1
00:00:12,477 --> 00:00:14,320
<i>For generations of high-schoolers,</i>

2
00:00:14,477 --> 00:00:16,844
<i>you could only be a jock, a geek,</i>

3
00:00:17,037 --> 00:00:20,405
<i>a princess, a bully
or a basket case.</i>

4
00:00:20,557 --> 00:00:22,161
<i>But times have changed.</i>

5
00:00:22,317 --> 00:00:23,887
<i>Jocks play video games.</i>

6
00:00:24,037 --> 00:00:26,244
<i>Princesses are on antidepressants.</i>

7
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:28,923
<i>And geeks basically
run the country.</i>

8
00:00:29,637 --> 00:00:31,844
<i>I thought we were living
in a brave new world,</i>

9
00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:33,328
<i>a place without labels.</i>

10
00:00:33,477 --> 00:00:36,128
<i>But every so often, there's that
one moment in high school</i>

11
00:00:36,277 --> 00:00:39,520
<i>that changes your perspective
on everything.</i>

12
00:00:41,157 --> 00:00:42,204
Ooh. Showtime.

13
00:00:42,357 --> 00:00:43,997
<i>And for me, it happened senior year,</i>

14
00:00:44,117 --> 00:00:45,801
<i>about a month before homecoming.</i>

15
00:00:45,957 --> 00:00:48,483
<i>I was cruising the halls
with my two best friends.</i>

16
00:00:48,637 --> 00:00:49,798
Jess Harris.

17
00:00:53,677 --> 00:00:56,601
I would bang her so hard
we'd both need helmets.

18
00:01:03,757 --> 00:01:06,078
<i>Yeah, that's not me.</i>

19
00:01:06,237 --> 00:01:07,841
Casey Cordero.

20
00:01:11,877 --> 00:01:13,879
- I would play "Call of Duty" with her...
- Yeah.

21
00:01:14,037 --> 00:01:16,404
- ...all night.
- Wait, what?

22
00:01:16,557 --> 00:01:19,322
And bang her hard too,
to the point of needing helmets.

23
00:01:19,477 --> 00:01:20,967
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That too, yeah.

24
00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:35,246
<i>Nope, not me, either.</i>

25
00:01:35,397 --> 00:01:38,207
Shaw's over. Just Bianca.

26
00:01:43,797 --> 00:01:45,401
<i>That's me.</i>

27
00:01:51,437 --> 00:01:53,166
Martin Van Buren. Nickelback.

28
00:01:53,317 --> 00:01:55,479
Antidisestablishmentarianism.

29
00:01:59,717 --> 00:02:00,878
Ah?

30
00:02:04,797 --> 00:02:07,084
Jess has the hottest ass.

31
00:02:07,237 --> 00:02:09,604
Casey has the hottest rack.

32
00:02:09,757 --> 00:02:13,364
Bianca, she has the hottest friends.

33
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:14,962
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

34
00:02:17,557 --> 00:02:19,161
Homecoming tickets, homecoming.

35
00:02:19,317 --> 00:02:21,285
Hey, get your
homecoming tickets now.

36
00:02:21,437 --> 00:02:24,008
- Half price now or double at the door.
- We're gonna be late.

37
00:02:24,157 --> 00:02:25,841
Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.
Homecoming tickets?

38
00:02:26,037 --> 00:02:28,477
- Oh, we bought ours online.
- All right, cool. See you there.

39
00:02:28,557 --> 00:02:31,766
- Thanks.
- And I will not be attending, so...

40
00:02:31,957 --> 00:02:34,437
Oh, my God, you do this
before every dance.

41
00:02:34,597 --> 00:02:36,440
Yeah, but I don't feel like going.

42
00:02:37,037 --> 00:02:39,643
There's a Vincent Price marathon on,
so I gotta watch that.

43
00:02:39,797 --> 00:02:42,198
- Who's that?
- Ugh.

44
00:02:42,357 --> 00:02:45,361
Shit, there's Señor Gomez.
I'm failing Spanish.

45
00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:03,564
Okay.

46
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,640
Mini Stalin, dead ahead.

47
00:03:05,797 --> 00:03:07,526
<i>Meet Madison Morgan.</i>

48
00:03:07,677 --> 00:03:11,079
<i>As she would tell you herself,
she's the hottest girl in school.</i>

49
00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:12,762
<i>Even the gay guys wanna date her.</i>

50
00:03:12,957 --> 00:03:15,403
I would totally bang the shit
out of her.

51
00:03:15,557 --> 00:03:16,638
But I Wouldn't like it.

52
00:03:22,277 --> 00:03:23,927
Love.

53
00:03:28,797 --> 00:03:30,481
Sorry.

54
00:03:31,437 --> 00:03:33,246
<i>So, yeah, she was a bitch.</i>

55
00:03:33,437 --> 00:03:36,088
<i>Were we fake friends with her?
Kind of.</i>

56
00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:39,884
Girls, party at my place.
I'm sure you've heard of it.

57
00:03:40,037 --> 00:03:42,404
Can you make sure you get
an insert shot of them opening it?

58
00:03:42,557 --> 00:03:43,718
Yep, on it.

59
00:03:43,877 --> 00:03:46,801
Oh, yeah, I'm doing a video about
the party for my YouTube channel.

60
00:03:46,957 --> 00:03:49,688
Wow, wait, you're having a party
on a Wednesday?

61
00:03:49,837 --> 00:03:52,488
- On a school night?
- Yeah, I can do that.

62
00:03:52,637 --> 00:03:54,127
Damn, dude. All right.

63
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,688
Well, yeah, we're in.

64
00:03:55,877 --> 00:03:57,686
Ooh, um...

65
00:03:57,877 --> 00:04:01,359
Bianca, you have to
have an actual invite to get in,

66
00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:02,928
and I only have a certain amount.

67
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:06,399
But, um, if anything changes,
I'll let you know.

68
00:04:06,597 --> 00:04:08,326
- Problem solved.
- Oh, hey.

69
00:04:08,517 --> 00:04:09,962
Look at that.

70
00:04:10,557 --> 00:04:12,958
Wonderful. Heh. Mm.

71
00:04:13,117 --> 00:04:15,085
Can't wait.
Should I bring anything or...?

72
00:04:15,237 --> 00:04:16,318
We'll... Okay.

73
00:04:18,397 --> 00:04:21,526
Anupam and Lena, where are we
on the school-lunch article?

74
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:26,804
Uh, we thought we would make it
about how the prices of ice cream

75
00:04:26,957 --> 00:04:29,483
have gone up 15 cents
in the cafeteria and...

76
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:32,288
That's a bit vanilla. Pardon the pun.

77
00:04:32,437 --> 00:04:35,168
But you're missing the meat
of the story.

78
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,399
Our school serves pizza
five days a week,

79
00:04:37,557 --> 00:04:39,844
paid by taxpayer money

80
00:04:39,997 --> 00:04:43,604
that is used to cover us
against pizza-induced diabetes.

81
00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:45,845
Now, that's a school-lunch story.
Boom.

82
00:04:45,997 --> 00:04:47,840
Copy that, circle it, write it.

83
00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,807
Huh? Nailed it. I'm so proud of me.

84
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,917
We came up with that idea together,
but mostly me.

85
00:04:53,037 --> 00:04:55,688
Okay, next up,
final assignment, all right?

86
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,317
It's a doozy,
but it's a real feather in the cap

87
00:04:58,477 --> 00:04:59,797
for any reporter worth their salt

88
00:04:59,917 --> 00:05:02,363
that wants to comment
on the social life of this school.

89
00:05:02,517 --> 00:05:04,167
Anyone?

90
00:05:04,677 --> 00:05:05,803
Not all at once.

91
00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:07,848
No one?

92
00:05:08,357 --> 00:05:10,928
No one at all? Any takers?

93
00:05:11,317 --> 00:05:12,842
Bianca.

94
00:05:13,037 --> 00:05:14,846
Just the gal I was hoping for.

95
00:05:15,037 --> 00:05:17,119
Hello. Okay.

96
00:05:17,277 --> 00:05:19,245
I want you to step out
of your comfort zone

97
00:05:19,397 --> 00:05:22,241
and bring your special brand
of journalistic gravitas

98
00:05:22,397 --> 00:05:25,082
to an article about homecoming.

99
00:05:26,437 --> 00:05:29,122
Specifically, what homecoming
means to me.

100
00:05:29,277 --> 00:05:31,962
I mean, not to me. I never went
to a dance when I was a kid.

101
00:05:32,117 --> 00:05:35,519
- Kind of a nerd.
- Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Arthur, heh,

102
00:05:35,677 --> 00:05:37,805
but, um, with all due respect, I'm...

103
00:05:37,957 --> 00:05:42,804
You're honored and thrilled
to lend that Bianca Piper magic?

104
00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:44,288
You wanna do your thing

105
00:05:44,437 --> 00:05:47,281
and put some stuff in the words
and make it pop?

106
00:05:47,437 --> 00:05:49,246
That's so nice of you.

107
00:05:49,397 --> 00:05:51,797
You don't have to do that.
"No, you didn't. I didn't say..."

108
00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:53,407
Yes, you did. And thank...

109
00:05:53,557 --> 00:05:55,958
"No, I didn't, I didn't." Yes, you did.

110
00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:57,767
And I thank you.

111
00:06:00,077 --> 00:06:02,478
You did. And I thank you.

112
00:06:02,637 --> 00:06:05,038
Yeah, that's not where I was going
with that.

113
00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:10,160
I'm sorry,
"What Homecoming Means to Me"?

114
00:06:10,317 --> 00:06:11,762
What are we, 5 years old?

115
00:06:11,917 --> 00:06:13,567
- What is this?
- Look, I'm sorry, B.

116
00:06:13,717 --> 00:06:15,719
I know it sucks,
but maybe it's the universe

117
00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:17,322
telling you, you need to be there.

118
00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:19,406
Please don't start with the universe
with me

119
00:06:19,557 --> 00:06:20,922
this early in the morning, okay?

120
00:06:21,077 --> 00:06:23,364
Everything and everyone
can suck it.

121
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,246
Okay, it's not the end of the world.

122
00:06:25,397 --> 00:06:27,923
Ho, ho.
Well, that's easy for you to say.

123
00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:30,284
- I don't have a date.
- I can fix that.

124
00:06:32,197 --> 00:06:35,485
- Um... Jack Rebis.
- Mm. Tiny hands.

125
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:37,685
- Mark Warshaw?
- Smells like trash.

126
00:06:39,277 --> 00:06:42,520
Charlie Piper.

127
00:06:42,677 --> 00:06:44,122
My cousin Charlie Piper?

128
00:06:44,477 --> 00:06:46,241
Well, people don't know that.

129
00:06:46,397 --> 00:06:48,684
Okay, I will keep looking.

130
00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:50,762
We'll find someone.

131
00:06:50,917 --> 00:06:53,568
<i>Although Jess' menu
of dudes was never-ending,</i>

132
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,879
<i>there was only one guy
I wanted to be my date.</i>

133
00:06:56,637 --> 00:06:59,800
<i>And that's him, Toby Tucker.</i>

134
00:07:17,797 --> 00:07:20,687
<i>I couldn't work up the courage
to say three words to Toby.</i>

135
00:07:20,877 --> 00:07:22,402
<i>No, literally, three words.</i>

136
00:07:23,957 --> 00:07:26,801
Okay, bye.

137
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:29,008
Ugh.

138
00:07:31,797 --> 00:07:33,845
Whoo! We're gonna kick some ass!

139
00:07:33,997 --> 00:07:35,840
- Jeez.
- I'll see you later, bro.

140
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,920
<i>You know those people
you grow up with,</i>

141
00:07:38,077 --> 00:07:40,364
<i>maybe you took baths with them
when you were little,</i>

142
00:07:40,557 --> 00:07:43,208
<i>but now they just annoy the shit
out of you?</i>

143
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:46,719
<i>I give you Wesley Rush.</i>

144
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,763
- Hey, neighbor.
- Wesley.

145
00:07:58,957 --> 00:08:01,358
Saw you watching some weird
Japanese horror movie last night.

146
00:08:01,837 --> 00:08:02,998
Were you spying on me?

147
00:08:03,157 --> 00:08:04,517
A, don't leave your curtains open,

148
00:08:04,637 --> 00:08:07,038
and two, it's kind of hard to miss
a bunch of Japanese people

149
00:08:07,197 --> 00:08:09,165
running and screaming
for their lives.

150
00:08:09,317 --> 00:08:11,558
Looked horrible, by the way,
all that reading.

151
00:08:12,357 --> 00:08:13,768
Those would be subtitles.

152
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:15,840
Super. Where are your girls at?

153
00:08:16,677 --> 00:08:20,124
- Who wants to know?
- The only man in your life.

154
00:08:20,277 --> 00:08:22,598
Mm, Wesley,
you wouldn't be in my life

155
00:08:22,757 --> 00:08:25,237
if you were the only man left
on the planet.

156
00:08:25,437 --> 00:08:26,927
Aw. Sticks and stones, B.

157
00:08:27,077 --> 00:08:28,727
Speaking of stones, rock-hard abs.

158
00:08:28,877 --> 00:08:30,242
- No, no.
- Touch them.

159
00:08:30,397 --> 00:08:32,399
- No, no one wants that.
- Graze them.

160
00:08:32,557 --> 00:08:34,480
Hey, there you are.

161
00:08:35,757 --> 00:08:37,759
<i>Wesley and Madison
were known around school</i>

162
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,442
<i>as "the Relationship Strobe Light."</i>

163
00:08:39,597 --> 00:08:42,680
<i>On again, off again,
a thousand times.</i>

164
00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:45,602
Okay.

165
00:08:48,357 --> 00:08:51,042
Oh. Bianca. Well, this is awkw...

166
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:56,442
Sorry, were you just hitting
on my ex-boyfriend?

167
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:59,641
No, no. Just having some me time
at my locker.

168
00:08:59,797 --> 00:09:01,720
- He approached me.
- Oh. Totally.

169
00:09:01,877 --> 00:09:03,686
I agree. That could never happen.

170
00:09:05,597 --> 00:09:08,077
I know you miss me.

171
00:09:09,797 --> 00:09:11,561
That's a healthy thing
you've got going.

172
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,446
Later, B.

173
00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:18,848
B, it's a party.

174
00:09:19,037 --> 00:09:20,641
You should wear something cute.

175
00:09:20,797 --> 00:09:23,038
Here. Lots of options for you.

176
00:09:23,197 --> 00:09:25,564
How about this?

177
00:09:25,717 --> 00:09:26,764
Pretty.

178
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:30,006
- What the hell is this, underwear?
- No, it's a camisole.

179
00:09:30,757 --> 00:09:33,237
No? Not for you? Okay. Um...

180
00:09:33,397 --> 00:09:37,925
Ooh. How about this?
It's a little darker, kind of sexy. Hmm?

181
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,961
Fine. Although I did hear Toby's
gonna be at the party tonight.

182
00:09:43,117 --> 00:09:44,642
Oh, like that would matter.

183
00:09:44,797 --> 00:09:46,925
I mean, it's not like
she's gonna say anything to him.

184
00:09:47,077 --> 00:09:50,968
- Excuse me, I might.
- Mm?

185
00:09:51,477 --> 00:09:52,842
Maybe I'll, you know...

186
00:09:55,037 --> 00:09:56,607
Yeah, on second thought,

187
00:09:56,757 --> 00:10:01,604
I think I'm just gonna stick
with the old lucky party shirt.

188
00:10:01,757 --> 00:10:03,725
- Wait for it.
- Bianca, don't do it.

189
00:10:03,877 --> 00:10:05,322
- Huh?
- B.

190
00:10:05,477 --> 00:10:06,603
Says it on there.

191
00:10:06,757 --> 00:10:07,883
- No.
- Mm-mm.

192
00:10:08,037 --> 00:10:09,527
- And, you know, maybe...
- No.

193
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:12,203
- ...I'll round it outwith old trusty...
- Not the flannel.

194
00:10:12,357 --> 00:10:14,007
- Nice muted tones.
- No.

195
00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:15,807
That is not a good look.

196
00:10:15,957 --> 00:10:18,688
This is a good look.

197
00:10:18,837 --> 00:10:20,521
<i>And that's my mom.</i>

198
00:10:20,717 --> 00:10:24,324
<i>Three years ago my dad left her,
and she did not handle it well.</i>

199
00:10:30,437 --> 00:10:33,441
<i>But one night divine inspiration struck.</i>

200
00:10:33,597 --> 00:10:35,884
<i>You can expect to go
through five stages.</i>

201
00:10:36,037 --> 00:10:38,643
<i>- The first is denial.
- No way, because I'm not dying.</i>

202
00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:41,687
<i>- Second is anger.
- Why, you little... Agh!</i>

203
00:10:41,837 --> 00:10:43,327
<i>After that comes fear.</i>

204
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,525
<i>- What's after fear?
- Bargaining.</i>

205
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:48,157
<i>Get me out of this.
I'll make it worth your while.</i>

206
00:10:48,317 --> 00:10:52,003
<i>- Finally, acceptance.
- Well, we all gotta go sometime.</i>

207
00:10:52,157 --> 00:10:54,842
<i>And just like that,
she became Dottie Piper,</i>

208
00:10:54,997 --> 00:10:57,841
<i>local celebrity
to the 40-and-over self-help crowd,</i>

209
00:10:57,997 --> 00:11:01,080
<i>all-around rock star
and occasional mom.</i>

210
00:11:03,477 --> 00:11:05,684
All right, let me tell you something.

211
00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:09,159
I was in the depression stage
about my ex,

212
00:11:09,317 --> 00:11:11,968
but I combined my ex
with "depression,"

213
00:11:12,117 --> 00:11:14,085
and I got "expression."

214
00:11:15,397 --> 00:11:17,445
if you girls wanna really
knock the boys out,

215
00:11:17,597 --> 00:11:20,840
you should project boldness
with a power pantsuit combo.

216
00:11:21,717 --> 00:11:23,606
I'm gonna look like
Hillary Clinton, Mom.

217
00:11:23,757 --> 00:11:25,088
I know, right?

218
00:11:25,237 --> 00:11:28,525
Okay, kids, enjoy your party. I love you.
I have another seminar to prep for.

219
00:11:28,677 --> 00:11:30,679
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

220
00:11:38,717 --> 00:11:40,957
- I love your outfit.
- Caitlyn, can you make sure

221
00:11:41,077 --> 00:11:43,887
you get a shot of the desserts?
Jess, hair's looking good.

222
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,323
Ugh. She needs a blow-out.

223
00:11:45,477 --> 00:11:47,161
Here, Kelly, take the blue ones.

224
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:50,605
They're sugar-free, and I know you're
trying to watch that kind of thing.

225
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,643
What?

226
00:11:58,797 --> 00:12:01,277
You've got to be kidding me.

227
00:12:08,037 --> 00:12:09,687
- Wesley?
- Agh!

228
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:11,441
Caitlyn.

229
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,207
Hey, Mads.

230
00:12:14,757 --> 00:12:16,919
Really? With this?
Does she have to film everything?

231
00:12:17,077 --> 00:12:19,967
Wesley, I'm what's known
as pre-famous.

232
00:12:20,117 --> 00:12:22,643
My life is an audition for reality TV.

233
00:12:22,797 --> 00:12:26,165
So, yeah, um,
I need to chronicle everything.

234
00:12:26,637 --> 00:12:28,557
That was a good take for me.
Get a wide shot too.

235
00:12:28,677 --> 00:12:30,167
Hey, Caitlyn, take five.

236
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,967
- Thanks.
- Ew.

237
00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:36,121
This is why we are not dating, okay?

238
00:12:36,317 --> 00:12:39,161
Because you, my friend,
are a juvenile dipshit.

239
00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:41,325
- I could be dating college guys...
- Yeah.

240
00:12:41,477 --> 00:12:44,606
...or famous people or BO-year-olds.

241
00:12:44,757 --> 00:12:46,646
That sounds like an awesome
episode of Dateline.

242
00:12:46,797 --> 00:12:48,287
Enjoy those saggy balls.

243
00:12:48,437 --> 00:12:51,407
Fine, I Will. Ugh.

244
00:12:55,997 --> 00:12:57,647
Come on, man.

245
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,564
Guys, I don't see Toby.

246
00:13:00,757 --> 00:13:02,885
- I don't know where Toby is.
- Come dance with us.

247
00:13:03,037 --> 00:13:04,437
Do you think he didn't come?

248
00:13:04,557 --> 00:13:06,685
- Party pooper.
- No, no, guys, I don't dance.

249
00:13:06,837 --> 00:13:08,999
Come on, B. Come on, B.

250
00:13:09,157 --> 00:13:11,842
- No, no, no.
- Yeah, you do. Come on, you dance.

251
00:13:11,997 --> 00:13:13,283
You do. Come on.

252
00:13:14,157 --> 00:13:16,046
- Come on.
- Okay.

253
00:13:16,197 --> 00:13:17,437
- There you go.
- Hey.

254
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:20,123
- Hey.
- Ooh, look at those moves. Whoo!

255
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:23,008
- See?
- Oh, man, all this dancing

256
00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:24,837
made me so thirsty.
I'm gonna get a drink.

257
00:13:24,957 --> 00:13:26,721
B, really?

258
00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,887
<i>Let you get away</i>

259
00:13:40,037 --> 00:13:42,517
<i>Now, don't go away</i>

260
00:13:42,717 --> 00:13:45,960
<i>My darling
Don't go away</i>

261
00:13:49,597 --> 00:13:50,723
Hey, Billy.

262
00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:52,447
- No, just Bianca.
- Jesus.

263
00:13:52,637 --> 00:13:54,207
Looking very handsome tonight.

264
00:13:54,357 --> 00:13:55,882
Why, thank you.

265
00:13:56,037 --> 00:13:57,198
Having fun at the party?

266
00:13:57,397 --> 00:14:00,879
Yeah, actually, your girls
are looking incredible out there.

267
00:14:01,037 --> 00:14:02,482
Have they asked about me?

268
00:14:02,637 --> 00:14:04,287
When I told them
that you were here,

269
00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:09,159
their eyes filled with this, like, sparkle,
you know, with, like, childlike wonder,

270
00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:11,684
and then they just started
dancing together.

271
00:14:11,837 --> 00:14:13,566
- It was kind of beautiful.
- Yeah, it was.

272
00:14:13,717 --> 00:14:17,517
Do they do other things together

273
00:14:17,677 --> 00:14:19,884
that I might be able to join in on
or just watch?

274
00:14:20,037 --> 00:14:22,847
I'm kidding.
Not kidding at all. Tell me everything.

275
00:14:22,997 --> 00:14:25,762
Yeah, it's actually not my job
to give you pervy intel

276
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:29,000
- on my best friends, but thanks.
- Well, I mean, it kind of is, though.

277
00:14:29,157 --> 00:14:30,841
People ask you questions
about them, right,

278
00:14:30,997 --> 00:14:33,045
because that's your job
as their DUFF.

279
00:14:34,277 --> 00:14:36,279
Sorry, as their what?

280
00:14:36,477 --> 00:14:38,605
DUFF. D-U-F-F.

281
00:14:38,757 --> 00:14:40,361
Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

282
00:14:42,997 --> 00:14:44,487
What did you just say to me?

283
00:14:44,957 --> 00:14:48,006
It's not like a big deal, okay? I mean,
like, every group of friends has one.

284
00:14:48,197 --> 00:14:51,087
The one who doesn't look as good,
thus making their friends look better.

285
00:14:51,237 --> 00:14:53,922
The one who's approachable
and easy to talk to,

286
00:14:54,117 --> 00:14:55,917
because no one's trying
to get in their pants.

287
00:14:56,077 --> 00:14:59,365
And if you don't know
who it is, chances are it's you.

288
00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:02,407
Say when. Say...

289
00:15:02,877 --> 00:15:05,960
Okay, look, I didn't mean it
like that, all right? Urn...

290
00:15:06,117 --> 00:15:09,087
The DUFF doesn't always have to be
some heinous beast, all right?

291
00:15:09,237 --> 00:15:10,921
Take a look at Robin.

292
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:13,322
Robin's, like, super cute.

293
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:16,242
Okay, but her friends are super hot.

294
00:15:17,077 --> 00:15:20,286
Oh, God,
that is such a guy thing to say.

295
00:15:20,477 --> 00:15:22,127
Guys can be DUFFs too, okay?

296
00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:24,439
You know my boy A.J.,
freshman on the football team?

297
00:15:24,597 --> 00:15:25,717
We're in chemistry together.

298
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:28,204
Now he's doing the second most
important job a DUFF can do,

299
00:15:28,357 --> 00:15:30,877
acting as, like, the gatekeeper
to their better-looking friends.

300
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:33,443
The guy with the info people go to
before they make their move.

301
00:15:33,597 --> 00:15:35,804
- Watch, watch.
- Is it true Wes is single?

302
00:15:35,957 --> 00:15:37,800
Ahem. Uh, sure is, yeah.

303
00:15:37,997 --> 00:15:41,240
Got it. Thanks, A.J. You're sweet.

304
00:15:43,957 --> 00:15:45,959
- Hi.
- Hey, Wes.

305
00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:48,563
See? She gets her info,
he gets to talk to a hot senior.

306
00:15:48,757 --> 00:15:50,917
Even got a little action.
I didn't have to do anything.

307
00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:52,841
It's kind of like us right now.

308
00:15:52,997 --> 00:15:55,887
Excuse me,
that is not like us right now.

309
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,198
B, on an average day,

310
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,564
how many guys ask you questions
about Jess and Casey?

311
00:16:01,557 --> 00:16:04,766
- I don't know. It's a fair amount.
- Okay.

312
00:16:04,917 --> 00:16:07,602
On an average day, how many guys
ask you questions about you?

313
00:16:10,677 --> 00:16:12,918
See?
You friended up, okay?

314
00:16:13,117 --> 00:16:15,484
Good for you. Good talk.
You know what? Get back out there.

315
00:16:15,637 --> 00:16:17,127
Have some...

316
00:16:18,597 --> 00:16:20,964
Hey, what the hell was that for?

317
00:16:24,037 --> 00:16:26,438
Stupid Wes.

318
00:16:27,677 --> 00:16:29,520
It's not even...

319
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,126
Really?

320
00:17:03,557 --> 00:17:05,286
Oh, God.

321
00:17:12,077 --> 00:17:13,806
<i>I am the DUFF.</i>

322
00:17:14,237 --> 00:17:17,366
<i>Impress me to get to my friends.</i>

323
00:17:17,517 --> 00:17:19,201
<i>I am the gatekeeper.</i>

324
00:17:22,397 --> 00:17:24,320
I'm not the DUFF.

325
00:17:46,757 --> 00:17:47,997
Hey, Duffy.

326
00:17:48,157 --> 00:17:50,205
Shouldn't you be working
with a partner?

327
00:17:50,357 --> 00:17:51,927
Shouldn't you be working at all?

328
00:17:52,077 --> 00:17:54,205
Lab partner's got this.

329
00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:56,328
Oh, boy. Clearly.

330
00:17:56,477 --> 00:17:59,367
Bill Nye over there looks
like she's about to drink that acid.

331
00:18:02,277 --> 00:18:03,608
I work alone.

332
00:18:03,757 --> 00:18:06,078
- Take a hint.
- Why are you so grumpy?

333
00:18:06,237 --> 00:18:09,480
You know, I should be mad at you.
You ruined my favorite shirt.

334
00:18:10,677 --> 00:18:13,442
You called me fat and ugly, Wesley.

335
00:18:13,597 --> 00:18:16,362
What? No, I didn't.
I called you the DUFF.

336
00:18:16,517 --> 00:18:17,564
Yeah, excuse me.

337
00:18:17,717 --> 00:18:21,438
It's just that stands for
Designated Ugly Fat Friend, dick face.

338
00:18:21,597 --> 00:18:23,759
You can't take it literally, okay?

339
00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:26,761
I mean, the DUFF doesn't
actually have to be fat or ugly.

340
00:18:26,957 --> 00:18:28,797
You know, like Tony Romo,
he's a Dallas Cowboy.

341
00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:31,847
It's not like he rides a horse, right?

342
00:18:31,997 --> 00:18:34,284
I have no idea
what the hell you're talking about.

343
00:18:34,437 --> 00:18:37,441
I'm just saying,
I would never call anyone fat or ugly.

344
00:18:37,597 --> 00:18:39,599
Okay? That's messed up.

345
00:18:39,757 --> 00:18:42,124
But it's the word and it stuck.
It's a catchall.

346
00:18:42,277 --> 00:18:45,724
Oh, my God.
Get out of here before I murder you.

347
00:18:48,957 --> 00:18:51,483
- Are you kidding? Okay.
- I'll murder you.

348
00:18:52,477 --> 00:18:54,400
B, where the hell'd you go?

349
00:18:54,557 --> 00:18:56,400
Home. Wasn't feeling good.

350
00:18:56,557 --> 00:18:58,480
Oh, well,
you didn't really miss much.

351
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,038
Yeah, except Jess making out
with Ryan Jensen,

352
00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:02,523
the cops busting up the party,

353
00:19:02,677 --> 00:19:05,328
and, like, everyone TP'ing
Rebecca Cutter's house.

354
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,684
She's right, it was pretty awesome.

355
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,007
Hello? Are you okay?

356
00:19:10,157 --> 00:19:12,159
Yeah, just get the food.

357
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,968
- Hey there, Jess and Casey.
- Hey

358
00:19:17,317 --> 00:19:18,364
Hey, Elaine.

359
00:19:18,517 --> 00:19:20,360
Hey, you.

360
00:19:25,997 --> 00:19:27,362
Hey, Jeffrey.

361
00:19:31,197 --> 00:19:34,201
<i>It was becoming harder
and harder to deny the truth.</i>

362
00:19:34,397 --> 00:19:37,048
<i>- Without Jess and Casey...
- Hey, Jess, Casey.</i>

363
00:19:37,237 --> 00:19:38,807
Hey, Principal Buchanon.

364
00:19:38,957 --> 00:19:40,766
<i>...I ceased to be.</i>

365
00:19:44,077 --> 00:19:45,966
Girls, party at my place.

366
00:19:46,197 --> 00:19:47,722
Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.

367
00:19:48,117 --> 00:19:50,848
<i>Holy shit. I was the DUFF.</i>

368
00:19:51,717 --> 00:19:54,038
Jess and Casey. Jess and Casey.

369
00:19:54,557 --> 00:19:56,161
Jess and Casey.

370
00:19:56,597 --> 00:19:58,565
Jess and Casey.

371
00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:02,839
Why was I Bosley?
There were three Angels.

372
00:20:02,997 --> 00:20:04,408
Okay.

373
00:20:04,597 --> 00:20:07,237
<i>You know in Batman
when that guy falls into the vat of acid</i>

374
00:20:07,357 --> 00:20:08,518
<i>and becomes the Joker?</i>

375
00:20:08,677 --> 00:20:10,520
<i>This was my "vat of acid" moment.</i>

376
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,442
<i>My best friends made me
the DUFF.</i>

377
00:20:13,597 --> 00:20:16,567
<i>And that made me...</i>

378
00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:18,248
Angry.

379
00:20:23,317 --> 00:20:27,527
Bianca, let's go.
You'll be late for school.

380
00:20:27,677 --> 00:20:29,964
<i>The world gave me the gift
of in visibility,</i>

381
00:20:30,117 --> 00:20:32,723
<i>a license to not give a shit.</i>

382
00:20:32,917 --> 00:20:34,965
You look crazy.

383
00:20:35,117 --> 00:20:37,040
Crazy amazing.

384
00:21:03,957 --> 00:21:07,643
<i>Oh, God, even my car's a DUFF.</i>

385
00:21:13,997 --> 00:21:16,921
<i>I couldn't even look at Jess
and Casey, they made me so mad.</i>

386
00:21:17,077 --> 00:21:21,241
<i>Our entire friendship was a sham,
and everyone knew but me.</i>

387
00:21:21,397 --> 00:21:23,320
Hey, B, will you take a look
at my fashion piece?

388
00:21:23,477 --> 00:21:24,888
I need a layman's opinion.

389
00:21:27,317 --> 00:21:29,684
You're aware I'm a woman, right?

390
00:21:30,517 --> 00:21:32,599
What? Oh, no.
"Layman," it's just a phrase.

391
00:21:32,757 --> 00:21:34,566
I just mean
you're not a fashion expert.

392
00:21:34,717 --> 00:21:36,401
Oh, so I have bad style?

393
00:21:37,157 --> 00:21:39,444
Whoa, someone's in a mood.
Lighten up.

394
00:21:39,597 --> 00:21:42,168
Lighten up? Because I'm so heavy?

395
00:21:42,837 --> 00:21:45,158
Is there a problem?

396
00:21:45,677 --> 00:21:47,406
Outside.

397
00:21:52,637 --> 00:21:56,244
How could you guys not tell me
this whole time that I was your DUFF?

398
00:21:56,397 --> 00:22:00,083
- Our what?
- Your Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

399
00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:02,683
Yeah, yeah.
Wesley told me everything.

400
00:22:02,877 --> 00:22:05,847
Ha, ha. He can't even spell.

401
00:22:05,997 --> 00:22:08,159
That's actually pretty creative
for Wes.

402
00:22:08,317 --> 00:22:10,479
Since when do you care
what Wesley Rush says?

403
00:22:10,677 --> 00:22:12,520
He says crazy stuff all the time.

404
00:22:12,677 --> 00:22:14,122
Uh, because it makes sense.

405
00:22:14,277 --> 00:22:17,520
I mean, why else would two
super-hot, popular girls

406
00:22:17,677 --> 00:22:19,202
wanna be friends
with somebody like me?

407
00:22:19,397 --> 00:22:21,843
It's because you're using me
to make yourselves look better.

408
00:22:21,997 --> 00:22:24,682
Okay, just because you think one of us
is better-looking than you...

409
00:22:24,837 --> 00:22:27,488
Oh, my God. There it is, there it is.
You know what? No, no, no.

410
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:28,718
I'm glad you said that,

411
00:22:28,877 --> 00:22:32,598
because it makes what I'm about to do
a whole lot easier.

412
00:22:36,117 --> 00:22:38,688
Yeah, go ahead and check them.

413
00:22:43,037 --> 00:22:44,846
Did you just unfriend me?

414
00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:46,728
You bet your ass I did.

415
00:22:47,757 --> 00:22:49,247
Well, fine.

416
00:22:49,397 --> 00:22:52,162
Then I am taking you
off of Instagram.

417
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:54,522
Well, hallelujah, okay?

418
00:22:54,677 --> 00:22:57,726
I don't have to look at pictures of your
artisanal cappuccinos every morning.

419
00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,925
How dare you?
You love those foam faces.

420
00:23:00,077 --> 00:23:01,806
- They're foam-tastic.
- Shh.

421
00:23:01,957 --> 00:23:03,925
Look, we're going through
something over here.

422
00:23:04,077 --> 00:23:05,567
Guess what else.

423
00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:07,719
Unfollowed y'all on Twitter.

424
00:23:07,877 --> 00:23:11,199
Oh, perfect. No more of Bianca's
almost-ironic tweets for the day.

425
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:13,598
Heh. Oh, that's rich,
coming from this guy

426
00:23:13,757 --> 00:23:15,361
who's RT'ing them all day long.

427
00:23:15,517 --> 00:23:16,803
They're pity RTs.

428
00:23:18,117 --> 00:23:19,278
You know what?

429
00:23:19,437 --> 00:23:22,281
I'm taking you off of my
We Heart It and my Vine feed.

430
00:23:22,437 --> 00:23:24,804
Oh, great,
because I don't like your loops, okay?

431
00:23:24,957 --> 00:23:27,847
And you know what else?
I'm blocking your ass on Tumblr.

432
00:23:27,997 --> 00:23:29,999
And you, you're off my Snapchat.

433
00:23:30,157 --> 00:23:31,807
Well, fine.

434
00:23:31,957 --> 00:23:35,279
- Fine.
- Fine.

435
00:23:35,437 --> 00:23:37,917
I'm a free woman.

436
00:23:39,797 --> 00:23:42,926
And don't you dare be creeping
on my Pinterest, whores.

437
00:23:43,077 --> 00:23:46,126
I'm so sorry, Susan.
I'll see you tomorrow.

438
00:23:50,357 --> 00:23:52,359
<i>Wes had made me
see the school differently,</i>

439
00:23:52,517 --> 00:23:54,724
<i>and I wasn't happy about it.</i>

440
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:06,087
<i>It didn't matter what group
you were in, it was unavoidable.</i>

441
00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:09,081
<i>Even if you weren't in a group,
like Creepy Carrie Raskowitz.</i>

442
00:24:09,237 --> 00:24:11,524
I'm my own best friend.

443
00:24:15,757 --> 00:24:17,157
<i>Did any of these people know</i>

444
00:24:17,277 --> 00:24:19,598
<i>where they stood
in the social hierarchy?</i>

445
00:24:29,557 --> 00:24:31,366
Cool socks.

446
00:24:31,717 --> 00:24:32,843
Really dig them.

447
00:24:35,877 --> 00:24:37,879
I wanna make out with your face.

448
00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:42,162
Good, because my face wants you
to make out with it.

449
00:24:55,037 --> 00:24:56,766
Socks?

450
00:24:57,197 --> 00:24:58,687
They...

451
00:25:02,357 --> 00:25:03,927
What the...?

452
00:25:09,157 --> 00:25:12,240
<i>I never knew
why I couldn't talk to Toby.</i>

453
00:25:12,397 --> 00:25:14,047
<i>Now I did.</i>

454
00:25:14,237 --> 00:25:17,605
<i>Because, like everyone else in school,
he knew what I was.</i>

455
00:25:17,757 --> 00:25:20,078
<i>And subconsciously I knew it too.</i>

456
00:25:20,237 --> 00:25:22,558
<i>- It was all so easy for Wes.
- Ha, ha.</i>

457
00:25:22,717 --> 00:25:24,481
Look, I'm no wine expert,
but I'm pretty sure

458
00:25:24,637 --> 00:25:26,127
you mix red and white, you get rose.

459
00:25:26,277 --> 00:25:28,405
<i>- He could talk to anyone.
- Wesley.</i>

460
00:25:28,557 --> 00:25:29,638
Back to work.

461
00:25:40,077 --> 00:25:42,557
Take a seat, Mr. Rush.

462
00:25:43,677 --> 00:25:46,248
That's your third F.
I don't know what's going on with you.

463
00:25:46,437 --> 00:25:48,197
But the principal and I talked
and we decided

464
00:25:48,277 --> 00:25:51,360
until you get your grades up,
you're suspended from the team.

465
00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:53,804
Well, can't we talk
to Coach Grant about it?

466
00:25:53,957 --> 00:25:57,006
Yeah, Coach Grant agrees
with my decision.

467
00:25:57,597 --> 00:26:00,760
Okay, okay, look,
I can't lose my scholarship.

468
00:26:01,277 --> 00:26:03,518
It's the only way
I can get into college.

469
00:26:03,677 --> 00:26:06,203
I wish you would've thought
of that before.

470
00:26:17,437 --> 00:26:18,677
You want me to what?

471
00:26:18,837 --> 00:26:21,681
I don't wanna be anybody's
DUFF anymore, okay?

472
00:26:21,837 --> 00:26:23,646
I wanna be my own person.

473
00:26:23,797 --> 00:26:27,279
I'm tired of being
the approachable one.

474
00:26:27,477 --> 00:26:29,684
I wanna be the datable one.

475
00:26:30,637 --> 00:26:32,765
You're asking me for dating advice?

476
00:26:32,917 --> 00:26:35,761
Today of all days?
Are you kidding me?

477
00:26:36,637 --> 00:26:38,958
Look, I have a crush on this boy.

478
00:26:39,157 --> 00:26:41,683
His name's Toby Tucker.
Maybe you've heard of him.

479
00:26:41,837 --> 00:26:44,078
Well, I can't seem to talk to him

480
00:26:44,237 --> 00:26:46,478
without making a total ass
of myself, okay?

481
00:26:46,637 --> 00:26:48,207
And you never seem
to have this problem.

482
00:26:48,357 --> 00:26:51,600
- Don't you hate me?
- I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do.

483
00:26:51,797 --> 00:26:54,198
But only because you're a dipshit
and a man-whore.

484
00:26:54,357 --> 00:26:56,086
But you're the only one
in this whole school

485
00:26:56,237 --> 00:26:57,762
who told me
what was actually going on.

486
00:26:57,917 --> 00:27:00,682
So you're an honest dipshit,
and that's what counts.

487
00:27:00,837 --> 00:27:02,202
- Thanks?
- Can we just...?

488
00:27:02,357 --> 00:27:03,882
Can we just cool it for a second?

489
00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:08,008
Okay, here's my offer.

490
00:27:08,317 --> 00:27:11,844
I will make sure you pass science
if you help me with this.

491
00:27:13,837 --> 00:27:16,841
I mean, you got the easy part.
You could pass science in your sleep.

492
00:27:16,997 --> 00:27:19,887
I have to reverse-DUFF you.
Are you wearing pajamas?

493
00:27:20,037 --> 00:27:22,244
Oh, my God.
You know, I get it Wesley, okay?

494
00:27:22,397 --> 00:27:24,764
I'm disgusting. I'm a swamp thing.

495
00:27:24,917 --> 00:27:27,682
- I'm a regular Bela Lugosi.
- Who?

496
00:27:27,837 --> 00:27:30,677
I can't even believe I thought that
I could ask you something like this.

497
00:27:30,797 --> 00:27:31,878
Just forget it.

498
00:27:32,037 --> 00:27:35,439
You know, have fun playing intramural
Wii golf this season, dick face.

499
00:27:36,197 --> 00:27:37,403
Okay, okay, okay.

500
00:27:37,957 --> 00:27:39,368
Come here.

501
00:27:41,677 --> 00:27:44,248
Look, I'm an idiot.

502
00:27:44,397 --> 00:27:46,877
And idiots don't exactly
give great advice.

503
00:27:48,357 --> 00:27:50,724
Well, look at it this way.

504
00:27:50,877 --> 00:27:53,403
It's not like you could make me
any more awkward, right?

505
00:27:53,557 --> 00:27:55,082
That's true.

506
00:27:56,157 --> 00:27:58,683
See? Idiot.

507
00:27:59,877 --> 00:28:01,606
So you'll do it?

508
00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:04,558
- Yeah.
- Yes.

509
00:28:04,717 --> 00:28:05,843
On one condition.

510
00:28:06,037 --> 00:28:08,039
You gotta ask me in monster voice.

511
00:28:08,197 --> 00:28:10,643
- Wesley. Monster voice?
- Yeah.

512
00:28:10,797 --> 00:28:12,242
- From when we were little?
- Mm-hm.

513
00:28:12,397 --> 00:28:14,365
- No, I don't... I don't remember it.
- You sure?

514
00:28:14,517 --> 00:28:15,797
- Yes, I couldn't even...
- Okay.

515
00:28:15,917 --> 00:28:17,442
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

516
00:28:21,157 --> 00:28:24,161
Bianca need Wesley help.

517
00:28:24,317 --> 00:28:28,527
- Please, Wesley, help Bianca?
- Ha, ha.

518
00:28:28,677 --> 00:28:31,117
- There you go.
- Not bad. You still got it.

519
00:28:31,237 --> 00:28:32,762
So easily amused.

520
00:28:32,917 --> 00:28:35,602
- We got a deal?
- Yeah.

521
00:28:36,437 --> 00:28:39,088
- I was just going low, that's all.
- Just...

522
00:28:39,597 --> 00:28:40,883
- Yes. All right.
- Okay.

523
00:28:41,037 --> 00:28:43,438
So, you have to pass
the chemistry midterm, okay?

524
00:28:43,597 --> 00:28:45,361
- So we'll focus on that first.
- Yeah.

525
00:28:45,517 --> 00:28:47,918
And where do we start with me?

526
00:28:49,437 --> 00:28:52,441
- The mall, noon, Saturday.
- All right, cool.

527
00:28:52,597 --> 00:28:54,440
Will there be
a lot of walking, though?

528
00:28:54,597 --> 00:28:56,964
Because I'll wear my Shape-ups.
Having some...

529
00:28:57,117 --> 00:28:58,642
Text me.

530
00:28:58,837 --> 00:29:01,078
<i>I was nervous,
relying on the school Neanderthal,</i>

531
00:29:01,237 --> 00:29:03,046
<i>but what was the worst
he could do?</i>

532
00:29:03,197 --> 00:29:06,121
- Are you kidding me with this?
- I'm not.

533
00:29:06,277 --> 00:29:09,804
Wes, if I wanted to go shopping
and talk about girly stuff,

534
00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,641
I could've done that
with Jess and Casey.

535
00:29:11,797 --> 00:29:14,243
- I need you to give me real talk.
- Real talk?

536
00:29:14,437 --> 00:29:16,997
You got a uniboob, your posture sucks,
and your clothes fit weird

537
00:29:17,117 --> 00:29:19,563
because you wear the wrong size bra.
Boom, real talk.

538
00:29:20,637 --> 00:29:22,526
<i>I watch a lot of Project Runway.
What's up?</i>

539
00:29:22,677 --> 00:29:25,078
Step one: First impressions matter,

540
00:29:25,277 --> 00:29:26,847
so take some pride
in your appearance.

541
00:29:26,997 --> 00:29:29,125
Ladies, this is Bianca.

542
00:29:29,277 --> 00:29:31,883
Take good care of her. I'm gonna
get the hell out of this section.

543
00:29:32,077 --> 00:29:33,408
- Wes, no, don't go.
- Ach.

544
00:29:33,557 --> 00:29:35,480
- Unibooben.
- Sí, uniboob.

545
00:29:41,677 --> 00:29:44,681
- What do you think?
- Hey, look at those.

546
00:29:44,837 --> 00:29:47,807
- You... You look great.
- Thanks. That's enough.

547
00:29:47,957 --> 00:29:49,482
- Well, I know my boobs.
- Okay.

548
00:29:49,677 --> 00:29:51,361
- Can we leave?
- Definitely not.

549
00:29:51,557 --> 00:29:54,845
We've got the whole place.
We are just getting started.

550
00:29:54,997 --> 00:29:58,001
Step two:
Time to show the world who you are.

551
00:29:58,157 --> 00:30:00,683
The truth is, I don't know
who you are from your clothes, okay?

552
00:30:00,837 --> 00:30:04,080
You need to start dressing more
like you, and less like Wreck-It Ralph.

553
00:30:05,757 --> 00:30:08,237
- Fine.
- Dressing rooms are back there,

554
00:30:08,397 --> 00:30:11,401
and, uh, maybe try on a new attitude
while you're at it.

555
00:30:14,277 --> 00:30:15,608
Get in there.

556
00:30:16,477 --> 00:30:19,162
Can we please just make this quick?

557
00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:27,482
Okay, next.

558
00:30:30,437 --> 00:30:32,917
- Try to keep it in your pants.
- Next.

559
00:30:34,717 --> 00:30:37,846
- Nope.
- This one might be my favorite yet.

560
00:30:37,997 --> 00:30:39,806
It... It's not that bad.

561
00:30:40,837 --> 00:30:42,999
Okay, perfect. Hold that pose.

562
00:30:43,157 --> 00:30:44,443
Are you filming me?

563
00:30:44,597 --> 00:30:46,645
Game tape, for review.
This is what you look like

564
00:30:46,797 --> 00:30:50,483
when you're not overthinking things,
actually having some fun.

565
00:30:50,757 --> 00:30:54,478
If anybody ever sees this,
I'll rip your nut sack off.

566
00:30:54,637 --> 00:30:56,162
I'll rip it right off.

567
00:30:56,677 --> 00:30:58,964
- Okay.
- Rip it.

568
00:30:59,117 --> 00:31:01,597
Super aggressive.
Look, if this is gonna work,

569
00:31:01,757 --> 00:31:04,124
you gotta lighten up,
and you're gonna have to trust me.

570
00:31:09,397 --> 00:31:11,161
All right.

571
00:31:11,317 --> 00:31:13,558
- It's go time.
- Okay.

572
00:31:13,997 --> 00:31:16,238
Here we go. Yeah.

573
00:31:16,397 --> 00:31:17,728
Rub the belly.

574
00:31:18,277 --> 00:31:19,881
Oh, uh-oh.

575
00:31:20,277 --> 00:31:22,757
Oh, yeah. You got moves.

576
00:31:26,917 --> 00:31:29,682
Oh. No. Mm.

577
00:31:29,837 --> 00:31:31,282
Okay, dancing makes it worse.

578
00:31:35,597 --> 00:31:38,328
No, no, still worse.

579
00:31:38,477 --> 00:31:41,367
- Is that good?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

580
00:31:41,517 --> 00:31:43,007
Are you twerking?

581
00:31:45,597 --> 00:31:47,486
Ooh. Oh.

582
00:31:47,637 --> 00:31:48,798
What's that?

583
00:31:48,957 --> 00:31:50,482
Oh, my God.

584
00:31:53,677 --> 00:31:55,361
This is just getting weird now.

585
00:31:56,877 --> 00:31:58,606
Look out. Okay. Heh.

586
00:31:58,757 --> 00:32:00,327
It's a little weird now.

587
00:32:00,517 --> 00:32:03,123
- Whoo! Yeah. Whoo!
- Okay, I think... I think we're good.

588
00:32:03,277 --> 00:32:04,881
We're... No? You're...

589
00:32:05,037 --> 00:32:08,484
Actually, I've been meaning
to talk to you, Toby.

590
00:32:08,637 --> 00:32:11,925
I'm really, really into you.

591
00:32:12,117 --> 00:32:14,199
Don't tell me. Tell Toby.

592
00:32:14,357 --> 00:32:17,406
Toby Tucker.
I didn't know you were here.

593
00:32:17,557 --> 00:32:19,161
I have feelings for you.

594
00:32:19,637 --> 00:32:20,763
Look at me, Toby.

595
00:32:20,957 --> 00:32:23,085
Don't look at me. Look at me.

596
00:32:23,237 --> 00:32:25,638
Put your arm around me. Whoops.

597
00:32:25,837 --> 00:32:26,884
Toby, heh.

598
00:32:27,037 --> 00:32:28,926
You're a little excited, aren't you?
Toby...

599
00:32:29,477 --> 00:32:34,039
Toby, that is
unbelievably inappropriate.

600
00:32:34,197 --> 00:32:35,961
But it doesn't feel bad.

601
00:32:36,117 --> 00:32:37,767
- Okay.
- I need to talk to you.

602
00:32:37,917 --> 00:32:41,126
Oh, God, I want you so bad. Toby...

603
00:32:41,757 --> 00:32:45,125
Uh... I'm gonna change.
We should... We should go.

604
00:32:54,237 --> 00:32:56,683
What the shit?

605
00:32:57,357 --> 00:32:59,928
You're messing with the wrong girl.

606
00:33:00,957 --> 00:33:04,359
Looks like the lessons are off
to a real great start there, coachy.

607
00:33:04,517 --> 00:33:07,202
- Oh, did you have fun in here?
- No.

608
00:33:07,357 --> 00:33:09,041
No? Hmm.

609
00:33:09,597 --> 00:33:11,599
- You sure about that?
Ha-ha-ha.

610
00:33:11,797 --> 00:33:13,208
Oh, God, please, make it...

611
00:33:13,357 --> 00:33:14,882
- Make it go away. It's very bad.
- No.

612
00:33:15,037 --> 00:33:17,165
Step three, okay? Smile more.

613
00:33:17,317 --> 00:33:19,001
You're really cute
when you're having fun.

614
00:33:19,157 --> 00:33:22,525
So we are off to a great start,
smart-ass.

615
00:33:34,277 --> 00:33:35,802
Try it on.

616
00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:39,207
Um...

617
00:33:40,117 --> 00:33:44,247
You know, I'm really tired.
I think we should just take a break.

618
00:33:44,397 --> 00:33:45,728
Okay.

619
00:33:49,557 --> 00:33:52,925
All right, what are you really looking
to get out of your boy, Tony?

620
00:33:53,077 --> 00:33:54,283
- Toby.
- Tuba?

621
00:33:54,437 --> 00:33:57,407
You wanna blow his horn?
Put your hand on his instrument?

622
00:33:57,597 --> 00:33:59,122
- Little meow, meow, meow.
- Ugh.

623
00:33:59,277 --> 00:34:01,477
Was that a little laugh?
There was a little laugh there.

624
00:34:01,637 --> 00:34:04,083
- You laughed. You did laugh.
- I had a small stroke.

625
00:34:04,237 --> 00:34:06,478
Yeah, like a midget jerking it.

626
00:34:08,677 --> 00:34:10,679
You get it? Because he's small?

627
00:34:13,117 --> 00:34:14,721
That was...

628
00:34:14,877 --> 00:34:16,402
Okay, fine.

629
00:34:16,557 --> 00:34:18,366
Talking to Toby scares you, right?

630
00:34:18,517 --> 00:34:23,318
The only way to get over it
is to face it right here, right now.

631
00:34:23,477 --> 00:34:25,206
See Sweater Guy over there?

632
00:34:25,757 --> 00:34:28,442
I want you to walk over
and get his phone number.

633
00:34:30,797 --> 00:34:32,561
- No.
- Be totally gangster about it, okay?

634
00:34:32,757 --> 00:34:35,637
Just say, "I could tell from across
the room we might be into each other.

635
00:34:35,797 --> 00:34:38,482
Now that I'm here, I know it.
Your move."

636
00:34:39,517 --> 00:34:40,678
- Have you met me?
- Okay.

637
00:34:40,837 --> 00:34:42,521
I couldn't get through
three words of that.

638
00:34:42,677 --> 00:34:45,362
All right, walk over and say,
"Hey there."

639
00:34:45,837 --> 00:34:47,726
- "Hey there"?
- Hop up.

640
00:34:47,877 --> 00:34:49,561
Get up.

641
00:34:50,477 --> 00:34:52,718
All right, deep breath.

642
00:34:52,877 --> 00:34:54,561
Shoulders back.

643
00:34:54,717 --> 00:34:55,843
Lick your lips a little bit.

644
00:34:57,117 --> 00:35:01,167
Ah, don't worry about the lips.
Go, strut your stuff.

645
00:35:01,317 --> 00:35:03,638
- Like a peacock.
- Shh!

646
00:35:16,797 --> 00:35:17,844
Hey there.

647
00:35:18,357 --> 00:35:20,519
Hey there.

648
00:35:20,997 --> 00:35:25,127
Is that a wiener in your mouth
or are you just happy to see me?

649
00:35:26,117 --> 00:35:28,643
No, it's a bratwurst.

650
00:35:28,797 --> 00:35:30,686
Oh, yeah. No. Um...

651
00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:34,922
But is there a place to get a hot dog
here in this mall or...?

652
00:35:35,077 --> 00:35:36,681
Yeah.

653
00:35:38,197 --> 00:35:40,165
Oh. Hey-oh.

654
00:35:40,317 --> 00:35:42,524
- Tss, pfft. Pfft.
- Right?

655
00:35:42,677 --> 00:35:43,724
- Okay-
- okay-

656
00:35:43,877 --> 00:35:45,367
Bye-bye.

657
00:35:48,117 --> 00:35:52,406
Did you want to go out
with me, though?

658
00:35:52,877 --> 00:35:54,083
Out where?

659
00:35:54,237 --> 00:35:56,001
To, uh, dates?

660
00:35:56,157 --> 00:35:58,205
To a date? On a date? To a date?

661
00:35:59,317 --> 00:36:00,762
No.

662
00:36:01,197 --> 00:36:02,358
No. Okay.

663
00:36:02,797 --> 00:36:04,959
- Oh, you're good.
- Huh?

664
00:36:06,717 --> 00:36:08,048
- You're good.
- Oh.

665
00:36:08,197 --> 00:36:09,278
Where are the cameras?

666
00:36:09,477 --> 00:36:11,320
- Oh, of course.
- It's a YouTube video, right?

667
00:36:11,517 --> 00:36:13,042
- It's a joke.
- It's a YouTube video?

668
00:36:13,197 --> 00:36:15,120
Who would wanna go out
with this guy, right?

669
00:36:15,317 --> 00:36:17,160
- Oh, man, you're so good.
- Thank you so much.

670
00:36:17,357 --> 00:36:18,722
- Thank you.
- Totally believable.

671
00:36:18,877 --> 00:36:19,878
Great. Thank you.

672
00:36:20,037 --> 00:36:22,085
- How many hits did this get?
- Lot of hits.

673
00:36:22,277 --> 00:36:24,757
I'm taking a lot of hits today.
All right, see you later.

674
00:36:24,917 --> 00:36:26,043
- Cool.
- Okay.

675
00:36:26,197 --> 00:36:29,246
- Where can I find it online?
- Yep, bye.

676
00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:32,646
Man, so many
unanswered questions.

677
00:36:32,797 --> 00:36:35,277
Really good.
Thank you so much for that, teach.

678
00:36:35,437 --> 00:36:37,405
That was an awesome lesson.
I'm humiliated.

679
00:36:37,557 --> 00:36:39,878
Okay, look,
it was just the tryouts, all right?

680
00:36:40,037 --> 00:36:42,278
We're sizing up your strengths
and weaknesses.

681
00:36:43,797 --> 00:36:45,083
- And?
- And...

682
00:36:45,237 --> 00:36:47,558
You're horrible. I hope you like cats.

683
00:36:47,717 --> 00:36:48,878
Kidding.

684
00:36:49,037 --> 00:36:52,007
Next mission is to talk to 15 guys.

685
00:36:52,157 --> 00:36:56,446
Yeah, 15 guys,
without completely falling apart, okay?

686
00:36:56,597 --> 00:36:59,248
Step five: Take a few hits.

687
00:37:04,117 --> 00:37:06,802
Ahem. Nope. Okay.

688
00:37:06,957 --> 00:37:11,201
I can do this.
How hard could it be? Just do it.

689
00:37:12,957 --> 00:37:14,686
Excuse me, I, uh...

690
00:37:14,877 --> 00:37:16,686
...can't do this.

691
00:37:17,837 --> 00:37:20,124
Hey, I see you have a reusable bag.

692
00:37:20,277 --> 00:37:21,927
You're not listening.

693
00:37:22,837 --> 00:37:24,726
Hey, is this seat taken?

694
00:37:24,877 --> 00:37:28,677
Oh, you're busy.
I'll come back a little later.

695
00:37:29,637 --> 00:37:32,117
Oh. We have to stop
meeting like this. Heh.

696
00:37:32,277 --> 00:37:34,883
You're always going up.

697
00:37:35,677 --> 00:37:38,517
Best part about it is it's glass.
Sure, it's cumbersome to carry around,

698
00:37:38,637 --> 00:37:40,207
but I don't wanna have
breast cancer

699
00:37:40,397 --> 00:37:43,003
because I'm drinking out of plastic
water bottles my whole life.

700
00:37:43,197 --> 00:37:44,722
It's not really worth it, you know.

701
00:37:44,877 --> 00:37:48,598
Like, in Japan, the...
You have to go? Okay.

702
00:37:54,637 --> 00:37:56,480
Long day, huh?

703
00:37:57,677 --> 00:37:58,724
Too long.

704
00:38:00,037 --> 00:38:03,405
- Just get off work?
- Kind of.

705
00:38:03,557 --> 00:38:05,844
- Do you work here too?
- Oh, I'm at the yogurt place.

706
00:38:05,997 --> 00:38:09,046
I'm a toppings consultant.

707
00:38:09,197 --> 00:38:11,848
Oh, my God.
I didn't even know they had those.

708
00:38:11,997 --> 00:38:16,207
I've actually been making a lot of poor
choices with my toppings lately.

709
00:38:16,397 --> 00:38:18,684
Oh, have you?
Well, I got a card I can give you.

710
00:38:18,837 --> 00:38:20,362
- I'm Allen.
- Hey, Bianca.

711
00:38:20,517 --> 00:38:22,360
- Nice to meet you, Bianca.
- Nice to meet you.

712
00:38:22,517 --> 00:38:24,246
All right, so,
what's the number-one mistake

713
00:38:24,397 --> 00:38:26,077
that people make
when it comes to toppings?

714
00:38:26,237 --> 00:38:27,887
Ooh. Good question.

715
00:38:28,037 --> 00:38:29,368
- Granola.
- Granola?

716
00:38:29,517 --> 00:38:30,803
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.

717
00:38:34,317 --> 00:38:37,161
Wes, I did it.
I just got that guy's number.

718
00:38:37,317 --> 00:38:39,046
- Attagirl.
- I know.

719
00:38:39,197 --> 00:38:41,359
Think I deserve a little treat.

720
00:38:41,517 --> 00:38:45,044
I'm telling you, I'd really lost hope
around Guy 17, you know.

721
00:38:45,197 --> 00:38:47,165
Then came Guy 21.
Couldn't shut him up.

722
00:38:47,317 --> 00:38:48,762
- Easy.
- Real chatty Cathy.

723
00:38:48,917 --> 00:38:51,397
Easy. All right, don't get cocky.

724
00:38:51,597 --> 00:38:53,565
Today was only day one.

725
00:38:53,717 --> 00:38:56,368
Still, it felt pretty good, so...

726
00:38:56,557 --> 00:38:59,561
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

727
00:38:59,757 --> 00:39:02,203
All right, well, you held up
your end of the bargain,

728
00:39:02,397 --> 00:39:05,048
so I guess I will hold up mine.

729
00:39:05,237 --> 00:39:07,046
Here are my chemistry notes, okay?

730
00:39:07,237 --> 00:39:10,400
Live by this,
and you shall pass the midterm.

731
00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:12,082
Yeah.

732
00:39:12,237 --> 00:39:13,887
Uh...

733
00:39:14,077 --> 00:39:17,399
Enthalpy, entropy-

734
00:39:17,557 --> 00:39:19,207
Pauli exclusion principle?

735
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:21,439
- I was...
- Wesley?

736
00:39:21,597 --> 00:39:23,804
- Can we run?
- She's coming over.

737
00:39:25,077 --> 00:39:27,444
Oh, my God.
What a coincidence it is

738
00:39:27,597 --> 00:39:29,087
- seeing you here.
- Hey.

739
00:39:29,237 --> 00:39:32,639
So, urn, you two, huh?

740
00:39:33,397 --> 00:39:35,968
We're not... We're not here together.

741
00:39:36,117 --> 00:39:38,518
We just bumped
into each other here.

742
00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:42,648
Yeah. No, obviously, I don't...
I wouldn't wanna be...

743
00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:44,287
I couldn't possibly care less.

744
00:39:44,437 --> 00:39:46,041
Caitlyn, can you make sure
you get a shot

745
00:39:46,237 --> 00:39:47,648
- of them together, please?
- Yep.

746
00:39:48,197 --> 00:39:51,440
That's what sucking
at life looks like. Oh.

747
00:39:59,957 --> 00:40:01,561
I'm gonna, uh...

748
00:40:02,317 --> 00:40:04,684
- I'm gonna get started.
- I have to...

749
00:40:04,877 --> 00:40:06,879
I am late for an event.

750
00:40:07,037 --> 00:40:09,722
- Yeah.
- So I'm gonna...

751
00:40:10,237 --> 00:40:12,478
Mine is this way, though.

752
00:40:23,677 --> 00:40:25,167
What are you doing?

753
00:40:25,357 --> 00:40:26,643
Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.

754
00:40:26,797 --> 00:40:31,041
You caught me.
I'm uploading pictures to my profile.

755
00:40:31,237 --> 00:40:34,207
Just hang on a sec.
They're still loading.

756
00:40:34,637 --> 00:40:36,560
Sorry, your profile for what?

757
00:40:36,717 --> 00:40:38,481
A dating site.
I signed up for all of them.

758
00:40:38,637 --> 00:40:40,924
Match, eHarmony,
ChristianMingle, JDate.

759
00:40:41,077 --> 00:40:43,683
JDate? You're not Jewish.

760
00:40:43,877 --> 00:40:46,642
I know. That just makes me
more exotic on the site.

761
00:40:46,837 --> 00:40:47,884
Note to self.

762
00:40:48,037 --> 00:40:49,801
Okay, here we go.
Here's my profile pic.

763
00:40:49,957 --> 00:40:52,324
- Tell me what you think. Be brutal.
- Okay.

764
00:40:52,477 --> 00:40:55,003
Oh, uh, you're gonna use
the book picture?

765
00:40:55,157 --> 00:40:56,602
Oh, is it too formal?

766
00:40:56,757 --> 00:40:58,964
Well, it is a little...

767
00:40:59,117 --> 00:41:02,439
Well, it's either that or all the
duck-head poses people do on here.

768
00:41:03,917 --> 00:41:05,043
Oh, no, no.

769
00:41:05,197 --> 00:41:09,168
Dear God, it's "duck face,"
and stop that forever.

770
00:41:09,357 --> 00:41:13,760
All right. I'm just trying to get more
of these thingies, these, uh, flirties.

771
00:41:13,917 --> 00:41:16,648
Hmm. This is a tough conversation
for me.

772
00:41:16,797 --> 00:41:19,323
Let's focus on the picture.
Uh, here we go.

773
00:41:20,557 --> 00:41:23,367
Oh, look, arm-fold head-tilt.
That's a classic.

774
00:41:23,517 --> 00:41:26,043
I think we can find something better.

775
00:41:26,197 --> 00:41:27,926
Let's see.
Oh, yeah, what about this one?

776
00:41:28,077 --> 00:41:30,364
- This is a good one.
- Aw, heh.

777
00:41:30,517 --> 00:41:33,919
That was Florida.
Seems like a long time ago.

778
00:41:34,077 --> 00:41:37,206
- Yeah, you look so relaxed and happy.
- Yeah, well, I was.

779
00:41:37,357 --> 00:41:38,847
- There you go.
- Thank you.

780
00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:40,999
This girl's gonna
have the flirties rolling in.

781
00:41:41,157 --> 00:41:45,162
Well, we'll see.
This is all so new for me.

782
00:41:45,797 --> 00:41:49,927
Well, it seems like we're both
trying new things, then.

783
00:41:50,077 --> 00:41:54,127
What I'm talking about is
a good old-fashioned crush on a boy.

784
00:41:54,317 --> 00:41:57,048
- Oh.
- Yeah, his name is Toby.

785
00:41:57,237 --> 00:41:58,807
Toby.

786
00:41:59,277 --> 00:42:02,486
Yeah, I was kind of having trouble
getting him to notice me,

787
00:42:02,637 --> 00:42:05,607
so I've brought on a sensei.

788
00:42:07,317 --> 00:42:08,364
Wesley Rush.

789
00:42:09,117 --> 00:42:10,926
Wesley Rush?

790
00:42:11,077 --> 00:42:12,727
- From next door?
- Okay.

791
00:42:12,877 --> 00:42:14,879
Honey, why don't you just go
to Jess and Casey?

792
00:42:15,037 --> 00:42:17,404
You always trust their advice.

793
00:42:17,557 --> 00:42:21,403
I just thought I'd branch out.

794
00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:23,248
Okay.

795
00:42:24,117 --> 00:42:26,157
Actually, I mean,
what had happened was, I was at...

796
00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:27,847
Was this sensei thing your idea?

797
00:42:27,997 --> 00:42:30,728
- Uh, yeah, but I...
- Good.

798
00:42:31,157 --> 00:42:33,524
That means you're being mentally
tough and making decisions.

799
00:42:33,677 --> 00:42:35,361
That's what half of my last book
was about.

800
00:42:35,517 --> 00:42:38,646
When you become proactive,
your problems become subtractive,

801
00:42:38,797 --> 00:42:40,526
and then good things
are bound to happen.

802
00:42:40,677 --> 00:42:45,319
Wow, okay.
Little of the old proactive, subtractive.

803
00:42:45,477 --> 00:42:48,765
Got it. I'll remember that
if you remember no more duck face.

804
00:42:48,957 --> 00:42:52,086
- No duck head.
- Duck face.

805
00:42:53,597 --> 00:42:55,964
Oh, I got a flirty.

806
00:42:56,957 --> 00:42:59,358
Mazel tov, Dottie.

807
00:43:02,877 --> 00:43:05,118
Do you know what
you're wearing for homecoming yet?

808
00:43:05,277 --> 00:43:07,564
Because I can't find anything.
Do you think short, long?

809
00:43:07,717 --> 00:43:09,719
What do you think?

810
00:43:11,717 --> 00:43:16,279
<i>Despite missing my
ex-best friends, my mom was right.</i>

811
00:43:16,437 --> 00:43:18,565
<i>I could sense that good things
were about to happen.</i>

812
00:43:19,757 --> 00:43:21,168
Come on.

813
00:43:21,597 --> 00:43:23,759
- It's been 2 weeks. This is crazy.
- I know.

814
00:43:30,157 --> 00:43:33,639
<i>Toby Tucker,
I've loved you for a long time.</i>

815
00:43:34,117 --> 00:43:35,164
<i>Mr. Tucker.</i>

816
00:43:35,317 --> 00:43:36,478
Wes.

817
00:43:36,637 --> 00:43:39,686
<i>Oh, my God. Big, fat ass.</i>

818
00:43:39,837 --> 00:43:42,283
<i>Big, fat ass. Ew.</i>

819
00:43:42,437 --> 00:43:44,565
<i>Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.</i>

820
00:43:45,317 --> 00:43:46,762
At least it only has six views.

821
00:43:53,357 --> 00:43:54,768
Oh, Toby, don't stop.

822
00:43:54,917 --> 00:43:56,567
Don't stop.

823
00:43:56,717 --> 00:43:58,287
I wanna be your wife.

824
00:43:58,437 --> 00:44:00,758
<i>How do we look together?
How do we look together?</i>

825
00:44:00,917 --> 00:44:03,602
<i>- The most beautiful couple?
- Oh, my God.</i>

826
00:44:03,757 --> 00:44:05,486
Is that Bianca Piper?

827
00:44:05,637 --> 00:44:08,208
Yep. Oh, my God, that is so horrible.

828
00:44:08,357 --> 00:44:11,247
I would hate it if that was me
and people saw this.

829
00:44:11,397 --> 00:44:14,526
- I should totally forward this.
- Me too.

830
00:44:14,677 --> 00:44:16,406
- Viral?
- Viral.

831
00:44:45,877 --> 00:44:48,005
<i>Oh, Toby.</i>

832
00:45:34,237 --> 00:45:36,126
Did you read the comments
on that video?

833
00:45:36,277 --> 00:45:39,520
Yeah. It says, "That mannequin
just made out with a five."

834
00:45:39,677 --> 00:45:42,362
Oh, my God,
he called her a five. Ha, ha.

835
00:45:42,517 --> 00:45:45,441
"Bianca Piper's ass
means the terrorists have won."

836
00:45:45,637 --> 00:45:48,004
Ouch. I feel bad for Toby.

837
00:45:48,157 --> 00:45:50,637
"Flash mob hump session
on Toby at 3:30"?

838
00:45:50,797 --> 00:45:52,287
He's gotta be so embarrassed.

839
00:45:52,477 --> 00:45:55,242
His senior year is going to suck.

840
00:45:58,757 --> 00:46:01,078
Ugh, they do not clean those mirrors.

841
00:46:01,277 --> 00:46:03,962
- Oh, that is awful.
- Whatever.

842
00:46:04,117 --> 00:46:06,848
Listen, she's the one
that ended things with us, Jess.

843
00:46:06,997 --> 00:46:09,762
<i>- I love your eyes. They're so...
- Just make that go away.</i>

844
00:46:09,917 --> 00:46:12,443
<i>- Toby...
- Casey, shut the site down now.</i>

845
00:46:12,597 --> 00:46:14,008
Okay, fine.

846
00:46:14,997 --> 00:46:16,806
<i>Oh, my...</i>

847
00:46:17,637 --> 00:46:21,005
You know Bianca well. Do you think
she'd put this up to get attention?

848
00:46:25,237 --> 00:46:27,205
Not likely.

849
00:46:27,357 --> 00:46:29,439
<i>Don't we just look so cute together?</i>

850
00:46:30,397 --> 00:46:31,808
Ooh.

851
00:46:32,237 --> 00:46:34,001
Problem solved.

852
00:46:34,677 --> 00:46:36,725
Solved my ass.

853
00:46:36,877 --> 00:46:40,245
This school, this entire school,
is filled with cyber bullies.

854
00:46:40,437 --> 00:46:43,327
Do you know what that means?
That means retaliation videos.

855
00:46:43,477 --> 00:46:45,002
Comments, likes, Tweets, memes,

856
00:46:45,197 --> 00:46:47,962
and whatever the hell else they do
to each other nowadays.

857
00:46:48,157 --> 00:46:49,517
It's like a prison yard out there.

858
00:46:49,637 --> 00:46:52,083
Look, don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?

859
00:46:52,237 --> 00:46:53,477
<i>Have you not seen Dateline?</i>

860
00:46:53,637 --> 00:46:55,685
<i>Catfish? Pretty Little Liars?</i>

861
00:46:55,837 --> 00:46:57,168
- What?
- Nothing.

862
00:46:57,717 --> 00:47:00,323
Look, having had experience
in this area,

863
00:47:00,477 --> 00:47:04,038
I think we gotta deal with this
in a way that's private and sensitive.

864
00:47:04,197 --> 00:47:07,121
Yes, yes, we do not negotiate
with terrorists.

865
00:47:07,517 --> 00:47:09,565
That is the opposite
of what I just said.

866
00:47:13,557 --> 00:47:16,720
Attention, students.
The halls of our prestigious institution

867
00:47:16,877 --> 00:47:21,485
have been compromised
by the stench of cyber bullying.

868
00:47:21,637 --> 00:47:23,878
It is the stench of ones and zeroes

869
00:47:24,037 --> 00:47:28,042
and electronic hardware probably
manufactured somewhere in China.

870
00:47:28,237 --> 00:47:32,003
But these "YOLO terrorists"
will not be tolerated.

871
00:47:32,197 --> 00:47:35,758
Malloy High will now be put
under Internet martial law.

872
00:47:35,917 --> 00:47:36,998
That's right.

873
00:47:37,157 --> 00:47:38,677
<i>Each student will be required</i>

874
00:47:38,797 --> 00:47:41,562
<i>to turn in their phones to teachers
and retrieve at the end of the day</i>

875
00:47:41,717 --> 00:47:43,560
<i>until we have gotten
to the bottom of this.</i>

876
00:47:43,717 --> 00:47:46,766
No more phone.
Oh, can you hear me now, jerks?

877
00:47:46,917 --> 00:47:49,807
There will be no Vine,
no Flickr, no Tumblr,

878
00:47:49,957 --> 00:47:53,404
- no Tinder, no Facebook, no Hulu...
- Just say no Internet. We get it.

879
00:47:53,597 --> 00:47:57,602
...no Grindr, no WhatsApp,
no Instagram, no Pinterest,

880
00:47:57,757 --> 00:47:59,964
no wiki anything.

881
00:48:00,757 --> 00:48:02,122
<i>That is all.</i>

882
00:48:02,277 --> 00:48:03,358
Fight on, Blue Devils.

883
00:48:03,517 --> 00:48:05,724
Oh, and remember, it gets better.

884
00:48:05,877 --> 00:48:07,686
- What?
- You heard him.

885
00:48:07,837 --> 00:48:09,077
Drop them in the box.

886
00:48:09,277 --> 00:48:12,326
You can pick them up
after school, maybe.

887
00:48:12,477 --> 00:48:15,447
God, I've waited a long time for this.

888
00:48:15,597 --> 00:48:17,440
All of them, Robert.

889
00:48:18,957 --> 00:48:20,322
Mm-hm.

890
00:48:21,237 --> 00:48:23,922
All of them.

891
00:48:25,957 --> 00:48:27,038
Thank you.

892
00:48:29,957 --> 00:48:31,038
What's that buzzing I hear?

893
00:48:37,157 --> 00:48:38,238
Dick.

894
00:48:38,397 --> 00:48:40,445
That's gross.

895
00:48:40,957 --> 00:48:43,119
Oh, I don't think he meant me too.

896
00:48:43,277 --> 00:48:45,484
Hit "send," drop.

897
00:48:48,077 --> 00:48:50,648
When I went to high school in the '90s,
we didn't have emoticons.

898
00:48:50,797 --> 00:48:52,959
We had actual facial expressions.

899
00:48:53,157 --> 00:48:54,488
Look into it.

900
00:48:55,197 --> 00:48:56,687
What's up, narc?

901
00:48:56,837 --> 00:48:59,158
<i>Not only was I
the school's most famous DUFF,</i>

902
00:48:59,317 --> 00:49:00,967
<i>I was now the least-liked
person in it.</i>

903
00:49:01,117 --> 00:49:04,007
- Thanks for destroying my life.
- I just thought of something funny,

904
00:49:04,157 --> 00:49:06,285
and now nobody's gonna know.
Hope you're happy.

905
00:49:06,437 --> 00:49:08,007
These are useless.

906
00:49:08,157 --> 00:49:10,842
<i>It could not have gotten worse.</i>

907
00:49:11,477 --> 00:49:12,717
<i>Oh, wait.</i>

908
00:49:12,877 --> 00:49:14,242
<i>Of course it could.</i>

909
00:49:36,557 --> 00:49:38,480
Yeah, Matt and I, last cup, boom, hit it.

910
00:49:38,637 --> 00:49:39,684
You happy now?

911
00:49:40,437 --> 00:49:41,802
Is this one of your lessons?

912
00:49:41,997 --> 00:49:45,888
Hey, dummy humper, I found you
a new boyfriend in health class.

913
00:49:46,037 --> 00:49:47,277
This is Toby too.

914
00:49:47,437 --> 00:49:48,848
What do you think?

915
00:49:48,997 --> 00:49:50,078
Oh, Toby.

916
00:49:50,597 --> 00:49:52,326
Oh, just give it to me, Toby.

917
00:49:52,477 --> 00:49:55,640
Oh, just a little pinch right there.
Just... Oh, he's dirty.

918
00:49:55,797 --> 00:49:57,640
Oh, he's going to town on me, Toby.

919
00:49:57,797 --> 00:49:59,765
- Oh, Toby.
- Are you gonna do anything?

920
00:49:59,917 --> 00:50:02,727
You're my special little Toby.
I can take you home with me.

921
00:50:03,277 --> 00:50:05,245
Boobs look good. New bra?

922
00:50:07,677 --> 00:50:09,122
Thanks a lot.

923
00:50:10,957 --> 00:50:12,846
Oh, peaches and pears.

924
00:50:12,997 --> 00:50:15,364
- Can I have peaches and pears?
- Okay.

925
00:50:30,837 --> 00:50:34,444
Hey, Bianca, it's Wesley.

926
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:41,683
Hey, look, I just...
I wanted to say that...

927
00:50:44,717 --> 00:50:45,878
Can I come in?

928
00:50:47,437 --> 00:50:48,927
Mm-hm.

929
00:50:51,837 --> 00:50:53,487
I deserved that.

930
00:50:56,197 --> 00:50:57,528
Here.

931
00:50:58,277 --> 00:51:00,484
I promise,
I didn't send the video, okay?

932
00:51:00,637 --> 00:51:03,208
I overheard Madison bragging about it
to her friends.

933
00:51:03,357 --> 00:51:06,679
I mean, the angles weren't even
from where I was sitting.

934
00:51:10,637 --> 00:51:12,162
Why is your hand messed up?

935
00:51:12,317 --> 00:51:15,719
Well, you're not the only one
running around punching people today.

936
00:51:15,877 --> 00:51:18,039
No one else sees that video.
Tell everyone.

937
00:51:18,197 --> 00:51:19,961
I don't know that many people.

938
00:51:20,117 --> 00:51:23,644
Well, make some more friends
and tell them.

939
00:51:24,917 --> 00:51:25,998
What?

940
00:51:28,117 --> 00:51:29,164
Mm.

941
00:51:31,637 --> 00:51:33,321
Thanks.

942
00:51:33,877 --> 00:51:36,847
I've never had anybody
go on a punching spree for me before.

943
00:51:37,317 --> 00:51:38,523
Well, don't get used to it.

944
00:51:38,677 --> 00:51:40,520
Now there's rumors going around
I'm on 'roids.

945
00:51:41,237 --> 00:51:45,162
- Aren't you? Heh.
- Well, irregardless...

946
00:51:45,317 --> 00:51:50,005
- Not a word.
- Well, irregardless of that...

947
00:51:50,517 --> 00:51:52,679
- A little peace offering.
- Oh, my God.

948
00:51:52,877 --> 00:51:56,245
Wes, the dress?

949
00:51:56,397 --> 00:51:57,842
You didn't have to do this.

950
00:51:57,997 --> 00:52:00,238
I never should've called you
the DUFF, okay?

951
00:52:00,397 --> 00:52:02,206
That was stupid.

952
00:52:02,397 --> 00:52:05,082
- We good?
- We're good.

953
00:52:05,237 --> 00:52:06,921
Thank you.

954
00:52:07,077 --> 00:52:10,206
You know what's not good
is I saw Toby today.

955
00:52:10,397 --> 00:52:11,762
He could barely look at me.

956
00:52:11,917 --> 00:52:14,807
I think I'm just gonna, like,
write him a really long letter

957
00:52:14,957 --> 00:52:16,004
just apologizing profusely

958
00:52:16,157 --> 00:52:18,558
and, you know, maybe send him
an Edible Arrangement.

959
00:52:18,717 --> 00:52:19,957
Stop, stop. Edible Arrangement?

960
00:52:20,157 --> 00:52:22,967
Look, you don't have to apologize
for anything, okay?

961
00:52:23,157 --> 00:52:25,398
- Step six...
- Let's let the steps go.

962
00:52:25,557 --> 00:52:29,198
Step six: Just own it.
Grow some balls.

963
00:52:29,357 --> 00:52:33,521
Tell him you know the video sucks,
but you're into him, and to deal with it.

964
00:52:33,677 --> 00:52:35,645
And if he's still weird, he's a jackass.

965
00:52:35,837 --> 00:52:37,839
Sometimes it's that simple.

966
00:52:37,997 --> 00:52:40,045
Now, I'm off to study Hess's law

967
00:52:40,197 --> 00:52:43,883
and how it relates
to enthalpic chemical change. Aww.

968
00:52:44,037 --> 00:52:46,244
Who are you
and what have you done with Wes?

969
00:52:46,397 --> 00:52:48,479
Or maybe I'll Google celeb nip slips.
Curtains open.

970
00:52:49,997 --> 00:52:51,442
- There he is.
- See you tomorrow.

971
00:52:51,597 --> 00:52:53,122
See you.

972
00:52:56,717 --> 00:52:59,163
- Here are your phones, kids.
- Thank you.

973
00:52:59,357 --> 00:53:02,884
- Thanks.
- Oh, yeah.

974
00:53:03,917 --> 00:53:05,681
Thanks.

975
00:53:05,837 --> 00:53:07,168
Everyone, get your phones.

976
00:53:07,317 --> 00:53:08,603
Thank you.

977
00:53:09,437 --> 00:53:10,882
Hey, you're welcome.

978
00:53:15,397 --> 00:53:16,842
Hey there.

979
00:53:16,997 --> 00:53:18,283
Hey, Bianca.

980
00:53:19,637 --> 00:53:22,720
Got a second to talk to a fan?

981
00:53:22,877 --> 00:53:24,402
Yeah, sure, what's up?

982
00:53:25,597 --> 00:53:28,248
I'm assuming you've seen the video.

983
00:53:28,397 --> 00:53:32,721
- Heh. Yeah.
- Um, it's true.

984
00:53:32,877 --> 00:53:35,608
I am into you.

985
00:53:35,757 --> 00:53:38,647
And so I thought
I should just be straightforward

986
00:53:38,797 --> 00:53:40,287
and tell you to your face.

987
00:53:40,437 --> 00:53:42,087
Wow.

988
00:53:42,277 --> 00:53:43,927
I'm flattered.

989
00:53:44,077 --> 00:53:46,603
And impressed. Ha, ha.

990
00:53:46,757 --> 00:53:49,283
Not a lot of people would have
the balls to say all that.

991
00:53:49,437 --> 00:53:51,360
Well, that's my whole thing.

992
00:53:51,517 --> 00:53:54,248
- Big old balls.
- Ha, ha. Right.

993
00:53:56,157 --> 00:53:58,922
I think this is the first time
that you and I have ever really talked.

994
00:54:00,277 --> 00:54:01,358
It's kind of nice.

995
00:54:01,917 --> 00:54:03,726
Yeah, it is.

996
00:54:04,237 --> 00:54:05,966
- All right, well...
- Okay.

997
00:54:06,117 --> 00:54:07,323
- Well, yeah.
- So, uh...

998
00:54:07,477 --> 00:54:10,083
- I'll, uh, see you around.
- Okay.

999
00:54:10,237 --> 00:54:11,727
- All right.
- Thanks.

1000
00:54:11,877 --> 00:54:14,005
- See you.
- Bye. Ha, ha.

1001
00:54:14,157 --> 00:54:16,285
Bye. We said it at the same time.

1002
00:54:16,477 --> 00:54:18,479
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

1003
00:54:19,077 --> 00:54:20,567
Oh, shit.

1004
00:54:22,957 --> 00:54:24,880
We should, uh, hang out sometime.

1005
00:54:25,757 --> 00:54:28,886
Yeah, I'd like that.

1006
00:54:29,077 --> 00:54:31,842
- How's this Friday?
- This Friday, hmm,

1007
00:54:32,037 --> 00:54:35,280
is, uh, gonna be fine for me.
It's good.

1008
00:54:35,437 --> 00:54:36,677
Cool. Meet at my house?

1009
00:54:36,877 --> 00:54:39,448
- Seven o'clock?
- Yes, 7 is good.

1010
00:54:39,597 --> 00:54:41,361
- All right.
- See you.

1011
00:54:41,517 --> 00:54:43,963
- Bye. Ha-ha-ha.
- Bye.

1012
00:54:44,117 --> 00:54:45,528
Bye.

1013
00:55:05,317 --> 00:55:06,682
- Wes.
- Hey.

1014
00:55:06,837 --> 00:55:08,282
- What the hell?
- You embarrassed?

1015
00:55:08,437 --> 00:55:10,477
- Now you know how it feels.
- Whoa, who let her in?

1016
00:55:10,597 --> 00:55:13,282
- Wes?
- Whoa, Bianca, what the hell is this?

1017
00:55:13,437 --> 00:55:15,804
Ah, kind of looks like a penis,
only smaller.

1018
00:55:17,317 --> 00:55:18,887
Wes?

1019
00:55:19,877 --> 00:55:22,198
Wow, boys' locker room. Nice.

1020
00:55:22,357 --> 00:55:24,519
Oh, uh...

1021
00:55:24,677 --> 00:55:28,363
I need to talk to you
about something.

1022
00:55:28,517 --> 00:55:30,884
- So...
- Mm-hm. What?

1023
00:55:31,037 --> 00:55:34,007
- You have a question? Hmm?
- Yeah. Don't do that.

1024
00:55:34,357 --> 00:55:36,928
- Hmm? Question? You do.
- Uh... Heh.

1025
00:55:37,077 --> 00:55:38,602
- Stop.
- You don't.

1026
00:55:38,757 --> 00:55:41,442
Ha, ha. Come on, please.
It's important.

1027
00:55:41,597 --> 00:55:43,326
- What do you want?
- Let's go.

1028
00:55:43,477 --> 00:55:45,605
- Okay.
- Ugh.

1029
00:55:46,877 --> 00:55:48,561
- So you asked him out?
- Yeah.

1030
00:55:48,717 --> 00:55:49,798
- That's awesome.
- Yeah.

1031
00:55:49,957 --> 00:55:51,766
What's the problem?

1032
00:55:51,957 --> 00:55:56,565
If you must know, I've never been
on an actual date before.

1033
00:55:57,997 --> 00:56:00,284
Okay, okay. Sit down, sit down.

1034
00:56:00,437 --> 00:56:02,565
We got this. Come here. All right.

1035
00:56:07,197 --> 00:56:09,723
Step seven: the date.
Okay, we need a plan.

1036
00:56:09,877 --> 00:56:12,357
You think a football team runs
on the field without a strategy?

1037
00:56:12,477 --> 00:56:13,888
Eh... Mm.

1038
00:56:14,037 --> 00:56:16,961
- Exactly, no. Of course they don't.
- No, of course they don't.

1039
00:56:17,117 --> 00:56:20,087
You want this date to end with you
making out, you need to think ahead.

1040
00:56:20,237 --> 00:56:23,081
So give me the vibe of the restaurant
you're going for.

1041
00:56:23,237 --> 00:56:25,285
Okay, I'm thinking something
kind of trendy,

1042
00:56:25,437 --> 00:56:27,565
you know, kind of hipster,
maybe unique?

1043
00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:30,038
- Done. Dave & Buster's.
- Huh?

1044
00:56:30,237 --> 00:56:33,446
- The place with the metal claw game?
- You bet your ass.

1045
00:56:33,917 --> 00:56:37,364
<i>Okay, you, Toby. Let's get started.</i>

1046
00:56:38,277 --> 00:56:41,440
<i>Worst scenario is if you get seated at
a table right across from each other.</i>

1047
00:56:41,597 --> 00:56:44,965
<i>Okay, no one's making out if they're
three feet apart. Simple geology.</i>

1048
00:56:45,117 --> 00:56:47,119
You need a booth, okay?
It's better for flirting,

1049
00:56:47,277 --> 00:56:51,327
not-so-accidental touching,
making out. Game on.

1050
00:56:51,477 --> 00:56:54,720
Wow, I had no idea guys like you
even thought about this kind of stuff.

1051
00:56:54,877 --> 00:56:58,324
Well, that's because you're racist
against jocks. You're a jock-cist.

1052
00:56:58,877 --> 00:57:00,288
Okay, moving on.

1053
00:57:00,477 --> 00:57:02,684
Okay, so how do you
set the tone at dinner?

1054
00:57:03,197 --> 00:57:07,361
<i>Lighting matters, okay?
The darker the booth, the better.</i>

1055
00:57:08,077 --> 00:57:11,001
Lighting, dark booth.
Got it. What's next?

1056
00:57:11,197 --> 00:57:12,278
Body language.

1057
00:57:13,157 --> 00:57:15,364
<i>Is he leaning in?</i>

1058
00:57:15,837 --> 00:57:18,158
<i>- Is he sitting close?
- I don't know...</i>

1059
00:57:18,317 --> 00:57:20,046
<i>And then it's all about interaction.</i>

1060
00:57:20,197 --> 00:57:23,167
<i>Is he trying to impress you?</i>

1061
00:57:23,637 --> 00:57:26,447
<i>Does he say complimentary things
to you?</i>

1062
00:57:26,597 --> 00:57:29,328
<i>If yes, chances are
he's gonna make his move.</i>

1063
00:57:29,477 --> 00:57:31,605
<i>And touchdown.</i>

1064
00:57:31,797 --> 00:57:32,844
Wes.

1065
00:57:32,997 --> 00:57:34,999
I always wanted to do that
to the coach's board.

1066
00:57:35,157 --> 00:57:37,125
It's big because it's on a chalkboard.

1067
00:57:37,277 --> 00:57:39,678
We gotta go. Come on.
Let's go, let's go.

1068
00:57:41,997 --> 00:57:44,204
Hey, DUFF queen, wanna show me
some of them moves?

1069
00:57:44,397 --> 00:57:45,603
Shh.

1070
00:57:47,317 --> 00:57:48,887
- Bianca?
- Yes.

1071
00:57:49,037 --> 00:57:51,358
The video was hysterical. Eat a dick.

1072
00:57:51,517 --> 00:57:54,407
Thanks. I just had a bagel,
though, so I'm full.

1073
00:57:54,557 --> 00:57:57,242
Mr. Arthur, I'm really sorry. I...

1074
00:57:57,397 --> 00:57:59,877
No, don't worry about it.
Step into my hallway.

1075
00:58:00,077 --> 00:58:03,524
I don't play favorites,
but you're my favorite.

1076
00:58:04,677 --> 00:58:08,204
You ever heard the phrase
"The pen is mightier than the sword"?

1077
00:58:08,357 --> 00:58:10,200
Yeah, and in this case,

1078
00:58:10,357 --> 00:58:13,406
a bunch of kids anonymously typing
whatever comments they want

1079
00:58:13,557 --> 00:58:15,082
feels like an atomic bomb,

1080
00:58:15,237 --> 00:58:18,207
and that's definitely mightier
than a sword.

1081
00:58:18,357 --> 00:58:21,998
So make your writing
have a positive effect.

1082
00:58:22,157 --> 00:58:24,967
As in a certain homecoming article
that's due.

1083
00:58:25,117 --> 00:58:27,484
Oh, please, Mr. Arthur,

1084
00:58:27,637 --> 00:58:30,038
the last thing I wanna do
is go to a place

1085
00:58:30,197 --> 00:58:32,359
where everybody hates me
and then write about it.

1086
00:58:32,517 --> 00:58:34,406
I picked you for a reason.

1087
00:58:34,557 --> 00:58:38,528
And whatever you write, I'm running it
as our lead, so make it count.

1088
00:58:38,677 --> 00:58:43,285
Inspire us. Remember,
the pen is mightier than the sword.

1089
00:58:45,117 --> 00:58:46,767
Simon, get your finger out of there.

1090
00:58:46,957 --> 00:58:48,038
You're not my father.

1091
00:58:48,197 --> 00:58:49,687
Yes, I am your daddy, Simon.

1092
00:58:52,877 --> 00:58:55,198
What do you want me to say?
I have nothing to say.

1093
00:58:55,357 --> 00:58:58,998
I do everything around
this house, and you don't do...

1094
00:58:59,157 --> 00:59:01,364
- Oh, here we go.
- Well, it's the truth.

1095
00:59:01,557 --> 00:59:02,957
Wesley, will you get the door?!

1096
00:59:03,077 --> 00:59:05,478
Oh, don't yell at him.
He has nothing to do with this.

1097
00:59:05,637 --> 00:59:07,560
Save it for therapy, okay, honey?

1098
00:59:07,717 --> 00:59:11,164
- Wesley, get the door!
- Okay, enough, I got it.

1099
00:59:11,357 --> 00:59:13,166
Hey, ready to go get down

1100
00:59:13,357 --> 00:59:16,839
- with some bro-valent electrons?
- Yeah.

1101
00:59:24,477 --> 00:59:27,845
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- I'd like to not talk.

1102
00:59:28,037 --> 00:59:31,086
Hmm. Well, I know just the place.

1103
00:59:35,277 --> 00:59:37,803
You see why I need
that scholarship?

1104
00:59:41,197 --> 00:59:43,120
Hey, B, where the hell are we going?

1105
00:59:43,277 --> 00:59:45,598
My special place. You'll see.

1106
00:59:45,837 --> 00:59:48,283
- Is this where you kill me?
- Ha, ha. Yes.

1107
00:59:48,477 --> 00:59:50,400
They're never gonna find you
out here.

1108
00:59:51,437 --> 00:59:52,848
Aha.

1109
00:59:54,917 --> 00:59:58,046
I give you Think Rock.

1110
00:59:59,637 --> 01:00:01,605
- Huh?
- Wow. Um...

1111
01:00:01,757 --> 01:00:03,327
What happens here?

1112
01:00:03,477 --> 01:00:08,802
Well, it's gonna blow your mind,
but sit on the rock.

1113
01:00:08,997 --> 01:00:10,487
- Unh.
- Good, good.

1114
01:00:10,637 --> 01:00:14,005
And then you think.

1115
01:00:14,637 --> 01:00:16,162
Try it.

1116
01:00:21,197 --> 01:00:23,120
How'd you find this place?

1117
01:00:23,277 --> 01:00:25,598
I used to run up here a lot
with Pepper,

1118
01:00:25,757 --> 01:00:29,842
and she would always make
a direct beeline to this rock.

1119
01:00:29,997 --> 01:00:31,806
I remember Pepper.

1120
01:00:32,157 --> 01:00:33,761
How's she doing?

1121
01:00:34,437 --> 01:00:36,360
I guess she's okay.

1122
01:00:36,517 --> 01:00:39,760
When my parents got divorced,
my mom wanted custody of me,

1123
01:00:39,917 --> 01:00:42,887
and my dad wanted custody
of the dog.

1124
01:00:43,037 --> 01:00:44,243
- Wow.
- Yeah, so I think that

1125
01:00:44,397 --> 01:00:47,207
pretty much sums it up right there.

1126
01:00:53,557 --> 01:00:55,082
Are your...?

1127
01:00:56,197 --> 01:00:59,440
- Are your parents gonna get divorced?
- God, I hope so.

1128
01:00:59,597 --> 01:01:02,123
I just... I...

1129
01:01:04,197 --> 01:01:05,881
It's okay.

1130
01:01:06,677 --> 01:01:08,441
It's not okay.

1131
01:01:09,517 --> 01:01:11,201
But it will be.

1132
01:01:11,797 --> 01:01:12,844
I promise.

1133
01:01:25,277 --> 01:01:27,439
I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't...

1134
01:01:27,597 --> 01:01:30,123
Oh. No, I... It's okay, I...

1135
01:01:30,277 --> 01:01:32,405
- What, um...? Were you...?
- That... You know what?

1136
01:01:32,557 --> 01:01:36,448
That was... Uh, that was practice.

1137
01:01:36,757 --> 01:01:38,566
Sorry, practice for...?

1138
01:01:38,717 --> 01:01:41,482
For step eight, okay, for...
Of the plan.

1139
01:01:41,637 --> 01:01:46,165
That was practice in case you hadn't
made out with anyone in a while.

1140
01:01:46,717 --> 01:01:48,003
Huh.

1141
01:01:48,157 --> 01:01:49,966
It's all part of the plan?

1142
01:01:50,117 --> 01:01:53,963
It's just practice, just a guerrilla-style
practice session?

1143
01:01:54,117 --> 01:01:56,563
- Sneak attack.
- Hm, hm.

1144
01:01:56,717 --> 01:01:58,367
Really?

1145
01:01:58,757 --> 01:02:00,839
Mm-hm, okay.

1146
01:02:03,037 --> 01:02:05,483
Is that what it felt like?

1147
01:02:05,637 --> 01:02:10,086
That I hadn't made out with anyone
in a while or whatever?

1148
01:02:10,237 --> 01:02:14,162
Well, I mean,
I'm more of a tongue guy myself, but...

1149
01:02:14,317 --> 01:02:17,844
You don't say?
I think I felt it poking out my butthole.

1150
01:02:17,997 --> 01:02:21,399
- Ha-ha-ha.
- So far down my throat. Ha, ha.

1151
01:02:21,557 --> 01:02:23,878
Are you giving me kissing advice?

1152
01:02:24,597 --> 01:02:26,042
Man, I guess I am.

1153
01:02:26,197 --> 01:02:28,438
- B.
- You need it.

1154
01:02:28,757 --> 01:02:30,043
That's how people kiss.

1155
01:02:31,317 --> 01:02:33,684
Uh, in porn, maybe.

1156
01:02:33,837 --> 01:02:35,043
What's wrong with porn?

1157
01:02:35,197 --> 01:02:36,847
If this was a porn movie,

1158
01:02:36,997 --> 01:02:39,157
we wouldn't be sitting on a rock
having a conversation.

1159
01:02:39,317 --> 01:02:41,638
You know,
you'd be bringing me a pizza

1160
01:02:41,797 --> 01:02:45,324
or, um, you know, cleaning my pool.

1161
01:02:45,477 --> 01:02:47,764
How old is the porn
you're watching?

1162
01:02:47,917 --> 01:02:50,397
That doesn't... That's not...
That's not even a thing anymore.

1163
01:02:50,557 --> 01:02:53,128
- They don't do that?
- Ha, ha.

1164
01:02:53,277 --> 01:02:55,006
All right, you know what?

1165
01:02:55,437 --> 01:02:57,166
I'm gonna give you a lesson.

1166
01:02:57,317 --> 01:02:59,843
It's gonna be free.
The first one's always free.

1167
01:02:59,997 --> 01:03:02,125
All right,
this is how girls like to be kissed.

1168
01:03:02,277 --> 01:03:04,518
- We're doing this?
- We're doing this.

1169
01:03:05,797 --> 01:03:07,845
- Close your eyes. Ha, ha.
- Heh.

1170
01:03:07,997 --> 01:03:10,807
- Ready.
- Okay, okay. Lean in.

1171
01:03:10,957 --> 01:03:15,087
Hey-oh. Go slow, okay?
Let the tension build.

1172
01:03:15,677 --> 01:03:16,838
So much to learn.

1173
01:03:16,997 --> 01:03:19,841
- Okay, ready?
- No.

1174
01:03:21,157 --> 01:03:23,967
Okay, now lean in.

1175
01:03:24,397 --> 01:03:25,887
Slow.

1176
01:03:29,197 --> 01:03:30,847
Oh, no.

1177
01:03:30,997 --> 01:03:32,203
That was a good one.

1178
01:03:32,357 --> 01:03:35,600
- You are a phenomenal kisser.
- Ha-ha-ha.

1179
01:03:35,757 --> 01:03:38,044
- Thank you. That's how we like it.
- What is that?

1180
01:03:41,037 --> 01:03:43,199
Are you feeling a little better?

1181
01:03:43,357 --> 01:03:45,837
- Hmm?
- Yeah, okay, a little bit.

1182
01:03:46,277 --> 01:03:48,120
You're welcome.

1183
01:03:48,277 --> 01:03:49,438
Come on, let's go.

1184
01:03:49,637 --> 01:03:51,446
We have a date
with the periodic chart.

1185
01:03:51,637 --> 01:03:54,038
The only periodic chart I know
is the one that tells me

1186
01:03:54,197 --> 01:03:57,360
what time of the month
to avoid Madison. Hey!

1187
01:03:57,557 --> 01:04:00,322
- I'm not gonna high-five you on that.
- Come on, science jokes.

1188
01:04:00,517 --> 01:04:02,997
<i>Know how they say
"The hills have eyes"?</i>

1189
01:04:03,157 --> 01:04:04,797
<i>Well, it turns out
the shrubs have bitches</i>

1190
01:04:04,917 --> 01:04:07,045
<i>- who videotape everything.
- Oh, here we go.</i>

1191
01:04:07,237 --> 01:04:08,363
Well, you don't.

1192
01:04:08,517 --> 01:04:09,957
Ever been kicked in the nuts?

1193
01:04:10,077 --> 01:04:13,240
Oh, God,
you always come back with that.

1194
01:04:15,237 --> 01:04:19,003
- Hey, B.
- Madison, how are you?

1195
01:04:19,157 --> 01:04:21,888
Do you wanna see something
hysterical? Hold on.

1196
01:04:22,277 --> 01:04:23,961
Watch this.

1197
01:04:25,957 --> 01:04:28,358
Did you see the way
that guy looked at you?

1198
01:04:28,517 --> 01:04:30,884
<i>- This part's the best.
- Definitely not.</i>

1199
01:04:31,037 --> 01:04:34,041
Wait, just look at your face. Ha, ha.

1200
01:04:34,197 --> 01:04:37,041
Oh, don't worry, um,
it's a working title.

1201
01:04:37,197 --> 01:04:41,646
You know, I was thinking maybe
"retail slut" or just "slut whore."

1202
01:04:42,157 --> 01:04:43,966
You thought the first video was bad.

1203
01:04:44,117 --> 01:04:46,484
Boy, this one's gonna destroy you.

1204
01:04:46,917 --> 01:04:48,442
What do you want from me?

1205
01:04:48,597 --> 01:04:51,760
Oh, I think it's adorable that Wesley
indulged you in a pity make-out.

1206
01:04:51,917 --> 01:04:53,567
Oh, no, no.

1207
01:04:53,717 --> 01:04:55,526
I don't even know how you...

1208
01:04:55,677 --> 01:04:57,520
But it...
That wasn't what it looked like.

1209
01:04:57,677 --> 01:04:59,088
Yeah, no shit, it's not.

1210
01:04:59,237 --> 01:05:01,285
Because Wesley and I
are getting back together.

1211
01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:05,842
- Hmm. ls Wesley aware of this?
- He will be made aware.

1212
01:05:06,477 --> 01:05:09,799
- Look, Bianca, I've tried to be nice.
- Have you?

1213
01:05:09,957 --> 01:05:12,324
Shh. So let me put this
a little differently.

1214
01:05:12,477 --> 01:05:14,957
I don't like people
thinking of my ex-boyfriend

1215
01:05:15,117 --> 01:05:16,801
hitting it with someone like you.

1216
01:05:16,957 --> 01:05:18,368
The thing you have to understand

1217
01:05:18,557 --> 01:05:22,323
is what happens in high school
is gonna stay with us forever.

1218
01:05:22,517 --> 01:05:25,726
Most people don't think that,
but then again, most people are losers.

1219
01:05:25,877 --> 01:05:29,882
- Mm. Fascinating.
- People like me matter here.

1220
01:05:30,037 --> 01:05:31,960
People like you will never matter.

1221
01:05:32,677 --> 01:05:35,328
So stop messing it up
for those of us who do.

1222
01:05:36,317 --> 01:05:38,046
See you in math.

1223
01:05:40,797 --> 01:05:42,322
<i>In the past, her threat alone</i>

1224
01:05:42,477 --> 01:05:44,445
<i>would've been enough
to make me hide under my bed.</i>

1225
01:05:44,597 --> 01:05:48,044
<i>But I wasn't even trying to hook up
with Wesley Rush.</i>

1226
01:05:48,197 --> 01:05:50,120
<i>I couldn't even imagine it.</i>

1227
01:05:50,277 --> 01:05:53,759
<i>I'm horny for sex.</i>

1228
01:05:53,917 --> 01:05:56,204
- Oh!
- Oh, hey.

1229
01:05:56,357 --> 01:05:58,166
Someone's pool need cleaning?

1230
01:05:58,317 --> 01:06:00,524
Also I brought pizza.

1231
01:06:01,157 --> 01:06:04,843
And I like to have sex with girls.

1232
01:06:04,997 --> 01:06:06,999
I'm a girl.

1233
01:06:11,397 --> 01:06:13,001
- Ow.
- Hmm.

1234
01:06:13,197 --> 01:06:14,717
<i>Okay, maybe I could imagine it,</i>

1235
01:06:14,837 --> 01:06:17,568
<i>but I had to stay focused
on my Toby mission.</i>

1236
01:06:22,717 --> 01:06:25,084
<i>Date night.
I worked up all my courage</i>

1237
01:06:25,237 --> 01:06:27,365
<i>and tried on the dress
Wesley gave me.</i>

1238
01:06:27,517 --> 01:06:31,238
<i>In my head, I think I was expecting
some big reality-show reveal.</i>

1239
01:06:31,397 --> 01:06:33,047
All right.

1240
01:06:33,197 --> 01:06:35,040
<i>But it was just me.</i>

1241
01:06:35,197 --> 01:06:37,086
<i>Me in a dress.</i>

1242
01:06:37,637 --> 01:06:40,208
Ma, I'm off to my big night.

1243
01:06:40,357 --> 01:06:42,246
Whoa, look at you.

1244
01:06:42,397 --> 01:06:43,967
Wow, look at you.

1245
01:06:44,117 --> 01:06:45,926
Look at you not in a pantsuit.

1246
01:06:46,077 --> 01:06:48,648
I know. I have my first Internet date.

1247
01:06:48,797 --> 01:06:52,404
We both like Thai food,
are athletically toned and lying about it.

1248
01:06:52,557 --> 01:06:54,400
Oh, my God.

1249
01:06:54,557 --> 01:06:57,163
- That dress is beautiful on you.
- Thanks.

1250
01:06:57,317 --> 01:06:59,843
- Wes gave it to me.
- Oh, what are you two doing tonight?

1251
01:07:00,517 --> 01:07:03,123
Oh, no, heh, not...
I'm not going out with Wes.

1252
01:07:03,277 --> 01:07:06,440
I'm going out with Toby.
Toby's the guy that I like.

1253
01:07:06,597 --> 01:07:08,247
Right, well, that should be fun.

1254
01:07:08,397 --> 01:07:11,844
Yeah. I actually kind of feel
nervous about it

1255
01:07:11,997 --> 01:07:14,568
just because I feel like
I might say something stupid,

1256
01:07:14,757 --> 01:07:16,998
- and I don't really know when...
- Honey, stop.

1257
01:07:17,157 --> 01:07:20,366
Believe, retrieve, achieve.

1258
01:07:20,517 --> 01:07:22,406
It is a mantra
that I teach all of my clients

1259
01:07:22,597 --> 01:07:24,087
who suffer
from performance anxiety.

1260
01:07:24,237 --> 01:07:26,319
Believe it happened yesterday.

1261
01:07:26,517 --> 01:07:27,803
Retrieve your confidence.

1262
01:07:27,957 --> 01:07:29,368
Achieve your goals.

1263
01:07:29,517 --> 01:07:32,043
- Just don't conceive.
- Mm.

1264
01:07:32,197 --> 01:07:36,202
Okay. Well, I'm off to do some
believing and hopefully achieving.

1265
01:07:36,357 --> 01:07:38,803
- Love you, have fun.
- Unless there was something else.

1266
01:07:39,357 --> 01:07:42,201
Nope, I'm good. See you, have fun.

1267
01:07:50,597 --> 01:07:53,282
Hey, look at you.

1268
01:07:53,437 --> 01:07:55,326
Studying almost like
you were a real student.

1269
01:07:55,957 --> 01:07:58,164
Actually, I'm just waiting
for strangers to walk by

1270
01:07:58,317 --> 01:08:00,126
so I can show them this bad boy.

1271
01:08:00,757 --> 01:08:01,918
Hey-oh!

1272
01:08:02,077 --> 01:08:05,206
Oh, you're not the only B in my life.
Suck it, science.

1273
01:08:05,357 --> 01:08:07,086
That is actually incredible.

1274
01:08:07,237 --> 01:08:08,807
I can't believe it. Congratulations.

1275
01:08:08,957 --> 01:08:11,119
Coach says I might get to play
some football this year.

1276
01:08:11,277 --> 01:08:12,517
What?

1277
01:08:12,677 --> 01:08:15,203
- I'm so proud of you. Good job.
- Ah.

1278
01:08:17,117 --> 01:08:18,357
Wow.

1279
01:08:19,117 --> 01:08:24,283
- Ah, my dress.
- Ah? Not bad for a DUFF, am I right?

1280
01:08:24,677 --> 01:08:26,441
It's my big Toby date night.

1281
01:08:26,597 --> 01:08:28,440
Off to a nice evening

1282
01:08:28,597 --> 01:08:32,158
of talking about the finer things in life
with a fellow intellectual?

1283
01:08:32,317 --> 01:08:35,480
Yes, please. Ha, ha.

1284
01:08:36,157 --> 01:08:39,127
So, I mean, how do I look?
Is this good, coach? Come on.

1285
01:08:40,317 --> 01:08:41,728
You look good.

1286
01:08:41,877 --> 01:08:44,847
Good?
Wow, that's really a rave review.

1287
01:08:44,997 --> 01:08:48,922
I just mean that you look good,
but you don't look like you.

1288
01:08:49,997 --> 01:08:52,443
What? What are you talking about?

1289
01:08:52,597 --> 01:08:56,522
- What do you mean? No, tell me.
- Nothing, nothing. You look fantastic.

1290
01:08:56,677 --> 01:08:59,442
I got my grades up, you got your date.
We're good.

1291
01:09:00,357 --> 01:09:03,042
- Are you sure? You're being weird.
- You're being weird, okay?

1292
01:09:03,237 --> 01:09:05,365
- Go.
- Okay, I'll tell you how it goes.

1293
01:09:05,517 --> 01:09:07,360
- All right.
- Okay, bye.

1294
01:09:07,517 --> 01:09:08,928
Bye.

1295
01:09:09,117 --> 01:09:11,085
Wish me luck.

1296
01:09:11,237 --> 01:09:12,727
Good luck.

1297
01:09:26,717 --> 01:09:28,958
- Hey.
- Hi.

1298
01:09:29,117 --> 01:09:30,881
Come on in.

1299
01:09:31,957 --> 01:09:35,006
- Wow, you really dressed up.
- Oh?

1300
01:09:35,157 --> 01:09:37,205
This old thing? Ha, ha.

1301
01:09:37,397 --> 01:09:39,047
Um, so hey,
where do you wanna go?

1302
01:09:39,197 --> 01:09:41,564
Because I actually heard
that Dave & Buster's

1303
01:09:41,717 --> 01:09:44,766
is, like, the cool, hip new spot.

1304
01:09:44,917 --> 01:09:46,487
The place
with the metal claw game?

1305
01:09:46,637 --> 01:09:49,083
- Yeah, that's the one. Fun, right?
- Yeah. Ha, ha.

1306
01:09:49,237 --> 01:09:50,517
Well, I do love Dave & Buster's,

1307
01:09:50,637 --> 01:09:53,402
but I actually took the liberty
of making a reservation already.

1308
01:09:53,557 --> 01:09:56,481
Hope this is okay.
Thought we could eat here tonight.

1309
01:09:56,637 --> 01:09:59,800
I've been teaching myself
how to make sushi online.

1310
01:09:59,957 --> 01:10:02,119
I just thought it would be,
you know, more personal.

1311
01:10:02,277 --> 01:10:03,324
Yeah, I like that.

1312
01:10:04,757 --> 01:10:06,407
Oh, uh,
those are the baked crab rolls.

1313
01:10:06,597 --> 01:10:08,998
Make yourself at home.
That's Japanese tea, by the way.

1314
01:10:09,157 --> 01:10:11,558
- So enjoy.
- Okay.

1315
01:10:12,797 --> 01:10:15,198
<i>Nightmare. I'd only been
trained for Dave & Buster's.</i>

1316
01:10:15,397 --> 01:10:18,685
<i>What did Wes say? That "no one's
making out if they're three feet apart."</i>

1317
01:10:19,557 --> 01:10:20,797
Okay.

1318
01:10:24,477 --> 01:10:25,603
Oh, Jesus.

1319
01:10:36,357 --> 01:10:38,837
Hey. Oh. Uh...

1320
01:10:38,997 --> 01:10:41,967
- Everything okay?
- Oh, yeah. No, uh, I was getting...

1321
01:10:42,117 --> 01:10:45,564
I was feeling, like, a draft over
when I was here,

1322
01:10:45,757 --> 01:10:49,000
so I just kind of scooted it on
over here.

1323
01:10:49,157 --> 01:10:51,558
- I can turn off the air.
- Oh, okay. Whatever.

1324
01:10:51,717 --> 01:10:53,560
That's probably a good idea.

1325
01:10:53,997 --> 01:10:56,728
<i>The vibe. Darker the better.</i>

1326
01:10:58,957 --> 01:11:00,368
Okay.

1327
01:11:01,557 --> 01:11:05,198
Really? What kind of light...?

1328
01:11:09,957 --> 01:11:12,278
- What?
- Hey, Bianca. That's better...

1329
01:11:12,437 --> 01:11:15,600
- Oh. Did we blow a fuse?
- I guess we did.

1330
01:11:15,757 --> 01:11:18,283
I was just over here
looking at this picture of you

1331
01:11:18,437 --> 01:11:21,327
in the tiny sweatpants,
and it got dark.

1332
01:11:21,477 --> 01:11:22,683
I don't know. It's crazy.

1333
01:11:22,877 --> 01:11:25,005
I'll just flip the breakers,
turn all the lights on.

1334
01:11:25,157 --> 01:11:28,764
Oh, you're gonna turn all the...?
Turn them all back on? Okay.

1335
01:11:29,317 --> 01:11:32,685
- What?
- Oh! Hey, let there be light, right?

1336
01:11:32,837 --> 01:11:34,839
Yeah. From the Bible.

1337
01:11:34,997 --> 01:11:36,442
Cool. That's crazy.

1338
01:11:36,597 --> 01:11:39,680
- What's the crab doing right now?
- Oh, I'll go get him.

1339
01:11:39,837 --> 01:11:41,202
Okay, great.

1340
01:11:42,757 --> 01:11:44,486
I can't believe you made
all this sushi.

1341
01:11:44,637 --> 01:11:47,527
This is like restaurant-quality sushi.

1342
01:11:47,677 --> 01:11:49,917
Like, look at this. Do you have
a special tool for these?

1343
01:11:50,037 --> 01:11:52,005
Ha, ha. It took a few hours.

1344
01:11:52,197 --> 01:11:55,167
If it has to do with my hands,
I usually pick it up really quickly.

1345
01:11:55,317 --> 01:11:57,081
That's actually how I got into guitar.

1346
01:11:57,237 --> 01:11:59,808
- Oh, yeah. Tell me more about that.
- I was a terrible student.

1347
01:12:01,237 --> 01:12:03,126
And so my mom used to stand
outside my room

1348
01:12:03,277 --> 01:12:05,678
to make sure
that I was doing my homework.

1349
01:12:07,277 --> 01:12:08,563
Game on.

1350
01:12:08,757 --> 01:12:12,204
- What?
- I said, go on with the story,

1351
01:12:12,357 --> 01:12:13,882
because I'm loving it.

1352
01:12:14,037 --> 01:12:18,326
So then I just started writing poems,
and those poems became songs and...

1353
01:12:18,517 --> 01:12:20,406
That is so cool.

1354
01:12:20,557 --> 01:12:22,400
I want you to take me...

1355
01:12:22,557 --> 01:12:24,480
Take me on this table right now.

1356
01:12:39,237 --> 01:12:41,365
What's up? Oh, California roll?

1357
01:12:42,077 --> 01:12:43,886
- Mm. Oof!
- Ew!

1358
01:12:44,877 --> 01:12:46,003
Are you okay?

1359
01:12:46,677 --> 01:12:48,167
Ah.

1360
01:12:48,317 --> 01:12:52,561
Ah, yeah, I'm just really
feeling this sushi.

1361
01:12:52,757 --> 01:12:54,566
It's really...
It's doing something to me.

1362
01:12:54,717 --> 01:12:56,719
Ha, ha. Yeah. Well, thanks.

1363
01:12:56,877 --> 01:12:59,926
No, like I said,
it's the poetry of the chord progression

1364
01:13:00,077 --> 01:13:02,603
intertwining with the poetry
of the lyrics.

1365
01:13:02,757 --> 01:13:04,486
It's like two people in love.

1366
01:13:04,637 --> 01:13:07,004
Yeah, like a midget jerking it.
Meow, meow, meow-meow.

1367
01:13:08,397 --> 01:13:11,048
Yeah, funny. Actually,
that kind of reminds me of a song

1368
01:13:11,237 --> 01:13:13,001
that I wrote a few weeks ago.

1369
01:13:13,197 --> 01:13:15,768
I could play it for you later if you like.

1370
01:13:17,157 --> 01:13:19,205
- Yeah, totally.
- Yeah, totally.

1371
01:13:19,357 --> 01:13:21,121
You know, I've been working
on a poem myself.

1372
01:13:21,277 --> 01:13:24,087
<i>There once a boy named Toby Tucker
Bianca Piper just wished he would...</i>

1373
01:13:24,237 --> 01:13:28,765
Okay, I think
I'm gonna use the bathroom.

1374
01:13:28,917 --> 01:13:30,123
Where is it?

1375
01:13:31,517 --> 01:13:33,440
What are you doing to me out there?

1376
01:13:33,637 --> 01:13:35,719
What...?
You're not into Wesley, are you?

1377
01:13:35,877 --> 01:13:38,608
You bet your ass, you are. Whoo!
Who's number one in your brain?

1378
01:13:38,757 --> 01:13:40,277
- No. Get out.
- This guy. This guy is.

1379
01:13:40,397 --> 01:13:42,081
- Yeah.
- Get out.

1380
01:13:42,237 --> 01:13:45,366
Okay, you've gotta
pull it together, okay?

1381
01:13:45,517 --> 01:13:49,727
Toby Tucker is gonna play you a song,
and you're gonna love it.

1382
01:13:50,117 --> 01:13:51,801
Here we go.

1383
01:13:56,757 --> 01:13:58,486
Are you okay? Little cold?

1384
01:13:58,637 --> 01:14:00,241
I'm a little chilly, yeah.

1385
01:14:00,397 --> 01:14:02,365
Oh, hang on.

1386
01:14:09,157 --> 01:14:10,682
There you go. Better?

1387
01:14:10,877 --> 01:14:14,563
Yeah, definitely. Thanks.

1388
01:14:15,397 --> 01:14:17,798
So here's the song.

1389
01:14:17,957 --> 01:14:21,245
- Be gentle. I'm still working on it, so...
- Okay.

1390
01:14:21,397 --> 01:14:26,722
<i>Baby, you set my soul on fire</i>

1391
01:14:27,517 --> 01:14:32,728
<i>And, girl, you are my heart's desire</i>

1392
01:14:34,037 --> 01:14:36,358
<i>Don't you know it's true</i>

1393
01:14:36,517 --> 01:14:39,521
<i>In everything we do</i>

1394
01:14:39,677 --> 01:14:42,408
<i>I just want it to be</i>

1395
01:14:42,557 --> 01:14:45,766
<i>The two of us</i>

1396
01:14:45,957 --> 01:14:47,925
I don't know exactly
how to rhyme that.

1397
01:14:48,077 --> 01:14:51,240
- Oh, no. It's so good, though.
- Thank you. I think it's great.

1398
01:14:51,397 --> 01:14:53,718
I mean, I've been working on it
for a little bit, so...

1399
01:14:53,877 --> 01:14:55,163
But enough about me.

1400
01:14:55,317 --> 01:14:57,638
I mean, how have you been,
after that video came out?

1401
01:14:57,797 --> 01:14:59,799
It's been a little tough.

1402
01:14:59,957 --> 01:15:03,359
A lot of people... A lot of people saw it.
Heh. I don't know.

1403
01:15:03,557 --> 01:15:07,198
To be honest,
the saddest part about it is that

1404
01:15:07,397 --> 01:15:09,718
I kind of got into a fight
with my best friends, and...

1405
01:15:09,877 --> 01:15:11,003
Jess and Casey?

1406
01:15:11,917 --> 01:15:14,648
Uh, yes, Jess and Casey.

1407
01:15:14,797 --> 01:15:18,882
And, um, I don't know,
it's, like, my fault pretty much.

1408
01:15:19,037 --> 01:15:21,722
I kind of wanna reach out,
but I'm not really sure

1409
01:15:21,877 --> 01:15:24,317
- what I should do about it, and...
- You should talk to them.

1410
01:15:24,437 --> 01:15:27,680
I mean, they seem like really caring,
understanding people, so...

1411
01:15:27,837 --> 01:15:29,601
Mm. Mm-hm.

1412
01:15:29,757 --> 01:15:31,680
Sorry, are you friends with them?

1413
01:15:31,877 --> 01:15:34,197
Yeah, Jess is in my drama class
and I have trig with Casey.

1414
01:15:34,317 --> 01:15:36,524
Oh, yeah. You know...

1415
01:15:36,717 --> 01:15:39,960
I mean, Jess is, like,
an amazing actress.

1416
01:15:40,117 --> 01:15:42,199
- Mm.
- And dancer.

1417
01:15:42,357 --> 01:15:43,404
Mm.

1418
01:15:43,597 --> 01:15:45,281
- And dresser.
- Okay.

1419
01:15:45,477 --> 01:15:48,606
And Casey, she's, like,
this, you know, fiery Latina.

1420
01:15:48,757 --> 01:15:50,122
<i>You know, caliente, you know.</i>

1421
01:15:50,277 --> 01:15:51,881
Yeah, she's very spicy.

1422
01:15:52,037 --> 01:15:56,759
But, you know, I'm not really friends
with them right now, so...

1423
01:16:02,357 --> 01:16:04,405
Is it intimidating?

1424
01:16:05,837 --> 01:16:07,282
What?

1425
01:16:08,277 --> 01:16:11,326
Being friends with...
And it's rare that I point this out,

1426
01:16:11,477 --> 01:16:14,242
because I do not subscribe to
the American ideal of feminine beauty.

1427
01:16:14,397 --> 01:16:17,207
But such powerful women?

1428
01:16:17,357 --> 01:16:19,485
<i>Oh, no. No, no, no.</i>

1429
01:16:19,677 --> 01:16:21,884
A friend of mine was wondering,

1430
01:16:22,037 --> 01:16:25,086
do they have dates to
the homecoming dance next weekend?

1431
01:16:25,237 --> 01:16:27,638
<i>I tried to keep my composure, but...</i>

1432
01:16:35,597 --> 01:16:38,077
Are you DUFFing me?

1433
01:16:39,277 --> 01:16:40,358
Excuse me?

1434
01:16:40,517 --> 01:16:41,848
You are.

1435
01:16:41,997 --> 01:16:43,999
This is a DUFF.

1436
01:16:44,557 --> 01:16:48,482
You're using me to try
to get closer to Jess and Casey,

1437
01:16:48,637 --> 01:16:51,641
because you think that
I'm approachable, aren't you?

1438
01:16:51,797 --> 01:16:55,040
Okay, look, when you said
that we should hang out Friday,

1439
01:16:55,197 --> 01:16:57,397
I thought you were hinting
that they were gonna be here.

1440
01:16:57,517 --> 01:16:59,884
Like, I thought you were saying
that they were into me.

1441
01:17:02,517 --> 01:17:04,326
I can't... I can't even believe this.

1442
01:17:04,477 --> 01:17:06,437
I can't believe for five seconds
I thought that...

1443
01:17:06,597 --> 01:17:09,282
- Bianca, Bianca.
- What?

1444
01:17:09,477 --> 01:17:11,798
Can I have my sweatshirt?

1445
01:17:12,197 --> 01:17:15,201
Heh, okay, you know what?
Here, you can have it.

1446
01:17:15,397 --> 01:17:16,558
Oh.

1447
01:17:18,997 --> 01:17:20,840
Oh, hell, no.

1448
01:17:23,917 --> 01:17:25,157
Mr. Sushi?

1449
01:17:27,237 --> 01:17:29,001
- The song was mine.
- Yeah.

1450
01:17:29,757 --> 01:17:31,759
I'm not surprised,
because it was a piece of shit.

1451
01:17:31,957 --> 01:17:34,528
And so are you. Have a nice night.

1452
01:17:39,477 --> 01:17:41,366
<i>- Hello?
- Wes, it's Bianca.</i>

1453
01:17:41,517 --> 01:17:42,848
<i>Just kidding. It's my voice mail.</i>

1454
01:17:44,197 --> 01:17:46,040
Wes, it's Bianca.

1455
01:17:46,197 --> 01:17:49,838
So it turns out that Toby's
been DUFFing me the whole time.

1456
01:17:49,997 --> 01:17:52,568
And I've just been thinking
about some stuff, and I just...

1457
01:17:52,717 --> 01:17:56,119
I'd really like to talk to you, okay?
Call me back.

1458
01:18:50,317 --> 01:18:51,842
Hey, I got your message.

1459
01:18:52,037 --> 01:18:54,847
Yeah, um, forget about it.
Just go home.

1460
01:18:55,037 --> 01:18:58,086
Look, I'm sorry about Toby.

1461
01:18:58,237 --> 01:18:59,887
Okay? He's an idiot.

1462
01:19:01,677 --> 01:19:04,203
You know, I saw you and Madison.

1463
01:19:06,277 --> 01:19:09,804
- Okay.
- You were at my special place.

1464
01:19:09,957 --> 01:19:11,447
You know, that's my Think Rock.

1465
01:19:12,237 --> 01:19:13,807
You said I could use it.

1466
01:19:13,957 --> 01:19:16,244
Not as a Motel 6, Wes.

1467
01:19:16,437 --> 01:19:18,201
You were on a date with Toby.

1468
01:19:20,237 --> 01:19:23,366
Are you seriously mad at me
right now?

1469
01:19:23,517 --> 01:19:24,757
I thought we were friends.

1470
01:19:25,437 --> 01:19:28,043
Come on, we're not friends.

1471
01:19:28,237 --> 01:19:30,285
You know,
people like you don't hang out

1472
01:19:30,437 --> 01:19:32,599
with people like me, you know?

1473
01:19:32,757 --> 01:19:35,647
That's just the way it is.
Football guys, they date hot chicks.

1474
01:19:35,797 --> 01:19:38,607
And people like me
don't date anybody.

1475
01:19:38,757 --> 01:19:40,680
I don't know why I thought
it could be different.

1476
01:19:40,877 --> 01:19:43,084
What are you talking about?
B, this isn't you.

1477
01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:47,561
Please, Wes, you're embarrassed
to be seen with me at school.

1478
01:19:47,757 --> 01:19:49,361
Okay?

1479
01:19:49,517 --> 01:19:51,042
It's just...

1480
01:19:51,197 --> 01:19:52,323
This was an experiment,

1481
01:19:52,477 --> 01:19:54,357
and it worked for you
and it didn't work for me,

1482
01:19:54,517 --> 01:19:57,248
so let's just forget it, okay?

1483
01:19:57,437 --> 01:19:59,485
- B...
- Please, just go home.

1484
01:21:16,197 --> 01:21:19,246
<i>So, what does homecoming
mean to me?</i>

1485
01:21:22,917 --> 01:21:24,157
<i>The word "homecoming" itself</i>

1486
01:21:24,357 --> 01:21:27,645
<i>conjures up feelings
of warmth and comfort.</i>

1487
01:21:30,277 --> 01:21:32,279
<i>High school offers me none of that.</i>

1488
01:21:32,437 --> 01:21:35,725
<i>I know some people will tell you
that homecoming is about celebrating,</i>

1489
01:21:35,877 --> 01:21:38,448
<i>but to the majority of kids in school,</i>

1490
01:21:38,597 --> 01:21:40,725
<i>it's just another night
where you feel pressure</i>

1491
01:21:40,877 --> 01:21:43,721
<i>to find the perfect date,
the perfect outfit,</i>

1492
01:21:43,917 --> 01:21:46,124
<i>and have the perfect evening.</i>

1493
01:21:49,997 --> 01:21:52,523
<i>Come Monday morning,
it's back to reality.</i>

1494
01:21:54,517 --> 01:21:56,724
<i>I don't know about you,</i>

1495
01:21:58,117 --> 01:22:00,961
<i>but I'm happy to sit this one out.</i>

1496
01:22:05,957 --> 01:22:07,846
<i>I didn't regret hitting "send,"</i>

1497
01:22:07,997 --> 01:22:11,046
<i>but I did regret how I left things
with Jess and Casey.</i>

1498
01:22:11,237 --> 01:22:14,446
So all of this because of some word?

1499
01:22:14,957 --> 01:22:17,164
It didn't feel like
just some word to me.

1500
01:22:17,317 --> 01:22:20,799
I think deep down I've always known
you guys were prettier than me,

1501
01:22:20,997 --> 01:22:22,877
and I felt like I couldn't talk
to you about it,

1502
01:22:22,997 --> 01:22:27,082
because you wouldn't understand what
it felt like to be your schlumpy friend.

1503
01:22:27,237 --> 01:22:30,878
But, you know, you're wrong,
because we all have our insecurities.

1504
01:22:31,437 --> 01:22:33,326
The point is, we're a team.

1505
01:22:33,477 --> 01:22:36,367
If anything, we're kind of chumps
in comparison to you.

1506
01:22:36,517 --> 01:22:39,248
Okay, now you went too far.
You had me and then you lost me.

1507
01:22:39,397 --> 01:22:42,241
Oh, no, she's right, B.
You are by far the smartest one

1508
01:22:42,397 --> 01:22:44,525
of the three of us.
You're loyal, you're funny.

1509
01:22:44,677 --> 01:22:48,568
And we can't be Bianca,
Jess and Casey without Bianca.

1510
01:22:50,277 --> 01:22:51,767
Thanks.

1511
01:22:51,917 --> 01:22:53,407
Oh.

1512
01:22:53,557 --> 01:22:54,604
Okay, you know what?

1513
01:22:54,757 --> 01:22:57,283
Tonight how about we ditch our dates
and have a girls' night?

1514
01:22:57,437 --> 01:22:59,166
- Done.
- What? No, no way.

1515
01:22:59,317 --> 01:23:01,843
Guys, it's homecoming.
You're definitely going.

1516
01:23:02,037 --> 01:23:04,688
I just... I can't see Wes.

1517
01:23:04,837 --> 01:23:07,408
Or Toby. Or anyone, for that matter.

1518
01:23:07,557 --> 01:23:11,278
Just let me stay here and lie
amongst the pizza a little longer.

1519
01:23:11,437 --> 01:23:13,758
- Absolutely not.
- Mom.

1520
01:23:14,197 --> 01:23:17,804
- You're listening at the door again?
- Yes, I was. This is juicy stuff.

1521
01:23:17,957 --> 01:23:19,163
Now it all makes sense.

1522
01:23:19,317 --> 01:23:22,048
Mom, I've been through
all of your stages, okay?

1523
01:23:22,197 --> 01:23:26,122
I am already at the fifth
and final stage: acceptance.

1524
01:23:26,277 --> 01:23:29,440
Honey, forget about the five stages.
I have got some real advice for you.

1525
01:23:29,597 --> 01:23:32,203
We're gonna call it, uh, stage 11.

1526
01:23:32,397 --> 01:23:34,365
Yeah, it's sort of acceptance plus,

1527
01:23:34,517 --> 01:23:36,918
where you realize who you are,
you accept it,

1528
01:23:37,077 --> 01:23:38,966
and then you, um,

1529
01:23:39,157 --> 01:23:42,559
turn it up to 11.

1530
01:23:42,717 --> 01:23:44,560
Is that supposed to be
Robert Pattinson?

1531
01:23:44,717 --> 01:23:47,323
No, Spinal Tap.

1532
01:23:47,477 --> 01:23:48,558
<i>The movie, Spinal Tap.</i>

1533
01:23:48,717 --> 01:23:50,401
"This one goes to 11."

1534
01:23:50,557 --> 01:23:52,082
Let's stop.

1535
01:23:52,237 --> 01:23:55,639
All right, honey, you're a weirdo.

1536
01:23:55,837 --> 01:23:58,761
Fine, own it.
Be the best weirdo you can be.

1537
01:23:58,917 --> 01:24:00,717
You have spent the last month
worrying so much

1538
01:24:00,837 --> 01:24:02,397
about what other people
think about you.

1539
01:24:02,557 --> 01:24:05,606
How about tonight you just worry
about what you think about you?

1540
01:24:05,757 --> 01:24:08,840
Now, I want you to get cleaned up,
I want you to go to that dance,

1541
01:24:08,997 --> 01:24:12,365
and rock that homecoming
like my Bianca Piper would.

1542
01:24:12,757 --> 01:24:14,441
Passion plus action...

1543
01:24:14,597 --> 01:24:17,567
- Oh, my God, I'm doing it again.
- No, no, it's okay, it's working.

1544
01:24:17,717 --> 01:24:21,119
You're good at this.
I'm feeling mad inspired.

1545
01:24:21,277 --> 01:24:23,200
I think I have an idea.

1546
01:24:48,117 --> 01:24:49,243
Hmm.

1547
01:24:49,437 --> 01:24:52,043
There it is. I gotta say,
this is some of my best work.

1548
01:24:52,197 --> 01:24:55,167
- You are very talented.
- It's really perfect, Jess.

1549
01:24:55,357 --> 01:24:59,043
All right, I just talked with the guys,
and I told them we're going alone.

1550
01:24:59,237 --> 01:25:02,559
- Ooh. Yes.
- Thanks.

1551
01:25:02,717 --> 01:25:04,128
So shall we?

1552
01:25:05,477 --> 01:25:06,763
Let's do this shit.

1553
01:25:06,917 --> 01:25:08,601
Fucking A.

1554
01:25:08,757 --> 01:25:10,600
- Mom.
- Sorry.

1555
01:25:25,637 --> 01:25:28,038
She looks great. She's pulling it off.

1556
01:25:28,197 --> 01:25:30,040
- Dude, she's 15 years old, man.
- She's a ten.

1557
01:25:30,197 --> 01:25:31,847
I don't care about 15. She's a ten.

1558
01:25:43,677 --> 01:25:47,602
And then she was all like, "Bitch,
if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."

1559
01:25:47,757 --> 01:25:50,681
And I was all like, "Bitch, if I cared
what you thought, I'd ask."

1560
01:25:50,837 --> 01:25:52,965
Ugh, my grandma is so annoying.

1561
01:25:53,117 --> 01:25:56,405
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Wesley, what time is it?

1562
01:25:57,717 --> 01:25:58,798
Nine-fifteen.

1563
01:25:59,357 --> 01:26:01,405
Okay, they're announcing
king and queen soon,

1564
01:26:01,557 --> 01:26:04,561
so, Caitlyn, I wanna go over by the
stage and get the very best lighting.

1565
01:26:04,757 --> 01:26:06,486
I'll be right back.

1566
01:26:30,997 --> 01:26:32,567
Wow.

1567
01:26:39,437 --> 01:26:42,566
Um, you guys,
I'll be right back, okay?

1568
01:26:46,077 --> 01:26:48,239
- Awesome dress, Bianca.
- Thanks, Robin.

1569
01:26:48,397 --> 01:26:50,399
- Hey, Bianca, about the other...
- Shh, shh, shh.

1570
01:26:50,597 --> 01:26:51,962
Uh...

1571
01:26:52,597 --> 01:26:54,759
- Hey.
- Hey.

1572
01:26:56,877 --> 01:27:00,723
I could tell from across the room
that we might be into each other.

1573
01:27:00,877 --> 01:27:03,323
Now that I'm here, I'm sure.
Your move.

1574
01:27:03,477 --> 01:27:04,888
- Wow.
- How was that?

1575
01:27:05,037 --> 01:27:07,324
That was not bad.

1576
01:27:07,477 --> 01:27:09,366
Should I've gone with
"wiener in your mouth"?

1577
01:27:09,517 --> 01:27:12,726
- No, no. Definitely not.
- Ha, ha.

1578
01:27:12,877 --> 01:27:16,120
- Um...
- Wow, um...

1579
01:27:16,277 --> 01:27:17,438
You look beautiful.

1580
01:27:17,597 --> 01:27:19,361
Thanks.

1581
01:27:20,437 --> 01:27:24,123
Look, um, about what I said
the other day,

1582
01:27:24,277 --> 01:27:28,327
of course we're friends,
and that's cool.

1583
01:27:29,237 --> 01:27:35,961
But a guy I know once told me
that if you like somebody,

1584
01:27:36,117 --> 01:27:38,802
you should just
be straight-up with them

1585
01:27:38,957 --> 01:27:42,120
and tell them that you're into them.

1586
01:27:42,357 --> 01:27:46,328
So I guess that's
kind of what I'm doing.

1587
01:27:46,957 --> 01:27:49,278
Wait, you're into me?

1588
01:27:51,397 --> 01:27:52,603
Yeah.

1589
01:27:52,757 --> 01:27:54,441
Um...

1590
01:27:54,597 --> 01:27:59,364
I, uh... I kind of just got back together
with Madison.

1591
01:28:00,237 --> 01:28:01,477
Oh.

1592
01:28:02,437 --> 01:28:05,441
But that's good if you're happy.

1593
01:28:05,597 --> 01:28:07,361
- What the shit?
- Ow.

1594
01:28:07,517 --> 01:28:09,406
Get out of my way.

1595
01:28:11,877 --> 01:28:15,120
Wow, that is an interesting dress.

1596
01:28:15,277 --> 01:28:17,359
Who makes that, Build-A-Bear?

1597
01:28:18,277 --> 01:28:20,928
Since you can't seem
to leave my boyfriend alone,

1598
01:28:21,077 --> 01:28:23,648
I cannot wait to release
your video tomorrow.

1599
01:28:24,597 --> 01:28:27,965
Good. I'm glad you're excited about it.
Go right ahead.

1600
01:28:28,117 --> 01:28:30,404
Fine, I Will.

1601
01:28:31,317 --> 01:28:34,719
Plus, Wesley would never leave me
for some DUFF anyway.

1602
01:28:34,877 --> 01:28:36,606
- Look, Madison...
- It's okay.

1603
01:28:37,357 --> 01:28:41,157
Ooh. Madison,
you used to make me so upset,

1604
01:28:41,317 --> 01:28:43,319
but now I just feel bad for you.

1605
01:28:43,477 --> 01:28:45,047
Yeah, I'm somebody's DUFF.

1606
01:28:45,197 --> 01:28:48,041
Guess what, so are you.
So is everybody.

1607
01:28:48,197 --> 01:28:51,360
There's always gonna be somebody
prettier or more talented

1608
01:28:51,517 --> 01:28:53,246
or richer than you,

1609
01:28:53,397 --> 01:28:55,240
but it shouldn't affect
how you see yourself.

1610
01:28:55,397 --> 01:28:57,764
You label everybody
to try to keep them down,

1611
01:28:57,917 --> 01:29:00,568
but you end up missing out
on all this great stuff around you.

1612
01:29:00,717 --> 01:29:04,961
You have Wesley, and you treat him
like he's stupid, but he isn't.

1613
01:29:05,117 --> 01:29:07,040
And people don't like him,
because he's with you.

1614
01:29:07,237 --> 01:29:09,444
They like him
because he's, like, an amazing guy.

1615
01:29:09,597 --> 01:29:12,077
Look, I like myself.

1616
01:29:12,277 --> 01:29:14,245
I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.

1617
01:29:14,397 --> 01:29:17,446
And I realize now
that none of this matters to me.

1618
01:29:17,597 --> 01:29:20,077
But it does to you. It's your dream.

1619
01:29:20,237 --> 01:29:21,762
And I totally support that.

1620
01:29:21,957 --> 01:29:25,245
Just don't tear me down
for not giving a shit about your labels,

1621
01:29:25,397 --> 01:29:27,877
because in the end,
they're meaningless.

1622
01:29:28,037 --> 01:29:29,323
What?

1623
01:29:29,477 --> 01:29:32,083
Whatever you said
was meaningless, okay?

1624
01:29:32,237 --> 01:29:34,524
You don't even get it.
This is not my dream.

1625
01:29:34,717 --> 01:29:36,637
- I don't need to...
- Okay, Blue Devils.

1626
01:29:36,757 --> 01:29:37,838
Oh, my God, here it is.

1627
01:29:38,517 --> 01:29:40,042
It's happening.

1628
01:29:41,597 --> 01:29:45,727
Okay, Blue Devils,
it's time to crown our king and queen.

1629
01:29:47,877 --> 01:29:49,686
Hey, how'd it go?

1630
01:29:51,597 --> 01:29:55,158
- Actually, really good.
- This year's homecoming queen is...

1631
01:29:55,317 --> 01:29:57,445
This one's got me a little nervous.

1632
01:29:57,797 --> 01:29:59,686
...Ms. Madison Morgan.

1633
01:30:01,077 --> 01:30:02,602
Me? What?

1634
01:30:02,757 --> 01:30:04,327
Oh, my God, of course.

1635
01:30:04,477 --> 01:30:06,559
Madison!

1636
01:30:09,637 --> 01:30:11,480
- Congratulations, Madison.
- I knew it was me.

1637
01:30:11,637 --> 01:30:13,127
Keep it to yourself.

1638
01:30:13,517 --> 01:30:16,282
- Yeah, Madison.
- All right.

1639
01:30:16,437 --> 01:30:20,522
And this year's homecoming king is...

1640
01:30:20,677 --> 01:30:22,520
Drumroll, please.

1641
01:30:23,717 --> 01:30:26,527
...Mr. Wesley Rush.

1642
01:30:36,677 --> 01:30:38,520
Wesley Rush.

1643
01:30:38,677 --> 01:30:41,123
Homecoming king. Come on up.

1644
01:30:41,277 --> 01:30:44,247
Wesley. Wesley.

1645
01:30:45,037 --> 01:30:46,163
Wesley.

1646
01:30:49,997 --> 01:30:51,078
Where's Wesley?

1647
01:30:59,557 --> 01:31:01,161
Aren't you gonna go get your crown?

1648
01:31:02,677 --> 01:31:05,044
No, I'm gonna get the girl.

1649
01:31:24,757 --> 01:31:28,204
- Yeah, Bianca!
- Let's get the hell out of here.

1650
01:31:28,357 --> 01:31:31,520
All right. All right.

1651
01:31:32,597 --> 01:31:34,565
Yeah, all right.

1652
01:31:35,037 --> 01:31:36,527
Damn.

1653
01:31:36,717 --> 01:31:39,163
It was definitely the dress.

1654
01:31:39,317 --> 01:31:42,446
- That is really great.
- Yeah, he is hot.

1655
01:31:47,397 --> 01:31:49,157
Are we breaking into the newsroom
to hook up?

1656
01:31:49,237 --> 01:31:51,126
- You bet we are.
- Who are you?

1657
01:31:58,917 --> 01:32:00,043
- Wesley?
- What?

1658
01:32:00,237 --> 01:32:02,399
I just want to... I just want to...
One more thing.

1659
01:32:02,557 --> 01:32:05,242
- What? What?
- Just one thing.

1660
01:32:05,397 --> 01:32:07,479
No, they block out all the good sites.

1661
01:32:07,637 --> 01:32:09,366
- What are you doing?
- I just have to...

1662
01:32:09,797 --> 01:32:12,448
No, no, if you're doing
homework, I'm gonna kill myself.

1663
01:32:12,597 --> 01:32:14,679
It's just one quick thing.
It's for my article.

1664
01:32:14,877 --> 01:32:17,198
I'm feeling inspired.

1665
01:32:17,397 --> 01:32:20,082
- Okay, here, just rub my shoulders.
- Right.

1666
01:32:23,437 --> 01:32:25,678
<i>What does homecoming mean to me?</i>

1667
01:32:25,837 --> 01:32:27,885
<i>If you asked me
at the beginning of senior year,</i>

1668
01:32:28,037 --> 01:32:30,244
<i>I would've told you,
"Absolutely nothing."</i>

1669
01:32:30,437 --> 01:32:33,008
<i>But tonight,
possibly the greatest night of my life,</i>

1670
01:32:33,157 --> 01:32:34,761
<i>I have changed my tune.</i>

1671
01:32:35,197 --> 01:32:37,768
<i>You know that one moment in
high school that changes everything?</i>

1672
01:32:37,917 --> 01:32:40,204
Okay, I think I can
probably finish this later.

1673
01:32:40,357 --> 01:32:43,759
<i>It all started senior year,
about a month before homecoming.</i>

1674
01:32:43,917 --> 01:32:46,761
<i>I was cruising the halls
with my two best friends...</i>

1675
01:32:51,957 --> 01:32:54,198
Wow, she's awesome.

1676
01:32:54,357 --> 01:32:57,122
Yeah, she is. I should forward this.

1677
01:32:57,277 --> 01:33:00,406
- Viral?
- Viral.

1678
01:33:00,557 --> 01:33:02,446
I'm a DUFF.

1679
01:33:03,317 --> 01:33:05,160
I am a DUFF.

1680
01:33:05,317 --> 01:33:06,807
Yep, that's me.

1681
01:33:06,957 --> 01:33:09,164
- I'm a DUFF.
- I'm a DUFF.

1682
01:33:12,837 --> 01:33:15,363
Okay, girl, I know some DUFFs too.

1683
01:33:16,317 --> 01:33:17,557
Wow.

1684
01:33:17,717 --> 01:33:19,640
For what it's worth,
what you wrote here

1685
01:33:19,797 --> 01:33:21,640
struck a chord with me as well.

1686
01:33:21,797 --> 01:33:26,963
I mean, I know you won't believe me,
but I was the DUFF out of my friends.

1687
01:33:27,797 --> 01:33:29,640
What? No.

1688
01:33:29,797 --> 01:33:32,880
There was no cool name for it
like "the DUFF."

1689
01:33:33,037 --> 01:33:36,439
It was, like, "the dipshit,"
uh, douche bag.

1690
01:33:36,597 --> 01:33:39,248
A. Urkel. Asian Urkel.

1691
01:33:39,397 --> 01:33:41,877
- Nerd ass.
- Okay, no. Didn't need...

1692
01:33:42,037 --> 01:33:43,926
- Didn't need the help, you know?
- Oh, sorry.

1693
01:33:46,917 --> 01:33:48,043
Whoa, look at this.

1694
01:33:48,597 --> 01:33:51,077
The site has thousands
of comments and likes on it.

1695
01:33:52,517 --> 01:33:54,007
But they're positive this time.

1696
01:33:54,157 --> 01:33:55,522
<i>Mr. Arthur was right.</i>

1697
01:33:55,677 --> 01:33:57,998
<i>Kids started writing to me
with their own DUFF stories,</i>

1698
01:33:58,157 --> 01:33:59,238
<i>and when I posted those,</i>

1699
01:33:59,397 --> 01:34:02,879
<i>more kids responded
until it just became its own thing.</i>

1700
01:34:03,997 --> 01:34:06,284
<i>Oh, and Wesley?
He passed science.</i>

1701
01:34:06,437 --> 01:34:08,121
<i>He's going to Ohio State in the fall.</i>

1702
01:34:08,277 --> 01:34:10,597
<i>And since I got into Northwestern,
we can visit each other.</i>

1703
01:34:11,997 --> 01:34:13,408
<i>A lot.</i>

1704
01:34:24,717 --> 01:34:26,640
Hey, neighbor-slash-boyfriend.

1705
01:34:26,797 --> 01:34:29,323
Hi, neighbor-slash-girlfriend.

1706
01:34:32,677 --> 01:34:34,247
You hungry? I'm hungry.

1707
01:34:34,437 --> 01:34:35,927
- Yeah, I could eat.
- Good.

1708
01:34:36,077 --> 01:34:37,886
Because I was hoping
to take you to dinner.

1709
01:34:38,037 --> 01:34:40,358
Ooh. How about a little
Dave & Buster's?

1710
01:34:40,517 --> 01:34:41,643
- Skee-Ball?
- Ah!

1711
01:34:41,797 --> 01:34:45,324
- A dark booth? Yeah.
- Ah! I love it when you talk dirty to me.

1712
01:34:45,477 --> 01:34:49,687
- Maybe we'll accidentally touch knees.
- Oh, can I?

1713
01:34:49,837 --> 01:34:52,124
Bianca kiss Wes now?

1714
01:34:52,277 --> 01:34:54,564
Oh, monster voice sexy.

1715
01:34:56,037 --> 01:35:00,087
<i>In the end, it's not about
popularity or even getting the guy.</i>

1716
01:35:00,237 --> 01:35:01,398
<i>It's about understanding</i>

1717
01:35:01,557 --> 01:35:03,764
<i>that no matter what label
is thrown your way,</i>

1718
01:35:03,917 --> 01:35:06,079
<i>only you can define yourself.</i>

1719
01:35:06,237 --> 01:35:08,319
<i>Take it from a DUFF.</i>

1720
01:35:29,477 --> 01:35:32,321
Hit that... Hit that, uh...
That long one in the middle.

1721
01:35:32,477 --> 01:35:34,286
It's called a spacebar.

1722
01:35:37,637 --> 01:35:39,719
<i>- Hey.
- Now, that's a classic look.</i>

1723
01:35:39,917 --> 01:35:43,285
<i>You could be on the cover of GQ.
Back cover.</i>

1724
01:35:43,437 --> 01:35:46,122
<i>Just a vest. Okay, MacGyver.</i>

1725
01:35:46,277 --> 01:35:49,281
<i>You talk about my son
one more ******* time.</i>

1726
01:36:01,077 --> 01:36:02,124
Bluh!

1727
01:36:02,317 --> 01:36:04,763
I swear,
I'm just feeling the pressure.

1728
01:36:22,477 --> 01:36:23,922
If this makes it to Toshi,

1729
01:36:24,077 --> 01:36:26,079
- I'm telling you now...
- Toshi.

1730
01:36:28,277 --> 01:36:30,120
- Now I know you...
- Ha, ha.

1731
01:36:30,677 --> 01:36:32,167
- Now I know that you...
- Ha, ha.

1732
01:36:42,397 --> 01:36:44,399
- Ha-ha-ha.
- This is not...

1733
01:36:44,557 --> 01:36:46,525
- This is a...
- Hmm. Not the article I want.

1734
01:36:46,677 --> 01:36:49,044
- Dad, 17 pa...
- But it article we need.

1735
01:36:54,157 --> 01:36:56,205
<i>- Hey, Trevor.
- Have fun tonight, Trevor.</i>

1736
01:36:56,357 --> 01:36:58,678
<i>- I hate you.
- No, you look adorable.</i>

1737
01:36:58,837 --> 01:37:00,999
<i>Mm. Ish.</i>

1738
01:37:01,157 --> 01:37:02,921
<i>I'm not happy!</i>

1739
01:37:03,077 --> 01:37:04,966
I haven't been kissed in years.

1740
01:37:05,117 --> 01:37:07,597
- Can we do one more...?
- Okay, not again.

1741
01:37:11,397 --> 01:37:13,001
Oh, are we making a movie?