1 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,844 Okay, the free time is mind-boggling. 2 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,764 I have class once a week, and then the rest of the week is just mine 3 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,932 to do whatever I want with, 4 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,975 so it's like I'm doing, kind of, like, home economics stuff. 5 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,852 I made these brownies myself 6 00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,479 from scratch using just a mix. 7 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,523 And they're good. 8 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,608 Did you find me my Amish bonnet yet? 9 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,194 No, people here are technically Mennonites, they're not Amish, 10 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,405 so it's actually pretty offensive to switch the terms. 11 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,824 I'm off to Java House to meet Trad for an espresso. 12 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,283 Okay, then you'll come back to watch 13 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,244 The Torkelsons marathon with me on TeenNick? 14 00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:38,538 Aw, that sounds so fun, but you know what? 15 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:39,831 I've gotta pop across the river 16 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,333 and help DeDe put the finishing touches on her chapbook. 17 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,252 And then I've gotta go check on Rafe. 18 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,546 But we're gonna go to that poet party tonight, right? 19 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,798 I mean, what other choice do I have in this fuckin' one-horse town? 20 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,133 There's literally nothing to do. 21 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,552 - Bye. - Bye, lovey. 22 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,470 Oh. Hi, Jessa. 23 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,180 Oh, hey. 24 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,599 I see you haven't backed off on the self-tanner. 25 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:02,562 Still see you're wearing that same sad kimono. 26 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,063 Bye. 27 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:07,024 Um, so, have you been writing a lot lately? 28 00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:09,277 Yeah, I mean, yeah. 29 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:15,158 Right now I'm in a more pre-writing phase, but it's all happening or will happen. 30 00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:20,121 Um... What have you heard from Adam? 31 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,330 Have you talked to him? 32 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,291 No, not really. 33 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,542 Uh, briefly this morning. 34 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,585 But before that, 35 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,336 maybe once or twice yesterday 36 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,130 and then otherwise just at AA 37 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,674 every single fucking day for the rest of my life. 38 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,843 Okay, well, that's sort of a lot of time. 39 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,012 Does he ever mention me? Or... 40 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,723 Um, no. 41 00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:45,772 Well, that's good 'cause I actually... I hadn't thought of him till just now. 42 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,523 You said something else that started with the letter "A" 43 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,859 and it made me think of Adam and how he was doing. 44 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,904 Also made me think of apples. 45 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,115 Jessa! 46 00:01:58,202 --> 00:01:59,577 Oh, for crying sweet Jesus. 47 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,163 Nice, nice. 48 00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:05,208 I mean, it actually does look nice. 49 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,466 No, but see, it's not just about sex. 50 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:14,926 We text "good night." 51 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,594 I met his cousin. 52 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,639 He, like, puts his hand on my butt when we're waiting in line at Starbucks. 53 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,432 He makes me look at him when he comes. 54 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,810 Okay, bottom line, as long as he's with Clementine, 55 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:24,977 you are not his priority. 56 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,147 And you are definitely, definitely not in any kind of relationship. 57 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,107 But I'm not the mistress. 58 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,777 You are 1,000% the mistress. 59 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,904 Not if I end up with him, I'm not. 60 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,156 Fuck, I could've sold this to Yusef last weekend. 61 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:40,159 His situation with Clementine is really fucking complicated. 62 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:42,578 She's got, like, this autoimmune illness 63 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,664 where she gets fevers and rashes. 64 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,667 I mean, it's weird. He has to be very careful not to upset her. 65 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,418 It could, like, endanger her health. 66 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,420 - "Fevers and rashes"? - Yes. 67 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,713 - Bullshit. - It's not bullshit. 68 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,340 - Bullshit! - He's really worked up about this. 69 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,301 - It's hard for him. - This guy has it made in the shade. 70 00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,847 He's got a bungalow on easy street where he has his cake and he eats it, too. 71 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:03,599 Do you understand? The man's a Svengali, okay? 72 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:07,478 He's a Casanova who counts cards secretly while he's got four queens up the sleeve. 73 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,355 He is not to be trusted. 74 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,109 I don't know. 75 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,530 Do you think maybe this is just, like, cosmic retribution 76 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,574 for what we did to Shoshanna? 77 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:24,078 Putting aside my disdain for the injection of witchcraft 78 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,498 into a conversation that was previously tethered by logic and reason, 79 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,292 no, I don't think that's what's happening here. 80 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:32,253 Yeah, you're right. I'm way more upset than she ever was. 81 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:41,387 Look, even if this knot were to somehow untangle itself, 82 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,389 even if he were to jettison her, 83 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:46,475 make a host of sweeping promises to you, 84 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,270 hop on a white horse, gallop to your place with a truckload of roses... 85 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,231 Even if he did all that, I still don't think you should be with this guy. 86 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,610 Is it 'cause he called you a hepcat that one time? 87 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:59,405 Because anyone who would treat you this way is selfish and a coward. 88 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,491 And we've already established he has one massive character flaw, 89 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,994 which is that he hasn't chosen you. 90 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,379 - Is this okay? - Yeah. 91 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,006 Okay. 92 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,676 And finally, if all goes well, your responsibilities might include 93 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,470 allocating trend jewelry, 94 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:27,308 and helping us implement our cardigan story for spring. 95 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,936 Oh, my God, I love cardigans, first of all. 96 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,438 Um, also, I really don't want to boast, 97 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,857 but I'm a little bit of an expert when it comes to trend jewelry. 98 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,777 - And maybe, like, trends in general. - Perfect, perfect. Just perfect. 99 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,738 Well, now that I've done my little dog and pony show, 100 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,448 do you have any questions for me? 101 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,368 Um, not really. This interview was super informative. 102 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,411 And fun. 103 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,913 Right? Am I crazy to say that? 104 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,539 No, it was totally fun. It was so fun. 105 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,458 I feel like we were, like, totally just grabbing drinks... 106 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,876 - Totally. - ...like we were best friends 107 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,295 - and we were talking about boys. - Oh, my God, I love it. 108 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,756 Listen, Shoshanna, I can't officially offer you the job 109 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,132 until I meet the other candidates, 110 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,759 but if you want it, totally yours. 111 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,302 Okay, that is literally 112 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:06,222 - the exact feedback that I was hoping for. - Yay! 113 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,225 So I guess it's safe to say I'll be seeing you really soon. 114 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,186 Um... Actually, I don't know if you will. 115 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,773 I'm sorry, what? 116 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:19,860 Well, I mean, if I can be totally honest, which I feel like I really can be with you... 117 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,237 Yeah. 118 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,446 ...I think in my heart of hearts, 119 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,907 I knew that, like, this was really just a trial interview. 120 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,744 You know, to hone my skills, test, like, the firmness of my handshake 121 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,329 and the walkability of these heels. 122 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,081 Why would you come in here and waste my time 123 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,666 if you don't want to work at Anne Taylor Loft? 124 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,002 I just needed a run-through before I went on an interview 125 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:39,630 for a job that I was, like, deeply passionate about, you know? 126 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,173 Okay, great. 127 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,884 Well, thank you for your candor, I guess. 128 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,845 Yeah, no, you should know that about me. 129 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,973 I think it's really important to be honest, even when it's a little bit difficult. 130 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,934 Super important, yeah. Here you go. 131 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,020 Oh, no, you can keep that. 132 00:05:56,273 --> 00:06:00,901 And I will walk with you 133 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:05,448 And stand by you tall 134 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:09,785 You can bet on me 135 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:14,707 And I will call you home 136 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,254 I will call you home 137 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,549 Ugh. I am freaking out. 138 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,593 You guys, how great are they? 139 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,804 Uh... Seriously? Goosebumps. 140 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,639 - Goosies. Feel it. - He gets 'em big time. 141 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,641 Thank you. 142 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,685 I think we definitely have to get Marcos in here. 143 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:35,895 Fuck. When's he back? 144 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,938 Not soon enough. Damn it. Um... 145 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,858 When can we get you guys back in to meet Marcos? 146 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,736 - I start shooting a movie in a couple months. - Really, anytime. 147 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,446 - But before then... Yeah, anytime. - Yeah. 148 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,156 - Who is Marcos? - He's my boss. 149 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,116 He's the one who can really get the ball rolling. 150 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,660 - There's a ball to get rolling? - Oh, yeah. 151 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,120 A big ball. 152 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,497 Wow. 153 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,291 Okay, so tell me before I pop off, what's your story? 154 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,293 - Yeah, we're just... - Primarily acoustic. 155 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,253 Yeah, two singer-songwriters. 156 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,463 We've recorded two demos. 157 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,341 - How'd you meet? - How long have you two been together? 158 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,927 - What's the sex like? - Oh, my God! 159 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,638 I'm just kidding. Unless they're gonna tell us. 160 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,139 I'm sorry. 161 00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:14,266 Uh, we're... We're not together. 162 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,268 Oh, my God. I'm sorry. 163 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,770 - No, no, it's fine. - No, don't feel bad. 164 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:18,896 That's a common mistake. 165 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,022 Yeah, it happens a lot. 166 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,608 I actually have a girlfriend. Clementine Barrios is her name. 167 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,193 She's a consultant. 168 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,613 Bummer. 169 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:28,739 I'm just kidding. I'm... 170 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,449 I mean, that's great. 171 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,535 She sounds great. 172 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,869 Can I have one of those? 173 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,539 - Um... Oh, a cigarette? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 174 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,290 I would just love one right about now 175 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,708 - for some reason. - Marnie, you can't smoke in here. 176 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,710 Well, we can go outside and smoke out there. 177 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,337 Marnie. 178 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,506 What? 179 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,053 We'll smoke after. 180 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,683 We had agreed on this once-a-month rule 181 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,686 that was supposed to help with boundaries or some fuckin' shit. 182 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,063 Yeah. I think that's good, though. 183 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,941 I mean, I hate talking to people who aren't within 50 feet of me. 184 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,484 Yeah, but every time I got her on the phone, 185 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,194 all she wanted to do was talk about stupid shit. 186 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,279 Right. 187 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,655 Like, they sell donuts at the movie theater 188 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:10,739 - or whatever. - Ugh! 189 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:11,991 Nothing real. I mean, she couldn't 190 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,993 - have been getting anything out of that. - Mmm-hmm. 191 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,412 I thought talking less would keep us 192 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,081 from having those stupid conversations about fuckin' zero. 193 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,541 Guess who. 194 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,835 - Hi. - Hey, you wanna go get a smoke? 195 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,503 - No. - Why not? 196 00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:25,921 I'm... 'Cause I'm working right now. 197 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,090 I'm involved. I'm giving back. 198 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,800 Can you just take a break? 199 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,511 No, no, but if you want one, you can have one. 200 00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:33,596 Just take it. 201 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,014 That'd be great. You'll meet me out there soon? 202 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,140 Mmm-hmm. 203 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,766 - See you soon. - Bye, bye. 204 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,021 Man, you could've got your dick sucked. 205 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:47,067 I let that kid make out with me the other night 206 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,445 and he just, like, came in his pants instantly. 207 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,489 - Can you believe that? - Were you pissed? 208 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,866 No. I mean, I get it. 209 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,534 It was flattering. 210 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,328 He's having trouble with the whole God thing, 211 00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,663 so I told him just replace the word "God" for "Jessa" 212 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:00,748 and, like, see if it helps. 213 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:05,669 And now I'm, like, the only thing standing between him and a crack pipe. 214 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,465 You think it's fine if I throw out all of Hannah's refrigerator magnets? 215 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,137 This whole thing is why I hate relationships between white people. 216 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,183 - Well, you don't even smoke. - You don't... 217 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,143 I smoke every once in a while. 218 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,354 - When? - I do every once in a while. 219 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,397 And then you started acting... I don't even know what that was. 220 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,566 - You derailed the whole meeting. - Don't be a drama queen. 221 00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,235 That's unprofessional. No, that's unprofessional. 222 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,111 Come on, they liked us. We're going back to meet with Marcos. 223 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,321 - I know. - Chill the fuck out. 224 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,614 All right, it was fuckin' strange, man. 225 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,033 - It was weird. - Don't call me "man." 226 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,577 - Oh, my God. - What? 227 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:40,996 Bella, what is going on with you? 228 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,041 - Can you talk to me? - I'm talking to you right now. 229 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,710 Because you are, like, coming from a place that I... 230 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,295 I don't even recognize this person. 231 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,631 Come here. Come here. 232 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,009 All right, you know what? You wanna know what's wrong? 233 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,177 Yeah. 234 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,887 I'll tell you what's wrong. Sit down. 235 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,060 Okay, just so you know, 236 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,521 what happened in there was fucking awesome. 237 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,815 - I'm so psyched about it. - Yeah, me, too. 238 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:11,777 What else is happening in our relationship together, 239 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,195 I can't do it anymore. 240 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,405 You're talking about the intimacy. 241 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,282 Yes, I'm talking about the intimacy. 242 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,368 I can't do it anymore, Desi. It's not working for me. 243 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,412 I'm not supposed to be someone's mistress. 244 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,956 Nobody thinks of you as a mistress, Marn. 245 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,624 But because nobody thinks about me at all, 246 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,502 - like, in relation to you. - I do. 247 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,548 That's not all that matters to me. 248 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,591 We're building a future together, 249 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,303 - a musical future together. - Yeah. 250 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:41,390 So why the fuck do you still have a girlfriend who isn't me? 251 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,562 Well, I never said that I would end anything with Clementine. 252 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,981 Yeah, but see, it's normal for someone to not want 253 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,942 the person that they're sleeping with to be sleeping with somebody else. 254 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,321 Yeah, I think that's a very culturally-specific statement. 255 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,532 But I also think that I've been very clear with you from the beginning, Marn. 256 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:02,202 Yes, you have, but that doesn't make it okay. That doesn't make it feel okay. 257 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,830 You are very young. You are very smart. 258 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,957 - You are very beautiful. - Thank you. 259 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,294 And you're living in this amazing city, okay? 260 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,213 And if we're gonna have this incredible, explosive, 261 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,716 sexually collaborative, musical, 262 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,343 love relationship, 263 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,762 which I can totally see, to be honest with you, 264 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,931 maybe right now what you need to be doing is exploring 265 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,725 and embracing your freedom 266 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,520 and figuring out what it is that you really, really want. 267 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,361 The problem with your plan 268 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,780 is that I already know what I want. 269 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,992 You're not offering it to me. 270 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:47,414 So it's my sober birthday next week. Four months. 271 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,625 Oh, cool. What are you gonna do? 272 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,752 I don't know. 273 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,880 Laser tag, bumper cars or something. 274 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:59,259 You'll probably have plans, so it'll just be me alone at Chuck E. Cheese again. 275 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,598 When's yours? 276 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:08,352 I used to have one, but then I didn't. 277 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,562 Well, make another one then, no? 278 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,815 - No, you only get one birthday. - Oh. 279 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,569 But if you're serious about actually doing something, I'm... I'm in. 280 00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,113 Oh. 281 00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,240 Okay. I'll keep that in mind. 282 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:24,076 How have your nights been with what's-her-face? 283 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,748 - Good, good, good. - Right. 284 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,251 It's not like I see her every day or anything. 285 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,044 You're a liar. 286 00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,754 I mean, it's cute. It's very funny. 287 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,589 But, you know. 288 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,758 I really have to pee. Can you hold my bag a sec? 289 00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,677 I'll be one second. I just... 290 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,888 You're gonna do that here? 291 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,891 I'm not waiting for a park or, like, stepping into a restaurant. 292 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,687 Jesus fucking... Okay. 293 00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:57,151 Okay, cop, cop, cop, cop, cop. 294 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,278 - What? - Put a... Put a plug in it. 295 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,532 Are you serious? 296 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,909 Sorry. All done here, Officer. 297 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,286 Sorry, Officer, she's foreign. 298 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,996 You can't piss in the street, miss. 299 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,123 Oh, come on. Are you gonna write me up? 300 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,749 - Yeah. - Why don't you write the city up 301 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,918 for not having enough places for women to piss in? 302 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,128 - All right, Jessa. - Are you kidding me? 303 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,589 There's a toilet, like, every 17 blocks, you know. 304 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,467 This is insane. 305 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,971 This is your summons. You'll pay a $50 fine, all right? 306 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,055 Are you serious? 307 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,642 Why don't I just send you the bill from my gynecologist 308 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,478 when I get a UTI from holding it in? 309 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,812 No. 310 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,731 Now, ma'am, you didn't want to do that. 311 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,150 You know what? I'm tired of being complacent. Bye. 312 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,027 - Turn around. Stop walking. Turn around. - Stop, miss. 313 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,487 You're under arrest. 314 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,239 You're under arrest. Do not resist. 315 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,824 - Come on, that hurts. - He's hurting her. 316 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,451 - Stop, you're hurting her! - That hurts! 317 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,203 - She's fine, she's fine. - Stop resisting. Ma'am... 318 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,954 - Ma'am! Hey, hey, hey! - Would you stop? You're hurting... 319 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,498 - Get this guy off me! Hey, knock it off! - All right. 320 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,249 - You're done. Come over here. - And you be still. 321 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,571 Yeah, she literally said that 322 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,532 the guys from Green Day wanted to have sex with her. 323 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,450 That's disgusting. 324 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,369 Zed, Zed, do another bong hit, 325 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,745 okay, 'cause by the time I took the picture, 326 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,498 the smoke wasn't in that whimsical cloud shape anymore. 327 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,420 Oh, the whimsy. 328 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,047 God, I love the poets. 329 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,882 This party sucks dick. 330 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,175 What are you talking about? 331 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:48,929 The twins who live here have legal access to medicinal mushrooms and ecstasy. 332 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,765 I mean, it's like, "You're welcome." 333 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,643 I really don't feel good. I think I have mono. 334 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,353 - For the fifth time? - Yeah. 335 00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:59,231 Maybe it's finally something more serious. 336 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,651 Lilly, Lilly, 337 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,528 show me those diminutive little nips. 338 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,405 Yeah. 339 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,698 What are you doing? 340 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,491 Did you, like, watch the Bill Cunningham documentary? 341 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,243 Why are you taking so many pictures? 342 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,497 I just realized I got so good at taking selfies, I wasn't feeling challenged anymore. 343 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,582 And then I thought, 344 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:20,502 "What would happen if I turned the camera around?" 345 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,590 It was a real epiphany for me, Hannah. 346 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,759 I feel really uncomfortable. Everyone from my program's here. 347 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,177 I don't want to be here right now. 348 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,013 It's just because you hot-rolled your hair. 349 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,682 It's just you. You're uncomfortable in your own skin 350 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,642 and you think it's everybody else's problem. 351 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:39,146 But you know what? Wherever you are, there you go. 352 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,148 Is that the quote? 353 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,774 Does that sound right? 354 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,902 Tito, what are you doing? 355 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,113 It's just like everybody's saying it's such a gift, 356 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,281 you know, to have all this time to write, 357 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,409 but then how come the only thing I want to do is google the one month 358 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,411 where Woody Harrelson and Glenn Close were a couple? 359 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,038 This is what you always do, okay? 360 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,832 It's like in college when you would cry and cry into your tater tots 361 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,917 about not getting your papers done on time, 362 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,502 but somehow you would always get those papers done. 363 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,296 Yeah, but Marnie wrote like half those papers, 364 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,632 and now I'm in school for the thing I actually want to do, 365 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,634 so shouldn't I actually want to do it? 366 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,094 No, that's not how it works. 367 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,430 Nobody likes what they do. 368 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,475 Do you think Dakota Fanning wants to be Dakota Fanning? 369 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:17,976 100%. 370 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:21,229 Being Dakota Fanning is amazing. You get so many free boots. 371 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,523 Well, if that's how you feel, why are you even trying? 372 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,400 Because I'm a writer and that's what I do. 373 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,653 Well, I was a dancer, but you don't see me 374 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,988 five-six-seven-eighting my way into rooms anymore, do you? 375 00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,909 And when you let that go, what was that like? 376 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,495 It was the biggest relief in the world. 377 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,249 - Hannah? - Mmm-hmm. 378 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,543 Everything works out the way it should. 379 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,424 This side of the room needs to be sexier. 380 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,260 That's good. That's really prom-y. 381 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,140 You got me doin' funny things like a clown 382 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,602 Just look at me... 383 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,854 Ploshansky. 384 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,940 When you wear your high-heeled boots... 385 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,274 What? 386 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,570 Are you fucking kidding me? 387 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,155 When? 388 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,534 Both of you? 389 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,078 You know what I really hate is this cross-pollination, 390 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,039 like blogs becoming books, which then become TV shows. 391 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,457 Yeah, don't worry, just breathe. 392 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,085 Nobody's gonna force you to watch The Fault in Our Stars. 393 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:28,839 You guys sound so old. 394 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:32,092 And I don't get why we're so judgy about popular writing. 395 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,262 I write one story with a blowjob in it and suddenly I'm "Fifty Shades of Grey girl." 396 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,305 Yeah, that wasn't just because of the blowjob, Hannah. 397 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,142 Yeah, some stories about blowjobs have literary merit. 398 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:44,396 Yeah, like D.H. Lawrence, Henry Miller, Philip Roth, Martin Amis. 399 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,897 Ha! 400 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,566 "Ha"? What "ha"? 401 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,736 Ha, you only named writers with penises. 402 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,404 - Oh, snap. - She has a point. 403 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,447 She has a point. 404 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,823 Yeah, how are you gonna answer that, D? 405 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,533 Uh... With an "And?" 406 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,452 And it's the same kind of patriarchal bullshit 407 00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,871 female authors have been dealing with for centuries. 408 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,539 - You're part of it. - Take it easy. 409 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,708 You're starting to sound a little hysterical here, okay? 410 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:07,502 Hysteria? 411 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:13,300 Hysteria is how they diagnosed women who they found "uppity" in the 1800s 412 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,302 and had an excuse to remove their ovaries. 413 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,428 That was not my intent. 414 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,472 I was just saying it's getting a little electric in here. 415 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,848 You're missing her points here. 416 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:23,518 Being pigeonholed isn't fun. 417 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,437 And if you guys doubt me, 418 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,482 why don't you take a turn in the hot seat? 419 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,108 For example, look at Jeffrey. 420 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,152 What a little rich, whiny white guy. 421 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:35,614 Thinks he's Updike, thinks it's a revolution that he hates his parents. 422 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,741 You probably only have one ball. 423 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,494 I have two balls, thank you. 424 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,454 I don't know why you're laughing, Chester. 425 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,165 You are a tragically hip gaysian... 426 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,958 - Thank you. - ...who is writing 427 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:52,172 manic-pixie-dream-girl-pseudo-Weetzie Bat bullshit. 428 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,591 Your whole story was just like a winky-eye emoji, 429 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,760 - followed by a poop emoji. - Dude. 430 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,887 - Chandra. - All right, yeah. 431 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,931 We started out as friends, now I'm not so sure. 432 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,641 But you were blessed with an exotic name 433 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,643 and now you get to be the first and foremost authority 434 00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,312 - on third-world issues here in lowa. - Huh. 435 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,064 - Dude! - Priya. 436 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,066 - Hmm. - If you keep writing about prison in the South, 437 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,235 I'm gonna murder someone and go to prison right here in lowa. 438 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,322 - Logan. - Bring it, Hannah. What? 439 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:20,158 You are the most bad mood Millie. 440 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,661 There's like a storm cloud over our whole classroom. 441 00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,412 Get it together. Take an Ativan. 442 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:28,250 You have no idea what medications I'm already on, frankly, Hannah. 443 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,418 And we've got D. August. 444 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,003 I know, I know. 445 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,756 We don't mention D. August because he's the golden boy of our program 446 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,509 and we're all busy, you know, licking his anus, his balls, and his taint. 447 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,636 Somebody's licking my balls? I didn't know that. 448 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,764 - Thank you, guys. - But this "patron saint of the streets" thing, 449 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,058 it's bullshit. We know it. 450 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,726 This is not a hardened criminal. 451 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,728 This guy's never been to jail. 452 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,522 Can I see your record? 453 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,774 Can I see your criminal record? 454 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,194 Guys, this is what history does to us. 455 00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,031 And I don't want to be the only one who's honest. 456 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,742 I want us to be honest together. 457 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,176 I think it's better that you guys chew on all this without me. 458 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,263 Really soak it in. 459 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,892 I have to go now. 460 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,982 I think we just found our own Lindsay Lohan. 461 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:36,860 That was some fucked-up shit. 462 00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:41,156 I hope you goons are fuckin' proud of yourselves. 463 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,033 We didn't do anything. 464 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,578 - You didn't do anything? - No. 465 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,163 You guys are a pair of barbarians. 466 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,123 You know that? 467 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:55,045 We live in a civil society that's buttressed by decency and respect, okay? 468 00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:58,048 We don't resist arrest when we've done something wrong. 469 00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,925 We don't tackle police officers. 470 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,719 And we sure as fuck do not urinate on the sidewalk! 471 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,221 It was abuse. It was stop-and-frisk. 472 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,017 You cretins owe me 3 grand. 473 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,393 3 grand! 474 00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,195 Fuckin' hate cops. 475 00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:23,949 Fuzz, 476 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,951 po-po, 477 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:27,494 pigs. 478 00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,208 Okay, later. 479 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,461 - Where are you going? - I'm not doing this with you. 480 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,963 What? 481 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,215 - Adam, you saw what they were doing. - Grow up. 482 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,051 You're a bad influence. 483 00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:45,637 I'm a bad influence. 484 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,223 You're an adult man. I can't be an influence. 485 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,766 You know, I saw this all the time with you and Hannah. 486 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,935 You getting her into these fucking ridiculous situations 487 00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,062 walking away, just being fucking manipulative. 488 00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,399 I had sympathy because I knew you had a problem, 489 00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:01,361 but you're sober and you're still pulling this shit. 490 00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,071 What are you trying to provoke? 491 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:07,200 You know what? I don't even want to... I don't want to know. 492 00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,702 It's, uh... 493 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:12,163 I don't have time for this. I don't need any more friends. 494 00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:15,458 Oh, so none is enough for you? 495 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,924 Adam, I do. 496 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,385 Please. 497 00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:30,682 Adam, I really need you to be my friend. 498 00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:34,477 Yeah, we do. 499 00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,021 Yes, we really do.