-Wait. -What, Iady?
-Rent is due next week. -Yeah, and I got it covered.
Whenever you say that, I get the distinct feeIing
that you don't got it covered.
You're gonna teII your parents you Iost yourjob, right?
I didn't Iose my job. I gave my job away of my own voIition
because I didn't want a fucking breast massage every day.
-You going to be okay? -No. No, not at aII.
-Bye! -Be nice to your parents, okay?
I'm the nicest!
(BLOWS KISS)
(PLANE ROARING)
I think she missed her fIight.
-No, she made her fIight. She made her fIight. -No.
Ah! Ah! (LAUGHS)
Hey! Hey! Working girI!
Look, Hannah Banana.
-What took you so Iong? -I was waiting at baggage cIaim.
Here.
Mommy, hi!
-How are you? -My baby girI.
Good to see you.
LOREEN: Oh!
-Oh, honey. -I'm... That's... I'm sorry.
-No, I can... -Dad.
WeII, we're just so gIad that you're back, honey,
even if it's just for the weekend.
We are. We are so gIad.
When we were trying to figure out what to do for our anniversary...
We thought, "Who better to spend it with than our best friend
-"who we just happened to create?" -Yeah, weII, 30 years.
I mean, I can't imagine getting someone to spend 30 years with me.
Thirty minutes seems crazy.
How's that Adam feIIow?
Uh, dead to me.
-LOREEN: And the job? -Same.
I mean, boring, but it's a job, so...
We were just hearing that MSU is Iooking for a postgraduate feIIow
-to organize visiting Iecturers. -FoIks who come and Iecture.
-Doesn't that sound Iike an interesting job? -Sounds great.
You know, if you're going to do this aII weekend, just don't.
We have some fun NetfIix and some great food.
Some curried vegetabIes, rice pudding.
-TAD: You got the rice pudding? -Yeah. Ham croquette.
MAN 1 : (ON TV) These are my sleeping socks.
My feet like a little air at night.
MAN 2: How come you're wearing them in the daytime, then?
MAN 1: 'Cause my daytime socks got too many holes in them.
Oh, honey, don't text.
You can text when the movie's over.
But I don't care what happens during the movie.
WeII, we do.
WeII, that's reaIIy your cross to bear.
-Ooh, you've got a mood on. -No, I don't.
Maybe she's hungry.
Okay.
I'm not hungry. I said I wasn't hungry.
You don't know about me.
Honey?
There's some chicken in the refrigerator.
What did I say?
-Hannah. -Mmm.
Can you do me a favor?
What time is it, Mom?
1 1 :00. I need my prescription.
WeII, can Dad get it?
No, he's aIready gone out. I'm sorry, I Iet it go on a IittIe Iong.
I'm having horribIe hot fIashes.
Okay, I'm just gonna... Just give me a coupIe minutes.
No, now, Hannah, now.
PIease, Hannah!
(SIGHS)
You're such a sweetheart.
Thank you so much for coming and cheering me up.
TotaIIy.
-Oh, my God, Hannah? -Hi!
What is happening?
What are you doing here? Oh, my God!
-Hi. -Hi. What's up, girI?
Nothing. I just wanted to come say hi because I'm home for the weekend.
Yeah. Oh, you're here for the benefit.
No, for my parents' anniversary. What's the benefit?
-For Keri? -Keri...
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay.
-I don't know about the benefit for Keri. -Sweetheart, we gotta taIk.
I'm gonna make you any fucking coffee drink that you want in this entire pIace.
We're out of soy miIk. And we're gonna taIk.
So, on the Iast day of the trip,
they just thought she was in that guy's hoteI room, you know?
And they were Iike, "Keri better get back here
"because we are not cIeaning up her dirty underwear."
And then they thought she was just, Iike,
hungover and not answering her phone or whatever.
And they were Iike, "Fine, bitch is gonna stay at the resort, then."
So, they went to the airport
and when they got off of the pIane, they couIdn't reach her.
And then they reaIized, Iike...
They reaIized they couId never reach her.
Wow.
And she just respected individuaIity, you know?
Like you, Iike the way you're aIways doing your own thing,
wearing two different-coIored socks and just being you.
She Ioved you for that.
She Ioved unique.
So, the benefit's Iike something you're doing for her memoriaI fund, or...
More Iike for her parents,
because they wanna hire a private investigator.
-Get some cIosure. -Yeah.
-Hey, you aII right, yum? -Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I'm... Thanks, yeah.
It's just reaIIy intense to have to teII Hannah about this Keri stuff, you know?
Oh, yeah. You did good, yum.
-You did right. -Thank you.
-Zach, this is Hannah. -Hey.
-Hannah, this is Zach. -Nice to meet you.
And he's been so great about this stuff.
Oh, this Keri shit. God, she basicaIIy has PTSD.
Yeah, and he's been so supportive about the fact that I'm moving.
You're moving?
This IittIe Iamp is heading to HoIIywood next week.
Yeah, to dance.
So you know someone who's going to heIp you get settIed and find auditions?
Oh, no. You know, I mean, I know enough to know
that you don't reaIIy have to know anybody. You know?
-Yeah. -Okay, you're off break, pIummy.
Okay, squirt. Okay, squirt!
MAN: You went to East Lansing High.
-Yeah, I did. You... -CIass of '06.
Yeah, Eric. I remember.
Hey. Yeah, you wrote the advice coIumn.
It was for the paper. "Holler at Hannah"?
It was actuaIIy "Holla at Hannah. "
If you wanna be correct. But that's mortifying.
-You stiII do that? -Not professionaIIy any Ionger.
No, not a professionaI advice giver.
I Iive in New York. I'm actuaIIy just home for the weekend.
CooI.
So, how Iong have you worked here?
-Uh, I own it with my dad. -Oh, cooI.
WeII, I own a smaII savings bond with my dad, so it's kind of the same thing.
(LAUGHS)
Um...
Okay.
$23.
Let's see, I think I onIy have a twenty,
so I wiII sacrifice those pantyhose.
Come on, don't worry about it.
-You sure? -Yeah, reaIIy.
Thank you.
-I stiII want that 20. -Sorry.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Thank you. -Awesome.
-Here you go. -Thanks, have a great one.
-You, too. -Later.
(SINGING ALONG WITH RADIO) These hands are smaII,
l know...
But they're not yours...
ERIC: Hannah!
They are my...
-Hey. -Hi.
Those hormone repIacements for your mom...
No, those are my mom's. They're not mine.
Right.
Some women feeI that they need a personaI Iubricant whiIe on those, so...
I just... Free of charge.
Thank you. That's very considerate of you.
Are you in town for Iong?
No, I'm just here untiI tomorrow.
I'm working on a book in New York, so I kind of gotta get back.
What are you doing tonight?
-Nothing. -Are you around?
Yeah. To hang out with you?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, definiteIy.
Something specific or...
I'm not sure. There's that Keri Lawrence benefit, right?
-Yes, she disappeared. -Did you know her?
Very IittIe bit.
-Okay, good. -ApparentIy, she reaIIy Iiked me.
-That's sad. -Very.
-I'II see you tonight. -Yep.
-Bye. -Bye.
She didn't Iook dangerous at aII.
And she IiteraIIy, Iike, screamed when she saw her.
Hi.
-How's it going? -Okay.
LOREEN: Happy anniversary, sweetie.
So what's the pIan for tonight?
WeII, I made a reservation at S'iI Vous PIate.
-Ohh! -At 7:00 and maybe a movie afterwards?
Oui, oui.
You know, guys, I was thinking
and I don't reaIIy feeI comfortabIe encroaching on this whoIe thing.
I feeI Iike you two reaIIy need to spend the night aIone together.
-Doesn't that make more sense? -WeII, that's very sweet of you, doII.
But we just want to hear what you're up to and enjoy your shining personaIity.
I got asked on a date.
-Oh? -What? Where?
At the pharmacy by the pharmacist, Eric.
He's cute.
He's reaIIy cute and he's gonna take me to the benefit for Keri Lawrence's famiIy.
Oh, that was an unfortunate thing.
-But we had a pIan. -Yeah, we did.
I don't reaIIy think that you guys are understanding the severity of this situation.
I have been dating someone who treats my heart Iike it's monkey meat.
I feeI Iike a deIusionaI, invisibIe person haIf the time.
So, I need to Iearn what it's Iike to be treated weII before it's too Iate for me.
-Go, go. -What?
Just go with Eric.
You are from New York,
therefore you are just naturaIIy interesting.
Okay? It is not up to you to fiII aII of the pauses.
You are not in danger of mortifying yourseIf.
The worst stuff that you say
sounds better than the best stuff that some other peopIe say.
ERIC: Is that okay that I took you to a pizza pIace?
Is that aII right? Okay.
Yeah, I Iove pizza.
I Iove pepperoni, which I haven't eaten in ages
because I was a vegetarian untiI two months ago.
What? Why? What happened?
WeII, I wiII teII you what happened.
Which is, basicaIIy, I was dating this guy...
Sorry if that's an overshare.
And I went over to his house one day and I was starving
and he had nothing to eat.
Just nothing except for some raw meat
which his uncIe had caught, kiIIed, and sent him in the maiI,
so my options were to eat that or to go out and get some food
and I was sure that if I went out, came back,
he wouIdn't answer the buzzer or he wouId have just disappeared.
So he cooked it, I ate it.
And I swear to you, I feIt myseIf growing stronger with every bite.
Yeah, it's protein. Your body needed protein.
It was Iike the roses came back to my cheeks.
-SeriousIy. -(LAUGHS)
And I had this reveIation, which was Iike,
"I shouId be eating meat. I shouId not be dating this person."
-So, you stopped? -No, I did not stop.
That wouId be too IogicaI.
I kept doing it for, Iike, six more weeks because I'm a sIow Iearner.
(LAUGHS)
Good to hear.
-This is great. -Yeah, Jimmy does it weII.
And l'll be your crying shoulder...
Is this pIace aIways open at night?
I think my friend John might be here.
CooI.
Okay, I'm gonna get a drink. You want something?
Um, what are you having?
-A beer. You want a beer? -Perfect.
ERIC: Great.
The greatest man of your...
l'll be your crying shoulder...
-Are you guys ready to make some noise? -(APPLAUSE)
Yeah.
So, put your hands together for the girl who puts the motion in the ocean
in a special number they created to celebrate the life of Keri Lawrence.
Please welcome Heather Travis and the Twist-arounds.
Whoo!
MAN: AII right!
(WHISTLING)
(PRETTY GlRL ROCK PLAYING)
l can do the pretty girl rock Rock
Rock, do the pretty girl rock Rock, rock
Now what's your name?
My name is Keri l'm so very
Fly, oh, my lt's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry Looking at my derriere
You can stare But if you touch it l'ma bury
Pretty as a picture Sweeter than a Swisher
Mad 'cause l'm cuter Than the girl that's with ya
Thank you.
l don't gotta talk about it Baby you can see it
But if you want l'll be happy to repeat it
My name is Keri l'm so very
Fly, oh, my lt's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry Looking at my derriere
You can stare But if you touch it l'ma bury
Pretty as a picture Sweeter than a Swisher
Mad 'cause l'm cuter Than the girl that's with ya
l can talk about it 'Cause l know that l'm pretty
And if you know it, too Then ladies, sing it with me
All eyes on me when l walk in No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'Cause l'm beautiful...
You okay?
You didn't think that was, Iike, reaIIy deIusionaI?
-What was? -That dancing.
(LAUGHS)
It wasn't that bad.
Okay, maybe it wasn't bad in amateur terms,
but Heather is moving to CaIifornia to be a professionaI dancer,
so that shouId just make us aII feeI pretty sad and weird.
I guess it was a IittIe cheesy.
It was, Iike, very cheesy.
And nobody's teIIing her. She's gonna to go to LA.
And Iive in some shitty apartment
and feeI scared and sad and IoneIy and weird aII the time.
But she's got a good Iife here. I wouId Iike her Iife.
Maybe I shouId move here,
'cause then I wouIdn't be worrying about rent every second
and I can actuaIIy focus on my book for a minute.
There's a job opening at the fIorist's, I know that.
WeII, no, I wouId, Iike, get a reaI job, Iike, I'd be a teacher or something.
-What's your reaI job in New York? -I'm a writer.
-And that's how you make money? -No, I don't have any money.
Sorry.
Gosh, you're so serious.
(LAUGHS)
Just don't worry about it.
-Okay. -Let's have fun.
Do you wanna go back to my pIace?
-Yeah, totaIIy. -Okay.
(IMITATING WOODY ALLEN) A reIationship is Iike a shark, you know,
it has to keep moving...
Or it dies. And what we have here is a dead shark.
(LAUGHS)
That's from On The Waterfront.
Obscure.
WeII, I hope she's having fun.
I think she knows how to have fun.
She's such an anxious person.
I wish I couId unburden her.
You know, but she's Iike me. She has to jitter her way through her 20s.
Yeah, you were such a spaz.
-In your 20s. -Oh, "spaz"?
I worry aII the time about her.
That never changes. Once they're born, you never don't worry.
That's why peopIe without chiIdren Iive Ionger.
(CHUCKLES)
No, I reaIIy worry. What does a person Iike that turn into?
A person Iike what?
She's funny, sure. LikabIe, very IikabIe.
-But that and 1 0 cents. -Tad, Tad.
But at what point wiII she reaIize,
weII, she's not going to get to be what she wants to be
-when she grows up? -How do you know that?
You know that. You're the one who forced us to cut her off to heIp her reaIize that.
No, I cut her off so she'd have something to write about.
We don't even know if her writing is any good.
What if she wakes up and she's 30 and...
-What does she know how to do? -She knows how to have fun.
She does what she wants when she wants to do it
and she has fun.
And she thinks about that fun and she Iearns from that fun.
How did she get that way?
Use your brain.
Hey, Iook at me.
Use your brain.
Oh, I can't get my...
(CHUCKLES)
Lights off.
You want me to Ieave my boots on?
Um, it's up to you.
Seems to me you'd want to put your feet up on the bed, though.
Okay.
We don't have to have sex.
-WeII, do you want to have sex? -Yeah, of course.
I just... I don't want to pressure you.
No, I Iike pressure.
Sorry.
-What's your favorite part? -Of what?
Of fucking me.
(LAUGHS) Don't know, I haven't done it yet.
Ow.
Sorry.
What are you doing?
Um...
PIease don't put your finger in my asshoIe.
You weren't teIIing me what it was that you wanted at aII,
so I was just trying to guess what you wanted.
You're aIIowed to just teII me what it is you want.
I just want to have sex.
Okay.
(MOANING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I'm tight Iike a baby, right?
Come on, that's...
Fuck.
LOREEN: Oh! TAD: Oh! Fuck, that feeIs good.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Wet and wiId.
You are so embarrassing.
(LAUGHS)
-Turn around. -Now?
Right now, turn around.
(LAUGHS)
-(GRUNTS) -Oh, my God!
-Ahh! -Oh, my God!
Ahh! Ahh!
Let me get a Ieg up.
-Oh! -(THUDS)
(GIGGLES)
Honey?
Tad?
It's right here.
WeII, thank you for everything.
-And for the ride. -Yeah.
-I wiII see you soon. -Okay.
-Get home safeIy. -Okay.
Bye. Bye.
LOREEN: Tad? Oh, my God.
Honey? Sweetie, can you hear me?
Tad? Baby?
-HANNAH: Oh, my God! -Can you hear me?
-Oh, my God. What's going on? -He sIipped and hit his head.
He's out. He is concussed.
WeII, what was he doing? How did that happen?
We were having sex.
Okay, um, Dad?
Dad? Daddy?
-Daddy? -Oh.
Okay, Mom. He's not passed out. Not passed out. He's not passed out.
I think I tore my back.
-Your back? -My head is nothing compared to my back.
-Oh, my God. -Shit, I feeI awfuI.
I think we shouId just, Iike, put him in a robe or cover him and just get him into bed.
You can go to your room. I can get this.
No, Mom. I can heIp you, okay?
So just grab his arm, grab his arm.
We're gonna get him up. We're gonna do this.
-Oh, my God. -And just hoId onto the toweI.
-Or don't hoId onto the toweI. -Oh! I'm embarrassed!
Of course you're embarrassed
because this is horribIy embarrassing for everyone invoIved.
Okay.
That is fuIIy your wet butt.
That's what's going on here. Okay, Mom, so you can just...
Just give a shout if you need anything, okay, Daddy?
I'm fine,
just reaIizing I'm growing oIder.
No, no.
Okay, now I get why you didn't want to taIk about sex.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, pIease.
-How was your date? -It was good.
He's reaIIy nice.
WeII, he seems it.
Maybe not enough fire burning under his ass for your taste,
but he'II do for the day?
Yeah, he'II do for the day.
Okay, I'm gonna go to sIeep because that is an earIy fIight.
Is everything okay with you moneywise?
I mean reaIIy okay?
Because that was a hard bIow we deaIt you, cutting you off.
It wouId make sense if you weren't aII the way on your feet.
We're proud of you for making it work.
I onIy mention jobs around here because I miss you.
No, I'm good.
I'm making it work.
That is my scrappy IittIe girI.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
-Love you. -I Iove you, too, sweetie.
SIeep weII.
You, too. See you in the morning.
See you in the morning.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
-HeIIo? -ADAM: Yo, kid.
Oh, hi.
-It's Hannah. -I know, I caIIed you.
Oh, yeah. I was sIeeping.
Yeah, you sound sIeepy. I'm sorry, kid.
Oh, no. It's okay. I'm actuaIIy... I'm home.
Yeah, I'm home, too.
No, but I'm, Iike, home home. Like, at my parents' home home.
Like, Iooking at a Goo Goo DoIIs poster as we speak.
(LAUGHS)
WeII, how are things in Ohio?
I'm in Michigan, so I don't reaIIy know how things are in Ohio.
-Shit, fuck. Sorry. Michigan. -No, it's fine.
I mean, I don't even care if peopIe get my name wrong.
Are you just caIIing to say hi?
Yeah. Did you caII me earIier?
-Did I? -A few times, yeah.
Everything okay?
Oh, um...
Yeah, things here are good. They're interesting. Uh...
I just heIped my dad after a sex injury, so that happened.
-You were having sex with your father? -No, I wasn't having sex with my father.
He was having sex with my mother.
Oh, that seems Iike a better match.
I was actuaIIy... I was out having sex with someone eIse.
I was having sex with a pharmacist.
Oh, yeah? Was it fun?
Uh, fun?
Sure. I mean, physicaIIy, yes.
Yes, it was. But...
Was that a very weird thing for me to just teII you?
Why wouId that be weird?
I mean, honestIy, I was just so amazed by his apartment.
It's huge. It's Iike twice the size of yours and he paid nothing for it.
And it just made me think, "Why doesn't everyone who's struggIing in New York
"move here and start the revoIution?"
It's Iike we're aII sIaves to this pIace that doesn't even reaIIy want us. You know?
I did caII you because I wanted to make sure you hadn't disappeared.
What do you mean?
l realized today that if something happened to one of us,
the other one wouId have no way of ever knowing
'cause it's not Iike your friends wouId caII me.
It's not Iike I know your mom, so, you know,
if something happened to you, I wouId never know you were gone.
So, I guess I was just caIIing to make sure
that you wouId caII me if you ever disappeared.
Which doesn't even make sense.
Okay, kid, wiII do.
-I miss you. -You do?
l do, yeah. l wish you were here right now.
I saw your name earIier on the phone and I was Iike, "Where the fuck is that girI?
"I wish she was here right now."
WeII, I'm in Michigan, so...
What do you see out your window in New York right now?
(GROANS) You want me to get up and Iook?
I do, yeah.
Get up and look.
(GROANS)
-Okay, what do I see? -(SIREN BLARING)
Oh! Oh!
There's this lady crackhead. I've taIked to her, Iike, twice.
She's pretty fucking tweaked, but, l don't know, funny.
One time we had a conversation about cashews that Iasted, Iike, 30 minutes.
She, like, wanted cashews, and she thought l had them,
but l didn't, so she was trying to grab my ass, saying l had them in my back pocket.
I'm Iike, "No, l don't have them in my back pocket..."
(MUSIC PLAYING)