- ADAM: Hannah? - Mmm-hmm?
You want another glass of water?
No.
Okay,
I was gonna go get a cold-pressed juice,
so I will let you two catch up
and I will be back shortly.
Or not shortly, or whenever anyone contacts me.
- Okay, cool. - Yeah, cool.
Would anyone like a juice or a tea?
Actually, I could do an apple juice if you could...
No, thank you, Mimi-Rose.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
- You okay? - Me?
Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
Oh, um, 'cause I woke up in an alternate universe
where up is down and right is wrong?
No, no, it's completely fine.
Well, I'm sorry, this must be fuckin' weird,
but if I knew you were coming home...
What, you wouldn't have had a girlfriend?
No, I don't know. I would've... I would've warned you.
It's just something we're trying out.
You were in love with me a month ago.
Yes, I know.
It all happened in a very unexpected way.
I didn't break any rules.
Nope, you didn't break any rules,
except maybe the rule of common human decency, Adam.
Look, you made the choice to leave. You did that. I didn't do that.
- Who the fuck is she? - Her name is Mimi-Rose Howard.
- She... (STAMMERS) - That's not a name.
That's just a woman's name and a man's name with a flower stuck in the middle of it.
I mean, seriously? She's living in my fuckin' apartment?
Actually, you left it to me.
Left it to you? Adam, I'm not dead.
And now all my fuckin' stuff is gone. Where's all my stuff?
I got you a storage unit in Fort Greene.
That I paid for.
Wow, thank you, Mr. Rockefeller.
Another grand romantic gesture from the Last of the Red Hot Lovers.
Hannah, I want you to understand, this isn't about you.
You know what, Adam? I think I really understand that part.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm very tired from my journey
and I'm gonna go take a little rest in my room.
ADAM: Oh, okay.
Um...
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay.
Hey, Desi, it's Adam.
Uh, Adam Sackler. You know me.
Listen, if you talk to Marnie, could you have her give me a call,
or just come to my place... Hannah's place?
Um...
Okay, end of message.
Maybe we should just leave and let her stay here.
No, no, you don't know Hannah.
She'll stay in there until we have a new president.
She's stubborn as fuck and likes to be in bed a lot.
Would it help if I talk to her?
I'm really good in a crisis.
No fuckin' way.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, hi. Marnie, right?
No, not right, and I don't know who you are and I don't care to know.
And that is all I have to say about it.
- Is she in here? - ADAM: Yes.
Banana?
HANNAH: Mmm-hmm?
Oh, my God.
Hi.
Hi, Shosh.
- SHOSHANNA: Can they hear us in here? - I don't know.
Oh, my God, what is that?
Some hideous tapestry
that never would've been here had I lived here because...
What the fuck? What?
Okay, you definitely need to call your super.
This is something Adam and I always talked about, you know?
Making a master suite with our bare hands.
And now it's here and I have nothing to do with it.
Okay, Hannah, I understand this is about your pain
and your devastation, totally,
and I'm gonna get you a hot cup of tea for that, like, in just a mo,
but am I the only one who doesn't know about this?
We loved each other, Shosh.
We loved each other, and nothing has changed, okay?
I'm the same person I was when he loved me.
In fact, I'm an arguably better person
because I went away and figured out what I want.
Hannah, we are going to get through this.
- I want to die. - No, you don't.
You and me and Jessa and-or slash Marnie,
we are going to get through this together.
If they ever show up or call back.
Also, you have absolutely lost weight, and that is a definite.
Yes, two and a half pounds.
Yeah, I know. That's a lot.
Um, we need to find out every possible detail
about this rando hussy immediately.
My laptop's in my bag.
SHOSHANNA: Okay, what's her name again?
Mimi-Rose Howard.
Ew, of course it is.
(TYPING) Mimi dash Rose space Howard...
I don't know if I want to do this.
I don't want to be this woman-googling person.
Okay.
(MAKING SWOOSHING SOUND)
(IMITATES CHOKING)
Rhode Island School of Design, 2007 BFA.
BFA in what?
Fine Arts, whatever, with an emphasis on sculpture.
Um, wait. Holy shit.
"Mimi-Rose Howard visiting artist keynote address"?
Wait. Okay, I wanna see this.
You know what? I don't think that we should watch this.
How many of you remember your first love?
Hands.
Yes, me, too.
When I was nine, I fell in love for the first time.
The minute I saw Peter, I knew he would be mine.
Okay, you know what? We're not watching this.
- It was a bad idea. - No, I wanna finish it. I need to finish it.
I just really think that it's not a good idea.
- I need to finish it, Shoshanna. - I think that it... No!
You know what I think would be a good idea?
If you and I went to my lodgings
and I made you that warm mug of tea that we were talking about.
- And maybe you took a bath. - No, thank you.
Bye, Shosh. Thank you for stopping by.
I just think that this is really not a safe space... Oh, my God.
Okay, you just boob-hit me with your foot.
- Oh, my God. - I'm okay.
I just want to be alone.
I think she just needs some time to digest this.
Does she need to do it here?
Uh, it seems like it, but all will be revealed in the fullness of time.
I can't believe you called her first.
I didn't call her first, she just got here first.
Uh, if I were her, I'd definitely be the person I'd want someone to call first.
Actually, I called Marnie before either of you.
- Oh, well, that's nice. - You're a twat.
You know what, if you see her,
tell her her services are no longer needed.
- Hannah? - HANNAH: Who's there?
What is going on? Why aren't you in Idaho?
What do you care?
What did I do?
I'm sorry, I'm just really confused right now.
Are you here on furlough?
Adam is seeing someone.
Yeah, right, Mimi-Rose Howard.
I told you about her, right?
No.
Jessa, I think I'd remember
if you told me that my boyfriend had an entirely new girlfriend.
- Fair enough. - I don't understand what's happening, Jess.
I feel so fucking insane. How did this even occur?
Well, the heart wants what the heart wants.
You do know who you're quoting, right?
I actually am sure I told you about her.
I distinctly remember.
Jessa, I'm 100% sure you really didn't.
Okay, so let's put your mind at ease.
What do you want to know?
Nothing, everything. What do I need to know?
(SIGHS) Okay, I hadn't seen MRH in, like, a year or two
and I knew she was single after the whole Ace thing blew up,
and then I was talking to Adam about his predicament...
Oh, my God. You set them up.
I mean, what's... I don't understand. What's the problem?
You said you were leaving for two years.
(STUTTERS) Hold on, what were we supposed to do,
sit around flicking our clits till you got back?
I can't fucking believe this. I can't believe this.
Oh, my God. I mean, I don't want to hurt you.
But the fact is, is that Adam is happy.
And he's really opening up at our dumb meetings,
which is a good thing.
What is he saying at the meetings?
Hannah, you know I can't tell you that.
It's anonymous. Don't be a child.
Fuck.
You just hit me.
Yeah, you hit me.
You're a fucking bitch.
You have officially gone psycho.
She's basically reverted to a preverbal level.
- So? - So call Marnie.
I've already called her stupid phone like 10 times.
- (SHOUTING) How do you find people like... - (DOOR SLAMS)
(CAR HORNS HONKING)
HANNAH: "This is a message for her majesty, Marnie Michaels.
"This is Hannah, and this is the last message
"you'll be receiving from me during our friendship,
"which is now over because of the fact that you haven't been here for me
"during what could constitute the worst moment of my entire life.
"And I'm stuck in our old apartment in my bedroom.
"There's a hole in the wall to your bedroom.
"The place is seething with intruders.
"And I have never had to piss worse in my life,
"and probably no one else in America has ever had to piss worse than me."
(URINATING)
- CAROLINE: Really tickly! - (LAIRD LAUGHS)
CAROLINE: Deeper, deeper. LAIRD: Harder?
Oh, yeah. Oh, sweet petunia, don't be frightened.
It's safe out here now.
Where, uh... Where are Adam and her?
They're bunking down at our place for the night.
Come, step into the light, my dear.
How are your feelings? Still pretty tender?
I actually feel fine.
It was a rough morning, but now I could not feel more fine.
I'm actually worried about how fine I feel.
(CHUCKLES) Okay, I think this girl needs a cup of tea, Laird.
But I'm creaming your feet.
Why is everyone acting like tea is some magic elixir
that's gonna make it so Adam doesn't have a girlfriend anymore?
Laird, tea.
(SIGHS)
What kind of tea would you like me to stop creaming
the mother of my unborn child's feet for
and make for you, Hannah?
(FOOTSTEPS)
(WHISPERS) Who is that?
That's not them.
How do you know it's not them, Laird?
Yup, that's Angelo from 4G
and his goddamn noisy dress shoes like he's better than everyone else.
CAROLINE: Mmm, Miss Mimi-Rose. Oh, Mimi-Rose.
You know, I've only met her two or three times,
but I'm just not so sure about her, Hannah.
- Not so sure at all. - Please go on.
Well, Adam's very happy. I mean, there's that.
But, you know, like everything else in life,
that could just be illusory.
It's definitely illusory.
Yeah, and you know Adam. He has such a big heart.
Oh, huge heart.
But he's really at his best when he's nurturing the poor,
the lost, the profoundly damaged.
- Yes. - You know?
Which is why you were so perfect for him.
You know? And I'm just... I'm so sorry that you are so sad.
- Yeah. - I'm really not sad. I really feel...
You know what, I'm okay, Laird.
I'm actually totally okay.
Okay. Well, then, this'll be for later when maybe you're not feeling okay.
Okay, but I'm gonna feel okay later, so...
And there is nothing sexual about this at all
because I am about to become a father.
That's right.
But of course if you needed something of that nature,
we'd be happy to offer.
Yeah.
You're the best.
- Baby, you're so sweet. - Mmm.
- No, you're sweet. - No, you're the greatest.
I'm so lucky.
I'm the luckiest. Are you kidding?
I couldn't be...
(JAZZ MUSIC BLARING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Hey.
Hi. Um...
Is Adam here, or...
No, it's just us.
Okay.
Oh.
Okay. Thank you, Ray.
So I guess you know what's going on.
I do. I do and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry and I'm sickened.
I'm not fine, Ray.
I'm not fine at all! I can't even pretend.
This whole thing feels like a puzzle
with no possible solution, like a Rubik's Cube.
Those actually do have solutions.
I mean, yeah, if you take all the stickers off and restick them.
It's just... You know, I know we left things open-ended,
but we did not leave things that open-ended.
People can be so fucked up, Hannah.
You know? They lie, they obfuscate,
and then if that wasn't enough, on top of it all,
they think they can get away with it because everyone else does.
Yeah.
Do you understand how malignant and ethically bankrupt that logic is?
You deserve justice.
I deserve justice, and together, by God, we will have justice.
Come hell or high water, we will have our justice.
Can you flip the bacon, please?
Are you, um, okay, Ray?
Do you maybe have some stuff of your own going on, or...
RAY: No, Hannah, this is about you, okay?
This is about you and that protohominid ex-boyfriend of yours.
Okay, yeah, you know what? Now that you say it,
maybe it is a little bit about me.
Maybe it is. Maybe it's about me and the self-appointed mandarins
and fellow travelers of Community Board Number Eight.
Quick question for you, Hannah.
Let's say, hypothetically, there was a very logical, very expedient solution
to a noise pollution problem that threatened the mental health of the entire community.
Not one individual, the entire community.
And let's say the solution to this problem was so straightforward,
- (SCREAMING) - so basic, that a failure to recognize it is...
- Ray. - What?
I burned myself.
Well, put some ice on it, but hear me out here.
Now let's say the solution to the problem is so straightforward,
so practical, that a failure to realize it...
Ray, look.
I mean, what we're essentially talking about... Oh, God.
It's... That's bad.
We got to, uh, we need...
Does Adam have a first aid kit in his workshop?
Or is it all watch springs and doll heads?
I mean, they could put a left-turn-only lane. That would be something.
They could also put just a left-turn-only signal on the traffic light.
I mean, either of those solutions would probably be...
Have you talked to Marnie lately?
No.
She's with that Mumford or Son now, right?
And, no, it doesn't bother me.
- It doesn't bother you? - It doesn't bother me.
Okay.
I was her whore, Hannah. That's what I was. I was her whore.
- Uh-huh. - I was her F buddy, okay?
I'm not the type of person she's gonna, you know, end up with.
- I get that. - Why would you say that?
I'm not exactly Patrick Dempsey over here, you know?
I get that, but I reject the idea that I'm some sort of hideous troll
whose photo you wouldn't want in your wedding album.
- Here, let me see this. - I don't think you're a hideous troll.
- Ow. - No, I'm not. That's what I'm...
When you say that I'm not, it sounds like you think that I am, though,
which is hurtful.
I actually think it was the age difference.
The age difference?
It wasn't a problem for Shoshanna, right?
- That's true. - I'm 34.
Someday you guys will be, too, believe it or not.
What can I say? It's awful.
All right, so keep that on. Make sure this part is tight.
Okay.
This is what we used to do in the Boy Scouts during our wilderness survival weekends.
Keeps it dry. (CLEARS THROAT)
(SIGHS)
Hannah, I'm so sorry for everything that you're going through.
- Thank you, Ray. - I really am.
And I want you to remember one thing.
You do not deserve this.
Thank you, Ray.
That means a lot to me.
The minute I saw Peter, I knew he would be mine.
With his flaxen hair and overalls,
he was like a Norman Rockwell painting.
And one day on a ride to an ice cream parlor, he finally asked me to hold hands.
(GASPS) I was in heaven.
But that night, as I tried to read a book,
an activity that had heretofore been my favorite,
I found myself distracted.
Good use of "heretofore."
MIMI-ROSE: Where's Peter? What is he thinking about?
My private time, my time to focus and learn and grow
was being sliced in half by my new relationship.
- So, yes, when I was nine... - (KNOCK ON DOOR)
MARNIE: Hannah, you can come out. It's just me.
And I brought food.
Hello, Marnie. Glad to see you're a person who still exists.
I am so sorry. Sometimes when Desi and I are woodshedding,
we go on a cell phone diet, and...
I'm really sorry. How are you feeling?
I'm great, okay? I just need to take a quick shower.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(FAUCET SQUEAKS)
MIMI-ROSE: So, yes, when I was nine, I broke up with someone
- for hindering my creativity. - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
And nothing's changed.
Maybe I'm crazy, but who knows?
Think of all your ups and downs,
all your hopes and fears.
How many of them have been yours,
and how many have been constructs of romantic discord?
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hannah?
HANNAH: I'm in the shower!
This is not one of your more convincing fake showers, just so you know.
This is not a fake shower!
I'm in the middle of showering.
Look, I'm really sorry you and I haven't had a chance to talk about this one on one.
I really am.
Uh, yeah, that's 'cause you completely disappeared.
No, I've just... I've been juggling a lot.
Desi moved in, which is exciting,
and we've had a lot of nibbles from this label,
but, honestly, I think I've actually just been avoiding you,
because I have no idea how to say what I need to say to you.
Great, are you, uh, breaking up with me, too?
MARNIE: No, Hannah, I love you.
I want you to be happy.
Which is why I think you need to let Adam go.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.
You're the one who left.
And I'm sure he should not have moved on as quickly,
but he did, and he's just trying to be happy.
And if you don't give him the space
to at least see where this goes,
he's gonna hate you forever and you'll hate yourself.
Just trust me.
You have to let him go.
Letting go doesn't come very naturally to me.
I know that, and it's fucking hard,
but did you really think you and Adam were gonna be a forever couple?
I would've liked the chance to find out.
I think you have found out.
I think you have your answer.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
So I guess we're not like some great, artistic love story.
Maybe we are.
You and me?
Fine, I'll take it.
Mimi-Rose?
Mi... Hey.
Hey, I was just leaving.
Oh, for good, or...
Yeah, you can take that, I guess.
You want the other one? It came with two.
Um, I'll just be needing the one. It's my cast.
Ray gave it to me 'cause I burned myself pretty badly.
Oh, fuck.
You mind if I check it out?
(WINCES)
- Fuckin' Ray. - (GRUNTS)
Guy fancies himself some kind of Renaissance man,
but he doesn't know jack shit about fuck.
- It's really fine. - No, that's bad.
Go ahead and have a seat. I'm gonna go grab my gear.
Where's Mimi-Rose?
I don't know. Probably working late at her studio.
Wow, she has her own studio? That's... Really cool.
Adam, I'm not proud of my behavior yesterday.
I would say it was not my finest hour.
I guess there was just a part of me
that thought that you would, you know, wait for me
or at least never meet anyone who could possibly replace me.
I know we didn't make any promises, but that's just what I thought.
I mean, I had what at the time seemed like a totally life-changing opportunity,
and so I had to follow it through all the way.
Yeah, so you left.
- Yeah, but I'm here now. - And I was sort of relieved.
What?
I mean, I didn't realize it till after you were gone, but, yeah.
Why would you feel that way?
Did you think it was working between us?
I mean, not all the time,
but I really thought the things that weren't working, we could fix them.
We tried this all different kinds of ways.
I don't know any other ways.
Do you?
But it did work for a while, right?
Yeah, yeah, it worked like a fuckin' charm, sometimes.
(STUTTERS) What we had was real,
and it was beautiful and intense and weird and terrifying,
and there was a time I couldn't... I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else.
Ever.
(VOICE BREAKING) But you don't feel that way anymore.
No.
I'm so sorry.
I know it seems fast and really fuckin' weird, but it's what happened.
(SNIFFLES)
And I didn't plan on it, but it's what happened.
And I need to see where it's gonna go.
Do you love her?
I don't know yet.
Okay.
I think it makes the most sense for you to stay here, so I'm gonna move out.
Just give me a couple days.
Just change that every 12 hours.
- You want me to help you with this? - I got it. I got it, thanks.
Okay.
Thanks for stopping by, kid.
Thank you for stopping by.
But maybe don't call me "kid" anymore.
Okay, sure.
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
(GUITAR STRUMMING)
(SOMBER SONG PLAYS)