[narrator] Previously on Sister Wives...
[Christine] A couple of days ago,
I asked Kody if he can meet me at Salsa Brava.
I really, really would like to have an amiable divorce.
I was laid up with COVID.
I was out of my mind,
- but when I talking about getting anxiety, Christine, - Sorry. I'm sorry.
- and depression. - I know.
And I'm sorry to even laugh a little bit,
but Gwendolyn was like...
You're mean that way. It's okay.
I'm...
I just never wanna see her again.
So you're okay with Christmas?
Kody's angry and it's just...
It's not a good time.
Oh, really?
They're not gonna do Christmas together.
Janelle is gonna do Christmas with her kids.
[exhales deeply] The whole thing, frankly, makes me nauseous.
I have somebody in my life
who is fundamentally loyal to me,
who sees me as the head of the family.
I'm saying to you that you and I get that,
if you're loyal to me.
I'm just angry and I'm thinking,
"What the hell am I doing here?"
My brother, Michael, and my dear friend, Nathan, and I like to do man trips.
We've gone out to Brian's place in Oklahoma.
My brother, Michael's, in his mid-30s.
He's a generation younger than me.
I wasn't raised in polygamy.
My mom and dad taught me about polygamy when I was young,
but they didn't become a polygamist until I was an adult.
I have five sisters, and then there were five boys, including me.
Nathan's been a dear friend of mine for years.
He is a fundamentalist Mormon, and he's been married
and divorced in plural marriage.
So he's actually had that experience like mine,
where he's got a wife that he loves at home,
and another wife that he loves who's leaving him.
Brian's not a polygamist. He's mainstream.
Brian was the consummate bachelor, until a year ago.
All I'm thinking about is the fact that she's leaving me,
and I am bitter and I am yelling about it.
I've been whining to these three gentlemen
about my divorce with Christine for a while.
This is like a...
men's group, a therapy session for me.
So, okay. So, like, you know, grief if you have the stages of grief.
And I'm assuming that with divorce,
it's the same type of a thing, 'cause you kept, kind of,
being, like, you know, "I can't really believe this is happening."
It was definitely disbelief.
Yeah. She was, my boxes all out into the garage,
and I was so shocked.
You come home and your stuff's all packed up.
It's like, "What's going on?"
Oh, I'm still at the angry state.
It, it's over now.
Christine's left.
But I'm still feeling a lot of anger about,
sort of,
fall out, sort of, a... civil war with the family.
The very beginning, the first reaction was relief.
I went from that, to, I went to angry.
Because when I started doing this, literally going online,
and trying to research if you're getting a divorce. How do you,
sort of,
how do you manage keeping things amiable with kids and stuff like that?
And what it is, is just, there, there's a really big,
like, walk away from women movement,
and it's about angry man who have been left.
And I think that might have been a touch of poison,
'cause I got angry.
So I'm going around to Robyn and to Janelle.
And they feel like I'm the woman here.
Like, Robyn actually said,
"This is affecting our relationship in a terrible way."
[Robyn] I mean, like, I've witnessed Kody's...
process... through this divorce.
And he's all over the place.
I mean, one minute he's angry, another minute he's... very upset and sad.
And then another minute, he's, like, in his peaceful place,
where he's like, "Maybe this was meant to be,"
and then he goes back to the angry thing again, so.
You're, like, sitting there, talking to him,
and he's just goes down this, kind of, crazy wild ride
and all of a sudden, you're on the Kody Coaster. Ah!
It's scary.
The thing I, kind of, wanna express to you is when you encountered anger.
The root of anger is in two things.
It's either in fear,
or it's in self-delusion or self-deception.
You have to look in the mirror,
and see the good, the bad and the ugly.
And... and own everything completely.
I'm still in self-deception, I can tell.
So there, there was this moment when I...
When Christine told me she didn't want us...
Want me staying at her place anymore,
where I was ambivalent.
The reason I was ambivalent,
I think, was literally because I thought
she was playing a game.
So her being gone, relief.
The fallout with the whole family is grief.
The sadness that kids struggle with,
I mean, I think the biggest fantasy any child has,
is that mom and dad love each other
all their lives long.
I don't know, it's just...
The whole breakup, the divorce is,
"Oh, now I've got this check mark of shame."
Who wants to roll the dice and marriage will be 50-50.
Maybe this is gonna work out, maybe it isn't.
COVID has changed a lot of things in our society.
We were just talking about this today.
We have another friend that just got divorced.
Being together during COVID,
they couldn't take each other.
I always, uh, encourage Kody
to have his guy time. I think it's important.
Everybody needs that.
You know, women need women time,
and men need men time.
When we lived in Utah, he did it fairly regularly.
We used to call it, "Testosterone Tuesday."
Polygamy, um, literally, it could be a gift,
where it dilutes personality.
But if I'm married to this woman,
she's really cantankerous.
I don't enjoy her, but I can't leave.
It'd be nice to have another wife,
'cause then I can get away from her for a little bit.
Or, it 'd be nice if I'm the one who's cantankerous
She's thinking,
"It's be nice if you had another wife,
so I can get a break from you."
He hit it on the nose.
And then if you dilute it more and more and more,
- I mean... - We might go both ways.
[laughing] Go both ways.
That kind of comment just makes me wanna vomit.
Maybe you should look at the whole big picture then,
in a situation like that,
and figure out how you can work together
and be together,
instead of using somebody else as an escape.
Are you kidding me?
How will it be for you
if Christine enters into another relationship?
I might feel funny when that happens.
I might get jealous when that happens.
I mean, I feel betrayed. No doubt.
But I'm also, like, going, "Well, have a good life."
I mean, what can I do?
I'm not gonna be bothered when another guy is in her life.
I don't think.
Like, what would you have done different,
to save the marriage?
There was one time in my life when I realized the biggest mistake I made,
was Christine was, kind of, in this... disconnect situation,
where she was telling me how much she hated polygamy.
And my mistake was, when she was saying, "I hate polygamy,"
I was going, "What the hell?
You wouldn't have a family.
You wouldn't have me, you wouldn't have our children."
Instead of saying, "I know it's hard, baby.
I'm sorry.
I love you and I wish it didn't hurt."
No. It wasn't just hating polygamy,
it was realizing that...
after I gave so much,
and I did anything he wanted.
And anything he wanted me to do, I did.
And, but when I needed help, he said, "No."
They're not just my kids and my responsibility.
They're our children.
He's an amazing super dad helping Robyn.
He immediately started helping Robyn with everything,
as soon as she came in the family.
Back in the house in Lehi, Utah,
I was working 60 hours a week.
Christine was asking for things
that plural marriage didn't really afford.
Women, generally,
and those are certainly not things
that Robyn ever got.
[Robyn] Parenting is never easy in plural marriage.
Kody's gone, three-fourths of the time.
And that's why I had child care help,
'cause I can't ask Kody for that, kind of, help.
He's got too much on his plate.
If Christine called tomorrow and said,
"I wanna sit down and talk about this."
Would you be there?
I'd have to go, "Okay."
Oh, anger down,
but I feel like I've been humbled enough by this experience to say,
"Uh, yeah, Christine."
Uh, 'cause I did some things wrong.
I wanna acknowledge it.
Say, "I'm sorry."
And...
You know, uh, essentially set you free.
Now, you know, looking into your other marriages,
you will know what not to do.
A hundred percent.
This is the biggest lesson I've gotten
from the experience in the divorce,
is that anger is a sword that stabs indiscriminately.
My anger was affecting everybody else.
Yeah.
Like, the kids were like, "Mom, what have I done to dad?"
And my wives were going, "What have I done to you?"
You know, like, and I'm there.
Boys...
what an experience.
My anger has affected my relationship with Robyn.
Um, it's affected my relationship with Janelle very much.
I think Janelle's on the defensive now.
And I can't figure out why and I, if I reflect for a little bit,
it's like, "Oh, I've been really angry."
I'm challenged with my relationship with Janelle right now, but...
I think, you know, once we get some things worked out, we'll be fine.
And the boys were asking if you've thought,
that you've thought that you would come over
- and I said, it wasn't optimistic. - No.
No, I'm not coming over.
It's, like, I have a house. I have a place
where we would have Christmas.
Kody hasn't called them, they haven't called him.
So I can see that this is not gonna resolve itself.
Janelle, I saw you right there,
mark my rules.
Well, and I've seen you call me all kinds of names.
I'm tired of being gaslit by you.
You are gaslighting me.
So listen, you really need to stop
throwing me under the bus, okay?
Okay. You know what, then you stop throwing me.
You act like this is my fault.
Before Thanksgiving, we had a conversation
in Robyn's backyard,
where it became apparent to me, at least, that it was...
I was gonna need to do a separate holiday
with my kids.
Kody's been out of town for a week or so,
so he's gonna come over.
And I just really need to make sure he understands
that I'm doing something separate for Christmas.
I, kind of, need to finalize those plans with him.
Hey.
It's winter out there.
Janelle and I have really been struggling.
At the same time, I'm, sort of, being in this place,
where I, kind of, feel like I'm begging
for something deeper.
Oh, brr.
Drinking my water hot these days,
because there's no decent way to stay warm.
What you doing?
Work.
- Little bit. Work, little bit. - [Kody] What?
Oh.
You know, it's like, I see the writing on the wall.
This whole thing happened with Christine and, uh...
I don't wanna be in that place with Janelle.
It feels like Janelle's been completely insensitive to that.
You guys have a very tiny Christmas tree.
Yeah. I'm gonna actually take it with me to the BnB.
So...
I'm treading really lightly here,
'cause I can't get a read on Kody.
We've never had a discussion about the separate holiday.
The last discussion we really had about it,
was... on Robyn's porch.
What are you doing for Christmas?
I'm here.
- [Janelle] Are ya? - Yeah.
[Janelle] What about your kids? Who of your kids are coming?
- Where are you going for Christmas? - Here. I'm here,
but my kids...
they're renting an Airbnb.
I don't think they're
- welcome... - I never said my kids weren't welcomed.
- If they apologize, and they're, kind of, like... - No. No.
I completely reverse that.
I said, "Oh, we've gotta do this,
be able to have a conversation,
so we're not sitting here in our house like a bunch of alcoholics,
that had a fight last night and forgot it happened."
So they're getting, kind of, a rental home here in Flagstaff.
Yeah, 'cause everybody's coming this year.
Everybody is?
Yeah. Not Maddie and Kayla, but everybody else is.
- Everybody is coming? - Yep.
- So... - And I'm just finding this out?
Kody, you're the one who said they can't come,
- until they apologize. - I didn't say that.
- You said... Last time we talked, - I didn't... No. No. No.
you said they can't come until they apologize.
Listen, you and I need to communicate some more, 'cause I...
That's what you said. You've said that to me multiple times.
"They need to apologize."
But there's been no movement... on either side.
Kody hasn't called them, they haven't called him.
So I can see that this is not gonna resolve itself.
- So you're taking that to the BnB? - [Janelle] Yeah.
I bought a small one for the apartment.
How big is the BnB?
[Janelle] It's... like a, just a house.
So...
Hunter gets here Monday.
And then he's just gonna stay at the apartment.
- Here? - [Janelle] Mmm-hmm.
- He's gonna stay here? - [Janelle] He can sleep at one of your mattress,
or something.
[Kody] This whole house thing that they're doing,
I don't know, as much as it's probably my fault,
it's like a knife right through my heart.
This Christmas tree,
it's like the complete degradation of our family unit.
I'm trying to hide this. I don't...
I don't, I'm just overwhelmed by it.
And I feel the adrenaline rushing in to me.
It's just absolutely heart-breaking to me.
So Hunter's coming Monday, and he's just staying here.
When are you getting the...
- The... - Starts on the...
Are you getting the BnB?
- Um... - The short-term rental?
Yeah. Christine and I are sharing it,
'cause Christine's coming after Christmas.
Mmm-hmm.
'Cause she said Ysabel truly wanna see you.
Yeah.
But...
And the boys were asking,
if you thought, that you've thought that you would come over,
- and I said it wasn't optimistic. - No.
No. I'm not coming over.
It's, I have a house, so I have a place where we would have Christmas.
But you put stipulations on it.
[Kody] No, No, Janelle.
- You put stipulations on it, Kody. - [Kody] All I wanna do,
is talk to them.
- We're not... - [Janelle] You told me...
No. No. You can write down all you want...
[Janelle] Okay. You know what,
- you keep flipping it on me. - [Kody] I corrected that completely.
No you didn't, well, too late.
- I had already told them. - How is that too late?
[Janelle] I already told them that unless they apologized,
that they weren't gonna be able to come
- to Christmas. - [Kody] Oh, you didn't correct it?
So what kind of conversation could happen without my boys issuing an apology
to make it "safe" for them to get together to have a conversation
They're gonna, the mechanics are the same.
- See, you always... - You're not representing very well for me.
- Stop representing for me. - [Janelle] You put this back...
Well, then you call them, Kody,
- 'cause you always put it back on me. - [Kody] I...
That phone goes both ways.
- [Janelle] You put it back on me. - And I've been available
to talk to them.
You know, it still surprises me
that Kody feels like it's my responsibility
to facilitate this relationship between he and my children.
He's a parent as much as I am.
You are always,
all this stuff, you're always flipping it back on me.
- It's because it belongs on you, Janelle. - [Janelle] No, it does not.
Why does it belong on me?
Because you didn't support my stand
when it came to, actually, doing the COVID stuff.
[Janelle] Kody, I was protecting my children, and you have said,
"Choose your loyalties, or you're not gonna have a husband."
So I'm supposed to choose between you and our children?
- That's what you basically said. - You know what,
all you have to do is support what I'm doing.
Do you understand that parents are supposed to make a united front?
I'm now being accused of everything he just accused Christina,
and a lot of what he accused Meri of.
- Janelle, you knew rules. - [Janelle] You keep acting like this is my fault.
- You did not give us... - [Kody] And you...
- any rules. - [Kody] undermine them
Everyday we talked about what that were.
[Janelle] No. You didn't give us the list, until November.
The list was nothing. We were already talking about it,
and everybody was denying it, anyway.
Listen. I'm tired of being gaslit by you.
You are gaslighting me.
This, like, all this, "I feel so pressured" [bleep]
This is you saying, I don't wanna do it,
but I'm gonna make it your fault.
So listen, you really need to stop throwing me under the bus.
Okay?
Okay. You know what, then you stop throwing me. You act like this is my fault.
You have somehow set me up, it's like the Teflon Queen. Isn't that what you said?
Uh, yes, because you won't take responsibility...
- Kody, I did nothing, - [Kody] ... for your own actions.
I sat at home.
I did what I was supposed to do.
- But it wasn't ever good enough for you. - Janelle,
- This is all I need. - You wanted me to kick the boys out.
This is all I need,
is to not sit here and pretend that at Christmas time, nothing's wrong.
You act like this is not your fault.
[Kody] Do you want this relationship...
- ...between you and I to work? - I don't know. Do you,
because when you say choose your loyalties,
choose between me and your children...
Now you are literally gaslighting.
- [Kody] I was only asking everybody - I am not.
- I... - to obey the rules of our home.
I agree to the CDC rules.
You had more,
and it was never good enough, Kody.
I wasn't gonna turn my boys out in the middle of a pandemic.
They chose to have their social lives,
You keep circumventing the culpability here,
and you keep wanting to put it on me.
- And you are wrong. - No.
- Listen. - Dead wrong.
This goes beyond you saying,
"Whoa, we are an alcoholic family and we're shoving everything."
Kody, it goes beyond that.
COVID, you got COVID and now all of a sudden, there's this new rule
that the family can't get together.
What new rule?
That the boys have to... and say they're sorry.
Janelle, I corrected that and you know it.
- So stop using that one. - [Janelle] No, because...
You're hanging your hat on that one,
- and you're wrong. - Because you yelled at me
for many, many times you yelled at me.
Two times we had a conversation.
I'm not allowed to be angry over this entire experience?
- And I'm not allowed to... - The lack of loyalty, the lack of trust,
the lies, the, the gaslighting,
- You're gaslighting me, Kody. - I am not.
Yes, you are.
So what I doing, I'm trying to make you actually be responsible
in a relationship.
- What have I done? - [Kody] I'm not flipping the script.
What have I done?
I'm not talking about the rules that I made for Christmas time,
because that was necessary,
because nobody was really being honest about what they were doing anyway.
But you and Robyn are the paragons of honesty and perfection?
You know what, I just thought it was hypocritical
to make one family do everything that I wanted,
and not have everybody else do it.
I asked for the rules, clear back in March.
- Asked for them. - [Kody] Janelle, listen.
Asked for them and you were like, "Everybody do what they want."
I said, "Here's the rules" all the time.
Gabriel knew the rules all the time.
That's why I'm saying he's gaslighting,
'cause we talked about it every single day we were having a conversation.
Kody, I think this is deeper than that.
This is way deeper than that.
The kids are very frustrated for a lot of reasons.
You're acting like it's just they're...
That they disrespected you for COVID.
- That this whole "You need to apologize" - They were lying.
- You need to apologize to Robyn. - [Kody] I...
I corrected that pretty strongly.
[Janelle] You need to apologize to the family,
- to Robyn. - For blaming Robyn for, for what was going on?
They literally blamed Robyn,
and they sit there and they admitted they blamed her.
But, and when you were gone for four, five months, Kody,
- they started to get angry. - Janelle, I wasn't gone for four or five months,
and you know that as well. And that's an exaggeration, and a lie.
Do you understand that you lied?
That's the reason I call you the Teflon Queen.
I do not lie.
'Cause you're lying about what has happened and what's been going on.
It's wild to me that you think I lied,
because I think you're manipulating.
Well...
tell me how I'm manipulating.
Oh, no. No. No. Tell the whole world.
Tell the world,
and then go hang out with your buddy, Christine.
Tell the world...
how I've lied, how I've manipulated,
how I've done you wrong.
Oh, and, and she loves to sit
right here, right here.
You know, [bleep] talk me,
without ever having that conversation with me
to my face.
Yeah. I mean, this is one thing
about being public and our lives being recorded,
is we hear things
that we don't say to each other's faces.
I made all the efforts to love them.
I made the efforts to join them together.
I made the efforts to make everything work.
I made the effort.
I was atlas carrying this... family on my shoulders.
And the minute that I shrugged it off,
Kody, I think you're trying to do this all to justify...
- Christine is gone... - [Kody] What am I justifying?
- ...You're pushing me out the door. - [Kody] What am I justifying?
You're now pushing me out the door.
- No, I'm not. - [Janelle scoffs]
- Looks like it. - Didn't I show up here?
Choose between my children and me.
Kody, it's been a week. You were gone a week.
And you don't call, you don't come,
I don't ever know when you're gonna come.
It's like you're just doing this really weird--
Are you really doing a relationship with me?
I need you to stop blaming me for everything
and start being culpable for what you have done.
The boys lied and I couldn't get them to obey the rules.
The boys didn't like the COVID protocols.
They're young, they didn't think they were gonna be affected by it.
"Sure, Dad. Whatever."
And they continued to socialize,
and continued to be around their friends, they continued to date.
They brought COVID home from that.
The whole time saying,
"Dad, we're being careful. We're doing everything you're telling us to."
But they weren't.
And they're blaming me for the choices that they had.
They were not culpable.
That is not gaslighting. That is...
- That is accountability. - You made this about
all these other problems that we have that we can't sweep under...
- I did not. I did not. - ...This became... Yes, you did.
- You said we're an-- - I did not. I did not.
- Wow. - Stop talking like I'm just an idiot here.
- Well, then stop talking to me like I am. - Janelle,
I've seen what you've done this entire time.
Number one, you undermined the basic rules I had.
You made fun of me to the boys.
See, if you ever had my back...
Have you ever been a team with me?
Have we ever co-parented?
Your co-parent was Christine. Why?
Because Kody, you were never available.
- Never been available. - That is such a lie.
- That is such an excuse. - [Janelle] Favoritism... Okay...
That's every excuse every polygamous woman
that finds a problem with it, makes.
- And it's bull [bleep] - Wild to me,
because Robyn's so perfect?
When did I say that she was perfect?
You're jealous. You're bringing her into something
that isn't hers to be owned.
You made this about way bigger than COVID.
- You made this about... No. - No, the boys made this about Robyn.
That's the only reason she got brought in.
I don't think you've ever admitted your culpability
- in the problems in this family. - This is wild to me
that you're blaming me for this.
- You're the one-- - I'm not blaming you for everything...
- You are the one-- - ...but all I needed was, uh,
- your back. - You are the one...
- [Kody] You backing me up. - ...who said the boys cannot come
until they apologize.
And I corrected that.
- And you're not listening... Stop! - And you said to me--
- Stop that. I corrected that. - No, you listen to me.
- You listen to me. - I even apologized
- for that. - No, you did not.
Yes, I did.
- No, you did not. - Yes...
Four weeks ago, I apologized for that...
- No, you said-- - ...I said, we need to get together
and all it is is about talking with them.
- No-- - It's not about them apologizing.
No, you said, "Oh. Well, that's after I'd already made my plans."
And you're like, "Oh, well, I guess that was a conversation
I had with you a couple times.
So, I can see where you thought that."
I feel like... I feel like I'm being gaslit.
I mean, totally, you say something--
You're using that because I used the term.
- Now you're just excusing yourself. - Oh, I came into this
conversation expecting to use that term.
'Cause I feel like you're constantly gaslighting me.
Janelle...
[inhales deeply] Okay.
There's a problem in the family.
A problem that needs to be solved and everything's too hot now.
And everybody thinks that I'm the bad guy.
And so, um...
I don't expect to see anybody at Christmas.
I don't expect to see you.
Um...
[sighs]
You have cheated me out of my contact with my family,
- because-- - It is not my fault.
You asked them.
You asked them, Kody.
I have not done anything.
You ask them who they blame.
Well, they blame me, because you do.
[Janelle] I do not.
[scoffs]
- I... - [Kody] Janelle, I saw you right there,
mock my rules.
Well, and I've seen you tell me...
call me all kinds of names.
What? That you're lazy about the rules?
That you won't accept accountability?
Kody, in the very beginning
- I kept-- Listen to me. - [Kody] No, no. No, you make the same excuse forever.
- But I've-- - Shut your [bleep] mouth
- and let me talk to you for a minute. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
- No, no, no. No, no, no. - [Janelle] You won't... You keep cutting me off.
[Kody] There is no interest in understanding each other here.
There is no interest in understanding.
There is only a bitterness
that has no place.
I don't expect you to back me up anymore.
I'm not gonna look for it. I'm not gonna ask for it.
I don't expect you to try and help us
co-parent the kids.
- That's too late. We're never going to do that. - [Janelle] This is not--
- [Kody] So what partnership do we have? - This is not
only me, Kody.
Don't you dare point your finger at me.
I've been here...
daylong, in and out,
for all these years without your support
while you were deciding what you were doing without consulting me.
You know what? Let me tell you what.
- [Kody] No, I'm done listening to you. - No, you stay and talk.
- You stay and talk. - Uh, no.
I'm not going to,
- because you're not listening. - You're not listening to me.
And I'm not going to.
- [Janelle] Okay, so we're done? - Goodbye.
[bleep] you.
[door slams]
[sighs] Shut it off.
[producer] I'm cutting cameras.
[horn honking]
[Janelle] So, Kody just left.
I got into this conversation wanting to keep it logical,
and I figured we would take this step-by-step.
But really, truly, I don't think he...
He's looking for an excuse.
We were throwing accusations at each other
about what's going on,
and it was shocking.
Like, it was shocking. I was...
I was really upset when he left
'cause it feels like there is a finality to it,
and now I'm worried about what happens to me.
Moving forward, do I live here? Do I build?
It feels like Kody and I are no longer gonna be a couple.
It really does. It was that dramatic.
There had been so much build up and then,
not so much the words,
yes, the words were very harsh,
but just the feeling was like, "We're done."
You keep cutting me off.
There is no interest in understanding each other here.
There is only a bitterness
that has no place.
It took me about a half hour to kinda overcome the shock of the conversation.
And I called him and I said, "Come get your stuff."
So in my mind he is out-of-bounds.
My faith, my religious beliefs, my spiritual beliefs
don't really allow for you to just walk away 'cause things are hard.
I don't really wanna see him.
I know that he does feel the responsibility.
He feels like he can't leave a wife
'cause it's bad on his... him,
if he leaves a wife high and dry.
Like, says, I'm no longer married to you.
And so, his pattern seems to be
that he just sort of ignores that person, ignores that person.
It feels like he wants you to say it's over
'cause he doesn't want the responsibility
of being the husband who says I don't want to married to you anymore.
- [Kody] No, I'm done listening to you. - No, you stay and talk.
- You stay and talk. - Uh, no.
I'm not going to,
- because you're not listening. - You're not listening to me.
And I'm not going to.
- [Janelle] Okay, so we're done? - Goodbye.
- [Janelle] [bleep] you. - [door slams]
So, after I kinda got over the shock after Kody left,
I thought,
Oh, my heck.
Like, I have nothing, financially.
I am tied up in this property.
Everything, as far as my estate goes...
Any kind of savings, money, anything,
is tied up in this property.
I am a smart woman
and I have done this very dumb thing.
I trusted in this family structure
but now I'm really stuck.
And I feel like, oh, my hell, I'm 50,
and I have nothing.
We moved to Flagstaff and we bought this property.
We had a vision we would all build on it.
And the way we were able to buy it
is we paid a... mostly cash for it.
But then, we had to take a private mortgage
on a portion of it that we just didn't have the cash for.
If we do not pay it off we're in jeopardy of losing the land
just like any other mortgage.
And Kody just sticks his head in the sand.
Well, look, he's sitting on property with Robyn.
It's four acres and a house.
Like, no, he doesn't care.
So, sure, Robyn and I have a home.
We have to house our children.
I tried to help Janelle buy a house.
I tried to talk her into buying a house.
We had the means to do that.
She has ownership in Coyote Pass,
and she had the same opportunities
everybody else did.
But she's got just as many assets as the rest of us.
[Janelle] I don't know what's next.
And now, I'm sort of in shock and I'm trying to figure out what the heck I'm gonna do.
I mean, there's a few people I could talk to about this,
like Madi and Christine.
I don't even know what I think yet.
[Christine] This Christmas is just a
big indication of how split-up our family really, really is.
This is the first Christmas
in, gosh, 27 years,
that we're going to be separated.
Janelle is not doing Christmas with everybody.
She's gonna be doing Christmas with her kids.
In Flagstaff, still. But in a rental house.
I'm super grateful couple days after Christmas we're gonna go to Flagstaff.
I need to be around them so badly. I miss them like crazy.
- Yeah. - How's it going?
Garrison, hi, love.
How do I turn this?
Garrison, Janelle's biological son,
but really my son, you know.
He told me that he's gonna have dinner
at his girlfriend's house.
So, he's like, "Can you please help me make rolls?"
Do you want to follow the instructions
and then just ask me questions
or do you want to have me tell you what to do?
It's better if you tell me what to do.
I have been making these rolls forever.
It's a crazy honor. I'm so excited.
Well, I used to do 'em by hand and grandma Janelle still does them by hand.
This is grandma Janelle's recipe so you're just gonna do like grandma Janelle.
My mom's and, uh, Christine's kids have always been very, very close.
Christine would stay at home and kinda do all the cooking and stuff
and then, uh, my mom would al...
was always, almost always working.
Christine and my mom's kids have all kinda had... still had a bond.
And despite everything that's going on,
we all still, you know, cherish that relationship that we have, so...
Okay. So put one cup of butter and then two cups of milk.
So, one cup of butter into that pot
- and start melting the butter. - [Garrison] Okay.
Janelle has always been super, super generous with her kids.
I have been involved in all of the big things
in Janelle's kids' life.
And, so, when I left, and I left Flagstaff
I was leaving them all behind.
Okay, Garrison, that's plenty. Stop.
- It's not a circle, yet, so... - [Christine] Huh?
- It's not a circle. - No, you don't need anymore. Stop.
- [Garrison] Okay. - You'll overwork the dough.
Yeah, I mean, Garrison calling, needing my help
was just confirmation,
even though I've left their dad,
um, I'm still gonna be in their lives.
And that's what I was hoping for.
- How's that? - There you go, Garrison. You're set.
It does not look as good as yours, but...
They look wonderful.
Janelle and I are getting together
for a couple of days after Christmas.
So, all of the traditions that we would...
we would usually do for those couple of days around Christmas,
we're gonna do them.
We're gonna do them all in those couple of days.
So excited. We're gonna hang on to that tradition.
It's super important to have those couple of days together.
We yelled at each other.
- You guys yelled at each other? - Yeah, we...
We threw rocks at glasshouses.
It's tense and awkward and weird.
So, I just left Janelle's house
and we just had a big blow up.
- How's it going, Meri? - Good. How are you?
Mmm. All right.
I think we've only had a fight like this, maybe,
five times in our lives.
Pretty intense.
But I'm headed over to Meri's
'cause I already had plans to go to talk to her.
[Meri] Wow, you guys seem like...
[mimics sad trombone sounds]
- [Meri chuckles] - I'm okay.
It's a weird place to be coming to that meeting from this.
- You better talk about-- - Holiday seasons.
Christmas, I guess.
[Kody] I don't know what there is to talk about.
What's Janelle doing?
[Kody] Janelle and Christine have rented a short-term rental.
I thought Christine wasn't coming until after Christmas.
- [Kody] She's not. - [Robyn] Yeah, she's not until after Christmas.
I think they're trying to shut me out because they're mad at me.
[Meri] It's... it's weird. They're being weird right now.
What is going on? It's like,
"All right, guys. It's Christmas.
It's supposed to be fun and happy and joyful."
Is Janelle not coming over
with the kids on Christmas?
No.
- [Robyn] She said she's not? - [Meri] Really?
[Kody] Well, no, we're not getting together.
[Robyn] I thought you were talking to her about this and stuff.
[Kody] Oh, no, we didn't talk.
- Oh, I thought-- - We yelled at each other.
- You guys yelled at each other? - Yeah, we...
we threw rocks at glasshouses.
It's scary 'cause like, what does this mean?
And it sounds like the issues that we're having
about Christmas are just getting worse.
You guys were just yelling at each other?
- Pretty much. I don't even know... - About what?
- What I was yelling. - [Robyn] What were you yelling about?
[Meri] That's always dangerous
- when you have no idea what you're yelling. - [Kody] Well, everybody's...
It's about the... it's the blame game.
It's the big blame game about
who's responsible for our family splitting up over COVID.
I... Listen, I don't know...
Like... the boys aren't talking to me.
Have you tried?
Um, yeah, I've reached out to, basically, everybody.
They're making up stories in their mind 'cause they're not talking to me.
So, everybody's got a story about how Dad's a bad guy.
But, just, we're just having two groups of Christmas.
And, listen, I was threatening to do this last Christmas.
Well, no. Christine's not gonna be here for Christmas.
So, that's not two groups.
[Kody] She's getting together with Janelle.
- After Christmas. - Well, after, you said.
- Yeah, well. - After Christmas.
[Meri] The fact that our family is not all together
and all getting along and doing Christmas together
this year, is really weird.
Maybe it'd just be easier for me to hole up in my house
and not be around. I don't know. It's just...
It's tense and awkward and weird.
[Kody] What I gathered from the things Janelle was throwing at me,
is that everybody's sort of making up a story...
about me,
and they're talking to each other about it
but they're not talking to me about it.
And now, they're all mad at me.
She was saying that she wasn't gonna be the in-between.
Well, I wish she wouldn't be, but she's...
she's colluding with them.
Do you think she's colluding with them?
Absolutely.
[Meri] Kody feels pretty angry.
And whenever you're angry, you're not gonna see
any other perspective.
You've got blinders on.
But, playing devil's advocate, maybe Janelle's not colluding.
I mean, when you use the word collude,
and when Kody uses it, like, it means everybody is banding up against him.
And, maybe she's not doing that.
Christine and Janelle are doing everything they can
to make it so I'm not the head of the family, which is fine.
Basically, I became the head of mine and my kids' family out of necessity.
I was the one that my kids would listen to
and I was the one my kids talked to.
And if they needed to feel love or security or...
acceptance, they got that from me.
So, it's more like, well, what are we gonna do for Christmas?
So, you know,
I guess we do Christmas Eve here
and then Christmas morning at Robyn's house?
As long as you guys are cool with it.
So, Christmas Eve has always just been kind of a fun tradition for me.
- [kids clamoring] - [Meri] Hold up your present.
Are you excited?
[all] Yeah!
[Meri] One, two, three, go.
[all cheering]
I always hosted but
I also give all the kids Christmas jammies.
I used to make them when they were younger
and there weren't quite so many children.
[indistinct chatter]
You know, for me, Christmas over the last few years has changed a lot.
There's less magic.
And I don't know if it's the state of the family,
the state of the relationships...
and that makes me sad, you know.
I need to make my own magic for Christmas, I think.
And then, do I, like, invite...
Janelle and the kids that are around,
or do I not?
How do you wanna do it, Meri? How do you wanna do Christmas Eve?
I don't know, Kody. I have no idea.
Like, I feel like I'm completely stuck in the middle.
Let's be real.
I am in this place where...
not saying this to be a jerk,
I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying how I...
- This is just what it is. - [Kody] Yeah.
Like, you've got Christine, who left.
You've got Janelle that you're at odds with.
I'm like the third wheel 'cause I'm...
just here.
I don't know what to do.
Like, I don't know. Do I call them and have them come over
when you guys are all at odds?
- That sounds scary. - [Meri] Is that...
If I could have my Christmas wish,
Kody and the boys would get this figured out
and we could have Christmas together.
Do I think it's gonna work
for them to get together on Christmas Eve without talking?
No, I think there's gonna be a fight
and that's what I think is scary.
I feel like I'm sitting here doing the very best that I can
- to... - [Kody] I get it.
...you know, like,
be the family, be in the family,
be part of the family, do what the family's,
you know, doing.
Honestly, I feel like I've been put in a really awkward position.
I'm not in the Kody and Robyn married club.
I'm not in the Janelle and Christine friend club.
If I had my way,
the family would all get together and be together.
I don't... I don't know what to do.
If I go over to Robyn and Kody's for Christmas,
it's, I am going over to Robyn and Kody's for Christmas.
If they were to come over to my house
they'd be coming to Meri's house.
Not Meri and Kody's house...
They'd be coming to Meri's house.
You see the difference?
I'm trying to figure out, like,
could you be around everybody and...
Like, 'cause...
'Cause last year you were struggling with that.
Like, you were struggling because of what had just happened with the boys.
No, I would rather just be around people who really wanna be around me.
- It could get ugly if everybody came. - [Robyn] It could get ugly.
[Kody] I don't know. I can't speak to Janelle now.
I mean, it's just, we've crossed the line.
- I have no idea when we're-- - You just call her up or you go over
- and you say let's talk. - No, I'm not interested in that.
It's just like...
- I'm just... I'm just-- - ...there has to be a time
when we go long enough to where we can look at each other
and actually have a conversation.
Janelle and I need to sit down in a space
and talk about what we want in our lives.
'Cause I'm not sure she wants me in hers.
So, are you
going to invite everybody?
Probably not.
You know, I'm in this situation,
I feel like, in the family where...
Not even in the family, like, just...
people, in general, I think,
feel like... that I am here picking sides.
If it happens to be that I do Christmas with Kody and Robyn
that means that Kody and Robyn are interested in having me around.
That's what that means.
That doesn't mean that there's any sides being chosen.
[indistinctly mumbling]
I just wanna run away from everybody who's
been so uncool about...
um, what I tried to do to protect the family.
And they're all like, "No, you weren't trying to protect us."
I'm like, well, I tried to protect everybody
but some people don't want to do that.
Nobody feels safe.
Nobody feels like the can be
with another person without being,
uh, just triggered, constantly.
And that's a weird thing to be because with normal people, they can [bleep] talk me.
And I'm gonna be like, "Well, screw you. I'm getting away from you."
But with your family, it triggers you. There's like...
There's this feeling that we've all been done wrong.
The flames are on the bridge.
And, uh...
I think most of us are just kinda walking away from the bridge
wondering if the bridge is strong enough to...
to hold up or if the... or if it's gonna burn down.
[narrator] Next time on Sister Wives...
This is the first year that I'll be doing Christmas separate.
Janelle's doing Christmas separate, too.
Merry Christmas.
[all clamoring]
[Janelle] I really don't expect that we'll see Kody.
It's been a week and a half and he hasn't said a thing
or called or texted Savanah.
We were one big family and now we're kind of separate.
- Come in. How's it going? - [man] Hey, man.
- [man groans] - [Kody chuckles]
You get in this place where it's like, "Well,
I should just be the devil I think I am now."
We can deny it to ourselves, but, uh,
Robyn's in for a ride
and any of the other wives that stay with him.