1 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,389 (PROJECTOR WHIRRING) 2 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:20,061 HANNAH: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God. 3 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:25,274 That is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my whoIe Iife. 4 00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:26,984 I was an amazing chiId. 5 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:29,487 CouId you fIy? 6 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,031 CouId I what? 7 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:37,787 CouId you fIy? 8 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:41,999 No, I couIdn't fIy, but then again, I didn't have ears that big. 9 00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,046 -Now you're gonna get it. -(LAUGHING) 10 00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:49,590 I was joking. I was joking. 11 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,426 Too bad, 'cause this is gonna hurt you more than it does me. 12 00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,594 You were a beautifuI baby. 13 00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,809 (SKYSCRAPER PLAYING) 14 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,353 (BAG RUSTLING) 15 00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,232 (CRUNCHING) 16 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:10,653 (SIGHS) 17 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:17,910 -(HANNAH MOANS) -ADAM: Oh, God. 18 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,579 HANNAH: Oh, my God. 19 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,497 ADAM: WouId you have fucked a four-year-oId me? 20 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,082 HANNAH: I was onIy two. 21 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,626 ADAM: How fat were you? Be honest. 22 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:28,004 -(HANNAH MOANING) -(BEDSPRINGS SQUEAKING) 23 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,881 HANNAH: Oh, my God. ADAM: That's what I thought. 24 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,091 -You were probabIy a reaIIy Iate waIker. -Oh, my God. 25 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,385 ADAM: And you were probabIy toiIet trained reaIIy Iate. 26 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:36,220 HANNAH: Oh, God. Oh, my God. 27 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,352 HANNAH: Oh. ADAM: Go, go, go, go, go. 28 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,688 HANNAH: I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. 29 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,523 One more time. (MOANING) 30 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,902 ADAM: That was fast. 31 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:53,029 HANNAH: Thank you. ADAM: Thank you. 32 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,338 -You'II feeI it soon. -I won't. 33 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:13,299 (PANTING) I toId you, okay, endorphins don't work on me, 34 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:17,303 and anyone who's ever promised me a runner's high is fuII of buIIshit. 35 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,805 (PANTING) 36 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,848 -Okay, no, no, no, no. -This is embarrassing. 37 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,308 -No, no, no, no, no. -You go on without me. 38 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,560 You just gotta reach your threshoId and run past it. 39 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,438 -Come on, high-five me. -Your hands are, Iike, 1 0 feet from me. 40 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,524 So catch the fuck up! High-five me! 41 00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,818 -Come on! -I don't Iike this, Adam. 42 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,028 -Yes, yes. -I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. 43 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,447 Fuck, yes. I fucking Iove it. Hannah, you're doing awesome. 44 00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:37,865 -I hate this! -That's great. 45 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,201 -This'II change your Iife, I swear it. -Whoo! Into what? 46 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,537 Whoa, pace yourseIf, kid. Pace yourseIf. 47 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,414 Wow. No. Wow. 48 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:49,335 What the fuck? Get up. You're, Iike, three bIocks from your house! 49 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,087 You couId hop home. 50 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,631 No, get up! 51 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:55,967 Come on! 52 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,094 CharIie's in the bushes! 53 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,680 CharIie's in the bushes! Come on! 54 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,473 (LAUGHING) 55 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,476 Oh, my God. 56 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,436 -Fucker. What? -Look. 57 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,314 The ice-cream truck is parked directIy in front of my house. 58 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,276 -It's Iike Iife is a dream. -Oh, shit. 59 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:16,696 -What? -I don't do ice cream. It's Iike sweet mucus. 60 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,865 -Are you serious? -Yeah. 61 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,700 (LAUGHING) 62 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,826 Yes. 63 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,328 -I mean, you can have some, though. -Do you have any cash? 64 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,163 Look at me, I'm not even wearing any underwear. 65 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,457 -Where wouId I put cash? -I'm not wearing any underwear either. 66 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,792 -Hey. -MAN: Hey. 67 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,711 She'II show you her tits if you give her some ice cream. 68 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,421 -I'm not gonna do that. -Yes, you wiII. 69 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,756 -I'm not gonna do that. -Just kidding. I have $5. 70 00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,053 Mmm-mmm. 71 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,472 If you don't Iike ice cream, what do you Iike? 72 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,849 I Iike you. 73 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,060 I'm done with these. 74 00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,187 (SHORTS THUD SOFTLY) 75 00:03:58,113 --> 00:03:59,822 (EMPHATICALLY) HeIIo. 76 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,699 -HANNAH: Marn, you okay? -Of course I am. 77 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,659 What, I can't just, Iike, catch up on some stuff 78 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,953 from the comfort of my own bed on a weekend morning? 79 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,372 Okay, weII, is it CharIie stuff? 80 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,000 He and Audrey went to Rome. They went to fucking Rome. 81 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,795 She had a work trip to MiIan and then they took a coupIe of days in Rome. 82 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,257 And he was making aII those wishes at those, Iike, overrated fountains 83 00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,426 and they took a bajiIIion pictures of it. 84 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,761 -This is your ex-boyfriend? -Yes. 85 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:22,929 And you stiII wanna tap that? 86 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,764 WeII, we were seriousIy invoIved for four years 87 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:28,059 and I am now deaIing with the deepIy painfuI fact 88 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,477 that I'm probabIy not gonna end up with him. 89 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,188 Okay, you never wanted to end up with him. 90 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,899 Hannah, don't minimize. 91 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:36,817 -That shit's reaIIy hard. -Sorry. 92 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,486 ADAM: I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. 93 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,695 Thank you. 94 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,281 When I broke up with my girIfriend from coIIege, so sad. 95 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:46,953 I Iost 30 pounds. I couIdn't move or taIk or get my dick hard, 96 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,580 but it aIso made me go, "Hey, who am I and what do I want?" 97 00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:51,707 Then I was Iike, boom, "I know who I am." 98 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,293 I wanted to switch majors and buy a circuIar saw, 99 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:57,630 and I promised myseIf that I'd foIIow my gut no matter what. 100 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,382 And I'd do what makes me feeI good. 101 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,050 What makes you feeI good? 102 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,762 I Iike reading. 103 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,263 (CHORTLES) 104 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,391 -(CELL PHONE RINGING) -HANNAH: Oh, here. 105 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:12,103 -Okay, we gotta jet out. We gotta go to tech. -Okay. 106 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,815 Yo, skank. Where you at? Gettin' that pussy pounded? 107 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,567 -It's my sister. -Oh. 108 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,240 No one's ever taken me to their tech rehearsaI before. 109 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,200 (LAUGHS) 110 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,910 You just say, "Tech." 111 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,663 Sorry that I don't know aII the terms. 112 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:34,500 I'm just a IittIe bit nervous to see it, you know? 113 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,003 -Like, are you nervous to have me see it? -No. 114 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,881 I'm reaIIy excited for you to see it because I'm reaIIy good at acting and writing. 115 00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:43,926 PIus, the pIay couId be reaIIy good. 116 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,349 Ew. 117 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,393 Gay. 118 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,021 -What? -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) 119 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,188 HeIIo? Who is it? 120 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,399 It's Jessa. Let me in. My thighs are on fire. 121 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,283 -Hi. -Oh, my God. 122 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:11,203 Ugh! My thighs are reaIIy rubbing together Iike nobody's business. 123 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,874 It's Iike they're red and raw and burning hot. 124 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,585 FeeIs Iike I had an epic fuckfest with a ghost. 125 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:20,421 I just wish I had a wheeIchair for June and JuIy. 126 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,715 Hannah isn't here. She Ieft with Adam. 127 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,550 But we had a pIan. 128 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,219 She knew that I Iost my job and she was gonna consoIe me today. 129 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,471 Yeah, weII, get used to it. 130 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,766 I mean, she hasn't reaIIy been very good about keeping many pIans these days, 131 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,892 or reaIIy any days. 132 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,186 ActuaIIy, she's aIways been fIaky about keeping pIans. 133 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:38,397 And then, Iike, apoIogizing for it Iike you're gonna shoot her. 134 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,608 Have you ever noticed when she gets dressed up, 135 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,611 she'II, Iike, put on a good dress and nice shoes 136 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,945 and then, Iike, do her Iipstick 137 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,364 and then wiII, Iike, Ieave her forehead shiny? 138 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,158 -Yes. Yeah. -Right? 139 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,744 It's Iike, "You've come this far. Wash your forehead." 140 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,455 "Wash your forehead." I know. It wouId be very easy. 141 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:58,125 Maybe now that she has this boyfriend, she'II start taking better care of herseIf. 142 00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,418 What's the deaI with that guy? 143 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:03,464 Is he, Iike, a great thinker orjust a totaI fucking idiot? 144 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,759 I don't know, he's not, Iike, un-nice or anything. He's just fucking weird. 145 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,511 Like, I waIked into the bathroom the other day, 146 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,971 I kid you not, he was sitting there, taking a shit 147 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,724 and drinking miIk at the same time, and just stared at me. 148 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:17,770 That kind of a person wouId just totaIIy masturbate in front of anyone any day. 149 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,773 Ew. I'm sure you're right. I don't know, I just feeI bad for her. 150 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,318 She's never had a normaI boyfriend that's not gay, you know? 151 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,696 I don't know, maybe she just doesn't reaIize how bizarre he is. 152 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,827 You Iook reaIIy gorgeous. 153 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,704 I Iove you aII stripped down. 154 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,999 I've never been this miserabIe in my Iife. 155 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,627 It's totaIIy working. 156 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,715 No, okay. 157 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,221 It's my first day of the sixth grade. 158 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,267 Mmm, I don't know where to sit. 159 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:57,810 I just moved to town Iast week 160 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,062 and I've spent every day since either reading in my hammock 161 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,648 orjerking off, which I just Iearned to do. 162 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,027 And I'm pretty sure I'm the onIy one who knows how to perform this awesome trick. 163 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:11,991 You just puII your wiener tiII it's hard and suddenIy, it's a cock. 164 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,118 And I know everyone in bio cIass is Iooking at me 165 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,787 because who eIse is 6'3" when they're 1 2 years oId? 166 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,539 I smeII Iike sweat. 167 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:21,542 I smeII Iike a gerbiI as I sit down 168 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:26,755 and try hard to make eye contact with SheIby Carruthers. 169 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,310 Hey! I Iike your pen. 170 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,938 Did you get it at the maII? It's not a reguIar pen, right? 171 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,940 She got up and moved five chairs down 172 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:50,613 and didn't taIk to me again for five years untiI junior year 173 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,867 when I fucked her on the strip of Iawn between the Iiquor store and the dog saIon. 174 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,745 And the whoIe time, I was seeing that pen, 175 00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,665 its pink, fuzzy end moving through the air. 176 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:08,380 "That'II teach you. That'II teach you. That'II teach you." 177 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:17,181 I haven't figured the rest of that bit out, Gavin, so we can skip to the canoe part. 178 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,451 I haven't been on this river in a Iong time. 179 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,036 (BEATBOXES) 180 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,789 Yo, yo, yo, l love Boy Scout camp 181 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,958 Who says we be gettin' too old for this shit? 182 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,501 (BEATBOXING) 183 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,628 l love s'mores 184 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,922 -What the fuck are you doing? -What? 185 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,758 -That's not what we taIked about. -WeII, I changed it a IittIe. 186 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,677 It's an easy joke, the wiggerjoke. 187 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,929 Everyone Iaughs at the white guy doing the bIack voice. 188 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,016 I'm just trying to bring some comedy to it, man. 189 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:05,229 AII the stuff you've been doing is, Iike, rejection and date rape. 190 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,689 ReaI shit. 191 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,525 Gavin, there was a Iot of compIex stuff being expressed 192 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,527 in what you wrote, a Iot of pathos. 193 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,570 Give peopIe a chance to process that. 194 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,739 Don't be afraid that if they're not Iaughing, they're not feeIing. 195 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,535 Look, you owe it to yourseIf to try stripping that thing down a IittIe. 196 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,704 Maybe just one "yo." 197 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,374 And throw some of the Iines away a IittIe and Iose that hat. 198 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,132 You're a hero, man. 199 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,885 You keep me honest. SeriousIy, thank you. 200 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,139 No probIem. 201 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,266 -We'II work on it tomorrow. -No, I don't think so. 202 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,018 What? 203 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,603 I just don't think this is my thing. 204 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,148 Are you for reaI? We open in two weeks. 205 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,858 Yeah, I'm for reaI. Good Iuck with it, man. 206 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,193 -You're serious? -Yeah, I'm fucking serious. 207 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,611 You can't do this to me, Adam. 208 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,406 I invested 2,000 bucks. 209 00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,701 I can't get that back. You didn't invest anything. 210 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,078 Yeah, I did, my time. 211 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,372 And I can't get my time back, so I guess we're even. 212 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,346 It's just, Iike, fucking peopIe. 213 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,847 Shit, I met him. 214 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,267 He teIIs me he's down to do one kind of thing and it's another kind of fucking thing. 215 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,645 If I knew he was gonna bust out that "yo, yo, yo" shit, I wouId've stayed home. 216 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,189 I reaIIy Iiked your monoIogue. 217 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,107 Like, maybe you couId use it for something eIse. 218 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,235 Anyway, it's for the best. I need to focus on buiIding my boat. 219 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,530 You know, peopIe don't aIways get it right on the first try. 220 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,950 Like, you have to teach them how to pIease you or you have to compromise. 221 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,370 Not in your art. That shouIdn't be a compromise. 222 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,330 -(TIRES SCREECH) -(HORN HONKS) 223 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,207 WouId you fucking watch it? 224 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,834 I'm waIking with a fucking woman! Can you see that? 225 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,670 Huh? You wanna hit a fucking woman with your fucking car, 226 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,297 you fucking cunt-satcheI? 227 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,550 Fuck you! 228 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,807 Oh, my God. Adam! 229 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,602 -She's got nothing on you. -Mmm. 230 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,438 ReaIIy, and it makes me question his taste 231 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:16,151 because you are a striking and cIassic beauty in the vein of Brooke ShieIds. 232 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,362 Jessa, you don't have to do this. 233 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,406 -Do what? -This. 234 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,740 Like, pretending we're friends. 235 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,076 I reaIIy can't handIe being mocked right now. 236 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,452 Are you serious, Marnie? 237 00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,497 We've known each other for six years. You've known my name for three. 238 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,500 I care for you. I do. I reaIIy do. 239 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,336 And if you don't see that, then that's a faiIing on my part 240 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:38,674 because I reaIIy admire your work ethic, your commitment to hygiene. 241 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:42,052 I think you are smart and kind and... 242 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,345 Uptight. 243 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:45,681 A bit, yes. 244 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:50,102 That isn't fun for me. Do you reaIize that? Being the uptight girI? I hate it. 245 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,981 CharIie had to find someone eIse to go to Rome with. 246 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:57,943 No one ever asks me to get, Iike, friendship tattoos or whatever. 247 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:03,198 Sometimes being inside my own head is so exhausting that it makes me wanna cry. 248 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,994 So then get out of there for a IittIe whiIe. 249 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,414 Fucker! 250 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,543 -Let's not go outside again today, okay? -Mmm-hmm, yeah. 251 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,546 It seems better when we don't go outside. 252 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,298 So... 253 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,885 What do you wanna do now? 254 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,721 Um, take a shower. 255 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:50,829 (SCREAMS) 256 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,083 Sorry, you reaIIy scared me, Adam. 257 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,002 No, thank you. 258 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,384 I'm good, thanks. 259 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,350 -It's for your spIit ends. -Thank you. 260 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,776 (SNICKERING) 261 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,487 (URINATING) 262 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,905 What? 263 00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,867 Oh, my God! 264 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,869 Oh, my God, you're peeing on me! 265 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,914 -Oh, my God! Oh, my God, stop it! -(ADAM LAUGHING) 266 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,041 You're stiII doing it! Stop it! 267 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,168 -ChiII, kid. It's just pee. -It's gross. 268 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,628 It's not funny, so stop Iaughing. 269 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,713 -It's gross! -Urine is steriIe. 270 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,840 A Iot of peopIe urinate on wounds to heaI them. 271 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,218 ReaIIy? A Iot of peopIe do that? 272 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,181 It doesn't make sense to get out now. There's pee on you. 273 00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,641 (SCREAMS) 274 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,561 -JESSA: So you were how oId? -I was 14. 275 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,480 Oh, my God. To who, your cousin? 276 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,065 Mmm-mmm. 277 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,276 To my boyfriend Jared. We had been dating for a year. 278 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,278 -And you were 14? -Yeah. 279 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,280 I don't know, I just feIt ready. 280 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,823 PIanned the whoIe thing, obviousIy. 281 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,033 We were at his Iake house. There were candIes everywhere. 282 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,286 I put a toweI down on the bed. 283 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,746 And I guess once I had done it, 284 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:18,542 I just feIt Iike I didn't need to try it again for, Iike, a very Iong time. 285 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,253 -Why? How oId were you? -I was 1 7. 286 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,047 -You were 1 7? You were oIder than me? -Yeah. 287 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:27,634 I didn't grow breasts for a very Iong time, and sex without breasts is creepy. 288 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,678 That's what I keep trying to teII Hannah. 289 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,931 (LAUGHS) That's true. Her breasts are teensy. 290 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,266 They're teensy. 291 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,018 -Yeah. -But I Iove them. 292 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,686 Did you order those? 293 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,314 -I didn't, no. -BARTENDER: They're from him. 294 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,649 Gray suit. 295 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,484 Oh, fabuIous. Hi. 296 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,366 Oh, never mind. 297 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,535 Oh, come on, he's so cute. 298 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,203 This is exciting, we're being hit on. 299 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,371 JESSA: Ugh. 300 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,248 MARNIE: He Iooks Iike he's a boss. 301 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,841 ADAM: You Iook good in the suit. 302 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,721 -You mean Iike a giant baby? -No. Pretty. 303 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,848 It's comfy, right? 304 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,059 There's Iike this weird sIit down the whoIe crotch. 305 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,686 Yeah, so you can pee out of it. 306 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,860 I reaIIy fucking thought you'd Iaugh. 307 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:27,986 WeII, I didn't. 308 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,614 WeII, I'm sorry you don't get what's so hystericaI about me peeing on you. 309 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,200 Okay, you are not a good apoIogizer. 310 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:34,826 Just FYI. 311 00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:37,079 AII right, I won't bug you if you're trying to read. 312 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,540 Have you thought any more about the pIay? 313 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,751 What is there to think about? 314 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,753 Just that you were so excited about it this morning. 315 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,005 -And then we got there... -It sucked, yeah. 316 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,466 Shit happens Iike that sometimes. 317 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,635 So then maybe you need to spend another week workshopping it. 318 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,263 I can't expIain basic truths to him. 319 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,599 It's too draining. 320 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,520 Okay, but I don't get why you won't Iet him do it with a different actor. 321 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,438 Because my name's on it. 322 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,357 But that's good. That's a writing credit. 323 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,735 I wouId rather do nothing for the rest of my Iife 324 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,697 than have my name attached to something mediocre. 325 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,032 Your integrity's aII that matters. 326 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,994 -It's a stupid pIay. -Not a stupid pIay. 327 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,163 It's reaIIy good. 328 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,166 When I was watching it, I was so excited because it was so, so good. 329 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,793 What about aII that fake shit Gavin was doing? 330 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,920 I don't know. I wasn't watching Gavin. I was watching you. 331 00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,507 Do you know how unusuaI it is to see someone doing something Iike that? 332 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:34,010 Like, what you were doing, okay, that's so open and honest 333 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:36,888 and weird and you're not making fun of them in your mind. 334 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:40,058 It made me want to go and meet you when you were 1 5 and kiss you. 335 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,738 I think I'II Iet Gavin do the pIay. 336 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,240 -ReaIIy? -Yeah. 337 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,200 I'II change my name. I'II use a pseudonym. 338 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,870 -What's your pseudonym? -Fuckin' Ben FrankIin. 339 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,831 I'II change my name, but he has to take out some of my favorite Iines. 340 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:06,001 That's a good compromise, right? 341 00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:14,384 Yeah, I just feeI Iike I traveI so much now, I'm Iag-proof. 342 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,179 You know, I'm Iike... Like, I'm resistant to jet Iag. 343 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:18,972 That's inspiring. 344 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:22,017 I took the most amazing MiddIe Eastern studies cIass... 345 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,602 -Love the MiddIe East, yeah. -...when I was in coIIege, 346 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,645 and I aImost became an internationaI reIations major. 347 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:26,938 -Oh. -AImost. 348 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,523 (LAUGHS) 349 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,901 This has been great, hasn't it? 350 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,652 What an unexpected pIeasure, 351 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,155 just sharing a beverage with Jenna. 352 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,823 -And Marnie. -MARNIE: Yes. 353 00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:38,325 -Great names. -Thank you. 354 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,203 WeII, thanks for handIing the check. 355 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,165 Mmm, you got it. 356 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,876 Hey, I have a suggestion. 357 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:51,630 I Iive, Iike, a bIock away and I just moved into BrookIyn Iast week. 358 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:54,633 I don't know anybody and I have been saving 359 00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:58,136 the most beautifuI bottIe of red wine for a rainy day. 360 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,347 Or a rainy night. 361 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,932 Or rainy night. 362 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,391 The weather's fine. 363 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:08,188 Um, weII, we shouId weIcome you to our borough, first of aII. 364 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,482 -Thank you. -And I don't know about you, 365 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,943 but I wouId Iove to do something "uncooI." 366 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,070 I'd rather do a cooI thing. 367 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:19,407 -She's a firecracker, this one. -MARNIE: I know. 368 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,993 But, yeah, we'd Iove to go. 369 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,496 Great. Done. 370 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,625 I'm just gonna run to the IittIe boys' room, and then we'II mosey? 371 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,168 -We'II mosey. -Okay. 372 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:34,965 He's cute. 373 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,675 Is he, though? 374 00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,594 His face is sort of very cereaI-boxy. 375 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,221 It's a perfect square. 376 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,265 No, I think he's hot. 377 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,684 And what he does is so interesting. 378 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,811 What is a venture capitaIist? 379 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,981 It sounds Iike some sort of expIorer, but that can't be the case. 380 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,566 I Iike him. 381 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,360 And I Iike this drink. 382 00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,906 And I Iike you, Jessa. 383 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,784 (MUSIC PLAYING) 384 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,123 (CHILDREN LAUGHING ON RECORDING) 385 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,250 THOMAS-JOHN: I've just been doing it, Iike, three or four months. 386 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,336 Saw it in an episode of Entourage. Isn't it cooI? 387 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,630 I caII this one Field Nice, 388 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:18,800 Iike fieId mice, but, you know, happy. 389 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,553 Thomas-John didn't want you to get seIf-conscious 390 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:26,141 whiIe you were taking a piss, so he started spinning. 391 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,768 I know how seIf-conscious you gaIs get when you're taking a tinkIe. 392 00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:30,186 Took care of it. 393 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,230 He's working on a mash-ups aIbum. 394 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,481 Mash-up! 395 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,109 He's mixed Steal My Sunshine by Len... 396 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:40,030 -Right. -...and fieId recordings of chiIdren pIaying. 397 00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:42,240 They're chiIdren pIaying in a fieId. 398 00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:44,409 Sounds awesome. 399 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,745 I mean, it's a hobby. 400 00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:51,333 I'm not cIaiming, Iike, I'm the best, but I fucking enjoy myseIf, you know? 401 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,461 -Can I have some more, pIease? -Yeah. 402 00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,880 (IN BRITISH ACCENT) "PIease, sir, can I have some more?" 403 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,256 (SNICKERS) 404 00:20:58,341 --> 00:20:59,549 (LAUGHING) 405 00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,134 That was hiIarious. 406 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,470 Have you seen it? I did OIiver Twist. 407 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,931 You ever heard of that? It's EngIish. 408 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:12,646 Oh. This is my... New one. 409 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,981 -(MUSIC PLAYING) -(MONKEY GIBBERING) 410 00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:19,819 You know, this is actuaIIy just two tunes pIaying simuItaneousIy 411 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:24,115 in different iTunes windows, 412 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,035 so I don't have to... Here, I can join you. 413 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,497 Here I am. 414 00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:35,293 Has anyone ever toId you you Iook Iike a young Brooke ShieIds? 415 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,923 -ActuaIIy, yeah. Thank you. -You're weIcome. 416 00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:42,926 And you, 417 00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,762 JuIie Christie. 418 00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:49,307 Yeah, good reference. 419 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:51,893 It's good. Yeah, totaIIy, totaIIy. 420 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:58,525 Fuck, it's so rare to find just two such different, 421 00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:05,365 but at the same time equaI beauties... 422 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,451 Okay, that's our cue to go. Thank you so much... 423 00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:10,370 -No, no, we don't have to go. -You don't have to go. 424 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,039 (STAMMERING) We've outstayed our weIcome. 425 00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:16,209 -No. -Thank you so much. You've been so... 426 00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:21,297 (MONKEY GIBBERING) 427 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,268 Yikes. 428 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,438 Just foIIow your instincts, Brooke. 429 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,383 (MONKEYS GIBBERING) 430 00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:11,890 Oh! Whoa. 431 00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:12,974 Oh, no. 432 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:15,393 Are you fucking serious? 433 00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,395 -Do you have, Iike, a paper toweI? -Are you fucking serious? 434 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:18,772 Like, some seItzer water? 435 00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,565 Are you fucking serious? 436 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:24,152 This is a $1 0,000 rug. 437 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,488 This is a very fucking expensive rug. 438 00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:29,199 If you're gonna spiII on it, you gotta Iook more sorry than that! 439 00:23:29,283 --> 00:23:31,117 -I'm reaIIy sorry. -She's sorry. 440 00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:33,036 You know what, if you're reaIIy sorry, 441 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,664 you'd better be pIanning to make this a very speciaI night for aII of us, 442 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,501 not just you and fucking Missy MaIooI. 443 00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,377 AII of us. 444 00:23:41,462 --> 00:23:45,256 And not me just watching you girIs go at it for a IittIe bit 445 00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:49,677 and getting a IittIe bit turned on. I wanna be baIIs-deep in something! 446 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,472 And I don't even fucking care what it is. 447 00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,974 No more excIuding me, Mary Poppins! 448 00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:57,018 It's not fair. 449 00:23:58,604 --> 00:24:00,063 I wanna be part of the group. 450 00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:05,985 -That wiII never happen. -Jessa. 451 00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:12,492 This isn't right, is it? 452 00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:14,744 This can't be the way that this goes. 453 00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:19,124 -I'm not gay. -She's so not gay. 454 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,543 I was just trying to be free. 455 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,297 Do you even know what it's Iike to work hard? 456 00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:28,883 No. TeII us. 457 00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:30,927 I've been under a Iot of pressure 458 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:35,098 my whoIe Iife to succeed. 459 00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:40,645 Daddy didn't buy me this rug or this apartment or this nose. 460 00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:42,188 That's not your nose. 461 00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:44,023 There's no way that's your fuckin' nose. 462 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:46,401 There is no cartiIage in the worId that exquisite! 463 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,863 So it kind of ticks me off when I come to WiIIiamsburg 464 00:24:49,947 --> 00:24:54,242 after working hard aII fucking day in the "reaI worId," 465 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:58,496 and I see aII these stupid IittIe Daddy's girIs with their fuckin' bowIer hats... 466 00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:00,957 What are you doing wearing a fucking bowIer hat, stupid? 467 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:04,419 And then you come over and you fIirt and fIirt 468 00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:07,005 and fIirt and fIirt and kiss and kiss 469 00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:09,799 and Iisten to my amazing tunes, drink my beautifuI wine, 470 00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:12,677 and then spiII it aII over my gorgeous rug. 471 00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:14,179 And Iaugh about it. 472 00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:18,683 Yeah, weII, we're not Iaughing at your rug, trust me. 473 00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:21,603 -We're not Iaughing. You... Don't hurt us. -Come here. 474 00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:24,272 JESSA: We're Iaughing at your mash-ins. 475 00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:27,358 It's mash-ups! 476 00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:34,532 Oh, and just so you know, 477 00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:37,577 I'm gonna go eat her cunt on the sidewaIk right now. 478 00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:41,206 (DOOR CLOSES) 479 00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:44,584 It's mash-ups. 480 00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:49,714 (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) 481 00:25:54,011 --> 00:25:56,638 ADAM: Hey. Hey! 482 00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,141 Come with me, kid. 483 00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:08,149 Adam. 484 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:10,818 (DISTANT SIREN BLARING) 485 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:13,321 This is Iike when my parents woke me up during a tornado. 486 00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,198 ADAM: Just a IittIe farther. 487 00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:18,660 Adam, I'm tired and I don't know where we're going. 488 00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:22,914 ADAM: Sorry I yeIIed at that car. 489 00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:25,208 What? 490 00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:27,210 I wish I couId apoIogize, but I don't know the driver, 491 00:26:27,294 --> 00:26:30,755 so I guess I'm just gonna have to feeI bad about it forever 492 00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,007 unIess he drives by again. 493 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,187 (HANNAH LAUGHING) 494 00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:47,981 Jesus. 495 00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,441 I'm gonna do that fucking pIay. 496 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:52,944 You are? 497 00:26:53,028 --> 00:26:55,113 Yeah. I'm gonna do it so you can watch it. 498 00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:57,949 Oh, my God. 499 00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:02,328 AII right, wouId you heIp me with this? 500 00:27:02,413 --> 00:27:04,247 How do I heIp you? 501 00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:07,458 Um, here. 502 00:27:09,837 --> 00:27:11,254 Spread 'em. 503 00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:12,797 What are you doing? 504 00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:16,175 -HANNAH: Oh, my God. -(GRUNTS) 505 00:27:18,012 --> 00:27:20,346 -ADAM: AII right, heIp me grab these. -Okay, got it. 506 00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:22,473 HANNAH: Oh, my God, okay. 507 00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:24,726 ADAM: AII right, wet it down. 508 00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,227 Got it. 509 00:27:27,438 --> 00:27:29,147 Wait. Get a IittIe cIoser. 510 00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:32,275 -Okay. -There's bird shit on my head. 511 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:33,651 -Paper. -(LAUGHS) Okay. 512 00:27:33,736 --> 00:27:35,236 -HANNAH: This is a ridicuIous project. -Fuck. Harder. 513 00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,363 -You're a ridicuIous person. -Scrape it harder. 514 00:27:37,448 --> 00:27:39,324 You're a ridicuIous person. 515 00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:41,492 -ADAM: AII right, Iet's go fuck. -Shit! No! 516 00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:43,536 (SQUEALING AND LAUGHING) 517 00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,877 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)