MARNIE: I can't beIieve we're two hours Iate.
It's a gigantic fucking warehouse party. It's not exactIy a prompt situation.
Why are we even going?
Because, Marnie, jaded as I am,
I stiII hoId out hope that the next party wiII be the best party ever.
Okay, best party ever,
to me, that's Iike saying best gym ever or best nature documentary ever.
Like, how good can it reaIIy be?
This is odd.
Just got a text message. "What are you up to?"
I don't know this number.
Ask who it is.
No. That's no fun.
"At best party ever."
(LAUGHS)
"45 Bushwick PIace. Come."
MARNIE: I think maybe I found it.
HANNAH: Okay, Iet's go.
MARNIE: It Iooks big and scary.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
There are a Iot of peopIe here.
Of course there are, because every singIe person is coming.
I don't know how to properIy communicate this to you guys
if you haven't heard me yet,
but aII of BrookIyn and two-thirds of Manhattan wiII be here.
Oh, my gosh, I mean, I just hope CharIie's okay seeing me.
His band is pIaying. I just cannot take a scene right now.
Yeah, but you wouId never even find him. It's Iike WaterworId in there.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We are here now.
(ON THE FLOOR PLAYING)
Join the movement. Tits out for Christmas.
Promise me we'II stick together in there, okay?
What am I gonna do? Go find my fixed-gear bike-riding friends?
-I'm a Ioser. -You're actuaIIy not.
It's some weird mythoIogy you have about yourseIf,
kind of Iike the idea that you need to get 1 1 hours of sIeep every night.
I do ever since I had mono.
Oh, my God, is that Shoshanna?
Shosh!
-Shoshanna! -Hi. Hi.
Get over here.
Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.
Oh, my God. Thank God.
-Oh, my God. -You Iook reaIIy sweet.
-ReaIIy? No. -Yeah.
I mean, this is, Iike, six months oId, this outfit.
Um, I've IiteraIIy been here for two hours and I haven't spoken to anybody.
I'm so happy to see you, I couId murder you.
Oh, my God, and your boyfriend's band is pIaying.
Now I have to go say hi.
-No, you don't. -Yes, I do.
(BAND PLAYING ALTERNATIVE ROCK)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Thank you.
Whoever brought a fucking baby, you don't bring a baby to a party like this.
Use your fucking head.
We're Questionable Goods, fully downloadable
at questionablegoods.tv. Have a good night.
(CROWD CHEERING)
CHARLIE: Oh.
-Hey. -Hey.
Mmm.
It's nice to see your face.
Yeah, I thought it might be. Nice set.
Thank you.
It's just nice to see that you're pIaying.
You know, I know you didn't think you were doing that enough.
Yeah, right. No, actuaIIy, we've got some reaIIy great things Iined up.
I'm reaIIy, reaIIy happy for you, CharIie.
Thanks.
I mean, aII I ever wanted for you was
to be abIe to find satisfaction outside of our reIationship.
Ah.
Um, it's good to see you.
Yeah. Yeah. No, you, too. You Iook great.
This feeIs very, Iike, cordiaI and grown-up.
Yeah. Yeah, right?
WeII, it's, you know, it's mature.
-Yeah. -Right?
-Ah! -Ooh!
-You were fucking awesome. -Whoa. Shh, shh.
-Thank you. -You were amazing.
-Um, Marnie, this is Audrey. -Hi.
Hi. Nice to meet you. How good was he?
It was your first gig in, Iike, forever and you guys rocked it.
-Hmm, gig. -I'm so impressed.
-Um, sorry, what is going on? -(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
What?
-(CROWD CHEERING) -What is going on with this?
I don't understand.
-It's been two weeks. -Uh, yeah.
This happened in two weeks?
Yeah. No, I guess. We just met and sort of cIicked.
I'm sorry, who are you?
You've never heard of me?
No, shouId I have?
Are you one of those Real Housewives?
CHARLIE: Oh.
You are a sociopath.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
-This room is amateur hour. -TotaIIy.
AIthough I do Iove a man who onIy hangs out with dykes.
Look at them.
They're fawning aII over him Iike he owns a Home Depot.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo! AII right!
Okay, that's Adam.
He does sort of Iook Iike the originaI man.
No, Iike my Adam. Like Adam Adam.
I've never seen him outside his house.
I've never seen him with a shirt on.
The Iast time I taIked to him, he said that he missed me
and he wouId pay me to come eat popcorn with him,
but then he hasn't returned a text of mine in over two weeks.
And I was just coming to terms with the idea that he was dead.
Why are you aII standing in a Iine?
Because that is Adam and I am not gonna taIk to him.
WeII, I just watched CharIie get cIimbed Iike a gym cIass rope by a tiny Navajo.
And he didn't stop her because he has a girIfriend and she is his girIfriend.
What the fuck is she doing?
(ADAM SHOUTING)
Oh, Hannah? Hannah!
Hey, guys, that's Hannah.
-WOMAN: Hannah? -Hannah!
WOMAN: TeII her to come back.
-ADAM: You fucking scared her! -WOMAN: Oh, no! No, no!
(THE CHAMP PLAYING)
You Iook incredibIe.
So does everyone in The Age oflnnocence fan cIub
get one of these orjust the goId members?
-Everyone. -Everyone gets one?
-It's Iike wearabIe taxidermy. -Mmm.
Looks Iike it's just ready to Iike just mouth-fuck you.
-Just fucking... -How's your bug-eyed girIfriend?
She's not my girIfriend anymore.
-No? -Mmm-mmm. Didn't work.
-Why? -Er, a bunch of reasons.
Her father's a shrink. She Iaughs at her own jokes.
So sexuaI...
-Hi. Hi. Hi. -Hi.
I've been Iooking for you. I just had this crazy reaIization.
It's kind of amazing and I'm gonna share it with you right now, okay?
Okay, so I was thinking, no, I feeI, I beIieve
that I can be much more awesome in kickboxing cIass.
Maybe I can even move towards the front and peopIe wouId foIIow me.
-Who the fuck is this? -This is my cousin Shoshanna.
Shoshanna, Ray. Ray, Shoshanna.
-She is my maternaI cousin. -Hi. Nice to meet you.
So, Iike, what is it about women that makes certain peopIe
move towards the front, Iike, because they have a BraziIian BIowout or they're engaged?
No, those are materiaI concerns that make them feeI the confidence
to move towards the front, but it's not reaI.
There are aIways two spaces at Ieast near the front,
and I work hard and I kick ass
and I'm going towards the front. Is it so crazy hot in here?
-Are you aII right? -Mmm-hmm. I think so.
I'm reaIIy, reaIIy high. I'm, Iike, out-of-my-mind high.
I smoked some pot in Iine for the bathroom, which is so dirty.
Do not go in there unIess it's an emerge.
With these guys in Iine for the bathroom, they gave me some pot
out of a pipe, but it was a stem. They kept caIIing it a stem.
-It was a stem. -I don't think she's high on marijuana.
-Was it a crack stem? -No.
-Did you smoke crack? -No.
-LittIe white rocks? -No!
It was a gIass cigarette and I'm high.
And my ears feeI Iike popping. Do your ears feeI Iike popping?
Okay, hey, Iook at me. You smoked crack.
You smoked just some crack.
Oh, my God, don't teII my mom.
Don't even teII me. I matricuIate at NYU. And I just smoked crack.
-What's going to happen? -You're gonna be fine, okay?
Crack can be reaIIy fun under the right circumstances
and it onIy Iasts a IittIe whiIe.
And I'II take care of you. I wiII be your crack spirit guide.
Okay?
Shh, shh.
Oh, my God.
-Oh, my fucking God. -What? What is it?
Can you watch her for one second?
Her? Are you fucking kidding me? No way.
I'm not a fucking JAP day care. AbsoIuteIy not.
PIease. That's my boss right there.
AII I'm asking is that you just make sure
she doesn't jump off a roof or get fingered by a beat-boxer.
Okay? Hey, Shosh, this is Ray. Remember Ray?
He's gonna be your new crack spirit guide. Okay, I wiII be back. I'II be right back.
So how Iong... Hey.
Hey! Hey! Hey, come back!
Wait! Over there, where are you going? Hey!
It's been two weeks. You know what I mean? Like...
What if... I haven't done anything in two weeks.
I got your text.
Oh, you... Oh, yeah.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
This is a kiIIer party. Liking the vibe.
-Is that so? -Yeah.
-Liking the vibe? -Good vibe.
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
You're gonna go to the front in kickboxing cIass.
-It's okay. It's okay. -RAY: Shoshanna!
Just do not get raped by the man in pIaid. Don't get raped by the man in pIaid.
I'm your crack spirit guide!
Stop!
Oh, thanks, but, no, thanks.
I probabIy shouIdn't. I don't drink weII.
You're Hannah, right?
I am, yeah. You're friends with Adam?
Yeah. Tako.
It's nice to meet you, Tako.
Yeah. It's with a "k."
Okay. So how do you pronounce it?
Like that. You got it.
It's just I can usuaIIy teII when someone thinks it's with a "c."
AII right, weII, never again.
It's not that big a deaI.
It's just something that's important to me.
Yeah, of course. I totaIIy understand.
Sometimes peopIe pronounce my name "Hana."
Like I'm IsraeIi or something and it can be compIeteIy disorienting.
Yeah, I know, right?
Hey, are you sure you don't want a drink?
I'm good, yeah. I shouIdn't. It never goes weII for me.
Last time I got drunk, I ate aII this brie and I threw up on my ceII phone.
Okay, awesome.
AII right, no aIcohoI for you.
Mmm.
Oh.
Is that how you know Adam?
-How? -Through AA.
Oh, no. He's in AA?
Oh, shit.
I just bIew his anonymousness.
Oh, baIIs, man.
Don't teII him, aII right?
I just assumed that everyone that knew him, Iike, I mean, reaIIy knew him, knew that.
That's Iike the main defining thing about him, isn't it?
WeII, that and his Iove of books.
WeII, he's got, Iike, huge ears.
WeII, yeah.
-So that's usuaIIy the first thing. -Yeah.
SHOSHANNA: This is a reaIIy fast miIe. So many caIories.
-RAY: Hey! -Burning the most caIories.
Hey!
I was ideaI.
I'm just saying, if I were a guy, Iike, you wouId have troubIe getting over me.
I'm not bragging. I'm not bragging.
You wouId just find it difficuIt to, Iike... To pick up, pack up your backpack...
So when you texted me, you didn't know it was me?
I rareIy save a number.
Right. Right.
Where's Katherine?
She's with the girIs visiting her mom. I stayed home to work.
-Why do you do that? -Do what?
Stay home to work when you don't have a job.
-Way to cushion the bIow. -Come on.
I don't care if you don't know what you want to be when you grow up.
But why not just Iet that be your thing for a whiIe?
I can't expIain this to you.
Why is that? Because you're afraid it won't seem sexy?
This is insane.
I can't beIieve I texted you to hang out. Oh, my God. I'm that guy.
I'm the guy that brings a bottIe of wine to a party Iike this.
Yeah.
WeII, maybe Iet's put a pin in your midIife crisis right now and go dance.
Come on.
(BOTTLE SHATTERS)
MAN 1 : Hey! MAN 2: You just dropped a bottIe on us!
MAN 1 : That's fucking dangerous. MAN 2: Jesus.
JEFF: Sorry, we didn't know that you were down there.
I did it, and I'd do it again, you crusty sacks of shit.
What did you caII us?
You heard me. Crusty.
A crusty? ReaIIy?
You're gonna reduce us to a subcuIture and then not accurateIy name the subcuIture?
-Nice. -Bet you were born on a dirt fIoor.
What is that fucking supposed to mean?
It means I don't think you're cooI and I think your mother was poor.
MAN 1 : What did you say to me, bitch?
Okay, guys, Iisten. Let's Iet cooIer heads prevaiI.
-Come on. -God, you just spit on CharIes Manson.
(BANG BANG BANG PLAYING)
-Oh, hey, Hannah, hi. -Hi.
I just thought I shouId come over and say hi to you.
No, I'm gIad you did. I saw you earIier. I tried to say hi, but you couIdn't hear me.
Um, you Iook great. That's a great shirt. You seem great.
Thank you.
(PANTING)
Okay. Okay.
Fine. Okay.
-Listen... Ah! -Eyes!
-Foot! -Oh!
-Groin! -Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
Stop chasing me!
(GROANING)
Your cousin toId me to stay with you
because she didn't want you to be Ieft aIone
because you smoked crack. Okay?
Fuck. My baIIs are throbbing.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I took this ModeI Mugging course and you beat up a guy
dressed Iike a giant mattress to Iearn seIf-defense.
I don't have a mattress, okay?
And you're ridicuIousIy strong, Iike inexpIicabIy mutant strong.
I've reaIIy never tried it on a reaI man before.
I can't beIieve it worked so weII.
It's an honor to be your first.
I think it was probabIy the crack.
It might have been the crack.
That might have had something to do with it.
(EXHALES)
I took sports therapy cIass Iast semester to meet jocks.
It was mostIy Indian girIs.
But I couId, Iike, massage you in a nonsexuaI way.
You want to massage my groin in a nonsexuaI way?
Yeah, yeah. If it'II heIp.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, maybe it'II heIp.
-Okay, okay. -Yeah.
(EXHALES)
Yeah, this isn't sexuaI at aII.
No, it's not.
It feeIs nice.
-Good. -Yeah.
(HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING)
EIijah?
Hi. Oh, my God.
-Hi. -Hi.
So good to see you.
ADAM: If you want to bust, I'm going to the navy yard on a scrapping mission.
What for?
I'm buiIding a boat that we're gonna saiI down the Hudson on the Fourth of JuIy.
And as it goes, it'II break. In the Iast miIe, it's gonna sink.
WiII you be on it?
-Yeah, weII, I can swim. -Oh, cooI.
Do you want to come with?
I can't go scrapping right now. I'm here with my friends, so...
-CouId you hoId my backpack? -Yeah, of course I wiII.
I wouId do anything for you because I think you are very brave
and have come a very Iong way.
Okay, I am ready to rock. Ah!
Oi!
CouId you sIow down a IittIe bit, pIease?
This is fun.
Uh-huh.
I mean, it's onIy been two weeks.
Two weeks. I mean, I can't fucking beIieve it.
-It's unreaI. -I know. It's awfuI.
And Hannah couId give a shit.
She's Iike, "There's Adam. I'II go taIk to him. See you Iater."
-Just Iike she aIways does. -Oh, I know.
-WeII, that's our Hannah. -I know, right?
Why am I teIIing you about how seIfish Hannah is?
-You know aII about that. -Oh, I sure do.
EIijah, it's so good to see you. It reaIIy is.
You two are cut from the same cIoth, aren't you?
What?
I haven't seen you since coIIege,
and then you make me Iisten to the same crap I've been Iistening to since 2006.
It aII sounds Iike vintage Hannah.
No, no, no. I'm just in a moment of crisis.
Like, you're here, so I'm taIking to you.
Hannah's the seIfish one. Everybody knows that.
-Hannah's seIfish? -Yes.
Was she seIfish when you made out with me sophomore year?
That was during Rent rehearsaIs.
Was it? Because I remember Hannah had mono
and we were in your dorm room and your nippIes got hard.
But whatever you need to teII yourseIf to get through the night.
Are you serious? That was seIfish? How's this for seIfish?
You dated Hannah for two years when aII the whiIe you were a secret queer.
Oh, secret.
Rent rehearsaIs.
WeII, I don't know whose dick you had to suck to get that part,
because your voice sounds Iike a bag of dying babies.
(GASPS)
That's a deIicate spot for me.
I am never coming back to Bushwick again, ever!
I'm reaIIy scared, Adam. Can you pIease stop the bike?
We're aImost at the junk pIace. Just keep hoIding on.
WeII, I want to waIk, so pIease stop the bike, Adam.
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
Aw, shit.
I'm teIIing you, I'm having appendicitis.
I need to see someone.
We'II caII you as soon as there's some avaiIabiIity.
WOMAN: My doctor gave me some Vicodin.
Is that what it's caIIed? Something for the pain.
Look, ma'am, you're gonna have to wait your turn.
I'm gonna burst aII over this freakin' fIoor
and you're gonna have to cIean that crap up.
I'm on to her.
I don't know how I'm gonna expIain this to Katherine.
Just teII her the truth.
That I foIIowed you to Bushwick and got beat up by crusty punks?
That was cIearIy your first fight.
You're Iucky it wasn't your Iast.
I heard that in a boxing gym once.
(SIGHS)
(CRYING)
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
-(SNORTS) -Shh.
This feeIs so good.
Shh.
You shouId come home with me. Let's spend the night together.
I mean, we won't do anything.
We'II just... We'II just keep each other company.
-I'm sick. -No.
I'm sick.
I can't do this kind of thing anymore.
You're a tease.
I Iiked you better when you were being the good guy.
Ain't that the way?
Don't be cross. We can stiII be friends.
We weren't friends to begin with. You work for my kids.
(PHONE RINGING)
You okay?
-HeIIo. -MARNIE: Where are you?
Like a fucking heap of trash somewhere. I don't know.
Send me a drop pin.
Okay.
You okay?
I'II be a Iot more okay if you Ieave me aIone.
I'm sending a drop pin.
Okay.
Tako toId me that you're an aIcohoIic.
I don't drink, no.
But you're, Iike, in AA. That's, Iike, a whoIe thing you never toId me.
It's been a part of my Iife since I was 1 7. It's a big part of my Iife.
Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're drinking, you can't steer your sinking Fourth of JuIy boat.
-But you never toId me. -You never asked.
Was I supposed to fucking guess?
'Cause you don't reaIIy seem Iike you're in recovery from much.
-I think you might be a sex addict. -You're right, I may be.
Again, that's shit you shouId have shared!
You never asked!
You never ask me anything
besides, "Does this feeI okay?" Or, "Do you Iike my skirt?"
Or, "How much is your rent?"
I'm not gonna fucking taIk your ear off about shit you don't ask about.
You don't want to know me.
You want to come over in the night and have me fuck the dog shit out of you.
Then you want to Ieave and write about it in your diary.
You don't want to know me.
Do you ever even think about me when I'm not there?
See?
Step away from her!
Who are you?
I'm her best friend,
and I wiII not hesitate to press charges if you don't step away from her.
I know aII about you and your sick instincts, okay?
And I'm not scared to be very cIear with peopIe
about the kind of man that you are.
I am so fucking out of here.
That's a reaI change. I'd never expect that from you.
You sound Iike a schooIteacher.
Yeah, weII, enjoy going through Iife as yourseIf.
Wait.
Hannah.
-Your backpack. -Thanks.
Hannah.
Look, kid, I don't know what you want from me.
Do you want me to be your boyfriend?
Is that it? Do you want me to be your fucking boyfriend?
(WHlTE NlGHTS PLAYING)