1 00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:23,855 ( music playing ) 2 00:00:23,855 --> 00:00:26,087 My name is Warwick Davis. 3 00:00:28,254 --> 00:00:29,855 I'm an actor. 4 00:00:31,354 --> 00:00:32,721 I'm an agent. 5 00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,855 I'm just gonna look at the diary. 6 00:00:34,855 --> 00:00:37,755 And I used to be a lying, conniving, 7 00:00:37,755 --> 00:00:40,021 selfish, little shit. 8 00:00:40,021 --> 00:00:43,154 ( music playing ) 9 00:00:58,454 --> 00:01:00,688 I was not a good person. 10 00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:02,588 ( phone rings ) 11 00:01:02,588 --> 00:01:05,087 Hello. Dwarves For Hire. Warwick Davis speaking. 12 00:01:05,087 --> 00:01:06,955 I used to exploit my clients. 13 00:01:06,955 --> 00:01:08,521 ( laughing, cheering ) 14 00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:13,321 - Breathe normally. - Is it drugs? 15 00:01:13,321 --> 00:01:15,087 No, he's allergic to the paint. 16 00:01:15,087 --> 00:01:17,921 It's toxic. Shouldn't be used on skin. 17 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,721 I used to steal all the best jobs for myself. 18 00:01:21,721 --> 00:01:25,488 Sometimes I even stole acting work from right under their noses. 19 00:01:25,488 --> 00:01:27,521 Do you remember when I came to you a few weeks ago 20 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:31,054 with the information they needed a new Doc in their production of "Snow White"? 21 00:01:31,054 --> 00:01:32,921 Vaguely. 22 00:01:32,921 --> 00:01:34,321 You said as my agent you'd call them. 23 00:01:34,321 --> 00:01:36,654 - And I did. - But the role was gone? 24 00:01:36,654 --> 00:01:38,054 Role was gone, yeah. 25 00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,187 - Who got the part? - Search me. 26 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:43,988 I did. I just found these in your bag. 27 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,888 I was petty and jealous. 28 00:01:47,888 --> 00:01:51,287 Spending way too much time competing with my ex-wife's new boyfriend. 29 00:01:51,287 --> 00:01:52,888 ( air hissing ) 30 00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:56,821 Can you stop letting down the tires of Ian's car, please, Warwick? 31 00:01:56,821 --> 00:01:58,855 ( hissing continues ) 32 00:01:58,855 --> 00:02:02,221 Warwick, I know it's you, so can you just come out now? 33 00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,855 ( hissing stops ) 34 00:02:07,154 --> 00:02:08,421 Hiya. 35 00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:10,454 Were you letting down Ian's tires? 36 00:02:10,454 --> 00:02:12,421 They were going down, yeah. 37 00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:14,788 Was that because you were letting them down? 38 00:02:14,788 --> 00:02:17,054 Yup. 39 00:02:21,721 --> 00:02:25,054 Warwick: I did those things because I wasn't happy... 40 00:02:26,287 --> 00:02:29,988 with my life, my job, 41 00:02:29,988 --> 00:02:33,087 with who I was. 42 00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:36,121 But I'm a changed man now because I'm happy 43 00:02:36,121 --> 00:02:38,087 for the first time in my life. 44 00:02:38,087 --> 00:02:41,187 And that is entirely down to Amy. 45 00:02:45,755 --> 00:02:48,788 We've been living together for three months now 46 00:02:48,788 --> 00:02:50,554 and it's great. 47 00:02:50,554 --> 00:02:53,221 Amy is an amazing woman. 48 00:02:53,221 --> 00:02:55,488 Toast would be great, thanks. 49 00:02:55,488 --> 00:02:57,554 She always says that happiness is self-perpetuating. 50 00:02:57,554 --> 00:03:00,521 So being happy makes you want to be kinder. 51 00:03:00,521 --> 00:03:02,221 And being kind makes you happy. 52 00:03:02,221 --> 00:03:04,755 And that makes you want to be kinder. 53 00:03:04,755 --> 00:03:06,755 Amy taught me that. 54 00:03:06,755 --> 00:03:09,354 All right, I'm off. See you later. Bye. 55 00:03:11,621 --> 00:03:15,021 Warwick: I won't let them do it for that. 56 00:03:15,021 --> 00:03:18,521 If you think you can get a better deal somewhere else, then good luck to you. 57 00:03:18,521 --> 00:03:20,554 - Warwick, we need the money. - Shh. Don't worry. 58 00:03:20,554 --> 00:03:23,287 - No, it's not fair. They need double that. - What are you doing? 59 00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:26,421 No, it's got to be 120. 60 00:03:26,421 --> 00:03:28,521 Each, yes. 61 00:03:28,521 --> 00:03:30,788 Well, have a think and give me a call back in two minutes 62 00:03:30,788 --> 00:03:32,121 'cause they've other offers on the table. 63 00:03:32,121 --> 00:03:34,287 All right, bye. 64 00:03:34,287 --> 00:03:35,855 What other offers? 65 00:03:35,855 --> 00:03:38,421 Well, there are no other offers, but he doesn't know that. 66 00:03:38,421 --> 00:03:41,421 This is negotiating. I'm doing this for you. 67 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,988 - I really need this money. - So do I. 68 00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,287 This'll probably be the only money I earn this month. 69 00:03:45,287 --> 00:03:47,721 Exactly, and that's why you should be paid properly. 70 00:03:47,721 --> 00:03:50,388 ( phone ringing ) 71 00:03:53,588 --> 00:03:55,454 ( whispers ) What is he doing? 72 00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:57,755 Warwick. 73 00:04:00,621 --> 00:04:02,221 Hello? Dwarves For Hire. 74 00:04:02,221 --> 00:04:04,154 Yeah. 75 00:04:06,221 --> 00:04:08,454 Right, okay. Bye. 76 00:04:10,688 --> 00:04:12,755 120 quid each. 77 00:04:12,755 --> 00:04:14,321 Yes! Yes! 78 00:04:16,054 --> 00:04:18,454 Warwick: It must be karma or something 79 00:04:18,454 --> 00:04:21,154 because I've had some exciting news. 80 00:04:21,154 --> 00:04:23,021 Got a call completely out of the blue yesterday 81 00:04:23,021 --> 00:04:26,354 from an old friend who wants to pop by and say hello. 82 00:04:26,354 --> 00:04:29,654 You'll know him from "Top Gun," "Batman Forever." 83 00:04:29,654 --> 00:04:32,821 I know him because we made a little cult movie together 84 00:04:32,821 --> 00:04:34,187 called "Willow." 85 00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:36,621 Mr. Val Kilmer is stopping by. 86 00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:38,454 Is all this yours? 87 00:04:38,454 --> 00:04:40,521 No, no, I just rent a unit here. 88 00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:42,855 I had to downsize recently for efficiency. 89 00:04:42,855 --> 00:04:46,588 - Have you got a secretary? - Yeah. 90 00:04:46,588 --> 00:04:50,154 I've got a routine that I always do and it kills. 91 00:04:50,154 --> 00:04:52,454 - Okay. - All right, just a sec. 92 00:04:52,454 --> 00:04:54,588 ( door opens ) 93 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,021 Little surprise for you here, Cheryl. 94 00:05:04,588 --> 00:05:05,755 Batman. 95 00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:07,421 Yeah, but who is it? 96 00:05:07,421 --> 00:05:09,321 Batman. 97 00:05:09,321 --> 00:05:11,388 Right, but who's behind the mask? 98 00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:12,855 It's not just any person. 99 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,087 It is a person, though. 100 00:05:14,087 --> 00:05:15,955 It's not the real Batman. That's a comic. 101 00:05:15,955 --> 00:05:17,621 Yeah, you're right. 102 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,688 But it's who's under the mask that's the surprise. 103 00:05:19,688 --> 00:05:21,421 It's someone who played Batman in the films. 104 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,654 - What films? - The "Batman" films. 105 00:05:23,654 --> 00:05:25,388 - Have you seen those films? - Yeah. 106 00:05:25,388 --> 00:05:27,988 Good, right. So who is it? 107 00:05:27,988 --> 00:05:29,321 Christian Bale. 108 00:05:29,321 --> 00:05:30,688 No, earlier than that. 109 00:05:30,688 --> 00:05:32,955 - Michael Keaton. - No. 110 00:05:32,955 --> 00:05:35,121 - Is it George Clooney? - No. 111 00:05:35,121 --> 00:05:38,588 - I love George Clooney. - No, it's not George Clooney. 112 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,554 Oh, I wish it was George Clooney. 113 00:05:40,554 --> 00:05:42,855 Well, it isn't. Who else played Batman? 114 00:05:42,855 --> 00:05:44,521 Adam West? 115 00:05:44,521 --> 00:05:46,421 How is it fucking Adam West? He's about 85. 116 00:05:46,421 --> 00:05:49,988 - Guess again. - I've named all the Batmans. 117 00:05:49,988 --> 00:05:52,087 No, you haven't. Who else is there? 118 00:05:52,087 --> 00:05:53,755 Is it the cartoon version? 119 00:05:53,755 --> 00:05:55,721 Don't even know what that means. 120 00:05:55,721 --> 00:05:58,021 - Batman. - Oh, this is embarrassing. 121 00:05:58,021 --> 00:05:59,855 Sorry about this, Val. Oh, I said his name. 122 00:05:59,855 --> 00:06:01,888 So you got Val. Who is it? 123 00:06:01,888 --> 00:06:03,821 Is it Michael Keaton? 124 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,187 Forget it. Take it off. 125 00:06:08,654 --> 00:06:10,721 It's Val Kilmer. 126 00:06:11,654 --> 00:06:13,488 Oh, and you're an actor? 127 00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:19,421 You mentioned on the phone you had a proposition for me. 128 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:22,521 I'm in Los Angeles and I run into Ron Howard. 129 00:06:22,521 --> 00:06:23,921 Oh, the director of "Willow." 130 00:06:23,921 --> 00:06:28,121 Val: And we get to talking and he and I both agreed 131 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,821 it might be the right time to do a sequel to "Willow." 132 00:06:30,821 --> 00:06:32,955 Okay. 133 00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:36,921 At the risk of sounding self-centered here, 134 00:06:36,921 --> 00:06:38,521 is there a place in it for me? 135 00:06:38,521 --> 00:06:41,955 Warwick, you are Willow. We're not gonna do it without you. 136 00:06:41,955 --> 00:06:44,388 And you've spoken to George Lucas? 137 00:06:44,388 --> 00:06:46,688 Yes, everyone's in place. 138 00:06:46,688 --> 00:06:48,388 Okay. 139 00:06:48,388 --> 00:06:51,087 Wow. Sorry, I'm speechless. 140 00:06:51,087 --> 00:06:54,454 I mean, it's something I've been hoping and praying for for such a long time. 141 00:06:54,454 --> 00:06:56,821 Right, and it couldn't happen at a better time. 142 00:06:56,821 --> 00:06:59,488 I've been watching all the hit movies. 143 00:06:59,488 --> 00:07:00,921 "Lord of the Rings," "Harry Potter." 144 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,721 - The fantasy films. - Fantasy films. 145 00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,855 - We started all that. - We started it all, right. 146 00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:06,588 So why not get a piece of what we started? 147 00:07:06,588 --> 00:07:08,388 How far down the road are you with this? 148 00:07:08,388 --> 00:07:12,021 Well, I want to develop it as an independent picture 149 00:07:12,021 --> 00:07:14,688 and present it as a complete package to the studios. 150 00:07:14,688 --> 00:07:17,187 So if you come on now, I can get you on as a producer. 151 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,721 Now, I put in five grand already 152 00:07:18,721 --> 00:07:20,588 to start with development costs and stuff. 153 00:07:20,588 --> 00:07:22,621 So if you give me five grand 154 00:07:22,621 --> 00:07:25,321 just to get things going while I'm here in London... 155 00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:27,788 - Five grand? - Is that a problem for you? 156 00:07:27,788 --> 00:07:30,721 No. Not a problem at all. 157 00:07:30,721 --> 00:07:32,621 No, no, no. And in fact, 158 00:07:32,621 --> 00:07:35,321 I'm seeing my financial team today. 159 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,755 ( music playing ) 160 00:07:53,021 --> 00:07:55,755 Oh. Right. What do you need? 161 00:07:55,755 --> 00:07:57,921 I need to find £5,000. 162 00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:00,821 Five grand? Just had a check through for you for five grand. 163 00:08:00,821 --> 00:08:02,788 - Did you? - Yeah. Oh, no, that's a bill. 164 00:08:02,788 --> 00:08:05,521 ( laughs ) That should be in the out tray. 165 00:08:05,521 --> 00:08:07,588 - In tray. - In tray, yeah. 166 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,988 Just as well you're here. I'll tell you what, 167 00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:13,588 if you were here all the time, I'd make half the mistakes I make. 168 00:08:13,588 --> 00:08:17,388 Good. Right. I need to raise £5,000. 169 00:08:17,388 --> 00:08:19,221 Okay, let's brainstorm. 170 00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:25,654 - Have you seen "Dragon's Den"? - Yeah. 171 00:08:25,654 --> 00:08:27,855 - Go on there. - I'm not going on there. 172 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,654 - No? - No. What else? 173 00:08:29,654 --> 00:08:31,454 That's all I had. 174 00:08:31,454 --> 00:08:33,388 Okay. 175 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:36,688 Actually, you might be on to something there. 176 00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:38,521 Am I? That's a first. 177 00:08:38,521 --> 00:08:42,187 Yeah, maybe I could get money from investors like they do on "Dragon's Den." 178 00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,421 Yeah, there we are. Rent a hall or something. 179 00:08:44,421 --> 00:08:46,254 Get along friends or family, 180 00:08:46,254 --> 00:08:48,488 local businessmen, greengrocers, whatever. 181 00:08:48,488 --> 00:08:50,421 Then do a presentation and beg for money. 182 00:08:50,421 --> 00:08:52,788 - Yeah, yeah, this could work. - Doubt it. 183 00:08:52,788 --> 00:08:54,721 Yeah, have you got anyone on your books you could get along? 184 00:08:54,721 --> 00:08:56,888 - Yeah, I've got people who are looking to invest. - Great. 185 00:08:56,888 --> 00:09:00,221 But as their accountant, I'd have to advise them not to invest in you. 186 00:09:00,221 --> 00:09:03,454 - Why? - Because I'm your accountant. 187 00:09:03,454 --> 00:09:05,488 So if I'm being a good accountant, 188 00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:08,788 I'd have to advise them to not invest in you because of me. 189 00:09:08,788 --> 00:09:11,021 But you're not a good accountant. 190 00:09:11,021 --> 00:09:12,921 Yeah, all right. Fair enough. 191 00:09:12,921 --> 00:09:14,988 I'll get some people along. 192 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,788 ( music playing ) 193 00:09:21,121 --> 00:09:22,388 Warwick: I'm not one of those people 194 00:09:22,388 --> 00:09:24,888 who thinks the world owes me a living. 195 00:09:24,888 --> 00:09:26,788 It's tough out there. It's tough for me. 196 00:09:26,788 --> 00:09:29,421 It's tough for all my clients. 197 00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:31,788 So, you know, I'm not gonna sit here and wait for the phone to ring. 198 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:34,888 I'm gonna create work and look for new opportunities. 199 00:09:37,654 --> 00:09:40,154 Warwick: Thanks for agreeing to meet me. 200 00:09:40,154 --> 00:09:41,955 Before I tell you what it's all about, 201 00:09:41,955 --> 00:09:43,588 can I ask you a question? 202 00:09:43,588 --> 00:09:46,621 Les, are you involved in any particular projects at the moment? 203 00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:48,788 What, TV? Film? 204 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:50,254 Book deals? Live work? 205 00:09:50,254 --> 00:09:51,421 - Yeah. - No. 206 00:09:51,421 --> 00:09:52,888 - What, nothing? - Nope. 207 00:09:52,888 --> 00:09:54,287 Shaun? 208 00:09:54,287 --> 00:09:56,855 Well, I'm not getting offered book deals, live work or TV, 209 00:09:56,855 --> 00:09:58,955 but I don't even feel like I'm not being offered films. 210 00:09:58,955 --> 00:10:00,388 I've never been offered films. 211 00:10:00,388 --> 00:10:02,287 I'm impressed Les thinks he's not being offered films. 212 00:10:02,287 --> 00:10:04,087 I know producers who have told me my name 213 00:10:04,087 --> 00:10:06,187 was mentioned in a meeting but then I wasn't offered the film. 214 00:10:06,187 --> 00:10:07,788 What films weren't you offered? 215 00:10:07,788 --> 00:10:09,821 Loads of films. I wasn't offered a certain 216 00:10:09,821 --> 00:10:11,388 very famous Hugh Grant comedy. 217 00:10:11,388 --> 00:10:13,121 "Four Weddings and a Funeral"? 218 00:10:13,121 --> 00:10:14,988 - I can't say. - Jammy bastard. 219 00:10:14,988 --> 00:10:17,421 Okay, well, so nothing for either of you, then? 220 00:10:17,421 --> 00:10:19,421 - Nope. - Keith? 221 00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:22,955 I used to get offered all the work that Les turned down. 222 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:23,955 Since he's not offered anything... 223 00:10:23,955 --> 00:10:27,021 Neither are you? Okay, yeah, I get it. 224 00:10:27,021 --> 00:10:28,788 I blame your representation. 225 00:10:28,788 --> 00:10:31,421 - Les, who's your agent? - Do you know Bob Denslow? 226 00:10:31,421 --> 00:10:33,388 No, I don't. What agency is he with? 227 00:10:33,388 --> 00:10:36,021 He isn't with an agency. He's a mini-cab driver. 228 00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:37,855 But he keeps his eyes and ears open for me 229 00:10:37,855 --> 00:10:39,421 and he says there's nothing around at the moment. 230 00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:42,554 Shaun, do you have representation? 231 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:43,955 What do I need representation for? 232 00:10:43,955 --> 00:10:45,388 I never get any fucking work. 233 00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:48,087 Sure. Keith, representation? 234 00:10:48,087 --> 00:10:50,254 What's representation? 235 00:10:50,254 --> 00:10:52,388 Okay, then. 236 00:10:52,388 --> 00:10:53,921 Warwick: A lot of younger people watching this 237 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:57,321 or foreigners, probably won't know who these chaps are. 238 00:10:57,321 --> 00:10:59,187 In fact, most people watching this 239 00:10:59,187 --> 00:11:00,654 probably won't know who they are. 240 00:11:00,654 --> 00:11:04,421 But at one time they were big names on TV. 241 00:11:04,421 --> 00:11:06,821 Les Dennis was a comedian and impressionist 242 00:11:06,821 --> 00:11:08,855 who hosted one of our biggest game shows. 243 00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:12,021 Shaun was an actor in our biggest soap opera. 244 00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:15,988 And Keith, he mainly ran around a lot. 245 00:11:15,988 --> 00:11:18,755 - ( music playing ) - ( crowd cheering ) 246 00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:31,121 Individually, you're Z-list celebrities. 247 00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:34,021 But I think three Z-list celebrities together 248 00:11:34,021 --> 00:11:35,354 make up one D-list. 249 00:11:35,354 --> 00:11:37,388 And I think people would pay to see a D-list. 250 00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:39,721 - What you got in mind? - Team the three of you up. 251 00:11:39,721 --> 00:11:41,921 Put together some kind of live show that we can take around 252 00:11:41,921 --> 00:11:43,921 clubs, pubs, student unions, that sort of thing. 253 00:11:43,921 --> 00:11:46,388 - I could sing, I suppose. - I could do "Family Fortunes." 254 00:11:46,388 --> 00:11:49,454 Perfect. Keith, you could do "Cheggers Plays Pop." 255 00:11:49,454 --> 00:11:52,621 - What's that? - That was a TV show you used to do. 256 00:11:52,621 --> 00:11:53,955 I don't remember. 257 00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:55,721 That's when he was drinking. 258 00:11:57,021 --> 00:11:59,187 - Well, you once did a show-- - I did a show? 259 00:11:59,187 --> 00:12:01,221 Yeah, "Cheggers Plays Pop." 260 00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,287 You know they call you Cheggers? 261 00:12:04,287 --> 00:12:05,855 Yeah, it's my nickname. 262 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,921 But my real name's Keith Chegwin. 263 00:12:07,921 --> 00:12:09,321 Yeah, I know. 264 00:12:09,321 --> 00:12:11,054 Do you remember the BBC once gave you 265 00:12:11,054 --> 00:12:12,921 your own TV show called "Cheggers Plays Pop"? 266 00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:15,821 I... yeah. Yeah, I do remember. 267 00:12:15,821 --> 00:12:17,121 Yeah, they gave me my own show. 268 00:12:17,121 --> 00:12:18,888 I went out for a few drinks to celebrate 269 00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:21,654 and didn't stop drinking for 15 years. 270 00:12:21,654 --> 00:12:22,955 Well, there we go. 271 00:12:22,955 --> 00:12:26,287 You could do "Cheggers Plays Pop" onstage. 272 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,721 I could see how this might work, you know. 273 00:12:27,721 --> 00:12:29,588 Definitely. You three are like-- 274 00:12:29,588 --> 00:12:31,154 you're like three legs of a stool. 275 00:12:31,154 --> 00:12:33,654 Separately, you're of no use. No one wants you. 276 00:12:33,654 --> 00:12:36,921 But together we've got something of worth. 277 00:12:36,921 --> 00:12:39,221 United we stand, divided we fall. 278 00:12:39,221 --> 00:12:40,788 - Exactly. - Safety in numbers. 279 00:12:40,788 --> 00:12:43,855 - Yeah. - Two's company, three's a crowd. 280 00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:46,888 - No, that doesn't apply here. - I'm just saying. 281 00:12:46,888 --> 00:12:48,421 I've got you booking in a pub in three weeks 282 00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:50,721 just to test the water. You all in? 283 00:12:50,721 --> 00:12:52,721 - Yeah. - Yeah? 284 00:12:52,721 --> 00:12:55,221 - Keith? - What? 285 00:12:55,221 --> 00:12:57,554 - Are you in? - Are they doing it? 286 00:12:57,554 --> 00:13:00,087 - Yes. - Yeah. 287 00:13:00,087 --> 00:13:02,421 Great. 288 00:13:02,421 --> 00:13:04,421 ( music playing ) 289 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,788 Warwick: Guys, I'll go in and sort everything. You stay in the car 290 00:13:19,788 --> 00:13:21,855 'cause I don't want your fans seeing you before the show. 291 00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:23,388 Probably sneak you in the back way. 292 00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:25,521 That makes sense. 293 00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:28,054 So what time are we going to arrive? 294 00:13:28,054 --> 00:13:29,855 We're here. 295 00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:32,054 Oh, excellent. 296 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:41,488 - We're closed. - You Mike? 297 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,287 Who wants to know? 298 00:13:43,287 --> 00:13:46,287 I'm Warwick. I'm here with the All Star Funtime Roadshow. 299 00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:48,021 - Les Dennis, Keith Chegwin-- - No, I cancelled that. 300 00:13:48,021 --> 00:13:49,788 What do you mean you cancelled it? 301 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,087 Yeah, we tried to sell tickets 302 00:13:51,087 --> 00:13:53,121 but we had to cancel it due to complete lack of interest. 303 00:13:53,121 --> 00:13:56,221 Well, I didn't get that message. Did you call my office? 304 00:13:56,221 --> 00:13:57,688 Yeah, I called last week. I spoke to some bird 305 00:13:57,688 --> 00:13:59,721 called Shirley or Cheryl or something. 306 00:13:59,721 --> 00:14:01,221 Oh, yeah, that explains it. 307 00:14:01,221 --> 00:14:03,221 So you couldn't sell any tickets? 308 00:14:03,221 --> 00:14:04,855 - No. - How much were you charging? 309 00:14:04,855 --> 00:14:06,788 Well, started off at a tenner. 310 00:14:06,788 --> 00:14:10,254 Not a sniff, so we dropped it down to five quid. 311 00:14:10,254 --> 00:14:11,588 - Five quid and still nothing? - No. 312 00:14:11,588 --> 00:14:13,521 Then we tried five quid with a free curry. Still nothing. 313 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:16,755 - How much is a curry normally? - It's normally seven quid. 314 00:14:25,121 --> 00:14:26,721 They're gonna be devastated. 315 00:14:26,721 --> 00:14:28,154 What if they played for free? 316 00:14:28,154 --> 00:14:29,888 Would they play for free? 317 00:14:29,888 --> 00:14:31,755 I could sort something. Would you let them play for free? 318 00:14:31,755 --> 00:14:34,388 ( sighs ) Well, how long do they play for? 319 00:14:34,388 --> 00:14:36,554 - How long do you want? - Short as possible. 320 00:14:36,554 --> 00:14:38,254 All right, then. Deal. 321 00:14:38,254 --> 00:14:40,454 Yeah, go on, deal. You're paying for this. 322 00:14:40,454 --> 00:14:42,087 Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll pay them. 323 00:14:42,087 --> 00:14:44,154 But, please, I don't want them to know I'm paying them. 324 00:14:44,154 --> 00:14:46,721 - Suit yourself. - Okay, I'll get the gear out of the car, then. 325 00:14:46,721 --> 00:14:48,955 Knock yourself out, mate. 326 00:14:52,121 --> 00:14:54,688 ( chattering ) 327 00:15:01,187 --> 00:15:04,087 ( light applause ) 328 00:15:04,087 --> 00:15:06,721 Woman: Aw, look, it's a dwarf. 329 00:15:08,321 --> 00:15:10,254 Warwick: Um, hello, everyone. 330 00:15:10,254 --> 00:15:14,187 Welcome to the Prince of Wales here in beautiful Catford. 331 00:15:14,187 --> 00:15:16,321 You are in for a treat tonight. 332 00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:18,421 Who loves "Family Fortunes"? 333 00:15:18,421 --> 00:15:20,654 ( cheers ) 334 00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:23,588 - Who likes "EastEnders"? - ( cheers ) 335 00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:26,421 Who remembers Keith Chegwin? 336 00:15:26,421 --> 00:15:28,721 ( man coughs ) 337 00:15:28,721 --> 00:15:31,621 Yeah, so now please, ladies and gentlemen, 338 00:15:31,621 --> 00:15:33,121 give it up for 339 00:15:33,121 --> 00:15:36,621 the All Star Funtime Roadshow. 340 00:15:36,621 --> 00:15:38,888 ( music playing ) 341 00:15:46,121 --> 00:15:48,688 Shaun: Here we go. 342 00:15:48,688 --> 00:15:51,654 ♪ Guess who just got back today ♪ 343 00:15:51,654 --> 00:15:54,021 ♪ Them wild-eyed boys that had been away ♪ 344 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:57,087 ♪ Haven't changed, haven't much to say ♪ 345 00:15:57,087 --> 00:15:59,488 ♪ But, man, I still think them cats are crazy... ♪ 346 00:15:59,488 --> 00:16:03,454 - Here's Les Dennis. - ♪ They were asking if you were around ♪ 347 00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:06,855 ♪ How you was, where you could be found ♪ 348 00:16:06,855 --> 00:16:09,488 ♪ Told them you were living downtown ♪ 349 00:16:09,488 --> 00:16:11,988 ♪ Driving all the old men crazy... ♪ 350 00:16:11,988 --> 00:16:14,254 - Cheggers! - ♪ The boys are back in town ♪ 351 00:16:14,254 --> 00:16:15,921 ♪ The boys are back in town. ♪ 352 00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:18,721 I can't believe there's three of them. 353 00:16:18,721 --> 00:16:20,521 - The boys are back! - Hey! 354 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,354 - Hey! - ( applause ) 355 00:16:24,955 --> 00:16:26,588 We're very excited to be here 356 00:16:26,588 --> 00:16:28,321 because they say in our profession, 357 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,688 in the profession of showbiz, there are certain places 358 00:16:30,688 --> 00:16:32,488 you only ever play twice in your career. 359 00:16:32,488 --> 00:16:34,154 You'll play them once on your way up 360 00:16:34,154 --> 00:16:36,388 and you'll play them once on your way back down again. 361 00:16:36,388 --> 00:16:39,654 - So it's great to be back. - ( laughter ) 362 00:16:43,287 --> 00:16:46,821 ( music playing ) 363 00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:48,821 ♪ Cheggers plays pop. ♪ Come on! 364 00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:51,388 - ♪ Cheggers plays pop. ♪ - You got it. 365 00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:53,888 ♪ Cheggers plays pop. ♪ One more! 366 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,354 ♪ Cheggers plays pop. ♪ 367 00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:57,087 All right, time for a musical guest. 368 00:16:57,087 --> 00:17:01,187 Will you please welcome on stage Shaun Williamson? 369 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,888 ( cheering ) 370 00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:05,688 ( whistling ) 371 00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:12,254 Tonight, Keith, I'm going to sing 372 00:17:12,254 --> 00:17:14,121 "I Believe" by Cher. 373 00:17:14,121 --> 00:17:16,121 You're singing "I Believe," 374 00:17:16,121 --> 00:17:19,187 but you're dressed as if you were in the "Turn Back Time" video. 375 00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:22,221 That's because I prefer the song "I Believe" 376 00:17:22,221 --> 00:17:24,788 but the crowd deserved to see the ass. 377 00:17:24,788 --> 00:17:27,321 Crowd: Oh! 378 00:17:29,855 --> 00:17:31,788 Oh, don't do that. 379 00:17:31,788 --> 00:17:34,988 As in all our questions, we surveyed 100 people. 380 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:38,388 So we're looking for things that people shout at me in the street. 381 00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:41,688 We've already got "wanker." We're looking for four others. 382 00:17:41,688 --> 00:17:43,621 Uh, knobhead. 383 00:17:43,621 --> 00:17:46,521 You think knobhead? Let's have a look. 384 00:17:46,521 --> 00:17:50,254 - Yes, it's answer number four. - ( cheering ) 385 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:54,788 ♪ I'm your private dancer ♪ 386 00:17:54,788 --> 00:17:56,755 ♪ A dancer for money ♪ 387 00:17:56,755 --> 00:18:00,454 ♪ Do what you want me to do ♪ 388 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,054 ♪ I'm your private dancer ♪ 389 00:18:03,054 --> 00:18:04,888 ♪ A dancer for money ♪ 390 00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:08,921 ♪ Any old music will do ♪ 391 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,087 ♪ I'm your private dancer ♪ 392 00:18:11,087 --> 00:18:12,988 ♪ I'm a dancer for money ♪ 393 00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:16,221 ♪ I'll do what you want me to do ♪ 394 00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:19,321 ♪ I'm your private dancer ♪ 395 00:18:19,321 --> 00:18:21,187 ♪ A dancer for money ♪ 396 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:25,588 ♪ And any only music will do... ♪ 397 00:18:29,388 --> 00:18:32,254 ( cheering ) 398 00:18:37,154 --> 00:18:39,788 Can I just say you've been absolutely wonderful? 399 00:18:39,788 --> 00:18:41,855 I love you. Thank you very much. Cheers. 400 00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:45,154 You really have. You've made three old men very happy. 401 00:18:45,154 --> 00:18:46,921 So thank you. 402 00:18:46,921 --> 00:18:48,921 Shaun: I, um... 403 00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:51,087 um... 404 00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:52,988 thanks. 405 00:18:52,988 --> 00:18:55,554 - Audience: Aw. - Sorry. 406 00:18:55,554 --> 00:18:57,955 ( applause ) 407 00:19:00,221 --> 00:19:02,688 Thank you. We'll be back. 408 00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:12,254 We asked 100 people who were back and they said us, mates. 409 00:19:12,254 --> 00:19:15,421 - Yeah! - The boys are back! 410 00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,287 Good audience, Warwick. Very good crowd. 411 00:19:17,287 --> 00:19:19,888 - And that was sold out, was it? - Yeah, just a bit. 412 00:19:19,888 --> 00:19:22,287 - How much did we make? - 400 quid. 413 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:23,688 Show me the money. 414 00:19:23,688 --> 00:19:25,554 Les: Hey, we should play bigger venues. 415 00:19:25,554 --> 00:19:28,855 - We should play Wembley. - Yeah, well, one step at a time, eh, Les? 416 00:19:28,855 --> 00:19:31,654 Thanks. Do you reckon we'll get groupies? 417 00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:33,521 I wouldn't make it your main aim. 418 00:19:33,521 --> 00:19:35,454 Oh, thanks, Warwick. Great job, mate. 419 00:19:35,454 --> 00:19:37,287 - Thanks for sorting this out. - Well done. 420 00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:39,554 And this is just the beginning. Onwards and upwards. 421 00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,755 - Group hug. - Come on. 422 00:19:41,755 --> 00:19:44,221 - Come on. - The boys are back. 423 00:19:44,221 --> 00:19:46,755 ( music playing ) 424 00:20:00,087 --> 00:20:01,588 Good turnout. 425 00:20:01,588 --> 00:20:03,621 Right, let's do this. Big me up then bring me out. 426 00:20:03,621 --> 00:20:05,287 All right? Go for it. 427 00:20:08,588 --> 00:20:10,488 Ladies and gentlemen, 428 00:20:10,488 --> 00:20:15,354 you may have seen him in "Return of the Jedi" 429 00:20:15,354 --> 00:20:16,988 or "Leprechaun" 430 00:20:16,988 --> 00:20:19,821 or "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" 431 00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:21,788 or "Harry Potter." 432 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,821 But tonight you will actually see his face 433 00:20:23,821 --> 00:20:25,855 for the very first time. 434 00:20:25,855 --> 00:20:28,788 So when you do see him, don't be alarmed. 435 00:20:28,788 --> 00:20:31,721 He is totally well and meant to look like that. 436 00:20:31,721 --> 00:20:34,554 And you can swear or whatever 437 00:20:34,554 --> 00:20:36,421 'cause he's an adult. 438 00:20:36,421 --> 00:20:39,788 So please welcome to the stage 439 00:20:39,788 --> 00:20:42,121 Warwick Davis. 440 00:20:43,688 --> 00:20:45,354 - Good afternoon. Thank you very much. - ( light applause ) 441 00:20:45,354 --> 00:20:47,654 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. 442 00:20:49,688 --> 00:20:51,955 ( laughs ) Look at him struggling. 443 00:20:51,955 --> 00:20:54,988 Cheryl, microphone. Shh. 444 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:57,688 Thank you. 445 00:20:57,688 --> 00:20:58,988 The year is 1988. 446 00:20:58,988 --> 00:21:02,087 The film everyone's talking about, "Willow." 447 00:21:02,087 --> 00:21:04,421 The fantasy epic from the mind 448 00:21:04,421 --> 00:21:06,721 of "Star Wars" genius George Lucas 449 00:21:06,721 --> 00:21:08,921 directed by Ron Howard. 450 00:21:10,121 --> 00:21:11,755 The film was an enchanting mix 451 00:21:11,755 --> 00:21:14,721 of adventure, magic, romance, and yes, 452 00:21:14,721 --> 00:21:16,821 even a little humor. 453 00:21:16,821 --> 00:21:20,321 So, who here is a fan of "Willow"? 454 00:21:21,721 --> 00:21:23,955 Who here has seen "Willow"? 455 00:21:25,388 --> 00:21:27,554 Yes! Did you like it? 456 00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:31,187 No? He's not a huge fan, but he has seen it. 457 00:21:31,187 --> 00:21:33,721 Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today I'm giving you 458 00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:35,755 the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 459 00:21:35,755 --> 00:21:38,354 to invest in a major motion picture. 460 00:21:38,354 --> 00:21:40,187 "Willow 2." 461 00:21:40,187 --> 00:21:42,721 Let's take a look at the kind of return 462 00:21:42,721 --> 00:21:44,354 you could get on your money. 463 00:21:44,354 --> 00:21:47,154 In 1988, Ron directed me in "Willow." 464 00:21:47,154 --> 00:21:50,654 The film made $57 million domestic. 465 00:21:50,654 --> 00:21:53,788 In 1989, Ron directed "Parenthood." 466 00:21:53,788 --> 00:21:55,388 Cheryl, how much did that make? 467 00:21:55,388 --> 00:21:58,488 126 million. 468 00:21:58,488 --> 00:22:00,521 In 1995, Ron made "Apollo 13." 469 00:22:00,521 --> 00:22:03,087 355 million. 470 00:22:03,087 --> 00:22:06,154 In 2006, Ron made "The Da Vinci Code." 471 00:22:06,154 --> 00:22:08,688 758 million. 472 00:22:08,688 --> 00:22:10,488 So, based on Ron's track record, 473 00:22:10,488 --> 00:22:13,287 "Willow 2" will make over $1 billion. 474 00:22:13,287 --> 00:22:15,921 A billion dollars. 475 00:22:15,921 --> 00:22:18,421 Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you brought your checkbooks. 476 00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:20,388 Thank you. 477 00:22:20,388 --> 00:22:22,321 - Ooh! - ( Cheryl laughing ) 478 00:22:24,988 --> 00:22:27,087 ( mutters ) Oh, for fuck's sake. 479 00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,121 The thing about this project 480 00:22:37,121 --> 00:22:39,221 is we're sort of hitting the ground running with this. 481 00:22:39,221 --> 00:22:42,421 It's an established franchise. A brand, if you like. 482 00:22:42,421 --> 00:22:43,888 Would you like to be in the film? 483 00:22:43,888 --> 00:22:47,921 Because I think you would play a really good wise man 484 00:22:47,921 --> 00:22:50,855 and you would be a really good star. 485 00:22:50,855 --> 00:22:52,187 Yeah, that does sound good. 486 00:22:54,354 --> 00:22:57,454 See that group over there? 487 00:22:57,454 --> 00:22:59,888 I want you to go over there and mingle with them. 488 00:22:59,888 --> 00:23:01,955 Win their confidence, become one of them. 489 00:23:01,955 --> 00:23:04,554 Then I'll come over and do my pitch 490 00:23:04,554 --> 00:23:07,154 and you give me a hard time, all right? 491 00:23:07,154 --> 00:23:09,488 You're a tough-nosed investor like Gordon Gekko 492 00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:10,955 and I'll win you around, okay? 493 00:23:10,955 --> 00:23:13,087 - But don't make it easy for me. - Right, yeah. 494 00:23:13,087 --> 00:23:15,121 I'll make sure they don't know I'm on your side. 495 00:23:15,121 --> 00:23:16,388 - Right? - Right. 496 00:23:17,821 --> 00:23:21,154 Hello. All right? I've nothing to do with Warwick. 497 00:23:22,654 --> 00:23:25,755 I'm very tough. I'm not easily pleased. 498 00:23:25,755 --> 00:23:28,921 So did the presentation make sense to you? 499 00:23:28,921 --> 00:23:32,221 Made sense in as much as you were speaking English. 500 00:23:32,221 --> 00:23:33,888 So are you interested in investing? 501 00:23:33,888 --> 00:23:35,287 Definitely not. 502 00:23:35,287 --> 00:23:38,421 Oh, have you considered my proposal fully? 503 00:23:38,421 --> 00:23:41,688 Let's just imagine this is the "Dragon's Den" and I walk in-- 504 00:23:41,688 --> 00:23:43,354 I'd say I'm out immediately. 505 00:23:43,354 --> 00:23:44,888 ( men laugh ) 506 00:23:44,888 --> 00:23:47,521 You haven't let me finish my presentation. 507 00:23:47,521 --> 00:23:50,688 I walk in and I'd say, "Hi, I'm Warwick Davis." 508 00:23:50,688 --> 00:23:52,221 I'd definitely say I'm out at that point. 509 00:23:52,221 --> 00:23:56,021 ( men laughing ) 510 00:23:56,021 --> 00:23:57,688 You have to let me finish my presentation. 511 00:23:57,688 --> 00:24:00,287 - Let him finish his presentation. - Thank you, Sue. 512 00:24:00,287 --> 00:24:02,254 Okay, okay. 513 00:24:02,254 --> 00:24:04,254 So I'd come in and I'd say, "Hi, I'm Warwick Davis 514 00:24:04,254 --> 00:24:06,454 - the accomplished actor." - Whoa, what do you mean accomplished? 515 00:24:06,454 --> 00:24:08,821 - Have you won awards? - No. 516 00:24:08,821 --> 00:24:10,788 Then you can't say you're an accomplished actor. 517 00:24:10,788 --> 00:24:13,087 You are a hard-nosed investor, aren't you? 518 00:24:13,087 --> 00:24:15,121 Maybe a bit too hard-nosed. 519 00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,688 - Let's see if I can win you around. - I doubt it. 520 00:24:17,688 --> 00:24:19,554 People say I'm like Gordon the Gopher. 521 00:24:19,554 --> 00:24:21,488 - Gekko. - Gordon the Gecko. 522 00:24:21,488 --> 00:24:23,454 - Gordon Gekko. - Him. 523 00:24:23,454 --> 00:24:26,287 So, you're not only investing in me, 524 00:24:26,287 --> 00:24:27,821 Warwick Davis the accomplished actor-- 525 00:24:27,821 --> 00:24:30,721 - Actor. - Actor. 526 00:24:30,721 --> 00:24:32,554 You're investing in a dream. 527 00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:35,821 The dream of a sequel to the much-loved fantasy film "Willow." 528 00:24:35,821 --> 00:24:38,021 - Do you have any questions? - Yes. 529 00:24:38,021 --> 00:24:40,021 When can I say I'm out? 530 00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,788 ( laughing ) 531 00:24:50,021 --> 00:24:52,187 Uh-huh. 532 00:24:52,187 --> 00:24:53,721 No. 533 00:24:53,721 --> 00:24:56,488 No, it's not about that, Ian. 534 00:24:56,488 --> 00:25:00,187 He's got no money at all. 535 00:25:00,187 --> 00:25:03,688 You know? And he's trying to rebuild his career. 536 00:25:03,688 --> 00:25:06,755 Yeah, well, he's trying to be a better person. 537 00:25:08,254 --> 00:25:11,254 I really think we should help him. 538 00:25:11,254 --> 00:25:13,254 Oh, right. 539 00:25:13,254 --> 00:25:15,021 No, that's okay. That's fine. 540 00:25:15,021 --> 00:25:18,154 That's fine. I'll just take it out of my own savings. 541 00:25:18,154 --> 00:25:20,154 Yeah. Bye. 542 00:25:29,888 --> 00:25:31,554 - Oh, hi. - Hi. 543 00:25:31,554 --> 00:25:34,121 - How's it going today? - So-so. 544 00:25:35,454 --> 00:25:38,421 Ian and I want to put in £500. 545 00:25:39,988 --> 00:25:42,721 Well, thank you. That's amazing. 546 00:25:42,721 --> 00:25:45,187 You won't regret this, honestly. 547 00:25:45,187 --> 00:25:46,521 It's fine. 548 00:25:46,521 --> 00:25:49,221 - Thank Ian as well. - I will. 549 00:25:49,221 --> 00:25:51,688 Thank you. Give us a kiss. 550 00:25:52,988 --> 00:25:55,421 - Thank you. - It's okay. 551 00:25:56,921 --> 00:26:00,554 - Warwick: We've raised £4,600 today. - Thank you. 552 00:26:00,554 --> 00:26:03,221 And I've managed to scrape together £400 of my own money. 553 00:26:03,221 --> 00:26:07,454 So that's £5,000 for Val to get "Willow 2" up and running. 554 00:26:07,454 --> 00:26:09,388 Let's make movies. 555 00:26:09,388 --> 00:26:10,788 A movie. 556 00:26:10,788 --> 00:26:13,087 Yeah, and here's some more great news. 557 00:26:13,087 --> 00:26:15,554 In "Willow 1" there were loads of roles for little people. 558 00:26:15,554 --> 00:26:18,855 Spoke to Val, he said the same's gonna be true of "Willow 2," 559 00:26:18,855 --> 00:26:20,554 which means I'll be able to give loads of work 560 00:26:20,554 --> 00:26:22,054 to my clients. 561 00:26:22,054 --> 00:26:24,388 A lot of them have been struggling lately. 562 00:26:24,388 --> 00:26:27,221 So I can't wait to give 'em the good news. 563 00:26:30,955 --> 00:26:32,654 Right, everyone. 564 00:26:32,654 --> 00:26:34,921 What's the best news you could hear today? 565 00:26:36,654 --> 00:26:38,688 No, you know the good news, Cheryl, so put your hand down. 566 00:26:38,688 --> 00:26:40,821 Anyone but Cheryl. What's the best news you could get? 567 00:26:40,821 --> 00:26:43,488 They've lowered the height restrictions on the rides at Alton Towers? 568 00:26:43,488 --> 00:26:46,287 - No. - Have you sent our petition? 569 00:26:46,287 --> 00:26:48,121 Yeah, I have, but that's not the news. 570 00:26:48,121 --> 00:26:50,521 Anyone else? What's the best news you could get? 571 00:26:50,521 --> 00:26:52,421 No, you know the news, Cheryl. Put your hand down. 572 00:26:52,421 --> 00:26:54,454 Come on. Pete, what's the best news you could get? 573 00:26:54,454 --> 00:26:55,755 They've invented time travel. 574 00:26:55,755 --> 00:26:58,287 - What? - Have they invented time travel? 575 00:26:58,287 --> 00:27:00,021 We could go back and see all the dinosaurs. 576 00:27:00,021 --> 00:27:02,755 That would be good news, but it's not that. 577 00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:04,955 I don't think that you're gonna get it. 578 00:27:04,955 --> 00:27:08,488 Oh, go on, then, Cheryl. Tell them the good news. 579 00:27:08,488 --> 00:27:11,588 Is it that they can clone pets now? 580 00:27:11,588 --> 00:27:13,221 What? 581 00:27:13,221 --> 00:27:14,888 Can they clone pets? 582 00:27:14,888 --> 00:27:16,788 So when you take your pet to the vet and you go, 583 00:27:16,788 --> 00:27:18,688 "Oh, it's really sick. It's dying," 584 00:27:18,688 --> 00:27:21,354 and you say, "Oh, I love Mr. Cuddles. 585 00:27:21,354 --> 00:27:23,421 That was the best pet I ever had. 586 00:27:23,421 --> 00:27:26,021 I'm never gonna have a pet like him." 587 00:27:26,021 --> 00:27:28,221 And then the vet goes, "Oh, yes, you will. 588 00:27:28,221 --> 00:27:31,321 I've made another one. Look, here's an exact copy." 589 00:27:33,154 --> 00:27:34,988 No. 590 00:27:34,988 --> 00:27:38,121 They can't clone pets now. That's not the good news. 591 00:27:38,121 --> 00:27:39,688 And you knew what the good news was. 592 00:27:39,688 --> 00:27:43,888 Nope, the good news is we're making a sequel to "Willow." 593 00:27:45,788 --> 00:27:47,621 You're still thinking about time travel, aren't you? 594 00:27:47,621 --> 00:27:49,821 - Yeah, that'd be amazing. - Yeah, it would be. 595 00:27:49,821 --> 00:27:52,588 But this is amazing, too, because as one of the producers, 596 00:27:52,588 --> 00:27:56,087 I can make sure there are loads of roles in it for you guys. 597 00:27:56,087 --> 00:27:59,421 Hey, hey. Now you're excited. 598 00:27:59,421 --> 00:28:00,821 And no one guessed it. 599 00:28:00,821 --> 00:28:03,321 Even those who already knew it didn't guess it. 600 00:28:11,388 --> 00:28:13,121 Warwick: After an obvious shaky start 601 00:28:13,121 --> 00:28:15,321 with me having to pay the lads out of my own money, 602 00:28:15,321 --> 00:28:17,488 word is now spreading and I'm getting them gigs 603 00:28:17,488 --> 00:28:20,187 at rugby clubs, student unions, a few corporates. 604 00:28:20,187 --> 00:28:22,354 And we're actually selling tickets now. 605 00:28:22,354 --> 00:28:24,254 Let me call you when I get back to the office 606 00:28:24,254 --> 00:28:26,788 and then we'll get something booked in. 607 00:28:28,855 --> 00:28:31,421 - ( cheering ) - Oh, yes! 608 00:28:31,421 --> 00:28:33,121 Have a goodie bag. 609 00:28:34,521 --> 00:28:36,621 Yes, it's the top answer. 610 00:28:36,621 --> 00:28:38,888 You're playing big money. 611 00:28:43,588 --> 00:28:45,654 Warwick: Here we are, 129. 612 00:28:45,654 --> 00:28:48,221 Our junior executive family room. 613 00:28:48,221 --> 00:28:50,421 - I like this. - Oh, that's comfy. 614 00:28:50,421 --> 00:28:52,821 - What? - Free biscuits. 615 00:28:52,821 --> 00:28:55,221 Are they free? Sometimes they sting you for those. 616 00:28:55,221 --> 00:28:57,087 Do they? I'll get onto it. 617 00:28:57,087 --> 00:29:00,588 Hello. These biscuits in the room, are they free? 618 00:29:00,588 --> 00:29:02,988 They are. 619 00:29:02,988 --> 00:29:04,855 Yes! Good. 620 00:29:04,855 --> 00:29:07,187 Yeah, my life's going pretty well at the moment. 621 00:29:07,187 --> 00:29:08,988 I mean, overall, my life's shit. 622 00:29:08,988 --> 00:29:13,121 It started off badly and I'm pretty sure it's gonna end badly. 623 00:29:13,121 --> 00:29:15,855 But certainly at the moment I'm on an absolute high. 624 00:29:15,855 --> 00:29:18,021 ♪ Picture this, we were both butt naked ♪ 625 00:29:18,021 --> 00:29:20,321 ♪ Banging on the bathroom floor ♪ 626 00:29:20,321 --> 00:29:25,121 ♪ How could I forget that I had given her an extra key? ♪ 627 00:29:25,121 --> 00:29:27,955 ♪ All the time she was standing there ♪ 628 00:29:27,955 --> 00:29:30,121 ♪ She didn't take her eyes off me ♪ 629 00:29:30,121 --> 00:29:32,721 ♪ To be a true player you have to learn how to play ♪ 630 00:29:32,721 --> 00:29:35,621 ♪ She say a night, convince her it's a day ♪ 631 00:29:35,621 --> 00:29:37,788 ♪ Never admit to a word that she say ♪ 632 00:29:37,788 --> 00:29:40,287 ♪ And if she claiming you, tell her, baby, no way ♪ 633 00:29:40,287 --> 00:29:43,221 ♪ But she caught me on the counter ♪ 634 00:29:43,221 --> 00:29:45,621 - ♪ It wasn't me ♪ - ♪ Caught me banging on the sofa ♪ 635 00:29:45,621 --> 00:29:48,221 - ♪ It wasn't me ♪ - ♪ Even caught me in the shower ♪ 636 00:29:48,221 --> 00:29:50,855 - ♪ It wasn't me ♪ - ♪ Even had it on camera... ♪ 637 00:29:50,855 --> 00:29:53,254 ( music playing ) 638 00:30:02,287 --> 00:30:06,788 Les: Yes, yes! Have an air guitar. Fantastic. 639 00:30:06,788 --> 00:30:09,921 ( yelling ) ...it's the top answer! 640 00:30:11,187 --> 00:30:13,287 Les: Well played! 641 00:30:13,287 --> 00:30:15,454 Warwick: Yeah, I'm pretty exhausted at the moment, working 24/7. 642 00:30:15,454 --> 00:30:18,521 But I don't think you can enjoy success 643 00:30:18,521 --> 00:30:20,955 unless you've worked for it. 644 00:30:23,388 --> 00:30:25,755 - Got everything you need? - Yup. 645 00:30:25,755 --> 00:30:28,021 All right, then. I'll see you in the morning for breakfast. 646 00:30:28,021 --> 00:30:29,621 - Yeah. - That's free, too. 647 00:30:29,621 --> 00:30:31,788 - ( laughs ) - Night, Warwick. 648 00:30:31,788 --> 00:30:34,187 - Night. - Night. 649 00:30:34,187 --> 00:30:36,721 - ( yawns ) - ( door closes ) 650 00:30:40,521 --> 00:30:42,554 Not while I'm reading. 651 00:30:42,554 --> 00:30:44,755 ( dog barking ) 652 00:30:59,588 --> 00:31:02,021 ( sighs ) 653 00:31:05,821 --> 00:31:08,087 - ( yelps ) - ( screams ) 654 00:31:08,087 --> 00:31:10,021 What are you doing? 655 00:31:10,021 --> 00:31:12,388 Amy: Why are you sleeping in the car? 656 00:31:12,388 --> 00:31:13,521 Warwick: It saves the boys money. 657 00:31:13,521 --> 00:31:16,254 Everything we spend comes out of their income. 658 00:31:16,254 --> 00:31:18,788 If they get a room, you should get a room. 659 00:31:18,788 --> 00:31:20,254 You're being too generous. 660 00:31:20,254 --> 00:31:21,721 It's not generosity. 661 00:31:21,721 --> 00:31:24,388 Saving the money now, but if I can get them in bigger venues 662 00:31:24,388 --> 00:31:27,721 or back on the TV, then we start seeing the big money 663 00:31:27,721 --> 00:31:29,054 and that's when I get paid back. 664 00:31:29,054 --> 00:31:31,654 Okay, I'm sure you know what you're doing. 665 00:31:41,388 --> 00:31:42,755 Adam West? 666 00:31:42,755 --> 00:31:44,755 No. Adam West is about 85. 667 00:31:44,755 --> 00:31:46,955 I don't know. We've had them all, haven't we? 668 00:31:46,955 --> 00:31:49,388 We've had George Clooney. 669 00:31:49,388 --> 00:31:51,287 Christian Bale. 670 00:31:51,287 --> 00:31:54,021 Michael Keaton. I don't know who else was in "Batman." 671 00:31:54,021 --> 00:31:55,988 Take it off, Val. 672 00:31:57,654 --> 00:31:59,254 - Ha. - Warwick: It's Val Kilmer. 673 00:31:59,254 --> 00:32:00,988 - See? - Oh, yeah. 674 00:32:00,988 --> 00:32:03,521 - Ha, I got you. - Yes, you did. 675 00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:06,254 - It's my trick. - Yeah. 676 00:32:06,254 --> 00:32:08,855 No one ever gets it. 677 00:32:08,855 --> 00:32:10,988 Good to see you. 678 00:32:10,988 --> 00:32:13,988 So we-- we're kind of a little bit pressed for time. 679 00:32:13,988 --> 00:32:15,955 - Yeah. - So what can we do for you? 680 00:32:15,955 --> 00:32:17,454 It's what we can do for you guys. 681 00:32:17,454 --> 00:32:20,154 Val and I are putting together "Willow 2" 682 00:32:20,154 --> 00:32:23,454 and we'd like to invite you to come aboard as producers. 683 00:32:24,588 --> 00:32:26,588 I've already raised £5,000. 684 00:32:26,588 --> 00:32:29,254 Right. And what do you want from us? 685 00:32:29,254 --> 00:32:31,021 - Well, another 5,000. - Yeah. 686 00:32:31,021 --> 00:32:33,221 - Ricky: Okay. Right. - For development. 687 00:32:33,221 --> 00:32:35,654 - What would that be for? - Development costs. 688 00:32:35,654 --> 00:32:37,187 Yeah, I know, 689 00:32:37,187 --> 00:32:40,087 but what are those costs at this stage? 690 00:32:41,121 --> 00:32:43,421 - Writers. - Right. 691 00:32:43,421 --> 00:32:45,154 I'm staying at the Dorchester. 692 00:32:45,154 --> 00:32:47,121 That's gonna get to be expensive. 693 00:32:47,121 --> 00:32:49,187 If you eat and drink like I intend to, 694 00:32:49,187 --> 00:32:51,154 that's gonna be 50 grand right there. 695 00:32:51,154 --> 00:32:53,554 I mean, if you don't think I can drain a mini bar 696 00:32:53,554 --> 00:32:56,621 and have it restocked and do it all again the next night, 697 00:32:56,621 --> 00:32:58,755 than you're a bigger fool than I thought you were. 698 00:33:01,421 --> 00:33:03,421 Oh, okay. 699 00:33:03,421 --> 00:33:06,254 Um... okay. 700 00:33:06,254 --> 00:33:09,821 Do you mind if we have a quick word with Warwick alone? 701 00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:11,654 No, sure. 702 00:33:11,654 --> 00:33:14,121 Take all the time you need. 703 00:33:14,121 --> 00:33:17,454 Are you gonna finish that tiramisu? 704 00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:19,154 No, take it. 705 00:33:19,154 --> 00:33:20,588 - Yeah? - Go for it. 706 00:33:20,588 --> 00:33:22,688 - Cool. - All right. 707 00:33:22,688 --> 00:33:24,454 Waste not, want not. 708 00:33:24,454 --> 00:33:28,354 Listen, I know I've pestered you guys a bit in the past. 709 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:31,421 - Go on. - This is a real opportunity for me. 710 00:33:31,421 --> 00:33:34,521 And a real investment opportunity for you guys as well. 711 00:33:34,521 --> 00:33:36,521 Ron Howard and George Lucas are attached. 712 00:33:36,521 --> 00:33:38,354 See, that's what I don't understand, Warwick. 713 00:33:38,354 --> 00:33:40,921 If those guys are onboard, why are you scrubbing around 714 00:33:40,921 --> 00:33:43,454 trying to raise a few grand 715 00:33:43,454 --> 00:33:45,588 from friends and relatives or whatever? 716 00:33:45,588 --> 00:33:48,454 They must have that sort of money lying around in drawers. 717 00:33:48,454 --> 00:33:49,788 Stephen: Yeah, I mean, have you spoken to them? 718 00:33:49,788 --> 00:33:51,221 Do you know if this is actually happening? 719 00:33:51,221 --> 00:33:54,454 - Well, I-- - 'Cause Val just seems a little bit... 720 00:33:54,454 --> 00:33:55,855 flighty. 721 00:33:55,855 --> 00:33:58,454 - Val: Think. - Christian Bale. 722 00:33:58,454 --> 00:34:00,321 Don't you people go to the movies? 723 00:34:04,721 --> 00:34:07,688 ( music playing ) 724 00:34:13,388 --> 00:34:16,221 ( singing scales ) 725 00:34:18,588 --> 00:34:20,454 Warwick: Big night for us tonight. 726 00:34:20,454 --> 00:34:22,855 I've managed to persuade Paul Jacobs 727 00:34:22,855 --> 00:34:23,955 to come down to tonight's show. 728 00:34:23,955 --> 00:34:27,221 Now, Paul is the commissioning editor for ITV2. 729 00:34:27,221 --> 00:34:30,154 So he's got the power to say yay or nay 730 00:34:30,154 --> 00:34:31,888 to putting the lads back on TV, 731 00:34:31,888 --> 00:34:33,554 which would be massive for us. 732 00:34:33,554 --> 00:34:35,721 Hi, Paul. 733 00:34:35,721 --> 00:34:37,221 - Hi there. - Hi. 734 00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:39,121 Thanks for coming down. 735 00:34:39,121 --> 00:34:41,354 - Can I get you a drink? - No, I'm all right. Thanks. 736 00:34:42,855 --> 00:34:44,421 Hope you enjoy the show. 737 00:34:44,421 --> 00:34:45,988 Yeah, so do I. 738 00:34:48,287 --> 00:34:50,955 - See you afterwards, then? - Yeah, maybe. 739 00:34:54,321 --> 00:34:55,955 Come on. 740 00:34:55,955 --> 00:34:57,287 Warwick: I told the lads he's in. 741 00:34:57,287 --> 00:34:59,821 Don't know whether that was a good idea or not. 742 00:34:59,821 --> 00:35:01,955 But I do need them to be on their A game 743 00:35:01,955 --> 00:35:04,788 because, if I'm honest, 744 00:35:04,788 --> 00:35:06,821 probably the last bite of the cherry for them. 745 00:35:06,821 --> 00:35:08,521 And for me as well. 746 00:35:08,521 --> 00:35:11,454 All right, chaps, everything's set. 747 00:35:11,454 --> 00:35:12,821 The audience is in. 748 00:35:12,821 --> 00:35:15,054 - I'm really nervous. - ( laughs ) 749 00:35:15,054 --> 00:35:17,821 - I feel sick. - What are you worried about? 750 00:35:17,821 --> 00:35:20,154 You're all professionals, aren't you? 751 00:35:20,154 --> 00:35:21,721 So just get out there and do your thing. 752 00:35:21,721 --> 00:35:22,855 - Yeah. - I'm good. 753 00:35:22,855 --> 00:35:24,755 - Showtime. - Cheers, Warwick. 754 00:35:24,755 --> 00:35:25,988 - Break your legs. - Thanks, Warwick. 755 00:35:25,988 --> 00:35:27,721 You have a chance to steal. 756 00:35:27,721 --> 00:35:29,621 We're looking for a man you'd go gay for. 757 00:35:29,621 --> 00:35:32,054 - Chris? - Johnny Depp. 758 00:35:32,054 --> 00:35:34,421 Crowd: Ooh! 759 00:35:34,421 --> 00:35:37,087 Les: Yeah, okay, Shane? 760 00:35:37,087 --> 00:35:39,488 - Brad Pitt? - ( laughing ) 761 00:35:39,488 --> 00:35:42,054 I think we've already had Brad Pitt. 762 00:35:42,054 --> 00:35:43,521 Do you know the rules of the game? 763 00:35:43,521 --> 00:35:47,021 - I like Brad Pitt. - ( laughing ) 764 00:35:47,021 --> 00:35:51,955 Les: So he's gonna get shagged twice then, basically? 765 00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:58,688 ( exhales ) 766 00:36:00,021 --> 00:36:02,421 ♪ I'm your private dancer ♪ 767 00:36:02,421 --> 00:36:04,521 ♪ A dancer for money ♪ 768 00:36:04,521 --> 00:36:08,421 ♪ Any old music will do ♪ 769 00:36:10,955 --> 00:36:12,721 ♪ Dancer for money ♪ 770 00:36:12,721 --> 00:36:16,521 ♪ And any old music will do... ♪ 771 00:36:16,521 --> 00:36:19,154 ( applause ) 772 00:36:24,421 --> 00:36:27,187 ( audience laughing ) 773 00:36:31,654 --> 00:36:34,087 You've got to have respect for the older generation, don't you, Shaun? 774 00:36:34,087 --> 00:36:35,955 - Totally agree. - They won the war for us. 775 00:36:35,955 --> 00:36:38,554 - Definitely. - Let's have a cheer for the older generation. 776 00:36:38,554 --> 00:36:40,488 - Hip hip... - Replacement. 777 00:36:40,488 --> 00:36:43,121 ( laughing ) 778 00:36:43,121 --> 00:36:44,755 Shaun: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's now that time. 779 00:36:44,755 --> 00:36:46,454 We'd like to invite you to take part 780 00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:49,087 in the iconic game of "Cheggers Plays Pop." 781 00:36:49,087 --> 00:36:52,054 So, would you like to welcome back to the stage 782 00:36:52,054 --> 00:36:53,588 the fabulous, the one and only, 783 00:36:53,588 --> 00:36:55,654 Mr. Keith Chegwin. 784 00:36:55,654 --> 00:36:58,421 - ( cheering ) - ( music playing ) 785 00:36:58,421 --> 00:37:01,221 ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 786 00:37:01,221 --> 00:37:04,488 Come on. ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 787 00:37:04,488 --> 00:37:06,021 ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 788 00:37:06,021 --> 00:37:08,154 - ( laughing ) - ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 789 00:37:08,154 --> 00:37:10,888 - Sing it with me. - ♪ Cheggers plays cock ♪ 790 00:37:10,888 --> 00:37:13,187 - ( music stops ) - ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 791 00:37:13,187 --> 00:37:16,087 ♪ Cock, cock, Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 792 00:37:16,087 --> 00:37:18,354 ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ Look at that. 793 00:37:18,354 --> 00:37:20,254 ( laughing ) 794 00:37:20,254 --> 00:37:22,287 ♪ Cheggers plays cock, cock, cock. ♪ 795 00:37:22,287 --> 00:37:24,454 Sing it. Sing it with me. 796 00:37:24,454 --> 00:37:27,421 - Come on, only you. - ♪ Cheggers plays cock. ♪ 797 00:37:30,988 --> 00:37:33,054 Keith: Hey, you fancy me, don't you? 798 00:37:33,054 --> 00:37:35,421 What the fuck was that? 799 00:37:35,421 --> 00:37:37,054 I panicked 'cause the TV man was in. 800 00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:39,721 He was in. I don't imagine he is now. 801 00:37:39,721 --> 00:37:41,521 I'm sorry. 802 00:37:41,521 --> 00:37:43,287 Just can't believe you got your cock out. 803 00:37:43,287 --> 00:37:45,054 That's route one. 804 00:37:45,054 --> 00:37:46,554 It's so inane. 805 00:37:46,554 --> 00:37:48,588 - This is a classy show. - What were you thinking? 806 00:37:48,588 --> 00:37:50,755 It's what I do. It's what I am. 807 00:37:50,755 --> 00:37:52,354 You can sing, 808 00:37:52,354 --> 00:37:54,621 you do impressions-- an impression. 809 00:37:54,621 --> 00:37:57,921 But what can I do? 810 00:37:57,921 --> 00:38:01,121 I'm just a loudmouthed, alcoholic Scouser 811 00:38:01,121 --> 00:38:02,988 with a squeaky voice. 812 00:38:02,988 --> 00:38:05,588 And in Liverpool, that's not even considered weird. 813 00:38:05,588 --> 00:38:08,921 This was our last fucking chance and you blew it. 814 00:38:08,921 --> 00:38:10,421 ( knocking ) 815 00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:12,254 - Hello? - It's Paul. 816 00:38:13,721 --> 00:38:16,788 ( laughing ) 817 00:38:16,788 --> 00:38:20,354 You're mad. You are absolutely mad. 818 00:38:20,354 --> 00:38:22,554 I just loved the cock out, mate. 819 00:38:22,554 --> 00:38:24,688 I loved the cock out. It's fucking brilliant. 820 00:38:24,688 --> 00:38:26,621 It's incredible. We've got to get you on ITV2. 821 00:38:26,621 --> 00:38:28,921 I can see-- oh, God, talk about a Twitter trend. 822 00:38:28,921 --> 00:38:31,454 Hashtag-- "Cheggers Plays Cock." 823 00:38:31,454 --> 00:38:33,821 ( laughs ) It's gonna be huge. 824 00:38:33,821 --> 00:38:36,388 First time my cock's ever been huge. 825 00:38:36,388 --> 00:38:38,321 Yeah, that's it. That's it. 826 00:38:38,321 --> 00:38:40,554 Just more of that. More of that stuff. 827 00:38:40,554 --> 00:38:42,955 Oh, man, I love it. I love the show. 828 00:38:42,955 --> 00:38:44,354 It's naughty, it's irreverent. 829 00:38:44,354 --> 00:38:46,454 I love the way you taking the piss out of, you know, 830 00:38:46,454 --> 00:38:49,654 rubbish old-fashioned singing, these terrible lame jokes. 831 00:38:49,654 --> 00:38:51,588 It's just so ironic. 832 00:38:51,588 --> 00:38:54,187 But, Keith, man, dude, 833 00:38:54,187 --> 00:38:55,888 it's got to be center stage for you. 834 00:38:55,888 --> 00:38:58,755 - Yeah? - No, no, the show's really the three of us. 835 00:38:58,755 --> 00:39:00,554 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, Keith, Keith, 836 00:39:00,554 --> 00:39:03,221 when you got the cock out, it just stole the show. 837 00:39:03,221 --> 00:39:04,221 You know, it was the show. 838 00:39:04,221 --> 00:39:06,388 I just want to see you on television. 839 00:39:06,388 --> 00:39:09,321 I want to see you online. I can see you going viral. 840 00:39:09,321 --> 00:39:10,988 I've still got the penicillin from last time. 841 00:39:10,988 --> 00:39:13,254 ( laughs ) Yeah, you are funny. 842 00:39:13,254 --> 00:39:15,855 That's not really a joke. 843 00:39:15,855 --> 00:39:18,621 It's so shit it's good. Don't know how you do it. 844 00:39:18,621 --> 00:39:20,621 - He's a genius. - He is. He is. 845 00:39:20,621 --> 00:39:23,755 I mean, it's shit, but it's genius in a weird way. 846 00:39:23,755 --> 00:39:25,888 Yeah, it's good. We'll talk, yeah? 847 00:39:25,888 --> 00:39:28,021 - Good. Thank you very much. - Yeah. 848 00:39:28,021 --> 00:39:30,154 Cheers. 849 00:39:30,154 --> 00:39:33,121 ( door closes ) 850 00:39:38,454 --> 00:39:40,321 Warwick: Just as we get a chance at TV, 851 00:39:40,321 --> 00:39:43,021 the boys had a little clash of egos. 852 00:39:43,021 --> 00:39:45,287 Seems to be some jealousy over who's center stage. 853 00:39:45,287 --> 00:39:47,988 Which is why I've brought in my spiritual counselor 854 00:39:47,988 --> 00:39:49,554 Bryan Medici. 855 00:39:52,421 --> 00:39:55,021 I'm here to say to the lads, 856 00:39:55,021 --> 00:39:56,654 "Look, you got a good thing going here. 857 00:39:56,654 --> 00:39:59,855 Don't ruin it because of petty squabbles." 858 00:39:59,855 --> 00:40:03,388 This is a safe environment 859 00:40:03,388 --> 00:40:06,621 where we can share our gripes and grievances, 860 00:40:06,621 --> 00:40:09,788 clear the air, and move on. 861 00:40:09,788 --> 00:40:13,087 Shaun, what bothers you about Les? 862 00:40:15,388 --> 00:40:17,621 I hate how me and Keith have to cover up 863 00:40:17,621 --> 00:40:19,488 all the mirrors in every hotel room with towels 864 00:40:19,488 --> 00:40:23,187 because Les can't stand to see his own reflection. 865 00:40:23,187 --> 00:40:25,388 - Why does that bother you? - 'Cause I need a mirror. 866 00:40:25,388 --> 00:40:27,054 I've got to check on my hair transplant 867 00:40:27,054 --> 00:40:29,621 to make sure it hasn't died or withered or receded. 868 00:40:29,621 --> 00:40:31,855 I don't want them "islands," 'cause it's a dead giveaway. 869 00:40:31,855 --> 00:40:33,888 It is a giveaway. 870 00:40:35,154 --> 00:40:36,788 Les, what do you got to say about that? 871 00:40:36,788 --> 00:40:40,021 I've told them, when I leave the room 872 00:40:40,021 --> 00:40:41,521 they can pull the towel back from the mirror 873 00:40:41,521 --> 00:40:43,354 and look at themselves then. 874 00:40:43,354 --> 00:40:45,121 I don't always want to wait until you leave the room. 875 00:40:45,121 --> 00:40:47,855 Oi, calm down. 876 00:40:49,421 --> 00:40:51,988 Les, why don't you like looking at yourself? 877 00:40:51,988 --> 00:40:55,421 When I look at myself I see my eyes. 878 00:40:55,421 --> 00:40:57,988 And they're the eyes of a child. 879 00:40:57,988 --> 00:41:00,354 An innocent child. 880 00:41:00,354 --> 00:41:03,354 But they're trapped in this withered body 881 00:41:03,354 --> 00:41:06,755 that has seen so much and knows the ugly truth of the world. 882 00:41:06,755 --> 00:41:09,154 And I feel sad. 883 00:41:09,154 --> 00:41:11,254 Les. Les. 884 00:41:11,254 --> 00:41:13,988 Your withered, little body 885 00:41:13,988 --> 00:41:16,287 is not something to be sad about 886 00:41:16,287 --> 00:41:20,221 because there is such wisdom within. 887 00:41:20,221 --> 00:41:21,855 - It's like Yoda. - Yes. 888 00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:25,154 Thank you, Warwick, yes. You're like Yoda. 889 00:41:25,154 --> 00:41:27,788 A wrinkled, little thing. 890 00:41:27,788 --> 00:41:29,554 Childlike, 891 00:41:29,554 --> 00:41:32,521 but old and wise. 892 00:41:32,521 --> 00:41:35,421 Everybody loves Yoda. 893 00:41:35,421 --> 00:41:38,554 And when Yoda says, "Knowledge have I," 894 00:41:38,554 --> 00:41:43,054 people don't go, "Oh, shut your stupid, useless, little head 895 00:41:43,054 --> 00:41:46,454 or I'll kick you over, you Scouse little fucker." 896 00:41:47,688 --> 00:41:49,454 They say, "Thank you, Yoda, 897 00:41:49,454 --> 00:41:51,588 you wise thing." 898 00:41:51,588 --> 00:41:53,488 If you take one of my classes 899 00:41:53,488 --> 00:41:55,421 and you look at what I'm doing 900 00:41:55,421 --> 00:41:58,154 and you pull apart my exercises 901 00:41:58,154 --> 00:42:01,755 and you go, "Oh, does any of this work? 902 00:42:01,755 --> 00:42:03,454 Does any of it achieve anything?" 903 00:42:03,454 --> 00:42:05,287 I'd say no. 904 00:42:05,287 --> 00:42:07,121 It doesn't. 905 00:42:07,121 --> 00:42:08,855 But it does. 906 00:42:10,154 --> 00:42:13,054 Now, Les, what bothers you about Keith? 907 00:42:14,421 --> 00:42:17,254 When I'm with Keith and we pass an open window 908 00:42:17,254 --> 00:42:19,021 I sometimes get the feeling 909 00:42:19,021 --> 00:42:20,888 that he might try and throw himself out 910 00:42:20,888 --> 00:42:22,921 and deliberately land on a mother and her child. 911 00:42:22,921 --> 00:42:26,755 Thanks very much for that, Les, because I told you that in absolute confidence. 912 00:42:26,755 --> 00:42:28,588 Bryan: Keith, Keith. 913 00:42:28,588 --> 00:42:31,821 Do you sometimes have thoughts like this? 914 00:42:31,821 --> 00:42:34,788 Yeah, but that's one of the nicer thoughts I have. 915 00:42:34,788 --> 00:42:37,855 'Cause when I go quiet, 916 00:42:37,855 --> 00:42:40,388 you don't want to know what I'm thinking. 917 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:48,354 And, Keith, what bothers you about Shaun? 918 00:42:48,354 --> 00:42:51,054 I hate the way he tries to rule our lives. 919 00:42:51,054 --> 00:42:53,654 He's like a bloody mother hen. 920 00:42:53,654 --> 00:42:55,788 "Oh, Keith, Keith, you've eaten nothing 921 00:42:55,788 --> 00:42:58,054 but crisps all day." I know. 922 00:42:58,054 --> 00:43:01,121 "Oh, Keith, there's a piss stain on your trousers." I know. 923 00:43:01,121 --> 00:43:02,788 You know what I see? 924 00:43:02,788 --> 00:43:05,855 I see three people that love each other 925 00:43:05,855 --> 00:43:08,921 very, very much. 926 00:43:08,921 --> 00:43:10,888 Because if you didn't, you wouldn't care so much. 927 00:43:10,888 --> 00:43:13,087 - Am I right? - That is true, Keith. 928 00:43:13,087 --> 00:43:15,855 I mean, there's not many people like Shaun 929 00:43:15,855 --> 00:43:18,121 who'd be prepared to stand with a hair dryer 930 00:43:18,121 --> 00:43:20,154 over your crotch for half an hour 931 00:43:20,154 --> 00:43:21,388 before you have to go to a funeral. 932 00:43:21,388 --> 00:43:23,421 Yeah. Yeah, I supposed you're right. 933 00:43:23,421 --> 00:43:25,988 - Why'd it take half an hour? - Wasn't drying. 934 00:43:25,988 --> 00:43:28,921 'Cause I was pissing while he was drying. 935 00:43:28,921 --> 00:43:30,621 'Cause he was annoying me. 936 00:43:30,621 --> 00:43:33,654 Every time he thought it was dry I topped it off a bit. 937 00:43:36,521 --> 00:43:39,988 If you talk to me about science, I'll slap you. 938 00:43:39,988 --> 00:43:41,521 And we're jumping. 939 00:43:41,521 --> 00:43:44,955 If you talk to me about atheism, agnosticism, 940 00:43:44,955 --> 00:43:47,554 hatred, I'll kick you in the balls 941 00:43:47,554 --> 00:43:49,588 and you can get straight out of my class. 942 00:43:49,588 --> 00:43:51,921 I'll take your cash, but you're gone. 943 00:43:55,855 --> 00:43:57,788 What do you see? 944 00:43:57,788 --> 00:44:00,688 ( squeals ) Don't really know. 945 00:44:00,688 --> 00:44:02,788 - ( laughing ) - He's back! 946 00:44:02,788 --> 00:44:06,054 Bryan: But if you come to see me, if you trust me, 947 00:44:06,054 --> 00:44:09,788 I will take all that bad stuff, 948 00:44:09,788 --> 00:44:11,955 and I'll suck it out of you. 949 00:44:11,955 --> 00:44:14,187 Your filth. 950 00:44:14,187 --> 00:44:16,221 Then you can look at it and you can go, 951 00:44:16,221 --> 00:44:20,855 "Oh, dear. I was a real nasty little shit. 952 00:44:20,855 --> 00:44:23,287 And I met Brian Medici 953 00:44:23,287 --> 00:44:25,855 walking on water." 954 00:44:25,855 --> 00:44:28,054 Everyone, together. Warwick, get in. 955 00:44:28,054 --> 00:44:30,855 - Come on, Warwick. - Hey, get in. 956 00:44:30,855 --> 00:44:32,488 - How do we feel, kids? - Good. 957 00:44:32,488 --> 00:44:34,488 - Good? Shaun? - Excellent. 958 00:44:39,755 --> 00:44:41,654 ( grunting ) 959 00:44:44,087 --> 00:44:46,021 Warwick: So I've been doing some digging around 960 00:44:46,021 --> 00:44:49,154 and I managed to get through to Ron Howard on the phone. 961 00:44:49,154 --> 00:44:51,521 His assistant must have taken her eye off the ball there. 962 00:44:51,521 --> 00:44:53,187 To be fair, I called from a pay phone 963 00:44:53,187 --> 00:44:55,821 so she wouldn't recognize my number and she picked up. 964 00:44:55,821 --> 00:44:58,221 Hello? Hello, is that Ron Howard's office? 965 00:44:58,221 --> 00:45:01,287 Yeah, it's Warwick Davis. Ha! 966 00:45:01,287 --> 00:45:04,521 Anyway, I spoke to Ron and he said 967 00:45:04,521 --> 00:45:06,488 he hadn't heard anything about "Willow 2." 968 00:45:06,488 --> 00:45:10,488 In fact, he said he wouldn't work with me or Val ever again. 969 00:45:10,488 --> 00:45:12,788 Which makes sense because I remember him saying that 970 00:45:12,788 --> 00:45:14,287 after the first "Willow." 971 00:45:25,621 --> 00:45:27,821 Hey, Warwick. 972 00:45:27,821 --> 00:45:30,321 - Come on in. - Thank you. 973 00:45:30,321 --> 00:45:32,321 Look at this. Spaghetti Bolognese. 974 00:45:32,321 --> 00:45:33,888 Real posh now. 975 00:45:33,888 --> 00:45:35,755 You know wine? 976 00:45:35,755 --> 00:45:38,421 - I don't, no. - Look at this. 977 00:45:38,421 --> 00:45:39,855 Most expensive on the menu. 978 00:45:39,855 --> 00:45:41,354 ( chuckles ) 979 00:45:41,354 --> 00:45:43,154 Nice. 980 00:45:43,154 --> 00:45:45,588 Uh, listen, Val, 981 00:45:45,588 --> 00:45:48,021 we're friends 982 00:45:48,021 --> 00:45:49,421 so I don't really know how to broach this, 983 00:45:49,421 --> 00:45:52,988 but is "Willow 2" happening? 984 00:45:54,688 --> 00:45:56,788 Okay, let's... 985 00:45:59,454 --> 00:46:02,087 come back to that. What's your next question? 986 00:46:02,087 --> 00:46:04,354 Is "Willow 2" something that might get made? 987 00:46:04,354 --> 00:46:06,454 - Thank you. - ( beeps ) 988 00:46:06,454 --> 00:46:09,021 Request from Warwick Davis re: "Willow 2." 989 00:46:09,021 --> 00:46:11,921 Find out, colon, is it happening? 990 00:46:11,921 --> 00:46:15,654 Are you actually in talks with George Lucas? 991 00:46:15,654 --> 00:46:17,321 Wait. Who are you talking to? 992 00:46:17,321 --> 00:46:19,755 To you. 993 00:46:19,755 --> 00:46:21,921 Okay, there's a lot going on here. 994 00:46:21,921 --> 00:46:25,654 There's words going into the Dictaphone 995 00:46:25,654 --> 00:46:27,788 and then you're saying a lot of names. 996 00:46:27,788 --> 00:46:30,721 Please, just try to focus, Willow. 997 00:46:30,721 --> 00:46:32,621 One question at a time. 998 00:46:32,621 --> 00:46:36,354 You told me that you'd been in talks with George Lucas. 999 00:46:36,354 --> 00:46:38,087 Let's not focus on the past. 1000 00:46:38,087 --> 00:46:41,254 You keep doing that. Let's talk about the future. 1001 00:46:41,254 --> 00:46:43,388 Have you spoken to George? 1002 00:46:43,388 --> 00:46:46,254 In the future, yes, I will. 1003 00:46:47,821 --> 00:46:50,688 You led me to believe that Ron Howard was attached. 1004 00:46:50,688 --> 00:46:55,221 Well, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. 1005 00:46:56,654 --> 00:46:59,087 You gave me the impression from what you said 1006 00:46:59,087 --> 00:47:00,788 that George and Ron were both onboard. 1007 00:47:00,788 --> 00:47:03,388 Was I wrong to take that impression from you? 1008 00:47:03,388 --> 00:47:05,054 Well, in the sense that they were involved you were, 1009 00:47:05,054 --> 00:47:06,187 but not in the sense that I said it. 1010 00:47:06,187 --> 00:47:08,121 I did say that. Absolutely true. 1011 00:47:08,121 --> 00:47:10,054 Well, you said it, but there's no truth to it. 1012 00:47:10,054 --> 00:47:11,488 Should I be held accountable 1013 00:47:11,488 --> 00:47:13,955 for every single thing I say as if it's the truth? 1014 00:47:13,955 --> 00:47:15,688 Because I am an actor. 1015 00:47:15,688 --> 00:47:18,287 So most of the things I say-- 1016 00:47:18,287 --> 00:47:20,187 made up. 1017 00:47:20,187 --> 00:47:22,688 Clear your mind. Close your eyes. 1018 00:47:22,688 --> 00:47:24,454 Look at me. 1019 00:47:24,454 --> 00:47:27,354 What is reality? What is fantasy? 1020 00:47:27,354 --> 00:47:29,821 'Cause "Willow 2" is a fantasy. 1021 00:47:29,821 --> 00:47:31,321 It's a fantasy film. 1022 00:47:31,321 --> 00:47:34,121 Is us making "Willow 2" a reality? 1023 00:47:34,121 --> 00:47:36,154 Hmm, I shouldn't think so. 1024 00:47:36,154 --> 00:47:38,021 "Willow" the original wasn't that good. 1025 00:47:38,021 --> 00:47:39,821 What was all that stuff about development money? 1026 00:47:39,821 --> 00:47:41,221 What were you hoping to do? 1027 00:47:41,221 --> 00:47:43,621 Uh, embezzle it. Yeah. 1028 00:47:43,621 --> 00:47:46,154 And get away scott free. But you've scuttled that, haven't you? 1029 00:47:46,154 --> 00:47:48,955 Can I have the £5,000 back I gave you? 1030 00:47:48,955 --> 00:47:51,154 No, you may not, steamy. I spent it. 1031 00:47:51,154 --> 00:47:52,755 On what? 1032 00:47:52,755 --> 00:47:55,788 Frittered away on nonsense mostly. 1033 00:47:55,788 --> 00:47:59,988 I'm having a Batbelt made that costs £900. 1034 00:47:59,988 --> 00:48:02,321 It's got all these new pockets. 1035 00:48:02,321 --> 00:48:03,955 It's got a pocket for the iPad, 1036 00:48:03,955 --> 00:48:06,454 pocket for the iPhone. I can get a pocket for you. 1037 00:48:06,454 --> 00:48:08,688 - When you're ready, sir. - Good. Thank you. 1038 00:48:08,688 --> 00:48:11,521 - Um, oh... - Is there a problem? 1039 00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:13,821 No, I-- do you know who I am? 1040 00:48:13,821 --> 00:48:15,888 - Uh... - Val Kilmer. 1041 00:48:15,888 --> 00:48:17,821 - Yes, sir. Yeah. - See this watch? 1042 00:48:19,287 --> 00:48:22,221 It's worth thousands of dollars as far as you know. 1043 00:48:22,221 --> 00:48:25,121 What do you say we take it off my wrist, 1044 00:48:25,121 --> 00:48:27,087 you put it on your wrist, we tear up the bill? 1045 00:48:27,087 --> 00:48:29,521 I can't accept your watch, sir, no. 1046 00:48:29,521 --> 00:48:31,121 - No? - No. 1047 00:48:31,121 --> 00:48:34,154 So you want cash? Good. I'm just going to... 1048 00:48:34,154 --> 00:48:37,788 go out to my car and get my wallet, okay? 1049 00:48:37,788 --> 00:48:39,354 Okay. 1050 00:49:00,421 --> 00:49:03,054 - He's not coming back. - What? 1051 00:49:03,054 --> 00:49:05,821 He's not coming back. Val Kilmer's done a runner and we've both fallen for it. 1052 00:49:05,821 --> 00:49:07,821 - Well, then you're gonna have to-- - Pay the bill, yeah. 1053 00:49:07,821 --> 00:49:09,554 - Yeah. - Of course I am. 1054 00:49:09,554 --> 00:49:11,354 Didn't even eat anything. 1055 00:49:25,488 --> 00:49:27,988 To cut a long story short, it was a con. 1056 00:49:27,988 --> 00:49:30,588 So can you tell Ian I'll pay you both back as soon as I can? 1057 00:49:30,588 --> 00:49:33,588 It wasn't Ian's money. It was mine. 1058 00:49:33,588 --> 00:49:37,254 I'm even more sorry, then, 'cause you've wasted your money. 1059 00:49:37,254 --> 00:49:39,554 There was no film to invest in. 1060 00:49:39,554 --> 00:49:41,588 I wasn't investing in a film, Warwick. 1061 00:49:41,588 --> 00:49:43,154 I was investing in you. 1062 00:49:44,488 --> 00:49:46,421 Thanks. 1063 00:49:50,354 --> 00:49:52,588 Warwick: It's not the money I've lost. 1064 00:49:52,588 --> 00:49:56,154 It's not even that the film isn't happening. 1065 00:49:56,154 --> 00:49:57,621 It's that I feel stupid. 1066 00:49:57,621 --> 00:50:01,121 I just feel like a total fool. 1067 00:50:01,121 --> 00:50:02,688 Yeah. 1068 00:50:02,688 --> 00:50:05,054 Luckily, I'm gonna be busy with Keith and Les and Shaun 1069 00:50:05,054 --> 00:50:07,654 and the gigs and the TV show and whatever. 1070 00:50:07,654 --> 00:50:10,154 Off on the road again soon. 1071 00:50:10,154 --> 00:50:11,788 Oh. 1072 00:50:11,788 --> 00:50:13,287 Here's my chauffeur. 1073 00:50:16,087 --> 00:50:18,955 I wish. Maybe one day. 1074 00:50:18,955 --> 00:50:20,821 You've got to stay optimistic. 1075 00:50:29,688 --> 00:50:32,354 You all right? Who's that? 1076 00:50:32,354 --> 00:50:34,021 That's Jonathan Kavanagh. 1077 00:50:34,021 --> 00:50:36,121 He's a big talent agent. 1078 00:50:36,121 --> 00:50:37,354 He represents a lot of the big names. 1079 00:50:37,354 --> 00:50:39,521 Yeah, I know who he is. 1080 00:50:39,521 --> 00:50:41,021 We've had a couple of meetings with him 1081 00:50:41,021 --> 00:50:44,454 and basically he's gonna take us to the next level. 1082 00:50:44,454 --> 00:50:46,254 I don't understand. 1083 00:50:46,254 --> 00:50:47,921 Well, he's booked us a proper UK tour. 1084 00:50:47,921 --> 00:50:50,688 You know, at good venues and press PR and everything. 1085 00:50:50,688 --> 00:50:51,921 How do I fit in? 1086 00:50:51,921 --> 00:50:53,888 Les: That's what we're saying. 1087 00:50:53,888 --> 00:50:57,221 We can't give away two lots at 20%. 1088 00:50:57,221 --> 00:50:59,054 Are you firing me? 1089 00:50:59,054 --> 00:51:00,821 No, it's not firing, is it? 1090 00:51:00,821 --> 00:51:02,221 Because we've done this stage of it 1091 00:51:02,221 --> 00:51:04,988 and you've been paid for everything so far. 1092 00:51:04,988 --> 00:51:06,287 What are you not happy about with me? 1093 00:51:06,287 --> 00:51:07,988 No, it's nothing to do with you, Warwick. 1094 00:51:07,988 --> 00:51:10,221 No, it's our last bite of the cherry. 1095 00:51:10,221 --> 00:51:12,821 We have to do what's best for us. 1096 00:51:12,821 --> 00:51:15,488 We can't turn it down. It's a huge chance. 1097 00:51:15,488 --> 00:51:17,588 Hang on, I got you the TV offer. 1098 00:51:17,588 --> 00:51:20,254 We're not going with that. 1099 00:51:20,254 --> 00:51:22,921 Jonathan's got us a bigger and better deal with ITV1. 1100 00:51:22,921 --> 00:51:25,221 You weren't even working as a team before me. 1101 00:51:25,221 --> 00:51:27,488 None of this existed. I put the act together. 1102 00:51:27,488 --> 00:51:30,921 What did you put together? I've been doing those jokes for years. 1103 00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:33,688 Not a single original idea in the whole act, mate. 1104 00:51:33,688 --> 00:51:36,087 But we're friends, aren't we? 1105 00:51:37,721 --> 00:51:40,921 - It's business, Warwick. - Yeah. 1106 00:51:40,921 --> 00:51:43,221 - We need to get going. - Yeah. 1107 00:51:45,187 --> 00:51:47,321 Shaun. 1108 00:51:49,855 --> 00:51:51,921 ( music playing ) 1109 00:52:17,221 --> 00:52:19,254 ( door opens ) 1110 00:52:29,054 --> 00:52:31,087 I can't do it anymore. 1111 00:52:31,087 --> 00:52:33,855 It's nutbag after nutbag 1112 00:52:33,855 --> 00:52:36,588 and it's just not worth it. 1113 00:52:38,254 --> 00:52:39,755 I gonna pack it all in. 1114 00:52:39,755 --> 00:52:41,688 - Everything? - Everything. 1115 00:52:41,688 --> 00:52:44,054 The agency, showbiz, acting. 1116 00:52:44,054 --> 00:52:46,888 I've been doing this since I was a kid 1117 00:52:46,888 --> 00:52:50,254 and it's just not making me happy. 1118 00:52:50,254 --> 00:52:52,788 Are you sure? 1119 00:52:52,788 --> 00:52:54,488 Yeah. 1120 00:52:54,488 --> 00:52:57,521 I think I've been clinging onto fame or whatever 1121 00:52:57,521 --> 00:52:59,755 because people have always looked at me 1122 00:52:59,755 --> 00:53:02,755 and I thought I'd rather they look at me 1123 00:53:02,755 --> 00:53:04,621 because they've seen me in a film 1124 00:53:04,621 --> 00:53:06,554 and not just because I'm small. 1125 00:53:27,021 --> 00:53:29,554 Guys, thanks for coming down. 1126 00:53:29,554 --> 00:53:31,955 I've got some bad news. 1127 00:53:34,488 --> 00:53:36,021 "Willow 2" is not happening. 1128 00:53:36,021 --> 00:53:38,421 I know, I'm so sorry. 1129 00:53:38,421 --> 00:53:41,287 And on top of that, 1130 00:53:41,287 --> 00:53:43,287 I'm giving up. 1131 00:53:43,287 --> 00:53:46,021 Yeah, I'm closing the agency. 1132 00:53:46,021 --> 00:53:48,254 I'm afraid you're on your own. 1133 00:53:48,254 --> 00:53:49,755 What do you mean? 1134 00:53:49,755 --> 00:53:51,955 What are we gonna do? 1135 00:53:51,955 --> 00:53:54,588 I was never any good for you. 1136 00:53:54,588 --> 00:53:56,554 I used to nick all your roles. 1137 00:53:56,554 --> 00:53:57,888 I exploited you. 1138 00:53:57,888 --> 00:53:59,755 We're always gonna be exploited, Warwick. 1139 00:53:59,755 --> 00:54:00,988 We've been exploited all our lives. 1140 00:54:00,988 --> 00:54:03,087 But if we are gonna be exploited, 1141 00:54:03,087 --> 00:54:05,821 let's at least be exploited by another dwarf. 1142 00:54:05,821 --> 00:54:07,888 You shouldn't let yourselves be exploited. 1143 00:54:07,888 --> 00:54:10,654 If you want something, take the bull by the horns and go for it. 1144 00:54:10,654 --> 00:54:13,321 That's what you did. Now you're saying you're giving up. 1145 00:54:13,321 --> 00:54:16,121 You're ambitious. You're smart. 1146 00:54:16,121 --> 00:54:18,421 If you can't succeed, what chance have we got? 1147 00:54:20,254 --> 00:54:22,121 What do you want me to do? 1148 00:54:22,121 --> 00:54:24,187 I want you to carry on as we are. 1149 00:54:24,187 --> 00:54:25,621 You represent us, 1150 00:54:25,621 --> 00:54:28,187 we'll struggle on blindly, never getting anywhere, 1151 00:54:28,187 --> 00:54:30,521 and die before we realize we never made it. 1152 00:54:30,521 --> 00:54:33,688 Who wants to struggle on blindly never getting anywhere 1153 00:54:33,688 --> 00:54:36,488 and die before they realize it was all a waste of time? 1154 00:54:52,454 --> 00:54:54,287 Let's struggle on blindly, then. 1155 00:54:54,287 --> 00:54:56,521 Yes! 1156 00:54:56,521 --> 00:54:58,121 Cheryl, go get some champagne. 1157 00:54:58,121 --> 00:54:59,388 Take some money out of petty cash. 1158 00:54:59,388 --> 00:55:01,521 There is no petty cash. 1159 00:55:01,521 --> 00:55:03,554 All right, well, forget that. 1160 00:55:03,554 --> 00:55:05,154 Can't afford champagne. 1161 00:55:05,154 --> 00:55:07,287 - Whip round. - Yeah. 1162 00:55:07,287 --> 00:55:09,454 ( coins jingling ) 1163 00:55:15,254 --> 00:55:17,488 Warwick: If what they want is blind hope, 1164 00:55:17,488 --> 00:55:19,254 I can give them that. 1165 00:55:19,254 --> 00:55:20,988 If they want someone working for them 1166 00:55:20,988 --> 00:55:23,821 who will try but probably fail, 1167 00:55:23,821 --> 00:55:26,254 then they've come to the right man. 1168 00:55:26,254 --> 00:55:28,287 No, seriously, 1169 00:55:28,287 --> 00:55:30,454 I'm gonna work hard for them. 1170 00:55:30,454 --> 00:55:32,888 And for me. 1171 00:55:42,688 --> 00:55:44,121 Thank you very much. 1172 00:55:44,121 --> 00:55:46,521 Cheers, chaps. Cheers. 1173 00:55:55,554 --> 00:55:58,454 ( music playing ) 1174 00:56:24,087 --> 00:56:27,054 ( hair dryer whirring ) 1175 00:56:27,054 --> 00:56:28,921 Are you still pissing? 1176 00:56:28,921 --> 00:56:30,855 No.