1
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,844
Okay, the free time is mind-boggling.

2
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,764
I have class once a week,
and then the rest of the week is just mine

3
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,932
to do whatever I want with,

4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,975
so it's like I'm doing,
kind of, like, home economics stuff.

5
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,852
I made these brownies myself

6
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,479
from scratch using just a mix.

7
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,523
And they're good.

8
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,608
Did you find me my Amish bonnet yet?

9
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,194
No, people here are technically Mennonites,
they're not Amish,

10
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,405
so it's actually pretty offensive
to switch the terms.

11
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,824
I'm off to Java House
to meet Trad for an espresso.

12
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,283
Okay, then you'll come back to watch

13
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,244
The Torkelsons marathon
with me on TeenNick?

14
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:38,538
Aw, that sounds so fun, but you know what?

15
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:39,831
I've gotta pop across the river

16
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,333
and help DeDe put
the finishing touches on her chapbook.

17
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,252
And then I've gotta go check on Rafe.

18
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,546
But we're gonna go to
that poet party tonight, right?

19
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,798
I mean, what other choice do I have
in this fuckin' one-horse town?

20
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,133
There's literally nothing to do.

21
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,552
ELIJAH: Bye. (KISSING)
HANNAH: Bye, lovey.

22
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,470
Oh. Hi, Jessa.

23
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,180
Oh, hey.

24
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,599
I see you haven't backed off
on the self-tanner.

25
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:02,562
Still see you're wearing
that same sad kimono.

26
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,063
Bye.

27
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:07,024
Um, so, have you been writing a lot lately?

28
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:09,277
Yeah, I mean, yeah.

29
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:15,158
Right now I'm in a more pre-writing phase,
but it's all happening or will happen.

30
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:20,121
Um... What have you heard from Adam?

31
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,330
Have you talked to him?

32
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,291
No, not really.

33
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,542
Uh, briefly this morning.

34
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,585
But before that,

35
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,336
maybe once or twice yesterday

36
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,130
and then otherwise just at AA

37
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,674
every single fucking day
for the rest of my life.

38
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,843
Okay, well, that's sort of a lot of time.

39
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,012
Does he ever mention me? Or...

40
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,723
Um, no.

41
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,393
(MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH LAPTOP)

42
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:45,772
Well, that's good 'cause I actually...
I hadn't thought of him till just now.

43
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,523
You said something else
that started with the letter "A"

44
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,859
and it made me think of Adam
and how he was doing.

45
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,904
Also made me think of apples.

46
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,115
Jessa!

47
00:01:58,202 --> 00:01:59,577
Oh, for crying sweet Jesus.

48
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,163
Nice, nice.

49
00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:05,208
I mean, it actually does look nice.

50
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,466
No, but see, it's not just about sex.

51
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:14,926
We text "good night."

52
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,594
I met his cousin.

53
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,639
He, like, puts his hand on my butt
when we're waiting in line at Starbucks.

54
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,432
He makes me look at him when he comes.

55
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,810
Okay, bottom line,
as long as he's with Clementine,

56
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:24,977
you are not his priority.

57
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,147
And you are definitely,
definitely not in any kind of relationship.

58
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,107
But I'm not the mistress.

59
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,777
You are 1,000% the mistress.

60
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,904
Not if I end up with him, I'm not.

61
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,156
Fuck, I could've sold this
to Yusef last weekend.

62
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:40,159
His situation with Clementine
is really fucking complicated.

63
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:42,578
She's got, like, this autoimmune illness

64
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,664
where she gets fevers and rashes.

65
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,667
I mean, it's weird.
He has to be very careful not to upset her.

66
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,418
It could, like, endanger her health.

67
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,420
- "Fevers and rashes"?
- Yes.

68
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,713
- Bullshit.
- It's not bullshit.

69
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,340
- Bullshit!
- He's really worked up about this.

70
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,301
- It's hard for him.
- This guy has it made in the shade.

71
00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,847
He's got a bungalow on easy street
where he has his cake and he eats it, too.

72
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:03,599
Do you understand?
The man's a Svengali, okay?

73
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:07,478
He's a Casanova who counts cards secretly
while he's got four queens up the sleeve.

74
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,355
He is not to be trusted.

75
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,109
I don't know.

76
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,530
Do you think maybe
this is just, like, cosmic retribution

77
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,574
for what we did to Shoshanna?

78
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:24,078
Putting aside my disdain
for the injection of witchcraft

79
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,498
into a conversation that was
previously tethered by logic and reason,

80
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,292
no, I don't think that's what's happening here.

81
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:32,253
Yeah, you're right.
I'm way more upset than she ever was.

82
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:35,840
(SIGHING)

83
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:41,387
Look, even if this knot
were to somehow untangle itself,

84
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,389
even if he were to jettison her,

85
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:46,475
make a host of sweeping promises to you,

86
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,270
hop on a white horse, gallop to your place
with a truckload of roses...

87
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,231
Even if he did all that,
I still don't think you should be with this guy.

88
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,610
Is it 'cause he called you a hepcat
that one time?

89
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:59,405
Because anyone who would treat you
this way is selfish and a coward.

90
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,491
And we've already established
he has one massive character flaw,

91
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,994
which is that he hasn't chosen you.

92
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,379
- Is this okay?
- Yeah.

93
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,006
Okay.

94
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,676
INTERVIEWER: And finally, if all goes well,
your responsibilities might include

95
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,470
allocating trend jewelry,

96
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:27,308
and helping us
implement our cardigan story for spring.

97
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,936
Oh, my God, I love cardigans, first of all.

98
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,438
Um, also, I really don't want to boast,

99
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,857
but I'm a little bit of an expert
when it comes to trend jewelry.

100
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,777
- And maybe, like, trends in general.
- Perfect, perfect. Just perfect.

101
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,738
Well, now that I've done
my little dog and pony show,

102
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,448
do you have any questions for me?

103
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,368
Um, not really.
This interview was super informative.

104
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,411
And fun. (CHUCKLES)

105
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,913
Right? Am I crazy to say that?

106
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,539
No, it was totally fun. It was so fun.

107
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,458
I feel like we were, like,
totally just grabbing drinks...

108
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,876
- Totally.
- ...like we were best friends

109
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,295
- and we were talking about boys.
- Oh, my God, I love it.

110
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,756
Listen, Shoshanna,
I can't officially offer you the job

111
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,132
until I meet the other candidates,

112
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,759
but if you want it, totally yours.

113
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,302
Okay, that is literally

114
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:06,222
- the exact feedback that I was hoping for.
- Yay!

115
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,225
So I guess it's safe to say
I'll be seeing you really soon.

116
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,186
Um... Actually, I don't know if you will.

117
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,773
(STAMMERING) I'm sorry, what?

118
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:19,860
Well, I mean, if I can be totally honest,
which I feel like I really can be with you...

119
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,237
Yeah.

120
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,446
...I think in my heart of hearts,

121
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,907
I knew that, like,
this was really just a trial interview.

122
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,744
You know, to hone my skills,
test, like, the firmness of my handshake

123
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,329
and the walkability of these heels.

124
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,081
Why would you come in here
and waste my time

125
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,666
if you don't want to work
at Anne Taylor Loft?

126
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,002
I just needed a run-through
before I went on an interview

127
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:39,630
for a job that I was, like,
deeply passionate about, you know?

128
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,173
Okay, great.

129
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,884
Well, thank you for your candor, I guess.

130
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,845
Yeah, no, you should know that about me.

131
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,973
I think it's really important to be honest,
even when it's a little bit difficult.

132
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,934
Super important, yeah. Here you go.

133
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,020
Oh, no, you can keep that.

134
00:05:56,273 --> 00:06:00,901
MARNIE AND DESI: (SINGING)
And I will walk with you

135
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:05,448
And stand by you tall

136
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:09,785
You can bet on me

137
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:14,707
And I will call you home

138
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,254
I will call you home

139
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,549
Ugh. I am freaking out.

140
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,593
You guys, how great are they?

141
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,804
Uh... Seriously? Goosebumps.

142
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,639
- Goosies. Feel it.
- He gets 'em big time.

143
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,641
Thank you.

144
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,685
I think we definitely
have to get Marcos in here.

145
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:35,895
Fuck. When's he back?

146
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,938
Not soon enough. Damn it. Um...

147
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,858
When can we get you guys
back in to meet Marcos?

148
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,736
- I start shooting a movie in a couple months.
- Really, anytime.

149
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,446
- But before then... Yeah, anytime.
- Yeah.

150
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,156
- Who is Marcos?
- WOMAN: He's my boss.

151
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,116
He's the one who can
really get the ball rolling.

152
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,660
- There's a ball to get rolling?
- LARRABY: Oh, yeah.

153
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,120
A big ball.

154
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,497
Wow.

155
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,291
Okay, so tell me before I pop off,
what's your story?

156
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,293
- Yeah, we're just...
- Primarily acoustic.

157
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,253
Yeah, two singer-songwriters.

158
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,463
We've recorded two demos.

159
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,341
- How'd you meet?
- How long have you two been together?

160
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,927
- What's the sex like?
- Oh, my God!

161
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,638
- I'm just kidding. Unless they're gonna tell us.
- (LARRABY CHUCKLES)

162
00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,139
LARRABY: I'm sorry.

163
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:14,266
Uh, we're... We're not together.

164
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,268
LARRABY: Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

165
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,770
- No, no, it's fine.
- DESI: No, don't feel bad.

166
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:18,896
That's a common mistake.

167
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,022
Yeah, it happens a lot.

168
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,608
I actually have a girlfriend.
Clementine Barrios is her name.

169
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,193
She's a consultant.

170
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,613
Bummer.

171
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:28,739
I'm just kidding. I'm...

172
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,449
I mean, that's great.

173
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,535
She sounds great.

174
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,869
Can I have one of those?

175
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,539
- Um... Oh, a cigarette?
- MARNIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

176
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,290
I would just love one right about now

177
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,708
- for some reason.
- Marnie, you can't smoke in here.

178
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,710
Well, we can go outside and smoke out there.

179
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,337
Marnie.

180
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,506
What?

181
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,053
We'll smoke after.

182
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,683
We had agreed on this once-a-month rule

183
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,686
that was supposed to help
with boundaries or some fuckin' shit.

184
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,063
Yeah. I think that's good, though.

185
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,941
I mean, I hate talking to people
who aren't within 50 feet of me.

186
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,484
Yeah, but every time I got her on the phone,

187
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,194
all she wanted to do
was talk about stupid shit.

188
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,279
Right.

189
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,655
Like, they sell donuts at the movie theater

190
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:10,739
- or whatever.
- Ugh!

191
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:11,991
Nothing real. I mean, she couldn't

192
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,993
- have been getting anything out of that.
- Mmm-hmm.

193
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,412
I thought talking less would keep us

194
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,081
from having those
stupid conversations about fuckin' zero.

195
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,541
Guess who.

196
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,835
- Hi.
- Hey, you wanna go get a smoke?

197
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,503
- No.
- Why not?

198
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:25,921
I'm... 'Cause I'm working right now.

199
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,090
I'm involved. I'm giving back.

200
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,800
Can you just take a break?

201
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,511
No, no, but if you want one,
you can have one.

202
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:33,596
Just take it.

203
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,014
That'd be great.
You'll meet me out there soon?

204
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,140
Mmm-hmm.

205
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,766
- See you soon.
- Bye, bye.

206
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,021
Man, you could've got your dick sucked.

207
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,647
(BOTH LAUGHING)

208
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:47,067
I let that kid make out with me the other night

209
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,445
and he just, like, came in his pants instantly.

210
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,489
- Can you believe that?
- Were you pissed?

211
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,866
No. I mean, I get it.

212
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,534
It was flattering.

213
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,328
He's having trouble with the whole God thing,

214
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,663
so I told him just replace
the word "God" for "Jessa"

215
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:00,748
and, like, see if it helps.

216
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:05,669
And now I'm, like, the only thing
standing between him and a crack pipe.

217
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,465
You think it's fine if I throw out
all of Hannah's refrigerator magnets?

218
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,137
This whole thing is why
I hate relationships between white people.

219
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,183
- Well, you don't even smoke.
- You don't...

220
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,143
I smoke every once in a while.

221
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,354
- When?
- I do every once in a while.

222
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,397
And then you started acting...
I don't even know what that was.

223
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,566
- You derailed the whole meeting.
- Don't be a drama queen.

224
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,235
That's unprofessional.
No, that's unprofessional.

225
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,111
Come on, they liked us.
We're going back to meet with Marcos.

226
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,321
- I know.
- Chill the fuck out.

227
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,614
All right, it was fuckin' strange, man.

228
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,033
- It was weird.
- Don't call me "man."

229
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,577
- Oh, my God.
- What?

230
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:40,996
Bella, what is going on with you?

231
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,041
- Can you talk to me?
- I'm talking to you right now.

232
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,710
Because you are, like,
coming from a place that I...

233
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,295
I don't even recognize this person.

234
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,631
Come here. Come here.

235
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,009
All right, you know what?
You wanna know what's wrong?

236
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,177
Yeah.

237
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,887
I'll tell you what's wrong. Sit down.

238
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,060
Okay, just so you know,

239
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,521
what happened in there
was fucking awesome.

240
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,815
- I'm so psyched about it.
- Yeah, me, too.

241
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:11,777
What else is happening
in our relationship together,

242
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,195
I can't do it anymore.

243
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,405
You're talking about the intimacy.

244
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,282
Yes, I'm talking about the intimacy.

245
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,368
I can't do it anymore, Desi.
It's not working for me.

246
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,412
I'm not supposed to be someone's mistress.

247
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,956
Nobody thinks of you as a mistress, Marn.

248
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,624
But because nobody thinks about me at all,

249
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,502
- like, in relation to you.
- I do.

250
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,548
That's not all that matters to me.

251
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,591
We're building a future together,

252
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,303
- a musical future together.
- Yeah.

253
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:41,390
So why the fuck
do you still have a girlfriend who isn't me?

254
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,562
Well, I never said that
I would end anything with Clementine.

255
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,981
Yeah, but see,
it's normal for someone to not want

256
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,942
the person that they're sleeping with
to be sleeping with somebody else.

257
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,321
Yeah, I think that's a very
culturally-specific statement.

258
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,532
But I also think that I've been very clear
with you from the beginning, Marn.

259
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:02,202
Yes, you have, but that doesn't make it okay.
That doesn't make it feel okay.

260
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,830
You are very young. You are very smart.

261
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,957
- You are very beautiful.
- Thank you.

262
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,294
And you're living in this amazing city, okay?

263
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,213
And if we're gonna have
this incredible, explosive,

264
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,716
sexually collaborative, musical,

265
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,343
love relationship,

266
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,762
which I can totally see,
to be honest with you,

267
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,931
maybe right now
what you need to be doing is exploring

268
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,725
and embracing your freedom

269
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,520
and figuring out what it is
that you really, really want.

270
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,361
The problem with your plan

271
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,780
is that I already know what I want.

272
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,992
You're not offering it to me.

273
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:47,414
So it's my sober birthday next week.
Four months.

274
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,625
Oh, cool. What are you gonna do?

275
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,752
I don't know.

276
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,880
Laser tag, bumper cars or something.

277
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:59,259
You'll probably have plans, so it'll
just be me alone at Chuck E. Cheese again.

278
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,598
When's yours?

279
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:08,352
I used to have one, but then I didn't.

280
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,562
Well, make another one then, no?

281
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,815
- No, you only get one birthday.
- Oh.

282
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,569
But if you're serious about actually
doing something, I'm... I'm in.

283
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,113
Oh.

284
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,240
Okay. I'll keep that in mind.

285
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:24,076
How have your nights been
with what's-her-face?

286
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,452
(CHUCKLING)

287
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,748
- Good, good, good.
- Right.

288
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,251
It's not like I see her every day or anything.

289
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,044
You're a liar.

290
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,754
I mean, it's cute. It's very funny.

291
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,589
But, you know.

292
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,758
I really have to pee.
Can you hold my bag a sec?

293
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,677
I'll be one second. I just...

294
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,888
ADAM: You're gonna do that here?

295
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,891
I'm not waiting for a park
or, like, stepping into a restaurant.

296
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,687
Jesus fucking... Okay.

297
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,523
(SIGHS)

298
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:57,151
Okay, cop, cop, cop, cop, cop.

299
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,278
- What?
- Put a... Put a plug in it.

300
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,696
(SIREN CHIRPING)

301
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,532
Are you serious?

302
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,909
Sorry. All done here, Officer.

303
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,286
Sorry, Officer, she's foreign.

304
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,996
You can't piss in the street, miss.

305
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,123
JESSA: Oh, come on.
Are you gonna write me up?

306
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,749
- Yeah.
- Why don't you write the city up

307
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,918
for not having enough places
for women to piss in?

308
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,128
- All right, Jessa.
- JESSA: Are you kidding me?

309
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,589
There's a toilet, like,
every 17 blocks, you know.

310
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,467
This is insane.

311
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,971
This is your summons.
You'll pay a $50 fine, all right?

312
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,055
Are you serious?

313
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,642
Why don't I just send you
the bill from my gynecologist

314
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,478
when I get a UTI from holding it in?

315
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,812
No.

316
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,731
Now, ma'am, you didn't want to do that.

317
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,150
You know what?
I'm tired of being complacent. Bye.

318
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,027
- Turn around. Stop walking. Turn around.
- Stop, miss.

319
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,487
You're under arrest.

320
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,239
- You're under arrest. Do not resist.
- (GROANING)

321
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,824
- Come on, that hurts.
- He's hurting her.

322
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,451
- Stop, you're hurting her!
- JESSA: That hurts!

323
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,203
- She's fine, she's fine.
- Stop resisting. Ma'am...

324
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,954
- Ma'am! Hey, hey, hey!
- Would you stop? You're hurting...

325
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,498
- Get this guy off me! Hey, knock it off!
- All right.

326
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,249
- You're done. Come over here.
- And you be still.

327
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,571
Yeah, she literally said that

328
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,532
the guys from Green Day
wanted to have sex with her.

329
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,450
That's disgusting.

330
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,369
Zed, Zed, do another bong hit,

331
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,745
okay, 'cause by the time I took the picture,

332
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,498
the smoke wasn't in that
whimsical cloud shape anymore.

333
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,420
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Oh, the whimsy.

334
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,047
God, I love the poets.

335
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,882
This party sucks dick.

336
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,175
What are you talking about?

337
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:48,929
The twins who live here have legal access
to medicinal mushrooms and ecstasy.

338
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,765
I mean, it's like, "You're welcome."

339
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,643
I really don't feel good. I think I have mono.

340
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,353
- For the fifth time?
- Yeah.

341
00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:59,231
Maybe it's finally something more serious.

342
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,651
(GASPS) Lilly, Lilly,

343
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,528
show me those diminutive little nips.

344
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,405
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Yeah.

345
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,698
What are you doing?

346
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,491
Did you, like, watch
the Bill Cunningham documentary?

347
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,243
Why are you taking so many pictures?

348
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,497
I just realized I got so good at taking selfies,
I wasn't feeling challenged anymore.

349
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,582
And then I thought,

350
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:20,502
"What would happen
if I turned the camera around?"

351
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,590
It was a real epiphany for me, Hannah.

352
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,759
I feel really uncomfortable.
Everyone from my program's here.

353
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,177
I don't want to be here right now.

354
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,013
It's just because you hot-rolled your hair.

355
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,682
It's just you.
You're uncomfortable in your own skin

356
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,642
and you think it's everybody else's problem.

357
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:39,146
But you know what?
Wherever you are, there you go.

358
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,148
Is that the quote?

359
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,774
Does that sound right?

360
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,902
Tito, what are you doing? (KISSING)

361
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,113
It's just like
everybody's saying it's such a gift,

362
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,281
you know, to have all this time to write,

363
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,409
but then how come the only thing I want
to do is google the one month

364
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,411
where Woody Harrelson
and Glenn Close were a couple?

365
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,038
This is what you always do, okay?

366
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,832
It's like in college when you would
cry and cry into your tater tots

367
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,917
about not getting your papers done on time,

368
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,502
but somehow you would always
get those papers done.

369
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,296
Yeah, but Marnie wrote like half those papers,

370
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,632
and now I'm in school
for the thing I actually want to do,

371
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,634
so shouldn't I actually want to do it?

372
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,094
No, that's not how it works.

373
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,430
Nobody likes what they do.

374
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,475
Do you think Dakota Fanning
wants to be Dakota Fanning?

375
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:17,976
100%.

376
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:21,229
Being Dakota Fanning is amazing.
You get so many free boots.

377
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,523
Well, if that's how you feel,
why are you even trying?

378
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,400
Because I'm a writer and that's what I do.

379
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,653
Well, I was a dancer, but you don't see me

380
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,988
five-six-seven-eighting
my way into rooms anymore, do you?

381
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,909
And when you let that go, what was that like?

382
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,495
It was the biggest relief in the world.

383
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,249
- Hannah?
- Mmm-hmm.

384
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,543
Everything works out the way it should.

385
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,424
This side of the room needs to be sexier.

386
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,260
That's good. That's really prom-y.

387
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,470
(MUSIC PLAYING)

388
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,140
(SINGING) You got me doin' funny things
like a clown

389
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,517
(CELLPHONE VIBRATING)

390
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,602
Just look at me...

391
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,854
Ploshansky.

392
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,940
When you wear your high-heeled boots...

393
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,274
What?

394
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,570
Are you fucking kidding me?

395
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,155
When?

396
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,534
Both of you?

397
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,078
CHANDRA: You know what I really hate
is this cross-pollination,

398
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,039
like blogs becoming books,
which then become TV shows.

399
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,457
Yeah, don't worry, just breathe.

400
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,085
Nobody's gonna force you
to watch The Fault in Our Stars.

401
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:28,839
- (LAUGHTER)
- You guys sound so old.

402
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:32,092
And I don't get why we're so judgy
about popular writing.

403
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,262
I write one story with a blowjob in it
and suddenly I'm "Fifty Shades of Grey girl."

404
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,305
Yeah, that wasn't just
because of the blowjob, Hannah.

405
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,142
Yeah, some stories
about blowjobs have literary merit.

406
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:44,396
Yeah, like D.H. Lawrence,
Henry Miller, Philip Roth, Martin Amis.

407
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,897
Ha!

408
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,566
"Ha"? What "ha"?

409
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,736
Ha, you only named writers with penises.

410
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,404
- Oh, snap.
- LOGAN: She has a point.

411
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,447
She has a point.

412
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,823
CHANDRA: Yeah,
how are you gonna answer that, D?

413
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,533
Uh... With an "And?"

414
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,452
And it's the same kind of patriarchal bullshit

415
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,871
female authors have been
dealing with for centuries.

416
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,539
- You're part of it.
- Take it easy.

417
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,708
You're starting to sound
a little hysterical here, okay?

418
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,376
- (CHUCKLES)
- (EXHALES)

419
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:07,502
Hysteria?

420
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:13,300
Hysteria is how they diagnosed women
who they found "uppity" in the 1800s

421
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,302
and had an excuse to remove their ovaries.

422
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,428
That was not my intent.

423
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,472
I was just saying
it's getting a little electric in here.

424
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,848
CHANDRA: You're missing her points here.

425
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:23,518
Being pigeonholed isn't fun.

426
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,437
And if you guys doubt me,

427
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,482
why don't you take a turn in the hot seat?

428
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,108
For example, look at Jeffrey.

429
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,152
What a little rich, whiny white guy.

430
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:35,614
Thinks he's Updike, thinks it's
a revolution that he hates his parents.

431
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,741
You probably only have one ball.

432
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,494
I have two balls, thank you.

433
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,454
HANNAH: I don't know
why you're laughing, Chester.

434
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,165
You are a tragically hip gaysian...

435
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,958
- Thank you.
- ...who is writing

436
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:52,172
manic-pixie-dream-girl-pseudo-Weetzie
Bat bullshit.

437
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,591
Your whole story was just like
a winky-eye emoji,

438
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,760
- followed by a poop emoji.
- D. AUGUST: Dude.

439
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,887
- Chandra.
- All right, yeah.

440
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,931
We started out as friends,
now I'm not so sure.

441
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,641
But you were blessed with an exotic name

442
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,643
and now you get to be
the first and foremost authority

443
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,312
- on third-world issues here in lowa.
- Huh.

444
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,064
- D. AUGUST: Dude!
- Priya.

445
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,066
- Hmm.
- If you keep writing about prison in the South,

446
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,235
I'm gonna murder someone
and go to prison right here in lowa.

447
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,322
- Logan.
- Bring it, Hannah. What?

448
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:20,158
You are the most bad mood Millie.

449
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,661
There's like a storm cloud
over our whole classroom.

450
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,412
Get it together. Take an Ativan.

451
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:28,250
You have no idea what medications
I'm already on, frankly, Hannah.

452
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,418
And we've got D. August.

453
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,003
- (SCOFFS)
- I know, I know.

454
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,756
We don't mention D. August
because he's the golden boy of our program

455
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,509
and we're all busy, you know,
licking his anus, his balls, and his taint.

456
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,636
Somebody's licking my balls?
I didn't know that.

457
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,764
- Thank you, guys.
- But this "patron saint of the streets" thing,

458
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,058
it's bullshit. We know it.

459
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,726
This is not a hardened criminal.

460
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,728
This guy's never been to jail.

461
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,522
Can I see your record?

462
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,774
Can I see your criminal record?

463
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,194
Guys, this is what history does to us.

464
00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,031
And I don't want to be
the only one who's honest.

465
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,742
I want us to be honest together.

466
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,176
I think it's better that you guys
chew on all this without me.

467
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,263
Really soak it in.

468
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,892
I have to go now.

469
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,646
(THUD)

470
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,982
CHANDRA:
I think we just found our own Lindsay Lohan.

471
00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:36,860
D. AUGUST: That was some fucked-up shit.

472
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:41,156
I hope you goons
are fuckin' proud of yourselves.

473
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,033
We didn't do anything.

474
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,578
- You didn't do anything?
- No.

475
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,163
RAY: You guys are a pair of barbarians.

476
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,123
You know that?

477
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:55,045
We live in a civil society that's buttressed
by decency and respect, okay?

478
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:58,048
We don't resist arrest
when we've done something wrong.

479
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,925
We don't tackle police officers.

480
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,719
And we sure as fuck do not
urinate on the sidewalk!

481
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,221
It was abuse. It was stop-and-frisk.

482
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,017
You cretins owe me 3 grand.

483
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,393
3 grand!

484
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,195
Fuckin' hate cops.

485
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:23,949
Fuzz,

486
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,951
po-po,

487
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:27,494
pigs.

488
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,208
Okay, later.

489
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,461
- Where are you going?
- I'm not doing this with you.

490
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,963
What?

491
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,215
- Adam, you saw what they were doing.
- ADAM: Grow up.

492
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,051
You're a bad influence.

493
00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:45,637
I'm a bad influence.

494
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,223
You're an adult man. I can't be an influence.

495
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,766
You know, I saw this
all the time with you and Hannah.

496
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,935
You getting her into
these fucking ridiculous situations

497
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,062
walking away,
just being fucking manipulative.

498
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,399
I had sympathy
because I knew you had a problem,

499
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:01,361
but you're sober
and you're still pulling this shit.

500
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,071
What are you trying to provoke?

501
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:07,200
You know what? I don't even want to...
I don't want to know.

502
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,702
It's, uh...

503
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:12,163
I don't have time for this.
I don't need any more friends.

504
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:15,458
Oh, so none is enough for you?

505
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,924
Adam, I do.

506
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,385
Please.

507
00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:30,682
Adam, I really need you to be my friend.

508
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:34,477
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- Yeah, we do.

509
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,021
Yes, we really do.

510
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,963
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

511
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:03,757
(NICKERING)