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Previously on Awkward...

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You have become cool.

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Ah, Matty [beep] McKibben!

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Things were different.

5
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I'd want it to be way more than a hookup.

6
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Things are pretty different.

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Get some sleep, honey.

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By all online accounts,

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I had both thrown and
missed the event of the year.

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It was clearly a great party,

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which was awesome for everyone who went,

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but not so awesome for me.

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_

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_

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Each new photo and every nice message

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reminded me of exactly how
much fun I have missed out on.

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I told myself to turn off my phone,

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but I couldn't looked away.

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I was drowning in a sea
of selfies and self-pity.

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I needed something to
cushion the fomo blow.

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I needed cupcakes.

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A little sugar always remedied my sads.

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Hey, hands off.

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Those are for Ally's sex toy party.

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Aren't they cute?

26
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Yeah, Mom. That's exactly what

27
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I'd call penis cupcakes. Cute.

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- Cute or cliché?
- What am I looking at?

29
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Swallow and dove wedding cake toppers.

30
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- Hey, Jenna.
- I've created a Pinterest board

31
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for both because they're
life-maters like barn owls,

32
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and termites and Tom Brady and Giselle.

33
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What's up, Jenna?

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You created a Pinterest for a fake wedding?

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I had to. Do you know how
much stuff is out there

36
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waiting to be pinned
when you're a bride to be?

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Do you know how insane it is
that you've kept up the charade

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and haven't told Adam the truth?

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I can't just tell him the truth.

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- Jenna.
- To go from fiancé

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to fianc-ex without any warning is like,

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I never intended to be his intended.

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- Just...
- Hi.

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Give me and my wedding
a few more days together.

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- Hey, Jenna.
- Why is everyone

46
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so post-party partial to you?

47
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You were there for, like,
a full half a second.

48
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I didn't even think
anyone noticed us anyway.

49
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Apparently somebody noticed something.

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Hey, Jenna. Sweet party yesterday.

51
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Big ups.

52
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Thanks, Troy Langworthy.

53
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Big ups to you too.

54
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Troy Langworthy just spoke to me.

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I'm as shocked as you are.
About that and about the fact

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you said "big ups" out loud.

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It doesn't even make any sense.

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He only hangs out with the Julies.

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Why am I on his radar?

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Put a flavored condom on your head

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because your mind is about to get blown.

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Jenna, you're legit popular.

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Jenna, your party was the balls.

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People literally won't shut
their ham holes about it.

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Let's selfie.

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Was short-circuiting the school

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and throwing a killer beach party

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all it took to get tagged by the Julies?

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This was my moment to shine,

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and this selfie would
capture it forever and ever.

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Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com

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Ew!

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We can't post this.

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The jig was up. They saw I was

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an accidental tourist in Popularland.

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Jenna, don't get self defensie, but...

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You've got spaz face.

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Severe.

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Fix it and we'll reshoot at lunch.

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This is weird.

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This is Lady Gaga's story.

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Sad spaz teen turned global phenomenon.

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That over there? That is weird.

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Jabby has gone public and it's
mouth hugging all over our quad.

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Jenna, hey.

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Thanks for getting my drunk
butt home after your beach party.

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Just a couple of follow ups.

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Did I pee in anyone's yard?

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And, was I wearing more than
one shoe when you got me?

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Hold up, Sir Drinks-A-Lot.

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Did baby get blackout?

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Hazy brownout.

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It's only the end of
the party that's sketchy.

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- What a dick.
- Hilarious.

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What is that?

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Your bender is a trender.

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And I'm Matty [beep] McKibben!

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And I'm Matty [beep] McKibben!

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I knew Matty has been wasted at the party.

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I didn't know he committed social suicide.

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A guy like Matty losing his cool like that

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was viral gold.

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I'm such an ass[beep].

104
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Yeah, you are.

105
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Matty [beep] McKibben.

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A bunch of Ally's stupid,
sloppy, sex-starved friends

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alcohol-poisoning themselves
and shopping for boink toys?

108
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It's going to be a total freak show.

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There is no way I'm missing it.

110
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Lissa, heel!

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Sorry.

112
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Ally's not allowing
man-parts at her dildo fest

113
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that aren't battery operated,

114
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so Sergio's out and you're in.

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I can't go. I'm grounded.

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For what?

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I don't know. Mommy won't tell me.

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What happened to your face?

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Mommy's doing migraine braids on me again.

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She's been extra uptight and stressy

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since Daddy moved in with DeAndre.

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Well, she needs to de-stress
so you can have your face back.

123
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I know! I taught her some Atonercises,

124
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but they just seem to wind her up more.

125
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When God made your mommy, he
put a stick way up her ass.

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It's going to take a lot more than exercise

127
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to make her happy.

128
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I should get her a puppy!

129
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No, what that psycho ward needs to unwind

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is, like, a Hawaiian vacation
or two dozen hot stone massages

131
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or, duh, I bet a good boning would help.

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We're going on a triple date
with hot college guys tonight.

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Just don't be a spaz.

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Yeah, be careful of your face.

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What? Wait.

136
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I'm going on the triple date?

137
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Obvi. Do the math.

138
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Three guys, two Julies.

139
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It's too much for us on a weeknight.

140
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Make a hole, newbies!

141
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Where were you on her blog?

142
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Move it!

143
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Hey, can Tamara come and
make it a quadruple date?

144
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Oh, Tamara can't.

145
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What? Why?

146
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'Cause, I am still otherwise engaged.

147
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It would be inappropes for
me to go on a triple date.

148
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But, Jenna, you should embrace
this new rung on the populadder.

149
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Just promise me you'll tell
me what it's like up there.

150
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Hey, can I sit here?

151
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Everyone had seen the video

152
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of Matty losing his cool,
and now they were treating

153
00:05:22,976 --> 00:05:24,143
Matty [beep] McKibben

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like he was the black [beep] plague.

155
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No one wanted the plague at their table.

156
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Not the jocks, not the preps,

157
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not even the band guys.

158
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Hashtag poor Matty.

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Such a tragedy.

160
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You should stop that before it trends.

161
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Hey, are you okay? You
look a little... lost.

162
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Uh, yeah, well, I-I feel it.

163
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The weirdest [beep] has been
happening to me all day long.

164
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Hey.

165
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Trevor.

166
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Leroy.

167
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I mean, this is messed up, right?

168
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Oh!

169
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Did you just see that?

170
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It's like I'm not even
here. Am I invisible?

171
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Matty, you're not invisible.

172
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You're unpopular.

173
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I know I acted like a complete
d-bag, but this is brutal.

174
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Everyone is shutting me out.

175
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I'm sorry, Matty.

176
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You never would have been such an ass[beep]

177
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if you hadn't been blindsided
about Jake and Gabby.

178
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I should've told you.

179
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Yeah, you think?

180
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Well, it was a weird position to be in.

181
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:42,751
And why do I always end up

182
00:06:42,852 --> 00:06:45,086
with all the weird dirt
on your girlfriends?

183
00:06:45,526 --> 00:06:47,622
It's like some twisted cosmic joke.

184
00:06:47,723 --> 00:06:49,825
And what do I do with
all the unwanted info?

185
00:06:49,926 --> 00:06:52,461
Because our relationship
is really confusing.

186
00:06:52,562 --> 00:06:54,696
As your friend, yeah, I should've told you.

187
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But as your ex, it's so not my business.

188
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How do we navigate this
next time it happens?

189
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I mean, do I decide if I'm
feeling friend-ier or ex-ier?

190
00:07:01,837 --> 00:07:04,304
You've definitely been
putting some thought into this.

191
00:07:04,405 --> 00:07:05,539
Shut up.

192
00:07:05,564 --> 00:07:07,307
No, I'm just... I'm pissed at myself

193
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:09,009
for being such an idiot.

194
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I'm a joke.

195
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It'll blow over.

196
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- Uh...
- Meantime, lift up your tray.

197
00:07:13,281 --> 00:07:14,482
- What? Why?
- Now!

198
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,550
- Yeah, that's why.
- Hey!

199
00:07:16,651 --> 00:07:18,151
Which one of you [beep] heads threw that?

200
00:07:18,252 --> 00:07:19,820
- Shut up!
- Sit down.

201
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:21,555
Sit down. It's nothing personal.

202
00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:24,024
They just throw stuff
over here in a general way.

203
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:25,225
That's awful.

204
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:27,294
- And wasteful.
- J!

205
00:07:27,395 --> 00:07:29,029
- Hurry up.
- We're bouncing out.

206
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:30,464
Um, I have to go.

207
00:07:30,489 --> 00:07:32,366
I'm grabbing froyo with some friends.

208
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:33,733
Which friends?

209
00:07:33,758 --> 00:07:36,961
Julie, Julie, and... Troy Langworthy.

210
00:07:37,138 --> 00:07:38,472
Troy Bangworthy?

211
00:07:38,572 --> 00:07:40,407
It's not like that. Troy
and I are just friends.

212
00:07:40,508 --> 00:07:41,508
Right.

213
00:07:41,609 --> 00:07:42,454
But you can do this.

214
00:07:42,479 --> 00:07:44,513
Just keep your tray up and your head down.

215
00:07:48,483 --> 00:07:49,849
Jenna doesn't know anything.

216
00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,918
She was never this close to the bottom.

217
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,486
Not like you and me.

218
00:07:53,586 --> 00:07:54,820
And Leroy.

219
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:58,834
We can help you.

220
00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:01,593
If you want to survive in
the netherworld of the uncool,

221
00:08:01,694 --> 00:08:03,396
you can't think how you used to think.

222
00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:11,237
Are you hungry, McKibben?

223
00:08:11,338 --> 00:08:13,205
Those harpies will starve you.

224
00:08:13,306 --> 00:08:15,507
The lunch ladies might
normally be on your jock,

225
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:17,575
but that siren song
ain't going to feed you.

226
00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:20,278
If you want to eat, you
have to think like us.

227
00:08:20,379 --> 00:08:22,113
Home-ec trash is a hungry man's treasure.

228
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:31,156
Consider the regular bathroom off limits.

229
00:08:31,257 --> 00:08:34,063
Bad things can happen in there
now that you're the unwashed.

230
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:35,391
Use this place instead.

231
00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:36,661
There's no toilet.

232
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,304
Screw your old friends.

233
00:08:42,329 --> 00:08:44,196
These spiders are great listeners.

234
00:08:44,286 --> 00:08:45,953
And they're always here for you.

235
00:08:47,414 --> 00:08:48,969
Hello, gorgeous.

236
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:51,702
What's that?

237
00:08:54,105 --> 00:08:55,773
Always be prepared with
a change of clothes.

238
00:08:55,874 --> 00:08:57,775
You got lucky with that pudding cup.

239
00:08:57,876 --> 00:08:59,576
Wow. Okay.

240
00:08:59,677 --> 00:09:01,478
Kyle, Leroy, thanks for all of this.

241
00:09:01,579 --> 00:09:04,281
But I think this has to be
the last stop on the tour.

242
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:05,758
It is the last stop on the tour.

243
00:09:05,783 --> 00:09:07,850
No, I mean, I can't live like this.

244
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,453
The bucket, the trash can cinnamon rolls,

245
00:09:10,554 --> 00:09:11,922
insects for friends.

246
00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:13,314
Spiders are arachnids.

247
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:14,840
If you don't like cinnamon rolls,

248
00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:16,026
they throw away other stuff.

249
00:09:16,127 --> 00:09:17,360
I'm sorry, guys.

250
00:09:27,337 --> 00:09:28,805
Let me help you, Mommy.

251
00:09:28,906 --> 00:09:32,875
Elbows up an itsy bit more
for Prayer Power Squats.

252
00:09:32,976 --> 00:09:34,444
Good.

253
00:09:34,545 --> 00:09:37,046
You've been Atonercising a lot lately.

254
00:09:37,147 --> 00:09:39,682
It's so good for releasing stress.

255
00:09:39,783 --> 00:09:41,551
Do you feel like you're
releasing stress, Mommy?

256
00:09:41,652 --> 00:09:43,953
Do I look like I'm releasing stress, Lissa?

257
00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:46,922
Maybe we should do some stretches.

258
00:09:47,023 --> 00:09:48,457
It'll loosen you up.

259
00:09:48,558 --> 00:09:49,724
I don't want to loosen
up. That's the problem

260
00:09:49,826 --> 00:09:51,693
with this world. It's too damn loose.

261
00:09:51,794 --> 00:09:53,329
But, Mommy, sometimes is good to...

262
00:09:53,430 --> 00:09:55,097
open things up.

263
00:09:55,122 --> 00:09:56,165
Are you talking about sex?

264
00:09:56,190 --> 00:09:57,833
No, I was talking about yoga.

265
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,969
Because we don't talk about
those things in this house.

266
00:09:59,994 --> 00:10:01,203
I wasn't, I swear.

267
00:10:01,304 --> 00:10:03,105
Intercourse is for procreation,

268
00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:04,232
not recreation.

269
00:10:04,257 --> 00:10:06,291
Well, sometimes it can be for both.

270
00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:09,543
I just mean, if you're doing
it for the right reasons,

271
00:10:09,644 --> 00:10:11,312
you can probably get
some pleasure out of it.

272
00:10:11,413 --> 00:10:13,514
No, it don't work like that, Lissa.

273
00:10:13,615 --> 00:10:16,013
Trust me, I know from experience.

274
00:10:16,193 --> 00:10:16,942
With Daddy?

275
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:17,918
Well, of course with Daddy.

276
00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:20,888
We must have done it half a dozen times.

277
00:10:21,263 --> 00:10:23,146
And you never...?

278
00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:25,021
- Never what?
- Felt anything?

279
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,310
You know like a...

280
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:28,903
a little sneeze in your Suzy?

281
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:30,662
Who is Suzy?

282
00:10:31,499 --> 00:10:32,799
Lissa!

283
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,935
We don't discuss these
things in this house.

284
00:10:36,037 --> 00:10:38,372
And I-I certainly don't
discuss these things

285
00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:40,374
with my 18-year-old daughter.

286
00:10:40,475 --> 00:10:41,708
You're right, Mommy, I'm sorry.

287
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,477
I don't know what I was thinking.

288
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,113
Hey! I have an idea.

289
00:10:46,214 --> 00:10:49,315
How about we get out of
the house and go for a ride?

290
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,560
Hey, Jake.

291
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,856
Can we talk for a second?

292
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:03,520
Sure.

293
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:05,631
Look, I was...

294
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,348
an ass[beep] at the beach.

295
00:11:07,598 --> 00:11:08,767
A lot of [beep] had gone down.

296
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,468
You have to admit that.

297
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,838
And I was just totally wasted.

298
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,573
Yeah, I know you were wasted.

299
00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:16,008
That's the problem.

300
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,910
People say the truest
[beep] when they're drunk.

301
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,245
I didn't mean any of it, you know that.

302
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,813
Okay, man.

303
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,515
I just hope you got it all off your chest.

304
00:11:36,094 --> 00:11:38,095
Today had been crazy.

305
00:11:38,196 --> 00:11:40,264
But crazy felt pretty good.

306
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:41,632
After four years on the outside,

307
00:11:41,733 --> 00:11:45,335
I was suddenly in the
epicenter of Popularland.

308
00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:46,604
The only problem,

309
00:11:46,629 --> 00:11:48,706
I have never gone out with the in-crowd,

310
00:11:48,807 --> 00:11:49,840
so I had no clue what to wear

311
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,742
on a triple date with the Julies.

312
00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:54,978
Lucky for me, I had a secret weapon.

313
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,446
Mom!

314
00:11:56,471 --> 00:11:58,715
What is it, honey? Oh, crap, wait.

315
00:11:58,816 --> 00:12:02,619
Ally! Will you take the
mini-wieners off the stove?

316
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,153
I've never done a mini-wiener.

317
00:12:04,254 --> 00:12:05,655
And I'm not starting now.

318
00:12:05,756 --> 00:12:07,557
What do you need, sweetie?
The party is about to start.

319
00:12:07,658 --> 00:12:09,893
I need help with my outfit.

320
00:12:09,994 --> 00:12:11,494
I thought this day would never come.

321
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:12,933
Me neither.

322
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:14,330
But I'm going out with the Julies,

323
00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:15,934
and three college guys...

324
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:16,900
tonight.

325
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,468
Ah, ha-ha-ha!

326
00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,703
Oh, I always knew you had it in you.

327
00:12:20,804 --> 00:12:22,171
Mm.

328
00:12:22,272 --> 00:12:23,372
You don't worry about a thing.

329
00:12:23,474 --> 00:12:25,341
Mama's here.

330
00:12:25,442 --> 00:12:29,212
Ugh! You weren't actually
considering wearing this?

331
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:31,481
Because it should be burned.

332
00:12:31,582 --> 00:12:33,182
- What about this?
- Ugh!

333
00:12:33,283 --> 00:12:34,950
How was I gonna pull off being popular

334
00:12:35,051 --> 00:12:36,973
when I couldn't even
pick out the right shirt?

335
00:12:37,083 --> 00:12:38,754
What did I say? What's wrong?

336
00:12:38,855 --> 00:12:42,157
It's just... even if I was
wearing the right color shirt,

337
00:12:42,258 --> 00:12:43,658
I could still mess this up.

338
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,460
I mean, what if I say something stupid

339
00:12:45,561 --> 00:12:46,918
or embarrass myself?

340
00:12:47,012 --> 00:12:47,996
You won't.

341
00:12:48,097 --> 00:12:49,731
You're stepping out of your comfort zone.

342
00:12:49,832 --> 00:12:51,199
But no matter what you wear,

343
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,135
you are still you on the inside.

344
00:12:53,236 --> 00:12:57,372
A smart, funny, sensitive young lady.

345
00:12:57,473 --> 00:13:00,142
But since you have such a great rack

346
00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,010
on the outside...

347
00:13:02,926 --> 00:13:04,679
How about throwing some sparkles on it?

348
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,114
Work your assets.

349
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:07,682
Put this on.

350
00:13:07,783 --> 00:13:09,216
Hm.

351
00:13:09,317 --> 00:13:10,217
Oh.

352
00:13:14,957 --> 00:13:16,423
My mom had giving me the confidence

353
00:13:16,525 --> 00:13:18,492
to fully embrace my popularity.

354
00:13:18,593 --> 00:13:20,261
And to a sequins on a school night.

355
00:13:20,362 --> 00:13:23,430
Okay, maybe not totally
confident on that last part.

356
00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:24,766
Are you sure the sparkly top is best?

357
00:13:24,867 --> 00:13:27,268
I mean, one of these could be good too?

358
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:29,671
Little bitch got boobs!

359
00:13:29,772 --> 00:13:31,472
I have the perfect
clamps for those honkers.

360
00:13:31,573 --> 00:13:33,073
I'll even give you a discount.

361
00:13:33,175 --> 00:13:36,677
I'm feeling generous after
that shot of edible body lotion.

362
00:13:36,778 --> 00:13:38,812
Sorry, honey. Ignore her.

363
00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:40,080
Like that's possible.

364
00:13:40,182 --> 00:13:41,549
Why can't she have her party at her house?

365
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:42,983
Party is not for me, Hot Tits.

366
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:44,418
It's for your knocked-up mama.

367
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,119
Growing a small human in her stomach

368
00:13:46,221 --> 00:13:48,121
makes her feel like a
beached whale in heat.

369
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:51,992
She needs tools and lubricants
to find her ocean again.

370
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:00,500
We're here for Jenna.

371
00:14:01,803 --> 00:14:04,104
Oh, it doesn't bite. But I do.

372
00:14:04,205 --> 00:14:05,572
Thanks, Ally.

373
00:14:05,673 --> 00:14:08,374
Hello. Good evening. Hi, there. Wow!

374
00:14:08,475 --> 00:14:10,010
- Tall.
- Calm down, Mom.

375
00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:12,779
Yeah, you have some
bull riding to do, Jugs.

376
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,447
Need a harness?

377
00:14:14,548 --> 00:14:15,982
I think I got some in my trunk.

378
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:19,684
It was my first night out

379
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,786
with popularity, and I had to admit...

380
00:14:21,887 --> 00:14:23,020
Their defense pretty much shuts down

381
00:14:23,121 --> 00:14:24,789
everyone's running game, man.

382
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:25,824
- How amaze.
- Come on.

383
00:14:25,925 --> 00:14:27,158
Let's selfie.

384
00:14:27,259 --> 00:14:28,493
It was... different

385
00:14:28,594 --> 00:14:30,026
than I'd imagined it'd be.

386
00:14:30,127 --> 00:14:31,394
Their pass rush is the real problem.

387
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,029
- Yes.
- Okay, what's that?

388
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:34,998
Imagine my left arm is the defense,

389
00:14:35,099 --> 00:14:36,900
my right arm is the offense, right?

390
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,662
My face is the ball.

391
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,671
If the quarterback is on the offense...

392
00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:42,205
I was sure that soon

393
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,475
we'd be having real fun and
making some great memories.

394
00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:48,211
Just like the ones I'd seen the
Julies post pics of on Facebook.

395
00:14:48,312 --> 00:14:50,323
That was definitely gonna happen, right?

396
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,414
Yo, hold up, hold up.

397
00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:52,351
She should pretend to be the quarterback.

398
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:53,116
- Yes!
- Yes.

399
00:14:53,141 --> 00:14:54,388
Okay, I'm gonna bend over.

400
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:56,221
I need you to put both
your hands under my butt.

401
00:14:56,246 --> 00:14:57,597
Oh, no, no, that's okay.

402
00:14:57,622 --> 00:14:59,289
We're toasting and posting.

403
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:01,257
[beep] Jenna, your face.

404
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,428
Come on, bisnitches.

405
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:04,394
Look like you're having the best time ever.

406
00:15:04,495 --> 00:15:06,129
We were definitely trying to,

407
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:08,431
but something felt fake about it all.

408
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,766
Maybe because it was all fake?

409
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:31,962
Hello?

410
00:15:32,938 --> 00:15:33,655
Are you kidding?

411
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,290
It's always nice to hear from you.

412
00:15:35,797 --> 00:15:39,094
Nope, I'm totally free
tonight. What is going on?

413
00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:43,632
Uh, yeah, I'll see you soon.

414
00:15:49,072 --> 00:15:51,206
A little fur goes a long way, ladies.

415
00:15:51,307 --> 00:15:54,475
Add some warming gel
and it's a wild kingdom.

416
00:16:00,282 --> 00:16:01,949
Lissa? I thought you were grounded.

417
00:16:02,051 --> 00:16:03,584
She absolutely is.

418
00:16:03,685 --> 00:16:06,154
You said we were going to
a pot luck at Pastor Ned's.

419
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:08,056
I thought it could be fun to
try something a little different

420
00:16:08,157 --> 00:16:09,223
than Pastor Ned's.

421
00:16:09,324 --> 00:16:11,192
Get out of the house. Talk to people.

422
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:12,610
Right, Mommy?

423
00:16:13,631 --> 00:16:15,313
- No.
- Yeah!

424
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:16,463
Lissa, this is...

425
00:16:16,565 --> 00:16:17,464
Look, Mrs. Miller.

426
00:16:17,566 --> 00:16:18,899
They have white wine.

427
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000
Your favorite.

428
00:16:20,101 --> 00:16:21,618
Stay for one drink.

429
00:16:23,738 --> 00:16:25,573
Fine. But just one.

430
00:16:25,674 --> 00:16:27,180
And that's it.

431
00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:29,142
My mojo has flatlined,

432
00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:30,744
and Kev's willing to do whatever it takes

433
00:16:30,845 --> 00:16:31,979
to give it a pulse.

434
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,547
Oh, well, that one he can give it a pulse

435
00:16:33,648 --> 00:16:35,848
from work on his phone.

436
00:16:38,218 --> 00:16:39,986
I mean, you have to be Nancy Grace

437
00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:42,755
not to feel sexy with these suckers on.

438
00:16:46,994 --> 00:16:48,728
Return to stupid.

439
00:16:48,829 --> 00:16:50,797
I have a man, boozebag.

440
00:16:50,898 --> 00:16:51,898
But does Sergio vibrate?

441
00:16:51,999 --> 00:16:53,332
When I tell him to.

442
00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:54,500
Ooh!

443
00:16:55,668 --> 00:16:56,569
Ah.

444
00:16:56,669 --> 00:16:59,037
Well, I need to lie down.

445
00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,373
Oh, honey, you can use my room.

446
00:17:01,475 --> 00:17:02,308
Oh.

447
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,380
Lissa, where is my purse?

448
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:09,615
Your purse.

449
00:17:09,716 --> 00:17:12,684
Party favor for your mom.

450
00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:14,685
She is so [beep] stiff.

451
00:17:15,988 --> 00:17:18,022
Yeah, it's been a pretty [beep] day.

452
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:21,058
I'm just glad is over
and we get to hang out.

453
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,294
I'm always here for you, Matty.

454
00:17:23,395 --> 00:17:25,430
Cool. So, who's this band again?

455
00:17:25,531 --> 00:17:26,764
Morbidly Obtuse.

456
00:17:26,865 --> 00:17:28,199
They're so good.

457
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:29,834
They make me want to
light my toenails on fire.

458
00:17:29,935 --> 00:17:31,302
Hey.

459
00:17:31,403 --> 00:17:33,104
You want to take a picture
before the show starts?

460
00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:35,340
What for? It's all in here, buddy.

461
00:17:38,277 --> 00:17:39,910
Edible lotions are low-cal.

462
00:17:40,012 --> 00:17:41,343
This one's watermelon.

463
00:17:41,368 --> 00:17:42,846
Fantastic tequila chaser.

464
00:17:42,871 --> 00:17:43,913
Try it.

465
00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,383
It's like kissing a unicorn.

466
00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:48,885
- Mm.
- Sweetie, is your mom okay?

467
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:50,320
She's been in there a long time.

468
00:17:50,421 --> 00:17:52,422
Mm-hmm. Sometimes she naps all day.

469
00:17:54,225 --> 00:17:54,958
Oh.

470
00:17:56,694 --> 00:17:58,462
Mommy, you're glowing!

471
00:17:58,563 --> 00:18:01,765
Oh, honey, I had a headache,
so I-I opened my purse

472
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,433
for an ibuprofen and...

473
00:18:03,535 --> 00:18:06,435
I don't even remember the last 17 minutes.

474
00:18:07,972 --> 00:18:09,438
Thank you, snugglebug.

475
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:10,774
You were right.

476
00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:13,242
This was more fun than Pastor Ned's.

477
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:16,880
Now, let's scoot home and
pray for these filthy whores.

478
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:21,450
My bad.

479
00:18:24,421 --> 00:18:26,155
I had tumbled further down the rabbit hole

480
00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:28,824
and landed in Suckland,
where some people sucked face

481
00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:30,608
and others just... sucked.

482
00:18:30,633 --> 00:18:32,270
Hello, Earth to Janeane?

483
00:18:32,295 --> 00:18:34,362
I think we're supposed to be making out.

484
00:18:37,958 --> 00:18:39,144
Jenna!

485
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:44,106
J, you're making us look bad.

486
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:47,475
Sitting over there like a
frozen virgin snow princess.

487
00:18:47,577 --> 00:18:50,746
- So depressing.
- That's a college guy.

488
00:18:50,847 --> 00:18:52,047
College.

489
00:18:52,148 --> 00:18:54,248
You have to at least get your hands dirty.

490
00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:58,419
For the first time, the Julies' words

491
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,022
didn't sound like nonsensical gibberish.

492
00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:02,389
They were absolutely right.

493
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,522
I did have a reputation to keep.

494
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:06,651
He'll settle for a handy,

495
00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:08,997
but next level would be great for everyone.

496
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,365
Just don't embarrass us, Spaz Face.

497
00:19:12,973 --> 00:19:13,806
I won't.

498
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,861
I'm getting an Uber out of here.

499
00:19:16,962 --> 00:19:18,162
And some pizza.

500
00:19:18,263 --> 00:19:19,931
We're ordering pizza?

501
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,301
Okay, pizza will be ready in 15.

502
00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:26,604
Luckily I have these two bridal magazines

503
00:19:26,705 --> 00:19:28,973
that need our attention before
I call the whole thing off.

504
00:19:29,074 --> 00:19:31,342
If tonight was what being popular meant,

505
00:19:31,443 --> 00:19:33,411
then popularity was for losers.

506
00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:35,179
- And I wanted nothing to do with it.
- _

507
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,713
I wanted to be with my real friends.

508
00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:38,749
Planning my best friend's fake wedding

509
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:42,385
or hanging out with the
most unpopular guy I know.

510
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:47,898
_

511
00:19:49,538 --> 00:19:51,871
_

512
00:19:51,896 --> 00:19:54,798
Hey, man, turn off your phone and rock out!

513
00:20:01,272 --> 00:20:04,674
Man, you are Matty [beep] McKibben!

514
00:20:08,077 --> 00:20:10,447
I'd climbed to populadder,
and from up here...

515
00:20:10,548 --> 00:20:11,847
I could see that popularity

516
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,583
was built on the way things looked,

517
00:20:13,684 --> 00:20:15,151
- not the way things were.
- _

518
00:20:15,252 --> 00:20:17,053
And here I was, at the top,

519
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,521
eating pizza with my BFF

520
00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,732
and taking my best selfie of the day.

521
00:20:20,757 --> 00:20:22,192
T, let's take a selfie.

522
00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:23,493
Smile or not smile?

523
00:20:23,594 --> 00:20:25,227
Definitely smiling.

524
00:20:31,007 --> 00:20:34,133
- Next on Awkward 
- Beavis and Gay had hijacked our yearbook.

525
00:20:34,158 --> 00:20:36,561
Most basic is not a senior superlative.

526
00:20:36,592 --> 00:20:37,553
Oh, Jenna, look, you got something.

527
00:20:37,578 --> 00:20:39,528
- Most depressing?
- It's perfect!

528
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:40,862
- Perfect for what?
- The mother-daughter

529
00:20:40,963 --> 00:20:41,829
senior banquet.

530
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:42,631
They're girls,

531
00:20:42,731 --> 00:20:43,698
but they're moms

532
00:20:43,799 --> 00:20:45,272
pretending to be girls.

533
00:20:45,297 --> 00:20:48,112
Do you love or do you lo-ove?

534
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,972
Now to see what Matty thought of me.

535
00:20:50,996 --> 00:20:52,996
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
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