1
00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,385
HANNAH: (SINGSONG) Baby.
2
00:00:09,678 --> 00:00:11,596
Coffee.
3
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,724
- Hot coffee. Come on.
- (GRUNTING)
4
00:00:14,808 --> 00:00:17,936
Wake up, okay? We got to go get Jessa.
5
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:20,313
- Adam?
- Yes?
6
00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:21,940
We have to go and get Jessa.
7
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,525
She's not done with rehab.
8
00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,193
Yeah, well, we have to pick up Shoshanna,
9
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,071
we have to rent a car,
which I can't do because I'm 24 years old,
10
00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:30,448
so it's time to wake up.
11
00:00:31,533 --> 00:00:32,909
- Do you hear me?
- Hmm.
12
00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:34,411
- Come on.
- (GROANING)
13
00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:38,373
It's not fun for me.
14
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,250
You're gonna hurt yourself.
15
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,459
Whoa.
16
00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:43,378
Are you okay?
17
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,462
(ONE MORE NIGHT PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)
18
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:45,588
- (SINGING ALONG)
- Try to tell you no
19
00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:48,800
But my body keeps on telling you yes
20
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,552
Try to tell you stop
21
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:53,888
But your lipstick got me so out of breath
22
00:00:53,972 --> 00:00:55,181
It doesn't even make sense.
23
00:00:55,265 --> 00:00:59,018
... waking up in the morning
Probably hating myself
24
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,395
I sound just like him.
25
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:04,983
... waking up, feeling satisfied
And guilty as hell
26
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,484
But, baby...
27
00:01:06,568 --> 00:01:08,027
(MUSIC STOPS)
28
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,749
I hope Jessa's at least, like, appreciative.
29
00:01:20,832 --> 00:01:21,958
She should be.
30
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:25,336
We are really giving of ourselves,
being, like, models of female friendship.
31
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,923
HANNAH: And giving up so much
valuable writing time all for her good.
32
00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:31,009
This isn't for my health.
33
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,844
ADAM: That's bullshit.
34
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,053
Excuse me?
35
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,181
You're not doing her any good
by taking her out of rehab.
36
00:01:36,848 --> 00:01:38,057
But she said it was time for her to go.
37
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:41,978
Oh, wow.
When was the last time an addict lied?
38
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:44,230
Oh, my God, that's so true. They totally lie.
39
00:01:44,314 --> 00:01:46,691
My friend Rachel
is fully addicted to blueberry Red Bull,
40
00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:48,985
and she always tells me
that she hasn't had one,
41
00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,987
but she tells me, like, with a blue tongue.
42
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,531
I just don't really think you understand
the nature of female friendship.
43
00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:55,325
You're right, I don't. And I don't want to
44
00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:58,536
if it involves ignoring all logic
and being totally hysterical.
45
00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,705
Well, you're not really there
for your friends in any way.
46
00:02:00,789 --> 00:02:03,082
I mean, come to think of it,
like when Chad busted open his knee...
47
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,711
I couldn't get involved because it was under
very illegal and illicit circumstances.
48
00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:08,463
- HANNAH: Okay.
- I mean, Adam was there for you
49
00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:10,215
when you went totally bat-shit insane
50
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:13,301
and decided to cut your hair like a little boy
on a fancy cookie box.
51
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:17,972
I just think that women get stuck in this, like,
vortex of guilt and jealousy with each other
52
00:02:18,056 --> 00:02:20,683
that keep them from seeing situations clearly.
53
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,393
"Women get stuck"?
54
00:02:22,477 --> 00:02:23,937
Okay, now you sound like one of those guys
55
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,772
who thinks a woman
should never be president
56
00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:28,358
because her menstruation
will cloud her judgment.
57
00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:31,277
But they shouldn't, like, be president
because it could...
58
00:02:31,361 --> 00:02:33,321
Their... Their judgment.
59
00:02:33,947 --> 00:02:35,573
Okay, well, Jessa wants to leave.
60
00:02:35,657 --> 00:02:37,325
Well, you can't always get what you want.
61
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:42,497
But if you try sometimes,
you just might find you...
62
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,790
(CHUCKLES)
63
00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:46,084
- ...get what you...
- (LAUGHS)
64
00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:48,461
What's funny?
65
00:02:49,671 --> 00:02:51,339
- (SNIFFING)
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
66
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,343
I thought you'd gone already.
67
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:58,555
I was thrown in a room
without any human contact,
68
00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:00,765
no food, no water, for hours.
69
00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:02,517
Why didn't you come rescue me?
70
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,769
Role-playing is not my forte, my love.
71
00:03:04,978 --> 00:03:07,272
I was in fucking solitary.
72
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,440
But they can't outsmart me.
There was no lock on the door.
73
00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:11,776
- (LAUGHS)
- Stupid fucks.
74
00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:16,406
But truth be told, I'd sort of like
to be in jail for a day, you know?
75
00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,449
It's this feeling you really can't simulate.
76
00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:19,534
Poor thing.
77
00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:23,830
You're too young to understand
which thoughts are useless to you.
78
00:03:24,122 --> 00:03:25,081
All right.
79
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:29,127
When you're older, your mind learns
to let go of things that don't suit you.
80
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:33,131
You start to live with
the same ignorance as the very young.
81
00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:36,259
- Mmm-hmm.
- Of course, being young is terrifying as well.
82
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:39,345
You have all of the knowledge,
but none of the language
83
00:03:39,429 --> 00:03:43,224
to dissuade yourself from
the horrible truths of the world.
84
00:03:43,308 --> 00:03:46,185
- Mmm-hmm.
- I feel the utmost sympathy for my daughter.
85
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:51,232
I did everything I could to make the world
a less gargantuan place for her.
86
00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:52,609
You don't even talk to her.
87
00:03:52,692 --> 00:03:54,777
That's just one of the ways that I protect her.
88
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,655
That makes sense.
89
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,284
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
90
00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:02,952
What's your favorite utensil?
91
00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:08,374
Um... My favorite utensil is...
92
00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:12,587
I never thought about it.
93
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:16,299
Wait, seriously? That's, like, insane.
Like, what if you had to pick?
94
00:04:17,884 --> 00:04:19,344
I guess a fork.
95
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,095
Okay, that is crazy.
96
00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:23,473
Like, why would you want cold metal prongs
stabbing you in the tongue
97
00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,475
when instead you could have your food
delivered into your mouth
98
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,894
on, like, a cool, soft, pillow-y cloud?
99
00:04:30,355 --> 00:04:32,106
What did you just say?
100
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,734
- How was it?
- It was fine.
101
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:36,986
I saw some Raggedy Ann dolls.
102
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:38,655
So, what do you want to eat?
103
00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:40,365
What are you guys getting?
104
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,618
Biscuits and gravy and chicken fried steak.
105
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:47,330
Well, they don't list their calories here,
so, A, I'm not eating, and, B, that is illegal.
106
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:48,748
I'm really, really not hungry,
107
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:52,168
so maybe you can just order me
pancakes and, uh, turkey bacon.
108
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:53,503
And then I guess if they
don't have turkey bacon,
109
00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:56,714
I'll have regular bacon and a milk shake.
Thank you.
110
00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:58,591
- Where are you going?
- To pee.
111
00:04:58,675 --> 00:05:00,009
I highly doubt they have turkey bacon.
112
00:05:00,093 --> 00:05:01,970
If they have turkey bacon,
I would be shocked.
113
00:05:03,638 --> 00:05:04,722
Holla, koala.
114
00:05:04,806 --> 00:05:05,974
Hey.
115
00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:07,600
Mom, don't you think that's a bit much?
116
00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:09,811
This place smells like kimchi.
117
00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,354
Yeah, well, now it smells like a Sephora.
118
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,982
Well, what would you rather have,
kimchi or a Sephora? (SNIFFING)
119
00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:16,484
Yo, where you at?
You wanna come see my new place?
120
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:19,195
My mom is here and she's helping me a ton.
121
00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:21,489
Oh, my God, I would love to,
but I'm actually...
122
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,283
I am up in Woodstock with Adam
'cause we're doing this, like, couples getaway
123
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,744
to just, you know, relax and recharge.
124
00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:29,205
Charlie and I used to do stuff like that
all the time.
125
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:32,041
Do not utter his name.
Just saying his name gives him power.
126
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:35,461
Uh, I'm picking Jessa up from rehab.
127
00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:37,338
All of us are, Adam and Shoshanna and me.
128
00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,882
Wait, so you lied to me?
129
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:41,342
- For one second.
- (MOUTHING)
130
00:05:41,426 --> 00:05:42,385
(SOFTLY) Give me the phone.
131
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:43,553
I lied to you one second ago for a second
132
00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:45,638
and then I took it back a second later.
That doesn't even count.
133
00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:46,848
Yeah, but you were gonna lie to me.
134
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,266
What, you don't think I can handle it, Hannah?
135
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,809
That's not it.
136
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,519
By the way,
why are you even picking Jessa up?
137
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,147
- Doesn't she have, like, a magic carpet?
- (CHUCKLES)
138
00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,523
Just 'cause that's the rules of rehab.
139
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,859
She needs somebody to
sign a paper for her so she can go.
140
00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,569
Well, since when does Jessa follow the rules?
141
00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:01,988
And by the way,
since when is Jessa even a drug addict?
142
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,448
She's, like, a life addict.
143
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,992
I gotta be honest.
I'm feeling pretty left out right now.
144
00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:08,161
Oh, I hate that, baby. Aw.
145
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,289
Am I on speakerphone?
146
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,332
- No.
- Hi, Hannah. How are you?
147
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,836
Hi, Evie. How's it going?
148
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:19,005
Marnie, are you saying
you actually would have wanted to come?
149
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:21,674
Oh, my God, no. Of course not.
I just didn't want anyone to go.
150
00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:23,551
Okay, that makes sense.
151
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,720
You know what?
You guys need to work this out.
152
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,556
And, Hannah, you got to come over
and see Marnie's new shit box.
153
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,266
Mom.
154
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,394
I'm, like, unrelentingly itchy.
Is that a road trip thing?
155
00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,063
What do you have the rocking chair for?
156
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:37,190
Uh, I wasn't hungry, so I bought a souvenir.
157
00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:40,068
It's a rustic souvenir. It was, like, $14.
158
00:06:40,151 --> 00:06:41,736
My friend Zeva has always wanted one.
159
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:45,364
She is going to freak
when she sees that I have one.
160
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:57,668
Do you think the donut's
gonna help my nausea
161
00:06:57,752 --> 00:06:59,504
or do you think it's gonna hurt it?
162
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:04,675
I had to take my seat belt off.
It smells like straight ketchup.
163
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,680
I'm so bored. Are you guys so bored?
164
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:11,390
Boredom is bullshit.
165
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,768
Boredom is for lazy people
who have no imagination.
166
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:17,188
I will never be bored
as long as there's Halloween.
167
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,981
I hate Halloween.
168
00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:22,735
This road trip is just so unremarkable.
You know what I mean?
169
00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:25,738
It's just so similar to
other road trips that I've seen in,
170
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:29,117
I don't know, various media.
It's like a Don Henley song.
171
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,660
What were you expecting?
172
00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,370
HANNAH: Something I could write about
in my book.
173
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:33,996
I mean, we're picking our friend up from rehab
174
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,666
and I just thought there'd be something
I could write about in my book.
175
00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:38,126
That seems like a very rich area,
176
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:40,461
but I'm just realizing
that this road trip is not a metaphor.
177
00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:42,004
It just isn't.
178
00:07:44,924 --> 00:07:48,803
And this rocking chair is so pointy.
It's not giving me any room to express myself.
179
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:55,935
My head's caught.
180
00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:57,562
- (SITCOM PLAYING ON TV)
- (CHUCKLES)
181
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,481
RACHEL: You idiot!
CHANDLER: I'm sure you're right, but why?
182
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,066
(LAUGHS)
183
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,985
Can you turn the TV off?
184
00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:05,611
What?
185
00:08:07,864 --> 00:08:08,906
Oh, me?
186
00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:13,744
Oh, yeah, no, it's fine.
I've totally seen this one a bunch anyways.
187
00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:17,290
Can you shut
your computer down now, please?
188
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:19,542
What?
189
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,710
(SHOSHANNA CHUCKLES)
190
00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:21,836
(TURNS OFF TV)
191
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:25,464
Can you shut
your computer down now, please?
192
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,966
I'm trying to finish five pages today
193
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,926
so I can stay on schedule
for my publisher, okay?
194
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,887
You're always typing on your computer.
195
00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:33,598
Yeah, that's 'cause this trip is kind of
a kink in my schedule and I need...
196
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,058
Do you guys want to play Truth or Dare?
197
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,352
- How do you play?
- Um...
198
00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:39,979
(CHUCKLES)
199
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:42,356
You've never played Truth or Dare?
200
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,942
Well, I'm aware that
there's a game that's called that.
201
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,614
Truth or Dare is one of the most fun games
in the world.
202
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:50,823
(LAUGHS)
203
00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:53,868
And it's the game that teaches children
how to behave like adults.
204
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:54,911
Okay.
205
00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:56,662
I was playing Truth or Dare
the first time I got fingered.
206
00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:58,789
Okay, do not, like, share
a bunch of really good truths
207
00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:00,041
before we even start the game.
208
00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,584
That's, like, really wasteful. Okay, so...
209
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:05,213
I say, "Truth or Dare," right?
210
00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:08,382
And you have to pick truth or dare.
211
00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,384
- Okay.
- But you have to do it.
212
00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:13,346
Otherwise, like... You have to.
213
00:09:13,429 --> 00:09:15,014
- Yeah.
- Okay.
214
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,891
- Okay, truth or dare?
- Dare.
215
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,684
Okay, um...
216
00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:23,856
Okay, I dare you to go to the ice machine...
217
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,900
No, okay... No, no, no, okay.
218
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,694
Um, I dare you... Okay, no.
219
00:09:28,778 --> 00:09:32,490
I dare you to kiss
220
00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:35,576
Hannah.
221
00:09:37,453 --> 00:09:40,915
Okay, that is an incredibly lame dare
because that is already my boyfriend
222
00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:42,333
- and we kiss all the time.
- (EXCLAIMS)
223
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,377
- Yeah, you did it! You did it!
- (ADAM MOANING)
224
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,711
- It's your first dare!
- (HANNAH MUMBLES)
225
00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:48,381
- (CHUCKLES)
- That doesn't feel good.
226
00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:49,882
Here, just watch us play, okay?
227
00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:51,425
- Watch us play.
- Okay, we're gonna do it.
228
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:52,802
- We're just gonna show you.
- We're gonna do a thing.
229
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,262
- Truth or dare?
- Okay, truth.
230
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:56,722
Okay, what is the most upsetting thought...
231
00:09:56,806 --> 00:09:58,766
(STUTTERS) Wait, don't make it, like, too...
232
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,851
- Like, I want a truth...
- Okay, bedtime.
233
00:10:01,519 --> 00:10:03,187
ADAM: Night time.
234
00:10:03,271 --> 00:10:04,897
Yeah. Um...
235
00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:08,442
So, bed is now?
236
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:09,610
ADAM: Yeah.
237
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,445
Good night, Shosh.
Let's play in the car tomorrow.
238
00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:13,197
Yeah, okay.
239
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,241
Okay.
240
00:10:18,411 --> 00:10:19,704
HANNAH: Thank you very much for coming.
241
00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,623
You really didn't have to and I know that...
242
00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,625
I'm pissed we can't fuck.
243
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:28,671
Okay, but we're in the room
with another person, so...
244
00:10:28,963 --> 00:10:31,340
Yeah, well, I just can't sleep well
if I don't cum.
245
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,969
HANNAH: When we get home,
it is gonna be a cum parade.
246
00:10:35,094 --> 00:10:36,929
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- ADAM: I wanna cum now.
247
00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:40,391
You know what? You do that.
248
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:44,353
You do that. You just...
You do it, and I'm gonna go.
249
00:10:44,437 --> 00:10:48,649
And I'll come back whenever the cum parade
has, like, paraded on by.
250
00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:51,152
Why are you being so grumpy?
251
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:53,154
I'm not being grumpy.
252
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,614
Are you gonna be nicer to me?
253
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:56,782
I'm gonna try.
254
00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:58,701
Are you gonna turn your mood around?
255
00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:01,662
I'm gonna try. I can do it. I'm gonna do it.
256
00:11:01,746 --> 00:11:03,706
Are you gonna turn that frown upside down?
257
00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:05,291
I'm gonna do it.
258
00:11:32,151 --> 00:11:33,861
(WRAPPER RUSTLING)
259
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:42,203
(CHUCKLING) Shosh,
you can come back, okay?
260
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,789
We finished. Adam just has to towel off.
261
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,209
Oh, my God. Is that Chex Mix?
262
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,877
Yeah, I'm allergic.
263
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,504
Thank you.
264
00:11:51,629 --> 00:11:53,339
Did you have fun sex?
265
00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:56,967
I don't know.
Maybe now he'll actually let me sleep.
266
00:11:57,051 --> 00:11:58,969
Do you think Adam's right?
267
00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:00,721
About there being no value
in watching sitcoms?
268
00:12:00,805 --> 00:12:02,139
No, he's insane.
269
00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,600
No, about the fact that
we're not really helping Jessa
270
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:08,145
by retrieving her from rehab
when she needs to be there.
271
00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:11,399
I don't know. I wasn't really aware
that she had a problem until just now.
272
00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:15,111
Like, she's so pretty and guys love her
and she doesn't even really want a job,
273
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,530
so, like, she really has
nothing to worry about.
274
00:12:17,822 --> 00:12:20,032
- You think Jessa has nothing to worry about?
- Mmm-mmm.
275
00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:23,202
I lived with her for, like, a year.
She's as easy as they come.
276
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,580
What about all the binge drinking
and the heavy drug use?
277
00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:28,207
She just does that for fun.
278
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,876
Shosh, she got divorced,
like, seven months ago.
279
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,088
And, like, earned a bunch of money from it.
Like, that's totally fun.
280
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:39,176
And before that, the trail of broken affairs
and the fact that she's now in rehab.
281
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:43,764
Uh, yeah, like, totally cool.
It's, like, a rite of passage for celebrities.
282
00:12:43,848 --> 00:12:46,350
She probably has already
met Ryan Phillipp-ey
283
00:12:46,434 --> 00:12:47,893
and they're probably engaged.
284
00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:50,438
By the way, it's Phillippe. I heard it on Extra.
285
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,565
It's definitely Phillipp-ey.
286
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,233
It's 100% Phillippe.
287
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,319
I mean, I read his autobiography,
so I think I would know.
288
00:12:57,403 --> 00:13:00,239
Whatever, Jessa is
no bowl of fucking cherries, okay?
289
00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:03,159
I know that she is beautiful and glamorous,
290
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:08,622
but she has a deep well of sadness inside her
that most people don't detect.
291
00:13:08,706 --> 00:13:11,333
And I didn't even know about it in college
because all she did was
292
00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:15,087
dance on the quad in rain boots and a bikini
and, like, juggle knives,
293
00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:17,465
and then one day, she got really sick.
294
00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:19,300
She goes to the student health center.
295
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:21,469
Turns out to be a kidney infection.
296
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:25,639
So a bunch of us go over to her room
to bring her, like, magazines and snacks
297
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,017
and, you know, donut holes and shit,
298
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,186
and we're all talking
and she's telling great stories.
299
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:32,730
She looks like Ava Gardner.
She doesn't look sick at all.
300
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,274
Then we say we have to go to class
'cause it's finals.
301
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,776
She's, like, begging us to stay.
302
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,779
I was like, "Dude, I've got to go. I have finals."
303
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:44,950
As I'm closing the door,
I see that she's just crying
304
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,996
'cause that's how badly
she doesn't want to be left alone.
305
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:51,916
That's, like, a really sad story,
306
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,792
but I think you're probably
remembering it wrong.
307
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,128
Like, you were probably
the one who was crying.
308
00:13:57,755 --> 00:14:00,007
I'm really happy that
she's gonna be home for graduation.
309
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,176
Like, I really want her in my photos.
310
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:03,677
Are you nervous about graduation?
311
00:14:03,761 --> 00:14:05,137
Oh, my God. Not at all.
312
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:07,932
Like, whatever I do, it'll be better than school.
313
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:11,393
I hate to break it to you,
but school is the best gig you'll ever have.
314
00:14:11,477 --> 00:14:15,314
I mean, your job is basically
just to, like, be yourself.
315
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:18,359
That's why I apply to grad school
every single year.
316
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,486
Honestly, the only people
that I ever hear say that
317
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,863
are people who don't make any money.
318
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:33,374
Adam, you were right.
It's such a beautiful country.
319
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:42,049
HANNAH: I mean, no wonder truckers
do cocaine. This is boring as hell.
320
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:45,386
Can we turn the air up? I feel very nauseous.
321
00:14:47,513 --> 00:14:49,348
What are you doing?
322
00:14:49,682 --> 00:14:51,350
- What are you doing?
- Hiking.
323
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:59,066
HANNAH: No, 'cause we have
to pick Jessa up.
324
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,609
ADAM: She's not going anywhere.
325
00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:02,861
You want something to write about,
well, here it is.
326
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:06,240
The glory of God is all around us, Hannah.
327
00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,702
Trees, frogs, birdy-birds.
328
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,245
What is wrong with people?
329
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,289
Look how fun this is!
330
00:15:21,422 --> 00:15:22,840
I hate this!
331
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:26,677
My friend Rachel saw a guy
giving a girl full-on cunnilingus
332
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,347
on a hike just like this on a day just like this.
333
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:34,310
No! No! Come on, kid, let's go. You can do it.
334
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:38,063
Yeah, but you know what, Adam?
I don't want to do it.
335
00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:41,984
And it's really liberating
to say no to shit you hate.
336
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,487
So you go ahead. You live your truth.
337
00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:48,532
I'll be here living my truth.
338
00:15:51,744 --> 00:15:53,370
Okay.
339
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:56,498
Or we could all just go back to the car!
340
00:15:56,582 --> 00:15:57,708
ADAM: See you in a bit!
341
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:00,377
HANNAH: But I have no stick!
342
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,049
Shosh?
343
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:10,971
Ray's third worst scenario in life, thank you,
is a road trip with a spontaneous detour.
344
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:12,765
Who has a third worst anything?
345
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,391
- Who doesn't?
- I don't.
346
00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:17,770
I don't catalog my mind. It's unhealthy.
347
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,982
Adam, you are, like, so dementedly helpful.
348
00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:23,192
Okay, cool.
349
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:26,737
No, like, you seem like
you genuinely like helping people.
350
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,532
Hannah needs so much and you just
give and give and give like a saint.
351
00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:32,493
- It goes both ways.
- No, okay, I'm serious.
352
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:35,329
Think about it. What would she have done
during this period of mental unrest
353
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:38,624
if her boyfriend had been, like,
an actual human being existing in society?
354
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:41,502
What if you had, like, a job or responsibilities
355
00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:44,922
or places to be during the day
like her best friend?
356
00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:48,175
(SIGHS)
357
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,928
She is my best friend.
358
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,600
Oh, my God.
359
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,020
MAN ON RADIO: It's not always so clear
what the best way is
360
00:17:00,104 --> 00:17:02,564
to help somebody without
unintended consequences,
361
00:17:02,648 --> 00:17:05,025
either the people being helped
362
00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:07,027
or the people doing the helping.
363
00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:08,904
We have two stories today,
364
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:14,201
including a sheriff who was trying to do right
by marijuana growers.
365
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,286
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
366
00:17:19,123 --> 00:17:20,374
(DOOR OPENS)
367
00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:23,085
Oh, thank God you're still here.
368
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,211
- How was group?
- (HUFFS)
369
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,713
Who confessed to what?
Who screamed at who?
370
00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,423
- Tell me everything.
- Yeah.
371
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:30,467
- That girl with the tramp stamp...
- Yeah, yeah.
372
00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:33,470
...told us she slept with her brother-in-law.
373
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:34,638
Boring or what?
374
00:17:34,722 --> 00:17:36,557
Yeah, I could've told you that.
375
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,808
Truth be told, Jessamyn,
376
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:41,395
I've been pants-shittingly scared
377
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,480
that you'd departed already
378
00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:47,317
before we'd had the chance to properly fuck.
379
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:51,071
Wait, we were never going to fuck.
380
00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:54,825
Oh, yeah, we were always gonna fuck.
We decided that the moment we met, babe.
381
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,786
The moment we met, if I recall,
382
00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:01,623
I was being held down in a chair
by a woman named Frank.
383
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:04,793
Right, and we shared a look, right?
Remember?
384
00:18:04,877 --> 00:18:08,797
A look in which I communicated,
"Are we gonna fuck?"
385
00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:11,675
And your look responded,
"Yes, we are gonna fuck."
386
00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:15,429
Oh, my God.
You were almost charming until now.
387
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:19,308
That was before my bag of stash ran out.
388
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,727
- What stash?
- (EXHALES)
389
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:26,023
Percs, Vics, Klonies. The usual suspects.
390
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:29,318
At my age, group is almost unbearable
391
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:33,405
unless you have something to smooth out
the jagged little edges
392
00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:37,242
and the nattering fucking chitchat.
393
00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:39,661
I've got one Adderall left.
394
00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,455
There we go, my baby.
395
00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:07,898
You can have a seat. This'll take a minute.
396
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,944
Well, can I walk around?
397
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:15,948
Well, maybe not right here.
It's annoying to me.
398
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,666
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
399
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:33,674
DR. STERNS: Which one's your sister?
400
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,175
Her.
401
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,349
- Hi.
- Hi.
402
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,142
- Hi.
- Hello.
403
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:48,605
You understand your sister has been removed
from our program for various offenses,
404
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:52,359
including fraternizing and distributing
405
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:55,320
a zine of provocative cartoons.
406
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,197
What's fraternizing?
407
00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:59,867
- I joined a frat.
- Intense sexualized socializing.
408
00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:01,159
Okay.
409
00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:04,413
Can I get my pot back, please?
410
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,206
- You want your pot back?
- Yeah.
411
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:10,252
Sure, I just need to check with the police
and make sure they're okay with that.
412
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,628
Whatever. Fine.
413
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:15,841
We believe that Jessa would benefit from
additional treatment,
414
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,551
but we can't keep her here.
415
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:20,596
I totally get it. Let me just sign the waiver
and we'll get out of here.
416
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,515
There's nothing to sign.
We have an open-door policy.
417
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:26,768
But she told me that there was something
that I needed to sign so I could come get her.
418
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,439
No, we offered to drive her to the airport,
but she said you were coming here for her.
419
00:20:31,607 --> 00:20:33,150
There's an airport?
420
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,903
It's a very small one.
421
00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,115
There's an airport?
422
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,576
(CLEARS THROAT)
423
00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:49,666
HANNAH: I think it's really fucked up
that you lied to me,
424
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:53,045
and I think it's even more fucked up
how you left me, okay?
425
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:55,756
At your father's house
with no way to get home.
426
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:59,843
I had to catch a ride to the train station
from a pregnant teen.
427
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,386
She was in labor.
428
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:05,307
And then I took the train home by myself
and I felt like a huge loser.
429
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,809
And it made me remember
what it was like in college when you'd say,
430
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:10,103
"Oh, meet me at the Free Palestine party."
431
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:12,147
Then I'd find out
you're over at the Israel house.
432
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:18,487
And so I just wish you would get it
that this is not okay behavior for a friend.
433
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:22,449
Okay, listen, it was all weird back then.
434
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,117
None of it was on purpose.
435
00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:26,453
Okay.
436
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:29,581
And your hair looks fantastic.
437
00:21:29,665 --> 00:21:31,416
You know what? Thank you,
438
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,878
but this haircut happened upon me
in a very challenging time
439
00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:36,421
that you weren't present for.
440
00:21:37,089 --> 00:21:39,091
I feel very glad you like it
441
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:42,928
because every single morning
when I wake up, I question it.
442
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:48,100
Okay.
443
00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:51,645
What... Why... What is... Why?
What is all this?
444
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:54,398
I just missed you so much.
445
00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:55,983
I missed you.
446
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,947
And I would really like it
if you would please stop leaving
447
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:05,993
'cause I'm really looking forward to
you being around more.
448
00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:07,953
So, please,
449
00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:10,122
- just please, please...
- Okay, I will. I am.
450
00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:13,375
I'm... I am done with all that.
451
00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:17,087
Okay, 'cause I hate it. I hate it.
452
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,092
Okay.
453
00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,011
Okay.
454
00:22:24,803 --> 00:22:28,140
Let's get out of this fucking nunnery.
455
00:22:28,557 --> 00:22:30,058
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
456
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:33,645
SHOSHANNA: (SINGING) Try to tell you no
457
00:22:33,729 --> 00:22:37,232
But my body keeps on telling you yes
458
00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:38,984
Try to tell you stop...
459
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:43,321
If ever you want to go
to a meeting or whatever...
460
00:22:43,572 --> 00:22:47,117
Um, yeah. Sure, maybe.
461
00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:51,705
Okay, cool. Just let me know.
462
00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:55,876
Cool.
463
00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:59,046
(POP SONG PLAYING)