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Submitted here is the story of a little
boy, and a magical christmas wish,

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00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:58,651
that changed his life...
forever.

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00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:06,744
It began in 1985, in a
town just outside Boston.

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00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:12,453
It was christmas eve, and all the
children were in high spirits.

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00:01:12,488 --> 00:01:17,469
That special time of year, when
Boston children gather together

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00:01:17,503 --> 00:01:22,277
- and beat up the jewish kids.
- Hey greenbob! Get him!

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00:01:26,283 --> 00:01:30,641
But there was one child who
wasn't in such good spirits,

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00:01:30,676 --> 00:01:32,657
little John Bennett.

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00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:37,794
That one boy in every neighbourhood, who
just has a tough time making friends.

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00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:39,551
Hey guys, can I play?

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00:01:39,586 --> 00:01:42,094
- Get out of here bennet!
- Get lost bennet!

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00:01:42,129 --> 00:01:44,473
- Get out of here bennet.
- Yeah bennet, get lost.

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00:01:47,092 --> 00:01:53,425
John longed with all his heart, for that
one true friend that he could call his own

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00:01:53,460 --> 00:02:00,066
and he knew that if he ever found
that friend, he would ever let him go

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00:02:01,617 --> 00:02:06,126
well, as it does every year,
christams morning finally came

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00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:10,418
all of the children were opening
their gifts with holiday glee

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00:02:17,477 --> 00:02:24,021
and for little John bennet, christams
day brought a very special new arrival.

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00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:34,400
Wow.i guess santa payed attention to
how good you were this year huh...

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aww, merry christams John.

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00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,993
"I love you."

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He talks.

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I'm gonna name you Teddy.

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00:02:46,707 --> 00:02:53,521
John became instantly attached to teddy,
there was something about that bear

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00:02:53,556 --> 00:02:56,736
that made him feel as if
he finally had a friend.

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00:02:56,749 --> 00:02:59,940
With whom he could share
his deepest secrets.

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00:02:59,975 --> 00:03:01,446
"I love you"

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00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,976
I love you too teddy

28
00:03:05,048 --> 00:03:09,054
you know, I wish you
could really talk to me

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00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:12,740
because then we could be best
friends forever and ever

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00:03:14,049 --> 00:03:17,459
now if theres one thing
you can be sure of,

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00:03:17,494 --> 00:03:22,031
its that nothing is more
powerful than a young boys wish

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00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:24,899
except an apache helicopter...
an apache helicopter

33
00:03:24,934 --> 00:03:28,469
has machine guns and missiles

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00:03:28,504 --> 00:03:32,292
it is an unbelievably impressive
complement of weaponry.

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An absolute death machine.

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Well, as it turned out, John had
picked a perfect night to make a wish.

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Teddy...

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00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:25,280
Teddy?

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00:04:29,604 --> 00:04:30,972
Teddy?

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00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:40,464
Hug me.

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00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,557
You're my best friend John.

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Did you... did you just talk...

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don't look so surprised, your the
one who wished for it arent you?

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Yeah... I did wish for it.

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Well, here I am...

46
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you mean... we get to be
best friends for real?

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00:04:59,878 --> 00:05:01,301
For... real.

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00:05:01,336 --> 00:05:02,769
Forever and ever?

49
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:04,367
Sounds good to me

50
00:05:05,691 --> 00:05:09,109
John was just about the
happiest boy in the world.

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And he couldn't wait to
tell everyone the good news

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mom... dad... guess what,
my teddy bears alive

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really... oh isnt
that exciting...

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No mom, he's really alive.
Look.

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Merry christmas everybody

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Jesus H Fuck... Lets
all be best friends.

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Oh my god.

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Get away from that thing,
get over here right now.

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But dad... Get over here!

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- Listen to your father, come here.
- Helen, get my gun.

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Dad, no!

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Is it a hugging gun?

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Helen, get my gun
and call the police

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im sorry mr bennet, I didn't
mean to scare anybody

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I just wanted john
and I to be friends

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yeah dad, I made a wish last night that
teddy was alive, and my wish came true.

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Oh god.

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It's a miracle.

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It's a christmas miracle.

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You're just like the baby Jesus.

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Well it wasnt long before the news of Johns
little miracle was sweeping the nation

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out of a Boston suburb comes, what is
without doubt the most incredible story

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a young boys stuffed animal, has magically
come to life for unknown reasons.

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LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!
LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!

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Before long, teddy had become a
huge celebrity in his own right.

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Hello, Teddy.

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You surprise me, for some reason I
thought you were going to be taller

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I thought you were
going to be funnier.

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But for all the fame, teddy never
forgot his very best friend, John

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the thunder cant get us, right?

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Nope. Were thunder buddys.
And the thunder knows it

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were totally safe.

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- Teddy.
- Yeah, John?

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Do you promise that we'll
always be together?

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I promise.

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Thunder buddys for life

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thunder buddys for life.

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And that was a promise that
niether one of them forgot

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00:07:29,799 --> 00:07:32,800
So... where are John
and teddy today?

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00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:35,068
Well, let me put it this way

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no matter how big a splash you
make in this world, weather your a

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Corey Feldman, Frankie
Muniz, Justin Bieber...

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or a talking teddy bear...
eventually nobody gives a shit.

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TED

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Look, all im saying is that
Boston women are, on the whole,

96
00:10:26,361 --> 00:10:29,601
a paler uglier sort than women
from the elsewheres of life.

97
00:10:29,637 --> 00:10:31,787
That's bullshit... what about Lori?
She's hot.

98
00:10:31,821 --> 00:10:33,876
No Lori's from Pennsylvania
thats not a Boston girl

99
00:10:33,911 --> 00:10:34,964
there not that bad...

100
00:10:34,999 --> 00:10:39,040
see, the fact that you have to say there
not that bad, means that they are that bad

101
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:44,884
you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm?
Oh yah, oh yah, hardar hardar

102
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oh god... that was so good. Now im gonna
stuff my fucking face with pepper flan

103
00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:56,468
jesus this is weak, not
even getting me high

104
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im gonna have a talk
with my weed guy

105
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working for me...

106
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I think it sucks, im gonna
have a talk with him

107
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,360
I don't know you want to go to
a drug dealer with complaints

108
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ive known this guy a long time,

109
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ive known him since 9-11

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you remember?, I was like, aww
shit 9-11, I gotta get high

111
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is it 9.30? - yeah...

112
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shit, I gotta get to work

113
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I don't know if I can drive.

114
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It's ok. I'll drive you.
I feel fine.

115
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- Fuck.
- Aww, shit.

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Aww, Johnny I'm sorry man, that
car just came out of nowhere.

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Aww, god is it bad?

118
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,719
- John, may I speak with you please?
- Shit.

119
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Its alright, go go go.
I'll pull out of here

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hi Thomas, how are yah.

121
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Asshole!

122
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Thats my bad, I was
sending a tweet.

123
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John, its almost 10 o'clock

124
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I know sir, im sorry
it wasnt my fault

125
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what do you mean?

126
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:31,414
Well I..i guess I wasnt prepared
for a follow up question

127
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John, all you got to
do is not fuck up

128
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and you get my job when I
go to corporate next month

129
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your the new branch manager

130
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all you gotta do,
is not fuck up...

131
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I realise now. Good,
glad to hear it.

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Cos in a month... my life,
could be your life.

133
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A cushy 38 thousand dollar
a year branch manager,

134
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:54,136
whos personal friends
with Tom Scarritt.

135
00:12:54,401 --> 00:12:56,470
Not a bad life is it?

136
00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:58,363
No.

137
00:12:59,438 --> 00:13:01,435
Let me show you something I
don't like showing people,

138
00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:03,106
'cos I don't want them
treating me differently.

139
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Boom! Thats me and
scarritt wow...

140
00:13:10,816 --> 00:13:12,269
god damn right wow

141
00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:15,765
im gonna dock you for dinging the car
and for showing up late today alright

142
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:18,164
try and be a little more
responsable tomorrow

143
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I will sir, I promise.

144
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:22,464
"Not gonna let you down goose"

145
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what?

146
00:13:24,485 --> 00:13:29,301
Top Gun... so... Tom Scarritt...

147
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I know that get out of here ok

148
00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:33,963
thank you sir

149
00:13:33,998 --> 00:13:38,930
and heres your keys, rental agreement,
complimentary map of Boston

150
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:41,562
than you for choosing
liberty, drive safely

151
00:13:41,597 --> 00:13:42,979
thanks - thanks so much.

152
00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:46,331
Heard you got busted...

153
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:49,009
jesus Guy, you look like
shit man what happened?

154
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,948
I don't know, I got
fucking wasted last night

155
00:13:51,983 --> 00:13:56,533
and my phone says I texted someone
at 3.15, asking them to beat me up

156
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and then at 4.30 I texted the
same person saying thanks.

157
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:02,971
- And you don't remember it?
- No, same as last time.

158
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:05,213
It just seems kind
of gay doesn't it?

159
00:14:05,248 --> 00:14:07,279
I don't know, maybe yeah.

160
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,719
Do you think your part of
some gay beat up underworld?

161
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,777
Like one of those gay beat
up clubs or something?

162
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,956
I don't now, I dig chicks man,
I don't remember any of it

163
00:14:14,991 --> 00:14:16,921
I was so fucked up. I might
be gay I don't know.

164
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,481
Do you mind covering
for me for a bit?

165
00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:20,431
I might go lay down in the John

166
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:21,970
hey buddys, wheres it hanging?
Hey Alex

167
00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:23,620
what's up? You get in
the club last night?

168
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,849
Ahh, I didn't get in because
the bouncer was douche face

169
00:14:26,884 --> 00:14:29,037
but I make friends in the line

170
00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:30,177
well thats good I guess.

171
00:14:30,212 --> 00:14:32,539
Hey guys, anybody know
a nice restaurant?

172
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,748
Like something where they give out
free bubblegum in the bathrooms.

173
00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:36,158
For what?

174
00:14:36,193 --> 00:14:37,820
Lori and I have been
dating 4 years tomorrow.

175
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,471
I wanna take her some
place really nice.

176
00:14:39,506 --> 00:14:41,517
Aw, congratulations John.

177
00:14:41,553 --> 00:14:45,671
You guys have been going out for 4 years?
My last relationship lasted 6 months.

178
00:14:45,706 --> 00:14:48,047
Then she farted in her sleep.
I'm like, I'm out of here man.

179
00:14:48,048 --> 00:14:49,419
And I was gone
before she woke up.

180
00:14:49,454 --> 00:14:51,802
Wow your not very
tolerant huh...

181
00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:53,623
Lori ever fart in front of you?

182
00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:54,819
Yeah.

183
00:14:54,854 --> 00:14:57,542
- Really?
- A million times.

184
00:14:57,577 --> 00:14:59,377
You italian?

185
00:14:59,412 --> 00:15:00,473
No.

186
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:01,971
Why?

187
00:15:03,096 --> 00:15:04,531
Nevermind, take her to biniarta

188
00:15:04,566 --> 00:15:06,725
John look, don't you think
after 4 years maybe

189
00:15:06,738 --> 00:15:08,908
shes hoping for something
more than dinner?

190
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:10,048
Like what?

191
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:14,133
I don't know. But if it were
me, id be expecting a proposal

192
00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:17,169
oh come on, no ones expecting
anybody to propose...

193
00:15:17,204 --> 00:15:21,744
I mean marriage isnt... i mean... isnt love enough?
I submit love is enough

194
00:15:21,779 --> 00:15:25,122
you can put the ring in her ass...
and let her fart it out?

195
00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,008
So bad, but so good...

196
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:37,507
Hey by the way, don't let
me forget you and I got to

197
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,995
nail down a plan for the
ruins game tomorrow night.

198
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:42,915
Oh no I cant, I'm
taking Lori to dinner.

199
00:15:42,949 --> 00:15:43,928
For what?

200
00:15:43,963 --> 00:15:46,041
Well, weve been dating
4 years tomorrow.

201
00:15:46,076 --> 00:15:47,482
Ohh... fuck me, nice.

202
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:48,882
Let me ask you something,

203
00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:52,086
you don't think shes going to be
expecting something big, do you?

204
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,552
- What... like anal?
- No...

205
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,905
like a circular gold
thing on the finger.

206
00:15:56,940 --> 00:16:00,930
Oh fuck that. Its been 4 years Johnny you
and me have been together for 27 years.

207
00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:02,411
Wheres my ring?

208
00:16:02,446 --> 00:16:04,006
Huh... wheres my
ring asshole...

209
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:06,342
wheres my ring motherfucker?
Put it on my

210
00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:10,171
- fuzzy finger you fuck.
- Alright knock it off

211
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:11,579
I'm just sayin...

212
00:16:11,614 --> 00:16:14,002
do you think she might be expecting
me to make that kind of a move?

213
00:16:14,037 --> 00:16:15,787
No no no, I don't think

214
00:16:15,822 --> 00:16:17,815
and not only that,
its the wrong time

215
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:20,163
its a terrible idea, you
got the economy, you

216
00:16:20,176 --> 00:16:22,499
got the credit bubble,
the supreme court

217
00:16:22,535 --> 00:16:23,815
look at Haiti

218
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,197
I guess I didn't
think about that.

219
00:16:25,231 --> 00:16:27,151
Well, you know, it's a factor.

220
00:16:27,829 --> 00:16:32,209
Who are you? -Flash Gordon,
quarterback, New York Jets.

221
00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:35,068
This is the american
fantasy right here.

222
00:16:35,103 --> 00:16:39,033
A professional NFL player is called
upon to save the world. -Yeah.

223
00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:40,033
Tom Brady could do that...

224
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,671
Tom Brady could do that.

225
00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:43,968
- Hey.
- Hey sweetie.

226
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:44,958
Hey, Lori.

227
00:16:44,993 --> 00:16:46,221
Hi.

228
00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:49,096
- What you got there?
- Turkey burgers

229
00:16:49,131 --> 00:16:52,456
oh turkey burgers, are we having
homosexuals over for dinner?

230
00:16:52,491 --> 00:16:55,408
- Tonight is it?
- Ha, no just you homos.

231
00:16:56,909 --> 00:16:59,708
You kinda just re-worded
my joke, but haaaa.

232
00:16:59,743 --> 00:17:02,121
- How was work?
- Oh it was fine

233
00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:04,053
hows your dickhead boss?

234
00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:07,237
Rex, is fine. He only hit
on me once today so,

235
00:17:07,272 --> 00:17:08,733
its a good thing

236
00:17:08,768 --> 00:17:10,338
hey Johnny how bout a beer huh?

237
00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:12,117
Oh couple of chowbukowskis...

238
00:17:12,152 --> 00:17:13,896
couple of brewstoievskis...

239
00:17:13,931 --> 00:17:15,698
maybe a mibrewstowsky?

240
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,548
Perhaps a teddybrewski...
thats a good one

241
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:21,304
I think I too want a
martina navratilovaski

242
00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:23,585
oh... no no no
that doesn't work.

243
00:17:23,619 --> 00:17:26,241
Bullshit... that totally worked...
no, no

244
00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:28,243
yeah it does, - it doesn't work

245
00:17:28,278 --> 00:17:30,121
the name has to have a ski
at the end of it, and you

246
00:17:30,134 --> 00:17:31,987
just put brewski at the end
of martina navratilova

247
00:17:32,022 --> 00:17:34,013
I just thought we were
saying funny names.

248
00:17:34,048 --> 00:17:37,456
No, no. It has to have ski at the end
of it, otherwise where's the challange?

249
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,893
If theres no ski at the
end of the root word,

250
00:17:39,906 --> 00:17:42,318
then we'd just be
idiots saying nonsense.

251
00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,324
- Hey.
- They found the missing hikers.

252
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:55,936
- They did?
- Yeah. -What happened?

253
00:17:55,971 --> 00:17:56,956
They said

254
00:17:56,991 --> 00:17:58,819
they got seperated, and
one of them had there

255
00:17:58,832 --> 00:18:00,671
foot stuck under a
rock for like 5 days

256
00:18:02,339 --> 00:18:07,998
you know, if your leg got trapped under
a rock, id chew it off to get you free

257
00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:10,325
- you would?
- I sure would

258
00:18:11,402 --> 00:18:12,720
is that cannibalism?

259
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:15,310
No, I think its only
cannibalism if you swallow.

260
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:18,470
Oh yeah, don't worry about
that, 'cos I don't swallow.

261
00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:20,441
Really? 'Cos that's
not what I heard.

262
00:18:20,477 --> 00:18:23,104
Well its not true ok,
im a classy broad

263
00:18:23,139 --> 00:18:26,118
yeah I can see that

264
00:18:26,153 --> 00:18:31,204
umm, listen, speaking of classy chow
bellas a really expensive restaurant

265
00:18:31,239 --> 00:18:36,197
so we can go anywhere else tomorrow. I
really don't care as long as were together

266
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:37,944
are you kidding me?

267
00:18:37,979 --> 00:18:42,475
No, 4 years we've been going out... im
taking you to the best place in town

268
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:47,537
I love you I love you too.
And your nasty

269
00:18:47,572 --> 00:18:50,018
you wanna get nasty?

270
00:18:50,053 --> 00:18:51,357
Nasty girl

271
00:18:57,507 --> 00:19:00,955
I don't understand...35 years old and
your still scared of a little thunder

272
00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:02,369
I am not

273
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:06,758
thunder buddys for life right Johnny.
Fucking right.

274
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:08,934
Alright come on lets
sing the thunder song

275
00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:12,417
when you hear the sound of thunder
don't you get too scared.

276
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:16,220
Just grab your thunder buddy,
and say these magic words

277
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:19,705
fuck you thunder...
you can suck my dick,

278
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:22,935
you cant get me thunder,
cos your just gods fart

279
00:19:26,487 --> 00:19:28,473
hey Lori... can you set
the alarm for 11 A.M?

280
00:19:28,486 --> 00:19:30,483
I got a lot of stuff
to do tomorrow

281
00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:44,733
hi Lori

282
00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:45,941
morning

283
00:19:51,851 --> 00:19:54,501
ok you ok there sweetheart?

284
00:19:54,536 --> 00:19:56,040
You look a little flustered

285
00:19:56,075 --> 00:19:58,673
im fine, I just didn't
have time for breakfast

286
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,474
and the garage was full ohh
and thats right, my boyfriend

287
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,575
cant sleep through a thunder
storm without his teddybear

288
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:05,149
I don't understand why you
keep putting up with him...

289
00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:08,866
yeah, the guys 35 and hes working
for a rental car service...

290
00:20:08,901 --> 00:20:11,905
you guys, its not about that.
I don't care about that

291
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,373
id love him if he was a janitor

292
00:20:13,408 --> 00:20:17,552
he has a huge heart
and we laugh a lot

293
00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:20,781
its just a bonus that hes like
the hottest guy in Boston

294
00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:23,367
I don't know, I just wish
hed get his life together

295
00:20:23,402 --> 00:20:28,123
our life... and he cant. And I swear
to god it is because of that bear

296
00:20:28,158 --> 00:20:31,180
you should give him an
ultimatum, its you or the bear

297
00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:33,849
no, I cant do that. That
would devistate him

298
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:37,528
besides, what... what
if he chose ted?

299
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,057
Well hello there, sorry
if im interupting any

300
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,359
girl talk about Channing
Tatum's index finger

301
00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:45,967
but Lori, I need to
see you in my office

302
00:20:46,002 --> 00:20:48,035
the thing is Rex, I have a lot
of work I need to get through

303
00:20:48,071 --> 00:20:49,733
oh this is work I swear

304
00:20:50,657 --> 00:20:52,460
ugh great.

305
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:55,889
Good luck, - thank you

306
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,129
hes such an asshole.
Out of control...

307
00:20:59,164 --> 00:21:03,120
hes such a sleaze. 100 bucks says
hes showing her the diving photo

308
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:05,326
check this out

309
00:21:05,361 --> 00:21:08,685
its me on the high
school diving team

310
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,124
we dove the shit out
of the pool that year

311
00:21:11,159 --> 00:21:12,982
you promised me
this was about work

312
00:21:13,017 --> 00:21:15,024
Lori... why don't you like me?

313
00:21:15,059 --> 00:21:17,076
Im rich, im good looking,
my dad owns the company...

314
00:21:17,111 --> 00:21:19,158
I have a boyfriend. I
have told you this.

315
00:21:19,193 --> 00:21:21,000
Yeah, the guy with the bear

316
00:21:21,035 --> 00:21:23,709
but im talking about a
mature relationship Lori

317
00:21:23,744 --> 00:21:27,377
if we were together, our
babies would be spectacular

318
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,116
I mean, my top of the
pyramid caucasian genes

319
00:21:30,151 --> 00:21:37,655
and your splash of... dark... beautiful...
smokey... baltic...

320
00:21:37,690 --> 00:21:39,897
- Czech?
- Goodbye Rex

321
00:21:55,028 --> 00:21:57,412
ok, that was perfect

322
00:21:57,447 --> 00:21:59,409
would you like me to
wrap your leftovers?

323
00:21:59,445 --> 00:22:01,043
No, I'm good, thank you.

324
00:22:01,078 --> 00:22:02,585
Actually, could you wrap
just this up for me please?

325
00:22:02,598 --> 00:22:04,116
I wanna scare the
shit out of somebody.

326
00:22:04,151 --> 00:22:05,132
Sure.

327
00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:07,004
What are you, like 5 years old?
Yeah

328
00:22:07,039 --> 00:22:09,067
but I read at a 6
year old level, so...

329
00:22:11,374 --> 00:22:13,335
sir... and madam

330
00:22:13,370 --> 00:22:17,188
here is your desert,
and champagne.

331
00:22:18,007 --> 00:22:20,816
Ohh, cristal.

332
00:22:20,851 --> 00:22:23,395
It's a special night, we've
been dating for 4 years.

333
00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:26,254
And hey, all those rich black
people cant be wrong, right?

334
00:22:29,156 --> 00:22:31,440
Doesnt feel like
4 years does it?

335
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:33,085
No it doesn't

336
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:36,049
you know, you had no
business being out on that

337
00:22:36,062 --> 00:22:39,002
dance floor.But im really
happy that you were.

338
00:22:44,785 --> 00:22:46,482
This song is so great

339
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:48,777
oh yeah, Chris Brown
can do no wrong

340
00:22:49,844 --> 00:22:52,082
wow you can really move

341
00:22:52,117 --> 00:22:54,539
you like that huh?
Check this shit out

342
00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:02,303
oh my god

343
00:23:03,496 --> 00:23:04,688
are you ok?

344
00:23:04,723 --> 00:23:07,597
Oh god, I am so sorry
im fine, im fine

345
00:23:07,632 --> 00:23:10,080
Jesus im so sorry, I didn't
see you it was an accident.

346
00:23:10,115 --> 00:23:11,289
- did you hurt your head?
- Yeah

347
00:23:11,324 --> 00:23:13,114
my head hurts a lot

348
00:23:13,149 --> 00:23:14,920
oh man, here, let
me get you some ice

349
00:23:19,992 --> 00:23:22,208
sorry... sorry, does it hurt?

350
00:23:24,676 --> 00:23:28,727
No it... its fine

351
00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:32,550
ok, heres a test to see how
much you actually care about me

352
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:37,694
you remember the night after the club, we
went and had late night eggs and waffles

353
00:23:37,729 --> 00:23:41,810
till about 5 A.M, we watched a movie
on the little tv in the diner

354
00:23:41,845 --> 00:23:44,975
name that movie... "octopussy"

355
00:23:46,086 --> 00:23:48,374
baby... gold star

356
00:23:48,409 --> 00:23:50,982
and by the way, my
dancing was not that bad

357
00:23:51,017 --> 00:23:52,056
it was pretty bad...
I have cool moves

358
00:23:52,057 --> 00:23:54,206
yeah, and so do people
with parkinson's

359
00:23:54,241 --> 00:23:55,640
thats not how I remember it

360
00:23:55,675 --> 00:23:57,337
ok how do you remember it?

361
00:24:27,246 --> 00:24:29,301
Alright... whatever you say

362
00:24:29,336 --> 00:24:31,995
hey, heres to 4 more years huh

363
00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:33,846
cheers, - you make me happy

364
00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:37,303
I know we said no gifts, but...
We said no such thing...

365
00:24:37,338 --> 00:24:40,254
but I got you something anyway, in
clear violation of the no gift rule

366
00:24:40,289 --> 00:24:41,612
we had no such rule...

367
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,855
Lori, I wanted to give this
to you for a long time

368
00:24:47,493 --> 00:24:48,974
John...

369
00:24:54,157 --> 00:24:57,012
those are the ones you like right?
From the kiosk at the mall

370
00:24:58,212 --> 00:24:59,997
yeah...

371
00:25:01,259 --> 00:25:05,850
you know Lori, some day theres
gonna be a ring in there

372
00:25:05,885 --> 00:25:08,719
but I want to wait till I get
you something really special

373
00:25:08,754 --> 00:25:10,614
I just do have the
money right now

374
00:25:11,563 --> 00:25:15,173
look, im only saying
this because I love you

375
00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:18,781
your not going to have any sort of
career if you wasting time with ted.

376
00:25:18,816 --> 00:25:19,749
Oh, geez. Here we go.

377
00:25:19,784 --> 00:25:22,493
Baby, please ask ted to move out
so we can move on with our lives

378
00:25:22,529 --> 00:25:25,403
Lori, look hes been my
best friend since I was 8

379
00:25:25,438 --> 00:25:28,002
I was not a popular child,
you have to understand

380
00:25:28,037 --> 00:25:30,529
I had no friends
before he came along

381
00:25:30,564 --> 00:25:32,746
hes the only reason I ever
gained any fucking confidence

382
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:35,703
but your no longer
8, your 35 years old

383
00:25:35,739 --> 00:25:40,044
and unless your too blind to notice,
hes not your only friend anymore.

384
00:25:40,079 --> 00:25:43,472
Can we talk about this another time and
just enjoy our anniversary dinner?

385
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,359
Oh shit, hang on a second

386
00:25:55,394 --> 00:25:57,818
my phone fell under
the seat somewhere

387
00:25:57,853 --> 00:25:59,188
can you call it?

388
00:25:59,223 --> 00:26:00,501
Yeah

389
00:26:14,215 --> 00:26:15,959
is that a new ringtone?

390
00:26:15,995 --> 00:26:20,837
Oh, yeah what is it,
cos it sounds negative

391
00:26:20,872 --> 00:26:22,780
no, no, its from the notebook

392
00:26:24,429 --> 00:26:28,241
this is gonna take some doing I think.
I'll just meet you upsatirs then...

393
00:26:28,276 --> 00:26:29,803
yeah, ill be right there

394
00:26:37,645 --> 00:26:40,339
ugh, Lori... your home early

395
00:26:40,374 --> 00:26:42,119
what the hell is this?

396
00:26:42,154 --> 00:26:44,774
The ladys and I were just
watching Jack and Jill

397
00:26:44,809 --> 00:26:48,984
Adam Sandier plays a guy and his sister its...
its just aweful

398
00:26:49,018 --> 00:26:52,020
its unwatchable, but they're
hookers so its fine

399
00:26:52,055 --> 00:26:54,489
this place is a wreck,
who are these girls?

400
00:26:54,524 --> 00:26:58,456
Oh where are my manners,
Lori this is Angelic,

401
00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:01,144
heavenly, sharinne
and sovereign blanc

402
00:27:01,179 --> 00:27:04,057
I love you girls. You know
somewhere out there, are four

403
00:27:04,070 --> 00:27:06,958
terrible fathers I wish I could
thank for this great night

404
00:27:06,993 --> 00:27:08,234
what is that?

405
00:27:08,269 --> 00:27:09,696
What is what?

406
00:27:09,730 --> 00:27:14,567
Theres a... a shit on my floor

407
00:27:14,602 --> 00:27:16,999
in the corner, there is a shit

408
00:27:18,097 --> 00:27:21,994
oh, yeah, we were playing truth or dare...
ad sharinne's pretty ballsy

409
00:27:22,030 --> 00:27:23,942
theres a shit on my floor!

410
00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:28,644
Well, or... or is the
floor on the shit...

411
00:27:29,664 --> 00:27:33,435
who lives here? Im coming
to get whoever lives here

412
00:27:33,470 --> 00:27:34,929
you owe me lobster money

413
00:27:34,964 --> 00:27:38,529
haha, thats my buddy Johnny, not
the lobster, the guy running it

414
00:27:38,564 --> 00:27:41,778
I found my phone,
whats going on?

415
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:44,697
Is that a shit?

416
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,871
God there are some
fucked up fish out there

417
00:28:03,907 --> 00:28:06,677
oh look at that one.
Waspy white guy fish

418
00:28:06,712 --> 00:28:11,133
I married the wrong woman, and
now I lead a life of regret

419
00:28:11,168 --> 00:28:14,976
oh look at this guy, I went
to new york once, in 1981

420
00:28:15,011 --> 00:28:17,253
and I just did not feel safe

421
00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:23,580
ted, you gotta move out you...
what

422
00:28:23,615 --> 00:28:29,124
its gotta happen what did I do?

423
00:28:30,305 --> 00:28:33,847
My relationship is at a very
delicate stage, you know

424
00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:37,868
Lori and I just need a
little space right now

425
00:28:37,903 --> 00:28:41,286
plus, a hooker took a
shit in out apartment

426
00:28:41,321 --> 00:28:42,804
oh god - what?

427
00:28:42,839 --> 00:28:44,232
Oh this is so gross

428
00:28:44,268 --> 00:28:45,834
don't tell me, I don't want
to hear about it. You get it?

429
00:28:45,869 --> 00:28:47,682
Oh my god no I didn't get it!

430
00:28:47,717 --> 00:28:50,854
Oh my god I got
some on my thumb

431
00:28:50,889 --> 00:28:52,361
- no!
- Yes I did

432
00:28:52,396 --> 00:28:54,154
you can never cook
with that hand again

433
00:28:54,189 --> 00:28:57,447
oh my god this is the most disgusting
thing ever. -Get away from me

434
00:28:58,630 --> 00:29:00,899
look, that was tough
night for all of us

435
00:29:00,934 --> 00:29:04,744
ted, you mean everything
to me, and so does Lori

436
00:29:04,779 --> 00:29:07,459
I mean im just trying to find a way
to keep both of you in my life

437
00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:11,032
shes making you do it isnt she?

438
00:29:11,067 --> 00:29:13,090
Yes, but that doesn't
mean we cant hang out.

439
00:29:13,103 --> 00:29:16,477
Well hang out all
the time yeah but

440
00:29:16,512 --> 00:29:19,222
what bout thunder
buddys for life Johnny

441
00:29:19,257 --> 00:29:23,093
I know. I just don't know what
to do here I know it sucks

442
00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:25,042
but otherwise im gonna lose her

443
00:29:25,077 --> 00:29:29,889
and I do lover her ted
I know you do Johnny

444
00:29:29,924 --> 00:29:32,119
ill help you get on your
feet out there, I promise

445
00:29:32,154 --> 00:29:34,601
I know, and we'll hang
out all the time right?

446
00:29:34,636 --> 00:29:35,923
All the time

447
00:29:35,958 --> 00:29:39,449
all right fuck it, bring it in come
here, bring it in you bastard.

448
00:29:40,546 --> 00:29:41,707
"I love you"

449
00:29:41,742 --> 00:29:43,901
fuck..shit..sorry thats the...
the thing

450
00:29:45,328 --> 00:29:47,768
im not gay - I know

451
00:29:47,803 --> 00:29:49,854
and your not gay so were fine

452
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,089
we got to get you a job

453
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,290
I look stupid... no you
don't you look dapper

454
00:29:57,325 --> 00:30:00,485
I don't. I look like
snuggles accountant

455
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:01,785
come on, its not that bad

456
00:30:01,820 --> 00:30:04,637
John, I look like something you give a
kid when you tell them grandma died

457
00:30:04,672 --> 00:30:08,893
look, I know it sucks ok but you gotta make
some money so you can pay for an apartment

458
00:30:08,928 --> 00:30:10,774
I don't want to work
at a grocery store

459
00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:12,666
yeah but you have no skills

460
00:30:12,701 --> 00:30:14,588
I told you, I can
totally be a lawyer

461
00:30:14,623 --> 00:30:17,701
You get the job, were
celebrating after ok?

462
00:30:17,736 --> 00:30:21,232
ahaa, and if I don't get the job...
are we still going to smoke that pot?

463
00:30:21,267 --> 00:30:22,843
Probably yes

464
00:30:22,878 --> 00:30:25,168
ahaa yeah, good talk
coach alright buddy

465
00:30:25,203 --> 00:30:26,365
go get em

466
00:30:27,506 --> 00:30:30,817
and don't worry, ill do my very best
to get this job that I so crave

467
00:30:31,684 --> 00:30:33,829
so you think you
got what it takes?

468
00:30:33,864 --> 00:30:36,829
I tell you what I got... you
wifes pussy on my breath

469
00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:41,381
nobodys ever talked to
me like that before

470
00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:44,579
thats because eveyones mouth is
usually full of your wife's box

471
00:30:45,692 --> 00:30:47,650
your hired.

472
00:30:47,685 --> 00:30:49,145
Shit.

473
00:31:36,134 --> 00:31:39,041
Well, I am a former celebrity
in a minimum wage job.

474
00:31:39,042 --> 00:31:42,510
This is how the cast of different
strokes feels all day, every day.

475
00:31:42,523 --> 00:31:46,001
Aweful, they must feel aweful...
the live ones must feel aweful.

476
00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:48,128
Come on, it's not
that bad, okay?

477
00:31:48,163 --> 00:31:50,206
I got a shitty job and I
assure you I am quite content.

478
00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:51,522
Excuse me.

479
00:31:51,557 --> 00:31:53,248
Im sorry to bother you but,

480
00:31:53,283 --> 00:31:57,063
my son and I couldnt help
but admire your teddy bear

481
00:31:57,098 --> 00:31:59,128
oh thank you - thanks

482
00:31:59,163 --> 00:32:01,359
im Donny this is Robert

483
00:32:01,395 --> 00:32:04,901
I have to say, ive been following
you ever since I was a young boy

484
00:32:04,936 --> 00:32:08,175
and eh, I remember seeing
you on the carson show

485
00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:10,096
you were just wondeful

486
00:32:10,131 --> 00:32:12,955
oh yeah, that was a
weird interview.

487
00:32:12,990 --> 00:32:16,677
Ed thought I was Alf. And he kept
muttering anti semitic comments.

488
00:32:16,712 --> 00:32:18,614
Thought Alf was Jewish
for some reason

489
00:32:18,649 --> 00:32:21,455
have you ever considered selling the bear?
What? Excuse me

490
00:32:21,490 --> 00:32:22,714
I want it

491
00:32:22,749 --> 00:32:24,969
hey... im not an IT
pal im a HE, alright

492
00:32:25,005 --> 00:32:27,618
im sorry little guy, but
my bear isnt for sale,

493
00:32:27,631 --> 00:32:30,255
see ive had him since
I was about your age

494
00:32:30,290 --> 00:32:31,582
hes very very special to me

495
00:32:31,617 --> 00:32:34,100
stand up straight when
your talking to me

496
00:32:34,135 --> 00:32:35,981
why the fuck would he say that?

497
00:32:36,016 --> 00:32:38,826
Sorry, you know you really shouldn't
swear in front of children

498
00:32:38,861 --> 00:32:41,627
uh look, were very interested in the bear.
If you want to make

499
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,416
some sort of arrangement, heres
my address and phone number

500
00:32:44,451 --> 00:32:46,964
you can call me anytime ok?

501
00:32:46,999 --> 00:32:48,239
Will do

502
00:32:48,274 --> 00:32:51,482
look, here it goes, in the really important
pocket for really important stuff

503
00:32:51,517 --> 00:32:54,147
- ok? - Ok see you later

504
00:32:54,182 --> 00:32:56,156
ok come on Robert. Take it easy

505
00:32:56,191 --> 00:32:58,160
what the fuck...

506
00:32:58,194 --> 00:33:00,129
can you imagine what that
little shit would do to me?

507
00:33:00,165 --> 00:33:02,857
I can totally see him taking you
down to the basement and slowly

508
00:33:02,870 --> 00:33:05,573
delimbing while singing some
creepy victorian nursery rhyme

509
00:33:06,676 --> 00:33:09,953
"oh my little sixpence my pretty
little sixpence" Stop it.

510
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,797
" I love my sixpence"
Knock it off

511
00:33:11,832 --> 00:33:14,010
stop it, fuck. Why you
got to take it to that

512
00:33:14,023 --> 00:33:16,212
place..you took it to a...
that was real

513
00:33:16,247 --> 00:33:18,526
now its a real thing. Aww
come on, take it easy

514
00:33:18,562 --> 00:33:20,575
lets just find a better
place to get stoned

515
00:33:43,113 --> 00:33:44,461
well I guess this is it huh?

516
00:33:44,462 --> 00:33:48,725
Yeah, I guess so first
night on your own

517
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:51,877
yeah, first night in my
beatiful new apartment

518
00:33:51,912 --> 00:33:54,237
well itll be great
when its furnished

519
00:33:54,272 --> 00:33:57,819
yeah. And the guy said it aint hardly
had no murders in it, so thats good.

520
00:33:57,854 --> 00:34:00,446
Okay, so...

521
00:34:00,481 --> 00:34:02,570
- if you need anything.
- Yeah.

522
00:34:02,605 --> 00:34:06,067
I know. Dont worry
Johnny, ill be fine

523
00:34:06,102 --> 00:34:08,053
I know you will.

524
00:34:09,459 --> 00:34:10,837
Alright.

525
00:34:36,264 --> 00:34:38,024
Hey, there.

526
00:34:38,060 --> 00:34:39,548
Hey.

527
00:34:42,238 --> 00:34:44,430
Listen, umm.

528
00:34:45,601 --> 00:34:47,243
I just want to say thank you.

529
00:34:47,277 --> 00:34:50,502
I know what you did wasn't easy.

530
00:34:50,537 --> 00:34:54,046
And I just want you to know
that I love you for it.

531
00:34:54,081 --> 00:34:57,972
And... I think its a new
beginning for our relationship.

532
00:34:59,152 --> 00:35:01,955
Anything for you.

533
00:35:01,991 --> 00:35:05,087
This is all part of the new
grown up John Bennett, so

534
00:35:05,122 --> 00:35:08,529
you better get used
to him really...

535
00:35:09,618 --> 00:35:15,015
well... now I don't have to be
at work for another 20 minutes

536
00:35:15,050 --> 00:35:19,269
well thats perfect, cos
im only going to need 1

537
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,910
you know what my favourite
thing about you is?

538
00:35:24,945 --> 00:35:29,628
Even after 4 years, you
can still surprise me

539
00:35:30,852 --> 00:35:34,018
and to step up and change
such a huge part of

540
00:35:34,031 --> 00:35:37,208
your life just to make
your girlfriend happier

541
00:35:37,243 --> 00:35:40,629
I don't know, I guess
most guys wouldnt do that

542
00:35:40,663 --> 00:35:43,575
well most guys don't have
you to motivate them

543
00:35:46,568 --> 00:35:49,891
I know im not a talking
teddybear, but...

544
00:35:50,831 --> 00:35:53,904
at least you don't have to
make a magical wish to get me

545
00:35:53,938 --> 00:35:55,658
how do you know?

546
00:36:08,139 --> 00:36:12,098
Ohh... is that a Flash Gordon ray
gun, or are you just ahppy to see me?

547
00:36:20,090 --> 00:36:24,724
There you go. Thank you very much, please
come again we have a lot more grocerys

548
00:36:31,381 --> 00:36:33,642
hey uhh, hey Ellen - yeah?

549
00:36:33,677 --> 00:36:35,363
Whos that over there?

550
00:36:36,496 --> 00:36:40,014
Oh thats the new check out girl I
don't know her name. Seems cute

551
00:36:40,049 --> 00:36:41,747
yeah. Very cute

552
00:36:41,782 --> 00:36:45,426
you know what id like to do to her?
Something I call a dirty fozzy

553
00:37:19,596 --> 00:37:21,452
ok... alright... so thats
where well draw the line

554
00:37:25,774 --> 00:37:27,872
hey... how you holding up?

555
00:37:27,907 --> 00:37:32,102
Oh im alright, im just getting
used to things thats all.

556
00:37:32,137 --> 00:37:33,703
It's going to be alright.

557
00:37:33,738 --> 00:37:36,752
I actually went through something
like this with my last boyfriend

558
00:37:36,787 --> 00:37:38,497
- really?
- Yeah

559
00:37:38,532 --> 00:37:42,837
we were together for 8 months
and I really loved him

560
00:37:42,872 --> 00:37:47,485
and then he got deported back to Iran,
so I know what your going through

561
00:37:47,519 --> 00:37:52,608
oh yeah. So I guess we both
lost our furry little guy

562
00:37:52,643 --> 00:37:54,329
we sure did

563
00:37:59,095 --> 00:38:02,731
hey ted. Hey Johnny what are you doing?
Wanna come over and catch a buzz?

564
00:38:02,766 --> 00:38:04,916
Well I could probably
stop by after work

565
00:38:04,951 --> 00:38:07,588
fuck that, I traded off yesterday
so I got the other shift

566
00:38:07,623 --> 00:38:10,249
come on, im bored as crap over here.
Just swing by for a bit...

567
00:38:10,284 --> 00:38:12,147
I cant just ditch work man

568
00:38:12,184 --> 00:38:14,759
im trying to get my shit together and be
an adult here you know, for Lori's sake

569
00:38:14,794 --> 00:38:16,886
Johnny, 5 minuites and ill
kick you out, I promise

570
00:38:16,921 --> 00:38:21,450
just come over. I got
the cheers dvd boxset

571
00:38:21,485 --> 00:38:22,928
and the guy down at the
store told me everybody

572
00:38:22,941 --> 00:38:24,394
talks shit about each
other in the inteviews

573
00:38:24,429 --> 00:38:26,792
youll kick me out in 5?

574
00:38:26,827 --> 00:38:28,136
I will kick you out in 5

575
00:38:28,171 --> 00:38:30,406
John, ill have to kick you out.
I have so much

576
00:38:30,419 --> 00:38:32,665
teddybear paperwork to
get through it is sick

577
00:38:32,700 --> 00:38:34,311
what do I tell Thomas?

578
00:38:34,346 --> 00:38:35,790
Just tell him you
don't feel well

579
00:38:35,791 --> 00:38:38,400
I got to cut out for a
bit, Lori tried to break

580
00:38:38,413 --> 00:38:41,033
up a dog fight and guess
she got hurt pretty bad

581
00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:42,190
oh my god

582
00:38:42,225 --> 00:38:45,721
yeah thats the way she is. She sees
trouble and she tries to help out

583
00:38:45,722 --> 00:38:47,826
and I guess one of these
dogs clamped its jaws on her

584
00:38:47,839 --> 00:38:49,953
forearm, and wouldnt let go
untill a fireman showed up

585
00:38:49,988 --> 00:38:51,631
and had to stick a
finger in its ass

586
00:38:52,857 --> 00:38:55,420
oh jesus. Yeah shes
pretty shook up

587
00:38:55,455 --> 00:38:57,568
up the dogs ass right...

588
00:38:57,603 --> 00:38:59,538
yeah the dogs not
the firemans ass

589
00:38:59,573 --> 00:39:01,404
I thought the fireman stuck
his finger up his own ass

590
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,646
I don't think a firefighter
would do that, I mean...

591
00:39:03,681 --> 00:39:05,836
well go go, take care of it, let
me know how she is. Thank you. -Go

592
00:39:10,086 --> 00:39:13,387
woody harrelson... smallest
dick ive ever seen on a man

593
00:39:15,732 --> 00:39:17,536
see, thats why I watch these things.
Its like a

594
00:39:17,549 --> 00:39:19,363
cool behind the scenes thing
that you wouldnt know

595
00:39:20,028 --> 00:39:22,268
oh hey, listen, try this.

596
00:39:22,303 --> 00:39:25,108
I told my weed guy to step
it up, and he gave me that

597
00:39:25,143 --> 00:39:26,217
what is it?

598
00:39:26,218 --> 00:39:29,108
Its called mind rape, its
actually pretty mellow

599
00:39:29,109 --> 00:39:30,318
it doesn't sound very mellow

600
00:39:30,353 --> 00:39:32,316
well he only had 3 other batches

601
00:39:32,351 --> 00:39:35,445
uh, gorilla panic... uh,
there coming there coming

602
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,646
and something called
this is permanent

603
00:39:37,681 --> 00:39:39,013
come on, spark it up

604
00:39:45,310 --> 00:39:47,032
there you go, you got it

605
00:39:48,139 --> 00:39:53,556
ahahaha, nice good huh?
Good job - yeah

606
00:39:54,022 --> 00:39:56,865
take pride in that. You know,
this place looks great

607
00:39:56,900 --> 00:40:00,858
aww thanks man, its all Ikea,
did the whole place for $47

608
00:40:00,893 --> 00:40:03,626
nice... - yeah how
are the neighbours?

609
00:40:04,470 --> 00:40:06,410
Ah, you know, theres an asian
family living next door,

610
00:40:06,423 --> 00:40:08,373
but they don't have a gong or
nothing so its not too bad

611
00:40:08,408 --> 00:40:09,971
thats lucky - yeah it is

612
00:40:10,006 --> 00:40:12,024
- hows work?
- Sucks

613
00:40:12,059 --> 00:40:15,587
you? You know, not bad actually

614
00:40:15,622 --> 00:40:17,277
I met a girl, shes a cashier

615
00:40:17,312 --> 00:40:18,740
no way, thats awesome - yeah

616
00:40:18,775 --> 00:40:21,953
we should fucking double date, you
me and Lori and... whats her name?

617
00:40:21,988 --> 00:40:23,909
White trash name, guess...

618
00:40:23,944 --> 00:40:25,314
- mandy?
- No...

619
00:40:26,227 --> 00:40:29,297
- marilyn?
- No... - brittany? - No...

620
00:40:29,332 --> 00:40:31,407
- tiff any?
- No... - candice? - No...

621
00:40:31,442 --> 00:40:33,262
don't fuck me on this,
I know this shit

622
00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:34,731
do you see me fucking with you?

623
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:36,407
Alright speed round.im gonna
rattle off some names, and

624
00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:38,072
when I hit it, fucking buzz
it ok?- I will tell you

625
00:40:38,107 --> 00:40:39,241
you got me? Alright

626
00:40:39,246 --> 00:40:41,565
brandy, heather, shanine, briana,
amber, sabrina, melody, dekota

627
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,730
ciara, bamby, crystal, samantha, autumn
ruby, taylor, tara, tammy, lauren,

628
00:40:44,765 --> 00:40:48,216
shelly, shantelle, courtney, misty, jenny,
krista, mindy, nowel, shelby, trina,

629
00:40:48,251 --> 00:40:50,575
casandra, nicky, kelsey, shauna,
joleen ilene, claudine,

630
00:40:50,588 --> 00:40:52,922
savanha, casey, dolly kendra,
kyley, chloe, demelu

631
00:40:52,957 --> 00:40:54,281
- fucking becky?
- No.

632
00:40:54,316 --> 00:40:57,639
Was it any one of those
names with a lynn after it?

633
00:40:57,674 --> 00:40:58,684
Yes.

634
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,175
Ohh, I got you motherfuker.
I got you.

635
00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:03,673
- Okay, brandy-lynn, heather-lynn.
- Tammy-lynn.

636
00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:04,776
Fuck!

637
00:41:06,770 --> 00:41:08,724
What the hell.

638
00:41:08,759 --> 00:41:10,790
Hey man, you think you can
open more than 1 register?

639
00:41:10,803 --> 00:41:12,845
Theres like a 1,000 people here

640
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:16,622
theres supposed to be
3 open for gods sakes

641
00:41:30,283 --> 00:41:32,160
stick your finger in
the loop of my tag

642
00:41:33,536 --> 00:41:39,119
you had sexual intercourse ontop of the
produce that we sell to the public

643
00:41:39,154 --> 00:41:41,515
I fucked her with a
parsnip last week...

644
00:41:41,550 --> 00:41:44,902
and I sold the parsnip to a
family with 4 small children

645
00:41:44,937 --> 00:41:47,534
that took guts

646
00:41:47,569 --> 00:41:50,932
we need guts. Im promoting you

647
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:53,452
you got a lot of
problems don't you?

648
00:42:07,611 --> 00:42:08,939
Alright karim

649
00:42:10,059 --> 00:42:11,078
you suck karim

650
00:42:18,646 --> 00:42:19,662
hello...

651
00:42:27,862 --> 00:42:29,374
hey ted

652
00:42:30,597 --> 00:42:33,242
oh, hey there fella
how are you?

653
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,106
Are you out here all alone?

654
00:42:36,141 --> 00:42:38,764
Uhh, no, no im not

655
00:42:38,799 --> 00:42:41,841
you know, your never alone
when your with christ, so...

656
00:42:41,876 --> 00:42:45,004
no im not alone yeah

657
00:42:46,091 --> 00:42:47,256
yeah me too

658
00:42:50,517 --> 00:42:53,284
you know Robert and I could
give you a very good home

659
00:42:53,319 --> 00:42:57,895
you know, im pretty happy where I am
I just got a shitty new apartment

660
00:42:57,931 --> 00:42:59,829
I could offer you $6,000
in rail road bonds

661
00:42:59,864 --> 00:43:04,575
well you know, since I just returned
from active duty in the civil war

662
00:43:04,611 --> 00:43:06,527
that actually sounds
very appealing

663
00:43:06,563 --> 00:43:10,364
oh wait, sorry that was 150 years
ago and I don't give a shit...

664
00:43:10,399 --> 00:43:12,347
ok

665
00:43:14,523 --> 00:43:17,222
teddy come on, were going to be
late for dinner with your friends

666
00:43:17,257 --> 00:43:19,071
ok, ill be there in a
second baby as you can see,

667
00:43:19,106 --> 00:43:22,634
my dance card is quite full
im going to have to decline

668
00:43:22,669 --> 00:43:24,330
can I just get a hug?

669
00:43:25,378 --> 00:43:27,723
Oh, no... - yeah

670
00:43:27,758 --> 00:43:32,113
and it kills me to have to tell you no.
Because im a people pleaser

671
00:43:32,148 --> 00:43:36,521
but, thank you for creeping up my
night and jesus be with you...-ok

672
00:43:36,557 --> 00:43:37,822
in christ

673
00:43:39,159 --> 00:43:40,717
who was that guy?

674
00:43:40,752 --> 00:43:43,711
Oh, that was sinead o'connor,
she don't look so good no more

675
00:43:48,246 --> 00:43:51,453
how great is this huh? The
4 of us out to dinner

676
00:43:51,488 --> 00:43:53,329
how long have we been
saying we were gonna do...

677
00:43:53,365 --> 00:43:56,242
Lori, how you doing? I havent
talked to you in forever

678
00:43:56,277 --> 00:43:57,747
im good

679
00:43:57,782 --> 00:44:01,145
the companys having there 20th
anniversary party next week, so...

680
00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:02,301
thats something.

681
00:44:02,302 --> 00:44:03,333
Lori's a senior vp at a
pretty huge P.R firm

682
00:44:03,368 --> 00:44:06,596
its not that big of a deal

683
00:44:06,597 --> 00:44:09,316
companys turning 20...so you can
bang it, but you cant get it drunk

684
00:44:10,548 --> 00:44:11,824
right...

685
00:44:11,858 --> 00:44:14,657
yeah she gets it she
enjoys my humour

686
00:44:16,153 --> 00:44:18,858
yeah, I mean Rex is having a house
party, im surprised John didn't tell you

687
00:44:19,115 --> 00:44:23,090
considering you two have seen each other
every single day since you moved out

688
00:44:23,126 --> 00:44:26,823
well you know, its funny cos
whenever Johnny and I hang out

689
00:44:26,858 --> 00:44:30,900
the first item on our agenda is...
whats going on with Lori?

690
00:44:30,935 --> 00:44:34,312
So you know its funny that didn't come up.
It musta have slipped through the cracks

691
00:44:34,347 --> 00:44:35,835
we do, we talk about
you all the time

692
00:44:35,870 --> 00:44:39,651
you remember the other day? I was saying
how great Lori's hair always looks

693
00:44:39,686 --> 00:44:43,469
oh my god it always looks so fucking
great I just want to brush it, you know

694
00:44:43,504 --> 00:44:45,503
right Johnny... i say that

695
00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:52,492
So, tammy-lynn. Why don't you tell
us a little bit about yourself

696
00:44:52,526 --> 00:44:55,899
like where you from? Im always
fascinated to meet teds girlfriends

697
00:44:55,934 --> 00:44:59,273
what do you mean girlfriends? Was there
like a lot of them or something?

698
00:44:59,308 --> 00:45:02,919
No... thats not what she meant at all
right Lori?, Lori you didn't mean that

699
00:45:02,954 --> 00:45:06,366
no, no, what I meant to say was
that teds very handsome, so im

700
00:45:06,379 --> 00:45:09,801
always interested in meeting the
lady that can snatch him up

701
00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:12,983
did you just call me a whore?
What?

702
00:45:13,018 --> 00:45:15,821
You just worry about your own
snatch how bout that honey...

703
00:45:15,856 --> 00:45:17,832
wow, hey... what
the hell happened?

704
00:45:17,868 --> 00:45:19,895
We were having a friendly meal.
This was a nice evening

705
00:45:19,930 --> 00:45:21,567
don't talk shit to me

706
00:45:21,602 --> 00:45:22,946
I just asked you a question

707
00:45:22,981 --> 00:45:25,079
you know, your a frickin
snob you think your

708
00:45:25,092 --> 00:45:27,201
all cool cos you work at
some fancy shit place

709
00:45:27,236 --> 00:45:29,486
whatever.-ok take it easy.
Nice Lori, real nice

710
00:45:29,522 --> 00:45:31,883
me... its not my fault
she cant speak english

711
00:45:31,918 --> 00:45:34,335
oh fuck you. Just cos your in
the business world and shit,

712
00:45:34,348 --> 00:45:36,776
you think everyone should suck
your asshole or something?

713
00:45:36,811 --> 00:45:38,895
Ok, alright. Tammy, come on
honey, lets get out of here. Well

714
00:45:38,908 --> 00:45:41,002
go back to my place for a couple
of vodka and strawberry quicks

715
00:45:41,037 --> 00:45:44,810
you know what bitch, I gave birth
once, I can kick your fucking ass

716
00:45:44,846 --> 00:45:47,947
and you better not show your face
around quincy, you hear me? Ever

717
00:45:47,982 --> 00:45:50,428
I didn't know you had
a baby, is it alive?

718
00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:55,903
What a cunt... I hate
that word - what?

719
00:45:55,938 --> 00:45:59,397
That word, its like an electric saw
slashing everything in its path

720
00:45:59,432 --> 00:46:00,469
why would you say that?

721
00:46:00,505 --> 00:46:02,602
You dint exactly
stand up for me...

722
00:46:02,637 --> 00:46:05,729
im trying to walk a line here. I want
to be fair to you and to him, you know

723
00:46:05,765 --> 00:46:07,724
well I think your being a
little more fair to him

724
00:46:07,759 --> 00:46:09,081
oh, come on...

725
00:46:09,116 --> 00:46:12,970
you know your boss called this
morning asking how my arm was

726
00:46:14,059 --> 00:46:18,224
huh...-yeah because of the dog
fight that I tried to break up

727
00:46:19,437 --> 00:46:24,313
if I had to guess, id say you made up
some bullshit excuse to get out of work

728
00:46:24,348 --> 00:46:28,159
to go to teds. Now...
am I right?

729
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:30,987
I made you out to be a hero

730
00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:33,667
you know what John, we asked ted to move
out, to give ourselves a chance without it

731
00:46:33,701 --> 00:46:35,900
your not giving anything
a chance if your blowing

732
00:46:35,913 --> 00:46:38,123
off work to get high
with your teddybear

733
00:46:39,265 --> 00:46:43,599
your right. Ive been getting
stoned too much I know that

734
00:46:43,633 --> 00:46:46,471
ive been bumming around with
ted too much, I know that too

735
00:46:47,754 --> 00:46:50,303
you give me one more chance,
I promise I can fix it

736
00:46:50,338 --> 00:46:54,690
John, I need a man. Not a
little boy with a teddybear

737
00:46:54,725 --> 00:46:57,497
I know, done, man

738
00:46:57,531 --> 00:47:00,723
right here in front of you, look at these pecks...
these are man pecks

739
00:47:00,758 --> 00:47:03,034
look at the hair on my upper lip...
thats man hair

740
00:47:04,210 --> 00:47:06,452
I just farted, that
was a man fart

741
00:47:13,218 --> 00:47:14,758
fine...

742
00:47:14,793 --> 00:47:18,360
fine John, but this is, I
swear to god your last chance

743
00:47:18,395 --> 00:47:21,550
trust me, I love you
alright, I love you

744
00:47:21,585 --> 00:47:23,531
I love you so much. You
wont be sorry I swear

745
00:47:24,692 --> 00:47:26,474
did you really just fart?

746
00:47:26,509 --> 00:47:28,324
Yeah... but I pushed it
that way with my hand

747
00:47:29,341 --> 00:47:30,728
I wonder who its
going to hit first

748
00:47:30,763 --> 00:47:33,170
"so if I told them once, I told them a
million times, these numbers do not add up"

749
00:47:35,314 --> 00:47:37,354
who did this to us?

750
00:47:38,130 --> 00:47:40,931
God damn it, I'm
here on business.

751
00:47:45,684 --> 00:47:46,960
Alright, here we go.

752
00:47:50,715 --> 00:47:53,529
Im really glad that you came.
Me too yeah?

753
00:47:53,564 --> 00:47:55,446
Is it ok if I kick your boss's ass?
I mean that

754
00:47:55,458 --> 00:47:57,350
wont effect your workplace
chemistry will it?

755
00:47:57,384 --> 00:48:00,520
Please play nice for you I will

756
00:48:00,555 --> 00:48:02,206
thank you - anything

757
00:48:04,846 --> 00:48:07,213
there she is... i was
worried you weren't coming

758
00:48:07,247 --> 00:48:09,856
hey there squirt, how you doing?
Wheres your bunny rabbit?

759
00:48:09,892 --> 00:48:12,547
- He's a bear.
- Got it.

760
00:48:12,548 --> 00:48:15,213
Oh my god, this house
is fucking huge...

761
00:48:15,249 --> 00:48:17,609
I know, try not to get lost.
Come on in

762
00:48:29,804 --> 00:48:32,666
wow, here are the ladies.
Look at you guys

763
00:48:32,701 --> 00:48:34,477
you guys look amazing

764
00:48:34,478 --> 00:48:36,231
little heavy on the eye
make up, but pretty good

765
00:48:36,266 --> 00:48:39,722
you guys know Lori and Jim right?
...John

766
00:48:39,757 --> 00:48:41,192
hi

767
00:48:41,228 --> 00:48:45,443
listen, why don't John and I
go get a drink at the bar

768
00:48:46,242 --> 00:48:48,682
uh... sure. Great,
well be right back

769
00:48:48,718 --> 00:48:49,784
come on buddy

770
00:48:50,854 --> 00:48:52,659
thats an old sweater huh

771
00:48:54,500 --> 00:48:56,537
this is Wade Boggs
autographed bat

772
00:48:56,573 --> 00:48:58,998
I just barely outbid phil
donoghue for that at auction

773
00:48:59,034 --> 00:49:01,477
wow cool yeah... cool

774
00:49:01,512 --> 00:49:04,927
these boxing gloves worn by
Joe Lewis in his first fight

775
00:49:05,804 --> 00:49:08,360
this is art, get it?

776
00:49:11,059 --> 00:49:13,953
These were John Lennon's glasses
there worth like a million dollars

777
00:49:13,987 --> 00:49:16,899
thats me and Tom Scarritt

778
00:49:16,935 --> 00:49:18,693
ohh... check this out

779
00:49:20,456 --> 00:49:22,140
thats Lance Armstrong's nut

780
00:49:22,175 --> 00:49:24,401
I had it freeze
dried and bronzed

781
00:49:24,435 --> 00:49:27,966
every now and then, when my
lifes getting me down and

782
00:49:27,979 --> 00:49:31,520
things are tough. I just come
up here, and I look at it

783
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:37,240
and it reminds me that...
things arent so bad

784
00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:40,207
sometimes you feel like a nut

785
00:49:41,276 --> 00:49:42,837
sometimes you don't

786
00:49:44,553 --> 00:49:48,188
so, talk to me Johnny quest, how
are things with you and Lori

787
00:49:48,224 --> 00:49:50,074
you know, things
are great actually

788
00:49:50,108 --> 00:49:51,353
oh thats great that ...is...
great

789
00:49:53,964 --> 00:49:58,908
Lori would hate me for saying this, but
she told me how you are at the office

790
00:49:58,943 --> 00:50:01,571
and as one gentleman to
another, I justwant to say,

791
00:50:01,584 --> 00:50:04,223
I really fucking hope you
get lou gehrig's disease

792
00:50:04,258 --> 00:50:09,041
wow... i think we need to
clear the air here a little

793
00:50:09,077 --> 00:50:12,410
I mean yeah, im kind of a
fun time boss and what not

794
00:50:12,446 --> 00:50:15,087
but look man, I do that with
everybody at the office

795
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:16,238
im a cook

796
00:50:16,275 --> 00:50:20,962
I have no designs on your girlfriend
we work together and thats it

797
00:50:20,997 --> 00:50:24,469
I think you're a great guy.
And shes a very lucky girl

798
00:50:26,513 --> 00:50:29,111
well thats good to hear yeah

799
00:50:31,382 --> 00:50:34,015
excuse me hey ted

800
00:50:34,050 --> 00:50:35,273
Johnny, were are you you
gotta get over here man.

801
00:50:35,285 --> 00:50:36,518
Why whats going on?

802
00:50:36,555 --> 00:50:37,382
Ok, so

803
00:50:37,418 --> 00:50:40,046
im having a little impromptu thing
with some people at my apartment

804
00:50:40,082 --> 00:50:43,800
and John... Sam
Jones is here what!

805
00:50:43,835 --> 00:50:46,714
Sam jones... Flash fucking
Gordon ...is here

806
00:50:46,749 --> 00:50:48,187
holy shit, what

807
00:50:48,223 --> 00:50:50,921
you remember I said my buddys
cousin is friends with sam jones?

808
00:50:50,955 --> 00:50:54,306
Well my buddys cousin is in town,
and who do you think is with him...

809
00:50:54,341 --> 00:50:59,022
Sam Jones... sam jones is here and John,
his hair is parted down the middle.

810
00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:00,951
Just like in the movie.

811
00:51:00,987 --> 00:51:03,486
Yes! Get over here right now.

812
00:51:03,521 --> 00:51:07,418
Fuck I cant, im with Lori
and im already on probation

813
00:51:07,453 --> 00:51:10,120
I just... i cant

814
00:51:10,155 --> 00:51:13,395
John, Flash Gordon was the most
important influence of our

815
00:51:13,408 --> 00:51:16,658
informative years.he taught us
right from wrong, good from evil

816
00:51:16,693 --> 00:51:20,129
and the word acting apparently has
an extremly broad definition.

817
00:51:20,165 --> 00:51:24,749
Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship John.
Come share this with me

818
00:51:26,236 --> 00:51:27,733
I'm coming.

819
00:51:28,866 --> 00:51:32,796
Rex, I gotta go. I'll be back
in like 30 minutes tops ok

820
00:51:32,831 --> 00:51:36,628
Lori can not find out. She
absolutely can not know I was gone

821
00:51:36,662 --> 00:51:39,811
if you can cover for me, im
cool with all that other shit

822
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,257
I got your back on this she
wont know ive been there

823
00:51:42,292 --> 00:51:46,088
alright, this is one man to another I
don't really know you, but im trusting

824
00:51:46,092 --> 00:51:47,634
you as a man. This is serious.

825
00:51:47,670 --> 00:51:51,920
Dude, one man to another,
I got you on this.

826
00:51:51,956 --> 00:51:53,460
Thank you, I'll be back.

827
00:51:54,776 --> 00:51:57,237
I'm going to have sex
with your girlfriend.

828
00:52:38,771 --> 00:52:40,633
Oh Johnny thank
christ, you made it

829
00:52:40,669 --> 00:52:42,199
dude, I got 10 minutes.
Where's Flash Gordon?

830
00:52:42,234 --> 00:52:43,484
Ok get ready

831
00:52:43,519 --> 00:52:45,814
hey sam, this is the guy
I was telling you about

832
00:53:46,830 --> 00:53:48,463
how you doing? Good to meet you

833
00:53:49,665 --> 00:53:52,044
I thank you for
saving everyone of us

834
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:54,965
your welcome ahh,
he acknowledged it

835
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,682
lets do some shits - with you?

836
00:53:56,717 --> 00:53:59,287
Oh my god... oh my god yes.
Yes totally

837
00:53:59,322 --> 00:54:00,515
lets go

838
00:54:03,509 --> 00:54:04,906
thanks.

839
00:54:04,942 --> 00:54:07,322
- There you go my friend.
- Thank you.

840
00:54:07,356 --> 00:54:09,387
"Death to Ming"

841
00:54:13,481 --> 00:54:16,444
you know, you guys seem pretty
cool you like to party?

842
00:54:18,773 --> 00:54:20,936
Uhh... cocaine right?

843
00:54:20,972 --> 00:54:23,862
Come on dudes, don't tell
me you never done it before

844
00:54:23,896 --> 00:54:27,993
well uh, not recently no.-i thought
that was just for people in florida

845
00:54:28,027 --> 00:54:30,083
you better follow me, come on

846
00:54:30,119 --> 00:54:32,257
Johnny im frightened

847
00:54:40,328 --> 00:54:43,620
We are gonna party like the 80's.

848
00:54:43,655 --> 00:54:45,486
show us how Flash

849
00:54:45,523 --> 00:54:49,258
its easy, we just gotta nail a
lot of girls named stephanie.

850
00:54:49,294 --> 00:54:52,692
Oh, my god Johnny I got so much energy.
We better start doing stupid shit.

851
00:55:01,540 --> 00:55:03,204
Look Johnny, if were ever
going to get serious about

852
00:55:03,217 --> 00:55:04,889
opening a restaurant, we
gotta start planning it now.

853
00:55:04,925 --> 00:55:06,465
- Italian...
- Italian yes

854
00:55:06,501 --> 00:55:08,330
whats the specials on tuesdays?
Eggplant parm

855
00:55:08,366 --> 00:55:10,741
chopped salad, half price. And
its a non restrictive place

856
00:55:10,776 --> 00:55:12,837
wait, what do you mean?
Anybody can come.

857
00:55:12,873 --> 00:55:14,273
- Of course.
- Jews are welcome.

858
00:55:14,309 --> 00:55:16,465
Yeah, why wouldnt they be?
Exactly, thats what im saying

859
00:55:16,501 --> 00:55:18,988
why would you even bring that up? You
don't bring that up, you let them in

860
00:55:19,023 --> 00:55:20,501
so why mention it? No one will

861
00:55:20,536 --> 00:55:23,501
why are we talking about it? Your talking
about it, im just saying let them in

862
00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:25,303
yeah exactly, right, good, ok.

863
00:55:25,338 --> 00:55:26,423
No mexicans though.

864
00:55:29,798 --> 00:55:31,620
This is how everyone
sang in the 90's

865
00:55:43,070 --> 00:55:45,156
trust me, I can do this.
Shut up

866
00:55:45,191 --> 00:55:47,195
let him try man - alright, ok

867
00:56:02,267 --> 00:56:03,609
son of a bitch

868
00:56:03,644 --> 00:56:05,946
well you never should have
trusted me, im on drugs

869
00:56:15,037 --> 00:56:18,859
hey Johnny. I just had a great idea lets
go get drunk at cars on the overpass

870
00:56:18,893 --> 00:56:22,691
oh come on, I do not sound
that much like peter griffin.

871
00:56:23,985 --> 00:56:27,516
You can do any 90's
song with just vowels.

872
00:57:12,282 --> 00:57:16,377
You breaker my wall,
dis my home long time.

873
00:57:17,025 --> 00:57:18,490
We're sorry. It was
an accident, okay?

874
00:57:18,491 --> 00:57:21,033
I try to make duck dinner,
now plaster everywhere.

875
00:57:21,034 --> 00:57:22,563
Chill out, okay? Look, can
we just talk about this?

876
00:57:22,576 --> 00:57:24,115
What's your name? I'm John.

877
00:57:24,150 --> 00:57:25,788
My name a Wan Ming.

878
00:57:25,823 --> 00:57:26,701
Ming?

879
00:57:26,702 --> 00:57:31,771
You blame each other for war,
this bullshit, this all bullshit.

880
00:57:31,806 --> 00:57:33,862
"Death to Ming"

881
00:58:01,845 --> 00:58:02,739
let him go

882
00:58:07,456 --> 00:58:09,139
you crazy, you crazy man.

883
00:58:10,003 --> 00:58:11,868
Come on james franco.

884
00:58:14,630 --> 00:58:18,294
You pay for wall. Move sucker!

885
00:58:49,556 --> 00:58:50,663
Hey.

886
00:58:50,698 --> 00:58:52,071
Hey, guy.

887
00:58:52,107 --> 00:58:53,341
Whats going on?

888
00:58:54,387 --> 00:58:57,354
This is Gerrard, hes the
guy who beat me up.

889
00:58:57,390 --> 00:58:59,540
- And ahh... we're in love.
- Huh?

890
00:59:00,730 --> 00:59:03,535
Turns out im gay, or
whatever I don't know

891
00:59:03,570 --> 00:59:05,755
I had no idea

892
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,784
hey Gerrard, lets go grab
another one of these

893
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:16,116
how we doing ace?
You coming down?

894
00:59:16,152 --> 00:59:18,617
Yeah, I don't feel so good

895
00:59:18,652 --> 00:59:21,381
oh give it a couple of hours,
youll be golden pony boy

896
00:59:21,417 --> 00:59:23,175
you want a xanax?

897
00:59:24,770 --> 00:59:26,700
Oh shit, oh my god - what?

898
00:59:26,735 --> 00:59:29,045
I gotta go

899
00:59:36,574 --> 00:59:38,867
Lori, I...

900
00:59:40,328 --> 00:59:41,331
Lori

901
00:59:43,624 --> 00:59:45,804
Lori, wait please

902
00:59:46,910 --> 00:59:50,751
im sorry, I messed up.
- I need you out of the apartment tonight

903
00:59:50,786 --> 00:59:52,611
can I just... Give
me the car keys

904
00:59:52,647 --> 00:59:54,352
can I please just explain... No

905
00:59:54,387 --> 00:59:58,471
I was...-i have givin up a
huge chunk of my life for you

906
00:59:58,506 --> 01:00:00,963
I was gonna stop in for like 5
minutes, then Flash Gordon...

907
01:00:00,997 --> 01:00:02,292
just give me the car keys

908
01:00:13,796 --> 01:00:17,447
Lori Lori please, I
love you, come on

909
01:00:30,642 --> 01:00:32,028
hey johnny, there you are

910
01:00:32,062 --> 01:00:33,537
I had to get some air

911
01:00:33,571 --> 01:00:37,804
that guy from your office is on the couch,
making out with that Van Wilder looking guy

912
01:00:37,838 --> 01:00:39,536
you know what, fuck you, I
don't even want to talk to you

913
01:00:39,570 --> 01:00:43,045
what... Do you know
what just happened?

914
01:00:43,081 --> 01:00:46,117
Do you have any clue? My
fucking life just ended

915
01:00:46,151 --> 01:00:49,391
oh come on, shell go home,
shell watch Bridget Jones

916
01:00:49,404 --> 01:00:52,655
some asshole, shell have a
good cry.she'll be fine.

917
01:00:52,657 --> 01:00:53,797
Youll talk to her
tomorrow come on upstairs

918
01:00:53,832 --> 01:00:56,795
are you even listening to me? Do you
even give any thread of a shit?

919
01:00:56,832 --> 01:01:01,353
Of course I do... Johnny, thunder
buddys for life, remember

920
01:01:01,387 --> 01:01:07,000
jesus, Lori was right.i shoulda stopped
hanging out with you along time ago

921
01:01:07,034 --> 01:01:09,256
im never going to have a
life with you around.

922
01:01:09,269 --> 01:01:11,502
Im 35 years old and
im going nowhere.

923
01:01:11,537 --> 01:01:14,422
All I do is smoke pot and watch
movies with a teddy fucking bear.

924
01:01:14,457 --> 01:01:17,843
Because of that, I just
lost the love of my life

925
01:01:17,879 --> 01:01:21,645
Johnny... i... im sorry

926
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:24,081
I gotta be on my own ted.
I cant see you anymore

927
01:01:25,328 --> 01:01:28,314
John, wait, listen.

928
01:01:29,313 --> 01:01:30,253
"I love you"

929
01:02:30,386 --> 01:02:35,452
so, word through the grapevine
is that your newly solo

930
01:02:35,453 --> 01:02:37,383
Rex, I have a lot of
work I need to get to

931
01:02:37,418 --> 01:02:40,749
I have tickets to norah
jones at the hatshell

932
01:02:40,762 --> 01:02:44,102
tonight, and I would love
it if you'd go with me

933
01:02:44,137 --> 01:02:46,913
You're asking me out a week after
I broke up with somebody?

934
01:02:46,949 --> 01:02:51,160
look, im going to cut
the shit here please

935
01:02:51,196 --> 01:02:56,241
this is the first time you've been single
in all the years you've worked here

936
01:02:56,275 --> 01:02:58,957
just... go out with me one time?

937
01:02:58,993 --> 01:03:02,408
And if your miserable,
and you hate it. Then I

938
01:03:02,421 --> 01:03:05,848
promise, I will never
hint at the subject again

939
01:03:05,882 --> 01:03:09,940
please Rex, I don't
think its smart

940
01:03:09,975 --> 01:03:12,699
im an asshole, I know that. It
worked for me in highschool.

941
01:03:12,712 --> 01:03:15,447
And its been a reflex ever since

942
01:03:15,481 --> 01:03:21,381
Lori, the worst that can happen is you
go on a fun casual date, with a guy

943
01:03:21,416 --> 01:03:25,493
who just wants to prove that he can
be something more than a jerk.

944
01:03:25,528 --> 01:03:30,618
Plus you are a huge catch, and its about
time someone treated you that way

945
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:35,380
fuck it, fine

946
01:03:35,415 --> 01:03:37,854
sure beats crying myself
to sleep every night

947
01:03:37,890 --> 01:03:40,682
and if that means getting you off
my back, well thats just a bonus

948
01:03:40,718 --> 01:03:42,269
I'll pick you up at 8.

949
01:03:49,501 --> 01:03:52,112
Hey Johnny, it's me.

950
01:03:52,146 --> 01:03:54,008
Go away

951
01:03:54,043 --> 01:03:57,281
Johnny open the door
please, I want to talk

952
01:04:06,539 --> 01:04:09,007
jesus christ, what the fuck man

953
01:04:09,042 --> 01:04:11,600
sorry, look Johnny, I
know your pissed alright

954
01:04:11,634 --> 01:04:13,377
but just listen to
me for 5 seconds

955
01:04:13,412 --> 01:04:15,907
I saw Lori leaving the
apartment with Rex

956
01:04:15,941 --> 01:04:16,863
what?

957
01:04:16,898 --> 01:04:19,908
Im serious John. I went over to talk to
her, maybe take some of the heat off you

958
01:04:19,943 --> 01:04:21,562
and there he was, picking her up

959
01:04:21,594 --> 01:04:22,986
they were going to the hatshell

960
01:04:23,021 --> 01:04:25,485
your fucking unbelievable
you know that

961
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:26,860
I mean how stupid
do you think I am?

962
01:04:26,861 --> 01:04:29,042
If you think that by making
shit up like that your going

963
01:04:29,055 --> 01:04:31,245
to make me choose some kind
of loyalty to you over her

964
01:04:31,246 --> 01:04:33,337
your out your fucking mind. John
its the truth im telling you

965
01:04:33,373 --> 01:04:35,328
you know what, get out of here

966
01:04:36,803 --> 01:04:38,296
you know what, your acting
like a cock you know that?

967
01:04:38,331 --> 01:04:41,265
What? Im acting like a cock?

968
01:04:41,299 --> 01:04:43,777
Yes, you are. So shut your meat
hole for a second and listen to me

969
01:04:43,778 --> 01:04:47,079
huh?...meat hole, thats
not right is it... no

970
01:04:47,114 --> 01:04:50,296
pudding hole... is that what
they say, no cant be that either

971
01:04:50,309 --> 01:04:53,502
right.cos how can you have any
pudding, if you don't eat your meat

972
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:57,340
pink floyd thing... the
point is, your blaming

973
01:04:57,353 --> 01:04:59,904
me, for something that
you did to yourself

974
01:04:59,939 --> 01:05:02,659
Lori was right about you.
You cannot take any

975
01:05:02,672 --> 01:05:05,401
responsibility for anything
that goes on in your life

976
01:05:05,435 --> 01:05:06,779
oh and you can?

977
01:05:06,814 --> 01:05:09,033
I don't have to, im
a fucking teddybear

978
01:05:09,069 --> 01:05:12,708
you know something... i didn't tie
you up and drag you to that party

979
01:05:12,742 --> 01:05:15,881
alright, I wanted you to come because
your supposedly my best friend

980
01:05:15,915 --> 01:05:17,407
you cant stand there
and tell me you havent

981
01:05:17,421 --> 01:05:18,922
always seen Lori as a
threat to our friendship

982
01:05:18,957 --> 01:05:20,987
I mean it works out so much
better for you when were

983
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,041
getting fucked up on the
couch at 9A.M doesn't it?

984
01:05:23,076 --> 01:05:26,966
Listen to yourself, what am I, emperor
ming here controlling your mind

985
01:05:27,002 --> 01:05:29,681
That's your choice John.
And you know by blaming

986
01:05:29,694 --> 01:05:32,383
me, you just make yourself
look like a pussy

987
01:05:33,356 --> 01:05:38,114
you know, sometimes I think back to that
christmas morning, when I was 8 years old

988
01:05:38,148 --> 01:05:40,012
I wish id just gotten
a teddy ruxpin

989
01:05:41,025 --> 01:05:42,903
Say that one more time.

990
01:05:42,904 --> 01:05:46,306
teddy... rux... fucking... pin

991
01:06:12,052 --> 01:06:16,382
shit, ou fuck man

992
01:07:03,766 --> 01:07:04,960
fucking stop

993
01:07:16,912 --> 01:07:18,645
why you crying?

994
01:07:18,679 --> 01:07:22,103
My dick is squished by the t.v

995
01:07:31,863 --> 01:07:35,465
im so sorry Johnny so am I man

996
01:07:36,442 --> 01:07:39,363
I love you I love you too

997
01:07:40,419 --> 01:07:41,749
Listen.

998
01:07:41,784 --> 01:07:45,138
you gotta let me help you make
things right with you and Lori

999
01:07:45,174 --> 01:07:47,583
theres no putting things
right, she fucking hates me

1000
01:07:47,618 --> 01:07:52,331
look, john, we can get her back

1001
01:07:52,364 --> 01:07:58,142
you remember when you were 10? And you
hit that squirrel with your bb gun

1002
01:07:58,176 --> 01:08:02,228
and then when we seen it fall from the
tree we both started crying, you remember?

1003
01:08:02,263 --> 01:08:05,845
And we ran up to it, and
we tried to give it CPR

1004
01:08:05,879 --> 01:08:07,849
and it came back to life.

1005
01:08:07,885 --> 01:08:10,801
John, we could do that again

1006
01:08:10,802 --> 01:08:14,674
ted, we blew out its rib cage and crushed
its lungs trying to give it CPR.

1007
01:08:14,707 --> 01:08:16,054
It died.

1008
01:08:17,127 --> 01:08:19,451
Come on, were going
to the hatshell.

1009
01:09:10,466 --> 01:09:13,292
Thanks. We're gonna take a short
break, but well be back in a few.

1010
01:09:21,727 --> 01:09:23,934
Hey, play chopsticks
you jazzy slut.

1011
01:09:23,968 --> 01:09:25,016
Teddy!

1012
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:26,259
How are you?

1013
01:09:26,565 --> 01:09:28,243
How you doing you
fuzzy little asshole?

1014
01:09:28,279 --> 01:09:30,671
Oh you know, I'm not a hot
half muslim chick whos

1015
01:09:30,684 --> 01:09:33,088
sold 37 million records,
but im hanging in there.

1016
01:09:33,122 --> 01:09:35,232
Half indian, but thanks

1017
01:09:35,268 --> 01:09:36,567
yeah whatever, thanks for 9-11.
hey listen, I

1018
01:09:36,580 --> 01:09:37,893
want you to meet a good
pal of mine alright

1019
01:09:37,928 --> 01:09:40,266
John Bennett... norah jones

1020
01:09:41,404 --> 01:09:44,255
hi - hey there... sweaty

1021
01:09:44,290 --> 01:09:47,199
you ready to bring
down the house?

1022
01:09:47,233 --> 01:09:50,663
Yes ma'am. Thank you for the
opportunity miss... ma'am... jones.

1023
01:09:51,735 --> 01:09:52,723
Thank you.

1024
01:09:52,758 --> 01:09:54,031
Jesus, you look fantastic

1025
01:09:54,032 --> 01:09:56,630
well, your probably not used
to seeing me fully clothed

1026
01:09:57,392 --> 01:10:02,362
I know right. Me and norah met in 2002
at a party at belinda carlisle's house

1027
01:10:02,398 --> 01:10:04,853
and we had awkward fuzzy
sex in the cloak room

1028
01:10:04,887 --> 01:10:06,534
actually you wernt so bad
for a guy with no penis

1029
01:10:06,570 --> 01:10:10,198
yeah. You know, ive written so many
angry letters to hasbro about that

1030
01:10:12,477 --> 01:10:13,669
thank you

1031
01:10:13,704 --> 01:10:17,286
so im going to give my chops a rest,
and bring a friend up to the stage

1032
01:10:17,323 --> 01:10:21,512
hes going to sing a song to a special lady
in the audience who he loves very much

1033
01:10:21,547 --> 01:10:24,870
please give a big
hand, to John Bennett

1034
01:10:27,338 --> 01:10:29,617
oh... my god

1035
01:10:30,307 --> 01:10:32,470
holy shit

1036
01:10:35,055 --> 01:10:37,410
I gotta fuck her again

1037
01:10:38,980 --> 01:10:42,823
umm high, my names John bennett

1038
01:10:42,857 --> 01:10:46,614
and this is for Lori
Collins, cos I love you

1039
01:10:48,468 --> 01:10:51,460
and this song always
reminds me of the most

1040
01:10:51,473 --> 01:10:54,479
important night of my life.
The night we met

1041
01:10:55,239 --> 01:10:58,948
umm, this is the theme song
from the movie octopussy

1042
01:11:16,170 --> 01:11:17,834
still better than Katy Perry

1043
01:11:41,484 --> 01:11:43,392
you suck, get off the stage

1044
01:11:43,425 --> 01:11:44,854
aww come on, give him a chance

1045
01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:52,162
your an asshole

1046
01:11:58,436 --> 01:11:59,315
oh jesus

1047
01:12:00,589 --> 01:12:02,388
someone call an ambulance

1048
01:12:12,264 --> 01:12:13,568
that was insane

1049
01:12:13,603 --> 01:12:16,282
did you see the way the guys body hit the ground?
It was like a rag doll

1050
01:12:17,707 --> 01:12:19,682
id rather just not talk about it

1051
01:12:19,718 --> 01:12:21,416
you want to go get a
drink after this?

1052
01:12:21,417 --> 01:12:23,631
I feel like I could use one
after seeing a guy almost die

1053
01:12:23,664 --> 01:12:26,385
uh nope, I think id rather
just have you take me home

1054
01:12:26,419 --> 01:12:29,093
one drink come on

1055
01:12:29,128 --> 01:12:31,119
no, not really feeling up to it

1056
01:12:31,154 --> 01:12:33,037
alright, I get it

1057
01:12:33,071 --> 01:12:35,676
and you know, I don't blame you

1058
01:12:35,711 --> 01:12:40,949
I mean thing about it, it was actually
unfair of him to embarrass you like that

1059
01:12:42,127 --> 01:12:44,842
just to be clear,
im not embarrassed

1060
01:12:44,878 --> 01:12:48,837
so John and I have our problems,
but at least he tried

1061
01:12:50,025 --> 01:12:53,137
you know what, I don't feel
like talking to you about this

1062
01:12:53,172 --> 01:12:55,067
where you going?

1063
01:12:55,101 --> 01:12:57,591
Taking a cab, im going home

1064
01:13:02,683 --> 01:13:03,711
finally

1065
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:18,086
down here, not looking up
your towell, swear to god

1066
01:13:18,121 --> 01:13:20,317
not looking up your towell, not
looking at your funny business

1067
01:13:20,353 --> 01:13:22,165
ted, what are you doing here?

1068
01:13:22,198 --> 01:13:24,355
I need to talk to you

1069
01:13:24,390 --> 01:13:27,013
listen if your here to fight
Johns battles for him its not...

1070
01:13:27,048 --> 01:13:30,367
just let me talk first alright, and
then you can say whatever you want

1071
01:13:34,617 --> 01:13:38,305
look, John loves you very much

1072
01:13:38,340 --> 01:13:40,829
more than anything in the world

1073
01:13:40,830 --> 01:13:43,442
and hes falling to fucking
pieces without you

1074
01:13:43,476 --> 01:13:47,421
he knows he screwed up huge.
But you gotta believe me,

1075
01:13:47,455 --> 01:13:52,497
it wasnt all his fault alright. I told
him to bail on you that night at Rex's

1076
01:13:52,532 --> 01:13:55,572
and he said no, he was going
to stay there with you

1077
01:13:55,608 --> 01:13:57,272
and I twisted his arm Lori

1078
01:13:57,307 --> 01:14:00,540
so if you just give
him one more chance

1079
01:14:00,577 --> 01:14:03,502
I promise I will leave,
and ill never come back

1080
01:14:03,538 --> 01:14:05,578
alright... hell be all yours

1081
01:14:06,650 --> 01:14:11,220
ted, thats a really nice offer.
But I don't want you to do that

1082
01:14:11,255 --> 01:14:15,812
this is between John and me, and
I don't think it can be fixed

1083
01:14:15,847 --> 01:14:17,235
yeah because of me

1084
01:14:17,270 --> 01:14:20,368
look look Lori, you
want him to be a man

1085
01:14:20,403 --> 01:14:23,954
but as long as hes got his teddybear,
hes always going to be a boy

1086
01:14:27,024 --> 01:14:32,661
hes waiting down at Charlies right now, so
if you go down there and just talk to him

1087
01:14:32,698 --> 01:14:35,336
ill be gone when you get back

1088
01:14:36,413 --> 01:14:37,821
forever

1089
01:14:38,982 --> 01:14:43,359
and youll see. Hell never
be scared of thunder again

1090
01:15:28,226 --> 01:15:30,845
michelob ultra tuscan
orange grapefruit

1091
01:15:30,879 --> 01:15:33,665
my god, americas imploding

1092
01:15:42,667 --> 01:15:45,515
high ted fuck!

1093
01:16:04,911 --> 01:16:07,492
Lori... what... hey

1094
01:16:07,528 --> 01:16:08,861
what are you doing here?

1095
01:16:08,862 --> 01:16:10,989
You can thank ted

1096
01:16:15,131 --> 01:16:17,476
should I... should I sit?

1097
01:16:17,509 --> 01:16:20,545
Yeah... if you want - ok

1098
01:16:23,259 --> 01:16:25,470
so works good?
Everythings good there?

1099
01:16:25,505 --> 01:16:27,646
Yeah, works good

1100
01:16:28,737 --> 01:16:32,649
well I guess we cant make
small talk all day huh?

1101
01:16:33,654 --> 01:16:36,945
If its ok with you, I just
want to say what I want to say

1102
01:16:38,575 --> 01:16:40,619
look I could sit here and
tell you im sorry, and

1103
01:16:40,631 --> 01:16:42,686
it was a huge misunderstanding,
im ready to change

1104
01:16:42,722 --> 01:16:46,462
but I don't think you want
to hear any of that crap

1105
01:16:46,499 --> 01:16:51,397
im not going to try and get you to take me back.
I mean, why would you

1106
01:16:51,434 --> 01:16:54,371
ive been a really shitty boyfriend for
the last 4 years, I don't deserve you

1107
01:16:54,407 --> 01:16:59,624
Look, I know I didn't take our
relationship seriously. But Lori,

1108
01:16:59,660 --> 01:17:01,940
I do love you more
than life itself

1109
01:17:01,975 --> 01:17:06,089
and I want is... i just
want to end on good terms

1110
01:17:06,123 --> 01:17:07,988
I owe that to you.

1111
01:17:08,022 --> 01:17:09,968
Alright, I want you to be
happy, you deserve that.

1112
01:17:10,002 --> 01:17:14,798
And I just hope, you know,
that we can still be friends

1113
01:17:16,975 --> 01:17:19,020
Thank you for being so honest.

1114
01:17:21,611 --> 01:17:23,132
That was pretty much it.

1115
01:17:26,292 --> 01:17:27,607
Thanks for coming by.

1116
01:18:03,142 --> 01:18:04,100
Yeah.

1117
01:18:04,133 --> 01:18:08,925
As you can see, youve been a part
of our family for quite some time.

1118
01:18:08,957 --> 01:18:11,965
Welcome home.

1119
01:18:12,002 --> 01:18:15,889
Yeah it's kinda funny, I got a lot
of pictures of you guys at my house

1120
01:18:15,924 --> 01:18:17,886
Is he all mine daddy?

1121
01:18:17,920 --> 01:18:20,545
Yes he is my little
winner, yes he is

1122
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:26,193
ted you've arrived at a lucky time,
its almost Robert's play hour

1123
01:18:26,228 --> 01:18:29,397
im guessing you guys
don't have a ps3

1124
01:18:29,432 --> 01:18:31,624
im guessing your more of a wooden
horse with a wig kinda family

1125
01:18:31,658 --> 01:18:33,473
yeah

1126
01:18:34,153 --> 01:18:35,645
eh yeah, no

1127
01:18:36,582 --> 01:18:37,945
yeah

1128
01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:46,831
yeah see theres a cart

1129
01:18:48,264 --> 01:18:51,414
ted, you belong to Robert now.
You do as he says

1130
01:18:51,450 --> 01:18:53,091
you think your just gonna
get away with a kidnapping?

1131
01:18:53,104 --> 01:18:54,753
Its a nice fucking
example your setting.

1132
01:18:54,788 --> 01:18:57,252
LANGUAGE!...sorry sorry

1133
01:19:03,019 --> 01:19:06,016
you know ted, when
I was a little boy

1134
01:19:07,269 --> 01:19:10,479
I saw you on television,
and I thought you were the

1135
01:19:10,492 --> 01:19:13,709
most amazing most wonderful
thing id ever seen, ever.

1136
01:19:13,746 --> 01:19:20,694
And I asked my dad if I could
have a magical teddybear too

1137
01:19:20,729 --> 01:19:22,088
and he said no

1138
01:19:22,125 --> 01:19:24,632
can you just email me the
rest of this story...

1139
01:19:24,667 --> 01:19:26,708
and I was so heartbroken

1140
01:19:27,799 --> 01:19:31,793
and I promised myself
that if I ever had a

1141
01:19:31,806 --> 01:19:35,809
son, I would never, ever,
ever, say no to him

1142
01:19:37,162 --> 01:19:38,554
ever

1143
01:19:38,587 --> 01:19:42,078
maybe no to a snickers bar every
once and a while wouldn't hurt

1144
01:19:42,115 --> 01:19:44,397
me and ted are going to
be best friends daddy

1145
01:19:44,433 --> 01:19:47,661
yes you are my little chipmunk

1146
01:19:50,800 --> 01:19:53,112
happy playtime

1147
01:19:54,463 --> 01:19:56,816
jesus fucking christ

1148
01:19:56,851 --> 01:19:59,712
I said that word one time

1149
01:19:59,747 --> 01:20:02,186
daddy punished me for it

1150
01:20:02,221 --> 01:20:04,538
thats a great story, I
felt like I was there

1151
01:20:04,572 --> 01:20:06,386
daddy gave me an ouch

1152
01:20:06,421 --> 01:20:09,150
now... i have to
give you an ouch

1153
01:20:13,402 --> 01:20:17,973
alright kid you win, what you want to do?
You want to play a game?

1154
01:20:18,006 --> 01:20:20,054
Its playtime right,
well play a game

1155
01:20:20,090 --> 01:20:21,905
yeah, ill play a game - good

1156
01:20:21,938 --> 01:20:25,924
uh, alright lets see, how about we
play a little game of hide and seek?

1157
01:20:25,960 --> 01:20:28,450
I love hide and seek, ill hide

1158
01:20:28,485 --> 01:20:34,845
now hang on there, your daddy likes you to
show good manners, right Tubby McFatfuck

1159
01:20:34,879 --> 01:20:36,704
ok, you hide first

1160
01:20:36,739 --> 01:20:41,375
great, fantastic. Now, you count to
100 and then you try to find me, ok?

1161
01:20:43,307 --> 01:20:46,557
Do I need to wash my hands
before I play this game?

1162
01:20:47,263 --> 01:20:51,090
No... thats a weird fucking
question, no just start counting

1163
01:20:53,007 --> 01:21:02,291
1...2...3... 4...5...6... 7...

1164
01:21:02,326 --> 01:21:04,418
ok, no peeking now, or
youll get kid cancer

1165
01:21:04,419 --> 01:21:11,840
8...9... 10...11... 12...13...

1166
01:22:31,803 --> 01:22:36,852
- Hey.
- Walking home alone, huh?

1167
01:22:36,853 --> 01:22:38,570
Yeah.

1168
01:22:38,605 --> 01:22:40,662
Do you need a lift?

1169
01:22:40,696 --> 01:22:45,008
Oh im ok, I mean if I get raped, then it
would be my fault for what im wearing

1170
01:22:46,238 --> 01:22:48,442
listen, John

1171
01:22:48,478 --> 01:22:51,675
theres something that I
need to say to you too

1172
01:23:06,531 --> 01:23:10,449
hey, -hey. John, I hope that...

1173
01:23:11,537 --> 01:23:13,450
listen I don't want
you to think that...

1174
01:23:16,124 --> 01:23:17,593
sorry

1175
01:23:18,214 --> 01:23:21,787
I want us to keep talking...
because I think that maybe...

1176
01:23:23,877 --> 01:23:25,062
look, whoever this is,
its not a good time

1177
01:23:25,097 --> 01:23:26,750
John, its me, can you hear me?

1178
01:23:26,783 --> 01:23:29,398
Ted?...listen I
gotta call you back

1179
01:23:29,432 --> 01:23:31,470
nono no, John don't
hang up im in trouble

1180
01:23:31,506 --> 01:23:33,276
what do you mean?
What kind of trouble?

1181
01:23:33,310 --> 01:23:36,546
They got me, that freaky guy
from the park and that kid

1182
01:23:36,582 --> 01:23:38,696
who I think is his son, but may
also be his lover, I don't know

1183
01:23:38,732 --> 01:23:39,965
wow wow wow, slow down.
Where are you?

1184
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:42,638
Uh..im not sure. Its uh...

1185
01:23:44,025 --> 01:23:46,417
hello... hello John...

1186
01:23:47,376 --> 01:23:48,602
hello...

1187
01:23:48,637 --> 01:23:51,312
your not a very
polite guest are you?

1188
01:23:51,346 --> 01:23:55,327
- Shit! - Ted, hello... ted

1189
01:23:55,361 --> 01:23:56,685
whats the matter? Is he ok?

1190
01:23:56,721 --> 01:23:58,779
I don't know - well where is he?

1191
01:23:58,814 --> 01:24:00,651
I don't know, he just
said he was in trouble.

1192
01:24:00,685 --> 01:24:02,677
Can you call him back?

1193
01:24:02,712 --> 01:24:04,210
No it's blocked.

1194
01:24:04,246 --> 01:24:06,540
Wait a second.

1195
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:12,660
Go, take colombus to hylton,
get on the express way.

1196
01:24:16,299 --> 01:24:19,384
Hello, 911. I need the
police right away.

1197
01:24:19,419 --> 01:24:20,910
This guy took my teddybear.

1198
01:24:21,860 --> 01:24:23,596
Hello?

1199
01:24:26,158 --> 01:24:27,714
Let me out of here,
you crazy bastards.

1200
01:24:28,872 --> 01:24:30,854
Oh... oh... i hear the
fat kid running, I

1201
01:24:30,867 --> 01:24:32,859
hear the fat kid running...
that is hilarious

1202
01:24:32,895 --> 01:24:34,212
come on, let me out of here

1203
01:24:34,246 --> 01:24:37,407
I am a citizen of the United Stated
of America, and I have rights

1204
01:24:40,103 --> 01:24:42,018
Robert, seatbelt

1205
01:24:42,053 --> 01:24:44,416
should be right here somewhere

1206
01:24:48,907 --> 01:24:50,179
Johnny

1207
01:24:50,214 --> 01:24:52,878
wow, wow, wow, stop stop
stop thats them, turn around

1208
01:24:59,777 --> 01:25:00,698
stay with them

1209
01:25:08,793 --> 01:25:09,926
hang on

1210
01:25:27,331 --> 01:25:28,806
back off Susan Boyle

1211
01:25:34,638 --> 01:25:36,742
oh my god, hes gonna
jump get closer

1212
01:25:40,620 --> 01:25:42,750
alright, easy... - come on ted

1213
01:25:46,365 --> 01:25:47,883
shit - yes

1214
01:25:47,919 --> 01:25:50,395
hey Johnny, total
T.J Hooker right?

1215
01:25:50,431 --> 01:25:52,032
Yes!, fucking A right!

1216
01:26:01,298 --> 01:26:02,607
Go, go, go.

1217
01:26:14,917 --> 01:26:16,266
Daddy

1218
01:26:19,097 --> 01:26:20,677
lets see how well you
know these streets

1219
01:26:22,117 --> 01:26:23,723
where is he?

1220
01:26:44,543 --> 01:26:45,431
Jesus

1221
01:26:57,866 --> 01:26:58,925
there he is, pullover

1222
01:27:36,441 --> 01:27:40,716
no... you cant have
my teddybear...

1223
01:27:47,333 --> 01:27:49,196
holy shit.

1224
01:27:49,232 --> 01:27:52,359
Sorry, somebody had to go
joan crawford on that kid.

1225
01:27:52,394 --> 01:27:53,781
Come on.

1226
01:27:59,328 --> 01:28:00,294
Ted?

1227
01:28:07,039 --> 01:28:08,358
Oh my god.

1228
01:28:11,603 --> 01:28:13,098
Ahh, shit.

1229
01:28:38,346 --> 01:28:40,827
- Jesus, stay here.
- No, no, no, John.

1230
01:28:40,862 --> 01:28:42,159
- Wait, John.
- Stay here.

1231
01:28:53,366 --> 01:28:54,708
You're mine, Ted.

1232
01:28:54,743 --> 01:28:57,638
Screw you pal, I belong
to John Bennett.

1233
01:28:57,672 --> 01:28:59,993
But I can give you love

1234
01:29:00,027 --> 01:29:03,043
and rocking horses, and dancing

1235
01:29:03,079 --> 01:29:06,202
I think we're very
far apart on this.

1236
01:29:25,811 --> 01:29:28,003
- Ted?
- Johnny.

1237
01:30:16,705 --> 01:30:17,345
Oh, my god.

1238
01:30:17,346 --> 01:30:19,199
Ted.

1239
01:30:20,630 --> 01:30:22,048
John.

1240
01:30:22,084 --> 01:30:24,377
Lori, get the stuffing.
Get it all.

1241
01:30:29,246 --> 01:30:31,153
Johnny...

1242
01:30:31,188 --> 01:30:34,883
your gonna be ok buddy, can you understand?
Your gonna be fine

1243
01:30:34,919 --> 01:30:38,692
jesus, I look like the
robot from Aliens

1244
01:30:38,727 --> 01:30:42,295
look at me buddy. I promise,
your going to be ok

1245
01:30:42,330 --> 01:30:44,817
I don't think so.

1246
01:30:44,850 --> 01:30:49,508
I'm a... I'm... I'm in trouble

1247
01:30:49,543 --> 01:30:52,997
I need... I need to
tell you something.

1248
01:30:53,031 --> 01:30:54,839
What is it?

1249
01:30:56,812 --> 01:30:59,831
Dont... don't ever
lose her again

1250
01:31:00,891 --> 01:31:03,138
shes the most important...

1251
01:31:04,565 --> 01:31:07,884
most important
part of your life

1252
01:31:07,918 --> 01:31:12,396
even... even more than me

1253
01:31:13,659 --> 01:31:15,770
shes your thunder buddy now.

1254
01:31:16,573 --> 01:31:18,549
She's...

1255
01:32:01,470 --> 01:32:02,864
I got it

1256
01:32:19,565 --> 01:32:21,067
baby, I don't know if
this is going to work

1257
01:32:21,069 --> 01:32:22,422
please, just try

1258
01:32:32,598 --> 01:32:33,702
come on buddy

1259
01:33:20,925 --> 01:33:21,808
im so sorry

1260
01:33:23,419 --> 01:33:25,319
you did everything you could

1261
01:33:26,362 --> 01:33:28,360
im so sorry

1262
01:36:03,324 --> 01:36:04,034
Ted.

1263
01:36:04,035 --> 01:36:06,202
- I'm alive Johnny,
- Oh my god.

1264
01:36:06,236 --> 01:36:09,494
Im alive your magic
always worked

1265
01:36:09,529 --> 01:36:11,235
your back, I cant...

1266
01:36:11,270 --> 01:36:13,266
yeah, I mean when you
sawed me up, you put

1267
01:36:13,279 --> 01:36:15,286
some of the stuffing in
the wrong places John

1268
01:36:15,318 --> 01:36:19,483
I'm a little fucked up, but will you
take care of me forever and ever?

1269
01:36:21,917 --> 01:36:23,890
Nah... im just kidding with
you, I thought it would

1270
01:36:23,903 --> 01:36:25,887
be funny if you thought
I was fucking retarded.

1271
01:36:25,922 --> 01:36:28,761
- You asshole.
- Come here you bastard.

1272
01:36:32,417 --> 01:36:33,948
Welcome back ted.

1273
01:36:36,616 --> 01:36:37,966
It was you.

1274
01:36:38,002 --> 01:36:40,482
You did it.

1275
01:36:40,518 --> 01:36:44,231
Son of a bitch. You
wished for my life back.

1276
01:36:44,268 --> 01:36:47,010
No... no no.

1277
01:36:47,046 --> 01:36:48,861
I wished for my life back.

1278
01:37:01,484 --> 01:37:02,839
I love you.

1279
01:37:02,873 --> 01:37:04,208
I love you too.

1280
01:37:05,474 --> 01:37:07,658
And I want you to know that

1281
01:37:08,663 --> 01:37:11,972
after last night, I don't want to lose
anyone that matters to me ever again

1282
01:37:12,010 --> 01:37:14,707
I'm not gonna wait any
longer for my life to start.

1283
01:37:14,742 --> 01:37:17,005
Lori

1284
01:37:17,716 --> 01:37:19,950
will you marry me?

1285
01:37:21,005 --> 01:37:25,717
All I ever wanted was
you John Bennett.

1286
01:37:30,175 --> 01:37:34,669
And so, John and Lori and
ted, lived happily ever after

1287
01:37:34,703 --> 01:37:39,836
having discovered at last, that all
they really needed was each other

1288
01:37:42,363 --> 01:37:48,455
John and Lori were married in Cambridge,
by a very special justice of the peace

1289
01:37:48,490 --> 01:37:51,245
by the power vested in me

1290
01:37:51,278 --> 01:37:54,161
by the New York Jets

1291
01:37:54,196 --> 01:37:58,308
and by the united peoples
of the planet Mongo

1292
01:37:58,342 --> 01:38:02,968
I now pronounce
you, man and wife

1293
01:38:03,003 --> 01:38:05,105
you may kiss the bride Johnny

1294
01:38:28,817 --> 01:38:30,749
thanks so much for coming

1295
01:38:30,784 --> 01:38:34,448
my daughter better be alive
you sick son of a bitch

1296
01:38:35,913 --> 01:38:38,783
I am so fake happy for her.

1297
01:39:06,167 --> 01:39:09,454
Ahh, you know sam, theres only
one way to end a perfect day.

1298
01:39:09,490 --> 01:39:10,657
What's that?

1299
01:39:10,693 --> 01:39:12,073
Flash jump.

1300
01:39:12,108 --> 01:39:13,317
Right.

1301
01:39:13,352 --> 01:39:15,819
1...2... 3.

1302
01:39:15,820 --> 01:39:17,304
Yeah.

1303
01:39:22,735 --> 01:39:26,371
And that's the story of how
one magical wish, forever

1304
01:39:26,384 --> 01:39:30,031
changed the lives of three
very special friends.

1305
01:39:30,067 --> 01:39:35,124
Ted and Tammy-Lynn continued there
torrid love affair for quite some time.

1306
01:39:35,160 --> 01:39:38,884
One afternoon, ted was caught
behind the deli counter,

1307
01:39:38,897 --> 01:39:42,633
eating potato salad off of
Tammy-Lynn's bare bottom.

1308
01:39:42,668 --> 01:39:45,989
He was instantly promoted
to store manager.

1309
01:39:47,051 --> 01:39:51,806
Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood, with
the goal of restarting his film career.

1310
01:39:51,841 --> 01:39:54,836
He currently resides in
burbank where he shares a

1311
01:39:54,849 --> 01:39:57,857
studio apartment with his
room mate brandon routh.

1312
01:39:57,893 --> 01:40:02,185
Remember brandon routh, from
that god aweful superman movie?

1313
01:40:02,220 --> 01:40:06,560
Jesus christ. Thanks for getting our
hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.

1314
01:40:07,846 --> 01:40:12,560
Rex was forced to give
up his pursuit of Lori.

1315
01:40:12,594 --> 01:40:14,731
Not long after, he
fell into a deep

1316
01:40:14,744 --> 01:40:16,892
depression and died of
lou gehrig's disease.

1317
01:40:16,928 --> 01:40:22,173
Donny was arrested by Boston police and
charged with kidnapping a plush toy.

1318
01:40:22,207 --> 01:40:24,710
The charge was dropped
when everyone realised

1319
01:40:24,723 --> 01:40:27,235
how completely
stupid that sounded.

1320
01:40:27,915 --> 01:40:31,339
Robert got a trainer, lost a
substantial amount of weight,

1321
01:40:31,070 --> 01:40:34,035
and went on to become taylor lautner.