1 00:00:01,586 --> 00:00:02,931 [narrator] Previously onSister Wives... 2 00:00:02,965 --> 00:00:05,620 Janelle and I decided to get a little vacation rental 3 00:00:05,655 --> 00:00:06,758 between Christmas and New Year's. 4 00:00:06,793 --> 00:00:09,758 Just having everybody in the same place again, 5 00:00:09,793 --> 00:00:11,172 it already feels festive. 6 00:00:12,206 --> 00:00:13,758 What's that word when you're just feeling 7 00:00:13,793 --> 00:00:16,689 like everything's falling apart and it's bad? 8 00:00:16,724 --> 00:00:20,103 -Oh, yeah, that everything's falling apart and it's bad. -[both chuckle] 9 00:00:20,137 --> 00:00:23,724 I'm trying really hard not to feel like it's the end of our world 10 00:00:23,758 --> 00:00:26,068 and like it's just completely hopeless. 11 00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:28,034 -[Janelle] You stay and talk. -[Kody] I'm done listening to you. 12 00:00:28,068 --> 00:00:30,586 -[Janelle] You stay and talk. -Uh... No. 13 00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:31,931 I'm not going to, 14 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:34,448 -because you're not listening. -You're not listening to me. 15 00:00:34,482 --> 00:00:35,862 And I'm not going to. 16 00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:36,862 -[Janelle] Okay, so we're done. -Goodbye. 17 00:00:36,896 --> 00:00:38,413 [bleep] you. 18 00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:41,689 [Kody] The flames are on the bridge. 19 00:00:41,724 --> 00:00:43,413 I'm wondering if the bridge is strong enough 20 00:00:43,448 --> 00:00:45,034 or if it's gonna burn down. 21 00:00:46,275 --> 00:00:48,344 [opening theme music playing] 22 00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:08,448 [ambient music playing] 23 00:01:18,862 --> 00:01:22,482 So, you know, Kody and I had a huge fight right before Christmas. 24 00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:24,689 The biggest that we maybe have ever had. 25 00:01:24,724 --> 00:01:26,724 And I really haven't shared that with anybody. 26 00:01:26,758 --> 00:01:28,448 I don't know what it means yet, 27 00:01:28,482 --> 00:01:30,241 but it's definitely significant. 28 00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:33,241 So, I just haven't really spoken to anybody about it. 29 00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:35,068 I do miss a big kitchen. 30 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,723 Even that one I had at that rental 31 00:01:38,758 --> 00:01:40,137 was bigger than this. 32 00:01:40,172 --> 00:01:43,586 So, I'd been thinking I needed another piece of furniture 33 00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,482 in my apartment, but it's so small. 34 00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:46,827 So, I started thinking, 35 00:01:46,862 --> 00:01:49,172 "Hey, Christine used to have those bean bags." 36 00:01:49,206 --> 00:01:51,241 So, I called her about it to see if I should buy one, 37 00:01:51,275 --> 00:01:52,793 and she's like, "Oh, I'll just give you mine." 38 00:01:52,827 --> 00:01:56,310 [chuckling] So, she's bringing that gigantic bean bag 39 00:01:56,344 --> 00:01:58,344 from her house in Utah. 40 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:02,758 [Christine] That is a bean bag. 41 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,241 It's a very big bean bag. 42 00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:07,379 Kody and I bought these together a while ago. 43 00:02:07,413 --> 00:02:08,517 [grunts] 44 00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:10,965 I don't even like it, and Janelle loves them. 45 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,413 So, I'm going to be giving it to Janelle. 46 00:02:13,448 --> 00:02:15,448 [Janelle] Come in. 47 00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:17,655 I was saying, "Come in," but I thought, 48 00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:18,965 "Oh, my gosh, she has this big thing." 49 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,310 [Christine] Okay, it's not that big. 50 00:02:20,344 --> 00:02:21,448 [grunts] 51 00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:23,793 -[Janelle chuckling] -[Christine grunting] Come on. 52 00:02:25,206 --> 00:02:27,310 [grunting continues] 53 00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:28,620 The bean bag is really big, 54 00:02:28,655 --> 00:02:30,724 and she has wrapped it as tight as she could 55 00:02:30,758 --> 00:02:32,482 to get it into the car to bring it to me. 56 00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:33,896 -[Christine] Okay. One, two, three. -[Janelle grunting] 57 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:35,137 [Christine] One, two, three. 58 00:02:35,172 --> 00:02:36,379 One, two, three. 59 00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:39,103 You know what? Look, I know that this apartment is tiny, 60 00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:40,965 It's not aesthetically whatever, 61 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,172 but, you know, I've never really been about that. 62 00:02:42,206 --> 00:02:43,965 I've always been about functionality and comfort 63 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,034 instead of the aesthetic. 64 00:02:46,379 --> 00:02:48,482 But I did fit this in the back of my car. 65 00:02:48,517 --> 00:02:49,724 [Janelle] You know, honestly, 66 00:02:49,758 --> 00:02:51,862 Christine and I's relationship was always pretty good, 67 00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:53,862 but it was rocky because of the jealousy, 68 00:02:53,896 --> 00:02:55,379 because of the comparison. 69 00:02:55,413 --> 00:02:58,413 But now, with all of that removed, 70 00:02:58,448 --> 00:03:01,413 we're just free to be easy and hang out. 71 00:03:02,310 --> 00:03:04,931 I have an idea. So... 72 00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:09,482 -My... I... You know I live in a townhouse. -[Janelle] Yeah. 73 00:03:09,517 --> 00:03:11,344 Well, my neighbor wants to move. 74 00:03:11,379 --> 00:03:14,965 And I just think it would be really great if you wanted to move in 75 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,137 -on the other half of my townhouse. -[Janelle chuckling] 76 00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:19,241 If Savanah wasn't still finishing up school, 77 00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:20,586 -I would be like... I think I would come. -[Christine] Would you? 78 00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:21,758 [Janelle] Yeah. 79 00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,655 Like, there's a billion thoughts 80 00:03:23,689 --> 00:03:25,000 going through my head right now. 81 00:03:25,034 --> 00:03:28,655 I'm attached here. I have a life here in Flagstaff. 82 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,344 But part of me thinks it would be very fun 83 00:03:30,379 --> 00:03:31,413 to live next to Christine. 84 00:03:31,448 --> 00:03:32,689 I think we would have a lot of fun 85 00:03:32,724 --> 00:03:33,862 and a lot of adventures. 86 00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:37,310 Your whole house could fit, like, in my living room. 87 00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:38,758 [chuckles] I know. 88 00:03:38,793 --> 00:03:40,793 -You have so much space. -[Christine] And it's for $400 more a month. 89 00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:42,448 Janelle's not going to move to Utah. 90 00:03:42,482 --> 00:03:45,517 She's flat-out not going to move to Utah. I know that. 91 00:03:45,551 --> 00:03:48,517 I just feel like her living situation is just really, really hard. 92 00:03:48,551 --> 00:03:50,620 I know it's hard for her emotionally 93 00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:54,137 with Kody and everything, and... 94 00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:58,586 I've just felt so much freedom in Utah, 95 00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,793 and I love it so much. 96 00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:02,724 And I would really like to see her happy again. 97 00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:03,896 I'm just saying. 98 00:04:03,931 --> 00:04:06,655 [Janelle] I mean, I thought about Salt Lake. 99 00:04:06,689 --> 00:04:08,689 It's so nice there. I'm like, "I see that there's a lot of people 100 00:04:08,724 --> 00:04:10,068 I used to know there, 101 00:04:10,103 --> 00:04:11,620 and I don't know if that's still..." 102 00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:14,172 There's still some people there now that you know as well. 103 00:04:14,206 --> 00:04:15,206 -I'm just saying. -[Janelle chuckles] 104 00:04:15,241 --> 00:04:16,862 In plural marriage, sometimes, 105 00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:20,103 when a husband and a wife no longer get along, 106 00:04:20,137 --> 00:04:22,655 um, because we're not really keen on divorce, 107 00:04:22,689 --> 00:04:25,413 it takes a lot to get actual... 108 00:04:25,448 --> 00:04:27,275 We call it a release. 109 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:30,827 So, it's not like I'm gonna get a release overnight. 110 00:04:30,862 --> 00:04:34,000 If I want to, depending on what happens with Kody, I don't know. 111 00:04:34,034 --> 00:04:36,793 But I've thought about, well, maybe I could just move back to Utah, 112 00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:38,793 because I could plug into a church 113 00:04:38,827 --> 00:04:40,517 or a religious community. 114 00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:43,310 But again, it's that dichotomy. 115 00:04:43,344 --> 00:04:45,137 I'm so attached here in Flagstaff, 116 00:04:45,172 --> 00:04:47,413 so I just... I don't know. 117 00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:51,344 I've talked to Kody one time just these last couple of days. And-- 118 00:04:51,379 --> 00:04:53,275 Really? How was that? 'Cause that's been since Christmas, right? 119 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:54,275 -You didn't talk to him. -Yeah. 120 00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:58,344 I know that Kody and the boys had a fallout. 121 00:04:58,379 --> 00:05:02,068 I know that Kody did not see the boys over Christmas because of it. 122 00:05:02,103 --> 00:05:03,793 But because of that, apparently, 123 00:05:03,827 --> 00:05:06,689 he didn't see Savanah either over Christmas. 124 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:08,103 Does she know? 125 00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:10,482 No, I don't think he's talked to you, right, Savanah? 126 00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:13,379 No, he hasn't spoken to me since my birthday. 127 00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,551 -Since your birthday? -[Savanah] Mmm-hmm. 128 00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:18,000 Savanah's birthday is the beginning of December. 129 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,103 And it's the middle of January. 130 00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:24,586 He lives a half an hour away. 131 00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:26,965 He comes into town. 132 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,413 It... it's just this pattern that he has. 133 00:05:29,448 --> 00:05:31,275 Why are they still living here? 134 00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:33,482 Why? Why stay in this? 135 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,275 Oh, my God. 136 00:05:38,482 --> 00:05:40,620 [sighs] 137 00:05:40,655 --> 00:05:45,965 I'm so mad and so furious at this whole situation. 138 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,413 I don't think he understands how easy it would be 139 00:05:49,448 --> 00:05:51,068 to fix this. 140 00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:53,517 All he needs to do is, 141 00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:55,620 God, see his kids, make phone... 142 00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:58,896 Oh, my gosh, it's just... Oh, God. 143 00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:00,724 [exhaling loudly] 144 00:06:00,758 --> 00:06:03,586 [Kody] Christine and Janelle have kinda banded together with this whole thing. 145 00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,137 They've basically shattered my world. 146 00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:06,275 And I'm in a place 147 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:08,034 where I've been separated from my children 148 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,068 because they kicked me out of my home, 149 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,413 or the space that I had with those children. 150 00:06:13,724 --> 00:06:16,137 I haven't had the emotional fortitude 151 00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:18,689 to be able to reach out, 152 00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:21,206 not even knowing what to do or say. 153 00:06:21,241 --> 00:06:24,103 And the phone goes both ways. The kids can always call me. 154 00:06:24,137 --> 00:06:26,724 You know, I'll reach out to Savanah, 155 00:06:26,758 --> 00:06:28,862 and I'll bring her a Christmas... 156 00:06:28,896 --> 00:06:31,724 It'll be late, but eventually, that'll happen. 157 00:06:32,344 --> 00:06:33,517 How are you doing? 158 00:06:34,413 --> 00:06:36,275 I don't know. [chuckles] 159 00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:39,896 I don't know. I'm angry at him, mostly. 160 00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:43,827 Uh, and I was really sad 'cause, you know, he's my dad, 161 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:46,724 but now I'm just angry at him. 162 00:06:46,758 --> 00:06:48,724 And no communication over Christmas or anything like that? 163 00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:50,448 No gifts, no nothing. 164 00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:53,448 Nothing for Christmas. That's what floored me the most. 165 00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:55,620 Look, I get that you're busy or whatever, 166 00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:57,379 but it's Christmas. 167 00:06:57,413 --> 00:07:00,482 He didn't even send a gift home with Truely, Ysabel and Mykelti 168 00:07:00,517 --> 00:07:02,448 back to the vacation rental for Savanah. 169 00:07:02,482 --> 00:07:03,379 Nothing. 170 00:07:03,413 --> 00:07:04,827 I think he's just in a hard spot. 171 00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:07,206 I don't know what to do, and I'm sorry. 172 00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:11,344 Oh, if Savanah wasn't here, 173 00:07:11,379 --> 00:07:15,172 um, I would not be as in control. 174 00:07:15,206 --> 00:07:17,896 I'm so frustrated and so mad. 175 00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:20,620 I don't care if he's mad. 176 00:07:20,655 --> 00:07:22,724 When you're a dad, you're a dad. 177 00:07:22,758 --> 00:07:23,896 And you step up. 178 00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:26,862 No, I've had a couple of conversations with him 179 00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:29,689 just on the phone and stuff. 180 00:07:29,724 --> 00:07:31,689 Um, but he just does seem very different. 181 00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:32,931 Maybe he just seems really different. 182 00:07:32,965 --> 00:07:34,655 -I think it's something... -I know. 183 00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:37,310 Like something switched all of a sudden. 184 00:07:37,344 --> 00:07:40,413 I just have to think it's gonna switch back then. 185 00:07:40,448 --> 00:07:42,241 -[Janelle] I hope so. I hope so. -I hope so, too. 186 00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:46,551 I just remember what it was like 187 00:07:46,586 --> 00:07:49,034 for so long, being married to him 188 00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,620 and not feeling any hope and not feeling like... 189 00:07:52,482 --> 00:07:54,137 Oh, God. 190 00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,482 I just don't like seeing it happen to Janelle. 191 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:59,034 I just don't like seeing, like... Oh, God. 192 00:07:59,068 --> 00:08:01,448 And Savanah's feeling like this, 193 00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,655 and my kids felt neglected for years, 194 00:08:05,413 --> 00:08:07,034 which is happening all over again. 195 00:08:08,413 --> 00:08:10,655 Is he gonna leave everybody but Robyn? 196 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,137 I mean, I know I don't want him 197 00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:19,310 to come move back in like nothing's happened. 198 00:08:19,344 --> 00:08:22,758 All I can say is, I just know I'm not going back to what we had before. 199 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:26,068 [Robyn] Ysabel and Truely and Mykelti came over 200 00:08:26,103 --> 00:08:28,413 so that Kody could do some Christmas with them. 201 00:08:28,448 --> 00:08:30,689 I didn't even know Ysabel is in town. 202 00:08:30,724 --> 00:08:33,309 It stings, it's hurtful. 203 00:08:33,344 --> 00:08:34,620 I don't honestly know 204 00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:37,344 why Robyn's really telling me this. 205 00:08:37,379 --> 00:08:38,827 [Robyn] It's frustrating 'cause I... 206 00:08:38,861 --> 00:08:41,136 [chuckles softly] I couldn't control it. 207 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,931 I didn't get to decide, so... 208 00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:50,586 [upbeat music playing] 209 00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:55,482 Whew. 210 00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:57,586 [Robyn] Work it. 211 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,827 [Meri chuckles] 212 00:08:58,862 --> 00:09:01,206 So, Robyn's coming over today. 213 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,379 I think she just wanted to chat a little bit. 214 00:09:03,413 --> 00:09:06,379 We just got through the holidays, and... 215 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:10,103 it was our first holidays since Christine had left. 216 00:09:10,137 --> 00:09:13,586 And... I think we're just gonna chitchat about that. 217 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,896 [Robyn] Oh, how are you? 218 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,793 Hanging in there. How are you? 219 00:09:18,448 --> 00:09:22,172 I'm... I'm okay, sort of. 220 00:09:22,206 --> 00:09:24,379 Christmas was crazy. 221 00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:27,241 You know, Christmas was tragic for me. 222 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:30,482 I feel like Kody could have worked this out with the boys, 223 00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:33,241 and we could've gotten together. 224 00:09:33,275 --> 00:09:34,827 There was this text chain that happened 225 00:09:34,862 --> 00:09:35,896 last year before Christmas, 226 00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:37,448 and it was about the kids getting together, 227 00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:38,655 exchanging gifts and everything. 228 00:09:38,689 --> 00:09:40,655 And there was a lot that happened on the text chain. 229 00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:41,689 A lot. 230 00:09:41,724 --> 00:09:44,137 At the end of all of it, Robyn just said, 231 00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,310 "I'm done with this, 232 00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:47,827 and obviously, it's an effort in futility." 233 00:09:47,862 --> 00:09:49,931 And then we heard a couple of days later 234 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:52,724 that she and Kody decided 235 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,034 that they weren't safe anymore doing the sibling exchange. 236 00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:58,620 I wanted them at my house. 237 00:09:58,655 --> 00:10:01,000 I wanted to spend Christmas together. 238 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,137 But I didn't want to watch a fight go down 239 00:10:03,172 --> 00:10:04,862 between Kody and the boys. 240 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,034 I didn't think that would be fair to anybody. 241 00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:10,413 The reason we didn't get together for Christmas 242 00:10:10,448 --> 00:10:14,068 is because at the end of that text chain, 243 00:10:14,103 --> 00:10:16,827 there was an obvious division. 244 00:10:16,862 --> 00:10:18,482 So, it's like, "Okay, 245 00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,793 let's just be honest where we're at." 246 00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:24,241 That was an obvious separation. 247 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:27,931 [Robyn] And then, Ysabel and Truely and Mykelti came over. 248 00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:29,551 -Oh, did they? -[Robyn] Yeah, and... 249 00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:32,103 so that Kody could do some Christmas with them. 250 00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:34,344 I didn't even know Ysabel is in town. 251 00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:36,000 -Really? -[Meri] Yeah. 252 00:10:36,896 --> 00:10:38,655 And there's not a lot of... 253 00:10:38,689 --> 00:10:40,655 -communication. -[Meri chuckles] 254 00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:42,724 -I know. -[Robyn] Yeah. 255 00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:44,310 -Anyway... -There's not. [chuckles] 256 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,655 [Robyn] Mmm-hmm. 257 00:10:45,689 --> 00:10:49,241 It stings, it's sad, it's hurtful. 258 00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:53,551 I don't honestly know why Robyn's really telling me this. 259 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,586 I feel like, uh, I was just kinda like... 260 00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:58,965 going with what everybody else wanted. 261 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,241 It was weird. Really, really weird. 262 00:11:02,758 --> 00:11:05,758 It's... it's hard, because I'm seeing her, talking to her, 263 00:11:05,793 --> 00:11:07,448 and I thought she knew about it. 264 00:11:07,482 --> 00:11:09,448 And I felt really bad. 265 00:11:09,482 --> 00:11:11,068 But it's frustrating 'cause I... 266 00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:13,275 [chuckles softly] I couldn't control it. 267 00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:17,034 I didn't get to decide, so... 268 00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:19,206 [Kody] Meri and I have an amicable relationship, 269 00:11:19,241 --> 00:11:21,965 but we're not functioning like a married couple. 270 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,482 I visit with her once in a while. 271 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,310 I don't know, I sometimes feel 272 00:11:25,344 --> 00:11:29,137 like we're just better friends than we are a married couple. 273 00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:32,413 I'm sitting here trying to understand it, like, I'm trying to digest... 274 00:11:32,448 --> 00:11:35,241 Like, I'm trying to understand why, with Christine leaving, 275 00:11:35,275 --> 00:11:38,655 I'm trying to understand why, with the decisions that were made through COVID, 276 00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:41,689 like, who are... What is this? This isn't our family. 277 00:11:41,724 --> 00:11:44,172 -No, it's not. -This isn't the people that I know. 278 00:11:44,206 --> 00:11:46,103 You know, Kody says, 279 00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:49,413 "Well, COVID has just revealed the real us." 280 00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:52,689 I'm like, "Oh, so the 30 years prior to that 281 00:11:52,724 --> 00:11:54,931 was all just a big lie?" 282 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:58,103 -If I... I mean that's what-- -I don't know. Like, you tell me. 283 00:11:58,137 --> 00:12:01,344 I've only been here for a part of it. [chuckles] 284 00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:04,827 You know, when I came into the family, I saw, 285 00:12:04,862 --> 00:12:08,241 like, what I thought was a fairly cohesive family. 286 00:12:08,275 --> 00:12:09,551 Sure, there was issues, 287 00:12:09,586 --> 00:12:13,137 but, like, they talk like it was so bad. 288 00:12:13,172 --> 00:12:14,206 And I'm like... 289 00:12:15,275 --> 00:12:17,965 Well, wha... [sighs] 290 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,172 I didn't see that. So, I'm confused. 291 00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:25,862 I'm trying to understand, like, he's talking about years and years ago. 292 00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:30,241 There was issues with Christine from the very beginning. 293 00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:33,379 Well, if you're gonna say that, you're gonna say 294 00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:35,241 there was issues with me from the very beginning. 295 00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:37,241 And look at where he and I are. 296 00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:38,310 You know what I mean? 297 00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:40,448 Not one of us is perfect. 298 00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:42,379 In those early years, 299 00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:44,551 I mean, yeah, there was a lot of hiccups, 300 00:12:44,586 --> 00:12:46,103 there was a lot of emotions. 301 00:12:46,137 --> 00:12:50,172 And I think we did not too shabby of a job. [chuckles] 302 00:12:50,206 --> 00:12:54,034 We made it work because we loved the idea of our family. 303 00:12:54,068 --> 00:12:56,965 We loved the idea of our family. We loved the idea of... 304 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,000 four adults raising all these kids together 305 00:13:00,034 --> 00:13:01,931 as brothers and sisters. 306 00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:06,068 And we really focused on the big family unit. 307 00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:07,724 When we went public, 308 00:13:07,758 --> 00:13:10,793 and there was a lot of pressure on the family, 309 00:13:10,827 --> 00:13:13,344 and there was a new relationship 310 00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:17,000 and it was all shiny and new, 311 00:13:17,034 --> 00:13:20,413 it never really settled the same way 312 00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:24,793 as what we had done for the first 15, 16, 17 years of our marriage. 313 00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:27,827 We kept trying and kept trying and kept trying 314 00:13:27,862 --> 00:13:31,275 and just yearning for that family unit, 315 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,206 but it just felt different. 316 00:13:34,655 --> 00:13:36,586 So, as far as your marriage... 317 00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:37,586 [Janelle] I... I don't know. 318 00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:39,068 I really just don't know. 319 00:13:39,103 --> 00:13:40,862 There's a lot, a lot... 320 00:13:40,896 --> 00:13:43,413 I've decided there's a lot of things. 321 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,137 If we're gonna have to remake everything, 322 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:48,000 there's a lot of things that would have to be... 323 00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:50,172 I... I'm not even sure I'm really interested. 324 00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,896 Like, you're over, like, your marriage with him right now. 325 00:13:53,551 --> 00:13:55,275 Uh... [hesitates] Yeah. 326 00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:57,275 But then, when I talk to him, like, I go, like, 327 00:13:57,310 --> 00:13:59,241 I sort of remember the old Kody. You know what I mean? 328 00:13:59,275 --> 00:14:01,551 So, I don't know. I don't know. 329 00:14:01,586 --> 00:14:02,724 All I can say is, 330 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,724 I just know I'm not going back to what we had before. 331 00:14:04,758 --> 00:14:09,000 I have realized that I kind of coasted over a lot of things 332 00:14:09,034 --> 00:14:11,068 that were problematic for me. 333 00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:14,137 Like, my children feel like there was so much favoritism 334 00:14:14,172 --> 00:14:16,379 and so much inequality 335 00:14:16,413 --> 00:14:18,827 in time and resources towards Robyn, 336 00:14:18,862 --> 00:14:21,724 And I was always fine with it. I was really fine. 337 00:14:21,758 --> 00:14:24,103 But now, going back into a relationship, 338 00:14:24,137 --> 00:14:26,241 starting new, I wouldn't do that. 339 00:14:26,275 --> 00:14:31,724 I would want to feel like we were truly more of a couple. 340 00:14:31,758 --> 00:14:35,758 So many of family members are trying to act 341 00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:39,724 like COVID, the experience we've had with COVID, 342 00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:42,103 like, some kind of favoritism I've given Robyn, 343 00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:45,724 time I've spent with Robyn has been the past ten years. 344 00:14:45,758 --> 00:14:48,724 And that's just a lie. That's just a self-deception. 345 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,241 Up until COVID happened, 346 00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:54,758 I was regular with my schedule, 347 00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:56,482 I was seeing my family, 348 00:14:56,517 --> 00:14:59,724 everything was intact. 349 00:14:59,758 --> 00:15:01,379 I still have my religious beliefs, 350 00:15:01,413 --> 00:15:03,103 so I can't... 351 00:15:03,137 --> 00:15:06,517 [sighs] I can't just say, "Okay, well, I'm gonna go find somebody else." 352 00:15:06,551 --> 00:15:08,448 'Cause that does not really work for me. 353 00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:11,551 So you still believe, like, plural marriage would be something that you believe in, 354 00:15:11,586 --> 00:15:13,172 would want to live and everything? 355 00:15:13,206 --> 00:15:16,586 I definitely would be open to it. 356 00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,103 I mean, frankly, I am who I am today 357 00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:19,793 because I did live a plural marriage. 358 00:15:19,827 --> 00:15:21,448 And people that still live plural... 359 00:15:21,482 --> 00:15:23,000 polygamy, I... 360 00:15:23,758 --> 00:15:25,827 I honor their choices, 361 00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:27,551 but I still have a hard time 362 00:15:27,586 --> 00:15:30,758 wrapping my mind around why. [chuckling] 363 00:15:30,793 --> 00:15:33,827 'Cause I don't really believe I could have a divorce unless... 364 00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:36,758 I don't know. You know what I mean? 365 00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:38,965 I mean, at this point, Kody and I are separate. 366 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,724 I haven't talked to him, I haven't seen him. 367 00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:44,103 To me, I think that pretty much means we're separated, 368 00:15:44,137 --> 00:15:47,034 but I don't know. We've never actually said the words. 369 00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:49,310 But I mean, we're technically undefined. 370 00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:51,206 We're probably still married. 371 00:15:55,724 --> 00:15:57,586 He has implied that I need to be 372 00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,517 a better sister wife always to Robyn. 373 00:15:59,551 --> 00:16:02,310 If that's a requisite, then I know it's... 374 00:16:02,344 --> 00:16:03,965 -it's over. -It's like... Yeah. 375 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,724 Hmm, who had a great relationship with Robyn for years, 376 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,172 yet he wasn't attracted to her? 377 00:16:09,206 --> 00:16:10,344 Oh, yeah, that'd be Meri. 378 00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:12,137 He's full of [bleep]. I'm sorry. 379 00:16:16,586 --> 00:16:18,344 [upbeat music playing] 380 00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:23,310 I don't know. It's weird because Kody was, like... 381 00:16:23,344 --> 00:16:25,310 He was so attentive, 382 00:16:25,344 --> 00:16:26,344 -like... -To? 383 00:16:26,379 --> 00:16:27,931 -[Meri] To Christine. -Towards Christine, okay. 384 00:16:27,965 --> 00:16:30,758 One of the early Christmases that she was in the family, 385 00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:32,034 like, we were sitting there, 386 00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:35,103 and he was pulling out all these gifts. 387 00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:36,724 All the presents were done, 388 00:16:36,758 --> 00:16:40,068 and he had given Christine this and Christine this 389 00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:41,275 and Christine this, 390 00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:43,689 which was great. He made her feel really special, I'm sure, 391 00:16:43,724 --> 00:16:45,448 Nothing for me. 392 00:16:46,758 --> 00:16:48,655 -Not one gift. -Ugh. 393 00:16:48,689 --> 00:16:51,068 I remember, at the end, 394 00:16:51,103 --> 00:16:53,034 Janelle was like, 395 00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:55,862 "Oh, there's something in my room." 396 00:16:55,896 --> 00:16:57,551 And he's like, "Oh, yeah." 397 00:16:57,586 --> 00:17:01,034 And so, he runs out and he grabs this hoodie 398 00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:02,965 and he just hands it to me. 399 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,000 You know, too little, too late, Kody. 400 00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:07,827 Come on, you... you didn't do all that here. 401 00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:10,517 Not for me, anyway. [chuckles] 402 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:13,378 I don't remember that, but that's sort of the place 403 00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:15,862 where sometimes resentments build. 404 00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:17,241 No, there was a Christmas in Wyoming 405 00:17:17,275 --> 00:17:20,792 where I got tons of presents from Kody. 406 00:17:20,827 --> 00:17:23,586 And he didn't get Meri anything. 407 00:17:23,619 --> 00:17:25,344 And I remember asking him, and I'm like, 408 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,137 "Why didn't you get Meri anything?" 409 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:30,034 And he's like, "Oh, you have that gift certificate that you were giving her." 410 00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:31,517 And I'm like, 411 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,275 "That doesn't mean that you don't get her anything. 412 00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:36,379 You still need to get her something. She's your wife." 413 00:17:36,413 --> 00:17:37,965 Okay, I have a secret. 414 00:17:38,655 --> 00:17:40,310 You have a secret? 415 00:17:40,344 --> 00:17:43,724 It was before you... came in the picture. 416 00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:44,896 -[Robyn] Yeah. -And he was always like... 417 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,000 'Cause Kody and I... 418 00:17:47,034 --> 00:17:50,103 Our relationship has always been... [sighs] 419 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:53,068 -Whoo-hoo! It's still like a really fun roller coaster. -[Robyn] Up and down. 420 00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:53,931 [both chuckle] 421 00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:57,620 You know, and I remember there was a time 422 00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:59,655 where it wasn't so good, and he kept telling me, 423 00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:01,103 "You're getting all this extra time. 424 00:18:01,137 --> 00:18:02,931 You're... Like, I'm with you all the time, 425 00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:05,103 and I'm with you more than I am Janelle or Christine. 426 00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:08,000 Blah, blah, blah." And I'm like, I don't see it. 427 00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,517 So, I literally started keeping track 428 00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:13,724 -not of where he was... -Right. 429 00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,172 -[Meri] ...but when he was with me. -Just when he was with you. 430 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,275 And I was... 431 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,275 less than a third. 432 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,689 The only thing it did, honestly, 433 00:18:23,724 --> 00:18:25,517 was prove to me that I was right 434 00:18:25,551 --> 00:18:27,827 and made me more mad at him. 435 00:18:27,862 --> 00:18:30,517 Well, that's really funny that you have that secret, 436 00:18:30,551 --> 00:18:32,310 'cause I have the same one. 437 00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:36,310 -[both chuckling] -Do tell. 438 00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:39,413 It was only, like... There was, like, a month or two in Vegas... 439 00:18:39,448 --> 00:18:40,379 [Meri] Uh-huh. 440 00:18:40,413 --> 00:18:42,379 ...where Christine was saying 441 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,551 he was never spending time at her house. 442 00:18:44,586 --> 00:18:45,413 Okay. 443 00:18:45,448 --> 00:18:46,862 [Robyn] And I remember kinda going, 444 00:18:46,896 --> 00:18:49,103 "This is really weird. I feel like he's just really not been here." 445 00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:51,827 And so, I started tracking it. 446 00:18:51,862 --> 00:18:54,896 And yeah, I found the same thing, 447 00:18:54,931 --> 00:18:58,206 that it was... I was, um... 448 00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:00,103 He wasn't with me as much. 449 00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:03,620 I took a month where I was with Christine in Las Vegas. 450 00:19:03,655 --> 00:19:07,034 I stayed at her house, like, 25 days out of the month. 451 00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:09,517 I had three other wives complaining, 452 00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:10,965 but she quit complaining. 453 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,344 And I said, "I'm just testing something. 454 00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:16,689 But I wanna see if this person's gonna be happy." 455 00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:19,517 And it worked. 456 00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:23,689 It was like, literally, the other wives got one day, two days out of a month. 457 00:19:23,724 --> 00:19:25,206 It was ridiculous. 458 00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:29,034 There was definitely a month where Kody was with me more, 459 00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,482 and I remember thinking, 460 00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:33,034 [gasps] "Oh, my gosh, he's gonna finally balance out his schedule. 461 00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:35,034 This is gonna be super awesome. 462 00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:39,724 And then it went right back to where we really didn't see him that often, 463 00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:41,379 and it was only in the evenings. 464 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,862 He just preferred to be over at Robyn's house the rest of the time. 465 00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:45,896 For one month, I got him 466 00:19:45,931 --> 00:19:49,275 as much as Robyn got him the rest of the time, 467 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:51,275 the rest of the 59 months. 468 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,068 'Cause he was not at Janelle's house either, 469 00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:54,931 and we all know he wasn't at Meri's house. 470 00:19:56,034 --> 00:19:58,793 [Kody] I think there is a tendency... 471 00:19:58,827 --> 00:20:02,448 [sighs] for wives to not see what I'm doing for them 472 00:20:02,482 --> 00:20:06,000 but very much to see what I'm doing for somebody else. 473 00:20:06,034 --> 00:20:07,586 Uh, there's this comparison thing, 474 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:09,896 and it's just the death of joy. 475 00:20:09,931 --> 00:20:12,172 I don't know, it's weird. When I've heard that, 476 00:20:12,206 --> 00:20:15,310 like, she... the whole "He's not here thing," 477 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:16,275 and I'm like, 478 00:20:17,724 --> 00:20:20,241 "What are you talking about?" Like, 479 00:20:20,275 --> 00:20:23,896 he's usually really good about his schedule. 480 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,551 [Janelle] You know, I think once we moved to Vegas 481 00:20:26,586 --> 00:20:28,827 and we were all in separate homes, 482 00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:32,068 it was harder for Kody to move around. 483 00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:34,620 And I think the time became very unequal there. 484 00:20:34,655 --> 00:20:36,413 That's kind of where it started. 485 00:20:36,448 --> 00:20:38,068 He'd be at our houses, 486 00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:43,275 but like the majority of his time, he was often... often at Robyn's house. 487 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:47,000 [Kody] So when we were in Las Vegas, Robyn gave me an office space 488 00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:48,793 and space for my car. 489 00:20:48,827 --> 00:20:50,310 Uh, if I was in the garage 490 00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:51,862 or if I was working in the office, 491 00:20:51,896 --> 00:20:53,689 I wasn't "with Robyn." 492 00:20:53,724 --> 00:20:54,896 I wasn't with Robyn all the time. 493 00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:56,586 But it's somehow in their heads. 494 00:20:56,620 --> 00:21:00,620 They've created this world in the past where I was with Robyn all the time. 495 00:21:00,655 --> 00:21:04,620 And that's not true, 'cause I shared my time equally with my wives. 496 00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:06,310 They don't know what's going on at my house. 497 00:21:06,344 --> 00:21:08,689 So it's always this assumption that was just like... 498 00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:12,689 what exactly? It was an assumption. 499 00:21:12,724 --> 00:21:16,034 My kids struggled like crazy, 500 00:21:16,068 --> 00:21:19,862 feeling like Kody wasn't around. 501 00:21:19,896 --> 00:21:21,689 They talked about it all the time. 502 00:21:21,724 --> 00:21:25,137 They talked about how he was so busy with the older kids. 503 00:21:25,172 --> 00:21:28,172 He'd come over like five or six in the evening. 504 00:21:28,206 --> 00:21:29,758 And he'd come and spend time. 505 00:21:29,793 --> 00:21:33,379 Even on the weekends, he would only be there at five or six in the evening. 506 00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:37,172 She knew that Kody was over at her house more than anybody else's. 507 00:21:37,206 --> 00:21:39,965 I'm not gonna trust someone who says they want family 508 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,344 yet they're fine with Kody only being at their house. 509 00:21:43,379 --> 00:21:44,620 That's not a family, 510 00:21:44,655 --> 00:21:45,724 that's monogamy. 511 00:21:47,034 --> 00:21:48,689 I always thought that 512 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:51,344 she would eventually... 513 00:21:51,379 --> 00:21:54,517 open herself to a relationship with me. 514 00:21:54,551 --> 00:21:56,862 You know, figure that stuff out. 515 00:21:56,896 --> 00:21:59,275 You know, figure out whatever her issue was. 516 00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:01,482 I tried very hard to be kind with her. 517 00:22:02,206 --> 00:22:05,379 I was constantly, uh... 518 00:22:05,413 --> 00:22:07,655 holding out an olive branch to Christine. 519 00:22:07,689 --> 00:22:10,241 Constantly wanting the relationship. 520 00:22:10,275 --> 00:22:13,344 Constantly... like trying to ask her 521 00:22:13,379 --> 00:22:15,034 what can I do? 522 00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:17,724 All she ever told me was "I'm just jealous of you." 523 00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:25,724 There are so many times where Christine and I've had so much fun and... 524 00:22:26,758 --> 00:22:30,551 I feel like we really did have the potential 525 00:22:32,862 --> 00:22:35,241 of just having a great relationship. 526 00:22:38,068 --> 00:22:40,827 And I never understood why we couldn't. 527 00:22:41,413 --> 00:22:42,517 And... 528 00:22:44,551 --> 00:22:47,448 [sniffles] I just don't know how to come to terms with the heartbreak of it. 529 00:22:51,275 --> 00:22:52,793 So it's just jealousy? 530 00:22:53,931 --> 00:22:55,551 -I don't know. -If it is, I don't know it. 531 00:22:55,586 --> 00:22:58,103 And I would love to know what it was. 532 00:22:58,137 --> 00:23:00,689 So in Vegas, we all did counseling sessions together. 533 00:23:00,724 --> 00:23:02,137 All the adults. 534 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:05,310 End of the therapy sessions, I was very direct. 535 00:23:05,344 --> 00:23:09,206 And I said specifically the problem is is that he prefers Robyn 536 00:23:09,241 --> 00:23:10,827 and prefers being in Robyn's house 537 00:23:11,482 --> 00:23:13,000 more than anywhere else. 538 00:23:13,034 --> 00:23:14,344 She would just deny it. 539 00:23:14,379 --> 00:23:16,137 And she just be like, "He's not here." 540 00:23:16,172 --> 00:23:17,758 And he'd be like, "I don't know what you're talking about." 541 00:23:17,793 --> 00:23:19,793 "I'm over at your house equally." 542 00:23:19,827 --> 00:23:20,965 I was like, "No, you're not." 543 00:23:21,448 --> 00:23:23,172 No, you're not! 544 00:23:23,206 --> 00:23:27,034 If it bothered her that she didn't have a relationship with me, 545 00:23:27,068 --> 00:23:30,931 she should've said, "Hey, why don't we have a relationship?" 546 00:23:30,965 --> 00:23:32,103 "Can we be friends?" 547 00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,034 But I want you to know, 548 00:23:35,068 --> 00:23:36,965 I would've rejected her friendship anyway, 549 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,206 to be completely honest with you. 550 00:23:40,241 --> 00:23:42,551 If Robyn approached me wanting to be friends, 551 00:23:42,586 --> 00:23:44,448 I would've not been friends still. 552 00:23:44,482 --> 00:23:45,517 Because I couldn't trust her. 553 00:23:47,379 --> 00:23:49,413 [Janelle] I just think I wanna live separately right now 554 00:23:49,448 --> 00:23:51,068 and just be amiable. 555 00:23:51,103 --> 00:23:52,241 And let's see what happens. 556 00:23:52,275 --> 00:23:53,793 So you itemizing everything and just-- 557 00:23:53,827 --> 00:23:55,655 'Cause that's what we did, we sat down and I said, 558 00:23:55,689 --> 00:23:57,275 are we ever gonna have this and this and this again? 559 00:23:57,310 --> 00:24:00,620 And he's like, "No, unless you become a better sister wife." 560 00:24:00,655 --> 00:24:01,965 I'm like, "I don't know what you're talking about." 561 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,448 See, and I don't... I, I'm not-- 562 00:24:03,482 --> 00:24:04,689 Playing with that? 563 00:24:04,724 --> 00:24:06,379 -I'm not playing. -I'm sorry, no. 564 00:24:06,413 --> 00:24:09,206 He has implied that I need to be a better sister wife 565 00:24:09,241 --> 00:24:10,275 always to Robyn. 566 00:24:10,310 --> 00:24:12,827 Robyn's always the implied person. 567 00:24:12,862 --> 00:24:14,724 There was a conversation I had with Robyn. 568 00:24:14,758 --> 00:24:17,965 It was a couple months before they bought the house that they're in now. 569 00:24:18,482 --> 00:24:19,724 I lost my rental. 570 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:21,103 They were selling the house. 571 00:24:21,137 --> 00:24:22,896 I was looking for another rental 572 00:24:22,931 --> 00:24:25,275 and Kody was pushing me to buy. 573 00:24:25,310 --> 00:24:26,965 And I was really mad about it. 574 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,827 I really felt like it would materially hurt our ability 575 00:24:30,862 --> 00:24:33,310 to pay off the property in a timely manner. 576 00:24:33,344 --> 00:24:35,620 And I was just kind of talking to her. 577 00:24:35,655 --> 00:24:37,862 And it was not confrontational. 578 00:24:37,896 --> 00:24:39,793 When Kody and I were fighting about it, 579 00:24:39,827 --> 00:24:43,000 I told him that she was struggling with it as well as I was. 580 00:24:43,034 --> 00:24:46,724 I basically said we're both struggling with this. 581 00:24:46,758 --> 00:24:51,793 I just was trying to get Kody to listen to the argument. 582 00:24:51,827 --> 00:24:53,931 So he started throwing out this conversation 583 00:24:53,965 --> 00:24:56,275 I had with Robyn a year and a half before 584 00:24:56,310 --> 00:24:58,344 as ammunition to tell me that I was being 585 00:24:58,379 --> 00:25:01,517 unreasonable and was being pushy and I was being mean. 586 00:25:02,517 --> 00:25:04,965 And here he is somehow 587 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,931 knowing about this conversation. 588 00:25:06,965 --> 00:25:11,965 And I'm like, "Oh, I see the way that this goes now." 589 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,068 Because, I'm sorry, plural marriage doesn't require 590 00:25:14,103 --> 00:25:17,206 that you're always best friends with your sister wife. 591 00:25:17,241 --> 00:25:18,413 No, I know. 592 00:25:18,448 --> 00:25:19,689 -And I'm like-- -So I think we need to get over this. 593 00:25:19,724 --> 00:25:21,586 So if that's the requisite, then I know it's... 594 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:24,586 -it's over. -Yeah. 595 00:25:24,620 --> 00:25:26,551 I was a great sister wife to Janelle. 596 00:25:26,586 --> 00:25:27,586 Meri, not so much. 597 00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:29,103 But I don't think he cares about Meri. 598 00:25:29,137 --> 00:25:32,344 He's basically saying, because you're not the best sister wife with Robyn, 599 00:25:32,379 --> 00:25:34,689 I'm not interested in having a relationship with you. 600 00:25:34,724 --> 00:25:35,793 Hmm. 601 00:25:35,827 --> 00:25:38,068 Who had a great relationship with Robyn for years 602 00:25:38,103 --> 00:25:39,172 yet he wasn't attracted to her? 603 00:25:39,206 --> 00:25:40,793 Oh, yeah, that'd be Meri. 604 00:25:40,827 --> 00:25:42,689 He's full of [bleep]. I'm sorry. 605 00:25:42,724 --> 00:25:44,103 That's ridiculous. 606 00:25:44,137 --> 00:25:47,103 I wanted Christine to be better to everybody and about everybody. 607 00:25:47,137 --> 00:25:50,551 There was a lot of complaining about the whole experience in plural marriage. 608 00:25:50,586 --> 00:25:53,068 And somehow or another now she's morphed it to Robyn. 609 00:25:53,103 --> 00:25:55,206 It wasn't ever really about Robyn. 610 00:25:55,241 --> 00:25:56,275 It was about... 611 00:25:57,793 --> 00:26:00,827 her whole experience in plural marriage with other wives. 612 00:26:01,724 --> 00:26:02,965 Okay. 613 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,758 -Well, let me know if you need anything. -All right. 614 00:26:04,793 --> 00:26:06,310 Like living on the other half of a... 615 00:26:06,344 --> 00:26:08,034 [chuckles] 616 00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:10,000 If there was no ties here, 617 00:26:10,034 --> 00:26:11,655 I would consider. 618 00:26:11,689 --> 00:26:13,827 I felt bad for even suggesting Janelle 619 00:26:13,862 --> 00:26:16,000 to move to Utah right now. 620 00:26:16,034 --> 00:26:17,862 She has enough on her plate 621 00:26:17,896 --> 00:26:20,655 with not even knowing what's happening with her and Kody. 622 00:26:20,689 --> 00:26:21,827 She loves him still. 623 00:26:22,379 --> 00:26:23,379 She loves him. 624 00:26:23,413 --> 00:26:24,344 See you later. 625 00:26:24,379 --> 00:26:26,344 -All right, see you. -Bye. 626 00:26:26,379 --> 00:26:28,896 [Christine] I don't think Kody's gonna change. 627 00:26:28,931 --> 00:26:31,931 I think that Kody is going to constantly be running around Robyn 628 00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:33,344 and her life for the rest of his life. 629 00:26:34,310 --> 00:26:35,793 And I don't think he has any room 630 00:26:36,793 --> 00:26:38,517 for Janelle in that life. 631 00:26:43,413 --> 00:26:45,275 Plural marriage is just hard. 632 00:26:45,310 --> 00:26:47,379 Unless there's a deal-breaker going on, 633 00:26:47,413 --> 00:26:49,310 you can still figure that out. 634 00:26:49,344 --> 00:26:54,137 She can't state what happens between Kody and Christine. 635 00:26:54,172 --> 00:26:56,034 They have made their decision. 636 00:26:57,206 --> 00:26:59,448 [Kody] Too many lines have been crossed. 637 00:26:59,482 --> 00:27:01,034 I've given too much. 638 00:27:01,068 --> 00:27:02,482 I don't want to live like this anymore. 639 00:27:07,482 --> 00:27:09,482 [somber music playing] 640 00:27:12,241 --> 00:27:13,793 So Robyn came over today. 641 00:27:13,827 --> 00:27:17,034 She's asking me about, like... 642 00:27:17,068 --> 00:27:20,689 how Kody and Christine's relationship has been through the years? 643 00:27:20,724 --> 00:27:23,241 And what was she missing? 644 00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:25,206 And what doesn't she understand? 645 00:27:25,241 --> 00:27:28,241 And I'm like, "Robyn, I don't understand either." 646 00:27:28,275 --> 00:27:29,448 I just... I wish... 647 00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:31,655 I want answers, I wanna understand. I wanna get it. 648 00:27:31,689 --> 00:27:34,034 But unless there's a deal-breaker going on, 649 00:27:34,068 --> 00:27:36,068 like a really, like a real one, 650 00:27:36,103 --> 00:27:37,620 you can still figure that out. 651 00:27:37,655 --> 00:27:38,758 Like you go to counseling 652 00:27:38,793 --> 00:27:40,137 and you try to figure it out. 653 00:27:40,172 --> 00:27:42,344 Only if both parties want to. 654 00:27:42,379 --> 00:27:44,000 [sighs in exasperation] Yeah. 655 00:27:44,034 --> 00:27:45,034 I guess so. 656 00:27:46,241 --> 00:27:49,206 I get that Robyn's trying to fix it and make it work, 657 00:27:49,241 --> 00:27:54,068 but she can't state what happens between Kody and Christine. 658 00:27:54,103 --> 00:27:56,724 They have made their decision. 659 00:27:56,758 --> 00:28:00,758 Robyn's belief of "Unless if was a real dealbreaker," 660 00:28:00,793 --> 00:28:02,379 That doesn't matter. 661 00:28:02,413 --> 00:28:05,931 What Robyn believes doesn't matter in this situation. 662 00:28:06,862 --> 00:28:09,068 I mean, plural marriage is just hard. 663 00:28:09,103 --> 00:28:10,655 It just is. 664 00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:12,931 I felt like certain people are more 665 00:28:12,965 --> 00:28:14,137 important to him 666 00:28:14,172 --> 00:28:15,689 than me or my kids. 667 00:28:15,724 --> 00:28:16,862 Yeah. 668 00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:19,275 I felt like he wasn't spending enough time at my house. 669 00:28:19,965 --> 00:28:21,103 I felt, like, that like crazy. 670 00:28:21,137 --> 00:28:23,448 So this is just a plural marriage problem? 671 00:28:23,482 --> 00:28:24,689 It was just too much. 672 00:28:25,310 --> 00:28:26,827 Maybe it was. 673 00:28:26,862 --> 00:28:30,137 I don't know if there's something I'm missing. 674 00:28:30,172 --> 00:28:32,206 That's why I'm asking Meri this. 675 00:28:32,241 --> 00:28:34,172 I wish I could ask... 676 00:28:34,206 --> 00:28:36,620 Christine and Kody. 677 00:28:36,655 --> 00:28:40,241 But they're very skewed in the way that they're thinking right now. 678 00:28:40,275 --> 00:28:41,482 It's very much like... 679 00:28:41,517 --> 00:28:43,068 "Everything is bad." 680 00:28:43,103 --> 00:28:44,965 And I'm looking for, like, the truth. 681 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,344 'Cause I don't understand it. 682 00:28:47,068 --> 00:28:48,586 We all committed to this. 683 00:28:48,620 --> 00:28:49,689 [Meri] Yes. 684 00:28:49,724 --> 00:28:53,034 And, like, that's like, you know, 685 00:28:53,068 --> 00:28:55,000 -tattooed into my soul... -Right. 686 00:28:55,034 --> 00:28:56,275 -...sort of feeling. -Yeah. 687 00:28:56,310 --> 00:28:58,896 -Because that's... that's... that's your family. -Right. 688 00:28:58,931 --> 00:29:00,655 You still try to figure it out. 689 00:29:00,689 --> 00:29:03,793 It would take everybody's interests and efforts. 690 00:29:05,379 --> 00:29:07,137 Where did it go? 691 00:29:07,172 --> 00:29:08,931 I don't understand. 692 00:29:11,482 --> 00:29:13,068 Where did it go? Where's the interest? 693 00:29:13,103 --> 00:29:14,655 Where's the effort? Where did it go? 694 00:29:14,689 --> 00:29:15,931 I don't know, Robyn. 695 00:29:15,965 --> 00:29:17,862 I can't answer that for you. 696 00:29:17,896 --> 00:29:19,000 [Robyn sighs] 697 00:29:19,034 --> 00:29:22,413 Relationships with sister wives flourish when 698 00:29:22,448 --> 00:29:25,344 a man can be equal with all of his wives. 699 00:29:26,103 --> 00:29:27,551 Equal in financial resources. 700 00:29:27,586 --> 00:29:28,448 Equal in time. 701 00:29:28,482 --> 00:29:30,000 As best as he can to his ability. 702 00:29:30,034 --> 00:29:31,137 We're all human, right? 703 00:29:31,172 --> 00:29:33,172 And then especially when a husband has 704 00:29:33,206 --> 00:29:35,344 a place that he goes, 'cause it's easier. 705 00:29:35,379 --> 00:29:36,758 He's respected. 706 00:29:36,793 --> 00:29:38,448 That makes it very, very hard 707 00:29:38,482 --> 00:29:40,689 for sister wives to play on equal playing field. 708 00:29:40,724 --> 00:29:43,103 And to be open to relationships. 709 00:29:43,827 --> 00:29:46,517 But I think that it has to do 710 00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:47,793 with the kids getting older 711 00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:49,137 and we don't need each other. 712 00:29:49,172 --> 00:29:51,827 So it's like we go off and we do our own things. 713 00:29:53,655 --> 00:29:55,241 Yeah, but I'm not done. 714 00:29:56,241 --> 00:29:58,551 Well, I'm still here. 715 00:29:58,586 --> 00:30:02,620 When Janelle, Christine and I were first raising our oldest kids, 716 00:30:05,655 --> 00:30:08,448 I have so many good memories of that time. 717 00:30:08,482 --> 00:30:09,793 [video playing] 718 00:30:15,137 --> 00:30:17,862 [Meri] We were there for each other. We had to be there for each other. 719 00:30:17,896 --> 00:30:20,896 But I think especially those oldest kids 720 00:30:20,931 --> 00:30:24,241 kind of created this bond with each other because of that. 721 00:30:25,482 --> 00:30:28,344 I know that Robyn feels bad because... 722 00:30:29,379 --> 00:30:32,517 she was wanting that for all of her kids, 723 00:30:32,551 --> 00:30:34,034 even the youngest two. 724 00:30:34,068 --> 00:30:37,172 You know, and they just don't have that. 725 00:30:37,206 --> 00:30:40,517 I wish that we could've pulled it all together. 726 00:30:40,551 --> 00:30:43,137 So that all the kids could have that same experience. 727 00:30:43,896 --> 00:30:47,275 To me, this is the family. 728 00:30:47,310 --> 00:30:50,137 -Logan in Vegas is still part of the family. -Thank you, thank you. 729 00:30:50,172 --> 00:30:52,896 -You know, Maddison and Isabel -'Cause this needs to be the nucleus. 730 00:30:52,931 --> 00:30:54,793 -Yeah, but they-- -This needs to be the nucleus and the come back 731 00:30:54,827 --> 00:30:57,413 -and they do their thing. -That's how I look at it. 732 00:30:57,448 --> 00:30:58,586 Yeah, 733 00:30:58,620 --> 00:30:59,758 -I feel the same way. -They come back, we go visit. 734 00:30:59,793 --> 00:31:01,000 But it's not that. 735 00:31:01,551 --> 00:31:02,689 And I don't... 736 00:31:02,724 --> 00:31:04,034 -It's not that anymore. -It kills me. 737 00:31:04,068 --> 00:31:05,827 It kills me. 738 00:31:05,862 --> 00:31:08,172 We just had the holidays and... 739 00:31:09,482 --> 00:31:10,862 my kids 740 00:31:11,827 --> 00:31:13,206 and Janelle's kids 741 00:31:13,241 --> 00:31:14,413 and Christine's kids 742 00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:16,827 and Meri's daughter, 743 00:31:16,862 --> 00:31:18,965 like, nobody... 744 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,586 There wasn't a lot of interaction. 745 00:31:20,620 --> 00:31:21,655 There were some. 746 00:31:22,793 --> 00:31:24,620 But it wasn't that family experience. 747 00:31:25,758 --> 00:31:28,344 I don't care what anybody else is doing. 748 00:31:28,379 --> 00:31:31,448 They're not ha-- That's just a cheap version of what our family was. 749 00:31:32,241 --> 00:31:33,344 I don't care... 750 00:31:35,275 --> 00:31:36,620 who's getting together. 751 00:31:40,103 --> 00:31:42,034 I don't care how many presents you give. 752 00:31:43,655 --> 00:31:46,793 And I don't care how many special foods you make. 753 00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:50,000 Or how many fancy houses you rent. 754 00:31:50,586 --> 00:31:52,103 Or anything like that. 755 00:31:52,137 --> 00:31:54,034 It's a cheap version. 756 00:31:55,689 --> 00:31:57,172 It's a broken version. 757 00:32:08,655 --> 00:32:11,034 And these kids, they know it. 758 00:32:12,827 --> 00:32:15,586 I don't know... 759 00:32:16,793 --> 00:32:18,586 if or how it can be that anymore. 760 00:32:20,862 --> 00:32:23,827 Because Christine has left. 761 00:32:23,862 --> 00:32:26,000 And so many kids gravitate to her. 762 00:32:26,034 --> 00:32:27,517 I mean, they said that last year, 763 00:32:27,551 --> 00:32:29,965 a year ago at Thanksgiving, you know. 764 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,310 Janelle's boys were saying that, "Well, whatever... 765 00:32:32,344 --> 00:32:36,172 Christine does for Christmas or Thanksgiving, we'll do that." 766 00:32:36,206 --> 00:32:37,413 Yeah. 767 00:32:37,448 --> 00:32:39,000 I... 768 00:32:39,034 --> 00:32:43,482 thought naively that we'll be able to all get together again for holidays 769 00:32:43,517 --> 00:32:48,034 and family functions and still have family reunions together. 770 00:32:48,068 --> 00:32:50,275 Even with me leaving, 771 00:32:50,310 --> 00:32:54,137 I felt like we could be mature enough and adult enough. 772 00:32:54,172 --> 00:32:57,034 But as of right now, I don't see that being possible. 773 00:32:57,068 --> 00:32:58,206 I just don't. 774 00:32:58,241 --> 00:32:59,793 There's... 775 00:32:59,827 --> 00:33:01,793 so many things that are broken now. 776 00:33:01,827 --> 00:33:02,758 I... 777 00:33:02,793 --> 00:33:05,068 We're just not a family anymore. 778 00:33:05,103 --> 00:33:07,689 We've been unwilling to change in the right ways 779 00:33:07,724 --> 00:33:09,068 to make this a functional family. 780 00:33:09,965 --> 00:33:12,448 Too many lines have been crossed. 781 00:33:12,482 --> 00:33:16,862 Too many times when we've gone, I've given, I've given, I've given. 782 00:33:16,896 --> 00:33:19,896 And now I'm sitting here going, "I've given too much." 783 00:33:19,931 --> 00:33:22,448 "And I don't have more of this to give." 784 00:33:22,482 --> 00:33:24,517 This is so dysfunctional. 785 00:33:27,241 --> 00:33:29,862 And you just go, "I don't wanna live like this anymore." 786 00:33:33,551 --> 00:33:34,862 [Meri] Here's the thing, 787 00:33:34,896 --> 00:33:38,827 I still see value to the big picture family. 788 00:33:40,034 --> 00:33:43,793 Do I wish that we could all get our crap together and... 789 00:33:44,793 --> 00:33:46,724 figure things out and... 790 00:33:46,758 --> 00:33:48,000 have good relationships? 791 00:33:48,034 --> 00:33:49,206 Yeah, absolutely. 792 00:33:50,068 --> 00:33:51,551 But I don't know what's gonna happen. 793 00:33:51,586 --> 00:33:53,793 And I don't know if that's even possible. 794 00:33:53,827 --> 00:33:56,586 Or if everybody is even willing or interested. 795 00:33:57,517 --> 00:33:58,448 Love you. 796 00:33:58,482 --> 00:33:59,862 Good chatting. 797 00:33:59,896 --> 00:34:01,034 Love you. 798 00:34:03,068 --> 00:34:06,413 I need a reason why my family got blown to smithereens. 799 00:34:11,447 --> 00:34:13,482 So Mykelti and Avalon and Aspyn are over. 800 00:34:13,516 --> 00:34:15,896 We're going to plan my 50th birthday party. 801 00:34:18,965 --> 00:34:22,310 -I'll see if I can get any contact information. -You should get in touch. 802 00:34:22,344 --> 00:34:23,379 It's a celebrity crush. 803 00:34:23,413 --> 00:34:24,896 I have a big, huge celebrity crush. 804 00:34:24,931 --> 00:34:26,275 That's all there's to it. 805 00:34:26,310 --> 00:34:28,862 And Mykelti loves to harass me about it. 806 00:34:28,896 --> 00:34:31,551 And she got me a pillow with him on it. 807 00:34:31,585 --> 00:34:33,137 Oh, we didn't say names. 808 00:34:34,103 --> 00:34:34,931 I'm gonna blush. 809 00:34:34,965 --> 00:34:37,206 I blush every freaking time. 810 00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:38,310 It's so embarrassing. 811 00:34:44,172 --> 00:34:45,862 [upbeat music playing] 812 00:34:51,827 --> 00:34:53,896 -So Mom, this is your tea. -Aspyn, this is your tea. 813 00:34:53,931 --> 00:34:55,585 -Tea, yay. -[exclaims] 814 00:34:55,620 --> 00:34:56,896 [laughs] 815 00:34:56,931 --> 00:34:59,482 So Mykelti and Avalon and Aspyn are over. 816 00:34:59,517 --> 00:35:01,862 We're going to plan my 50th birthday party. 817 00:35:02,827 --> 00:35:04,655 Mom's 50th birthday is this year. 818 00:35:04,689 --> 00:35:07,931 -Oh, my Gosh, that's right, you're gonna be 50. -I know. 819 00:35:07,965 --> 00:35:09,689 -So weird. -It's a big birthday. 820 00:35:09,724 --> 00:35:11,517 I love living so close to my girls. 821 00:35:11,551 --> 00:35:12,620 We do this all the time. 822 00:35:12,655 --> 00:35:14,931 We hang out all the time as much as possible. 823 00:35:14,965 --> 00:35:16,103 Oh, oh, oh, oh. 824 00:35:16,137 --> 00:35:18,172 We should do a 60s, no, a 50s... 825 00:35:18,206 --> 00:35:20,310 We should to a 50s theme for your 50th birthday. 826 00:35:20,758 --> 00:35:22,172 A 1950s party? 827 00:35:22,586 --> 00:35:24,103 What... yes. 828 00:35:25,241 --> 00:35:26,931 Definitely nice to do something like last year. 829 00:35:27,413 --> 00:35:28,896 [gasps] 830 00:35:28,931 --> 00:35:30,655 It's more fun to dress up, I'm just saying. 831 00:35:30,689 --> 00:35:31,689 Ice cream bar. 832 00:35:32,241 --> 00:35:32,965 Yes. 833 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:33,724 Old fashioned soda. 834 00:35:33,758 --> 00:35:34,551 Sundaes. 835 00:35:34,586 --> 00:35:35,620 Soda fountain. 836 00:35:35,655 --> 00:35:36,827 Ice cream bar. 837 00:35:36,862 --> 00:35:37,758 All of it. 838 00:35:38,103 --> 00:35:39,068 Sock hop. 839 00:35:39,103 --> 00:35:40,827 Yes, all of it. 840 00:35:40,862 --> 00:35:43,172 Janelle is like... Janelle wants to come, really badly. 841 00:35:43,206 --> 00:35:45,034 So I already talked to Janelle about coming back 842 00:35:45,068 --> 00:35:47,068 from Flagstaff with you the week before. 843 00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:50,758 I won't be inviting Kody or Robyn or Meri, um... 844 00:35:50,793 --> 00:35:53,793 And the kids that I still have contact with and I do things with, 845 00:35:53,827 --> 00:35:54,862 they'll all be invited. 846 00:35:55,586 --> 00:35:56,379 Yes, but... 847 00:35:57,896 --> 00:35:58,724 not everybody. 848 00:35:59,655 --> 00:36:01,517 All right, toasting time. 849 00:36:01,551 --> 00:36:03,896 So many of our family gatherings were tense. 850 00:36:04,793 --> 00:36:06,413 I didn't feel like I was really a wife. 851 00:36:06,448 --> 00:36:08,931 I just felt like a second-class citizen a lot of the time. 852 00:36:08,965 --> 00:36:11,586 So really I'm only going to invite people 853 00:36:11,620 --> 00:36:14,206 that I really want to hang out with 854 00:36:14,241 --> 00:36:17,172 that it's going to be easy and relaxing. 855 00:36:17,655 --> 00:36:18,758 And no drama. 856 00:36:25,379 --> 00:36:27,827 And I think that Dad's best friend is a "Yes." 857 00:36:28,344 --> 00:36:29,448 Because... 858 00:36:32,551 --> 00:36:33,827 No, Dad's best friend is a "No." 859 00:36:33,862 --> 00:36:34,862 I think it's a "No." 860 00:36:34,896 --> 00:36:35,896 Dad's best friend and Dad's Mom are a no. 861 00:36:35,931 --> 00:36:37,931 It's sticky. It's a sticky situation. 862 00:36:37,965 --> 00:36:41,172 You know, it's just weird to cross over like that 863 00:36:41,206 --> 00:36:42,655 and invite Kody's mom. 864 00:36:42,689 --> 00:36:44,206 But I would never invite him. 865 00:36:44,241 --> 00:36:46,241 [sighs] But I just really love them a lot. 866 00:36:46,275 --> 00:36:47,758 I love a lot of Kody's family. 867 00:36:51,482 --> 00:36:54,206 -I'll see if I can get any contact information. -You should get in touch. 868 00:36:54,241 --> 00:36:55,206 Yeah, that's great. 869 00:36:55,241 --> 00:36:56,896 -Talk to their publicist. -I'll go sit down. 870 00:36:56,931 --> 00:36:58,310 You should. 871 00:36:58,344 --> 00:36:59,655 It's a celebrity crush. 872 00:36:59,689 --> 00:37:02,206 I have a big, huge celebrity crush. That's all there's to it. 873 00:37:02,241 --> 00:37:04,758 Mykelti loves to harass me about it. 874 00:37:04,793 --> 00:37:07,517 And she got me a pillow with him on it. 875 00:37:07,551 --> 00:37:09,758 And a blanket with him on it for Christmas. 876 00:37:09,793 --> 00:37:12,379 Oh, we didn't say names. 877 00:37:12,413 --> 00:37:15,172 I'm gonna blush. I blush every freaking time. 878 00:37:15,206 --> 00:37:16,586 It's so embarrassing. 879 00:37:16,620 --> 00:37:17,586 Okay, listen... 880 00:37:17,620 --> 00:37:18,586 Shemar Moore. 881 00:37:19,482 --> 00:37:20,827 When he says, "Baby girl," 882 00:37:20,862 --> 00:37:23,413 Mmm, I melt every single time. 883 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:24,931 He's just beautiful. 884 00:37:26,482 --> 00:37:28,103 Pretty, you're so lovely. 885 00:37:28,137 --> 00:37:30,827 I'm looking forward to an uncomplicated birthday. 886 00:37:30,862 --> 00:37:33,448 There was always this underlying tension, always. 887 00:37:34,344 --> 00:37:35,551 And I don't have that anymore. 888 00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:37,413 At my birthday, I won't have that anymore. 889 00:37:37,448 --> 00:37:38,758 And gosh... 890 00:37:38,793 --> 00:37:40,172 really excited for it. 891 00:37:48,862 --> 00:37:49,931 All right. 892 00:37:51,137 --> 00:37:53,965 Coming up on a year next month 893 00:37:54,965 --> 00:37:56,310 since my mom passed away. 894 00:37:58,275 --> 00:38:00,793 She had been running the bed and breakfast. 895 00:38:01,896 --> 00:38:03,551 And... 896 00:38:03,586 --> 00:38:06,068 I'm on my way up there again. 897 00:38:06,103 --> 00:38:07,379 You know, I've always been a traveler. 898 00:38:07,413 --> 00:38:08,586 I like to travel. 899 00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:09,896 I love doing road trips. 900 00:38:09,931 --> 00:38:11,586 I love listening to audio books. 901 00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:15,620 And it's getting to be a lot. 902 00:38:15,655 --> 00:38:17,551 My friend Jen is a godsend. 903 00:38:17,586 --> 00:38:21,103 She's been living there and taking care of it. 904 00:38:21,586 --> 00:38:23,103 I've also been... 905 00:38:23,137 --> 00:38:27,379 working on growing my on my clothing business as well. 906 00:38:28,241 --> 00:38:30,068 So I... 907 00:38:31,172 --> 00:38:32,379 am making some changes. 908 00:38:32,965 --> 00:38:34,172 I am... 909 00:38:38,275 --> 00:38:40,482 going to move my... 910 00:38:42,068 --> 00:38:43,241 clothing business... 911 00:38:46,689 --> 00:38:47,931 to Southern Utah. 912 00:38:49,482 --> 00:38:54,724 I have been splitting myself between locations. 913 00:38:54,758 --> 00:38:57,379 Like so much that I just, I need to get, um... 914 00:38:57,413 --> 00:38:59,310 I need to get it all together. 915 00:38:59,344 --> 00:39:01,586 It causes me a lot of anxiety. 916 00:39:01,620 --> 00:39:04,896 Because this is like a big shift, a big move. 917 00:39:05,689 --> 00:39:06,758 Um... 918 00:39:07,172 --> 00:39:08,206 And it... 919 00:39:09,172 --> 00:39:11,241 I don't know what it's gonna do, 920 00:39:11,275 --> 00:39:12,241 you know, within the family. 921 00:39:12,275 --> 00:39:13,551 And maybe it won't do anything. 922 00:39:13,586 --> 00:39:14,931 Maybe everybody will be like, 923 00:39:14,965 --> 00:39:17,620 "Peace out, sayonara, bitches." 924 00:39:17,655 --> 00:39:18,758 [laughs] You know... 925 00:39:18,793 --> 00:39:20,000 I don't know. 926 00:39:20,034 --> 00:39:23,586 Maybe they'll be glad or, I really don't know. 927 00:39:23,620 --> 00:39:27,068 I'm very nervous to talk to Robyn about it. 928 00:39:27,103 --> 00:39:29,344 Because I think that she's gonna feel like... 929 00:39:31,793 --> 00:39:33,586 I'm leaving as well, 930 00:39:33,620 --> 00:39:35,448 which I know she doesn't want. 931 00:39:35,482 --> 00:39:38,310 I haven't really discussed this with anybody except for Jen. 932 00:39:38,344 --> 00:39:40,275 Like, I haven't even told Robyn yet. 933 00:39:40,310 --> 00:39:42,241 I'm gonna tell her before I even tell Kody. 934 00:39:42,275 --> 00:39:43,931 Just because I know that she's gonna care. 935 00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:45,862 He's not gonna give a flying rat's ass. 936 00:39:45,896 --> 00:39:49,896 So Robyn has been very, very clear with me. 937 00:39:49,931 --> 00:39:52,517 And have been like, "Please don't leave, please don't leave me." 938 00:39:52,551 --> 00:39:53,827 "Don't leave me to do this alone." 939 00:39:53,862 --> 00:39:55,379 And I... 940 00:39:55,413 --> 00:39:57,206 And I'm like, "What alone, Kody?" 941 00:39:58,758 --> 00:40:00,862 He and I don't have a relationship. 942 00:40:00,896 --> 00:40:01,965 Christine has left. 943 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,551 I don't know where him and Janelle stands. 944 00:40:04,586 --> 00:40:07,000 I'll still come back to Flagstaff. 945 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,034 You know, I mean that's... 946 00:40:10,068 --> 00:40:11,655 It's not like I'm... 947 00:40:11,689 --> 00:40:13,413 moving away from there. 948 00:40:13,448 --> 00:40:16,931 I'm just gonna spend more concentrated time 949 00:40:16,965 --> 00:40:21,379 being able to work the businesses together at the B&B 950 00:40:21,413 --> 00:40:22,724 once we get to that point. 951 00:40:23,172 --> 00:40:24,241 I'm not leaving. 952 00:40:25,275 --> 00:40:26,620 Not leaving the family. 953 00:40:27,344 --> 00:40:28,517 I'm not leaving Kody. 954 00:40:30,310 --> 00:40:33,620 Kody has basically left me already. 955 00:40:33,655 --> 00:40:36,551 You know, things are very obviously broken... 956 00:40:36,586 --> 00:40:39,310 really broken between Meri and Kody. 957 00:40:39,344 --> 00:40:44,482 And Meri keeps holding out home, I think, that something will happen. 958 00:40:44,517 --> 00:40:47,241 But Kody doesn't speak really kindly to her. 959 00:40:47,275 --> 00:40:49,586 He doesn't really watch out for her. 960 00:40:49,620 --> 00:40:50,448 It's very sad. 961 00:40:53,413 --> 00:40:56,827 I'm always hoping, no matter what the struggle is in a marriage, 962 00:40:56,862 --> 00:40:58,965 I'm hoping that it's viable, that we can fix it. 963 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,689 Christine's been complaining about plural marriage for 15 years. 964 00:41:01,724 --> 00:41:03,103 But we never did fix the problem. 965 00:41:03,137 --> 00:41:04,172 She just left. 966 00:41:05,034 --> 00:41:06,689 Meri and I are at a very different place, 967 00:41:06,724 --> 00:41:08,310 where we have taken the time 968 00:41:08,344 --> 00:41:09,827 to vet whether this is gonna work. 969 00:41:09,862 --> 00:41:11,000 It's not just a leave. 970 00:41:12,206 --> 00:41:15,137 [Meri] I'm not oblivious to the fact that 971 00:41:15,172 --> 00:41:19,068 Kody has had conversations about me. 972 00:41:19,103 --> 00:41:23,827 And he's been pretty direct in his non-interest 973 00:41:23,862 --> 00:41:26,034 of healing a relationship. 974 00:41:26,068 --> 00:41:28,103 But he's never had that conversation with me. 975 00:41:28,137 --> 00:41:29,448 And I don't think it's fair 976 00:41:30,172 --> 00:41:33,034 for us to make any decisions 977 00:41:33,068 --> 00:41:35,310 about our relationship without the two of us 978 00:41:36,103 --> 00:41:38,482 having had that conversation. 979 00:41:38,517 --> 00:41:41,896 I saw Kody string Meri along for years. 980 00:41:41,931 --> 00:41:44,206 And it was mean and cruel. 981 00:41:44,241 --> 00:41:47,000 And I saw that he would've done the same thing to me 982 00:41:47,034 --> 00:41:48,034 if I would've stayed. 983 00:41:53,275 --> 00:41:55,724 [narrator reading] 984 00:41:55,758 --> 00:41:57,413 I have been talking to a matchmaker. 985 00:41:59,482 --> 00:42:01,551 -For famous people? -Like professional kind, yeah. 986 00:42:01,586 --> 00:42:03,275 Oh, my God. What if I suck at kissing. 987 00:42:05,068 --> 00:42:07,000 So I haven't said anything to Robyn yet. 988 00:42:07,034 --> 00:42:09,275 So I'm planning on moving my clothing business. 989 00:42:09,310 --> 00:42:12,241 And I need to let Robyn know, 990 00:42:12,275 --> 00:42:14,689 'cause I feel like she's the only one who's really gonna care. 991 00:42:14,724 --> 00:42:16,275 This is done, like, you've made your decision? 992 00:42:16,310 --> 00:42:20,034 It causes me a lot of anxiety, but yes. 993 00:42:20,068 --> 00:42:22,620 I have an appointment to meet with Kody. 994 00:42:22,655 --> 00:42:25,344 I have not seen him in about six weeks. 995 00:42:25,379 --> 00:42:27,517 I do think I wanna stay separated. 996 00:42:27,551 --> 00:42:28,965 Really? You wanna stay separated? 997 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,068 Yeah, I do. 998 00:42:31,103 --> 00:42:34,758 I'm not really inclined to stay in this relationship with Kody. 999 00:42:34,793 --> 00:42:37,413 I don't feel like I'm getting what I deserve from him.