1
00:00:14,683 --> 00:00:16,351
I'm here to see David Pressler-Goings.
2
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,395
He's not in yet.
3
00:00:18,478 --> 00:00:20,313
Oh. Okay, good.
4
00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:22,232
I thought I was late.
5
00:00:22,315 --> 00:00:24,859
You are. He's just not in yet.
6
00:00:24,943 --> 00:00:29,072
Okay, well, I'm just gonna have a seat
in the reception area.
7
00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:30,407
Hmm.
8
00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,414
What?
9
00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:43,378
Look, I've got him on the phone for you now.
10
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,130
Okay?
11
00:00:46,548 --> 00:00:47,757
Wait, what?
12
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,553
Okay.
13
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:54,597
Millstreet.
No, I just heard that myself.
14
00:00:54,681 --> 00:00:56,558
Nobody here knows much of anything yet.
15
00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,059
I'll call you back.
16
00:00:58,143 --> 00:00:59,811
What did you say?
17
00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:01,104
Oh.
18
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:03,231
Millstreet.
19
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:04,899
Yeah, but that's all I know right now.
20
00:01:04,983 --> 00:01:06,151
That's all any of us know.
21
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,361
I'm trying to find out. I'll call you back.
22
00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:13,324
Excuse me?
23
00:01:13,408 --> 00:01:14,701
- I was just wondering...
- I can't...
24
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,953
Not now.
25
00:01:17,412 --> 00:01:18,997
Yeah, I just wanted to know if it was safe
26
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,124
to be on this floor of the building.
27
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,250
Ah, Millstreet.
28
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,127
No.
29
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:25,920
No, not yet.
30
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,256
Well, that's all I know.
31
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,091
Well, I don't know yet. If I don't know...
32
00:01:30,175 --> 00:01:32,343
- Morning, Louise.
- I'll call you back.
33
00:01:32,886 --> 00:01:35,388
- Hi, Stacia.
- Louise, are you all right?
34
00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:38,266
David is dead.
35
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,518
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
36
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,146
Millstreet.
37
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,131
And no one explains what's happening,
38
00:02:10,215 --> 00:02:11,549
and then they say he's dead.
39
00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:14,511
Yeah. Hannah, it's something that happens.
40
00:02:14,594 --> 00:02:17,597
It's like jury duty or, you know, floods.
41
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,516
- They happen.
- It's just so insane.
42
00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:22,519
We had a meeting,
and then he had to reschedule the meeting
43
00:02:22,602 --> 00:02:23,686
'cause he was dead.
44
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:24,896
Yeah, he's dead.
45
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,648
And that's why he couldn't come.
46
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:30,401
It must've been so heavy
that moment that it was all going down.
47
00:02:30,485 --> 00:02:31,653
Think about that.
48
00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:34,489
I just hope when I die
that I don't see it coming.
49
00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,616
I hope I'm already dead,
and then five minutes later,
50
00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:39,077
I'm like, "What the fuck just happened?"
51
00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:42,455
You know, I kind of look forward
to the day that I die.
52
00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:44,123
You do not. Get real.
53
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:47,752
I do. If you think about it, time isn't linear.
54
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,880
Every moment that's ever happened
or that will ever happen
55
00:02:50,964 --> 00:02:52,382
is happening right now.
56
00:02:52,465 --> 00:02:56,511
We just choose to live in this moment
to create some illusion of continuity.
57
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:59,138
So, really, we have already died
58
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,683
and we've also not yet been born.
59
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,854
Well, okay, in my linear conception of time,
60
00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:07,397
I wonder what's...
61
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,983
Holy fucking shit, look what I just found.
62
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:11,276
Oh, my God.
63
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,735
Is that a picture of Tom Hanks?
64
00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:14,404
- Yeah.
- I don't want it.
65
00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:15,864
- I'll take it.
- Oh, hey, Jessa.
66
00:03:15,947 --> 00:03:18,116
How's your life of doing
absolutely fucking nothing?
67
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,701
Oh, it's great. How's your penis?
68
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:21,494
Good. You want me
to put it on your shoulder?
69
00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:24,706
David's dead.
70
00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:25,999
Who's David?
71
00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:28,918
My editor, David. He's dead.
72
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,422
Fuck, Hannah, baby.
73
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:34,132
That sucks shit.
74
00:03:34,507 --> 00:03:36,134
Yeah, he's dead.
75
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,428
It was so crazy.
Everyone was just running around the office
76
00:03:38,511 --> 00:03:40,179
and freaking out and screaming
77
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,931
and acting like their world
had gone out of orbit and...
78
00:03:42,015 --> 00:03:43,224
Oh.
79
00:03:43,308 --> 00:03:45,476
It's like everyone comes in
thinking it's a normal day
80
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,897
and then they leave 'cause he's dead.
81
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,815
What is a normal day, though, really?
82
00:03:50,899 --> 00:03:52,233
What did you do?
83
00:03:52,317 --> 00:03:54,861
I mean, just amidst all that
chaos and insanity, I left.
84
00:03:54,944 --> 00:03:57,280
What else was I supposed to do?
85
00:03:59,324 --> 00:04:03,912
And no one even began to tell me
86
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:06,331
what was next for my e-book.
87
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:09,000
- What?
- I know.
88
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,920
And so I'm left wondering
when and how and to whom
89
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,088
I can even bring this up to get some answers.
90
00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:16,174
Well, they probably weren't thinking
about your book, Hannah,
91
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:18,259
and I pretty much can't believe you are either.
92
00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:21,095
You knew someone. Like, really knew him.
93
00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:22,847
He came to your birthday party, et cetera.
94
00:04:22,931 --> 00:04:24,641
He wasn't invited to my birthday party.
95
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:29,854
What?
96
00:04:30,188 --> 00:04:34,609
I think Adam's feeling is that
you're callous and disconnected.
97
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,027
Are you feeling anything?
98
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,403
Yes.
99
00:04:37,487 --> 00:04:39,781
Beyond wondering when your book
is gonna hit the stands?
100
00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,115
It's an e-book, Adam.
101
00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:42,450
It's never gonna hit the stands
102
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:45,119
'cause there are no stands and you know that.
103
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,750
One thing we do know,
104
00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:54,003
life will give you whatever
experience is most helpful
105
00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:56,339
for the evolution of your consciousness.
106
00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:59,634
How do you know this is the experience
you need?
107
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:03,429
Because this is the experience
you're having at this moment.
108
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:05,515
From the interview...
109
00:05:10,812 --> 00:05:12,063
Motherfucker.
110
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,691
Okay, David's body was found facedown
in the Hudson River
111
00:05:14,774 --> 00:05:16,818
right by Chelsea Piers, just floating there.
112
00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,361
Well, that's fucking terrible.
113
00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,822
And Gawker is reporting
that they won't be releasing
114
00:05:20,905 --> 00:05:23,241
the toxicology report at all,
so we're not gonna know if it...
115
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:24,575
Gawker?
116
00:05:25,994 --> 00:05:28,454
- Yeah.
- You're getting your news from Gawker?
117
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,832
They report on media news
and I am a mediaist,
118
00:05:30,915 --> 00:05:33,167
so it's where I've gotta get my news.
119
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:38,256
Okay, when you die, how would you feel
if a bunch of judgmental creeps,
120
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,008
celibate against their will,
121
00:05:40,091 --> 00:05:43,386
snarkily reported on every fucking detail
of your body decomposing?
122
00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,762
Well, that's not what's happening here.
123
00:05:44,846 --> 00:05:46,681
This is a very, very nice eulogy.
124
00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:48,224
Listen. "Goings, Goings, Gone...
125
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,476
"Publishing's most flamboyant power player
126
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,438
"makes a waterlogged exit
worthy of a Bret Easton Ellis character."
127
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,647
That's fucked, Hannah.
128
00:05:54,731 --> 00:05:55,898
Those are a bunch of jealous people
129
00:05:55,982 --> 00:05:58,651
who make a living appealing
to our basest desire
130
00:05:58,735 --> 00:06:00,236
to see each other kicked while we're down.
131
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:01,779
I don't agree, okay?
132
00:06:01,863 --> 00:06:04,699
It's a web portal that
celebrates the written word.
133
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,617
And its sister site, Jezebel,
134
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:09,537
is a place feminists can go
to support one another,
135
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:12,373
which we need in this modern world
full of slut-shaming and...
136
00:06:12,457 --> 00:06:15,918
Well, I think that shit gets into your head
and makes you one of the bad guys.
137
00:06:16,002 --> 00:06:17,670
I think that you need a place to go
138
00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:20,548
and gather up the information
that's important to your industry
139
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,967
and then discuss it
with other like-minded individuals.
140
00:06:23,051 --> 00:06:25,428
That's why the comments board
is so important to me
141
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,555
and why I've made so many e-friends.
142
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,223
Why are we fighting about this?
143
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:31,642
Why aren't you mourning quietly?
144
00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:39,984
I feel like my bandana
collection is my most developed collection.
145
00:06:40,068 --> 00:06:42,779
I mean, my array of bandanas is insane.
146
00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:46,157
Did you ever have a friend who died?
147
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,660
Yes, actually. In high school,
my friend Kelly was in a car accident.
148
00:06:50,078 --> 00:06:51,829
Oh, that's awful.
149
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:53,581
How did you feel?
150
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,167
Hmm. Sad.
151
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,586
But then I kind of, like,
took over her position in the friend group.
152
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:01,255
Like, we were always truly meant to be
a fivesome, not a sixsome.
153
00:07:01,339 --> 00:07:02,840
The group didn't really have room
154
00:07:02,924 --> 00:07:06,636
for, like, you know,
two practical-yet-goofy confidants.
155
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,138
I do miss her, though.
156
00:07:09,222 --> 00:07:10,765
Why? Do you know someone who died?
157
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:13,643
Yeah, actually. My friend Season.
158
00:07:13,726 --> 00:07:15,645
She was my favorite friend.
159
00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:17,939
She was so funny and cute,
160
00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:20,817
and I used to love her a lot.
161
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:24,028
I just used to tickle her all the time.
162
00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:25,613
You know, I don't even have a picture of her.
163
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,573
How did she die?
164
00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:29,909
Uh, she, like, choked on vomit or something.
165
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:32,954
You should visit her mom,
166
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:35,498
or, like, her grave if her mom is dead
167
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:38,209
and bring flowers, or, like,
her Facebook In Memoriam site.
168
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,629
- Yeah, maybe.
- No, seriously.
169
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,423
Like, you need to process this.
You need to grieve it out.
170
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,884
Like, when Kelly died,
I wrote a book of poems about her.
171
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:49,387
Who's Kelly?
172
00:07:49,971 --> 00:07:51,848
My friend in high school who died.
173
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:53,599
You had a friend who died?
174
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:56,394
We literally just had this conversation.
175
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:10,491
Where are you headed?
176
00:08:10,575 --> 00:08:12,243
I'm gonna go work an extra shift at Ray's.
177
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,953
He's understaffed, and anyway,
178
00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,414
it doesn't really seem like
I should quit my day job.
179
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,790
Don't talk like that.
180
00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:19,333
Well, what am I supposed to talk like?
181
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:22,170
No one will tell me anything about my book.
182
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,257
Really, Adam? Still too soon for you?
183
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:32,096
Dude, cut me a fucking break.
Why are you mad at me?
184
00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:34,015
I'm not mad.
185
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,850
I'm scared.
186
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:37,852
You're scared?
187
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,354
What are you scared of?
188
00:08:40,438 --> 00:08:45,026
Of how you'd act if something, like,
real happened to us.
189
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:48,863
Like, if I died, would you just be like,
"Oh, I hope I can make rent."
190
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:54,410
If you died, I would be extremely disoriented,
extremely sad,
191
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:57,413
and I would also be anxious about
how I would make rent, yes.
192
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,040
"Extremely sad"?
193
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:01,542
Yeah, if you died, I'd be extremely sad.
194
00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:03,878
If you died, the world would blur.
195
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:05,755
I wouldn't know what a tree was.
196
00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,883
Well, that's really nice.
It makes me feel very good.
197
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:11,677
You know, I think all the time about
what I'd say at your funeral,
198
00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:14,055
about how I'd say that you were my partner
and you were my lover
199
00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:17,808
and how one summer you lived in a tent
on a roof in Bed-Stuy
200
00:09:17,892 --> 00:09:19,852
and you drank rainwater.
201
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,774
I don't know.
202
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,817
I think about you dying all the time.
203
00:09:33,366 --> 00:09:35,284
So, I lost a friend yesterday.
204
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,078
Close friend.
205
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:40,831
Marnie finally decided to throw in the towel?
206
00:09:40,915 --> 00:09:43,876
No, Ray, it was my editor
and collaborator,
207
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,003
David Pressler-Goings.
208
00:09:46,379 --> 00:09:48,422
He was found facedown in the Hudson River
209
00:09:48,506 --> 00:09:50,466
and Gawker is saying it's not drugs,
210
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:54,720
but we in the literary community
are left scratching our heads.
211
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,515
- Jesus.
- Thank you.
212
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,141
Thanks.
213
00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:01,435
How do you feel? Do you want to go home?
214
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:04,021
You know, I actually feel nothing.
215
00:10:04,105 --> 00:10:06,691
Like, I literally feel nothing.
216
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,068
Like, maybe I'm numb,
but I don't even feel numb.
217
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,569
I feel nothing.
218
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:14,949
But, yeah, I would love to go home
if that's okay with you.
219
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:18,828
Hannah, why don't you place just one crumb
of basic human compassion
220
00:10:18,911 --> 00:10:21,998
on this fat-free muffin
of sociopathic detachment?
221
00:10:22,081 --> 00:10:24,041
- See how it tastes.
- You sound like Adam.
222
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,210
It's like there's more than
one way to feel something.
223
00:10:26,294 --> 00:10:31,048
Do you feel something every single time
someone you kind of know dies?
224
00:10:31,257 --> 00:10:33,426
I don't know.
Why don't you try it and we'll find out?
225
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:36,470
Hannah, you don't think it's slightly odd
226
00:10:36,554 --> 00:10:38,097
that I feel worse than you do right now,
227
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,765
and the one time I met this dude,
228
00:10:39,849 --> 00:10:42,643
he hurled me across the room
into a small table?
229
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,522
Hey!
230
00:10:47,565 --> 00:10:49,150
It's Jessa.
231
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,903
Yeah, I know, it's been a very long time.
232
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:55,156
I, um... I...
233
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:59,201
I know, I can't believe I am still alive either.
234
00:10:59,285 --> 00:11:00,411
Um...
235
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,829
So, speaking of which,
236
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,624
listen, I really wanted to visit
237
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,752
Season's tomb.
238
00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:13,257
Season, her sarcophagus.
239
00:11:14,759 --> 00:11:16,427
Like, her grave. Where...
240
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,638
What do you mean?
241
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:24,810
What?
242
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,938
What?
243
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:33,819
- Oh, hey, Laird.
- Hey, Hannah.
244
00:11:33,903 --> 00:11:37,365
Uh, you've... You've caught me spiffing.
245
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,200
- Looks amazing.
- Thank you.
246
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,452
I thought the halls could use a little art.
247
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:44,288
- How are you?
- Uh... I'm okay.
248
00:11:44,372 --> 00:11:47,792
I don't want to be a total downer,
but I lost a close friend yesterday.
249
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,796
I'm so sorry to hear that.
250
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:56,884
- That's okay, Laird.
- Very sorry.
251
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,470
- Thank you.
- So sorry to hear that. That's terrible.
252
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:00,679
Thank you.
253
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,348
I'm just... I'm just sorry.
254
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:05,059
- I really don't care. So...
- Okay.
255
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:08,396
It's my first death, so I'm kinda numbed.
256
00:12:08,479 --> 00:12:10,189
Yeah, I get it,
257
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:14,443
and you're just gonna get number when it all
starts to come like a waterfall.
258
00:12:15,111 --> 00:12:17,530
My whole life has been death.
259
00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:19,740
Everyone around me has died.
260
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,493
Sometimes at dinner
when I'm sitting at my table,
261
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:26,414
I just imagine I am in dialogue
with all my dead ones.
262
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,085
Who do you know who's died?
263
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,920
Literally everyone.
264
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,714
Even this lady has died.
265
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,384
- Oh, my God.
- Mmm-hmm. It's my turtle.
266
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,344
My turtle has died.
267
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,972
And I didn't even think that was possible.
268
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,224
I'm so sorry, Laird. That's just...
269
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,017
That's the fucking worst.
270
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,937
Hey, Caroline.
Laird was just showing me his...
271
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:53,149
It's a turtle carcass. It's my turtle carcass.
272
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:54,775
Yeah.
273
00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:56,527
Wow, how totally beautiful.
274
00:12:57,111 --> 00:12:58,487
Thank you.
275
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,115
Hey, whatcha doing?
276
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,159
Just heading out for
my afternoon constitutional.
277
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,119
- Cool.
- Come with me. I'll buy you a cup of tea.
278
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:06,704
Okay.
279
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:13,252
Will you join us, odd face?
280
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:15,629
That'd be great.
281
00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:17,256
This is not an urgent project,
282
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,383
but it is something I'd like to return to.
283
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,677
Oh, and bring your turtle, please.
284
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,474
You know, I just don't want to be
considered a monster
285
00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:28,934
for caring what happens to my work.
286
00:13:29,018 --> 00:13:31,812
I've always been incredibly invested
in my work
287
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:34,773
and knew it would be really hard
for whatever man ended up with me.
288
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:37,526
- I feel that, and I admire it.
- Thank you.
289
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:39,737
I'm surprised you're not
quizzing me more about Adam,
290
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:43,532
like all his old lovers and what he was like
in the school play
291
00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:46,327
and what he used to call
his tiny little penis as a child.
292
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:48,496
Mine was Nickel the Pickle.
293
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,124
So, now are you gonna call me
self-involved, too?
294
00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:53,792
'Cause I'm ready for it.
295
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,754
No, I'm gonna call you secure.
296
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,506
Follow me.
297
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,961
Whose house is this?
298
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,964
It's my house.
299
00:14:41,090 --> 00:14:43,717
What... What the fuck is going on?
300
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:45,469
Open the door.
301
00:14:47,972 --> 00:14:50,140
I can't believe you did this.
302
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:52,810
I don't even know how you did this.
303
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,728
You had a funeral.
304
00:14:54,812 --> 00:14:57,231
You sent me an invitation.
305
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:58,774
Did you have a fake funeral?
306
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,734
We knew you wouldn't come.
307
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,740
I was a drug addict,
and you were a total enabler.
308
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:08,367
That's bullshit, Season.
309
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,119
I told you I needed counseling
310
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:12,371
and you took me to an ayahuasca ceremony.
311
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,165
- Can I pick up your baby?
- No, you can't.
312
00:15:16,709 --> 00:15:18,544
I really missed you.
313
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:21,797
I...
314
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,842
- I know.
- Hey, honey.
315
00:15:28,846 --> 00:15:29,888
Oh.
316
00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:32,433
- Hi.
- Hey.
317
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,435
- Hi.
- Hey.
318
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:36,729
This is Jessa.
319
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,859
- Jessa from...
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
320
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:46,113
- Do I have to pretend that...
- That she's dead?
321
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,532
No, I kinda get the sense she's alive.
322
00:15:48,616 --> 00:15:49,950
Okay, good, 'cause for a second
323
00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:52,202
I thought I had to pretend
that she was a ghost,
324
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:55,873
and I don't know if I would have been
able to pull that off.
325
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:59,376
I'm gonna grab some OJ.
326
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:02,254
It's nice to meet you, Jessa.
327
00:16:05,716 --> 00:16:07,468
Looks like you've got it all figured out,
328
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:10,346
with your brownstone and your baby
329
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:12,681
and your cool-looking husband.
330
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,851
Don't call me when your life's in shambles.
331
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:16,977
I won't.
332
00:16:17,061 --> 00:16:20,230
None of this is gonna work out for you,
by the way.
333
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:27,696
Here is your tricolore,
and here's your...
334
00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:29,156
Thing.
335
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:32,076
- Thanks, can I just get a small...
- Yeah, one second.
336
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,995
What I am is what I am
337
00:16:35,079 --> 00:16:37,665
Are you what you are or what?
338
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:40,501
What I am is what I am
339
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,544
Are you what you are or...
340
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:45,839
- Look at that.
- Oh, I'm so excited.
341
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:47,341
Knock, knock.
342
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,926
Hey, Marn.
343
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:53,430
What's up?
I was just showing Herm your music.
344
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:55,265
You were showing him my music fail?
345
00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:57,518
- Is that what you guys were doing?
- Uh, I think it's great.
346
00:16:57,601 --> 00:17:00,521
You actually have a better understanding
of that song than Edie Brickell did.
347
00:17:00,604 --> 00:17:02,648
- Oh, fuck you, Hermie.
- Hey, come on.
348
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,483
Why would you show
him this video, Ray?
349
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:07,486
Because it's, you know, a bold and pioneering
350
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,363
form of self-expression.
351
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,824
Brickell sang it with, like, a playful vibe,
352
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,076
but it's actually much more severe.
353
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,037
It's about knowing... What you are.
354
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,789
Right, right.
355
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,457
And about me knowing what I am
356
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:22,543
and asking if you are what you are.
357
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:23,961
Or what?
358
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,713
That's so cute, you two.
359
00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,005
That's not even fucking original.
360
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,716
You don't think I've heard that
in the last couple weeks?
361
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:30,718
- Marnie, come on.
- No, seriously.
362
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,302
You think my life is so funny.
363
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:33,971
Like, "Oh, let's make fun of the girl
364
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,223
"who took a risk and put herself
out there creatively."
365
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,726
Which, by the way, is not something
either of you have to worry about
366
00:17:38,809 --> 00:17:41,353
because no one wants to see you
and you can't do anything.
367
00:17:41,437 --> 00:17:43,605
Okay, Marnie, maybe you should take
the rest of the day off.
368
00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:45,691
Maybe you should take the rest of the day off.
369
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,401
Do you even want to work here anymore?
370
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,278
Of course I don't want to work here.
371
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:53,240
This place fucking sucks.
No one wants to work here.
372
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,616
Okay.
373
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:57,286
All right, well, I guess that settles it, then.
374
00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,829
- Great.
- Great.
375
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,664
- Thank you.
- Fantastic. You're welcome.
376
00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:02,541
Consider this a community service.
377
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:06,545
I am so done. Do you know what kind of work
I am qualified to do out in the world?
378
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:08,046
No idea whatsoever.
379
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,007
- The kind of people that want me?
- Why don't you clue us in?
380
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,717
We don't have the faintest clue.
381
00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:13,969
Fancy people wanna work with me,
382
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,889
so I'm gonna give them that pleasure
and I'm gonna go work with them.
383
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:18,640
So fuck you both, have a nice day,
384
00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,058
enjoy the rest of the video.
385
00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:22,352
Hey, Marn?
386
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,730
Wait! Marnie!
387
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,487
What just happened?
388
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,325
Aah!
389
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:01,892
Oh!
390
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,311
Whoo!
391
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,905
Very sorry about that.
392
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,584
You know, medication did make me feel less.
393
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,170
- It did?
- Yeah.
394
00:19:30,254 --> 00:19:32,673
See, that's really not good for a writer.
395
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,175
Yeah, but it's really good for a person.
396
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,010
It's too exhausting feeling all that.
397
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:39,805
I mean, God, I would wake up happy,
398
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,807
eat breakfast despondent,
399
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:44,059
wonder about eternity on the walk to work,
400
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,811
and then feel comfortably numb for hours.
401
00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:48,188
It's just too much, the roller coaster of it all.
402
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:49,940
I wanted to die.
403
00:19:50,941 --> 00:19:53,777
See, when I was doing so badly,
I couldn't see outside myself,
404
00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:56,738
and now I can, but I don't even know
if it's any better
405
00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:58,699
'cause Adam's gonna figure out
what I'm actually like
406
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,617
and there's no way he's gonna like it
407
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:02,452
because he has such a depth of feeling,
408
00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:04,329
and no one can even rival that.
409
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:05,831
I definitely can't,
410
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:08,375
and soon he's gonna
get bored and feel stifled
411
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:12,170
by being with someone who can't match
his strength of emotion.
412
00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:18,552
Did Adam ever tell you about Margaret?
413
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:21,972
Mmm-mmm. Is she an ex?
'Cause I don't care about that stuff.
414
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:25,809
- I just don't even ask.
- No, she was our cousin.
415
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:29,062
But she died when she was 12.
416
00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:31,523
Muscular dystrophy.
417
00:20:31,607 --> 00:20:33,817
That's awful. I'm so sorry.
418
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:37,404
It was really awful, but from the time
she was five years old,
419
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:40,824
he started going over there every single day,
420
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:43,076
and he would sit there in the living room
421
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,706
next to her hospital bed holding her hand,
playing with her.
422
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:50,417
He did anything she asked.
423
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,712
He would dance like a princess for hours
if she wanted him to,
424
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:57,049
which, you can imagine,
he was really good at that.
425
00:20:57,132 --> 00:21:01,386
But all she wanted to do,
really, before she died,
426
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:04,222
was go to a real high school dance, you know.
427
00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,309
So, Adam, his senior year,
428
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:10,646
told his girlfriend that he wasn't gonna
take her to the dance,
429
00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:13,482
and instead he went out
and he spent all of his savings
430
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,651
from working at the supermarket.
431
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:19,363
He bought Margaret this beautiful,
432
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:22,574
teeny-tiny little dress
433
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:25,327
and he wheeled her onto that dance floor,
434
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:29,456
lifted her into his arms
for the final sweeping song.
435
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:32,084
When she died the following week,
436
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:37,714
she was clutching the wilted corsage
he had given her in one hand
437
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:40,926
while holding his in the other.
438
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:44,304
That sucks.
439
00:21:44,388 --> 00:21:47,432
It's a rough one, but I really thought
you should know.
440
00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:51,311
Wait, so was it a tiny dress because
she was, like, tiny from the disease,
441
00:21:51,395 --> 00:21:52,437
or was it like a...
442
00:21:52,521 --> 00:21:54,147
Oh, my God.
443
00:21:54,231 --> 00:21:56,149
Oh, my God. What?
444
00:21:56,233 --> 00:21:58,819
I just didn't know if the disease
had made her really tiny.
445
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:04,491
Oh, my God.
446
00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:07,494
You know what? Now it makes sense
why Adam's being so irrational.
447
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,745
This puts it all into perspective.
448
00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,914
No, it doesn't, because I made it up!
449
00:22:10,998 --> 00:22:12,332
What?
450
00:22:12,416 --> 00:22:14,501
- Yes, I made it up...
- What?
451
00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,670
...and you didn't even shed a tear.
452
00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:19,798
Your little brow didn't even furrow.
453
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:21,508
That's so fucked up!
454
00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:24,302
- "That is so fucked up"?
- Are you serious?
455
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:25,846
What is wrong with you?
456
00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:27,597
What's wrong with you?
Nothing's wrong with me.
457
00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:29,725
Oh, my God.
458
00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:35,188
It's cool, man. I like you.
459
00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:39,985
Laird, it's fake. It's not real.
460
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:43,822
Just 'cause it's fake
doesn't mean I don't feel it.
461
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:33,038
Hey.
462
00:23:33,121 --> 00:23:34,623
Hey.
463
00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:54,684
I don't know how you're feeling now,
but I think that I was just shocked...
464
00:23:56,728 --> 00:24:00,690
About how random, uh, life can be...
465
00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:04,152
And how, um...
466
00:24:05,529 --> 00:24:09,449
One day you can just be
walking around talking,
467
00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:12,786
using your gay phone app,
468
00:24:12,869 --> 00:24:15,122
and then the next, you're, you know,
facedown in a river,
469
00:24:15,205 --> 00:24:17,666
and no one has a good explanation for what...
470
00:24:19,126 --> 00:24:22,879
It always takes me a little while
to process my emotions.
471
00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:28,426
And I don't...
472
00:24:31,263 --> 00:24:34,057
I really liked David.
473
00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:40,480
I really felt connected to him
474
00:24:40,564 --> 00:24:43,108
and very grateful about how supportive
he had been with me,
475
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,902
and it's just hard to realize that my...
476
00:24:46,444 --> 00:24:50,282
Champion... Is gone.
477
00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:54,911
I feel like...
478
00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:06,381
I think I should tell you about Margaret.
479
00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:11,303
She was my cousin, and she died.
480
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:17,726
When she was 12, I was 17,
she had muscular dystrophy,
481
00:25:17,809 --> 00:25:20,437
which she had always had
since she was born.
482
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:27,027
We lived next door to each other,
so we spent a lot of time together...
483
00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:30,780
Just playing and talking.
484
00:25:31,865 --> 00:25:33,491
You know, everyone always knew
that she was gonna die,
485
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:35,869
and also she always knew
that she was gonna die,
486
00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:38,455
so, imagine living your life that way
487
00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:40,749
from the time that you're born.
488
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,920
Knowing that you're not
gonna get to do anything
489
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:48,632
that anybody else gets to do.
490
00:25:50,050 --> 00:25:53,762
And all that she wanted
was to go to a senior prom.
491
00:25:55,222 --> 00:25:57,307
So I took her to mine.
492
00:25:58,475 --> 00:26:01,228
She looked so cute in this little dress...
This little...