1 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,851 Boo! 2 00:00:17,686 --> 00:00:19,020 Oh, my God, Caroline. 3 00:00:19,104 --> 00:00:21,523 Oh. Don't worry. I'm not here to suck your young blood. 4 00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:22,691 Okay. 5 00:00:22,774 --> 00:00:25,402 Just getting our mail, my little fawn. Hi. 6 00:00:25,485 --> 00:00:27,862 Hi, where are your shoes? 7 00:00:27,946 --> 00:00:30,240 Why do I need my shoes? I'm just in my hallway. 8 00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:34,119 Hey, baby, if there's a note from the library, will you just leave it in there? 9 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,955 I don't want to see it. It's gonna stress my brain out. 10 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,707 Okay, got it, marble cheek. 11 00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:41,960 Hey, um, do you know where the iced tea is? I was looking and I couldn't find it. 12 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,254 All I saw was the kombucha mother. Is it... 13 00:00:44,337 --> 00:00:45,463 Sweetie, it's in the iced tea pitcher 14 00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:49,092 that we got at the garage sale upstate on the iced tea shelf. 15 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:51,803 - In the fridge? - In the fridge. 16 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,556 Okay. I'll see you later. 17 00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:57,976 - I'll be in in a minute. - All right. Bye, Hannah. 18 00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:03,022 - So, you're... - Yeah, with Laird. 19 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,274 - Wow. - God, it turns out 20 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:07,485 he is just an extremely integrated human being, Hannah. 21 00:01:07,569 --> 00:01:08,778 - I never would've known. - Yeah. 22 00:01:08,862 --> 00:01:11,698 We've been up at his brother's compound in upstate New York 23 00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:14,784 just getting as healthy as we everly can 24 00:01:14,868 --> 00:01:18,580 because we are actually... 25 00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:21,916 - Having a baby? - Yeah. 26 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,211 - Oh, God, I feel amazing, Hannah. - Can I? Um... 27 00:01:25,295 --> 00:01:26,588 - Please, yeah. - Wow. 28 00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:28,381 You know, we're not gonna find out, of course. 29 00:01:28,465 --> 00:01:30,759 We want it to be a surprise, but I know, you know? 30 00:01:30,842 --> 00:01:35,972 I can feel the labia forming. This is a woman. 31 00:01:36,848 --> 00:01:41,478 It definitely feels as though there is a vagina coming together. 32 00:01:42,729 --> 00:01:44,022 Um... 33 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,106 How is Adam? 34 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,608 Oh. Adam's, um, amazing. 35 00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:50,945 He got a part in a Broadway play, so he's doing, like, the best ever. 36 00:01:51,029 --> 00:01:52,113 That is so good to hear. 37 00:01:52,197 --> 00:01:55,617 You know, I really hope this brings him closer to his truth. 38 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:58,787 You know, hopefully, and that he doesn't shuck you off 39 00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:00,789 like a piece of summer corn in the process... 40 00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:02,916 - Yeah. - ...as he'll do. 41 00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:05,835 Okay, off to take my folic acid. 42 00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:08,004 And then some! 43 00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:19,641 Garbage. 44 00:02:20,892 --> 00:02:22,519 Bullshit. 45 00:02:22,602 --> 00:02:24,229 That guy's dead. 46 00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,404 Fuck! 47 00:02:53,091 --> 00:02:54,092 (FOLK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 48 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,688 If you're here to tell me what a bad person I am, 49 00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:09,232 I don't wanna hear it. Seriously, I know. 50 00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,693 And, no, I have not told Shoshanna yet, but I will, 51 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:13,194 and I fucking know I have to do it. 52 00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:18,575 And I know that I need to have more respect for the emotional property of other women, 53 00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:22,704 and I know that I use sex for validation 'cause it's what I do, 54 00:03:22,787 --> 00:03:24,664 - but just... - I got into Iowa. 55 00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:26,624 What? 56 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:31,379 I got into Iowa Writers' Workshop, which is graduate school. 57 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,256 - Hannah! - (LAUGHING) 58 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:36,926 Oh, my God! Are you... Oh, my God. 59 00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:39,012 This is the most... I'm sorry I got you so wet. 60 00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:41,306 - Don't worry! - Holy shit. 61 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,434 Hannah, that's, like, the best MFA program in the world. 62 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:45,935 I know! 63 00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:49,480 - Hannah, holy shit. - I know. 64 00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:51,232 You're gonna, like, live in Iowa. 65 00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:52,775 Well, I don't know if I'm gonna go. 66 00:03:52,859 --> 00:03:55,862 Hannah, you got into Iowa. You fucking go. 67 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,073 BEADIE: So think about it. 68 00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:00,617 It's all I'm asking. 69 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:04,329 Beadie, it's not gonna happen. 70 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,122 You're selfish, that's what it is. 71 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,208 I can tell you've never done another thing for another person. 72 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:13,087 Beadie, I am not going to help you kill yourself. 73 00:04:13,171 --> 00:04:15,924 Really, I cannot keep having this discussion. 74 00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:17,008 - Okay. - The first day, 75 00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:20,929 I thought it was colorful and cute. Now it's just getting bizarre. 76 00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:22,513 Please, I beg you to stop. 77 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:26,434 Oh, well, fine. Well, why don't you just go? 78 00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:29,604 - Are you firing me? - I'm not firing you. 79 00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:32,398 But I just had in mind something different. 80 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:38,029 Do you know that I wake up every day 81 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:41,991 disappointed that I didn't die in the night? 82 00:04:42,075 --> 00:04:43,952 No, I don't blame you. 83 00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:47,956 So, let me get this straight. 84 00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:51,793 You hired me because you knew I could get you drugs. 85 00:04:54,212 --> 00:04:56,923 I hired you because 86 00:04:57,006 --> 00:05:00,301 I thought you were the only person 87 00:05:00,385 --> 00:05:03,429 who would see how necessary this was. 88 00:05:05,598 --> 00:05:06,933 Listen to me. 89 00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:12,647 I'm tired. My body's gone. 90 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:16,192 And I'm compassionate to that, but I just, um... 91 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,070 I'm in so much pain, Jessa. 92 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,700 I can see that. 93 00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:26,160 I just... 94 00:05:27,704 --> 00:05:29,163 Processing. 95 00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:30,790 Just do it. 96 00:05:31,624 --> 00:05:32,750 For me. 97 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,045 (WHISPERS) Fuck. 98 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,387 Hi, I'm Shoshanna Shapiro. 99 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:47,515 "S" as in Sam, "H" as in Hank, "A" as in Apple, "P" as in Paltrow... 100 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,100 Yeah, I can spell. 101 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,978 So, I ordered your cap and gown in the traditional violet, 102 00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,980 and I also ordered the protective plastic poncho 103 00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:55,481 just in case of, like, inclement weather. 104 00:05:55,565 --> 00:05:59,986 And I will be carrying my Aunt Ilene's NYU graduation flag from, like, 1922. 105 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,613 Looks like your name has been flagged. 106 00:06:02,989 --> 00:06:06,367 Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I just said I'm carrying my Aunt Ilene's flag. 107 00:06:06,451 --> 00:06:09,787 No, I mean, I can't give you your graduation materials. 108 00:06:09,871 --> 00:06:11,789 You gotta go see your advisor. 109 00:06:12,457 --> 00:06:14,792 That doesn't make any sense. I... 110 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,463 I'm gonna need some more information. 111 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,715 I'm just a junior. Sorry. 112 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,176 Next? 113 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,972 Excuse me! 114 00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:29,682 (HOWNOTHING LASTS PLAYING) 115 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,658 (BANGING ON DOOR) 116 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:59,253 Hey, Shosh. Is this a good time? 117 00:06:59,337 --> 00:07:00,505 Yeah. 118 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:02,632 What's up? 119 00:07:02,715 --> 00:07:04,425 Not graduating. That's what's up. 120 00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,052 What? Why? 121 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,428 Apparently I'm missing three credits 122 00:07:07,512 --> 00:07:09,430 because my fucking cunt of a glaciology professor 123 00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:12,225 decided to fail the shit out of me, so... 124 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,061 - Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. - Mm-hmm. 125 00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:20,024 Do you think maybe you were a little distracted this semester? 126 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:23,361 - Yeah, maybe. - 'Cause I get that. 127 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,404 My junior year at Oberlin, 128 00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,533 when Charlie and I first got together, we were so lazy. 129 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,618 Like, all we did was eat frozen waffles and lie in bed 130 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,120 and watch old episodes of Blossom, 131 00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:35,123 and I just did not go to my Intro to Hinduism class. 132 00:07:35,206 --> 00:07:38,042 I couldn't motivate, couldn't do it, didn't do it. 133 00:07:38,126 --> 00:07:40,002 And then when they announced the final, 134 00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:44,382 I was probably too scared to fail that, so I didn't go to that either. 135 00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:48,469 Thank you. 136 00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,932 It is really helpful to know that you were a fuck-up, too. 137 00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:54,225 Okay. 138 00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:57,228 And I hate to change the subject, 139 00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:00,481 and we can come back to this, we should come back to this. Um... 140 00:08:00,565 --> 00:08:03,359 But there's just something I feel like you should know. 141 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:04,652 Um... 142 00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:06,195 And it's probably not a big deal, 143 00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:10,992 and you're probably gonna be, like, insulted that I even implied that you would care, but... 144 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,411 I slept with Ray. 145 00:08:13,786 --> 00:08:14,787 Um... 146 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:18,624 More than once, sometimes multiple times a night. 147 00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:20,001 Um... 148 00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:23,838 But it came from, like, a deep place of insecurity. 149 00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,591 I'm not proud, at all, 150 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,302 and I just wanted you to know that. 151 00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:30,428 Um... 152 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,930 But I was hoping we could just, uh... 153 00:08:33,598 --> 00:08:35,600 You know, you've been going through a lot of stuff, 154 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,727 so I was hoping we could just, like, talk that through, 155 00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:39,395 go to the theater... Oh, my God! 156 00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:42,106 (SCREAMING) I hate you! 157 00:08:56,621 --> 00:08:57,872 (PHONE LINE RINGING) 158 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,292 (PHONE RINGING) 159 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:02,793 Hello? 160 00:09:04,045 --> 00:09:05,129 Hannah? 161 00:09:05,213 --> 00:09:06,714 Hi, Mommy, hi, Daddy. 162 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,090 Hey, how are you, doll? 163 00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:09,967 HANNAH: Good, I'm good. I have some big news. 164 00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:12,345 Is it about the growth on your tongue? 165 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:14,639 No, it's that I'm, um... 166 00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:17,058 I got into graduate school. 167 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:19,644 - What? - Holy wow! 168 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,604 I didn't even know you were applying! 169 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,898 Yeah, Iowa Writers' Workshop. 170 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,734 Oh, honey, that is amazing. 171 00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,903 It's exciting. I'm doing a little jig here. 172 00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:32,156 I don't know if I'm gonna actually go. 173 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,283 I don't know if it's really a good time for me to, like... 174 00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:38,246 To, what, change the course of your entire professional life? 175 00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:40,081 Well, honey, it is a big choice. 176 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,375 Yeah, Mom, it's a really big choice. It's not that simple. 177 00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:44,835 It's like this is where I live, you know? 178 00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:46,587 I'd have to find new friends. 179 00:09:46,671 --> 00:09:48,589 I'd have to find a new place to buy yogurt. 180 00:09:48,673 --> 00:09:50,967 Plus, I don't really know if writing is something that can be taught, 181 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,885 although I have to say, the last four years of my life 182 00:09:52,969 --> 00:09:55,471 have been a total wash, we can all admit that. 183 00:09:56,222 --> 00:09:58,474 Well, I'm glad you're being honest with yourself. 184 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,352 Wait, hold the phone. Are you kidding me? 185 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:05,106 When opportunities like this arise, you figure it out. 186 00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:08,567 You say yes and you figure it out. 187 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,778 - That's how this works. - Your mother is right. 188 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,656 Big chances are never small stakes, honey. 189 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,741 Oh, my God. (GIGGLING) 190 00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:18,286 You guys sound like you're really proud of me. 191 00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:20,371 - Just go ahead. - Just go ahead. 192 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,540 We'll figure it out. 193 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,208 TAD: We'll figure it out. 194 00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:25,793 Whoo! (GIGGLING) 195 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:26,877 LOREEN: Whoo! 196 00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:33,676 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 197 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,386 (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Enter, governor! 198 00:10:37,555 --> 00:10:40,433 So, you're really stickin' with the accent? 199 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,144 - Hey. - I have to. 200 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:46,731 Not gonna work without a bit of practice. 201 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:49,817 The security guard tried to stop me, but Desi let me in. 202 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,194 I'm sorry to barge in or whatever. 203 00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:54,488 Um, I know you need your space, 204 00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:58,576 but I wanted to tell you that, um, I'm so proud of you. 205 00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,496 I'm so proud of you. 206 00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:07,335 You've taught me so much about perseverance, 207 00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:10,755 and commitment, and creativity. 208 00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,509 (IN NORMAL ACCENT) Well, I love you. 209 00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:17,261 I love you, too. 210 00:11:19,305 --> 00:11:20,890 I love you. 211 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:26,020 And before I go, which I will do in a second, 212 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:30,524 I wanted to tell you that I got into grad school, 213 00:11:30,608 --> 00:11:34,195 in Iowa, at the Iowa Writers' Workshop, 214 00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:37,573 and I didn't expect it, but the thing is, 215 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,910 it's like watching you thrive creatively 216 00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:42,703 over these past few weeks, 217 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:45,122 it's made me want to thrive. 218 00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:47,375 It's made me want to find a hole in the world 219 00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:51,045 in the shape of me and just fill it up. 220 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:54,173 - And I know that sounds crazy... - It doesn't sound crazy. 221 00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,555 And I have to decide soon. And, um... 222 00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,516 And I think I'm gonna tell them yes. 223 00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:06,060 And then figure it out. 224 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,938 'Cause that's what people do. 225 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:12,191 We can figure it out, and then we can be one of those artist couples... 226 00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:13,234 (CHUCKLES) 227 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:14,902 Who are doing different things in different rooms 228 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:18,239 and they call to each other and say, "Look at what I'm doing." 229 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,658 - Okay? - Okay. 230 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:23,536 Don't just break one leg, break all your legs. 231 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,583 Bye, sir. 232 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,043 (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Later. 233 00:12:38,092 --> 00:12:39,552 RAY: I haven't been to a Broadway show 234 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:42,388 since my parents drove me in to see a matinee of Falsettos, 235 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:45,307 at which point they told me my grandparents were getting divorced. 236 00:12:45,391 --> 00:12:48,185 We should try to get you a blazer before the show starts. 237 00:12:48,269 --> 00:12:49,270 What's wrong with this? 238 00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:52,231 I'm just so excited for Adam. Look at all these people! 239 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,441 What's gotten into you? 240 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,901 You were in such a deep groove, begrudging the success of others. 241 00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:58,946 - Hi. Hi. - Hey. 242 00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:00,906 I'll be right back. 243 00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:02,867 Bye, Shosh. Good talk. 244 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,661 We're gonna have a chat. 245 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:08,247 At intermission, you're gonna buy me some M&M's 246 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:10,875 and we're gonna have a fucking chat. 247 00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:14,879 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 248 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:16,964 Oh, um... 249 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:20,134 I'm not quite ready to put my shirt on, Stacy. Thank you, love. 250 00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,927 MARNIE: No, no, no, it's me, it's Marnie. 251 00:13:22,011 --> 00:13:24,221 - They're not letting me in. - OSCAR: Don't worry, I got her. 252 00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:25,764 No, no, Oscar, it's okay. She's a friend. 253 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,349 (DOOR OPENING) 254 00:13:27,433 --> 00:13:28,642 (DOOR CLOSING) 255 00:13:28,726 --> 00:13:29,810 Hey. 256 00:13:29,894 --> 00:13:31,312 - Hello. - Hi. 257 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:33,647 - Happy opening night. - Oh, thank you. 258 00:13:33,731 --> 00:13:36,817 It's so exciting. Wow. 259 00:13:36,901 --> 00:13:39,820 I've always wanted to know what it's like in a Broadway dressing room. 260 00:13:39,904 --> 00:13:42,198 - Yeah. - How cool is this? 261 00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:43,908 Lot of ghosts, you know? 262 00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,828 I'm sorry, I'm kind of, like, half in the play, half here. 263 00:13:47,912 --> 00:13:50,498 No, no, no, totally. I will get out of your hair. 264 00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:55,044 I just wanted to give you a little opening night present. 265 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,129 - What? - It's nothing. 266 00:13:57,213 --> 00:13:58,672 Really, it's nothing. 267 00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:00,674 You'll see. 268 00:14:00,758 --> 00:14:01,842 Thank you. 269 00:14:01,926 --> 00:14:03,844 It's, um... Well, you'll see. 270 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:09,350 It, uh, belonged to James Taylor. It's his pick. 271 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:10,518 (EXHALES) 272 00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:11,602 (CHUCKLES) 273 00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:14,897 - Are you fucking kidding me? - I just... I know that he's a hero of yours, 274 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:18,192 both in his music and also in the honest way that he lives his life. 275 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,612 - So break a leg. - Thank you. Thank you. 276 00:14:41,215 --> 00:14:42,633 (CRASHING) 277 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:52,268 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 278 00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:57,064 Um... 279 00:14:57,815 --> 00:14:59,316 Okay. 280 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,235 I'm gonna, um... 281 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,945 I'm gonna go. 282 00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,238 (EXHALES) 283 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:06,198 Uh... 284 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:07,324 Break a leg. I'll see you after. 285 00:15:07,408 --> 00:15:10,077 - Thank you. I will see you after. - Okay. 286 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,455 What are you so cheerful about? 287 00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:15,916 'Cause it does not look like it went that well with Shoshanna. 288 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,335 MARNIE: No, no, it's fine. We worked it out. It'll be fine. 289 00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:19,670 Um... 290 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,172 Desi kissed me. 291 00:15:24,008 --> 00:15:26,927 - Are you fucking serious? - I'm dead serious. 292 00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:28,929 Marnie, that's another person with a girlfriend. 293 00:15:29,013 --> 00:15:30,848 - He kissed me... - MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, 294 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,641 - welcome to the Belasco Theater. - Guys. Shh. 295 00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:35,060 Please remember that the use of photography 296 00:15:35,144 --> 00:15:38,314 and any recording device is strictly prohibited. 297 00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:41,483 And please silence all cell phones. Thank you. 298 00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:44,820 - You guys, silence your phones. - It's been silent. 299 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,780 HANNAH: Ray, don't take pictures. RAY: Okay. 300 00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:48,157 (BELL TOLLS) 301 00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:51,785 MAN: What's the matter? 302 00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:53,621 Why are they talking like that? 303 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,998 - It's not Shakespeare. - They're British. 304 00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:59,001 - WOMAN: Presently, Stephen. - But it's called Major Barbara. 305 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:01,920 So? 306 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,882 Shoshanna, ask questions at intermission. 307 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,010 Adam wasn't even in the first act. 308 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:11,472 He's, like, a major part of the second act, though. 309 00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:14,808 I have to say, I'm really gonna be sad living in the city without you. 310 00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:18,812 You're not gonna be without me all the time. I'm gonna be back and forth. I'll be bicoastal. 311 00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,689 Iowa's not a coast. 312 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:24,109 - It's a figure of speech. I'm gonna pee. - (SCOFFS) 313 00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:28,447 The show is not gonna get good notices. 314 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,990 Desi kissed the shit out of me. 315 00:16:30,074 --> 00:16:32,451 What? He's so cute. 316 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:33,661 Oh, my God, I know. 317 00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:36,163 - I was not expecting it... - Oh, Marnie. 318 00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:39,958 ...and it was the best. Elijah, it was so satisfying. 319 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:42,002 I have to say, I don't see that ending well for you, though. 320 00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:44,254 - What do you mean? - I'm really intuitive about these things. 321 00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:46,715 I've predicted two of my friends' divorces, 322 00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:49,968 one pregnancy, and a couple of natural disasters. 323 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:52,137 Are these the ones you wanted? 324 00:16:52,805 --> 00:16:54,181 Yeah? 325 00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,480 Intermission's kind of short, so if you... 326 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,607 You know, if there's something you wanted to... 327 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,862 Okay, I'll go first. I'm sorry. 328 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:13,951 But if memory serves, you're the one who jettisoned me a while ago. 329 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,911 And you weren't very discreet 330 00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:17,830 about keeping your assignations out of my face, 331 00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,915 so I can't be that sorry at the end of the day. 332 00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:23,001 Right? I mean I really can't. 333 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,712 I want you back. 334 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,632 - What? - I want you back. 335 00:17:28,716 --> 00:17:31,552 I decided that... I want you back. I... 336 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,429 I miss you. 337 00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,347 I made a mistake. 338 00:17:35,431 --> 00:17:38,600 And this whole entire year of freedom was just fucking stupid 339 00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:41,478 and I want to be with you again. 340 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,190 Shosh, I know you don't really... 341 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:49,236 You're jealous 'cause I went swimming at the country club with Marnie? Is that it? 342 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:53,282 What? No. Because you make me a more stable human. 343 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:56,076 And you make me want to be the best version of myself, 344 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,619 and I just want to be your girlfriend again, 345 00:17:57,703 --> 00:18:01,498 and I want to pretend that I was never not your girlfriend before. 346 00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:07,171 I love you. I love you. 347 00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:11,550 Shosh, okay, look, I'm eternally grateful to you 348 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,094 'cause I have a real job now, with real responsibilities. 349 00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:16,847 I have my first credit card. I've got a credenza. I've got a cactus plant. 350 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,725 That's because of you. You understand? 351 00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:23,604 You pushed me forward in a lot of ways, and I'm eternally appreciative of that. 352 00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:26,982 Okay? But right now, we're in different places. 353 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:30,068 And we have very, very, very different goals. 354 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,781 Please? Please? 355 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,784 - It's like, it's not a matter of... - (SEATING ALARM SOUNDS) 356 00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,368 Please? 357 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,207 We should go upstairs. 358 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,845 Feel better after your meal, sir? 359 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,889 No, call that a meal? 360 00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,974 - Good enough for you, perhaps... - Hannah! 361 00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:02,476 - ADAM: But what's it to me... - Hannah? 362 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:03,977 ...an intelligent working man? 363 00:19:04,061 --> 00:19:05,979 "Working man"? What are ya? 364 00:19:06,063 --> 00:19:07,981 ADAM: A painter. WOMAN: (CHUCKLES) Oh, yes, I... 365 00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:09,983 ADAM: Yes, I daresay, I know. 366 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,237 Every loafer who can't do nothing calls himself a painter. 367 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,657 - Well, I'm a real painter, grainer, finisher... - He's really good. 368 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,575 Thirty-eight bob a week, if I can get it. 369 00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:20,994 Well, why don't you go and get it? 370 00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:24,832 I'll tell you why. First, I'm intelligent. 371 00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:25,999 WOMAN: Ha! 372 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,669 ADAM: It's rotten cold here. 373 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,129 Yes, intelligent beyond the station of life 374 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,591 into which it has pleased the capitalists to call me. 375 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:39,263 You are both very naughty children. 376 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,181 What do you want, Barbara? 377 00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:44,351 I want a house and a village to live in with Dolly. 378 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,478 Come and tell me which one to take. 379 00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:49,273 6:00 tomorrow morning, my young friend. 380 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,488 (APPLAUSE) 381 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:09,960 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 382 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:14,131 (HANNAH CHEERING WILDLY) 383 00:20:22,431 --> 00:20:24,057 Oh, my God. 384 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,268 Let's come every night. 385 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,352 (GIGGLING) 386 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,356 (TOILET FLUSHING) 387 00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:43,118 Clementine. Oh, my gosh. 388 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:46,204 I, um, thought you were traveling. 389 00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,081 I'm back. 390 00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:50,042 Desi's gonna be, um... 391 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,711 He's gonna be so excited that you could be here tonight. 392 00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:55,714 You know what? Can you cut the shit, please? 393 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,926 I mean, I know what you're up to. It's written all over you. 394 00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:01,178 I don't blame you. He's fucking sexy. 395 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,597 But if he hasn't realized it yet, he's going to soon 396 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,683 that you're just, like, a sad, pathetic mess. 397 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,604 Clementine, please believe me. I was not trying... 398 00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,773 Seriously, shut the fuck up. 399 00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:14,942 Has anyone ever taught you when to speak? 400 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,028 We're recording an album. 401 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:19,112 (SCOFFS) 402 00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:21,281 Not anymore, you're not. 403 00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,367 Nice dress. 404 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,917 You're just gonna take... Take these. 405 00:21:34,378 --> 00:21:36,338 You got 'em? You got it? 406 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,465 Okay. So now... 407 00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:43,345 - More. - (SLURPING) 408 00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,554 (SWALLOWING) 409 00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:46,098 It's okay if you choke. 410 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:50,268 It's just a different route to the same thing. 411 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,187 (LAUGHING) 412 00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:54,147 I really feel great. 413 00:21:54,231 --> 00:21:57,234 Jessa, don't you take any of these pills after I'm gone. 414 00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,444 No, I won't. I... 415 00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:05,158 Somehow they don't look nearly as fun when they're being used to murder someone. 416 00:22:05,242 --> 00:22:06,243 Mmm. 417 00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:12,249 I am so moved that you would do this for me. 418 00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:17,546 Well, I didn't want to do it. 419 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:19,214 - You didn't want to... - No. 420 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:20,340 But you did. 421 00:22:26,430 --> 00:22:27,848 I have never... 422 00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:31,143 Never mind. 423 00:22:34,146 --> 00:22:35,939 So, now, 424 00:22:37,441 --> 00:22:39,609 I guess we just wait. 425 00:22:42,904 --> 00:22:46,116 The fucking celebrities that come to these things are nuts. 426 00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:47,701 - Debi Mazar. - Amazing. 427 00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:51,872 Rosie Perez, Mark Consuelos. Sadly, no Kelly Ripa, 428 00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:54,207 but there was, like, a blonde with him that threw me for a second. 429 00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:55,876 - I can't believe... - Wendy Williams. 430 00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,544 - No. - Treat Williams. 431 00:22:57,627 --> 00:22:58,879 - From Everwood? - Yes. 432 00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:00,380 Sam Champion... 433 00:23:00,464 --> 00:23:02,132 I mean, I did so much sense memory work. 434 00:23:02,215 --> 00:23:03,633 - You know how hard I work. - I could tell. 435 00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:06,303 Congratulations, you guys, on your big achievement. 436 00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:09,639 - Thank you. It's all for him. - Huh. 437 00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:12,392 - She's so cute in real life. - Kind of douchy, though. 438 00:23:12,476 --> 00:23:13,894 - Hey! - Hey! 439 00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:16,480 - Congratulations! Awesome job! - Right, thanks, hey. 440 00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:19,149 - Hi, my love. You were amazing. - So good. 441 00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:20,901 No, I wasn't. I was fucking terrible. 442 00:23:21,651 --> 00:23:25,906 Are you kidding me? Adam, I had full body chills. 443 00:23:25,989 --> 00:23:27,491 Yeah, she's not joking. She had chills. 444 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,618 - See you, guys. - See you, man. 445 00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:32,662 Why did you tell me that thing about Iowa right before I went onstage? 446 00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:37,501 I fucking blew it. 447 00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:41,463 Okay, do you live in, like, a parallel universe? There's no way that was blowing it. 448 00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:43,507 Everybody was talking about how much they loved it. 449 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,717 Well, I don't care what everyone says, I know if I'm good or not. 450 00:23:45,801 --> 00:23:49,179 This is exactly what I thought would happen. This is exactly why I didn't want to see you. 451 00:23:49,262 --> 00:23:51,181 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 452 00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:54,059 I'm gonna go ahead, 453 00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:57,604 and I will meet you guys at the party, all right? I, uh... 454 00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:03,652 Elijah loved the play. 455 00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:07,948 Oh, good. 456 00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:11,993 I told you that thing about grad school 457 00:24:12,077 --> 00:24:15,580 'cause I felt that it was really good news for us as a couple. 458 00:24:15,664 --> 00:24:17,207 So now you're leaving me? 459 00:24:17,999 --> 00:24:21,128 Leaving you? Adam, you're the one who moved out of our apartment. 460 00:24:21,211 --> 00:24:25,590 I moved a few blocks away for a few weeks. 461 00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:32,597 I know that this is complicated, but I also know that we can work it out. 462 00:24:32,681 --> 00:24:35,016 Well, I'm sick of trying to work it out. 463 00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:37,769 Can't one thing ever be easy with you? 464 00:24:52,951 --> 00:24:55,620 Congratulations on a beautiful opening night. 465 00:25:09,759 --> 00:25:10,760 (GOOD GIRL DOWN PLAYING) 466 00:25:17,809 --> 00:25:21,313 Call 9-1-1. I don't want to die. 467 00:25:22,439 --> 00:25:24,649 Call 9-1-1. I don't want to die! 468 00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,693 - Okay. - Call 9-1-1! 469 00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:29,404 - She changed her mind. - Oh, God! 470 00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:32,908 Oh, God. Okay. 471 00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:41,041 Oopsie-daisy. 472 00:26:00,352 --> 00:26:04,022 I don't... I don't know what else to tell you. What do you want me to say? 473 00:26:04,105 --> 00:26:07,442 I want you to not fuckin' walk away from me when I'm trying to tell you how I feel. 474 00:26:07,525 --> 00:26:09,569 In a fucking bar full of your theater friends? 475 00:26:09,653 --> 00:26:11,905 - What am I supposed to do? - DESI: We were not by any of those people. 476 00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:13,865 We were in the corner.