1 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:23,040 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,800 Hello and welcome to Top Gear, where it's a sad day 3 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,560 at Television Centre, because this is our last show of the series. 4 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,360 AUDIENCE: Ahhh! Gutted. 5 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:44,400 Don't worry, because we're going out in style, by solving, no question, 6 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,480 the biggest issue facing humankind today - 7 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,960 the male midlife crisis. 8 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,080 Christopher? LAUGHTER 9 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,720 Thank you, Paddy. 10 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,400 The other day, the producers were going on about midlife crisis cars. 11 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,760 "You know the type," they said, "probably a two-seater, 12 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,520 "maybe a convertible, definitely a bit showy, 13 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,720 "bought by men of a certain age." 14 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,240 Fred? Thanks. LAUGHTER 15 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,280 And we said, "What are you talking about? 16 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,760 "There's no such thing as a midlife crisis car. 17 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,480 "What there is is a midlife opportunity car, 18 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,720 "a car that's not about boot space or ISOfix points. 19 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,880 "A car bought by men of a certain age to make them 20 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,920 "feel good about themselves." 21 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,640 Paddy? LAUGHTER 22 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,280 Well, luckily, Fred and Chris, that doesn't affect us. 23 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,360 But the producers said, "Lads, you're clearly all in denial. 24 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,000 "But if you reckon these midlife opportunity cars are so great, 25 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,240 "take eight grand, go out and bag yourself a gem of a crisis." 26 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:45,800 MUSIC: Loaded by Primal Scream 27 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,640 Crisis? What crisis? 28 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,000 Ladies and gentlemen, 29 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,520 I give you eight grand's worth of midlife... 30 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,000 ..opportunity. 31 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,320 The TVR Chimaera. 32 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:10,800 If life's a bit dull, need a bit of a shake-up, trust me... 33 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,400 ♪ Ah, yeah... ♪ 34 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,800 ..this will shake you up. 35 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:20,120 Four litre, V8, rear-wheel drive. 36 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,480 This is a sports car for the purist. 37 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,400 There's no power steering. 38 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,160 There's no ABS, no traction control. 39 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,840 It's temperamental. 40 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,720 This thing will throw you in a hedge if you get on the wrong side of it. 41 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,920 ♪ We want to be free to do what we want to do... ♪ 42 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,680 But, best of all, it was built in Lancashire. 43 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,720 And that puts it on my list of all-time greats. 44 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,200 I was going to buy one of these when I was 21. 45 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,960 I went to the factory in Blackpool and had a look round, 46 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,120 got pretty much this identical car in silver. 47 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,680 The problem was, though, I couldn't get insured. Nobody'd have me. 48 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,320 Now I'm 43... 49 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,760 ..I can get insured! 50 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:13,000 And, in my book, that's a pretty good excuse to roll back the years. 51 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,840 ♪ Ah, yeah... ♪ 52 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,320 It's an opportunity. 53 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,720 I've got the earring back in, a nod to me mid-20s! 54 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,880 ♪ We want to be free to do what we want to do... ♪ 55 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,080 Here we go. ENGINE ROARS 56 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,600 Oh-ho-ho! 57 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,560 What a car! 58 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,720 Yes, it is, 59 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,280 but the one thing that's better than a sports car with a big V8... 60 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:40,040 ..is a sports car with an even bigger one. 61 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:44,080 MUSIC: Layla by Derek And The Dominoes 62 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,960 The Vauxhall Monaro. 63 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,840 The thinking man's muscle car. 64 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,240 An American design, built in Australia, sold in England. 65 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,280 It's multicultural. It's exotic! 66 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:13,200 This thing is so rare, they only sold a couple of hundred in the UK. 67 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,720 Love that! 68 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,800 Don't let the badge fool you. 69 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,400 Underneath, this is a Holden, an Aussie muscle car legend, 70 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,480 packing a 5.7-litre V8, 71 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,480 producing over 370 hp. 72 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,640 This thing is special at any speed. The V8 burbles. 73 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,640 I feel I'm not in an ordinary car. 74 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:41,200 It's comfortable and it's relaxing. 75 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,520 Until you put your foot down... 76 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,320 ENGINE ROARS 77 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,520 ..and then it's a gibbering lunatic! 78 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,640 Very nice, but, also, very wrong. 79 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:00,640 MUSIC: E strano! E strano! Ah, Fors'e Lui - La Traviata 80 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,880 If you want to make the most of your midlife opportunity, 81 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,800 there's only one badge you really need. 82 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000 The Prancing Horse. 83 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,680 Il Cavallino Rampante. 84 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,240 Ferrari. 85 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,280 ENGINE WHOOSHES Oh, bellissimo! 86 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,600 And I know what you're thinking. 87 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,680 "Mr McGuinness, how do you get a Ferrari for eight grand?" 88 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,760 Well, trust me, my friends, 89 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,520 I have my ways. 90 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,760 Absolute genius. 91 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,680 Genius I'd soon dazzle the other two with, as we've been told 92 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,400 to meet up with our midlife masterpieces 93 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,760 at Wiltshire's finest racetrack. 94 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,520 Oh, Castle Combe, here we are. 95 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,160 Oh, look at that. The first one here. 96 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,960 But that happens a lot in a TVR. 97 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,280 Oh, this is Harris. 98 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,800 What's Flintoff gone for? The TVR Chimaera. 99 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,800 He might have made the right choice, there. 100 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,080 He's got a bright red Vauxhall. 101 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,960 Morning, Fred. Morning. 102 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:18,080 Now, I have to say...that is the perfect British sports car. 103 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,800 Great effort. What is that? 104 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,600 That is a Vauxhall Monaro. Is it really? 105 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:28,040 Oh, come on, it's perfect, it's got a V8, it's practical, it's special. 106 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,520 Is it special? The one thing about these cars is living your best life. 107 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,400 Yeah. 108 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,800 Look at them, look at them! OK... Look at them! Look at them! 109 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,040 I want to give you grief but I can't because this is 110 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,160 a great choice of car. That is the Austin Healey 111 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,440 of the modern era, isn't it? 112 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,920 However, I can get the family in this. So I've got the V8 muscle... 113 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,800 But no, no... ..when I want it. ..you've missed the point of this. 114 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,680 What? This is not about the family. This is not about getting the kids 115 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,680 in the back. This is about our time. 116 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,440 This is about your time. 117 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,520 This is about Chris Harris taking a car out just for him. 118 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,240 MUSIC: Liabiamo Ne'lieti Calici - La Traviata 119 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,280 What in the name of...? 120 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,640 Is that a 355? 121 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,080 No, it isn't! No, it isn't! 122 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,440 CHRIS LAUGHS No! 123 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,120 Ciao. Konnichiwa. No! 124 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,520 How are you? No! 125 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,320 Look at it, though! My eyes! My eyes! 126 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,800 To be fair, if you were down the road, looking at that, 127 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,680 you'd be giving it "355". You wouldn't hear it coming! 128 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,880 THEY LAUGH 129 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,000 I'm telling you ...love it! 130 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,080 Look, look, it's a fake Ferrari. The Toyarri. 131 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,800 CHRIS LAUGHS 132 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,520 What is it? It's an MR2. Is it? 250 brake horse. Yeah. 133 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,160 It's had more chips than Harry Ramsden's. 134 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,200 It's lively. I love it. How much? 135 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,080 I've gone a bit over budget. How much? Only a bit. 136 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,720 Eight grand was the budget. Yeah. Nine and a half. 137 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,800 You spent nearly ten grand on that? 138 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,400 Yeah. Someone left that room laughing. It wasn't you. 139 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,200 This is a rare car. 140 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,400 355s are ten a penny. This thing... 141 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,160 You've got to search for one. And look at the nick it's in, boys. 142 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,680 The great thing about these conversions is even people 143 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,800 that know nothing about cars know instinctively that this isn't 144 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,560 a 355, it's THAT wrong! No, they don't! Yes, they do! 145 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,160 No, they don't! People'll like it. It makes people smile. 146 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,400 It's all about being positive in life. What's that? 147 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,120 Is that five or six litres, that thing? 148 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:26,280 5.7. A lot of car. Yeah. 149 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,200 And I'm going to enjoy that. OK. And this is a powerful car. 150 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,080 It's a Vauxhall, at the end of the day. You've picked a Vauxhall. 151 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,320 Well, it's a Holden, actually. What? It's a Holden. 152 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,160 Same thing. With a Vauxhall badge on it. It's just the Aussie bit. 153 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,760 It's fine. Oh? So very similar to this? No, no, no! That... 154 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,600 This is totally fraudulent. You've just said about... 155 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,640 VOICEOVER: Now, we could have argued 156 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,880 over who bought the best fake car all day. 157 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,440 Look, look, see, that's all it is. There's the Holden badge. 158 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,800 Yeah, but listen, listen... 159 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,120 VOICEOVER: But before Harris could pull apart any more of his Vauxhall, 160 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,640 something about Flintoff caught my eye. 161 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,720 Stop. 162 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,560 Have you got an earring in? Yeah. 163 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,360 I like it. I like it. 164 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,000 This is what it's about, lads, hey? 165 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,880 Takes me back, that. We're here. We're in our beautiful cars. 166 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,120 We're at a racetrack. 167 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,560 The Prancing Horse wants to dance! 168 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,880 CHRIS LAUGHS Come on, lads! Go on, Paddy. 169 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,360 Sayonara! Let's do it! 170 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,760 ENGINES REV 171 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,960 It looks even worse from here! 172 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,120 Oh, yes, it was time to show what a midlife opportunity really 173 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:44,480 looks like by heading out on the track and opening up the taps. 174 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,520 Oh-ho-ho, jeez! 175 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,560 What a car! 176 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,120 It really does go! 177 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,560 Go on! 178 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,560 0-60, five seconds. 179 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,360 Top speed over 150 mile an hour - that is enough. 180 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,120 For this car, that is enough. 181 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,320 BRAKES SQUEAL 182 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,280 Jeez! 183 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:11,280 BRAKES SQUEAL 184 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,640 Look at that! 185 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,480 HE LAUGHS 186 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,560 Harris is sliding it about. 187 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,000 Little bit of opposite lock, not too much. 188 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,960 Use the power, of which there is plenty. 189 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,680 No, this is not an authentic Ferrari... 190 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,400 ..obviously. 191 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,400 But it's not about that. This car is about fun. 192 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,920 It's about having a good time. 193 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,320 And it is an MR2, so it's great to drive. 194 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,760 GEARBOX CRUNCHES 195 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,640 Well, it is when the gearbox works. 196 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,080 GEARBOX CRUNCHES 197 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,320 But that doesn't matter. 198 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:57,320 Point is this car's a tribute act. 199 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,520 It's the Rolling Clones. It's Fake That. 200 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,760 We know it's not the real thing. 201 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,520 But you're still going to have an absolutely great night! 202 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,240 Make a bit of room, Chris. 203 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,720 Ferrari coming through. 204 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,160 THEY LAUGH 205 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,120 Hello, there, gentlemen. 206 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,920 This is what it's all about, boys, isn't it, eh? 207 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,240 Just three young lads enjoying their mid-lives. 208 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,080 They're living the dream. 209 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,720 ENGINES REV 210 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,320 Right, lads, what's that? Looks like a car park. 211 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,920 Are they a load of Saxos? 212 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,680 The Junior Saloon Car Championship? 213 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,840 Oh, ho-ho-ho! 214 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,840 What have we got here, then? Young people. 215 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,440 All on their phones, aren't they? 216 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,240 Look at 'em! Don't look up. No eye contact. Nothing. 217 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,280 See this lad here? 218 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,720 That's like a young me. I could go and give him some advice. 219 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,440 Have you been round here 220 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,280 a few years ago on tour with the cricket lads? 221 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,240 Like an advert for JD Sports. 222 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,600 Here we go. 223 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,000 "One of the biggest fears of a midlife crisis 224 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,280 "is being overtaken by the younger generation. 225 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,080 "Time to find out how long you and your cars 226 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,200 "can keep the youth at bay." 227 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,240 Oh. These? 228 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,800 I'm happy. I'm not worried at all. I'm confident. 229 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,000 He's just given you the evils, him, over there. Has he? Yeah. 230 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,960 Speak when you're spoken to, son. Adult speaking. Thank you. 231 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,200 Unbelievable. Let's have it right. Time for these kids to be schooled. 232 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,520 Yes. 233 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,880 To prove we weren't over the hill just yet, 234 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,840 we'd be taking on a whole grid of teenage racers. 235 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,920 Our aim was to try and stay out in front... 236 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,480 ..with the winner being whoever was overtaken 237 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,640 by the fewest Saxos over two laps of the track. 238 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,600 So, with three old men's pride at stake, 239 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,520 Flintoff with his TVR were up first. 240 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,800 Don't let the little scallywags intimidate you. 241 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,400 You're going to do well, son. 242 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,880 Here we go. 243 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,440 Come on, get away from the Saxos. 244 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,600 LAUGHTER 245 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,000 Look at the little scoundrels. They're like flies! 246 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,920 He is making a good job of this. He's already away. 247 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,200 He's through quarry, 248 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,320 I thought he might have had a bit of a whoopsy there. 249 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,400 That's the most crashed corner in the UK. 250 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,120 Into the chicane, don't let these kids put you off! 251 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,440 Now's he's gone, just me and you. 252 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,600 The earring, looks stupid, but I didn't want to do that to him 253 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,680 when I was giving it the middle-aged men thing. It's quite a big rock. 254 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,840 Do you think it's a real one or is it glass? 255 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,880 No, no, no. It's the Preston Special. 256 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,400 Is it Swarovski? Preston Special. Preston Special! 257 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,080 There's a Saxo coming. 258 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,240 Oh, they're all over him! Like a rash! 259 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,720 Oh, my word, here they come. 260 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,080 Come on, Fred! 261 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,360 They're coming round, look. 262 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,960 I'm holding them, I'm holding them, I'm holding them! I'm holding them! 263 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,640 They're after him. They're after... 264 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,280 Come on, Freddie! 265 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,080 I'm on the wrong line, I'm on the wrong line. 266 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,760 There's a Saxo on my inside! 267 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,640 Oh, one's gone. 268 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,080 No, no, get back, get back, get back. 269 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,680 Oh, come on! 270 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,000 Oh, two have gone past him. Come on, Fred! 271 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,080 No, no, no, not on the corner, son. Not on the corner, get back! 272 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,640 This little get! 273 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,080 Going through, here. 274 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,720 I'm staying on. 275 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,160 This little tinker! 276 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,000 No, no, no, no! 277 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,480 Get past, get past! Get past! 278 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,680 He's held on! Yay! 279 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,240 Do you feel confident in the Toyarri? No. 280 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,640 CHRIS LAUGHS 281 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,720 CAR SCREECHES 282 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,120 THEY CHEER 283 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,720 Get in there! Looked like a lot of fun. 284 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,960 That looked good fun. It did. 285 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,840 But they're all over you. Are they? 286 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,560 They're all over you. That's kids! 287 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,040 Do you know one of them? One of them, 288 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,560 and I'll be having words after. 289 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,440 He'll be getting a dressing down. Good. 290 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,920 Just cut me on the inside, ended up on the grass. 291 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,800 I went across the grass. I want that kid's name. Where is he? 292 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,560 So, you were five down, but that one got... 293 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,080 No, you can't have that! No, they said that one counts. 294 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,160 So, it's six cars that overtook you. 295 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,960 McGuinness, get in the Toyarri. 296 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:05,000 I reckon, first chicane, there will be about ten past that Toyarri. 297 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,520 Only one way to find out. 298 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,000 Time for McGuinness to take on the youth. 299 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,880 They're frightened, Paddy, they're frightened of you! 300 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,400 These greasy conditions are going to suit the mid-engine 301 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,040 handling of that car. 302 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,680 It doesn't make me feel any better, but thank you. 303 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,640 ENGINE REVS 304 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,200 Go on, Toyarri! GEARS CRUNCH 305 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,040 THEY LAUGH They'll have him, they'll have him. 306 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,000 They're going to get him by that corner. 307 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,160 I reckon the whole lot will have him on the first lap. 308 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,880 Oh, they're already on me! They're already on me! 309 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,840 The little sausages! 310 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,640 Oh, they're up him, they're up him! 311 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,040 Come on, come on, Pad, hold them off. 312 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,400 Can't find the gear! 313 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,600 HE SQUAWKS: Oh, one's already here! 314 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,800 One's already here! 315 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,280 Can you imagine how much squawking is going on inside his car 316 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,080 at the moment? Argh! 317 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,760 Argh! Argh! He's passed. Little sh... 318 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,440 One... Oh, there's another one coming. 319 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,920 He's going to get done on the inside, man! 320 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,840 He's queueing up. There's a queue behind him! 321 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,720 Here they come. 322 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,880 Oh, oh. 323 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,680 Oh! 324 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,120 See, it's like a ride at Alton Towers. 325 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,280 They're all queuing up to get past. 326 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,400 Half of them aren't big enough to go on! 327 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,200 Come on! 328 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,520 Come on, Toyarri! 329 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,000 I'm in the wrong place! Argh! 330 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,440 Oh-ho! 331 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,760 Oh! My word! 332 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,040 They were all over me! 333 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:59,240 It was like the Pied Piper being chased by pubescent rats! 334 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,920 Did about eight go past? Six. 335 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,560 Well done, Pad. Don't you worry. 336 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,240 No-one should go past him. No-one. No-one. 337 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,400 ENGINE REVS 338 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,480 That's right. 339 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,440 It was time for the semi-professional racing driver 340 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,520 to make a stand for middle age. 341 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,360 Here we go, then. Six each for both of them. 342 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,080 I've got to do better than them. 343 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,240 I simply have to do better than them. 344 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,960 Chris, are you all right? Can we just get this done? 345 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,480 Good luck, Chris. 346 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,880 Good luck, my mate. It's terrible! 347 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,720 Here we go, here we go. 348 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,240 CARS SCREECH 349 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,120 Oh! Oh! Go faster! 350 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:49,680 Right, these lads are not coming past me. 351 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,840 Hang on, Holden! 352 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,400 Oh, no. They're not getting anywhere near him. 353 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,280 No, he's giving it, you little sods. 354 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,760 Look at him! Look at him! 355 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,000 They're going to be better on the brakes 356 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,880 and they're going to be quicker at the corners. 357 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,200 But I'm just not going to let them pass me. 358 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,440 I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him. 359 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,600 But... Yeah. 360 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,320 ..you want a couple past, don't you? 361 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,880 They are coming back at me. 362 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,200 I've got one on my backside now. 363 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,240 That's the technical part of the circuit. 364 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,600 Hopefully, now, I'll get a bit of gas going. 365 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,320 Go on, Chris! Go on, son! 366 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,080 Show them how it's done! 367 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,920 He's no chance. He is tapping his wheel. He's got no chance. 368 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,240 It's not a computer game, son! It's not a computer game! 369 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,480 ♪ Drive boy dive boy 370 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,880 ♪ Dirty numb angel boy 371 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,280 ♪ In the doorway boy... ♪ 372 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,280 Now I can really let the Monaro stretch its legs. 373 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,800 Have some of that, youth! 374 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,080 The brakes are absolutely on the floor! 375 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,120 Whoa, he's really trying now! 376 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,200 Come on, then, son! 377 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,120 Big V8 punching me out the corners. 378 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:16,080 Come on, Holden! Just hold out! 379 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,680 Oh! Oh! 380 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,360 Now push it, Chris! 381 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,240 I'm not letting him past, no way. 382 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,120 Yeah! Come on! 383 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,120 I'm doing this for age, I'm doing this for experience. 384 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,720 I'm doing this for all those parents out there 385 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,880 that are sick of the youth telling us the way it should be. 386 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,640 THEY CHEER 387 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,920 Yes, baby! It's a victory. 388 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:56,640 Oh... Oh... Oh... 389 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,800 Christopher! Chris Harris! 390 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,280 A little bit of experience there, boys. 391 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,360 You can't buy it and you can't bottle it. 392 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,840 Well played, sir. That was a lesson in maturity. 393 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,440 I like it when he's in a good mood, 394 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,880 cos we're going to have great day now. Look at him. 395 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,080 Where are we off to now? 396 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,040 THEY EXCLAIM 397 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,200 Come on, you little tinker! 398 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,040 I tell you what, Chris, I'm so happy for you. 399 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,520 Go on. Well done. Come on, you. Well done, little man. 400 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,560 I tell you, you've got a spring in your step... 401 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,120 Look at that - he's happy. Little bow legs are going. 402 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,240 Oh... 403 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,920 MUSIC: Step On by Happy Mondays 404 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,720 How are they driving, boys? 405 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,800 The Toyarri is still driving well. 406 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,880 The Monaro, it's just bob on. 407 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,960 I've got to tell you, this car's doing all right. 408 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,640 After what I did in it on the track, it's doing surprisingly well. 409 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,520 ♪ He's gonna step on you again 410 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:55,400 ♪ He's gonna step on yo-u-u-u-u... ♪ 411 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,040 Lads, I were looking online 412 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,200 at telltale signs of a midlife crisis... Ooh. 413 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,560 ..and they had a list. 414 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,640 Do you want me to run through 'em? See if we tick any of those boxes? 415 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,120 Go on, then. Number one - getting an earring. 416 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,080 I used to have it when I was younger. 417 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,640 I'm shaking it up a bit, that's all. 418 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:21,160 Number two - buying an expensive bicycle. 419 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,800 Fred, this isn't looking good for you at all. 420 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,360 No, right, I have got a few bicycles in me garage... 421 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,120 CHRIS LAUGHS 422 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,640 Right, let's forget the earring and the expensive bikes. 423 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,560 Let's go to number three on the list. 424 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,320 Growing your hair long. 425 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,120 I'm smelling a rat here. 426 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,440 You've not even looked on the internet. 427 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,560 I tell you what, you two are a couple of whoppers. 428 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,720 Growing your hair long. What's next - having big teeth? 429 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,080 What about getting a bit of work done? A bit of botox? 430 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,640 I don't think Paddy's any stranger to that. 431 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:04,800 Now, I think I will accept most things, but you've seen my face - 432 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,960 there's no botox in this! 433 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,960 Fair play, Pad, fair play. 434 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,960 Paddy, is it true that you used to have a bag of dark dust 435 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,680 to go on the top of your hair to make it look thicker 436 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,200 on the red carpet? No, it wasn't dark dust. 437 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,240 It was just a thickening product. 438 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,040 LAUGHTER 439 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,040 With our midlife opportunity now very much in full swing, 440 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,920 the producers decided we should have another test. 441 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,880 This time at MoD Lyneham, 442 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:39,960 a huge military base which we appeared to have the run of. 443 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,840 It's all looking a little bit ominous at the moment. 444 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,400 Oh... Empty military facility, 445 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,240 the sun's out and we have a challenge. 446 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,680 What have we got? 447 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,840 "Midlife crisis cars are all about showing off." Ooh. 448 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,040 "To prove your cars can put on a performance, you will now race 449 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:08,320 "to complete this gymkhana course as quickly and precisely as possible." 450 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,440 Oh, the old Ken Block's! Oh, it's fantastic. 451 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,800 You're going to love this. 452 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,800 For anyone not familiar with the work of Ken Block... 453 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,880 ..the Stig will now demonstrate what a gymkhana is all about. 454 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,720 First, take one high-performance car. 455 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,400 Oh! Now we're talking! 456 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,120 Then throw in a load of abandoned roads 457 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,440 and buildings to make your playground. 458 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:46,240 Next, scatter about as many cones as you can lay your hands on. 459 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,360 And litter that playground with a bunch of obstacles. 460 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,640 Pure catnip for the YouTube generation. 461 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:03,160 This is the ultimate display of driver prowess. 462 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:11,000 THEY EXCLAIM 463 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,240 There's stones everywhere! 464 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,680 Woo! 465 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,240 Oh! 466 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,600 How good was that?! 467 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,520 With our cars fitted with skinny back tyres to help us skid, 468 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,320 we'd now take turns to run Stig's course against the clock. 469 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,800 But, keen for us to start embracing old age rather than running from it, 470 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,680 the producers had also decided we'd be doing it wearing something 471 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,040 called a geriatric simulation suit. 472 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,040 CHRIS LAUGHS 473 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,640 Now we're talking! What's going on here? 474 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,880 I'm going to have to take these off. Hang on. 475 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,480 Oh, that's better. 476 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,120 You look like Where's Wally's dad. 477 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:01,600 Yeah. Apparently this simulates the effects of old age. 478 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,600 This vest is 30kg. 479 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,960 Demonstrate how heavy it is. 480 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,240 It looks like you're just wearing a vest. Do a jump. 481 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,840 Jump, jump. Do a jump. 482 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,040 Shut up! 483 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,360 It's not nice. 484 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,840 I can't even fasten me helmet. 485 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,520 Do you want to know the best bit? 486 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:19,960 It's a Le Mans start. 487 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,280 Get back to where the grass meets the tarmac there. 488 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,680 Come on. Walk back. 489 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,800 -You look like C-3 -PO. Hang on. 490 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,280 OK, are you ready? No! 491 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,800 Three, two, one... 492 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,440 Go! 493 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,840 Come on, Paddy, hurry up! What are you doing?! 494 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,480 He's skating! Stop skating and run, man! Don't skate! 495 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,200 STRAINS: Oh, Je...! 496 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,400 Oh! 497 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:51,920 THEY LAUGH 498 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,720 He spun on the first turn! 499 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,320 It's so difficult with this bloody arm thing on! 500 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,400 PADDY GROANS 501 00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:11,520 Whoa...! 502 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,920 This is what it's going to be like when we get older. 503 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,600 You know when you drive to the sea and you put a blanket on your legs? 504 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:18,800 See, I would go blanket... 505 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,120 I'd get a bit of the wind there, get the blanket like that 506 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,080 and then sit down. Oh...! 507 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,640 I can't turn me arms round! 508 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,880 Ken Block's not going to be watching this thinking, 509 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,240 "My job's in jeopardy," is he? 510 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,800 Is it that way or that way?! 511 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,360 He's just decided to make up the course. 512 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,920 Where am I?! Where am I going?! 513 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,720 Where am I going?! 514 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,160 Here we go, here we go. This is going to be entertaining. 515 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,560 What's going to happen now? 516 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,920 Go on, Pad! 517 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,920 Oh, my God! 518 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,720 PADDY BREATHES HEAVILY 519 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:05,960 I think he's knackered. 520 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,440 PADDY GROANS 521 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,120 I'll be with you in a minute... 522 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,520 You go t'wrong way, Pad? 523 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:20,720 I come out that shed, everything was just orange and white, 524 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,600 but the worst thing is, it's you can't steer 525 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,280 and you can't put the handbrake on. 526 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:27,800 All things you really need 527 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,960 when you're trying to be the next Ken Block. 528 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:34,080 Right, you did it in 5:54.28. 529 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,400 Get in. 530 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,240 Go on, Chris, go and get ready. Go on. Give us the stopwatch. Go on. 531 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:39,320 CHRIS GROANS 532 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,320 That's right, it was time once again for 533 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:49,600 the semi-professional racing driver to show us how it's done. 534 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,040 Wait... Oh, God... 535 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,120 Oh, my word, what is that? 536 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,240 Have you got high heels on? What are you walking like that?! 537 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,600 Paddy, I take a lot of it back. 538 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,320 Do you know what? Honest to God, you come round the corner, there, 539 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,840 you look like one of them veloci-ropters from Jurassic Park, 540 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,480 how you're walking. A "ropter"? "Ropter"?! Veloci-ropter...! 541 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,360 Can we do this, please? Don't get too close, 542 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,600 your Le Mans start's back there! 543 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:13,800 Look at... 544 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,960 That is how he walks anyhow! Oh, my God. 545 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,640 Come on, Chris, you've got this. Three... 546 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:20,920 ..two... 547 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,040 ..one... 548 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,120 Go! No, come on, you can go faster than that! 549 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,520 PADDY CACKLES 550 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,120 Run, Chris Harris! Pick your knees up! 551 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:30,680 Come on! 552 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,800 Best of luck to you. Come on, Harris! 553 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,920 We said we hope you have a lovely day! 554 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,080 FRED LAUGHS 555 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:39,680 Whoa, a lot of smoke! 556 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,560 CAR JUDDERS Oh... 557 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,000 Oh, that's... That's nice. 558 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,040 That's nice. 559 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,360 I can't control the steering! 560 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,720 I literally can't control the steering! 561 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,560 How are you supposed to turn it around here?! 562 00:29:58,560 --> 00:29:59,600 I can't do that...! 563 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,240 HORN HONKS 564 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,800 He's beeping his horn. 565 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,560 I can't... HORN HONKS 566 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,600 I literally can't...! 567 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:07,640 HORN HONKS 568 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,800 HORN HONKS 569 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,000 Argh! 570 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,200 HORN HONKS INTERMITTENTLY 571 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,800 I can see a lot of smoke up there... 572 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,040 This is his thing, he loves... Sliding about. 573 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,560 He loves sliding, doesn't he? 574 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,320 HE SIGHS WEARILY 575 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,840 I don't know where I'm going here. 576 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,880 Yeah, I've missed out all that. 577 00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:40,920 Oh, he's gone the wrong way... 578 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,680 I think he's gone the wrong way, as well, Pad! It does happen! 579 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,400 HORN HONKS 580 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:50,600 Oh, he's pipping his horn! 581 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,160 HORN HONKS 582 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,160 Ooh... Here he comes. Ooh. He can't get out. 583 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,000 You all right? Was there things in the way? 584 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,120 We kept hearing you beeping your horn at people. 585 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,760 What - were there people, traffic? 586 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,480 Well, I couldn't lift my arms up. 587 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,880 6:44. 588 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,200 I was just seeing stars. 589 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,560 PADDY LAUGHS 590 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:21,360 So it turns out the geriatric suit does take its toll. 591 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,320 Unless, of course, you're a massive tree. 592 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,280 Just walking normal... 593 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,000 You have got weights on - you know that, don't you? 594 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,480 A little bit on me arms. Why don't YOU give us a burpee? 595 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,640 Let's have a see. You go down... I knew he would! I knew he would. 596 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,240 Up... Oof... 597 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,800 Bet you can't do five! Not a chance! Let's get on with this. 598 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,000 FRED LAUGHS Are you ready? Yeah. 599 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,560 Three... 600 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:47,680 ..two... 601 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:48,880 ..and the thing is... 602 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,520 ..just go for it. Have you pressed that button already? 603 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,360 What? Have you pressed the button? 604 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,320 I've not pressed the button! You have! 605 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,880 Wahey! 606 00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,480 THEY LAUGH 607 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:05,480 ENGINE REVS 608 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:09,480 Oh... 609 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,360 Why am I out of breath driving? 610 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,480 Now, he's going towards the building... 611 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,040 Now, this is where it could get a little bit air ambulance. 612 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,840 I must admit, I was expecting a bit more from you. 613 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,480 You went round it a bit pedestrian. 614 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,800 It was fully sideways over there... No, it wasn't! 615 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,080 No, it wasn't. 616 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,880 Oh, I can't steer! 617 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,640 Do you know what the car looks like? Yes, I have eyes, and I saw it. 618 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,760 From the outside, when you're driving it. Oh, dear. 619 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,680 Yes, very sexy. 620 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,200 CHRIS LAUGHS 621 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,440 TYRES SCREECH 622 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,480 Oh, now we're talking! 623 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,520 Where do you get the confidence from? 624 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,440 I think it's my winning streak on the show. 625 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:55,840 There's that many... 626 00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,840 Yes, we're round! 627 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,840 Yes, Fred! 628 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,360 He's round that one... Look at that! 629 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,040 Yeah! 630 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,680 He's not going to back off here. 631 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,360 Get the speed going, come on. 632 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,160 You've got to stop at some point, haven't you? What? 633 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,920 Like, about now would be good. I'm coming in...! 634 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,720 Oh-ho-ho! Oh! 635 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,280 PADDY LAUGHS 636 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,920 Get back on. Get up, get up! 637 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,520 Get up! 638 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,360 PADDY AND CHRIS LAUGH 639 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,600 CHRIS LAUGHS 640 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,080 PADDY LAUGHS 641 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,440 Jeez! 642 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,800 PADDY AND CHRIS LAUGH 643 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,800 How unpleasant was that? 644 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,600 My arms are so heavy. 645 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,000 Tell you what - I went the right way, though. 646 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,720 You did. You went the right way. 647 00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,080 What did I get? 648 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,080 5:06! Yeah. Well done, sir. 649 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,640 I'm not going to lie, it's a bit of a hollow victory. 650 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,760 THEY LAUGH 651 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,400 Well done, you're a better old man. 652 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,120 Wahey! Wahey! 653 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,760 THEY CHEER He's enjoying that, isn't he? 654 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:13,840 Look at that. 655 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,040 PADDY LAUGHS 656 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,160 Lovely stuff. 657 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 658 00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:32,000 That weight suit was absolutely... It was worse than it looked. 659 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,280 For us two, not for him! 660 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,440 What? For me? Yeah! Suit was easy for him! 661 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,800 I felt like I was 21 again, playing cricket for England! 662 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,720 LAUGHTER 663 00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:42,480 But, genuinely, weighted suits are a real thing in the car industry 664 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,840 to simulate what it's like for an old person driving. 665 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,080 Why don't they just use an old person? 666 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,600 That's actually quite a good point, Fred... That is, yeah... 667 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,600 That is a good point, I'll give you that! 668 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,800 What we've learned here is actually, pensioners... 669 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,480 ..are extremely strong people! Yes! 670 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,720 Give your nan a Werther's, she's off! "Right, let's go!" 671 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,200 THEY LAUGH 672 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,320 Yep! We'll get back to that film later - 673 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,400 terrifying though it sounds. But now we need to move on to Hot Hatches. 674 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,880 I love a Hot Hatch, my perfect recipe - 675 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,400 small car, big engine, big power. 676 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,800 And now, there's a new one out. 677 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,240 It comes... 678 00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:24,480 ..from Toyota. 679 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:27,520 And it's called... 680 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,080 ..the GR Yaris. 681 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:33,800 And, on the face of it, 682 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,920 the GR looks like it ticks all of the Hot Hatch boxes. 683 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,560 It makes around 250 horsepower, which is proper Hot Hatch power. 684 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,040 It does 0 to 60 in around five seconds 685 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:48,640 and tops out at 140mph, which is proper Hot Hatch pace. 686 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,600 It's all very much... as it should be. 687 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:55,400 Until, that is, you hear about the price. 688 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,600 Because this Toyota Yaris... 689 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:02,520 ..costs over £33,000. 690 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,600 33 grand for a Toyota Yaris? 691 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,400 Now that is a tough sell. 692 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:13,200 After all, the Yaris badge does conjure a certain lifestyle. 693 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,000 And not an especially sporty one. 694 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,000 I'm talking Saga Cruises, Stannah Stairlifts... 695 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,120 ..tartan rugs. 696 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,320 In short, 33 grand for a suped-up OAP mobile 697 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,200 does sound like a big ask, 698 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,560 especially when you consider... 699 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:32,760 ..the competition. 700 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,200 Because for £14,000 less than the GR, you can have... 701 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,480 ..one of those - 702 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,840 the Fiesta ST. 703 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,360 Same size as the Yaris, utterly brilliant to drive. 704 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,160 Or, for a couple of grand less... 705 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,920 ..could have... 706 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,320 ..one of these - 707 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,160 Civic Type R. 708 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,040 A whole lot more power... What a wonderful thing. 709 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,160 It looks like it eats kittens for breakfast. 710 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:09,360 And, for pretty much the same money, you could have one of these - 711 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:13,120 the Mercedes-AMG A 35. 712 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,800 Faster, more powerful and with a badge that doesn't scream 713 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,840 "Zimmer frame". 714 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,920 But here's the thing. 715 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,360 You can't compare the Yaris to regular Hot Hatches... 716 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,240 ..because it's not a regular Hot Hatch. 717 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,200 Allow me to explain. 718 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,640 These are some of the greatest legends 719 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,760 of the World Rally Championship... 720 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:50,640 ..where, to be eligible to compete, cars have always had to be 721 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:55,120 closely based on a road car you can actually buy. 722 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,000 So, for the best chance of winning... 723 00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,440 ..you'd really want to build a road car 724 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,880 that's been specially designed to go racing. 725 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:05,720 But... 726 00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:07,360 ..that would be very expensive. 727 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,680 And, as a result, it almost never happens. 728 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,840 But just occasionally, a carmaker decides that, yes, 729 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,280 it will build a completely new, very fast road car 730 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,720 as the perfect base for its next rally car. 731 00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:27,160 These are called homologation specials 732 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,720 and they are some of the best cars ever made. 733 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,320 The Audi Sport Quattro, 734 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,160 shortened to make that monster there with the big wings. 735 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,160 Lancia Delta Integrale - 736 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,760 is that the greatest homologation road car ever made to create 737 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,720 the thing that Juha Kankkunen won those championships in? 738 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,760 And this might be my favourite - the Evo 6 Mitsubishi 739 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,240 that Tommi Makinen dominated the sport in. 740 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,520 And then, every boy racer's dream - 741 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,840 the Ford Escort RS Cosworth - 742 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,840 and what a rally car that created. 743 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,560 Make no mistake - this is distinguished company. 744 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:15,200 And Toyota has now given its most unlikely of cars the same treatment. 745 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,280 The GR Yaris is no Hot Hatch. 746 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:27,880 This is a genuine... rally car for the road. 747 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,520 Woohoo-hoo-hoo! 748 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,200 Just put your foot down and it goes! 749 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,920 The engine's only a three-cylinder turbo petrol, 750 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:44,520 but it's the most powerful one in the world right now 751 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:48,080 and it's crammed full of motorsport technology. 752 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:49,120 It's strong! 753 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,960 And then there's the brakes. 754 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,680 The brake pedal has immense feel, 755 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,560 it's so good, and they are powerful. 756 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120 But what really sets this rally Yaris apart... 757 00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,960 ..is its four-wheel-drive system 758 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,120 and the way it works with the rest of the chassis 759 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,720 to pin the car to the road. 760 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,320 That short wheelbase, those wide tracks, 761 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,320 those sticky Michelin tyres... 762 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,840 I reckon you can drive around the outside of a BMW M3 763 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:28,960 on any roundabout! 764 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,240 It's that grippy. 765 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,720 Unless, of course, you put it in sport mode... 766 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,360 ..which tells it not to be. 767 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,400 Accelerate! 768 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,680 You get that... 769 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,200 ..oversteer... 770 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:49,960 ..in a hatchback! 771 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,680 And, even better, 772 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,520 when you yank the handbrake, it disconnects the rear axle, 773 00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,320 so you can do proper rally-style handbrake turns! 774 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:12,120 HE CHUCKLES CHEEKILY 775 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,640 You know what this brings out? 776 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,680 My inner Colin McRae! 777 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,280 Flick it around... 778 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,920 HE LAUGHS 779 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,760 That is ridiculous! 780 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,640 And it's got a Toyota badge on it! 781 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:39,840 Which, incidentally, is one of the few things the GR Yaris 782 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,680 shares with the OAP-spec original that your nan drives. 783 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,360 The regular Yaris has five doors. 784 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,520 This one - three. 785 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,480 The roof is four inches lower 786 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,480 and - because your rally car must be made of the same stuff 787 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:03,520 as your road car - that roof is now also carbon fibre, 788 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,920 while the bonnet and doors are lightweight aluminium. 789 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,560 Toyota has reinvented the little Yaris. 790 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,800 And it now truly belongs... 791 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,560 ..with this lot. 792 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:26,640 For me, a homologation special is a car that looks ordinary 793 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,200 when you see it from a distance, but up close, you see the width 794 00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,000 and the specialness, those wide tracks. 795 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,040 And the Yaris absolutely nails that. 796 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,160 I think it's an instant icon, I really do. 797 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:48,600 Honestly... It's one of the best cars I've driven in years. 798 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,480 And it absolutely belongs in this company. 799 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:55,400 What a machine! 800 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 801 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,080 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 802 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,520 The best little car! 803 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,080 The best little car. 804 00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:15,400 And this is a Yaris. Only made better if we did it in France - 805 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,120 it'd be Harris in a Yaris in Paris. 806 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,520 LAUGHTER 807 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,440 Come on, Chris, is it really that good? 808 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,680 Best thing I've driven in two years, Fred. Wow. 809 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,320 Honestly, it's a hero car. 810 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,080 But it's 33 grand, Chris! A lot of money... 811 00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:30,040 33 grand for a Yaris! I know, but the deals on offer at the moment, 812 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,760 it's £300 a month for one of the best cars you'll drive! 813 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,840 So this is the road version of the rally car, right? 814 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,840 Yeah. So, how good is the rally version going to be? 815 00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,320 That's the awkward bit, Pad - 816 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,720 because the World Rally Championships changed the rules 817 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:45,360 for this year, they're sticking with the old cars, 818 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,920 so there's a chance they might not make a rally car. 819 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:51,880 So...this is a rally car for the road... Yeah. 820 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,560 ..but there's no rally car for the rally? 821 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,920 For once, you are correct! LAUGHTER 822 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,400 Sometimes, I think you just go out of your way, purposely, 823 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,360 to confuse me! Well, while you try 824 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,200 and get your head around that, Paddy, lad... 825 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,800 It's time to get back to our midlife opportunity film, 826 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,520 which comes with a warning. 827 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,400 That's right. This next sequence contains footage 828 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,880 that some viewers may find disturbing. 829 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,080 Chris Harris in some very snug leather trousers. 830 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,400 Roll the tape. 831 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,200 The start of another day on the road. 832 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,880 Except, for some reason, 833 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:31,480 the producers have decided to confiscate our cars. 834 00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:37,720 But no matter, because what they've done is give us the perfect chance 835 00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:43,840 to explore another of midlife's fantastic opportunities. 836 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,640 MUSIC: Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf 837 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,080 Aye-aye, Captain. 838 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,280 Living the dream, Captain! Living the dream. 839 00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,880 Just a couple of blokes on a bike. 840 00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,040 ♪ Get your motor runnin' 841 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,040 ♪ Head out on the highway... ♪ 842 00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,120 How are you getting on, Christopher? 843 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,560 When the sun's out, there's not many things I'd rather be doing 844 00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,480 than wobbling around on a bike. 845 00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:14,440 ♪ Born to be wild... ♪ 846 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,680 Boys, this is the life, innit?! 847 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,520 ♪ Born to be wild... # Woooo! 848 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,240 I shouldn't be trusted on this. 849 00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:23,760 Try being on a Harley! 850 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,520 Looking good, Pad. Oh, yes. 851 00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,000 Eat your heart out, Peter Fonda. 852 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:35,600 Born to be wild. I mean, it's not exactly Route 66, this - 853 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,640 I'm on a B-road to Siddington - 854 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,240 but it'll do. 855 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,000 FRED LAUGHS 856 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,320 Quite why the producers had given us the morning to enjoy 857 00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:50,480 three of our favourite bikes, though, was about to become clear. 858 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,640 Because we've been told to head to the Cotswolds Water Park, 859 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:58,160 where they've been busy setting up our final test. 860 00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:02,720 Fit bikes on t'roof, Pad. One extreme to the other here. 861 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,520 What is going on here, then? 862 00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:05,880 Challenge. 863 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,600 Oh, tell you what, I enjoyed that. 864 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,840 "No midlife crisis would be complete 865 00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,240 "without a sudden interest in fitness." 866 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,080 No. Ring any bells? No. 867 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,120 Stop it. No, no, no. 868 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,520 Stop it. 869 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:25,040 "To see which of you has embraced your so-called opportunity, 870 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:30,120 "you will now compete in the Top Gear midlife crisis triathlon. 871 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:34,560 "MAMILs, get ready to swim, ride and drive." MAMILs? 872 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,920 Middle-Aged Men In Lycra. Oh, God. 873 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,280 DRAMATIC MUSIC 874 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:44,320 Yes. It being November, of course the producers have decided it was 875 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,840 a good time to do a triathlon. 876 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:54,280 This one had been enhanced with a few motorised upgrades. 877 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,200 Starting with a short sprint in our cars down to the water's edge. 878 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:01,440 Next, we'd be on to a trio of Jet Skis, 879 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,400 where a quick blast up and down the lake would be followed 880 00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,320 by a swim back to the shore. 881 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:10,480 Then we'd be on to the push bikes. 882 00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,840 And after a 4km ride around the lake - 883 00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:15,760 mercifully, for the final leg - 884 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,600 we'd be back in our cars for three laps 885 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,840 of a rough and ready gravel circuit. 886 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,440 And with almost all of that sounding utterly hideous, 887 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,320 to make matters worse, 888 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:31,160 first we'd have to get changed. 889 00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,160 I tell you, the thing is about these suits, 890 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,040 that optical illusion makes it look like 891 00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,240 you've got a massive stomach. CHRIS LAUGHS 892 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:40,600 Is yours doing that? Yes. 893 00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,320 SUITS CREAKING 894 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,440 At least we've still got our dignity. 895 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,960 Now this race, for me - this is all about second place. 896 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,880 Cos as we know... Lurch is gone. Lurch is gone. 897 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,840 ..Peloton Pete over there... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 898 00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:58,080 ..he'll be going across the lake, pulling a salmon out, eating it, 899 00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,240 bike, gone. 900 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:02,400 It does involve a Jet Ski so he could kill himself on that easily. 901 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:03,760 Hey. 902 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,240 What? Don't do that! Don't do that. 903 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:08,640 May the best man win, Patrick. 904 00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,800 He will. May the best MAMIL win. 905 00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,720 ENGINES ROAR 906 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,800 Right, chins up, bellies in. 907 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,840 It was time for our middle-aged triathlon to begin. 908 00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,520 Here we are. 909 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,680 OVER RADIO: Three, two, one. Go. 910 00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:36,520 Here we go! 911 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,520 It's very muddy. 912 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,280 Stay out of the puddle, Harris. 913 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,840 Oh, no. I can't see owt out my window. 914 00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,680 The Monaro was quickest out the blocks. 915 00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,360 Meaning Harris just had his nose in front 916 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,840 down to the water. 917 00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:54,240 Come on. Come on. 918 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,840 We're off. I need a wee! 919 00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:00,440 CHRIS LAUGHS 920 00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,080 Whoa! 921 00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:04,360 Oh, God, goggles. How do you get this on? 922 00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,320 How did you get that on? 923 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,160 Lightning off the line on his Jet Ski, as well, though... 924 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,000 Can't get it on. Ah! 925 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,800 ..it's fair to say the early moves were all Harris. 926 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,760 What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? 927 00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,640 ENGINE REVS 928 00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:23,080 I've put it in reverse! 929 00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:25,880 Jesus! 930 00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,160 Come on, let's catch Harris. 931 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:37,400 Whoa! Whoa! 932 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,120 How the hell are you supposed to steer it? 933 00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,240 While McGuinness trailed off the back, 934 00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:45,880 the leader was already approaching the top of the lake. 935 00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:49,600 Come on. We've got to beat him. 936 00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:53,440 Catching on Harris. Where's McGuinness? 937 00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,320 Come on, baby! 938 00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:00,200 I'm doing nearly 100km an hour. 939 00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,560 Come on. Go, go, go! 940 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,280 Ah! 941 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,640 Thankfully, with Harris negotiating the final slalom, 942 00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,160 the Jet Ski run was nearly over. 943 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,320 And, as the frontrunner summoned his athleticism 944 00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:25,960 for the next stage of the race... 945 00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:28,880 Smooth, smooth. 946 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:30,880 ..Flintoff was hot on his heels... 947 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,760 I'm swimming a bit further here. 948 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,160 ..while, with a little creative interpretation 949 00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,160 of the start line for the swim, 950 00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:41,320 as the only ex—Bolton Community Leisure Centre lifeguard among us... 951 00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:46,000 ..it was time to do some catching up. 952 00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,480 DRAMATIC MUSIC 953 00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:03,200 And with Paddy having cheated his way back into the running, 954 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,680 the wet stage of the race was behind us. 955 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,840 Next, it was time for the second two-wheeled leg, 956 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:17,320 breaking out the bikes for a one-lap, Lycra-bound dash 957 00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,480 around the perimeter of the lake. 958 00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:26,400 But, having now lost all of my early lead, 959 00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,280 frankly, for the next leg, 960 00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,960 I didn't fancy my chances. 961 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,120 For starters, my bike didn't work. 962 00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:35,880 Chain's come off. 963 00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:37,720 And while Paddy got away first, 964 00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,920 the real issue was that Flintoff... 965 00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,680 I'm only off. 966 00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,600 ..is a cycling machine. 967 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:44,760 Come on. 968 00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:46,680 Let's see what you've got. 969 00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,480 Sadly, Harris is absolutely right, 970 00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,840 because while I had taken the lead... 971 00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,880 Hey, Pad. Hey! 972 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,760 ..I managed to hold on to it... 973 00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,360 Nice and easy. 974 00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,240 ..for about eight seconds. 975 00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:02,880 Oh, where's he going?! 976 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,400 Come on, son. 977 00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,360 Not as fit as I used to be. 978 00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,040 I'm probably fitter. 979 00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,440 The whole chain's gone. It's bent. 980 00:52:14,240 --> 00:52:17,960 Look at the kink here. Look at that! That is not helpful. 981 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,680 Yep, one of us stranded... 982 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:22,880 PANTING 983 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,520 ..the other just trying to stay upright, 984 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,920 the human dynamo disappearing into the distance. 985 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:30,320 Just keep pedalling. 986 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,120 Keep turning my legs. 987 00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:35,600 This triathlon of ours was getting predictable. 988 00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:38,520 Can't see the boys. 989 00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,880 No sign of them. 990 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,520 But then... 991 00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:46,560 ..Harris reminded us all that with middle age 992 00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:48,080 comes wisdom. 993 00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,440 The wisdom to always play... 994 00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:53,320 ..to your strengths. 995 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,200 Come on, Monaro. 996 00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:01,080 Right, I've got a fair old amount of distance to catch up here. 997 00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,480 Oh, I'm flat out. 998 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:08,080 I can't go any quicker than this. 999 00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,040 The Vauxhall was getting me back on track, 1000 00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,200 but its injection of pace looked like 1001 00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:17,280 it had come too late. 1002 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:19,960 Flintoff was approaching the end of his lap. 1003 00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,720 And with McGuinness just a minute or so behind, 1004 00:53:22,720 --> 00:53:25,480 even with a heap of extra V8 legwork... 1005 00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:30,240 ..I'd need a miracle to reel them back in. 1006 00:53:30,240 --> 00:53:33,040 Especially as Flintoff didn't look all that interested 1007 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:34,760 in giving up his lead. 1008 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,520 HE GRUNTS 1009 00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:40,120 Flippin' shoes. 1010 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:41,840 Oh! I'm driving. 1011 00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:47,400 Where are they? 1012 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:51,240 Well, one of us was on the final sprint. 1013 00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,960 Whoa! 1014 00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,040 Three laps of the gravel track. 1015 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:58,400 Back at the wheel... 1016 00:53:58,400 --> 00:53:59,600 Still out of breath. 1017 00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,320 ..of the TVR. 1018 00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,120 FRED LAUGHS 1019 00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,960 What are the boys doing? 1020 00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,480 There's nobody else on the track. 1021 00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:12,880 I can see the cars. 1022 00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:15,120 HE GROANS 1023 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:17,280 Let's keep McGuinness at bay. 1024 00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:19,520 He's not even started yet. 1025 00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:21,200 Come on, Paddy! 1026 00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:24,240 One lap down, Paddy, lad. 1027 00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:27,600 Come on. 1028 00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:29,160 Come on, keep going. 1029 00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,240 Here we go! 1030 00:54:32,240 --> 00:54:34,760 Fair play to the big lad - already a lap up, 1031 00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,000 even a real Ferrari would have struggled to catch him. 1032 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,080 FRED WHOOPS 1033 00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:45,600 So the Toyarri - well, let's just say it had met its match. 1034 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,840 Oh, my God, the water's coming in. 1035 00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:51,440 HE CHEERS 1036 00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:55,400 With Harris bringing up the rear... 1037 00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,720 Come on, then! 1038 00:54:56,720 --> 00:54:58,120 ..Flintoff was away, 1039 00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:01,040 and nothing was going to stop him. 1040 00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:05,320 Whoa! 1041 00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:10,720 ENGINE FAILS TO START 1042 00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,640 I've broke down! 1043 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,160 Going to have to make a run for it. I'm going to run. 1044 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,320 MUSIC: Reverend Black Grape by Black Grape 1045 00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,440 Oh, yes, Preston's answer to the Terminator... 1046 00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,000 ..just kept on trucking. 1047 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,280 I've got me cycling shoes on. 1048 00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,200 What's he doing?! HORN BEEPS 1049 00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,280 So, with darkness falling on our shambolic efforts... 1050 00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:37,600 FRED WHOOPS 1051 00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,040 Flintoff's running. I can't see what's happened. 1052 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:44,760 ..the result was what we always knew. 1053 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:49,080 ♪ Gather around me... ♪ 1054 00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,720 Oh! 1055 00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:56,120 The man who most embodies the gentleman's midlife opportunity... 1056 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,480 ..is Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, OBE. 1057 00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:06,480 Well done, pal. Thank you. 1058 00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:09,800 Fred, you are the king of the middle-aged men. 1059 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,600 HE LAUGHS 1060 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,200 Tell you what, this earring's coming straight out. 1061 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,080 ALL LAUGH 1062 00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:19,920 ♪ All joyful and triumphant... ♪ 1063 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1064 00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,880 Look at him. 1065 00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:34,400 Let's not spoil his moment. 1066 00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,200 Congratulations, Fred... Thank you. 1067 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:38,440 ..but you know what the worst thing about that day was? 1068 00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,640 Yeah. You cheating, obviously. How did I cheat? 1069 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,520 Well, you did half the swim on a Jet Ski pad. 1070 00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,040 I've never driven a Jet Ski in my life. 1071 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,560 It was just floating on the water. 1072 00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:49,480 I jumped off and swam over to you. End of. 1073 00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,240 You nearly drowned doing a 20-metre swim. 1074 00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:53,080 You have got a point. I'm not going to lie, 1075 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,080 you wasn't the stiffest competition I've ever had, you two. Come on. 1076 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:59,280 The worst thing about the day was wearing those wet suits. 1077 00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,920 Now I know how a sausage feels. 1078 00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:02,640 Anyhow, lads, this one's clear cut. 1079 00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:04,440 You bought a fake Ferrari. Yep. 1080 00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:06,320 You bought a Vauxhall family car. Harsh. 1081 00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:07,600 I won the triathlon 1082 00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:11,040 so that means the ultimate midlife opportunity car 1083 00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:12,480 is the TVR. 1084 00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:15,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1085 00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:21,080 Congratulations, Fred. You are the ultimate midlife crisis. 1086 00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:22,400 Thank you. 1087 00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,920 No... Whoa! No, no. Fred, Fred, I'm sorry... 1088 00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:28,200 That's all we've got time for this series 1089 00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,680 and I'm sorry it's been a short one. Not you. 1090 00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,960 But we'll be back later in the year with a longer one. 1091 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,200 Not you. 1092 00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:39,520 And maybe even some foreign travel, boys! Keep those fingers crossed! 1093 00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,880 See you then. Thank you so much for watching, 1094 00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:43,000 and goodnight.