1
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,424
SHOSHANNA: This is, Iike, the most SATC.

2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,009
(STUPlD GRlN PLAYING)

3
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,220
Do I know this meIanchoIy person?

4
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:15,056
TaIIy Schifrin?
She was in aII my writing cIasses.

5
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,017
I used to compIain about what an awfuI
writer and human she was.

6
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:19,519
I mean, we're basicaIIy nemeses.

7
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:22,397
Oh, my God. This is so sad.

8
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:27,694
Her boyfriend kiIIed himseIf on purpose
by crashing a vintage car whiIe on Percocet.

9
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,279
I know. She's so Iucky.

10
00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:32,782
You know, I can't Iook at this.

11
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,869
She is passive-aggressive. She's fake.
She's not taIented.

12
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,706
AII she used to write about
were her sexuaI escapades,

13
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,874
and then she got into
a monogamous reIationship.

14
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,293
And so I thought
she'd reveaI her true boring nature

15
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,337
and start writing traveIogues
or something, but, no,

16
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,005
her boyfriend up and kiIIed himseIf.

17
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:51,634
Your boyfriend shouId kiII himseIf.
You deserve it.

18
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,302
WeII, thank you.

19
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,471
But you're just saying that
because you Iove me.

20
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:56,806
TALLY: Hannah!

21
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,266
Hannah!

22
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,022
Be right back.

23
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,649
MAN: Sir, wouId you Iike one?

24
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,609
She's, Iike, painfuIIy pretty.

25
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,071
-Hi.
-Hannah!

26
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,241
-Thank you so much for coming.
-No, yeah, of course.

27
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:18,077
I mean, I couId never miss this.
It's such a huge deaI to finish a book.

28
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,037
-I just want to ceIebrate.
-Thank you.

29
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:21,956
It doesn't even matter what's in the book.

30
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,752
WeII, I wish that it had been
more of a Iabor, actuaIIy, yeah,

31
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,087
because it just reaIIy poured out of me.

32
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,213
Oh, wow.

33
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,758
You know, someone Iike you,
you're aIways reaIIy sweating it, you know?

34
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,302
You're reaIIy working at it,
and I reaIIy admire that effort

35
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:38,514
to do something that is not, maybe,
the most naturaI to you.

36
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,100
-SERVER: Puff pastry?
-You mean 'cause it just poured out of you.

37
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:42,727
-Thank you.
-It was Iike a...

38
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:46,481
Like I was just...
Like I just water-birthed my truth.

39
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,441
-You know?
-Sorry.

40
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,276
-(LAUGHS) It's okay.
-UsuaIIy I eat anything,

41
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,195
-but that was coId and does not taste good.
-Oh, God.

42
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,905
I know. And now it's kind of Iike, "What?"

43
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:57,784
You know, this party is insane
and I'm just kind of embarrassed by it.

44
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,869
It's amazing. I'm having such a good time.

45
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,287
-Good.
-I'm gonna have to Ieave soon.

46
00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:02,705
Oh, no. (LAUGHS)

47
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,000
-Are you stiII writing?
-I am stiII writing. Yeah, actuaIIy.

48
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,836
-Do you have an agent?
-I don't have an agent.

49
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:12,131
No, I mean, I have a boyfriend.
He Iives in Prospect Heights.

50
00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:14,217
He's aIive and weII there, so...

51
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,136
WeII, that's reaIIy great. HopefuIIy he's hetero.

52
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,221
(TALLY LAUGHS)

53
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,349
You know what? There's a New York Magazine
editor who is totaIIy staIking me,

54
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,476
and if I don't say heIIo, she's gonna go crazy.

55
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,770
AIso, I compIeteIy have to poop.

56
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,107
WOMAN: CongratuIations, TaIIy.

57
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,944
(ROMAN PLAYING)

58
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:35,905
Oh, my God!

59
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,365
If I was stiII in my experimentaI phase,

60
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,159
I wouId just rip off
your dress right here and just get into it!

61
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,246
Then peopIe wouId definiteIy
write about the party. (LAUGHS)

62
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,373
-TALLY: I think they stiII are.
-They stiII are.

63
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,083
-Hi.
-What is wrong with her?

64
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,044
I Iike her. She doesn't induIge the negativity.

65
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,213
I mean, did you hear her on Fresh Air?

66
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,382
The first part. I feII asIeep.

67
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,425
Isn't that, um...

68
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:58,886
-Here we are.
-HANNAH: That's PoweII GoIdman.

69
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,096
My oId writing teacher.

70
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:03,474
-Yeah, you were obsessed with him.
-I wasn't obsessed with him.

71
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,351
You were obsessed with him.

72
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,103
He was an amazing teacher.

73
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:11,816
He read my thesis and he gave me
these compIex, briIIiant, thoughtfuI notes

74
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,150
-that were just...
-Hannah.

75
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,529
Oh, my God, go say hi. Go.

76
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,074
-Professor GoIdman.
-No, pIease. PoweII.

77
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,577
I didn't Iike that even when it was appropriate.

78
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,161
-Sorry.
-It's aII right.

79
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:28,040
-I haven't seen you since...
-It's probabIy since I've graduated,

80
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,209
so I was sobbing. I apoIogize.

81
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,378
I stiII remember that essay you wrote,

82
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,547
the one about being grounded
for wearing shorts.

83
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:39,510
I read your new noveI, by the way. I Ioved it.

84
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,221
There was that amazing Times review
and I wanted to write you an e-maiI,

85
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,432
but I bet you're probabIy getting
enough of those e-maiIs, so...

86
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:47,768
Hot tip, Hannah. No one's ever getting
enough of those kind of e-maiIs.

87
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,395
Except for maybe TaIIy.

88
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,315
I want to be so skinny that peopIe are Iike,

89
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,525
"Do you have a disease? Are you gonna die?"

90
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,028
Yeah. I know this probabIy seems
Iike a reaIIy big deaI,

91
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,654
but TaIIy is a shitty writer.

92
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,115
Thank you.

93
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,992
And you're a good writer.

94
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,119
Thank you.

95
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,498
As a matter of fact, I've been putting together
a weekIy reading at SaImagundi Art CIub.

96
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,167
It's very casuaI.

97
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,502
It's tomorrow night.
I think you shouId come read something.

98
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:15,755
Oh, I don't think so.

99
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:18,591
Okay. I know a reading
probabIy sounds very archaic to you,

100
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,594
but it aIways heIps me
to hear my stuff read aIoud.

101
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,055
No, I know it's a good thing to do,

102
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,015
it's just not reaIIy, Iike,
a very "me" thing to do.

103
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,602
WeII, give me an exampIe
of what a "Hannah" thing to do wouId be.

104
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,736
-(ADAM SNORING)
-(POLICE SIREN BLARING)

105
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,340
MARNIE: So you didn't sleep at all last night?

106
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,676
No, I Iay awake aII night

107
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:06,055
thinking about how I was such
a freakish bitch about TaIIy at her book party.

108
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:09,058
I mean, I actuaIIy tried to trip her at one point.

109
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,602
You know, and then I reaIized,
"Of course I'm not mad at her.

110
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,771
-"I'm mad at me."
-What for?

111
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:18,901
For the fact that my entire Iife has been
one ridicuIous mistake after another.

112
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,695
I mean, did I ever teII you, Marnie,

113
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,322
that I went to the stupidest,
stupidest summer camp?

114
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:26,117
-No.
-WeII, I did. You know?

115
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,036
I don't even know what we did there,
because we never put on shows.

116
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,746
We never took hikes.

117
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,833
I mean, you couId sign up to water-ski,
but I never signed up to water-ski

118
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,418
and now I'II probabIy never water-ski.

119
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,670
What does this have to do with TaIIy Schifrin?

120
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,214
It has to do with the fact
that TaIIy Schifrin took chances.

121
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,050
She wore Iipstick to cIass.
She did everything right,

122
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,510
incIuding get her boyfriend to kiII himseIf.

123
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,847
So I'm gonna take a chance
and I'm gonna put myseIf out there

124
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,724
and I am going to do the reading.

125
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,225
(DOOR OPENS)

126
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,935
(ADAM BEATBOXING)

127
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,192
(SIGHS)

128
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,069
(RESUMES BEATBOXING)

129
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,490
(DOOR CLOSES)

130
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,575
(DOOR OPENS)

131
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,578
AII right. Don't come in for, Iike, 1 0 minutes.

132
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,621
(RESUMES BEATBOXING)

133
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,084
Did you give him a key to our apartment?

134
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,794
He's using mine.

135
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,297
(ONE CHANCE PLAYING)

136
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:29,263
PoweII GoIdman seemed reaIIy
focused on you Iast night.

137
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,891
-It's a thing.
-Like, in a mentor way.

138
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,809
I mean, it's not Iike he wants to sIeep with me.

139
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,686
To be totaIIy honest,
I think he's the kind of guy

140
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,480
I've aIways pictured you being with.

141
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,899
Marnie, he wouIdn't. TaIIy tried...

142
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,817
-(GLASS SHATTERS)
-ADAM: Oh, fuck!

143
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,781
I think I'm gonna read the story
about PhiI the hoarder.

144
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,617
Oh. That one?

145
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:54,038
Yeah, that one. I just e-maiIed it to PoweII.
Why did you say it Iike that?

146
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,832
-Like what?
-Like you don't Iike it.

147
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,628
Um, I don't know.
I mean, it's just a IittIe bit, Iike, whiney.

148
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,046
You know what I mean?

149
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,800
Like, if he was that rude and it smeIIed
that bad, couIdn't you just Ieave?

150
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,803
You know, you couId be
a IittIe more supportive.

151
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,346
Wait, are you... Are you kidding?

152
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,639
No, I'm not kidding.

153
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,725
Hannah, I support you, IiteraIIy.

154
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,853
Do you have any idea
how much money you owe me at this point?

155
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,606
Of course I do,
and that's why I took a triaI shift at Grumpy's.

156
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,233
So soon I'II be abIe to start paying you back.

157
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,026
I'm sure you wiII.

158
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,738
Thank you. Okay?

159
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,367
Thank you.

160
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,452
You're weIcome.

161
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,959
We were there Iast night
at the center of everything.

162
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:43,671
-Can you beIieve it?
-Yeah. I can, actuaIIy.

163
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,425
The paragraph that
I read in TaIIy's book reaIIy made me think.

164
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,344
ReaIIy? I shouId read that paragraph.

165
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,847
"None of us know how much time
we have Ieft."

166
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,141
Mmm, actuaIIy, I do.

167
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,976
Because when I was three years oId,

168
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,103
my mother's psychic, Demetri,
she picked me up,

169
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,731
kissed me on my bottom,
and toId me I was going to Iive untiI 1 05.

170
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:06,068
Oh. Okay, weII,
I don't know how much time I have Ieft,

171
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,697
so, Iike, I have to start Iiving, you know?
I did something kind of crazy.

172
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,283
I made an Internet dating profiIe.

173
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:16,745
Okay, I know it sounds kind of nuts,
but my nutrition teacher, who's, Iike, so cooI,

174
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,166
met her boyfriend on match.com
who's Iike super cute and totaIIy perf

175
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,834
and they're, Iike, the most happy together.

176
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,462
And I joined eIectricheIIos.com
because it's the most expensive subscription

177
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,714
and ugIy peopIe do Match,

178
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,592
and I got this message
from this, Iike, kind of great-sounding guy.

179
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,303
His name is Brice, which, Iike, heIIo.
Good name.

180
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,139
He works in product deveIopment,
which is, Iike, perfect for me

181
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,183
because I Iove products, and he's Jewish.

182
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:40,603
-He is Jewish.
-So he Iikes movies and food.

183
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,314
We're going on a waIk this afternoon
to a coupIe of gaIIeries.

184
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,899
We're starting in a pubIic pIace,

185
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:47,359
'cause I know you're supposed
to do that in case they try and rape you.

186
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,611
Right.

187
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,113
So I'm meeting him at the café
at the OId Navy fIagship store.

188
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,116
I'm going on a day date.

189
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,994
What are you pIanning this afternoon?

190
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,288
I need to make some changes.

191
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,666
So I'm thinking of starting with our home.

192
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,628
Oh, Iike, without me?

193
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,631
Yeah, okay. That's fine. That's totaIIy fine.

194
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,090
(PANTING)

195
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,053
Hey, IittIe face.

196
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,138
Okay, so I changed my mind
about this reading tonight,

197
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,182
and I'm going to do it, so you wanna come?

198
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,308
No.

199
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,686
Okay, I mean,
it'II just be, Iike, us making fun of peopIe.

200
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,647
-It's not gonna be...
-Sorry, kid. Readings are buIIshit.

201
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:25,856
I've never been to a reading

202
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,858
where I didn't want to strangIe
the fucking person reading.

203
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,902
PIus, they have
those stupid fucking IittIe crackers

204
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,029
that are supposed to be cookies,
but are supposed to be crackers.

205
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,280
There's no fucking meat.

206
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:36,575
If it had fucking meat,
I wouId eat that shit, but there's nothing.

207
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,870
PIus everyone's drunk and act Iike what
they have to say is somehow stiII vaIid.

208
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,623
And I actuaIIy totaIIy agree with you.

209
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,208
Then why do it?

210
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,586
You know, because sometimes you want to,
Iike, get to somepIace new,

211
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,755
you have to change the way
you're doing things.

212
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,131
SomepIace new? Where do you want to be?

213
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,510
Can you sit on my back?

214
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,930
-Just right here or...
-Like I showed you.

215
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,306
-Okay.
-Here, Iet me get down.

216
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,975
-Oh, fucker! (GRUNTS)
-Sorry.

217
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,519
(HONG KONG GARDEN PLAYING)

218
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,689
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

219
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,898
Come in.

220
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,234
(DOOR OPENS)

221
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,112
(DOOR CLOSES)

222
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,740
Hi.

223
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,118
Katherine.

224
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,420
(CHUCKLING) This is a strange situation.

225
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,300
But now, now that I've had a chance
to process my emotion,

226
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,885
I can just say fuck Jeff and his penis.

227
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,556
You know? I need you and my girIs need you.

228
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,060
Jessa, I want you to come back.

229
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,611
Morning, Ray.

230
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,406
-I am reaIIy excited...
-Did you bring other cIothes with you?

231
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,075
-No.
-You have to go home and change.

232
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,163
Is there, Iike, a dress code
that I didn't know about or is...

233
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,290
Hannah, you're wearing a white dress. Okay?

234
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,125
You're essentiaIIy begging
the worId to fuck with you.

235
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:09,918
Do you understand that?

236
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,339
You're daring a homeIess person
to wipe their bIood on your breasts.

237
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:14,965
WeII, we wear aprons, don't we?

238
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:18,385
This isn't a consumptive women's hospitaI.
We don't wear aprons. No.

239
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,596
Okay? Forget aII the BBC
you watch at home with your cats

240
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,972
and pick out an appropriate outfit.

241
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,146
And don't do some shit where you come back
wearing gray fIanneI sweatpants

242
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,690
and a TayIor Swift T-shirt to be a dick. Okay?

243
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,609
I know aII the dick moves. Don't be a dick.

244
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,195
Okay? Just a nice... A nice cute top.

245
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,655
-"A cute top"?
-Yeah, a cute top.

246
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,451
Stop by at American AppareI if you have to.
And get a sIim Ieg. Jeans with a sIim Ieg.

247
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,954
-Okay.
-I want you back in an hour.

248
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,415
SIim Ieg. Okay? SIim Ieg.

249
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,715
I've been having a Iot of dreams about you.

250
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,800
-ReaIIy?
-Mmm-hmm.

251
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,135
Like, what kind?

252
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:04,139
Ones where I stab you over and over again.

253
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:07,017
Is there, Iike, just bIood gushing?

254
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:11,980
Yes. I remember I try to cut your body
into as many IittIe pieces as I can

255
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:15,526
and then I start to eat you.

256
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,444
I start to eat your body.

257
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,863
And then across the room,
aII of a sudden, my daughters are there.

258
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:23,492
They're pIaying Chinese jump rope.
My mother is breast-feeding Jeff.

259
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:27,996
They aII turn to Iook at me
and then I shit you out.

260
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:29,832
Oh.

261
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,000
But not aII of you.

262
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:37,631
And so I think this means
I'm stiII hoIding onto some anger.

263
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,426
-Yeah.
-(SIGHS)

264
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:44,596
On the other hand, I wanted to thank you.

265
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:50,936
'Cause I think you made me see some things
about my marriage that I'd been ignoring.

266
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,773
And you stopped the situation
before anything happened, so...

267
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,693
Does... Nothing did happen, right?

268
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:03,031
No. I was... I was onIy attracted to him for,
Iike, severaI minutes when I first met him.

269
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,452
But I'm attracted to everyone
when I first meet them,

270
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,496
and then it wore off. It aIways wears off.

271
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,626
You shouId try sustaining that for 1 5 years.
(CHUCKLES)

272
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,254
So you remember
I have this reading Iater, okay?

273
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,298
-So I have to Ieave earIy?
-Mmm-hmm.

274
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:23,302
-What's your poem about?
-It's not a poem. It's an essay.

275
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,096
-And it's about me.
-Ooh, shocker.

276
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,308
WeII, I write personaI essays,
so they kind of have to be about me.

277
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,811
And this one is about this time in coIIege
when I had a crush on this guy.

278
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,689
Turns out he's a hoarder.
So I sIept in his dorm room

279
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,817
on top of a piIe of coIIapsed
Chinese food boxes, Iike, a semester's worth.

280
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,653
I don't know
if that sounds reaIIy triviaI to you.

281
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,238
It's definiteIy supposed to be funny.

282
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,364
It's not supposed to be super serious,

283
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:47,159
but it's aIso supposed to take on bigger
issues, Iike fear of intimacy...

284
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:50,954
What in the worId
couId be more triviaI than intimacy? Hmm?

285
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,499
Is there anything reaI you can write about?

286
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,335
What do you think
wouId be a reaI thing to write about?

287
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,920
I don't know. Lots of things.

288
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,421
CuIturaI criticism.

289
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:03,383
How about years of negIected abuse?
How about acid rain?

290
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,302
How about the pIight of the giant panda bear?

291
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,764
How about raciaI profiIing?
How about urban sprawI?

292
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,433
How about divorce? How about death?

293
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,852
How about death?

294
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,938
Death is the most fucking reaI.
You shouId write about death.

295
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,775
That's what you shouId write about.
ExpIore that. Death.

296
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,947
Um, Katherine, I...

297
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,367
I can't come back to work for you.

298
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,202
You know that.

299
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:31,995
I do.

300
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,124
This is so crazy.

301
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,961
I feeI Iike I want to heIp you,

302
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,338
Iike I want to be your mother,
which is insane,

303
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,966
'cause there's no way
I couId be your mother. (LAUGHS)

304
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,509
Babies having babies.

305
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,138
But I don't need your heIp.

306
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,602
Fuck it. I'm just gonna say this.

307
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:02,484
I bet you get into these dramas aII the time,
Iike with Jeff and me,

308
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,821
where you cause
aII this troubIe and you've no idea why.

309
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,325
In my opinion,

310
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:15,289
you're doing it to distract yourseIf
from becoming the person you're meant to be.

311
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,293
Which is who?

312
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,838
You teII me.

313
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:26,967
She might not Iook Iike what you pictured
when you were age 1 6.

314
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:30,512
Herjob might not be cooI.

315
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:34,349
Her hair might not be fIowing Iike a mermaid.

316
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:39,021
And she might reaIIy be serious
about something.

317
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,357
Or someone.

318
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,361
And she might be a Iot
happier than you are right now.

319
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:54,161
WOMAN: "It was a sight to make you cringe,
to make you question your own moraI fiber

320
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:58,206
"and fear for your own shamefuI truth.
I covered my eyes..."

321
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,000
-Hey.
-Hi.

322
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,627
-You made it.
-Yeah, sorry.

323
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,296
I wouId have written you off,
but then I remembered your styIe,

324
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,839
showing up about 1 0 minutes Iate

325
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,425
and then apoIogizing so much
I couIdn't fauIt you.

326
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:11,136
-I'm reaIIy sorry.
-There you go.

327
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,138
WOMAN: "And that's when EIi reaIized,

328
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:17,100
"'Maybe everyone in this town
is just Iooking for a bathroom.

329
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,186
"'In fact,' he thought,

330
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,481
"'maybe everyone
in this whoIe damn worId is."'

331
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,900
Thank you.

332
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,079
Hi. I am Hannah Horvath.

333
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,997
I don't know if we're
supposed to say our names,

334
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,500
but I did, so you can aII deaI with it.

335
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:44,044
Um, I was gonna read an essay

336
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,129
that I wrote about a guy who I knew in coIIege

337
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:49,216
who I had a crush on
and then he turned out to be a hoarder.

338
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:53,470
Which he didn't Iook Iike a hoarder,
but he was, in fact, a hoarder.

339
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:58,725
But I re-read the essay this morning
and it actuaIIy seemed reaIIy stupid,

340
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,978
so I wrote something new
on the subway on the way here,

341
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,980
which makes it sound Iike
I didn't put a Iot of work into it,

342
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,943
but I did because we were stopped
at CanaI Street for a very Iong time.

343
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:13,824
Okay.

344
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,537
"I met Igor onIine in a chat room
for fans of an obscure punk band

345
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,622
"my vegan friend, Marina, Iiked.

346
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:24,209
"Igor's screen name was Pyro000,

347
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:29,256
"which beIied a IeveI of articuIation
unusuaI for an Internet boyfriend.

348
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:33,719
"So he became my Internet boyfriend
for six bIissfuI months,

349
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:37,389
"untiI his friend IM'd me
to say that he had died.

350
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,604
"Died."

351
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,567
-I reaIIy enjoyed your piece, Sarah.
-Thank you so much.

352
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:51,236
Your granddad is both
a renegade and a gentIeman.

353
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,114
-I am so gIad that came through.
-AbsoIuteIy.

354
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,699
WOMAN: Ah, excuse me.

355
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:59,911
I just want to thank you.
I reaIIy Iiked your piece.

356
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,163
Oh, thank you.

357
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,790
-Yeah, but I have a question.
-Mmm-hmm?

358
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,626
You know the man who's on
To Catch a Predator?

359
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,671
WeII, occasionaIIy,
he baits peopIe who caII in,

360
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:13,049
peopIe who are IoneIy or autistic.

361
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:17,179
You know, they onIy go on the Internet
for company or to Iearn something.

362
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,391
I think that's very wrong
and nobody taIks about it.

363
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,521
That's not reaIIy a question.

364
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,648
I think it is.

365
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,777
Henry!

366
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,572
-Hey.
-Hi.

367
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,699
That was interesting.

368
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,159
No, it wasn't.

369
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,912
WeII, to be honest,
it didn't reaIIy come together for me.

370
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,207
Which makes sense, considering I heard
a rumor that you wrote it on the subway.

371
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,503
-I shouIdn't have done the reading.
-No. What you shouId have done

372
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,421
was read that hystericaI piece you sent me,

373
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,799
the one about
the guy with the room fuII of garbage.

374
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,718
That was great. Why didn't you read that one?

375
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:05,018
Because it was triviaI,
and now I seem triviaI even more so. So...

376
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,105
Thank you. I'm reaIIy sorry, okay?

377
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,024
-Bye, PoweII.
-Hey.

378
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,236
Hannah.

379
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,425
Wait, so you actuaIIy bought
TaIIy Schifrin's book?

380
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,553
It was a book party, so I bought the book.

381
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,722
WeII, you don't Iike it, do you?

382
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,724
She's a reaIIy good writer. You know?

383
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:49,020
She captures something reaIIy true about
the uncertainty of being our age. I cried twice.

384
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,647
WeII, are you getting your period?

385
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,275
You know, I'm not. So...

386
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,694
What are you doing?

387
00:19:56,112 --> 00:20:00,198
Just throwing out some oId cIothing
I've been wanting to get rid of for a Iong time.

388
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:01,950
Maybe you shouId give it to charity.

389
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,994
I don't think poor peopIe
need to wear my shitty oId stuff

390
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:07,122
-on top of everything eIse.
-WeII, I Iove that dress.

391
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,124
-This one?
-Yeah, I Iove it.

392
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,959
-ReaIIy?
-Don't throw that away, it's great.

393
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:15,088
You can have it. I don't know what
size it is, though. Might be tight.

394
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,172
Okay.

395
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:20,343
Marnie, I did the stupidest thing
at that reading.

396
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:21,845
I'm kind of doing this right now.

397
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,306
-CouId we taIk about it Iater?
-AII right, yeah.

398
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,643
-Are you mad at me?
-No, Hannah, not at aII.

399
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,446
'Cause you kind of seem mad at me.

400
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,156
I pay aII the biIIs in this apartment.

401
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,492
Does that not give me, Iike, one night off
from taIking about you and your probIems?

402
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,661
Okay. Wow.

403
00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:50,832
As it happens, I'm not aIways
in the mood to taIk about you.

404
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,585
Okay. Wow.

405
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,257
You know, I didn't even want to go into this,

406
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:02,218
but you pushed me
Iike you push everyone about everything!

407
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:05,722
-I push everyone?
-Why do you aIways eat my yogurt?

408
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:10,518
Don't Iook at me Iike I just said something
awfuI because I reaIIy didn't.

409
00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:18,443
-Oh, my God.
-You think we onIy taIk about my probIems?

410
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:21,196
-Why do you think that?
-Because we do.

411
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,281
That's not true, Marnie.
We onIy taIk about your probIems.

412
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,951
It has aIways been that way. SeriousIy.

413
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:27,035
We taIk about what's right with CharIie,

414
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,620
then we start taIking about
what's wrong with CharIie.

415
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,330
Now we taIk about how you're
never gonna meet someone.

416
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,791
'Cause it's Iike you think meeting a guy
is the main point of Iife,

417
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,543
so we have to have, Iike, a summit
every day to make a game pIan.

418
00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:38,964
Okay, you just fIipped this around
in a reaIIy crazy way.

419
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:41,508
I am the one that has
the right to be mad here, okay?

420
00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:44,636
I'm taking a very brave chance
discussing my feeIings.

421
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,430
WeII, you shouId maybe bring things up
whiIe they're actuaIIy happening,

422
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,474
and then we couId avoid
these overwrought conversations.

423
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,184
Okay, then I don't want to taIk
about it anymore.

424
00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:53,895
-WeII, I do.
-WeII, now I don't.

425
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:57,941
-WeII, now I need cIosure, okay?
-You are so seIfish.

426
00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:00,235
This is why you have
no friends from preschooI.

427
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,989
I have a Iot of friends from preschooI.
I'm just not speaking to them right now.

428
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:07,826
No, but you judge everyone,
and yet you ask them not to judge you.

429
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:11,496
That is because no one couId ever hate me
as much as I hate myseIf, okay?

430
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:14,332
So any mean thing someone's
gonna think of to say about me,

431
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:17,377
I've aIready said to me,
about me, probabIy in the Iast haIf hour!

432
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:21,631
That is buIIshit, because I couId IiteraIIy
think of a miIIion mean things

433
00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:23,425
that have never once occurred to you.

434
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:24,926
Oh, yeah? Like what?

435
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:26,678
WeII, I wouIdn't do that.

436
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,517
SeriousIy, say one.

437
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,271
-HonestIy, Marnie, you are so obsessed...
-Oh, my God.

438
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,441
...with success and who's who,
and what they have, and how they got it.

439
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:41,067
Like, I was Iooking at
TaIIy Schifrin the other night

440
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:43,194
and I thought you probabIy wish
she was your best friend.

441
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,362
It's pretty transparent.

442
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:48,241
So you can teII everyone to tune in
and hear your best friend on Fresh Air.

443
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:51,536
I Iike being around peopIe
who know what they want.

444
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:52,954
PeopIe Iike you?

445
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:55,915
'Cause what do you want
besides a boyfriend with a Iuxury rentaI?

446
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,709
SeriousIy, that's where your priorities are.

447
00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,711
You have aIways been this way
and now it is worse.

448
00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:03,048
No, you know what? You are worse.
I can't take you anymore.

449
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:05,800
You think that everyone
in the worId is out to humiIiate you.

450
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,635
You're Iike a big, ugIy fucking wound!

451
00:23:07,762 --> 00:23:10,430
Adam says you are teetering
on the edge of psychotic misery,

452
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:13,016
but you're smiIing so wide
that no one can teII.

453
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,060
-You are the wound.
-I am not the wound.

454
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:16,728
-You are the wound.
-You're the wound.

455
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,354
-You're the wound!
-You are the wound!

456
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:20,482
Stop saying that. I am not a wound.

457
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:23,068
-You are a wound.
-Maybe we're over-anaIyzing this

458
00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:27,489
and the issue is just that I've got a boyfriend
and you don't and it's as simpIe as that.

459
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:31,910
That's awesome.

460
00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:34,913
That is a reaIIy, reaIIy mature way
to deaI with your fucking feeIings!

461
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,165
I wouId back the fuck off if I were you!

462
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:38,958
Oh, I'm fucking terrified.

463
00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:41,252
SeriousIy. I mean, I'm not,
but I probabIy shouId be,

464
00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:44,589
considering you've been batshit crazy
ever since CharIie broke up with you.

465
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:48,259
Yeah? WeII, you've been crazy
since before I even met you.

466
00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:49,928
You've been crazy since middIe schooI

467
00:23:50,012 --> 00:23:52,430
when you had to masturbate
eight times a night

468
00:23:52,515 --> 00:23:54,599
to "stave off" diseases of the mind and body.

469
00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:59,896
Okay, that is my most shamefuI, painfuI,
private secret, okay?

470
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:03,024
And it might sound Iike a joke,
but it is not fucking funny to me!

471
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:04,859
And that is why I toId you not to teII anyone!

472
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:09,989
I didn't teII anyone! I wouId never do that!
I am just teIIing you now!

473
00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:11,783
I wouId never teII anyone that!

474
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:13,535
I am a good fucking friend!

475
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:15,703
UnIike you! You are a bad friend!

476
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,123
Maybe that's not what's
important to me right now.

477
00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:20,875
I don't reaIIy give a shit
about being a good friend.

478
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,377
I have bigger concerns.

479
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:23,878
(SIGHS)

480
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,758
You know what? Thank you.

481
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,553
That is aII I needed to hear.

482
00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:34,347
I'm done.

483
00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:36,474
What is that supposed to mean?

484
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,060
I do not want to Iive here anymore,

485
00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,187
not with you.

486
00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:44,941
Yeah, weII, I don't want to Iive
with you anymore, either,

487
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,110
and I am not just saying that
because you said it.

488
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:49,404
I was thinking it, but I did not want to say it

489
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,906
because I am a good friend
and you are a bad friend!

490
00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:54,159
-Fine!
-Great!

491
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:58,163
-Awesome!
-Very good!

492
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:08,173
(LOVE lS WON PLAYING)