1 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,717 - Wow. - Yeah? 2 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:12,011 I feel really good, like we cracked it. 3 00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,179 I guess so. 4 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,597 Oh, I was feeling so angry at you, 5 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:17,100 but I feel like you're really supporting my tenure now. 6 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,853 I am, I do, of course. I'm so proud of you. Of us, even. 7 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,356 Get a load of those two, the dread on their faces? 8 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,191 - Jesus. - I know. 9 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,568 Uh, I feel there's something I want to share with you. 10 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,570 - You do? - Yeah, I do. Uh... 11 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:33,116 - I've been thinking lately that... - I'm gay. 12 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,367 What? 13 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,619 Not lately, actually. For a while. 14 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:40,790 Shut up, Tad. What is this, one of your stupid pranks? 15 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,126 No, it's not. Loreen, you have to listen to me. I think I'm gay. 16 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,335 You think? 17 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,879 No, I am. I don't think. I am. 18 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,881 - No, you're not. - Why are you saying that? 19 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:52,051 Oh, please, you're not gay. I think it would've come up. 20 00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,886 It is coming up right now. I'm serious. 21 00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:56,723 This is ridiculous. We were in therapy two seconds ago. 22 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,057 You weren't gay in there. 23 00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:00,226 Yes, I was. I just didn't want to share it with her. 24 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,228 That is who you're supposed to be sharing it with, 25 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,439 our therapist who we pay. 26 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,023 Yeah, I just couldn't do it. I don't trust her. 27 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,652 - I call bullshit on this. - Excuse me? 28 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,448 You are unhappy, Tad. You're not gay. 29 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:16,033 You're just making this up because you're a little bit chickenshit. 30 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,036 I'm not making this up. I really don't think I'm making this up. 31 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:22,165 You cannot stand the fact that I got tenure before you did, can you? 32 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,000 That's what this is about. At the end of the day, 33 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,794 every single fucking thing comes down to misogyny, doesn't it? 34 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,296 Can you hear yourself right now? 35 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,548 This is a real display, is what this is. 36 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:33,801 You wait till your hand is on the doorknob of our therapist's office 37 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,595 to tell me some lie about being gay? 38 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,805 Just man up, say you don't want to fuck me. 39 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,099 You think that's what this is? That I want to be saying this? 40 00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,143 I think you want to be saying it because you're saying it. 41 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,437 You're saying it to me right now, right fucking now. 42 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,273 All right, in hindsight, this actually seems like some pretty terrible timing. 43 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:51,027 I wasn't planning it. I wanted to wait until after your tenure party. 44 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,362 I knew it was about that. 45 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,572 Oh, fuck! 46 00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,241 I need to tell you this. I have to tell you this, 47 00:01:57,326 --> 00:02:00,912 if for one second you can try to fathom that this is not all about you. 48 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,501 It's not not about me, Tad. 49 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,628 It's not not. 50 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,976 Okay, guys, Miss Pontbriand's gonna be back on Monday 51 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,603 and, unlike me, she's not easy. 52 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,688 She's not gonna tolerate a half-finished haiku. 53 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:31,275 They're very short, there are very few syllables, so just go for it. 54 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,611 What else do you have to do? You're children. Have a great weekend. 55 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,493 - 'Sup, Cleo? - I don't even know. 56 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,203 Is he being weird again? 57 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,704 He's being so weird. 58 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,706 He basically hasn't talked to me since Tuesday 59 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:46,958 when he Facebook messaged me. 60 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,710 Today he followed Tessa to the 13th-floor gym 61 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,420 and asked her if she was into porn. 62 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,005 Ew. 63 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,298 Is she into porn? 64 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:57,552 I don't know. I don't even know how he would know. 65 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,346 Listen, I don't like him for you. I don't like anyone here for you. 66 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:03,432 I've checked out every guy in this school and none of them are cute. 67 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,685 I don't even like him, I'm just bored. 68 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,270 I like Shia LaBeouf, though. 69 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,522 Well, Shia LaBeouf's famous, 70 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:13,109 so it's not like you're gonna make that connection, so... 71 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,944 He lives in my building. 72 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,029 He is hot. 73 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:20,032 And I like the, kind of, like, light criminal activity. 74 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,951 I think I can help him. 75 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,745 I don't even like Mark. He has HPV. 76 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:25,997 He has HPV? 77 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:29,959 I mean, the disease itself isn't that big a deal. It's just kinda crazy he has it when he's 14. 78 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,336 He had sex with a girl in Poland. 79 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,629 Like, a Polish girl? 80 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,300 Like, a girl from Long Island who was on his team tour. 81 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,553 Oh, my God, where did they do it? Like, the hotel? 82 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,804 Auschwitz. 83 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,265 They had sex at Auschwitz? 84 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,768 - Hi. - Hello. 85 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,312 Hi, Cleo. 86 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,272 Hi, Mr. Parker. Cool T-shirt. 87 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,025 Oh, thanks. Yeah, my mom got it for me. 88 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,193 Cool. 89 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,158 - Okay. - Okay. 90 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,036 Okay, you just made that so awkward. 91 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,829 - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did. 92 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:09,415 You want to get something pierced? 93 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,208 I have a class at 2:00 p.m. 94 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,919 I do, too. 95 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,380 Okay. 96 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:19,300 Like, upper ear cartilage or, like, something else? 97 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:23,262 Mr. Parker left the date because he was embarrassed. He felt belittled. 98 00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:26,432 Yeah, but then he hasn't mentioned it at all since or followed up remotely. 99 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,935 Yeah, because he thinks you don't like him, so he's being coy. 100 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,104 But I do like him. I think. 101 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,481 I don't know yet. 102 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:36,901 It seems to me you've made poor relationship choices in the past. 103 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,945 Your ex seems really damaged. 104 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,237 He is really damaged. 105 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,865 Oh, my God, Cleo, you are so wise. 106 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,785 It's so weird because this song 107 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,703 is about everything we were just talking about. 108 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,881 Work it, girls. I like what I'm seeing. 109 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,591 Ew! 110 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,928 Please! We're children! 111 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,350 - Come on. - Go, run! 112 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,477 Come here, sexy love. 113 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,064 - Hi. - Hi. 114 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,565 What's happening? 115 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,694 Uh, are you ready to be stoked right now? 116 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,738 Uh, yeah. What's up? 117 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:27,660 What's up is the contents of this fucking amazing box 118 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:31,706 that are about to change our lives forever. 119 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,841 - I mean... - What? 120 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,676 I have no idea what these are. 121 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,553 Okay, let me tell you. I'll walk you through this. 122 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:46,637 - What these are... - Mmm-hmm. 123 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:51,017 ...are the tightest fucking German guitar pedals ever made in history, okay? 124 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,768 These pedals... Baby, these... 125 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,439 - These pedals are so sick. - Yeah? 126 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,316 These pedals single-handedly created the distortion 127 00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:02,611 - that became the My Bloody Valentine sound. - Uh-huh. 128 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,989 They're gonna do the same thing for us, I promise you. 129 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,199 I didn't know we were looking for a new sound. 130 00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,201 Well, maybe not right now, but down the road. 131 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,871 I'm thinking second album, third album. 132 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,707 - You're so excited. - Oh, my God. 133 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,793 Oh, my God, it was such a sick deal, too. I couldn't pass it up. 134 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:18,961 How much were they? 135 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,880 $2,000. 136 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,423 Are you fucking serious? 137 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,550 No way. 138 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,093 - I'm like... - Wait, Desi. 139 00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:28,054 That is our entire advance. 140 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,638 $2,000? 141 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,558 Yeah. I mean, the guy had no idea what he had. 142 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,019 Desi, there's nothing on this entire fucking planet 143 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,146 that's worth our whole advance. 144 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:41,650 Whoa, I'm, like, so super confused right now, babe. 145 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,902 I thought you'd be psyched. 146 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,361 No, no. Why? 147 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,489 Why on Earth would I be excited about this? 148 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,240 Marn, this is our art, right? 149 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,533 This is what we do. 150 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:52,369 This box makes our art stronger, hon. 151 00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,455 No, those have to be returned now. 152 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:58,417 Okay, even if I wanted to return them, which I powerfully do not, 153 00:06:58,502 --> 00:06:59,919 that's not happening, okay, babe? 154 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,504 The guy's halfway to Toronto by now. 155 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:02,880 - Oh, my God. - They're not going back, hon. 156 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:05,091 I cannot believe this. $2,000, Desi. 157 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,550 Do you know what else that could've bought? 158 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,886 $2,000 on that? 159 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:12,807 I cannot believe you're being such a fuckin' bitch about this. 160 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,141 - Fuck you, Desi. - I'm walking. 161 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,351 - Fuck you! - All right! 162 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,104 Go think about this decision you made. 163 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,273 Thanks for ruining my day. 164 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,150 Rain cloud. 165 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:24,985 Fuck. 166 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,405 The thing is, if you really like him, 167 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:32,284 you have to make it clear that you're young, fun, and flaky. 168 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,121 Okay, Jessa, I stopped taking advice from you quite some time ago. 169 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,289 Yeah, and notice that since then 170 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:40,709 you have been unemployed with a sandy, broken vagina. 171 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,795 I'm going through the same thing right now, Shoshanna, 172 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,088 with regards to Ace. 173 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,132 I've shown up at two of his commercial shoots, 174 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,300 and, one time, I was dressed as a little match girl, 175 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,678 and since then I haven't picked up one of his calls. 176 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,889 He tries to tell me that, like, he's not in a sexual place right now, 177 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,724 but one more day of radio silence 178 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,853 and he will be knocking at our front door, naked. 179 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,566 I mean, this is kind of your gift. 180 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,110 It's kind of my gift. 181 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,446 Shoshanna, I have four fucking suicide attempts under my belt, 182 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,740 men who just couldn't live without me. 183 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,703 Ace is different. He's, like, so self-possessed and random. 184 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:19,039 Scott is so amazing, too. I mean, he's smart, he's handsome. 185 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,667 How the fuck am I supposed to make an impression on that? 186 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,670 You have to, you know, employ an element of surprise. 187 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,089 Ooh, like jump out from behind something and scare him? 188 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,260 No, like show him an act of love when he least expects it. 189 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,518 What about a frenulum piercing? 190 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:40,686 What? 191 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,022 Your frenulum. It's like that webbing under your tongue. 192 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,274 And there's no way your mom would ever see that. 193 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,692 That's gross. 194 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,362 I think it's cool. I think, it's, like, sexual, but not too on the nose. 195 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,907 And it could be like a friendship thing. We'll both do it. 196 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,283 Okay. 197 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,243 Excuse me? 198 00:08:56,369 --> 00:09:00,039 Could we get two best "friendulum" piercings, please? 199 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,334 Who wants to go first? 200 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,793 She does. 201 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:11,717 Which earring? 202 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:15,221 I like the barbell. That's kind of badass. 203 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,847 Gold ring. 204 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:19,141 Yeah, I think the gold ring's by far the way to go. 205 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,605 - Can you hold this? - Yeah, of course. 206 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,815 Oh, look, he is basically ready. 207 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,153 So, you just plop down there. 208 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,906 Just breathe. It's really... 209 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,284 It's gonna be a chill process, for sure. 210 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,162 So, just so you know, he's just getting the clamp ready. 211 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,706 He's putting a little bit of a solution on the needle, 212 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,375 which seems like a good sign. 213 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,460 Now he's just gonna take the needle... 214 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,422 Putting the clamp. 215 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,384 Are you doing it? 216 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,678 It's going right in... 217 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,971 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 218 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,765 - Ow! - Okay. Cleo, you okay? 219 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:01,642 - Ah! - Ow! Ow! 220 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,394 I can't do this. She's moving too much. 221 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:06,397 Okay, you're moving too much, so just pull this hand down. 222 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:07,815 It's halfway through. You need to calm down. 223 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,441 - Just shove it through. - Stop, stop... 224 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,361 Just push it through. Just push it through. It's okay. 225 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:16,865 It's okay. It's okay, just push it right through. 226 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,159 - Don't... Cleo... - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 227 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,537 - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - Just keep it down. 228 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,790 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 229 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:25,874 Stop, stop, stop, stop. 230 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,003 It's almost done. It's almost done, okay? 231 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,796 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 232 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,632 It's through, Cleo. 233 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,801 Cleo, it looks so good. 234 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,221 Are you gonna go now? 235 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,181 Fuck, no. 236 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,766 You said you were gonna go. 237 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:46,186 Listen, let's get friendship necklaces, friendship bracelets. 238 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,646 But that was fucking heinous to watch. 239 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,273 You're such a pussy. 240 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,650 Listen, as an older woman and as your friend, 241 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,694 a great lesson I can teach you 242 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,446 is that it's okay to change your mind. 243 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,281 Show me. 244 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,492 So cool! 245 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,161 Hi, guys. Do you live in the district 246 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,495 - and have a moment to talk... - Nah. 247 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,621 - ...about the upcoming election? - No. 248 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,165 I don't know, I think we should go. 249 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:09,293 Okay, Ray, you need to step up your game. 250 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,712 - Step up my game? - Yeah. 251 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,923 Hi, do you live in the district and... 252 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,468 Hi, excuse me. This is Ray Ploshansky. 253 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,345 He's running for community board chairperson. 254 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,639 He's in favor of no taxes and also free bagels every morning before 11:00. 255 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:26,894 - All right, I'm in. - Wonderful, thank you. 256 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,689 - See you later. - I'll see you later. 257 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,400 - Oh, not if I see you first. - Not if I see you first. 258 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,985 All right, Tarzan, let's wrap it up. 259 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,695 Let's get you down the block. Thank you. 260 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,990 What the fuck was that? 261 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,116 I'm campaigning. 262 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,827 Shosh, you can't just lie to people. You know? 263 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,246 Honesty is the one thing separating me from other politicians. 264 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:51,126 Ray, no politician is a fan of honesty. You have to focus on results. 265 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:55,214 The fact that you're not already running a Fortune 500 company is baffling to me. 266 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,841 Okay, please, please, can we not talk about my stifled job situation? 267 00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,468 My brain really needs a repose. 268 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,429 Sure. 269 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,141 - So, how's the love life? - Seriously, Ray? 270 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,936 Shosh, I think we should be able to talk about this sort of stuff by now. 271 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,980 - Don't you think? - Okay. 272 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,025 Well, then, since you asked, I happen to have a date 273 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,277 with a man who is very much intriguing to me. 274 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,362 Is that weird for you? 275 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,696 No. 276 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:20,906 No, I think that's great. 277 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,993 I think you deserve someone who's very much intriguing. 278 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,414 - How about you? - Me? 279 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,748 I got nothin'. 280 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,584 Crickets and tumbleweeds, that's what I got. 281 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,921 I went on eHarmony the other day. 282 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,881 Yeah, but I didn't even start the process of actually... 283 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,383 - Ray! - Would you like a flyer? 284 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,592 - Ray, that's wonderful. - Yeah. 285 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,345 My best friend Zeva met her soul mate on eHarmony. 286 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,097 And he used to be a professional baseball player, 287 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,390 so there's no stigma. 288 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,434 No, no, it's not that. It's not a... 289 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,812 There's someone I know I don't want to be with. 290 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,440 Like, I know it. I know we're not the right fit, I get it. 291 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,276 But despite that, there's, you know... 292 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,111 It's one of those things where you're waiting for your heart 293 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,195 to catch up to your brain. 294 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,824 Ray, you are going to find somebody, I promise, 295 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,201 who is so much more right for you than I ever was. 296 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,537 Shosh, that's so sweet of you to say. 297 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:12,541 I appreciate it, but I'm actually not talking about you right now. 298 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,751 Well, then who are... 299 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,213 Fucking Marnie? 300 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,715 Okay, you don't need to... 301 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,841 Volume. 302 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,217 Where are you going? 303 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,761 I'm campaigning over here. Excuse me, sir! 304 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,889 - Okay, you don't... - Ray Ploshansky! 305 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:48,827 You okay? 306 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,540 I got two bottles of Riesling. 307 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,668 Riesling's too sweet. 308 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,588 No one likes it. 309 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:03,258 - Should I get something else? - Don't bother. 310 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,434 Whoa, hey, slow it down, my brother. 311 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,274 - Hey. - Hey. 312 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,568 - How's it going? - Yeah, it's going. 313 00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:24,112 Just ol' National History Day. 314 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,949 I just wanted to apologize about our date the other night. 315 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,493 That was not the way that I wanted to act. 316 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,454 I kinda really messed that one up. 317 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,831 I kinda got away from myself 318 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,125 and before the shit hit the fan, I was having an amazing time. 319 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,422 Well, I appreciate that. Thanks. Yeah, no worries. 320 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:45,801 And I've been trying to make some kinda better choices in my life 321 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,178 and, you know, new choices, 322 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,514 and, I think, one of those choices would be to hang out with you. 323 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,225 - And, you know, make up for the nonsense. - Oh. 324 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,977 Yeah. 325 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:59,565 Uh, I can't do that. 326 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:07,155 Okay, can you explain why you can't do it? Is it, like, a scheduling issue? 327 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,200 Yeah, look, um, 328 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:14,204 you're a very smart and, uh, unusual person, 329 00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:16,748 and I like talking with you very much. 330 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,750 - Ditto. - Cool. 331 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:22,462 But I'm just trying to, you know, not be so attracted to drama. 332 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,298 Uh, on the whole. 333 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,676 To lead a calmer life, as Mary J. Blige tells us to. 334 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,971 My ex entirely drained my bank account... 335 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,264 - I'm sorry. - And then... 336 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,557 Well, thank you. 337 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,768 ...finished it off by pouring battery acid on my plant. 338 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,186 Well, you wouldn't have to worry about that with me 339 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,855 'cause I don't even know where you'd find battery acid. 340 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,648 You, like, chop open a bunch of batteries? 341 00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,442 That would take hours, like making pomegranate juice. 342 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,902 Hannah, Hannah, I'm trying to be gentle here. 343 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,904 Fran, I'm not the person that you think I am. 344 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,699 I think you are exactly the person that I think you are. 345 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,659 I think you're not the person that you think you are. 346 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,995 - I think that's where the confusion is. - Uh-uh. 347 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:56,371 Yeah-huh. 348 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,500 Look, just hear me on this, okay, please? 349 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,419 - You can walk away. - Okay. 350 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,962 - And I'm just gonna leave you with this. - Okay. 351 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,548 And percolate on it over the weekend like your little coffee machine. 352 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,674 Just... 353 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,302 You're attracted to me... 354 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,554 ...you're intrigued by me, 355 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,098 you think I'm a wild horse and you want to tame me. 356 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,101 I understand all of that. It's the new frontier of misogyny. 357 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,479 Take a woman who's in control of her life... 358 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,148 ...and then silence her. 359 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,108 And I'm up for it. 360 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,491 'Sup? 361 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:35,202 Hey, Rider. Hey, Rainbow. 362 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,453 Okay, 363 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,915 she published all of your e-mails on her Tumblr? 364 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,834 Yeah. I'm telling you, she lost her mind. 365 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,588 She decided that I was the embodiment of the white male oppressor. 366 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:47,839 Yeah. 367 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,801 And I was like, "Did I not just pay for your cat's dialysis?" 368 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,135 Bitches be cray. 369 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:55,055 Yes, thank you. 370 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,767 Well, anyway, thank you so much for joining me for a meal, 371 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,561 even though I know we got off on a strange foot. 372 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,313 No, it's... I'm a renegade. 373 00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:06,233 You know, things get crazy for me and, like, you wouldn't be the first, so... 374 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:10,320 Yeah, I'm also totally unemployed, so I can pretty much be anywhere at any time. 375 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,490 Well, you won't be unemployed for long 'cause you're a real doer. 376 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,159 That's totally what I thought, 377 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,453 but this whole experience has been, like, so disheartening. 378 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,957 I was so sure that I was gonna be able to show, like, all of my failure friends 379 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,834 how easy it was to have a viable job, 380 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,545 but, no, I'm now a failure, too. 381 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:27,713 Okay. 382 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,215 We don't use those words. 383 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,803 "Failure," "Pathetic," "Loser," "Lame." 384 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,681 - Okay. - Okay? 385 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,266 Okay. 386 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,728 What about "lamesauce"? 387 00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,313 Um... 388 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,399 Okay, yeah. "Lamesauce" is okay. I'll accept that. 389 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,483 - Okay. - That one's fine. 390 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,408 Hi, Shanaz! 391 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,326 Yay! Hello! 392 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,203 Shanaz, can we get Watchtower? 393 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:03,206 It's those annoying Seventh-day Adventists again. 394 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:06,626 So, I guess, it takes you getting tenure to finally get you over here, huh? 395 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,337 Well, you know what they say, there's no party like a tenure party. 396 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:10,505 Who the hell says that? 397 00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:13,467 - It's, uh, Riesling. It's too sweet. - Thank you. 398 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:16,094 It's not too sweet. If the Germans like it, how sweet can it be? 399 00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,721 That's wonderful of you. I'm so glad. 400 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,806 We might not have enough to eat otherwise. 401 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,099 Well, what can we do to help? 402 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,517 I know what would be extremely helpful. 403 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,394 How about if you drank this drink, 404 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,438 you walk with me a little bit, allow me to brag, 405 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,398 and then I'm gonna show you the galleys of my new book. 406 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,358 - How about that? - That sounds lovely, delicious. 407 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,693 - Here we go. - Okay, cheers. 408 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,195 - Girls, catch you in a minute. - Have fun, boys. 409 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,947 Good luck, Tad. You may need the whole bottle. 410 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,284 Oh, I invited Gregg and Thyme. I know you hate them, but I had to do it. 411 00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,620 Come on, they have those Hello Kitty lunchboxes. 412 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,580 They're nice. 413 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:44,664 Hello Kitty? 414 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:48,335 Okay, I know it's not your style to be the center of attention, 415 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,962 but you worked for this. 416 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:54,549 This is about you now. I am so proud of you. 417 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,092 Oh, and furthermore, 418 00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,472 fuck that little classicist who thought she was gonna get your job. 419 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:04,726 Fuck her right in her tiny little fuckface. 420 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,730 It is good to know I never have to move again. 421 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,691 Is that it? You always play everything down. 422 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,819 This is your party. 423 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,280 - Yay, your party! - Whoo! Whoo! 424 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,075 Avi, this is fantastic. I'm so happy for you. 425 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,576 You're very kind. 426 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:23,912 So, how's yours coming? 427 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,748 You know, dribs and drabs. 428 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,042 It's sort of a weird time for me. 429 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,336 Yeah, honestly, I was sort of wondering about that. 430 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,462 Yeah. 431 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:35,674 Yeah, I hope you don't mind my asking. Are things okay with you and Loreen? 432 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:36,758 Oh, yeah. 433 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,719 I noticed things looked, well, sort of strained. 434 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:43,098 Well, it's a challenging moment, to be sure. 435 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,350 Strange, you know? I mean, I'm wondering, 436 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:49,563 how late is too late to change? 437 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,857 You ever get that feeling? 438 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,985 Listen, this is something everybody goes through. 439 00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:58,613 Trust me, Shanaz and I have been through it many, many times. 440 00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,781 Really? 441 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,200 I mean, like, he was 12 years older than I am. 442 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,911 I mean, sorry, he is 12 years older than I am 443 00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,872 - 'cause he's not dead, so... - Yeah. 444 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,249 And I was like, "I want to be inspired by someone. 445 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,252 "I want to be excited by someone. I want to really respect somebody." 446 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,754 And I do, I do respect him because he's his own man, 447 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:15,881 and that totally takes courage, 448 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,883 but he's also, like, a little bitch. 449 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,926 Yeah, I... I get it. 450 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:25,932 My ex, I think, she just wanted to be the wife of a successful business guy, you know? 451 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:29,311 And go to parties that Ivanka Trump would be at 452 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,980 and buy a $17,000 couch, 453 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,482 and that just was never gonna work for me 454 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,194 'cause I... I want to watch someone soar. 455 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,615 Yeah, me, too. 456 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,744 - But enough about the past. - Yeah. 457 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,829 - Let's look towards the future. - Totally. 458 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,332 Forward-looking. That's the... That's the way to be. 459 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,209 Like, I want to know more about the future... 460 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,087 Of your cock. 461 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,256 Excuse me? 462 00:20:58,341 --> 00:20:59,591 Yeah, I want to know more about the future 463 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:04,179 of your, um, big hard cock when I put my hand around it 464 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,724 and it gets so hard, and then I shove it into my slimy vagina 465 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:10,477 like one of those deli pickles. 466 00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:13,897 What? It's not funny. 467 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,441 Sorry, it was kind of funny. 468 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:19,361 Shoshanna, I like you, okay? 469 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,863 And I also like the thought of your hand on my cock, 470 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,533 but not when half of the cast of The Good Wife is at the bar. 471 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,369 What? Oh, my God. 472 00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,453 - Oh, my God. - You see 'em? 473 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,538 - Oh, my God. - I know. 474 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,123 - That's Josh Charles. - I know. 475 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,667 - He died. - I know, he's alive. 476 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:35,001 Oh, my God. 477 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,631 You guys don't know how lucky you have it. 478 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:43,009 I mean, your Hannah's a creative, what all children should be. 479 00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:45,345 - Soraya is so... - What? 480 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,013 Look, I don't want to be a bitch. 481 00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:50,183 She's my daughter, I love her, but she's boring. 482 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,477 Only you would be bored by a daughter 483 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,688 who's an infant cardiac surgeon, for Christ's sake. 484 00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:55,772 What could I do? 485 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:58,191 - Lana smoked meth. - Oh, Gregg. 486 00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,694 Well, she did. We found out she was smoking meth, 487 00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,529 so it could always be worse. 488 00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:03,863 How the hell could it be worse than that? 489 00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:06,116 She's a creative. She's a professional dancer. 490 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,826 Oh, well, it's fine, then, yeah. 491 00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:09,536 Well, uh... 492 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:11,913 I just want to... 493 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,999 - I just want to make a toast. - Oh. 494 00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,334 Should I get out the sleeping bags? This gonna be an all-nighter? 495 00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,169 No, I promise to make it short. 496 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,380 - I just want to say that... - Good. 497 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,966 - ...tonight I'm so proud of my wife. - Aw. 498 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,552 I am, my life partner. 499 00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,054 My closest friend. 500 00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:32,767 You're everything to me. 501 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:34,477 And these years have been a gift. 502 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,943 And this honor is well-deserved. Beyond that, it's inevitable. 503 00:22:42,111 --> 00:22:47,032 And it's everything that you... That we wanted. 504 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:48,742 What? 505 00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,287 What I'm feeling is something akin to pride. 506 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:54,372 Excuse me. 507 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:58,209 I cannot stand to listen to this bullshit for one more second. 508 00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,544 - Bullshit? - Just not now, Tad. 509 00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,087 - Loreen. - Not now. 510 00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:02,547 Come on. 511 00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:09,721 Listen, she's... She's had a very big night. 512 00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:13,141 I really think we should just enjoy ourselves, just eat, just finish dinner. 513 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:14,392 - Yeah. Yeah. - Let's just eat, okay? 514 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:17,020 - Good idea. - Yeah, thanks, Av. 515 00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:23,943 - Quick! - Jesus, Avi. 516 00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:25,737 No, super quiet. Just be quiet. 517 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:27,155 What? 518 00:23:28,532 --> 00:23:30,283 Oh, God. 519 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,411 Are you insane? Stop it. 520 00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:35,330 You didn't stop it up at the lake last summer. 521 00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,415 That was a mistake. Just please stop. 522 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:39,751 Listen, I know how things are. I know you're having problems. 523 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:42,420 - I know it, he told me. - He told you? 524 00:23:42,505 --> 00:23:45,090 Listen to me. I love you. 525 00:23:45,174 --> 00:23:48,343 I love you, and I've got to tell you now on the eve of your tenure. I love you. 526 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,470 My feelings for you are getting stronger every single day. 527 00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:54,349 This is insane. You have completely lost it. Just let go of me. 528 00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:56,768 Listen to me, I see you. I see the pain that you're in. 529 00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:58,603 It's coming off you like a stink. 530 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:01,731 You have no idea. Just leave me alone. 531 00:24:02,316 --> 00:24:05,902 Jesus, what bad fucking timing. 532 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,404 All right, sorry. 533 00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:10,156 You needn't mock me. 534 00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:13,118 I'm not mocking you. I'm not mock... 535 00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:21,209 Just take a shower or something. 536 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,514 Hey. 537 00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,349 - Hi. - Hey. 538 00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:40,812 I'm really sorry, you know? 539 00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,522 Okay. 540 00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:44,732 I was so selfish and, like... 541 00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:50,655 After I left, I was just taking a walk and... 542 00:24:50,739 --> 00:24:52,615 You know, I started thinking about my old man 543 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:55,493 and I feel really ashamed, Marn. 544 00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:56,995 Good. 545 00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,832 Hey, Marn, can you stop typing for a sec? 546 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,627 Do you mind if I sit down? 547 00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:10,383 Look, Marn... 548 00:25:10,801 --> 00:25:13,011 No, listen. 549 00:25:13,095 --> 00:25:15,847 I am not a materialistic person at all. 550 00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:19,184 This is what tore my parents' marriage apart. 551 00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:20,977 This is a real fucking thing for me. 552 00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:24,022 - Money destroys couples. - I couldn't agree... 553 00:25:24,106 --> 00:25:26,858 It destroys trust when one person in a couple 554 00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:29,444 is misallocating funds and is misusing the money... 555 00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:32,530 Marnie, please, baby, shut up for a sec. There's something I need to tell you. 556 00:25:32,615 --> 00:25:33,865 What the fuck is your problem? 557 00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:35,491 Can you just... I gotta say... 558 00:25:35,576 --> 00:25:36,743 I gotta say something here. 559 00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:37,869 - Okay. - Can I talk? 560 00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:40,538 Yes, talk. Jesus Christ. 561 00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:43,333 Today was the very last day of my life 562 00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,877 that I ever want to make a decision without you. 563 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:46,961 Good. 564 00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:55,136 What's happening? 565 00:25:56,764 --> 00:26:00,308 I'd always swore that I would never get married 566 00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:02,393 until my gay cousin Destin could, 567 00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:04,938 but I can't wait any longer, baby. 568 00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:08,858 Marnie Michaels, will you marry me? 569 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,577 I love you. 570 00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:20,828 Des! 571 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,082 I'm confused. I'm so confused. 572 00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:25,500 So maybe you're wrong. 573 00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:27,001 I don't think I'm wrong. 574 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:28,336 How do you know? 575 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:32,131 Because this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and I'm doing it. 576 00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:34,717 And, truthfully, I watch a lot of gay pornography. 577 00:26:34,802 --> 00:26:36,344 Oh, God. 578 00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:40,348 So... 579 00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:43,685 You want to suck a dick now? That's what you want to do? 580 00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:44,811 You don't have to be vulgar. 581 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:47,021 No, I just want to know if you mean it. 582 00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:49,357 - You want a dick in your mouth? - Loreen... 583 00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:51,943 - You want to suck someone else's dick? - Okay. 584 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:54,946 Or do you want to put it in somebody's ass... 585 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,614 - All right. - Like in a... 586 00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:01,035 It's probably Avi. 587 00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:03,913 He's in love with me. 588 00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:10,503 Uh, no, it's Hannah. Hannah, our daughter. 589 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:13,089 I'm not telling her. You have to tell her. 590 00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:14,716 I'm not ruining her childhood. 591 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,176 I'm not telling her her whole life has been a lie. 592 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:19,137 All right, I'll tell her. I will. 593 00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,139 - Hi. - Hi, Mommy. 594 00:27:21,223 --> 00:27:22,223 Tell her. 595 00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:23,641 Not now, not on the telephone. 596 00:27:23,726 --> 00:27:24,809 - Just tell her. - No. 597 00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:27,895 Tell me what? Wait, Mom, I need to ask you something. 598 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:31,065 Do you think I'm a dramatic person? 599 00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:33,484 'Cause this guy that I like, or don't even like, 600 00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:36,487 I went on one half date with him and he claims to like me... 601 00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:38,448 - Sweetie. - ...says I am too dramatic. 602 00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:41,909 I'm not dramatic. I'm a person who's not gonna sugarcoat things. 603 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,788 - Sweets. - I'm a person who really gets a lot out of life. 604 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,874 - Hey, Hannah? - Okay, and I'm also a person 605 00:27:47,958 --> 00:27:49,542 who sees the darkness in life. 606 00:27:49,626 --> 00:27:51,210 I'm not a fucking character on The Hills. 607 00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:53,004 I'm responding to real issues. 608 00:27:53,088 --> 00:27:54,922 I'm responding to the financial crisis. 609 00:27:55,049 --> 00:27:58,301 I'm responding to the fact that so many people are homeless. 610 00:27:58,385 --> 00:27:59,677 - Hey, Hannah? - If that makes me dramatic, 611 00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:01,637 if that makes me Courtney Love, 612 00:28:01,722 --> 00:28:03,723 you know, then I can handle that, 613 00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:05,725 but the thing is, it's like there's no way... 614 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,895 Hannah! Your father is gay. 615 00:28:15,778 --> 00:28:17,111 Uh...