1 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,800 Hello and welcome to Top Gear, where it's a sad day 2 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,560 at Television Centre, because this is our last show of the series. 3 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,360 Ahhh! Gutted. 4 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:44,400 Don't worry, because we're going out in style, by solving, no question, 5 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,480 the biggest issue facing humankind today - 6 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,960 the male midlife crisis. 7 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,080 Christopher? 8 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,720 Thank you, Paddy. 9 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,400 The other day, the producers were going on about midlife crisis cars. 10 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,760 "You know the type," they said, "probably a two-seater, 11 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,520 "maybe a convertible, definitely a bit showy, 12 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,720 "bought by men of a certain age." 13 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,240 Fred? Thanks. 14 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,280 And we said, "What are you talking about? 15 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,760 "There's no such thing as a midlife crisis car. 16 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,480 "What there is is a midlife opportunity car, 17 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,720 "a car that's not about boot space or ISOfix points. 18 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,880 "A car bought by men of a certain age to make them 19 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,920 "feel good about themselves." 20 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,640 Paddy? 21 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,280 Well, luckily, Fred and Chris, that doesn't affect us. 22 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,360 But the producers said, "Lads, you're clearly all in denial. 23 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,000 "But if you reckon these midlife opportunity cars are so great, 24 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,240 "take eight grand, go out and bag yourself a gem of a crisis." 25 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:45,800 Loaded by Primal Scream 26 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,640 Crisis? What crisis? 27 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,000 Ladies and gentlemen, 28 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,520 I give you eight grand's worth of midlife... 29 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,000 ..opportunity. 30 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,320 The TVR Chimaera. 31 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:10,800 If life's a bit dull, need a bit of a shake-up, trust me... 32 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,400 ♪ Ah, yeah... ♪ 33 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,800 ..this will shake you up. 34 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:20,120 Four litre, V8, rear-wheel drive. 35 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,480 This is a sports car for the purist. 36 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,400 There's no power steering. 37 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,160 There's no ABS, no traction control. 38 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,840 It's temperamental. 39 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,720 This thing will throw you in a hedge if you get on the wrong side of it. 40 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,920 ♪ We want to be free to do what we want to do... ♪ 41 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,680 But, best of all, it was built in Lancashire. 42 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,720 And that puts it on my list of all-time greats. 43 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,200 I was going to buy one of these when I was 21. 44 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,960 I went to the factory in Blackpool and had a look round, 45 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,120 got pretty much this identical car in silver. 46 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,680 The problem was, though, I couldn't get insured. Nobody'd have me. 47 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,320 Now I'm 43... 48 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,760 ..I can get insured! 49 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:13,000 And, in my book, that's a pretty good excuse to roll back the years. 50 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,840 ♪ Ah, yeah... ♪ 51 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,320 It's an opportunity. 52 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,720 I've got the earring back in, a nod to me mid-20s! 53 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,880 ♪ We want to be free to do what we want to do... ♪ 54 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,080 Here we go. 55 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,600 Oh-ho-ho! 56 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,560 What a car! 57 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,720 Yes, it is, 58 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,280 but the one thing that's better than a sports car with a big V8... 59 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:40,040 ..is a sports car with an even bigger one. 60 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:44,080 Layla by Derek And The Dominoes 61 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,960 The Vauxhall Monaro. 62 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,840 The thinking man's muscle car. 63 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,240 An American design, built in Australia, sold in England. 64 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,280 It's multicultural. It's exotic! 65 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:13,200 This thing is so rare, they only sold a couple of hundred in the UK. 66 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,720 Love that! 67 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,800 Don't let the badge fool you. 68 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,400 Underneath, this is a Holden, an Aussie muscle car legend, 69 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,480 packing a 5.7-litre V8, 70 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,480 producing over 370 hp. 71 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,640 This thing is special at any speed. The V8 burbles. 72 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,640 I feel I'm not in an ordinary car. 73 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:41,200 It's comfortable and it's relaxing. 74 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,520 Until you put your foot down... 75 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,520 ..and then it's a gibbering lunatic! 76 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,640 Very nice, but, also, very wrong. 77 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:00,640 E strano! E strano! Ah, Fors'e Lui - La Traviata 78 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,880 If you want to make the most of your midlife opportunity, 79 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,800 there's only one badge you really need. 80 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000 The Prancing Horse. 81 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,680 Il Cavallino Rampante. 82 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,240 Ferrari. 83 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,280 Oh, bellissimo! 84 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,600 And I know what you're thinking. 85 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,680 "Mr McGuinness, how do you get a Ferrari for eight grand?" 86 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,760 Well, trust me, my friends, 87 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,520 I have my ways. 88 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,760 Absolute genius. 89 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,680 Genius I'd soon dazzle the other two with, as we've been told 90 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,400 to meet up with our midlife masterpieces 91 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,760 at Wiltshire's finest racetrack. 92 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,520 Oh, Castle Combe, here we are. 93 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,160 Oh, look at that. The first one here. 94 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,960 But that happens a lot in a TVR. 95 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,280 Oh, this is Harris. 96 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,800 What's Flintoff gone for? The TVR Chimaera. 97 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,800 He might have made the right choice, there. 98 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,080 He's got a bright red Vauxhall. 99 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,960 Morning, Fred. Morning. 100 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:18,080 Now, I have to say...that is the perfect British sports car. 101 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,800 Great effort. What is that? 102 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,600 That is a Vauxhall Monaro. Is it really? 103 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:28,040 Oh, come on, it's perfect, it's got a V8, it's practical, it's special. 104 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,520 Is it special? The one thing about these cars is living your best life. 105 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,400 Yeah. 106 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,800 Look at them, look at them! OK... Look at them! Look at them! 107 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,040 I want to give you grief but I can't because this is 108 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,160 a great choice of car. That is the Austin Healey 109 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,440 of the modern era, isn't it? 110 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,920 However, I can get the family in this. So I've got the V8 muscle... 111 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,800 But no, no... ..when I want it. ..you've missed the point of this. 112 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,680 What? This is not about the family. This is not about getting the kids 113 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,680 in the back. This is about our time. 114 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,440 This is about your time. 115 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,520 This is about Chris Harris taking a car out just for him. 116 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,240 Liabiamo Ne'lieti Calici - La Traviata 117 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,280 What in the name of...? 118 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,640 Is that a 355? 119 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,080 No, it isn't! No, it isn't! 120 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,440 No! 121 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,120 Ciao. Konnichiwa. No! 122 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,520 How are you? No! 123 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,320 Look at it, though! My eyes! My eyes! 124 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,800 To be fair, if you were down the road, looking at that, 125 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,680 you'd be giving it "355". You wouldn't hear it coming! 126 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,000 I'm telling you ...love it! 127 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,080 Look, look, it's a fake Ferrari. The Toyarri. 128 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,520 What is it? It's an MR2. Is it? 250 brake horse. Yeah. 129 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,160 It's had more chips than Harry Ramsden's. 130 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,200 It's lively. I love it. How much? 131 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,080 I've gone a bit over budget. How much? Only a bit. 132 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,720 Eight grand was the budget. Yeah. Nine and a half. 133 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,800 You spent nearly ten grand on that? 134 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,400 Yeah. Someone left that room laughing. It wasn't you. 135 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,200 This is a rare car. 136 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,400 355s are ten a penny. This thing... 137 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,160 You've got to search for one. And look at the nick it's in, boys. 138 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,680 The great thing about these conversions is even people 139 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,800 that know nothing about cars know instinctively that this isn't 140 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,560 a 355, it's THAT wrong! No, they don't! Yes, they do! 141 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,160 No, they don't! People'll like it. It makes people smile. 142 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,400 It's all about being positive in life. What's that? 143 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,120 Is that five or six litres, that thing? 144 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:26,280 5.7. A lot of car. Yeah. 145 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,200 And I'm going to enjoy that. OK. And this is a powerful car. 146 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,080 It's a Vauxhall, at the end of the day. You've picked a Vauxhall. 147 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,320 Well, it's a Holden, actually. What? It's a Holden. 148 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,160 Same thing. With a Vauxhall badge on it. It's just the Aussie bit. 149 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,760 It's fine. Oh? So very similar to this? No, no, no! That... 150 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,600 This is totally fraudulent. You've just said about... 151 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,640 Now, we could have argued 152 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,880 over who bought the best fake car all day. 153 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,440 Look, look, see, that's all it is. There's the Holden badge. 154 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,800 Yeah, but listen, listen... 155 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,120 But before Harris could pull apart any more of his Vauxhall, 156 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,640 something about Flintoff caught my eye. 157 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,720 Stop. 158 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,560 Have you got an earring in? Yeah. 159 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,360 I like it. I like it. 160 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,000 This is what it's about, lads, hey? 161 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,880 Takes me back, that. We're here. We're in our beautiful cars. 162 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,120 We're at a racetrack. 163 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,560 The Prancing Horse wants to dance! 164 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,880 Come on, lads! Go on, Paddy. 165 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,360 Sayonara! Let's do it! 166 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,960 It looks even worse from here! 167 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,120 Oh, yes, it was time to show what a midlife opportunity really 168 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:44,480 looks like by heading out on the track and opening up the taps. 169 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,520 Oh-ho-ho, jeez! 170 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,560 What a car! 171 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,120 It really does go! 172 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,560 Go on! 173 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,560 0-60, five seconds. 174 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,360 Top speed over 150 mile an hour - that is enough. 175 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,120 For this car, that is enough. 176 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,280 Jeez! 177 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,640 Look at that! 178 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,560 Harris is sliding it about. 179 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,000 Little bit of opposite lock, not too much. 180 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,960 Use the power, of which there is plenty. 181 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,680 No, this is not an authentic Ferrari... 182 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,400 ..obviously. 183 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,400 But it's not about that. This car is about fun. 184 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,920 It's about having a good time. 185 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,320 And it is an MR2, so it's great to drive. 186 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,640 Well, it is when the gearbox works. 187 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,320 But that doesn't matter. 188 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:57,320 Point is this car's a tribute act. 189 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,520 It's the Rolling Clones. It's Fake That. 190 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,760 We know it's not the real thing. 191 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,520 But you're still going to have an absolutely great night! 192 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,240 Make a bit of room, Chris. 193 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,720 Ferrari coming through. 194 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,120 Hello, there, gentlemen. 195 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,920 This is what it's all about, boys, isn't it, eh? 196 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,240 Just three young lads enjoying their mid-lives. 197 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,080 They're living the dream. 198 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,320 Right, lads, what's that? Looks like a car park. 199 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,920 Are they a load of Saxos? 200 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,680 The Junior Saloon Car Championship? 201 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,840 Oh, ho-ho-ho! 202 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,840 What have we got here, then? Young people. 203 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,440 All on their phones, aren't they? 204 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,240 Look at 'em! Don't look up. No eye contact. Nothing. 205 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,280 See this lad here? 206 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,720 That's like a young me. I could go and give him some advice. 207 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,440 Have you been round here 208 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,280 a few years ago on tour with the cricket lads? 209 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,240 Like an advert for JD Sports. 210 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,600 Here we go. 211 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,000 "One of the biggest fears of a midlife crisis 212 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,280 "is being overtaken by the younger generation. 213 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,080 "Time to find out how long you and your cars 214 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,200 "can keep the youth at bay." 215 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,240 Oh. These? 216 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,800 I'm happy. I'm not worried at all. I'm confident. 217 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,000 He's just given you the evils, him, over there. Has he? Yeah. 218 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,960 Speak when you're spoken to, son. Adult speaking. Thank you. 219 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,200 Unbelievable. Let's have it right. Time for these kids to be schooled. 220 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,520 Yes. 221 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,880 To prove we weren't over the hill just yet, 222 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,840 we'd be taking on a whole grid of teenage racers. 223 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,920 Our aim was to try and stay out in front... 224 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,480 ..with the winner being whoever was overtaken 225 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,640 by the fewest Saxos over two laps of the track. 226 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,600 So, with three old men's pride at stake, 227 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,520 Flintoff with his TVR were up first. 228 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,800 Don't let the little scallywags intimidate you. 229 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,400 You're going to do well, son. 230 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,880 Here we go. 231 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,440 Come on, get away from the Saxos. 232 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,000 Look at the little scoundrels. They're like flies! 233 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,920 He is making a good job of this. He's already away. 234 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,200 He's through quarry, 235 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,320 I thought he might have had a bit of a whoopsy there. 236 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,400 That's the most crashed corner in the UK. 237 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,120 Into the chicane, don't let these kids put you off! 238 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,440 Now's he's gone, just me and you. 239 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,600 The earring, looks stupid, but I didn't want to do that to him 240 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,680 when I was giving it the middle-aged men thing. It's quite a big rock. 241 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,840 Do you think it's a real one or is it glass? 242 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,880 No, no, no. It's the Preston Special. 243 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,400 Is it Swarovski? Preston Special. Preston Special! 244 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,080 There's a Saxo coming. 245 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,240 Oh, they're all over him! Like a rash! 246 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,720 Oh, my word, here they come. 247 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,080 Come on, Fred! 248 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,360 They're coming round, look. 249 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,960 I'm holding them, I'm holding them, I'm holding them! I'm holding them! 250 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,640 They're after him. They're after... 251 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,280 Come on, Freddie! 252 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,080 I'm on the wrong line, I'm on the wrong line. 253 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,760 There's a Saxo on my inside! 254 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,640 Oh, one's gone. 255 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,080 No, no, get back, get back, get back. 256 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,680 Oh, come on! 257 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,000 Oh, two have gone past him. Come on, Fred! 258 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,080 No, no, no, not on the corner, son. Not on the corner, get back! 259 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,640 This little get! 260 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,080 Going through, here. 261 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,720 I'm staying on. 262 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,160 This little tinker! 263 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,000 No, no, no, no! 264 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,480 Get past, get past! Get past! 265 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,680 He's held on! Yay! 266 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,240 Do you feel confident in the Toyarri? No. 267 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,720 Get in there! Looked like a lot of fun. 268 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,960 That looked good fun. It did. 269 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,840 But they're all over you. Are they? 270 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,560 They're all over you. That's kids! 271 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,040 Do you know one of them? One of them, 272 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,560 and I'll be having words after. 273 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,440 He'll be getting a dressing down. Good. 274 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,920 Just cut me on the inside, ended up on the grass. 275 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,800 I went across the grass. I want that kid's name. Where is he? 276 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,560 So, you were five down, but that one got... 277 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,080 No, you can't have that! No, they said that one counts. 278 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,160 So, it's six cars that overtook you. 279 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,960 McGuinness, get in the Toyarri. 280 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:05,000 I reckon, first chicane, there will be about ten past that Toyarri. 281 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,520 Only one way to find out. 282 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,000 Time for McGuinness to take on the youth. 283 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,880 They're frightened, Paddy, they're frightened of you! 284 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,400 These greasy conditions are going to suit the mid-engine 285 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,040 handling of that car. 286 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,680 It doesn't make me feel any better, but thank you. 287 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,200 Go on, Toyarri! 288 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,040 They'll have him, they'll have him. 289 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,000 They're going to get him by that corner. 290 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,160 I reckon the whole lot will have him on the first lap. 291 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,880 Oh, they're already on me! They're already on me! 292 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,840 The little sausages! 293 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,640 Oh, they're up him, they're up him! 294 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,040 Come on, come on, Pad, hold them off. 295 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,400 Can't find the gear! 296 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,600 Oh, one's already here! 297 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,800 One's already here! 298 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,280 Can you imagine how much squawking is going on inside his car 299 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,080 at the moment? Argh! 300 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,760 Argh! Argh! He's passed. Little sh... 301 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,440 One... Oh, there's another one coming. 302 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,920 He's going to get done on the inside, man! 303 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,840 He's queueing up. There's a queue behind him! 304 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,720 Here they come. 305 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,880 Oh, oh. 306 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,680 Oh! 307 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,120 See, it's like a ride at Alton Towers. 308 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,280 They're all queuing up to get past. 309 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,400 Half of them aren't big enough to go on! 310 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,200 Come on! 311 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,520 Come on, Toyarri! 312 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,000 I'm in the wrong place! Argh! 313 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,440 Oh-ho! 314 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,760 Oh! My word! 315 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,040 They were all over me! 316 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:59,240 It was like the Pied Piper being chased by pubescent rats! 317 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,920 Did about eight go past? Six. 318 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,560 Well done, Pad. Don't you worry. 319 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,240 No-one should go past him. No-one. No-one. 320 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,480 That's right. 321 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,440 It was time for the semi-professional racing driver 322 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,520 to make a stand for middle age. 323 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,360 Here we go, then. Six each for both of them. 324 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,080 I've got to do better than them. 325 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,240 I simply have to do better than them. 326 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,960 Chris, are you all right? Can we just get this done? 327 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,480 Good luck, Chris. 328 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,880 Good luck, my mate. It's terrible! 329 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,720 Here we go, here we go. 330 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,120 Oh! Oh! Go faster! 331 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:49,680 Right, these lads are not coming past me. 332 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,840 Hang on, Holden! 333 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,400 Oh, no. They're not getting anywhere near him. 334 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,280 No, he's giving it, you little sods. 335 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,760 Look at him! Look at him! 336 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,000 They're going to be better on the brakes 337 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,880 and they're going to be quicker at the corners. 338 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,200 But I'm just not going to let them pass me. 339 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,440 I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him. 340 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,600 But... Yeah. 341 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,320 ..you want a couple past, don't you? 342 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,880 They are coming back at me. 343 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,200 I've got one on my backside now. 344 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,240 That's the technical part of the circuit. 345 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,600 Hopefully, now, I'll get a bit of gas going. 346 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,320 Go on, Chris! Go on, son! 347 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,080 Show them how it's done! 348 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,920 He's no chance. He is tapping his wheel. He's got no chance. 349 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,240 It's not a computer game, son! It's not a computer game! 350 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,480 ♪ Drive boy dive boy 351 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,880 ♪ Dirty numb angel boy 352 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,280 ♪ In the doorway boy... ♪ 353 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,280 Now I can really let the Monaro stretch its legs. 354 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,800 Have some of that, youth! 355 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,080 The brakes are absolutely on the floor! 356 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,120 Whoa, he's really trying now! 357 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,200 Come on, then, son! 358 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,120 Big V8 punching me out the corners. 359 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:16,080 Come on, Holden! Just hold out! 360 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,680 Oh! Oh! 361 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,360 Now push it, Chris! 362 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,240 I'm not letting him past, no way. 363 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,120 Yeah! Come on! 364 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,120 I'm doing this for age, I'm doing this for experience. 365 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,720 I'm doing this for all those parents out there 366 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,880 that are sick of the youth telling us the way it should be. 367 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,920 Yes, baby! It's a victory. 368 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:56,640 Oh... Oh... Oh... 369 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,800 Christopher! Chris Harris! 370 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,280 A little bit of experience there, boys. 371 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,360 You can't buy it and you can't bottle it. 372 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,840 Well played, sir. That was a lesson in maturity. 373 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,440 I like it when he's in a good mood, 374 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,880 cos we're going to have great day now. Look at him. 375 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,080 Where are we off to now? 376 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,200 Come on, you little tinker! 377 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,040 I tell you what, Chris, I'm so happy for you. 378 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,520 Go on. Well done. Come on, you. Well done, little man. 379 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,560 I tell you, you've got a spring in your step... 380 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,120 Look at that - he's happy. Little bow legs are going. 381 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,240 Oh... 382 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,920 Step On by Happy Mondays 383 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,720 How are they driving, boys? 384 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,800 The Toyarri is still driving well. 385 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,880 The Monaro, it's just bob on. 386 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,960 I've got to tell you, this car's doing all right. 387 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,640 After what I did in it on the track, it's doing surprisingly well. 388 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,520 ♪ He's gonna step on you again 389 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:55,400 ♪ He's gonna step on yo-u-u-u-u... ♪ 390 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,040 Lads, I were looking online 391 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,200 at telltale signs of a midlife crisis... Ooh. 392 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,560 ..and they had a list. 393 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,640 Do you want me to run through 'em? See if we tick any of those boxes? 394 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,120 Go on, then. Number one - getting an earring. 395 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,080 I used to have it when I was younger. 396 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,640 I'm shaking it up a bit, that's all. 397 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:21,160 Number two - buying an expensive bicycle. 398 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,800 Fred, this isn't looking good for you at all. 399 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,360 No, right, I have got a few bicycles in me garage... 400 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,640 Right, let's forget the earring and the expensive bikes. 401 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,560 Let's go to number three on the list. 402 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,320 Growing your hair long. 403 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,120 I'm smelling a rat here. 404 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,440 You've not even looked on the internet. 405 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,560 I tell you what, you two are a couple of whoppers. 406 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,720 Growing your hair long. What's next - having big teeth? 407 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,080 What about getting a bit of work done? A bit of botox? 408 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,640 I don't think Paddy's any stranger to that. 409 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:04,800 Now, I think I will accept most things, but you've seen my face - 410 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,960 there's no botox in this! 411 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,960 Fair play, Pad, fair play. 412 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,960 Paddy, is it true that you used to have a bag of dark dust 413 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,680 to go on the top of your hair to make it look thicker 414 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,200 on the red carpet? No, it wasn't dark dust. 415 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,240 It was just a thickening product. 416 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,040 With our midlife opportunity now very much in full swing, 417 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,920 the producers decided we should have another test. 418 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,880 This time at MoD Lyneham, 419 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:39,960 a huge military base which we appeared to have the run of. 420 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,840 It's all looking a little bit ominous at the moment. 421 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,400 Oh... Empty military facility, 422 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,240 the sun's out and we have a challenge. 423 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,680 What have we got? 424 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,840 "Midlife crisis cars are all about showing off." Ooh. 425 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,040 "To prove your cars can put on a performance, you will now race 426 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:08,320 "to complete this gymkhana course as quickly and precisely as possible." 427 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,440 Oh, the old Ken Block's! Oh, it's fantastic. 428 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,800 You're going to love this. 429 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,800 For anyone not familiar with the work of Ken Block... 430 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,880 ..the Stig will now demonstrate what a gymkhana is all about. 431 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,720 First, take one high-performance car. 432 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,400 Oh! Now we're talking! 433 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,120 Then throw in a load of abandoned roads 434 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,440 and buildings to make your playground. 435 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:46,240 Next, scatter about as many cones as you can lay your hands on. 436 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,360 And litter that playground with a bunch of obstacles. 437 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,640 Pure catnip for the YouTube generation. 438 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:03,160 This is the ultimate display of driver prowess. 439 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,240 There's stones everywhere! 440 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,680 Woo! 441 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,240 Oh! 442 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,600 How good was that?! 443 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,520 With our cars fitted with skinny back tyres to help us skid, 444 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,320 we'd now take turns to run Stig's course against the clock. 445 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,800 But, keen for us to start embracing old age rather than running from it, 446 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,680 the producers had also decided we'd be doing it wearing something 447 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,040 called a geriatric simulation suit. 448 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,640 Now we're talking! What's going on here? 449 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,880 I'm going to have to take these off. Hang on. 450 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,480 Oh, that's better. 451 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,120 You look like Where's Wally's dad. 452 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:01,600 Yeah. Apparently this simulates the effects of old age. 453 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,600 This vest is 30kg. 454 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,960 Demonstrate how heavy it is. 455 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,240 It looks like you're just wearing a vest. Do a jump. 456 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,840 Jump, jump. Do a jump. 457 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,040 Shut up! 458 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,360 It's not nice. 459 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,840 I can't even fasten me helmet. 460 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,520 Do you want to know the best bit? 461 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:19,960 It's a Le Mans start. 462 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,280 Get back to where the grass meets the tarmac there. 463 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,680 Come on. Walk back. 464 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,800 -You look like C-3 -PO. Hang on. 465 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,280 OK, are you ready? No! 466 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,800 Three, two, one... 467 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,440 Go! 468 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,840 Come on, Paddy, hurry up! What are you doing?! 469 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,480 He's skating! Stop skating and run, man! Don't skate! 470 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,200 Oh, Je...! 471 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,400 Oh! 472 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,720 He spun on the first turn! 473 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,320 It's so difficult with this bloody arm thing on! 474 00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:11,520 Whoa...! 475 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,920 This is what it's going to be like when we get older. 476 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,600 You know when you drive to the sea and you put a blanket on your legs? 477 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:18,800 See, I would go blanket... 478 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,120 I'd get a bit of the wind there, get the blanket like that 479 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,080 and then sit down. Oh...! 480 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,640 I can't turn me arms round! 481 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,880 Ken Block's not going to be watching this thinking, 482 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,240 "My job's in jeopardy," is he? 483 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,800 Is it that way or that way?! 484 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,360 He's just decided to make up the course. 485 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,920 Where am I?! Where am I going?! 486 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,720 Where am I going?! 487 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,160 Here we go, here we go. This is going to be entertaining. 488 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,560 What's going to happen now? 489 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,920 Go on, Pad! 490 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,920 Oh, my God! 491 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:05,960 I think he's knackered. 492 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,120 I'll be with you in a minute... 493 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,520 You go t'wrong way, Pad? 494 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:20,720 I come out that shed, everything was just orange and white, 495 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,600 but the worst thing is, it's you can't steer 496 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,280 and you can't put the handbrake on. 497 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:27,800 All things you really need 498 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,960 when you're trying to be the next Ken Block. 499 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:34,080 Right, you did it in 5:54.28. 500 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,400 Get in. 501 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,240 Go on, Chris, go and get ready. Go on. Give us the stopwatch. Go on. 502 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,320 That's right, it was time once again for 503 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:49,600 the semi-professional racing driver to show us how it's done. 504 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,040 Wait... Oh, God... 505 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,120 Oh, my word, what is that? 506 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,240 Have you got high heels on? What are you walking like that?! 507 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,600 Paddy, I take a lot of it back. 508 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,320 Do you know what? Honest to God, you come round the corner, there, 509 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,840 you look like one of them veloci-ropters from Jurassic Park, 510 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,480 how you're walking. A "ropter"? "Ropter"?! Veloci-ropter...! 511 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,360 Can we do this, please? Don't get too close, 512 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,600 your Le Mans start's back there! 513 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:13,800 Look at... 514 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,960 That is how he walks anyhow! Oh, my God. 515 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,640 Come on, Chris, you've got this. Three... 516 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:20,920 ..two... 517 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,040 ..one... 518 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,120 Go! No, come on, you can go faster than that! 519 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,120 Run, Chris Harris! Pick your knees up! 520 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:30,680 Come on! 521 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,800 Best of luck to you. Come on, Harris! 522 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,920 We said we hope you have a lovely day! 523 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:39,680 Whoa, a lot of smoke! 524 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,560 Oh... 525 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,000 Oh, that's... That's nice. 526 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,040 That's nice. 527 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,360 I can't control the steering! 528 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,720 I literally can't control the steering! 529 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,560 How are you supposed to turn it around here?! 530 00:29:58,560 --> 00:29:59,600 I can't do that...! 531 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,800 He's beeping his horn. 532 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,560 I can't... 533 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,600 I literally can't...! 534 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,000 Argh! 535 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,800 I can see a lot of smoke up there... 536 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,040 This is his thing, he loves... Sliding about. 537 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,560 He loves sliding, doesn't he? 538 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,840 I don't know where I'm going here. 539 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,880 Yeah, I've missed out all that. 540 00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:40,920 Oh, he's gone the wrong way... 541 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,680 I think he's gone the wrong way, as well, Pad! It does happen! 542 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:50,600 Oh, he's pipping his horn! 543 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,160 Ooh... Here he comes. Ooh. He can't get out. 544 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,000 You all right? Was there things in the way? 545 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,120 We kept hearing you beeping your horn at people. 546 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,760 What - were there people, traffic? 547 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,480 Well, I couldn't lift my arms up. 548 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,200 I was just seeing stars. 549 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:21,360 So it turns out the geriatric suit does take its toll. 550 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,320 Unless, of course, you're a massive tree. 551 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,280 Just walking normal... 552 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,000 You have got weights on - you know that, don't you? 553 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,480 A little bit on me arms. Why don't YOU give us a burpee? 554 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,640 Let's have a see. You go down... I knew he would! I knew he would. 555 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,240 Up... Oof... 556 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,800 Bet you can't do five! Not a chance! Let's get on with this. 557 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,000 Are you ready? Yeah. 558 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,560 Three... 559 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:47,680 ..two... 560 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:48,880 ..and the thing is... 561 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,520 ..just go for it. Have you pressed that button already? 562 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,360 What? Have you pressed the button? 563 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,320 I've not pressed the button! You have! 564 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,880 Wahey! 565 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:09,480 Oh... 566 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,360 Why am I out of breath driving? 567 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,480 Now, he's going towards the building... 568 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,040 Now, this is where it could get a little bit air ambulance. 569 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,840 I must admit, I was expecting a bit more from you. 570 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,480 You went round it a bit pedestrian. 571 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,800 It was fully sideways over there... No, it wasn't! 572 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,080 No, it wasn't. 573 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,880 Oh, I can't steer! 574 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,640 Do you know what the car looks like? Yes, I have eyes, and I saw it. 575 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,760 From the outside, when you're driving it. Oh, dear. 576 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,680 Yes, very sexy. 577 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,480 Oh, now we're talking! 578 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,520 Where do you get the confidence from? 579 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,440 I think it's my winning streak on the show. 580 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:55,840 There's that many... 581 00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,840 Yes, we're round! 582 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,840 Yes, Fred! 583 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,360 He's round that one... Look at that! 584 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,040 Yeah! 585 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,680 He's not going to back off here. 586 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,360 Get the speed going, come on. 587 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,160 You've got to stop at some point, haven't you? What? 588 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,920 Like, about now would be good. I'm coming in...! 589 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,720 Oh-ho-ho! Oh! 590 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,920 Get back on. Get up, get up! 591 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,520 Get up! 592 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,440 Jeez! 593 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,800 How unpleasant was that? 594 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,600 My arms are so heavy. 595 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,000 Tell you what - I went the right way, though. 596 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,720 You did. You went the right way. 597 00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,080 What did I get? 598 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,080 5:06! Yeah. Well done, sir. 599 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,640 I'm not going to lie, it's a bit of a hollow victory. 600 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,400 Well done, you're a better old man. 601 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,120 Wahey! Wahey! 602 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,760 He's enjoying that, isn't he? 603 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:13,840 Look at that. 604 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,160 Lovely stuff. 605 00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:32,000 That weight suit was absolutely... It was worse than it looked. 606 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,280 For us two, not for him! 607 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,440 What? For me? Yeah! Suit was easy for him! 608 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,800 I felt like I was 21 again, playing cricket for England! 609 00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:42,480 But, genuinely, weighted suits are a real thing in the car industry 610 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,840 to simulate what it's like for an old person driving. 611 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,080 Why don't they just use an old person? 612 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,600 That's actually quite a good point, Fred... That is, yeah... 613 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,600 That is a good point, I'll give you that! 614 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,800 What we've learned here is actually, pensioners... 615 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,480 ..are extremely strong people! Yes! 616 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,720 Give your nan a Werther's, she's off! "Right, let's go!" 617 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,320 Yep! We'll get back to that film later - 618 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,400 terrifying though it sounds. But now we need to move on to Hot Hatches. 619 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,880 I love a Hot Hatch, my perfect recipe - 620 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,400 small car, big engine, big power. 621 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,800 And now, there's a new one out. 622 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,240 It comes... 623 00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:24,480 ..from Toyota. 624 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:27,520 And it's called... 625 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,080 ..the GR Yaris. 626 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:33,800 And, on the face of it, 627 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,920 the GR looks like it ticks all of the Hot Hatch boxes. 628 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,560 It makes around 250 horsepower, which is proper Hot Hatch power. 629 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,040 It does 0 to 60 in around five seconds 630 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:48,640 and tops out at 140mph, which is proper Hot Hatch pace. 631 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,600 It's all very much... as it should be. 632 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:55,400 Until, that is, you hear about the price. 633 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,600 Because this Toyota Yaris... 634 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:02,520 ..costs over £33,000. 635 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,600 33 grand for a Toyota Yaris? 636 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,400 Now that is a tough sell. 637 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:13,200 After all, the Yaris badge does conjure a certain lifestyle. 638 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,000 And not an especially sporty one. 639 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,000 I'm talking Saga Cruises, Stannah Stairlifts... 640 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,120 ..tartan rugs. 641 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,320 In short, 33 grand for a suped-up OAP mobile 642 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,200 does sound like a big ask, 643 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,560 especially when you consider... 644 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:32,760 ..the competition. 645 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,200 Because for £14,000 less than the GR, you can have... 646 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,480 ..one of those - 647 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,840 the Fiesta ST. 648 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,360 Same size as the Yaris, utterly brilliant to drive. 649 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,160 Or, for a couple of grand less... 650 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,920 ..could have... 651 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,320 ..one of these - 652 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,160 Civic Type R. 653 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,040 A whole lot more power... What a wonderful thing. 654 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,160 It looks like it eats kittens for breakfast. 655 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:09,360 And, for pretty much the same money, you could have one of these - 656 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:13,120 the Mercedes-AMG A 35. 657 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,800 Faster, more powerful and with a badge that doesn't scream 658 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,840 "Zimmer frame". 659 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,920 But here's the thing. 660 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,360 You can't compare the Yaris to regular Hot Hatches... 661 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,240 ..because it's not a regular Hot Hatch. 662 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,200 Allow me to explain. 663 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,640 These are some of the greatest legends 664 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,760 of the World Rally Championship... 665 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:50,640 ..where, to be eligible to compete, cars have always had to be 666 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:55,120 closely based on a road car you can actually buy. 667 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,000 So, for the best chance of winning... 668 00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,440 ..you'd really want to build a road car 669 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,880 that's been specially designed to go racing. 670 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:05,720 But... 671 00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:07,360 ..that would be very expensive. 672 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,680 And, as a result, it almost never happens. 673 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,840 But just occasionally, a carmaker decides that, yes, 674 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,280 it will build a completely new, very fast road car 675 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,720 as the perfect base for its next rally car. 676 00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:27,160 These are called homologation specials 677 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,720 and they are some of the best cars ever made. 678 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,320 The Audi Sport Quattro, 679 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,160 shortened to make that monster there with the big wings. 680 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,160 Lancia Delta Integrale - 681 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,760 is that the greatest homologation road car ever made to create 682 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,720 the thing that Juha Kankkunen won those championships in? 683 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,760 And this might be my favourite - the Evo 6 Mitsubishi 684 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,240 that Tommi Makinen dominated the sport in. 685 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,520 And then, every boy racer's dream - 686 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,840 the Ford Escort RS Cosworth - 687 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,840 and what a rally car that created. 688 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,560 Make no mistake - this is distinguished company. 689 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:15,200 And Toyota has now given its most unlikely of cars the same treatment. 690 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,280 The GR Yaris is no Hot Hatch. 691 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:27,880 This is a genuine... rally car for the road. 692 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,520 Woohoo-hoo-hoo! 693 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,200 Just put your foot down and it goes! 694 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,920 The engine's only a three-cylinder turbo petrol, 695 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:44,520 but it's the most powerful one in the world right now 696 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:48,080 and it's crammed full of motorsport technology. 697 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:49,120 It's strong! 698 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,960 And then there's the brakes. 699 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,680 The brake pedal has immense feel, 700 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,560 it's so good, and they are powerful. 701 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120 But what really sets this rally Yaris apart... 702 00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,960 ..is its four-wheel-drive system 703 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,120 and the way it works with the rest of the chassis 704 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,720 to pin the car to the road. 705 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,320 That short wheelbase, those wide tracks, 706 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,320 those sticky Michelin tyres... 707 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,840 I reckon you can drive around the outside of a BMW M3 708 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:28,960 on any roundabout! 709 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,240 It's that grippy. 710 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,720 Unless, of course, you put it in sport mode... 711 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,360 ..which tells it not to be. 712 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,400 Accelerate! 713 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,680 You get that... 714 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,200 ..oversteer... 715 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:49,960 ..in a hatchback! 716 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,680 And, even better, 717 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,520 when you yank the handbrake, it disconnects the rear axle, 718 00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,320 so you can do proper rally-style handbrake turns! 719 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,640 You know what this brings out? 720 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,680 My inner Colin McRae! 721 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,280 Flick it around... 722 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,760 That is ridiculous! 723 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,640 And it's got a Toyota badge on it! 724 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:39,840 Which, incidentally, is one of the few things the GR Yaris 725 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,680 shares with the OAP-spec original that your nan drives. 726 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,360 The regular Yaris has five doors. 727 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,520 This one - three. 728 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,480 The roof is four inches lower 729 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,480 and - because your rally car must be made of the same stuff 730 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:03,520 as your road car - that roof is now also carbon fibre, 731 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,920 while the bonnet and doors are lightweight aluminium. 732 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,560 Toyota has reinvented the little Yaris. 733 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,800 And it now truly belongs... 734 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,560 ..with this lot. 735 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:26,640 For me, a homologation special is a car that looks ordinary 736 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,200 when you see it from a distance, but up close, you see the width 737 00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,000 and the specialness, those wide tracks. 738 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,040 And the Yaris absolutely nails that. 739 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,160 I think it's an instant icon, I really do. 740 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:48,600 Honestly... It's one of the best cars I've driven in years. 741 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,480 And it absolutely belongs in this company. 742 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:55,400 What a machine! 743 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,520 The best little car! 744 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,080 The best little car. 745 00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:15,400 And this is a Yaris. Only made better if we did it in France - 746 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,120 it'd be Harris in a Yaris in Paris. 747 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,440 Come on, Chris, is it really that good? 748 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,680 Best thing I've driven in two years, Fred. Wow. 749 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,320 Honestly, it's a hero car. 750 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,080 But it's 33 grand, Chris! A lot of money... 751 00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:30,040 33 grand for a Yaris! I know, but the deals on offer at the moment, 752 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,760 it's £300 a month for one of the best cars you'll drive! 753 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,840 So this is the road version of the rally car, right? 754 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,840 Yeah. So, how good is the rally version going to be? 755 00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,320 That's the awkward bit, Pad - 756 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,720 because the World Rally Championships changed the rules 757 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:45,360 for this year, they're sticking with the old cars, 758 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,920 so there's a chance they might not make a rally car. 759 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:51,880 So...this is a rally car for the road... Yeah. 760 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,560 ..but there's no rally car for the rally? 761 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,920 For once, you are correct! 762 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,400 Sometimes, I think you just go out of your way, purposely, 763 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,360 to confuse me! Well, while you try 764 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,200 and get your head around that, Paddy, lad... 765 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,800 It's time to get back to our midlife opportunity film, 766 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,520 which comes with a warning. 767 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,400 That's right. This next sequence contains footage 768 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,880 that some viewers may find disturbing. 769 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,080 Chris Harris in some very snug leather trousers. 770 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,400 Roll the tape. 771 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,200 The start of another day on the road. 772 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,880 Except, for some reason, 773 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:31,480 the producers have decided to confiscate our cars. 774 00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:37,720 But no matter, because what they've done is give us the perfect chance 775 00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:43,840 to explore another of midlife's fantastic opportunities. 776 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,640 Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf 777 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,080 Aye-aye, Captain. 778 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,280 Living the dream, Captain! Living the dream. 779 00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,880 Just a couple of blokes on a bike. 780 00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,040 ♪ Get your motor runnin' 781 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,040 ♪ Head out on the highway... ♪ 782 00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,120 How are you getting on, Christopher? 783 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,560 When the sun's out, there's not many things I'd rather be doing 784 00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,480 than wobbling around on a bike. 785 00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:14,440 ♪ Born to be wild... ♪ 786 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,680 Boys, this is the life, innit?! 787 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,520 ♪ Born to be wild... # Woooo! 788 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,240 I shouldn't be trusted on this. 789 00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:23,760 Try being on a Harley! 790 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,520 Looking good, Pad. Oh, yes. 791 00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,000 Eat your heart out, Peter Fonda. 792 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:35,600 Born to be wild. I mean, it's not exactly Route 66, this - 793 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,640 I'm on a B-road to Siddington - 794 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,240 but it'll do. 795 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,320 Quite why the producers had given us the morning to enjoy 796 00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:50,480 three of our favourite bikes, though, was about to become clear. 797 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,640 Because we've been told to head to the Cotswolds Water Park, 798 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:58,160 where they've been busy setting up our final test. 799 00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:02,720 Fit bikes on t'roof, Pad. One extreme to the other here. 800 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,520 What is going on here, then? 801 00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:05,880 Challenge. 802 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,600 Oh, tell you what, I enjoyed that. 803 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,840 "No midlife crisis would be complete 804 00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,240 "without a sudden interest in fitness." 805 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,080 No. Ring any bells? No. 806 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,120 Stop it. No, no, no. 807 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,520 Stop it. 808 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:25,040 "To see which of you has embraced your so-called opportunity, 809 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:30,120 "you will now compete in the Top Gear midlife crisis triathlon. 810 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:34,560 "MAMILs, get ready to swim, ride and drive." MAMILs? 811 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,920 Middle-Aged Men In Lycra. Oh, God. 812 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:44,320 Yes. It being November, of course the producers have decided it was 813 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,840 a good time to do a triathlon. 814 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:54,280 This one had been enhanced with a few motorised upgrades. 815 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,200 Starting with a short sprint in our cars down to the water's edge. 816 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:01,440 Next, we'd be on to a trio of Jet Skis, 817 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,400 where a quick blast up and down the lake would be followed 818 00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,320 by a swim back to the shore. 819 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:10,480 Then we'd be on to the push bikes. 820 00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,840 And after a 4km ride around the lake - 821 00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:15,760 mercifully, for the final leg - 822 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,600 we'd be back in our cars for three laps 823 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,840 of a rough and ready gravel circuit. 824 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,440 And with almost all of that sounding utterly hideous, 825 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,320 to make matters worse, 826 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:31,160 first we'd have to get changed. 827 00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,160 I tell you, the thing is about these suits, 828 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,040 that optical illusion makes it look like 829 00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,240 you've got a massive stomach. 830 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:40,600 Is yours doing that? Yes. 831 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,440 At least we've still got our dignity. 832 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,960 Now this race, for me - this is all about second place. 833 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,880 Cos as we know... Lurch is gone. Lurch is gone. 834 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,840 ..Peloton Pete over there... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 835 00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:58,080 ..he'll be going across the lake, pulling a salmon out, eating it, 836 00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,240 bike, gone. 837 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:02,400 It does involve a Jet Ski so he could kill himself on that easily. 838 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:03,760 Hey. 839 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,240 What? Don't do that! Don't do that. 840 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:08,640 May the best man win, Patrick. 841 00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,800 He will. May the best MAMIL win. 842 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,800 Right, chins up, bellies in. 843 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,840 It was time for our middle-aged triathlon to begin. 844 00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,520 Here we are. 845 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,680 Three, two, one. Go. 846 00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:36,520 Here we go! 847 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,520 It's very muddy. 848 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,280 Stay out of the puddle, Harris. 849 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,840 Oh, no. I can't see owt out my window. 850 00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,680 The Monaro was quickest out the blocks. 851 00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,360 Meaning Harris just had his nose in front 852 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,840 down to the water. 853 00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:54,240 Come on. Come on. 854 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,840 We're off. I need a wee! 855 00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,080 Whoa! 856 00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:04,360 Oh, God, goggles. How do you get this on? 857 00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,320 How did you get that on? 858 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,160 Lightning off the line on his Jet Ski, as well, though... 859 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,000 Can't get it on. Ah! 860 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,800 ..it's fair to say the early moves were all Harris. 861 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,760 What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? 862 00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:23,080 I've put it in reverse! 863 00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:25,880 Jesus! 864 00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,160 Come on, let's catch Harris. 865 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:37,400 Whoa! Whoa! 866 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,120 How the hell are you supposed to steer it? 867 00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,240 While McGuinness trailed off the back, 868 00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:45,880 the leader was already approaching the top of the lake. 869 00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:49,600 Come on. We've got to beat him. 870 00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:53,440 Catching on Harris. Where's McGuinness? 871 00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,320 Come on, baby! 872 00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:00,200 I'm doing nearly 100km an hour. 873 00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,560 Come on. Go, go, go! 874 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,280 Ah! 875 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,640 Thankfully, with Harris negotiating the final slalom, 876 00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,160 the Jet Ski run was nearly over. 877 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,320 And, as the frontrunner summoned his athleticism 878 00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:25,960 for the next stage of the race... 879 00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:28,880 Smooth, smooth. 880 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:30,880 ..Flintoff was hot on his heels... 881 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,760 I'm swimming a bit further here. 882 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,160 ..while, with a little creative interpretation 883 00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,160 of the start line for the swim, 884 00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:41,320 as the only ex—Bolton Community Leisure Centre lifeguard among us... 885 00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:46,000 ..it was time to do some catching up. 886 00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:03,200 And with Paddy having cheated his way back into the running, 887 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,680 the wet stage of the race was behind us. 888 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,840 Next, it was time for the second two-wheeled leg, 889 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:17,320 breaking out the bikes for a one-lap, Lycra-bound dash 890 00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,480 around the perimeter of the lake. 891 00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:26,400 But, having now lost all of my early lead, 892 00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,280 frankly, for the next leg, 893 00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,960 I didn't fancy my chances. 894 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,120 For starters, my bike didn't work. 895 00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:35,880 Chain's come off. 896 00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:37,720 And while Paddy got away first, 897 00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,920 the real issue was that Flintoff... 898 00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,680 I'm only off. 899 00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,600 ..is a cycling machine. 900 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:44,760 Come on. 901 00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:46,680 Let's see what you've got. 902 00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,480 Sadly, Harris is absolutely right, 903 00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,840 because while I had taken the lead... 904 00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,880 Hey, Pad. Hey! 905 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,760 ..I managed to hold on to it... 906 00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,360 Nice and easy. 907 00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,240 ..for about eight seconds. 908 00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:02,880 Oh, where's he going?! 909 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,400 Come on, son. 910 00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,360 Not as fit as I used to be. 911 00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,040 I'm probably fitter. 912 00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,440 The whole chain's gone. It's bent. 913 00:52:14,240 --> 00:52:17,960 Look at the kink here. Look at that! That is not helpful. 914 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,680 Yep, one of us stranded... 915 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,520 ..the other just trying to stay upright, 916 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,920 the human dynamo disappearing into the distance. 917 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:30,320 Just keep pedalling. 918 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,120 Keep turning my legs. 919 00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:35,600 This triathlon of ours was getting predictable. 920 00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:38,520 Can't see the boys. 921 00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,880 No sign of them. 922 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,520 But then... 923 00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:46,560 ..Harris reminded us all that with middle age 924 00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:48,080 comes wisdom. 925 00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,440 The wisdom to always play... 926 00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:53,320 ..to your strengths. 927 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,200 Come on, Monaro. 928 00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:01,080 Right, I've got a fair old amount of distance to catch up here. 929 00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,480 Oh, I'm flat out. 930 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:08,080 I can't go any quicker than this. 931 00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,040 The Vauxhall was getting me back on track, 932 00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,200 but its injection of pace looked like 933 00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:17,280 it had come too late. 934 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:19,960 Flintoff was approaching the end of his lap. 935 00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,720 And with McGuinness just a minute or so behind, 936 00:53:22,720 --> 00:53:25,480 even with a heap of extra V8 legwork... 937 00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:30,240 ..I'd need a miracle to reel them back in. 938 00:53:30,240 --> 00:53:33,040 Especially as Flintoff didn't look all that interested 939 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:34,760 in giving up his lead. 940 00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:40,120 Flippin' shoes. 941 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:41,840 Oh! I'm driving. 942 00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:47,400 Where are they? 943 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:51,240 Well, one of us was on the final sprint. 944 00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,960 Whoa! 945 00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,040 Three laps of the gravel track. 946 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:58,400 Back at the wheel... 947 00:53:58,400 --> 00:53:59,600 Still out of breath. 948 00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,320 ..of the TVR. 949 00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,960 What are the boys doing? 950 00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,480 There's nobody else on the track. 951 00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:12,880 I can see the cars. 952 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:17,280 Let's keep McGuinness at bay. 953 00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:19,520 He's not even started yet. 954 00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:21,200 Come on, Paddy! 955 00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:24,240 One lap down, Paddy, lad. 956 00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:27,600 Come on. 957 00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:29,160 Come on, keep going. 958 00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,240 Here we go! 959 00:54:32,240 --> 00:54:34,760 Fair play to the big lad - already a lap up, 960 00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,000 even a real Ferrari would have struggled to catch him. 961 00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:45,600 So the Toyarri - well, let's just say it had met its match. 962 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,840 Oh, my God, the water's coming in. 963 00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:55,400 With Harris bringing up the rear... 964 00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,720 Come on, then! 965 00:54:56,720 --> 00:54:58,120 ..Flintoff was away, 966 00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:01,040 and nothing was going to stop him. 967 00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:05,320 Whoa! 968 00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,640 I've broke down! 969 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,160 Going to have to make a run for it. I'm going to run. 970 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,320 Reverend Black Grape by Black Grape 971 00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,440 Oh, yes, Preston's answer to the Terminator... 972 00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,000 ..just kept on trucking. 973 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,280 I've got me cycling shoes on. 974 00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,200 What's he doing?! 975 00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,280 So, with darkness falling on our shambolic efforts... 976 00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,040 Flintoff's running. I can't see what's happened. 977 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:44,760 ..the result was what we always knew. 978 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:49,080 ♪ Gather around me... ♪ 979 00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,720 Oh! 980 00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:56,120 The man who most embodies the gentleman's midlife opportunity... 981 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,480 ..is Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, OBE. 982 00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:06,480 Well done, pal. Thank you. 983 00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:09,800 Fred, you are the king of the middle-aged men. 984 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,200 Tell you what, this earring's coming straight out. 985 00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:19,920 ♪ All joyful and triumphant... ♪ 986 00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,880 Look at him. 987 00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:34,400 Let's not spoil his moment. 988 00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,200 Congratulations, Fred... Thank you. 989 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:38,440 ..but you know what the worst thing about that day was? 990 00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,640 Yeah. You cheating, obviously. How did I cheat? 991 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,520 Well, you did half the swim on a Jet Ski pad. 992 00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,040 I've never driven a Jet Ski in my life. 993 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,560 It was just floating on the water. 994 00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:49,480 I jumped off and swam over to you. End of. 995 00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,240 You nearly drowned doing a 20-metre swim. 996 00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:53,080 You have got a point. I'm not going to lie, 997 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,080 you wasn't the stiffest competition I've ever had, you two. Come on. 998 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:59,280 The worst thing about the day was wearing those wet suits. 999 00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,920 Now I know how a sausage feels. 1000 00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:02,640 Anyhow, lads, this one's clear cut. 1001 00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:04,440 You bought a fake Ferrari. Yep. 1002 00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:06,320 You bought a Vauxhall family car. Harsh. 1003 00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:07,600 I won the triathlon 1004 00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:11,040 so that means the ultimate midlife opportunity car 1005 00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:12,480 is the TVR. 1006 00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:21,080 Congratulations, Fred. You are the ultimate midlife crisis. 1007 00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:22,400 Thank you. 1008 00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,920 No... Whoa! No, no. Fred, Fred, I'm sorry... 1009 00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:28,200 That's all we've got time for this series 1010 00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,680 and I'm sorry it's been a short one. Not you. 1011 00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,960 But we'll be back later in the year with a longer one. 1012 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,200 Not you. 1013 00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:39,520 And maybe even some foreign travel, boys! Keep those fingers crossed! 1014 00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,880 See you then. Thank you so much for watching, 1015 00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:43,000 and goodnight.