Previously on Sister Wives:
It's so weird. It's so quiet without the whole family here, you guys, don't you think?
[Kody] It's actually kinda peaceful.
It's not all that peaceful.
A couple of weeks ago, Janelle told me not to come to her house
because of some concerns she had about COVID-19.
It's Christine's house and Robyn's house.
Christine's house, then Robyn's house.
If somebody got sick in the family...
If someone else got sick in the family like Christine or me,
you would stop seeing one of us.
If I was to get sick, nothing would happen.
I would just be at home alone sick.
Nobody comes over here, anyway.
We don't see each other.
- We're keeping our distance. - [Kody] Social distancing.
It's the most insane thing I've ever dealt with, I feel like.
There's just been nothing going on between me and Meri.
But we quit dating.
And that's probably just because I quit calling her
to say, "Let's go do something."
[Gabriel] I'm cool with social distancing if we can see Dad.
But if we're not gonna see Dad anyway...
why would I social distance?
I just feel all this pressure on the family relationships.
This very separate feeling's starting to happen.
[Robyn] Our decisions are going to affect each other.
That may have some long-term effects on the relationship. I just don't know.
So, Gabe, how do you, like, put the stuff together
for college, man?
I will be entirely online except for my labs.
[Garrison] Oh, wow.
So because of the COVID-19,
I've been the only member of the family who's been going from house to house.
So each family has been isolated from the rest of the family.
I've been away from Janelle's house,
because Garrison and Gabriel have more extensive exposure.
I know that you were planning on being here tonight.
But I've really been thinking.
I'm concerned that this household at least is a bit of a risk point.
We shouldn't have you come for a little bit, maybe.
I really just felt that that was the right thing to do.
So we're almost to the end of that, it looks like.
Garrison had a chance to get his mask from his employer
and Gabriel, the university was trying to figure out how to be online.
I'm kind of glad it's coming to an end.
Okay, so I just was talking to your dad.
Hunter graduates soon.
And I know Dad's thinking about
trying to make sure he's back for that.
Hunter's graduating from the Air Force Academy.
They are gonna livestream it and we can hook up our computers
to the TV and watch it on the screen.
I think we've been being really careful, right?
I think that's kinda up to him.
I think... We're gonna accept him,
but it's up to him if he wants to come.
[Garrison] Pretty much.
I actually think my boys think their dad is being too careful.
So they're kind of skeptical that them just wearing masks
is gonna really be enough for their dad.
It makes no difference. I mean, he's got to go get groceries.
- He's got to... - I don't understand why he's doing all this.
It's, like, we're exposed regardless. But it's...
I think he views, you know, your guys's exposure
as more risky than going to the grocery store.
The real concern is whether or not they're...
they've got extra-curricular association.
I'm not worried about me getting the virus.
I'm worried about me spreading the virus.
I thought I was gonna be mad if it went longer.
But I've kind of almost gotten used to it.
Like, it's almost the new normal now.
So it doesn't really bother me as much.
That kind of bothers me a little bit.
This should not be even thought about
as anything close to normal.
We have taken such great pains to build the culture of the family
and keep the culture intact that we're all one family.
And so the fact she's, like, "This is kind of the new normal,"
I'm, like, "No, that's a problem."
That starts to eat away at everything we've spent years building.
I think everybody's been just trying to be safe.
And your dad has been a little frustrated that he's had...
- that he's stayed away so long. - [Gabriel] Safe from what?
We have, like, nobody at risk.
I'm okay to let these boys express the strong opinion that they have.
I think the virus is real.
I think it transmits.
I don't know... I have my opinions that vacillate every day
about the level of precaution we're taking in our family.
Dad feels like it's not smart to play roulette
[Kody] Gabriel's hanging out with a girlfriend.
That's not within the parameters of what we need
for me to be able to travel to each house.
We have no idea of what the genealogy of her exposure is.
You know, we're really talking about the potential
of whether people are sick or not
or die or not.
I think at this moment, I'm kind of apathetic about it.
At this point, but I am kind of angry that we don't get to go see our siblings.
That makes me really mad.
Our kids are really suffering, they're not hanging out with their siblings.
It has been so hard.
I just don't feel like I have a say, really.
Some days I'm where you are, Garrison,
and some days I'm where you are, Gabe.
Like, every day my emotions are so different on this.
It's dumb. It's stupid.
Now it's getting to the point where Kody and I even have some disagreements
on how orthodox we should be in our virus-fighting efforts.
It's been the most emotionally trying month I've ever had of my life.
And I don't know why Dad is...
Maybe it's a form of mid-life crisis.
See, I don't know.
- I think it's real... - Oh, I think it's real.
I just don't think that it's serious enough
for him to not see us for the next six months.
They're blaming me on making decisions about...
mitigating, lowering exposure.
But they're not blaming themselves
for being accountable for how much they expose.
I feel like it's my duty not to just be accountable to my family
but to be accountable to society,
The two of them just feel like all they owe accountability to is themselves.
[Garrison] These things don't just go away.
It's gonna be a year for a vaccine or anything, so...
- I'm hopeful... - The whole family is gonna fall apart.
We're done.
- Forget about it. - We kind of are falling apart.
- [Jonelle] Come on, you guys. - We are.
- No, we're not. - Yeah, we are.
- No, we're fine. You guys... - I'm tired of this.
Look, I have realized that really
what happens with our family is a matter of our perception.
We can be, like, "Uh, it's all done,"
or we can be, like, "This is just a temporary blip
in the long history of our family."
[Janelle] I get the feeling that they have.
It feels like that. But I have to remember and I have to keep hope
that this is not gonna always be.
Yeah, it is what it is at this point.
That's all I got.
I don't have an opinion on it. I don't even care.
My plans are all cut out for this year.
Everyone else's is.
We're just gonna play it by ear.
The problem is, when you guys do you,
it prevents me from seeing my siblings.
That's due to us, like?
- If you don't social distance, go hang out with friends... - I have to.
- I can't see my sisters. - I've got the National Guard.
- And you guys social distance. - I've got to work, make a living.
We're trying to be careful but we can only do so much.
Only so much can happen.
Look, I don't want to find fault with Gabe and Garrison.
And I don't agree with what Garrison and Gabe are doing if hanging out socially.
I don't agree with what Kody's doing either.
I don't agree.
I'm just gonna do what I can do in my world.
And right now, my world just consists of me and my girls at home.
I'm worried that it's gonna be easier and easier to be apart.
So we've got to fight, guys, to get this back together.
Once Dad starts coming around again, we need to fight
to keep together.
The agreement is that Kody will be
with each wife and her children
equal amounts of time.
And when he's not at Janelle's house,
it feels wrong and it feels messed up and it feels stressful.
I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling, like,
he shouldn't be at my house this much.
This isn't fair, this isn't equitable.
But I'm not making the decision!
I'm not choosing this, they are.
Right, I know you got to get back to school.
In a plural family, it is a lot of work.
You have to make up your mind to be committed to this idea that you are a family.
And the longer that we're apart,
it's easier to not have to put that effort in.
And it's really easy to sometimes be, like,
"You know, that's just too hard."
So I'm very worried that it's gonna become easier and easier.
Here we are celebrating our non anniversary.
'Cause we're not a couple.
I'm not giving up. I'm not walking away.
If we really wanted to go out more, we would.
I'm trying to help Meri determine
if she has a spark or if she's just lonely for anything.
Today's Truely's birthday. She's turning ten.
And it's COVID so we're not all celebrating it together.
So we're gonna do a smaller birthday party for her
and hopefully everybody will call in.
[whooping and cheering]
Truely is not happy about this whole COVID situation.
What she wants mostly is to hang out with everybody for her birthday.
- [Christine] Birthday time! - I can see through it.
- Kody, you're hitting her! - This is what I've got to do.
That way she knows where it's at at all times.
- If you push her buttons... - I'm having fun.
...and she gets angry, game over.
[laughter]
Seriously, no pushing her buttons.
- There it is. Beat that thing! - [Christine] Use two hands!
Use two hands! Whack it!
[Kody] Maybe she wants a bigger stick.
- Gosh, that's gonna take all day. - Let's get a baseball bat.
Oh, gosh. Wow.
- What did you find? - This is called Corona improvisation.
[Christine] Improvisation?
Corona Improv, Coronacation...
[both] Corona apocalypse.
Don't start swinging till we say.
I can't see.
[Christine] Ysabel, you're taking a chance being that close.
[Kody] Ysabel, you're gonna get hit in the head.
[Truely] I will whack you.
- Oh, you can't... - [Truely yells]
That's cheating.
Did you hit yourself?
[Christine] It's on the floor, Truely.
It's on the floor. It's on the floor.
Go. Beat it.
It's not only the world's smallest pinata, it's also the world's strongest.
[Kody] It's coming apart.
[Kody] Here's the thing about a pinata.
They don't have enough mass to break them
unless you fill them with candy.
This tells me somebody's gone cheap on the candy.
There's three kids!
- So? - How much candy do you want them to have?
How expensive is candy? You throw it away.
You can't really shove a lot into it.
There's not a lot of space.
I visualized a proper pinata.
It should have been packed just full.
Would you like to take over the pinata next time?
- No. - Oh, gosh. Well, then...
I don't want to do anything. I just want to complain about it.
That's great. That's a great birthday thing.
Hey, stay back here.
Trying to celebrate one of your kid's birthdays
during COVID is very difficult.
We can't go anywhere, we can't do anything, we can't have a party.
So I want it to be special still.
- Hi! - [excited shouting]
I'm so glad Robyn and the kids came, seriously.
It really means a lot to Truely to have at least some other family besides us here.
-Thank you. -You're welcome, sweetie. Stay back.
Stay back, sweetheart.
It's Gonzo!
The thing we've been trying to do with COVID,
to prevent having it just rip through our family...
When I go from one wife's house to another wife's house,
when I get there, I change my clothes.
So if any virus is on me, I clean my hands.
I'll come home from Christine's house to Robyn's house
and she'll run up, "Daddy, Daddy!"
I'm, like, "You can't touch me yet, I got to change my clothes."
And so she's aware of this now
and is asking me.
Thank you, guys, so much.
Okay, air hug! Air hug!
Social distancing hug!
This is awkward and it's weird.
Yeah, we're standing there and it's, like,
okay, well, there isn't much we can do.
I just wish that we could...
like, decide how to handle COVID together.
So we could see each other. I just wish we could do that.
Do you know what? I'm actually glad we aren't living in one house right now.
Because there would still not be consensus on the risk
that my boys are taking by working and having a girlfriend.
So on that side, I think it's almost easier that we're not living in one house.
Hug your sister, Truely.
All right, let's go.
I go through these times where I am pretty sure
that everybody is happy with the fact that we have COVID.
And we have this excuse of not having to see each other
and not having to interact with each other.
If COVID keeps going on like it is
and where we have to, like, stay distant from each other,
I can see it spiraling a lot worse
to be honest with you.
[children playing]
The family needs to have interaction
but it feels like some people might enjoy the break
from the family interaction.
Hunter's graduating and his graduation's on your birthday.
Birthdays have become kind of a big deal.
"Remember that time you missed my birthday because of Hunter's graduation?"
You just never know if that will come back to haunt you.
Janelle and Kody even quarantined from each other for, like, five weeks.
You know what? I picked this lifestyle.
I know this! I know I picked this lifestyle.
But I'm angry about what it's doing sometimes.
- [Kody] How do you make your bed right? - [Christine] You're fine.
[Kody] Oh, I see.
My bed's super-easy to make. I just throw it on.
I do not believe in tucking anything.
I make my bed with hospital corners.
Kody always complains about it.
Okay, here's the secret. I don't make my bed very often.
It is the worst habit. I don't make my bed.
Like, I just throw the big comforter up and it's not really made.
My bed is really easy to make, to be honest with you.
I'm the only one who sleeps in it.
And I don't move a lot in the night.
Each wife might do it different. I'm just following their lead.
I literally ask, "Does this go here or this go here?"
At every house if I'm making a bed with them.
- We have to figure out your birthday. Something's come up. - Birthday!
Hunter's graduating. The Air Force Academy's graduating early
because they need to get their cadets out,
commissioned and out of there.
Because of the COVID-19 pandemic,
and because of locking down and stuff,
they just decided to graduate them early.
What's happening is there's a conflict of scheduling for me.
Okay, his graduation's on your birthday.
I want to go back to Janelle's and we're ready to get back together.
Because of the conflict of schedule,
I'm sort of here cap in hand to see what I can get arranged
for the benefit of all.
So I've got to figure out what we're gonna do about your birthday.
Birthdays have become kind of a big deal with a big family.
You know, I'm spread kind of thin.
Birthdays are the time that I'm actually able to give my wives and kids
this total attention.
Let's do my birthday on another day.
That's super-easy.
Janelle and Kody even quarantined from each other for, like, five weeks.
That's way too long to be separated.
Let's do your birthday date after.
- Okay. The day after or something like that? - Yeah.
For me, I don't mind moving it to another day
when it's something like this that's super-important.
In a plural marriage, this has happened before.
I'm glad it's a discussion. I'm glad we're talking about it.
There's nothing like...
You hate it when I decide what I'm doing with my schedule.
- No, no... - Yes, you do.
When it's my birthday? I don't like it when it's my birthday.
I think one of our biggest frustrations with Kody
is he doesn't tell us when he's going to be at out house
until, like, 5:00 that night.
"Why can't you just say you're going to be here tomorrow?"
Otherwise, I'm gonna make plans. I'm gonna do stuff.
I'm not gonna stay home and wait.
I don't want to ever tell you what to do with your schedule.
But I don't like just finding out about things all of a sudden.
Here's the thing. As a plural wife,
you have to really sort of roll with the punches a little bit.
Cody has a lot of demands on him.
And he has to weigh out what's the most important thing.
And sometimes that's hard for wives to understand.
They're, like, "No, my thing is the most important thing."
- All right. All right. - It's great.
Christine was really cool about it
but you just never know if, in the future,
there'll be some kind of regret that a wife has
that comes back up.
"Remember that time you missed my birthday because of Hunter's graduation?"
You just never know if that will come back to haunt you.
I'm headed to Janelle's house,
after over four weeks of literally quarantining away from her.
My car's a flipping mess too. I'm living out of it.
It'll be nice to have him back. Kind of strange, for sure.
It feels a little awkward.
Even though we've been married a long time. I'm sure it's fine, but...
Of course it's fine.
Anyway, I'm having some serious emotional meltdown about it.
Today Hunter's graduating but it's also Christine's birthday.
But right now I'm feeling sort of an element of bitterness that's bothering me.
It's such a disruption in schedule, even more so
than when he's gone just for a few days.
But I'll tell you, it's been a hard month
You know what? I picked this lifestyle.
I know this! I know I picked this lifestyle.
But I'm angry about what it's doing sometimes.
I guess I had thought we'd spend so much more time together as a whole family.
And there's a lot of voices in the family who would have us stay socially distanced.
I think Christine and Robyn are more together
but I think I was kind of an outlier.
[Kody] Okay, here I am coming up on Janelle's house.
Here we go.
Okay.
- Here we are at the door. - [horn beeps]
It's been a whole month I've been away from my family.
Hi.
I've missed you so much.
[dog barking]
I've had so much anxiety coming here.
It's nice to see you.
It's nice to be home.
- I was having a lot of anxiety too. - Really?
Why was I having anxiety?
I'm sitting here sort of freaking out, sorry.
We've been apart so long, what are we?
And it's funny 'cause we see each other, we start to laugh at each other, kind of.
Because we know... At least, I felt...
almost immediately, we're right back in the groove.
- We're fine. - Gabe, hi, Son.
Nice to see you. I've missed you so much.
You know, I think at first it was,
"Okay, whatever. A couple of weeks. No big deal."
But then as it started to get closer to the end,
they were kind of going, "This is dumb. This is really dumb."
Dad's gonna ruin the family." Whatever. Like, the whole...
Okay, don't roll your eyes but this is how they were feeling.
Like, I mean, they're alarmed.
They're alarmed that somehow we're gonna wreck the family.
You want to come and sit down with us?
And I will say Gabe and Garrison are alarmed to the point
of getting angry a little bit with you.
Really they're looking at you, like, "What the heck, Dad?"
Hi, Gabe, it's nice to see you.
[Gabriel sighs]
You know, I say hi to Gabriel and he just averts his eyes.
He looks at Janelle with a big sigh and he's, like,
basically showing an attitude of, "This is all just so stupid."
You know, I got a little bit of anxiety coming here.
I wasn't sure you'd be excited to see me, sweetheart.
- What do you mean? - I just got bad anxiety coming over.
I'm... I keep questioning...
I'm making all these efforts.
I'm away from my family,
I'm sanitizing my hands perpetually,
I'm changing my clothes when I go from one house to another,
and I'm sitting here going, "Is this necessary?
Or am I doing more damage than good?
Is the cure worse than the disease?"
You want to be with me
but you're not courting me to that relationship.
I didn't know I was supposed to court you.
There has to be more magic in this than what we have.
Do you know that every time you put your hand on my head
how I feel?
I just wish you knew.
I can't. I can't make him love me.
I'm getting together with Meri because it's her anniversary -
our anniversary.
All we can do is just get a takeout and go for a drive.
I'm actually really excited
to hang out with Kody a little bit today.
You know, I don't know what we're gonna do.
We're just gonna kinda wing it.
But I'm just excited to spend some time with him, honestly.
That's for you.
Oh, thanks.
Ooh, anniversary present.
Basically, what Kody wants from me ever
is my Rice Krispie treats.
- Guess how many's in there? - Eighteen?
You're such a dork.
Why? How many are in there?
- Oh, our years of marriage? - [laughter]
Is this just typical of a guy?
- So now do you know how many would be in there? - No.
- How many years have we been married? - Are you serious?
- Thirty-one years? - Thirty.
To me, this is kind of like a milestone anniversary.
It's 30 years.
- There's 31 of them. - There's 30!
Why is he stuck on 31?
Holy cow.
They are amazing.
My specialty probably is chicken noodle soup, like, with home-made noodles.
I make bomb lasagne.
And bomb cheesecake.
I'm a passable cook. I'm not a...
"Wow, that was phenomenal! Let's eat at home
"and never go out" kind of cook.
I like to eat at restaurants a lot, you know.
I like to go to a restaurant and sit down with my wife
and she doesn't have to worry about cooking.
[heavy thud]
Anniversary date.
That was not gas, that was...
my seat placing itself appropriately.
Meri and I haven't seen each other a lot during the COVID.
And Meri and I haven't lived together since before we even left Las Vegas.
Here we are celebrating our non anniversary,
'cause we're not a couple
but we're in a family
and so, like, what do...
What are we and what are we celebrating?
It's just a funny situation, that's all.
True. Is it funny or is it just odd?
It's not funny ha-ha.
Kody and I have always had kind of an up-and-down relationship.
But we've always kind of come back together.
And it's kind of weird over the last five, six, seven years
we really haven't come back together.
He knows that I want to really move forward with our relationship.
And I know where he stands, which is,
we're just gonna take this really, really, really, really slow.
Today's our anniversary.
You and I have not been out together
since last year's anniversary, which is fine.
I mean, it is what it is.
Yeah, that's an indicator that we're really not in a...
in a place where it matters that much.
Are you broken-hearted by that?
Is it troubling you?
I'm trying to help Meri determine
if she has a spark or if she's just lonely for anything.
Instead of trying to make believe that our world is different,
I want us to be honest about where we're at.
And if we really wanted to go out more, we would.
If we really wanted to do more together, we would.
Meri and I had problems like this long before Janelle came into the family.
But the catfishing thing was what really woke us up
to the state of our situation.
And we went a couple of years, a lot of counseling, figuring things out.
And as we went through this process,
I'm looking for a spark,
something to initiate some form of desire
for a relationship with each other.
And in this time, it is never manifest.
I think we miss the idea of us, we don't miss each other.
Speak for yourself.
Listen, I don't want to tell her where we're at.
This is a relationship between us, we have to agree what we'll do from here on
and where we're at right now.
I do have a strong draw to you
but I do not act on that
because I know how you feel.
He has said to me, "You just need to make it known."
You need to flirt with me. You need to..." You know, whatever.
And so I try those things and he backs off more.
And so I back off more. "Oh, that didn't work."
That was uncomfortable, you know."
But at the same time, like, I want to keep putting myself out there
because this is what I want.
I'm not giving up. I'm not walking away.
I can't make you care for me.
I can't... I can't change that.
You want to be with me, but there's...
I'm gonna start with one thing I see that you're not doing.
Now I'm... I'm just as guilty.
But I'm not missing this relationship.
I know. I know you aren't.
But you're not courting me to that relationship.
I didn't know I was supposed to court you.
I'm not suggesting that Meri chase me.
In fact, that could be off-putting.
But there has to be more magic in this than what we have.
She's not making any effort.
I'm not making any effort. Where do you think that puts us?
I've been waiting for you, honestly.
- And I'm not coming. - I know that.
You have not made an effort in this
and you're the one that wants it.
She wants to be loved romantically.
Then there has to be a spark for that.
And then she'll get... From that, she will receive...
romance, love,
and a full marriage and sexual relationship.
There's a lack of real interest.
[sighs] Not on my part.
I will ask him to come over.
"Hey, come over. Let's go do something."
Or, "Hey, let's go on a walk."
Or, "Hey, let's go to dinner."
He says no. When I ask, he says no.
But if you're sitting here telling me that you have no interest
and that's why we haven't gone out anywhere
and that's why we haven't done anything,
then you have no interest.
I don't know what to do.
You know?
So my discussion with Meri right now isn't about me telling Meri
that she has to have a divorce with me, that she has to leave.
I'm not doing that. I will never do that.
My faith doesn't allow me to. My conscience doesn't allow me to.
And because I haven't done that,
there is always a chance we might actually get back together into full fellowship.
Do you know that every time you put your hand on my head,
how I feel?
I just wish you knew.
I'm not a quitter. I know where I want to be.
It's not how I want it to be right now.
As hard as it is,
some of these things he's saying to me today are not easy to hear.
But I feel like I want to respect him enough
to be able to just hear what he has to say.
I mean, I know you loved me, Kody.
I know you did.
You wouldn't have treated me like...
the way that you did had you not loved me.
I... Okay.
-It's so... -I disagree.
But I don't treat people cruelly.
I don't either.
Ever. I would have... You know, so...
I don't treat people cruelly.
I'm sitting here with Meri going,
"I'm finally out of the anger phase.
I'm finally out of the bitterness."
How are we gonna do this right?
Meri's, like, "Well, you're gonna have to love me."
And I'm, like, "Yeah, well, be lovable."
It makes me wonder if people who've been unhappy for so many years
couldn't just leave
and go find something that made them happy?
Instead of sitting and badgering me about how I'm not doing it right anymore.
Would every one of these women be better off married to another guy?
That's the question I'm asking myself.
This is not what I want.
This isn't what I signed up for.
So today is mine and Kody's anniversary.
We're gonna just go find some secluded field
or something and sit down and eat our food.
Right there.
Did you get the blanket for us to wrap around each other?
- Because it's chilly. - Want me to go grab another jacket, Meri?
Maybe.
This is definitely not how I visualized my 30th anniversary.
- Run! - We're in such a crappy place with each other.
We're gonna go and we're just gonna, like, nitpick at each other
and tell each other what we're doing wrong.
No, this is not how I visualized this.
I mean, he may not love me anymore.
But chivalry is not dead.
He's getting me a blanket or a jacket, at least.
Here's the thing. I think he's better than what he's being.
He's not being a bad guy at all.
But I also know we can come back together if we work on it
but you have to want it.
- Okay, a light goes on. - Hey.
- Did you just light us up? - Can I light you up somehow?
Yes, there you go. I'm lit up.
Yeah, she's making innuendos, you know?
I've just spent hours trying to explain to her
that we're not ready for romance yet.
Do you get it when I flirt with you at all?
- Yes, I do. - And does it mean anything to you?
Is it a turn off?
- Uh, it's... - Or is it exciting?
Or are you, like, "It's gross"?
- Okay. - I'm not saying it's gross.
So if I were to lean over and just kiss you right now,
would you push me away?
- Um... no. - [Meri laughs]
I don't know what to say.
Meri and I are in a marriage
but we don't want to be part of a hook-up culture.
Okay? Romance and sex are saved in my world
for people who are in love.
Do you eat corn?
Why not change the subject?
I'm just playing around with Kody, I'm just trying to flirt with him.
I don't know. To me, this is a rejection.
He's really just not interested.
Well, you were asking me a question,
having to do with our conversation about that last trip.
A little while back, Meri and I were having a discussion
about this experience that we had when the five of us
went and saw the Darger family in Utah.
On the way back from that trip, it was late at night,
I was very tired.
I was having a long, deep discussion with my wives
about sort of some of the attitudes that we've manifest
since living in Flagstaff.
When we were traveling home,
we were kind of talking about what we were thinking about for our future
and then all of a sudden, he went really dark.
It frightens me, it scares me, it really, like, frustrates me.
[Kody] I've been trying to be patient with where I'm at.
But, you know, when wives tell me
that their life sort of sucked in plural marriage,
what can I do?
You know, I've been nagged for years about the struggles in plural marriage
Especially with our discussion about moving into one house.
And in the process of that,
I've sort of gotten blown away
by the deep pain and emotion
that can accompany plural marriage.
I really believe my life is just half over.
But I don't want my wives to sit here and live in an unhappy place.
For that long. I mean, that sucks for all of us.
'Cause I feel immense pressure all the time
for satisfying emotional needs of a wife
that I have sometimes no interest in satisfying.
- I'm not giving you pressure. - I know.
I got hopeless...
about our family arrangement and organization.
And started to sort of see
the lack of real desire to be together.
And then complaining about it to cover our asses
that we really don't want to be together.
I have a wife who I think will never be happy
and um...
basically in all the years that I thought we were happy, she wasn't.
I want to be vague about this because I'm specifically trying to get Meri to realize
some things that might help her improve her life,
while complaining about somebody that I do not want to name.
But, like, what do you want for your family?
I want wives who get along with each other and who like each other.
And who don't sit there
and say snotty little [bleep] things to each other
that break their hearts... that break the other's heart.
You know, I'm just too old, I feel like, to sit here
and make a bunch more mistakes for the next ten or 20 years
in relationships that just won't fix.
But I'm sure as hell not gonna do it for another 20 years.
Maybe it is just mid-life crisis, I don't know.
I don't know, maybe God just needs to smite you on top of the head
- to be like... - Make me love everybody?
Make me love everybody? Make me love everybody who is not very lovable?
- Make me cherish... - What do I do that's not lovable?
- I'm not talking about you, Meri. - I need you to talk about me.
You and I have been distanced all these years.
Now it's come to a point where I'm wondering about the whole big picture.
You know, this is not why I started this family with him.
You know, it was me and him at the beginning.
We knew we were gonna have a plural family.
This is not why I started for him 30 years later
to be, like, "Uh, just kidding.
I really don't believe in it anymore."
Okay, maybe this is stupid, but the whole one house thing
was like this huge wake-up call for me
about how much we don't want to be together.
What I'm saying to her is,
"Meri, you and I don't appear to want to be together
and that's also where I'm seeing it in the big picture with the whole family."
We appear not to want to be together.
Like what we have done in the past 30 years or not,
it's 30 years.
This is not something I'm willing to walk away from.
Meri, I'm not motivated by what we've had
to sit her and talk about saving it, though.
Don't get me wrong. Don't get defeated in this.
I have this way of saying these words...
Yeah, you do. You've done it your whole life.
You've done it your whole life and I get that.
And that's why I feel like I give you grace.
I remember some bad times and I'm gonna focus on the good times.
Because we have had some really good times.
And if he's gonna sit here and deny that,
you know, that's really sad to me.
'Cause he's got a freaking pretty amazing family.
Meri, I have a very difficult time
like, visualizing us as a family in the future.
Dude, you've got four wives and 18 kids.
What are you gonna do with us?
Are you just gonna pick an choose who you're gonna keep?
Going forward has me really asking the question,
"Do we really benefit from this?"
It makes me wonder if...
if people wouldn't just... who've been unhappy for so many years
couldn't just leave
and go find something that made them happy?
Instead of sitting and badgering me about how I'm not doing it right anymore.
Would every one of these women be better off married to another guy?
That's the question I'm asking myself.
This is not what I want. This isn't what I signed up for.
I don't want to have a big break-up.
What I'd like instead is a big commitment
that everybody'll actually do their part
and not have it just be me.
Or not have it be blamed on me all the time.
Like, "You didn't do this and this and you don't love me."
All this type of stuff. Well, sometimes I don't.
Love really isn't unconditional.
Maybe some people have that, I don't know.
But I'm going through this experience and I'm going, "I want people to be happy."
And if they're not happy here,
could they just stop making me unhappy with them being unhappy here?
Hey, I need you to rise up and do something about this.
'Cause me doing it alone hasn't worked.
I really would just like to say, "Hey, ladies",
we're just gonna be better.
"We're gonna do better or we're not gonna do it anymore."
She needs to rise up, she needs to change.
And the problem is, there's a tendency for Meri
she starts to go and bully everybody into,
"Hey, you ladies have got to straighten up,
you've got to help me save this marriage."
Without just going,
"Oh, I've got to be accountable for certain things myself."
Nobody here's stuck with me.
Nobody is stuck with me and they can all leave...
Don't say that because that makes people feel like you don't want them.
I want to stay and he still keeps saying it.
And I'm just, like, "Dude, do you not see?
And do you not care if you do see?"
Are we committed? Are we going to be a family?
Are we going to work at it?
Because we are in such a different place right now.
Yeah.
We're better than that.
Like, we don't have to be those people.
We don't have to be that family
that disintegrates because we don't work through issues.
I would be so tempted to kiss you right now.
I'm not even kidding. Just to see how you'd react.
Oh, my ranting actually gets you excited?
No, just sometimes I just feel like kissing you.
[sighs] Happy anniversary, Meri.
Happy anniversary, Meri.
Happy anniversary, Kody.
[Robyn] So far we haven't really handled COVID as a team.
It's hard to get together and feel like I still matter,
I'm still important.
If we don't start taking care of our community now,
it's not gonna exist.
We've had a rough relationship for a couple of years.
[Kody] Plural marriage is a challenge that she doesn't enjoy.
I'll be frank, plural marriage is not a challenge that I enjoy.
I have days when I'm baby hungry and I really want another baby.
If you're trying to commit me, like, right now,
then I'd have to really focus.
What she's doing is,
"You've got to decide if you want to have more kids."