.
912
00:41:02,046 --> 00:41:04,005
[Audrey] Do you want to see
our bank statements?
913
00:41:04,380 --> 00:41:06,338
[stammers] We're broke.
914
00:41:06,421 --> 00:41:08,380
Desperate for money. I see.
915
00:41:08,463 --> 00:41:10,421
Now you gave him a motive.
916
00:41:10,505 --> 00:41:12,671
- No, no, no. I know. Just don't...
- We did this because--
917
00:41:12,755 --> 00:41:14,671
- ...take my words out of context.
- We got nothing.
918
00:41:14,755 --> 00:41:16,171
- That's all we got, is nothing.
- No.
919
00:41:16,255 --> 00:41:19,546
Listen, I am talking to you,
detective to detective.
920
00:41:20,088 --> 00:41:21,046
We didn't do this.
921
00:41:21,130 --> 00:41:23,588
- You can see in my eyes. You can tell.
- Mm-mm.
922
00:41:24,088 --> 00:41:27,338
Perhaps I will have
that word with you independently.
923
00:41:28,130 --> 00:41:29,296
I di-- Hey!
924
00:41:30,630 --> 00:41:31,546
I can get up.
925
00:41:31,630 --> 00:41:32,963
Hey, okay.
926
00:41:33,046 --> 00:41:34,463
[Nick] I'll be out in a minute.
927
00:41:34,963 --> 00:41:36,046
[Nick] I love you.
928
00:41:36,130 --> 00:41:38,713
I'm sorry. She's just excited
because it's--
929
00:41:38,796 --> 00:41:41,213
- She reads books, and this is fun for her.
- [door closes]
930
00:41:43,546 --> 00:41:46,171
You wish me to believe you're innocent.
931
00:41:46,255 --> 00:41:48,671
Unfortunately, I do not believe liars.
932
00:41:48,755 --> 00:41:50,255
But I'm telling you the truth.
933
00:41:50,338 --> 00:41:52,796
And how long
have you been lying to your wife?
934
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:53,713
Excuse me?
935
00:41:54,630 --> 00:41:57,630
You did not think that we would
investigate your background,
936
00:41:58,088 --> 00:42:01,546
Sergeant Nicholas Spitz, NYPD?
937
00:42:02,005 --> 00:42:05,380
Failed his detective's exam three times.
938
00:42:05,463 --> 00:42:07,588
You are, how you do say,
939
00:42:07,671 --> 00:42:08,921
cop on the beat,
940
00:42:09,005 --> 00:42:11,088
not detective as you so claim.
941
00:42:11,838 --> 00:42:12,838
So I...
942
00:42:13,838 --> 00:42:15,421
tell people I'm a detective.
943
00:42:15,505 --> 00:42:16,713
There's--
944
00:42:16,796 --> 00:42:18,005
That's not a crime.
945
00:42:18,380 --> 00:42:21,213
Impersonating a detective is a crime.
946
00:42:21,630 --> 00:42:23,005
I didn't think it was a crime here.
947
00:42:23,088 --> 00:42:24,796
I thought maybe you guys
had different rules.
948
00:42:25,296 --> 00:42:27,005
That doesn't make us murderers.
949
00:42:27,088 --> 00:42:30,671
A broke, failed man, lying to his wife?
I think it does.
950
00:42:30,963 --> 00:42:33,463
You don't have any evidence.
You can't hold us.
951
00:42:33,546 --> 00:42:35,880
No, but I can hold these.
952
00:42:37,088 --> 00:42:40,588
I believe Mr. Cavendish has provided
accommodations for you
953
00:42:40,671 --> 00:42:43,755
at the Hotel de Savoie,
so you won't be on the street.
954
00:42:44,421 --> 00:42:47,380
But mark my words, Officer Spitz,
955
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:51,671
I will not rest until I prove
that you committed these murders.
956
00:42:52,296 --> 00:42:53,255
And I...
957
00:42:54,088 --> 00:42:57,463
will rest, because I'm tired as shit,
at that hotel you just said.
958
00:42:57,546 --> 00:42:59,046
It sounds like a good one.
959
00:42:59,130 --> 00:43:01,713
But after I'm well-rested
and I eat breakfast--
960
00:43:01,796 --> 00:43:04,421
hopefully the guy cooks
as good as Maurice--
961
00:43:05,255 --> 00:43:07,796
I will not rest until I prove to you
962
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,171
we have nothing to do with these murders.
963
00:43:15,005 --> 00:43:15,838
[man] Juan Carlos!
964
00:43:15,921 --> 00:43:17,130
[woman] Juan Carlos!
965
00:43:17,213 --> 00:43:18,838
[crowd clamors]
966
00:43:20,671 --> 00:43:23,005
[Audrey] Charles said
that everyone's gonna be at this race,
967
00:43:23,088 --> 00:43:24,921
so whoever did this is gonna be there.
968
00:43:25,005 --> 00:43:26,296
We have to figure out who it is.
969
00:43:26,380 --> 00:43:29,505
I know we've gotta figure it out.
This isn't one of your books, sweetheart.
970
00:43:29,588 --> 00:43:32,046
I mean, it's like one of your books,
but this is real.
971
00:43:32,130 --> 00:43:34,255
Like, two people are dead, for real.
972
00:43:34,338 --> 00:43:36,255
- I know.
- There's a real killer on the real loose.
973
00:43:36,338 --> 00:43:37,505
Hey, babe. Relax.
974
00:43:37,588 --> 00:43:39,171
What's-- What's wrong with you?
975
00:43:39,255 --> 00:43:41,921
For real? Come on. Will you just focus...
976
00:43:42,005 --> 00:43:43,005
- Fine.
- ...on this with me?
977
00:43:43,088 --> 00:43:44,671
Um, yes. Uh...
978
00:43:44,755 --> 00:43:47,671
[Nick] Okay. So there are three basic
motives for every murder.
979
00:43:47,755 --> 00:43:49,671
[Audrey] Yes. The first one is money.
980
00:43:49,755 --> 00:43:50,630
Right.
981
00:43:50,713 --> 00:43:52,671
Everyone was in Quince's will,
except Suzi.
982
00:43:52,755 --> 00:43:54,713
- Okay.
- All right. The second one is love.
983
00:43:54,796 --> 00:43:57,130
We know nobody loved that guy
'cause he was kind of a prick.
984
00:43:57,213 --> 00:43:58,296
Suzi might have loved him.
985
00:43:58,380 --> 00:44:00,630
- That's what you would think--
- Okay, what's the third one?
986
00:44:00,713 --> 00:44:01,880
- Revenge.
- Right.
987
00:44:01,963 --> 00:44:03,588
That's the one
we should be thinking about.
988
00:44:03,671 --> 00:44:06,046
I'm telling you, if we figure out
who hates this guy the most,
989
00:44:06,130 --> 00:44:07,005
that's our killer.
990
00:44:07,088 --> 00:44:08,421
Okay. Okay.
991
00:44:08,505 --> 00:44:11,005
[engines revving]
992
00:44:11,088 --> 00:44:12,296
[horn sounds]
993
00:44:15,296 --> 00:44:17,296
[camera shutter clicking]
994
00:44:18,088 --> 00:44:20,796
So, this beard... It's incredible.
995
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,671
Do you oil that or condition?
996
00:44:23,755 --> 00:44:25,255
You won't get anything out of him.
997
00:44:25,338 --> 00:44:26,671
Oh, my gosh.
998
00:44:26,755 --> 00:44:29,796
Most of his life, he's been serving men
like me and Malcolm,
999
00:44:30,130 --> 00:44:32,005
despite being an heir to millions.
1000
00:44:32,088 --> 00:44:33,296
He's rich, too?
1001
00:44:33,380 --> 00:44:35,713
He's supposed to be,
but he's one of 16 children,
1002
00:44:35,796 --> 00:44:37,713
and he's half French.
1003
00:44:37,796 --> 00:44:40,255
Are you familiar
with French inheritance law?
1004
00:44:40,630 --> 00:44:41,588
Broad strokes.
1005
00:44:41,671 --> 00:44:44,130
That Colonel guy,
he's getting on my nerves.
1006
00:44:44,213 --> 00:44:45,796
- Yeah.
- Shit. Walking around
1007
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,463
- saying you killed both those guys.
- Huh?
1008
00:44:47,546 --> 00:44:48,755
- Yeah.
- What?
1009
00:44:48,838 --> 00:44:50,255
And I'm like, come on.
1010
00:44:50,338 --> 00:44:53,963
- My man wouldn't do--
- Yo. Look, yo. I didn't do nothing, son.
1011
00:44:54,046 --> 00:44:56,213
- It doesn't matter what the will says.
- Uh-huh.
1012
00:44:56,296 --> 00:44:59,171
The fortune must be divided equally
among the offspring.
1013
00:44:59,255 --> 00:45:01,088
Why do the French have such a law?
1014
00:45:01,171 --> 00:45:05,380
Well, they do it to keep all Frenchmen
from doing what Malcolm was trying to do,
1015
00:45:05,463 --> 00:45:07,921
and leaving everything
to their mistresses.
1016
00:45:08,005 --> 00:45:09,046
[Audrey] Oh.
1017
00:45:09,963 --> 00:45:11,380
- My theory is...
- Yeah?
1018
00:45:11,755 --> 00:45:13,088
...Juan Carlos done it, man.
1019
00:45:13,171 --> 00:45:14,838
What? Why would he do that?
1020
00:45:14,921 --> 00:45:17,588
Well, Juan Carlos's dad
used to race for Malcolm.
1021
00:45:17,671 --> 00:45:21,713
Malcolm tried to get slick on some
safety angle, and shit got overlooked.
1022
00:45:21,796 --> 00:45:23,046
- Yeah?
- Okay.
1023
00:45:24,130 --> 00:45:27,921
Juan Carlos's dad lost both his legs, G.
1024
00:45:28,005 --> 00:45:29,963
Yeah, straight up.
[imitates bones snapping]
1025
00:45:30,046 --> 00:45:31,130
- Oh.
- Gone.
1026
00:45:31,213 --> 00:45:32,421
So it's payback time.
1027
00:45:32,505 --> 00:45:34,088
A hundred percent of a doubt.
1028
00:45:34,755 --> 00:45:35,588
Wh-What?
1029
00:45:35,921 --> 00:45:38,005
- Juan Carlos is your man.
- Oh, yeah.
1030
00:45:38,088 --> 00:45:39,255
You guarantee that?
1031
00:45:39,338 --> 00:45:40,338
Guarantee.
1032
00:45:40,421 --> 00:45:41,755
Respect.
1033
00:45:42,671 --> 00:45:44,421
Or maybe Sergei could have done it.
1034
00:45:46,046 --> 00:45:48,213
- Yeah.
- Okay. So you're not guaranteeing it.
1035
00:45:48,296 --> 00:45:49,588
No, not a hundred percent. No.
1036
00:45:53,921 --> 00:45:56,088
- [sneezes]
- Oh! Bless you.
1037
00:45:56,755 --> 00:45:58,213
Would you like some Allegra?
1038
00:45:58,713 --> 00:46:01,046
- I doubt that would be useful.
- I know.
1039
00:46:01,130 --> 00:46:03,338
It doesn't work.
I tried to tell that to Nick.
1040
00:46:06,046 --> 00:46:07,380
Do you need something?
1041
00:46:07,963 --> 00:46:09,921
Uh, no. Mm-mm.
1042
00:46:10,755 --> 00:46:13,880
The guy that throws me off the most--
Cavendish--
1043
00:46:13,963 --> 00:46:17,921
to me, he seems like
he's compensating for something,
1044
00:46:18,005 --> 00:46:20,046
with the Great Gatsby look and the jawline
1045
00:46:20,130 --> 00:46:22,380
and the "hey, I'm so gorgeous."
Am I right?
1046
00:46:22,463 --> 00:46:23,338
Mm-hmm.
1047
00:46:23,421 --> 00:46:25,880
There's absolutely nothing wrong
with Charles Cavendish.
1048
00:46:25,963 --> 00:46:27,630
- Isn't that the--
- Except...
1049
00:46:28,213 --> 00:46:30,130
he probably murdered his uncle.
1050
00:46:31,130 --> 00:46:32,880
Well, that's one thing wrong.
1051
00:46:32,963 --> 00:46:34,421
[chuckling]
1052
00:46:34,505 --> 00:46:36,380
[commentator]
...comes to the checkered flag!
1053
00:46:36,463 --> 00:46:37,838
It's Juan Carlos!
1054
00:46:38,921 --> 00:46:41,838
Winner of this year's
Monte Carlo Grand Prix!
1055
00:46:41,921 --> 00:46:43,880
[Audrey]
I find that Suzi Nakamura very suspicious.
1056
00:46:43,963 --> 00:46:46,005
She's the only one
who didn't have a motive.
1057
00:46:46,088 --> 00:46:49,005
- It was Cavendish and you know it.
- You just-- No, you just don't like him.
1058
00:46:49,088 --> 00:46:52,005
I don't like him. I don't.
I hate his guts, but that's not it.
1059
00:46:52,088 --> 00:46:54,838
- Did you just steal all of those?
- He's the sole blood heir.
1060
00:46:54,921 --> 00:46:57,796
He stands to make
the biggest claim for the fortune.
1061
00:46:57,880 --> 00:46:58,838
I want one of these.
1062
00:46:58,921 --> 00:47:01,380
- Malcolm stole his fiancée.
- Okay.
1063
00:47:01,463 --> 00:47:03,171
That's all three motives.
1064
00:47:03,255 --> 00:47:05,046
Money, love, revenge.
1065
00:47:05,130 --> 00:47:06,838
We went past it.
I don't know where we are.
1066
00:47:06,921 --> 00:47:08,838
We're over here.
Will you please try one of these?
1067
00:47:08,921 --> 00:47:10,796
No! Oh, my God. You know what?
1068
00:47:11,296 --> 00:47:14,088
I think you just think it's Cavendish
'cause you're jealous of him.
1069
00:47:14,171 --> 00:47:15,921
- [scoffs] Oh, God.
- Yeah.
1070
00:47:16,005 --> 00:47:17,921
- I'm jealous of him.
- You are.
1071
00:47:18,005 --> 00:47:19,546
What? Why? What am I jealous of?
1072
00:47:19,630 --> 00:47:22,588
What is there to be jealous--
He's rich. He's charming.
1073
00:47:23,171 --> 00:47:24,630
He smells great.
1074
00:47:24,713 --> 00:47:26,296
What do you mean? What's he smell like?
1075
00:47:26,380 --> 00:47:28,880
He smells like
he just came out of the dryer.
1076
00:47:29,296 --> 00:47:30,713
- [knock at door]
- [gasps]
1077
00:47:32,421 --> 00:47:34,046
What the-- What the--
1078
00:47:38,088 --> 00:47:39,255
[Audrey] No, no, no.
1079
00:47:39,338 --> 00:47:40,838
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
1080
00:47:40,921 --> 00:47:42,546
We should test that
for fingerprints first.
1081
00:47:42,630 --> 00:47:44,921
Okay. Do you have
the fingerprint testing kit?
1082
00:47:45,296 --> 00:47:46,921
- What?
- 'Cause I didn't pack mine.
1083
00:47:47,005 --> 00:47:48,046
Is it in your bag?
1084
00:47:48,130 --> 00:47:49,296
Stop it! Come on.
1085
00:47:50,213 --> 00:47:51,088
Hurry.
1086
00:47:51,713 --> 00:47:53,296
Oh, this is so crazy.
1087
00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:56,796
Oh, God. Seriously?
1088
00:47:57,213 --> 00:47:58,838
[straining]
1089
00:47:58,921 --> 00:48:00,171
Oh, got it.
1090
00:48:00,255 --> 00:48:02,088
Will you please
just go see a chiropractor?
1091
00:48:02,171 --> 00:48:03,213
It's gonna be fine.
1092
00:48:04,463 --> 00:48:07,296
"Come to suite 802."
1093
00:48:07,380 --> 00:48:08,713
♪ Dum, dum, dum ♪
1094
00:48:08,796 --> 00:48:11,296
- We have to go to 802.
- We're not going to 802. Stop!
1095
00:48:11,380 --> 00:48:12,463
- Why?
- It's a trap.
1096
00:48:12,546 --> 00:48:14,963
Why wouldn't whoever just knocked
just come in and talk to us?
1097
00:48:15,255 --> 00:48:16,796
Maybe he's being watched by the killer.
1098
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,005
What if we're being watched by the killer?
1099
00:48:19,671 --> 00:48:20,880
What if he was in here?
1100
00:48:21,588 --> 00:48:23,713
Maybe he stole my Peanut M&Ms.
1101
00:48:23,796 --> 00:48:25,755
I stole your Peanut M&Ms.
1102
00:48:26,171 --> 00:48:27,171
You stole my Peanut M&Ms?
1103
00:48:27,255 --> 00:48:29,463
- I wanted to see if they tasted the same!
- You got to stop eating.
1104
00:48:29,546 --> 00:48:30,838
You're gonna gain it all back.
1105
00:48:30,921 --> 00:48:32,713
I'm going to 802. Are you coming with me?
1106
00:48:32,796 --> 00:48:34,463
Okay, wait. Let me just...
1107
00:48:34,546 --> 00:48:36,546
- What?
- ...figure something out.
1108
00:48:37,296 --> 00:48:38,380
God damn.
1109
00:48:43,005 --> 00:48:45,338
- What are you doing?
- It's a weapon.
1110
00:48:45,421 --> 00:48:46,296
That's a lamp.
1111
00:48:46,380 --> 00:48:48,713
Not when I crack someone
over the head with it.
1112
00:48:48,796 --> 00:48:50,421
Will you stop questioning everything I do.
1113
00:48:50,505 --> 00:48:52,088
Well, everything you do is questionable.
1114
00:48:52,171 --> 00:48:54,171
[tense music playing]
1115
00:49:01,755 --> 00:49:02,963
[whispering] That's 808.
1116
00:49:05,671 --> 00:49:07,671
[creaking]
1117
00:49:15,630 --> 00:49:16,505
Hello?
1118
00:49:18,463 --> 00:49:19,463
Note sender?
1119
00:49:21,963 --> 00:49:24,213
You told us to come to 802. Are you there?
1120
00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:27,005
Are you dead?
1121
00:49:27,921 --> 00:49:29,338
He might be in the bathroom.
1122
00:49:32,838 --> 00:49:34,005
[screaming]
1123
00:49:34,088 --> 00:49:36,088
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
1124
00:49:36,171 --> 00:49:37,463
[with deep voice] Sit on the bed.
1125
00:49:37,546 --> 00:49:39,255
You speak-- I thought you didn't speak.
1126
00:49:39,338 --> 00:49:40,838
Shut up. Sit on the bed.
1127
00:49:40,921 --> 00:49:42,171
- I'm sitting!
- Shut up. Sit down.
1128
00:49:42,255 --> 00:49:44,921
We're gonna sit in front of the bed.
All good.
1129
00:49:45,671 --> 00:49:47,755
I cannot keep his secrets anymore.
1130
00:49:48,338 --> 00:49:50,088
You mean the Colonel's, right?
1131
00:49:50,171 --> 00:49:53,588
The Colonel's secrets?
I know, it's so hard to keep secrets.
1132
00:49:53,671 --> 00:49:55,880
It really is.
You know, I have a friend named Gwen,
1133
00:49:55,963 --> 00:49:57,838
and she has a box
that she keeps under her bed--
1134
00:49:57,921 --> 00:49:59,796
Look, don't give me that hairdresser shit.
1135
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:01,505
Just shut up. Listen.
1136
00:50:02,755 --> 00:50:05,088
Copenhagen, 1994.
1137
00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:08,755
We were leaving a state dinner.
1138
00:50:10,713 --> 00:50:12,588
I did not see the bomber,
1139
00:50:13,671 --> 00:50:15,130
but the Colonel did.
1140
00:50:15,421 --> 00:50:16,255
Whoa.
1141
00:50:16,338 --> 00:50:19,213
He threw his body across Mr. Quince.
1142
00:50:20,338 --> 00:50:21,546
He was hero.
1143
00:50:22,255 --> 00:50:25,088
For nine months,
the Colonel lay in a coma.
1144
00:50:26,213 --> 00:50:27,630
And when he awoke,
1145
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:32,880
he find his eye
is not the only thing he lost.
1146
00:50:32,963 --> 00:50:35,213
They blew off his dick.
I knew it. I knew it.
1147
00:50:35,296 --> 00:50:37,630
- His hand. His hand, honey.
- The dick. He's saying the dick.
1148
00:50:37,713 --> 00:50:39,213
- No, no, no.
- He doesn't have a hand!
1149
00:50:39,296 --> 00:50:41,088
- I'm no talk about dick!
- All right.
1150
00:50:42,713 --> 00:50:44,296
I talk about her.
1151
00:50:44,380 --> 00:50:45,588
- Me?
- Her?
1152
00:50:45,671 --> 00:50:46,671
No, no, no.
1153
00:50:50,213 --> 00:50:51,588
Madeleine...
1154
00:50:52,046 --> 00:50:53,546
LeBoutillier.
1155
00:50:55,588 --> 00:50:58,380
The most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
1156
00:50:59,296 --> 00:51:03,130
She was the Colonel's fiancée
when the bomb exploded.
1157
00:51:04,630 --> 00:51:06,088
And when he awoke...
1158
00:51:07,796 --> 00:51:09,880
she was Mr. Quince's wife.
1159
00:51:10,338 --> 00:51:11,671
What the hell is with this guy?
1160
00:51:11,755 --> 00:51:14,421
- What, honestly, is his problem?
- Can he get his own woman maybe once?
1161
00:51:14,505 --> 00:51:15,838
And then she died.
1162
00:51:16,130 --> 00:51:17,296
- No!
- [Nick groans]
1163
00:51:17,671 --> 00:51:18,838
In childbirth.
1164
00:51:18,921 --> 00:51:19,796
- No!
- Damn.
1165
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,880
The child died, too. A boy.
1166
00:51:22,338 --> 00:51:24,671
A boy who would have inherited it all.
1167
00:51:25,588 --> 00:51:29,088
After that, the Colonel never mentioned
Madeleine again,
1168
00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:32,880
except for one night.
1169
00:51:32,963 --> 00:51:34,921
On the anniversary of her death,
1170
00:51:35,296 --> 00:51:38,088
he came to me, he was drinking. He say...
1171
00:51:40,005 --> 00:51:40,880
"Sergei."
1172
00:51:41,338 --> 00:51:42,630
He's doing impressions now.
1173
00:51:43,046 --> 00:51:46,505
"If you were to kill this Mr. Quince,
1174
00:51:46,588 --> 00:51:48,046
how would you do it?"
1175
00:51:48,963 --> 00:51:50,130
And I say,
1176
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,338
"Find isolated place,
1177
00:51:53,963 --> 00:51:55,838
create confusion,
1178
00:51:55,921 --> 00:51:58,755
make sure there are others with motive."
1179
00:51:59,713 --> 00:52:02,588
I told him how to kill the man!
1180
00:52:03,005 --> 00:52:05,588
- Holy shit! This is incredible!
- Thank you.
1181
00:52:05,671 --> 00:52:08,838
Okay. So the Colonel killed Malcolm
and Tobey over lost love.
1182
00:52:08,921 --> 00:52:10,213
- Got it. Perfect.
- This is insane.
1183
00:52:10,296 --> 00:52:12,255
Will you just say
all of that one more time,
1184
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:13,796
but can you say it from the top?
1185
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:15,963
- I've gotta do a voice memo.
- She screws this up a lot.
1186
00:52:16,046 --> 00:52:18,338
- Just ask Siri.
- [Nick] Swipe it up.
1187
00:52:18,421 --> 00:52:19,546
- Swipe it up.
- I did swipe up.
1188
00:52:19,630 --> 00:52:20,463
Say, "Siri,
1189
00:52:20,546 --> 00:52:22,630
- I would like to make voice memo."
- [overlapping chatter]
1190
00:52:22,713 --> 00:52:23,713
[pounding on door]
1191
00:52:23,796 --> 00:52:25,463
[tense music playing]
1192
00:52:25,921 --> 00:52:28,005
Get into wardrobe. You are in danger.
1193
00:52:28,088 --> 00:52:30,546
- Get in the wardrobe, you said?
- You are in danger. Right now.
1194
00:52:30,630 --> 00:52:32,838
- Quickly.
- [Audrey] Jesus. I don't know-- Ow!
1195
00:52:33,463 --> 00:52:36,338
And whatever you hear,
do not come out till I say so.
1196
00:52:36,421 --> 00:52:37,463
- Yes, sir.
- Yes.
1197
00:52:40,046 --> 00:52:41,630
[Sergei] You. What do you want?
1198
00:52:42,921 --> 00:52:45,296
No, they're not here. You should go.
1199
00:52:45,380 --> 00:52:47,505
- [door closes]
- [silenced gunshots]
1200
00:52:48,796 --> 00:52:50,296
[whispering] Where's the lamp?
1201
00:52:50,755 --> 00:52:53,380
- I left it outside.
- Why isn't it in here?
1202
00:52:53,463 --> 00:52:56,088
- Now you like the lamp? You're ridiculous.
- Well, we needed--
1203
00:52:56,171 --> 00:52:58,671
- [Audrey] Let me open the door.
- [Nick] Wait, wait, wait!
1204
00:52:58,755 --> 00:53:00,380
- [Nick] Sh.
- [door creaking]
1205
00:53:03,588 --> 00:53:04,713
Oh, thank God.
1206
00:53:05,213 --> 00:53:06,130
Killer...
1207
00:53:06,671 --> 00:53:07,546
is...
1208
00:53:07,630 --> 00:53:08,880
[gasps] What?
1209
00:53:08,963 --> 00:53:10,380
[groaning]
1210
00:53:10,630 --> 00:53:12,088
[Audrey] Oh, God, no! No, no, no!
1211
00:53:12,171 --> 00:53:13,963
- [Nick groans]
- Oh, my God!
1212
00:53:14,046 --> 00:53:15,505
Is he dead? Is he dead?
1213
00:53:16,421 --> 00:53:17,296
He's dead!
1214
00:53:17,963 --> 00:53:19,296
Do we call housekeeping?
1215
00:53:19,380 --> 00:53:20,921
- [pounding on door]
- Oh! Honey!
1216
00:53:21,005 --> 00:53:22,713
- [Nick] Oh, my God!
- [screaming]
1217
00:53:23,546 --> 00:53:24,671
Lock the door!
1218
00:53:24,755 --> 00:53:26,171
[Audrey] Oh, God!
1219
00:53:26,255 --> 00:53:27,755
- [Nick yells]
- Oh, my God.
1220
00:53:27,838 --> 00:53:29,338
- [silenced gunshots]
- [screaming]
1221
00:53:29,421 --> 00:53:30,505
Go! Out of the window!
1222
00:53:30,588 --> 00:53:33,296
- [thudding on door]
- [Audrey] What are you doing?
1223
00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,255
[car horns honking]
1224
00:53:34,338 --> 00:53:35,880
[Nick] Okay, there's a ledge.
1225
00:53:35,963 --> 00:53:37,796
That's not a ledge, that's an edge!
1226
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:39,713
- [Nick] Here we go.
- [Audrey] Oh, my God.
1227
00:53:39,796 --> 00:53:42,838
[Nick] I gotcha, a hundred percent.
A hundred percent. Slow.
1228
00:53:42,921 --> 00:53:45,296
- [Nick] Oh, right there.
- No! Oh, God.
1229
00:53:45,380 --> 00:53:46,588
[Nick] Come on.
1230
00:53:46,671 --> 00:53:48,213
- Don't even look down.
- Oh!
1231
00:53:48,296 --> 00:53:49,505
- Don't look down.
- Oh, my God!
1232
00:53:49,588 --> 00:53:51,671
- Told you not to look down.
- It's so far.
1233
00:53:51,755 --> 00:53:52,796
- [Nick] Oh, my God.
- [yelps]
1234
00:54:01,546 --> 00:54:03,921
- [Nick] He flosses angrier than you!
- [screaming]
1235
00:54:10,088 --> 00:54:11,713
[Nick] We got an empty room. Jackpot.
1236
00:54:11,796 --> 00:54:13,755
- Okay, we're gonna get up on this letter.
- Okay.
1237
00:54:13,838 --> 00:54:15,671
Ready? Go. [straining]
1238
00:54:17,588 --> 00:54:18,630
[Audrey] God!
1239
00:54:18,713 --> 00:54:19,838
Oh, my God!
1240
00:54:19,921 --> 00:54:21,630
[both grunting]
1241
00:54:21,713 --> 00:54:23,588
- You okay? Come on.
- That was the scariest thing.
1242
00:54:23,671 --> 00:54:26,505
- We gotta go. All right. I love you.
- Oh, my God.
1243
00:54:26,588 --> 00:54:28,880
- I love you. I'm so scared.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
1244
00:54:28,963 --> 00:54:30,130
[thudding]
1245
00:54:31,755 --> 00:54:34,005
[Nick] Uh... What's in here? Uh...
1246
00:54:35,088 --> 00:54:36,880
No, you're not going back out there.
1247
00:54:38,046 --> 00:54:39,921
- [Grace] Oh, yes! Finally!
- Come here.
1248
00:54:40,588 --> 00:54:41,963
- Kiss me, Vik.
- Oh!
1249
00:54:42,046 --> 00:54:43,755
Oh, kiss me. Kiss me here.
1250
00:54:43,838 --> 00:54:44,921
- Where?
- Here.
1251
00:54:45,005 --> 00:54:47,380
- God, I love it. Quick, get me to the bed.
- Jesus Christ.
1252
00:54:47,463 --> 00:54:48,630
- Get up.
- Yes!
1253
00:54:48,713 --> 00:54:51,671
[stammering] I'm gonna drink you up
like a milkshake without a straw!
1254
00:54:51,755 --> 00:54:53,296
Yeah. Wow!
1255
00:54:53,380 --> 00:54:54,880
- [Vik] That's right.
- Vanilla milkshake!
1256
00:54:54,963 --> 00:54:56,838
[Vik] Vanilla, chocolate, whatever!
1257
00:54:56,921 --> 00:54:57,796
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1258
00:54:57,880 --> 00:54:59,088
- Here we go!
- Wow!
1259
00:54:59,171 --> 00:55:02,088
[Vik] Yeah! I hope the hotel's
got insurance for these springs
1260
00:55:02,171 --> 00:55:03,630
'cause I'm gonna bust this bed up.
1261
00:55:03,713 --> 00:55:04,671
[Grace] Oh, my God!
1262
00:55:04,755 --> 00:55:06,880
- You're much stronger than you look, Vik!
- That's right!
1263
00:55:06,963 --> 00:55:07,796
[moaning]
1264
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,630
- [Vik] You ready for this?
- I don't know if I am!
1265
00:55:10,713 --> 00:55:12,630
- [Vik moans]
- [Grace] Oh, Grace!
1266
00:55:13,005 --> 00:55:16,213
- Grace! Oh, Grace!
- Huh? Why do you keep saying Grace?
1267
00:55:16,296 --> 00:55:18,338
Darling, it's the only thing
that gets me in the mood.
1268
00:55:18,421 --> 00:55:22,046
[Grace] Grace!
You look so good for your age!
1269
00:55:22,130 --> 00:55:25,588
- [Vik] So good for your age! Oh, God!
- [Grace] Your skin is beautiful!
1270
00:55:25,671 --> 00:55:28,796
- [Grace] You have no wrinkles...
- No wrinkles any--
1271
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:29,755
Anywhere!
1272
00:55:29,838 --> 00:55:32,630
Oh, my God! Grace, you're so--
1273
00:55:32,713 --> 00:55:33,796
Oh, God!
1274
00:55:36,588 --> 00:55:37,880
- [whispers] Uh-oh.
- [Grace] Vik.
1275
00:55:37,963 --> 00:55:39,005
Mm-hmm?
1276
00:55:39,088 --> 00:55:40,171
What happened?
1277
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,838
[Vik] Maybe we should,
like, conversate a little bit.
1278
00:55:43,921 --> 00:55:45,546
Get to know each other. Know what I mean?
1279
00:55:45,630 --> 00:55:48,921
Like, eye to eye, really connect.
Tell me about your favorite band.
1280
00:55:49,005 --> 00:55:49,963
[Grace laughs nervously]
1281
00:55:50,046 --> 00:55:53,505
[Grace] I'm going to the casino.
Maybe I'll get lucky there.
1282
00:55:53,588 --> 00:55:56,463
Look, look, look!
Please don't tell anybody about this
1283
00:55:56,546 --> 00:55:58,713
'cause I've got some mad sex cred
in these parts, yeah.
1284
00:55:58,796 --> 00:55:59,921
[Vik] My people know me.
1285
00:56:00,005 --> 00:56:01,296
I'll buy you a hat!
1286
00:56:01,380 --> 00:56:02,880
[laughing]
1287
00:56:02,963 --> 00:56:05,088
[Audrey]
I can't believe this just happened.
1288
00:56:05,171 --> 00:56:06,546
Okay, okay.
1289
00:56:06,630 --> 00:56:07,671
[exhales]
1290
00:56:08,046 --> 00:56:09,588
All right. We gotta calm down.
1291
00:56:09,671 --> 00:56:11,796
- This has been a really weird day, huh?
- Yeah.
1292
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:13,671
Okay. Let's just get out of this place.
1293
00:56:13,755 --> 00:56:17,296
Absolutely.
Someplace with beer though, please.
1294
00:56:17,380 --> 00:56:18,796
"I'll go buy you a hat."
1295
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:19,880
[laughing]
1296
00:56:19,963 --> 00:56:21,630
[gentle accordion music playing]
1297
00:56:21,713 --> 00:56:24,588
[Nick] Sergei was trying to tell us
the Colonel did it,
1298
00:56:24,671 --> 00:56:27,713
but then he gets shot.
There's no way the Colonel shot him
1299
00:56:27,796 --> 00:56:29,463
'cause the Colonel was having
a floss party.
1300
00:56:29,546 --> 00:56:31,838
Did you see how crazy he was going
with the teeth flossing?
1301
00:56:31,921 --> 00:56:34,255
- I did.
- What did he have in there? A buffet?
1302
00:56:34,338 --> 00:56:38,005
[news anchor speaking French]
1303
00:56:38,463 --> 00:56:40,171
- Um...
- Oh, my gosh.
1304
00:56:40,255 --> 00:56:41,796
[speaking French]
1305
00:56:42,296 --> 00:56:43,838
[speaking French]
1306
00:56:45,213 --> 00:56:46,963
- What's he saying?
- I don't know.
1307
00:56:47,046 --> 00:56:49,171
Well, you took French in high school,
didn't you?
1308
00:56:49,255 --> 00:56:52,380
I don't remember high school!
What did you take in high school?
1309
00:56:52,463 --> 00:56:54,588
- Latin.
- Oh, great. Who takes freakin' Latin?
1310
00:56:54,671 --> 00:56:56,380
- People who have a hot Latin teacher.
- Shh!
1311
00:56:56,463 --> 00:56:58,713
[speaking French rapidly]
1312
00:56:58,796 --> 00:57:00,963
Okay, so something, something...
1313
00:57:01,046 --> 00:57:03,296
Something cake. Something's frosted.
1314
00:57:03,380 --> 00:57:04,671
Okay. You're fired. You're fired.
1315
00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:06,338
- Okay, I told you--
- Excuse me, sir.
1316
00:57:06,421 --> 00:57:09,255
Could you translate that for us, please?
S'il vous plaît?
1317
00:57:09,671 --> 00:57:11,713
[in French accent]
Uh, the TV says that, uh...
1318
00:57:12,380 --> 00:57:14,630
you are the most wanted... for...
1319
00:57:15,713 --> 00:57:16,713
for meurtre.
1320
00:57:16,796 --> 00:57:18,505
- No, no, no.
- Okay, no, no. We...
1321
00:57:18,588 --> 00:57:20,505
This is a complete misunderstanding, okay?
1322
00:57:20,588 --> 00:57:22,005
We were just around...
1323
00:57:22,088 --> 00:57:24,213
- We saw--
- ...a lot of people that happened to die,
1324
00:57:24,296 --> 00:57:25,421
but we didn't murt.
1325
00:57:25,505 --> 00:57:28,296
You are to be arrested at first sight.
1326
00:57:28,380 --> 00:57:29,880
- Us?
- So, here's what we do.
1327
00:57:29,963 --> 00:57:32,505
What are you talking about?
What are you doing?
1328
00:57:32,588 --> 00:57:34,505
They can't track our SIM card now.
1329
00:57:34,588 --> 00:57:36,505
Yeah, then pull the SIM card out.
1330
00:57:36,588 --> 00:57:39,005
You don't just submerge our phones
into a bucket of beer.
1331
00:57:39,088 --> 00:57:42,713
Now-- Now he's saying
that madame is hairdresser,
1332
00:57:42,796 --> 00:57:44,963
you are, uh... police officer?
1333
00:57:45,421 --> 00:57:46,921
No, he's-- he's a detective.
1334
00:57:47,213 --> 00:57:48,338
Ah. No, he's not.
1335
00:57:48,421 --> 00:57:49,796
- Yes, he is.
- Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
1336
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,338
No, no, no.
He says that you have, uh, confessed
1337
00:57:52,421 --> 00:57:54,213
to lying about that you are detective.
1338
00:57:54,505 --> 00:57:56,296
What? No. Now he's making stuff up.
1339
00:57:56,380 --> 00:57:59,130
TV says you have failed
your detective exam many, many times.
1340
00:57:59,213 --> 00:58:01,630
All right! Enough translato. That's not--
1341
00:58:01,713 --> 00:58:03,921
You're just improvising, pal,
and it's getting weird.
1342
00:58:04,005 --> 00:58:05,296
What-- What is he talking about?
1343
00:58:05,380 --> 00:58:07,296
[Delacroix] I will repeat this message
in English.
1344
00:58:07,796 --> 00:58:08,963
Nick Spitz...
1345
00:58:09,380 --> 00:58:10,671
is many things,
1346
00:58:10,755 --> 00:58:12,046
but not a detective.
1347
00:58:14,463 --> 00:58:15,588
Well, I heard that.
1348
00:58:15,671 --> 00:58:17,713
[Delacroix] I will repeat this message
in Spanish.
1349
00:58:17,796 --> 00:58:18,921
Did you lie to me?
1350
00:58:19,963 --> 00:58:21,505
I didn't-- I didn't lie.
1351
00:58:21,588 --> 00:58:23,546
- The guy-- The guy was--
- Oh, God. No, no, no.
1352
00:58:24,338 --> 00:58:26,046
[Nick] Whoa. Hey.
1353
00:58:26,130 --> 00:58:28,046
- No.
- Hun, hun, hun.
1354
00:58:28,296 --> 00:58:30,880
This whole thing's just--
just very complicated.
1355
00:58:30,963 --> 00:58:33,921
Complicated, yeah.
I thought people were simple.
1356
00:58:34,005 --> 00:58:36,046
[sighs] Audrey, please.
1357
00:58:36,130 --> 00:58:38,880
What? Did you lie
about getting that raise, too?
1358
00:58:40,921 --> 00:58:43,130
[sighs] How are we affording this trip?
1359
00:58:44,213 --> 00:58:47,380
You made me feel like
I had to take you on this honeymoon.
1360
00:58:47,463 --> 00:58:50,755
You told me
you already booked this honeymoon.
1361
00:58:51,171 --> 00:58:53,380
You gave this to me.
This was my anniversary gift.
1362
00:58:53,463 --> 00:58:55,088
- Okay.
- You lied about that, too?
1363
00:58:55,171 --> 00:58:56,630
We'll get into all that, okay?
1364
00:58:56,713 --> 00:59:00,213
But right now, I gotta figure out
how we're gonna get out of this situation.
1365
00:59:00,296 --> 00:59:03,130
You have to figure this out?
What do you think I've been doing?
1366
00:59:03,213 --> 00:59:05,005
This is what I do for a living,
sweetheart!
1367
00:59:05,088 --> 00:59:06,796
You're a goddamn hairdresser!
1368
00:59:09,171 --> 00:59:10,255
- I'm sorry.
- Whoa.
1369
00:59:12,921 --> 00:59:15,088
- Where you going?
- I need a minute.
1370
00:59:15,171 --> 00:59:17,171
- [police sirens wailing]
- We don't have a minute!
1371
00:59:17,255 --> 00:59:19,421
[Audrey]
Just leave me alone. Don't you follow me.
1372
00:59:39,755 --> 00:59:41,880
[Charles] You need to get out
of Monte Carlo right away.
1373
00:59:42,546 --> 00:59:44,755
I got you into this,
I'll help get you out. Come with me.
1374
00:59:45,380 --> 00:59:47,255
- [Charles] Now! We have to go.
- [Audrey] Right.
1375
00:59:49,546 --> 00:59:51,546
- [Charles] Lake Como, back roads.
- [driver] Yes, sir.
1376
00:59:55,338 --> 00:59:57,463
- [Charles] Where's Nick?
- I don't know. I don't care.
1377
01:00:25,963 --> 01:00:27,588
[Nick] Jimmy boy, it's Nick.
1378
01:00:27,671 --> 01:00:29,255
Where are you?
1379
01:00:29,338 --> 01:00:31,130
You guys are all over the news.
1380
01:00:31,213 --> 01:00:32,630
They say you killed three people.
1381
01:00:32,713 --> 01:00:33,921
Do you think that's possible?
1382
01:00:34,671 --> 01:00:36,296
With your aim? Hell, no.
1383
01:00:36,380 --> 01:00:39,380
Exactly. Now I'm gonna text you
two international numbers.
1384
01:00:39,463 --> 01:00:41,838
Can you link them together
so I can follow one from the other?
1385
01:00:42,255 --> 01:00:44,046
Are you trying to get my ass fired?
1386
01:00:44,130 --> 01:00:46,046
[sighs] But hell, yeah.
1387
01:00:46,130 --> 01:00:46,963
Thank you.
1388
01:00:47,046 --> 01:00:49,796
There's one more thing
I want you to check into for me.
1389
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:54,213
[woodwind band playing]
1390
01:00:54,296 --> 01:00:55,630
[Audrey] What are we doing?
1391
01:00:55,713 --> 01:00:58,255
I just have to dash in
for a quick appointment with my lawyer.
1392
01:00:58,671 --> 01:01:00,838
We're going to read Malcolm's will
at the villa later on,
1393
01:01:00,921 --> 01:01:02,755
and I'm going to get what's mine.
1394
01:01:02,838 --> 01:01:06,005
Charles, that just sounded
very suspicious.
1395
01:01:06,421 --> 01:01:07,921
What about this week doesn't?
1396
01:01:15,296 --> 01:01:16,338
Oh, God.
1397
01:01:19,755 --> 01:01:20,963
[gasps]
1398
01:01:21,046 --> 01:01:22,505
Oh, my God. Claritin.
1399
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,505
This is Japanese Claritin.
1400
01:01:31,546 --> 01:01:33,005
[suspenseful music playing]
1401
01:02:16,588 --> 01:02:17,546
Hello?
1402
01:02:19,838 --> 01:02:20,838
Charles?
1403
01:02:27,088 --> 01:02:27,921
Audrey!
1404
01:02:28,005 --> 01:02:28,838
[groans]
1405
01:02:28,921 --> 01:02:30,005
- [Audrey] Ow!
- God!
1406
01:02:30,088 --> 01:02:31,046
- [Audrey] Ow!
- What the--
1407
01:02:31,130 --> 01:02:31,963
[Audrey] What the--
1408
01:02:32,713 --> 01:02:34,338
What are you doing here?
1409
01:02:34,421 --> 01:02:37,088
I followed Suzi here.
1410
01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:38,588
- Suzi's here?
- Yes.
1411
01:02:38,671 --> 01:02:42,421
Okay, Cavendish came here to find Suzi.
I'm telling you, Cavendish is in on this.
1412
01:02:42,505 --> 01:02:43,630
I know. I knew that!
1413
01:02:43,713 --> 01:02:46,630
Okay. I just found
a box of Japanese Claritin
1414
01:02:46,713 --> 01:02:49,046
in the back of Cavendish's limo.
1415
01:02:49,130 --> 01:02:51,171
So what? They were planning this
the whole damn time?
1416
01:02:51,255 --> 01:02:53,088
The whole time. This was their plan.
1417
01:02:53,171 --> 01:02:55,171
- So they kill Malcolm, they kill Tobey...
- Yeah.
1418
01:02:55,255 --> 01:02:57,338
...before Malcolm has time
to sign the new will.
1419
01:02:57,421 --> 01:02:59,546
- Right.
- That way, Cavendish inherits everything.
1420
01:02:59,838 --> 01:03:01,130
And he splits it with Suzi.
1421
01:03:01,213 --> 01:03:03,713
And if they killed him after,
then Suzi would have inherited.
1422
01:03:03,796 --> 01:03:05,880
- They still would have split that.
- It was a win-win.
1423
01:03:05,963 --> 01:03:06,838
Oh, look at that.
1424
01:03:07,505 --> 01:03:08,921
Who figured that whole thing out?
1425
01:03:09,380 --> 01:03:11,296
The hairdresser. Mm-mm. The hairdresser.
1426
01:03:11,380 --> 01:03:12,588
- [door closes]
- [gasps]
1427
01:03:16,171 --> 01:03:17,421
- [Audrey yelps]
- I got you!
1428
01:03:17,505 --> 01:03:18,421
Jesus! Oh, my God.
1429
01:03:18,796 --> 01:03:20,296
It's just like Death at the Library!
1430
01:03:20,380 --> 01:03:22,255
What happens in Death at the Library?
1431
01:03:22,755 --> 01:03:25,130
They died. That's why it's called
Death at the Library.
1432
01:03:25,630 --> 01:03:27,296
[screams, exclaims]
1433
01:03:29,463 --> 01:03:31,130
Nick, what are you doing? [screams]
1434
01:03:31,630 --> 01:03:33,671
We are going to push this over
on the count of three,
1435
01:03:33,755 --> 01:03:35,505
- and then we're gonna run.
- We're gonna what?
1436
01:03:35,755 --> 01:03:37,588
- Don't you trust me?
- No!
1437
01:03:38,255 --> 01:03:39,880
Ready? One!
1438
01:03:41,380 --> 01:03:42,630
Two!
1439
01:03:43,338 --> 01:03:44,588
Three!
1440
01:03:46,671 --> 01:03:47,671
[both yelping]
1441
01:03:56,255 --> 01:03:57,505
Oh, look! There!
1442
01:04:03,588 --> 01:04:06,088
Oh! Sorry! Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.
1443
01:04:06,171 --> 01:04:07,171
[Nick] Come on.
1444
01:04:10,630 --> 01:04:11,838
- Is that--
- Is that Juan Carlos?
1445
01:04:12,088 --> 01:04:14,005
- Juan Carlos!
- Hey!
1446
01:04:14,296 --> 01:04:15,171
Hello!
1447
01:04:15,255 --> 01:04:16,421
- Juan Carlos!
- How am I?
1448
01:04:16,505 --> 01:04:18,505
- No, no. Suzi! Suzi!
- Suzi! Suzi! Which way is Suzi?
1449
01:04:18,588 --> 01:04:20,963
- Married to Malcolm.
- You two married! Good!
1450
01:04:21,046 --> 01:04:22,046
- No!
- No!
1451
01:04:22,130 --> 01:04:25,963
Suzi vidisti?
Putamus esse illa interfectorem.
1452
01:04:26,421 --> 01:04:28,255
- Yes!
- Latin, baby!
1453
01:04:28,338 --> 01:04:30,046
- Still the international language!
- I got it!
1454
01:04:30,130 --> 01:04:32,171
[shouting]
1455
01:04:32,255 --> 01:04:33,296
[Audrey] Shit.
1456
01:04:33,380 --> 01:04:34,963
[tense music playing]
1457
01:04:35,046 --> 01:04:36,255
- Oh!
- Yeah!
1458
01:04:41,963 --> 01:04:42,921
[Audrey] Where'd she go?
1459
01:04:43,588 --> 01:04:44,630
She was right there.
1460
01:04:45,213 --> 01:04:47,755
You should have never come to Lake Como.
1461
01:04:48,046 --> 01:04:50,130
- Wait a minute.
- We know about you and Cavendish.
1462
01:04:50,213 --> 01:04:52,713
- You know nothing.
- [Audrey] We know you're still in love,
1463
01:04:52,796 --> 01:04:54,880
and we know that love is tough
without money.
1464
01:04:54,963 --> 01:04:55,838
Isn't it, Suzi?
1465
01:04:56,088 --> 01:04:58,380
I'll take your word for it.
You're the one whose shoes
1466
01:04:58,463 --> 01:05:00,046
still got a sticker from Marshalls on it.
1467
01:05:00,130 --> 01:05:02,171
- They have name brands now!
- [Audrey] How dare you?
1468
01:05:02,255 --> 01:05:03,838
- They have name brands now!
- How dare you?
1469
01:05:03,921 --> 01:05:05,713
- [Nick] What?
- These are from Target.
1470
01:05:05,796 --> 01:05:08,130
- How could you not tell me?
- I don't look at your--
1471
01:05:08,213 --> 01:05:09,671
- Shut up!
- [gasping]
1472
01:05:09,755 --> 01:05:12,255
- Oh!
- Suzi, don't. Please, don't do this.
1473
01:05:12,338 --> 01:05:14,880
No matter what you do,
you're not gonna be safe. I'm telling you.
1474
01:05:14,963 --> 01:05:17,255
One murderer always double-crosses
the other murderer.
1475
01:05:17,338 --> 01:05:19,880
- She reads the books.
- It's just a cliché of the genre!
1476
01:05:19,963 --> 01:05:21,296
- I'm telling you!
- [gasps]
1477
01:05:22,046 --> 01:05:23,296
[gasps]
1478
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:25,463
Hey! Halloween!
1479
01:05:25,838 --> 01:05:27,088
- [gasps]
- [yelling]
1480
01:05:27,171 --> 01:05:28,671
[Audrey] No, no, no! Oh, my God!
1481
01:05:28,755 --> 01:05:29,588
Go, go, go!
1482
01:05:30,005 --> 01:05:32,130
Cavendish, you move,
I'll blow your head off!
1483
01:05:35,296 --> 01:05:36,463
Shoot at him!
1484
01:05:40,505 --> 01:05:42,463
Oh, babe, you're the worst shot!
1485
01:05:42,713 --> 01:05:45,088
Those were warning shots, honey!
1486
01:05:45,171 --> 01:05:47,296
- Oh, yes! I go fast!
- Go!
1487
01:05:48,380 --> 01:05:50,880
Ambulance! Emergencia!
1488
01:05:51,296 --> 01:05:52,463
[gasping]
1489
01:05:53,921 --> 01:05:54,755
Oh!
1490
01:06:00,213 --> 01:06:02,380
Okay, Suzi.
You've gotta tell me who did this.
1491
01:06:02,463 --> 01:06:03,921
Slow down. Don't use your words.
1492
01:06:04,005 --> 01:06:06,130
Let's charade it, okay.
Just tell me with your hand.
1493
01:06:06,588 --> 01:06:08,463
Uh, claw. Bear claw.
1494
01:06:08,546 --> 01:06:09,880
No. Grizzly bear claw.
1495
01:06:09,963 --> 01:06:11,671
Oh! Chewy. Chewy.
1496
01:06:11,755 --> 01:06:13,463
So it's Sergei? No, Sergei's dead.
1497
01:06:13,963 --> 01:06:15,046
[Juan] Hey!
1498
01:06:16,130 --> 01:06:19,046
Have you got tires on your feet? Good God!
1499
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:21,838
Spooning. Eating. Uh...
1500
01:06:21,921 --> 01:06:23,838
Ice cream. No, no. Gelato. Gelato?
1501
01:06:23,921 --> 01:06:26,880
Oh, God. It's amazing how pretty
you are when you're-- I'm sorry.
1502
01:06:27,130 --> 01:06:27,963
Hey.
1503
01:06:28,046 --> 01:06:29,505
Hey! Come on!
1504
01:06:31,921 --> 01:06:33,255
Oh, shoot!
1505
01:06:34,255 --> 01:06:35,880
[groaning]
1506
01:06:41,255 --> 01:06:42,463
[plate shatters]
1507
01:06:45,463 --> 01:06:46,380
Hey!
1508
01:06:46,463 --> 01:06:48,546
[clamoring]
1509
01:06:49,838 --> 01:06:51,505
Ba-ba-ba-ba!
1510
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:54,005
Crazy... crazy... Crazy mad love!
1511
01:06:54,255 --> 01:06:56,463
It's crazy 'cause you're madly in love
with Cavendish.
1512
01:06:57,005 --> 01:06:59,005
It's Cavendish, no?
Sleeping With the Ene--
1513
01:06:59,088 --> 01:07:00,130
Sleeping.
1514
01:07:00,213 --> 01:07:01,338
You're not sleeping.
1515
01:07:01,630 --> 01:07:04,213
- [Nick] She's dead now?
- I don't know why this keeps happening!
1516
01:07:04,296 --> 01:07:06,088
[Nick] Let's go!
We gotta get out of here.
1517
01:07:06,171 --> 01:07:07,880
- [Nick] Oh, my God. Come on.
- [Audrey] Where?
1518
01:07:08,838 --> 01:07:11,171
Close the airports! Search house to house!
1519
01:07:11,255 --> 01:07:14,088
As God as my witness,
I will find Nick and Audrey Spitz.
1520
01:07:14,838 --> 01:07:16,005
- Inspector?
- Yes?
1521
01:07:16,088 --> 01:07:18,421
I have Nick and Audrey Spitz
on the phone for you.
1522
01:07:18,505 --> 01:07:20,296
- Huh?
- Nick and Audrey Spitz.
1523
01:07:22,546 --> 01:07:23,380
Where are you?
1524
01:07:23,713 --> 01:07:26,338
We are on our way
to Quince's villa right now.
1525
01:07:27,046 --> 01:07:29,213
Oh, okay. [chuckles]
1526
01:07:29,296 --> 01:07:32,046
I'm sorry, I wasn't prepared
for you to actually answer that.
1527
01:07:32,463 --> 01:07:33,880
We are being framed right now.
1528
01:07:33,963 --> 01:07:36,921
You meet us at the villa,
we will reveal the killer.
1529
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:38,880
That kinda rhymed.
1530
01:07:39,838 --> 01:07:41,005
Which is cool, I think.
1531
01:07:42,296 --> 01:07:43,463
[exhales]
1532
01:07:43,546 --> 01:07:45,546
[dramatic music playing]
1533
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:53,671
- [Audrey] Look at this place.
- Let's go.
1534
01:07:53,755 --> 01:07:55,630
- [Audrey] Oh, my God.
- This is big.
1535
01:07:55,713 --> 01:07:59,463
This is a big house.
This is what they call rich people shit.
1536
01:07:59,546 --> 01:08:01,588
[Audrey] Lord Cavendish is expecting us.
1537
01:08:01,921 --> 01:08:03,671
Second floor, eighth door on the left.
1538
01:08:03,755 --> 01:08:05,588
Yes, that's right.
That's what he told us, yeah.
1539
01:08:05,671 --> 01:08:08,755
Okay, so take a five-spotter.
1540
01:08:08,838 --> 01:08:11,588
Your five euros is how much American-wise?
1541
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:13,005
Six American dollars.
1542
01:08:13,088 --> 01:08:15,296
Oh, that's, uh... that's more than I--
1543
01:08:15,380 --> 01:08:18,088
- Can I get a half a euro back--
- Oh, God. Please, Nick. Thank you.
1544
01:08:18,171 --> 01:08:20,130
I didn't know they were ahead of us
with the money.
1545
01:08:20,921 --> 01:08:23,046
- [Audrey] Second floor...
- I got no bullets left,
1546
01:08:23,130 --> 01:08:25,796
so we'll bluff 'em
until Interpol gets here.
1547
01:08:25,880 --> 01:08:27,505
[Audrey] Honey, you just gotta be careful.
1548
01:08:27,588 --> 01:08:30,546
This guy has killed four people,
that we know of.
1549
01:08:30,838 --> 01:08:32,921
[Nick] Good news is, we know who did it.
1550
01:08:33,005 --> 01:08:34,671
- Okay.
- Hard part is over with.
1551
01:08:34,755 --> 01:08:35,630
Okay.
1552
01:08:35,713 --> 01:08:36,713
And...
1553
01:08:37,130 --> 01:08:38,255
What's up, Dish?
1554
01:08:38,630 --> 01:08:41,005
Stay still!
I'll shoot you right in the six-pack!
1555
01:08:41,088 --> 01:08:42,755
- You hear me, bitch?
- Calm down, babe.
1556
01:08:43,046 --> 01:08:45,838
Make a move! I dare you!
1557
01:08:45,921 --> 01:08:46,838
I dare--
1558
01:08:46,921 --> 01:08:47,796
Oh, my God!
1559
01:08:48,088 --> 01:08:49,505
- He's dead.
- He's dead.
1560
01:08:49,838 --> 01:08:51,171
- Okay, he's dead.
- Oh, my God.
1561
01:08:51,255 --> 01:08:53,755
- What the hell?
- Oh, God. Case reopened, babe.
1562
01:08:53,838 --> 01:08:55,505
They must have poisoned his drink!
1563
01:08:55,588 --> 01:08:57,671
- Nick!
- And look at his face. It's--
1564
01:08:57,755 --> 01:09:01,130
I mean, besides the foaming mouth,
he still kinda looks good.
1565
01:09:01,213 --> 01:09:02,296
What is with this man?
1566
01:09:03,671 --> 01:09:06,213
We told the police. We called the police.
We told 'em to come here.
1567
01:09:06,296 --> 01:09:07,671
- Yes.
- We've got to stop them.
1568
01:09:08,046 --> 01:09:11,463
It's not like canceling a pizza, honey.
You tell 'em to show up, they show up.
1569
01:09:11,546 --> 01:09:13,463
If he's not the killer, who is the killer?
1570
01:09:13,546 --> 01:09:16,796
And if we don't know who the killer is
before they get here, we're screwed!
1571
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:17,963
Do you understand this?
1572
01:09:18,046 --> 01:09:19,880
He's gotta be here in this house.
1573
01:09:19,963 --> 01:09:23,463
This is gorgeous wallpaper.
Is that fabric? Is this embossed?
1574
01:09:23,546 --> 01:09:26,880
Sweetheart, you're losing it!
You're making me nuts right now!
1575
01:09:26,963 --> 01:09:28,171
No, I know. Hold on. Okay.
1576
01:09:28,255 --> 01:09:29,880
All right, it's good.
1577
01:09:29,963 --> 01:09:31,088
You all right? You breathing?
1578
01:09:31,171 --> 01:09:33,130
- I have to breathe through this.
- Look at me.
1579
01:09:33,921 --> 01:09:35,963
- We gotta turn ourselves in.
- Wait, what?
1580
01:09:36,046 --> 01:09:38,505
They're all gonna show up.
If we run, they're gonna shoot us.
1581
01:09:38,588 --> 01:09:40,463
What do you mean?
We're gonna just go to jail?
1582
01:09:40,546 --> 01:09:42,421
It's better than getting shot, ain't it?
1583
01:09:43,171 --> 01:09:45,171
I don't feel-- I don't feel good.
1584
01:09:45,255 --> 01:09:46,588
- Babe.
- Oh, God.
1585
01:09:46,671 --> 01:09:47,963
It's an Italian prison.
1586
01:09:48,046 --> 01:09:49,755
You know the food's gonna be incredible.
1587
01:09:49,838 --> 01:09:52,296
We'll have meatballs
and pesto sauce and all that.
1588
01:09:52,380 --> 01:09:54,213
It's not co-ed, honey. All right?
1589
01:09:54,296 --> 01:09:56,255
We're-- We're not gonna be
in jail together.
1590
01:09:56,338 --> 01:09:57,338
I know.
1591
01:09:57,671 --> 01:09:58,880
Why did you lie to me?
1592
01:10:02,213 --> 01:10:03,213
'Cause I was...
1593
01:10:03,713 --> 01:10:05,755
I was, uh... I was embarrassed.
1594
01:10:06,046 --> 01:10:07,088
With me?
1595
01:10:07,796 --> 01:10:09,255
Why? I--
1596
01:10:09,755 --> 01:10:12,630
I could've helped you figure that out.
That's why we're together.
1597
01:10:12,713 --> 01:10:13,546
I know.
1598
01:10:13,838 --> 01:10:16,380
Remember when I couldn't pay
my rent at the salon,
1599
01:10:16,463 --> 01:10:20,713
and then you were like, "Oh, okay."
You got that boot off my landlord's car.
1600
01:10:21,005 --> 01:10:23,130
- That got me another week.
- Yeah, I remember.
1601
01:10:23,213 --> 01:10:25,213
Remember when your cholesterol
was through the roof?
1602
01:10:25,505 --> 01:10:28,213
And then I made you eat egg whites?
You hate egg whites.
1603
01:10:28,296 --> 01:10:30,088
And I made you do it,
and I did it with you.
1604
01:10:30,171 --> 01:10:32,755
You helped me not miss yolks anymore.
1605
01:10:32,838 --> 01:10:34,921
That's right. That's what we do.
We do things together.
1606
01:10:35,005 --> 01:10:38,380
So can we please
just figure this out, too?
1607
01:10:38,463 --> 01:10:40,255
We just don't know who did it.
1608
01:10:40,338 --> 01:10:42,546
But Nick, we know who didn't do it.
1609
01:10:42,630 --> 01:10:43,921
- All right?
- Right.
1610
01:10:44,005 --> 01:10:48,046
So let's just go downstairs
and act like we figured it out.
1611
01:10:48,546 --> 01:10:51,463
If we're gonna do that, we gotta--
we just gotta look confident.
1612
01:10:51,546 --> 01:10:54,380
All right. If we're gonna look confident,
we've gotta dress it.
1613
01:10:54,463 --> 01:10:56,296
I already know what I wanna wear.
1614
01:10:56,671 --> 01:10:57,505
What?
1615
01:11:00,546 --> 01:11:03,338
[sirens wailing]
1616
01:11:11,380 --> 01:11:12,630
[Nick] What's up, fools?
1617
01:11:12,713 --> 01:11:15,005
Okay, we solved the case. Boom.
1618
01:11:15,088 --> 01:11:18,213
Yo, yo! Where'd you get the clothes?
It's a little much.
1619
01:11:18,713 --> 01:11:19,588
Um...
1620
01:11:19,671 --> 01:11:22,796
I found this beautiful dress
in a random closet.
1621
01:11:22,880 --> 01:11:25,255
- You're looking gorgeous, by the way.
- Thanks, baby.
1622
01:11:25,338 --> 01:11:27,963
- And he got this stunning tux...
- Mm-hmm.
1623
01:11:28,338 --> 01:11:29,171
...off a...
1624
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:31,255
Oh, why candy-coat it?
1625
01:11:31,338 --> 01:11:32,463
- A corpse.
- Yeah.
1626
01:11:32,546 --> 01:11:33,838
There's another corpse?
1627
01:11:33,921 --> 01:11:35,296
Jeez! Sorry, yes.
1628
01:11:35,380 --> 01:11:37,046
Upstairs, eighth door on the left.
1629
01:11:38,046 --> 01:11:40,505
[Colonel]
To whom does this dead corpse belong?
1630
01:11:40,588 --> 01:11:41,921
Oh, yeah. You guys don't know.
1631
01:11:42,005 --> 01:11:43,213
- Bad news, guys.
- It's terrible.
1632
01:11:43,296 --> 01:11:44,213
Cavendish is dead.
1633
01:11:44,296 --> 01:11:45,546
[gasping]
1634
01:11:45,630 --> 01:11:48,213
You stole the tux off Charlie's dead body?
1635
01:11:48,296 --> 01:11:50,755
And it fits perfectly.
Little tight in the crotch, to be honest.
1636
01:11:50,838 --> 01:11:52,838
Just kidding. No, he's got me beat.
He's got me beat.
1637
01:11:52,921 --> 01:11:54,588
Wait. Where's Suzi?
1638
01:11:54,963 --> 01:11:56,338
- She's dead.
- Dead.
1639
01:11:56,421 --> 01:11:57,421
- Oh!
- Oh, my God!
1640
01:11:57,505 --> 01:12:00,213
Y'all are like the miniature
Manson Family!
1641
01:12:00,296 --> 01:12:01,713
- No, no, no.
- Nick and Audrey Spitz,
1642
01:12:01,796 --> 01:12:03,463
- you are under arrest.
- [Audrey] Listen.
1643
01:12:03,546 --> 01:12:05,171
Ferme la bouche. Is that what it is?
1644
01:12:05,255 --> 01:12:07,921
- Just give us a second. We got this.
- We got this. Let's go.
1645
01:12:08,005 --> 01:12:08,880
[Nick] Thank you.
1646
01:12:10,171 --> 01:12:13,880
All right. Ladies and gentlemen,
let's review the facts.
1647
01:12:13,963 --> 01:12:14,838
[Nick] Malcolm Quince,
1648
01:12:14,921 --> 01:12:16,796
he was the first to get murdered.
1649
01:12:16,880 --> 01:12:18,505
We all assumed it was Tobey.
1650
01:12:18,588 --> 01:12:20,796
- No, we all assumed you did it.
- Mm-hmm.
1651
01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:23,505
- Okay.
- Yeah, but Tobey hated his father,
1652
01:12:23,588 --> 01:12:26,546
and he stood to inherit
billions of dollars.
1653
01:12:26,630 --> 01:12:29,171
- Until he caught some lead to the dome.
- Mm-hmm.
1654
01:12:29,255 --> 01:12:31,380
- Can you feel me, Raja?
- Pew-pew-pew!
1655
01:12:31,671 --> 01:12:32,796
- There it is.
- And then,
1656
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:36,005
before Sergei was shot,
he told us that the Colonel did it.
1657
01:12:36,088 --> 01:12:37,088
He told you what?
1658
01:12:37,171 --> 01:12:40,421
But we know you didn't do it, Colonel,
because we saw you flossing your teeth
1659
01:12:40,505 --> 01:12:42,463
when we were shimmying
by your window that night.
1660
01:12:42,755 --> 01:12:45,505
You two were spying on me in my bathroom?
1661
01:12:45,588 --> 01:12:49,255
Trust me, I did-- We saw a lot of shit
that night that I did not want to see.
1662
01:12:49,338 --> 01:12:52,921
I mean, apologize ahead of time.
We had to see you guys having sex.
1663
01:12:53,213 --> 01:12:54,296
You, um...
1664
01:12:54,380 --> 01:12:56,130
You... saw that?
1665
01:12:56,213 --> 01:12:57,880
[Nick] Maharajah, some advice for you.
1666
01:12:57,963 --> 01:12:59,963
Maybe grab the bottom and squeeze.
1667
01:13:01,130 --> 01:13:02,546
Huh. Word.
1668
01:13:03,088 --> 01:13:03,921
Anyway...
1669
01:13:04,005 --> 01:13:05,213
French fries. Yes.
1670
01:13:05,296 --> 01:13:07,713
Actually, Juan Carlos,
you had nothing to do with this.
1671
01:13:07,796 --> 01:13:09,505
You couldn't have had anything
to do with it
1672
01:13:09,588 --> 01:13:12,255
because you were with us
when Suzi got killed.
1673
01:13:12,338 --> 01:13:14,046
- [Nick] So it wasn't you.
- [Audrey] Mm-mm.
1674
01:13:14,130 --> 01:13:15,505
- It wasn't you.
- Mm-mm.
1675
01:13:15,588 --> 01:13:17,338
- It wasn't you.
- [Audrey] No.
1676
01:13:17,421 --> 01:13:18,546
It wasn't you.
1677
01:13:18,921 --> 01:13:20,463
Holy shit! Maybe we did do it.
1678
01:13:20,546 --> 01:13:22,005
- What?
- Did you?
1679
01:13:22,088 --> 01:13:24,046
- Because listen--
- What did you just say to me?
1680
01:13:24,130 --> 01:13:26,380
- I'm just messing around.
- There it is.
1681
01:13:26,463 --> 01:13:28,421
- And he's clapping.
- Going to jail. Thanks, babe.
1682
01:13:28,505 --> 01:13:31,463
I'm glad we finally
are all on the same page.
1683
01:13:31,755 --> 01:13:35,338
Now, since the first murder occurred
in French territorial waters,
1684
01:13:35,421 --> 01:13:38,838
I will be taking you to Paris
to be arraigned and tried.
1685
01:13:38,921 --> 01:13:41,005
At least we're going to Paris.
You always wanted to go.
1686
01:13:41,088 --> 01:13:43,921
Honey, if you keep making jokes
at a time like this,
1687
01:13:44,005 --> 01:13:45,505
it's not gonna make this go away.
1688
01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:48,838
[clears throat] Lucky for you, since 1977,
1689
01:13:48,921 --> 01:13:51,630
there has been no death penalty
under French law.
1690
01:13:52,005 --> 01:13:53,421
[whispers] French law.
1691
01:13:53,505 --> 01:13:54,421
[whispers] French law.
1692
01:13:54,505 --> 01:13:56,005
The French law. Yeah.
1693
01:13:56,088 --> 01:13:58,671
Surely, Inspector, you of all people
1694
01:13:58,755 --> 01:14:01,546
are familiar
with the French inheritance law.
1695
01:14:01,921 --> 01:14:03,880
Are you implying I have bastard children?
1696
01:14:04,505 --> 01:14:05,421
Well, I wasn't.
1697
01:14:05,505 --> 01:14:06,588
Because I do.
1698
01:14:06,671 --> 01:14:08,505
I was surprised you knew about them.
1699
01:14:08,796 --> 01:14:10,421
I love those little bastards. [chuckles]
1700
01:14:10,755 --> 01:14:14,880
Okay. Anyway, um,
the French law states that a man's estate
1701
01:14:14,963 --> 01:14:17,880
must be divided equally
amongst his children.
1702
01:14:18,171 --> 01:14:20,505
So it wouldn't matter what the will said.
1703
01:14:20,588 --> 01:14:22,213
Straight up, Maharajah.
1704
01:14:22,296 --> 01:14:26,380
The kids were gonna get the money,
whether the old man married Suzi or not.
1705
01:14:26,463 --> 01:14:29,421
Mm-hmm.
But both of Malcolm's children are dead.
1706
01:14:29,713 --> 01:14:31,255
- Both?
- [Nick] Yes. Tobey,
1707
01:14:31,338 --> 01:14:34,463
and the son he had
with Madeleine LeBoutillier..
1708
01:14:34,546 --> 01:14:36,463
That boy died at childbirth.
1709
01:14:36,755 --> 01:14:37,671
Did he, Colonel?
1710
01:14:38,171 --> 01:14:40,171
I spoke to my partner in New York City.
1711
01:14:40,255 --> 01:14:43,713
I said, get the death certificates
for Madeleine and the son.
1712
01:14:43,796 --> 01:14:45,630
He could only find one for Madeleine.
1713
01:14:45,713 --> 01:14:48,130
But then I started thinking,
maybe there's no death certificate
1714
01:14:48,213 --> 01:14:49,796
because there was no death.
1715
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:54,546
Nonsense. Malcolm desperately wanted a boy
to sire the next generation of Quinces.
1716
01:14:54,630 --> 01:14:56,255
He would never abandon a son.
1717
01:14:56,338 --> 01:14:57,296
[stammering] But...
1718
01:14:58,171 --> 01:14:59,213
what if it was a daughter?
1719
01:14:59,296 --> 01:15:00,463
- Yes!
- What if it was a daughter?
1720
01:15:00,546 --> 01:15:01,921
The love of his life dies,
1721
01:15:02,005 --> 01:15:04,588
dies giving birth
to his unwanted daughter.
1722
01:15:04,671 --> 01:15:07,255
- Yes!
- It almost makes sense.
1723
01:15:07,338 --> 01:15:09,546
- It does! It kinda does!
- It makes total sense.
1724
01:15:09,630 --> 01:15:11,213
He gave her away.
1725
01:15:11,296 --> 01:15:12,421
Then where is she now?
1726
01:15:12,505 --> 01:15:15,171
Well, she could be anywhere.
She could have got married.
1727
01:15:15,255 --> 01:15:18,046
She could've joined a gang,
changed her name. Who knows? Carry on.
1728
01:15:18,338 --> 01:15:19,880
- Changed her name.
- Ah!
1729
01:15:19,963 --> 01:15:22,505
- You changed your name.
- [Nick] Yes.
1730
01:15:22,588 --> 01:15:24,296
Your real last name isn't Ballard.
1731
01:15:24,588 --> 01:15:25,421
So?
1732
01:15:25,796 --> 01:15:27,796
Lots of artists change their names.
1733
01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:29,796
Lady Gaga's real name isn't Lady Gaga.
1734
01:15:29,880 --> 01:15:32,088
Yes, Lady Gaga. "Paparazzi," yes, good.
1735
01:15:32,171 --> 01:15:35,546
But every Grace Ballard superfan knows
1736
01:15:35,630 --> 01:15:37,755
your first movie was Summer Wetdown.
1737
01:15:37,838 --> 01:15:41,088
You had three lines,
and you went by your birth name,
1738
01:15:41,171 --> 01:15:42,671
Grace Butler.
1739
01:15:43,046 --> 01:15:46,005
Which, en français,
roughly translates to LeBoutillier.
1740
01:15:46,088 --> 01:15:48,588
Madeleine LeBoutillier, your mother.
1741
01:15:48,671 --> 01:15:49,588
This is a joke.
1742
01:15:49,671 --> 01:15:52,005
I wasn't even in the room
when Malcolm Quince was murdered.
1743
01:15:52,088 --> 01:15:55,171
Fine! Then Tobey killed him,
but he did it with a little help.
1744
01:15:55,255 --> 01:15:57,380
[Audrey]
The lights. You turned out the lights.
1745
01:15:58,088 --> 01:16:01,463
[Nick] You convinced Tobey to kill Malcolm
so you could split the money with him.
1746
01:16:03,588 --> 01:16:06,588
[Audrey] And then you killed Tobey
so that you could just keep all of it.
1747
01:16:06,671 --> 01:16:09,505
Then me and this girl
started asking too many questions.
1748
01:16:09,588 --> 01:16:10,921
So you had to get rid of us.
1749
01:16:14,588 --> 01:16:17,338
[Nick] Luckily, not for him,
but Sergei gets in the way.
1750
01:16:18,463 --> 01:16:20,213
[Audrey] Then you seduce the Maharajah
1751
01:16:20,296 --> 01:16:23,088
so that you would make us think
you were with him all night.
1752
01:16:23,171 --> 01:16:26,505
Yo, you were just twizzlin'
on my wizzle for an alibi.
1753
01:16:26,588 --> 01:16:27,671
Girl, that's cold.
1754
01:16:27,755 --> 01:16:29,880
You tried to kill us in the library.
1755
01:16:30,463 --> 01:16:33,213
[Nick] You tried to kill us in the market,
but you got Suzi instead.
1756
01:16:34,755 --> 01:16:36,213
- And the weapon...
- Hm!
1757
01:16:36,296 --> 01:16:38,463
- I recognize the weapon now.
- [Audrey] The dart?
1758
01:16:38,546 --> 01:16:41,255
It was a movie. I watched it one night.
You were out with your friends.
1759
01:16:41,338 --> 01:16:43,046
You came back drunk and, uh...
1760
01:16:43,130 --> 01:16:44,296
What the hell was it?
1761
01:16:44,880 --> 01:16:46,005
Princess Blow Dart.
1762
01:16:46,088 --> 01:16:47,046
[Audrey] Oh, God.
1763
01:16:47,130 --> 01:16:48,505
That is not the name of a movie.
1764
01:16:48,588 --> 01:16:49,630
It is! It is!
1765
01:16:49,713 --> 01:16:51,380
Yo, look at my screensaver.
1766
01:16:51,671 --> 01:16:53,421
- [Vik] That's her!
- [Audrey] Oh, my gosh!
1767
01:16:53,505 --> 01:16:55,588
So then you killed Charles
1768
01:16:55,671 --> 01:16:59,505
because you knew he would never rest
until he found out who Suzi's killer was.
1769
01:17:00,088 --> 01:17:02,421
[Nick] 'Cause he loved Suzi, not you!
1770
01:17:02,505 --> 01:17:03,796
The three motives:
1771
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:05,421
money, love, revenge.
1772
01:17:05,505 --> 01:17:06,755
You were the mastermind
1773
01:17:06,838 --> 01:17:09,046
behind Malcolm Quince's murders,
weren't you?
1774
01:17:09,130 --> 01:17:12,171
- And you were the one who framed us.
- You killed them all, didn't you?
1775
01:17:12,255 --> 01:17:13,296
[Nick] Didn't you?
1776
01:17:13,963 --> 01:17:15,588
My father was a monster.
1777
01:17:15,671 --> 01:17:16,921
[gasps]
1778
01:17:17,755 --> 01:17:18,755
So you admit it?
1779
01:17:19,171 --> 01:17:20,046
Yes.
1780
01:17:20,755 --> 01:17:23,755
I am the daughter of Malcolm Quince
and Madeleine LeBoutillier,
1781
01:17:24,380 --> 01:17:27,421
and sole heir to the Quince fortune.
1782
01:17:27,671 --> 01:17:30,130
Uh, and... what about the murders?
1783
01:17:31,505 --> 01:17:33,046
Oh, I didn't do those.
1784
01:17:33,505 --> 01:17:36,338
But it couldn't have happened
to a nicer group of people.
1785
01:17:37,671 --> 01:17:38,505
[Delacroix] So...
1786
01:17:39,130 --> 01:17:40,463
what other proof do you have?
1787
01:17:40,546 --> 01:17:42,171
- Of what?
- Proof of what?
1788
01:17:42,255 --> 01:17:43,796
That she killed everybody?
1789
01:17:44,255 --> 01:17:45,088
Yes.
1790
01:17:45,171 --> 01:17:46,880
Aren't you gonna do anything at all?
1791
01:17:47,338 --> 01:17:49,421
I mean, is there a French holiday
we're unaware of?
1792
01:17:49,505 --> 01:17:50,755
What the hell do you do?
1793
01:17:50,963 --> 01:17:51,796
Look...
1794
01:17:52,505 --> 01:17:54,796
I don't know
how you do things in Brooklyn,
1795
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,463
but here we need evidence
to make an arrest.
1796
01:17:57,546 --> 01:17:59,255
This is not
how this is supposed to happen.
1797
01:17:59,338 --> 01:18:03,005
The detective is supposed to explain
the murders, which we just did,
1798
01:18:03,088 --> 01:18:07,880
and then the killer is supposed to crack
and freak out under pressure and admit it!
1799
01:18:08,421 --> 01:18:09,588
If there's nothing else,
1800
01:18:09,671 --> 01:18:11,880
I'd like to start spending my money now.
1801
01:18:16,796 --> 01:18:19,171
The hat. The hat! Uh, take off your hat.
1802
01:18:20,630 --> 01:18:21,588
What?
1803
01:18:22,171 --> 01:18:24,005
I said take off your hat.
1804
01:18:25,755 --> 01:18:26,630
No.
1805
01:18:27,046 --> 01:18:29,921
The Maharajah bought me this hat,
and I quite like it.
1806
01:18:30,005 --> 01:18:32,421
Nick hit the killer in the head
with a plate.
1807
01:18:33,171 --> 01:18:35,046
And it left a mark, didn't it?
1808
01:18:35,671 --> 01:18:36,546
Also,
1809
01:18:36,630 --> 01:18:41,213
why on earth would you put a hat
on a freshly styled head of hair?
1810
01:18:41,296 --> 01:18:43,796
How would you know
my hair's been freshly styled?
1811
01:18:43,880 --> 01:18:46,255
'Cause she's a goddamn hairdresser.
1812
01:18:47,296 --> 01:18:49,046
Please remove your hat, Ms. Butler.
1813
01:18:49,630 --> 01:18:51,255
I'll do nothing of the kind.
1814
01:18:53,338 --> 01:18:55,296
[gasping]
1815
01:18:55,380 --> 01:18:58,296
The butler did it. Grace Butler did it!
Grace But-- Right?
1816
01:18:58,380 --> 01:19:00,796
- I said it on the plane.
- You had to do it!
1817
01:19:00,880 --> 01:19:02,130
- [Grace] Stay back!
- Jesus!
1818
01:19:02,505 --> 01:19:03,505
Everybody!
1819
01:19:06,255 --> 01:19:08,130
- Oh, my God!
- Son of a bitch.
1820
01:19:08,880 --> 01:19:09,963
- Wait! No, no.
- Whoa!
1821
01:19:10,046 --> 01:19:11,213
Nobody move!
1822
01:19:11,296 --> 01:19:12,755
Nobody move, or I'll shoot her.
1823
01:19:12,838 --> 01:19:14,421
Guns down. Baissez vos armes.
1824
01:19:16,755 --> 01:19:18,755
- [grunts]
- [Audrey screams]
1825
01:19:22,588 --> 01:19:23,713
[Delacroix] Get an ambulance.
1826
01:19:24,213 --> 01:19:26,380
Yo, I thought you said
he was a terrible shot.
1827
01:19:26,463 --> 01:19:28,630
Not when it comes to saving my woman.
1828
01:19:28,713 --> 01:19:31,421
- I was aiming for her foot, by the way.
- [gasps]
1829
01:19:32,005 --> 01:19:33,630
All right. It's all right.
1830
01:19:34,130 --> 01:19:36,005
[gentle accordion music playing]
1831
01:19:37,588 --> 01:19:40,296
Thank you for stepping in
and trying to stop her, Juan Carlos.
1832
01:19:40,380 --> 01:19:41,546
That was so brave.
1833
01:19:41,880 --> 01:19:42,921
De nada, señora.
1834
01:19:45,963 --> 01:19:48,921
I love that. I love that he's brave
and I'm, what, nothing?
1835
01:19:49,005 --> 01:19:51,755
- Are you kidding? I said you were brave.
- You didn't say it.
1836
01:19:51,838 --> 01:19:54,380
I said so many times.
"Nick, you were so brave."
1837
01:19:54,463 --> 01:19:57,005
[imitating Juan Carlos]
De nada, señora. Halloween.
1838
01:19:58,005 --> 01:19:59,088
Yo, I got a question.
1839
01:19:59,755 --> 01:20:01,505
In the hotel in Monte Carlo,
1840
01:20:01,588 --> 01:20:03,505
you said that you saw
me and Grace together.
1841
01:20:03,796 --> 01:20:05,130
- We heard you.
- We heard you.
1842
01:20:05,213 --> 01:20:07,088
We didn't like what we heard,
but I'll tell--
1843
01:20:07,171 --> 01:20:09,380
- I'm sorry.
- I hope those are new pants, by the way.
1844
01:20:09,463 --> 01:20:11,213
- [laughing]
- Yeah, but...
1845
01:20:12,046 --> 01:20:13,088
But the truth is,
1846
01:20:13,171 --> 01:20:15,421
Grace and I were together in the bar
1847
01:20:15,505 --> 01:20:17,505
an hour before we got to our room,
1848
01:20:17,588 --> 01:20:20,046
so how could she have killed Sergei
1849
01:20:20,588 --> 01:20:21,713
if she was with me?
1850
01:20:22,171 --> 01:20:24,255
[tense music playing]
1851
01:20:24,338 --> 01:20:25,213
Nick.
1852
01:20:25,296 --> 01:20:26,255
Audrey.
1853
01:20:26,755 --> 01:20:29,213
How did Juan Carlos understand
my English just now?
1854
01:20:42,296 --> 01:20:43,755
[dramatic music playing]
1855
01:20:47,421 --> 01:20:48,546
[Delacroix] Stop!
1856
01:20:48,630 --> 01:20:50,880
[both grunting]
1857
01:20:55,421 --> 01:20:56,755
No! No!
1858
01:20:57,505 --> 01:20:58,963
[Juan] Don't come any closer!
1859
01:20:59,046 --> 01:21:00,880
Aah! He speaks English!
1860
01:21:00,963 --> 01:21:02,796
I've spoken English my whole life,
you idiots,
1861
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:04,463
and a dozen other languages.
1862
01:21:04,755 --> 01:21:06,588
And by the way, your Latin sucks.
1863
01:21:06,671 --> 01:21:08,046
You understood it!
1864
01:21:08,713 --> 01:21:12,005
Don't you even think about it, Colonel,
or I will shoot your dick off.
1865
01:21:13,963 --> 01:21:15,671
Put your hands up in the air, now.
1866
01:21:16,130 --> 01:21:18,838
I am the one who told her
to convince Tobey to kill his dad,
1867
01:21:19,088 --> 01:21:20,880
destroy this sick family
1868
01:21:20,963 --> 01:21:22,171
in the name of my father.
1869
01:21:26,546 --> 01:21:27,463
Get into the car.
1870
01:21:28,005 --> 01:21:29,755
[shouting in French]
1871
01:21:30,463 --> 01:21:31,546
[Juan] Go in!
1872
01:21:31,838 --> 01:21:33,838
- [policemen yell in Italian]
- [Juan] Back off!
1873
01:21:35,505 --> 01:21:36,588
I go fast.
1874
01:21:37,880 --> 01:21:38,880
[engine starts]
1875
01:21:42,505 --> 01:21:43,380
[Nick] Hey!
1876
01:21:45,005 --> 01:21:46,588
[Nick] Look at that! A Ferrari!
1877
01:21:46,671 --> 01:21:47,838
- What?
- Testarossa!
1878
01:21:47,921 --> 01:21:49,296
Magnum P.I.! Me, baby!
1879
01:21:49,380 --> 01:21:50,671
I got the mustache!
1880
01:21:50,755 --> 01:21:52,588
[all yelling]
1881
01:21:52,671 --> 01:21:54,213
Nick, you forgot the gun!
1882
01:21:54,296 --> 01:21:57,463
[Nick] This is incredible!
This is a fantasy for everybody!
1883
01:21:57,546 --> 01:21:58,546
[Audrey] How does it open?
1884
01:21:58,630 --> 01:22:00,338
[Nick] Underneath! Pull! Pull! Come on!
1885
01:22:00,755 --> 01:22:01,671
Oh, my God.
1886
01:22:03,130 --> 01:22:04,046
What the--
1887
01:22:04,421 --> 01:22:07,046
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say!
1888
01:22:07,130 --> 01:22:08,088
Go, go, go!
1889
01:22:09,505 --> 01:22:12,505
["Shoot to Thrill" by AC/DC playing]
1890
01:22:19,630 --> 01:22:21,880
- Put your hands up. Hands up!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1891
01:22:23,630 --> 01:22:25,630
[Ferrari engine whines]
1892
01:22:25,713 --> 01:22:26,796
[Nick] All I'm saying is,
1893
01:22:26,880 --> 01:22:28,880
when the engine sounds like
your sister's voice--
1894
01:22:29,296 --> 01:22:32,130
irritating, high, and loud--
you gotta switch gears.
1895
01:22:32,213 --> 01:22:33,130
Ah.
1896
01:22:34,421 --> 01:22:35,796
[engine roars]
1897
01:22:36,755 --> 01:22:38,046
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1898
01:22:39,088 --> 01:22:41,421
- [exclaims]
- [horn blares]
1899
01:22:42,463 --> 01:22:43,421
[Nick] Yes!
1900
01:22:43,505 --> 01:22:45,671
Look how nice you handle this thing!
1901
01:22:46,963 --> 01:22:49,213
♪ I'm gonna take you down ♪
1902
01:22:50,296 --> 01:22:52,046
♪ Down, down, down... ♪
1903
01:22:52,421 --> 01:22:53,546
Hey! Hey!
1904
01:22:53,630 --> 01:22:54,588
Hey!
1905
01:22:55,046 --> 01:22:56,630
- Honey, he's right up there.
- I see him.
1906
01:22:56,713 --> 01:22:58,963
♪ I'm gonna pull it, pull it ♪
1907
01:22:59,046 --> 01:23:00,338
♪ Pull the trigger ♪
1908
01:23:00,838 --> 01:23:01,838
♪ Shoot to thrill ♪
1909
01:23:02,338 --> 01:23:03,588
♪ Play to kill ♪
1910
01:23:04,255 --> 01:23:06,171
- ♪ Too many women... ♪
- [Nick laughs]
1911
01:23:07,421 --> 01:23:08,505
♪ Shoot to thrill ♪
1912
01:23:09,130 --> 01:23:10,171
♪ Play to kill ♪
1913
01:23:10,255 --> 01:23:14,630
♪ I got my gun at the ready
Gonna fire at will, yeah ♪
1914
01:23:16,755 --> 01:23:18,046
♪ I'm like evil ♪
1915
01:23:18,463 --> 01:23:20,005
♪ I get under your skin... ♪
1916
01:23:20,088 --> 01:23:21,296
Whoa!
1917
01:23:27,213 --> 01:23:28,380
Again!
1918
01:23:30,463 --> 01:23:32,921
Yeah! Baby, nice. Nice! Nice turn!
1919
01:23:33,005 --> 01:23:34,755
[Nick] Look at you! Look at you!
1920
01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:39,088
Keep going. Keep after him.
Keep after him. Keep going.
1921
01:23:39,171 --> 01:23:40,505
- Goat! Goat! Goat!
- [yells]
1922
01:23:41,463 --> 01:23:42,755
Holy cow!
1923
01:23:42,838 --> 01:23:45,088
Do you have any idea
how gorgeous you look?
1924
01:23:45,171 --> 01:23:47,505
Wait! Second goat! What the hell?
1925
01:23:47,588 --> 01:23:49,796
- Do you not like goats or something?
- I love them!
1926
01:23:52,171 --> 01:23:53,130
[Audrey yells]
1927
01:23:53,213 --> 01:23:54,255
[horn blares]
1928
01:23:55,796 --> 01:23:57,005
[laughs]
1929
01:23:57,088 --> 01:23:57,921
Idiots.
1930
01:24:03,213 --> 01:24:04,130
[giggles]
1931
01:24:04,921 --> 01:24:06,171
Oh, shit.
1932
01:24:06,255 --> 01:24:07,130
[Nick groans]
1933
01:24:11,088 --> 01:24:12,046
♪ Shoot to thrill ♪
1934
01:24:13,088 --> 01:24:13,963
♪ Play to kill ♪
1935
01:24:14,588 --> 01:24:17,338
♪ Too many women with too many pills... ♪
1936
01:24:17,421 --> 01:24:19,213
Keep going, baby. Go! Go! Go!
1937
01:24:19,296 --> 01:24:20,588
Go! Go! Go!
1938
01:24:21,088 --> 01:24:22,380
[gasps]
1939
01:24:24,838 --> 01:24:27,130
- Holy shit!
- Oh, God!
1940
01:24:29,421 --> 01:24:31,505
- We gotta pit him, honey.
- I gotta what him?
1941
01:24:31,588 --> 01:24:34,088
What you do is you hit the back bumper
and he'll just spin out.
1942
01:24:34,171 --> 01:24:35,755
- I can't do that. I can't--
- You got this.
1943
01:24:35,838 --> 01:24:37,463
I can't. He's a Formula 1 race car driver!
1944
01:24:39,630 --> 01:24:40,713
Faster! Come on!
1945
01:24:40,796 --> 01:24:43,005
- [Audrey whimpers]
- This is our adventure.
1946
01:24:43,713 --> 01:24:44,713
Go for it.
1947
01:24:45,255 --> 01:24:47,588
I can do this. I love you. That was sweet.
1948
01:24:48,088 --> 01:24:49,130
Okay, here we go.
1949
01:24:49,213 --> 01:24:50,630
[engine revs]
1950
01:24:50,713 --> 01:24:52,213
♪ Shoot you ♪
1951
01:24:52,296 --> 01:24:53,671
♪ Shoot you ♪
1952
01:24:54,421 --> 01:24:55,463
No!
1953
01:24:56,463 --> 01:24:58,713
He didn't spin. He didn't spin.
We just gotta take him out.
1954
01:24:58,796 --> 01:24:59,963
- Take him out!
- Here we go.
1955
01:25:00,046 --> 01:25:01,255
Floor it! Floor it!
1956
01:25:02,171 --> 01:25:03,005
[Nick grunts]
1957
01:25:03,421 --> 01:25:04,630
[Nick] Oh!
1958
01:25:04,713 --> 01:25:05,755
What?
1959
01:25:06,546 --> 01:25:08,338
[both yelling]
1960
01:25:08,421 --> 01:25:09,463
[both yelling]
1961
01:25:09,546 --> 01:25:11,380
Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!
Hit the brakes!
1962
01:25:13,671 --> 01:25:15,755
[Juan screams]
1963
01:25:20,588 --> 01:25:21,546
[gasps]
1964
01:25:21,963 --> 01:25:24,838
Do you have any idea how cool you are?
1965
01:25:24,921 --> 01:25:27,005
- Happy anniversary, baby!
- Yeah.
1966
01:25:27,088 --> 01:25:27,963
Oh!
1967
01:25:31,671 --> 01:25:32,838
Oh, my God.
1968
01:25:32,921 --> 01:25:34,380
- Okay.
- Okay.
1969
01:25:34,463 --> 01:25:36,630
- I'm gonna go get that guy out of the car.
- Go get him.
1970
01:25:36,713 --> 01:25:37,588
[both] I love you.
1971
01:25:37,671 --> 01:25:38,838
- I love you.
- Oh, my God.
1972
01:25:43,338 --> 01:25:44,838
Let's go. Let's go.
1973
01:25:44,921 --> 01:25:46,755
I got you. Come on.
1974
01:25:47,088 --> 01:25:49,046
- All right.
- [Delacroix groans]
1975
01:25:50,796 --> 01:25:51,921
[yelps]
1976
01:25:52,255 --> 01:25:53,463
[groans]
1977
01:25:53,546 --> 01:25:55,130
[Juan] I'm so sick of you, cop!
1978
01:25:55,213 --> 01:25:56,838
You should have never come here!
1979
01:25:56,921 --> 01:25:59,796
You should have just stayed home,
eating hot dogs,
1980
01:25:59,880 --> 01:26:02,880
reading People magazine,
and watching reality TV.
1981
01:26:03,630 --> 01:26:05,921
- [brakes screeching]
- [Audrey gasps]
1982
01:26:08,046 --> 01:26:08,880
[Audrey] Baby.
1983
01:26:09,255 --> 01:26:11,796
You know, that was our--
That was our tour bus!
1984
01:26:11,880 --> 01:26:14,213
[woman] No toilets, no Wi-Fi,
and you're running over people?
1985
01:26:14,296 --> 01:26:17,921
- Brittany's hogging the window seat!
- I want to see the dead guy!
1986
01:26:18,005 --> 01:26:21,338
Just sit down and shut up!
I'm gonna take a picture!
1987
01:26:21,630 --> 01:26:23,630
- All right. I love you.
- Oh, my God, this guy--
1988
01:26:23,713 --> 01:26:25,630
- We gotta ask 'em how they age ham.
- I don't care!
1989
01:26:25,713 --> 01:26:26,546
[Nick] Come on!
1990
01:26:26,630 --> 01:26:29,088
♪ Do you love me too... ♪
1991
01:26:29,171 --> 01:26:33,005
[Delacroix] On behalf of Interpol,
I thank you, Mrs. Spitz.
1992
01:26:33,088 --> 01:26:34,963
You are as brilliant as you are beautiful.
1993
01:26:35,046 --> 01:26:37,796
[Audrey] Oh, my gosh.
Well, thank you for that.
1994
01:26:37,880 --> 01:26:40,421
- [Delacroix] And Officer Spitz.
- [Nick] I go, what? What?
1995
01:26:40,505 --> 01:26:42,630
It seems you are quite the detective
after all.
1996
01:26:42,713 --> 01:26:44,380
- [Audrey] You are!
- With this girl, yes.
1997
01:26:44,463 --> 01:26:47,546
Something I will be passing along
to your superiors in New York.
1998
01:26:47,630 --> 01:26:48,838
That would be big.
1999
01:26:48,921 --> 01:26:51,546
I have to tell you, I think
this entire experience was pretty great.
2000
01:26:51,630 --> 01:26:52,838
- Incredible.
- Yeah.
2001
01:26:52,921 --> 01:26:55,255
Outside of the murders,
it was on the money.
2002
01:26:55,338 --> 01:26:59,088
Well, I hope the rest of your trip,
which we have arranged for you,
2003
01:26:59,171 --> 01:27:00,296
is more relaxing.
2004
01:27:00,380 --> 01:27:01,796
- Bon voyage.
- Well, thank you.
2005
01:27:01,880 --> 01:27:04,255
You owe that to us,
but thank you so much.
2006
01:27:04,338 --> 01:27:06,171
You ever come to New York, you look us up.
2007
01:27:06,255 --> 01:27:10,046
We'll pin, uh, a triple homicide on you
or a kidnapping or something.
2008
01:27:10,130 --> 01:27:11,171
[chuckles]
2009
01:27:11,255 --> 01:27:13,005
- Thank you. Okay.
- Thank you so much.
2010
01:27:13,088 --> 01:27:14,755
Good to meet you. All right. Be safe.
2011
01:27:15,171 --> 01:27:16,963
- Good anniversary, right?
- Amazing anniversary.
2012
01:27:17,046 --> 01:27:19,130
- Kind of-- Kind of a cool one.
- Loved it!
2013
01:27:19,213 --> 01:27:21,005
What did you get me, by the way,
for a present?
2014
01:27:21,088 --> 01:27:22,255
What? Oh, uh...
2015
01:27:22,338 --> 01:27:24,088
I got you the Amazon gift card.
2016
01:27:24,171 --> 01:27:26,255
- You did?
- No, I didn't get you anything.
2017
01:27:26,338 --> 01:27:27,755
[Nick laughs]
- ♪ You will see ♪
2018
01:27:28,130 --> 01:27:29,213
♪ Finally ♪
2019
01:27:29,296 --> 01:27:33,838
♪ You and me shall always be as one ♪
2020
01:27:34,880 --> 01:27:38,505
♪ See what happiness has done ♪
2021
01:27:39,171 --> 01:27:43,755
♪ We must be in love ♪
2022
01:27:44,380 --> 01:27:46,296
♪ We must be in love ♪
2023
01:28:00,213 --> 01:28:01,255
♪ I sigh ♪
2024
01:28:01,338 --> 01:28:02,588
♪ I don't know why ♪
2025
01:28:02,671 --> 01:28:03,838
♪ I sigh ♪
2026
01:28:03,921 --> 01:28:07,005
♪ Is it that I'm lonely for you? ♪
2027
01:28:09,463 --> 01:28:13,296
♪ Are you lonely for me too? ♪
2028
01:28:13,796 --> 01:28:18,046
♪ We must be in love ♪
2029
01:28:18,880 --> 01:28:19,796
♪ Let me tell you now ♪
2030
01:28:19,880 --> 01:28:22,213
♪ I miss your tender kiss ♪
2031
01:28:22,296 --> 01:28:24,505
♪ Your tender kiss is what I miss ♪
2032
01:28:24,588 --> 01:28:28,380
♪ I have a strange desire ♪
2033
01:28:29,130 --> 01:28:31,171
♪ For your lips of fire ♪
2034
01:28:33,421 --> 01:28:37,921
♪ We must be in love ♪
2035
01:28:39,546 --> 01:28:41,963
♪ Do you love me too... ♪