1 00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,737 Welcome to the glamorous life 2 00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:07,573 Of your favorite superhero. 3 00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:11,043 "is he being sarcastic?" you ask. 4 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,045 Yes. Yes he is. 5 00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:16,749 Normally I have it great. 6 00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:20,152 Got the cool powers, the cool team, 7 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,087 The coolest life possible. 8 00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:24,456 But today, ugh, I've got zero cash, 9 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,025 A grueling day of training ahead, 10 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:28,060 And-- 11 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,329 And I'm soaked to my webs. 12 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,765 Ah, sometimes it just isn't fun to be me-- 13 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,333 [deadpool] boring! 14 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,201 Focus your eyeholes on this, spudley. 15 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:41,473 A kung fu fiesta. Arriba-san! 16 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,814 Hiyah! 17 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:52,151 Hwah! 18 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:55,621 [video-game voice] double wedgie achievement unlocked. 19 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:58,390 Dang skippy. Where are my manners? 20 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,360 Introductions. 21 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,228 Call me deadpool. 22 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,198 It rhymes with "no school," "too cool," "ain't no fool," 23 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,801 And "I'm the best that there is at what I do--ool." 24 00:01:08,803 --> 00:01:10,536 Moving on. 25 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:13,105 I'm on a mission to find the secret hq of taskmaster. 26 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,840 The big boss for these cheese clowns. 27 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:18,243 And nothin', but nothin', better get in my way. 28 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,312 What, like the dozen swords in your back? 29 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:23,415 [laughs] I don't have swords in my-- 30 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,085 Yuck. Gonna go hurl now. 31 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,619 Huh, that's gonna leave a mark. 32 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,622 Oh wait. No it isn't. I have a healing factor. 33 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,857 [laughs] yay me! 34 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,193 'scuse me while I pull these pot stickers 35 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,861 Out of my spleen and knock some heads. 36 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,129 Deadpool, out. 37 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,730 Hey, where'd you guys go? 38 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,133 Spider-man stinks! 39 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,734 Aah! 40 00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:55,514 [deadpool] it's ultimate deadpool! 41 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:58,484 Yeah. You got 'pooled. 42 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,319 Ha-cha. 43 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,625 [mini-spidey] ugh, p-u. 44 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,362 Hey, web-head. 45 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,597 Wow, you stink. 46 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,599 So I've heard. 47 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,400 It's like I've had a target on my back all day. 48 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:18,871 Last at training, first at bat. 49 00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:21,773 Spider-sense tingle--uh-oh. 50 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,208 Ugh! 51 00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:25,410 [laughing] 52 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,779 Not impressed. 20 minute course run. 53 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:31,483 [coulson] everyone else take five. 54 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,252 Stupid robots. 55 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,454 Stupid shield training--aah! 56 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,489 Could this get any worse? 57 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:44,263 [deadpool] fury's stupid program was totally worth it. 58 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,497 I'm telling ya', stick with it 59 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,499 And bam, pow, shabang, 60 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,502 You too might someday defeat half the latverian army. 61 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,438 Like I did, as I'm sure you've heard. 62 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,208 Plus, I 'stached doctor doom. 63 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,578 You? 'stached doctor doom? 64 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,647 Check it. 65 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,482 I will crush you. 66 00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:06,518 Crush. You. All! 67 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,420 Why are you laughing? 68 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,923 Do I have something on my face? 69 00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,591 Deadpool! 70 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,260 [laughter] 71 00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,729 I missed your laugh the most, tiger. 72 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,565 And I mean that for realsies. 73 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,233 Bff's, 'kay? 74 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:24,369 Ugh, anyone smell barbecued bug? 75 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,871 It's been kind of a rough day. 76 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,873 I'm-- extremely ripe! 77 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,541 Yeesh. 78 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,811 Here. Strong enough for a man, but made for a spider. 79 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:37,649 So you're fury's newest guppy. 80 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,785 Arachni-boy, right? Big fan, big fan. 81 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:43,222 I follow all your flops on "superhero fails." 82 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,489 Aah! 83 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,892 Ugh! 84 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,360 [laughs] 85 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,561 What? 86 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,430 [deadpool] ah, you are comedy gold, my friend. 87 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:55,234 Or at least comedy oatmeal. As for me, you already know, 88 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,401 I'm deadpool. 89 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,238 Superhero supreme with a side of bam. 90 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,739 Nice to see you kept my color scheme 91 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,475 When you copied my suit. Am I, like, your idol? 92 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:06,511 Never heard of you. I designed this costume myself. 93 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:10,315 Sure. Black and white eyes, red suit. 94 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,850 Though you made it your own with the crossword theme. 95 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:15,587 Oh wait. Webs! Those are webs. [laughs] 96 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,623 No pouches though. You need pouches. 97 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,626 Which reminds me why I'm here. 98 00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,527 Gotta' use the little boys' computer. 99 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,896 Someone explain. Now. 100 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,598 [spider-man] not nova. 101 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,567 Deadpool used to train with us. 102 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,869 He left fury's hero program right before you got here. 103 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,971 He follows his own drummer. 104 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,707 And man, his drummer drums loud. 105 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,376 Now he's living the dream. 106 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,977 A freelance hero. 107 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:42,381 Fun, freedom, and fighting crime however he wants. 108 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:45,484 Deadpool is the best. The best. 109 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,885 Everybody loves him. 110 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,454 Everybody? Even fury? 111 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:53,358 [fury] if I had a son, I'd want him to be just like you. 112 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,726 Here, have an eye-patch. 113 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,762 It's true. Nick totally adopted me. 114 00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,997 I have papers. And the eye patch. 115 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,499 I wear it under my mask. 116 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,467 How are you in my head? 117 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,669 Maybe I'm not. 118 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,470 You're in my head. 119 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,706 Am I blowing your mind yet? 120 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,908 Why the alumni visit, deadpool? 121 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,944 Long story short, this bad dude, agent macguffin, 122 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,514 Swiped encrypted shield files with the secret identities 123 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,849 Of every known hero. Including mine! 124 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:20,552 And yours. And hers. 125 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:21,920 And his. And his. And his. 126 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,488 That's huge. 127 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,558 We should be on that case. Why didn't fury tell us? 128 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,694 Word is that fury left his shield tablet 129 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,596 In a hotel bathroom. [laughs] 130 00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,565 So you can see why he'd want to be discrete. 131 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,600 Now, see I agreed to help even though fury and me 132 00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,569 Don't always see eye to eye. 133 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,471 Now, do you get that? 134 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,807 Eye to eye? Eye to eye! 135 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:45,510 Hm, get it? [laughs] 136 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,547 Yeah, I do eye jokes too. 137 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,015 Plus, you know how busy fury is. 138 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,616 I'm sure he's doing something important 139 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,652 As we speak. 140 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:56,822 [monkeys screeching] 141 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,623 Deadpool. 142 00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,663 [deadpool laughs] 143 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,798 Gotcha. 144 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,500 Well, since I've got all the info I need 145 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,036 About agent macguffin, that creep, 146 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,773 I figure it's time to get back to all the fun of being me. 147 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,876 Spider-man, back to training. 148 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,078 I got 20 new shield-bots with your name on 'em. 149 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,681 Here's a thought, how about I come with you? 150 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,549 Shadow the old spidey? 151 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,451 The first deadpool. 152 00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,453 Yeah, whatever. This macguffin thing is serious. 153 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,655 And hero graduate or other, 154 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,457 I think you could use some backup. 155 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,626 And, to be honest, at this exact moment 156 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,395 Your life sounds way cooler than mine. 157 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:39,664 Ah, you seek to learn from the master. 158 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,900 Today, you become a man. 159 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,469 A spider-man. 160 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:45,737 See ya, peeps. 161 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,439 [spider-man] whoa! 162 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,141 [laughs] 163 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:52,477 Spidey's about to get 'pooled. 164 00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:55,547 Is deadpool here? Did he take anything? 165 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,948 [monkey screeches] 166 00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:00,452 [whistling, yawning] 167 00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:03,021 [spider-man] you've got to be kidding me. 168 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,890 You have your own personal jet? 169 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:08,026 Yup. It was a present from one tony stark. 170 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,533 He never gave me a jet. 171 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,134 Seriously, from one super dude to another, 172 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,569 What's your secret? 173 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,871 Origin story time! 174 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,440 Yeah! 175 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:24,509 [deadpool] ever since I can remember, 176 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,445 I've always been a fighter. 177 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,213 [spider-man] how am I in your origin story? 178 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,781 [deadpool] don't question greatness. 179 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,451 It was like genetic engineering or whatever. 180 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,820 [deadpool] I didn't pay attention in social studies. 181 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,522 I was a normal baby for 30 seconds. 182 00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,524 Then ninjas stole my mama. 183 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,460 [crying] 184 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:44,529 Nick fury saw my awesome, took me in, 185 00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,231 Suckled me on the sweet milk of justice. 186 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,033 Um, ew? 187 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,969 You're a good listener. I like you. 188 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,972 Some advice, ditch fury. Go freelance, like me. 189 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,174 No rules, more fun and money. 190 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,009 Lotsa' money. 191 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,645 Wait. You get paid? 192 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:04,516 I get zapped by robots, and you get paid. 193 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,985 Freelance hero sounds pretty good. 194 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,822 Uh-oh! Dots. 195 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,124 [both] aah, jetpacks! Jinx. 196 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,795 As I suspected. 197 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,897 Agent macguffin is selling shield secrets 198 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,766 To evil forces of evil. I have a plan. 199 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,568 Plan? 200 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,670 Improvisation. It's my jam. 201 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,938 Aah! 202 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,542 Oh, a screaming contest. Aah! 203 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,258 Told ya' I had a plan. 204 00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,993 [singing] la, la, la, la. 205 00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:54,232 Easy come, easy go. 206 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,167 [laughs] I rhymed. 207 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,610 So weird. 208 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,646 These guys look a lot like taskmaster. 209 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:08,914 [spider-man] bad dude. 210 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,315 He can copy anyone's fighting style 211 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,550 Just by watching them. 212 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:12,784 Tried to recruit me once. 213 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,019 'stache. 214 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,320 How do you keep doing that? 215 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,622 Uh-oh. Oh, shiny. 216 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:18,857 What is that? 217 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,659 You see my spidey-sense? 218 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,661 It's this thing in my brain that warns me of danger. 219 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,763 I'll give you a thousand bucks for your brain. 220 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,565 Wait. Danger? 221 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,901 [both] this is gonna' hurt. Jinx. 222 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,677 Grunt of effort! 223 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:45,016 Aah! 224 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:47,886 Wee! 225 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:51,756 Hey, I'm still falling. 226 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,191 Dude, what kind of plan was that? 227 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,093 If it weren't for my trusty web-shooters, 228 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,328 I'd be bug paste right now. 229 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,997 Ah, so "by the book." 230 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,332 But if you're gonna' go freelance 231 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,335 You have to learn to live a little, spidey. 232 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,337 Whoa! Aah! 233 00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:10,175 Aim for the leafy parts. Foliage is your friend. 234 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,209 Ugh. 235 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,244 [deadpool laughs] 236 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,848 Oh, our landings were so different. 237 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,284 Aah! Ugh. 238 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,719 I think I've had enough of you. 239 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,355 Shh--hush, little hero. 240 00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,390 Luxuriate in the beat of your heart, 241 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,993 The feeling you might puke if someone offered you 242 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,394 Fish sticks. 243 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,763 Steaming hot. 244 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,400 [wretches] 245 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,836 I have gum! 246 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:41,072 I'm starting to rethink this little field trip. 247 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,374 Just tell me what your plan is. 248 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,243 We go into that compound, find agent macguffin, 249 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,878 Snag the list, 250 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,247 Then un-alive taskmaster and his acolytes, capiche? 251 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,216 Wait, un-alive them? 252 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,218 Yeah, yeah here's the thing, 253 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,320 I can't really say the k-word out loud. 254 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,922 It's a weird mental tick. [laughs] 255 00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,157 But we're gonna destroy them, make them disappear, 256 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,027 Sleep them with the fishes. We'll k-word them. 257 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:05,096 K-word? You mean you want to kill them? 258 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,198 Whoa, yeah, 259 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,401 That does sound bad when you say it out loud. 260 00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:11,870 And yes, we're going to un-alive them. 261 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,338 We can't un-alive them. 262 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,407 We can't un-alive anyone. Deadpool! 263 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:25,984 Huh? 264 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:29,888 I said no. 265 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,256 Boy you've got a short fuse. 266 00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,958 Me too! 267 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:37,362 Huh? Run! 268 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:41,066 Aah! 269 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,333 Huh? 270 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,336 Break dancing. Ow! 271 00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,009 What's your hang up, webs? 272 00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,114 [laughs] see how I did that? 273 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,348 "webs" and "hanging?" 274 00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,284 Yeah, I saw what you did. 275 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,952 You tried to blow those guys up. 276 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:04,289 Ugh, guilt over a little spilt guts? 277 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,057 I used to be the same. 278 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,759 I bet you have a little angel on your shoulder 279 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,794 Telling you un-aliving someone is bad. 280 00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:13,331 [angel spidey sings] ah, ah, ah, ah. 281 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:17,135 [mini-deadpool] psst, that's shield brainwashing 101. 282 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,336 You wanna' earn the big bucks? 283 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:21,239 Ditch the rules for once. 284 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,141 You're not a freelance hero. 285 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,442 You're a mercenary. 286 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,145 You'll do anything for money. Well, forget it. 287 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,947 Okay, prince goody-two-webs. 288 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,448 That's cool. Righteous... 289 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:34,252 But the bad guys ain't gonna return the favor. 290 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,287 Ow? 291 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,956 Eh, whatevs. You know, 292 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,958 I got a healing factor that makes wolverine go like, 293 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,194 "uh, I wish I had deadpool's healing factor, bub." 294 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,263 It's all in my origin story. 295 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,898 Once, a nerdy little kid 296 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,167 Fell into a radioactive swimming pool. 297 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,970 And he emerged with incredible powers. 298 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,238 [spider-man] enough. 299 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,439 [taskmaster] spider-man. 300 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,408 Nice of you to finally visit my school. 301 00:12:57,410 --> 00:13:00,812 Unfortunately I'm no longer accepting applicants. 302 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:04,115 We've come for the list of shield agents, taskmaster. 303 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,850 And for agent macguffin. 304 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,086 We who? 305 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:11,322 Me and dead-- deadpool! 306 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,292 Deadpool is here? 307 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,262 What? 308 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:20,365 Boogity-boo! 309 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:24,102 [laughs] did you miss me? 310 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,071 You. You're out of your mind to come here. 311 00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,407 I will destroy you. 312 00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:33,878 Dude, how-- 313 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,314 Taskmaster can copy your moves just by watching you fight. 314 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,249 Uh, maybe your moves, binky. 315 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,317 Check it. 316 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,554 How do you like this? Wa-hoo! 317 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:50,428 Set the body to "stun." 318 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:54,265 Gonna catch ya'. Gonna catch ya'! 319 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,167 What I tell ya'? What I tell ya'? 320 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:59,237 I said I'd get ya'. Uh-huh. 321 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,106 Shaking my milkshake. Oh yeah. 322 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,875 Shake it back and forth. Uh-huh, you know it. 323 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,077 You love it. Uh! 324 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,213 Uh-huh. 325 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,215 Open up wide, tasky. 326 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,417 [spider-man] no! 327 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,986 You know, sometimes you are just no fun. 328 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,989 We'll discuss our definitions of "fun" later. 329 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,862 Let's get this shield drive out of here 330 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,430 Before anyone's secret identity gets revealed. 331 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:28,633 Oh wait, wait. I want to watch this one. 332 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,969 Nope. 333 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:34,239 Oh, come on. I thought we bonded. 334 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:37,075 Wait, let me guess. You're aaron applebaum. 335 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,543 Aaron astin. Aaron atwater! 336 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,578 Are you just going to keep yelling names from "a" to "z" 337 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,013 Until you guess? 338 00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,048 No. 339 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,350 Barry barrington! 340 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:46,384 You're not well. 341 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,586 [laughs] I know. 342 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,488 Oh, cool. What's that? 343 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,590 I'm gonna call shield so they can pick up the file 344 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,192 And taskmaster. 345 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,326 Oops! You broke it. 346 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,629 Hey! What'd you do that for? 347 00:14:57,631 --> 00:14:59,163 [taskmaster] oh, spider-man. 348 00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,099 If you'd studied with me instead of fury 349 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,301 You might not be so naive. 350 00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,569 Who do think I stole 351 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,138 The identity list from in the fist place? 352 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,539 Agent macguffin? 353 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:10,141 Heh. Confession time. 354 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,043 Yeah, it was me. 355 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,945 You? 356 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,247 And there is no agent macguffin. [laughs] 357 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,049 And also I stole the list from shield, 358 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,484 But taskmaster swiped it from me 359 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,185 When I left my pouches in the potty. 360 00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,387 What? 361 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,555 Dude, couldn't help it. I had indian food. 362 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,324 My legs went numb I was in there so long. 363 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,359 You stole the list? Why? 364 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,996 [laughs] to sell it, silly. Ca-ching! 365 00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,498 I tell you what, 366 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,334 Ditch fury and I'll cut you in for 10%. 367 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,070 We'll be a team. But I get top billing. 368 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,239 So, we're gonna fight, then? 369 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,241 Yeah, pretty much. 370 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,477 Okay... Boom. 371 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,046 Seriously? 372 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,049 I hate you, deadpool. 373 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,084 [deadpool] I know you mean "love." 374 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,693 Whoa, don't break that. That's a collector's item. 375 00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:11,069 Are you out of your mind? 376 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,171 Totally. But I know that list 377 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,106 Is going to make some super villain very happy. 378 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,608 And that's gonna make me very rich. 379 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,644 So hand it over and I'll only 380 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,612 Partially un-alive you. 381 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,015 Yikes. 382 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,652 [both] huh? 383 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,721 Duck! 384 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,622 No, piranhas! 385 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,691 Aah! 386 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,661 They're so bitey. 387 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,731 Oh that's so much funnier when it happens to someone else. 388 00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,265 Booby traps. 389 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,034 [laughs] you said, "traps." 390 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,639 I can't believe I actually looked up to you. 391 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,508 You're just as bad as taskmaster. 392 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,410 Sometimes. 393 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,646 And sometimes I'm bad for money, sometimes I'm good for money. 394 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,616 As long as I'm having fun with said money, 395 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,753 I make my own rules. What was that? 396 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,625 Aah! 397 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,293 You can't just do whatever you want 398 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:10,628 Without the consequences. 399 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,096 That's how people get hurt. 400 00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:15,533 Ugh, come on, you sound just like fury. 401 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,734 Except not as cool. 402 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,337 It'll help if I pop out your eye. 403 00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:24,609 You're good... For a total psycho. 404 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,511 [laughs] 405 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:30,148 Oh goody, oh, it's the insult game, okay. 406 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,784 They should call you "elevator operator" 407 00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:34,752 'cause you're bringing me down. 408 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,587 Or "tonsils" 409 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:40,425 'cause you're a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh! 410 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:43,661 Lame. Next you'll be telling me to "go soak my head." 411 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:47,131 Ah, what a swellegant idea. 412 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,699 But it'll look a lot funnier 413 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,436 In my imagination. 414 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,538 What? 415 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,408 Spider-man, 416 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,644 Go soak your head. 417 00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:05,416 Stop doing that. You can't attack me with puns. 418 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,820 Puns and bullets and pointy things. Yes I can. 419 00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,721 I'm running the show now. 420 00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:15,093 And this is just the tip of the spear. 421 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,563 This fight is getting fishy. 422 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:21,265 Smooth moves, but I gotta' give you the hook. 423 00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,736 You can't just string this along. 424 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:31,609 Arr, fancy meeting you here, me wee squiggly spider. 425 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,812 Huh? 426 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,247 Fun house! 427 00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,715 More like a mad house. 428 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,885 You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you? 429 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:49,494 Fight me any way you want. You're not getting that list. 430 00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,566 Aah! Hey! 431 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,202 Welcome to the funny farm. Where you belong. 432 00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:02,140 [laughs] don't count your chickens just yet. 433 00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:10,481 Aah! 434 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:14,685 I can fantasy fight 'til the cows come home. 435 00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,757 Ow. Ow ow ow. Sue-wee! Ow. 436 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:23,594 Oh, I walked into that one. Ow. 437 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:26,197 Don't you ever take anything seriously? 438 00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:30,334 Your shield training? Fury's rules? Responsibilities? 439 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:33,204 Forget shield. Forget rules. 440 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:36,641 Forget that these shiny sticks are swords and hop right on. 441 00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:40,778 There's one rule I'll never forget. 442 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:41,946 I'm throwing the book at you. 443 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:44,782 Oh, see I knew you had a pouch. 444 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,651 Copycat! 445 00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,785 [book voice] with great power, 446 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,421 Comes great responsibility. 447 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,390 Ugh, that's not very clever. 448 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,458 Or funny-- 449 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,535 Eh, I mastered "fantasy fu." 450 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,871 Morality, ha! 451 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,640 You know, we don't all have the luxury of morals. 452 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,542 Have I told you my origin story? 453 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,979 Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth? 454 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,415 You can't handle the truth. 455 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,951 Really? 456 00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:21,586 Fine. 457 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,221 So once there was a kid, 458 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,790 A weird, special kid. 459 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,625 And his life was a toilet. 460 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,660 Maybe somebody treated him badly. 461 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,797 Maybe he got hurt by bad people. 462 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,938 So maybe fury's hero-school was the boost he needed. 463 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,977 And for a while, the kid bought what fury was selling. 464 00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,712 Until he realized 465 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,814 It was more fun to laugh at the pain. 466 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,817 To hurt those that hurt you, times a thousand. 467 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:55,253 Forget it! You wouldn't understand. 468 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,821 Actually I do. 469 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,656 If things had gone a little bit differently, 470 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,791 I could have been just like deadpool. 471 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,660 Okay, so I'm gonna call this one, bugs. 472 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:03,995 [deadpool] you beat me fair and square, 473 00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,896 Making me feel emotions and stuff. 474 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,965 So I'm gonna go home and cry myself to sleep 475 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,767 On my bed made of money. 476 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,370 Hang on. You're coming back to shield too. 477 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:13,604 You have to face fury. 478 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,841 "you have to face fury." [laughs] 479 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,809 You're hilarious. 480 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:21,779 Smell ya' later, sucker. Bye, spider-man. 481 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,714 Ouch, my butt's burning! 482 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,384 Weirdest fight ever. 483 00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,052 But at least I got the list back. 484 00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:30,421 Sure did. You da man. 485 00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:33,357 You know, I know a guy who'd pay top dollar for that-- 486 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,326 Yes I am the man. 487 00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:37,395 The spider-man.