Your relationship to the students is not the problem here, Hannah.
Okay, good, 'cause I'm basically the teacher of my dreams,
like if Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle had a baby with that guy from Reading Rainbow.
Yeah, it's the other teachers who are complaining about you now.
What? What teachers? What complaints?
Apparently, they've heard that you regularly disparage them to your shared students.
That is ridiculous.
I don't know them well enough to disparage them.
They're so cliquey, they don't invite me anywhere.
"Señora Gomez is definitely doing it with Madame Schwartz,
"and I would know because I'm doing it with Fran."
You describe Mr. Kildahl as having, quote, "phantom centaur butt."
Which, I'm guessing is your idea of a humorous remark.
I mean, it's jokey, but what it really is
is when a guy has an ass that, like, really sticks out
to the point where it seems like a whole horse has been cut off him.
Quote, "I hate Mrs. Doerfler. I just do."
Okay, you have to give me that one. She is not nice. It's like Matilda in there.
Hannah, we have been down this road before.
Now, this is a situation where I'm gonna have to take serious action.
I mean, I've been lenient with you in the past and that's because you're liked,
you're a favorite here,
I'm not gonna lie to you. But, I mean, come on.
What can I do? You've put me in a very difficult position.
You're right.
I have.
I have and I'm sorry.
Can you think of a solution?
Honestly, men are so afraid of the female vagina,
we should be, like, galvanizing and using this tactic to literally win wars.
I also think it helped that my bush is at full capacity right now,
which I'm sorry about.
Are you fucking kidding me, Hannah?
What is wrong with you?
Do not play dumb with me.
I don't even know where to fucking begin with you.
Okay, it seems I woke the beast again.
This is not a joke.
Showing your vagina to your boss is not an okay thing to do.
It wasn't sexual, Fran. It was so I would get out of trouble.
To "get out of trouble".
We are not five, Hannah. Jesus Christ!
Listen, okay, it worked.
Do you really not get it?
Are you that broken?
Like, how damaged is your thought process?
As an adult, you should know taking your genitals out and...
Stop, okay? Literally stop. I didn't do anything that bad.
I'm not like Bill Cosby or something.
Okay, you just interrupted me.
Please do not interrupt me when I am speaking to you.
- I have asked you not to roll eyes at me, a lot. - I was not rolling my eyes at you.
I was looking up at a cloud formation that looked a lot like Blake Lively.
It's gone.
At the very least, I would hope that you would know
I would never want you to show your vagina to anyone but me.
So, now I'm not supposed to show my vagina to anyone but you, Fran?
It's about to be summer!
Aren't you supposed to be preparing right now?
Like, getting into character and putting on your...
That codpiece?
No, I'm good.
Okay.
So, you're ready.
- I'm ready. I'm ready. - Okay.
Are you ready for everything?
Yeah.
Wait, what do you mean?
Like, you know, like Hannah and everybody. Isn't everybody coming tonight?
You and me in front of them, in front of Hannah? Jesus.
Well, I guess I'm just... Haven't thought about it.
I'm just gonna be acting most of the time.
Well, that's good for you.
I guess it doesn't matter. I'm not even talking to her anyway.
We had a massive row.
So, why are we talking about it now?
(LIPS TRILLING)
Okay.
(MOANING)
(GIGGLING)
- Goodbye. - Bye.
- Wish me luck. - Okay.
Make sure to watch from the fire escape!
Best view.
What are you doing?
We have plans this evening to see a play.
We are now at that play.
I don't want to have this discussion right now.
Well, I do.
Oh, oh.
Hannah wants to do something rude, disruptive, and inappropriate.
(SARCASTICALLY) What a twist.
Welcome to 38 Neighbors, a theatrical retelling
of the Kitty Genovese tragedy.
In 1964, Kitty Genovese was murdered outside her home
in the middle of the night.
Dozens of neighbors heard her cries for help and did nothing.
And you are about to become one of them.
The staircases behind me lead to the apartments
in which the play will be taking place.
Explore at your choosing.
By entering this building, you have all become silent bystanders.
Go. Witness.
Fran, I really do not feel like I can be a good witness
until we finish this conversation.
Hannah, I'm not sure how I can be clearer.
I do not make scenes in public.
Great, then we'll keep this really brief. I don't think this is working for me anymore.
Oh, my God, so now you're gonna threaten me to get what you want?
Really flexing the maturity muscles today.
Nice.
I'm not kidding, Fran. My anxiety's really spiking.
Come with me. We're not going that way.
- He's not coming with us? - No.
GUIDE: Please pick the apartment to witness from. The play is about to begin.
So, I guess this is really more of a play about the neighbors who ignored Kitty
and not so much about Kitty herself.
'Cause I was doing some Wikipedia-ing last night
and I had completely forgotten the fact that Kitty was a lesbian.
Do you think that may have been a factor in what happened to her?
Wouldn't surprise me. Another woman deemed "unacceptable" by society
and left to die for her sins.
Will you stop talking, please?
The play has barely started.
- That's not how plays work. - Okay, Ray, great.
Silence me, just like all of them.
How are we supposed to learn...
Stop ignoring me, Ellen. I know you took it without asking.
Oh, shush up, Joan.
I'd never wear your stupid mini.
I'm telling Mom you wear blusher to school.
Fine, I hate you anyway.
(HE'S SO FINE PLAYING)
Hey, guys.
- Hey. - Shh. Keep it down.
I'm sorry, it's not like the actors are doing anything interesting.
Literally all I've seen since I got here was some beatnik rolling cigarettes.
This isn't a fucking Raffi concert, all right? Respect the craft.
All right, then, will you go out in the hallway with me
so I can talk to you about something important?
Me?
- Yes. - You.
I know you can't answer me, but I just decided you're actually an amazing dancer.
What's up? What's on your mind?
Can you, um...
Are we praying?
I left Desi.
Wow.
Really?
Is this for real?
Yes, Ray, this is the realest thing I've ever done.
Hmm.
And I wanted you to know.
How did it finally happen?
It wasn't like a big fight or anything.
It was a lot of little shitty moments kind of strung together, you know?
Look, if I'm being completely honest with myself,
I think I probably knew we were going to get divorced
before we even got married.
I just was really scared of what it was that I knew that I needed.
I think that what I need is to be...
Alone.
To be alone, yeah. I mean, right. That makes sense.
So, that is where I am.
And I wanted to know what you think.
What do I think?
I think that, um...
I'm sorry you're going through all this.
- Thank you. - That's what I think.
I think I'm handling it pretty well.
Yeah, I think it's also important to go back in there and witness.
Otherwise, we repeat our mistakes.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Seriously, you have no idea.
It's less of a boat and more of a floating palace, really.
Out of this world.
I really like your top.
I have a friend who has one sort of like that, but it doesn't do the same thing for her.
- Thanks. - Boys, I'm so sorry.
I have to deal with a Chinese fur catastrophe, of all things.
See you later. Catch up later.
Great party, Dill.
Head-to-toe mesh and Chinese fur.
What?
What do you think about all this? You having fun?
- Yeah, of course I'm having fun. - Good.
I did poppers with the guy who invented Boy Butter.
And then this lady in a corset
asked me if I was one of Ralph Lauren's adopted male model sons.
Ralph doesn't have any adopted sons.
I know, that's why I'm sticking to my story that I'm one of them.
- Good on you. - Right?
Yeah, I'm just checking in.
It's important to check in. That's something I care about.
Have I told you how happy I am that you're here tonight?
Well, I'm happy to be here.
I feel oddly at home. Your friends are all very nice.
Mine are mean and poor.
Yeah, they're good people.
It's easy to lose sight of what's important, and good people are what's important.
In my line of work, you get stuck between these two polarities,
with orphans in Haiti and rich meals,
tsunami-wrecked shores and fine suits.
You get emotional whiplash. It's hard to tell what's real and what's not.
But in the end of the day, it's who's left standing beside you that matters most.
I'm so happy that you're standing beside me.
Wow, you're like a poet.
I guess I'm inspired.
How you'd like to meet Zac Posen?
- I would love to meet Zac Posen. - Okay.
ADAM: No, no, no. I don't owe you a goddamn thing, Ruthie.
RUTHIE: You owe me the last 20 years, ya queer.
You want me to prove to you I'm not queer?
You want me to do more for you than I already do?
- (WOMAN SCREAMING) - Oh please.
What do you fucking do for me anyway?
Dirty the dishes and leave your underwears around?
- What's that? - What?
It sounded like a lady out there.
So what?
Since when are you interested in girls, anyway?
Something strange going on out there, I think.
WOMAN: If you want one of his cigarettes, just take it.
People were totally eating out of the candy bowl next door.
God. Dios mío. I should've married your sister.
No, you should've married my brother.
I don't want to hear about this anymore.
- Dad, I think there's a lady in the courtyard. - It can't be anything good this time of night.
Did you finish your homework?
No, I was watching a program and forgot. Why do I...
ADAM:...you guys aren't hanging out together at the grocery store,
sucking each other's tits.
- RUTHIE: Fuck you. - ADAM: Fuck you!
- (WOMAN SCREAMING) - (MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(WOMAN CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
The point is, if Sir Ian McKellen wants to use me as a human shield,
who am I to argue?
- It looks like it's time for a refill. - I'll get it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
You're the host. People need you.
Thank you, dear.
Okay, now's the time in the evening where I explain ISIS to you.
So, just... We're just gonna take it down a notch and...
Please, you're just in time.
Quite the shindig.
I've already had, like, 14 of those tiny plates of tartar
with that little quail egg.
I know, if this building got bombed, Sarah Jessica Parker
would have to speak at, like, 100 funerals.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Were you here last month for the morning rave?
Uh, no. No, I was not.
What brings you here tonight?
Well, our fair host, actually.
Oh, nice.
Dill's a doll, isn't he?
Yeah, yeah.
It's always hard to know when somebody's so, you know, "famous,"
but I gotta say, he really knows how to make a guy
feel like the only girl in the room, you know?
Mmm.
He called me from Baghdad the other week from a satellite phone
just to see how my teeth cleaning went.
I mean, so sweet.
Oh, I mean tell me about it. You know, he took my friend Muzzy
to this black-tie gala last week
and, you know, Muzzy doesn't even own a tuxedo.
Dill had one made for him. Made. You know, lifesaver.
Really?
Rosemary mojito, please, yes.
You know, I feel like a lot of people here have stories like that.
You know, like one time I was complaining about how stressed out I was at work
because of all these promotions I was getting,
and I didn't know whether Dill was listening.
And he treated me to a weekend in the Bahamas.
That was, of course, before I met my boyfriend.
Of course.
- Do you know Shane? Metzler-Cobbling? - No.
No? Okay, well, he and Dill only dated for, like, two weeks,
but Dill still lets him live in his spare downstairs apartment.
I mean, it's not even a creepy deal.
Like, they only have sex when Shane really wants to,
which I hear is a lot, but, like, I haven't talked to Shane in a while...
- Please walk away. - Okay.
This neighborhood, there's always noise outside.
You don't think anything of it.
We were just living our boring lives, baby.
- This play is super unrealistic. - I need to talk to you now.
Can I ask you, do you think that I deserve all of the things that are happening to me?
Maybe.
Are Jessa and Adam fucking?
Come on.
Seriously, Marnie, if you know anything, I can take it.
You gotta tell me. I need you to share...
I'm sorry, I've been a little too busy Yelping divorce lawyers
to worry about the sex lives of our second-tier friends.
I know it.
They're fucking. They are fully fucking.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
Someone's in here.
There you are. You disappeared.
And, to add insult to injury, with my drink in your hand.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Sorry, I guess I just needed a break.
Well, you come out when you're ready.
You look hot as hell tonight. I wanna show you off.
Hey, Dill, did you take someone named Muzzy to a black-tie gala last week?
I'm sorry, but did you?
I took a friend to a work event last week, yes.
There are many friends, there are many work events.
Is there a reason why you're asking?
No, I just...
No, somebody just said that.
Mmm-hmm.
They also said you keep a guy named Shane downstairs for sometimes-sex.
Heh.
(LAUGHS AND CLEARS THROAT)
Of course they did.
(SHUTS DOOR)
You know, just because I'm a public figure,
people feel they have a right to say what they want, think what they want.
God damn it, it's hard sometimes. I don't have any power to stop it.
It's good that you're learning this now, Elijah.
There's always gonna be people in your ear. The key is knowing when to tune it out.
You know that I would never disappoint you on purpose, right?
I know.
So, lighten up, tough guy. It's a party.
(LAUGHS)
I just want to be clear about what our situation is.
(SIGHS) What situation?
I'm a busy man with a lot of important friends.
Many of them are out there right now.
Most of them are enjoying themselves.
There's only one who isn't, and he's standing right in front of me,
keeping me from them.
Well, maybe those people don't want to say anything
'cause they're too psyched to be hanging out with a famous person.
No, I don't think that's it.
What?
So, now I should leave?
Do you think you should leave?
I don't know.
I'm glad we had this talk. I feel better.
You should, too.
If you don't, then, yes, I'd go if I were you.
I do not feel better.
You don't know for sure, though.
Do I not fucking know those tree-hugging clit-suckers?
I fucking know.
They were doing it behind my back, but right in front of my face.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Marnie, I have to talk to you.
Desi, "no" means no. The divorce is happening.
- I told all our friends... - This is bigger than our divorce.
This is bigger than anybody's divorce.
Marnie,
we got the call.
What?
Alex Patsavas.
Alex Patsavas?
- Alex Patsavas? - Yeah, man.
Who the fuck is Alex Patsavas?
Hannah, pick up a newspaper. She does all the music on Grey's Anatomy.
Well, let's not minimize, Marn. She also fucking killed it on Twilight...
- Gossip Girl. - Gossip Girl,
- OC. - OC.
I mean, she's, like...
What does she want?
What she wants, what she wants
is to use Matter of Waiting on Grey's.
They say it's for a huge fucking scene.
- Somebody fucking dies, Marn. - Oh, my God, who dies?
They're not gonna tell me that, but it's a principal for sure.
- A principal? - Yes.
It could even be a montage. I don't know.
- But I could see that, you know? - Yeah, yeah.
- I could totally see that. - This is the real deal.
- I talked to Marcus from the label. - Yeah.
He said we have to ride the wave.
We have to fucking tour the shit out of this song.
This is our moment. We gotta make this work.
Yes, we do, we do. We have to make this work.
Okay.
You mean just as a band, right?
Yeah, just the band.
(GRUMBLES)
Cuckoo clock, stop lookin' at me
Do you see the world that I see?
(BANGING ON DOOR)
DILL: Elijah!
Elijah!
Stop it.
You left without saying goodbye!
Well, I didn't have anything left to say.
I'm sorry.
I didn't tell you how much you mean.
You are wasted. Come on.
Let's go lie down.
- Okay. - Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
(MOANING)
Wait, wait. I don't...
- I don't want to be with you like this. - Like what?
Like Mel Gibson.
Okay.
(SIGHS)
Dill?
(SNORING)
Everyone just assumes we made all this progress in the last few decades,
we made all these monumental strides forward in our thinking,
but the fact is, the ugly truth is, Hannah,
human apathy continues to be one of the grossest threats to mankind.
Very dangerous. Very dangerous.
Right up there with those "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters
and anyone who chooses to have more than one child.
Very dangerous.
But what if you've been a silent bystander all along,
but you don't even know it?
You just... You've been a witness,
but you've been a witness to something you couldn't explain
because you didn't know anything about it, so how could you say anything about it?
- And I... - Hey.
Why don't you deal with this one?
I'm gonna do some follow-up reading. I'm going deep Internet.
Goodbye.
Okay.
So, ready to put aside our differences and have a nice rest of the night?
Hey.
Hello, hello, hi.
Great job, by the way. I thought the play was really good.
I thought you really were subtle with the rape thing.
Thanks. Thank you.
Hey.
I'll... Bye.
Okay, I can see that you're stonewalling me here.
Is this because of what you said before, that this isn't working out for you?
Because even if that is true,
I would ask that you at least acknowledge that you can hear me right now.
Hannah?
Hannah.
Hey, I'm...
What the fuck?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was...
What the hell is going on?
I'm really sorry.
Do you want to be alone for the night? Like, that's fine.
I really don't.
I really do not want to be alone for the night. I am so sorry, Fran.
Please.
I'm so sorry.