1 00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:03,569 Previously on Sister Wives: 2 00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:06,405 It's so weird. It's so quiet without the whole family here, you guys, don't you think? 3 00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:08,440 [Kody] It's actually kinda peaceful. 4 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,275 It's not all that peaceful. 5 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:12,411 A couple of weeks ago, Janelle told me not to come to her house 6 00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:14,980 because of some concerns she had about COVID-19. 7 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,616 It's Christine's house and Robyn's house. 8 00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:19,318 Christine's house, then Robyn's house. 9 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,320 If somebody got sick in the family... 10 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,555 If someone else got sick in the family like Christine or me, 11 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,824 you would stop seeing one of us. 12 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,693 If I was to get sick, nothing would happen. 13 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:29,261 I would just be at home alone sick. 14 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,730 Nobody comes over here, anyway. 15 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,433 We don't see each other. 16 00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:37,169 - We're keeping our distance. - [Kody] Social distancing. 17 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,939 It's the most insane thing I've ever dealt with, I feel like. 18 00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:43,809 There's just been nothing going on between me and Meri. 19 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,611 But we quit dating. 20 00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:49,281 And that's probably just because I quit calling her 21 00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:50,749 to say, "Let's go do something." 22 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,318 [Gabriel] I'm cool with social distancing if we can see Dad. 23 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,754 But if we're not gonna see Dad anyway... 24 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,957 why would I social distance? 25 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:02,094 I just feel all this pressure on the family relationships. 26 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,496 This very separate feeling's starting to happen. 27 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:06,865 [Robyn] Our decisions are going to affect each other. 28 00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:10,969 That may have some long-term effects on the relationship. I just don't know. 29 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,509 So, Gabe, how do you, like, put the stuff together 30 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:53,312 for college, man? 31 00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:56,248 I will be entirely online except for my labs. 32 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:57,416 [Garrison] Oh, wow. 33 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,551 So because of the COVID-19, 34 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:03,222 I've been the only member of the family who's been going from house to house. 35 00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:06,725 So each family has been isolated from the rest of the family. 36 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:09,061 I've been away from Janelle's house, 37 00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:12,764 because Garrison and Gabriel have more extensive exposure. 38 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:17,769 I know that you were planning on being here tonight. 39 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,638 But I've really been thinking. 40 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:23,208 I'm concerned that this household at least is a bit of a risk point. 41 00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:26,211 We shouldn't have you come for a little bit, maybe. 42 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:29,281 I really just felt that that was the right thing to do. 43 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:33,519 So we're almost to the end of that, it looks like. 44 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:37,222 Garrison had a chance to get his mask from his employer 45 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:40,792 and Gabriel, the university was trying to figure out how to be online. 46 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,661 I'm kind of glad it's coming to an end. 47 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,164 Okay, so I just was talking to your dad. 48 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:47,933 Hunter graduates soon. 49 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:51,069 And I know Dad's thinking about 50 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,238 trying to make sure he's back for that. 51 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,240 Hunter's graduating from the Air Force Academy. 52 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:58,610 They are gonna livestream it and we can hook up our computers 53 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,413 to the TV and watch it on the screen. 54 00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:04,316 I think we've been being really careful, right? 55 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,285 I think that's kinda up to him. 56 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,520 I think... We're gonna accept him, 57 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:10,122 but it's up to him if he wants to come. 58 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:13,025 [Garrison] Pretty much. 59 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:18,530 I actually think my boys think their dad is being too careful. 60 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,733 So they're kind of skeptical that them just wearing masks 61 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,869 is gonna really be enough for their dad. 62 00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:27,306 It makes no difference. I mean, he's got to go get groceries. 63 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:30,542 - He's got to... - I don't understand why he's doing all this. 64 00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:33,312 It's, like, we're exposed regardless. But it's... 65 00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:36,481 I think he views, you know, your guys's exposure 66 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,984 as more risky than going to the grocery store. 67 00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:41,920 The real concern is whether or not they're... 68 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:45,557 they've got extra-curricular association. 69 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,627 I'm not worried about me getting the virus. 70 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:51,330 I'm worried about me spreading the virus. 71 00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:54,166 I thought I was gonna be mad if it went longer. 72 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,501 But I've kind of almost gotten used to it. 73 00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,870 Like, it's almost the new normal now. 74 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,373 So it doesn't really bother me as much. 75 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:08,213 That kind of bothers me a little bit. 76 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,749 This should not be even thought about 77 00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:13,252 as anything close to normal. 78 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:17,756 We have taken such great pains to build the culture of the family 79 00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:20,225 and keep the culture intact that we're all one family. 80 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,028 And so the fact she's, like, "This is kind of the new normal," 81 00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:25,530 I'm, like, "No, that's a problem." 82 00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:30,135 That starts to eat away at everything we've spent years building. 83 00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:33,038 I think everybody's been just trying to be safe. 84 00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:35,540 And your dad has been a little frustrated that he's had... 85 00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,976 - that he's stayed away so long. - [Gabriel] Safe from what? 86 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,611 We have, like, nobody at risk. 87 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:44,016 I'm okay to let these boys express the strong opinion that they have. 88 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,485 I think the virus is real. 89 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:48,620 I think it transmits. 90 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:52,658 I don't know... I have my opinions that vacillate every day 91 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:56,295 about the level of precaution we're taking in our family. 92 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,398 Dad feels like it's not smart to play roulette 93 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:02,301 [Kody] Gabriel's hanging out with a girlfriend. 94 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,636 That's not within the parameters of what we need 95 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,838 for me to be able to travel to each house. 96 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,708 We have no idea of what the genealogy of her exposure is. 97 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:13,545 You know, we're really talking about the potential 98 00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:16,448 of whether people are sick or not 99 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,684 or die or not. 100 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,887 I think at this moment, I'm kind of apathetic about it. 101 00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:26,024 At this point, but I am kind of angry that we don't get to go see our siblings. 102 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,360 That makes me really mad. 103 00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,596 Our kids are really suffering, they're not hanging out with their siblings. 104 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:32,731 It has been so hard. 105 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,535 I just don't feel like I have a say, really. 106 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,337 Some days I'm where you are, Garrison, 107 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,339 and some days I'm where you are, Gabe. 108 00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,241 Like, every day my emotions are so different on this. 109 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,277 It's dumb. It's stupid. 110 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:48,780 Now it's getting to the point where Kody and I even have some disagreements 111 00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:52,751 on how orthodox we should be in our virus-fighting efforts. 112 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:56,655 It's been the most emotionally trying month I've ever had of my life. 113 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,957 And I don't know why Dad is... 114 00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:01,126 Maybe it's a form of mid-life crisis. 115 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,028 See, I don't know. 116 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:05,630 - I think it's real... - Oh, I think it's real. 117 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,101 I just don't think that it's serious enough 118 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:12,337 for him to not see us for the next six months. 119 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,073 They're blaming me on making decisions about... 120 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,777 mitigating, lowering exposure. 121 00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:21,446 But they're not blaming themselves 122 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:24,349 for being accountable for how much they expose. 123 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:28,086 I feel like it's my duty not to just be accountable to my family 124 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,821 but to be accountable to society, 125 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:34,326 The two of them just feel like all they owe accountability to is themselves. 126 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,894 [Garrison] These things don't just go away. 127 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:40,065 It's gonna be a year for a vaccine or anything, so... 128 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,368 - I'm hopeful... - The whole family is gonna fall apart. 129 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,770 We're done. 130 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,505 - Forget about it. - We kind of are falling apart. 131 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:47,873 - [Jonelle] Come on, you guys. - We are. 132 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,308 - No, we're not. - Yeah, we are. 133 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,078 - No, we're fine. You guys... - I'm tired of this. 134 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,914 Look, I have realized that really 135 00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:59,484 what happens with our family is a matter of our perception. 136 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,286 We can be, like, "Uh, it's all done," 137 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,555 or we can be, like, "This is just a temporary blip 138 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:07,125 in the long history of our family." 139 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,227 [Janelle] I get the feeling that they have. 140 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:13,365 It feels like that. But I have to remember and I have to keep hope 141 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,834 that this is not gonna always be. 142 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:18,470 Yeah, it is what it is at this point. 143 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,439 That's all I got. 144 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,774 I don't have an opinion on it. I don't even care. 145 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,543 I don't even care. 146 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,045 My plans are all cut out for this year. 147 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:28,280 Everyone else's is. 148 00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,148 We're just gonna play it by ear. 149 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,250 The problem is, when you guys do you, 150 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,820 it prevents me from seeing my siblings. 151 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,856 That's due to us, like? 152 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:41,059 - If you don't social distance, go hang out with friends... - I have to. 153 00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:43,295 - I can't see my sisters. - I've got the National Guard. 154 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:46,832 - And you guys social distance. - I've got to work, make a living. 155 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,100 We're trying to be careful but we can only do so much. 156 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:52,137 Only so much can happen. 157 00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:56,975 Look, I don't want to find fault with Gabe and Garrison. 158 00:07:57,009 --> 00:08:01,313 And I don't agree with what Garrison and Gabe are doing if hanging out socially. 159 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:03,181 I don't agree with what Kody's doing either. 160 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,916 I don't agree. 161 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,819 I'm just gonna do what I can do in my world. 162 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,789 And right now, my world just consists of me and my girls at home. 163 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,892 I'm worried that it's gonna be easier and easier to be apart. 164 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:18,330 So we've got to fight, guys, to get this back together. 165 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:21,233 Once Dad starts coming around again, we need to fight 166 00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,834 to keep together. 167 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:27,105 The agreement is that Kody will be 168 00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:29,441 with each wife and her children 169 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,576 equal amounts of time. 170 00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:34,846 And when he's not at Janelle's house, 171 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:39,217 it feels wrong and it feels messed up and it feels stressful. 172 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,020 I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling, like, 173 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:44,523 he shouldn't be at my house this much. 174 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,825 This isn't fair, this isn't equitable. 175 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,160 But I'm not making the decision! 176 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,896 I'm not choosing this, they are. 177 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:54,132 Right, I know you got to get back to school. 178 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,137 In a plural family, it is a lot of work. 179 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:03,475 You have to make up your mind to be committed to this idea that you are a family. 180 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:05,443 And the longer that we're apart, 181 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,914 it's easier to not have to put that effort in. 182 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,082 And it's really easy to sometimes be, like, 183 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,784 "You know, that's just too hard." 184 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:15,921 So I'm very worried that it's gonna become easier and easier. 185 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,029 Here we are celebrating our non anniversary. 186 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,430 'Cause we're not a couple. 187 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,599 I'm not giving up. I'm not walking away. 188 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,936 If we really wanted to go out more, we would. 189 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,238 I'm trying to help Meri determine 190 00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:37,776 if she has a spark or if she's just lonely for anything. 191 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,988 Today's Truely's birthday. She's turning ten. 192 00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:53,258 And it's COVID so we're not all celebrating it together. 193 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,226 So we're gonna do a smaller birthday party for her 194 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,795 and hopefully everybody will call in. 195 00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:00,599 [whooping and cheering] 196 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:05,170 Truely is not happy about this whole COVID situation. 197 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:09,140 What she wants mostly is to hang out with everybody for her birthday. 198 00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:12,477 - [Christine] Birthday time! - I can see through it. 199 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:14,312 - Kody, you're hitting her! - This is what I've got to do. 200 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,148 That way she knows where it's at at all times. 201 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,284 - If you push her buttons... - I'm having fun. 202 00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:21,119 ...and she gets angry, game over. 203 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,989 [laughter] 204 00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,257 Seriously, no pushing her buttons. 205 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,927 - There it is. Beat that thing! - [Christine] Use two hands! 206 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,329 Use two hands! Whack it! 207 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,865 [Kody] Maybe she wants a bigger stick. 208 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,234 - Gosh, that's gonna take all day. - Let's get a baseball bat. 209 00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,669 Oh, gosh. Wow. 210 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,972 - What did you find? - This is called Corona improvisation. 211 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,674 [Christine] Improvisation? 212 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,743 Corona Improv, Coronacation... 213 00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,444 [both] Corona apocalypse. 214 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,279 Don't start swinging till we say. 215 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,748 I can't see. 216 00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,883 [Christine] Ysabel, you're taking a chance being that close. 217 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,285 [Kody] Ysabel, you're gonna get hit in the head. 218 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,488 [Truely] I will whack you. 219 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,923 - Oh, you can't... - [Truely yells] 220 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,158 That's cheating. 221 00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,227 Did you hit yourself? 222 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,362 [Christine] It's on the floor, Truely. 223 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,598 It's on the floor. It's on the floor. 224 00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,933 Go. Beat it. 225 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:12,003 It's not only the world's smallest pinata, it's also the world's strongest. 226 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,705 [Kody] It's coming apart. 227 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,174 [Kody] Here's the thing about a pinata. 228 00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,376 They don't have enough mass to break them 229 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,478 unless you fill them with candy. 230 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,480 This tells me somebody's gone cheap on the candy. 231 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,482 There's three kids! 232 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,384 - So? - How much candy do you want them to have? 233 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,386 How expensive is candy? You throw it away. 234 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,356 You can't really shove a lot into it. 235 00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,824 There's not a lot of space. 236 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,093 I visualized a proper pinata. 237 00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,862 It should have been packed just full. 238 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,098 Would you like to take over the pinata next time? 239 00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:42,233 - No. - Oh, gosh. Well, then... 240 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,936 I don't want to do anything. I just want to complain about it. 241 00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,605 That's great. That's a great birthday thing. 242 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,846 Hey, stay back here. 243 00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,918 Trying to celebrate one of your kid's birthdays 244 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,253 during COVID is very difficult. 245 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:05,123 We can't go anywhere, we can't do anything, we can't have a party. 246 00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,058 So I want it to be special still. 247 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,095 - Hi! - [excited shouting] 248 00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,597 I'm so glad Robyn and the kids came, seriously. 249 00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:17,368 It really means a lot to Truely to have at least some other family besides us here. 250 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,704 -Thank you. -You're welcome, sweetie. Stay back. 251 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,306 Stay back, sweetheart. 252 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:27,656 It's Gonzo! 253 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,748 The thing we've been trying to do with COVID, 254 00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:33,118 to prevent having it just rip through our family... 255 00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:37,388 When I go from one wife's house to another wife's house, 256 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,824 when I get there, I change my clothes. 257 00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:42,627 So if any virus is on me, I clean my hands. 258 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:46,698 I'll come home from Christine's house to Robyn's house 259 00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:48,366 and she'll run up, "Daddy, Daddy!" 260 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,802 I'm, like, "You can't touch me yet, I got to change my clothes." 261 00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:53,705 And so she's aware of this now 262 00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,707 and is asking me. 263 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,642 Thank you, guys, so much. 264 00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,978 Okay, air hug! Air hug! 265 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,313 Social distancing hug! 266 00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,016 This is awkward and it's weird. 267 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,351 Yeah, we're standing there and it's, like, 268 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,953 okay, well, there isn't much we can do. 269 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,856 I just wish that we could... 270 00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:16,227 like, decide how to handle COVID together. 271 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,063 So we could see each other. I just wish we could do that. 272 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:23,768 Do you know what? I'm actually glad we aren't living in one house right now. 273 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,805 Because there would still not be consensus on the risk 274 00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:31,442 that my boys are taking by working and having a girlfriend. 275 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:36,314 So on that side, I think it's almost easier that we're not living in one house. 276 00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:38,449 Hug your sister, Truely. 277 00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,386 All right, let's go. 278 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:45,323 I go through these times where I am pretty sure 279 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:49,327 that everybody is happy with the fact that we have COVID. 280 00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:53,198 And we have this excuse of not having to see each other 281 00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,200 and not having to interact with each other. 282 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,469 If COVID keeps going on like it is 283 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,673 and where we have to, like, stay distant from each other, 284 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,976 I can see it spiraling a lot worse 285 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,177 to be honest with you. 286 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,780 [children playing] 287 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,684 The family needs to have interaction 288 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:18,923 but it feels like some people might enjoy the break 289 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,492 from the family interaction. 290 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:29,601 Hunter's graduating and his graduation's on your birthday. 291 00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:31,903 Birthdays have become kind of a big deal. 292 00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:36,207 "Remember that time you missed my birthday because of Hunter's graduation?" 293 00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,878 You just never know if that will come back to haunt you. 294 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:44,148 Janelle and Kody even quarantined from each other for, like, five weeks. 295 00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,817 You know what? I picked this lifestyle. 296 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:48,286 I know this! I know I picked this lifestyle. 297 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,490 But I'm angry about what it's doing sometimes. 298 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,902 - [Kody] How do you make your bed right? - [Christine] You're fine. 299 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,270 [Kody] Oh, I see. 300 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:11,042 My bed's super-easy to make. I just throw it on. 301 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,677 I do not believe in tucking anything. 302 00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,113 I make my bed with hospital corners. 303 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,547 Kody always complains about it. 304 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,450 Okay, here's the secret. I don't make my bed very often. 305 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:22,320 It is the worst habit. I don't make my bed. 306 00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:26,124 Like, I just throw the big comforter up and it's not really made. 307 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:29,794 My bed is really easy to make, to be honest with you. 308 00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:32,997 I'm the only one who sleeps in it. 309 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,233 And I don't move a lot in the night. 310 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,702 Each wife might do it different. I'm just following their lead. 311 00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:41,272 I literally ask, "Does this go here or this go here?" 312 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,676 At every house if I'm making a bed with them. 313 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:48,379 - We have to figure out your birthday. Something's come up. - Birthday! 314 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,883 Hunter's graduating. The Air Force Academy's graduating early 315 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:55,420 because they need to get their cadets out, 316 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,155 commissioned and out of there. 317 00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,091 Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, 318 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,094 and because of locking down and stuff, 319 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,463 they just decided to graduate them early. 320 00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:08,599 What's happening is there's a conflict of scheduling for me. 321 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,868 Okay, his graduation's on your birthday. 322 00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:16,641 I want to go back to Janelle's and we're ready to get back together. 323 00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:19,077 Because of the conflict of schedule, 324 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:22,380 I'm sort of here cap in hand to see what I can get arranged 325 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,781 for the benefit of all. 326 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:27,485 So I've got to figure out what we're gonna do about your birthday. 327 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:31,122 Birthdays have become kind of a big deal with a big family. 328 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,524 You know, I'm spread kind of thin. 329 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:39,330 Birthdays are the time that I'm actually able to give my wives and kids 330 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,965 this total attention. 331 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,700 Let's do my birthday on another day. 332 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,235 That's super-easy. 333 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:48,006 Janelle and Kody even quarantined from each other for, like, five weeks. 334 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,775 That's way too long to be separated. 335 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:54,612 Let's do your birthday date after. 336 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:58,783 - Okay. The day after or something like that? - Yeah. 337 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,652 For me, I don't mind moving it to another day 338 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,688 when it's something like this that's super-important. 339 00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:06,824 In a plural marriage, this has happened before. 340 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,293 I'm glad it's a discussion. I'm glad we're talking about it. 341 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:10,595 There's nothing like... 342 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,798 You hate it when I decide what I'm doing with my schedule. 343 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,900 - No, no... - Yes, you do. 344 00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:18,736 When it's my birthday? I don't like it when it's my birthday. 345 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,406 I think one of our biggest frustrations with Kody 346 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,009 is he doesn't tell us when he's going to be at out house 347 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,678 until, like, 5:00 that night. 348 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,882 "Why can't you just say you're going to be here tomorrow?" 349 00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:33,384 Otherwise, I'm gonna make plans. I'm gonna do stuff. 350 00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:35,887 I'm not gonna stay home and wait. 351 00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:38,356 I don't want to ever tell you what to do with your schedule. 352 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,826 But I don't like just finding out about things all of a sudden. 353 00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,462 Here's the thing. As a plural wife, 354 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:48,800 you have to really sort of roll with the punches a little bit. 355 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,235 Cody has a lot of demands on him. 356 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:54,939 And he has to weigh out what's the most important thing. 357 00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,875 And sometimes that's hard for wives to understand. 358 00:17:57,909 --> 00:18:00,244 They're, like, "No, my thing is the most important thing." 359 00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:01,612 - All right. All right. - It's great. 360 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,481 Christine was really cool about it 361 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:06,317 but you just never know if, in the future, 362 00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:09,520 there'll be some kind of regret that a wife has 363 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,856 that comes back up. 364 00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:16,994 "Remember that time you missed my birthday because of Hunter's graduation?" 365 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:20,364 You just never know if that will come back to haunt you. 366 00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:32,110 I'm headed to Janelle's house, 367 00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:38,249 after over four weeks of literally quarantining away from her. 368 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,786 My car's a flipping mess too. I'm living out of it. 369 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,622 It'll be nice to have him back. Kind of strange, for sure. 370 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,457 It feels a little awkward. 371 00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:49,794 Even though we've been married a long time. I'm sure it's fine, but... 372 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:51,896 Of course it's fine. 373 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,366 Anyway, I'm having some serious emotional meltdown about it. 374 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,237 Today Hunter's graduating but it's also Christine's birthday. 375 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:03,774 But right now I'm feeling sort of an element of bitterness that's bothering me. 376 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,410 It's such a disruption in schedule, even more so 377 00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:10,481 than when he's gone just for a few days. 378 00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:13,684 But I'll tell you, it's been a hard month 379 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,621 You know what? I picked this lifestyle. 380 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:19,991 I know this! I know I picked this lifestyle. 381 00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:25,296 But I'm angry about what it's doing sometimes. 382 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:29,066 I guess I had thought we'd spend so much more time together as a whole family. 383 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,603 And there's a lot of voices in the family who would have us stay socially distanced. 384 00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:35,006 I think Christine and Robyn are more together 385 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,508 but I think I was kind of an outlier. 386 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:40,578 [Kody] Okay, here I am coming up on Janelle's house. 387 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,683 Here we go. 388 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,755 Okay. 389 00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:53,090 - Here we are at the door. - [horn beeps] 390 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,860 It's been a whole month I've been away from my family. 391 00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,297 Hi. 392 00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,132 I've missed you so much. 393 00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,201 [dog barking] 394 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,537 I've had so much anxiety coming here. 395 00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,274 It's nice to see you. 396 00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:15,079 It's nice to be home. 397 00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:17,315 - I was having a lot of anxiety too. - Really? 398 00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,584 Why was I having anxiety? 399 00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,652 I'm sitting here sort of freaking out, sorry. 400 00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,921 We've been apart so long, what are we? 401 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:28,659 And it's funny 'cause we see each other, we start to laugh at each other, kind of. 402 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:31,996 Because we know... At least, I felt... 403 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,432 almost immediately, we're right back in the groove. 404 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:36,133 - We're fine. - Gabe, hi, Son. 405 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:39,604 Nice to see you. I've missed you so much. 406 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,172 You know, I think at first it was, 407 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,674 "Okay, whatever. A couple of weeks. No big deal." 408 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:47,078 But then as it started to get closer to the end, 409 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,513 they were kind of going, "This is dumb. This is really dumb." 410 00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:53,217 Dad's gonna ruin the family." Whatever. Like, the whole... 411 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,586 Okay, don't roll your eyes but this is how they were feeling. 412 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,788 Like, I mean, they're alarmed. 413 00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,825 They're alarmed that somehow we're gonna wreck the family. 414 00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,127 You want to come and sit down with us? 415 00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:06,764 And I will say Gabe and Garrison are alarmed to the point 416 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,432 of getting angry a little bit with you. 417 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:11,269 Really they're looking at you, like, "What the heck, Dad?" 418 00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:15,139 Hi, Gabe, it's nice to see you. 419 00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:16,707 [Gabriel sighs] 420 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,176 You know, I say hi to Gabriel and he just averts his eyes. 421 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,779 He looks at Janelle with a big sigh and he's, like, 422 00:21:21,813 --> 00:21:25,650 basically showing an attitude of, "This is all just so stupid." 423 00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,119 You know, I got a little bit of anxiety coming here. 424 00:21:28,153 --> 00:21:30,288 I wasn't sure you'd be excited to see me, sweetheart. 425 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:34,592 - What do you mean? - I just got bad anxiety coming over. 426 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,161 I'm... I keep questioning... 427 00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:39,263 I'm making all these efforts. 428 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,065 I'm away from my family, 429 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,735 I'm sanitizing my hands perpetually, 430 00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:48,072 I'm changing my clothes when I go from one house to another, 431 00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:52,009 and I'm sitting here going, "Is this necessary? 432 00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:55,457 Or am I doing more damage than good? 433 00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:58,149 Is the cure worse than the disease?" 434 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,390 You want to be with me 435 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:09,660 but you're not courting me to that relationship. 436 00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:11,729 I didn't know I was supposed to court you. 437 00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:15,099 There has to be more magic in this than what we have. 438 00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:20,371 Do you know that every time you put your hand on my head 439 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,808 how I feel? 440 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,676 I just wish you knew. 441 00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:27,878 I can't. I can't make him love me. 442 00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:40,991 I'm getting together with Meri because it's her anniversary - 443 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,259 our anniversary. 444 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:45,863 All we can do is just get a takeout and go for a drive. 445 00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:47,932 I'm actually really excited 446 00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:50,634 to hang out with Kody a little bit today. 447 00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:53,070 You know, I don't know what we're gonna do. 448 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,172 We're just gonna kinda wing it. 449 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:59,176 But I'm just excited to spend some time with him, honestly. 450 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,412 That's for you. 451 00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:03,381 Oh, thanks. 452 00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:06,717 Ooh, anniversary present. 453 00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:09,320 Basically, what Kody wants from me ever 454 00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:11,789 is my Rice Krispie treats. 455 00:23:11,823 --> 00:23:14,525 - Guess how many's in there? - Eighteen? 456 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,160 You're such a dork. 457 00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:18,662 Why? How many are in there? 458 00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:23,234 - Oh, our years of marriage? - [laughter] 459 00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:25,069 Is this just typical of a guy? 460 00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:27,638 - So now do you know how many would be in there? - No. 461 00:23:27,672 --> 00:23:29,874 - How many years have we been married? - Are you serious? 462 00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:35,079 - Thirty-one years? - Thirty. 463 00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:38,382 To me, this is kind of like a milestone anniversary. 464 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:39,683 It's 30 years. 465 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:42,286 - There's 31 of them. - There's 30! 466 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,755 Why is he stuck on 31? 467 00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:47,725 Holy cow. 468 00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:49,827 They are amazing. 469 00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:54,532 My specialty probably is chicken noodle soup, like, with home-made noodles. 470 00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:56,967 I make bomb lasagne. 471 00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,702 And bomb cheesecake. 472 00:23:58,737 --> 00:24:01,372 I'm a passable cook. I'm not a... 473 00:24:01,406 --> 00:24:03,774 "Wow, that was phenomenal! Let's eat at home 474 00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,576 "and never go out" kind of cook. 475 00:24:10,048 --> 00:24:12,850 I like to eat at restaurants a lot, you know. 476 00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:15,653 I like to go to a restaurant and sit down with my wife 477 00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:17,822 and she doesn't have to worry about cooking. 478 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,060 [heavy thud] 479 00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:24,295 Anniversary date. 480 00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:28,032 That was not gas, that was... 481 00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:30,734 my seat placing itself appropriately. 482 00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:33,971 Meri and I haven't seen each other a lot during the COVID. 483 00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:40,478 And Meri and I haven't lived together since before we even left Las Vegas. 484 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:43,214 Here we are celebrating our non anniversary, 485 00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:45,082 'cause we're not a couple 486 00:24:45,116 --> 00:24:47,885 but we're in a family 487 00:24:47,919 --> 00:24:50,521 and so, like, what do... 488 00:24:50,555 --> 00:24:53,457 What are we and what are we celebrating? 489 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,560 It's just a funny situation, that's all. 490 00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:59,730 True. Is it funny or is it just odd? 491 00:24:59,764 --> 00:25:01,532 It's not funny ha-ha. 492 00:25:01,566 --> 00:25:05,336 Kody and I have always had kind of an up-and-down relationship. 493 00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:08,839 But we've always kind of come back together. 494 00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:13,010 And it's kind of weird over the last five, six, seven years 495 00:25:13,044 --> 00:25:15,880 we really haven't come back together. 496 00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:19,583 He knows that I want to really move forward with our relationship. 497 00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:22,486 And I know where he stands, which is, 498 00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:25,890 we're just gonna take this really, really, really, really slow. 499 00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:27,892 Today's our anniversary. 500 00:25:27,926 --> 00:25:31,295 You and I have not been out together 501 00:25:31,329 --> 00:25:34,732 since last year's anniversary, which is fine. 502 00:25:34,766 --> 00:25:36,500 I mean, it is what it is. 503 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:39,403 Yeah, that's an indicator that we're really not in a... 504 00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:42,473 in a place where it matters that much. 505 00:25:42,507 --> 00:25:44,708 Are you broken-hearted by that? 506 00:25:44,743 --> 00:25:46,477 Is it troubling you? 507 00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:50,748 I'm trying to help Meri determine 508 00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:55,419 if she has a spark or if she's just lonely for anything. 509 00:25:55,453 --> 00:25:58,722 Instead of trying to make believe that our world is different, 510 00:25:58,757 --> 00:26:00,791 I want us to be honest about where we're at. 511 00:26:00,825 --> 00:26:05,763 And if we really wanted to go out more, we would. 512 00:26:05,797 --> 00:26:09,567 If we really wanted to do more together, we would. 513 00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:13,837 Meri and I had problems like this long before Janelle came into the family. 514 00:26:13,872 --> 00:26:17,374 But the catfishing thing was what really woke us up 515 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:20,244 to the state of our situation. 516 00:26:20,278 --> 00:26:24,515 And we went a couple of years, a lot of counseling, figuring things out. 517 00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:27,518 And as we went through this process, 518 00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:29,687 I'm looking for a spark, 519 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:34,959 something to initiate some form of desire 520 00:26:34,993 --> 00:26:37,661 for a relationship with each other. 521 00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:40,798 And in this time, it is never manifest. 522 00:26:40,832 --> 00:26:45,235 I think we miss the idea of us, we don't miss each other. 523 00:26:46,638 --> 00:26:48,439 Speak for yourself. 524 00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:53,711 Listen, I don't want to tell her where we're at. 525 00:26:53,745 --> 00:26:57,815 This is a relationship between us, we have to agree what we'll do from here on 526 00:26:57,849 --> 00:27:00,150 and where we're at right now. 527 00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:02,720 I do have a strong draw to you 528 00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:06,590 but I do not act on that 529 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,859 because I know how you feel. 530 00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:13,631 He has said to me, "You just need to make it known." 531 00:27:13,665 --> 00:27:17,112 You need to flirt with me. You need to..." You know, whatever. 532 00:27:17,136 --> 00:27:20,371 And so I try those things and he backs off more. 533 00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:22,973 And so I back off more. "Oh, that didn't work." 534 00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:25,676 That was uncomfortable, you know." 535 00:27:25,710 --> 00:27:28,679 But at the same time, like, I want to keep putting myself out there 536 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,080 because this is what I want. 537 00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:32,850 I'm not giving up. I'm not walking away. 538 00:27:32,884 --> 00:27:35,252 I can't make you care for me. 539 00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:38,656 I can't... I can't change that. 540 00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:43,961 You want to be with me, but there's... 541 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:47,364 I'm gonna start with one thing I see that you're not doing. 542 00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:50,134 Now I'm... I'm just as guilty. 543 00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:52,603 But I'm not missing this relationship. 544 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:54,538 I know. I know you aren't. 545 00:27:54,572 --> 00:27:57,708 But you're not courting me to that relationship. 546 00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:59,543 I didn't know I was supposed to court you. 547 00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:03,047 I'm not suggesting that Meri chase me. 548 00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:06,283 In fact, that could be off-putting. 549 00:28:06,317 --> 00:28:09,787 But there has to be more magic in this than what we have. 550 00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:13,557 She's not making any effort. 551 00:28:13,591 --> 00:28:17,094 I'm not making any effort. Where do you think that puts us? 552 00:28:17,128 --> 00:28:19,663 I've been waiting for you, honestly. 553 00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:21,632 - And I'm not coming. - I know that. 554 00:28:22,834 --> 00:28:26,804 You have not made an effort in this 555 00:28:26,838 --> 00:28:28,972 and you're the one that wants it. 556 00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:32,042 She wants to be loved romantically. 557 00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:34,945 Then there has to be a spark for that. 558 00:28:34,979 --> 00:28:38,749 And then she'll get... From that, she will receive... 559 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:42,219 romance, love, 560 00:28:42,253 --> 00:28:45,456 and a full marriage and sexual relationship. 561 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:48,859 There's a lack of real interest. 562 00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:53,430 [sighs] Not on my part. 563 00:28:53,465 --> 00:28:55,933 I will ask him to come over. 564 00:28:55,967 --> 00:28:58,602 "Hey, come over. Let's go do something." 565 00:28:58,636 --> 00:29:00,971 Or, "Hey, let's go on a walk." 566 00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:03,440 Or, "Hey, let's go to dinner." 567 00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:06,610 He says no. When I ask, he says no. 568 00:29:06,644 --> 00:29:10,647 But if you're sitting here telling me that you have no interest 569 00:29:10,682 --> 00:29:12,483 and that's why we haven't gone out anywhere 570 00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:14,518 and that's why we haven't done anything, 571 00:29:14,552 --> 00:29:16,487 then you have no interest. 572 00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:18,222 I don't know what to do. 573 00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:20,557 I don't know what to do. 574 00:29:22,127 --> 00:29:24,394 You know? 575 00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:27,531 So my discussion with Meri right now isn't about me telling Meri 576 00:29:27,565 --> 00:29:30,701 that she has to have a divorce with me, that she has to leave. 577 00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:32,936 I'm not doing that. I will never do that. 578 00:29:32,971 --> 00:29:38,175 My faith doesn't allow me to. My conscience doesn't allow me to. 579 00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:41,211 And because I haven't done that, 580 00:29:41,246 --> 00:29:46,183 there is always a chance we might actually get back together into full fellowship. 581 00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:51,488 Do you know that every time you put your hand on my head, 582 00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:55,092 how I feel? 583 00:29:55,126 --> 00:29:57,594 I just wish you knew. 584 00:29:59,197 --> 00:30:02,432 I'm not a quitter. I know where I want to be. 585 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:05,202 It's not how I want it to be right now. 586 00:30:05,236 --> 00:30:06,737 As hard as it is, 587 00:30:06,771 --> 00:30:10,174 some of these things he's saying to me today are not easy to hear. 588 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:13,410 But I feel like I want to respect him enough 589 00:30:13,444 --> 00:30:16,280 to be able to just hear what he has to say. 590 00:30:16,314 --> 00:30:19,082 I mean, I know you loved me, Kody. 591 00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:21,084 I know you did. 592 00:30:21,119 --> 00:30:23,754 You wouldn't have treated me like... 593 00:30:23,788 --> 00:30:26,757 the way that you did had you not loved me. 594 00:30:26,791 --> 00:30:29,359 I... Okay. 595 00:30:29,394 --> 00:30:32,729 -It's so... -I disagree. 596 00:30:32,764 --> 00:30:34,198 But I don't treat people cruelly. 597 00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:35,999 I don't either. 598 00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:40,504 Ever. I would have... You know, so... 599 00:30:41,206 --> 00:30:43,340 I don't treat people cruelly. 600 00:30:43,374 --> 00:30:45,742 I'm sitting here with Meri going, 601 00:30:45,777 --> 00:30:48,045 "I'm finally out of the anger phase. 602 00:30:48,079 --> 00:30:50,647 I'm finally out of the bitterness." 603 00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:53,784 How are we gonna do this right? 604 00:30:53,818 --> 00:30:57,221 Meri's, like, "Well, you're gonna have to love me." 605 00:30:57,255 --> 00:31:01,592 And I'm, like, "Yeah, well, be lovable." 606 00:31:05,563 --> 00:31:09,433 It makes me wonder if people who've been unhappy for so many years 607 00:31:10,068 --> 00:31:12,402 couldn't just leave 608 00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:14,682 and go find something that made them happy? 609 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:18,175 Instead of sitting and badgering me about how I'm not doing it right anymore. 610 00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:22,679 Would every one of these women be better off married to another guy? 611 00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,815 That's the question I'm asking myself. 612 00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:26,817 This is not what I want. 613 00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:28,886 This isn't what I signed up for. 614 00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:39,930 So today is mine and Kody's anniversary. 615 00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:43,300 We're gonna just go find some secluded field 616 00:31:43,334 --> 00:31:46,803 or something and sit down and eat our food. 617 00:31:46,838 --> 00:31:48,505 Right there. 618 00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:51,408 Did you get the blanket for us to wrap around each other? 619 00:31:51,442 --> 00:31:54,211 - Because it's chilly. - Want me to go grab another jacket, Meri? 620 00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:55,512 Maybe. 621 00:31:55,546 --> 00:31:59,683 This is definitely not how I visualized my 30th anniversary. 622 00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:03,487 - Run! - We're in such a crappy place with each other. 623 00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:06,189 We're gonna go and we're just gonna, like, nitpick at each other 624 00:32:06,224 --> 00:32:07,925 and tell each other what we're doing wrong. 625 00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:10,360 No, this is not how I visualized this. 626 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:14,965 I mean, he may not love me anymore. 627 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,001 But chivalry is not dead. 628 00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:20,904 He's getting me a blanket or a jacket, at least. 629 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,509 Here's the thing. I think he's better than what he's being. 630 00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:28,278 He's not being a bad guy at all. 631 00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:31,982 But I also know we can come back together if we work on it 632 00:32:32,016 --> 00:32:33,417 but you have to want it. 633 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,253 - Okay, a light goes on. - Hey. 634 00:32:36,287 --> 00:32:39,256 - Did you just light us up? - Can I light you up somehow? 635 00:32:39,290 --> 00:32:41,725 Yes, there you go. I'm lit up. 636 00:32:41,759 --> 00:32:44,161 Yeah, she's making innuendos, you know? 637 00:32:44,195 --> 00:32:46,430 I've just spent hours trying to explain to her 638 00:32:46,464 --> 00:32:48,732 that we're not ready for romance yet. 639 00:32:48,766 --> 00:32:51,969 Do you get it when I flirt with you at all? 640 00:32:52,003 --> 00:32:54,705 - Yes, I do. - And does it mean anything to you? 641 00:32:55,773 --> 00:32:57,474 Is it a turn off? 642 00:32:57,508 --> 00:32:59,609 - Uh, it's... - Or is it exciting? 643 00:33:00,845 --> 00:33:03,380 Or are you, like, "It's gross"? 644 00:33:08,219 --> 00:33:10,554 - Okay. - I'm not saying it's gross. 645 00:33:11,689 --> 00:33:14,858 So if I were to lean over and just kiss you right now, 646 00:33:14,892 --> 00:33:16,526 would you push me away? 647 00:33:18,062 --> 00:33:20,497 - Um... no. - [Meri laughs] 648 00:33:21,866 --> 00:33:24,101 I don't know what to say. 649 00:33:24,135 --> 00:33:26,069 Meri and I are in a marriage 650 00:33:26,137 --> 00:33:29,506 but we don't want to be part of a hook-up culture. 651 00:33:29,540 --> 00:33:33,510 Okay? Romance and sex are saved in my world 652 00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:36,680 for people who are in love. 653 00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:39,549 Do you eat corn? 654 00:33:39,584 --> 00:33:41,918 Why not change the subject? 655 00:33:41,953 --> 00:33:44,788 I'm just playing around with Kody, I'm just trying to flirt with him. 656 00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:47,791 I don't know. To me, this is a rejection. 657 00:33:47,825 --> 00:33:50,594 He's really just not interested. 658 00:33:50,628 --> 00:33:52,529 Well, you were asking me a question, 659 00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:57,000 having to do with our conversation about that last trip. 660 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,736 A little while back, Meri and I were having a discussion 661 00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:02,339 about this experience that we had when the five of us 662 00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:04,641 went and saw the Darger family in Utah. 663 00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:07,310 On the way back from that trip, it was late at night, 664 00:34:07,345 --> 00:34:08,779 I was very tired. 665 00:34:08,813 --> 00:34:11,948 I was having a long, deep discussion with my wives 666 00:34:11,983 --> 00:34:16,386 about sort of some of the attitudes that we've manifest 667 00:34:16,421 --> 00:34:18,555 since living in Flagstaff. 668 00:34:18,589 --> 00:34:20,624 When we were traveling home, 669 00:34:20,658 --> 00:34:24,294 we were kind of talking about what we were thinking about for our future 670 00:34:24,328 --> 00:34:26,563 and then all of a sudden, he went really dark. 671 00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:29,766 It frightens me, it scares me, it really, like, frustrates me. 672 00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:33,203 [Kody] I've been trying to be patient with where I'm at. 673 00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:36,139 But, you know, when wives tell me 674 00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:38,942 that their life sort of sucked in plural marriage, 675 00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:40,977 what can I do? 676 00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:45,282 You know, I've been nagged for years about the struggles in plural marriage 677 00:34:45,316 --> 00:34:47,384 Especially with our discussion about moving into one house. 678 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,020 And in the process of that, 679 00:34:50,054 --> 00:34:53,457 I've sort of gotten blown away 680 00:34:54,125 --> 00:34:57,127 by the deep pain and emotion 681 00:34:57,161 --> 00:35:00,764 that can accompany plural marriage. 682 00:35:00,798 --> 00:35:03,767 I really believe my life is just half over. 683 00:35:03,801 --> 00:35:08,071 But I don't want my wives to sit here and live in an unhappy place. 684 00:35:09,974 --> 00:35:13,276 For that long. I mean, that sucks for all of us. 685 00:35:13,311 --> 00:35:16,613 'Cause I feel immense pressure all the time 686 00:35:16,647 --> 00:35:19,816 for satisfying emotional needs of a wife 687 00:35:19,851 --> 00:35:23,086 that I have sometimes no interest in satisfying. 688 00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:25,789 - I'm not giving you pressure. - I know. 689 00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:29,292 I got hopeless... 690 00:35:29,327 --> 00:35:33,830 about our family arrangement and organization. 691 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:36,600 And started to sort of see 692 00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:39,569 the lack of real desire to be together. 693 00:35:39,604 --> 00:35:44,975 And then complaining about it to cover our asses 694 00:35:45,009 --> 00:35:48,378 that we really don't want to be together. 695 00:35:48,412 --> 00:35:50,847 I have a wife who I think will never be happy 696 00:35:50,882 --> 00:35:53,016 and um... 697 00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:57,220 basically in all the years that I thought we were happy, she wasn't. 698 00:35:57,255 --> 00:36:01,858 I want to be vague about this because I'm specifically trying to get Meri to realize 699 00:36:01,893 --> 00:36:04,728 some things that might help her improve her life, 700 00:36:04,762 --> 00:36:07,697 while complaining about somebody that I do not want to name. 701 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:12,636 But, like, what do you want for your family? 702 00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:17,374 I want wives who get along with each other and who like each other. 703 00:36:17,408 --> 00:36:19,376 And who don't sit there 704 00:36:20,711 --> 00:36:23,747 and say snotty little [bleep] things to each other 705 00:36:23,781 --> 00:36:26,249 that break their hearts... that break the other's heart. 706 00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:29,152 You know, I'm just too old, I feel like, to sit here 707 00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:33,390 and make a bunch more mistakes for the next ten or 20 years 708 00:36:33,424 --> 00:36:38,395 in relationships that just won't fix. 709 00:36:38,429 --> 00:36:42,399 But I'm sure as hell not gonna do it for another 20 years. 710 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,402 Maybe it is just mid-life crisis, I don't know. 711 00:36:45,436 --> 00:36:49,773 I don't know, maybe God just needs to smite you on top of the head 712 00:36:49,807 --> 00:36:52,242 - to be like... - Make me love everybody? 713 00:36:52,276 --> 00:36:56,012 Make me love everybody? Make me love everybody who is not very lovable? 714 00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:59,015 - Make me cherish... - What do I do that's not lovable? 715 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,451 - I'm not talking about you, Meri. - I need you to talk about me. 716 00:37:01,485 --> 00:37:03,687 You and I have been distanced all these years. 717 00:37:03,721 --> 00:37:06,756 Now it's come to a point where I'm wondering about the whole big picture. 718 00:37:06,791 --> 00:37:12,028 You know, this is not why I started this family with him. 719 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,130 You know, it was me and him at the beginning. 720 00:37:14,165 --> 00:37:16,066 We knew we were gonna have a plural family. 721 00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:19,102 This is not why I started for him 30 years later 722 00:37:19,136 --> 00:37:22,305 to be, like, "Uh, just kidding. 723 00:37:22,340 --> 00:37:24,307 I really don't believe in it anymore." 724 00:37:24,342 --> 00:37:27,077 Okay, maybe this is stupid, but the whole one house thing 725 00:37:27,111 --> 00:37:30,180 was like this huge wake-up call for me 726 00:37:30,214 --> 00:37:33,850 about how much we don't want to be together. 727 00:37:33,884 --> 00:37:35,986 What I'm saying to her is, 728 00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:40,390 "Meri, you and I don't appear to want to be together 729 00:37:40,424 --> 00:37:45,862 and that's also where I'm seeing it in the big picture with the whole family." 730 00:37:45,896 --> 00:37:49,466 We appear not to want to be together. 731 00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:53,470 Like what we have done in the past 30 years or not, 732 00:37:53,504 --> 00:37:56,673 it's 30 years. 733 00:37:56,707 --> 00:37:59,109 This is not something I'm willing to walk away from. 734 00:38:00,711 --> 00:38:02,912 Meri, I'm not motivated by what we've had 735 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,915 to sit her and talk about saving it, though. 736 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,618 Don't get me wrong. Don't get defeated in this. 737 00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:11,721 I have this way of saying these words... 738 00:38:11,756 --> 00:38:14,291 Yeah, you do. You've done it your whole life. 739 00:38:14,325 --> 00:38:15,992 You've done it your whole life and I get that. 740 00:38:16,027 --> 00:38:17,927 And that's why I feel like I give you grace. 741 00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:24,801 I remember some bad times and I'm gonna focus on the good times. 742 00:38:24,835 --> 00:38:27,804 Because we have had some really good times. 743 00:38:27,838 --> 00:38:29,839 And if he's gonna sit here and deny that, 744 00:38:29,874 --> 00:38:31,941 you know, that's really sad to me. 745 00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:34,577 'Cause he's got a freaking pretty amazing family. 746 00:38:34,612 --> 00:38:37,280 Meri, I have a very difficult time 747 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:42,452 like, visualizing us as a family in the future. 748 00:38:43,654 --> 00:38:47,190 Dude, you've got four wives and 18 kids. 749 00:38:48,192 --> 00:38:49,959 What are you gonna do with us? 750 00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:52,495 Are you just gonna pick an choose who you're gonna keep? 751 00:38:52,530 --> 00:38:56,566 Going forward has me really asking the question, 752 00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,602 "Do we really benefit from this?" 753 00:38:59,637 --> 00:39:02,572 It makes me wonder if... 754 00:39:02,606 --> 00:39:06,343 if people wouldn't just... who've been unhappy for so many years 755 00:39:06,377 --> 00:39:08,278 couldn't just leave 756 00:39:08,312 --> 00:39:10,747 and go find something that made them happy? 757 00:39:10,781 --> 00:39:14,751 Instead of sitting and badgering me about how I'm not doing it right anymore. 758 00:39:14,785 --> 00:39:18,555 Would every one of these women be better off married to another guy? 759 00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,492 That's the question I'm asking myself. 760 00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:26,396 This is not what I want. This isn't what I signed up for. 761 00:39:28,232 --> 00:39:30,567 I don't want to have a big break-up. 762 00:39:30,601 --> 00:39:32,602 What I'd like instead is a big commitment 763 00:39:32,636 --> 00:39:33,970 that everybody'll actually do their part 764 00:39:34,705 --> 00:39:37,073 and not have it just be me. 765 00:39:37,108 --> 00:39:40,610 Or not have it be blamed on me all the time. 766 00:39:40,644 --> 00:39:42,846 Like, "You didn't do this and this and you don't love me." 767 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,115 All this type of stuff. Well, sometimes I don't. 768 00:39:45,149 --> 00:39:48,218 Love really isn't unconditional. 769 00:39:49,253 --> 00:39:51,955 Maybe some people have that, I don't know. 770 00:39:51,989 --> 00:39:56,025 But I'm going through this experience and I'm going, "I want people to be happy." 771 00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,594 And if they're not happy here, 772 00:39:57,628 --> 00:40:03,166 could they just stop making me unhappy with them being unhappy here? 773 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:08,538 Hey, I need you to rise up and do something about this. 774 00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:12,108 'Cause me doing it alone hasn't worked. 775 00:40:12,143 --> 00:40:13,743 I really would just like to say, "Hey, ladies", 776 00:40:15,446 --> 00:40:16,880 we're just gonna be better. 777 00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:20,583 "We're gonna do better or we're not gonna do it anymore." 778 00:40:20,618 --> 00:40:24,120 She needs to rise up, she needs to change. 779 00:40:24,155 --> 00:40:26,723 And the problem is, there's a tendency for Meri 780 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:29,192 she starts to go and bully everybody into, 781 00:40:29,226 --> 00:40:31,528 "Hey, you ladies have got to straighten up, 782 00:40:31,562 --> 00:40:34,264 you've got to help me save this marriage." 783 00:40:34,298 --> 00:40:35,665 Without just going, 784 00:40:35,733 --> 00:40:39,002 "Oh, I've got to be accountable for certain things myself." 785 00:40:39,036 --> 00:40:41,471 Nobody here's stuck with me. 786 00:40:41,505 --> 00:40:44,340 Nobody is stuck with me and they can all leave... 787 00:40:44,408 --> 00:40:49,245 Don't say that because that makes people feel like you don't want them. 788 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,981 I want to stay and he still keeps saying it. 789 00:40:52,016 --> 00:40:55,351 And I'm just, like, "Dude, do you not see? 790 00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:59,088 And do you not care if you do see?" 791 00:40:59,123 --> 00:41:02,358 Are we committed? Are we going to be a family? 792 00:41:02,393 --> 00:41:04,727 Are we going to work at it? 793 00:41:04,762 --> 00:41:06,729 Because we are in such a different place right now. 794 00:41:07,164 --> 00:41:08,264 Yeah. 795 00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:11,267 We're better than that. 796 00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:13,670 Like, we don't have to be those people. 797 00:41:13,704 --> 00:41:15,805 We don't have to be that family 798 00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:20,210 that disintegrates because we don't work through issues. 799 00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:23,213 I would be so tempted to kiss you right now. 800 00:41:23,247 --> 00:41:25,715 I'm not even kidding. Just to see how you'd react. 801 00:41:25,749 --> 00:41:27,750 Oh, my ranting actually gets you excited? 802 00:41:27,785 --> 00:41:30,286 No, just sometimes I just feel like kissing you. 803 00:41:33,591 --> 00:41:35,792 [sighs] Happy anniversary, Meri. 804 00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:40,930 Happy anniversary, Meri. 805 00:41:40,965 --> 00:41:42,632 Happy anniversary, Kody. 806 00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:56,446 [Robyn] So far we haven't really handled COVID as a team. 807 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,782 It's hard to get together and feel like I still matter, 808 00:41:59,817 --> 00:42:01,718 I'm still important. 809 00:42:01,752 --> 00:42:04,521 If we don't start taking care of our community now, 810 00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:06,022 it's not gonna exist. 811 00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:10,493 We've had a rough relationship for a couple of years. 812 00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,962 [Kody] Plural marriage is a challenge that she doesn't enjoy. 813 00:42:12,997 --> 00:42:16,032 I'll be frank, plural marriage is not a challenge that I enjoy. 814 00:42:18,235 --> 00:42:22,572 I have days when I'm baby hungry and I really want another baby. 815 00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:25,742 If you're trying to commit me, like, right now, 816 00:42:25,776 --> 00:42:27,911 then I'd have to really focus. 817 00:42:27,945 --> 00:42:30,213 What she's doing is, 818 00:42:30,247 --> 00:42:32,649 "You've got to decide if you want to have more kids."