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Previously on Sister Wives:
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It's so weird. It's so quiet without the
whole family here, you guys, don't you think?
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[Kody] It's actually
kinda peaceful.
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It's not all that peaceful.
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A couple of weeks ago, Janelle
told me not to come to her house
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because of some concerns
she had about COVID-19.
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It's Christine's house
and Robyn's house.
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Christine's house,
then Robyn's house.
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If somebody got sick
in the family...
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If someone else got sick in
the family like Christine or me,
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you would stop seeing one of us.
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If I was to get sick,
nothing would happen.
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I would just be at home
alone sick.
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Nobody comes over here, anyway.
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We don't see each other.
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- We're keeping our distance.
- [Kody] Social distancing.
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It's the most insane thing
I've ever dealt with, I feel like.
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There's just been nothing
going on between me and Meri.
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But we quit dating.
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And that's probably just
because I quit calling her
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to say, "Let's go do something."
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[Gabriel] I'm cool with social
distancing if we can see Dad.
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But if we're not gonna
see Dad anyway...
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why would I social distance?
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I just feel all this pressure
on the family relationships.
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This very separate feeling's
starting to happen.
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[Robyn] Our decisions are
going to affect each other.
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That may have some long-term effects
on the relationship. I just don't know.
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So, Gabe, how do you, like,
put the stuff together
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for college, man?
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I will be entirely online
except for my labs.
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[Garrison] Oh, wow.
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So because of the COVID-19,
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I've been the only member of the family
who's been going from house to house.
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So each family has been
isolated from the rest of the family.
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I've been away from
Janelle's house,
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because Garrison and Gabriel
have more extensive exposure.
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I know that you were planning
on being here tonight.
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But I've really been thinking.
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I'm concerned that this household
at least is a bit of a risk point.
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We shouldn't have you come
for a little bit, maybe.
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I really just felt that that
was the right thing to do.
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So we're almost to the end
of that, it looks like.
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Garrison had a chance to get
his mask from his employer
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and Gabriel, the university was
trying to figure out how to be online.
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I'm kind of glad
it's coming to an end.
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Okay, so I just was
talking to your dad.
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Hunter graduates soon.
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And I know Dad's thinking about
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trying to make sure
he's back for that.
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Hunter's graduating from
the Air Force Academy.
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They are gonna livestream it
and we can hook up our computers
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to the TV and watch it
on the screen.
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I think we've been being
really careful, right?
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I think that's kinda up to him.
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I think... We're gonna
accept him,
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but it's up to him
if he wants to come.
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[Garrison] Pretty much.
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I actually think my boys think
their dad is being too careful.
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So they're kind of skeptical
that them just wearing masks
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is gonna really be enough
for their dad.
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It makes no difference. I mean,
he's got to go get groceries.
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- He's got to...
- I don't understand why he's doing all this.
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It's, like, we're exposed
regardless. But it's...
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I think he views, you know,
your guys's exposure
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as more risky than going
to the grocery store.
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The real concern is whether
or not they're...
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they've got extra-curricular
association.
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I'm not worried about me
getting the virus.
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I'm worried about me
spreading the virus.
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I thought I was gonna be mad
if it went longer.
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But I've kind of almost gotten
used to it.
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Like, it's almost
the new normal now.
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So it doesn't really bother me
as much.
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That kind of bothers me
a little bit.
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This should not be even
thought about
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as anything close to normal.
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We have taken such great pains
to build the culture of the family
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and keep the culture intact
that we're all one family.
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And so the fact she's, like,
"This is kind of the new normal,"
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I'm, like,
"No, that's a problem."
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That starts to eat away at
everything we've spent years building.
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I think everybody's been
just trying to be safe.
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And your dad has been a little
frustrated that he's had...
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- that he's stayed away so long.
- [Gabriel] Safe from what?
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We have, like, nobody at risk.
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I'm okay to let these boys express
the strong opinion that they have.
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I think the virus is real.
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I think it transmits.
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I don't know... I have my
opinions that vacillate every day
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about the level of precaution
we're taking in our family.
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Dad feels like it's not smart
to play roulette
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[Kody] Gabriel's hanging out
with a girlfriend.
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That's not within the
parameters of what we need
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for me to be able to travel
to each house.
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We have no idea of what the
genealogy of her exposure is.
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You know, we're really talking
about the potential
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of whether people
are sick or not
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or die or not.
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I think at this moment, I'm
kind of apathetic about it.
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At this point, but I am kind of angry
that we don't get to go see our siblings.
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That makes me really mad.
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Our kids are really suffering, they're
not hanging out with their siblings.
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It has been so hard.
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I just don't feel like I have
a say, really.
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Some days I'm where you are,
Garrison,
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and some days I'm where
you are, Gabe.
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Like, every day my emotions
are so different on this.
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It's dumb. It's stupid.
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Now it's getting to the point where
Kody and I even have some disagreements
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on how orthodox we should be
in our virus-fighting efforts.
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It's been the most emotionally
trying month I've ever had of my life.
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And I don't know why Dad is...
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Maybe it's a form
of mid-life crisis.
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See, I don't know.
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- I think it's real...
- Oh, I think it's real.
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I just don't think that it's
serious enough
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for him to not see us
for the next six months.
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They're blaming me on making
decisions about...
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mitigating, lowering exposure.
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But they're not blaming
themselves
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for being accountable for
how much they expose.
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I feel like it's my duty not to
just be accountable to my family
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but to be accountable
to society,
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The two of them just feel like all they
owe accountability to is themselves.
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[Garrison] These things
don't just go away.
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It's gonna be a year for
a vaccine or anything, so...
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- I'm hopeful...
- The whole family is gonna fall apart.
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We're done.
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- Forget about it.
- We kind of are falling apart.
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- [Jonelle] Come on, you guys.
- We are.
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- No, we're not.
- Yeah, we are.
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- No, we're fine. You guys...
- I'm tired of this.
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Look, I have realized
that really
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what happens with our family
is a matter of our perception.
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We can be, like,
"Uh, it's all done,"
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or we can be, like,
"This is just a temporary blip
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in the long history
of our family."
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[Janelle] I get the feeling
that they have.
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It feels like that. But I have to
remember and I have to keep hope
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that this is not gonna
always be.
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Yeah, it is what it is
at this point.
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That's all I got.
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I don't have an opinion on it.
I don't even care.
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I don't even care.
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My plans are all cut out
for this year.
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Everyone else's is.
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We're just gonna play it by ear.
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The problem is,
when you guys do you,
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it prevents me from seeing
my siblings.
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That's due to us, like?
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- If you don't social distance, go hang out with friends...
- I have to.
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- I can't see my sisters.
- I've got the National Guard.
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- And you guys social distance.
- I've got to work, make a living.
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We're trying to be careful but
we can only do so much.
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Only so much can happen.
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Look, I don't want to find
fault with Gabe and Garrison.
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And I don't agree with what Garrison
and Gabe are doing if hanging out socially.
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I don't agree with what Kody's
doing either.
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I don't agree.
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I'm just gonna do what
I can do in my world.
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And right now, my world just
consists of me and my girls at home.
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I'm worried that it's gonna be
easier and easier to be apart.
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So we've got to fight, guys,
to get this back together.
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Once Dad starts coming around
again, we need to fight
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to keep together.
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The agreement is
that Kody will be
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with each wife and her children
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equal amounts of time.
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And when he's not
at Janelle's house,
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it feels wrong and it feels
messed up and it feels stressful.
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I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling,
like,
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he shouldn't be at my house
this much.
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This isn't fair,
this isn't equitable.
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But I'm not making the decision!
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I'm not choosing this, they are.
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Right, I know you got to get
back to school.
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In a plural family,
it is a lot of work.
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You have to make up your mind to be
committed to this idea that you are a family.
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And the longer that we're apart,
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it's easier to not have
to put that effort in.
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And it's really easy to
sometimes be, like,
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"You know,
that's just too hard."
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So I'm very worried that it's
gonna become easier and easier.
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Here we are celebrating
our non anniversary.
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'Cause we're not a couple.
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I'm not giving up.
I'm not walking away.
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If we really wanted
to go out more, we would.
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I'm trying to help
Meri determine
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00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:37,776
if she has a spark or if she's
just lonely for anything.
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Today's Truely's birthday.
She's turning ten.
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00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:53,258
And it's COVID so we're not
all celebrating it together.
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So we're gonna do a smaller
birthday party for her
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and hopefully everybody
will call in.
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[whooping and cheering]
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00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:05,170
Truely is not happy about this
whole COVID situation.
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00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:09,140
What she wants mostly is to hang
out with everybody for her birthday.
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00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:12,477
- [Christine] Birthday time!
- I can see through it.
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00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:14,312
- Kody, you're hitting her!
- This is what I've got to do.
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That way she knows
where it's at at all times.
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- If you push her buttons...
- I'm having fun.
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...and she gets angry,
game over.
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00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,989
[laughter]
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00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,257
Seriously,
no pushing her buttons.
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00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,927
- There it is. Beat that thing!
- [Christine] Use two hands!
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00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,329
Use two hands! Whack it!
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00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,865
[Kody] Maybe she wants
a bigger stick.
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00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,234
- Gosh, that's gonna take all day.
- Let's get a baseball bat.
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00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,669
Oh, gosh. Wow.
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00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,972
- What did you find?
- This is called Corona improvisation.
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00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,674
[Christine] Improvisation?
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00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,743
Corona Improv, Coronacation...
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00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,444
[both] Corona apocalypse.
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Don't start swinging
till we say.
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00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,748
I can't see.
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00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,883
[Christine] Ysabel, you're
taking a chance being that close.
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00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,285
[Kody] Ysabel, you're gonna
get hit in the head.
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00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,488
[Truely] I will whack you.
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00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,923
- Oh, you can't...
- [Truely yells]
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That's cheating.
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00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,227
Did you hit yourself?
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00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,362
[Christine] It's on the floor,
Truely.
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00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,598
It's on the floor.
It's on the floor.
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00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,933
Go. Beat it.
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00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:12,003
It's not only the world's smallest
pinata, it's also the world's strongest.
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00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,705
[Kody] It's coming apart.
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00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,174
[Kody] Here's the thing
about a pinata.
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00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,376
They don't have enough mass
to break them
229
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,478
unless you fill them with candy.
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00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,480
This tells me somebody's
gone cheap on the candy.
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00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,482
There's three kids!
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00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,384
- So?
- How much candy do you want them to have?
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00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,386
How expensive is candy?
You throw it away.
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00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,356
You can't really
shove a lot into it.
235
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,824
There's not a lot of space.
236
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,093
I visualized a proper pinata.
237
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,862
It should have been packed
just full.
238
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,098
Would you like to take over
the pinata next time?
239
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:42,233
- No.
- Oh, gosh. Well, then...
240
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,936
I don't want to do anything. I
just want to complain about it.
241
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,605
That's great.
That's a great birthday thing.
242
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,846
Hey, stay back here.
243
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,918
Trying to celebrate
one of your kid's birthdays
244
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,253
during COVID is very difficult.
245
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:05,123
We can't go anywhere, we can't
do anything, we can't have a party.
246
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,058
So I want it to be
special still.
247
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,095
- Hi!
- [excited shouting]
248
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,597
I'm so glad Robyn
and the kids came, seriously.
249
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:17,368
It really means a lot to Truely to have at
least some other family besides us here.
250
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,704
-Thank you.
-You're welcome, sweetie. Stay back.
251
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,306
Stay back, sweetheart.
252
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:27,656
It's Gonzo!
253
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,748
The thing we've been trying
to do with COVID,
254
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:33,118
to prevent having it just rip
through our family...
255
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:37,388
When I go from one wife's
house to another wife's house,
256
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,824
when I get there,
I change my clothes.
257
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:42,627
So if any virus is on me,
I clean my hands.
258
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:46,698
I'll come home from Christine's
house to Robyn's house
259
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:48,366
and she'll run up,
"Daddy, Daddy!"
260
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,802
I'm, like, "You can't touch me
yet, I got to change my clothes."
261
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:53,705
And so she's aware of this now
262
00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,707
and is asking me.
263
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,642
Thank you, guys, so much.
264
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,978
Okay, air hug! Air hug!
265
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,313
Social distancing hug!
266
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,016
This is awkward and it's weird.
267
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,351
Yeah, we're standing there
and it's, like,
268
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,953
okay, well, there isn't much
we can do.
269
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,856
I just wish that we could...
270
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:16,227
like, decide how to handle
COVID together.
271
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,063
So we could see each other.
I just wish we could do that.
272
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:23,768
Do you know what? I'm actually glad
we aren't living in one house right now.
273
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,805
Because there would still not
be consensus on the risk
274
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:31,442
that my boys are taking by
working and having a girlfriend.
275
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:36,314
So on that side, I think it's almost
easier that we're not living in one house.
276
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:38,449
Hug your sister, Truely.
277
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,386
All right, let's go.
278
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:45,323
I go through these times
where I am pretty sure
279
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:49,327
that everybody is happy with
the fact that we have COVID.
280
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:53,198
And we have this excuse of not
having to see each other
281
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,200
and not having to interact
with each other.
282
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,469
If COVID keeps going on
like it is
283
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,673
and where we have to, like,
stay distant from each other,
284
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,976
I can see it spiraling
a lot worse
285
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,177
to be honest with you.
286
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,780
[children playing]
287
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,684
The family needs to have
interaction
288
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:18,923
but it feels like some people
might enjoy the break
289
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,492
from the family interaction.
290
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:29,601
Hunter's graduating and his
graduation's on your birthday.
291
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:31,903
Birthdays have become
kind of a big deal.
292
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:36,207
"Remember that time you missed my
birthday because of Hunter's graduation?"
293
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,878
You just never know if that
will come back to haunt you.
294
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:44,148
Janelle and Kody even quarantined
from each other for, like, five weeks.
295
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,817
You know what?
I picked this lifestyle.
296
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:48,286
I know this! I know
I picked this lifestyle.
297
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,490
But I'm angry about
what it's doing sometimes.
298
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,902
- [Kody] How do you make your bed right?
- [Christine] You're fine.
299
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,270
[Kody] Oh, I see.
300
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:11,042
My bed's super-easy to make.
I just throw it on.
301
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,677
I do not believe
in tucking anything.
302
00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,113
I make my bed
with hospital corners.
303
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,547
Kody always complains about it.
304
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,450
Okay, here's the secret. I
don't make my bed very often.
305
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:22,320
It is the worst habit.
I don't make my bed.
306
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:26,124
Like, I just throw the big comforter
up and it's not really made.
307
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:29,794
My bed is really easy to make,
to be honest with you.
308
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:32,997
I'm the only one
who sleeps in it.
309
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,233
And I don't move a lot
in the night.
310
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,702
Each wife might do it different.
I'm just following their lead.
311
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:41,272
I literally ask, "Does this go
here or this go here?"
312
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,676
At every house if I'm making
a bed with them.
313
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:48,379
- We have to figure out your birthday. Something's come up.
- Birthday!
314
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,883
Hunter's graduating. The Air
Force Academy's graduating early
315
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:55,420
because they need to get
their cadets out,
316
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,155
commissioned and out of there.
317
00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,091
Because of the COVID-19
pandemic,
318
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,094
and because of locking down
and stuff,
319
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,463
they just decided to graduate
them early.
320
00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:08,599
What's happening is there's a
conflict of scheduling for me.
321
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,868
Okay, his graduation's
on your birthday.
322
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:16,641
I want to go back to Janelle's and
we're ready to get back together.
323
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:19,077
Because of the conflict
of schedule,
324
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:22,380
I'm sort of here cap in hand
to see what I can get arranged
325
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,781
for the benefit of all.
326
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:27,485
So I've got to figure out what
we're gonna do about your birthday.
327
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:31,122
Birthdays have become kind of
a big deal with a big family.
328
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,524
You know,
I'm spread kind of thin.
329
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:39,330
Birthdays are the time that I'm
actually able to give my wives and kids
330
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,965
this total attention.
331
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,700
Let's do my birthday
on another day.
332
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,235
That's super-easy.
333
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:48,006
Janelle and Kody even quarantined
from each other for, like, five weeks.
334
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,775
That's way too long
to be separated.
335
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:54,612
Let's do your birthday
date after.
336
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:58,783
- Okay. The day after or something like that?
- Yeah.
337
00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,652
For me, I don't mind moving it
to another day
338
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,688
when it's something like this
that's super-important.
339
00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:06,824
In a plural marriage,
this has happened before.
340
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,293
I'm glad it's a discussion.
I'm glad we're talking about it.
341
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:10,595
There's nothing like...
342
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,798
You hate it when I decide what
I'm doing with my schedule.
343
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,900
- No, no...
- Yes, you do.
344
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:18,736
When it's my birthday? I don't
like it when it's my birthday.
345
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,406
I think one of our biggest
frustrations with Kody
346
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,009
is he doesn't tell us when
he's going to be at out house
347
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,678
until, like, 5:00 that night.
348
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,882
"Why can't you just say you're
going to be here tomorrow?"
349
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:33,384
Otherwise, I'm gonna make
plans. I'm gonna do stuff.
350
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:35,887
I'm not gonna stay home
and wait.
351
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:38,356
I don't want to ever tell you
what to do with your schedule.
352
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,826
But I don't like just finding
out about things all of a sudden.
353
00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,462
Here's the thing.
As a plural wife,
354
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:48,800
you have to really sort of
roll with the punches a little bit.
355
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,235
Cody has a lot of demands
on him.
356
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:54,939
And he has to weigh out what's
the most important thing.
357
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,875
And sometimes that's hard for
wives to understand.
358
00:17:57,909 --> 00:18:00,244
They're, like, "No, my thing
is the most important thing."
359
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:01,612
- All right. All right.
- It's great.
360
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,481
Christine was really cool
about it
361
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:06,317
but you just never know if,
in the future,
362
00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:09,520
there'll be some kind of
regret that a wife has
363
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,856
that comes back up.
364
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:16,994
"Remember that time you missed my
birthday because of Hunter's graduation?"
365
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:20,364
You just never know if that
will come back to haunt you.
366
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:32,110
I'm headed to Janelle's house,
367
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:38,249
after over four weeks of literally
quarantining away from her.
368
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,786
My car's a flipping mess too.
I'm living out of it.
369
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,622
It'll be nice to have him
back. Kind of strange, for sure.
370
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,457
It feels a little awkward.
371
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:49,794
Even though we've been married
a long time. I'm sure it's fine, but...
372
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:51,896
Of course it's fine.
373
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,366
Anyway, I'm having some serious
emotional meltdown about it.
374
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,237
Today Hunter's graduating
but it's also Christine's birthday.
375
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:03,774
But right now I'm feeling sort of an
element of bitterness that's bothering me.
376
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,410
It's such a disruption
in schedule, even more so
377
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:10,481
than when he's gone
just for a few days.
378
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:13,684
But I'll tell you,
it's been a hard month
379
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,621
You know what?
I picked this lifestyle.
380
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:19,991
I know this! I know
I picked this lifestyle.
381
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:25,296
But I'm angry about
what it's doing sometimes.
382
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:29,066
I guess I had thought we'd spend so
much more time together as a whole family.
383
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,603
And there's a lot of voices in the family
who would have us stay socially distanced.
384
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:35,006
I think Christine and Robyn
are more together
385
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,508
but I think I was kind of
an outlier.
386
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:40,578
[Kody] Okay, here I am coming
up on Janelle's house.
387
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,683
Here we go.
388
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,755
Okay.
389
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:53,090
- Here we are at the door.
- [horn beeps]
390
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,860
It's been a whole month I've
been away from my family.
391
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,297
Hi.
392
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,132
I've missed you so much.
393
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,201
[dog barking]
394
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,537
I've had so much anxiety
coming here.
395
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,274
It's nice to see you.
396
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:15,079
It's nice to be home.
397
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:17,315
- I was having a lot of anxiety too.
- Really?
398
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,584
Why was I having anxiety?
399
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,652
I'm sitting here sort of
freaking out, sorry.
400
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,921
We've been apart so long,
what are we?
401
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:28,659
And it's funny 'cause we see each other,
we start to laugh at each other, kind of.
402
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:31,996
Because we know...
At least, I felt...
403
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,432
almost immediately, we're
right back in the groove.
404
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:36,133
- We're fine.
- Gabe, hi, Son.
405
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:39,604
Nice to see you.
I've missed you so much.
406
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,172
You know,
I think at first it was,
407
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,674
"Okay, whatever. A couple
of weeks. No big deal."
408
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:47,078
But then as it started to get
closer to the end,
409
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,513
they were kind of going, "This
is dumb. This is really dumb."
410
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:53,217
Dad's gonna ruin the family."
Whatever. Like, the whole...
411
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,586
Okay, don't roll your eyes but
this is how they were feeling.
412
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,788
Like, I mean, they're alarmed.
413
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,825
They're alarmed that somehow
we're gonna wreck the family.
414
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,127
You want to come and sit down
with us?
415
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:06,764
And I will say Gabe and
Garrison are alarmed to the point
416
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,432
of getting angry a little bit
with you.
417
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:11,269
Really they're looking at you,
like, "What the heck, Dad?"
418
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:15,139
Hi, Gabe, it's nice to see you.
419
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:16,707
[Gabriel sighs]
420
00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,176
You know, I say hi to Gabriel
and he just averts his eyes.
421
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,779
He looks at Janelle with
a big sigh and he's, like,
422
00:21:21,813 --> 00:21:25,650
basically showing an attitude
of, "This is all just so stupid."
423
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,119
You know, I got a little bit
of anxiety coming here.
424
00:21:28,153 --> 00:21:30,288
I wasn't sure you'd be excited
to see me, sweetheart.
425
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:34,592
- What do you mean?
- I just got bad anxiety coming over.
426
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,161
I'm... I keep questioning...
427
00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:39,263
I'm making all these efforts.
428
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,065
I'm away from my family,
429
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,735
I'm sanitizing my hands
perpetually,
430
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:48,072
I'm changing my clothes when I
go from one house to another,
431
00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:52,009
and I'm sitting here going,
"Is this necessary?
432
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:55,457
Or am I doing more damage
than good?
433
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:58,149
Is the cure worse
than the disease?"
434
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,390
You want to be with me
435
00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:09,660
but you're not courting me
to that relationship.
436
00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:11,729
I didn't know I was supposed
to court you.
437
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:15,099
There has to be more magic in
this than what we have.
438
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:20,371
Do you know that every time
you put your hand on my head
439
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,808
how I feel?
440
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,676
I just wish you knew.
441
00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:27,878
I can't.
I can't make him love me.
442
00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:40,991
I'm getting together with Meri
because it's her anniversary -
443
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,259
our anniversary.
444
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:45,863
All we can do is just get
a takeout and go for a drive.
445
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:47,932
I'm actually really excited
446
00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:50,634
to hang out with Kody
a little bit today.
447
00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:53,070
You know, I don't know
what we're gonna do.
448
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,172
We're just gonna kinda wing it.
449
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:59,176
But I'm just excited to spend
some time with him, honestly.
450
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,412
That's for you.
451
00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:03,381
Oh, thanks.
452
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:06,717
Ooh, anniversary present.
453
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:09,320
Basically, what Kody
wants from me ever
454
00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:11,789
is my Rice Krispie treats.
455
00:23:11,823 --> 00:23:14,525
- Guess how many's in there?
- Eighteen?
456
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,160
You're such a dork.
457
00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:18,662
Why? How many are in there?
458
00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:23,234
- Oh, our years of marriage?
- [laughter]
459
00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:25,069
Is this just typical of a guy?
460
00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:27,638
- So now do you know how many would be in there?
- No.
461
00:23:27,672 --> 00:23:29,874
- How many years have we been married?
- Are you serious?
462
00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:35,079
- Thirty-one years?
- Thirty.
463
00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:38,382
To me, this is kind of like
a milestone anniversary.
464
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:39,683
It's 30 years.
465
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:42,286
- There's 31 of them.
- There's 30!
466
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,755
Why is he stuck on 31?
467
00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:47,725
Holy cow.
468
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:49,827
They are amazing.
469
00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:54,532
My specialty probably is chicken noodle
soup, like, with home-made noodles.
470
00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:56,967
I make bomb lasagne.
471
00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,702
And bomb cheesecake.
472
00:23:58,737 --> 00:24:01,372
I'm a passable cook.
I'm not a...
473
00:24:01,406 --> 00:24:03,774
"Wow, that was phenomenal!
Let's eat at home
474
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,576
"and never go out" kind of cook.
475
00:24:10,048 --> 00:24:12,850
I like to eat at restaurants
a lot, you know.
476
00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:15,653
I like to go to a restaurant
and sit down with my wife
477
00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:17,822
and she doesn't have to worry
about cooking.
478
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,060
[heavy thud]
479
00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:24,295
Anniversary date.
480
00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:28,032
That was not gas, that was...
481
00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:30,734
my seat placing itself
appropriately.
482
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:33,971
Meri and I haven't seen each
other a lot during the COVID.
483
00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:40,478
And Meri and I haven't lived together
since before we even left Las Vegas.
484
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:43,214
Here we are celebrating
our non anniversary,
485
00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:45,082
'cause we're not a couple
486
00:24:45,116 --> 00:24:47,885
but we're in a family
487
00:24:47,919 --> 00:24:50,521
and so, like, what do...
488
00:24:50,555 --> 00:24:53,457
What are we and
what are we celebrating?
489
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,560
It's just a funny situation,
that's all.
490
00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:59,730
True. Is it funny
or is it just odd?
491
00:24:59,764 --> 00:25:01,532
It's not funny ha-ha.
492
00:25:01,566 --> 00:25:05,336
Kody and I have always had kind
of an up-and-down relationship.
493
00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:08,839
But we've always kind of
come back together.
494
00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:13,010
And it's kind of weird over
the last five, six, seven years
495
00:25:13,044 --> 00:25:15,880
we really haven't come
back together.
496
00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:19,583
He knows that I want to really
move forward with our relationship.
497
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:22,486
And I know where he stands,
which is,
498
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:25,890
we're just gonna take this
really, really, really, really slow.
499
00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:27,892
Today's our anniversary.
500
00:25:27,926 --> 00:25:31,295
You and I have not been
out together
501
00:25:31,329 --> 00:25:34,732
since last year's anniversary,
which is fine.
502
00:25:34,766 --> 00:25:36,500
I mean, it is what it is.
503
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:39,403
Yeah, that's an indicator
that we're really not in a...
504
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:42,473
in a place where it matters
that much.
505
00:25:42,507 --> 00:25:44,708
Are you broken-hearted by that?
506
00:25:44,743 --> 00:25:46,477
Is it troubling you?
507
00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:50,748
I'm trying to help
Meri determine
508
00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:55,419
if she has a spark or if she's
just lonely for anything.
509
00:25:55,453 --> 00:25:58,722
Instead of trying to make
believe that our world is different,
510
00:25:58,757 --> 00:26:00,791
I want us to be honest
about where we're at.
511
00:26:00,825 --> 00:26:05,763
And if we really wanted
to go out more, we would.
512
00:26:05,797 --> 00:26:09,567
If we really wanted to do more
together, we would.
513
00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:13,837
Meri and I had problems like this
long before Janelle came into the family.
514
00:26:13,872 --> 00:26:17,374
But the catfishing thing was
what really woke us up
515
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:20,244
to the state of our situation.
516
00:26:20,278 --> 00:26:24,515
And we went a couple of years, a
lot of counseling, figuring things out.
517
00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:27,518
And as we went through
this process,
518
00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:29,687
I'm looking for a spark,
519
00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:34,959
something to initiate
some form of desire
520
00:26:34,993 --> 00:26:37,661
for a relationship
with each other.
521
00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:40,798
And in this time,
it is never manifest.
522
00:26:40,832 --> 00:26:45,235
I think we miss the idea of
us, we don't miss each other.
523
00:26:46,638 --> 00:26:48,439
Speak for yourself.
524
00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:53,711
Listen, I don't want to tell
her where we're at.
525
00:26:53,745 --> 00:26:57,815
This is a relationship between us, we
have to agree what we'll do from here on
526
00:26:57,849 --> 00:27:00,150
and where we're at right now.
527
00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:02,720
I do have a strong draw to you
528
00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:06,590
but I do not act on that
529
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,859
because I know how you feel.
530
00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:13,631
He has said to me, "You just
need to make it known."
531
00:27:13,665 --> 00:27:17,112
You need to flirt with me. You
need to..." You know, whatever.
532
00:27:17,136 --> 00:27:20,371
And so I try those things
and he backs off more.
533
00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:22,973
And so I back off more.
"Oh, that didn't work."
534
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:25,676
That was uncomfortable,
you know."
535
00:27:25,710 --> 00:27:28,679
But at the same time, like, I want
to keep putting myself out there
536
00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,080
because this is what I want.
537
00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:32,850
I'm not giving up.
I'm not walking away.
538
00:27:32,884 --> 00:27:35,252
I can't make you care for me.
539
00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:38,656
I can't... I can't change that.
540
00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:43,961
You want to be with me,
but there's...
541
00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:47,364
I'm gonna start with one thing
I see that you're not doing.
542
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:50,134
Now I'm... I'm just as guilty.
543
00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:52,603
But I'm not missing
this relationship.
544
00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:54,538
I know. I know you aren't.
545
00:27:54,572 --> 00:27:57,708
But you're not courting me
to that relationship.
546
00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:59,543
I didn't know I was
supposed to court you.
547
00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:03,047
I'm not suggesting
that Meri chase me.
548
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:06,283
In fact, that could be
off-putting.
549
00:28:06,317 --> 00:28:09,787
But there has to be more magic
in this than what we have.
550
00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:13,557
She's not making any effort.
551
00:28:13,591 --> 00:28:17,094
I'm not making any effort.
Where do you think that puts us?
552
00:28:17,128 --> 00:28:19,663
I've been waiting for you,
honestly.
553
00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:21,632
- And I'm not coming.
- I know that.
554
00:28:22,834 --> 00:28:26,804
You have not made
an effort in this
555
00:28:26,838 --> 00:28:28,972
and you're the one
that wants it.
556
00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:32,042
She wants to be loved
romantically.
557
00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:34,945
Then there has to be a spark
for that.
558
00:28:34,979 --> 00:28:38,749
And then she'll get...
From that, she will receive...
559
00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:42,219
romance, love,
560
00:28:42,253 --> 00:28:45,456
and a full marriage
and sexual relationship.
561
00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:48,859
There's a lack of real interest.
562
00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:53,430
[sighs] Not on my part.
563
00:28:53,465 --> 00:28:55,933
I will ask him to come over.
564
00:28:55,967 --> 00:28:58,602
"Hey, come over.
Let's go do something."
565
00:28:58,636 --> 00:29:00,971
Or, "Hey, let's go on a walk."
566
00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:03,440
Or, "Hey, let's go to dinner."
567
00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:06,610
He says no.
When I ask, he says no.
568
00:29:06,644 --> 00:29:10,647
But if you're sitting here telling
me that you have no interest
569
00:29:10,682 --> 00:29:12,483
and that's why we haven't
gone out anywhere
570
00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:14,518
and that's why we haven't
done anything,
571
00:29:14,552 --> 00:29:16,487
then you have no interest.
572
00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:18,222
I don't know what to do.
573
00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:20,557
I don't know what to do.
574
00:29:22,127 --> 00:29:24,394
You know?
575
00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:27,531
So my discussion with Meri
right now isn't about me telling Meri
576
00:29:27,565 --> 00:29:30,701
that she has to have a divorce
with me, that she has to leave.
577
00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:32,936
I'm not doing that.
I will never do that.
578
00:29:32,971 --> 00:29:38,175
My faith doesn't allow me to. My
conscience doesn't allow me to.
579
00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:41,211
And because I haven't done that,
580
00:29:41,246 --> 00:29:46,183
there is always a chance we might actually
get back together into full fellowship.
581
00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:51,488
Do you know that every time
you put your hand on my head,
582
00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:55,092
how I feel?
583
00:29:55,126 --> 00:29:57,594
I just wish you knew.
584
00:29:59,197 --> 00:30:02,432
I'm not a quitter.
I know where I want to be.
585
00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:05,202
It's not how I want it to be
right now.
586
00:30:05,236 --> 00:30:06,737
As hard as it is,
587
00:30:06,771 --> 00:30:10,174
some of these things he's saying
to me today are not easy to hear.
588
00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:13,410
But I feel like I want
to respect him enough
589
00:30:13,444 --> 00:30:16,280
to be able to just hear
what he has to say.
590
00:30:16,314 --> 00:30:19,082
I mean, I know you loved me,
Kody.
591
00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:21,084
I know you did.
592
00:30:21,119 --> 00:30:23,754
You wouldn't have treated me
like...
593
00:30:23,788 --> 00:30:26,757
the way that you did
had you not loved me.
594
00:30:26,791 --> 00:30:29,359
I... Okay.
595
00:30:29,394 --> 00:30:32,729
-It's so...
-I disagree.
596
00:30:32,764 --> 00:30:34,198
But I don't treat people
cruelly.
597
00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:35,999
I don't either.
598
00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:40,504
Ever. I would have...
You know, so...
599
00:30:41,206 --> 00:30:43,340
I don't treat people cruelly.
600
00:30:43,374 --> 00:30:45,742
I'm sitting here
with Meri going,
601
00:30:45,777 --> 00:30:48,045
"I'm finally out of
the anger phase.
602
00:30:48,079 --> 00:30:50,647
I'm finally out of
the bitterness."
603
00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:53,784
How are we gonna do this right?
604
00:30:53,818 --> 00:30:57,221
Meri's, like, "Well, you're
gonna have to love me."
605
00:30:57,255 --> 00:31:01,592
And I'm, like, "Yeah, well,
be lovable."
606
00:31:05,563 --> 00:31:09,433
It makes me wonder if people
who've been unhappy for so many years
607
00:31:10,068 --> 00:31:12,402
couldn't just leave
608
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:14,682
and go find something
that made them happy?
609
00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:18,175
Instead of sitting and badgering me
about how I'm not doing it right anymore.
610
00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:22,679
Would every one of these women
be better off married to another guy?
611
00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,815
That's the question
I'm asking myself.
612
00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:26,817
This is not what I want.
613
00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:28,886
This isn't what I signed up for.
614
00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:39,930
So today is mine
and Kody's anniversary.
615
00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:43,300
We're gonna just go find some
secluded field
616
00:31:43,334 --> 00:31:46,803
or something and sit down
and eat our food.
617
00:31:46,838 --> 00:31:48,505
Right there.
618
00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:51,408
Did you get the blanket for us
to wrap around each other?
619
00:31:51,442 --> 00:31:54,211
- Because it's chilly.
- Want me to go grab another jacket, Meri?
620
00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:55,512
Maybe.
621
00:31:55,546 --> 00:31:59,683
This is definitely not how I
visualized my 30th anniversary.
622
00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:03,487
- Run!
- We're in such a crappy place with each other.
623
00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:06,189
We're gonna go and we're just
gonna, like, nitpick at each other
624
00:32:06,224 --> 00:32:07,925
and tell each other what we're
doing wrong.
625
00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:10,360
No, this is not how
I visualized this.
626
00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:14,965
I mean, he may not love me
anymore.
627
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,001
But chivalry is not dead.
628
00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:20,904
He's getting me a blanket or
a jacket, at least.
629
00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,509
Here's the thing. I think he's
better than what he's being.
630
00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:28,278
He's not being a bad guy at all.
631
00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:31,982
But I also know we can come
back together if we work on it
632
00:32:32,016 --> 00:32:33,417
but you have to want it.
633
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,253
- Okay, a light goes on.
- Hey.
634
00:32:36,287 --> 00:32:39,256
- Did you just light us up?
- Can I light you up somehow?
635
00:32:39,290 --> 00:32:41,725
Yes, there you go. I'm lit up.
636
00:32:41,759 --> 00:32:44,161
Yeah, she's making innuendos,
you know?
637
00:32:44,195 --> 00:32:46,430
I've just spent hours trying
to explain to her
638
00:32:46,464 --> 00:32:48,732
that we're not ready
for romance yet.
639
00:32:48,766 --> 00:32:51,969
Do you get it when I flirt
with you at all?
640
00:32:52,003 --> 00:32:54,705
- Yes, I do.
- And does it mean anything to you?
641
00:32:55,773 --> 00:32:57,474
Is it a turn off?
642
00:32:57,508 --> 00:32:59,609
- Uh, it's...
- Or is it exciting?
643
00:33:00,845 --> 00:33:03,380
Or are you, like, "It's gross"?
644
00:33:08,219 --> 00:33:10,554
- Okay.
- I'm not saying it's gross.
645
00:33:11,689 --> 00:33:14,858
So if I were to lean over and
just kiss you right now,
646
00:33:14,892 --> 00:33:16,526
would you push me away?
647
00:33:18,062 --> 00:33:20,497
- Um... no.
- [Meri laughs]
648
00:33:21,866 --> 00:33:24,101
I don't know what to say.
649
00:33:24,135 --> 00:33:26,069
Meri and I are in a marriage
650
00:33:26,137 --> 00:33:29,506
but we don't want to be
part of a hook-up culture.
651
00:33:29,540 --> 00:33:33,510
Okay? Romance and sex
are saved in my world
652
00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:36,680
for people who are in love.
653
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:39,549
Do you eat corn?
654
00:33:39,584 --> 00:33:41,918
Why not change the subject?
655
00:33:41,953 --> 00:33:44,788
I'm just playing around with
Kody, I'm just trying to flirt with him.
656
00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:47,791
I don't know.
To me, this is a rejection.
657
00:33:47,825 --> 00:33:50,594
He's really just not interested.
658
00:33:50,628 --> 00:33:52,529
Well, you were asking
me a question,
659
00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:57,000
having to do with our
conversation about that last trip.
660
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,736
A little while back, Meri and
I were having a discussion
661
00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:02,339
about this experience that
we had when the five of us
662
00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:04,641
went and saw the Darger family
in Utah.
663
00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:07,310
On the way back from that
trip, it was late at night,
664
00:34:07,345 --> 00:34:08,779
I was very tired.
665
00:34:08,813 --> 00:34:11,948
I was having a long, deep
discussion with my wives
666
00:34:11,983 --> 00:34:16,386
about sort of some of the
attitudes that we've manifest
667
00:34:16,421 --> 00:34:18,555
since living in Flagstaff.
668
00:34:18,589 --> 00:34:20,624
When we were traveling home,
669
00:34:20,658 --> 00:34:24,294
we were kind of talking about what
we were thinking about for our future
670
00:34:24,328 --> 00:34:26,563
and then all of a sudden,
he went really dark.
671
00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:29,766
It frightens me, it scares me,
it really, like, frustrates me.
672
00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:33,203
[Kody] I've been trying to be
patient with where I'm at.
673
00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:36,139
But, you know,
when wives tell me
674
00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:38,942
that their life sort of
sucked in plural marriage,
675
00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:40,977
what can I do?
676
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:45,282
You know, I've been nagged for years
about the struggles in plural marriage
677
00:34:45,316 --> 00:34:47,384
Especially with our discussion
about moving into one house.
678
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,020
And in the process of that,
679
00:34:50,054 --> 00:34:53,457
I've sort of gotten blown away
680
00:34:54,125 --> 00:34:57,127
by the deep pain and emotion
681
00:34:57,161 --> 00:35:00,764
that can accompany
plural marriage.
682
00:35:00,798 --> 00:35:03,767
I really believe my life
is just half over.
683
00:35:03,801 --> 00:35:08,071
But I don't want my wives to sit
here and live in an unhappy place.
684
00:35:09,974 --> 00:35:13,276
For that long. I mean,
that sucks for all of us.
685
00:35:13,311 --> 00:35:16,613
'Cause I feel immense pressure
all the time
686
00:35:16,647 --> 00:35:19,816
for satisfying emotional needs
of a wife
687
00:35:19,851 --> 00:35:23,086
that I have sometimes
no interest in satisfying.
688
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:25,789
- I'm not giving you pressure.
- I know.
689
00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:29,292
I got hopeless...
690
00:35:29,327 --> 00:35:33,830
about our family arrangement
and organization.
691
00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:36,600
And started to sort of see
692
00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:39,569
the lack of real desire
to be together.
693
00:35:39,604 --> 00:35:44,975
And then complaining about it
to cover our asses
694
00:35:45,009 --> 00:35:48,378
that we really don't want
to be together.
695
00:35:48,412 --> 00:35:50,847
I have a wife who I think
will never be happy
696
00:35:50,882 --> 00:35:53,016
and um...
697
00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:57,220
basically in all the years that I
thought we were happy, she wasn't.
698
00:35:57,255 --> 00:36:01,858
I want to be vague about this because I'm
specifically trying to get Meri to realize
699
00:36:01,893 --> 00:36:04,728
some things that might help
her improve her life,
700
00:36:04,762 --> 00:36:07,697
while complaining about
somebody that I do not want to name.
701
00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:12,636
But, like, what do you want
for your family?
702
00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:17,374
I want wives who get along with
each other and who like each other.
703
00:36:17,408 --> 00:36:19,376
And who don't sit there
704
00:36:20,711 --> 00:36:23,747
and say snotty little [bleep]
things to each other
705
00:36:23,781 --> 00:36:26,249
that break their hearts...
that break the other's heart.
706
00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:29,152
You know, I'm just too old,
I feel like, to sit here
707
00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:33,390
and make a bunch more mistakes
for the next ten or 20 years
708
00:36:33,424 --> 00:36:38,395
in relationships
that just won't fix.
709
00:36:38,429 --> 00:36:42,399
But I'm sure as hell not gonna
do it for another 20 years.
710
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,402
Maybe it is just mid-life
crisis, I don't know.
711
00:36:45,436 --> 00:36:49,773
I don't know, maybe God just
needs to smite you on top of the head
712
00:36:49,807 --> 00:36:52,242
- to be like...
- Make me love everybody?
713
00:36:52,276 --> 00:36:56,012
Make me love everybody? Make me
love everybody who is not very lovable?
714
00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:59,015
- Make me cherish...
- What do I do that's not lovable?
715
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,451
- I'm not talking about you, Meri.
- I need you to talk about me.
716
00:37:01,485 --> 00:37:03,687
You and I have been distanced
all these years.
717
00:37:03,721 --> 00:37:06,756
Now it's come to a point where I'm
wondering about the whole big picture.
718
00:37:06,791 --> 00:37:12,028
You know, this is not why I
started this family with him.
719
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,130
You know, it was me and him
at the beginning.
720
00:37:14,165 --> 00:37:16,066
We knew we were gonna have
a plural family.
721
00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:19,102
This is not why I started for
him 30 years later
722
00:37:19,136 --> 00:37:22,305
to be, like, "Uh, just kidding.
723
00:37:22,340 --> 00:37:24,307
I really don't believe in it
anymore."
724
00:37:24,342 --> 00:37:27,077
Okay, maybe this is stupid,
but the whole one house thing
725
00:37:27,111 --> 00:37:30,180
was like this huge wake-up
call for me
726
00:37:30,214 --> 00:37:33,850
about how much
we don't want to be together.
727
00:37:33,884 --> 00:37:35,986
What I'm saying to her is,
728
00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:40,390
"Meri, you and I don't appear
to want to be together
729
00:37:40,424 --> 00:37:45,862
and that's also where I'm seeing it in
the big picture with the whole family."
730
00:37:45,896 --> 00:37:49,466
We appear not to want
to be together.
731
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:53,470
Like what we have done
in the past 30 years or not,
732
00:37:53,504 --> 00:37:56,673
it's 30 years.
733
00:37:56,707 --> 00:37:59,109
This is not something
I'm willing to walk away from.
734
00:38:00,711 --> 00:38:02,912
Meri, I'm not motivated
by what we've had
735
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,915
to sit her and talk about
saving it, though.
736
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,618
Don't get me wrong.
Don't get defeated in this.
737
00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:11,721
I have this way of saying
these words...
738
00:38:11,756 --> 00:38:14,291
Yeah, you do. You've done
it your whole life.
739
00:38:14,325 --> 00:38:15,992
You've done it your whole life
and I get that.
740
00:38:16,027 --> 00:38:17,927
And that's why I feel like
I give you grace.
741
00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:24,801
I remember some bad times and
I'm gonna focus on the good times.
742
00:38:24,835 --> 00:38:27,804
Because we have had
some really good times.
743
00:38:27,838 --> 00:38:29,839
And if he's gonna sit here
and deny that,
744
00:38:29,874 --> 00:38:31,941
you know,
that's really sad to me.
745
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:34,577
'Cause he's got a freaking
pretty amazing family.
746
00:38:34,612 --> 00:38:37,280
Meri,
I have a very difficult time
747
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:42,452
like, visualizing us
as a family in the future.
748
00:38:43,654 --> 00:38:47,190
Dude, you've got four wives
and 18 kids.
749
00:38:48,192 --> 00:38:49,959
What are you gonna do with us?
750
00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:52,495
Are you just gonna pick an
choose who you're gonna keep?
751
00:38:52,530 --> 00:38:56,566
Going forward has me really
asking the question,
752
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,602
"Do we really benefit
from this?"
753
00:38:59,637 --> 00:39:02,572
It makes me wonder if...
754
00:39:02,606 --> 00:39:06,343
if people wouldn't just... who've
been unhappy for so many years
755
00:39:06,377 --> 00:39:08,278
couldn't just leave
756
00:39:08,312 --> 00:39:10,747
and go find something
that made them happy?
757
00:39:10,781 --> 00:39:14,751
Instead of sitting and badgering me
about how I'm not doing it right anymore.
758
00:39:14,785 --> 00:39:18,555
Would every one of these women
be better off married to another guy?
759
00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,492
That's the question
I'm asking myself.
760
00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:26,396
This is not what I want. This
isn't what I signed up for.
761
00:39:28,232 --> 00:39:30,567
I don't want to have
a big break-up.
762
00:39:30,601 --> 00:39:32,602
What I'd like instead
is a big commitment
763
00:39:32,636 --> 00:39:33,970
that everybody'll actually
do their part
764
00:39:34,705 --> 00:39:37,073
and not have it just be me.
765
00:39:37,108 --> 00:39:40,610
Or not have it be blamed on me
all the time.
766
00:39:40,644 --> 00:39:42,846
Like, "You didn't do this and
this and you don't love me."
767
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,115
All this type of stuff.
Well, sometimes I don't.
768
00:39:45,149 --> 00:39:48,218
Love really isn't unconditional.
769
00:39:49,253 --> 00:39:51,955
Maybe some people have that,
I don't know.
770
00:39:51,989 --> 00:39:56,025
But I'm going through this experience
and I'm going, "I want people to be happy."
771
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,594
And if they're not happy here,
772
00:39:57,628 --> 00:40:03,166
could they just stop making me
unhappy with them being unhappy here?
773
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:08,538
Hey, I need you to rise up
and do something about this.
774
00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:12,108
'Cause me doing it alone
hasn't worked.
775
00:40:12,143 --> 00:40:13,743
I really would just like
to say, "Hey, ladies",
776
00:40:15,446 --> 00:40:16,880
we're just gonna be better.
777
00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:20,583
"We're gonna do better or we're
not gonna do it anymore."
778
00:40:20,618 --> 00:40:24,120
She needs to rise up,
she needs to change.
779
00:40:24,155 --> 00:40:26,723
And the problem is,
there's a tendency for Meri
780
00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:29,192
she starts to go and bully
everybody into,
781
00:40:29,226 --> 00:40:31,528
"Hey, you ladies have
got to straighten up,
782
00:40:31,562 --> 00:40:34,264
you've got to help me
save this marriage."
783
00:40:34,298 --> 00:40:35,665
Without just going,
784
00:40:35,733 --> 00:40:39,002
"Oh, I've got to be accountable
for certain things myself."
785
00:40:39,036 --> 00:40:41,471
Nobody here's stuck with me.
786
00:40:41,505 --> 00:40:44,340
Nobody is stuck with me
and they can all leave...
787
00:40:44,408 --> 00:40:49,245
Don't say that because that makes
people feel like you don't want them.
788
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,981
I want to stay
and he still keeps saying it.
789
00:40:52,016 --> 00:40:55,351
And I'm just, like,
"Dude, do you not see?
790
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:59,088
And do you not care
if you do see?"
791
00:40:59,123 --> 00:41:02,358
Are we committed?
Are we going to be a family?
792
00:41:02,393 --> 00:41:04,727
Are we going to work at it?
793
00:41:04,762 --> 00:41:06,729
Because we are in such
a different place right now.
794
00:41:07,164 --> 00:41:08,264
Yeah.
795
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:11,267
We're better than that.
796
00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:13,670
Like, we don't have to be
those people.
797
00:41:13,704 --> 00:41:15,805
We don't have to be that family
798
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:20,210
that disintegrates because
we don't work through issues.
799
00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:23,213
I would be so tempted
to kiss you right now.
800
00:41:23,247 --> 00:41:25,715
I'm not even kidding.
Just to see how you'd react.
801
00:41:25,749 --> 00:41:27,750
Oh, my ranting actually gets
you excited?
802
00:41:27,785 --> 00:41:30,286
No, just sometimes I just feel
like kissing you.
803
00:41:33,591 --> 00:41:35,792
[sighs] Happy anniversary, Meri.
804
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:40,930
Happy anniversary, Meri.
805
00:41:40,965 --> 00:41:42,632
Happy anniversary, Kody.
806
00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:56,446
[Robyn] So far we haven't
really handled COVID as a team.
807
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,782
It's hard to get together and
feel like I still matter,
808
00:41:59,817 --> 00:42:01,718
I'm still important.
809
00:42:01,752 --> 00:42:04,521
If we don't start taking care
of our community now,
810
00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:06,022
it's not gonna exist.
811
00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:10,493
We've had a rough relationship
for a couple of years.
812
00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,962
[Kody] Plural marriage is a
challenge that she doesn't enjoy.
813
00:42:12,997 --> 00:42:16,032
I'll be frank, plural marriage
is not a challenge that I enjoy.
814
00:42:18,235 --> 00:42:22,572
I have days when I'm baby hungry
and I really want another baby.
815
00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:25,742
If you're trying to commit me,
like, right now,
816
00:42:25,776 --> 00:42:27,911
then I'd have to really focus.
817
00:42:27,945 --> 00:42:30,213
What she's doing is,
818
00:42:30,247 --> 00:42:32,649
"You've got to decide if you
want to have more kids."