1 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,260 HANNAH: Fuck, I'm crushed. MARNIE: No, you're not. 2 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,137 -ADAM: Go, go, go! Down! -I'm teIIing you... 3 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,807 -We're four feet away. -We're so cIose, Hannah. 4 00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,892 -It's crushing me. It's... -Here, move. 5 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,394 -I got it. I got it. -You don't got it. 6 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,270 -Yeah, I do. -You don't need to be a hero about this. 7 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,522 You know what? I trust him. 8 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,273 -If he says he's got it, he's got it. -I got it, just go. 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,401 -You got it? -I got it. I so got it. Just Ieave, Ieave. 10 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,819 Trust. The move of trust. 11 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,696 Look, there's an ice-cream truck outside. 12 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,531 -Okay, okay. -Go, go. 13 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,282 -Ow. Are you sure? -Yes, yes, yes. 14 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,784 -I'II heIp you. I'II hoId this... -No, no, no. 15 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,411 Just waIk away. 16 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,916 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 17 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,014 Gotta get going. I have to pick up the keys from Shoshanna 18 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,224 before she goes to cIass. 19 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,520 -Stay untiI the end of the month. -I've aIready paid rent. 20 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,231 And this way, you've got, Iike, a month to find a new roommate. 21 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,691 Yeah, but you don't have a pIan. 22 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,443 I think maybe that's a good thing for me. 23 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:11,779 Okay. 24 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:14,907 I wiII see you. 25 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,952 -On purpose? -Don't push. 26 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,457 (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) 27 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,083 (ENGINE STARTS) 28 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,758 -HANNAH: That was reaIIy intense. -Yeah. 29 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,634 There wasn't even that much shit to move. 30 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:37,764 No, I mean, Iike, with Marnie. Like, she's not even angry, I don't think. 31 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,682 She's just, Iike, reaIIy hurt. 32 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,142 WeII, how do you feeI? 33 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,810 GuiIty. 34 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:46,355 Don't waste time on guiIt, Hannah. 35 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,442 HoIding onto toxic reIationships is what keeps us from growing. 36 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,652 You're forming every time you shed a Iayer, 37 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,196 getting cIoser to yourseIf. 38 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:57,325 I mean, Iook at this pIace. It's haIf empty now, fuII of potentiaI. 39 00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,327 Anything couId happen. 40 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,537 -(LAUGHING) -(GROWLING) 41 00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,624 Now Marnie's weird fake grown-up stuff is gone. 42 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,708 Maybe I'II move in. 43 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,419 ReaIIy? 44 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,803 I hate today. 45 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,138 I hate today so much that I might not even go to cIass. 46 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,808 -Why? It is so gorgeous outside. -Yeah, I know. 47 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:25,311 It, Iike, reaIIy gives me this uneasy feeIing. It's Iike this certain kind of spring itch. 48 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,813 You know what I mean? I saw three peopIe 49 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,564 touching tongues outside of my finaI yesterday. 50 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,149 Like, three coupIes? 51 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,568 No, three peopIe. 52 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,863 Ugh. I'm sorry you saw that. Um, where's Jessa? 53 00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:38,324 Are you sure it's okay that I'm sIeeping in her bed? 54 00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,159 Yeah. I don't know. 55 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:42,078 I haven't heard from her for, Iike, a fuII 24/7. 56 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,330 And I'd totaIIy be worried, except she's been texting aII the time 57 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,998 and aII herjunk is stiII here. 58 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,210 WeII, thank you for Ietting me stay here. 59 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:53,339 I'm actuaIIy gonna start Iooking for a new pIace tomorrow. 60 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,466 Oh, my God. TotaIIy, don't. 61 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:56,843 Don't. ReaIIy, don't. 62 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,928 Like, stay as Iong as you want. Stay forever. 63 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,429 Let's actuaIIy... You know what? 64 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,474 Let's just, Iike, find a pIace to put this, Iike, forever. 65 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,059 Okay. 66 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,894 Um, right here. 67 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,105 (MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO) 68 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,190 (PHONE CHIMES) 69 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,029 This book is fucking incredibIe. 70 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,616 Anything by a British woman is just... 71 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,243 Fuck. 72 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,203 Hey, Ray. 73 00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,790 I'm reaIIy sorry about this, but I'm reaIIy not feeIing weII 74 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,543 and I think that I may have to Ieave earIy. 75 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,627 Why? What's wrong? 76 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,714 My throat just feeIs very kind of, Iike, aIIergic and scratchy. 77 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,632 It's Iike... It's just hotness. 78 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,926 I think it's from this expired MyIanta that I drank. 79 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,052 Hmm. 80 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,679 Expired MyIanta. You don't wanna drink that. 81 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,431 (CLUCKING) 82 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,559 -Like you know you're gonna get sick? -Expired MyIanta. 83 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,686 Your iIIness couIdn't possibIy be reIated to this text message 84 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,730 I received from Jessa about 20 minutes ago, couId it? 85 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,816 "PIease come to the most important party of my Iife. 86 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:57,028 "7:00 p.m. sharp. Dress reaI nice and come." 87 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,157 Use your head, okay? We're in the same friendship circIe. 88 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,452 AIso, do you reaIIy think you've worked here Iong enough to deserve a reading break? 89 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,746 WeII, you know what? No one's here, so I just thought... 90 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,497 Don't just think, okay? 91 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,083 That's an extremeIy unattractive feature of your generation. 92 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,169 Empty those two pitchers and run home and change. 93 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,758 What in God's name is this party for? 94 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:22,386 I don't know, but she toId me if I didn't come, she'd gut me Iike a fish. 95 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,055 (INDISTINCT TALKING) 96 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,431 Fuck. 97 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,683 Oh, my God. It's your one true Iove. 98 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,727 -Where's his new girIfriend? -I'm fine. 99 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,312 I'm in a reaIIy good pIace in my Iife. 100 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,940 TotaIIy. Everything you own is in trash bags in my kitchen. 101 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,107 CHARLIE: Hey. 102 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,360 -I'II see you in there. -MARNIE: Uh-huh. 103 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,987 -Hey, it's you. -SHOSHANNA: Hi. 104 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,698 He Iooked at me weird. 105 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,992 See? Today is totaIIy weird. 106 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,828 Party. 107 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,664 It's a mystery party. 108 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,417 My shoes match my dress. Kind of. 109 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,921 -(MUSIC PLAYING) -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 110 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,256 This is gonna be an Eyes Wide Shut party. 111 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,050 Getting that vibe. 112 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:02,969 WOMAN: Whose party are you here with? 113 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,304 ADAM: I don't know. It's a secret party. 114 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:06,639 Oh, wait. He's with me. 115 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,475 She's being very eIitist and crueI. 116 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,268 HANNAH: Just get up here. 117 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,728 I can see up your dress. 118 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,233 My name was on that paper. 119 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,443 Adam SackIer was on that paper. 120 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,237 You Iook very beautifuI. 121 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,906 Thank you. You Iook very dapper. 122 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,159 Not one, but two pIaids. (CLICKS TONGUE) 123 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,078 Hey, how's it going? 124 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,496 HeIIo. 125 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,623 HeIIo, everyone. 126 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,042 Is this thing on? (LAUGHING) 127 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,502 -(CROWD STOPS TALKING) -(MUSIC STOPS) 128 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,088 I'm just kidding. I don't... I have no thing. 129 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,508 I'm sure you're aII wondering what you're doing here 130 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,677 or who you're going to be doing it with. 131 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,761 (LAUGHS) 132 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,848 Boys and girIs, this is a mystery party. 133 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:54,603 And I think we can aII agree that the greatest mystery in this Iife is Iove. 134 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,772 (CROWD MURMURING) 135 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,982 So... 136 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,525 That was when the music was supposed to start. 137 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,194 -Cue the music. -(MAGlC PLAYING) 138 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,279 There we go. 139 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,455 Hey. 140 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,125 Oh, my God. 141 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,544 Oh, my God, that's Thomas-John. 142 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,796 That's the guy that tried to have a three-way with me and Jessa. 143 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:22,965 What's happening? 144 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,556 (CROWD GASPING) 145 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,439 Dude, if I didn't know any better... 146 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:41,025 I think she's getting married. 147 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,818 She's not getting married. 148 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,321 As some of you may have aIready guessed, 149 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,157 -we're getting married. -We are. 150 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,992 (CROWD CHEERING) 151 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,996 (SHUSHING) 152 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:57,291 -Can you pIease hoId the... -Thank you. 153 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,375 -(SLAPS) -Ow. 154 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,298 -Hi. -Hi. 155 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,717 Jessa. 156 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,595 The first night we met, truthfuIIy, 157 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,974 I thought that we were gonna have a threesome with your friend Marnie. 158 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,102 What's up, Marnie? 159 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,271 But we didn't do that. 160 00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:22,066 When you Ieft my house that night, 161 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,194 I feIt more energized than I had for years. 162 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,197 I thought to myseIf 163 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:32,451 that if I ever saw that crazy bitch again, I wouId make her my fucking wife. 164 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:33,536 (LAUGHS) 165 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,247 -MAN: AII right! -(CROWD CHEERING) 166 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,748 WOMAN: Whoo! MAN: Ow! 167 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,875 WOMAN 2: Yeah, man! WOMAN 3: AII right! 168 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,169 I wore white. 169 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,712 What? 170 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,174 I wore white to her wedding. 171 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,719 I wore white because how couId I have known? 172 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,556 Because nobody toId me. 173 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,225 WeII, yeah, it's a surprise wedding. 174 00:07:56,518 --> 00:08:00,896 Thomas-John, when you came to my house with fIowers, 175 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,067 I was prepared to caII the SpeciaI Victims Unit. 176 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,694 -(LAUGHING) -WOMAN: Yeah! 177 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:09,155 Not onIy did I find you very creepy, 178 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,491 but I found you aIso reaIIy boring. 179 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,828 You are. You're boring. 180 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,496 (LAUGHTER) 181 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,374 But for some reason, I agreed to have dinner with you. 182 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:25,880 And you asked to move tabIes twice and I was even more revoIted. 183 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:26,964 (LAUGHS) 184 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,633 Then you started taIking about what you did, 185 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:33,053 about traveI and finance, 186 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,807 and I thought, "This man's briIIiant in a way that I have never known." 187 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,434 Thank you. 188 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:43,439 I appreciate your adventurous spirit, 189 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,692 your desire to Iearn, 190 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,279 and everything you don't know about. 191 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,530 (LAUGHTER) 192 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:53,157 Yeah? 193 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,700 It's a positive. 194 00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,785 -Shit. -I know. 195 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,287 I Iove you. 196 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,624 Are you okay? 197 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,626 I'm very moved. 198 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,420 -You are? -Yeah. 199 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,048 PeopIe finding each other... 200 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,174 -I Iove you! -I Iove you! 201 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,301 ...taking sheIter. I'm very moved. 202 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,762 But they just met, Iike, two weeks ago. 203 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:17,932 Time is a rubber band. 204 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,186 THADD: And now with the power vested in me, 205 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,480 by a website that I found on the Internet, 206 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,023 (LAUGHTER) 207 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,025 I now pronounce you man and wife. 208 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,360 Ahh! 209 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,569 You may kiss the bride. 210 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,864 Free the bird. 211 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,289 -WOMEN: Aw. -(CROWD CHEERING) 212 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,590 -Is it garter time? -No. 213 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,342 -No. -Oh, come on, pIease! 214 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,761 -Oh, fuck it. -Oh, boy. 215 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,430 Your dreams are not what you thought they'd be. 216 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,058 WOMAN: Whoo-hoo! 217 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,602 AII right, everybody, Iet's fucking cork it out! 218 00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,229 -Aah! -Whoo! 219 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,523 (YANKlN PLAYING) 220 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,693 Oh, shit! 221 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,222 (CROWD CHEERING) 222 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,141 JESSA: I Iove you. 223 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:46,186 You're so fucking gross, Iying there on the bathroom fIoor. 224 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,564 I can't beIieve you're married. 225 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:51,108 I mean, I never expected that. 226 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,111 Not that I know what to expect from you, but I did not expect that. 227 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,696 You don't think I'm crazy? 228 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,074 I don't think you're crazy. I mean, I think it's fast. 229 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,743 Maybe I'm crazy. 230 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:04,830 Maybe I am, but fuck, Hannah, I have never been this happy. 231 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,999 I feeI Iike I'm sIeeping in a rosebud. 232 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,335 I'm so gone on this man. 233 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,503 But, Iike, how can you be so sure about something Iike that? 234 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,424 Like, Adam wants to move in with me and I can't even teII if that's good or bad. 235 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,760 Like, do you feeI Iike a reaI aduIt now? 236 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,971 Mmm... 237 00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,848 Yeah. Kinda. 238 00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,808 Thank you. 239 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,894 EIijah. 240 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,355 Hi, J.Lo at the Grammys. 241 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,231 (SIGHS) 242 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:34,193 You know, I'd reaIIy Iike to put our past behind us 243 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,945 and I hope you find what you're Iooking for. 244 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,366 (HUFFS) 245 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:44,203 AII right, everyone, for the grooviest portion of the evening, 246 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:48,207 pIease join us outside for their first dance as man and wife. 247 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,376 Jessa and Thomas-John. 248 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,169 (CROWD CHEERING) 249 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,088 -Do they need us for that? -Yeah. 250 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,131 -They need you for that. -They need me. 251 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,257 I can do it. I can do it. 252 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,467 -No. -Okay. 253 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,348 -AII right, that's fine. -I Iove you. 254 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,391 -Yeah. -I Iove you. 255 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,559 THADD: This is gonna be your Iife from now on. 256 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,813 Come into my arms, RapunzeI. 257 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,940 (MUSIC PLAYING) 258 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,779 THOMAS-JOHN: This is amazing. I feeI so aIive. 259 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,744 You're wearing a haIo. You're wearing a haIo right now. 260 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,625 (SLURPS) 261 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,085 Enjoying yourseIf? 262 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,837 Yeah, actuaIIy. 263 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,380 Not too much. Don't worry. 264 00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,340 Where is Audrey? 265 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,092 She's in Santa Fe. 266 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,927 She's bIogging from a tortiIIa soup contest. 267 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:44,805 It's not a joke. 268 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,182 I had not Iaughed about it yet. 269 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,518 No, actuaIIy, I've read her bIog. 270 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,395 She's a reaIIy good writer. 271 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,689 And I Iike aII of her ironic T-shirts. 272 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,024 Of course, I Iike them unironicaIIy. 273 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,361 So, what do... 274 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,156 -What do peopIe even do at weddings? -(SNIFFS) 275 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,203 We shouId just, Iike, go fuck in the bathroom. 276 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,707 Yeah, totaIIy. 277 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,751 I'II just sit on the sink and you can fuck me reaIIy quickIy. 278 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,880 Hard, and I'II just cover your mouth so you don't make any noise. 279 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,299 Yeah, and then I'II, Iike, turn on the faucet by accident with my ass. 280 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,718 And then we'II come out here and we'II eat some dessert, 281 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,887 and then we'II just Iike, wink at each other from across the room. 282 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,056 We shouId just forget about aII of our troubIes and go fuck somewhere. 283 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,726 Okay, great. 284 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,521 (LAUGHS) Wait. You're... You're joking, right? 285 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:38,150 Yeah, totaIIy. 286 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,485 -Okay. -TotaIIy. 287 00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:42,070 You reaIIy had me there. That was... That was weird. 288 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,780 Oh, no. No, no, no. Yeah, I was joking. 289 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,825 -'Cause you were joking, right? -Yeah. Yes, I was. 290 00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,744 Yeah. 291 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,747 Enjoying yourseIf? 292 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,832 I don't wanna dance. 293 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:55,918 No, me neither. 294 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,669 It's a big pet peeve, actuaIIy. 295 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,421 PeopIe touching as they sway. 296 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:00,839 It's very annoying. 297 00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:05,135 -No, I Iove dancing, but I'm reaIIy upset. -Oh, yeah. 298 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,095 What's wrong? 299 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,515 It's personaI. I can't expIain it. 300 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,433 Give it a whirI. 301 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,935 Okay. 302 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,145 Everyone's a dumb whore. 303 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,108 I can hardIy stop thinking about you since the night we met. 304 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,778 You are the strangest person. 305 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:27,699 You're just... You're so... You're so raw and open. 306 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,119 You vibrate on a very strange frequency. 307 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,291 Are you punking me? 308 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,126 It's very confusing for me, too. 309 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,005 I wanna go home with you. 310 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,009 Tonight. 311 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:54,393 Fine. 312 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,312 Just stay out of my emotionaI way. 313 00:14:58,815 --> 00:14:59,940 Fine. 314 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:04,444 See? I'm even fucking better at sIow dancing than I am at fast dancing. 315 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,821 I have an amazing move that I do to this song. 316 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,406 -You wanna see? -Yeah. 317 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,207 This is how Beyoncé does it in the video. And then she's Iike... 318 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,001 And then she's Iike... 319 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,169 Jesus Christ, kid. 320 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:22,838 Save your strength. 321 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,007 We're in it for the Iong hauI. 322 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,992 Hannah. 323 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,286 -Hi. Hey. -Hi. Hi. 324 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,872 -You Iook great. -(MUFFLED) Oh, thank you. 325 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,040 Um... 326 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,459 Look, I just wanted to say that I... 327 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,919 I did give you HPV. 328 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,591 After we taIked, I kind of waded through my sexuaI history 329 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:12,471 and RacheI Dusetik absoIuteIy has it. 330 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,723 Oh, my God. Okay, I knew it was her, 331 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,309 'cause that girI wears fIoraI capris Iike her hymen's stiII intact, 332 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,186 but she was such a sIut in such a big way. 333 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,648 In a huge way. She used to do this thing where she wouId IiteraIIy rip the condom off. 334 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,608 -Like... -Fuckin' redheads. 335 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,818 -I know, right? Redheads. -SeriousIy. 336 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,153 -Crazy. -(SIGHS) 337 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,238 PIease forgive me. 338 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,199 Oh, come on. 339 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,034 -You know, everyone has it. -Right? 340 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:37,079 Let's just consider it water under my vagina. 341 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,664 (LAUGHS) 342 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:39,706 -Honey. -Hi. 343 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,793 Have you seen these petit fours? I wouId fuck these petit fours. 344 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,379 Oh, Hannah, this is George. 345 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,298 -George, this is Hannah. -Hi. Nice to meet you. 346 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:49,633 -Oh, Hannah! -Yes. 347 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:50,801 -Hannah? -Yes. 348 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,844 -The straw that broke the cameI's back? -Yeah. 349 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,305 -She does not Iook Iike Camryn Manheim. -Honey. 350 00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,850 So are you two, Iike, Iiving together now? 351 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,852 -Oh, no. -No, no, no. 352 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:04,690 I wish, but we have to wait tiII TempIeton's graduated. 353 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:08,985 Yes, TempIeton is George's son, and he's extremeIy homophobic. 354 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,737 -Wow. -GEORGE: Very hard. 355 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:14,866 So I've been Iiving in an SRO since I Ieft Beau, which is an apartment where you share 356 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,369 -a bathroom with... -Everyone on your fIoor. 357 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:20,831 It's Iike murderers and, Iike, junkies and girIs who huff. 358 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,541 -Like... -That is awfuI. 359 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:23,959 It's not great. 360 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:29,256 WeII, you know, you're in Iuck because I actuaIIy need a roommate. 361 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,675 Oh, I mean, that wouId be great. 362 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,760 -Can we do this? -Oy, sounds Iike kismet. 363 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,303 And you know what? We wouId have so much fun. 364 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,097 -We both have HPV aIready. -I know, right? 365 00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,099 -We don't have to worry about that. -So, that awkward thing's off the tabIe. 366 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,225 -Yeah, right? -Yeah. 367 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,977 -You both have what? -HPV. 368 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,187 -What is that? -Human papiIIomavirus. 369 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,564 ELIJAH: It's... You know, it's Iike that thing. 370 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,732 A sexuaIIy transmitted disease. 371 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,608 -Yeah, but for girIs. -That he gave me. 372 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,278 You've got it, too, now. 373 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,781 Look, we can discuss this in a... 374 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:57,826 He seems great. 375 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,078 I know, right? And rich as fuck. 376 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,794 Why are you even trying? You hate sweet stuff. 377 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,296 -(LAUGHING) -Hi. 378 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,590 So you don't have to worry. 379 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,384 -About what? -About moving in, because I found someone. 380 00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,304 You found someone. 381 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,973 It's gonna sound crazy, but it's EIijah. 382 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,601 And he's moving in next week, so if you feIt obIigated, don't. 383 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,604 AIso, he just toId me he's getting certified in AIexander Technique, 384 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,482 which is IiteraIIy the gayest thing I've ever heard in my entire Iife. 385 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,610 If you didn't Iike the idea, why didn't you say so? 386 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:34,529 No, it's... You know, I thought you were trying to heIp and I appreciate it... 387 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,198 HeIp? I don't wanna heIp. 388 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,283 No one does anything 'cause they wanna heIp. 389 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,076 I was doing it because I Iove you. 390 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,079 Oh. 391 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,041 Why do you Iook so surprised? 392 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:50,295 No, it's just, Iike, you know, I just didn't think you were into that. 393 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,005 Into what? Love? 394 00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:56,134 No, I just... You know, I associate that with, Iike, Marnie and CharIie 395 00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,845 and peopIe starting to taIk a Iot about their reIationship, you know? 396 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:01,264 It's Iike, "My reIationship is doing reaIIy weII right now." 397 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,433 Or "I need to work on some aspects of my reIationship." 398 00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:05,435 And it's just Iike, your reIationship is not a thing. 399 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:06,978 Your reIationship is not an achievement. 400 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,148 I've got actuaI things I wouId Iike to achieve before I focus on, Iike, that. 401 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,691 And you can't achieve those things with me? 402 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,320 No, it's... It's not that. 403 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,989 Don't you feeI Iike sometimes you and I distract each other from 404 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,449 the other stuff that we have going on... 405 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,536 Okay, I don't wanna fIip out on you right now at a surprise wedding. 406 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,996 If you wanna fuck me from behind, at Ieast puII my hair back. 407 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,164 Adam. 408 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,833 THADD: Excuse me! 409 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,584 Coming through. AII right. 410 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,211 Lady with a baby. Look out. 411 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,632 LadIes and gentIebeans, attention. 412 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,759 What's that, tiny Jessa? 413 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,178 -(LAUGHTER) -"It's cakey time"? 414 00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:45,517 "Cakey time." Is it just me, or is he adorabIe? 415 00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:48,603 -Are you okay? -I don't know. 416 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,272 THADD: She gave birth to those cakes. 417 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,608 -Aah! -(CROWD CHEERING) 418 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,444 -Hey. What's up, man? -Hey, dickhead. 419 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,905 -Fuck you. -WeII, so what do we do? 420 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,449 -Oh, we gotta cut it. -Of course. 421 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,201 Oh, my God, it's perfect. 422 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,120 -Yeah, it fucking cost enough. -(LAUGHING) 423 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,706 -You ready, baby? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready. 424 00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,708 Is this what... This is what makes it officiaI? 425 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,001 (LAUGHS) 426 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,004 -Wait! -(LAUGHTER) 427 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,300 THOMAS-JOHN: Thadd, you prick. THADD: I'm kidding. 428 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:19,968 -THOMAS-JOHN: Fuck you! -(LAUGHTER) 429 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:24,306 (LAUGHING) 430 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,308 Uh! 431 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:27,851 CROWD: Bye! 432 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,811 -Bye! -JESSA: Thank you. 433 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,021 Bye! 434 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:36,318 Yo! 435 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,159 Why are you so mad at me? 436 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,579 I brought you cake, so even if you don't Iike sweet stuff, it's amazing... 437 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:51,291 You Iove yourseIf so much. So why is it so crazy that someone eIse wouId, too? 438 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,335 I don't Iove myseIf. 439 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,378 You're the fucking worst, you know that? 440 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,588 Because you think you're not pretty 441 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,757 and you're not a good writer and you're not a good friend. 442 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:02,177 WeII, you are pretty and you are a good writer and you are a good friend. 443 00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,097 Thank you. 444 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,390 Is this the game? 445 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,517 You chase me Iike I'm the fucking BeatIes for six months, 446 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,853 and then I finaIIy get comfortabIe and you shrug? 447 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,941 What the fuck is wrong with you? 448 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,069 I'm scared, okay? 449 00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,404 I'm reaIIy scared aII the time. 450 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,198 I'm, Iike, very scared aII the time. 451 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,449 Join the fucking cIub. 452 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:30,455 No, because I'm more scared than most peopIe are when they say that they're scared. 453 00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,374 I'm Iike the most scared person who's aIive. 454 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,209 WeII, you don't have the right to be! 455 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:39,464 I toId you once I commit to something, I reaIIy fucking commit! 456 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,716 You asked for this! 457 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,551 And now you're being a fucking bitch. 458 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,055 Adam, come on, okay? 459 00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,181 You're scared. 460 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,266 I'm Iooking at you. I know you're scared. 461 00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:52,060 You're acting Iike you're not, but you are. 462 00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:53,979 I know you now. We've been doing this for a whiIe. 463 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:55,105 -I know you now. -Stop, stop. 464 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,481 You don't know me. 465 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,983 You don't know shit about me. 466 00:21:58,067 --> 00:21:59,067 (HORN BLARES) 467 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,318 Get out of the street! 468 00:22:00,403 --> 00:22:02,070 You don't know me and you don't know yourseIf. 469 00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:05,699 You think because you're, what, 1 1 pounds overweight, you know struggIe? 470 00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:09,536 I am 1 3 pounds overweight and it has been awfuI for me my whoIe Iife! 471 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:10,912 HoIy fuckin' shit! 472 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:15,500 Here's the worId's smaIIest, tiny vioIin playing My Heart Bleeds For You. 473 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,044 Fuck you! You don't know struggIe. 474 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,005 I'm a beautifuI fucking mystery to you. 475 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:21,756 No! 476 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,342 Fuck! 477 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,973 Hey there. Nice work. 478 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,018 Yeah, weII, she kind of threw it at me, but thank you. 479 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:37,313 Yeah. I mean, a girI Iike you doesn't exactIy need a bouquet. 480 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,524 Why don't you pick on someone your own size? 481 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:41,943 -(SNICKERS) -That was dumb. 482 00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:44,154 Oh, God. 483 00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:46,031 -Is this party reaIIy over? -I know. 484 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,783 -I was just getting started. -SeriousIy. 485 00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:50,326 The night is young. 486 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:52,746 But, I mean, you probabIy have somepIace to be. 487 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,582 You'd be surprised. 488 00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:01,963 -I can't stop. Oh, you're just going for it, huh? -Mmm-hmm. 489 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:03,715 I think I just feII in Iove. 490 00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:04,883 -(MUMBLES) ReaIIy? -A IittIe bit. 491 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:08,928 You Iook beautifuI. 492 00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:11,306 I think some cake just went in my cIeavage. 493 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,225 I'm not gonna Iook, because that wouId not be gentIemanIy. 494 00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,644 WouId it be... AIthough, heIping wouId be... 495 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:18,063 I'd Iike you to heIp. 496 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,815 That Iooks awesome. I'd Iike to go there. 497 00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:25,945 Someday. 498 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:28,782 Man, I am not good at this. 499 00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,617 I didn't mean to be so forward. 500 00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:46,800 SHOSHANNA: It doesn't hurt. 501 00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:51,054 WeII, good, because I haven't done anything yet. 502 00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:53,389 (SOFTLY) Right. 503 00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,855 My aunt says that it kind of feeIs Iike scratching a sunburn. 504 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:03,858 Okay. 505 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,907 I know you hate virgins. 506 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:13,284 You totaIIy hate virgins. You totaIIy Iied to me. 507 00:24:13,369 --> 00:24:14,744 -You hate me so much. -No. 508 00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:16,079 You totaIIy Iied about Iiking me. 509 00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:18,289 -You don't Iike me at aII. -(SHUSHING) It's not that at aII, okay? 510 00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:20,917 It's not that. It's just... (SIGHS) 511 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:23,670 It just occurred to me, you know, that... 512 00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:26,506 You know, you've never done it before, 513 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:31,302 and thusIy, I am teaching you how it's done. 514 00:24:32,513 --> 00:24:35,890 And, you know, that's a Iot of power, which I don't know if I deserve. 515 00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:38,935 Okay. 516 00:24:39,937 --> 00:24:41,604 But I probabIy do. 517 00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,650 HANNAH: I think he has a concussion. 518 00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,527 Wish I had a fucking concussion. 519 00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:49,779 No, no. 520 00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,157 -FamiIy onIy, right? FamiIy onIy? -EMT: Yeah. 521 00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:54,075 Oh, sorry, famiIy onIy. You're not my fucking famiIy. 522 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,161 Adam, I'm coming with you. 523 00:24:56,245 --> 00:24:58,663 -Adam! Adam! -Don't Iet her in here. She's a monster. 524 00:24:58,747 --> 00:24:59,914 Adam! 525 00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:01,541 (SIREN WAILING) 526 00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:26,941 (MAN CHATTERING ON PA) 527 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,556 (WOMEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 528 00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:44,102 -Excuse me? -WOMAN: Whose attitude? 529 00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:46,813 -Where am I? -(WOMEN LAUGH) 530 00:26:46,897 --> 00:26:49,315 -No, she didn't. -Are you serious? 531 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,609 -Are you serious right now? -You're in heaven. 532 00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:53,027 (LAUGHTER) 533 00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:55,655 -You're in Ia Ia Iand. -You're in fuckin' heaven. 534 00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:58,032 -(WOMAN VOCALIZING) -WeIcome to heaven. 535 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:00,535 Has she got a green beIt on or am I tweakin'? 536 00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:03,955 (INDISTINCT TALKING CONTINUES) 537 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:44,787 (SEAGULLS SCREECHING) 538 00:27:44,872 --> 00:27:46,456 (WAVES CRASHING) 539 00:28:27,164 --> 00:28:29,415 (BALLAD PLAYING)