1
00:00:07,217 --> 00:00:09,344
Flat white to go for Maury.
2
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:11,596
Maury?
3
00:00:12,597 --> 00:00:14,140
Maura?
4
00:00:15,684 --> 00:00:16,810
Mary?
5
00:00:16,893 --> 00:00:18,978
- I made that one already.
- Oh, who's this for?
6
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:21,106
Alexander. But keep up the good work.
7
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,441
- Okay.
- So what'd you want to talk about?
8
00:00:23,525 --> 00:00:26,569
Uh, I think it's maybe better
if we do that in your office.
9
00:00:26,653 --> 00:00:30,448
Oh. I'm so sorry you won't be gracing us
with your presence anymore.
10
00:00:30,532 --> 00:00:32,283
And I'll see you in about a week
11
00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:34,536
when you quit whatever bullshit gig
you're leaving for
12
00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:36,871
and come back here begging
for your old job again.
13
00:00:36,955 --> 00:00:40,625
Ray, I know that it must hurt
to see someone leave all of this,
14
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:43,336
but it's really not a bullshit job, so...
15
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:48,091
- RAY: What is it?
- What?
16
00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:50,051
The bullshit gig, what is it?
17
00:00:50,135 --> 00:00:51,720
GQ magazine.
18
00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:54,597
Did they need someone
for a before picture in a makeover article?
19
00:00:54,681 --> 00:00:56,057
Uh, no, it's a writing job.
20
00:00:56,141 --> 00:00:57,559
They saw one of my pieces online
21
00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,477
and I'm going to be working
for a new section...
22
00:00:59,561 --> 00:01:01,730
"Field Guide to the Urban Man."
23
00:01:01,813 --> 00:01:03,314
Who's the sponsor?
24
00:01:04,566 --> 00:01:05,567
What do you mean?
25
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,652
There's no way GQ hires you
to be a staff writer.
26
00:01:07,736 --> 00:01:09,779
So it's obviously one
of those advertorial sections
27
00:01:09,863 --> 00:01:12,782
where it looks like a real article
so they trick you into reading it,
28
00:01:12,866 --> 00:01:14,534
but then you find out it's a paid advertisement
29
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,369
which is both morally
and creatively bankrupt.
30
00:01:16,453 --> 00:01:18,580
So who's the sponsor?
31
00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:21,624
Neiman Marcus.
32
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,668
(LAUGHS) Neiman Marcus?
33
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:26,254
Do you think I'm fucking excited, Ray?
34
00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,798
Do you think that I think this is the best use
35
00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:32,594
of my literary voice and my myriad talents?
36
00:01:32,677 --> 00:01:34,929
Maybe we should talk
about this back in my office.
37
00:01:35,013 --> 00:01:36,431
- No.
- Excuse me.
38
00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,767
I already quit. There's no reason
for me to go to your office.
39
00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:41,853
RAY: Stop making a scene
in front of the customers.
40
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:45,315
I am coming with you
as a gesture of friendship.
41
00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:47,984
Though I am not your employee,
so I don't technically have to.
42
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,444
RAY: Right now!
43
00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:03,291
RAY: Set the pick!
44
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,293
Up high. Rotate.
45
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:06,920
Isolate. Clear out.
46
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:10,256
- I got you. Turn it up.
- (BOTH YELL)
47
00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:13,343
RAY: Here, and one.
48
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,012
Nice job.
49
00:02:18,223 --> 00:02:19,432
(MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
50
00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:37,200
(PHONE RINGING)
51
00:02:39,661 --> 00:02:42,163
- Hannah Horvath's office.
- MAN: Mike Lawson, please.
52
00:02:42,247 --> 00:02:44,999
Okay, um, I'm new here,
so, uh, maybe you just...
53
00:02:45,083 --> 00:02:46,209
(DISCONNECTS)
54
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:48,086
Okay.
55
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:56,928
It's a cappuccino, Dean.
It's not a cup of chino.
56
00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:59,222
Okay? Fucking animals.
57
00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:18,157
- (LINE RINGING)
- (CLEARS THROAT)
58
00:03:19,117 --> 00:03:20,159
Hello?
59
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,328
RAY: Yes, hi, I'm trying to reach
Marnie Michaels, please.
60
00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:24,289
This is she. May I ask who's calling?
61
00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:27,750
- It's Ray.
- I didn't recognize your voice.
62
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:29,294
Did you not recognize my voice?
63
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:33,214
No, I did. I'm calling you, so I already know...
64
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:35,675
You know, I was just going
for a little joke there. What's up?
65
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,219
- How can I help you?
- Right.
66
00:03:38,303 --> 00:03:39,971
Uh, as to the matter at hand. Uh...
67
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,181
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- I don't know if there is a matter at hand.
68
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,892
I was just calling
just to check in with you, really,
69
00:03:43,975 --> 00:03:45,310
and just to say that I, um...
70
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,813
I enjoyed spending time
with you the other day.
71
00:03:48,897 --> 00:03:51,190
Yeah, that was, um...
72
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,443
That was definitely unexpected.
(CHUCKLES)
73
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:56,613
- Indeed, yes. Most unexpected indeed.
- (MARNIE CLEARS THROAT)
74
00:03:56,696 --> 00:03:58,281
So, anyway, yeah,
I just wanted to check in and...
75
00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,158
Could you stop saying "checking in"?
It's fucking weird.
76
00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:02,952
It's a fucking thing people say, okay?
77
00:04:03,036 --> 00:04:05,747
Relax. I'm using semantic convention
to sound accessible.
78
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,374
- Oh, my God.
- Anyway, I'm calling you
79
00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:11,836
just to say, you know,
let's not let all this affect our friendship.
80
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,254
But we're not even friends.
81
00:04:13,338 --> 00:04:15,465
Then so let's not let it affect that either.
82
00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:16,966
Okay, will do.
83
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,552
Look, I'm trying here, okay?
84
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:22,013
I'm trying to follow the protocols
of a gentleman and a squire.
85
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,514
- But if you keep...
- Okay, thank you.
86
00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:25,475
And, um, if you'll excuse me,
I'm just in the middle
87
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,852
of watching a pretty interesting
television program, so...
88
00:04:27,936 --> 00:04:29,979
- Yeah? Which one?
- Do you care?
89
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:32,190
- Not at all.
- Okay, bye-bye.
90
00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:34,233
(DISCONNECTS)
91
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,501
(CELLPHONE RINGING)
92
00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:53,878
(BEEPS)
93
00:04:53,962 --> 00:04:55,046
What?
94
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:57,131
- I do care.
- About what?
95
00:04:57,215 --> 00:05:00,218
About which shitty television program
you're watching.
96
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,053
- I care.
- Prove it.
97
00:05:03,096 --> 00:05:04,138
(DISCONNECTS)
98
00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:05,848
Marnie?
99
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,063
- Hey.
- Hey.
100
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,571
- What's up?
- Nothing much.
101
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,660
Yo.
102
00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:28,663
(CHUCKLES) Can I help you with something?
103
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,498
Sorry, I was just screwing with you. Sorry.
(CHUCKLES)
104
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,250
- Hey, I'm Joe.
- Hannah.
105
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,919
- Nice to meet you.
- I know. I know all about you.
106
00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:37,088
I read your piece about, um...
107
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,591
(WHISPERS) Cocaine on JazzHate.com.
It was very funny.
108
00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:43,052
Yeah, I feel like that wasn't
as retweeted as it should have been.
109
00:05:43,136 --> 00:05:45,680
- So I appreciate the support.
- No, I'm not on Twitter.
110
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:48,725
- But, uh, I'll instagram it later if you want.
- (CHUCKLES)
111
00:05:48,808 --> 00:05:50,226
I don't think that even makes sense.
112
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,562
- So...
- No, it doesn't.
113
00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:56,107
I bet you're probably wondering right now,
"Where do I go to pee?"
114
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,484
I'm really wondering that.
115
00:05:58,568 --> 00:06:00,862
Yeah, no one tells anyone
anything around here.
116
00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:04,115
They just assume you have corporate sonar.
117
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,825
Yeah, but I wouldn't call this a corporate job.
118
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,952
I mean, this is GQ magazine.
It's a literary institution.
119
00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:10,121
(SHUSHES) Careful.
120
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:13,207
You don't want the real GQ writers
hearing you say you work at GQ.
121
00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:15,543
- Wait, why?
- They're really fucking snobby
122
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:18,254
about the difference between
editorial and advertorial.
123
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,048
I don't know if you heard about that,
124
00:06:20,131 --> 00:06:22,842
but, which is such fucking bullshit because
we all work at the same magazine.
125
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:26,637
You know?
We're all here just selling our souls.
126
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,808
Totally won't say it again.
127
00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,395
Anyway, um, enough blabbering.
128
00:06:34,479 --> 00:06:36,397
Um, why don't I give you a quick tour?
129
00:06:36,481 --> 00:06:38,066
Okay. Great.
130
00:06:38,149 --> 00:06:40,234
Uh, the women's room is back this way.
131
00:06:40,318 --> 00:06:42,987
Unless you want to see the snack room first.
132
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:47,992
You just said "snack room"
and everything blurred.
133
00:06:48,076 --> 00:06:49,077
(CHUCKLES)
134
00:06:50,161 --> 00:06:52,538
And then there's donuts
135
00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:54,248
and finger sandwiches in the afternoon.
136
00:06:54,332 --> 00:06:56,250
- Finger sandwiches? Cool.
- Finger sandwiches.
137
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:59,087
- So help yourself.
- Oh, uh, I don't know.
138
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:01,005
Maybe later. I'm on kind of a budget.
I don't know.
139
00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:04,092
Is it like... Do you swipe your employee ID
or is it an honor system?
140
00:07:04,175 --> 00:07:06,469
(CHUCKLES) What? No, it's all free.
141
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,764
- It's free?
- It's all free.
142
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:12,558
- You're saying all this is free?
- Yeah.
143
00:07:12,642 --> 00:07:14,602
- Even the Sun Chips?
- Yeah.
144
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,437
- Even the Clif Bars?
- Yeah.
145
00:07:16,521 --> 00:07:20,650
Even the Iox, which is disgusting,
but very expensive?
146
00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:22,819
It's actually Russ & Daughters.
It's pretty good.
147
00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:24,570
Oh, my God.
148
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:29,033
Mmm. It's 11:45. We got to go.
149
00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:33,037
Just give me one moment
to catch up with you.
150
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:38,417
Guys, this is Hannah. Han...
151
00:07:39,252 --> 00:07:40,294
Hannah?
152
00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:43,172
- Hi.
- Hey.
153
00:07:43,256 --> 00:07:44,674
Um, I'm Hannah,
154
00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:47,552
and I feel I may have overdone it
on the snacks a little bit.
155
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:57,353
No, I said I needed a christening dress.
156
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,896
So what's the problem?
157
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,774
Christening dresses are usually white,
aren't they?
158
00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:03,151
Not the chic ones.
159
00:08:03,234 --> 00:08:06,154
And also, isn't that small for a one-year-old?
160
00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:08,364
Uh, no, unless your child is morbidly obese,
161
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:09,782
in which case I can't help you.
162
00:08:09,866 --> 00:08:11,742
- All right, I'll take it.
- Fabulous.
163
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,165
Anyways, as I was saying,
164
00:08:17,248 --> 00:08:19,876
Ray really seems to have
the respect of his peers on the court.
165
00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:20,960
Oh, that's amazing.
166
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:23,254
It's really hard for a Jew
to gain respect in sports.
167
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,338
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
168
00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:25,756
He's not a Jew, though.
169
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:28,301
Right.
170
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:29,969
So his new coffee place
171
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:32,138
is such a refreshing departure
from the average java house grind.
172
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,764
- I've never been there.
- Oh, no, me neither.
173
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:36,601
That's just what Time Out New York said.
174
00:08:37,018 --> 00:08:39,395
"Despite the unfortunate
familiarity of its name,
175
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:42,190
"Ray's is a refreshing departure
from the average java house grind."
176
00:08:42,273 --> 00:08:45,860
Ray is being written about in popular service
publications and my life is a mess.
177
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,111
And I know that that was a personal choice,
178
00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:49,530
but I feel like maybe it is time for me
to unchoose that choice.
179
00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:52,950
Like, step one, I need to be
in a solid, mature, committed relationship
180
00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,952
with someone who understands
my goals and values.
181
00:08:55,036 --> 00:08:56,495
Like Berren.
182
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,331
Is that the guy with the deep V?
183
00:08:58,414 --> 00:09:00,958
You're right. Parker's a much better choice.
184
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,545
He's just so stupid
185
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:07,798
that I worry that our children
wouldn't get into preschool.
186
00:09:09,175 --> 00:09:10,801
See, I live with my boyfriend in Brooklyn.
187
00:09:10,885 --> 00:09:12,887
Oh, nice. You're shacking up.
188
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,722
- I guess so. Um...
- What does he do?
189
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,515
Like, a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
190
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,726
Karen's boyfriend is actually
in a very similar field.
191
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,102
He was in a very similar field.
192
00:09:20,186 --> 00:09:22,980
Wait, so it's officially
over between you and Jake,
193
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:25,524
or he just finally got a real job?
194
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:28,402
- It's like a little bit of both.
- (CHUCKLES) Right, right.
195
00:09:28,486 --> 00:09:30,738
- But which one?
- Hi, everyone.
196
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,115
- KEVIN: Hello.
- I see you've met Hannah.
197
00:09:33,199 --> 00:09:35,576
- Hannah, you've met the team?
- Yep.
198
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:37,870
And I see you found the snack room as well.
199
00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:40,039
Oh, yeah. These are not just for me.
200
00:09:40,665 --> 00:09:43,125
Great. All right. So reiterating once again,
201
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:44,627
"The Field Guide for the Urban Male."
202
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,504
- We need eight types.
- Mmm-hmm.
203
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,090
Something like you'd find
in a bird watchers' manual, but funny.
204
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:50,591
Not corny funny, smart.
205
00:09:50,675 --> 00:09:52,677
Client doesn't want
a bunch of sarcastic bullshit.
206
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,804
I also want you to be thinking
about the corresponding looks
207
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,932
that Neiman Marcus could roll out
to store windows and catalogues.
208
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:01,060
So far we have the Millennial Man's Man,
209
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:03,145
Mr. Midnight, and the Gowanus Yachtsman.
210
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:05,982
So let's hear what else you guys have.
211
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,151
Hannah.
212
00:10:09,235 --> 00:10:11,112
Okay, I haven't come up
with a name for this yet,
213
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:13,614
but it's like he's a dad,
but he's not trying to be the coolest dad.
214
00:10:13,698 --> 00:10:17,118
But he's also embracing
vintage Bill Cosbyish dadness,
215
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,328
so that actually inherently makes him cool.
216
00:10:19,412 --> 00:10:21,497
- And what would you call it?
- Classic Dad?
217
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,958
- Or, um, Dad Classic.
- That's good.
218
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,168
Or, if you want to be a little sassy,
219
00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:29,088
- "Kewl Dad," cool spelled K-E-W-L.
- (CHUCKLES)
220
00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:30,631
- Kewl Dad?
- Kewl Dad.
221
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:33,509
Yeah, that's a type worth considering.
Anyone else?
222
00:10:34,719 --> 00:10:37,388
I have another. Um, the Kaballer.
223
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,973
He is a little sleazy.
224
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:40,975
You know, he's out looking for sex,
225
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:43,102
but he's wearing a kabbalah bracelet
so you know he's spiritual,
226
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:45,479
and he'd, like, fuck some serious
enlightenment into you.
227
00:10:45,563 --> 00:10:47,940
Oh, no, big-time.
He's got, like, drawstring yoga pants,
228
00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:50,943
- widow's peak like Justin Theroux.
- 100%.
229
00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:53,029
Neiman Marcus doesn't sell a widow's peak,
230
00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:55,489
but worth considering. I'll write that down.
231
00:10:55,573 --> 00:10:57,199
Anyone else?
232
00:10:58,409 --> 00:10:59,910
The Mod Hatter.
233
00:11:03,331 --> 00:11:06,625
So like a snappy dresser
in an understated hat?
234
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,878
Sort of.
235
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:11,422
Okay, I think we have to
make sure that it's not like
236
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,175
a "Hey, look at me. I'm wearing a fedora
or a pork pie hat."
237
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,886
- Yeah, fedoras are worse than genocide.
- The worst.
238
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,096
No, I mean Mod Hatter,
239
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:21,307
as in one of those guys
you see walking down the street...
240
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,351
Kevin, you know,
I actually don't think that's a type.
241
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,102
I think that's just some guy you saw.
242
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:27,646
- Thank you, Kevin.
- You're welcome.
243
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,150
Anyone else?
244
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,487
I have a couple more.
245
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:38,032
Has anyone ever, like, gotten in trouble
for overdoing it with the snacks?
246
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,367
Has anyone ever been spoken to?
247
00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:41,035
Girl, I gained, like,
14 pounds my first week here.
248
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,995
I never want to see another Sun Chip again.
249
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,498
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- See you soon.
250
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,124
(PHONE RINGING)
251
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,418
Hannah Horvath's office.
252
00:11:49,502 --> 00:11:51,295
JOE: Hey, yo, it's Joe.
253
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,547
- Hi. Mmm-hmm.
- I believe we've met. Remember me?
254
00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:54,924
Look to your left.
255
00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:56,300
Other left.
256
00:11:57,635 --> 00:11:59,136
- Hello.
- Hey.
257
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,305
Okay, Kevin hates me.
258
00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:04,934
I mean, I'm used to people being belittled
by my rapid-fire mind pace, but this is...
259
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,186
- Did Karen say anything?
- About what?
260
00:12:07,353 --> 00:12:09,063
About me.
261
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:11,232
No, why? Are you, like,
into Karen or something?
262
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,026
(SHUSHES) No. I mean, maybe.
263
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,403
I don't know.
264
00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:17,446
(STUTTERS) Why, did she say
that she thinks I'm into her?
265
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:19,573
We really did not discuss it.
266
00:12:19,657 --> 00:12:21,450
Yeah, that sounds like Karen.
267
00:12:21,534 --> 00:12:26,288
She's so taciturn
and guarded and (SIGHS) complicated.
268
00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:27,915
Well, have you ever asked her out?
269
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,000
Yes, once.
270
00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:32,044
Almost. (STAMMERS)
271
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:34,213
Don't tell her that I told you that
I almost asked her out once.
272
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:37,007
- I'm not telling Karen anything.
- Good.
273
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,884
You're a total psycho.
274
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,719
Okay, thanks.
275
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,721
Anyway... Shit, I've got to go.
276
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,682
- Okay.
- Lose my number.
277
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:51,272
MAN ON LAPTOP: Up next...
278
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:53,983
- WOMAN: This psycho bitch wants to tell...
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
279
00:12:58,571 --> 00:13:00,239
- Hey.
- Yo.
280
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,950
Uh, could you take your shoes off, please?
281
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:06,829
Yeah, wouldn't want to scuff
this pristine linoleum you got here.
282
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,832
I brought you some vegan muffins.
283
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,126
Wow, muffins from the place you run.
284
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,711
What an extravagant gesture.
285
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:17,339
Yeah, would have brought you some scones,
but we're running a little low.
286
00:13:17,423 --> 00:13:19,884
So, ready to watch some, uh, shitty TV?
287
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,428
No one asked you to come here.
288
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:26,474
Look, I know you're going
through a hard time lately.
289
00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:30,269
Okay? And I also know that's the last thing
you'd ever admit to anyone.
290
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,563
Okay? So why don't we just sit down together
291
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:37,526
like not friends and you could introduce me
to your televiewing sensibilities?
292
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,908
Well, have you ever seen
reality television before?
293
00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:47,536
I've seen Ken Burns'
jazz documentary about 17 times.
294
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:49,622
- Does that count?
- Absolutely not.
295
00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:51,957
No way. No, it doesn't.
296
00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:53,667
Um, okay, let's see.
297
00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:57,421
Which Real Housewives locale
is the most intriguing to you?
298
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,381
The one set in Prague.
299
00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:01,926
- Beverly Hills?
- Sure.
300
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,344
Okay.
301
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,514
- (CLICKS)
- WOMAN: I paid Shana. Left her $400,000...
302
00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:12,144
(ADAM GRUNTS)
303
00:14:12,228 --> 00:14:13,771
- Hi.
- (GROANS)
304
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,648
Hi. (CHUCKLES)
305
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,691
- Hi, my love.
- (GRUNTING)
306
00:14:17,775 --> 00:14:19,985
Oh, you are so excited to see me.
307
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,487
(BOTH MOANING)
308
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,822
- How was it?
- It was amazing.
309
00:14:23,948 --> 00:14:25,533
I mean, I was nervous at first,
310
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,493
but then they were like, "Tell us your ideas."
311
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:30,579
And I told them my ideas,
and they all said, "Great ideas."
312
00:14:30,663 --> 00:14:32,790
- Yeah.
- And then...
313
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,545
This is all free.
314
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,255
It's all shit.
315
00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:43,384
It's all full of chemicals
and fake salt and pigeon bones.
316
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:45,302
This is just beef.
317
00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:46,554
(CLATTERS)
318
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,723
Well, anyway, I didn't pay for any of it, so...
319
00:14:49,807 --> 00:14:51,016
How was your day?
320
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,228
Had another fucking audition.
321
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,397
That's great! How was it?
322
00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,776
Well, I walk in and they
have the videotape camera.
323
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:03,237
And the casting woman
was like, "Look into the camera.
324
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,197
"Give us a smile and say your name."
325
00:15:05,281 --> 00:15:08,075
These fucking people.
And so I looked in the camera and I said,
326
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,744
"Hi, my name is Adam Sackler
and I don't smile on command."
327
00:15:10,828 --> 00:15:12,580
And she was like, "It's called fucking acting."
328
00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:16,083
I was like, "No, it's called fucking see ya
'cause I'm fucking out of here."
329
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,085
What a total bitch.
330
00:15:20,296 --> 00:15:23,132
But, you know, if you really
want to get an acting job...
331
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:25,676
I don't want to get an actual job.
332
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:28,262
Then why are you going on auditions?
333
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:29,513
The challenge.
334
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:33,809
I just like reading emotional cues
from strangers
335
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,811
in a high-pressure situation.
336
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:38,772
Yeah, that definitely makes sense.
337
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:41,025
But you know what else
would be a cool, fun challenge?
338
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,277
Would be, like, actually getting a job.
339
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,112
And then we'd be able to pay all of our rent
340
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,780
and we'd never have to worry.
341
00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:48,490
I could sell these on Etsy
for, like, 20 bucks each.
342
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:50,576
People are fucking stupid.
343
00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:55,080
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
344
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:58,667
- Marnie.
- (SHUSHES)
345
00:15:58,751 --> 00:16:01,086
Marnie, sorry to interrupt.
I think I slipped out.
346
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:04,131
- Okay. Okay. Yes.
- Would you mind putting it back in?
347
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,967
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay, yeah.
348
00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:08,802
- Okay.
- That's much better.
349
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:10,804
- Thank you.
- Okay, you're welcome.
350
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,685
Hey, Kevin.
351
00:16:16,769 --> 00:16:18,979
I'm really sorry if I upset you
during the meeting yesterday.
352
00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:20,147
You really didn't.
353
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,316
Well, you rolled your eyes at me, so...
354
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,193
I really didn't.
355
00:16:24,276 --> 00:16:26,487
Come on, dude. What's your problem?
356
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,198
I just don't like you.
357
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:31,742
Oh, come on. Who even says that?
358
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,994
It's 'cause I had, like,
one better idea than you?
359
00:16:34,078 --> 00:16:37,247
No, it's because I don't like your face.
360
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,334
Wait, my face?
361
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,544
You're not ugly. I am not saying that.
362
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,505
I'm just not into it. It annoys me.
363
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,507
Your mouth...
364
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,842
It makes me want to rip it off your face.
365
00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:52,346
You look like someone I dated
who I hated even while I was dating them.
366
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,514
Man or a woman?
367
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:56,350
- Oh, come on.
- I wasn't trying to be a jerk.
368
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,602
I want to know if you think
I look like a woman or a man.
369
00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,688
- Great.
- Kevin, I don't want to fight.
370
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,231
Come on, what can I do?
371
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,024
I don't know, get a new face?
372
00:17:05,401 --> 00:17:07,111
Everyone knows I'm the Sun Chip guy here.
373
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,696
You know what? I'm gonna say this
374
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:10,489
because nobody else around here will say it,
375
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,658
but you're doing a dope job.
376
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,785
Oh, uh, thank you so much.
377
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,246
- Yeah, dope by Janice's standards.
- Word.
378
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,289
You're really gonna make a name for yourself.
379
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:22,710
Thank you so much, but I'm not really
trying to make a name for myself.
380
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,586
I mean, I just kind of want to get in, get out.
381
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,255
I'm not looking to take Janice's job.
382
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,756
Why not?
383
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:29,508
'Cause I'm a writer.
384
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,926
Yeah, we're all writers.
385
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,303
Yeah, but I'm like, no offense,
just a writer writer.
386
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:36,598
Not like a corporate advertising,
working-for-the-man kind of writer.
387
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,393
Who is? Kevin over here won a Yale Series
388
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:41,603
of Younger Poets award back in 2009.
389
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,856
- KAREN: Mmm-hmm.
- You're a poet?
390
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,399
I dabble in the dark arts.
391
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,402
And Karen has had some great pieces in n+1.
392
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,570
It was a while ago, but, yeah.
393
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:52,573
It's like an unpacking of the Jersey Shore
through an imperialist lens.
394
00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:55,576
JOE: That was such a totally great piece.
KAREN: No, it's not.
395
00:17:56,744 --> 00:17:59,079
Are any of you jerks gonna say my thing,
or do I have to say it myself?
396
00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:00,664
Joe had a talk piece in The New Yorker.
397
00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:02,291
He wasn't even a year out of college.
398
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,752
JOE: Which is how I got this job, by the way.
399
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:06,587
And thank God I did 'cause I was, like,
400
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:09,590
right on the verge of packing it in
and moving back to Arizona.
401
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,092
KEVIN: Me, too. Not Arizona, but...
402
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:15,387
No health insurance, no dental,
no corporate gym membership.
403
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:17,931
But you all still write,
like, your own pieces and stuff, right?
404
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:19,975
Like your own spiritually fulfilling work?
405
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,518
KEVIN: I don't know about that, but we write.
406
00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:24,271
Yeah, of course. Sometimes.
407
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:26,023
Yeah, I'm thinking about
some ideas for things.
408
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,109
I'm gonna dive back in
as soon as I figure out my next move.
409
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,779
How long you all been here?
410
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,030
JOE: Five years.
KAREN: Three years.
411
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,406
KEVIN: Forever.
412
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:38,577
(SIGHS)
413
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,706
I'm so sorry. I just need one minute.
414
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,641
I don't regret a single
moment of my wild months,
415
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,185
but those oats have been sowed
and now it's time to get back to reality.
416
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:06,355
- Totally.
- But, I mean, I have a history, Parker.
417
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,440
I have been there and I have done that.
418
00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:10,692
I'm very Je Ne Regrette Rien-y about it,
419
00:19:10,776 --> 00:19:13,278
but is that something that
you think you can handle?
420
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:15,656
Caitlyn told me that you told her
421
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:19,076
that I was literally the dumbest person
you had ever met.
422
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,703
Um, that's just weird.
423
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:25,499
And she said that I... (STAMMERS)
424
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,793
I couldn't find the library,
425
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:30,712
which is now obviously not true.
426
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,674
Okay, you're getting off topic.
427
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,592
Also, does that sound like
something that I would say?
428
00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:37,636
No. That sounds like one
of Caitlyn's stupid jokes
429
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,263
because she thinks she's so provocative.
430
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,431
- Okay.
- But if you don't think you're ready
431
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,559
for a serious girlfriend-boyfriend
relationship, tell me now
432
00:19:43,642 --> 00:19:45,811
because I do not have any more time
to waste on frivolities.
433
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,480
I'm down for whatever.
434
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,150
I totally think you can tie your shoes,
by the way.
435
00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,323
Hey, Janice, do you have a minute?
436
00:19:58,407 --> 00:20:00,534
Sure, Hannah. Come on in. Have a seat.
437
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,411
Thank you.
438
00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:05,122
You know, you've been doing a great job.
439
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,540
Oh, uh, thank you.
440
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,876
You remind me a lot of myself 10 years ago.
441
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,836
Uh, thank you. Um, speaking of which,
442
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,422
uh, I don't want to be here in 10 years.
443
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,549
- Why not?
- I don't know.
444
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,218
I'm just realizing how easy it is
to get seduced by the perks
445
00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:19,720
and the money and the free snacks.
446
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,806
And then suddenly I wake up in 10 years
and I'm not a writer anymore,
447
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,766
I'm a former writer
who works in corporate advertising.
448
00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:27,019
And that is not my plan.
449
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:28,854
All right, Hannah.
There's a lot of other people
450
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,981
who would love to have your job.
451
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,233
That's it?
452
00:20:33,859 --> 00:20:35,360
That's it.
453
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:56,924
Hey, Janice.
You know, I actually thought about it
454
00:20:57,007 --> 00:21:00,344
and I have decided to stay
if my position is still open.
455
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:03,221
I'm putting copper pipes in my house.
I really can't deal with this right now.
456
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:06,391
You want to just e-mail me
and let me know if you still work here?
457
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,268
Aren't you supposed to work today?
458
00:21:08,352 --> 00:21:09,895
No, I texted Keith and told him to open.
459
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,271
- Huh.
- He's a good man.
460
00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:13,315
Yeah. I keep meaning to come down and...
461
00:21:14,149 --> 00:21:15,317
Oh, shit.
462
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,411
Fucking doppelgängers.
463
00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:28,246
MARNIE: Yeah, and they look just like
Hannah and Adam, too.
464
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,374
Yeah, that's what "doppelgängers" means.
465
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:33,085
- No doy, Ray.
- Ah, good one, Michaels.
466
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:36,421
Thank you.
I know what "doppelgänger" means.
467
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:39,383
So wait, Hannah told me
that you were fundraising
468
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:40,884
for inner-city schools or something?
469
00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:42,386
- Is that right?
- (CHUCKLES) No, no, it's not right.
470
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,221
That's classic Hannah hyperbole.
471
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:45,430
All I did was put a jar by the register
472
00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:46,974
so people can make donations
if they wanted to.
473
00:21:47,057 --> 00:21:49,309
- Oh, that's like...
- Yeah, that's nothing.
474
00:21:49,393 --> 00:21:51,228
I'm not like George Soros or something.
475
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:52,771
Yeah, no. Not at all.
476
00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:54,398
One of my biggest regrets
is that I didn't spend
477
00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:57,359
a semester abroad in Africa, you know,
478
00:21:57,442 --> 00:21:59,111
doing volunteer work and stuff like that.
479
00:22:00,404 --> 00:22:01,780
Well, you know, maybe that's for the best.
480
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:03,532
- What do you mean?
- Well, you know, I mean,
481
00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,325
I think it's pretty clear
by now that Western aid
482
00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,327
has been shown to be the very thing
483
00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:09,579
keeping Africa so impoverished
and underdeveloped.
484
00:22:09,663 --> 00:22:12,582
Maybe it's a good thing.
Teach a man to fish and all that.
485
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:14,584
That's a little bit racist, Ray.
486
00:22:15,127 --> 00:22:16,628
That's not even a little bit racist.
487
00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:18,839
That's not even remotely racist, okay?
488
00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:21,341
That's a rigorous truth
about a very flawed policy.
489
00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:23,176
- And it's a little bit fucking racist.
- (SCOFFS)
490
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,845
- Okay, let's skip it.
- Dude, what's your fucking problem?
491
00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,179
- What is my problem?
- Yeah.
492
00:22:26,263 --> 00:22:29,725
My problem is I don't understand
how you can be so completely dumb.
493
00:22:29,808 --> 00:22:31,393
- Oh, my God.
- That's my problem.
494
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:33,145
- Dumb?
- Yeah, not technically dumb,
495
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:37,733
but, you know, at a core spiritual level.
496
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:41,778
Well, at least I'm not the one crying
about how I'm too smart for grad school.
497
00:22:41,862 --> 00:22:43,363
How dumb is that?
498
00:22:43,447 --> 00:22:45,073
Okay, I never said too smart. I said too wise.
499
00:22:45,157 --> 00:22:47,034
Okay, well, if you're so wise,
then why are you running
500
00:22:47,117 --> 00:22:49,077
a coffee shop in Bumfuck, Brooklyn?
501
00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:51,872
I could ask you the same question right now
about those bracelets.
502
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:55,125
Who goes to the gym
with pavé diamond bracelets?
503
00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:56,501
These aren't fucking pavé.
504
00:22:56,585 --> 00:22:58,170
They're not even close to pavé.
505
00:22:58,253 --> 00:23:00,338
You don't even know what pavé is.
Who's the dumb one now?
506
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:03,550
Okay, look, you may
think my position is counterintuitive,
507
00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:06,595
but it comes from a deep and
unwavering love for Africa and its peoples.
508
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:08,472
Okay, I love Africa!
509
00:23:09,931 --> 00:23:11,308
Fucking weird thing to say.
510
00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:14,728
Okay.
511
00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:16,354
That didn't...
512
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:17,898
That didn't come out the way I wanted it to.
513
00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:20,067
- Which part?
- Most of it.
514
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:21,693
Most of the back end part of it.
515
00:23:21,777 --> 00:23:24,863
I apologize for that.
Could you please sit down?
516
00:23:25,447 --> 00:23:26,490
Why?
517
00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:30,285
'Cause you have no one else to eat lunch with
518
00:23:30,368 --> 00:23:32,370
and neither do I.
519
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:38,251
Thank you.
520
00:23:39,795 --> 00:23:42,005
- Dumplings were pretty good.
- Mmm-hmm.
521
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:44,341
- Should we get some more?
- Hmm.
522
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,636
Excuse me, ma'am.
Could we get some more dumplings, please?
523
00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:53,975
(SNIFFLES)
524
00:23:59,606 --> 00:24:01,191
(PHONE RINGING)
525
00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:04,986
(VOICE BREAKING) Hannah Horvath.
526
00:24:05,070 --> 00:24:06,363
JOE: Are you crying?
527
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,865
No. Why, did someone hear me or something?
528
00:24:08,949 --> 00:24:12,327
Uh, no, but you're okay?
529
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,246
Mmm.
530
00:24:14,538 --> 00:24:16,706
Uh, yeah. I'm okay.
531
00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:19,376
Okay. Good.
532
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:21,670
You know, you could still
be a writer and do this job.
533
00:24:21,753 --> 00:24:24,548
You've just got to... (SIGHS)
You've got to maintain your focus, you know?
534
00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:27,676
You've got to write every night after work
and on the weekends.
535
00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:30,428
- Is that what you do or...
- Yeah, that's what I do.
536
00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:33,390
I mean, no, I've definitely
slacked off a little bit
537
00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:36,101
in the past year or two, but it's doable.
538
00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:37,727
No, you know what? You're right.
539
00:24:37,811 --> 00:24:40,272
You're so right. Nights and weekends.
540
00:24:40,355 --> 00:24:43,191
Exactly. Anyway, I've got to go.
541
00:24:45,193 --> 00:24:47,112
Okay, so now that we're officially a couple,
542
00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:49,906
I think that we should have no less
than four hang nights a week.
543
00:24:49,990 --> 00:24:53,201
- Cool.
- Um, potential hang night activities include
544
00:24:53,285 --> 00:24:56,705
- non-sports TV watching, um, light reading...
- (MOANING)
545
00:24:56,788 --> 00:24:58,832
...um, board games,
546
00:24:58,915 --> 00:25:01,334
- um, comparing playlists.
- (GRUNTS)
547
00:25:01,418 --> 00:25:03,628
Can we maybe just talk about this later?
548
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:05,964
Um, honest and open communication
about mutual needs
549
00:25:06,047 --> 00:25:08,341
is, like, the cornerstone
to any healthy relationship.
550
00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:10,177
I know, but I just...
551
00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:13,013
If you're afraid of intimacy,
then maybe you're just not ready for this.
552
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:14,848
- Do you want me to stop?
- No.
553
00:25:14,931 --> 00:25:18,185
There's no need to terminate sex
just because we're not meant for each other.
554
00:25:18,268 --> 00:25:21,479
- God, you're so dumb, Parker.
- (GROANS)
555
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:23,773
- Can you pull that harder?
- (MOANS)
556
00:25:23,857 --> 00:25:25,775
- Thanks.
- (GRUNTS)
557
00:25:28,612 --> 00:25:30,197
We could also, like, just snuggle.
558
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,408
- Like sometimes just snuggling is good.
- I like snuggling so much.
559
00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:34,492
(GRUNTS)
560
00:25:36,411 --> 00:25:39,831
Well, today was not as good as yesterday.
561
00:25:39,915 --> 00:25:41,208
- So...
- (SOBBING)
562
00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:44,461
What's wrong, Adam?
563
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:45,837
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
564
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:48,048
What's going on?
565
00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:52,761
I got a callback from an audition that I killed.
566
00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:53,970
I fucking murdered it.
567
00:25:54,054 --> 00:25:57,933
I cut its fucking guts out and left it
in a dumpster by the side of the road.
568
00:25:58,016 --> 00:26:00,852
Oh, my God! I'm so happy for you.
569
00:26:00,936 --> 00:26:03,146
But, baby, I actually have
to go and write right now
570
00:26:03,230 --> 00:26:06,608
because I'm doing a new thing where I write
every night for three hours no matter what.
571
00:26:06,691 --> 00:26:08,109
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.
572
00:26:08,193 --> 00:26:09,819
It's for our future. I love you.
573
00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:11,571
I really do. I'm so proud of you
574
00:26:11,655 --> 00:26:13,448
and I can't wait to hear all about it later
575
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,492
when I'm done with my writing time.
576
00:26:15,575 --> 00:26:17,494
You should have seen
these other fucking jabronis
577
00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:19,412
they called in for the audition.
578
00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:21,748
They were all keyed up
and nervous like it really mattered.
579
00:26:21,831 --> 00:26:23,750
And I... I...
580
00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:26,753
You know, I showed up late because
I wasn't even sure if I was gonna go.
581
00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:29,339
So I kind of got there last minute
and they just slipped me in.
582
00:26:29,673 --> 00:26:33,009
Only had 10 minutes
to look at the sides that they'd given me.
583
00:26:49,901 --> 00:26:51,319
Oh, thank you.