1 00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:08,383 Read it, Hannah. 2 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:09,967 PIease, no. 3 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,178 -Hannah, just read it. -Marnie doesn't want me to read it. 4 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,513 -Just read it. -I need to hear... 5 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,099 To hear the honesty in your voice. Just read it. 6 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,941 "Marnie has to stop whining and break up with him aIready. 7 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:28,111 "Of course it wiII be painfuI, but she's aIready in so much agony, 8 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,114 "stuck in a prison of his kindness." 9 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,991 -That's not necessariIy a bad... -Just finish, just finish. 10 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:37,370 "Just because someone is kind doesn't mean they're right. 11 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,748 "Better to end it now, cut off the Iimb, and Iet the stump heaI. 12 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:44,293 "He'II find someone eIse, someone who appreciates his kind of smothering Iove." 13 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:45,503 Oh. 14 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,130 Nice. 15 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,507 Okay, I wish I'd never found it. 16 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,802 I do. I swear. I wish I'd never found it, but I did. 17 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,053 You know? I did. 18 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:56,347 That is not my journaI. Those aren't my feeIings. 19 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,266 No, they're Hannah's feeIings about your feeIings. 20 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,976 No, Hannah knows nothing. 21 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,854 It is a journaI! Why wouId she Iie in the journaI? 22 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,313 That is the point, is not to Iie! 23 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,694 Okay, I don't want to spIit hairs here, but it's actuaIIy not a journaI, it's a notebook. 24 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:10,778 It's notes for a book. 25 00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,530 So you want the whoIe fucking worId 26 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,408 to hear aII your vaIuabIe thoughts about my reIationship? 27 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,285 No, I'm just saying that I feeI that "journaI" impIies, 28 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,328 Iike, a 1 3-year-oId girI who rides horses 29 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,456 and is obsessed with her mom. It's just not what I'm doing. 30 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,500 It's not yours to write about, Hannah. It's my Iife. 31 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:28,296 Okay, I deserve honesty and respect 32 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,174 because I am an important part of this community. 33 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:32,800 What community? 34 00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,678 The fucking community of this apartment. 35 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,680 -You are. -You don't pay rent. 36 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:38,765 Shut up. You know what? 37 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,725 I wouIdn't even want to stay here if I wanted to. 38 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,519 You know what it's Iike to not have me here? 39 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,146 -That's what that feeIs Iike. -HoIy shit! 40 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,606 -That's what that feeIs Iike. -HANNAH: Oh, my God! 41 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,317 -Okay, I buiIt this. I buiIt this fucking thing. -MARNIE: You're being crazy. 42 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,652 That's the kind of thing you do right before you hit us. Don't hit us! 43 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:54,197 -You're a dick. So are you. -CharIie! Come back. 44 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,448 -You guys are fucking dicks. -You reaIIy hurt me. 45 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:58,701 -My ankIe knob and my knee! -CHARLIE: Fuck you! 46 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,620 MARNIE: I did nothing wrong! I didn't write it! 47 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,704 CHARLIE: That's funny. 48 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,081 -That's so true. -Didn't fucking write it. 49 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,129 (SLAMS DOOR) 50 00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,340 -Hey, Marnie? -What? 51 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,091 If you had read the essay and it wasn't about you, 52 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,927 do you think you wouId've Iiked it? 53 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,512 Just as, Iike, a piece of writing. 54 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,062 (lNFlNlTY GUlTARS PLAYING) 55 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:38,074 (SLURPS) 56 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,451 I'm gonna get him back. 57 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,079 I'm gonna put on my party dress and my sorry face, 58 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,330 and I'm gonna get him back. 59 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,959 Are you sure that's what you want? I mean, you didn't seem happy with him. 60 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,836 I'm definiteIy not happy now. 61 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,921 You've done reaI damage. 62 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,339 Okay, I didn't Ieave my notebook out. 63 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,383 He was snooping through aII my stuff. That's Iike a crime. 64 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,094 You said some reaIIy, reaIIy mean things about our reIationship. 65 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,763 But they were true. 66 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,392 Maybe you just can't see this that cIearIy because you've never been Ioved this much. 67 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,146 Except by me. I Iove you that much. 68 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,690 Great. 69 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,149 And your dad, obviousIy. 70 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,320 And your boss. 71 00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,322 I hate everyone who Ioves me. 72 00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,867 He touches my butt, Chastity, LesIey... 73 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,702 But, Iike, mine kind of especiaIIy. 74 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,162 And then I'm 20 minutes Iate, and he doesn't say anything about it. 75 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:26,956 So I'm not gonna compIain about the whoIe thing. 76 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,624 Okay, be honest. 77 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,751 You're sort of fIattered by the whoIe thing. 78 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,546 I'm not fIattered by sexuaI harassment. 79 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,965 Why not? I Iove that stuff. 80 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:40,386 "Sir, I have haIf a mind to caII the authorities. How dare you?" 81 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,054 You shouId hump him. 82 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,515 That is disgusting. I wouId never. 83 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,227 He wouId Iike that. I wouId never. Why? 84 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:49,604 For the story, Hannah. 85 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,315 WeII, I can't fuck anyone 'cause I have a boyfriend. 86 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,900 -Who? -Adam. 87 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,568 I toId him everything. 88 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,905 How he was torturing me. How sad I was, and he responded in such a IoveIy way. 89 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:02,533 He, Iike, kissed me and kissed me and kissed me and he said, "Be who you are." 90 00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,076 And he touched my face. 91 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,162 And, Iike, we're basicaIIy together now. 92 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,496 Right. 93 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,833 WeII, guys Iike that wiII try anything once. 94 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,586 Even Iove. 95 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,227 What coIor's that, awkward marine? 96 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,438 -EggsheII bIue. -EggsheII bIue? 97 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,982 I Iike the way it fineIy cIashes with your mascara. 98 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,109 It just kind of aggressiveIy cIashes. 99 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,861 -Ray? -Just finishing up with a customer here. 100 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,530 Just aggressiveIy just cIashing. 101 00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:44,033 Bang, bang, bang. You have bangs, too. 102 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,202 -AII right, Iet me know what you think. -Ray. 103 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,537 I hope to God no one thinks you're here to see me. 104 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,623 I am here to see you. 105 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,458 Look, I get you, okay? 106 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,377 I know what you're about, and I don't Iike it. 107 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,879 -You don't Iike it? -I don't Iike it, okay? 108 00:04:57,005 --> 00:05:00,466 I don't Iike it when you ass-fuck my best friend in the heart. 109 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,885 I don't know what that means. 110 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,137 -CharIie's a good guy, okay? -I know. 111 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:08,641 He's not some dick-hoIe for you to toy around with. 112 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:09,976 Are you, Iike, in Iove with him? 113 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,770 More than you are. Yeah, maybe I am. Okay? 114 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,397 And the Iast thing he needs is more abuse from you. 115 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,148 -I know. -You know? 116 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,316 -Yes. -If you know, 117 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,734 then what the fuck are you doing here right now? 118 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:20,987 I need his address. 119 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,655 You've never... 120 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,323 Been to his apartment, no. 121 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:27,159 I've never been to his apartment, okay? So I need his address. 122 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,956 -Come on, Ray. -Don't gesture Iike that. 123 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,749 Don't make a scene. 124 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,210 I'm onIy writing this down because it's starting to smeII 125 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,545 Iike a Bath & Body Works in here. 126 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:41,090 TypicaIIy, I'd ask for a bIowjob or something, but I don't even want to hate-fuck you. 127 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,717 It's that reaI. 128 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,512 You shrink me up, baIIs right in my stomach. 129 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,638 What? 130 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,269 Good work, keep it up. 131 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:59,692 RICH: Chastity, sweetheart, wouId you show Hannah how to break down a freaking box? 132 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,128 (BUZZES OPEN) 133 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:25,885 -You did aII of this? -Yeah. 134 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,762 I mean, weII, Ray heIped. 135 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,806 I am so impressed. 136 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,060 SeriousIy, it Iooks awesome in here. 137 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,353 It's Iike a Target ad. Perfect. 138 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,272 -A Target ad? -Yeah. 139 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,107 Everything has a pIace. It's awesome. 140 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,818 Yeah, I know. I think it came out pretty good, you're right. 141 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,820 It's not quite Target ad but... 142 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,656 Whatever. 143 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,160 I kept teIIing you. 144 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,870 I kept teIIing you to come over. 145 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,414 You never toId me to come over here. 146 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:58,167 I did. I toId you a bunch of times. 147 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,836 And then I stopped. 148 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,923 WeII, it's not exactIy easy for me to get here from work, so... 149 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,051 It's not that hard. I take the bus to the train. 150 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,345 Yeah, weII, you never sIeep here. 151 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,140 -So... -WeII, I wiII now. 152 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:20,481 JEFF: So, we'II be back around 7:00, but if we're Iate, 153 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,691 just order pizza or some takeout... 154 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:24,985 Whoa. 155 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,946 You Iook fancy. 156 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,197 I'm going out, 157 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,241 but I wiII be back in time for the chiIdren. 158 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,201 Okay, where you going? 159 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,246 Um... To meet a friend from San Francisco. 160 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,873 Boyfriend? 161 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,835 WeII, he was, but... 162 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:44,004 ActuaIIy, I don't even know why he wants to see me. He dumped me. 163 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,382 -SeriousIy? -Yeah. 164 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,927 I know, it's embarrassing. What? You've never been dumped? 165 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,221 Are you kidding? I aIways got dumped. I never dumped a girI. 166 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,514 Okay, you're Iying. 167 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,183 Yeah, I'm Iying because I want to sound so cooI. 168 00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,894 KATHERINE: So those keys did not work to the storage unit, 169 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,897 so we're just gonna have to buy new boogie boards. 170 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,276 -Hi, everyone. -Hi. 171 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:11,282 So this is where the party's at. 172 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,950 (ALL CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY) 173 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,286 I'm actuaIIy just Ieaving. 174 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,329 Jessa, is that Katherine's Iipstick? 175 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,957 Don't be a tattIetaIe, Jeff. 176 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:23,335 It's totaIIy cooI. I have Iike 1 5 from gift bags. They're free, so... 177 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,839 Yeah, okay, weII... 178 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,299 -I'm Ieaving. -Oh. 179 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,634 Where are you, um... Oh. 180 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,971 -See you, Jeff. -Yeah. See you. 181 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,141 Look, we're not grown-ups. 182 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,019 We don't have kids. 183 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,605 -We don't share a house. -But I Iove your house. 184 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:45,524 There's nothing keeping us together 185 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,444 other than the fact that we have aIready been together for so Iong. 186 00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,113 Look... 187 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,534 I'm... 188 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,578 I don't know what there is Ieft to say. 189 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,832 You're not in Iove with me anymore. 190 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,797 (HEARTBEATS PLAYING) 191 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,799 Just breathe, okay? 192 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,051 -Just breathe. -I'm breathing. 193 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:15,346 -Are you okay? -I can't move. I'm stuck to this poIe. 194 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,389 What did you eat? What did you drink? 195 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,100 I don't know, some guy... Him, that guy. 196 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,394 -What are those? -Pot brownies. 197 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,772 -What's on them? -JeII-O shots. 198 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:28,484 -Is the music going Iike... (VOCALIZES) -Yes, yes, yes. 199 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,237 Do you feeI Iike your heart's gonna just faII out through your vagina? 200 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,114 Maybe I do. I don't... Yeah. 201 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,866 Oh, my God. I want one. 202 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:38,202 You're gonna be fine. I'm gonna be here with you. 203 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,497 -I'm not Ieaving you. -Thank you, I reaIIy appreciate this. 204 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,916 -Hannah, Hannah, I've been Iooking for you. -Hi! Hi! 205 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,834 You did your makeup Iike I toId you to. 206 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,586 -I Iove you. -I Iove you. 207 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,672 Oh, my God, Marnie's stuck to this poIe. 208 00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,132 Why are you stuck to a poIe? 209 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,968 I can't move. I'm very scared. 210 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,179 Oh, my God! 211 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,431 -Scissor Sisters! -Scissor Sisters! 212 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,685 -No, I can't. She's stuck to the poIe. -She's stuck to a poIe? 213 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,395 WiII you be okay for five minutes? 214 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,397 PIease, don't Ieave. I don't feeI comfortabIe. 215 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,440 -You're fine. -You don't know that. 216 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,944 -I just want to dance for five minutes. -CharIie, CharIie. 217 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,613 -Can you dance Iater? -Marnie... 218 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,032 Watch this girI whiIe I go fuck my girIfriend. 219 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,327 -I'm not okay. -Marnie, CharIie. 220 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,870 CharIie, just watch her. 221 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,710 -Hi. Hi. -Hi. 222 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,047 -You aII right? -I'm scared. 223 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,426 I ate something, and I'm scared now. 224 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,761 Do you want something? You want me to get you water or food? 225 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,221 I don't think there's food, but I can get you some... 226 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,389 Can you give me a hug? 227 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,349 A hug? Like a hug? 228 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,685 Yeah, yeah. 229 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,312 -Up top? Like this? -Yeah. 230 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,107 -How's that? -That feeIs better. 231 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,904 Thank you. 232 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,992 Hey, if you're feeIing better in Iike an hour, 233 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,703 my band is pIaying right next door if you wanna come. 234 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:04,705 CouId you hug me again? 235 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,832 Yeah. 236 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,667 CHARLIE: Yeah. 237 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,878 You had these bangs and that headband. 238 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:15,049 And I swear to God you Iooked exactIy Iike this girI that I saw in this porn. 239 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,842 It was caIIed Sophomore Sluts. 240 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:20,721 And I, IiteraIIy, that night went back just to check it out 'cause I swear it was you. 241 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,931 You watch porn? 242 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,559 Yeah, sometimes. 243 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,770 Why don't you just, Iike, 244 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,440 picture us having sex? 245 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,903 -I can't. -Why not? 246 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,822 Because that makes me sadder. 247 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,837 The fiIes you requested, Rich. 248 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:57,341 Thanks, hon. Just pIop them on the desk there. 249 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,427 -PIop. -(CHUCKLES) 250 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,388 I'm gonna work through Iunch. 251 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,014 Can I send you out for a sandwich? 252 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,891 -Yeah, of course you can. -Thanks. 253 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,935 You can send me anywhere, anytime. It's my job. 254 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,812 Great, so for a sandwich. 255 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,357 Turkey, rye, Russian dressing. 256 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,651 No tomato, though. I don't... 257 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,486 Be honest with me, Rich. 258 00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,321 Okay, drop the sandwich stuff. 259 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,407 I know you want to fuck me. 260 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:26,453 I've been abIe to teII since I first started working here. 261 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:30,249 And at first it was repuIsive to me, 262 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,209 but now I'm game. 263 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:36,088 So I think we shouId just do this before I change my mind. 264 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,052 I'm a married man, Hannah. 265 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,013 I've got a boyfriend. You know what? AduIts try things. 266 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,473 That's what I've Iearned. 267 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,016 We work together. 268 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,727 This is an inappropriate way to taIk to your empIoyer. 269 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,813 Rich, you don't need to fight it. 270 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,648 I'm not, Iike, trying to frame you. 271 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,694 I am Ietting you know that it is okay for you to act on this fantasy 272 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,029 because I am gross 273 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,990 and so are you. 274 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,912 (LAUGHS) 275 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,210 -I'm sorry. -What? 276 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,841 -What is funny? -Nothing, nothing. 277 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,552 I'm, Iike, making your fantasies come true. Why are you Iaughing? 278 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,471 No, no, it's just... I mean... 279 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,307 What's going on with, you know... Hannah. 280 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,726 What's going on is that you kept acting Iike you wanted to fuck me, 281 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,561 -so I said you couId fuck me. -No, no, not at aII. 282 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,689 No, I never... I never... No, no. PIease... 283 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,399 Hannah? 284 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:41,069 Hannah, wait, are you on drugs? 285 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,821 I couId sue you, you know. 286 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,909 -Excuse me? -I couId sue you. 287 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,660 Chastity, LesIey, me... 288 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:52,164 WhoIe office, cIass action, we go Erin Brockovich on your ass 289 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:55,250 in a way you wouId distinctIy dis-enjoy. We sue you. 290 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,795 Hannah, you bareIy have the wherewithaI 291 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,590 to get to work at 1 0:00 a.m., Iet aIone sue somebody. 292 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,009 There's no suing app on your iPhone. 293 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,802 InsuIt me, that's fine. 294 00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:08,305 I'm quitting this job, and it's for sexuaI reasons. 295 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,641 So why don't you write me a check for 1 ,000 bucks 296 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,726 -and I drop the Iawsuit. -Jesus! (LAUGHING) 297 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,438 I'm sorry. No, Hannah. 298 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,940 -PIease. -PIease what? 299 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,567 Listen, pIease don't quit. 300 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,528 We can get past this. 301 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,738 -You want to get past this? -Yeah. 302 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:29,201 I just tried to fuck you, sue you, and extort you. 303 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,453 I'm fucking nuts. Why wouId you want me in your office? 304 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,038 Because you're great. 305 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,458 You don't know how to do anything, but you have so much potentiaI. 306 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,378 Think about it. 307 00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,426 I'm so gIad you're not my dad or my boyfriend. 308 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,304 Hannah. 309 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:52,057 And someday, I'm gonna write an essay about you, 310 00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,643 and I am not gonna change your name. 311 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,645 And then you can sue me. 312 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:58,897 (DOOR SLAMS) 313 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,400 Are we reaIIy breaking up? 314 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:03,527 Why? 315 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:06,363 -You don't Iove me. -I reaIIy Iove you. 316 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,407 You're not in Iove with me. 317 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,576 WeII, are you in Iove with me? 318 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,995 -I don't care. -How can you not care? 319 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,871 Because I decided on you. Don't you get that? 320 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,498 I decided on you. 321 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,375 I don't want to go fucking other girIs 322 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:23,213 and then waIk around feeIing thriIIed and then sad or empty or whatever. 323 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,799 I Iike the smeII of your hair and I Iike the sound of your voice 324 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,634 and I fucking decided on you. 325 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,886 -CharIie! -ReIax, I'm fine. 326 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,141 PIease, don't break up with me. 327 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,059 PIease don't, just don't. 328 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,687 I'II do whatever you ask, honestIy. I wiII... (SIGHS) 329 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:42,024 I'II kick Hannah out. 330 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,900 I can even move in here. 331 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,403 I'II answer your sister's IMs. 332 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,114 Do you want bIowjobs? 333 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,532 Is that what you want? 334 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,992 I'II give you bIowjobs, okay? 335 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:56,747 I wiII. I don't care. I'II do... I wiII do whatever it takes, just... 336 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,916 Do not break up with me. 337 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,044 PIease. 338 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,505 Hmm. 339 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,259 You rung me up just to say heIIo. 340 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,303 How did you know I was in New York? 341 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,180 Are you staIking me? 342 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,308 We are not gonna have sex. 343 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,728 Oh, no. We are not going to have sex. 344 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,774 Okay, I'm reaIIy serious. I've been with GiIIian for six months now. 345 00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:27,152 I'm gonna move in next month. So your whoIe sexy geisha outfit... 346 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:30,238 You are? That's a crazy thing to do. 347 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,615 WeII, you know, she's 38-years-oId. 348 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,492 She's actuaIIy ready for a mature reIationship, unIike... 349 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,035 She's 38? 350 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:38,080 She's oId, Iike a mom. 351 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,918 -She's a pubIisher. -Of what? Books? 352 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,337 Yeah, books. 353 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,714 She has a smaII press. 354 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,385 Have you ever Iooked into that? 355 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:55,430 'Cause she couId just be, Iike, running off copies at Kinko's 356 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,933 and saying that she has a press. 357 00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,810 And who's to say she actuaIIy has one? 358 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:02,771 -Are you jeaIous? -No, I'm not jeaIous. 359 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,691 -Hmm. -But what does strike me as odd 360 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:08,944 is that you're so keen on GiIIian and yet you're caIIing me. 361 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,612 Because I wanted to see you. Because I wanted to see 362 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,072 what was happening with my oId friend. 363 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:15,617 A girI that I used to date in a very tumuItuous reIationship 364 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,495 in which one's Vespa gets destroyed for no reason, gets... 365 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,122 -I did you a favor. -...roIIed off a dock. 366 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,206 (CHUCKLES) 367 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,875 See, you're Iaughing. I don't think it's funny. But that's fine. 368 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,378 I just want you to know that I think you're speciaI. 369 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:27,921 I think you're great. I think you're beautifuI. 370 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,298 You have a beautifuI mind, a beautifuI... 371 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,718 I just... 372 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:35,971 -You Iove GiIIian. -Yes, yes, yes. 373 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,848 -GiIIian. Hard "G". -GiIIian. 374 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,725 -I'm so sorry. GiIIian. -I'm reaIIy happy 375 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,185 -with my girIfriend. -ReaIIy? 376 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,812 -ReaIIy. -ReaIIy? 377 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,939 ReaIIy. 378 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,482 ReaIIy? 379 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,704 Jessa, Jessa. 380 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,215 (BOTH MOANING) 381 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,209 What about GiIIian? 382 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,258 (DOOR OPENS) 383 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,468 (DOOR SLAMS) 384 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,011 (SNEEZES) 385 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,181 Oh, my God! 386 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,683 Oh, my God, Shoshanna. 387 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,269 You're a batshit IittIe perv. 388 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:10,357 I knew you were crazy, but fucking perv? 389 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,150 Oh, my God! 390 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:15,111 Okay, so just so you know what you just saw, 391 00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:19,491 that was me showing that I cannot be smoted. 392 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,326 I am unsmotabIe. 393 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,704 You shouId probabIy write that down, by the way. 394 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,581 (WHIMPERS) 395 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,423 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 396 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,343 Fucker. 397 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:43,473 -Yo, kid. -Hey, grown-up. 398 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,184 You need to teII me next time you're roIIing through. 399 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,435 I'm kind of in the middIe of something. 400 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,772 I wanted to teII you that I actuaIIy just quit my job. 401 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,607 Didn't you aIready quit yourjob? 402 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,193 This is a different job than the other one I quit, 403 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,821 and I did it because there was a sex scandaI in my office. 404 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,324 Sometimes you say shit that sounds made up. 405 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,701 I never make things up. 406 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,870 Yeah, weII, then everything bad happens to you. 407 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,747 Might need to face up to the fact that you're just not meant for a job 408 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,374 in the traditionaI sense. 409 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,668 He has other pIans for you and I. 410 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,755 Like what kind of pIans? 411 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,800 What are you doing? 412 00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,094 (CHUCKLES) 413 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,929 What does it Iook Iike I'm doing? 414 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,140 -You shouIdn't do that. -Why? 415 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,350 Because we Iike... 416 00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:30,270 Said we wouIdn't... Or whatever. 417 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,774 -We did? -Yeah, you did. 418 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,486 -When did I say that? -Yesterday. 419 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:42,407 You toId me everything you want out of a reIationship 420 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,992 and aII the ways I was fucking you up. 421 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,785 You toId me to Iose your number tiII Christmas. 422 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,747 -Yeah, but then you kissed me. -You Iooked sad. 423 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,750 -Then we had sex. -Because we were kissing. 424 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,920 Okay, I don't know what you're saying. 425 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,005 These things have an expiration date, okay? 426 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,674 Six months or untiI someone stops having fun. 427 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,260 -But I'm having fun. -No, you're not. 428 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,805 You're Iike aII secretIy sad. 429 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,183 And that's not cooI for you and it's not fun for me. 430 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,560 It's a bummer, but peopIe do outgrow each other. 431 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,479 Yeah, but I don't want to outgrow each other. 432 00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,106 WeII, that's on you, kid. 'Cause I'm done growing. 433 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,195 I'm gonna use your bathroom. 434 00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,072 Okay. 435 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,910 AIso, I aImost had sex with someone eIse today. 436 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,538 Okay. What? Who? 437 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:33,041 My boss. My former boss. 438 00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,793 That's the sex scandaI you were taIking about? 439 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,920 No, because I didn't do it. 440 00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,380 But I maybe think I wouId have. 441 00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:40,465 Uh... 442 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,591 Is he hot? 443 00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:43,885 No, he's not hot. He's Iike 1 00 years oId. 444 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,346 -Why, then? -For the story. 445 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,557 I don't know, just to be an asshoIe. 446 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:29,055 You can't do... Hey, you can't do this to me anymore. 447 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:30,974 I won't. 448 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,271 And, and, and be nicer to my friends. 449 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:37,856 Okay, but just not Ray. 450 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:39,733 -Okay? -Okay. 451 00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:41,735 Fuck. 452 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,404 -And, Marnie? -Yeah? 453 00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:47,115 Act Iike my Iife is reaI. You know? 454 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,617 'Cause my Iife is reaI. 455 00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:51,286 -Okay. -Okay. 456 00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:52,829 -I hear you. -Okay. 457 00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,539 Okay. 458 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:57,542 Down she goes. 459 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:02,464 Okay, I'm going. 460 00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,136 Adam, I'm Ieaving. 461 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:11,431 Adam? 462 00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,186 Okay, I'm stiII here. 463 00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:20,732 So I don't know if you thought that I was gone aIready, 464 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,485 -but I am stiII here. -No, I know. 465 00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:26,071 Okay, I'm sorry. I'II go now. 466 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,822 And I'II see you when I see you. 467 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:30,533 Do you wanna stay untiI I finish? 468 00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:34,579 You know, for the story. 469 00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:39,709 Okay. 470 00:23:43,089 --> 00:23:44,672 What shouId I do? 471 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,966 And don't abandon me, okay? 472 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,843 You know, don't 473 00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,638 -make me feeI safe and then abandon me. -Okay. 474 00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,598 That's my dad. I can't take any more of that in my Iife. 475 00:23:53,682 --> 00:23:55,308 -Okay, I reaIIy can't. -Okay. 476 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:56,893 Okay, come here. Kiss me, kiss me. 477 00:24:00,022 --> 00:24:01,773 -Keep your face cIose to mine. -What? 478 00:24:01,857 --> 00:24:03,024 -Keep your face cIose to mine. -Okay. 479 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,777 Okay. Okay. Okay. 480 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:08,071 Stay, stay. 481 00:24:08,197 --> 00:24:09,614 -Stay. -Okay. 482 00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:11,199 Okay, stay. 483 00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:15,787 I Iove you. I Iove you. 484 00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,458 -I can't... -Oh! 485 00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:21,543 Shh. 486 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:23,962 -It's okay. -Ow! 487 00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:25,505 -It's okay. -Ow. 488 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,465 It's okay, I'm right here. 489 00:24:27,550 --> 00:24:29,676 I'm right here. I'm right here. 490 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,303 Okay, I'm right here. 491 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:34,889 I'm right here. 492 00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:36,933 I want to break up. 493 00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:49,362 Does it turn you on? 494 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:51,447 To watch me touch my own cock? 495 00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:53,741 Kind of, yeah. 496 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:57,120 Or does it disgust you? Do you think I'm reaIIy bad? 497 00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,747 No, I don't think you're bad. I mean, everyone does it... 498 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,875 Do you think I'm pathetic and disgusting? 499 00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:05,628 Yes, actuaIIy. 500 00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:07,714 You do, why? Why do you think that? 501 00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:10,258 Because there's a woman standing Iess than 1 0 feet from you 502 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:12,343 and aII you can do is pIay with your own cock. 503 00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:14,846 -Is it bad? -ReaIIy bad. 504 00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:18,558 It's pathetic and bad and disgusting and weird and Iazy. 505 00:25:18,642 --> 00:25:20,602 PIus if you have a big cock, you shouId use it on a woman. 506 00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,687 -It's not that big. -It's not? 507 00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:25,023 No, maybe that's why you don't want me to touch it. 508 00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:27,108 Maybe you're embarrassed because it's not that big. 509 00:25:27,276 --> 00:25:28,484 Maybe. 510 00:25:29,236 --> 00:25:30,653 You Iike this? Having me watch you? 511 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,447 I do. I Iike it. 512 00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:34,282 What do you Iike about it? 513 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,284 No, put your shit down. 514 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,662 Put it down. That's not what this is. 515 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,836 I want cab money. 516 00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:49,172 What? 517 00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:52,133 You heard me, you fiIthy boy. I want cab money. 518 00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:54,052 -How much? -$20. 519 00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:57,722 $30, because I aIso want pizza and gum. 520 00:25:59,099 --> 00:26:00,558 WeII, I keep my money in my drawer. 521 00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:02,518 Okay. 522 00:26:03,479 --> 00:26:05,313 Keep my fucking eye on you. 523 00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:10,818 -You onIy have hundreds. -Fuck! 524 00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,655 -And I'm taking one. -You are? 525 00:26:13,822 --> 00:26:15,156 Yeah, I am. 526 00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:16,658 You're Iucky I don't take aII your money 527 00:26:16,784 --> 00:26:18,993 considering you made me watch this aII afternoon. 528 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:21,246 -I'm sorry. -Are you sorry? 529 00:26:21,372 --> 00:26:23,039 -Yeah, I'm sorry. -How sorry? 530 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:27,126 -I'm reaIIy sorry. -Why don't you say that to me again? 531 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:28,378 I'm sorry! 532 00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:30,171 Why don't you say that to me again Iike you mean it? 533 00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:32,799 -I'm sorry! -You Iike saying that. Say it again. 534 00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:34,801 -I'm sorry. -Say it one more time! 535 00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:38,179 -I'm sorry! -That's fine. Just hurry up. 536 00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:40,765 Do you want to step on my baIIs? 537 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:42,225 Are you fucking kidding me? 538 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:43,643 (GROANS) 539 00:26:58,784 --> 00:26:59,867 Shake my hand. (LAUGHS) 540 00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:05,707 (l DON'T LOVE ANYONE PLAYING)