[LOUD SNORING]
[SNORING CONTINUES]
[BEEPS]
- HEY, WAKE UP.
- [SNORES]
- COME ON. YOU'RE SNORING. WAKE UP.
- [SNORES]
- DAFFY, WAKE UP!
- [SNORES]
- ALL RIGHT, FINE.
[SNORING CONTINUES]
- [SIGHS]
- DO YOU NEED TO SIGH SO LOUDLY?
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!
[SNORES]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
- YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.
YOU SHOULD GET MORE SLEEP.
- MORE SLEEP? I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP BECAUSE OF YOUR SNORING.
- WHAT? I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING--
BREATHING STRIPS, MOUTH GUARDS, EYE PATCHES, JOCK STRAPS,
SELF TANNER, CANKER SORE CREAM, AND I STILL SNORE.
- REALLY? CANKER SORE CREAM DIDN'T WORK?
- WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I SNORE. YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
WE ALL HAVE OUR LITTLE QUIRKS.
- DAFFY, YOU GOTTA SEE SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR SNORING.
IT'S A PROBLEM.
- NOT A PROBLEM FOR ME. I SLEEP GREAT.
- WELL, IT'S A PROBLEM FOR ME, AND I KNOW JUST HOW TO FIX IT...
PERMANENTLY.
- HOW IS STANDING ON THE LEDGE OF A HIGH-RISE BUILDING
GONNA FIX MY SNORING?
- OH, RIGHT, SNORING.
[DINGS]
- WHAT'S THIS DOCTOR'S NAME AGAIN?
- DR. WEISBERG.
- WEISBERG-- WHAT IS THAT, IRISH?
- [SCOFFS] HEY, THAT'S PORKY'S OFFICE: MURPHY AND ASSOCIATES.
- MURPHY--WHAT IS THAT, JEWISH?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- RECIPES.
- YOU DON'T COOK.
- WELL, I DON'T HAVE THE TIME.
BUT "7-MINUTE MEALS," IT'S PERFECT FOR BUSY MOMS LIKE ME.
- OHH-KAY.
I'M GONNA GO VISIT PORKY.
- FINE, MORE SALMON BALLS FOR ME.
THIS IS TAKING FOREVER.
WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?
- RIGHT DOWN THE HALL.
OH, YOU NEED A KEY.
- A KEY? TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?
WHAT, YOU DON'T TRUST ME?
YOU THINK I'M GONNA STEAL YOUR TOILET?
EH. WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY?
- PORKY, CAN I SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE?
- [STAMMERING] WH-WHAT'D I DO?
- [LAUGHING]
- B-BUGS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I WAS GONNA PUSH DAFFY OFF THE ROOF.
WOW, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU GOT YOUR OWN CUBICLE!
A COMPUTER...
- UH, P-PLEASE DON'T.
- A PHONE...
[IMITATING PORKY'S STAMMER] TH-THIS IS PORKY PIG.
- [GASPS]
- PENCIL SHARPENER...
- [GASPS]
- TAPE DISPENSER...
- [STAMMERS]
- WHAT A FUN JOB. YOU MUST LOVE WORKING HERE.
- IF B-BY "LOVE" YOU MEAN HATE SITTING IN THIS SOUL-SUCKING CAVE,
COUNTING EVERY MINUTE UNTIL THE W-WEEKEND,
AND THEN DREADING EVERY MINUTE UNTIL M-MONDAY,
THEN YES, I L-LOVE WORKING HERE.
- SPITTIN' IMAGE.
OH, UH, WHO WORKS THERE?
- NO ONE. IT'S EMPTY.
- MM-HMM.
- MY POINT IS IF SOMEONE WANTS TO STEAL A TOILET,
THEY'RE GONNA STEAL A TOILET.
- LET'S JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE, OK?
- I DON'T AGREE TO THAT.
- ALL RIGHT. LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A DEVIATED SEPTUM.
- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SEPTUM!
WHAT'S A SEPTUM?
- IT'S WHAT SEPARATES THE RIGHT AND THE LEFT SIDE OF THE NOSE.
YOURS IS TOO FAR TO THE RIGHT, WHICH IS CAUSING YOUR SNORING.
- CAN YOU FIX IT?
- EASILY. IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE. A VERY SIMPLE PROCEDURE.
AND, IF YOU'D LIKE, WHILE I'M AT IT,
I COULD SMOOTH OUT THAT BUMP IN YOUR BEAK.
- I DON'T HAVE A BUMP IN MY BEAK.
- [GASPING] I'M HIDEOUS.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
- WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE A BUMP ON MY BEAK?!
- I NEVER NOTICED A BUMP.
- DO NOT PATRONIZE ME!
IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT,
THEN YOU OWE IT TO ME AS MY BEST FRIEND TO TELL ME!
- ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE A NARCISSIST.
YOU'RE A SOCIOPATH.
YOU'RE PROBABLY A PSYCHOPATH.
YOU'RE A...
YOU'RE PARANOID, SEXIST,
AND YOU MAKE FUN OF THE ELDERLY.
- THOSE ARE JUST QUIRKS! ENDEARING QUIRKS!
I'M TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT: MY APPEARANCE.
AND IF YOU WON'T BE HONEST WITH ME,
THEN I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL.
HERE, TAKE THIS HOME FOR ME.
IT'S A REALLY GOOD TOILET.
- DID YOU WANT THESE IN COLOR OR BLACK AND WHITE?
- AAH!
- DO I HAVE A BUMP ON MY BEAK?
- OH, YEAH, IT'S HUGE. FIRST THING I EVER NOTICED ABOUT YOU.
- [GASPS] I CAN'T HAVE A BUMP ON MY BEAK!
I CAN'T HAVE AN IMPERFECTION!
I ALLOW NO IMPERFECTIONS!
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT IMPERFECTIONS.
NAME A PERFECTION.
- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
[GASPS] IT'S MY BUMP, ISN'T IT?
DON'T LOOK AT ME. I'M A MONSTER!
[SCREAMING]
- OOPS, SORRY. DIDN'T MEAN TO BUMP INTO YOU.
- OH! AAH!
- IT'S OK. IT'S JUST A BUMP IN THE ROAD.
- OH! AAH!
[SCREAMING]
- CAREFUL, THAT SIDEWALK'S PRETTY BUMPY.
- OH!
- ♪ BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, BUMP - [SCREAMING]
- ♪ BUMP, BUMP, BUMP
- BUMP. - BUMP.
- [SCREAMING]
NO! NO!
DOH!
- HEY, MAN, YOU GOT A BIG BUMP ON YOUR BEAK.
- [SCREAMING]
- [HORN HONKS, TIRES SQUEAL]
- MURPHY AND ASSOCIATES. PLEASE HOLD.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOLDING...
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
- [SIGHS]
- WHAT'S UP...DOC?
- B-BUGS? WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE I WORK HERE.
- B-BUT YOU'RE NOT AN ACCOUNTANT.
- NOPE, BUT EVIDENTLY I HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?
- THE PAPADOPOULOS RETURNS.
IT'S THE MOST C-COMPLEX, TEDIOUS TAX RETURN,
AND I GET STUCK WITH IT EVERY YEAR.
- WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
THOSE TAXES AREN'T GONNA RETURN THEMSELVES.
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- ♪ RETURN THOSE TAXES, RETURN THOSE TAXES ♪
♪ RETURN 'EM, RETURN 'EM
♪ RETURN THOSE TAXES, REPORT THAT INCOME ♪
♪ FIND THOSE DEDUCTIONS, ITEMIZE THOSE EXPENSES ♪
- I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS.
- THIS IS A RECIPE FOR SALMON BALLS.
- GIMME THAT. I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO MAKE THOSE.
7 MINUTES? THEY'RE OUT OF THEIR MINDS.
I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS.
- FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S A WOMAN.
SECOND OF ALL, THAT'S A NOSE.
YOU HAVE A BEAK.
- YOU KNOW, YOUR BEDSIDE MANNER COULD USE SOME WORK.
SMALLER.
- ANYTHING SMALLER WOULD BE TOO DRASTIC A CHANGE.
- THE DRASTICER, THE BETTER.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- HMM. WHEN DO YOU WANT TO HAVE IT DONE?
- NOW!
SORRY, YOU HAVE A VERY SLAPPABLE FACE.
- PORKY'S GONNA LOVE THESE.
- HEY, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU SNORE LAST NIGHT.
I GUESS THE PROCEDURE WAS A SUCCESS.
- IT'LL BE A SUCCESS WHEN THESE BANDAGES COME OFF
AND I SHOW THE WORLD THE NEW ME.
SOON I WILL BE ON THE OUTSIDE WHAT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ON THE INSIDE--
PERFECT, LIKE A DIAMOND, OR A PEARL,
OR A PEARL WITH A DIAMOND INSIDE.
AND NOW THE PEARL OUTSIDE IS BEING REPLACED BY DIAMOND
SO THAT THERE IS DIAMOND ON THE INSIDE
AND NOW FINALLY A MATCHING DIAMOND ON THE OUTSIDE.
- WELL, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THE NOT SNORING.
I'M OFF TO WORK!
- WORK? I DON'T REMEMBER BUGS HAVING A JOB.
HAS HE ALWAYS HAD A JOB? I WONDER WHAT HE DOES.
I BET HE'S A DENTIST.
[LAUGHING]
LAME!
- GOT ANY RUBBER BANDS?
THANKS. SCISSORS?
THANKS.
TAPE? THANKS.
PENCILS? THANKS.
I ONLY NEEDED THE ERASERS.
HEY, PORK, YOU GOT A SECOND?
- B-BUGS, I'M TRYING TO WORK.
- [FEMININE VOICE] HA HA! HI, MY NAME'S DIANE.
I'M MR. BUNNY'S NEW SECRETARY.
OH, CAN I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE?
STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING ME.
AAH!
- BUGS, QUIT IT.
- WHAT? I'M JUST HAVING FUN.
- Y-YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING.
- WHY CAN'T I DO BOTH?
- HUH?
- PORKY, THE AVERAGE PERSON SPENDS A THIRD OF THEIR LIFE AT WORK.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WASTE A THIRD OF YOUR LIFE BEING MISERABLE?
- ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD Q-QUIT?
- NO! I'M SAYING THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE WORK FUN.
- I DON'T KNOW, BUGS.
- [FEMININE VOICE] WELL, I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
- ARE YOU READY TO SEE THE NEW YOU?
- MY MIDDLE NAME IS READY.
ACTUALLY IT'S SHELTON.
I TRIED GOING WITH ARMANDO FOR A WHILE, BUT IT NEVER CAUGHT ON,
PROBABLY BECAUSE YOUR MIDDLE NAME DOESN'T COME UP IN CONVERSATION VERY MUCH.
I TRIED WORKING IT IN, BUT--
- [GASPS] - HOLY...
- WHAT IS IT? HOW DO I LOOK?
[GASPING AND SOBBING]
I'M GORGEOUS!
- G-GOT ANY PAPER CLIPS? I USED ALL MINE.
THANKS.
- IS THAT A CHANDELIER MADE OF PAPER CLIPS?
- YOU WERE RIGHT, BUGS. WORK CAN BE FUN.
[MALE VOICES VOCALIZING]
- [LAUGHING]
- [WHISTLING]
- [GASPS]
- HELLO, WORLD.
I'M ABOUT TO MAKE YOU A WHOLE LOT PRETTIER.
[WHISTLING]
- [BABY COOING]
- HELLO, LITTLE BABY.
- [CRYING]
- OH!
[CELL PHONE BEEPING]
- TINA, IT'S DAFFY. MEET ME AT THE SUNSET ROOM IN AN HOUR.
AND LOOK GOOD. I DO.
[WHISTLING]
- I'M LOOKING FOR MY BOYFRIEND. HE'S A LITTLE BLACK DUCK.
- A DUCK? [CHUCKLES]
WELL, I WASN'T SURE WHAT THAT WAS.
WE PUT HIM IN THE WAY BACK.
- KINDA FANCY FOR LUNCH.
WHAT'S THE OCCASION?
- I'M THE OCCASION.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!
- I GOT A BEAK JOB.
LOOK, NO BUMP.
- YOU MESSED UP YOUR WHOLE FACE JUST TO GET RID OF A STUPID BUMP?
YOU LOOK CRAZY!
- IF I LOOK SO CRAZY, HOW COME EVERYONE'S STARING AT ME?
- BECAUSE YOU LOOK CRAZY.
DAFFY, I LIKED YOUR OLD BEAK.
- BUT MY OLD BEAK HAD AN IMPERFECTION.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO MY APPEARANCE,
THERE CAN BE NO IMPERFECTIONS.
- WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE A DOG ATE YOUR FACE.
I LIKED YOUR BUMP. I LIKE ALL YOUR IMPERFECTIONS.
WELL, NOT ALL OF THEM.
YOUR IMPERFECTIONS ARE WHAT MAKE YOU YOU,
AND I LIKE YOU.
- OH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE JEALOUS BECAUSE I HAVE THIS PERFECT LITTLE BEAK
AND YOU HAVE THAT GIANT NIGHTMARE.
[GROANS] CALL DR. WEISBERG!
- C-COME TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM...
AND BRING THE PAPER AIRPLANE.
I GIVE YOU M-MURPHY AND ASSOCIATES
INTERNATIONAL P-PAPER AIRPORT!
AND YOU ARE CLEARED FOR LANDING.
- PORKY, HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU?
- HEH HEH! HOURS.
IT'S ALL I'VE BEEN DOING SINCE LUNCH.
PRETTY FUN. HA!
- I KNOW I SAID TO MAKE WORK FUN,
BUT YOU STILL GOTTA DO YOUR WORK.
WHAT ABOUT THE PAPADOPOULOS RETURNS?
- T-THE PAPADOPOULOS RETURNS!
- WOW, PAPER BAGGAGE HANDLERS.
MR. MURPHY.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- IT'S A PAPER AIRPORT.
- HAVE YOU SEEN PORKY? I NEED THE PAPADOPOULOS RETURNS.
- [STAMMERING] THIS JUST IN.
ALL FLIGHTS HAVE BEEN GROUNDED...
DUE TO SNOW!
YIPPEE! HA HA! [CRAZED LAUGHTER]
HO HO! JINGLE BELLS! HA HA!
- YOU'RE FIRED.
- [FEMININE VOICE] OH! AM I FIRED, TOO?
- LUCKY FOR YOU, I SAVED YOUR OLD BEAK.
- LUCKY? IT STILL HAS THE BUMP!
AND IS IT A LITTLE CROOKED?
EH, GOOD ENOUGH.
- SORRY ABOUT THAT, PORKY.
- DON'T BE SORRY. YOU'VE SHOWN ME
THAT LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO HAVE A J-JOB I DON'T ENJOY.
- HUH. THAT'S GREAT.
- YOU'VE SHOWN ME THAT I CAN DO ANYTHING.
I CAN GET ANY JOB I W-WANT.
- WELL, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- YOU'VE SHOWN ME THAT AS LONG AS I'M HAVING FUN,
I CAN BE ANYTHING I WANT TO BE.
I CAN BE P-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
- PORKY.
- PORKY PIG IS GOING TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE U-UNITED STATES.
- THAT'S NICE.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
- WE USED TO WORK HERE.
- YOU'RE A DENTIST, TOO?
[LAUGHS]
LAME!
[SCREAMING]
- W-WHAT? ALL I SAID WAS
I NEVER NOTICED THE BUMP ON HIS B-BEAK BEFORE.
[WHOOSH]
- [SLURPS]
- MEEP MEEP!
- I'M J-JUST SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE.
WORK SHOULD BE FUN. LIFE SHOULD BE FUN.
M-MORE TEA, DIANE?
- DO YOU TAKE CREAM OR SUGAR?
DIANE? D-DO YOU TAKE CREAM OR SUGAR?
D-DIANE?
DIANE? CREAM OR SUGAR?
DIANE?
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
- ON A FINAL NOTE,
KIDS, DON'T FORGET TO EAT YOUR BROCCOLI.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.