1 00:00:07,384 --> 00:00:10,470 Oh, my God, he really knew so many people. 2 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:14,057 It's just crazy that you don't know the depth of someone's power until their funeral. 3 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,601 It's so sad. 4 00:00:17,227 --> 00:00:20,605 Oh, my God. I think I see Zadie Smith. 5 00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:24,442 - That is definitely her. - All right, calm down, kid. It's a funeral. 6 00:00:29,698 --> 00:00:32,867 Who do you know here? 7 00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:34,285 Uh... 8 00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:36,913 That's David's assistant, Bob. 9 00:00:37,706 --> 00:00:38,790 Please help yourself. 10 00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:46,965 I can't believe it. 11 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,759 It's just so nice of you all to come here. 12 00:00:49,968 --> 00:00:51,094 It really means everything to me. 13 00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,138 - Hi, Bob. - Oh. 14 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,641 - I'm so sorry for your loss. - Hi, Hannah. Thank you. 15 00:00:56,975 --> 00:00:58,309 Bob. 16 00:00:58,393 --> 00:01:01,896 Bob. Sweet, sweet Bob. 17 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:03,982 What would I do without you? 18 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:06,901 Hi, I'm Adam. 19 00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:09,696 - Oh. Hi, Adam. - Hi. 20 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,281 - Hi. - This is Hannah. 21 00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:13,408 - Hannah, hi. - A pleasure to make your acquaintance. 22 00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:14,909 I'm Annaliese. 23 00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:17,495 You haven't met. This is David's wife. 24 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:22,375 Oh, you're... You're David's wife, yes. 25 00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:25,712 - So, you two, um, lived together... - Yes. 26 00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:29,090 ...romantically as well as maritally. 27 00:01:29,174 --> 00:01:31,926 I'm sorry, I... How did you know my husband? 28 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,763 - This one. - Ah, yes, I was writing my memoir for him. 29 00:01:34,846 --> 00:01:36,055 Okay. 30 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,266 Oh. 31 00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:42,645 Oh, my gosh. Oh, I know exactly who you are. 32 00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:46,399 David spoke about you all the time. 33 00:01:46,483 --> 00:01:48,234 - He did? - He did. 34 00:01:48,318 --> 00:01:52,238 Oh, gosh, he loved you. He really loved you so much. 35 00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:56,117 You know, he always would tell me about this amazing girl that I needed to meet 36 00:01:56,201 --> 00:01:59,454 who had overcome such obstacles. 37 00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:02,457 And now, finally, I am meeting you. 38 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:05,460 Thank you. Well, my OCD is very much in check now... 39 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:07,420 But the Tourette's and the obesity... 40 00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:09,672 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That was Paige. 41 00:02:09,756 --> 00:02:11,966 - What? - That wasn't Hannah. That was Paige. 42 00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:13,343 - Not Hannah. - Oh. 43 00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:16,638 - Obesity? - Um... No, no, no. 44 00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,807 - I don't have Tourette's. - I'm so sorry. 45 00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:21,059 - I don't know about obesity... - If everyone could take their seats. 46 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:22,977 I've always thought I was more chubby than obese. 47 00:02:23,061 --> 00:02:25,814 No, no, no, overcame. It's my... I'm so sorry. 48 00:02:25,897 --> 00:02:27,148 - It's nice meeting you. - No, please. 49 00:02:27,232 --> 00:02:29,108 - It's very nice to... Bob, where are we headed? - Thank you. 50 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,693 Where are we seated? 51 00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:39,911 I thought you said he was gay. 52 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,579 Well, I don't know now. 53 00:02:41,663 --> 00:02:44,791 He had gay apps on his iPhone and he liked to show his ankles, 54 00:02:44,874 --> 00:02:48,044 but what does that even mean in this day and age? 55 00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:50,588 Hello, everyone. I am Father Tudor Snowdon. 56 00:02:50,922 --> 00:02:55,093 Today, we celebrate the life of David Pressler-Goings. 57 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:04,102 Can we go now, please? 58 00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:07,021 I'm not leaving until I have locked eyes with Michiko Kakutani. 59 00:03:07,105 --> 00:03:08,314 I told you that. 60 00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:11,568 - I'm gonna wait outside. - Okay. 61 00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:15,905 Hi again. 62 00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:17,115 Oh. 63 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,449 Hi. 64 00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:19,701 - Hannah. - Right. 65 00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:21,828 - Not Paige, Hannah. - I know. 66 00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,955 - I know, I'm sorry. - No, don't be. 67 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,708 I was surprised that David had such a beautiful... 68 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:29,711 Just stunningly... 69 00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:31,713 You thought he was gay. 70 00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:33,965 - Uh, no. - Yes, you did. 71 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,175 - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did. It's okay, it's okay. 72 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,052 - I didn't. I thought he was straight. - It's okay. 73 00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:40,430 I thought he was straight. I thought he wanted to sleep with me. 74 00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:43,141 - Really, I know you... - I wouldn't have slept with him, but... 75 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:46,853 A lot of people think it. A lot of people think he was gay. 76 00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:48,563 Well, he acted gay. 77 00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:53,192 - And, you know, he was sometimes. - Okay. 78 00:03:53,318 --> 00:03:55,278 I loved working with your husband. 79 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:58,156 - David was wonderful. - Oh, I bet. 80 00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,116 I mean, I know. 81 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,284 Um... 82 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:05,413 I'm working on a book with David, too. I was. Was. 83 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,915 I really hope you finish the book, 84 00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:08,791 and I really, really hope I get to read it someday. 85 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,418 Thank you. Yeah, I don't know. 86 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,755 I mean, now that Millstreet has dropped all of David's projects, 87 00:04:13,838 --> 00:04:15,423 I just... 88 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,800 I'd have to find a new publisher, so, you know, we'll see... 89 00:04:17,884 --> 00:04:20,345 Wait, you said Millstreet's dropped all of David's projects? 90 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,722 Yeah. Oh, shit. Shit. 91 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,766 There's David's mom. She's so devastated. 92 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,018 - Have you seen Pepper? Did you meet her? - No, I didn't, no. 93 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,811 - She's devastated and I should... - You were saying that... 94 00:04:28,895 --> 00:04:31,022 You were saying that Millstreet's dropped all of David's projects? 95 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,274 Right, that's right. For now, yeah. 96 00:04:33,358 --> 00:04:35,068 So, my book is dead? 97 00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:37,862 Um... 98 00:04:37,946 --> 00:04:42,617 Do you happen to know another publisher that I could maybe slip the manuscript to 99 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:47,538 if I do decide that I really want to try to keep it alive? 100 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:56,631 Okay, um, if I do give you another name, will you get the fuck out of here? 101 00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,551 Yes. 102 00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:04,180 Great. Great, I'll be back. 103 00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,683 Honestly, I just... 104 00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,560 I loved your husband. 105 00:05:10,061 --> 00:05:11,562 You know the person who gave me this 106 00:05:11,646 --> 00:05:14,565 told me that it used to belong to Edna St. Vincent Millay. 107 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,569 But who can ever know if that's true? 108 00:05:18,695 --> 00:05:21,531 Can you believe that my friend told me that she died 109 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:23,074 so that she didn't have to hang out with me? 110 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,618 Yeah, I know, I totally get that. 111 00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:26,869 Excuse me? 112 00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:29,038 Okay, look, I know that we, like, technically live together, 113 00:05:29,122 --> 00:05:31,332 but this is still very much my private home, 114 00:05:31,416 --> 00:05:35,086 and it just is slightly worrisome to me that all you do all day long 115 00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:37,046 is sit around and watch the Forensic Files. 116 00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:38,464 And I have kept my mouth shut until now, 117 00:05:38,548 --> 00:05:40,967 but I literally cannot keep my mouth shut any longer 118 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,845 because I really need to study. 119 00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:47,015 - Since when? - Since forever! 120 00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:49,767 Plus, my recent hijinks have really taken a toll on my GPA. 121 00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:53,688 But I thought this was your time to go wild 122 00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:56,482 before you become an international business lady. 123 00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,693 Yeah, exactly, so it's really important to my 15-year plan 124 00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:00,319 that I get into a good business school 125 00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:02,363 because I don't want to become like all my friends and family, 126 00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,699 yourself included, no offense. 127 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,659 What happens after the 15-year plan? 128 00:06:06,743 --> 00:06:09,120 It would be, like, insane to think about that. 129 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:11,873 Oh, yes. 130 00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:13,124 ...so difficult to even nourish myself. 131 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,001 Yes, I could definitely come in tomorrow. 132 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,878 ...conditioner later and then it's deodorant. 133 00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:18,796 Why? Why? Why are you inherently disinclined 134 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,131 to support me in any way? 135 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,799 - You're living in my house. - Oh, God! 136 00:06:21,883 --> 00:06:26,095 Thank you so much. I will see you then. I really appreciate it. 137 00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:27,597 Why should I give you anything? 138 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,058 Oh, right, God forbid. God forbid we assist one another, right? 139 00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:31,642 - Simply because we share the same blood. - Guys... 140 00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:33,936 Forget about the fact that I spent my formative years raising you 141 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:36,856 - because Verna had absolutely no interest. - No, I never asked you for anything. 142 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,316 - No one ever asked you for anything. - Oh, please. 143 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,817 You can't be bothered to do anything for anybody. 144 00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,903 You need so much from everyone all the time... 145 00:06:43,613 --> 00:06:46,949 Oh, my God. Seriously. 146 00:06:47,325 --> 00:06:50,119 Seriously, it's already been a very long day for me, 147 00:06:50,203 --> 00:06:53,748 and what I need is a peaceful house where people are centered. 148 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:54,916 See what you're doing, Caroline? 149 00:06:54,999 --> 00:06:57,502 You're upsetting Hannah when she just found out her book is dead. 150 00:06:57,627 --> 00:06:59,587 I actually just found out I have a very exciting meeting 151 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,881 with a publisher who I think is pretty interested. 152 00:07:02,173 --> 00:07:03,591 I was just trying to make myself a meal. 153 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,510 - Just feeding myself... - With my last eggs. 154 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:09,263 Guys, I cannot take this anymore, okay? 155 00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:12,100 - We have to work this out. - There is no working this out. 156 00:07:12,517 --> 00:07:14,602 Okay, I've watched enough Dr. Phils and Interventions 157 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,396 to know you can work anything out if you talk about it. 158 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,606 I would love to. 159 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:21,192 Thank you, Caroline. I appreciate that. 160 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:25,613 Adam? Will you join us at the listening table? 161 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:29,200 Please? 162 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,203 Come on. 163 00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:33,955 Thank you. 164 00:07:36,207 --> 00:07:38,751 Okay, I think we should all start 165 00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:42,088 by acknowledging that we all really care about each other. 166 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,048 So, Caroline, tell me you love me. 167 00:07:44,382 --> 00:07:45,967 Hannah, I love you. 168 00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,678 I love you, too. Adam, you tell me you love me. 169 00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:50,763 Why are we telling you we love you? 170 00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:55,268 Okay, so then why don't you both just tell each other that you love each other? 171 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,145 - Adam, I love you. - This is dumb. 172 00:07:57,228 --> 00:07:59,021 Okay, emotions are running high right now, 173 00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:02,441 and I think it's really important that we avoid using inflammatory language. 174 00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:06,821 Words like "dumb," words like "skank," "fatty." 175 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,657 Let's just acknowledge that we're here for each other 176 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,242 and make this a safe space. 177 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:12,952 So, Adam, why don't you just begin 178 00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,663 by telling Caroline what some of your issues are with her 179 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,582 in a very calm, rational way? 180 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:25,173 I feel like she's an evil person 181 00:08:25,256 --> 00:08:27,884 who pukes on everything, metaphorically. 182 00:08:29,302 --> 00:08:32,180 Okay, maybe perhaps you could elaborate on that... 183 00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,098 - Jeez. - ...and be a little bit more specific 184 00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:36,017 with some of your issues with me. 185 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,353 Okay, specifically, you don't know what you want to do with your life. 186 00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:44,817 You have no drive, no real goals, but somehow tons of opinions. 187 00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,987 Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting. 188 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,697 Why is that interesting seven times? 189 00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:53,951 I just have to say that sounds a lot like you. 190 00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:55,119 Whose side are you on? 191 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:58,164 She's not on anyone's side. She's the Dr. Phil. 192 00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,957 Well, it's easy to say when she's on your side. 193 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,542 I'm not on anyone's side. 194 00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:03,169 I'm not on anyone's side. 195 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,712 I'm on your side. 196 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:08,507 If I had to pick a side, it would be your side. This is something I'm doing for us. 197 00:09:08,883 --> 00:09:10,301 Why are you whispering? She can hear you. 198 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,470 I can hear you. I'm sitting right here. 199 00:09:14,305 --> 00:09:15,598 What is that? 200 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,893 This is a space cigarette, invented by Stephen Dorff. 201 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,979 It's just water vapor and nicotine and good things like that, you know? 202 00:09:22,897 --> 00:09:25,691 I'm really on a mission to improve myself. 203 00:09:25,775 --> 00:09:27,860 Okay, if you're serious about improving yourself, 204 00:09:27,944 --> 00:09:30,196 you need to do more than just, like, smoke Dorff cigarettes. 205 00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,740 You need to grocery shop and condition your hair, 206 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:34,700 even though I know it does so well with natural oils. 207 00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,077 I'm gonna get that job. 208 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,371 Are you sure that's the kind of job you should be having? 209 00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:40,706 Like, being near things that children are near? 210 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:44,126 Yeah, I want something with a touch of innocence. 211 00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:48,881 You have a criminal record! 212 00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:52,718 No, I'm not like you. I'm not a different person every other week. 213 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,637 - Oh, really? - You're hearing each other. 214 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,472 - Let's keep doing that. - Really? What is it? 215 00:09:56,555 --> 00:10:00,101 Okay, it was an actor last week. What was it before that, a woodworker, huh? 216 00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,686 And the last time I saw you, you were, what? 217 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,188 You were gonna go join the special armed forces, G.I. Joe? 218 00:10:04,272 --> 00:10:05,773 - Those are professions. - That's crazy. 219 00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,901 I remain the same, whereas you move to Montana, 220 00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:12,154 put on a phony accent, and claim to be a midwife or some shit. 221 00:10:12,238 --> 00:10:13,990 It was a doula. 222 00:10:14,073 --> 00:10:16,450 You know what, guys? Let's just take a breath, okay? 223 00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:20,955 Adam, we have given you a chance to express what some of your issues with Caroline are. 224 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,374 So, why don't we now take a moment to hear Caroline? 225 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:25,793 You are doing really good. 226 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,212 Thank you. I feel good about it, but it's too soon to say. 227 00:10:28,296 --> 00:10:31,215 Okay, first I want to say, Adam, that I love you very much. 228 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,969 However, it really upsets me 229 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:38,639 that he thinks of me as this insane, dependent nightmare, 230 00:10:38,723 --> 00:10:42,476 because he knows how hard I have been trying to get my stuff together. 231 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,895 Things fell apart because of bad luck and you're the victim again, 232 00:10:44,979 --> 00:10:47,523 - but next year will be your year... - Yes, yes, I am cursed with bad luck. 233 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,275 - I am sorry that that upsets you so much. - Over and over. 234 00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:53,154 Just get a normal job and an apartment like everybody else and stop bloodsucking. 235 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,489 - He's been angry like this always at me. - It's okay. 236 00:10:55,573 --> 00:10:57,783 Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. 237 00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:05,750 I think it is possibly because he is internally battling a sexual desire for me. 238 00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:08,294 Holy dogshit! 239 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,713 That's a weird one. That's a weird one for me. 240 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:13,966 I'm sorry, guys. It doesn't take a psychiatrist 241 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:18,596 to correlate Adam's romantic interest in you with a repressed fantasy toward me. 242 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,265 - I don't want to fuck my sister. - No one is saying you do. 243 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:22,641 Caroline just did. 244 00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:25,686 That is true, and, Caroline, that goes in the category of things 245 00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,980 we should never say out loud ever, no matter what. 246 00:11:28,064 --> 00:11:29,065 This is what she does. 247 00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:30,608 She finds a way to drive a wedge between people 248 00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,276 so everybody ends up just as unhappy as she is. 249 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,819 I know, I know. I don't want a wedge between us. 250 00:11:33,903 --> 00:11:35,363 - She's sick in the brain. - You're sick! 251 00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:37,531 You're sick in the brain! You're sick... 252 00:11:37,615 --> 00:11:39,033 Stop it, you guys! 253 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:40,951 Please stop! 254 00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:44,080 - Please! Hey! Hey! - Ha-ha. 255 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,416 Hey, T.O.! You're nuts! 256 00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:52,963 I do not understand why you can't be a little bit better to each other. 257 00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:57,968 Being an only child is extremely lonely. All I wanted as a kid was a sibling. 258 00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:02,139 Caroline, come on, you don't think your brother wants to have sex with you. 259 00:12:02,223 --> 00:12:04,308 No, not in a physical way, no. 260 00:12:04,642 --> 00:12:07,686 See, it was all a big misunderstanding, all right? 261 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:10,815 So, can't you just tell your sister you love her? 262 00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:15,403 Yeah, I do. Whatever. 263 00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:18,114 Feliz cumpleaños. Great! 264 00:12:18,364 --> 00:12:20,241 Okay, you just make me crazy. 265 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,328 I know I do. 266 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,831 I'm sorry. 267 00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:29,333 Sorry I yelled at you. 268 00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:33,421 Hold on one second, guys. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna put this on silent... 269 00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:36,882 Okay, I'm sorry, I have to take this. Marn, I can't talk right now. 270 00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:39,385 So, I went out this morning to get a muffin, 271 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:43,097 and I saw this teenager giving away kittens from his backpack. 272 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:46,851 And so, I took the cutest one. You have to come over and see it. 273 00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,145 Uh, I'm sorry. I really... I can't. 274 00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:51,188 You never can, Hannah. Why? 275 00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:53,941 Well, I'm sorry. We're having a very real moment over here. 276 00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:58,195 Fine, don't come see the cutest thing that's ever lived. Good-bye. 277 00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:02,992 You're my best friend. 278 00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:25,181 - Hannah. - Hi. 279 00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:27,266 I had Mo read a couple of chapters last night and he loved them. 280 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,976 - Loved them. - That's what I said. 281 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:32,354 So, I read a bit this morning and I get you, Hannah Horvath. 282 00:13:32,438 --> 00:13:33,898 - And I like you. - I knew she would. 283 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:35,983 Thank you so much. 284 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,985 You're like a Mindy Kaling meets... 285 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,571 - Joan Didion. - No, Mo. 286 00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:43,782 - I love Mindy Kaling. She's terrific. - Right, but she holds back. 287 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,410 She'll go there, but she doesn't go all the way there, 288 00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:47,745 you know what I mean? 289 00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:50,998 I definitely do. She just never... She never takes it there. 290 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:54,293 You take it there and then you take it even further, 291 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:58,088 and I'm just like, "Whoa! How the fuck did we get here?" 292 00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:02,218 Mindy Kaling's not writing about choking on long balls, so... 293 00:14:02,301 --> 00:14:03,511 Well, neither am I. 294 00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:04,762 You wish, Mo. 295 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,847 Anyway, the book obviously needs some work. 296 00:14:06,931 --> 00:14:09,725 It's not as tight as it can be, but I really think we can get it there. 297 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,520 So, who is Hannah Horvath? 298 00:14:13,229 --> 00:14:16,190 I am... I write my own books and I'm not a... 299 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:19,318 Right, no, but beyond these pages. I want to know more. Who are we selling? 300 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,653 How would you describe yourself? 301 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,279 What's your brand? 302 00:14:22,363 --> 00:14:24,281 - Good question, Mo. - Thank you. 303 00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:26,992 Okay, let's see. My brand. 304 00:14:27,076 --> 00:14:28,536 Well, I'm from the Midwest, 305 00:14:28,619 --> 00:14:31,705 so, I will always be 15 to 45 pounds overweight, 306 00:14:31,789 --> 00:14:33,207 depending how far I live from the coast. 307 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,378 The farther I am from the coast, the fatter I am. 308 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,132 So, I guess my brand is Tombstone pizza. 309 00:14:44,969 --> 00:14:46,136 Uh... 310 00:14:46,679 --> 00:14:48,847 Uh, let's see. I... 311 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:52,059 I feel like I'm a person who just, like, can't keep my mouth shut. 312 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,603 There's things that you only talk about with your friends. 313 00:14:54,687 --> 00:14:56,522 Those things I'll talk about with anyone. 314 00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,315 - I don't believe in secrets. - Right, TMI all the time. 315 00:14:58,399 --> 00:14:59,942 You're like Kathy Griffin on truth serum. 316 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,694 Well, I don't know. Kathy Griffin's not exactly... 317 00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:03,404 What the fuck is truth serum, Mo? 318 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,575 Well, I'm sold, but here's the thing about our company. 319 00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:08,826 We don't do e-books. 320 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,161 Well, maybe you should start. 321 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:15,082 Nope, so we'd want to put it out as an actual book. 322 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,835 That you can hold, buy in a store, that kind of thing. 323 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,336 I hope that's okay with you. 324 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:24,925 Are you kidding me? I mean, that's the best thing I've ever heard. 325 00:15:25,009 --> 00:15:28,679 I just said yes to an e-book because it was better than, like, a "no book." 326 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,812 - That's exciting. - Sorry. 327 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,025 You guys laugh too much. I don't even care. 328 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,698 I'm sorry. That's so good. 329 00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:53,037 - Okay, Mo. - I'm so... I'm sorry. 330 00:15:58,626 --> 00:16:00,002 Hey, what's up? 331 00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:02,963 Hey. What are you wearing? 332 00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:06,091 - I'm heading to play ball. - You play basketball? 333 00:16:06,175 --> 00:16:08,677 Yeah, what do you think I do? 334 00:16:08,761 --> 00:16:13,641 I don't know, read, eat soup, write letters of complaint to local businesses? 335 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,893 - Won't you come in? - Wow. 336 00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:18,062 Ray, this place is huge. 337 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:21,982 Yeah, well, it's not exactly Versailles, but it works for me. 338 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:24,735 Yeah, it's not half as bad as Hannah said it was. 339 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,363 No, it was. Believe me, it was a real house of horrors. 340 00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,656 Yeah. 341 00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:31,241 I'm surprised you live in such a nice place. No offense. 342 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,868 I could never live all the way out here, though. 343 00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:35,829 Once you go to Manhattan, it's hard to go back to Brooklyn. 344 00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:37,873 Well, sounds like you know what you're doing to me. 345 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:40,751 - Totally, thank you. - Yeah. 346 00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,045 Oh. 347 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,838 - So... - Yeah? 348 00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:48,258 I'm on pins and needles here, Marn. What did you want to talk about? 349 00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:53,555 Yeah, so I guess I just wanted you to... 350 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:58,227 God, I don't really know how to say this. 351 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,231 I wanted you to tell me what's wrong with me. 352 00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:05,901 - What's wrong with you? - Yes. 353 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,486 It just feels like it's time for me 354 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:11,115 to take responsibility for what has happened in my life, 355 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:15,244 and you are someone who likes to tell people what's wrong with them anyway, 356 00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,870 so, shoot. 357 00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:22,209 - I'm smelling a trap here. - No, it is not a trap. 358 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,420 Seriously, this is what I need. 359 00:17:24,503 --> 00:17:28,966 From you, specifically, please. So, just give it to me. 360 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,136 - Please. - Okay. 361 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,804 - Okay. - All right. 362 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,932 - You ready for this? - Yes, I am a strong woman. 363 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,893 All right, let's see here. Hmm. 364 00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:43,564 Well, for beginners, you're extremely judgmental. 365 00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,066 What? 366 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:49,236 Yeah, you came in here and immediately insulted me and my neighborhood. 367 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,738 Those were funny jokes. 368 00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:52,698 - Were they? Were they funny jokes, Marn? - Well... 369 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,700 You come across like you're better than everyone 370 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,703 and you want no part of their lives, and then when you're excluded from things, 371 00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,748 you're outrageously offended and hold onto this grudge. 372 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,875 Also you're unbearably uptight. 373 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:06,754 Okay, who isn't uptight, really? If we're being serious. 374 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,632 And you use people. 375 00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:11,967 - No. - You use people a lot. 376 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,594 - No. - Yeah, you do. 377 00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,971 So much so that even when you try to connect and be sincere, 378 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,806 it comes across as phony. 379 00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:20,267 I think that actually more or less sums it up in a nutshell. 380 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,603 You're a huge, fat fucking phony. 381 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,441 Wow. 382 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,778 Okay, yeah, thanks. 383 00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:33,655 I'm super glad I came here. That was great. 384 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,199 Yeah. 385 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,700 Fuck. 386 00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:44,291 But, that being said, I still like you. 387 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,752 Why? 388 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:51,465 Because behind it all, I think you mean well. 389 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:54,802 And I'm old enough to recognize that all of this bullshit 390 00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:58,472 comes from a very deep, dank, dark, toxic well of insecurity, 391 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,474 probably created by your absent father. 392 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,768 And that allows you to be a sympathetic character. 393 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,063 That's nice. 394 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:09,858 Look... 395 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,862 You are, ultimately, a good person, Marnie. 396 00:19:13,946 --> 00:19:16,448 Okay? I believe that. 397 00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,159 Thank you. 398 00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:23,038 You're welcome. You want a hug? 399 00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:26,667 Come on. Give me a hug. 400 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:35,509 Maybe I went a little too far. I'm sorry. 401 00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:37,094 It's okay. 402 00:19:56,947 --> 00:20:00,868 Take these off. Take these off. Take them down. 403 00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:03,287 Oh, fuck, how many pairs of underwear do you wear? 404 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,712 - Hi, Dad. - Hi, hi, honey. 405 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,380 What's going on? 406 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:17,551 Nothing, just taking the day off to soak up some rays. 407 00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:20,929 Well, also, I had a small procedure. Nothing to worry about. Are you... 408 00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:25,726 Okay, I just met with a publisher and they want to give me a real book deal. 409 00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:30,480 Not a stupid, pathetic, shitty e-book deal, a real book deal. 410 00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:34,860 Well, that is... That's great, love bug. 411 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:37,237 Are you okay? Why aren't you more excited? 412 00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:40,991 Well, to be honest, you know, I just got off the phone with Cousin Rudy, 413 00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:45,579 and he looked at that contract like you wanted him to, 414 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,415 and it seems that your old publishers 415 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:51,168 own the rights to your book since they paid you. 416 00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,420 No, they were very, very clear about the fact 417 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,255 that they're definitely not publishing the book. 418 00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:57,507 Well, Rudy called and spoke with someone over at the Millstreet, 419 00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:59,593 and apparently they don't release the rights 420 00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:02,846 on any of the books they acquire for, like, three years. 421 00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:06,141 Dad, that's insane. You're not making any sense, okay? 422 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,560 You're, like, loopy from your procedure or whatever. 423 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:12,272 - Small mole on my... - Plus, Rudy is not even a real lawyer, okay? 424 00:21:12,356 --> 00:21:15,275 He's like a Subway sandwiches franchise lawyer. 425 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,361 Now, let's not go and insult Cousin Rudy. 426 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:21,490 - He took the time to... - Rudy represents sandwiches, not art, okay? 427 00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:24,576 If a pepperoni sub is ever suing a tuna salad sandwich, 428 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:26,578 let's call Cousin Rudy. 429 00:21:26,662 --> 00:21:30,666 Well, I think you should call Cousin Rudy and talk all this over with him. 430 00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,250 And it sounds like, in three years, 431 00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:33,961 you'll be able to do whatever you want with that book. 432 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:38,590 Three years? Three years might as well be a million years. 433 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,051 Well, we tried three years for you. 434 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,679 Well, you're insane and I have to go. 435 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:01,238 I should really get going. I have this lunch thing. 436 00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,823 Yeah, I should get going, too. 437 00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:08,036 I run point... Point guard on the court, so I don't want to keep the fellas waiting. 438 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,288 Mmm-mmm. You can't do that. 439 00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:12,416 - No. - No. 440 00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,334 Should I wait for you? 441 00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:18,171 No, you go ahead. No, I'll wait here. You go, so... 442 00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:19,381 Hey, um, 443 00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:23,677 thanks for talking to me. 444 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,388 That was really helpful when you talked to me. 445 00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:29,808 Yeah, yeah. Of course. I'm glad it was helpful. 446 00:22:30,726 --> 00:22:32,477 Nice to know I could be of service. 447 00:22:36,273 --> 00:22:38,191 Okay, so... 448 00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:42,821 Yeah, so, be safe and stay warm. 449 00:22:42,904 --> 00:22:46,867 You know, maybe for the time being, it might be best to keep this on the DL, 450 00:22:46,950 --> 00:22:50,370 the down low, you know? 451 00:22:50,454 --> 00:22:53,790 Go fuck yourself. Like I'd advertise this. 452 00:22:57,669 --> 00:22:59,004 Okay. 453 00:23:03,759 --> 00:23:07,012 "Miss Horvath, pursuant to our agreement of July 18th, 2012, 454 00:23:07,095 --> 00:23:09,639 "the exclusive rights to your e-book are nontransferable 455 00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:11,683 "and remain the property of Millstreet Press 456 00:23:11,767 --> 00:23:14,728 "and all relevant subsidiary divisions for three years, 457 00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:17,355 "effective the date of signing." 458 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,692 I am so sorry. You poor thing. 459 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:24,237 This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 460 00:23:24,321 --> 00:23:26,073 Listen. Listen to me. 461 00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:30,619 You wrote all of those wonderful stories and now you know you can do it. 462 00:23:30,702 --> 00:23:34,331 You just have to write a whole new bunch of wonderful stories, that's all. 463 00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:36,708 Ugh! 464 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:41,129 "A whole new bunch of wonderful stories"? My whole life was in that book. 465 00:23:41,213 --> 00:23:44,758 Everything that's ever happened to me, okay? The hand job kidney stone. 466 00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:46,635 The time I fell asleep on a pile of pizza boxes. 467 00:23:46,718 --> 00:23:49,930 When I made out with the Cuban refugee, then the thing happened with the glitter pens. 468 00:23:50,013 --> 00:23:51,890 All of it's in there! 469 00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:53,517 And now, what am I gonna do? 470 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,103 Live another 25 years just to create a body of work 471 00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:58,605 that matches the one that they stole from me? 472 00:23:59,898 --> 00:24:02,442 What if nothing happens in the next 25 years? 473 00:24:02,526 --> 00:24:05,821 What if I'm still living in this apartment wondering if there's asbestos? 474 00:24:05,904 --> 00:24:09,866 What will I write about then? Why are they doing this to me? 475 00:24:09,950 --> 00:24:11,535 I know how you feel. 476 00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:14,204 I really do. Listen. 477 00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,500 When I was in the eighth grade, 478 00:24:18,583 --> 00:24:21,169 they came to shoot Independence Day in my hometown, 479 00:24:21,253 --> 00:24:23,880 and I got an audition for the part of Alicia Casse. 480 00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:26,591 By all accounts, I was fabulous. 481 00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:29,177 I mean, the part was tailor-made for me. 482 00:24:29,261 --> 00:24:31,680 They gave it to somebody else, but in that moment, 483 00:24:31,763 --> 00:24:37,144 I was certain that my acting career was finished, you know, forever. 484 00:24:37,853 --> 00:24:41,648 Caroline, that has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about, 485 00:24:41,731 --> 00:24:44,067 and your acting career is over. 486 00:24:46,069 --> 00:24:47,487 Where's Adam? 487 00:24:47,571 --> 00:24:49,364 You know, he should be here for you right now. 488 00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:50,490 Mmm-mmm. 489 00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:53,326 No, he shouldn't. He has his own things going on. 490 00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:56,413 No, don't you see, Hannah? This is his modus operandi. 491 00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:58,415 When times are sunny, oh, there's Adam. 492 00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:01,168 But when the great seesaw of life throws your cunt in a sandbox, 493 00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:04,087 he's a ghost, nowhere to be found. This is what he does. 494 00:25:04,171 --> 00:25:06,464 - Hey, Caroline? - Yeah, honey? 495 00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:08,675 - Can you do me a favor? - Anything. 496 00:25:08,758 --> 00:25:11,303 Can you try shutting the fuck up? 497 00:25:15,599 --> 00:25:17,934 Listen, I feel your pain. I really do. 498 00:25:18,018 --> 00:25:20,061 But, honey, I think you're projecting a little bit. 499 00:25:20,312 --> 00:25:23,356 You feel my pain? How do you feel anyone's pain? 500 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,901 All you do is talk and talk and talk and talk. 501 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:30,071 And every time I come home to my apartment, you're just here talking. 502 00:25:30,155 --> 00:25:31,656 And at first it was kind of fun, 503 00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:35,535 but now I'm getting pretty fucking sick of listening to your mouth run. Just... 504 00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:40,123 I'll go to my room, give you a little space. 505 00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:42,417 It's not your room, it's my room. 506 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,211 The whole apartment's mine, 507 00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:48,798 and for the low, low price of $2,100 a month, it could be yours, but it isn't. 508 00:25:49,132 --> 00:25:51,843 Well, what would you like for me to do, Hannah? 509 00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:53,970 Hmm, let me think about it. 510 00:25:54,054 --> 00:25:58,308 I'd really like you to get the fuck out of my apartment! 511 00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:03,396 Fucking selfish little whore. 512 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,358 You and my brother deserve one other, you know that, you selfish little pricks? 513 00:26:06,441 --> 00:26:08,068 And you will never write a thing that matters 514 00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:10,487 because you will never understand the true struggles of humanity, 515 00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:12,781 because you just slipped right out of your mother's pussy 516 00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:16,451 like a nice little golden egg, you spoiled little fucking brat. 517 00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:22,249 I actually suffered and still continue to suffer from acne. 518 00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,670 Hey. 519 00:26:33,176 --> 00:26:34,511 Hey. 520 00:26:38,515 --> 00:26:40,016 What's up? 521 00:26:45,981 --> 00:26:47,148 Where's Caroline? 522 00:26:47,482 --> 00:26:49,734 I kicked her out. 523 00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,532 What? Why? 524 00:26:56,074 --> 00:27:00,787 'Cause she was ruining our lives and I thought it would make you happy, finally. 525 00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:03,206 Well, what happened? 526 00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:04,916 - Where'd she go? - I don't know. 527 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,376 - Hannah? - I don't know. 528 00:27:06,459 --> 00:27:10,297 What did you do? I'm supposed to be taking care of her. 529 00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:12,090 Well, you didn't like doing that, so... 530 00:27:12,173 --> 00:27:17,387 Yeah, so? She's my sister. Do you understand that? What the fuck?