1 00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,385 Baby. 2 00:00:09,678 --> 00:00:11,596 Coffee. 3 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,724 Hot coffee. Come on. 4 00:00:14,808 --> 00:00:17,936 Wake up, okay? We got to go get Jessa. 5 00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:20,313 - Adam? - Yes? 6 00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:21,940 We have to go and get Jessa. 7 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,525 She's not done with rehab. 8 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,193 Yeah, well, we have to pick up Shoshanna, 9 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,071 we have to rent a car, which I can't do because I'm 24 years old, 10 00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:30,448 so it's time to wake up. 11 00:00:31,533 --> 00:00:32,909 - Do you hear me? - Hmm. 12 00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:34,411 Come on. 13 00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:38,373 It's not fun for me. 14 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,250 You're gonna hurt yourself. 15 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,459 Whoa. 16 00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:43,378 Are you okay? 17 00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:45,588 Try to tell you no 18 00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:48,800 But my body keeps on telling you yes 19 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,552 Try to tell you stop 20 00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:53,888 But your lipstick got me so out of breath 21 00:00:53,972 --> 00:00:55,181 It doesn't even make sense. 22 00:00:55,265 --> 00:00:59,018 ... waking up in the morning Probably hating myself 23 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,395 I sound just like him. 24 00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:04,983 ... waking up, feeling satisfied And guilty as hell 25 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,484 But, baby... 26 00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,749 I hope Jessa's at least, like, appreciative. 27 00:01:20,832 --> 00:01:21,958 She should be. 28 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:25,336 We are really giving of ourselves, being, like, models of female friendship. 29 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,923 And giving up so much valuable writing time all for her good. 30 00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:31,009 This isn't for my health. 31 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,844 That's bullshit. 32 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,053 Excuse me? 33 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,181 You're not doing her any good by taking her out of rehab. 34 00:01:36,848 --> 00:01:38,057 But she said it was time for her to go. 35 00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:41,978 Oh, wow. When was the last time an addict lied? 36 00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:44,230 Oh, my God, that's so true. They totally lie. 37 00:01:44,314 --> 00:01:46,691 My friend Rachel is fully addicted to blueberry Red Bull, 38 00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:48,985 and she always tells me that she hasn't had one, 39 00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,987 but she tells me, like, with a blue tongue. 40 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,531 I just don't really think you understand the nature of female friendship. 41 00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:55,325 You're right, I don't. And I don't want to 42 00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:58,536 if it involves ignoring all logic and being totally hysterical. 43 00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,705 Well, you're not really there for your friends in any way. 44 00:02:00,789 --> 00:02:03,082 I mean, come to think of it, like when Chad busted open his knee... 45 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,711 I couldn't get involved because it was under very illegal and illicit circumstances. 46 00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:08,463 - Okay. - I mean, Adam was there for you 47 00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:10,215 when you went totally bat-shit insane 48 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:13,301 and decided to cut your hair like a little boy on a fancy cookie box. 49 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:17,972 I just think that women get stuck in this, like, vortex of guilt and jealousy with each other 50 00:02:18,056 --> 00:02:20,683 that keep them from seeing situations clearly. 51 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,393 "Women get stuck"? 52 00:02:22,477 --> 00:02:23,937 Okay, now you sound like one of those guys 53 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,772 who thinks a woman should never be president 54 00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:28,358 because her menstruation will cloud her judgment. 55 00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:31,277 But they shouldn't, like, be president because it could... 56 00:02:31,361 --> 00:02:33,321 Their... Their judgment. 57 00:02:33,947 --> 00:02:35,573 Okay, well, Jessa wants to leave. 58 00:02:35,657 --> 00:02:37,325 Well, you can't always get what you want. 59 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:42,497 But if you try sometimes, you just might find you... 60 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:46,084 ...get what you... 61 00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:48,461 What's funny? 62 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,343 I thought you'd gone already. 63 00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:58,555 I was thrown in a room without any human contact, 64 00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:00,765 no food, no water, for hours. 65 00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:02,517 Why didn't you come rescue me? 66 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,769 Role-playing is not my forte, my love. 67 00:03:04,978 --> 00:03:07,272 I was in fucking solitary. 68 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,440 But they can't outsmart me. There was no lock on the door. 69 00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:11,776 Stupid fucks. 70 00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:16,406 But truth be told, I'd sort of like to be in jail for a day, you know? 71 00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,449 It's this feeling you really can't simulate. 72 00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:19,534 Poor thing. 73 00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:23,830 You're too young to understand which thoughts are useless to you. 74 00:03:24,122 --> 00:03:25,081 All right. 75 00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:29,127 When you're older, your mind learns to let go of things that don't suit you. 76 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:33,131 You start to live with the same ignorance as the very young. 77 00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:36,259 - Mmm-hmm. - Of course, being young is terrifying as well. 78 00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:39,345 You have all of the knowledge, but none of the language 79 00:03:39,429 --> 00:03:43,224 to dissuade yourself from the horrible truths of the world. 80 00:03:43,308 --> 00:03:46,185 - Mmm-hmm. - I feel the utmost sympathy for my daughter. 81 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:51,232 I did everything I could to make the world a less gargantuan place for her. 82 00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:52,609 You don't even talk to her. 83 00:03:52,692 --> 00:03:54,777 That's just one of the ways that I protect her. 84 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,655 That makes sense. 85 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:02,952 What's your favorite utensil? 86 00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:08,374 Um... My favorite utensil is... 87 00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:12,587 I never thought about it. 88 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:16,299 Wait, seriously? That's, like, insane. Like, what if you had to pick? 89 00:04:17,884 --> 00:04:19,344 I guess a fork. 90 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,095 Okay, that is crazy. 91 00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:23,473 Like, why would you want cold metal prongs stabbing you in the tongue 92 00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,475 when instead you could have your food delivered into your mouth 93 00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,894 on, like, a cool, soft, pillow-y cloud? 94 00:04:30,355 --> 00:04:32,106 What did you just say? 95 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,734 - How was it? - It was fine. 96 00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:36,986 I saw some Raggedy Ann dolls. 97 00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:38,655 So, what do you want to eat? 98 00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:40,365 What are you guys getting? 99 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,618 Biscuits and gravy and chicken fried steak. 100 00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:47,330 Well, they don't list their calories here, so, A, I'm not eating, and, B, that is illegal. 101 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:48,748 I'm really, really not hungry, 102 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:52,168 so maybe you can just order me pancakes and, uh, turkey bacon. 103 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:53,503 And then I guess if they don't have turkey bacon, 104 00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:56,714 I'll have regular bacon and a milk shake. Thank you. 105 00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:58,591 - Where are you going? - To pee. 106 00:04:58,675 --> 00:05:00,009 I highly doubt they have turkey bacon. 107 00:05:00,093 --> 00:05:01,970 If they have turkey bacon, I would be shocked. 108 00:05:03,638 --> 00:05:04,722 Holla, koala. 109 00:05:04,806 --> 00:05:05,974 Hey. 110 00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:07,600 Mom, don't you think that's a bit much? 111 00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:09,811 This place smells like kimchi. 112 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,354 Yeah, well, now it smells like a Sephora. 113 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,982 Well, what would you rather have, kimchi or a Sephora? 114 00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:16,484 Yo, where you at? You wanna come see my new place? 115 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:19,195 My mom is here and she's helping me a ton. 116 00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:21,489 Oh, my God, I would love to, but I'm actually... 117 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,283 I am up in Woodstock with Adam 'cause we're doing this, like, couples getaway 118 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,744 to just, you know, relax and recharge. 119 00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:29,205 Charlie and I used to do stuff like that all the time. 120 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:32,041 Do not utter his name. Just saying his name gives him power. 121 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:35,461 Uh, I'm picking Jessa up from rehab. 122 00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:37,338 All of us are, Adam and Shoshanna and me. 123 00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,882 Wait, so you lied to me? 124 00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:41,342 - For one second. 125 00:05:41,426 --> 00:05:42,385 Give me the phone. 126 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:43,553 I lied to you one second ago for a second 127 00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:45,638 and then I took it back a second later. That doesn't even count. 128 00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:46,848 Yeah, but you were gonna lie to me. 129 00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,266 What, you don't think I can handle it, Hannah? 130 00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,809 That's not it. 131 00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,519 By the way, why are you even picking Jessa up? 132 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,147 Doesn't she have, like, a magic carpet? 133 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,523 Just 'cause that's the rules of rehab. 134 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,859 She needs somebody to sign a paper for her so she can go. 135 00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,569 Well, since when does Jessa follow the rules? 136 00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:01,988 And by the way, since when is Jessa even a drug addict? 137 00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,448 She's, like, a life addict. 138 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,992 I gotta be honest. I'm feeling pretty left out right now. 139 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:08,161 Oh, I hate that, baby. Aw. 140 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,289 Am I on speakerphone? 141 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,332 - No. - Hi, Hannah. How are you? 142 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,836 Hi, Evie. How's it going? 143 00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:19,005 Marnie, are you saying you actually would have wanted to come? 144 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:21,674 Oh, my God, no. Of course not. I just didn't want anyone to go. 145 00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:23,551 Okay, that makes sense. 146 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,720 You know what? You guys need to work this out. 147 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,556 And, Hannah, you got to come over and see Marnie's new shit box. 148 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,266 Mom. 149 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,394 I'm, like, unrelentingly itchy. Is that a road trip thing? 150 00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,063 What do you have the rocking chair for? 151 00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:37,190 Uh, I wasn't hungry, so I bought a souvenir. 152 00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:40,068 It's a rustic souvenir. It was, like, $14. 153 00:06:40,151 --> 00:06:41,736 My friend Zeva has always wanted one. 154 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:45,364 She is going to freak when she sees that I have one. 155 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:57,668 Do you think the donut's gonna help my nausea 156 00:06:57,752 --> 00:06:59,504 or do you think it's gonna hurt it? 157 00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:04,675 I had to take my seat belt off. It smells like straight ketchup. 158 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,680 I'm so bored. Are you guys so bored? 159 00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:11,390 Boredom is bullshit. 160 00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,768 Boredom is for lazy people who have no imagination. 161 00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:17,188 I will never be bored as long as there's Halloween. 162 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,981 I hate Halloween. 163 00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:22,735 This road trip is just so unremarkable. You know what I mean? 164 00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:25,738 It's just so similar to other road trips that I've seen in, 165 00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:29,117 I don't know, various media. It's like a Don Henley song. 166 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,660 What were you expecting? 167 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,370 Something I could write about in my book. 168 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:33,996 I mean, we're picking our friend up from rehab 169 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,666 and I just thought there'd be something I could write about in my book. 170 00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:38,126 That seems like a very rich area, 171 00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:40,461 but I'm just realizing that this road trip is not a metaphor. 172 00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:42,004 It just isn't. 173 00:07:44,924 --> 00:07:48,803 And this rocking chair is so pointy. It's not giving me any room to express myself. 174 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:55,935 My head's caught. 175 00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,481 - You idiot! - I'm sure you're right, but why? 176 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,985 Can you turn the TV off? 177 00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:05,611 What? 178 00:08:07,864 --> 00:08:08,906 Oh, me? 179 00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:13,744 Oh, yeah, no, it's fine. I've totally seen this one a bunch anyways. 180 00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:17,290 Can you shut your computer down now, please? 181 00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:19,542 What? 182 00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:25,464 Can you shut your computer down now, please? 183 00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,966 I'm trying to finish five pages today 184 00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,926 so I can stay on schedule for my publisher, okay? 185 00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,887 You're always typing on your computer. 186 00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:33,598 Yeah, that's 'cause this trip is kind of a kink in my schedule and I need... 187 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,058 Do you guys want to play Truth or Dare? 188 00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,352 - How do you play? - Um... 189 00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:42,356 You've never played Truth or Dare? 190 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,942 Well, I'm aware that there's a game that's called that. 191 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,614 Truth or Dare is one of the most fun games in the world. 192 00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:53,868 And it's the game that teaches children how to behave like adults. 193 00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:54,911 Okay. 194 00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:56,662 I was playing Truth or Dare the first time I got fingered. 195 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:58,789 Okay, do not, like, share a bunch of really good truths 196 00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:00,041 before we even start the game. 197 00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,584 That's, like, really wasteful. Okay, so... 198 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:05,213 I say, "Truth or Dare," right? 199 00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:08,382 And you have to pick truth or dare. 200 00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,384 - Okay. - But you have to do it. 201 00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:13,346 Otherwise, like... You have to. 202 00:09:13,429 --> 00:09:15,014 - Yeah. - Okay. 203 00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,891 - Okay, truth or dare? - Dare. 204 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,684 Okay, um... 205 00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:23,856 Okay, I dare you to go to the ice machine... 206 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,900 No, okay... No, no, no, okay. 207 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,694 Um, I dare you... Okay, no. 208 00:09:28,778 --> 00:09:32,490 I dare you to kiss 209 00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:35,576 Hannah. 210 00:09:37,453 --> 00:09:40,915 Okay, that is an incredibly lame dare because that is already my boyfriend 211 00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:42,333 and we kiss all the time. 212 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,377 Yeah, you did it! You did it! 213 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,711 It's your first dare! 214 00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:48,381 That doesn't feel good. 215 00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:49,882 Here, just watch us play, okay? 216 00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:51,425 - Watch us play. - Okay, we're gonna do it. 217 00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:52,802 - We're just gonna show you. - We're gonna do a thing. 218 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,262 - Truth or dare? - Okay, truth. 219 00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:56,722 Okay, what is the most upsetting thought... 220 00:09:56,806 --> 00:09:58,766 Wait, don't make it, like, too... 221 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,851 - Like, I want a truth... - Okay, bedtime. 222 00:10:01,519 --> 00:10:03,187 Night time. 223 00:10:03,271 --> 00:10:04,897 Yeah. Um... 224 00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:08,442 So, bed is now? 225 00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:09,610 Yeah. 226 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,445 Good night, Shosh. Let's play in the car tomorrow. 227 00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:13,197 Yeah, okay. 228 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,241 Okay. 229 00:10:18,411 --> 00:10:19,704 Thank you very much for coming. 230 00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,623 You really didn't have to and I know that... 231 00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,625 I'm pissed we can't fuck. 232 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:28,671 Okay, but we're in the room with another person, so... 233 00:10:28,963 --> 00:10:31,340 Yeah, well, I just can't sleep well if I don't cum. 234 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,969 When we get home, it is gonna be a cum parade. 235 00:10:35,094 --> 00:10:36,929 I wanna cum now. 236 00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:40,391 You know what? You do that. 237 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:44,353 You do that. You just... You do it, and I'm gonna go. 238 00:10:44,437 --> 00:10:48,649 And I'll come back whenever the cum parade has, like, paraded on by. 239 00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:51,152 Why are you being so grumpy? 240 00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:53,154 I'm not being grumpy. 241 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,614 Are you gonna be nicer to me? 242 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:56,782 I'm gonna try. 243 00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:58,701 Are you gonna turn your mood around? 244 00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:01,662 I'm gonna try. I can do it. I'm gonna do it. 245 00:11:01,746 --> 00:11:03,706 Are you gonna turn that frown upside down? 246 00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:05,291 I'm gonna do it. 247 00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:42,203 Shosh, you can come back, okay? 248 00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,789 We finished. Adam just has to towel off. 249 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,209 Oh, my God. Is that Chex Mix? 250 00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,877 Yeah, I'm allergic. 251 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,504 Thank you. 252 00:11:51,629 --> 00:11:53,339 Did you have fun sex? 253 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:56,967 I don't know. Maybe now he'll actually let me sleep. 254 00:11:57,051 --> 00:11:58,969 Do you think Adam's right? 255 00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:00,721 About there being no value in watching sitcoms? 256 00:12:00,805 --> 00:12:02,139 No, he's insane. 257 00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,600 No, about the fact that we're not really helping Jessa 258 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:08,145 by retrieving her from rehab when she needs to be there. 259 00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:11,399 I don't know. I wasn't really aware that she had a problem until just now. 260 00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:15,111 Like, she's so pretty and guys love her and she doesn't even really want a job, 261 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,530 so, like, she really has nothing to worry about. 262 00:12:17,822 --> 00:12:20,032 - You think Jessa has nothing to worry about? - Mmm-mmm. 263 00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:23,202 I lived with her for, like, a year. She's as easy as they come. 264 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,580 What about all the binge drinking and the heavy drug use? 265 00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:28,207 She just does that for fun. 266 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,876 Shosh, she got divorced, like, seven months ago. 267 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,088 And, like, earned a bunch of money from it. Like, that's totally fun. 268 00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:39,176 And before that, the trail of broken affairs and the fact that she's now in rehab. 269 00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:43,764 Uh, yeah, like, totally cool. It's, like, a rite of passage for celebrities. 270 00:12:43,848 --> 00:12:46,350 She probably has already met Ryan Phillipp-ey 271 00:12:46,434 --> 00:12:47,893 and they're probably engaged. 272 00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:50,438 By the way, it's Phillippe. I heard it on Extra. 273 00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,565 It's definitely Phillipp-ey. 274 00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,233 It's 100% Phillippe. 275 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,319 I mean, I read his autobiography, so I think I would know. 276 00:12:57,403 --> 00:13:00,239 Whatever, Jessa is no bowl of fucking cherries, okay? 277 00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:03,159 I know that she is beautiful and glamorous, 278 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:08,622 but she has a deep well of sadness inside her that most people don't detect. 279 00:13:08,706 --> 00:13:11,333 And I didn't even know about it in college because all she did was 280 00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:15,087 dance on the quad in rain boots and a bikini and, like, juggle knives, 281 00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:17,465 and then one day, she got really sick. 282 00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:19,300 She goes to the student health center. 283 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:21,469 Turns out to be a kidney infection. 284 00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:25,639 So a bunch of us go over to her room to bring her, like, magazines and snacks 285 00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,017 and, you know, donut holes and shit, 286 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,186 and we're all talking and she's telling great stories. 287 00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:32,730 She looks like Ava Gardner. She doesn't look sick at all. 288 00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,274 Then we say we have to go to class 'cause it's finals. 289 00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,776 She's, like, begging us to stay. 290 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,779 I was like, "Dude, I've got to go. I have finals." 291 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:44,950 As I'm closing the door, I see that she's just crying 292 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,996 'cause that's how badly she doesn't want to be left alone. 293 00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:51,916 That's, like, a really sad story, 294 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,792 but I think you're probably remembering it wrong. 295 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,128 Like, you were probably the one who was crying. 296 00:13:57,755 --> 00:14:00,007 I'm really happy that she's gonna be home for graduation. 297 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,176 Like, I really want her in my photos. 298 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:03,677 Are you nervous about graduation? 299 00:14:03,761 --> 00:14:05,137 Oh, my God. Not at all. 300 00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:07,932 Like, whatever I do, it'll be better than school. 301 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:11,393 I hate to break it to you, but school is the best gig you'll ever have. 302 00:14:11,477 --> 00:14:15,314 I mean, your job is basically just to, like, be yourself. 303 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:18,359 That's why I apply to grad school every single year. 304 00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,486 Honestly, the only people that I ever hear say that 305 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,863 are people who don't make any money. 306 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:33,374 Adam, you were right. It's such a beautiful country. 307 00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:42,049 I mean, no wonder truckers do cocaine. This is boring as hell. 308 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:45,386 Can we turn the air up? I feel very nauseous. 309 00:14:47,513 --> 00:14:49,348 What are you doing? 310 00:14:49,682 --> 00:14:51,350 - What are you doing? - Hiking. 311 00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:59,066 No, 'cause we have to pick Jessa up. 312 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,609 She's not going anywhere. 313 00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:02,861 You want something to write about, well, here it is. 314 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:06,240 The glory of God is all around us, Hannah. 315 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,702 Trees, frogs, birdy-birds. 316 00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,245 What is wrong with people? 317 00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,289 Look how fun this is! 318 00:15:21,422 --> 00:15:22,840 I hate this! 319 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:26,677 My friend Rachel saw a guy giving a girl full-on cunnilingus 320 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,347 on a hike just like this on a day just like this. 321 00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:34,310 No! No! Come on, kid, let's go. You can do it. 322 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:38,063 Yeah, but you know what, Adam? I don't want to do it. 323 00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:41,984 And it's really liberating to say no to shit you hate. 324 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,487 So you go ahead. You live your truth. 325 00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:48,532 I'll be here living my truth. 326 00:15:51,744 --> 00:15:53,370 Okay. 327 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:56,498 Or we could all just go back to the car! 328 00:15:56,582 --> 00:15:57,708 See you in a bit! 329 00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:00,377 But I have no stick! 330 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,049 Shosh? 331 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:10,971 Ray's third worst scenario in life, thank you, is a road trip with a spontaneous detour. 332 00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:12,765 Who has a third worst anything? 333 00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,391 - Who doesn't? - I don't. 334 00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:17,770 I don't catalog my mind. It's unhealthy. 335 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,982 Adam, you are, like, so dementedly helpful. 336 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:23,192 Okay, cool. 337 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:26,737 No, like, you seem like you genuinely like helping people. 338 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,532 Hannah needs so much and you just give and give and give like a saint. 339 00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:32,493 - It goes both ways. - No, okay, I'm serious. 340 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:35,329 Think about it. What would she have done during this period of mental unrest 341 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:38,624 if her boyfriend had been, like, an actual human being existing in society? 342 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:41,502 What if you had, like, a job or responsibilities 343 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:44,922 or places to be during the day like her best friend? 344 00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,928 She is my best friend. 345 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,600 Oh, my God. 346 00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,020 It's not always so clear what the best way is 347 00:17:00,104 --> 00:17:02,564 to help somebody without unintended consequences, 348 00:17:02,648 --> 00:17:05,025 either the people being helped 349 00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:07,027 or the people doing the helping. 350 00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:08,904 We have two stories today, 351 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:14,201 including a sheriff who was trying to do right by marijuana growers. 352 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,286 From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life. 353 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:23,085 Oh, thank God you're still here. 354 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,211 How was group? 355 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,713 Who confessed to what? Who screamed at who? 356 00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,423 - Tell me everything. - Yeah. 357 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:30,467 - That girl with the tramp stamp... - Yeah, yeah. 358 00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:33,470 ...told us she slept with her brother-in-law. 359 00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:34,638 Boring or what? 360 00:17:34,722 --> 00:17:36,557 Yeah, I could've told you that. 361 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,808 Truth be told, Jessamyn, 362 00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:41,395 I've been pants-shittingly scared 363 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,480 that you'd departed already 364 00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:47,317 before we'd had the chance to properly fuck. 365 00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:51,071 Wait, we were never going to fuck. 366 00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:54,825 Oh, yeah, we were always gonna fuck. We decided that the moment we met, babe. 367 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,786 The moment we met, if I recall, 368 00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:01,623 I was being held down in a chair by a woman named Frank. 369 00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:04,793 Right, and we shared a look, right? Remember? 370 00:18:04,877 --> 00:18:08,797 A look in which I communicated, "Are we gonna fuck?" 371 00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:11,675 And your look responded, "Yes, we are gonna fuck." 372 00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:15,429 Oh, my God. You were almost charming until now. 373 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:19,308 That was before my bag of stash ran out. 374 00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,727 What stash? 375 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:26,023 Percs, Vics, Klonies. The usual suspects. 376 00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:29,318 At my age, group is almost unbearable 377 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:33,405 unless you have something to smooth out the jagged little edges 378 00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:37,242 and the nattering fucking chitchat. 379 00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:39,661 I've got one Adderall left. 380 00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,455 There we go, my baby. 381 00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:07,898 You can have a seat. This'll take a minute. 382 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,944 Well, can I walk around? 383 00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:15,948 Well, maybe not right here. It's annoying to me. 384 00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:33,674 Which one's your sister? 385 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,175 Her. 386 00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,349 - Hi. - Hi. 387 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,142 - Hi. - Hello. 388 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:48,605 You understand your sister has been removed from our program for various offenses, 389 00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:52,359 including fraternizing and distributing 390 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:55,320 a zine of provocative cartoons. 391 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,197 What's fraternizing? 392 00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:59,867 - I joined a frat. - Intense sexualized socializing. 393 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:01,159 Okay. 394 00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:04,413 Can I get my pot back, please? 395 00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,206 - You want your pot back? - Yeah. 396 00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:10,252 Sure, I just need to check with the police and make sure they're okay with that. 397 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,628 Whatever. Fine. 398 00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:15,841 We believe that Jessa would benefit from additional treatment, 399 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,551 but we can't keep her here. 400 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:20,596 I totally get it. Let me just sign the waiver and we'll get out of here. 401 00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,515 There's nothing to sign. We have an open-door policy. 402 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:26,768 But she told me that there was something that I needed to sign so I could come get her. 403 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,439 No, we offered to drive her to the airport, but she said you were coming here for her. 404 00:20:31,607 --> 00:20:33,150 There's an airport? 405 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,903 It's a very small one. 406 00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,115 There's an airport? 407 00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:49,666 I think it's really fucked up that you lied to me, 408 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:53,045 and I think it's even more fucked up how you left me, okay? 409 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:55,756 At your father's house with no way to get home. 410 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:59,843 I had to catch a ride to the train station from a pregnant teen. 411 00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,386 She was in labor. 412 00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:05,307 And then I took the train home by myself and I felt like a huge loser. 413 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,809 And it made me remember what it was like in college when you'd say, 414 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:10,103 "Oh, meet me at the Free Palestine party." 415 00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:12,147 Then I'd find out you're over at the Israel house. 416 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:18,487 And so I just wish you would get it that this is not okay behavior for a friend. 417 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:22,449 Okay, listen, it was all weird back then. 418 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,117 None of it was on purpose. 419 00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:26,453 Okay. 420 00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:29,581 And your hair looks fantastic. 421 00:21:29,665 --> 00:21:31,416 You know what? Thank you, 422 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,878 but this haircut happened upon me in a very challenging time 423 00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:36,421 that you weren't present for. 424 00:21:37,089 --> 00:21:39,091 I feel very glad you like it 425 00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:42,928 because every single morning when I wake up, I question it. 426 00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:48,100 Okay. 427 00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:51,645 What... Why... What is... Why? What is all this? 428 00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:54,398 I just missed you so much. 429 00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:55,983 I missed you. 430 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,947 And I would really like it if you would please stop leaving 431 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:05,993 'cause I'm really looking forward to you being around more. 432 00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:07,953 So, please, 433 00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:10,122 - just please, please... - Okay, I will. I am. 434 00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:13,375 I'm... I am done with all that. 435 00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:17,087 Okay, 'cause I hate it. I hate it. 436 00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,092 Okay. 437 00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,011 Okay. 438 00:22:24,803 --> 00:22:28,140 Let's get out of this fucking nunnery. 439 00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:33,645 Try to tell you no 440 00:22:33,729 --> 00:22:37,232 But my body keeps on telling you yes 441 00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:38,984 Try to tell you stop... 442 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:43,321 If ever you want to go to a meeting or whatever... 443 00:22:43,572 --> 00:22:47,117 Um, yeah. Sure, maybe. 444 00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:51,705 Okay, cool. Just let me know. 445 00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:55,876 Cool.