What are you doing?
- Where'd I come from? - Let me down.
- Who knows? Where you been? - Let me down.
- Please don't take my top off. - I won't.
- Please, don't. - I promise. I won't.
I got it.
You're such a perv.
You want it?
- Thanks. - All right. Here.
This is not a nude beach.
Oh, I am sorry.
You're so going to go get that. Go get it.
No, I am going to get something to eat. But I will be back.
You're so bad.
That's a frag.
Here we go. Come on.
Kaboom.
Hey, douchey, why weren't you at the loading bay?
- Are you kidding me? - No, you were supposed to be flanking.
Just shut up. Respawn and meet me at the dock.
Ooh. Hey everyone, Wonsuk is PMSing on the battlefield again. This is fun.
Gordon, do you think you could maybe just cut it out for a second here?
- I am trying to... - Is that friendly fire?
I am sorry, I couldn't tell you from the enemy.
OK, seriously, you're killing me here.
Can you just come over and help me here? These guys are getting pawned.
Right, playing XBOX that's what's going to pop on my med school application.
Just put the books down and relax for a second.
I can't relax Gordon, all right,
because not all of us are on the 7-year graduation program.
Not hearing you, because I just logged you in and you're losing gamer points.
Dude, it took me six months to get those points.
Yes, it did, get involved.
Hey, boys, you shit the bed.
I got a new partner who actually knows how to flank.
So long, boys.
Nick.
Malik?
What...
What's going on, man?
I am going to beat your bony ass is what's going on.
- Shit. - The athletic department said
you were the best tutor on campus?
Man, you knew I needed a "C" to keep my scholarship.
And without my ride, I am ghost.
No degree and I am back living in the 4-1-0.
And I told you about the 4-1-0.
- He did tell you about the 4-1-0. - OK, thanks, Gordon.
Yeah, come here, Nick.
I don't want to come there.
I said come here, Nick.
B-plus, baby.
- What? - Yeah, come on, Nick.
- Oh, man. You, you... - And now I am going to pay you back.
We are going up to Lake Crosby to celebrate.
Oh, no, I have got, Malik, I, I can't...
I mean, I got my MCAT coming up, a chem final on Monday, I can't...
Shh, shh, shh.
Feel me on this.
We are going to Sara Palski's house.
Sara Palski.
What's up, baby girl, you ready for the lake?
- Yeah, I can't talk right now, Maya. - What's his name?
I don't know. I didn't even ask.
I will be ready in 30 minutes, more like 15 if he knows what he's doing.
You are so bad.
Do me.
- Yo, Nick. Check this out. - What?
Wow.
Yeah, I am thinking about doing it this weekend, man.
Grab some wine, build a little fire, drop a knee, and...
...lock her down for good, man. Are you snorting steroids?
We don't need to bring him, by the way. I am just saying...
You're a projected top ten draft pick.
You know? That means, it's like a guaranteed four mil.
You know, that's hot tubs and strip joints, and groupies after every game.
Why you want to handcuff yourself to like, one piece of ass?
I have got no love for the hos, all right? Well, I do.
I have a lot of love for said hos, and I am going to need you for that.
He does. He does.
Look, man, Maya was with me when I was poor, all right?
Now she deserves me when I am balling.
All right. You're a disgrace to the modern athlete.
Blake, what up?
What's up, bitches?
What's up big guy?
Hey, I know you.
Yeah, Intro to Human Portrait last semester.
I had the pleasure of sketching your genitals every Tuesday and Thursday.
Nice. You're welcome.
Hey, boys.
You kids want some candy? All you got to do is get inside.
- Totally. - Yep. Yep.
Hey, baby.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Sara. - Room for one more?
Yeah, totally.
- Threesome. - Shut up.
If you just want to...
- Right there's probably no problem. - Cool.
Good boy. You guys have fun back there.
Not quite what we had in mind there, but...
Nothing like the smell of fish in the morning.
Finally.
- I got to pee. - Oh, yo, look at this lake.
- Who is that? - Good morning, ladies.
- All right. - Almost as pretty as you, girl.
Just so you guys know, your cell phones are not going to work out here, so...
...make your calls now. OK.
- Oh, God. - Gross.
- OK, thought of the day. - OK.
Nick is definitely hot.
What, I am just saying that
it might be kind of fun to slaughter his innocence this weekend.
Beth. Just be gentle with that one.
- Maybe start with a... - Sara.
Beth. Can you start with the rubber handcuffs, OK?
I mean, jeez.
What happened to you hooking up with Blake?
Oh, gross. I told you he spray tans his junk, right?
Last time, I had these stains, like, all over my...
OK. I don't need a play-by-play.
Thank you, Beth.
So you're probably going to have to get her drunk, right?
I mean, she's not going to let you tickle her privates sober.
Actually, not trying to tickle anyone's privates.
Yeah, but if you're going to be a doctor, you should probably see a woman naked.
Seen plenty of women naked.
- Cadavers don't count, so... - OK.
What are you going to do?
You going to make her one of your awesome mix-tapes? Those are amazing.
Don't disrespect the mix-tape, OK?
- First of all, your mom loves them. - That's cute.
And, two, I am not sure if there's really a connection, even.
OK, I see what's going on here.
You're trying to play it cool and stand back, right?
Because you're too much of a puss to step up your game, so meanwhile,
somebody else is just going to swoop in and grab that little rabbit.
And I get the pleasure of listening to your vagina cry itself to sleep at night.
It's fun for me all around. Here, you know what?
Grab that and practice making some babies. It's going to be fun.
All right.
Hey, what's up, man?
I mean, I know you're scared,
because, you know, you're hung like a toddler,
- but you will work it out. - That's not funny.
That's a sensitive issue there.
What you watching there, guy?
Wow.
OK, you just officially creeped me out, so he's buying.
Just these items.
That's awful sweet of you.
What's that?
Letting the help sit up front like that.
What the hell did you just say?
I could give you English lessons in the back of my truck if you like.
What? What? Say it again.
Give me an English lesson.
Hey.
What's your problem, boy?
What?
Who you calling boy?
It's about to get gritty right here.
Malik, let's just go.
Try not to mess up my face.
Dennis?
- Sara? - What's going on here?
It's just a misunderstanding, that's all.
Red's had a few too many today.
My name's Red. I am an alcoholic.
Sara Palski.
Wow, look at you.
How's college life?
One more year.
What are you, like, an English major now, or something?
Wait, wait, wait, let me guess...
...psychology.
Well, I got to go.
It was really good seeing you, Dennis.
You too, Sara.
Sweet crew, Sara.
Hey, seriously, Sara, I was this close to putting my foot up Scarface's ass.
I am sorry. They're harmless. They're just locals.
It's all ready for you, Sara. You guys have fun on the island.
Awesome.
Fancy.
Watch out, cooler coming, cooler coming.
Most important part of the trip.
You all have fun on the island.
I am on a boat.
You want to drive the boat?
- Really? - Yeah, it's insured.
Oh. OK, sure.
No, you're not ready.
Good one. That's funny.
Is it always this hot here?
- Yeah. - Yeah, I am hot. And you're hot.
Like... sweatiness.
- I look sweaty? - Hot. I mean, I am not, I am not...
Whoo.
Geronimo.
Sara, what are you doing?
- Sara. Sara, stop. - Sara.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit. - Nick.
Sara, I think, maybe we should just maybe stop for a second.
OK, OK.
- Slow down. - He's right behind us.
Well, well, well, little missy.
You should consider yourself...
...still undefeated.
Hey, Sar-bear.
Hey, Sheriff Sabin.
I almost didn't recognize you with the 'stache.
Yeah, it gives me authority, huh?
I got to convince your daddy to buy me one of these buckets
to even things up.
So, are these some of your... Bible class buddies?
Yeah, something like that.
How's the crime fighting business going?
Same old, same old CSI Lake Crosby, you know.
Excessive noise complaints, salinity measurements,
fishing hooks caught in toes, ugly stuff.
So, you animals have fun. Oh, but first, hey,
Tarzan, why don't you toss me one of them cold ones you got in there?
- You want a beer? - Yeah, sure.
- Take two, Sheriff. - Thank you.
Hey, is this how you college kids do it?
- There we go. All right. - Nice.
- Sheriff's still got it.
I am going to be dropping by tomorrow. I told your mama I'd drop the mail off, OK?
Good to see you back again, Sara. It's been three years too long.
- Thanks, Sheriff. - Nice meeting you all.
- All right. Sheriff. - Take care. Be safe.
- We're here, guys. - OK.
Whoo.
Hey, boys.
It's going to be a good weekend.
So, Dr. Creeper, you want to finish eye-humping Sara
- after we do this thing or what? - Yeah, no, yeah, sorry, sorry.
But hey, what's her story, anyway? Is she...
She like hanging out with anybody?
No, man, it's kind of weird. I mean, we have known her for about three years,
and never seen her go out on a date.
Not even hook up at a party.
She's just always hanging out with Sherman, the dog.
Come on, come on, come on, go fetch it.
Come on, boy, bring it back.
Good boy, good boy. Come here.
Come here, good boy, good boy, good boy. Come on, come on, come on.
- Come on, baby. - The elbow, and the release.
- Oh, it was off. - Another miss.
- Never going to get this. And yet again. - Oh, come on.
- You're hopeless. Ready? - Yeah, I am.
- Honestly, at this point, I am hopeless. - You ready for this?
- Yep. Yeah. - You sure?
Oh, my God. Check out Tan-zilla.
Oh, wait, wait, wait for it, wait, here it comes.
- No, no, he's not going to. - Yeah.
That's classy.
When are you going to drop the boy toy and saddle up with a real man?
- Really, you got someone in mind? - Yeah.
I could show you my erotic secrets
right on this inflatable beer pong mattress here, huh?
I can make some waves right here.
Looks pretty sturdy. Let's rock it out.
Let's shock the Western World together.
- Oh. Snap. - Who is the champion of the world?
Be careful, Malik.
Come on, you're talking to Superman, girl.
Crank it up, Nick. Oh, yeah.
Do a trick for me.
Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, baby.
Get them, Malik.
Shit.
- One hand, baby, what's good. - Did you see that?
Good job, man.
- Hey, let's take him down over there. - Yeah, OK.
Whoo.
Hey, let's turn around.
- Turning around. - Let's turn around.
Turning around.
That's my man.
Yeah.
Oh.
Ahh.
Oh, my God.
Kid's about to eat it.
Go faster, man, go.
- Faster, baby. - Go faster, Nick, speed up. Speed up.
- Oh, oh, oh. - Whoa.
Oh, shit.
- Yo, Nick. Nick, he's down. - Turn around, Nick.
- What happened? - He fell.
Good surfing, 'Lika.
- See him? - Malik.
- Anywhere?
Malik.
- Malik. - Yo, where the hell is he?
Malik, come on, stop playing.
There he is.
Sara.
Beth, Gordon, help.
Hey, what the hell happened?
Get him up, get him up, get him up.
Put him down right here. All right, put him down slowly, slowly.
- I will get the phone. - Gordon, Gordon, call for help.
- No, there's no reception out here. - Just try anyway.
We got to stop the bleeding. We need a first aid kit.
- Sara, do you have a first aid kit? - Yes, it's in the house.
Quick, go get it.
- Shit, I am not getting anything. - Just keep trying.
- You bastard. - What did you do?
- You ran over his arm. - What? No. He fell.
He fell, right? You guys saw him.
I saw him fall, I didn't see his goddamn arm get ripped off.
- All right, calm down. - Sit down, you little bitch.
- Come on, asshole. - Stop. It doesn't matter.
Somebody do something, please.
I was just driving around and he fell, you saw him. I just drove.
Nick. You're the only one who knows what to do.
Malik. Malik, can you hear me?
Gordon, I need you to go and get a stick, or like a branch, or something,
about a foot long and an inch thick, OK? OK.
Be careful.
Malik? Malik, can you hear me, man?
- Can you hear me? - Here.
Be careful.
Constant pressure, OK, keep that pressure on.
Maya, I need you to lift his head up, all right? Keep it elevated, OK?
- It's going to be OK. - Gordon, give me your phone.
I need the time, need the time.
OK, OK, OK.
Wait, wait, where the hell are you going?
Nick, Nick, hurry.
Nick. Nick.
Come on.
Holy shit.
- Slowly, slowly. - It's OK, it's OK.
A shark, man? This is insane. This is a lake.
- It's a saltwater lake. - What the hell does that mean?
- It means it's not impossible. - Think they can save it?
If we find an orthopedic surgeon in the middle of the bayou.
- How much time do we have? - About two hours.
- How far is the nearest hospital? - About two hours.
All right, I need everyone off the boat, OK?
Sara's going to drive and I am going to keep Malik stable.
- Everyone else will just slow us down. - I am not leaving him.
- Can you guys push us off? - Put pressure here.
Yeah, we will send someone back as soon as we can, just hang tight
and whatever you do, stay out of the water.
It's going to be OK, Malik. You're OK.
Don't worry, we're going to save your arm.
Nick.
Maya.
Sara, stop the boat.
Help. Help.
Come on, Maya, swim.
Hang on. Go, Sara, go, go.
Hang on, Maya. Faster, Sara.
Hang on.
Sara, faster.
Maya.
Nick. Nick.
What is it?
- What happened? - The steering is gone.
We have got to slow down.
The throttle is jammed.
I can't stop it.
All right, we have got to bail, OK? Grab the cooler.
Come on, buddy. Come on, we got to go.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Now.
- Oh, my God. - Move, move, move.
- Oh, my God. - Easy, easy, easy.
Shit, we got to get someone out here.
I saw a flare in the boathouse.
- Maya's dead. Maya's dead. - Beth, don't say that.
Don't say that.
- He doesn't need to hear that. - Calm down.
You need to calm down. Get me out of here.
Beth, you're not helping anything right now.
- Right now, we all need to stay calm. - This is a nightmare.
Beth, listen to me, OK?
I know that you're scared, OK? We're all scared.
This is your fault. You brought us here.
This is your fault.
Hey, hey, look, guys, just relax.
I am sorry.
How's Beth?
Threatening to press charges before the Xanax kicked in.
Oh, hold on.
Thanks.
You stay here. Watch him.
Hey.
Hey, Blake, who is it?
Oh.
Well, well, well.
- Hello, boys. - It's the guys from the bait shop.
That is right, skinny pole. The guy from the bait shop.
Listen, there's been an accident, we need your help.
Well, what's the matter? Somebody get hurt playing spin the bottle?
Well, I sure do hope it wasn't my mamacita.
You see, we have got some vacuuming that needs done on our yacht...
Shut your damn mouth, you son of a bitch.
- Put the gun down. - Easy, Blake. They don't know.
Yeah, Blake, we don't know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa now.
Red.
Blam.
Yeah, college boy, what don't we know?
Her name was Maya and she's dead.
Jesus, love, and Mary, your boy got jacked.
We got to get you all back to shore and down to Manchac's E.R.
- All right, come on. - No, Manchac's a dump.
They can't handle this kind of trauma.
He's going to sit, waiting to get transferred
or else they're going to butcher him even worse.
- We got to get him to St. Francis. - No, no, we can't move him.
He's lost too much blood already, OK? I have to keep him stable.
All right, all right.
We will head to the marina. As soon as we grab a signal, we will radio the Medevac.
They will chopper out a surgeon within the hour.
- Who's coming? - Take me.
- Hey, no, Beth. - No, no, no.
I am not staying here any longer. Let me get my stuff.
Hey, look, are you sure about this, man?
Yeah, OK? Beth is a mess right now.
Yeah, Gordon, you can't.
I am not going to let her go on that boat alone with swamp thing here. I am going.
- Hey, you saw what it did to our boat. - Don't fret there, cupcake.
Ain't nothing to worry about...
...not with this thing.
You see, this here...
...will paralyze anything that swims within 100 yards
of this here fine vessel.
We shouldn't see a fin.
Even if we do.
We always got this.
All right, boy. No time to dilly-dally. Let's get a move on.
Thanks, Dennis.
I owe you.
No. We're good, Sara.
How you feeling, big dog?
Like a one-armed linebacker.
Yeah. We got a doctor coming down here.
He's going to Humpty Dumpty your ass back together, OK?
So...
...if...
...I don't make it...
...I got to know what she was going to say.
If she'd still marry half a man.
Well, let's just worry about getting you back together and right, OK?
Yeah. Hey, where's she at?
- Where is she? - She's, she's...
- She what? - She's...
She what?
Look at me, Blake.
Where's Maya?
I am so sorry.
Hey, man. We really appreciate your help.
Now.
You just sit back.
And enjoy the view.
I can't stop seeing her face.
I shouldn't have let her on.
You couldn't have stopped her.
I could have jumped in after her.
Nick, don't play this game.
You can't win and trust me, it never ends.
Why haven't you been back here for three years?
Every summer, all the little rich girls around here would
sign up for diving lessons with Dennis Crim.
He was the hot blonde, with sensitive blue eyes.
Some kind of teenage fantasy, I guess.
For two summers, we did everything together.
Then I had to go to college, and he was never going to leave the water,
so I broke it off.
So a few days before I was supposed to leave...
...he took me to our favorite diving spot to say goodbye.
We were only down there for a few minutes...
...and suddenly I couldn't breathe.
I figured my air gauge was broken, so I gave him the signal and....
....he just, he just stared at me.
And...
...I reached out to share his air and...
...and he just kind of drifted away.
Jesus.
Somehow I made it to the surface.
And I climbed up to our skiff and...
...I spun around to leave him there and...
...I cut his face open with the propeller.
It was an accident, Sara.
After I took him to the hospital...
...I never went back.
And that was on purpose.
Beth was right, I never should have brought you guys here.
Hey.
It's going to be OK. Sara, we're going to be OK.
I really wish I could believe you.
My eyes are up here.
Yeah.
I know where your eyes are, darling.
OK, so why don't we just try to keep this clean, huh?
How big?
Excuse me?
How big?
The shark that got your friend.
How big was it?
I don't know. We didn't see it.
- Must have been a bull. - Why?
Well, because the bulls, they just wind up in the damnedest places.
Yeah, a couple years back...
...one went all the way upriver, wound up in Missouri.
That's the Show Me state.
Well, how the hell does it get in a lake?
We had a heavy hurricane season this year.
My guess is, maybe one came out of the Gulf,
flooded up over the interstate, wound up here...
...got comfortable and made a home.
Or it could have been something else.
Malik.
What are you doing, man?
West Baltimore rules, Nick.
You take one of mine, I take one of yours.
Malik, don't be crazy. Get out of the water.
I am going to kill it, Nick.
I have to.
No, you don't. Beth and Gordon went for help.
And Maya's dead.
Yeah, I know.
No, no, no, you don't know.
Look, you got a nice GPA and all that, all right?
But you don't know a damn thing about this.
She was my life, man.
She was the only part of me that I couldn't lose.
I am sorry, Malik.
We boys, all right? We're boys.
But you need to take your ass back inside.
- How you going to find it? - I am not.
It's going to find me.
Hey, what's going on?
What's wrong with the engine?
Nothing wrong with the engine.
Well, then, why'd you stop? We got to get the Medevac out to Malik.
Sit down.
Come on. Sit down.
Five minutes, we're good to go.
Five minutes? Five minutes to what?
Five minutes to show time, darling.
Malik, please, man.
Come on.
Malik.
Come on.
This doesn't feel right. Why does he have the computer on?
Hey, Buddy. Got any new friend requests?
I am Gordon79, if you want to stay in touch.
You. On your feet.
- I need some help. - Me?
- Don't get up. - It's fine.
What do you want me to do?
I want you to get in the water.
What? No. I am not going to get in the water.
- Okay. Okay. In the water, now. - Calm down.
- It's fine. It's fine. - Get in the water.
Listen. I can't get in the water. There's a...
A shark?
- Yeah, I know. - Who do you think put them there?
Oh, my God.
OK, OK.
Just.
Dennis, please don't make me.
- No. - You will get your turn.
- No. - You will get your turn, baby.
I told you I'd kill it.
Yeah.
The shark that I saw wasn't a hammerhead.
What?
It swam right past me, and it was a completely different shark.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Yeah, I just, I don't know how the hell they got in here.
I don't know, during hurricane season they open the floodgates
underneath the I-10.
I don't know, all that Gulf water pouring in, maybe they...
...maybe they snuck in somehow. I don't know. Yeah.
Or maybe someone put them there.
What the hell is that?
It's a camera.
What?
- I am taking him across. - What? What are you talking about?
How fast is your Waverunner?
Blake, I think we should just wait for... No. Look at him.
How much longer did you want to just sit here and wait?
Blake, listen, man, we can't take him back in the water.
I am not just going to sit here and watch him die, Nick.
Are you guys going to help me, or what?
Who are you freaks?
Isn't that sweet, Red? She wants to get to know us better.
- Bra and panties. - Screw you.
Screw both of you.
OK, OK, OK. OK. OK.
Oh, nice.
They going to like them titties.
Oh, yeah.
That's a mighty fine rack of lamb.
Red, I like this one.
No.
Red. Red.
Relax.
Scars build character.
Just a little nibble.
Red.
Do you know how many species of sharks there are?
- No. - No?
There's 350.
Yeah, that's right.
It's a lot.
I know. I have been diving with them forever.
Bulls, nurses,
threshers, lemons.
Hell, I have only seen, how many, now, Red?
Forty-five, as of yesterday, but...
...we went diving this morning.
Guess what we found?
This makes 46.
- I am sorry about earlier, man. - Hey, don't worry about it.
We will hug it out on the other side, just get him across, OK?
Red, pan the camera a little left.
What is that?
It's pretty, huh?
They're called photophores.
That means cells that light up.
- Unique to? - Isi... Isitoru... Isi...
Isistius brasiliensis.
Isi... exactly.
Or more commonly known as...
...the cookie-cutter shark.
Goodbye, boys.
You know what else is weird about them?
They swallow their own teeth.
That's the only way they can get calcium.
Because their normal diet is nothing more than... skin, blubber.
Flesh.
Get me out of here.
Get in there. Get in there tight.
Yeah.
- Get in there. - All right. All right.
That's it, man.
The end.
- Hey, kids, what's shaking? - Did the Medevac come?
- Is Malik OK? - Is he at the hospital?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Slow your roll. - Wait, nobody sent you?
I saw the bonfire.
What in the hell is that?
Hang in there, buddy, hang in there, Malik.
We're almost there, buddy, hang in there.
Malik, you OK? You with me?
We're almost there, buddy.
I don't give a rat's ass. Look, tell Fish and Game
I want eyes on that lake yesterday.
And make sure St. Francis has trauma on standby. 10-10.
- Anything? - We got more boats in the water
and Manchac P.D.'s sitting cars on piers, so, we will find them.
- Nick, are you OK? - Yeah.
Nick, hey.
- Nick. - I think he just fainted.
- Come on, let's help him to the couch. - OK.
Grab his legs.
Not too much longer, buddy, all right?
I am not taking you with me, Blake.
Malik, no. No.
Malik.
Oh, God. No. No, Malik.
He's sleeping just like a little baby.
All the stress probably just got to him.
Hey, Sar-bear, why don't you do him a favor and go get a really cold towel
and we will bring this boy back to life?
OK. Anything else?
Nope. All I need is right there.
Sherman?
Make it extra special cold, all right, Sar-bear?
What's your 20, Sheriff? You missed a hell of a happy hour.
Made a blood smoothie out of that tattoo chick.
Now why don't you bring blondie out here so we can have ourselves some fun?
Sheriff.
Sara?
- Sara. - I am coming.
I just saved your ass, Greg.
Rock and roll, partner.
You know, if you two could just get past the whole "who tore up whose face" thing,
you all would make an adorable couple.
Why'd you try to run, Sara?
You made it all hard on yourself. You should have had the soup.
Sweet dreams, baby.
Good shot, partner.
- Where's Nick? - So that's your type now?
- I bet he's a good listener. - Where is he?
He's playing with the Sheriff.
Why are you doing this, Dennis?
I am sorry. I missed that.
Would you mind repeating it in the ear you didn't run over?
It was an accident. I swear to God it was an accident.
I was drowning, OK? I couldn't breathe.
I was drowning.
But you didn't, Sara.
You sure you were out of air?
Because I sure as hell remember waking up in the hospital with my face falling off.
I am sorry. I am sorry.
Damn it, Red, I told you not to bring the dog.
Oh, come on, Dennis.
He just needs a little bit of attention.
- That's right. - Get rid of him.
- Can we just keep him? - No, you can't keep him.
- He's so pretty, look at him. - Get rid of him.
All right.
No.
Oh, you bastard. Sherman.
Tiger sharks.
Also known as requiems.
That ain't too perfect, is it?
Dustbins of the sea, they will eat anything...
...license plates, tin cans, college pricks.
Oh, yeah, I bet people like to watch that.
Watch?
What are you talking about?
Well, we popped our cherry on that one last month.
This beamed back up to us...
...from an 8-foot thresher we threw in the lake.
What is this?
Well, I know it's not good etiquette,
but I am going to answer your question with a question.
What is cable television's longest running programme event?
Last year alone, it was watched by over 20 million viewers.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Shark Week, loser.
And a few of those 20 million...
...want to watch the real hardcore shit you can't get on basic cable.
And we're willing to bet that they will pay top dollar for it.
You're sick.
There's no such thing as sickness anymore.
It's all moral relativism. Come on, you remember Faces of Death?
Real killing on tape? Banned in 40 countries.
An eight-year-old can download it on the Internet today for free, man.
Come on. It's beyond good and evil. Someone's got to raise the bar.
Here's an interesting factoid for you, Nick.
The cameras that we use are the same ones...
...that they used on March of the Penguins.
You know what would be funny?
To hear Morgan Freeman do a voiceover
of you getting your head torn off by that beautiful animal right there.
So what happened, Sara?
I was 18, OK? I was scared...
I didn't know how to handle the situation.
I couldn't even look at myself. How could I bear to look at you?
Were you scarred on the inside?
God, it's been, it's been three years since... I haven't been able to come close to another guy.
Please.
I came back here to make it right.
I loved you.
I loved you so much.
I never forgot that, ever.
- Whoa. Hey, easy, now. - Just shut up.
- Open the goddamn cage, now. - Easy now.
Shut up.
Easy now.
Bitch.
Carl.
It's almost dawn.
Wake up the big girl.
It's feeding time.
Copy that.
Hundreds of millions of years of evolution perfected these babies.
They can smell a single drop of blood...
...in a body of water the size of an Olympic swimming pool.
No.
You don't have to do this. Sabin, this can't be worth it.
It's worth it, man. Yeah, it's worth it.
I am willing to give up my position as lowly janitor on the lake.
I let someone else get shat on by rich college punks for 12 bucks an hour, man,
I see it. Whoo-hoo.
"Retard sheriff." "I can buy and sell you."
Well, I bought you, Nick.
And I own you. So now I am going to sell you.
- No. - No.
No.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, just pretend it's a carnival.
It's like a big old dunk tank with a twist.
Please.
Oh, yeah...
...psych.
Yeah.
Hey, Nick. You know, you're 15 times more likely
to get killed by a falling coconut than a shark?
Fifty times more likely to get crushed by a falling soda machine, man.
Think of it this way, Nick, you're beating some weird-ass odds.
Whoo.
Heavy metal music, man, I am a fan. Guilty as charged.
Yeah, I love the old big hair metal.
I'd wear leather pants on the force if they'd let me,
but if there's something you'd rather listen to while you're dying,
the sheriff takes requests.
How about some Guns and Roses?
What was that?
- Guns and Roses, Sheriff. - I know what you're trying to do.
You're making me love you. All right.
It's working, yeah. Whoo.
Happens to be my favorite.
Come on, man. Oh, don't, Nick.
Dennis, no, please, you don't have to do this.
Please, no. No.
We had some good times, Sara.
What are you doing? What are you going to do?
It's a shame.
Dennis. Dennis, please let me out of here.
- Dennis. - Bring her up.
- Nick. - Bring her up.
Come on, Dennis.
Dennis. This ain't funny.
OK. All right.
Hey, Sara, looks like your lucky day.
- Nick. - Your white knight is here.
You want to play poker, son, you better know what you're holding.
Hang on, Sara.
Nick.
Hold on, Sara.
Behind you.
Nick. Nick.
Sara.
Fuck you.
Sherman.
Sherman, good boy, good boy.
Good boy, Sherman. Good boy, Sherman.
OK.
Come on, Sara. Come on, Sara.
Breathe.
Come on. Come on, come on.
- Yes, OK. Yes, OK. - Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay.
Just breathe. It's OK. It's OK. It's over.
It's over.
Thank you.